1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of our Heart 2 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:16,440 Speaker 1: Radio and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're 3 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully 4 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,919 Speaker 1: reckless episode with your Girl just hilarious. First off, I 5 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 1: want to say happy Holidays to all of my listeners. 6 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: I love you guys so much. I'm happy that you 7 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: guys were able to grow with me as I've transformed 8 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,640 Speaker 1: this podcast into a whole therapy session each and every week. 9 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,279 Speaker 1: I appreciate you all. I want to tell you all 10 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: that every time I get the chance to, we're gonna 11 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,159 Speaker 1: jump right in because around the holidays people got more problems. 12 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,440 Speaker 1: So we're just gonna listen to something. English is not 13 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 1: my native language, so you will know just my accent. 14 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 1: This is about my best friend of six years and more. 15 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: I love her so much, but recently I've been feeling 16 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,920 Speaker 1: a type of way about our friendship. We both live 17 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: in Germany, different cities now for about four years a 18 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: little bit more, but we have a lot of history together. 19 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: We see each other maybe three or four times a year, 20 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: and I love her so much, but I've been noticing 21 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:24,119 Speaker 1: that our relationship only thrives on misery and particularly my misery. 22 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: I feel more comfortable coming to her with bad news 23 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 1: because she'll be there for me. And I know that 24 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 1: she will, and she has been there for me so 25 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: many times where nobody else could have helped me but her, 26 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: and I appreciate her for that, and I feel like 27 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: when I am going through bad situations, I get the 28 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 1: genuine type of her. Let's say, I feel her closeness 29 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: more than when I'm coming with good news. When I'm 30 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 1: sharing good news or like good things that happened to me, 31 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: I always kind of regretted afterwards. Do you know that 32 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: a feeling when you tell someone something good and they 33 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 1: give you like a very disappointing reaction, and you're like, 34 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: why did I just tell you that? This is exactly it. 35 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: The last situation, I was going through some stuff with 36 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: a guy that I was dating, and I didn't like 37 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: the way he treated her. Actually when we were going 38 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: out for dinner, and after the dinner, I was venting 39 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: to her that he was so disrespectful and that this 40 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,200 Speaker 1: is very important for me that he treats my friends good, 41 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: you know, and respect my friends. And I was just 42 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: kind of venting and telling her like, this is a 43 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: definitely a no for me, and then I said a sorry, 44 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: I think I'm just ranting, and she said I enjoy it. 45 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,360 Speaker 1: At that moment, I just felt like, what do you 46 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 1: mean you were enjoying it? What are you enjoying me 47 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 1: being disappointed at him, or me being hurt, or me 48 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: telling you that I'm about to bring up with this person, 49 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: or me feeling so frustrated. Is that something to enjoy? 50 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,239 Speaker 1: I didn't say that, of course, but it just kind 51 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: of clicked in my head, like, Okay, I think something 52 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: is off here, and I kind of kept thinking about it. 53 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:21,359 Speaker 1: Now I've been distancing myself. We used to call every weekend. 54 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:25,679 Speaker 1: I am kind of letting that go a little bit 55 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 1: for me to figure out exactly where I want to 56 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: go with this. I definitely don't want to lose her. 57 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: We were planning to meet in December for the Christmas, 58 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 1: but I kind of apologized and made other plans just 59 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 1: because I feel like I'm not ready to face that 60 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 1: or I feel like I'm in a good space right 61 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: now and I don't want it to blow up, you know, 62 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: or I don't want to I don't want to feel 63 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: like I have to hide myself or like not tell 64 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: about my life or keep the good things secret because 65 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: I don't feel supported that way. And I just want 66 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 1: to say, agad, this is my best friend that I 67 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: don't want to lose and I just want to navigate 68 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: through this. And my question to you is what would 69 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,520 Speaker 1: you do if you are in my place? And have 70 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: you ever been in a situation where you just did 71 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,160 Speaker 1: not want to lose the person but you kind of 72 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: feel like maybe they're not for this phase, you know 73 