Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of our Heart
Speaker 1: Radio and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're
Speaker 1: back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully
Speaker 1: reckless episode with your Girl just hilarious. First off, I
Speaker 1: want to say happy Holidays to all of my listeners.
Speaker 1: I love you guys so much. I'm happy that you
Speaker 1: guys were able to grow with me as I've transformed
Speaker 1: this podcast into a whole therapy session each and every week.
Speaker 1: I appreciate you all. I want to tell you all
Speaker 1: that every time I get the chance to, we're gonna
Speaker 1: jump right in because around the holidays people got more problems.
Speaker 1: So we're just gonna listen to something. English is not
Speaker 1: my native language, so you will know just my accent.
Speaker 1: This is about my best friend of six years and more.
Speaker 1: I love her so much, but recently I've been feeling
Speaker 1: a type of way about our friendship. We both live
Speaker 1: in Germany, different cities now for about four years a
Speaker 1: little bit more, but we have a lot of history together.
Speaker 1: We see each other maybe three or four times a year,
Speaker 1: and I love her so much, but I've been noticing
Speaker 1: that our relationship only thrives on misery and particularly my misery.
Speaker 1: I feel more comfortable coming to her with bad news
Speaker 1: because she'll be there for me. And I know that
Speaker 1: she will, and she has been there for me so
Speaker 1: many times where nobody else could have helped me but her,
Speaker 1: and I appreciate her for that, and I feel like
Speaker 1: when I am going through bad situations, I get the
Speaker 1: genuine type of her. Let's say, I feel her closeness
Speaker 1: more than when I'm coming with good news. When I'm
Speaker 1: sharing good news or like good things that happened to me,
Speaker 1: I always kind of regretted afterwards. Do you know that
Speaker 1: a feeling when you tell someone something good and they
Speaker 1: give you like a very disappointing reaction, and you're like,
Speaker 1: why did I just tell you that? This is exactly it.
Speaker 1: The last situation, I was going through some stuff with
Speaker 1: a guy that I was dating, and I didn't like
Speaker 1: the way he treated her. Actually when we were going
Speaker 1: out for dinner, and after the dinner, I was venting
Speaker 1: to her that he was so disrespectful and that this
Speaker 1: is very important for me that he treats my friends good,
Speaker 1: you know, and respect my friends. And I was just
Speaker 1: kind of venting and telling her like, this is a
Speaker 1: definitely a no for me, and then I said a sorry,
Speaker 1: I think I'm just ranting, and she said I enjoy it.
Speaker 1: At that moment, I just felt like, what do you
Speaker 1: mean you were enjoying it? What are you enjoying me
Speaker 1: being disappointed at him, or me being hurt, or me
Speaker 1: telling you that I'm about to bring up with this person,
Speaker 1: or me feeling so frustrated. Is that something to enjoy?
Speaker 1: I didn't say that, of course, but it just kind
Speaker 1: of clicked in my head, like, Okay, I think something
Speaker 1: is off here, and I kind of kept thinking about it.
Speaker 1: Now I've been distancing myself. We used to call every weekend.
Speaker 1: I am kind of letting that go a little bit
Speaker 1: for me to figure out exactly where I want to
Speaker 1: go with this. I definitely don't want to lose her.
Speaker 1: We were planning to meet in December for the Christmas,
Speaker 1: but I kind of apologized and made other plans just
Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm not ready to face that
Speaker 1: or I feel like I'm in a good space right
Speaker 1: now and I don't want it to blow up, you know,
Speaker 1: or I don't want to I don't want to feel
Speaker 1: like I have to hide myself or like not tell
Speaker 1: about my life or keep the good things secret because
Speaker 1: I don't feel supported that way. And I just want
Speaker 1: to say, agad, this is my best friend that I
Speaker 1: don't want to lose and I just want to navigate
Speaker 1: through this. And my question to you is what would
Speaker 1: you do if you are in my place? And have
Speaker 1: you ever been in a situation where you just did
Speaker 1: not want to lose the person but you kind of
Speaker 1: feel like maybe they're not for this phase, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. I chose to distance myself a little
Speaker 1: bit till I figure it out, and I might figure
Speaker 1: it out and I might not, And I'm just that's
Speaker 1: why I'm a little bit like, ah, I need help.
