WEBVTT - My Bestie is Buggin 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.720 Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of our Heart 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:16.440 Radio and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're 0:00:16.480 --> 0:00:18.880 back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:21.919 reckless episode with your Girl just hilarious. First off, I 0:00:21.920 --> 0:00:24.759 want to say happy Holidays to all of my listeners. 0:00:24.800 --> 0:00:26.920 I love you guys so much. I'm happy that you 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:30.880 guys were able to grow with me as I've transformed 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:33.640 this podcast into a whole therapy session each and every week. 0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:35.279 I appreciate you all. I want to tell you all 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:37.760 that every time I get the chance to, we're gonna 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:41.159 jump right in because around the holidays people got more problems. 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:44.440 So we're just gonna listen to something. English is not 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:48.960 my native language, so you will know just my accent. 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:53.320 This is about my best friend of six years and more. 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:57.480 I love her so much, but recently I've been feeling 0:00:57.560 --> 0:01:00.920 a type of way about our friendship. We both live 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:04.560 in Germany, different cities now for about four years a 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:07.480 little bit more, but we have a lot of history together. 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:10.800 We see each other maybe three or four times a year, 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:16.080 and I love her so much, but I've been noticing 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:24.119 that our relationship only thrives on misery and particularly my misery. 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:27.520 I feel more comfortable coming to her with bad news 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:29.760 because she'll be there for me. And I know that 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:33.280 she will, and she has been there for me so 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:37.080 many times where nobody else could have helped me but her, 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:40.560 and I appreciate her for that, and I feel like 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:43.560 when I am going through bad situations, I get the 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:48.760 genuine type of her. Let's say, I feel her closeness 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:52.960 more than when I'm coming with good news. When I'm 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:56.640 sharing good news or like good things that happened to me, 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.920 I always kind of regretted afterwards. Do you know that 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:03.360 a feeling when you tell someone something good and they 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:06.560 give you like a very disappointing reaction, and you're like, 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:10.080 why did I just tell you that? This is exactly it. 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:15.200 The last situation, I was going through some stuff with 0:02:15.360 --> 0:02:19.280 a guy that I was dating, and I didn't like 0:02:19.400 --> 0:02:22.760 the way he treated her. Actually when we were going 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:27.000 out for dinner, and after the dinner, I was venting 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:30.400 to her that he was so disrespectful and that this 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:34.200 is very important for me that he treats my friends good, 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:37.720 you know, and respect my friends. And I was just 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:40.040 kind of venting and telling her like, this is a 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:44.760 definitely a no for me, and then I said a sorry, 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:48.320 I think I'm just ranting, and she said I enjoy it. 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:51.360 At that moment, I just felt like, what do you 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:54.200 mean you were enjoying it? What are you enjoying me 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:57.919 being disappointed at him, or me being hurt, or me 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:01.120 telling you that I'm about to bring up with this person, 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:06.680 or me feeling so frustrated. Is that something to enjoy? 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:09.239 I didn't say that, of course, but it just kind 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:13.600 of clicked in my head, like, Okay, I think something 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:17.240 is off here, and I kind of kept thinking about it. 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:21.359 Now I've been distancing myself. We used to call every weekend. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:25.679 I am kind of letting that go a little bit 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:28.480 for me to figure out exactly where I want to 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:32.000 go with this. I definitely don't want to lose her. 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:36.080 We were planning to meet in December for the Christmas, 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:39.960 but I kind of apologized and made other plans just 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:42.200 because I feel like I'm not ready to face that 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.760 or I feel like I'm in a good space right 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:47.920 now and I don't want it to blow up, you know, 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:50.280 or I don't want to I don't want to feel 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:54.160 like I have to hide myself or like not tell 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:57.600 about my life or keep the good things secret because 0:03:57.720 --> 0:04:00.480 I don't feel supported that way. And I just want 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:03.080 to say, agad, this is my best friend that I 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.600 don't want to lose and I just want to navigate 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:10.480 through this. And my question to you is what would 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:12.520 you do if you are in my place? And have 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:14.920 you ever been in a situation where you just did 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:17.160 not want to lose the person but you kind of 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:21.320 feel like maybe they're not for this phase, you know 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:24.960 what I mean. I chose to distance myself a little 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:27.839 bit till I figure it out, and I might figure 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:30.080 it out and I might not, And I'm just that's 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:32.599 why I'm a little bit like, ah, I need help. 