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: what I mean. I chose to distance myself a little 74 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: bit till I figure it out, and I might figure 75 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 1: it out and I might not, And I'm just that's 76 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,599 Speaker 1: why I'm a little bit like, ah, I need help. 77 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 1: What if I lose this person that I love so 78 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 1: much just because I'm not able to face her and 79 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 1: tell her. Girl, I need you to be happy for me, please, 80 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: as much as you are there for me when I'm 81 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 1: going through something bad, I want to be able to 82 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: come to you good news and not feel disappointed. Thank you, 83 00:04:55,600 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 1: Jess for your time, for your wisdom. I hope I 84 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 1: hear an answer from you, but even if not, I 85 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: just love you so much and I'm so grateful for 86 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: your journey. Honestly, I've been big fan since long time, 87 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: and I kind of feel inspired by all of the 88 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: things that you went through and how you grew and everything. Anyways, 89 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 1: love you so much and hope to hear from you. Okay, so, 90 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 1: baby girl, are you actually gonna get some fixing of 91 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: the mess by just today? Because I think that um, 92 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:36,679 Speaker 1: this friend. If I'm not wrong, and listeners, please write 93 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 1: me and let me know if y'all think what I'm 94 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,279 Speaker 1: about to say. It's true about this friend that she 95 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: is having all of this who blow with? It could 96 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 1: either be two things. She is either one obsessed with you. 97 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: Has she ever showed you feelings of attraction? Has she 98 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 1: ever acted as if she was attracted to you? Has 99 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: she ever acted as if she liked you a little 100 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 1: bit more than a best friend? That could be happening. 101 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:03,559 Speaker 1: Not to say that she's officially gay or she's into women. 102 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,560 Speaker 1: She could literally just be only into you. That is 103 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 1: so possible. You know what happened to me. I am 104 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: not gay, and I don't think I ever was gay, 105 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 1: but I was interested and attracted to this one particular 106 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: female when I was younger, and I've never looked at 107 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,359 Speaker 1: any other women to be attracted to them or to 108 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 1: be intimate with them since then or before her, you know, 109 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 1: it was just only one woman that I've ever been 110 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 1: infatuated with in my whole life. So that's why I 111 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 1: say I'm not gay, because you know, obviously that thing 112 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 1: is over and I never looked at another woman again 113 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: in that sense. But maybe she is just very possessive 114 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 1: and obsessive with you. It could be either that or 115 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: her life is just so shitty or not going the 116 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 1: way that she wants it to go, so she thrives 117 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,279 Speaker 1: off of others pain, off of others misery. It's generally 118 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: hard for those type of people to be genuinely happy 119 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: for someone else's success or for someone else's victory or 120 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: over coming hardships in their lives or anything like that. 121 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 1: You can't genuinely be happy for someone if you're not 122 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 1: where you want to be and you let what you're 123 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: going through make you an envious person. I think she 124 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: envies anything that goes great for you if she's not 125 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: a part of it, and then that could very well 126 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: be both things. She could be obsessed or and really 127 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,440 Speaker 1: in love with you, and her life really isn't going 128 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 1: the way that she would want it to go. I 129 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: think you need to kind of distance yourself exactly what 130 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 1: you've been doing. I know you guys were supposed to 131 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: meet up for Christmas, like you said, but just something 132 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 1: in your mind is telling you something, and it could 133 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: be your woman's intuition telling you, look, no, don't even 134 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: do this, don't put yourself through this. It's the holiday. 