Speaker 1: What if I lose this person that I love so
Speaker 1: much just because I'm not able to face her and
Speaker 1: tell her. Girl, I need you to be happy for me, please,
Speaker 1: as much as you are there for me when I'm
Speaker 1: going through something bad, I want to be able to
Speaker 1: come to you good news and not feel disappointed. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Jess for your time, for your wisdom. I hope I
Speaker 1: hear an answer from you, but even if not, I
Speaker 1: just love you so much and I'm so grateful for
Speaker 1: your journey. Honestly, I've been big fan since long time,
Speaker 1: and I kind of feel inspired by all of the
Speaker 1: things that you went through and how you grew and everything. Anyways,
Speaker 1: love you so much and hope to hear from you. Okay, so,
Speaker 1: baby girl, are you actually gonna get some fixing of
Speaker 1: the mess by just today? Because I think that um,
Speaker 1: this friend. If I'm not wrong, and listeners, please write
Speaker 1: me and let me know if y'all think what I'm
Speaker 1: about to say. It's true about this friend that she
Speaker 1: is having all of this who blow with? It could
Speaker 1: either be two things. She is either one obsessed with you.
Speaker 1: Has she ever showed you feelings of attraction? Has she
Speaker 1: ever acted as if she was attracted to you? Has
Speaker 1: she ever acted as if she liked you a little
Speaker 1: bit more than a best friend? That could be happening.
Speaker 1: Not to say that she's officially gay or she's into women.
Speaker 1: She could literally just be only into you. That is
Speaker 1: so possible. You know what happened to me. I am
Speaker 1: not gay, and I don't think I ever was gay,
Speaker 1: but I was interested and attracted to this one particular
Speaker 1: female when I was younger, and I've never looked at
Speaker 1: any other women to be attracted to them or to
Speaker 1: be intimate with them since then or before her, you know,
Speaker 1: it was just only one woman that I've ever been
Speaker 1: infatuated with in my whole life. So that's why I
Speaker 1: say I'm not gay, because you know, obviously that thing
Speaker 1: is over and I never looked at another woman again
Speaker 1: in that sense. But maybe she is just very possessive
Speaker 1: and obsessive with you. It could be either that or
Speaker 1: her life is just so shitty or not going the
Speaker 1: way that she wants it to go, so she thrives
Speaker 1: off of others pain, off of others misery. It's generally
Speaker 1: hard for those type of people to be genuinely happy
Speaker 1: for someone else's success or for someone else's victory or
Speaker 1: over coming hardships in their lives or anything like that.
Speaker 1: You can't genuinely be happy for someone if you're not
Speaker 1: where you want to be and you let what you're
Speaker 1: going through make you an envious person. I think she
Speaker 1: envies anything that goes great for you if she's not
Speaker 1: a part of it, and then that could very well
Speaker 1: be both things. She could be obsessed or and really
Speaker 1: in love with you, and her life really isn't going
Speaker 1: the way that she would want it to go. I
Speaker 1: think you need to kind of distance yourself exactly what
Speaker 1: you've been doing. I know you guys were supposed to
Speaker 1: meet up for Christmas, like you said, but just something
Speaker 1: in your mind is telling you something, and it could
Speaker 1: be your woman's intuition telling you, look, no, don't even
Speaker 1: do this, don't put yourself through this. It's the holiday.
Speaker 1: Revisit this later. I think that's the best thing you do.
Speaker 1: Not want her to mess up your holiday. You've got
Speaker 1: some good ship going on, and you go tell her.
Speaker 1: God knows she's not gonna be happy. But she literally
Speaker 1: only thrives when you're going through ship. She loves for
Speaker 1: you to need her. And the fact that you said
Speaker 1: I just want to call her and be like I
Speaker 1: need you, I need you, or you know, I wish
Speaker 1: I could call her and tell her I need you.