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:35.720 What if I lose this person that I love so 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:38.840 much just because I'm not able to face her and 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:43.720 tell her. Girl, I need you to be happy for me, please, 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:46.760 as much as you are there for me when I'm 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.880 going through something bad, I want to be able to 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:55.440 come to you good news and not feel disappointed. Thank you, 0:04:55.600 --> 0:05:00.120 Jess for your time, for your wisdom. I hope I 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:04.039 hear an answer from you, but even if not, I 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:08.200 just love you so much and I'm so grateful for 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:12.719 your journey. Honestly, I've been big fan since long time, 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:17.200 and I kind of feel inspired by all of the 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:20.440 things that you went through and how you grew and everything. Anyways, 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:24.560 love you so much and hope to hear from you. Okay, so, 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:26.839 baby girl, are you actually gonna get some fixing of 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:31.320 the mess by just today? Because I think that um, 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:36.679 this friend. If I'm not wrong, and listeners, please write 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:38.480 me and let me know if y'all think what I'm 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:40.279 about to say. It's true about this friend that she 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:44.400 is having all of this who blow with? It could 0:05:44.400 --> 0:05:47.760 either be two things. She is either one obsessed with you. 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:51.719 Has she ever showed you feelings of attraction? Has she 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:54.240 ever acted as if she was attracted to you? Has 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:57.080 she ever acted as if she liked you a little 0:05:57.120 --> 0:05:59.600 bit more than a best friend? That could be happening. 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:03.559 Not to say that she's officially gay or she's into women. 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:06.560 She could literally just be only into you. That is 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:10.080 so possible. You know what happened to me. I am 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:12.120 not gay, and I don't think I ever was gay, 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:15.880 but I was interested and attracted to this one particular 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:19.000 female when I was younger, and I've never looked at 0:06:19.000 --> 0:06:21.359 any other women to be attracted to them or to 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:24.120 be intimate with them since then or before her, you know, 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:27.760 it was just only one woman that I've ever been 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:30.880 infatuated with in my whole life. So that's why I 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:33.000 say I'm not gay, because you know, obviously that thing 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.360 is over and I never looked at another woman again 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:39.800 in that sense. But maybe she is just very possessive 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:42.440 and obsessive with you. It could be either that or 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:46.080 her life is just so shitty or not going the 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:48.160 way that she wants it to go, so she thrives 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:52.279 off of others pain, off of others misery. It's generally 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.000 hard for those type of people to be genuinely happy 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:59.320 for someone else's success or for someone else's victory or 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.400 over coming hardships in their lives or anything like that. 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:05.520 You can't genuinely be happy for someone if you're not 0:07:05.560 --> 0:07:07.360 where you want to be and you let what you're 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:10.640 going through make you an envious person. I think she 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:13.880 envies anything that goes great for you if she's not 0:07:13.960 --> 0:07:16.520 a part of it, and then that could very well 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:19.040 be both things. She could be obsessed or and really 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:21.440 in love with you, and her life really isn't going 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:23.680 the way that she would want it to go. I 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:26.720 think you need to kind of distance yourself exactly what 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:28.880 you've been doing. I know you guys were supposed to 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:31.080 meet up for Christmas, like you said, but just something 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.600 in your mind is telling you something, and it could 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.440 be your woman's intuition telling you, look, no, don't even 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:38.560 do this, don't put yourself through this. It's the holiday. 