1 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of Unique 2 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat and I am your host. 3 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:20,319 Speaker 1: Before we get started and get into the juice of 4 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: the episode, want to quickly remind everybody listening that although 5 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: I am a therapist, this podcast is not a replacement 6 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: for therapy, although it might encourage you to start therapy, 7 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,920 Speaker 1: and it also might encourage you to talk about something 8 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: new with your therapist if you already have one. Now, 9 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: let's get into the episode, because today we are talking 10 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: about something that literally every single human in the whole 11 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 1: world that has ever been in the world can relate 12 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: to this episode because we've all used what we are 13 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 1: about to talk about today, and that is defense mechanisms. 14 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: So we hear those words all the time, and I'm 15 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 1: sure we've all used this phrase defense mechanisms, and I'm 16 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 1: sure that we've maybe spotted them in somebody else, and 17 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,039 Speaker 1: sometimes maybe we do spot them in ourselves. But do 18 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: we really know what they are, where they come from, 19 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: why they're showing up, how they work, and do we 20 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: know if like we're choosing or if like they're just happening, Like, 21 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: what do we actually really know about these other than 22 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,680 Speaker 1: we know they're a thing today we're going to find out. 23 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: So we're gonna start with the basics. And maybe that 24 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 1: seems elementary for some of y'all, but I think it 25 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: would be weird not to define what a defense mechanism 26 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: is before getting into the woods of them. And we're 27 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 1: going off the idea that defense mechanisms are mostly unconscious 28 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:40,119 Speaker 1: psychological responses that attempt to protect people from discomfort that 29 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:44,639 Speaker 1: may stem from anxiety or self esteem. And in short, 30 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: they're like our psychological armor, are unconscious psychological armor. Now, 31 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 1: where did these come from? How did we identify them? 32 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: Where did the word defense mechanism come in? We're going 33 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 1: to talk about all that. So now that we know 34 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: what it is, we're going to talk about where it 35 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 1: comes from and who helped us figure that out. So 36 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:03,960 Speaker 1: in the world of psychology, there were these two people 37 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:08,079 Speaker 1: that really helped identify and define and explain defense mechanisms 38 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 1: for us way back when. Those people are Simond Freud 39 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: and his daughter Anna Freud. You might be familiar with 40 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 1: the name Freud because he developed many now very controversial 41 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: theories as he studied, and he actually is the person 42 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 1: who developed psychoanalysis. He wasn't a psychiatrist or a psychologist 43 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,800 Speaker 1: or a therapist. Even back then this was like before 44 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: like a lot of that was a thing. He actually 45 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 1: was a neurologist who became fascinated with the psyche. And 46 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: while not all of his theories and practices have stood 47 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: the test of time, when it comes to the defense mechanisms, 48 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: that has. And although there have been way more developments 49 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 1: and more research, obviously since he kind of came up 50 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 1: with all this stuff, the basis in the groundwork that 51 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,000 Speaker 1: he's done still, um, we can still look at that 52 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: and see where all this came from. So back in 53 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 1: the day, Freud developed this thing called psychodynamic theory, and 54 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 1: in that he identified what defense mechanisms were. But before 55 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: we talk about those specifically, we're going to outline why 56 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:09,639 Speaker 1: he even says that we need them. So, according to Freud, 57 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 1: our personality comes out of this battle between our like 58 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:18,799 Speaker 1: innate biological pleasure seeking drives so just automatically what we want, 59 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:23,239 Speaker 1: and then our internalized socialized control over these drives. So 60 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: to illustrate this, he postured these three interacting systems within 61 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 1: our minds. These included the id, the ego, and the 62 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: super ego. Also side note, This was so confusing to 63 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 1: me when I was in school, and I'm not really 64 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: sure why. As I was like coming up with this episode, 65 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, why was this so hard for me back then? 66 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 1: Because it's you're gonna see, it's just very basic. I 67 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe it's because a lot of Freud's stuff 68 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: was so strange and I kind of maybe subconsciously was 69 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: trying to reject it. He was the person that had 70 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: the stages of sexual development, where like there was the 71 00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:00,440 Speaker 1: Odipus complex and the electric complex where he talks about 72 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: how you become basically obsessed and attracted to the opposite 73 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: sex