Speaker 1: That's what she wants to hear more than anything. You
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying. That's what she wants to hear.
Speaker 1: People love for you to need them, and as a person,
Speaker 1: we need other persons. You understand what I'm saying. Everybody
Speaker 1: needs someone for many different reasons. However, I think this
Speaker 1: situation can get a little dangerous. This sounds like a
Speaker 1: fucking movie. I've watched movies like this, lifetime movies and
Speaker 1: ship like that. But no, I think that she is
Speaker 1: just really obsessed with you. Yes, distance yourself, and I
Speaker 1: also think later this deserves some attention. This deserves a
Speaker 1: conversation where you too, should go meet in public. Not
Speaker 1: that she's gonna kill you or anything, but I just
Speaker 1: think in public you'll get a different response, or more
Speaker 1: of a genuine response, because if you guys are alone,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I think maybe it'll get very heated,
Speaker 1: very intense, and in public. People generally act civilized more
Speaker 1: in public, you know, than they would behind closed doors
Speaker 1: when it's just you too alone. So I would say
Speaker 1: definitely deserves a conversation. This is your best friend, like
Speaker 1: you said, of six years. That's a pretty long time
Speaker 1: for you guys to actually be good friends and to
Speaker 1: know each other. And this seems to make you very uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I think you just need to sit down and talk
Speaker 1: with her and tell her how you feel, exactly how
Speaker 1: you feel. Don't sugarcoat it at all. Tell her because
Speaker 1: she obviously tells you how she feels, and understand Before
Speaker 1: I move on to the next story. I want you
Speaker 1: to only take what I said about her being obsessed
Speaker 1: with you or like secretly in love with you. I'm
Speaker 1: just assuming that because the part where you said she
Speaker 1: doesn't like you with any men like you know, she
Speaker 1: tries to find something wrong about every guy you deal with.
Speaker 1: And then also when the guy treated her a certain way,
Speaker 1: or when you bought it to her attention that the
Speaker 1: guy had piste you off or whatever that made her
Speaker 1: feel good, she wanted you to get rid of him.
Speaker 1: She doesn't want anybody else closer to you than her.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's men or women, but if
Speaker 1: it's like men, that's an issue. Now. It's totally understandable
Speaker 1: for women because I have a female best friend who
Speaker 1: gets upset when I go around calling other people best friend,
Speaker 1: and as she should, I don't get upset because she
Speaker 1: don't do it. I do that. You know, I've adopted
Speaker 1: best friends over the years, and where are they now?
Speaker 1: Non existent? You know, I literally still just have two
Speaker 1: best friends, my male best friend and my female best friend.
Speaker 1: But the fact that she's like that even with men
Speaker 1: like the opposite sex, and y'all two are not even
Speaker 1: intimately involved that's so weird. That's a little too territorial
Speaker 1: if you ask me, because sweetheart, why you ain't got
Speaker 1: no damn man. If you're not lesbian, why the hell
Speaker 1: don't you have a man the fuck? So Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think you need to sit down with her and have
Speaker 1: their conversation, but definitely still distance yourself even if you
Speaker 1: do miss her. I think it's bigger than you just
Speaker 1: missing her. Y'all need to get down to the root
Speaker 1: of why she is the way she is. Just check
Speaker 1: back in with me, baby girl. And for you not
Speaker 1: to be from here. I know you explained that you're
Speaker 1: English was broken. I think you did pretty good. Now
Speaker 1: we got a commercial and if you click off this part, okay,
Speaker 1: if that's the way, I'm gonna beat your ways listen.
