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Speaker 1: All right, let's get to it. Buckle up and hold

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Speaker 1: on tight. We got before you here. It is the

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter subject my man wants to play Follow the Leader.

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Speaker 1: J Stephen Shirley, My boyfriend and I have been living

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Speaker 1: together for three months. He prides himself on being the

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Speaker 1: man of the house, and he enjoys paying all of

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Speaker 1: the bills. I handle all of my personal bills and

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Speaker 1: I buy the groceries. Shortly after we moved in together,

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Speaker 1: he started flexing and setting rules, saying he needed to

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Speaker 1: run his household in this way. We have a one

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Speaker 1: year old child, and he said that it's my responsibility

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Speaker 1: to drop the child off and pick her up from daycare.

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Speaker 1: He wants me to come home right after work so

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Speaker 1: that I can have dinner ready when he gets home.

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Speaker 1: He said that the baby should be bathed and ready

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Speaker 1: for bed at a decent hour each night so that

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Speaker 1: he can have me all to himself before bedtime. He

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Speaker 1: also expects to have a tidy house before we leave

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Speaker 1: for work each day each morning, and he expects me

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Speaker 1: to make up the bed daily, even if he is

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Speaker 1: the last one out of it. I couldn't agree to

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Speaker 1: any of this fool that foolery. I told him that

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Speaker 1: we're partners and we should share in everything we do,

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Speaker 1: like cooking, cleaning, and taking care of our child. He

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Speaker 1: told me that if that's the case, then I need

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Speaker 1: to share in paying half of our bills. I was

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Speaker 1: so outdone. I cook, clean and take care of our

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Speaker 1: child because I am a good woman and a nurturer,

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Speaker 1: not because he tells me too. We moved in together

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Speaker 1: to save money so we can plan a wedding. But

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Speaker 1: I am glad this controlling behavior came out before he

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Speaker 1: asked me to marry him. My male best friend says

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Speaker 1: that I am going to end up messing up a

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Speaker 1: good thing over something that's very petty. So what do

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Speaker 1: you think? Should I follow the leader? Please advise? Wow,

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Speaker 1: we're in twenty nineteen, right, Yeah, not in the nineteen

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Speaker 1: fifties or anything, right, because that's where he's from. It

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Speaker 1: sounds like you're right, he's very controlling. Listen, just because

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Speaker 1: a man pays all the bills at home, that doesn't

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Speaker 1: make him a dictator. That does not make that a

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Speaker 1: real man would pay the bills and help out. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and you pay your personal bills, you buy the groceries,

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Speaker 1: you buy the groceries, you cook, you clean, I'm sure

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Speaker 1: you have to clean up after that. Because he doesn't

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Speaker 1: sound like a man who does any kind of housework

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Speaker 1: or thinks it's an insult to him to do sort

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Speaker 1: of such things. You have to drop the baby off

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Speaker 1: at daycare, pick her up? What does he do? What

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Speaker 1: does he do besides bark orders? What I mean? I

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Speaker 1: don't see anything else he does besides pay the bills.

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Speaker 1: And I'm with you, I couldn't agree to any of

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Speaker 1: this tim foolery either. I love a freshly made bed

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Speaker 1: when I come home from work and all of that,

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Speaker 1: but it doesn't mean that I have to do it

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Speaker 1: or you know, necesso doesn't put a gun in my

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Speaker 1: head and make me make up the bed. We just

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Speaker 1: whoever gets out of the bed last makes up the bed.

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Speaker 1: That could be me, that could be him, whoever whoever

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Speaker 1: gets out of bed. So yeah, he's controlling. He sounds

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Speaker 1: like he has some sort of chip on his shoulder too.

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Speaker 1: Why can't he bathe the baby? Plenty of fathers out

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Speaker 1: here bathe their own babies, Plenty of them put them

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Speaker 1: to bed, tell them bedtime stories, sing to them, whatever

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Speaker 1: they have to do. Those are called good fathers, not

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Speaker 1: controlling fathers. I agree with you. You guys should share.

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Speaker 1: Don't listen to your best friend. You're going to mess

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Speaker 1: up a good thing over something. And that's very petty.

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Speaker 1: This is not petty. And let me tell you something,

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Speaker 1: when you do get married, it is those little things

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Speaker 1: that come back up to haunt you. I think that, No,

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Speaker 1: you should not follow the leader. You guys should set

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Speaker 1: ground rules on sharing. And that's it. If he's not

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Speaker 1: agreeing to that, he's not the one. Okay, he's not

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Speaker 1: the one. He's too controlling, Junior. Yeah, distance na, see

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Speaker 1: why my grandmother used to say these type of things.