parent, and there's all that stuff in there. So 74 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: I don't know if I was like, this stuff seems weird, 75 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: I don't want to pay attention to it. But what 76 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: we're about to talk about today that has nothing to 77 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: do with that, well we're going to talk about today 78 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 1: is pretty basic when it comes down to it. So 79 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,800 Speaker 1: back to the content. The ego, the ID and the 80 00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: super ego. Let's talk about each one. So the ID 81 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: is the part of you that includes your innate drives 82 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: or urges, these things that you are born with. It 83 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,920 Speaker 1: just comes with you. This is responsible for like your 84 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: impulses for hunger, thirst, sex, all these things that just 85 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 1: are there. Freud said that the id followed something he 86 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:47,839 Speaker 1: called the pleasure principle, meaning it's all about instant gratification, 87 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: and this does not consider things such as social appropriateness, morality, 88 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 1: and even the reality if something that you want can 89 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 1: even come to fruition. So that's the it. Then you 90 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: have the super ego. This comes after you have like 91 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:08,160 Speaker 1: social interactions with parents or caregivers, whoever you're around, whatever 92 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: other people are in your vicinity and your social environment 93 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,239 Speaker 1: that you are raised in, and it ends up becoming 94 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:18,840 Speaker 1: like your conscience, but it's based off of what you're taught. 95 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: So it's like almost like the Angel and the Devil 96 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,280 Speaker 1: kind of thing. It's your moral compass, but your more 97 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: moral compass doesn't just come innately from you. Your moral 98 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: compass comes from what you are told in and raised 99 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: in and what you learn to be right and wrong. 100 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: The downfall because this part sounds great, right if we're 101 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,720 Speaker 1: doing like the Devil and the Angel, it's like, oh, 102 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,159 Speaker 1: this is the angel. However, the downfall of this part 103 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: is that it's m o is to get the ego, 104 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 1: which we're going to get to to act in this 105 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 1: idealistic way. So it's mL is to do completely one 106 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 1: percent right. It's very perfectionistic. And I want you to 107 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: think of this part of you as like the summation 108 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 1: of all of the internalized stuff you've take can end. 109 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:04,040 Speaker 1: So morals, values that you get from your parents, your religion, 110 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,359 Speaker 1: just society as a whole, all of those things that 111 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: you just get there. So then we have the ego. 112 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:13,560 Speaker 1: The ego is referred to as the self because this 113 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 1: is what people actually see. This is the outward projection 114 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 1: of your personality, the thing that people actually experience in you. 115 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 1: It's like the rationalization of the ID and the super ego. 116 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 1: It's trying to balance them out. Its job is basically 117 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: to help satisfy both of those things. What is the 118 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 1: ID want? What are those desires? How do we do 119 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 1: that in a way that feels right and that like 120 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: the super ego would approve of. So a good example 121 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,280 Speaker 1: to summarize all of this up, and like a little 122 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 1: snippet of a conversation would be the ID says I 123 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 1: want to do this now, the super ego says it's 124 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: not right to do this now, And then the ego says, 125 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,880 Speaker 1: maybe we can compromise. So that's what's happening there. Now, 126 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,159 Speaker 1: why do we care about any of this? Well, because 127 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 1: what Freud said is that anxiety arises when the ego 128 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: can't seem to like do its job and it can't 129 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: seem to find a compromise and to cope with this 130 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 1: anxiety are subconscious calls into none other than what we're 131 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:15,760 Speaker 1: talking about today, your defense mechanisms. Now, although the ego 132 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: is like a mostly conscious part of you, again, usually 133 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 1: your defense mechanisms are not. We usually don't know we 134 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:25,760 Speaker 1: are using these things to help us out. They just 135 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: come in. They just swoop in, and they're like, let 136 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,760 Speaker 1: me help you figure this out because this doesn't feel good. 137 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 1: Their job is literally to distort our reality so we 138 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: can feel better now. Side note, these aren't always bad, 139 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: because alleviating anxiety is not a bad thing, right. They 140 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 1: end up becoming unhealthy or maladaptive depending on what ones 141 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 1: we use and how often we end up using them, 142 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: what pattern we kind of create, because what they often 143 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: take away is our ability to fully show up as 144 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: who we are and who we want to be. And 145 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: often in order to do that, we have to assess 146 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: