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Speaker 1: I think one that you said earlier that I come

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Speaker 1: back to a lot is there's something wrong with me,

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Speaker 1: but I don't but people aren't telling me what it is. Like,

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Speaker 1: I always have this feeling of like, well, there's some

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Speaker 1: reason no one's asking me on everyone's afraid to tell

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Speaker 1: me their tiptoeing around yeah, And I'm like, just please,

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Speaker 1: if there is that, just tell me. I would want

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Speaker 1: to know. Hi, guys, welcome back to the second episode

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Speaker 1: of You Need Therapy. Before we get started, as I

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Speaker 1: always will, I want to say thank you for the

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Speaker 1: intro music by Alex Booth again Lovely Lovely Human. You

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Speaker 1: can follow him at at booth Tunes on Instagram. He's awesome.

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Speaker 1: I've even used his stuff in my psycho bar classes.

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Speaker 1: He's great, so give him a follow and show him

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Speaker 1: some of Also, Mary. Belated Christmas. I know this time

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Speaker 1: can be both exciting and challenging, and it was definitely,

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Speaker 1: I would say, a weird day for me this year. Luckily, though,

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Speaker 1: we can experience both grief and sadness and great great

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Speaker 1: joy at the same time, and I definitely did that.

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Speaker 1: I hope that all of you guys had a good

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Speaker 1: Christmas as well. Um I want to say thank you

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Speaker 1: to everyone who listened and shared from the first episode.

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Speaker 1: I got a lot of feedback, and I really appreciate

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Speaker 1: that it was, by no means a perfect production. As

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Speaker 1: I'm learning this as I go, and I fully appreciated

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Speaker 1: the feedback I got. Truly keep that coming. I also

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Speaker 1: want to reiterate if you found yourself identifying with an

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Speaker 1: insecure attachment style, you are not stuck here. We can

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Speaker 1: all find or secure attached men. And once you know

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Speaker 1: your style, instead of using that as an explanation as

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Speaker 1: to why you act in an unhealthy or in unhelpful ways,

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Speaker 1: use that identification as a guide to help you find

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Speaker 1: growth in healing. I want to encourage anyone who is

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Speaker 1: longing for that to consider starting therapy. I know it's scary,

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Speaker 1: I promise there's goodness to it, and if you're already

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Speaker 1: in therapy, bring that up in session and your therapist

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Speaker 1: is going to know what you're talking about. And if

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Speaker 1: you guys, have no idea what I'm talking about, go

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Speaker 1: listen to the first episode. It'll catch you up. Because

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Speaker 1: interesting enough, the conversation from today's episode so nicely flows

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Speaker 1: off the conversation from last week today, we're talking about

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Speaker 1: our belief system, how it is built, and if it's

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Speaker 1: not accurate or helpful, how to change it. Through learning

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Speaker 1: your attachment style, you can identify your starting gate position

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Speaker 1: when it comes to developing roles and behaviors and relationships.

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Speaker 1: And this leads us into how we make meaning out

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Speaker 1: of our experiences throughout life and what we decide that

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Speaker 1: means about us as individuals. I was really, really, really

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Speaker 1: excited to bring this guest in to talk because I

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Speaker 1: know she's been doing some really good work around all

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Speaker 1: of this. I didn't even have to think about who

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Speaker 1: I wanted on this episode. Her name is Annie, and

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Speaker 1: I first met her through cycle Bar, which she'll talk

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Speaker 1: about and I'll let that be. Annie has since become

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Speaker 1: one of my most favorite people. She is so kind

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Speaker 1: and one of the easiest people to love. She has

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Speaker 1: really impressed me personally over the past year with her

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Speaker 1: persistence on learning about herselves and her ability to move

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Speaker 1: through challenges. She for sure doesn't quit just because things

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Speaker 1: are hard, and I think that's because she knows how

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Speaker 1: valuable she is now. With that, you will notice in

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Speaker 1: this episode, Annie talks very openly about a lot of

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Speaker 1: her core beliefs, and it's very honest that she still

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Speaker 1: struggles in some of those areas and I do too,

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Speaker 1: which I share as well. I think it very important

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Speaker 1: to note that no one's going to ever be perfect

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Speaker 1: or be done, and you're allowed to love yourself, know

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Speaker 1: your worth, and still have fear of rejection and pain.

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Speaker 1: So as you listen, I encourage you to offer grace

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Speaker 1: to yourself if you find yourself connecting with what you hear. Now,

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Speaker 1: let's just get going. We have miss Annie Reeves. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to my couch. I'm so happy to be here, truly,

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Speaker 1: the day before your thirtieth birthday. I feel just honored. Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that, but this will be in

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Speaker 1: a month. Well, but we're now, I think that's allowed.

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Speaker 1: You're we're I also be still celebrating my birthday. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you don't you Well, when this comes out, we're still celebrating.

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Speaker 1: How do you feel. I'm a little nervous. I'm excited.

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Speaker 1: Are you nervous? Because I just don't really know exactly

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Speaker 1: what we're going to talk about? But I feel like

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Speaker 1: it'll just happen, is my sense. It'll be fine. Okay.

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Speaker 1: It's like when you teach a psychobar class. You like

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Speaker 1: kind of black out in the middle. But yeah, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes sounds really good and sometimes it's horrible and my

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Speaker 1: friends like hate that part of the ride. When I talk,

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Speaker 1: let's just like dive into this. Okay, can you tell

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Speaker 1: us about yourself? Yeah, okay, I'll try to give like

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Speaker 1: an abbreviated version. Sometimes you want to talk for twenty minutes.

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Speaker 1: I don't know to hear that I not included. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got it. Um. My name is Annie. I have

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Speaker 1: lived in Nashville for a little over three years now

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Speaker 1: from Mac and Georgia. Went to Auburn and spent some

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Speaker 1: time in Charleston after school. I'm actually um, right in

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Speaker 1: between careers right now. I'm like totally taking a a

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Speaker 1: new path in about two weeks, so about when this

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Speaker 1: is probably coming out. So I'm currently unemployed and it's

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Speaker 1: by your hair might not go. No, I'm taking two weeks.

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Speaker 1: I'm actually go going to Charleston tomorrow with my mom

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Speaker 1: and to celebrate one of my friends who's having a baby.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, still, I've been a writer here in Charleston,

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Speaker 1: Nashville for about a year, and I worked for women's

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Speaker 1: publication UM for a little over two years actually most

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Speaker 1: of the time that I've been here, but a background

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Speaker 1: in social media and writing and photography, a bunch of

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Speaker 1: bloggers and stuff. I used to be a bloggerger don't

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Speaker 1: actually as of this week the blog is gone. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I have an Instagram account that I do still

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Speaker 1: use sort of. So can I follow you? Yeah? You

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Speaker 1: can follow? Please follow me? I always want more fault

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Speaker 1: Which Instagram account? Should they? They sho follow at Anny

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Speaker 1: Reeves A and andn I E R E E V

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Speaker 1: s Um, please do follow. I still post, I mean

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Speaker 1: I still post pictures and I post so and I

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Speaker 1: teach cycle bar. Um. That's how Kat and I really

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Speaker 1: got to know each other in the first place. Now

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Speaker 1: we're just real life friends. Well she's my boss for

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Speaker 1: a second, which was I'm still technically your boss. Well yeah,

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Speaker 1: I guess, so, yeah you are. I think I told

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Speaker 1: you this on Saturday or I don't know when I

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Speaker 1: told you this. I just have a memory of me

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Speaker 1: telling you that. Of how I met Annie at cycle Bar.

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Speaker 1: She was a writer and Tory used to always talk

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Speaker 1: about any res in reads, any reads, and She's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, Annie, And for a while I was like

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Speaker 1: I don't know who you're talking about, and she's like

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Speaker 1: the girl with the glasses, and oh my gosh, weird. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's you were the girl with the glasses. You're the

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Speaker 1: cute girl. The cute girl. She was like, you have

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Speaker 1: to know she comes to cyclemore all the time, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, she knows, she doesn't. I'm like, she

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Speaker 1: doesn't come. And then it's because you literally only took

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Speaker 1: her class. I really did. Like still in this day,

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Speaker 1: I've probably still only taken the most of to So

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Speaker 1: then when Tory left to go do bigger and better things,

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Speaker 1: Annie started taking my class. So I'm like for the

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Speaker 1: second well that's actually that's not exactly what happened, because

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Speaker 1: well I did, but that was when I right before

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Speaker 1: Tory left, was when I was thinking about auditioning. And

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Speaker 1: then I can't remember if you reached out to me

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Speaker 1: or I reached out to you one way and I

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Speaker 1: was like we started DM me and you were like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I was gonna talk to you about this, So it's

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Speaker 1: probably a lie. It was nice. Do you regret that now? Wait,

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Speaker 1: wasn't that one year ago. It's been almost two years now,

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Speaker 1: what ceastimber No, Yeah, yeah, I know it's one in August.

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Speaker 1: It was when year in August. It's been over there anyway.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that was important, but that's how

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Speaker 1: I remember you, and now I actually know you to nice.

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Speaker 1: We sent through a lot of phases which we can

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Speaker 1: talk about. I'm sure we are, so we got it.

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Speaker 1: Let's get going because you don't. We don't want this

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Speaker 1: to be eight hours long, because we want people to

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Speaker 1: listen to all whites to the end. Kind of like

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Speaker 1: my Instagram stories, I always beg people gonna get better,

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Speaker 1: just hold on. Um Okay, my first question for you

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Speaker 1: is have you ever been to therapy? Yes, two different

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Speaker 1: times in my life. So I went to therapy when

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Speaker 1: I was in college. Actually, weirdly was going through some

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Speaker 1: journals yes day and I saw where you tell them. Well,

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Speaker 1: I guess you don't have to. But when did you graduate?

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Speaker 1: I graduated inhere from Auburn. Okay, that might get us

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Speaker 1: some subscribers. Auburn so people like it? No, I mean

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Speaker 1: it's great school if you keep Alabama, keep to Auburn,

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Speaker 1: and you had to go to therapy compube at Auburn,

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Speaker 1: not because I was at Auburn. Well, honestly, kind of.

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Speaker 1: I mean, Auburn was such an awesome place, but there

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Speaker 1: was a lot of um I feel like with a

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Speaker 1: lot of SEC schools like that, there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: pressure on dating and getting married and engagement. And I

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Speaker 1: thought I was going to be the girl who went

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Speaker 1: to college and met her boyfriend freshman year and then

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Speaker 1: was engaged senior year and like had a candlelight at

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Speaker 1: my Yeah. So I found the journal and found a

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Speaker 1: journal injury yesterday where I was talking about like why

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Speaker 1: I decided I needed to go to therapy. And yesterday,

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Speaker 1: literally yesterday, I was going through journals because I was

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Speaker 1: I've been cleaning my how else because I don't have

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Speaker 1: a job this week, and so I had like all

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Speaker 1: this extra time and so I saw this and it

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Speaker 1: was basically like I had, like I remember the day,

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Speaker 1: like I remember like laying down on the floor I

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Speaker 1: was home for the summer for a little while for

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Speaker 1: like a few weeks or something and talk to my

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Speaker 1: mom and I was just having like a really hard

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Speaker 1: time all of these self image issues and um, I

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Speaker 1: remember the first time it was like two hours and

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Speaker 1: how do you find your therapist through? UM? I think

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Speaker 1: my mom I knew him. I mean it was a

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Speaker 1: small town. Yeah. So actually I have a lot to

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Speaker 1: say about my first air but it wasn't like the

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Speaker 1: best experience. Um at the time, I think it was

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Speaker 1: really helpful and we sorted through a lot of things

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Speaker 1: in my past and like growing up and just like

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Speaker 1: experience that I have in middle school that I think

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Speaker 1: i've been carrying or hold those we're going to get

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Speaker 1: to that there's a really good one. I'm glad that

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Speaker 1: I read these stle and Trees yesterday because it kind

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Speaker 1: of like sums up some of it. But anyways, um So,

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Speaker 1: it was a guy who's a Christian counselor, which I

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Speaker 1: am a Christian EI, but I'm probably that was just

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Speaker 1: an interesting har hard saying, and um so I saw

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Speaker 1: him for about a year, but he was in Macon

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Speaker 1: so and I was in Auburn and I went back

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Speaker 1: to school, so I saw him some that summer and

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Speaker 1: then continued to see him probably a little bit into

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Speaker 1: senior year. And it was very helpful. I definitely think

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Speaker 1: there was a lot of good in it. But I

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Speaker 1: just because I think this is interesting. I'm also Christian,

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Speaker 1: and I even referenced God on my website and my

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Speaker 1: stuff and in my post and all that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to force my beliefs on anybody else.