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Speaker 1: My grandmother used to say this, and I love my

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Speaker 1: grandmother lords so she's gone. But Wilma Branch used to say,

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Speaker 1: you don't give husband privileges to boyfriends. That's right. Whoa,

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Speaker 1: And now I see why you don't give husband privileges

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Speaker 1: to boyfriends. See what you asked for as a commitment

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Speaker 1: every day to cooking, cleaning, bathing the baby, putting the

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Speaker 1: baby to bed so you can have men. See, you

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Speaker 1: don't have no ring for that. That's right, you're not

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Speaker 1: committed to that. And then you need to also let

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Speaker 1: him know that you have a father. Yea, do you

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Speaker 1: have a father? You're not, that's not your daddy. And

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Speaker 1: then all this is the crazy part. All this is

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Speaker 1: after three months, just this, this, this, this, ninety days

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Speaker 1: they had a child together, or she has one by

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Speaker 1: herself because he's not helping at all. But that's ninety days.

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Speaker 1: Ye can't you imagine what what a year looked like

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Speaker 1: or two years looked like. I know, I mean, I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you what. Also, let's see how he really feel after.

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Speaker 1: If you locked the cookie up, then oh then it's

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Speaker 1: gonna be baby. I get the baby. But don't worry.

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Speaker 1: I got the bed. Hey, you just go to work.

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Speaker 1: I got this kitchen here. Craziness. That's all I have

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Speaker 1: to tell you. It's just don't give husband privileges to boyfriends.

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Speaker 1: That's it. That's very good. Okay. What he needs to

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Speaker 1: do is make sure when the time she gets home,

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Speaker 1: he has to have a did it attitude. Babe, I

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Speaker 1: did it well, I gotta did it. I got did it.

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Speaker 1: I got to make your bed, did it. I got

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Speaker 1: to watch the clothe it's done. I gotta did it everything,

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Speaker 1: just did It's the best loving you can get is

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Speaker 1: when you help the loving out because you don't want loving.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, you do not want tired love it.

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Speaker 1: You won't rested loving. Oh kates, Oh my god, yeah,

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Speaker 1: oh tying it. It's not funny. You got you take it,

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Speaker 1: but you really don't subject. My man wants to play

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Speaker 1: follow the leader. A woman wrote in she and her

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Speaker 1: boyfriend have moved in together. They've been living together for

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Speaker 1: three months or ninety days, as Junior says, and the

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Speaker 1: woman says that the man prides himself and being the

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Speaker 1: man of the house. He enjoys paying all the bills,

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Speaker 1: enjoys paying all of the bills. But after they moved

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Speaker 1: in shortly after that, he started flexing and bossing her

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Speaker 1: around and becoming a dictator. He's controlling. He wants her

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Speaker 1: to cook, he wants her to clean, he wants her

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Speaker 1: to take the baby to daycare, pick the baby up

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Speaker 1: from daycare. He doesn't want to share in any of

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Speaker 1: the responsibilities. He doesn't even want to make his own

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Speaker 1: bed up. Okay, all he says he's doing is paying

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Speaker 1: the bills. She says, no, she's not signing up for

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Speaker 1: any of this foolishness. She thinks they should share in

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Speaker 1: the responsibilities, and he's like, Okay, if that's the case,

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Speaker 1: then you need to pay half the bills. She's saying,

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Speaker 1: I do these things because I'm this child's mother and

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Speaker 1: I'm a good person, a good woman, and I'm a nurturer,

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Speaker 1: not because you're making me or i'm you're you think

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Speaker 1: you're controlling me, none of that. So she talked to

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Speaker 1: her best male friend about it. He told her to

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Speaker 1: be quiet because she could mess up a good thing

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Speaker 1: and she's being petty. Yeah, we don't think you're being

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Speaker 1: petty at all. Okay, go with your gut. You know

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Speaker 1: this is wrong of him to do this. All right,

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Speaker 1: we heard from Jay. We are from I mean, we

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Speaker 1: heard part one from Jay. Go ahead, Jay, Okay, let

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Speaker 1: me just tell you there's nothing A lot of ladies

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Speaker 1: all tell you this. There's nothing more sexier then wash

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Speaker 1: dishes that are already put up and dried up. Nothing clean.