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:41.440 Revisit this later. I think that's the best thing you do. 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:43.440 Not want her to mess up your holiday. You've got 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:45.400 some good ship going on, and you go tell her. 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:49.080 God knows she's not gonna be happy. But she literally 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:51.760 only thrives when you're going through ship. She loves for 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:54.200 you to need her. And the fact that you said 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:56.080 I just want to call her and be like I 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:58.080 need you, I need you, or you know, I wish 0:07:58.120 --> 0:07:59.480 I could call her and tell her I need you. 0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:02.000 That's what she wants to hear more than anything. You 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:04.560 understand what I'm saying. That's what she wants to hear. 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:08.200 People love for you to need them, and as a person, 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:11.640 we need other persons. You understand what I'm saying. Everybody 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:15.240 needs someone for many different reasons. However, I think this 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:18.760 situation can get a little dangerous. This sounds like a 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:22.800 fucking movie. I've watched movies like this, lifetime movies and 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:24.680 ship like that. But no, I think that she is 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:29.800 just really obsessed with you. Yes, distance yourself, and I 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:35.600 also think later this deserves some attention. This deserves a 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:38.840 conversation where you too, should go meet in public. Not 0:08:38.920 --> 0:08:40.960 that she's gonna kill you or anything, but I just 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:43.240 think in public you'll get a different response, or more 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:47.200 of a genuine response, because if you guys are alone, 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:50.360 I don't know, I think maybe it'll get very heated, 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:54.439 very intense, and in public. People generally act civilized more 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:57.080 in public, you know, than they would behind closed doors 0:08:57.160 --> 0:08:59.959 when it's just you too alone. So I would say 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:02.640 definitely deserves a conversation. This is your best friend, like 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:05.800 you said, of six years. That's a pretty long time 0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:08.440 for you guys to actually be good friends and to 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:11.160 know each other. And this seems to make you very uncomfortable. 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:12.440 I think you just need to sit down and talk 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:15.640 with her and tell her how you feel, exactly how 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:18.559 you feel. Don't sugarcoat it at all. Tell her because 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:22.520 she obviously tells you how she feels, and understand Before 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:24.679 I move on to the next story. I want you 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:29.280 to only take what I said about her being obsessed 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:32.160 with you or like secretly in love with you. I'm 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:35.280 just assuming that because the part where you said she 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:37.280 doesn't like you with any men like you know, she 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:40.120 tries to find something wrong about every guy you deal with. 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:43.800 And then also when the guy treated her a certain way, 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:47.040 or when you bought it to her attention that the 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:49.400 guy had piste you off or whatever that made her 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:51.360 feel good, she wanted you to get rid of him. 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:53.640 She doesn't want anybody else closer to you than her. 0:09:54.120 --> 0:09:55.959 I don't know if that's men or women, but if 0:09:55.960 --> 0:10:00.559 it's like men, that's an issue. Now. It's totally understandable 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:02.280 for women because I have a female best friend who 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:04.520 gets upset when I go around calling other people best friend, 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:06.920 and as she should, I don't get upset because she 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.480 don't do it. I do that. You know, I've adopted 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.200 best friends over the years, and where are they now? 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:15.560 Non existent? You know, I literally still just have two 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:18.319 best friends, my male best friend and my female best friend. 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:20.960 But the fact that she's like that even with men 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:24.080 like the opposite sex, and y'all two are not even 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:28.400 intimately involved that's so weird. That's a little too territorial 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:31.959 if you ask me, because sweetheart, why you ain't got 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:35.040 no damn man. If you're not lesbian, why the hell 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.880 don't you have a man the fuck? So Yeah, I 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:39.200 think you need to sit down with her and have 0:10:39.280 --> 0:10:42.480 their conversation, but definitely still distance yourself even if you 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:44.960 do miss her. I think it's bigger than you just 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:47.520 missing her. Y'all need to get down to the root 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:49.680 of why she is the way she is. Just check 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:52.679 back in with me, baby girl. And for you not 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:54.640 to be from here. I know you explained that you're 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:57.839 English was broken. I think you did pretty good. Now 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:00.160 we got a commercial and if you click off this part, okay, 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:02.240 if that's the way, I'm gonna beat your ways listen. 