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Speaker 1: I'm not a Christian. They're a Christian counselor. I'm a

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Speaker 1: therapist who's a Christian exactly. So that's going to bleed out.

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Speaker 1: But if somebody doesn't want to talk about their faith

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Speaker 1: or whatever, we don't talk about it. They do, we

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Speaker 1: do talk about it. I'm never going to put up

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Speaker 1: scripture and be like before God said this, I just

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Speaker 1: don't know what what was that experience like for you?

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Speaker 1: And did it wasn't like that? Like, not quite it was.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting because my current therapist, who I'm just obsessed

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Speaker 1: with them have been seeing for about a year, probably

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Speaker 1: like last week to tell her you're doing this, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like, please talk about me five minutes ago,

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Speaker 1: pulled up very important part of my week. Um No,

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Speaker 1: but I so like we she's a Christian also, and

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Speaker 1: we do. She has like she's been such a better

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Speaker 1: fit for me in so many ways, and one of

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Speaker 1: those has been like I feel like it's been more

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Speaker 1: relatable because we've been able to talk about our faith

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Speaker 1: in a more authentic way than I did with the

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Speaker 1: therapists who I was seen in making like that felt

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Speaker 1: a little bit more like schoolish like teaching, where with

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Speaker 1: Jin we're able to just like I can be really

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Speaker 1: honest about things that I'm feeling, are wondering about my

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Speaker 1: relationship and yeah, and she's like, here's an experience that

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Speaker 1: I had where I felt that exact same thing, like

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Speaker 1: let me sit with you and that not tell you

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Speaker 1: it's wrong to feel that way, which has been so impactful,

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Speaker 1: especially over the last year. What do you think the

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Speaker 1: difference is for you having a male and a female

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Speaker 1: because Jan is also a lot older than you, She's

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Speaker 1: not like she's like your age, and she has such

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Speaker 1: interesting like life experience. I think in hindsight, especially because

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Speaker 1: of the things like that I was struggling with and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, why was I seeing a guy for this?

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Speaker 1: Like that just doesn't seem like it was the right fit. Now.

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Speaker 1: I never felt like I honestly don't remember thinking about

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Speaker 1: it a whole lot or feeling like the male female

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Speaker 1: thing was that big of a deal. Maybe towards the end,

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Speaker 1: as we started diving in a little bit deeper and

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Speaker 1: talking about like conver talk about sex with him or

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Speaker 1: sexual sexual things, yeah, like and so that was kind

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Speaker 1: of like which I've had male clients who have talked

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Speaker 1: about that and I don't think it And it's like

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Speaker 1: it's not that it was uncomfortable, then it's just like

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Speaker 1: how honest am I really being that? If there, because

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Speaker 1: I can be as comfortable or uncomfortable as a therapist

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Speaker 1: and you might never know, but it's like how much

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Speaker 1: are you going to share with me? How much is this?

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Speaker 1: Like are you holding molding back? And that's what like,

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Speaker 1: it's like this very he was like this very pulled together,

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Speaker 1: quiet Christian who was like almost like PROFESSORI, And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what I mean, that's not relatable to me at all?

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Speaker 1: That they no, And I think it was like such

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Speaker 1: a different type of therapy than the therapy that I'm

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Speaker 1: in now, and so I think there was value in it.

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Speaker 1: And we talked about like like I said, like which

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Speaker 1: I guess we'll go back to the middle school experiences

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Speaker 1: that were very hard that I was carrying around, and

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Speaker 1: like relational things within my family that were like eye

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Speaker 1: opening to me. I'd never talked about family relationship and

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Speaker 1: you also don't once again, we're gonna get into this.

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Speaker 1: You don't realize that a lot of that stuff even matters.

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Speaker 1: Like you go to therapy for one thing and then

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Speaker 1: you're like, my favorite, favorite, favorite question is when I

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Speaker 1: end again, we're gonna get into all this more. I

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Speaker 1: just can't help myself. It's like when I in my

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Speaker 1: INTAKEE paperwork, one of the questions is do you have trauma?

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Speaker 1: Most literally, I would probably say, because most people come

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Speaker 1: to me for a specific thing, and most people I

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Speaker 1: would say, like people with Mark no. And then within

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Speaker 1: twenty minutes of talking to them, I'm just wide eyed

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Speaker 1: looking at them and I'm like, Okay, I think I

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Speaker 1: know what we're gonna do. We're gonna do a which'll

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Speaker 1: explain later, a trauma timeline. And then I look at

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Speaker 1: it and I'm like, you do realize that this, this, this, this, this,

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Speaker 1: this and this is not normal and this has affected

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Speaker 1: you and this is and They're like, I just thought

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Speaker 1: that was what life was, what life is, and I

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Speaker 1: think that's like a really big part of what therapy

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Speaker 1: has been for me. It is like but at the

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Speaker 1: same time being like, but look like this in the

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Speaker 1: same way that it's not normal, it happens to everyone,

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Speaker 1: So like there's like a little bit of that in therapy,

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Speaker 1: but all that to say so, like with Kennon was

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Speaker 1: a little bit more structured almost. And then ken and

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Speaker 1: jen Jen now my therapist who I'm like, I said,

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Speaker 1: I've been seeing Jennifer van Orman, except like, I don't

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Speaker 1: take my father clock Wednesday, so I'll be really take

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Speaker 1: We're just talking about it five o'clocks every week and

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Speaker 1: she I used to be Thursdays. And then I got

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Speaker 1: a five pm cycle bar class and I called her.

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Speaker 1: I was like, please, is there anything we can do?

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Speaker 1: And she asked one of our clients to stop what

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Speaker 1: they did. Whoever, they are very grateful. Um, No, she's

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Speaker 1: absolutely amazing. Also, it's okay, I just have to say this,

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Speaker 1: and the sais okay if somebody's my client or if

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Speaker 1: you're going to somebody else, it's okay to meet with

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Speaker 1: therapists and then not like them and go to somebody else.

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Speaker 1: I did that. I do feel like that is an

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Speaker 1: important note and it doesn't make that person a bad therapist.

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not the right fit for a lot

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Speaker 1: of people. I'm the right fit for a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: but I'm also not. I think that's part two of

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Speaker 1: like you you have to, I mean, give it maybe

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Speaker 1: one or two times, like feel them out. See the

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Speaker 1: first session is sometimes kind of awkward, but oh my gosh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: unless it's with me, it's really fun. I'm sure it

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Speaker 1: is a blast. Let's kind of move on and you

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Speaker 1: get into kind of why you're here. Okay, I specifically

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Speaker 1: picked to you because I love being chosen a therapists

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Speaker 1: can tell you all about that. UM One because I

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Speaker 1: knew you'd be an easy person, and too, I know

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Speaker 1: you've been doing a lot of work on yourself. And three,

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Speaker 1: I think that you're gonna have a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: to share that I would relate to, but a lot

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Speaker 1: of people that are listening are going to relate to it.

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Speaker 1: And I don't even know most of what you're gonna say,

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Speaker 1: Like we've never talked about that. I haven't. I don't

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Speaker 1: think I don't know what we're about. What you so,

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Speaker 1: what this is, what we're talking about today is core

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Speaker 1: beliefs and so like having negative core beliefs and how

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Speaker 1: to change them. And for those of you that don't,

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Speaker 1: do you know what a core belief is? I'm not

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Speaker 1: like testing you. I'm just really don't I think yes.

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Speaker 1: But so if you were going to tell me, if

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Speaker 1: I was going to tell you what a core belief was,

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Speaker 1: I mean I would assume those are kind of the

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Speaker 1: things that you establish as like a young child, that

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Speaker 1: you believe to be true by yourself. I mean, yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk about negative core beliefs, how to

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Speaker 1: identify them and how to change them, what they do,

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Speaker 1: where they come from, and so what I really would

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Speaker 1: define as a core belief would be, I would just say,

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Speaker 1: it's an unconscious story. So a lot of the times

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Speaker 1: you don't know what it is. It's like a shadow, right,

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Speaker 1: So it's always with you, you you don't always see it.

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Speaker 1: So it's unconscious story, conviction, judgment, something that you carry

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Speaker 1: around about yourself, and it helps define your sense of self.

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Speaker 1: That it also because of how you view yourself. It

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Speaker 1: can affect how you view other people, how you view relationships, everything.

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Speaker 1: I mean, they're the centerstone of how you interact with

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Speaker 1: the world. Before I go to the next thing, do

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Speaker 1: you know, off the top of your head, can you say, like,

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Speaker 1: these were my negative core beliefs or these are mine

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Speaker 1: if you still have them? Yeah, I mean the first one,

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Speaker 1: the two that come to mind immediately that I think

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Speaker 1: I've done the most work on and therapy and one

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Speaker 1: that has been with me, like I can tell you

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Speaker 1: when it started. Definitely have always had really intense body

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Speaker 1: image issues like my whole life, not my whole life,

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Speaker 1: but a very long time. Is this core belief would

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Speaker 1: you say that that's well, I'm not sure. We'll figure

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Speaker 1: out what it is. So this is great, This is

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Speaker 1: like real with cats. I was doing this with somebody today.

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Speaker 1: We were going and we were doing we didn't exercise

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Speaker 1: when we're going through it and we're making like sense

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Speaker 1: of things. Oh, it was last night and I was

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Speaker 1: so hard, like trying to hold back because I like

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Speaker 1: a lot of times when I know the answer what

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Speaker 1: I assumed to be the answer, and you have to

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Speaker 1: let them figure it out. But I think for you,

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Speaker 1: I'm just going to tell you what the answer. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So the thing about okay with body image as example,

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Speaker 1: so it's not really about the body image because with

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Speaker 1: changing core beliefs and creating better belief systems about yourself,

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Speaker 1: essentially a better, more positive, healthier sense of self is

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Speaker 1: what you're you're aiming to find. If body image is

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Speaker 1: the issue, it's not. That's not the core belief because

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Speaker 1: if you were to lose weight and get your perfect body,

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Speaker 1: you would still be left with some kind of ick

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Speaker 1: around you. Okay, so it's core beliefs are an inside

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Speaker 1: outside thing, not an outside inside thing. So potty images outside,

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Speaker 1: but there's something inside pulling in point pulling it and

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Speaker 1: pushing it. Core beliefs come from uh like supporting beliefs,

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Speaker 1: So I call that evidence or data to figure out

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Speaker 1: your core beliefs. Most of the time, what I'll do

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Speaker 1: this goes back to that trauma question. I explain this,

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Speaker 1: just reel this in your head and try to think

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Speaker 1: about how this would affect you and what your answers

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Speaker 1: would become on this. When I do trauma timelines, what

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Speaker 1: that is is we go through somebody's life story. So

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Speaker 1: I'll get out like a usually get out in a

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Speaker 1: big piece of butcher paper, and I'll like tap it

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Speaker 1: on the wall or put on the ground if I'm

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Speaker 1: like not really feeling like standing up or crawling on

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Speaker 1: the ground that day. We'll do it on a netbook. Um,

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Speaker 1: but we start from their earliest memory. But there's no

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Speaker 1: rhyme reaes, and it's just how I like to start

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Speaker 1: and we just like go through their whole life and

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Speaker 1: I just ask questions about everything. We talked about their

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Speaker 1: relationships with everybody, school, what kind of hobbies they are doing, everything,

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Speaker 1: and we go through every event in their life. Basically.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it takes like six months to just do this.

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Speaker 1: Usually it doesn't, but it can. And we pick out

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Speaker 1: events and we we match feelings with events, and then

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Speaker 1: we create themes out of like all these feelings and

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Speaker 1: what did you make up of that event? A supporting

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Speaker 1: belief would um be like an event that gave you

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Speaker 1: data for the actual belief. So this is an example

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Speaker 1: for me I had. And here's the other part of

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Speaker 1: this is like a disclaimer. A lot of times people

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Speaker 1: don't want to co sign onto events that affected them

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Speaker 1: negatively because they don't want to put blame on somebody.