Speaker 1: Now moving on this one is an update, let's hear it, Hi, Jess,
Speaker 1: I wanted to do a follow up with you from
Speaker 1: your December twenty one podcast episode. I was the woman
Speaker 1: who was in the military that found out my ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend was not a US citizen. I found out back
Speaker 1: in May that he wasn't a citizen when I was
Speaker 1: helping him apply for a job. We did not break
Speaker 1: up until late November, so I tried to deal with
Speaker 1: it for six months, like you had guests. He lived
Speaker 1: in my house and I was paying all the bills
Speaker 1: just so he could save up for an immigration lawyer
Speaker 1: to take care of his citizenship. Another mistake on my
Speaker 1: part as far as his family. They always made up
Speaker 1: excuses when I would ask him to ask them to
Speaker 1: meet up. All I'm busy with work, all I got
Speaker 1: this going on. All I got that going on. Never
Speaker 1: talked to them on the phone, never talked to them
Speaker 1: on FaceTime. I did make him sure with the text though,
Speaker 1: like of him texting his family and their BS responses. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they never found time. After a year and a half,
Speaker 1: and that's when I finally kind of realized, you know,
Speaker 1: is this how I want my future to be for
Speaker 1: the rest of my life? Knowing that I'm only going
Speaker 1: to be spending time with my family and being with
Speaker 1: someone whose family never wants to meet me or give
Speaker 1: me the time of day to even judge me. I
Speaker 1: have a feeling it's because I'm not from his culture
Speaker 1: and I already came into the relationship with two children.
Speaker 1: But I am taking your advice and moving forward. I'm
Speaker 1: in the military. I have a bachelor's degree. I do
Speaker 1: know my worth. So thank you for all your advice.
Speaker 1: And you couldn't be more right about like, ladies, you
Speaker 1: really don't know who you're laid up with. I mean,
Speaker 1: I spent a year and a half of this person
Speaker 1: and had no idea that he wasn't even a citizen
Speaker 1: of the US. And I really be on top of
Speaker 1: my investigation ship sometimes so that that was such a
Speaker 1: shock to me. And I think back, like what if
Speaker 1: I would have gotten married to him, what if I
Speaker 1: would have had a baby with him and then found
Speaker 1: out such bad scenarios. It's like you said, a year
Speaker 1: and a half is a long time, but it's not detrimental.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to take your advice in the forward,
Speaker 1: thank you for helping me with my mess. I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1: I forgot to mention to you. I'm stationed here in Maryland,
Speaker 1: so I hope to see you at a future show
Speaker 1: and keep doing great things. Oh baby girl, Yes, you
Speaker 1: got to come to the show. Girl, you gotta come
Speaker 1: to show. I'm actually having a show at Constitution Hall
Speaker 1: in d C on December thirty one, that's New Year's Eve. Girl,
Speaker 1: come out and let your hair down and just have
Speaker 1: a drink or two and enjoy the comedy. Is gonna
Speaker 1: be me, de Ray, Ricky Smiley be someone. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you're familiar with all of them, but they
Speaker 1: are also phenomenal comics. We're just gonna give you all
Speaker 1: a good show on New Year's Eve going into the
Speaker 1: new year. All right, now for your update, baby girl,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad. One thing I want to point out
Speaker 1: to you. I don't want you to ever feel stupid
Speaker 1: as a woman. You know, and like you said, you'd
Speaker 1: be on your investigation ship sometimes so you didn't even
Speaker 1: know how you missed it. Love, genuine love. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna even say you were blind, like no. Men are
Speaker 1: so good at what they do, just like we are.
Speaker 1: It was easy for you not to see it. I understand.
