1 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,120 Speaker 1: What's going on? Emily? Here? You are listening to five 2 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 1: Minute Friday from Hurdle. Today, I want to talk to 3 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: you about something I did yesterday, and that was uphold 4 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: a boundary and it felt really good. In fact, as 5 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: I was telling someone my boundary of Hey, the way 6 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,920 Speaker 1: that we're communicating isn't really feeling good for me. I'm 7 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 1: not angry. I just think that it's my best interest 8 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: if we stop communicating in this way. I didn't for 9 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: a second shame myself into doing something that would make 10 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,519 Speaker 1: them feel comfortable. What I did in that moment was 11 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:57,880 Speaker 1: that I said and upheld a boundary that was in 12 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 1: my best interest. The thing about boundaries is that we 13 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: often tend to think of them as walls. They are 14 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:08,679 Speaker 1: things that we build to keep people out or to 15 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,680 Speaker 1: be difficult. But I want to challenge you, if you've 16 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:16,960 Speaker 1: been in that mindset before, to reframe that today. Boundaries 17 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: they are not walls. They are bridges. Boundaries are not walls. 18 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: They are bridges. They are the instructions we give others 19 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:29,039 Speaker 1: on how to successfully navigate a relationship with us. Without boundaries, 20 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,759 Speaker 1: we aren't being nice. I'm doing air quotes right here. 21 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: We are actually really just setting ourselves up for resentment. 22 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 1: So think about it. How many times have you said 23 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,839 Speaker 1: yes to a project, or a coffee date or a favor, 24 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: only to feel frustrated the entire time you were doing it. 25 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 1: That frustration, it's not about them, It's a signal that 26 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: you let a boundary slide. Now. As hers, we are 27 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 1: naturally inclined to go the extra mile. We want to 28 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: be the best founders and friends and sisters and athletes. 29 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: But the reality is that you cannot run your own 30 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: race if you are constantly stopping to carry everyone else's luggage. 31 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 1: When we don't have clear boundaries, we experience what I 32 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 1: often refer to as an energy leak. You are showing 33 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 1: up to your workout tired, you are hitting a wall 34 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,160 Speaker 1: at your desk by two pm, and you're feeling disconnected 35 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:28,080 Speaker 1: from your own goals. Why you ask, That's because you 36 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: are giving away your most precious resource, and that is 37 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 1: your attention. When you do that, the things that don't 38 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: actually align with where you're trying to go, those get 39 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 1: in the way. So I know what you're wondering, How 40 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: do we fix this? We practice what I will tell 41 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: you today. I refer to in my heart as the 42 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:53,680 Speaker 1: peaceful No. Setting a boundary doesn't have to be a confrontation. 43 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: Let me say that one more time for the people 44 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,880 Speaker 1: in the back. Setting a boundary doesn't have to be 45 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: a confrontation. It doesn't need to be a three paragraphed 46 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: explanation or an apology. The most effective boundaries are the 47 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:14,240 Speaker 1: simplest ones. If you're struggling with how to say it, 48 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,519 Speaker 1: try this. You can literally go. I'd love to help 49 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: with that, but I don't have the capacity to give 50 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: it the attention it deserves right now. Period. I'd love 51 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 1: to help with that, but I don't have the capacity 52 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 1: to give it the attention it deserves right now. Now, 53 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:34,400 Speaker 1: notice what I did there. I didn't lie in using 54 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 1: that statement. You don't have to over explain, and you 55 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: don't make yourself the victim. You simply state your capacity 56 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: and doing that is a power move. Now, before you 57 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: head into the weekend, I have let's call it hurdle 58 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: homework for you. I want you to identify your resentment map. 59 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: I want you to look at your calendar for the 60 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: next seven days and answer this question. Honestly, is there 61 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: one meeting, one commitment, or one person that's in your 62 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: calendar that makes you feel like you have a pit 63 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: in your stomach that is exactly where a boundary needs 64 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: to be built. The Hurdle homework you're prompt for this week, 65 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: pick one thing to say no to so that you 66 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: can say yes to yourself. And now a listener question. Hi, Emily, 67 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: my name's Christian and I've thoroughly enjoyed listening to Hurdle 68 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: over the past couple of years. After turning thirty this year, 69 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: I've become more intentional about doing things that bring me joy, 70 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:36,359 Speaker 1: especially as a single woman, simply just trying to enjoy 71 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,160 Speaker 1: the most in this season of life. One of those 72 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: things is getting my nails done regularly, which I noticed 73 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: you do as well, So I'm hoping you could share 74 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: your nail routine. What type of manicure do you get? 75 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 1: How often do you see a nail artist? Do you 76 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,279 Speaker 1: have a Pinterest board of nail sign saved like me? 77 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 1: Any aftercare tips for your manny while lifting weights? Give 78 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: me all the details. Thank you for being such a 79 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,480 Speaker 1: light and I look forward to hearing your response. Oh 80 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 1: my god, I honestly I do have a regular nail 81 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 1: routine of getting them done, but I really don't take 82 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: care of them like I probably should. I know I 83 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 1: shouldn't be shooting on myself say that five times past. 84 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,799 Speaker 1: I am now in a phase of doing a hard 85 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 1: heel manicure. So basically they put the hard heel underneath 86 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 1: and then they do your manicure on top. And what 87 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 1: happens is then you can get a fill on the 88 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: hard gel when you go back. So the first time 89 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 1: you do this it's more expensive, and then when you 90 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 1: return it is less expensive because you already have a base. 91 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: I don't really have an inspiration board, but I will 92 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: start to think about what I want in the week 93 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: leading up to getting my nails done. I know this 94 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:49,040 Speaker 1: is really groundbreaking information for all of you. And the 95 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 1: last thing I'll say is that I typically try to 96 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:56,120 Speaker 1: go about three and a half weeks, maybe four plus 97 00:05:56,160 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 1: depending on the manicure, if I can between sessions. For me, 98 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,159 Speaker 1: I am on camera, sometimes I'm holding a microphone and 99 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: there's photos. I'm just doing crowd facing work, and so 100 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 1: a nice manicure is a beautiful self care moment for 101 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,560 Speaker 1: me to feel put together in my day to day. 102 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 1: I said this was the last thing I'm going to say. 103 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,039 Speaker 1: One more highlight. You asked about lifting weights. Yeah, it's 104 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 1: so funny. You should see me. What do they call that? 105 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 1: Like the claw, the cuff, the collar, the weight collar? 106 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,839 Speaker 1: When I am specifically putting plates onto a barbell. The 107 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 1: way that I am finessing the collar so I don't 108 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,480 Speaker 1: have to use my nails and scared that I'm going 109 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,359 Speaker 1: to break them is comical. There I should film that. 110 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,080 Speaker 1: I digress. I'm not doing anything really special to take 111 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,320 Speaker 1: care of my nails. I'm just trying to be as 112 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: careful as i can. And that is the lowdown. Hopefully 113 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: that was helpful. I'm always hunting your listener questions, so 114 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,359 Speaker 1: please shoot me an email with them if you don't mind. 115 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: It's over at Hello at Hurdle dot us and it 116 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 1: could be featured in and upcome episode of the show. 117 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: With that, that's all for this week. Happy love, dang everyone. 118 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: I hope you have a nice moment of appreciation, geared 119 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: up for yourself at the very least this weekend. There's 120 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 1: so much to be grateful for and love is everywhere 121 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 1: around you if only you choose to look for it. 122 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: I'm over at emily a Badi at Hurdle podcast. Another 123 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 1: hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.