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Speaker 1: And none of this is to blame anybody, because most

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Speaker 1: of what is going on, people aren't intentionally trying to

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Speaker 1: hurt you or give you a belief that isn't positive.

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Speaker 1: Like I would say, had very very supportive parents, right,

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Speaker 1: I still came out with some shitty beliefs about myself.

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't because they didn't love me it how

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Speaker 1: I internalized experiences. So that's a really good note, especially

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Speaker 1: having this conversation here, I'm like, I don't want to, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, blame anyone whatever, except I will blame this girl.

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Speaker 1: People can um well, and I think that to note

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Speaker 1: with that, it's it's not about people's intention. This is

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Speaker 1: the shitty part about doing this stuff. It's because people

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Speaker 1: can have fine intentions with a lot of this the

428
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 1: experiences that you have, Like we could have a conversation

429
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 1: and my intentions of the conversation could be fine, but

430
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,639
Speaker 1: I don't know totally your background in your story and

431
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 1: what you're going through, and so your interpretation is what matters.

432
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 1: So the intentional when we do trauma timeline, the intention,

433
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,640
Speaker 1: it's kind of like ship. I don't really care about

434
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,359
Speaker 1: the intention, it's how did you interpret it? Which sucks

435
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: because we don't want to We don't a lot of

436
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 1: times people don't want to place blame and be victim,

437
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 1: and that's not what you're doing. You're just saying this effectively,

438
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 1: how this happened. Example, when I was in fifth grade,

439
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: I was um, First of all, you don't know anything's

440
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 1: wrong with you until somebody tells you. Like you are

441
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,960
Speaker 1: born a baby that thinks it's the center of the universe,

442
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 1: that like whole whole ego centric thing you you think

443
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,359
Speaker 1: the world revolves around you and that everything that happens

444
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,919
Speaker 1: around you is for you when you're a child, so

445
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: you don't know anything's wrong with you or whatever until

446
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: you experience it, right, I cannot remember a time before

447
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:35,199
Speaker 1: fifth grade where I felt bad about myself, like fully, like,

448
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,439
Speaker 1: there's of course experiences that you can have are like

449
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 1: oh that' saptor that hurt my fels, but fully as like,

450
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 1: I don't ever remember thinking there's something wrong with me

451
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 1: until fifth grade. And a couple of things happen in

452
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 1: fifth grade, and a lot of it all around bullying,

453
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 1: But this one specific experience I will never forget this.

454
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 1: I was playing kickball with my class that recess and

455
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 1: this girl which I want to name her name, but

456
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 1: I'm not going to my story. I'm like about a name,

457
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 1: you can't But she also once she would nobody would

458
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 1: know who she is, but she yelled out something along

459
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 1: the lines of like, hey, Katherine, why don't you stop

460
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: drinking milkshakes and drink a slump fast for once? Holy

461
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: sh it, you're not going to believe my story is

462
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 1: the same thing. I'm gonna cry. Oh my god, are

463
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: you if you can cry? If you want men to cry? No, Actually,

464
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: that is so weird, because when do you want me

465
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 1: to just sell? So I was in fourth grade, the

466
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: same exact thing. I've done like a lot of work

467
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: around this because it's the first time I ever remember

468
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 1: thinking anything negative about myself. And I had my first

469
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 1: boyfriend and it was like one of my best guy

470
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 1: friends and whatever. However, you have a boyfriend and fourth grade,

471
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: but I did, and I remember I don't even know

472
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: how I heard this. I don't know if I heard

473
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: it through the rumor kind of mill like if it

474
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 1: got made its way back to me, or I actually

475
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: heard it with my own two ears, and no, in

476
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 1: the lunch room. And I know exactly where in the

477
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: lunch room I was sitting and like where I was

478
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: standing and holding my tray, and my boyfriend at the

479
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: time was talking to some other boy who always was

480
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,880
Speaker 1: hard on me, and he was trying to figure out

481
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,720
Speaker 1: like they were talking about what he should get me

482
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 1: for my birthday or for Christmas or something. And the

483
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 1: guy who I keep wanting to say his name, not

484
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,200
Speaker 1: the nice boyfriend, the other guy. I was like, well,

485
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: you just need to get her slim fast. How weird

486
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: is that slim fast? Like story isn't even relevant anymore,

487
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 1: like because that was a big thing back then. I

488
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 1: remember my parents like doing slimp fross And that is

489
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 1: the first time that I ever like acknowledged. It's really

490
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 1: weird that because I that feeling is so like I

491
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 1: can still feel it, like I remember that, and so

492
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 1: you heard them say that. I remember hearing it. I

493
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: think I heard the guys say it because I can,

494
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: like it's like I have a picture of it in

495
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: my mind. But it doesn't make sense to me that

496
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: I would have overheard that, Like I can't figure out

497
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 1: why I would have been sitting there or around for that.

498
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 1: So maybe I was like at the table and he

499
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 1: still like like like, oh my god, I tell that story.

500
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 1: I get like a visceral feeling. I feel it right now,

501
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: like my even doing like so much work around it,

502
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 1: it's still and it was something here. I was fourth grade.

503
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: So it makes me so sad that as a fourth grader,

504
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 1: as a little fourth grade girl, what are you thinking?

505
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: I'm fat? Like I'm like, what else, um, I'm not

506
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 1: good enough, I would say it's a feeling that I

507
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: had or like not I wouldn't say unlovable, but unlikable

508
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: in some way. So these are all for you, guys.

509
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: These are all examples of like negative core beliefs. So

510
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 1: this is like the beginning of all that. Like, so

511
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 1: you are getting supporting this data and evidence to support

512
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: this big overarching theme in your life. And mine. My

513
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 1: two were there's something wrong with me and I'm not wanted.

514
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 1: So U those I would, um, I'm not wanted, as

515
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 1: it was like hits up a little bit and that well,

516
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,360
Speaker 1: well I'm gonna ask for kind of more about that.

517
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 1: But so what did you what did you do with that?

518
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,400
Speaker 1: So as a nine year old, what did you? Like?

519
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 1: One thing I think I remember is that like when

520
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 1: this came up the first time that I did therapy

521
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:33,200
Speaker 1: in college, and honestly, I don't think i'd ever really

522
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 1: like verbalized it before. I don't think I think I

523
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 1: was ashamed that it had even been said about me,

524
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,360
Speaker 1: So I don't think I told anyone like I don't

525
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,200
Speaker 1: think I hadn't even heard about it until I told

526
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 1: her exactly, I don't think she knew that I had

527
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 1: had that experience until I told her in college, like, hey,

528
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: I uncovered this day of therapy. And she was devastated,

529
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 1: especially like to know that person who said it, and

530
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: of course he's a fourth grade boy. I mean again,

531
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 1: it's not like whatever, but like, and I didn't know

532
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 1: he was forming like negative core beliefs about me. But um,

533
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,439
Speaker 1: but I think that, Like, I don't think it was

534
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,360
Speaker 1: surprising to my mom because I mean, there's so much,

535
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: especially in my middle school, I mean middle through high school,

536
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,719
Speaker 1: it was obvious that I was like struggling with that

537
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 1: and it was a huge part of especially in my

538
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: middle school years, and lots of tears shed and lots

539
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: of like, I mean, just so much around specifically feeling fat,

540
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 1: Like I remember that word, which I like, I don't

541
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: really say that anymore ever, but could you remember that

542
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,120
Speaker 1: a lot? But also I think it did. It gave

543
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: me this feeling of like no one like wants me

544
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: or or will yeah yeah exactly, and that I mean

545
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 1: that perpetuates so much. But even if you were I

546
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 1: hate the word fat, I hating that word, but like

547
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 1: fat or like bigger, that that would mean that people

548
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 1: you aren't desirable and those things aren't all was kind

549
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 1: of there correlated, Yeah, and they's just so And like

550
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 1: I had a similar I remember another guy saying something

551
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: really similar to me in middle school that was like,

552
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I think he almost said, like everyone can

553
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: tell that you've gotten thinner or something. It was almost

554
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 1: meant to be a compliment, but like it was so

555
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: twisted that it was like I was like, oh my god,

556
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 1: everything I thought was true, it was true, you know,

557
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 1: like people did think that about me for so long,

558
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: So that conversation comes to mind too. Yeah, and even

559
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm gonna go on a tangent here because

560
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 1: this is so and I'm gonna do a million episodes

561
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: on this because it is like my wheelhouse. But just

562
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: for anybody out there, like it is so damaging and

563
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: hurtful and painful for somebody who has struggled with body image,

564
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 1: which I will say is women, for anybody to make

565
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 1: any common about their weight, whether they look good or better,

566
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 1: because we can make so many stories about that. And

567
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: that's what you do. Supporting evidence is helping you form

568
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: store reads about yourself. So if somebody came up to

569
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: me and I was like, wow, you look so healthy,

570
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 1: I would okay, I would take that as I've gained weight.

571
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 1: So now I'm taking that as you think I'm fat.

572
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 1: Now I'm taking that as I'm disgusting. Now I'm taking

573
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 1: that as nobody's gonna want me. Now I'm going down

574
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: this likely And then I mean, or if somebody's like, wow,

575
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 1: you really thinned out, or like okay, uh, and it's

576
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: all means, it's well meaning, but just to be careful

577
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 1: and like how if you think somebody looks good or

578
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: better than they used to look, keep that to yourself

579
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: and maybe just compliment something else, like instead of being like,

580
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: oh you look like you've gotten in shape, just be

581
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: like wow you look strong like something that something else. Yeah,

582
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: and I think something that doesn't imply that before was bad,

583
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: which I think. It's like what I always hear like,

584
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, if someone tells me I look good,

585
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, well what did I look? They're like, you're

586
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:00,040
Speaker 1: looking so good? I'm like, well what a guy that

587
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: doesn't like, how do I give a female? Just don't know,

588
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 1: tell them they're beautiful, Tell me I'm beautiful, and we

589
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,959
Speaker 1: can addit that out. That's the whole thing. Yeah, there

590
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 1: is um and we're just cutting off of Thanksgiving. So yeah,

591
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 1: don't comment about me if I'm eating seventeen pieces of

592
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: carrot cakes, don't mention it. But don't mention it. I

593
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 1: want like no comment at all. Um. Okay, let's get

594
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: back to this. So trauma timelines these supporting beliefs, they

595
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 1: usually I would consider them. And this is where the

596
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 1: trauma piece comes in, and people like, no, I don't

597
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 1: have trauma when you think of and you probably have. Why, Hope,

598
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: did you read my little post I wrote about trauma

599
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: last week? I'm sure I did. Okay, Yeah, yeah, yeah

600
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: I did. Are you familiar with that with trauma with

601
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 1: a little tea big tea traumas I'm familiar with because

602
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: of Caroline. Actually, so most of the time when people

603
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: think trauma, they think big tea trauma, which is these big,

604
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: like life threatening events, usually like something where you look

605
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: actually think you're gonna die or um or in severe

606
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: pain or something like that, whether that's emotional or physical.

607
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: But that's stuff like like not like disasters like fires

608
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. Uh war um being in like

609
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: combat sexual abuse and sexual assault or anything like that,

610
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 1: like being in severe fights or gun robbed, gunpoint all that,

611
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 1: and so people like, no, I don't have trauma, nothing

612
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 1: really really bad has happened to me. But then there's

613
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: this other part. It's a little T trauma and they're

614
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: more like emotional wounds that they can have just as much,

615
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 1: if not more, of an effect on somebody based on

616
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 1: the frequency of them happening, where they are when they're happening,

617
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,239
Speaker 1: what their sense of self is like, what they're like,

618
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 1: their beliefs about the world are. These can be just

619
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 1: as damaging. And that's what I would consider like those

620
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: two events we just talked about little T traumsea trauma.