135 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: Revisit this later. I think that's the best thing you do. 136 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: Not want her to mess up your holiday. You've got 137 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: some good ship going on, and you go tell her. 138 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: God knows she's not gonna be happy. But she literally 139 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: only thrives when you're going through ship. She loves for 140 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 1: you to need her. And the fact that you said 141 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: I just want to call her and be like I 142 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 1: need you, I need you, or you know, I wish 143 00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: I could call her and tell her I need you. 144 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: That's what she wants to hear more than anything. You 145 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying. That's what she wants to hear. 146 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 1: People love for you to need them, and as a person, 147 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 1: we need other persons. You understand what I'm saying. Everybody 148 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 1: needs someone for many different reasons. However, I think this 149 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: situation can get a little dangerous. This sounds like a 150 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 1: fucking movie. I've watched movies like this, lifetime movies and 151 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: ship like that. But no, I think that she is 152 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: just really obsessed with you. Yes, distance yourself, and I 153 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: also think later this deserves some attention. This deserves a 154 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 1: conversation where you too, should go meet in public. Not 155 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,960 Speaker 1: that she's gonna kill you or anything, but I just 156 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: think in public you'll get a different response, or more 157 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 1: of a genuine response, because if you guys are alone, 158 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: I don't know, I think maybe it'll get very heated, 159 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:54,439 Speaker 1: very intense, and in public. People generally act civilized more 160 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,080 Speaker 1: in public, you know, than they would behind closed doors 161 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,959 Speaker 1: when it's just you too alone. So I would say 162 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: definitely deserves a conversation. This is your best friend, like 163 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: you said, of six years. That's a pretty long time 164 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 1: for you guys to actually be good friends and to 165 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: know each other. And this seems to make you very uncomfortable. 166 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 1: I think you just need to sit down and talk 167 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 1: with her and tell her how you feel, exactly how 168 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:18,559 Speaker 1: you feel. Don't sugarcoat it at all. Tell her because 169 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 1: she obviously tells you how she feels, and understand Before 170 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:24,679 Speaker 1: I move on to the next story. I want you 171 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: to only take what I said about her being obsessed 172 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 1: with you or like secretly in love with you. I'm 173 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: just assuming that because the part where you said she 174 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 1: doesn't like you with any men like you know, she 175 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,120 Speaker 1: tries to find something wrong about every guy you deal with. 176 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: And then also when the guy treated her a certain way, 177 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: or when you bought it to her attention that the 178 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 1: guy had piste you off or whatever that made her 179 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: feel good, she wanted you to get rid of him. 180 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 1: She doesn't want anybody else closer to you than her. 181 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,959 Speaker 1: I don't know if that's men or women, but if 182 00:09:55,960 --> 00:10:00,559 Speaker 1: it's like men, that's an issue. Now. It's totally understandable 183 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 1: for women because I have a female best friend who 184 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: gets upset when I go around calling other people best friend, 185 00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:06,920 Speaker 1: and as she should, I don't get upset because she 186 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: don't do it. I do that. You know, I've adopted 187 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,200 Speaker 1: best friends over the years, and where are they now? 188 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,560 Speaker 1: Non existent? You know, I literally still just have two 189 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,319 Speaker 1: best friends, my male best friend and my female best friend. 190 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,960 Speaker 1: But the fact that she's like that even with men 191 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,080 Speaker 1: like the opposite sex, and y'all two are not even 192 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: intimately involved that's so weird. That's a little too territorial 193 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,959 Speaker 1: if you ask me, because sweetheart, why you ain't got 194 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: no damn man. If you're not lesbian, why the hell 195 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,880 Speaker 1: don't you have a man the fuck? So Yeah, I 196 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,200 Speaker 1: think you need to sit down with her and have 197 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: their conversation, but definitely still distance yourself even if you 198 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,960 Speaker 1: do miss her. I think it's bigger than you just 199 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: missing her. Y'all need to get down to the root 200 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,680 Speaker 1: of why she is the way she is. Just check 201 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,679 Speaker 1: back in with me, baby girl. And for you not 202 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: to be from here. I know you explained that you're 203 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,839 Speaker 1: English was broken. I think you did pretty good. Now 204 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: we got a commercial and if you click off this part, okay, 205 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 1: if that's the way, I'm gonna beat your ways listen. 