where our super ego is like getting its information. And 147 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: easy example here, one that just like easily pops into 148 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: my brain, because you know, I live in the South 149 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: and I see this all the time, is maybe we 150 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: grow up in an environment or a religion or something 151 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,280 Speaker 1: where having sex or talking about sex or anything to 152 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 1: do with sex is bad or wrong. And many of 153 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: the people in the area where I grew up would 154 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 1: identify this idea with like this purity culture thing, which 155 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: I want to do a whole episode on, but not 156 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: today anyway, So you grow up in that kind of idea, 157 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: and then you might use a defense mechanism to avoid 158 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: like this innate desire you have to like have sex 159 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 1: with a partner or just anybody with the rightness. And 160 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 1: if I can do that, if is that moral? Is 161 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: that what's going to happen to me? If I do that? 162 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 1: Am I a bad person? And the issue here is 163 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: if we don't know that we're using a defense mechanism, 164 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 1: which we'll get into the defense mechanisms and how those 165 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:53,000 Speaker 1: might show up. If we don't know that we're using 166 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: one of those to keep us from engaging in something 167 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: like that, then we might not actually be able to 168 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 1: live our most authentic lives and like do the things 169 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 1: that the real us really wants to do, because our 170 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,959 Speaker 1: super ego is infiltrating what we really want and telling 171 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: our ego that this is not okay, and then like 172 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:20,679 Speaker 1: where are we? It's a whole thing. So, after Freud 173 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 1: came up with all of this stuff and then identified 174 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: what defense mechanisms were, his daughter, So that's Sigmund Freud. 175 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 1: His daughter Anna later outlined the most common ones that 176 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 1: she observed. So Freud's work was more about like figuring 177 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: out that these exists, and then Anna's work was more 178 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,880 Speaker 1: about identifying what these actually look like and what the 179 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,240 Speaker 1: most common ones are. And she has a book that 180 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 1: she wrote to describe this, called The Ego and Mechanisms 181 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 1: of Defense, which you know kind of makes sense as 182 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: a title. Again, why is this even helpful? Why do 183 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 1: we need to know this stuff? Well, for one, this 184 00:09:55,720 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 1: framework helps me as a therapist, help my client understand 185 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: their own internal experiences and understand their behavior, both conscious 186 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: and unconscious better. It's part of the road to self awareness, 187 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: which we know self awareness is key in all of 188 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 1: the things. So let's get to the good stuff, the 189 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 1: actual mechanisms were going to talk about them, and since 190 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: Freud's work, both Freud number one and Fred number two, 191 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 1: it's both all of their work. Because they are they 192 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 1: have long passed. A lot more stuff has been done 193 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 1: in regards to this, and a lot more defense mechanisms 194 00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: have been identified than they originally had set out. So 195 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,200 Speaker 1: the list that I'm going to read one is not 196 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,680 Speaker 1: all encompassing. We're gonna look at some of the most 197 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 1: common ones. Also, later psychiatrists categorized a lot of these 198 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 1: into these different categories, where I'm not going to go 199 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 1: through those, but the categories were immature, neurotic, pathological, and mature, 200 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: not in order. I'm not going to get into those, 201 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 1: but I just wanted to say that because it speaks 202 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,920 Speaker 1: to the idea that again, these aren't all bad. Some 203 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 1: of them are more helpful than others, but they're not 204 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,520 Speaker 1: all bad. So keep an open mind with these. Don't 205 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 1: stigmatize and shame yourself every time you're like, oh, I 206 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 1: do that, or I can see that sometimes we do 207 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: this and it's better for us, and I'll kind of 208 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 1: call out when that can happen more often. And also, 209 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: this is not at all encompassing. Lists. So if you 210 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,320 Speaker 1: don't see something on here and you're like, you didn't 211 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 1: name one, then it's just because we don't really have 212 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 1: the time. Now let's get into the most common ones. 213 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: We're gonna start with displacement. So displacement is transferring one's 214 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: emotional burden or emotional reaction from one thing to another. 215 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: So an example of this would be like if I 216 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: had a stressful day at work and then I end 217 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 1: up lashing out at my partner at home, and you know, 218 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,040 Speaker 1: going back to like why this even happens, the dissonance. 