Speaker 1: It's easy how you thought this man loved you and
Speaker 1: not saying that he didn't. I believe that he actually
Speaker 1: really could. I believe that he could have loved you
Speaker 1: this a year and a half. There's no way humanly possible,
Speaker 1: even if it is your motive to just receive a
Speaker 1: fucking green card or citizenship or whatever, you naturally fall
Speaker 1: in love with a person, or start loving a person,
Speaker 1: being with them every day, getting to know them, actually
Speaker 1: sharing experiences and good conversation and bondmanship like you actually
Speaker 1: naturally just start loving a person. This is eighteen months,
Speaker 1: so I don't want you to feel the least bit
Speaker 1: of stupid or dumb or dent or whatever because you
Speaker 1: didn't see this coming. It's okay. I just am happy
Speaker 1: that you did get out when you did. Like you said,
Speaker 1: you could have had a child, You could have actually
Speaker 1: married this man. You could have gotten pregnant. I ain't
Speaker 1: trying to hear that ship about his fucking religion. And look,
Speaker 1: I'm all for respecting everyone's religions and beliefs and morals
Speaker 1: and all of that, but if it was such against
Speaker 1: his fucking religion, he wouldn't have gone a year and
Speaker 1: a half with you and your kids living there and
Speaker 1: all that ship. He wouldn't have done that. His parents,
Speaker 1: his family, they some bullshitters too. Like I said in
Speaker 1: the previous episode when you first gave me your story, No,
Speaker 1: they were in on it. They know that their son
Speaker 1: or whoever he you know. I don't know if you're
Speaker 1: specifically talking about his parents, but you know they know
Speaker 1: that their family member needs to be granted citizenship, and
Speaker 1: so them foreigners baby listen, by any means possible, well,
Speaker 1: they do what they have to do to be granted
Speaker 1: citizenship because they don't want to go back to their country.
Speaker 1: They don't want you know what I'm saying, it should
Speaker 1: we don't want to be over here, but you know whatever,
Speaker 1: they want to come here, they want to live here.
Speaker 1: Sometimes this is a better life for them over here.
Speaker 1: And I don't know how to fun, but this is
Speaker 1: a better life for them. A lot of those people
Speaker 1: from other countries and ship, you know, so, by any
Speaker 1: means necessary, they're gonna do everything that they can or
Speaker 1: they feel is necessary to have a better life, even
Speaker 1: if that is at the expense of another American because
Speaker 1: a lot of them look at us like we already
Speaker 1: got it. Look, they're living great. I want to go
Speaker 1: live like them, even if it involves sucking us over.
Speaker 1: A lot of foreigners look at us like the most
Speaker 1: selfish country ever, and we are. So I don't ever
Speaker 1: undermine how they feel about us. But your whole situation,
Speaker 1: it was very petty and fucked up. I'm just glad
Speaker 1: that you're gone. I'm glad that you did not have
Speaker 1: any kids with this man. I'm so glad, and again
Speaker 1: I thank you for giving me an update, because I
Speaker 1: really was worried about you, girl, I really was. You know,
Speaker 1: sometimes I read people's stories and a lot of them stick.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say that some of them aren't important,
Speaker 1: but some of them really really stick. And I'll go
Speaker 1: to sleep thinking about some of you women and some
Speaker 1: of you men that are really in these detrimental spaces
Speaker 1: and in these situations, and it's like, yo, I know
Speaker 1: these people need help more professional than me. But the
Speaker 1: fact that they're even giving me the exposure of what
Speaker 1: they're going through, y'all letting me in. I appreciate that
Speaker 1: all the time. You know, I'm not here to make
Speaker 1: fun of you. I'm not here to judge you. This
Speaker 1: is a judge free zone. You know, this is a
Speaker 1: safe space. I want people to know that I'm going
Speaker 1: through shipped too. You know, I've gone through ship and
Speaker 1: I know I'm gonna probably go through some more. That's
Speaker 1: what happens. That's how you overcome obstacles. That's how you
Speaker 1: become victorious. That's how you become resilient, and you stay resilient.
Speaker 1: That's how you learn to endure anything. And that's also
Speaker 1: how you learn to help others when you recognize something
Speaker 1: that they're going through because you've been through it, or
Speaker 1: you can relate to it, or you have seen it before.
Speaker 1: So I appreciate you, girl. Hold up, Hold up, I
Speaker 1: noticed ship getting good. But listen to just a couple
Speaker 1: of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1: Moving on third one, I'm gonna read before we get
Speaker 1: out of here. I'm submitting my story and I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone can fix this us at all, So why
Speaker 1: the hell are you writing me? Girl? My kid's dad
Speaker 1: is only top tier when we are fucking period. He
Speaker 1: thinks he can just get whatever he wants regarding our
Speaker 1: kids and disappear when he wants, pay what he wants,
Speaker 1: get them when he wants, then throws court in my face.