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Speaker 1: What what kitchen clean? I mean, ifty the trash, sweep

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Speaker 1: the trash up, dry the dishes. There's nothing more section

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Speaker 1: and picking stuff up off the damn floor. Talk about

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Speaker 1: turn on by the loving you're gonna get when you

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Speaker 1: picked something up off the floor. I come on, nephew.

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Speaker 1: No booty. If you don't pick up have to do that.

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Speaker 1: That's how it's going. If I got to get that

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Speaker 1: baby from daycare, guess what, he didn't even need, no booty. Okay.

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Speaker 1: If I got to cook every single at night when

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Speaker 1: we come home, guess what, no booty. If I got

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Speaker 1: to go to daycare in the morning and daycare in

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Speaker 1: the eatning thing, no booty. That's right now. This is

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Speaker 1: what I'm gonna do for. You're gonna make life a

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Speaker 1: look easier for me. I'm about fifty teetheet thanners and

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Speaker 1: put them in the freezing That's what That's what we're

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Speaker 1: gonna be eating since I got to cook every single night,

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Speaker 1: no booty, no duty. That's all. That's all I gotta say. Tom,

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Speaker 1: you're married, of course. I mean, let's be honest here,

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Speaker 1: you help out you definitely. I think I probably cook well,

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Speaker 1: I like to cook, so I probably cook more than

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Speaker 1: she does when I'm at home, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But last one, we have this rule you said it earlier.

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Speaker 1: The last one out the bed makes up the bed,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So that's fair fair, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know. And then of course, um like I'm like

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Speaker 1: if I can, I'm excited to go pick up my

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Speaker 1: kids from school. You know, I'm excited. So that's I'm

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Speaker 1: never against that. Yeah, because you always don't you get,

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Speaker 1: especially a conversation with me and Jordan, my eight year old,

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Speaker 1: to have a conversation with him, just one on one.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, amazing. You've been married. I had. I've

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Speaker 1: been mad a couple of times, and I had one problem. Okay,

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Speaker 1: a lot, a lot. I just had one problem when

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Speaker 1: I was mad. I had a lot. One was me.

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Speaker 1: But when when you watch them, I'm just ladies, when

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Speaker 1: you wash things out in the sink, we don't sometimes

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Speaker 1: know what the hell that is. Okay, we see it,

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Speaker 1: we see it floating there. We don't know exactly what

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Speaker 1: what is what those things are. So if you don't

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Speaker 1: do that, wash them drop and hang them up, don't don't.

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Speaker 1: It's just just kind of scary when you when you're

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Speaker 1: walking in there, in there, I don't looked like a

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Speaker 1: bride or something could be. I don't know what it is.

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Speaker 1: That's the twenty for a hole a broad tell. I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying, but you didn't help out, and you're married.

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Speaker 1: You helped out around the house, this guy in the

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Speaker 1: letter needs to learn the phrase happy wife, happy life,

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Speaker 1: because it's miserable right now with you and all of

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Speaker 1: your rules and come straight home from work. Yeah, who

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Speaker 1: are you? You're like? Yeah, come on, man, my mama

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Speaker 1: loved to test emp theories. Oh what, he wouldn't come

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Speaker 1: home for a day. Yeah, this is craziness right here,

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Speaker 1: just just playing craziness. She says she does this because

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Speaker 1: she's a good woman and a nurturer, not because I

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Speaker 1: think he doesn't get it. That's what I think. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he don't. He don't know. He's young and he doesn't

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Speaker 1: get it. You think he's young. He sounds so old

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Speaker 1: to me. He definitely ain't gonna get it. That's he

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Speaker 1: sounds so old at school, like he needs to run

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Speaker 1: his household in his way. I mean, this sounds like

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Speaker 1: mister from the Color Purple exactly. He sounds oldful to me.

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Speaker 1: Did not catch you missing Ryan with it? Yeah that's

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Speaker 1: what you can't do nothing, mister. Yeah. Yeah, So you

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Speaker 1: can't cook, you can't clean, you can't make up the bad,

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Speaker 1: and you can't pick up your own baby. This is

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Speaker 1: their child together. It's not just her baby. This is

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Speaker 1: their child together. But she's completely and totally responsible for that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're ridiculous today. Yeah yeah, he just stupid. All right, listen,

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Speaker 1: you can email us your Instagram us, your thoughts on

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Speaker 1: today's Strawberry Letter. It's Steve Harvey f Emmer. You can

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Speaker 1: check out the Strawberry Letter podcast. You're listening Steve Harvey

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Speaker 1: Moore Show