219 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:50,200 Speaker 1: Maybe it's not okay in my mind to be viewed 220 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: as angry or have feelings in the workplace, but at 221 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,679 Speaker 1: home it's okay to be myself, like this idea of 222 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 1: who's allowed to see you struggle, right, keep it together, 223 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: hold it together. And so it's taking something that has 224 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 1: nothing to do with my partner lashing out at like 225 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 1: maybe I don't know. I come home and dinner is 226 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: not ready and it was supposed to be ready and 227 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 1: I'm not. I don't want to actually care because maybe 228 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 1: I'm not even hungry, but I get mad and lash 229 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: out in that way when really I'm mad at my 230 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,480 Speaker 1: boss because he lied to me or he gave me 231 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:23,199 Speaker 1: extra work or something like that. Now we have repression. 232 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 1: So repression is subconsciously blocking ideas or impulses that are undesirable. 233 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 1: This events mechanism shows up and people that have no 234 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 1: recollection of a traumatic event, even though they were very 235 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 1: aware during that event and very conscious during that event. 236 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,840 Speaker 1: This thing happens gradually over time, so you remember it 237 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: and eventually you repress it and it goes away. So 238 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,360 Speaker 1: this is different than suppression. These get confused all the time, 239 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 1: and I think people use the word interchangeably when they're different. 240 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,920 Speaker 1: So suppression is when you consciously push something away. When 241 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 1: you repress something, it's involved terry. So if I'm using 242 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 1: repression as a defense mechanism, I don't choose to do that. Suppression. 243 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 1: I choose to do that. So I have a thought 244 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,079 Speaker 1: and I push it away. I have a thought, I 245 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: push it away. I don't know that I'm doing that 246 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 1: with repression. Repression also is different than something that has 247 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: become a very popular I would say buzzword these days, 248 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,560 Speaker 1: and that is dissociation. So dissociation is being separated or 249 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: removed from your experience. It is not me having experience 250 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: and like being very aware and conscious in it and 251 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,960 Speaker 1: then over time pushing it away. And it is not 252 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: me having a feeling or a memory and then being 253 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 1: like I don't want that go away. Dissociation is being 254 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: separated or removed from your experience. There are different types 255 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,960 Speaker 1: of this, and it's way, way, way too complex for 256 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: me to just get into today because it would be 257 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:50,359 Speaker 1: a whole podcast. It would be a whole for our podcast. 258 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 1: But association is something that happens immediately and while it 259 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:57,160 Speaker 1: can cause issues later, often when this is happening during trauma, 260 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,679 Speaker 1: it can save someone's life. When some theme is too 261 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: extreme to handle, this comes in to keep someone safe 262 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: until the event is over. This to me, is less 263 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 1: about what we've been talking about today though, and it's 264 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: more about an actual survival tool. It is a defense mechanism, 265 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: but it's more about just straight up survival. Most people 266 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 1: are not going to have dissociation come up, whether you're 267 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 1: choosing it or it's this automatic, unconscious thing. This is 268 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: not going to be the thing that comes up unless 269 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: there are extreme measures. So I dissociate and completely separate 270 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:33,120 Speaker 1: myself from my being when something is too extreme for 271 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 1: me actually to be present with versus repression. Maybe that's 272 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 1: I just want to forget about an experience. My body 273 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: wants to forget about experience because I don't like it. 274 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: It still can be traumatic, but dissociation happens on a 275 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: way larger scale. Again, I'm probably not saying and this 276 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: in the best way because it is so complex and 277 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: I don't know how to like summarize association really um 278 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: in a way that's like easily digestible, because I don't 279 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: think it is easily digestible. There's been research that's continuously 280 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: ongoing when it comes to this, that we're finding new 281 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: things out every day and it's never certain. So that's me. 282 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 1: This is me having my anxiety over explaining myself because 283 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: there's not an easy way to give that to you 284 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: guys where you can be like, no, I totally understand this. 285 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:22,000 Speaker 1: So if you're confused, okay, I guess that makes sense 286 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 1: because it's confusing. Now let's go to another one that's 287 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 1: not as confusing. Denial. Denial would be dismissing your external 288 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 1: reality and instead focusing on your internal whatever you want 289 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 1: to believe. This is very very common, very common. We've 290 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 1: probably all done this, and