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:09.640 Now moving on this one is an update, let's hear it, Hi, Jess, 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:11.400 I wanted to do a follow up with you from 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:14.480 your December twenty one podcast episode. I was the woman 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:16.520 who was in the military that found out my ex 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:20.080 boyfriend was not a US citizen. I found out back 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:22.640 in May that he wasn't a citizen when I was 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.440 helping him apply for a job. We did not break 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:28.080 up until late November, so I tried to deal with 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:31.120 it for six months, like you had guests. He lived 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:33.200 in my house and I was paying all the bills 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:35.400 just so he could save up for an immigration lawyer 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.960 to take care of his citizenship. Another mistake on my 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:42.720 part as far as his family. They always made up 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:45.360 excuses when I would ask him to ask them to 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.720 meet up. All I'm busy with work, all I got 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:50.880 this going on. All I got that going on. Never 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:52.840 talked to them on the phone, never talked to them 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.360 on FaceTime. I did make him sure with the text though, 0:11:55.440 --> 0:12:00.319 like of him texting his family and their BS responses. Yeah, 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:02.000 they never found time. After a year and a half, 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:04.400 and that's when I finally kind of realized, you know, 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:06.440 is this how I want my future to be for 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:08.880 the rest of my life? Knowing that I'm only going 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:11.520 to be spending time with my family and being with 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:13.839 someone whose family never wants to meet me or give 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:17.160 me the time of day to even judge me. I 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:19.319 have a feeling it's because I'm not from his culture 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:22.080 and I already came into the relationship with two children. 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:25.920 But I am taking your advice and moving forward. I'm 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:28.920 in the military. I have a bachelor's degree. I do 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:31.880 know my worth. So thank you for all your advice. 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.880 And you couldn't be more right about like, ladies, you 0:12:34.920 --> 0:12:38.160 really don't know who you're laid up with. I mean, 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:39.800 I spent a year and a half of this person 0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:41.880 and had no idea that he wasn't even a citizen 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:45.120 of the US. And I really be on top of 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.720 my investigation ship sometimes so that that was such a 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:51.080 shock to me. And I think back, like what if 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.040 I would have gotten married to him, what if I 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:55.520 would have had a baby with him and then found 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:58.840 out such bad scenarios. It's like you said, a year 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.160 and a half is a long time, but it's not detrimental. 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:04.360 So I'm going to take your advice in the forward, 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:07.240 thank you for helping me with my mess. I'm so grateful. 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.520 I forgot to mention to you. I'm stationed here in Maryland, 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:12.840 so I hope to see you at a future show 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:17.679 and keep doing great things. Oh baby girl, Yes, you 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:19.360 got to come to the show. Girl, you gotta come 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:21.520 to show. I'm actually having a show at Constitution Hall 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:26.360 in d C on December thirty one, that's New Year's Eve. Girl, 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:29.160 come out and let your hair down and just have 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:33.880 a drink or two and enjoy the comedy. Is gonna 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:36.760 be me, de Ray, Ricky Smiley be someone. I don't 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:38.240 know if you're familiar with all of them, but they 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:41.000 are also phenomenal comics. We're just gonna give you all 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:43.400 a good show on New Year's Eve going into the 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:46.600 new year. All right, now for your update, baby girl, 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.360 I'm so glad. One thing I want to point out 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:52.040 to you. I don't want you to ever feel stupid 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:54.360 as a woman. You know, and like you said, you'd 0:13:54.360 --> 0:13:56.680 be on your investigation ship sometimes so you didn't even 0:13:56.679 --> 0:14:01.199 know how you missed it. Love, genuine love. I'm not 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:04.880 gonna even say you were blind, like no. Men are 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.040 so good at what they do, just like we are. 