621
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 1: Nobody would be like, oh this that was this big

622
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,959
Speaker 1: traumatic I thought I was gonna do. But like, I

623
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 1: still remember that that is the totally the most vivid

624
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: memory I have from probably birth to seventh grade. Yeah, yeah,

625
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: with your like little T trauma. So that's what that's

626
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: where you're getting all yourself and the big T traumas

627
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: can also create the wet there. Anyway you're creating all

628
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:18,479
Speaker 1: these supporting beliefs, There any other pieces of data that

629
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 1: you have that support that belief of like I'm not

630
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: good enough for um Oh my gosh, I mean, yes,

631
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: I'm sure I'm trying to think where and think I'm

632
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: thinking of like because if you think about like little

633
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: t traumas, those can be things, I mean, think about

634
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: middle school, high school. If my belief is like I'm

635
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 1: thinking about like I'm not wanted, Yeah, I'm not good enough,

636
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say it's probably I'm not like not that

637
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: I'm not enough, but like I'm not this enough, Like

638
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 1: I feel like I have that thought. I mean I

639
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 1: still have that a lot um not as often, especially

640
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 1: after doing therapy for the last year, but um, but

641
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: like other like that you're saying, like other experiences that

642
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 1: would have to me that again, Well, yeah, because that's

643
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 1: it starts in fourth grade right when you go to

644
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,360
Speaker 1: spy until you're in college. And so when you're in

645
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,760
Speaker 1: college and you're going to therapy for the first time,

646
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 1: are you aware, like you talked about the story of

647
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: like I'm not having all these things happening to expectations

648
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 1: that I've had. So were you aware with the beliefs

649
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 1: you had about yourself when you know, okay, okay, So

650
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 1: there's there's like kind of steps and changing the beliefs.

651
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: It's not super linear and it's not super clean, but

652
00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: I think the first the first step would be identifying

653
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: the beliefs. So, like I said in the beginning, they're

654
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 1: unconscious most of the time. They're the shadow side of you.

655
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 1: So you're walking through your whole life with these beliefs,

656
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 1: but you don't know it. And so one of the

657
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,800
Speaker 1: things I explained to every client and the first or

658
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: second session, and this is actually the example the way

659
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: I explain it now, I actually stole it from my

660
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 1: actual therapist. You just explained in a better way than me,

661
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: and it's been really helpful to visualize. You take those

662
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: little t traumas like or whatever they are, you take

663
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 1: all the supporting um believes, the data, the evidence, you create,

664
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 1: all the beliefs you have, and those beliefs turn into

665
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 1: what I like to call screens. So think about like

666
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: something you hold up in front of your face, like

667
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: an actual screen. So then you have these screens in

668
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 1: front of your face. So if it's me, I'm not wanted,

669
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough, we'll just use those two. I

670
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: have that in front of my face, like in front

671
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 1: of like actually like in front of my face. Everything

672
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: that you do and say and every experience I have

673
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:33,439
Speaker 1: has to go through that screen and then it hits

674
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 1: my head. Yeah, so every experience that you have goes

675
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 1: through the screen and then it hits your head. So

676
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 1: none of us, no person. I do not believe any

677
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 1: person in the world is ever having the same experience

678
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 1: because we're all filtering these things to our view of

679
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 1: the world and ourselves. I have this problem with like

680
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 1: facial expressions, you've ever not really I'm working on it.

681
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 1: I've had many clients being like, why did you make

682
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:05,839
Speaker 1: that face? I'll like roll my eyes or like make

683
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: a big face or something, and like that that could

684
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 1: mean one thing to me and something else to somebody totally.

685
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: And so if my screen says like I'm not wanted,

686
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,359
Speaker 1: well this is another thing. So I just I guess

687
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,399
Speaker 1: I don't really care about sharing about myself in my life.

688
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: So I mean, I had a lot leading up to this,

689
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:26,840
Speaker 1: but like, this is just another one of the like

690
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: data points that I can before I'm not working. I

691
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: never asked to prom and what not. Either you're oh

692
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: my gosh, that's shocking. First, well thank you to what

693
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,719
Speaker 1: is but also like, as someone who I can really

694
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 1: understand why that would be hard, Well, yeah, I'd like

695
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 1: that would like I never Oh, I can not exactly

696
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: the same, but like I never got asked on a

697
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: date night in college, so I can totally say like

698
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 1: like a date party never not what? Yeah, yeah, so

699
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 1: I can relate to that feel. And it's really honestly

700
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 1: saying that all lowed. I'm like, who do I want

701
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 1: that in the podcast because that's kind of I mean,

702
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:09,879
Speaker 1: I I do, because but it's embarrassing. There's shame around it.

703
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 1: It's like there's something wrong with me that people aren't

704
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: telling me. And the meeting you make out of that, right,

705
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 1: so that's the evidence in the meaning you make is

706
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 1: there something wrong with me? So exactly, you're adding more

707
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 1: data points. So, but that's you already. I already had

708
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:25,720
Speaker 1: the screen because of other things of like I'm not wanted,

709
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,919
Speaker 1: and then nobody asked me to prom and go through

710
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 1: that screen, and now I'm like, people aren't asking to

711
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:34,920
Speaker 1: problem because I'm not wanted and there's there's something wrong

712
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 1: with me, I'm not good enough whatever it is when

713
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:38,800
Speaker 1: they're I don't know what the reason is, and I

714
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: don't think it's important for me to figure out why

715
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 1: didn't get asked. Yeah, hopefully it was just like a

716
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 1: weird happenstance thing. So go through college. I actually one

717
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: of them. Probably I see a lot of women in

718
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 1: their twenties early thirties, a lot of my clients at

719
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 1: that age. And one of the things that I talk

720
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:59,320
Speaker 1: to people about quite frequently. Maybe I mean not the most,

721
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: because I don't really know what the biggest the most is,

722
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:07,959
Speaker 1: but it's not having a relationship, being single and being

723
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 1: a certain age and still being single. I didn't have

724
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,720
Speaker 1: a real relationship. Like he said, he was my boyfriend.

725
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 1: I wasn't able to call somebody my boyfriend and I

726
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: was twenty seven years old. Wom so go through that?

727
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 1: I mean I went on dates with people, but actually

728
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: my first real date was after college. That is so

729
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 1: interesting to me. But we have almost opposite stories and

730
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 1: that I'm sure that's now I'm thinking and mind why

731
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: you brought me here is I haven't had a serious

732
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: boyfriend since my freshman year of college and I'm ten,

733
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: I am twenty seven, And that is like very confirming

734
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,839
Speaker 1: of a lot of you know some I think one

735
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: that you said earlier that I come back to a

736
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 1: lot is there's something wrong with me. But I don't,

737
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: but people aren't telling me what it is. Like I

738
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: always have this feeling of like, well, there's some reason

739
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: no one's asking me on everyone's afraid to tell me

740
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:00,839
Speaker 1: their tiptoeing around. Yeah, and I'm like, just please, if

741
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,879
Speaker 1: there is not, to just tell me, I would want

742
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 1: to know. But um my cousin who I'm really close with,

743
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 1: we've had that conversation before and she met her husband.

744
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 1: Just like so silly now because now, like being on

745
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 1: the side of things, she was twenty nine when she

746
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,720
Speaker 1: met her husband. Like, honestly, today that's like pretty normal

747
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 1: and even young, Like I don't feel like it's like

748
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 1: but at the time when I was growing up, I

749
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 1: think I have my timeline so well. So I would

750
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,920
Speaker 1: say Another data point that was kind of like negative

751
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:33,360
Speaker 1: was my very first boyfriend was when I was fifteen,

752
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 1: and we were quite serious for fifteen year old except

753
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 1: for the fact that he cheated on me for like

754
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 1: the entire relationship and it was like a year and

755
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,800
Speaker 1: it ended. Oh my god, I honestly hope they're listening

756
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 1: to this because it ended with him dating one of

757
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 1: my best friends and not telling me. Someone else told

758
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: me after he's setting each other that weekend. So this

759
00:39:55,600 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 1: is fourteen, So this is seen. This is such a

760
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 1: crucial part in somebody's life because you were like this

761
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:06,720
Speaker 1: and think about what are you freshman in high school?

762
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:10,800
Speaker 1: You're trying to make sense of who you are and everything.

763
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: That is the biggest deal in high school. Everything's the

764
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:17,399
Speaker 1: biggest deal. So that's your first experience with this guy.

765
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 1: I mean it wasn't, but I thought I was. That's

766
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:23,239
Speaker 1: your first experience with relationships. Yeah, what is that? That's

767
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 1: adding that data so that that experience of him for

768
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 1: cheating on you and then with one of your best friends,

769
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,839
Speaker 1: goes through that screen of like you already have these

770
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 1: things already being built. There's something wrong with you you,

771
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: So that's going through that screen and hitting your head. Really,

772
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,799
Speaker 1: that probably had nothing nothing, I mean, I would hope on.

773
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 1: I mean now even still it's that was like that

774
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 1: was a very formative time of life. I can totally

775
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,560
Speaker 1: see that now is also having like a hard time

776
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: somebody cheating on you with for long best was it

777
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: with your best Well the weird thing she wasn't my

778
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: best friend. She was in I had a group of

779
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 1: like ten girls who was closed with in high school though,

780
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 1: I mean she was probably good friends, yeah, like really

781
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 1: like childhood friends, Like I knew her a longer when

782
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: I've known Caroline, you know, but Caroline was in the

783
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: same group with us. If somebody's doing that, if a

784
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 1: guy is cheating on a girl with one of her friends,

785
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:15,239
Speaker 1: oh my god, that has nothing to do with you.

786
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 1: Like literally, that has everything to do with him. His

787
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 1: values is morals, what he's afraid to do and not

788
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 1: do what he like who knows, God knows. And that

789
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 1: other girl who's okay with doing that. There has nothing

790
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 1: to do with you at all, but make it because

791
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: that eco back to the ego centric or not he

792
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: chose me, which is another thing, another thing. Um, so

793
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 1: that was like okay. So that time like okay, So

794
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:44,439
Speaker 1: I dated him and then um started dating this other

795
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 1: guy who, truly, I don't have anything negative to say.

796
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 1: He was a very nice person. I pretty much was

797
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 1: dating like the bad boy, like my parents wanted me

798
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 1: to break up with him. He was horrible. I was

799
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 1: lying to my friends about seeing him, like all of

800
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 1: that stuff, and yeah, I felt he never knew this.

801
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, there's so much to tell about that.

802
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 1: But so there was that, and then I dated seriously

803
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 1: the opposite, I mean, like Preacher's son, nicest guy ever.

804
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 1: Because you're like, well, I'm just gonna go this way

805
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: hopefully this was it doesn't work better, it doesn't work better.

806
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 1: And frankly, like we I mean we were seniors in

807
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 1: high school. It's insane, but I mean we were talking

808
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,279
Speaker 1: about getting married, like we were very very serious. But

809
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: I still, to be honest, Like there were times and

810
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 1: like my friends laughed because I have, like I'm a

811
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 1: little crazy about my instinct about people, Like usually when

812
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:34,759
Speaker 1: I feel like something is off with a guy, like

813
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 1: the time, like I really am correct, Like I have

814
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 1: a good instinct. I really, I'm actually I can feel

815
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 1: it and I know and my friends will be any

816
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,479
Speaker 1: he's just not dating her, like I promptly, like really,

817
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 1: I had all these suspicions about this girl for a

818
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 1: long time, and they were like, there is no way

819
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,040
Speaker 1: he is like gaining one of your best it's just

820
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 1: not happening. The first one. We'll same with my second boyfriend.

821
00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:58,839
Speaker 1: I don't want to use names, but it's hard not

822
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:02,279
Speaker 1: to right here. Um, but anyways, like there were times

823
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 1: when I was suspicious because I've been cheated on so much,

824
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 1: like that was normal to me, and so I was

825
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: snooping a little bit, which I can admit to, but

826
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 1: I mean he was texting girls like very inappropriately to

827
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 1: have a girlfriend and like calling them names like this

828
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 1: the creature of a nice one. Yeah, and so that

829
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 1: was kind of almost more so this is creating and

830
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:27,240
Speaker 1: then like he would, yeah, well this is creating negativelis

831
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 1: about other people too, So you can have negative core

832
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: beliefs about you and the negative core beliefs about about

833
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 1: men men in general. Yeah, and so this is like

834
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,520
Speaker 1: men are liars, they can't be people, can't be conterested,

835
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: and that creates beliefs around like I have to take

836
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,399
Speaker 1: care of myself. I'm going to end up alone. I'm

837
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 1: better off being alone or whatever, I mean, whatever it is.