this happens often in relationships 291 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,840 Speaker 1: when like, you know, you're not getting your needs met, 292 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: but you don't want to face what that actually would mean, 293 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: so you tell yourself that you're fine or that you're 294 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: okay with what you have, or your needs aren't getting met. 295 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: You're denying yourself, your truth and short, it's literally just 296 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 1: lying to yourself. I think that we talked about this 297 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: in the grief episode that I did with Amy Brown, 298 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 1: or maybe I talked about it with Amy on one 299 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,880 Speaker 1: of her episodes. I just know I've talked about this 300 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 1: on a podcast before when I'm talking about grief and 301 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 1: how sometimes denial can actually be really good because it 302 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,680 Speaker 1: keeps you in a space that's not really reality until 303 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 1: you actually are ready and able to deal with what 304 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: has happened. So, while denial can go too far, I 305 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: wouldn't demonize it all the time because sometimes it's keeping 306 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:24,320 Speaker 1: us where we need to be until we don't need 307 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: to be there anymore. Okay, So next, we have a 308 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: word that is very hard for me to say, and 309 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: it is intellectualization, and one I just want to affirm 310 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: myself for saying that so well. Intellectualization. Wow, I'm like 311 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: on a roll okay. So this one shows up in 312 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 1: my office a lot, it shows up in therapy a lot. 313 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 1: It probably shows up in your life a lot, whether 314 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: you realize it or not. This is overthinking or over analyzing, 315 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 1: and it feels really helpful because sometimes it can help 316 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: you avoid reality by keeping you preoccupied looking for reasoning 317 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: or understanding and just staying logical. And if I can 318 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 1: keep all this in my head and I don't have 319 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: to feel, then I feel better, right, Because one feelings 320 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:12,080 Speaker 1: are uncomfortable and too maybe in your super ego, right, 321 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,800 Speaker 1: and the in the morality that you've figured out, certain 322 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 1: feelings are not okay to express or feel or have. 323 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 1: Maybe feeling sad, scared, or angry is wrong and bad, 324 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:23,919 Speaker 1: and so you have to find a way to be 325 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,959 Speaker 1: okay and stay in that space. An example of this 326 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:31,160 Speaker 1: experience would be someone who is processing a sexual assault 327 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: or sexual abuse in a very logical, almost like clinical way, 328 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,399 Speaker 1: without acknowledging any of its emotional impact. Maybe they're like 329 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 1: telling the story as if it's happening to somebody else 330 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,760 Speaker 1: and there's not any emotion, there's no tears. I get 331 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,720 Speaker 1: this a lot from people, and this can be really 332 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 1: good and helpful in the beginning when you're not ready 333 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: and able to actually sit in the reality of what 334 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: has happened. But this actually turns maladaptive when somebody never 335 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:01,400 Speaker 1: gets out of this space, because if never actually process 336 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 1: and deal with your emotional pain, that pain is still 337 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,120 Speaker 1: going to sit there and it's going to like turn 338 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 1: into something else, and it might be turning into depression, 339 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:13,879 Speaker 1: it might turn into anxiety, it might turn into certain 340 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,960 Speaker 1: symptoms of PTSD. So it's kind of funny because this 341 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,240 Speaker 1: whole idea of defense mechanisms, they exist to help us 342 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 1: avoid anxiety, but if we stay in this too long, 343 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 1: it's going to actually give us a lot more anxiety 344 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 1: than we had ever in the first place. So next 345 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 1: we have rationalization. This basically sticking with justifications, finding reasoning 346 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,119 Speaker 1: that explains something that actually isn't right. Like, yeah, I 347 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,400 Speaker 1: stole the car, but I had to find a way 348 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 1: home and the bus came early, so it's not really 349 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,640 Speaker 1: my fault. I had to do something like justifying why 350 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 1: you did something so then you feel better about it. 351 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 1: Now that's an extreme kind of bad example, but also 352 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 1: could be like I cheated on the test, but it's 353 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,919 Speaker 1: because our teachers gave us too much to do in 354 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 1: a short period of time, and it was impossible to 355 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,679 Speaker 1: do it all, so I had to cheat. So really, 356 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 1: it's refusing to acknowledge that you did something that doesn't 357 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 1: actually sit well with you. Next, we have regression. Regression 358 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 1: is very interesting. Think of regression as like going back 359 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 1: in time, but you're still in the present, and it's 360 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 1: basically just acting like you're younger. An example of this 361 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 1: would be like throwing a temper tantrum at dinner with 362 