206 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 1: Now moving on this one is an update, let's hear it, Hi, Jess, 207 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 1: I wanted to do a follow up with you from 208 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: your December twenty one podcast episode. I was the woman 209 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 1: who was in the military that found out my ex 210 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:20,080 Speaker 1: boyfriend was not a US citizen. I found out back 211 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: in May that he wasn't a citizen when I was 212 00:11:22,679 --> 00:11:25,440 Speaker 1: helping him apply for a job. We did not break 213 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,080 Speaker 1: up until late November, so I tried to deal with 214 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: it for six months, like you had guests. He lived 215 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 1: in my house and I was paying all the bills 216 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: just so he could save up for an immigration lawyer 217 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,960 Speaker 1: to take care of his citizenship. Another mistake on my 218 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 1: part as far as his family. They always made up 219 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 1: excuses when I would ask him to ask them to 220 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,720 Speaker 1: meet up. All I'm busy with work, all I got 221 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 1: this going on. All I got that going on. Never 222 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,840 Speaker 1: talked to them on the phone, never talked to them 223 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 1: on FaceTime. I did make him sure with the text though, 224 00:11:55,440 --> 00:12:00,319 Speaker 1: like of him texting his family and their BS responses. Yeah, 225 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 1: they never found time. After a year and a half, 226 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 1: and that's when I finally kind of realized, you know, 227 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,440 Speaker 1: is this how I want my future to be for 228 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 1: the rest of my life? Knowing that I'm only going 229 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,520 Speaker 1: to be spending time with my family and being with 230 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,839 Speaker 1: someone whose family never wants to meet me or give 231 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,160 Speaker 1: me the time of day to even judge me. I 232 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,319 Speaker 1: have a feeling it's because I'm not from his culture 233 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,080 Speaker 1: and I already came into the relationship with two children. 234 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 1: But I am taking your advice and moving forward. I'm 235 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: in the military. I have a bachelor's degree. I do 236 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 1: know my worth. So thank you for all your advice. 237 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: And you couldn't be more right about like, ladies, you 238 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 1: really don't know who you're laid up with. I mean, 239 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: I spent a year and a half of this person 240 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 1: and had no idea that he wasn't even a citizen 241 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: of the US. And I really be on top of 242 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,720 Speaker 1: my investigation ship sometimes so that that was such a 243 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,080 Speaker 1: shock to me. And I think back, like what if 244 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 1: I would have gotten married to him, what if I 245 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: would have had a baby with him and then found 246 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 1: out such bad scenarios. It's like you said, a year 247 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: and a half is a long time, but it's not detrimental. 248 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 1: So I'm going to take your advice in the forward, 249 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: thank you for helping me with my mess. I'm so grateful. 250 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 1: I forgot to mention to you. I'm stationed here in Maryland, 251 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,840 Speaker 1: so I hope to see you at a future show 252 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,679 Speaker 1: and keep doing great things. Oh baby girl, Yes, you 253 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: got to come to the show. Girl, you gotta come 254 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 1: to show. I'm actually having a show at Constitution Hall 255 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 1: in d C on December thirty one, that's New Year's Eve. Girl, 256 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 1: come out and let your hair down and just have 257 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 1: a drink or two and enjoy the comedy. Is gonna 258 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 1: be me, de Ray, Ricky Smiley be someone. I don't 259 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: know if you're familiar with all of them, but they 260 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: are also phenomenal comics. We're just gonna give you all 261 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 1: a good show on New Year's Eve going into the 262 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,600 Speaker 1: new year. All right, now for your update, baby girl, 263 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 1: I'm so glad. One thing I want to point out 264 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,040 Speaker 1: to you. I don't want you to ever feel stupid 265 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: as a woman. You know, and like you said, you'd 266 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 1: be on your investigation ship sometimes so you didn't even 267 00:13:56,679 --> 00:14:01,199 Speaker 1: know how you missed it. Love, genuine love. I'm not 268 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: gonna even say you were blind, like no. Men are 269 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 1: so good at what they do, just like we are. 270 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,839 Speaker 1: It was easy for you not to see it. I understand. 271 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,439 Speaker 1: It's easy how you thought this man loved you and 272 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 1: not saying that he didn't. I believe that he actually 273 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 1: really could. I believe that he could have loved you 274 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 1: this a year and a half. There's no way humanly possible, 275 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: even if it is your motive to just receive a 276 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: fucking green card or citizenship or whatever, you naturally fall 277 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 1: in love with a person, or start loving a person, 278 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: being with them every day, getting to know them, actually 279 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 1: sharing experiences and good conversation and bondmanship like you actually 280 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:47,600 Speaker 1: naturally just start loving a person. This is eighteen months, 281 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: so I don't want you to feel the least bit 282 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: of stupid or dumb or dent or whatever because you 283 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 1: didn't see this coming. It's okay. I just am happy 284 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: that you did get out when you did. Like