838
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 1: But this is how all these little teach I mean,

839
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 1: you could even I mean a little tea big te

840
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 1: whatever you want to call those things is. Or I

841
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 1: would say the first boyfriend, Yeah, that's huge, especially a

842
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 1: middle because I think that it was really like I

843
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: couldn't see it now, and actually I related it to

844
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 1: like this recent guy who have been kind of hung

845
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 1: up on at lunch the other day with someone. I

846
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,799
Speaker 1: was like, honestly, it's weird. I haven't said this out loud,

847
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,799
Speaker 1: but this is so reminding me of my first high

848
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 1: school boyfriend, and like the way that he is so anyways,

849
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 1: timeline wise though, then that's it. Like I haven't dated

850
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 1: anyone seriously since then. I've been on no more than

851
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,320
Speaker 1: probably five dates with anyone since then. That's only happened

852
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:29,759
Speaker 1: like once maybe, But it's been hard because it's like

853
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 1: I look back at these journals from college and I'm like, oh, like,

854
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 1: we don't want to know someone like you want to

855
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,440
Speaker 1: know why always. I'm a wide person, so I always

856
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: need to know. I want the reason. So if i'm

857
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 1: and that's the other thing I've always been like, it's

858
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 1: okay if I'm not going to get married to I'm forty,

859
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 1: I just want to know why, because I believe there's

860
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: purpose in that. Like I do believe there's a reason

861
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,879
Speaker 1: that I didn't get asked to from There's a reason

862
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 1: I didn't have a boyfriend twenty seven. There's a reason

863
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 1: for all of that and some of the reasons I've identified.

864
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 1: But if I would have known before, I don't think

865
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 1: it would have because I could have been prepared for

866
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: I could have understood it. And because we don't have

867
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 1: to have the we don't know the why we make

868
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:09,839
Speaker 1: up the y and actually interesting because we're story people.

869
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 1: Humans are story people, and so we everything that we

870
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,359
Speaker 1: see is usually through story. And so stories have a beginning, middle,

871
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 1: and end. So a lot of times we're in the

872
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 1: middle of it right or in the in the beginning.

873
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 1: We're very rarely in the end of the story. And

874
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 1: so when we're sitting in the middle, we're in this

875
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 1: like anxious freak out mode. Well, there's an easy way

876
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 1: to create an ending. Any of us can create an ending,

877
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: and that's creating our own meaning. So a lot of

878
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: times the meaning we make. And here's the other thing.

879
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 1: When you get light bulb moments, when you get like

880
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: when you figure something out, no matter what it is,

881
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:42,319
Speaker 1: that like ah ha in your brain, you actually get

882
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 1: a shot of dopamine, so you actually interesting, Yes, you

883
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 1: actually get these like feel good like endorphins, like all

884
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: that feels good in your body. And so the same

885
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 1: happens when we make up a story. An example that

886
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 1: I use the most because it's easy and relatable, think

887
00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: about when you're texting a guy right, and your extend

888
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 1: it back and forth and um, who knows what you're

889
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 1: talking about, and like straight fire back and forth and

890
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 1: then you send a text and then like you don't

891
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:13,759
Speaker 1: get a response, Yeah what are you thinking? And I think, yeah,

892
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 1: Like when you don't get a response, he's an answer you.

893
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:18,520
Speaker 1: Oh he's not interesting. Maybe it's like like what did

894
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,239
Speaker 1: I say? Yeah, yeah, I say wrong if he's not

895
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 1: interested in me, like whatever it is when in reality

896
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: we don't know what happened. Maybe his phone died, maybe

897
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: he jumped in the shower, maybe for a run, and

898
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 1: maybe he is caught up in a conversation or yeah,

899
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:40,280
Speaker 1: you just like it's like not a read a text

900
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:42,399
Speaker 1: and put the phone down and forgot to respond. What

901
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 1: we do is we make a huge door, a huge ending,

902
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,959
Speaker 1: because the bigger the ending, the more the more dope.

903
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 1: I mean, you're going to get released in your body.

904
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: The thing about that is it only laughs for so long,

905
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:53,959
Speaker 1: so then that's over and then you feel like sh again.

906
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 1: So all on that to say, we find me if

907
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 1: we don't for me, if I have an open did,

908
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 1: I'm going to find an end. And most of the time,

909
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: because of my my supporting beliefs, and because of my

910
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:10,319
Speaker 1: core beliefs, the ending is not really ever, really good

911
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, So going back to the steps to

912
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 1: change the beliefs, so we have to identified the beliefs.

913
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:18,319
Speaker 1: We have all that, but then the next step would

914
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:21,280
Speaker 1: be find supporting beliefs and the data. So the trauma timeline,

915
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 1: we've identified, what are your core beliefs that you're holding

916
00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:27,400
Speaker 1: right now? Um, I would say I'm not enough or

917
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 1: there's something wrong with me. I'm not enough, there's something

918
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 1: wrong with me. The next step in this is and

919
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:36,360
Speaker 1: this is where like you, I really want to anybody

920
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 1: who's listening to this, This isn't something that you can

921
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 1: really just do on your own. I would one thousand

922
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 1: percent encourage you to like go do this with somebody

923
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 1: who's trained to do this one because there's power and

924
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,600
Speaker 1: in that for multiple reasons. But to like this can

925
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:51,279
Speaker 1: get really painful because the more you dive into it,

926
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,759
Speaker 1: the more you're gonna remember and I mean just think

927
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: about like this conversation, like this and this and this right. Um.

928
00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 1: The third step is to reprocess those events identify the

929
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: truth in them. So going back, so when we do

930
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 1: this traumatime and we'll go back and we'll really dive

931
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 1: into like the big parts that really created those those

932
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:13,359
Speaker 1: beliefs about ourselves. Okay, what's true about this? What isn't

933
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,399
Speaker 1: true about this? How much of this did I make

934
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,279
Speaker 1: meaning up of? How much of this was about me?

935
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 1: How much of this is about them? And going back,

936
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: and most of my story of the stuff wasn't ever

937
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,440
Speaker 1: about me, but I made it about me because I

938
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 1: had all these questions about why I wasn't getting what

939
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 1: I wanted. Flash forward to you in college, right, so

940
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:35,479
Speaker 1: talk about kind of the thing that pushed you into

941
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 1: going to therapy and college you weren't having Yeah, I

942
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:43,280
Speaker 1: was feeling like, I um like something was I was, honestly,

943
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 1: I would say, having panic attacks about the fact that

944
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:48,800
Speaker 1: I was single and no one wanted me and no

945
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: one was asking me to think. I was twenty one

946
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,600
Speaker 1: when I went to therapy. I think it was. I

947
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 1: can't remember if it was the summer before junior year

948
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 1: or the summer before you're twenty one year old self? Now,

949
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 1: who was like freaking out about that stuff? Oh my gosh,

950
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: I mean I think I would. There's a part of

951
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 1: me that would want to be like, hey, look, it's

952
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: you need to let it go for a little while

953
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 1: because this is just not going anytime soon. I think

954
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:16,600
Speaker 1: they're but like kind of what you were saying, like

955
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,440
Speaker 1: be nice to just know and to be able to

956
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:20,359
Speaker 1: let go of it and not obsess over it so much,

957
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:22,479
Speaker 1: which is probably something I could say to myself even

958
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 1: still today. But I think that like one really important

959
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:31,719
Speaker 1: thing that I I felt so much shame about the

960
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,800
Speaker 1: feelings themselves, and I didn't want to admit them to anyone,

961
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I had a hard time admitting

962
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: that I was feeling bad about myself, like it's a

963
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:46,320
Speaker 1: bad thing, Like you should feel ashamed for not always

964
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:51,439
Speaker 1: feeling yes, yes, yes, which that's kind of sucked up, right,

965
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 1: I mean obviously. And I think being um, like, it's

966
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,760
Speaker 1: okay to feel negative emotions even if they are towards yourself,

967
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 1: because they're towards yourself, I mean, and natural, and I

968
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 1: think that like speaking up about them in a healthy

969
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,359
Speaker 1: way would have been helpful. I'm trying to think specifically

970
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 1: around the therapy, Like I remember being very knowing that

971
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 1: I wanted to get to therapy, but also being very

972
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: afraid to mention it and not knowing like a new

973
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:18,799
Speaker 1: well also, so talk about the image of like I

974
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 1: felt shame around admitting that I felt bad about x

975
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 1: y Z or I was sad. So I was always

976
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 1: the happy, the fun. I'm the seven on the Instagram,

977
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 1: so I'm like really fun, the most fun. I love

978
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 1: seven four, always the life of the party. So I

979
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 1: never really got asked to a day party in college

980
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:41,920
Speaker 1: to be somebody's real day. I got asked to a

981
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 1: day party because I was fun to tag along way,

982
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 1: So it's always like, um, always happy. If you were

983
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 1: to ask anybody, So if you I truly think this,

984
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:53,479
Speaker 1: if you were to ask anybody if they ever thought

985
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 1: that there's anything wrong with me in college, and every

986
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 1: would say no, it was always so much fun. I

987
00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 1: was like so distraught. Yeah, I feel that. I think

988
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 1: that like I am in such a like post college.

989
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,560
Speaker 1: I've learned so much in therapy and outside of therapy

990
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 1: just in general getting comfortable talking about feelings and like

991
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 1: that that's normal and we can be vulnerable with each

992
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: other and like, but you're breaking out of those beliefs

993
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 1: that there's something wrong with you. And if there if

994
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: you think there's something wrong with you, you're gonna core

995
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 1: beliefs are like, we don't show those to everybody, are

996
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,880
Speaker 1: negative core beliefs. We're actually gonna We're gonna lie to

997
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:34,600
Speaker 1: everybody but people if I think there's something wrong with me,

998
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,960
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let people know that there's something

999
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 1: not a hundreds positive about me going on, because I'm

1000
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:41,959
Speaker 1: not giving anybody else in your room to create data

1001
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,919
Speaker 1: around that story that I think is important to note

1002
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 1: for anybody who is kind of going through that, because

1003
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 1: that's going to keep you stuck. Right, So, if I

1004
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:53,280
Speaker 1: feel like I can't share with people that I'm upset

1005
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:56,399
Speaker 1: about this thing, I'm feeling like I can only think

1006
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 1: what I would want to tell you when you were

1007
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:00,919
Speaker 1: when you're talking about like the twenty one year old

1008
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 1: of like why aren't people asking me out? Like why

1009
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 1: am I not getting what I want? Why am I? Like?

1010
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:08,799
Speaker 1: What's wrong with me? I would want to go back

1011
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:10,640
Speaker 1: to that person like just so you know, like nothing's

1012
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:13,680
Speaker 1: wrong with you. Yeah, I'll just like good to hear

1013
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 1: about to be honest, like something I'm still doing so

1014
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,359
Speaker 1: much work on. Then I'm like at twenty now, like

1015
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,760
Speaker 1: as a twenty seven year old, I want to be like, Okay,

1016
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 1: well just calm down your twenty one like just enjoy

1017
00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:26,239
Speaker 1: your life, and like if you don't go on dates,

1018
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:28,000
Speaker 1: it's not the end of the world. But like, here

1019
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 1: I am at twenty seven still sort of feeling that way.

1020
00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 1: So it's hard to be like, there's nothing wrong with

1021
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:34,600
Speaker 1: you when right now and like, is there something wrong

1022
00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:36,839
Speaker 1: with me? You know? And not always. I think I'm

1023
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:40,359
Speaker 1: gonna healthier place about it for sure that I once was,

1024
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 1: but it's not gone. So I feel like it's important

1025
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 1: to be honest about that too, Like I'm not cured,

1026
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,840
Speaker 1: you know, I'm less cure, right, But but the thing is,

1027
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:55,719
Speaker 1: you can, you truly can term beliefs. The problem is,

1028
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,239
Speaker 1: for twenty seven years, you've been having this like think

1029
00:52:58,239 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 1: about how like rivers are formed. They're formed by like

1030
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:02,840
Speaker 1: water flowing over and over and over, and then they

1031
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,399
Speaker 1: get deeper and deeper over time. So you've had in

1032
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,800
Speaker 1: your brain like pathways created. Think about rivers. Think about

1033
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 1: like the pathways in your brain is rivers. So for

1034
00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 1: twenty seven years you've been having the same rivers flowing right,

1035
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 1: So every time something negative happens, you hit that through

1036
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: that screen if there's something wrong with me, I'm not

1037
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:23,239
Speaker 1: good enough, that river gets deeper. Yeah, now you go

1038
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 1: to therapy at one and you you start, you begin

1039
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 1: at twenty one to create a new river, but you

1040
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:33,000
Speaker 1: still are working with that other one. You're creating a

1041
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:36,360
Speaker 1: new pathway. But the way to kind of like change

1042
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 1: the way to make the positive belief bigger than the

1043
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 1: negative belief, to focus more on that one. For twenty

1044
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:44,000
Speaker 1: one years, you always went to the negative and you

1045
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,799
Speaker 1: flowed whatever it was down that river. So you made

1046
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 1: a little bit deeper. And so now instead of like

1047
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: you have two options. Every time something happens to you

1048
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 1: or doesn't happen to you, you get a text, you

1049
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,760
Speaker 1: don't get a text. You have options. You have option

1050
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:02,399
Speaker 1: to flow down river one or flow down river through two.