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: your family as an adult when you don't get your way, 363 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 1: or even better, like sticking with a tantrum theme road rage, 364 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,920 Speaker 1: so when something happens, you completely like throw a temper 365 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 1: tantrum in your car, and you go back to how 366 00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,359 Speaker 1: you would act as a kid when you're scared or 367 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 1: want something and aren't getting what you need right away. 368 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 1: This also shows up a lot in children when they've 369 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 1: gone past the stage of sucking their thumb or even 370 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:59,640 Speaker 1: like wetting the bed, though regress to that right so 371 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,480 Speaker 1: they'll go back to that after they've already moved out 372 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: of that stage as a way to reduce anxiety. Because 373 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,719 Speaker 1: things like sucking your thumb as a kid can be 374 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: something that has helped somebody self soothe in the past, 375 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 1: and it feels safe. And when you're in a space 376 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,400 Speaker 1: of anxiety, you want to feel safe, so you regress 377 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 1: and you go back to something that you used to do, 378 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 1: even though that is not something that makes sense in 379 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,440 Speaker 1: your current stage of development. All right, then we have 380 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:28,760 Speaker 1: reaction formation, and oh my gosh, I love this one. 381 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 1: I think it's so fascinating and interesting. And this is 382 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,879 Speaker 1: when you replace an initial impulse towards a situation or 383 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,960 Speaker 1: an idea with the opposite impulse. A simple example could 384 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,639 Speaker 1: be when you bully or tease someone that you actually like. 385 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,919 Speaker 1: Like Let's say you have a crush on somebody, but 386 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 1: you actually like are mean to them, because that's scary 387 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,399 Speaker 1: right when you have there's some uncertainty in that or 388 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,640 Speaker 1: the opposite. I know that I've done this before, when 389 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,879 Speaker 1: you're overly nice to someone that you actually really don't 390 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 1: like and you really want to be mean too. But 391 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:06,679 Speaker 1: a better example, and one that I think encompasses this 392 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,400 Speaker 1: the best, is imagine somebody who becomes like this anti 393 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,800 Speaker 1: gay advocate who actually is secretly trying to avoid his 394 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 1: own sexuality, or on that same wavelength, let's say you 395 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: become this like super pro life advocate, like you protest 396 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,439 Speaker 1: at the planned parenthood. You do all this stuff, but really, 397 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 1: maybe you have had an abortion in your life and 398 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,880 Speaker 1: you now are acting in the complete opposite way. Even 399 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,520 Speaker 1: though you made that choice and you believe it was 400 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 1: right for you, it doesn't sit with what you are 401 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: told in your experience of what was okay to do this. Yet, 402 00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,360 Speaker 1: like I said, this one is so interesting to me. 403 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,440 Speaker 1: And this one can be super damaging and it's really 404 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 1: sad actually because you can see when you recognize it, 405 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:53,800 Speaker 1: you see so deeply how they're super ego has like 406 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:57,720 Speaker 1: overtaken their ability to really really show up as who 407 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 1: they are because of the environment they were exposed to, 408 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,359 Speaker 1: their true self can't come out all right, Then moving on, 409 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 1: we have sublimation. Now this one can also be super helpful. 410 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 1: This is when you take your impulses or feelings that 411 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,359 Speaker 1: you might consider to be bad or wrong, and you 412 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: don't completely change them and do the opposite, but you 413 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,200 Speaker 1: use them in ways that are socially accepted or helpful. 414 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 1: So maybe you have like a lot of pent up 415 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,879 Speaker 1: aggression and you become like a UFC fighter instead of 416 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,600 Speaker 1: becoming like an abuser or instead of like punching holes 417 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:33,399 Speaker 1: and walls and doing stuff like that. Or an easier 418 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,199 Speaker 1: example that more people might be able to relate to 419 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,479 Speaker 1: is like maybe you get frustrated and getting an argument 420 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,480 Speaker 1: with a partner and you get really fired up and 421 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,480 Speaker 1: you want to lash out at them, but instead you 422 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,399 Speaker 1: take that energy, that emotional energy, and you go for 423 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,479 Speaker 1: a run. Or maybe you go through a breakup. This 424 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: one I love, Thank God for this one. Maybe you 425 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,560 Speaker 1: go through a breakup and you want to continuously like 426 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 1: talk with your partner and you keep reaching you want 427 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,080 Speaker 1: to keep reaching out to like go over things and 428 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:59,080 Speaker 1: really understand things better and this and that, and you 429 00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: take all of that experience and instead you write music, 430 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,200 Speaker 1: or maybe you're a poet or you write a book, anything, 431 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,359 Speaker 1: you create