Speaker 1: He didn't been with multiple stalker women, women that have
Speaker 1: threatened my kids, and he continues to be a terror.
Speaker 1: I want nothing more than for us to be friends
Speaker 1: and raise our kids. He needs to hear how dumb
Speaker 1: he is being. We used to be able to co
Speaker 1: parent to a degree. Now it's all bad. I really
Speaker 1: need a phone conversation to provide detail, but we need
Speaker 1: Jesus and a public eye. He yo, I might have
Speaker 1: to bring yall on co parents and Therapy. Me and
Speaker 1: Rome are actually starting up season two of Co Parenting
Speaker 1: Therapy where we'll be sitting down with other couples, couples
Speaker 1: that are not trying to be together or no, they
Speaker 1: can't be together, but they're still trying to create a
Speaker 1: healthy environment to co parent with their children. So, if
Speaker 1: you have any submissions for that and you would like
Speaker 1: to appear on the show and you are in the
Speaker 1: DMV area, Even if you're not, still submit but if
Speaker 1: you're in the d m V area, you could be
Speaker 1: on the show within the next month or so and
Speaker 1: it premiers only on YouTube. It will start like I said, January.
Speaker 1: All right, now back to you, girl. This is just
Speaker 1: a case of I love my baby mother. I'll never
Speaker 1: let her go okay. And you know why. It's because
Speaker 1: you still are periodically fucking him. Even if y'all don't
Speaker 1: have that relationship with y'all fucking every day, he knows
Speaker 1: he can call you, he can get some or even
Speaker 1: if that's not the case, let me stop. Even when
Speaker 1: you want some, you'll call him and he come running.
Speaker 1: That's actually bad. That's bad. You ain't supposed to be
Speaker 1: doing that unless you're planning on being together. You ain't
Speaker 1: supposed to do that. Like you said, he's had multiple
Speaker 1: women and all of that, that still ain't stop you
Speaker 1: from having sex with him. And it must be something really,
Speaker 1: really really good about you. Baby, you're snapping turl and
Speaker 1: have an ask because he keeps coming back, and then
Speaker 1: it's causing him to act out even in parenting, when
Speaker 1: he can't it what you want from you, he takes
Speaker 1: it out on the kids, you know, like not getting them.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying beating on him and I'm like that
Speaker 1: I'm sing, but not getting them and not doing what
Speaker 1: he needs to do for them. And you know he
Speaker 1: pays when he wants to pay for ship or he
Speaker 1: come gets them whenever he wants. That's because you haven't
Speaker 1: completely cut him off from the cat. Once he realizes okay,
Speaker 1: we can't be intimate, no more ashamed funk with me,
Speaker 1: then maybe that's when he'll start getting it. This is
Speaker 1: strictly about the kids, but you have to set that boundary.
Speaker 1: This is strictly about our children. We have to raise them.
Speaker 1: As effectively as as we can. We cannot confuse them.
Speaker 1: Mommy and daddy ain't together, but Daddy come over here
Speaker 1: every Friday night, stay to night in Mommy's room. What
Speaker 1: the hell is going on? And then when we're with
Speaker 1: daddy we see other women, we get threatened by other women.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, cut that nigga off and just
Speaker 1: make him a co parent. That's it. And I mean
Speaker 1: that girl checked back in with me. And just like that,
Speaker 1: we come to the end of another Carefully Reckless session
Speaker 1: with your girl. Just hilarious. Make sure you submit, like
Speaker 1: I said, your copy warranting inquiries to the co Parents
Speaker 1: and Therapy page and send send send your stories here
Speaker 1: on the Carefully Reckless page. Tune into Reckless Discussions, Tune
Speaker 1: and tune in age and every Wednesday at seven pm
Speaker 1: only on YouTube, and then my deepest paying boys piece.
Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and
Speaker 1: The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.