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:10.839 It was easy for you not to see it. I understand. 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.439 It's easy how you thought this man loved you and 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:15.840 not saying that he didn't. I believe that he actually 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:18.400 really could. I believe that he could have loved you 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:21.200 this a year and a half. There's no way humanly possible, 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:25.440 even if it is your motive to just receive a 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:29.600 fucking green card or citizenship or whatever, you naturally fall 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:32.400 in love with a person, or start loving a person, 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:37.000 being with them every day, getting to know them, actually 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:42.400 sharing experiences and good conversation and bondmanship like you actually 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:47.600 naturally just start loving a person. This is eighteen months, 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:50.560 so I don't want you to feel the least bit 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:53.000 of stupid or dumb or dent or whatever because you 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:56.480 didn't see this coming. It's okay. I just am happy 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.600 that you did get out when you did. Like you said, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:01.520 you could have had a child, You could have actually 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:03.960 married this man. You could have gotten pregnant. I ain't 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:06.400 trying to hear that ship about his fucking religion. And look, 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:10.600 I'm all for respecting everyone's religions and beliefs and morals 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:13.200 and all of that, but if it was such against 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:15.880 his fucking religion, he wouldn't have gone a year and 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:18.600 a half with you and your kids living there and 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:21.320 all that ship. He wouldn't have done that. His parents, 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:24.240 his family, they some bullshitters too. Like I said in 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:26.760 the previous episode when you first gave me your story, No, 0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:29.880 they were in on it. They know that their son 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:31.640 or whoever he you know. I don't know if you're 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:34.600 specifically talking about his parents, but you know they know 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:37.920 that their family member needs to be granted citizenship, and 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:42.560 so them foreigners baby listen, by any means possible, well, 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:44.800 they do what they have to do to be granted 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:48.520 citizenship because they don't want to go back to their country. 0:15:48.520 --> 0:15:49.920 They don't want you know what I'm saying, it should 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.520 we don't want to be over here, but you know whatever, 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:54.320 they want to come here, they want to live here. 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.720 Sometimes this is a better life for them over here. 0:15:56.760 --> 0:15:59.000 And I don't know how to fun, but this is 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.160 a better life for them. A lot of those people 0:16:01.200 --> 0:16:04.000 from other countries and ship, you know, so, by any 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:06.920 means necessary, they're gonna do everything that they can or 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:10.160 they feel is necessary to have a better life, even 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:13.760 if that is at the expense of another American because 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:15.360 a lot of them look at us like we already 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:17.280 got it. Look, they're living great. I want to go 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.200 live like them, even if it involves sucking us over. 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:22.480 A lot of foreigners look at us like the most 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.360 selfish country ever, and we are. So I don't ever 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:29.480 undermine how they feel about us. But your whole situation, 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:34.320 it was very petty and fucked up. I'm just glad 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:36.640 that you're gone. I'm glad that you did not have 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:39.760 any kids with this man. I'm so glad, and again 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:42.200 I thank you for giving me an update, because I 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:45.120 really was worried about you, girl, I really was. You know, 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:47.840 sometimes I read people's stories and a lot of them stick. 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:50.080 I'm not gonna say that some of them aren't important, 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:53.240 but some of them really really stick. And I'll go 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.240 to sleep thinking about some of you women and some 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:58.840 of you men that are really in these detrimental spaces 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.160 and in these situations, and it's like, yo, I know 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:04.359 these people need help more professional than me. But the 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:08.639 fact that they're even giving me the exposure of what 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:10.840 they're going through, y'all letting me in. I appreciate that 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:12.399 all the time. You know, I'm not here to make 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:14.119 fun of you. I'm not here to judge you. This 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:15.960 is a judge free zone. You know, this is a 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:19.240 safe space. I want people to know that I'm going 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:21.399 through shipped too. You know, I've gone through ship and 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:23.520 I know I'm gonna probably go through some more. That's 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:26.159 what happens. That's how you overcome obstacles. That's how you 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:30.440 become victorious. That's how you become resilient, and you stay resilient. 