1051
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 1: River one is going to be this is the thing

1052
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 1: about River one. It's going to be easier to access,

1053
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,279
Speaker 1: it's gonna flow a lot faster. It's going to give

1054
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 1: you that shot of dopamine, the natural like it's going

1055
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 1: to feel it's your immediate default. So it's going to

1056
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:17,840
Speaker 1: give you that shot of dopamine. And it's going to

1057
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 1: give you a big shot of dopamine. Because that's so interesting,

1058
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:25,000
Speaker 1: I know, because it is something that feels so true

1059
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:28,080
Speaker 1: and right, and in that that's the bigger story. It's

1060
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,760
Speaker 1: the more dramatic story. So the more dramatic, the bigger

1061
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:33,040
Speaker 1: shot of dopamine. So the other option is going through

1062
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: River two, right, So that's going to take more work.

1063
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 1: It's not going to feel as like hard hitting because

1064
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,879
Speaker 1: imagine if me saying, well, if you're like, there's something

1065
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:44,799
Speaker 1: this guy didn't text me, there must be something wrong

1066
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 1: with me, and my answer is like, you know, who

1067
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:50,960
Speaker 1: knows what happened, Like maybe he dropped his phone in

1068
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,920
Speaker 1: the toilet. You're like, okay, that sounds nice, but like

1069
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 1: him finding some picture on Instagram and thinking that I

1070
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 1: looked fat and is a lot bigger of a story, right, right,

1071
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,279
Speaker 1: and asked someone with a flair for the dramatic. So

1072
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 1: I was just talking to my therapist a few minutes

1073
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:12,400
Speaker 1: ago about this, like really nice, respectful guy who have

1074
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 1: gone on a few dates with and the first like,

1075
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:17,799
Speaker 1: after the first day, I was totally I was like

1076
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:19,839
Speaker 1: head over heels. I was like, oh my gosh, this

1077
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 1: is just going so great. He's so great, we have

1078
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 1: someone in common. Whatever. Then we got the second date

1079
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 1: and I'm kind of like walk out and I'm just like,

1080
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:29,319
Speaker 1: m hm, he's really nice, and I'm yeah, exactly, she

1081
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 1: did this exactly, you know what I mean. And she

1082
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 1: was like, this doesn't feel natural to you because you

1083
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:36,279
Speaker 1: don't gravitate towards this, like this is normal and he's

1084
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 1: being respectful and you're looking for the dramatic story. I

1085
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:45,240
Speaker 1: always am and I know. So we were talking about,

1086
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 1: like how do we actively like pick a new river

1087
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 1: essentially this time, and how do you like let this

1088
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 1: become normal? She was like, this is what we're looking for,

1089
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:56,400
Speaker 1: Like this is good. You come in here and you

1090
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:58,719
Speaker 1: you want to be dating someone, and then this guy

1091
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:01,719
Speaker 1: is like he was nice, nice, sids and like, and

1092
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 1: it was easy, attentive to you and blatantly telling you

1093
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:08,880
Speaker 1: that he's interested. And you're this doesn't feel normal to you.

1094
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:10,800
Speaker 1: It doesn't feel natural, so you're backing out, and she

1095
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 1: was like, you're not allowed to back out. You have

1096
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 1: to give it until you know. We talked about like

1097
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,040
Speaker 1: and you know what you're normal is like screwed up.

1098
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 1: So you're I would call that your arousal templates, your

1099
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 1: arousal template for relationships is messed up. You have to

1100
00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 1: keep help, But who are born until they're not born anymore,

1101
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,200
Speaker 1: until healthy people become attractive to you. Yeah, because healthy

1102
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: is boring to a lot of people. You have to

1103
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 1: keep going. That's what she said. She's said, you're attractive.

1104
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 1: I'm attracted to unhealthy people in general. And this person

1105
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,239
Speaker 1: seems I don't know that much. I don't want to

1106
00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:41,200
Speaker 1: jump to too many conclusions. Seems very healthy and normal.

1107
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,600
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, look, I'm like with that, right, there's

1108
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 1: no drama. Where's my fairy tale? You know? And that

1109
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 1: where's my story story? So going back to the rivers,

1110
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:53,440
Speaker 1: the creating the new beliefs about yourself is really creating

1111
00:56:53,719 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 1: like the new rivers and the new pathways, and it

1112
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,400
Speaker 1: takes a freaking long time. So the last step in

1113
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:00,400
Speaker 1: all of this is to repeat this in repeat this,

1114
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:03,359
Speaker 1: and repeat this and repeat this. Because you said, I mean,

1115
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 1: my beliefs aren't gone. I still struggle with them. I

1116
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:09,759
Speaker 1: still I still have automatic thoughts at and I write automatic.

1117
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:14,600
Speaker 1: I still have an automatic thought sometimes that it's because

1118
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:17,160
Speaker 1: of this, or idea is because of my body, or

1119
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:21,280
Speaker 1: maybe I'm whatever and something. To remember a lot of

1120
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 1: times is over half the time our first thoughts wrong, right,

1121
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 1: Because a lot of time, our first thoughts root in trauma,

1122
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 1: and the meaning we make from trauma isn't always facts.

1123
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 1: I mean that it's just repeat it, repeat it, repeat it,

1124
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:37,640
Speaker 1: go back through the corporlates, go back through the screen

1125
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:40,880
Speaker 1: until we can turn the screen, until the screen starts

1126
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 1: to have the positive beliefs on it as well, because

1127
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 1: we're filtering through negative And what would your life look

1128
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 1: like if you filtered things through positively? And he didn't

1129
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: call me back because you know something about him, something

1130
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:58,479
Speaker 1: about him. I know I'm trying anything I was about

1131
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:00,520
Speaker 1: taking about me and that's what that's it is. It's

1132
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 1: but it just this has nothing to do with me.

1133
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:07,320
Speaker 1: I'm amazing, So it has to be something else that,

1134
00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 1: you know, some other reason. My therapist has me like

1135
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,480
Speaker 1: gives me note cards, which I love so much cards,

1136
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:19,200
Speaker 1: and so I have some like in my car. I

1137
00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 1: think people ask about them all the time. It's really cool.

1138
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 1: A lot of times people and drive throughs, like at Starbucks,

1139
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 1: they asked me about them all the time because they're

1140
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 1: like right in their view. I keep up with my

1141
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:31,960
Speaker 1: dash and the one that they always see is um,

1142
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 1: if I just show up, that's enough, which was like

1143
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:37,720
Speaker 1: kind of something else we were working on early on.

1144
00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 1: But I have one card that she gave me when

1145
00:58:40,120 --> 00:58:42,400
Speaker 1: I was first started seeing her and I had a

1146
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 1: date and I was really nervous, and it was basically

1147
00:58:44,880 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 1: all these great things to read about myself, and she

1148
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 1: would say like, I want you to read this out

1149
00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:51,280
Speaker 1: loud in the car before the date, so that you

1150
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: go into this with really positive beliefs about yourself, like

1151
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:58,400
Speaker 1: I'm fascinating, I'm beautiful, I'm interesting, even if it doesn't

1152
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:00,640
Speaker 1: even if it doesn't feel true, and mostly if it

1153
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 1: doesn't feel true. There were some things on there that

1154
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't believe this, and she's like, yeah,

1155
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 1: but we're going to read. So I mean I do

1156
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:10,400
Speaker 1: that all the time. I'm like, this is so hippy dippy,

1157
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,160
Speaker 1: cheesy therapy ship. But like, write something nice about yourself

1158
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 1: in your mirror. So when you wake up, the first

1159
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 1: thing you read is that you the first thing you

1160
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 1: First of all, you're gonna look at yourself and you're

1161
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,440
Speaker 1: gonna think I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I whatever

1162
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 1: the belief is. But then you're right staring back at

1163
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 1: you as this belief, this nice kind thing and all

1164
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 1: you can do is read it and flow that down

1165
00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 1: the river. Let it, let it build that river. You

1166
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:32,920
Speaker 1: take that river, I guess. And so I would suggest

1167
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 1: for anybody who was struggling with creating those things is

1168
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 1: make it easy. Write it in your notebook, write it

1169
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 1: on your hand, write it in random places where you're

1170
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:44,000
Speaker 1: like open something up and see it. I have a

1171
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 1: lot of people like write letters to themselves or stories

1172
00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 1: or whatever and just put them on their wallets. So

1173
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 1: when they're going through their wallet, they're like looking for

1174
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:53,680
Speaker 1: cash or something, and then they see that piece of

1175
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,120
Speaker 1: paper and they don't necessarily read the paper, but they

1176
00:59:56,120 --> 00:59:58,280
Speaker 1: know what's on it, and they carried around with them everywhere.

1177
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:03,440
Speaker 1: Just make it easy for yourself to remember to be kind. Yeah, yeah,

1178
01:00:03,480 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 1: because it's really it's automatically easy for us to be

1179
01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:10,080
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, we go into that default negative belief

1180
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 1: instead of like, what would happen if our default was kind,

1181
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:15,600
Speaker 1: if it started being kind, which is possible, I would

1182
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,600
Speaker 1: it's possibly possible. I think it's I think it is possible.

1183
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: I really do. I think I've been able to like

1184
01:00:20,280 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 1: see that through some of the work. It's still not default,

1185
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:27,640
Speaker 1: but at least then when that thought process comes in.

1186
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 1: Usually I can be like, Okay, wait a second, I'm

1187
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:33,240
Speaker 1: processing this. I haven't had the screen metaphor until now,

1188
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:36,800
Speaker 1: but I could say like, oh, I'm I'm feeling this

1189
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,600
Speaker 1: way because of X, y Z belief or whatever it is,

1190
01:00:39,680 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 1: and then plushing myself, Okay, next time, if I can

1191
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 1: just try and have a little bit more of a

1192
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 1: positive view about that. Before we wrap up, Annie went

1193
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:54,000
Speaker 1: through something interesting, so we both teach a cycle bar

1194
01:00:56,680 --> 01:01:00,520
Speaker 1: do Annie. She talked about this in the beginning auditioning

1195
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 1: for psycle bar and going through a process, and he

1196
01:01:02,560 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 1: had a very unique process. Such a nice word, and

1197
01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:09,959
Speaker 1: I totally cried when you talk. Remember that you taught

1198
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:11,720
Speaker 1: that class to all your friends, which you have so

1199
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:14,600
Speaker 1: many friends. A lot of people are gonna be listening

1200
01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 1: with people. I would love to hear you talk. I mean,

1201
01:01:19,240 --> 01:01:23,240
Speaker 1: just synopsis of for anybody who's because you faced a

1202
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 1: lot of rejection, essentially, and you could have made up

1203
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:28,439
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff about this. You could have quit,

1204
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 1: you could have stopped, you could have and so I

1205
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:32,560
Speaker 1: would love to know a little bit about and you

1206
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 1: know some people did and you chose not to. What

1207
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:38,040
Speaker 1: was it like for you in that process. Where do

1208
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 1: you think some of your screens or your negative beliefs

1209
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:43,560
Speaker 1: came up and how did you Because you had to

1210
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:47,040
Speaker 1: have had positive reinforcements somewhere for you to stay in

1211
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:48,640
Speaker 1: it as long as you did. So I'm gonna shut

1212
01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:51,160
Speaker 1: up and you tell them what I'm talking about. Okay,

1213
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 1: this is weird. We've never really actually like fully talked.

1214
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,760
Speaker 1: We've never like it is kind of weird. Back story.