you said, 285 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 1: you could have had a child, You could have actually 286 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 1: married this man. You could have gotten pregnant. I ain't 287 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: trying to hear that ship about his fucking religion. And look, 288 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 1: I'm all for respecting everyone's religions and beliefs and morals 289 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 1: and all of that, but if it was such against 290 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: his fucking religion, he wouldn't have gone a year and 291 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 1: a half with you and your kids living there and 292 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,320 Speaker 1: all that ship. He wouldn't have done that. His parents, 293 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 1: his family, they some bullshitters too. Like I said in 294 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 1: the previous episode when you first gave me your story, No, 295 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 1: they were in on it. They know that their son 296 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: or whoever he you know. I don't know if you're 297 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: specifically talking about his parents, but you know they know 298 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,920 Speaker 1: that their family member needs to be granted citizenship, and 299 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: so them foreigners baby listen, by any means possible, well, 300 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 1: they do what they have to do to be granted 301 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 1: citizenship because they don't want to go back to their country. 302 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:49,920 Speaker 1: They don't want you know what I'm saying, it should 303 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 1: we don't want to be over here, but you know whatever, 304 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 1: they want to come here, they want to live here. 305 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 1: Sometimes this is a better life for them over here. 306 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 1: And I don't know how to fun, but this is 307 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 1: a better life for them. A lot of those people 308 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 1: from other countries and ship, you know, so, by any 309 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,920 Speaker 1: means necessary, they're gonna do everything that they can or 310 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,160 Speaker 1: they feel is necessary to have a better life, even 311 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: if that is at the expense of another American because 312 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: a lot of them look at us like we already 313 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 1: got it. Look, they're living great. I want to go 314 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 1: live like them, even if it involves sucking us over. 315 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 1: A lot of foreigners look at us like the most 316 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: selfish country ever, and we are. So I don't ever 317 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,480 Speaker 1: undermine how they feel about us. But your whole situation, 318 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,320 Speaker 1: it was very petty and fucked up. I'm just glad 319 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 1: that you're gone. I'm glad that you did not have 320 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,760 Speaker 1: any kids with this man. I'm so glad, and again 321 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 1: I thank you for giving me an update, because I 322 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 1: really was worried about you, girl, I really was. You know, 323 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 1: sometimes I read people's stories and a lot of them stick. 324 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,080 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say that some of them aren't important, 325 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: but some of them really really stick. And I'll go 326 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 1: to sleep thinking about some of you women and some 327 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 1: of you men that are really in these detrimental spaces 328 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 1: and in these situations, and it's like, yo, I know 329 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 1: these people need help more professional than me. But the 330 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 1: fact that they're even giving me the exposure of what 331 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 1: they're going through, y'all letting me in. I appreciate that 332 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,399 Speaker 1: all the time. You know, I'm not here to make 333 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 1: fun of you. I'm not here to judge you. This 334 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 1: is a judge free zone. You know, this is a 335 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 1: safe space. I want people to know that I'm going 336 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,399 Speaker 1: through shipped too. You know, I've gone through ship and 337 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: I know I'm gonna probably go through some more. That's 338 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,159 Speaker 1: what happens. That's how you overcome obstacles. That's how you 339 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,440 Speaker 1: become victorious. That's how you become resilient, and you stay resilient. 340 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 1: That's how you learn to endure anything. And that's also 341 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 1: how you learn to help others when you recognize something 342 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 1: that they're going through because you've been through it, or 343 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,119 Speaker 1: you can relate to it, or you have seen it before. 344 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,439 Speaker 1: So I appreciate you, girl. Hold up, Hold up, I 345 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,760 Speaker 1: noticed ship getting good. But listen to just a couple 346 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 1: of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. 347 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,160 Speaker 1: Moving on third one, I'm gonna read before we get 348 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: out of here. I'm submitting my story and I don't 349 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,639 Speaker 1: think anyone can fix this us at all, So why 350 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 1: the hell are you writing me? Girl? My kid's dad 351 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: is only top tier when we are fucking period. He 352 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:09,520 Speaker 1: thinks he can just get whatever he wants regarding our 353 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: kids and disappear when he wants, pay what he wants, 354 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 1: get them when he wants, then throws court in my face. 355 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: He didn't been with multiple stalker women, women that have 356 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,920 Speaker 1: threatened my kids, and he continues to be a terror. 