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:34.399 That's how you learn to endure anything. And that's also 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:38.399 how you learn to help others when you recognize something 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:40.600 that they're going through because you've been through it, or 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:43.119 you can relate to it, or you have seen it before. 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:46.439 So I appreciate you, girl. Hold up, Hold up, I 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:48.760 noticed ship getting good. But listen to just a couple 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:51.000 of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:56.160 Moving on third one, I'm gonna read before we get 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.760 out of here. I'm submitting my story and I don't 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.639 think anyone can fix this us at all, So why 0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:04.280 the hell are you writing me? Girl? My kid's dad 0:18:04.400 --> 0:18:07.280 is only top tier when we are fucking period. He 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:09.520 thinks he can just get whatever he wants regarding our 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:12.600 kids and disappear when he wants, pay what he wants, 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.520 get them when he wants, then throws court in my face. 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:18.480 He didn't been with multiple stalker women, women that have 0:18:18.640 --> 0:18:21.920 threatened my kids, and he continues to be a terror. 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:24.840 I want nothing more than for us to be friends 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:27.480 and raise our kids. He needs to hear how dumb 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:29.479 he is being. We used to be able to co 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.320 parent to a degree. Now it's all bad. I really 0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:35.160 need a phone conversation to provide detail, but we need 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:39.479 Jesus and a public eye. He yo, I might have 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:41.240 to bring yall on co parents and Therapy. Me and 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:44.199 Rome are actually starting up season two of Co Parenting 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:47.960 Therapy where we'll be sitting down with other couples, couples 0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:50.080 that are not trying to be together or no, they 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:52.679 can't be together, but they're still trying to create a 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:56.040 healthy environment to co parent with their children. So, if 0:18:56.040 --> 0:18:57.879 you have any submissions for that and you would like 0:18:57.920 --> 0:18:59.960 to appear on the show and you are in the 0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:02.840 DMV area, Even if you're not, still submit but if 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:04.679 you're in the d m V area, you could be 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:07.680 on the show within the next month or so and 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:12.040 it premiers only on YouTube. It will start like I said, January. 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:15.200 All right, now back to you, girl. This is just 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:18.360 a case of I love my baby mother. I'll never 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:20.920 let her go okay. And you know why. It's because 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:25.160 you still are periodically fucking him. Even if y'all don't 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:28.320 have that relationship with y'all fucking every day, he knows 0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:30.120 he can call you, he can get some or even 0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:32.600 if that's not the case, let me stop. Even when 0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:35.439 you want some, you'll call him and he come running. 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:39.199 That's actually bad. That's bad. You ain't supposed to be 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:41.760 doing that unless you're planning on being together. You ain't 0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:43.560 supposed to do that. Like you said, he's had multiple 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:45.159 women and all of that, that still ain't stop you 0:19:45.160 --> 0:19:48.240 from having sex with him. And it must be something really, 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:51.359 really really good about you. Baby, you're snapping turl and 0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:55.120 have an ask because he keeps coming back, and then 0:19:55.480 --> 0:19:59.520 it's causing him to act out even in parenting, when 0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:01.560 he can't it what you want from you, he takes 0:20:01.600 --> 0:20:03.880 it out on the kids, you know, like not getting them. 0:20:03.880 --> 0:20:05.159 I'm not saying beating on him and I'm like that 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:07.040 I'm sing, but not getting them and not doing what 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:09.040 he needs to do for them. And you know he 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:11.280 pays when he wants to pay for ship or he 0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:14.399 come gets them whenever he wants. That's because you haven't 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:19.680 completely cut him off from the cat. Once he realizes okay, 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:21.720 we can't be intimate, no more ashamed funk with me, 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:24.119 then maybe that's when he'll start getting it. This is 0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:28.040