1215
01:01:57,880 --> 01:02:00,760
Speaker 1: I started at cycle Bar literally the we that had opened.

1216
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 1: I was invited to the media night. I was obsessed.

1217
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 1: I would probably five times a week, like probably a year,

1218
01:02:07,560 --> 01:02:11,760
Speaker 1: and this would have been like July, yeah, probably like July,

1219
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 1: but probably like February. I had had the thought like

1220
01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:16,160
Speaker 1: could I do this? Could I teach this? Like I

1221
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:17,920
Speaker 1: might be interested in this where I reached out to

1222
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:22,360
Speaker 1: you when I think you'll actually posted like we're having auditions,

1223
01:02:22,480 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 1: and so I had no idea what I was telling

1224
01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 1: myself up for Like in hindsight, yes, I would have

1225
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:34,120
Speaker 1: still done it, but I could have used some prep

1226
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:36,000
Speaker 1: on the front end of like knowing what I was

1227
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,240
Speaker 1: going to be. So I go to this audition. I've

1228
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:41,040
Speaker 1: never been like I've like ridden the podium before, like

1229
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 1: up during classes. But I've never taught anything, any cycling

1230
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 1: or any fitness at all. So I got there. I

1231
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:52,080
Speaker 1: do the audition for the owners and for Cat and

1232
01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 1: literally you don't know, Oh my gosh, well we made it.

1233
01:02:57,440 --> 01:03:00,320
Speaker 1: I did. And I remember I walk out to the

1234
01:03:00,360 --> 01:03:02,640
Speaker 1: lobby and I'm like getting my shoes and either just

1235
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:04,919
Speaker 1: kind of like okay, well, like well, like I remember this,

1236
01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:07,400
Speaker 1: and Aaron was out there, and I was talking to

1237
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:08,960
Speaker 1: Aaron and I was like, I think it went well,

1238
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:11,000
Speaker 1: but like I don't know, Like they had me redo

1239
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:13,600
Speaker 1: one thing and it was to thunder by Imagine Dragons,

1240
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:17,640
Speaker 1: which I talk about all the time. I literally love Imagine.

1241
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:20,920
Speaker 1: Oh my god. It was such a good remax though

1242
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:23,320
Speaker 1: it was a case. I was like, this awesome. I

1243
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:26,400
Speaker 1: love that song, but I've never taught it since um

1244
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 1: Trauma diest this so um anyways, Cat comes running out.

1245
01:03:34,480 --> 01:03:36,240
Speaker 1: It's like come back in here. So I go in

1246
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:38,200
Speaker 1: there like you got it, like you're going to boot

1247
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:40,400
Speaker 1: camp and so I'm like I'm a psycho bar instructor.

1248
01:03:40,560 --> 01:03:43,000
Speaker 1: Like I did it. I had no idea that I

1249
01:03:43,040 --> 01:03:45,480
Speaker 1: was about to go through this process of like the

1250
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 1: audition was continuing and I didn't know that, but I

1251
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:50,480
Speaker 1: mean I cried. I hugged Trish like I remember it

1252
01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:53,320
Speaker 1: so well, so walk out. I'm so excited. And then

1253
01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 1: it's time for boot camp and like September and we

1254
01:03:57,240 --> 01:04:00,959
Speaker 1: get to boot camp and bay. Really during boot camp,

1255
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:04,520
Speaker 1: I thought I was like doing like training essentially, but

1256
01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:07,480
Speaker 1: it's not. It's you're continuing an audition. You can get cut.

1257
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 1: Everything get cut. I was had made it down to

1258
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:13,080
Speaker 1: the last three though, and I remember it was like

1259
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:15,240
Speaker 1: I watched someone get cut and I was like, oh ship,

1260
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:18,280
Speaker 1: I didn't know that could happen, and it shook me,

1261
01:04:18,400 --> 01:04:20,920
Speaker 1: like I lost all confidence. I went up on the

1262
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:23,360
Speaker 1: bike and they you do this thing where you just

1263
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 1: have to like they play music and you just have

1264
01:04:25,280 --> 01:04:29,560
Speaker 1: to teach something and you're not prepared and like that

1265
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:33,000
Speaker 1: feeling was not good and I knew. I was like

1266
01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:34,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get cut, but it was. I made it

1267
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 1: down to three of us, and um so that night

1268
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:39,680
Speaker 1: I found out that I had cut. I was devastated,

1269
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 1: cried for hours, went to bed. It was really really hard.

1270
01:04:44,160 --> 01:04:46,520
Speaker 1: Um like still makes me in a crowd and I

1271
01:04:46,560 --> 01:04:50,040
Speaker 1: think about it because I was I wanted it frankly,

1272
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 1: it was like the one thing in my life that

1273
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:54,800
Speaker 1: I really wanted it. And then I got cut and

1274
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:58,760
Speaker 1: it was like, what's the story about it? The story

1275
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,600
Speaker 1: I made up about it? I mean I think I

1276
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:03,760
Speaker 1: was like I don't have the right personality for this,

1277
01:05:03,960 --> 01:05:07,880
Speaker 1: or like what about this or all those things. Yeah,

1278
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:10,919
Speaker 1: like it totally came through that screen. Um. I woke

1279
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 1: up the next morning, I emailed Brad and Trish and

1280
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:15,720
Speaker 1: I was like, can you give me Leah's email, I

1281
01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:18,920
Speaker 1: don't know whatever, the trainer's email, And I emailed her

1282
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:20,240
Speaker 1: and I was like thank you, And I was like,

1283
01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:22,120
Speaker 1: I still want to do this, so if you guys will,

1284
01:05:22,640 --> 01:05:26,560
Speaker 1: like let me know if there's anything I can do. UM.

1285
01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:29,240
Speaker 1: So a few weeks later, Cat texted me told me

1286
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:32,320
Speaker 1: she wanted to start training again before the next boot camp.

1287
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:36,080
Speaker 1: Go through boot camp. UM. Now I can see so

1288
01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:38,040
Speaker 1: much purpose and how it all happened and why it

1289
01:05:38,080 --> 01:05:41,000
Speaker 1: happened the way that it did. UM. But I went

1290
01:05:41,040 --> 01:05:43,959
Speaker 1: through the boot camp again, still very challenging, still very

1291
01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:47,160
Speaker 1: like humbling in a lot of ways, as was training

1292
01:05:47,200 --> 01:05:51,080
Speaker 1: after that. UM. But it was one of the biggest

1293
01:05:52,880 --> 01:05:57,120
Speaker 1: like learning experiences in my entire life. Because honestly, after bootcamp,

1294
01:05:57,200 --> 01:06:00,280
Speaker 1: we trained cant as this every single Sunday every day

1295
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:04,959
Speaker 1: from December to July, when it was a really long

1296
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:07,560
Speaker 1: time and it was really intense, and what it involved

1297
01:06:07,640 --> 01:06:09,800
Speaker 1: was like getting up on a podium and doing something

1298
01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:12,600
Speaker 1: that you really want but like, aren't that good at yet?

1299
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:16,480
Speaker 1: I mean, you're you're learning and opening yourself up for criticism.

1300
01:06:16,480 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 1: Remember when I had made you like watch videos of yourself.

1301
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:21,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god. And so I'm like in real time

1302
01:06:21,200 --> 01:06:24,320
Speaker 1: critiquing like all this stuff. And this is what I'm

1303
01:06:24,360 --> 01:06:26,800
Speaker 1: talking Like, why this is so important is because you

1304
01:06:26,840 --> 01:06:29,240
Speaker 1: could have taken certain things and you could have made

1305
01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:31,880
Speaker 1: them about who you are and not that just like

1306
01:06:31,960 --> 01:06:34,280
Speaker 1: specific behavior of what you're doing well. And I think

1307
01:06:34,320 --> 01:06:36,080
Speaker 1: that's what I was learning as I was going through it.

1308
01:06:36,160 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 1: So during this process, I started therapy and it's not

1309
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:41,440
Speaker 1: the reason that I started, but it was a big

1310
01:06:41,480 --> 01:06:44,320
Speaker 1: topic of conversation there for a while, because I mean,

1311
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:47,800
Speaker 1: it is so vulnerable to just open to like voluntarily

1312
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 1: choose to receive criticism once a week like and it was.

1313
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:54,880
Speaker 1: But it was a really good learning experience for me

1314
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:57,240
Speaker 1: because I had to learn how to not take it

1315
01:06:57,280 --> 01:06:59,680
Speaker 1: personally and to be like okay, Like in any job

1316
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:02,680
Speaker 1: will give you feedback about things that you're doing that

1317
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:07,320
Speaker 1: aren't the right way of doing things. And it's not personal,

1318
01:07:07,520 --> 01:07:10,240
Speaker 1: It really doesn't. It feels a little more personal, I

1319
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,200
Speaker 1: think because of what we're actually doing and there is

1320
01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:14,560
Speaker 1: a lot of personality involved in a lot of decisions

1321
01:07:14,600 --> 01:07:21,040
Speaker 1: that like are a little bit subjective. But it taught

1322
01:07:21,200 --> 01:07:23,840
Speaker 1: me a lot of how to to not take things

1323
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:26,040
Speaker 1: quite so personally. That note card in my car that says,

1324
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,000
Speaker 1: if I just show up, it's that that's enough. It's

1325
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,960
Speaker 1: about cycle bar. So you know what I saw in that,

1326
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:34,720
Speaker 1: And I saw the people that would continue to come

1327
01:07:34,720 --> 01:07:37,400
Speaker 1: and show up. And if we're talking about cycle bar

1328
01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:40,960
Speaker 1: like it's indoor cycling like in the world, but feels it,

1329
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:44,240
Speaker 1: but feel it because you're getting you're getting essentially judged,

1330
01:07:44,520 --> 01:07:47,360
Speaker 1: and if you're good enough, actually, if you're good enough,

1331
01:07:47,400 --> 01:07:52,040
Speaker 1: actually you're good at it. But what I saw in you,

1332
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:54,200
Speaker 1: because not a lot of people would put themselves through

1333
01:07:54,240 --> 01:07:56,480
Speaker 1: that over and over and over, what I saw in

1334
01:07:56,600 --> 01:07:58,600
Speaker 1: you and the people that continue to show up, was

1335
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:00,960
Speaker 1: I do believe it is of to be here? Yeah,

1336
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:03,920
Speaker 1: And I did, and somewhere in me I believed that

1337
01:08:04,000 --> 01:08:09,800
Speaker 1: I can do this, and miraculously I never doubted that,

1338
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:12,880
Speaker 1: which I think like the timing of it was interesting

1339
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:15,440
Speaker 1: starting therapy at the same time and having this process

1340
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:18,000
Speaker 1: of like going in and being like, Okay, what's true

1341
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:21,280
Speaker 1: about me today? Not about me is like a cycle

1342
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:25,120
Speaker 1: bar instructor this feedback that I got, but yeah, and

1343
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:28,000
Speaker 1: that's that is the flip side. That is the changing

1344
01:08:28,600 --> 01:08:32,559
Speaker 1: the belief about the negative belief. It comes from there's

1345
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:34,600
Speaker 1: something wrong with me, or I'm not good enough to

1346
01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:38,519
Speaker 1: I deserve to be here, yeah, or I deserve the

1347
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:40,680
Speaker 1: things that I desire. You don't know when you're going

1348
01:08:40,720 --> 01:08:42,080
Speaker 1: to get them. You did not know when you were

1349
01:08:42,080 --> 01:08:44,200
Speaker 1: going to be put on the schedule, but you knew

1350
01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:47,000
Speaker 1: that you deserved to have that. There's nothing wrong with you.

1351
01:08:47,240 --> 01:08:49,320
Speaker 1: You deserve the things that you desire in your heart.

1352
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,160
Speaker 1: You just don't know when you're gonna put on the stage.

1353
01:08:52,560 --> 01:08:56,840
Speaker 1: You're gonna be given whatever that is, and none of

1354
01:08:56,920 --> 01:09:00,479
Speaker 1: us know that. The lessons that I learned to be

1355
01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:04,280
Speaker 1: able to not take things personally, like in doing that

1356
01:09:04,360 --> 01:09:08,160
Speaker 1: and just like not that it wasn't personal, but to

1357
01:09:08,280 --> 01:09:11,800
Speaker 1: not let it define me. And like the process wasn't

1358
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:14,400
Speaker 1: going in your timeline because you didn't deserve it or

1359
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:16,160
Speaker 1: you weren't good enough to have it right. It was

1360
01:09:16,200 --> 01:09:17,920
Speaker 1: just the way it had to be, just the way

1361
01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:20,120
Speaker 1: to say anything with anything else. You can apply that

1362
01:09:20,200 --> 01:09:24,160
Speaker 1: to any part of your life. The process isn't this way.