357 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 1: I want nothing more than for us to be friends 358 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,480 Speaker 1: and raise our kids. He needs to hear how dumb 359 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,479 Speaker 1: he is being. We used to be able to co 360 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: parent to a degree. Now it's all bad. I really 361 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:35,160 Speaker 1: need a phone conversation to provide detail, but we need 362 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,479 Speaker 1: Jesus and a public eye. He yo, I might have 363 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,240 Speaker 1: to bring yall on co parents and Therapy. Me and 364 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:44,199 Speaker 1: Rome are actually starting up season two of Co Parenting 365 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,960 Speaker 1: Therapy where we'll be sitting down with other couples, couples 366 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 1: that are not trying to be together or no, they 367 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,679 Speaker 1: can't be together, but they're still trying to create a 368 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 1: healthy environment to co parent with their children. So, if 369 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 1: you have any submissions for that and you would like 370 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: to appear on the show and you are in the 371 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,840 Speaker 1: DMV area, Even if you're not, still submit but if 372 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 1: you're in the d m V area, you could be 373 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,680 Speaker 1: on the show within the next month or so and 374 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:12,040 Speaker 1: it premiers only on YouTube. It will start like I said, January. 375 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 1: All right, now back to you, girl. This is just 376 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,360 Speaker 1: a case of I love my baby mother. I'll never 377 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,920 Speaker 1: let her go okay. And you know why. It's because 378 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:25,160 Speaker 1: you still are periodically fucking him. Even if y'all don't 379 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 1: have that relationship with y'all fucking every day, he knows 380 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,120 Speaker 1: he can call you, he can get some or even 381 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,600 Speaker 1: if that's not the case, let me stop. Even when 382 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,439 Speaker 1: you want some, you'll call him and he come running. 383 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,199 Speaker 1: That's actually bad. That's bad. You ain't supposed to be 384 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 1: doing that unless you're planning on being together. You ain't 385 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,560 Speaker 1: supposed to do that. Like you said, he's had multiple 386 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,159 Speaker 1: women and all of that, that still ain't stop you 387 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 1: from having sex with him. And it must be something really, 388 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,359 Speaker 1: really really good about you. Baby, you're snapping turl and 389 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 1: have an ask because he keeps coming back, and then 390 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 1: it's causing him to act out even in parenting, when 391 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: he can't it what you want from you, he takes 392 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,880 Speaker 1: it out on the kids, you know, like not getting them. 393 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,159 Speaker 1: I'm not saying beating on him and I'm like that 394 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 1: I'm sing, but not getting them and not doing what 395 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 1: he needs to do for them. And you know he 396 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 1: pays when he wants to pay for ship or he 397 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:14,399 Speaker 1: come gets them whenever he wants. That's because you haven't 398 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:19,680 Speaker 1: completely cut him off from the cat. Once he realizes okay, 399 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: we can't be intimate, no more ashamed funk with me, 400 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,119 Speaker 1: then maybe that's when he'll start getting it. This is 401 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: strictly about the kids, but you have to set that boundary. 402 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 1: This is strictly about our children. We have to raise them. 403 00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 1: As effectively as as we can. We cannot confuse them. 404 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 1: Mommy and daddy ain't together, but Daddy come over here 405 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 1: every Friday night, stay to night in Mommy's room. What 406 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: the hell is going on? And then when we're with 407 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,560 Speaker 1: daddy we see other women, we get threatened by other women. 408 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: No no, no, no, cut that nigga off and just 409 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 1: make him a co parent. That's it. And I mean 410 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 1: that girl checked back in with me. And just like that, 411 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: we come to the end of another Carefully Reckless session 412 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: with your girl. Just hilarious. Make sure you submit, like 413 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,840 Speaker 1: I said, your copy warranting inquiries to the co Parents 414 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 1: and Therapy page and send send send your stories here 415 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 1: on the Carefully Reckless page. Tune into Reckless Discussions, Tune 416 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 1: and tune in age and every Wednesday at seven pm 417 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,240 Speaker 1: only on YouTube, and then my deepest paying boys piece. 418 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and 419 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 1: The Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, 420 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 421 00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,399 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.