art out of this and thank God for 432 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:12,480 Speaker 1: the art, Thank God for sublimation. Okay, then we're gonna 433 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:13,679 Speaker 1: end with this one. So this is the last one 434 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about today, and it is projection. And 435 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,679 Speaker 1: I bet some of you guys have been waiting for 436 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: this one because this is a very commonly known one 437 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 1: and a lot of times will say like they're projecting, 438 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,680 Speaker 1: but really we're thinking of the different events mechanism, but 439 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 1: we just know projection. So projection is seeing your stuff 440 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,639 Speaker 1: in someone else instead of seeing it in you. We 441 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,760 Speaker 1: do this all the time. Again, this is a very 442 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,160 Speaker 1: unconscious one, but when we become aware of it, you're 443 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,439 Speaker 1: like okay. So examples of this would be, maybe you 444 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 1: want to leave your relationship and you feel like a 445 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 1: lack of excitement or a lack of joy in your 446 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 1: relationship and it's just like you're done with it, You're 447 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 1: ready to leave. However, you blame your partner for being 448 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 1: removed emotionally, you learn your partner for feeling what you 449 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,919 Speaker 1: feel and don't acknowledge your own feelings and your partners 450 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,720 Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Or maybe you have feelings 451 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 1: for somebody and you're in a relationship and you get 452 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: like a crush on somebody, but you tell yourself instead 453 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 1: of you acknowledging that, like you're you start to flirt 454 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: with like somebody else you say that they're flirting with you. 455 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 1: You're like, they're flirting with me, and the other person 456 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: might be like, I'm not doing that. Maybe you're self 457 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 1: conscious about an outfit you have on and then you 458 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 1: ask your friend if they like it and they're like, yeah, 459 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,119 Speaker 1: it's cute, and you tell them that they're lying because 460 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,399 Speaker 1: you don't like the outfit and your self consciousness, so 461 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,440 Speaker 1: you're saying that they think it's bad. This is also 462 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 1: something that bullies do often, right, So what we know 463 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,240 Speaker 1: about bullies is oftentimes they are very insecure and have 464 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 1: a lot of their own self esteem issues, and so 465 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: they end up calling that stuff out and other people 466 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 1: and they're like, I'm fine, I'm great, I'm big and 467 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 1: bad and all these things. I'm confident, and then they 468 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,240 Speaker 1: call out the insecurities of some other people when really 469 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,359 Speaker 1: those are their insecurities. So, like I said, projection was 470 00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: going to be the last one. So this is where 471 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: we're gonna stop with the actual defense mechanisms because we 472 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 1: would be here for the rest of eternity with the 473 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,200 Speaker 1: podcast if we went through all of them and if 474 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 1: I really dove to the depths of each one. So 475 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,359 Speaker 1: to wrap this up, I really just want to reiterate 476 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 1: why learning about this stuff even matters. It matters because 477 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,240 Speaker 1: awareness is so key and change. And every time I 478 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,160 Speaker 1: say that, because I say all the time, I get 479 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,200 Speaker 1: this urge that like that's cliche, but it's actually true. 480 00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 1: Awareness is key and change. We must be aware in 481 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,480 Speaker 1: order to figure out what we're doing and what isn't 482 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,639 Speaker 1: working and why we're doing things that don't work. We 483 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,640 Speaker 1: have to have awareness, and so all of this stuff 484 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,720 Speaker 1: helps us figure out and help us understand both our 485 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 1: conscious and unconscious experiences. And when it comes to our 486 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,400 Speaker 1: defense mechanisms, if we can learn what they look like, 487 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,280 Speaker 1: then we can identify when they're showing up for us. 488 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,719 Speaker 1: And if we can figure out when they're showing up 489 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,280 Speaker 1: for us, we can start to ask ourselves some really 490 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:59,040 Speaker 1: key important questions. One question would be where is this 491 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,600 Speaker 1: dissonance coming? Um, how am my innate desires and what 492 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,719 Speaker 1: I feel like I should be doing bumping up against 493 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 1: each other? Right? So why do I even need to 494 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 1: have this the best mechanism? Where did I come up 495 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,600 Speaker 1: with my ideas of what's right and wrong? And do 496 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,680 Speaker 1: I still even align with those even if we say yes, 497 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 1: It's really important to ask ourselves where do our beliefs 498 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 1: come from? So we can then ask ourselves do we 499 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,760 Speaker 1: still align from them? Or is this just all I 500 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: know or all I've known? Or on the other side 501 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 1: of all this, do I need to practice sitting in 502 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: the discomfort of not feeling gratified when I want gratification 503 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:36,199 Speaker 1: all the time, because that's where maybe are. It is 504 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 1: just like too highly functioning over there. And in all 505 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 1: of this, these are also really hard ideas to untied 506 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,479 Speaker 1: just by yourself. So if you're sitting here and listening 507 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,719 Speaker 1: to this, or walking, or maybe you're on a run, 508 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,639 Speaker 1: or maybe you're in the car, I don't know wherever 509 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,439 Speaker 1: you are. If you're listening to this and you're like, 510 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,160 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I need to process this. I want 511 00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,560 Speaker 1: to ask these questions, I would highly suggest reaching out 512 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 1: to a professional who has been trained to help you 513 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,399 Speaker 1: do that, because untie eyeing some of this stuff is 514 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 1: really hard to do when you're sitting in the middle 515 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,360 Speaker 1: of it and you only have your view. And if 516 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,800 Speaker 1: you can't do that, if you can't for whatever reason, 517 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,159 Speaker 1: because I know that not everybody has the ability to 518 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,120 Speaker 1: go to therapy, you can't do that, then I would 519 00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 1: at least suggest start to write, because things often show 520 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 1: up differently in front of you than when you're just 521 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,119 Speaker 1: swirling them around in your brain, and there's like a 522 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,920 Speaker 1: free for all up there. So if you can't have 523 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 1: this trained professional sitting outside of you helping you untangle 524 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 1: some of this stuff. Then one thing you can do 525 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 1: to start that on your own is writing it all out, 526 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 1: looking at it when it's out on paper and it's 527 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,640 Speaker 1: not all jumbled up, and see if this stuff fits there. 528 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,719 Speaker 1: So that is where we're going to wrap up today, 529 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,120 Speaker 1: and that's where we're gonna kind of we're not trying 530 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 1: a bow on this because with anything we talk about here, 531 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,520 Speaker 1: it's all messy, and there's always more that we can 532 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: dive into, and there's always a deeper layer. But this 533 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,960 Speaker 1: is the layer we are going to land on today. 534 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,800 Speaker 1: So if you have questions about this, what we talked 535 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:05,680 Speaker 1: about today or anything, you can email me Catherine at 536 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,879 Speaker 1: you Need Therapy podcast dot com. And maybe there is 537 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 1: a question that comes up around defense mechanisms, or maybe 538 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,480 Speaker 1: some of them were confusing and they sound the same. 539 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,440 Speaker 1: Still send me a question and maybe we'll talk about 540 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: it on a couch talks coming up. You can also 541 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,879 Speaker 1: follow me if you just want to do that, Cat 542 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,960 Speaker 1: dot de Fata on Instagram and then also follow the 543 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 1: podcast You Need Therapy podcast on Instagram. I love connecting 544 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,919 Speaker 1: with you guys, so please feel free to do that. Also, 545 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,520 Speaker 1: new fun fact you can write podcasts on Spotify. And 546 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,959 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people listen on Spotify. So 547 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,760 Speaker 1: if you listen on Spotify and you've always been like, well, 548 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 1: I can't rate because I listen on Spotify, what a 549 00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 1: joy today is for you? Because you can just open 550 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,880 Speaker 1: up your phone and click those five stars that I 551 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 1: know you want to give me. And I know it 552 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,080 Speaker 1: might get annoying when we talk about rating and reviewing 553 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: the podcast, but it helps us reach a larger audience. 554 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 1: And I started this podcast so I could start reaching 555 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 1: a larger audience with the type of conversations and the 556 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 1: type of content and information that I sit with all 557 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 1: the time because I want people to have this in 558 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,640 Speaker 1: a safe way, and so if we can do that 559 00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 1: with something as simple as a review, I would love 560 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 1: for you to do that. However, it doesn't really help 561 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 1: us when you give me a one star. So if 562 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,600 Speaker 1: you would like to do that, and you would like 563 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,880 Speaker 1: to give me some feedback about how much you just 564 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:33,600 Speaker 1: hate everything I say, which I have never experienced that, 565 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 1: so I really hope that's not out there or you're 566 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,920 Speaker 1: just keeping it to yourself, I would rather email me 567 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,320 Speaker 1: that than put that out into the universe to you know, 568 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,640 Speaker 1: confuse all the people. So we're gonna wrap up with 569 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 1: all of that being said. I hope you guys have 570 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 1: the day, the week, the minute hour that you need 571 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 1: to have, and I will be back with you guys 572 00:29:52,600 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: on Wednesday, four Couch Talks. Bye, two THO.