1363
01:09:24,280 --> 01:09:27,000
Speaker 1: The process isn't going in this direction or taking this

1364
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:29,880
Speaker 1: amount of time because you don't deserve the things that

1365
01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:32,960
Speaker 1: you desire. It's just the way it needs to be.

1366
01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:35,799
Speaker 1: And we don't have the y to that. Oh my gosh,

1367
01:09:36,240 --> 01:09:38,200
Speaker 1: can I tell a story. I love the story. I

1368
01:09:38,280 --> 01:09:39,640
Speaker 1: tell it all the time, and then we have to

1369
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:43,559
Speaker 1: wrap this. I'm sorry, but please listen to my stor. Okay,

1370
01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:47,000
Speaker 1: so when I was in sixth grade. I just told

1371
01:09:47,040 --> 01:09:48,439
Speaker 1: you the story recently, but I do want to tell

1372
01:09:48,439 --> 01:09:52,519
Speaker 1: it one more time. Um. I I'm like a very

1373
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:54,160
Speaker 1: black and white person and I want to timeline and

1374
01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:57,080
Speaker 1: I want to understand like the reasons behind things. And

1375
01:09:57,120 --> 01:09:59,839
Speaker 1: I wrote a book report or something which I found

1376
01:10:00,120 --> 01:10:03,639
Speaker 1: ironically last week when I was home, and I remember

1377
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:05,360
Speaker 1: my teacher caming it back to me and it was

1378
01:10:05,400 --> 01:10:06,920
Speaker 1: a B and I was like, I don't get it.

1379
01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:09,240
Speaker 1: There's only one red mark on the paper. Like there's

1380
01:10:09,280 --> 01:10:12,240
Speaker 1: only one or two red marks, like you know, I

1381
01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:15,880
Speaker 1: did all of it right, and this these two marks,

1382
01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:17,599
Speaker 1: to me mean that it should be an A minus.

1383
01:10:17,680 --> 01:10:19,960
Speaker 1: It shouldn't be a B. And she was like, no,

1384
01:10:20,040 --> 01:10:22,840
Speaker 1: any like the paper itself as a B, Like it's

1385
01:10:22,880 --> 01:10:25,960
Speaker 1: a B paper. This is just how it is. It's

1386
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:29,160
Speaker 1: not that there's this many marks off and so it's

1387
01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:30,880
Speaker 1: a B. It's just the way that it's written in

1388
01:10:30,920 --> 01:10:33,679
Speaker 1: the context and all those things make it a B paper.

1389
01:10:34,280 --> 01:10:36,360
Speaker 1: And we talked about it. We always talked about this

1390
01:10:36,439 --> 01:10:39,840
Speaker 1: in so many different ways, Like in life, we want

1391
01:10:39,880 --> 01:10:42,240
Speaker 1: like the reason we want to know, like Okay, I

1392
01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:46,320
Speaker 1: messed up during that training and then that one specific

1393
01:10:46,360 --> 01:10:49,040
Speaker 1: time I messed that up, so I should have this

1394
01:10:49,120 --> 01:10:52,240
Speaker 1: many classes and go on the schedule here, and like

1395
01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:55,559
Speaker 1: there's so many other factors and play in life. It's

1396
01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:57,680
Speaker 1: not a formula with a date. He didn't call me

1397
01:10:57,720 --> 01:11:00,400
Speaker 1: back because I said this remark and he didn't like it,

1398
01:11:00,640 --> 01:11:02,760
Speaker 1: and I wore this shirt and he doesn't like that

1399
01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:06,200
Speaker 1: color and whatever, and like it really has so much

1400
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:08,479
Speaker 1: more to do with so many other factors in life,

1401
01:11:08,479 --> 01:11:11,000
Speaker 1: and so a lot of whatever a job doesn't work out,

1402
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:13,200
Speaker 1: our date doesn't work out like our my roommates and

1403
01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:15,040
Speaker 1: some of my best friends, we've kind of started to say, well,

1404
01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:16,760
Speaker 1: it's just to be paper. It just wasn't a fit.

1405
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:19,320
Speaker 1: It wasn't the right thing. It's not because you didn't

1406
01:11:19,320 --> 01:11:22,599
Speaker 1: work enough to do enough right. It's because it just wasn't.

1407
01:11:23,160 --> 01:11:26,920
Speaker 1: I love that meant to be. For lack of a

1408
01:11:26,920 --> 01:11:30,800
Speaker 1: better phrase, I guess it wasn't meant to be. But

1409
01:11:31,600 --> 01:11:34,920
Speaker 1: I do love that truly. Yeah, it's not like workspaced.

1410
01:11:34,960 --> 01:11:41,320
Speaker 1: I guess. Well, thank you, thank you to be a guest.

1411
01:11:41,600 --> 01:11:44,679
Speaker 1: And this is for the podcast, the New Year's episode,

1412
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:49,640
Speaker 1: by the way. Oh yeah, yeah, all right, I'm in

1413
01:11:50,280 --> 01:11:52,360
Speaker 1: um because it is the New year thing. The last

1414
01:11:52,400 --> 01:11:54,960
Speaker 1: thing I'm gonna ask you is what is when river

1415
01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:59,280
Speaker 1: you want to start creating in the New year for yourself? Oh? Man,

1416
01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:03,840
Speaker 1: this year, I hope, Oh my gosh. There's so many

1417
01:12:03,880 --> 01:12:06,040
Speaker 1: different things that I could say. Last year I said

1418
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:09,200
Speaker 1: like adventure and boldness. I'm not really looking for adventure

1419
01:12:09,320 --> 01:12:14,920
Speaker 1: boldness this year. Like I'm good. I'm good on the adventure. Um,

1420
01:12:15,040 --> 01:12:17,559
Speaker 1: give me, give me an example. What's your worst do

1421
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:20,720
Speaker 1: you have one? I think my my the river that

1422
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:23,400
Speaker 1: I wanna create is one I've been working on, and

1423
01:12:23,439 --> 01:12:27,439
Speaker 1: it is allowing myself to like slow down. I like that,

1424
01:12:27,520 --> 01:12:29,479
Speaker 1: and that just because I'm not doing something doesn't mean

1425
01:12:29,520 --> 01:12:32,320
Speaker 1: that I'm not. Like a lot of my story is

1426
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:34,040
Speaker 1: based on if I do X, Y and Z, people

1427
01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:36,240
Speaker 1: will want me more, and that's not true. And so

1428
01:12:36,439 --> 01:12:38,240
Speaker 1: my new river is like you can do nothing and

1429
01:12:38,240 --> 01:12:40,679
Speaker 1: people going still want you, want you. I think that's okay,

1430
01:12:41,280 --> 01:12:44,080
Speaker 1: you want mine, no, but I do. It does leave

1431
01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:46,000
Speaker 1: me to mind. I think that this year, I would

1432
01:12:46,040 --> 01:12:49,040
Speaker 1: like to see it as me making a lot more

1433
01:12:49,120 --> 01:12:54,320
Speaker 1: decisions based not like I don't want to sound selfish,

1434
01:12:54,360 --> 01:12:57,280
Speaker 1: but like making choices and decisions that I think are

1435
01:12:57,320 --> 01:13:03,320
Speaker 1: the best thing for me with like the others. Yeah,

1436
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:06,640
Speaker 1: here's like a tiny example and a lot of it

1437
01:13:06,680 --> 01:13:09,120
Speaker 1: honestly it ties into dating. But like I don't think

1438
01:13:09,160 --> 01:13:10,720
Speaker 1: this year is a year, but maybe it is, Like

1439
01:13:10,840 --> 01:13:13,400
Speaker 1: I'm ready to buy a house. I don't want to

1440
01:13:13,439 --> 01:13:15,559
Speaker 1: wait to buy a house until you have a husband,

1441
01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:18,160
Speaker 1: you know, and making decisions to travel and to do

1442
01:13:18,479 --> 01:13:20,360
Speaker 1: things for you that are for me and I'm not

1443
01:13:20,400 --> 01:13:23,000
Speaker 1: waiting on someone else or waiting on a friend or

1444
01:13:23,000 --> 01:13:25,600
Speaker 1: waiting on the right timing, but like making those decisions

1445
01:13:26,040 --> 01:13:31,760
Speaker 1: for me. Yeah, that's awesome. All right. Well that kind

1446
01:13:31,760 --> 01:13:37,360
Speaker 1: of wraps up our little episode. So many tangent. I

1447
01:13:37,360 --> 01:13:38,840
Speaker 1: mean we could. I could sit here and talk to

1448
01:13:38,840 --> 01:13:41,880
Speaker 1: you for eight hours. But happy New Year, Happy new Year. Yeah,

1449
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:47,360
Speaker 1: it's exciting, new decades, not just year. That's exciting. And

1450
01:13:48,520 --> 01:13:49,680
Speaker 1: f I I you don't need to go on a

1451
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:52,400
Speaker 1: diet tomorrow. Don't, don't do it. But do you sign

1452
01:13:52,439 --> 01:13:56,360
Speaker 1: up for sibal War just because we'll probably have a deal. Yeah,

1453
01:13:56,360 --> 01:14:03,639
Speaker 1: I'm all right. So I thanks you all for listening

1454
01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:06,120
Speaker 1: to another episode and taking time to hang out with

1455
01:14:06,160 --> 01:14:08,920
Speaker 1: me and my friend Annie. If there's one thing that

1456
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:12,240
Speaker 1: I was reminded through this conversation, it is that there

1457
01:14:12,320 --> 01:14:15,000
Speaker 1: is so much power in speaking your truth rather than

1458
01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:18,599
Speaker 1: holding it in. I always say, shame feeds off of silence,

1459
01:14:18,640 --> 01:14:20,559
Speaker 1: and we don't need to give our shame any more

1460
01:14:20,640 --> 01:14:23,920
Speaker 1: room to breathe and grow. So I encourage you guys

1461
01:14:23,920 --> 01:14:28,000
Speaker 1: again to reach out, start conversations um about this, if

1462
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:31,759
Speaker 1: you connected to anything, and again, it's okay to feel

1463
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,000
Speaker 1: some of this stuff. We're not looking for you to

1464
01:14:34,000 --> 01:14:36,280
Speaker 1: be perfect, We're just looking for people to be real.

1465
01:14:36,880 --> 01:14:40,280
Speaker 1: As always, I would be so grateful if you could rate, subscribe,

1466
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:42,840
Speaker 1: and leave a little comment below. I am a lover

1467
01:14:43,360 --> 01:14:46,680
Speaker 1: of feedback, good and not so good, So tell me

1468
01:14:46,720 --> 01:14:48,439
Speaker 1: what you want more of and tell me what's not

1469
01:14:48,479 --> 01:14:51,639
Speaker 1: working for you. I would love that you can also

1470
01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:54,920
Speaker 1: follow me at at three Chords Therapy and you can

1471
01:14:54,960 --> 01:14:58,639
Speaker 1: follow Annie at at Annie dot Reeves. I hope that

1472
01:14:59,040 --> 01:15:01,840
Speaker 1: you guys have a wonderful, wonderful rest of your week.

1473
01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:06,400
Speaker 1: Happiest of the new year to you, and please, for

1474
01:15:06,520 --> 01:15:11,000
Speaker 1: the love of Sweet Jesus who we just celebrated, remember

1475
01:15:11,479 --> 01:15:14,080
Speaker 1: you do not have to start a diet tomorrow. You

1476
01:15:14,200 --> 01:15:16,800
Speaker 1: don't need a detox from the holidays. You just need

1477
01:15:16,840 --> 01:15:19,040
Speaker 1: to show up. You just need to be honest. The

1478
01:15:19,080 --> 01:15:20,960
Speaker 1: people who are supposed to be in your life will

1479
01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:23,479
Speaker 1: be there, and the people who aren't will fade away.

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Speaker 1: I love you, guys, and I'll catch you in two

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Speaker 1: weeks