WEBVTT - Ep47: Monogamy Does Exist? Feat Lovers Quarrel

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<v Speaker 1>Hi everyone, It's Wheezy from the Horrible Decisions podcast. I

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to tell you guys what I'm doing to celebrate

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<v Speaker 1>my Valentine's Day. I'm going to Joey Beauty Bar. It's

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<v Speaker 1>an event they're doing called Galantine's Day. No men allowed. Sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>if you want to come and you know, try to

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<v Speaker 1>get something happened. It's only for the ladies, but it's

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<v Speaker 1>basically going to be an event where they're going to

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<v Speaker 1>be having a bunch of beauty services going on for you.

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<v Speaker 1>Wine female owned pop ups. Um, there's gonna be like

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<v Speaker 1>a braid bar. They do some really amazing events. I

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<v Speaker 1>love coming out there, so you should definitely check it out.

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<v Speaker 1>It's in the East Village. Um. I'm also going to

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<v Speaker 1>be giving some dating advice. Honestly, I don't know how

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<v Speaker 1>well it'll go. I would just say sex advice is

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<v Speaker 1>pretty much what I could give you. But if you

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<v Speaker 1>want to have some fun with me, it's gonna be

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<v Speaker 1>going down after worktime six to nine on February thirt

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<v Speaker 1>the day before Valentine's Day, So if you actually have

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<v Speaker 1>a bow, you can have time for that. It's at

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<v Speaker 1>East First Street in New York in the East Village. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>you can take the f Train or Bleaker Street to

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<v Speaker 1>get there. Um. I can't wait to see you guys,

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<v Speaker 1>and let's have some fun. Hi guys, UM, I guess

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<v Speaker 1>this is this is kind of odd. This is a

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<v Speaker 1>different dynamic. Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>your girl, Mandy be and we have a special co

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<v Speaker 1>hot hey host today a horrible host. Hello, hey, Um.

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<v Speaker 1>We have Michelle Hope Um in place of Weezy for

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<v Speaker 1>this episode. Weezy is out of town. Y'all know she'd

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<v Speaker 1>beat that and bopping or whatever. So we have Michelle

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<v Speaker 1>and you guys absolutely loved her on our last episode.

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<v Speaker 1>And for the month of February, what me and Weezy

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<v Speaker 1>decided to do is bring on couples. It only makes sense.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the month of love. Why the funk not? So

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<v Speaker 1>we have a wonderful couple UM in the building with

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<v Speaker 1>us today. I wanted to go ahead and maybe catch

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<v Speaker 1>up with Michelle because she's been fucking rocking since she

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<v Speaker 1>came onto our last show. So do you want to

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<v Speaker 1>update our listeners and what's been up with you? I

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<v Speaker 1>mean absolutely, I've been grinding it out, so I have

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<v Speaker 1>a book for young women dropping February twenty. You guys

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<v Speaker 1>can go on Amazon and check it out. It's called

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<v Speaker 1>A Girl's Guide to Sex Education, and it's like over

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<v Speaker 1>a hundred honest answers to like the burning questions of teens.

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<v Speaker 1>Could you add, like, what are a couple of the questions? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean it kind of goes through everything. I'm so

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<v Speaker 1>mad at I forgot to bring you one, but um,

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<v Speaker 1>it goes through everything from puberty to hygiene. Like one

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<v Speaker 1>of the questions was why do I have dimples and

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<v Speaker 1>on my butt and thighs? And my response was, welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to womanhood, honey. It's and we have to have it

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<v Speaker 1>right right as women. I think that we are bombarded

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<v Speaker 1>with images of you know, touched up girls, touched up women,

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<v Speaker 1>even if you're curvy and lovely or thin, and um,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have a lot of curves, but you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I still have satellite and that's a very normal, natural

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<v Speaker 1>part of being a woman, and it's important to our

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<v Speaker 1>ability to reproduce. So I really the book is really

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<v Speaker 1>designed just to be a conversation starter. Parents. If you're

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<v Speaker 1>going to buy it, you need to read it first.

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<v Speaker 1>Because the book was intended to give young people a

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<v Speaker 1>language that they can take to their trusted, knowledgeable adults

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<v Speaker 1>and ask deeper questions. Right, Like, I love that I

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<v Speaker 1>have become some type of youth guru when it comes

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<v Speaker 1>to sex, but without having children, mind you. Um, but

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<v Speaker 1>I think that what it's really about is giving people

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<v Speaker 1>a language and a normalcy to these kinds of conversations that,

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<v Speaker 1>especially in our community, we often I don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about it talks about virginity loss and getting married

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<v Speaker 1>even so it kind of covers a lot of stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>So that is coming up. And then also, like I

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<v Speaker 1>mentioned to you the um dj MV February nine, I

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<v Speaker 1>actually let Michelle know I will be on the building.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll just be coming back from l A. So Jesus Christ,

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<v Speaker 1>don't get on me if I look a hot mess,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm gonna be. I love you, thank you. But

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<v Speaker 1>um yeah, this is um Speaker production, um G and Casey.

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<v Speaker 1>They have and Casey, Gia and Envy Casey have a

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<v Speaker 1>great show. Um and they have Michelle as a fucking guest,

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<v Speaker 1>so it can't be anything but awesome. I think that

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<v Speaker 1>how they discussed their relationship on their podcast is amazing

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm sure that you have such great things. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, this isn't the first time I've worked with them.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm excited because one, it's the night before my book

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<v Speaker 1>drops too, it's right after Valentine's Day three. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>they have three daughters, so like, and they work in

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<v Speaker 1>hip hop and the industry, and you know, there's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot to unpack their being minorities and working in entertainment.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, look what's going on with the Me Too movement,

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<v Speaker 1>and so there's gonna be a lot we're gonna unpack.

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<v Speaker 1>And I really hope that, you know, podcasts like the

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<v Speaker 1>one we're doing right now and podcasts like that continue

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<v Speaker 1>to lead us to deepen our discussion right not only

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<v Speaker 1>in our communities, but also our neighborhoods and even more importantly,

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<v Speaker 1>our own dinner tables. So we can start unpack being

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<v Speaker 1>some of this mist this this mysticism around sex and

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<v Speaker 1>sexuality and kind of reclaim that in what works for us.

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<v Speaker 1>But let's talk about marriage. Well, it's so funny because

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to get into everything you just said. I

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<v Speaker 1>the last time you was here, Wheezy went on her

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<v Speaker 1>a little um woke rants and I actually have one

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<v Speaker 1>today and I want to share kind of my distaste.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was invited to the So Shameless podcast UM

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<v Speaker 1>with Tahoe, who at that point I considered a friend. UM.

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<v Speaker 1>And after listening back to the episode, like my heart

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<v Speaker 1>beat beating fast right now, just talking about it, UM,

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<v Speaker 1>the conversation was about body image and UM specifically he's

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<v Speaker 1>fat shamed a lot with his podcast with Cutty, and

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<v Speaker 1>so the conversation had me and Larris. Larris is a

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<v Speaker 1>plus size model who one Project Runway, and as we

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<v Speaker 1>were talking, there were just some things that as a friend,

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<v Speaker 1>I one felt uncomfortable. I think it's very important that

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<v Speaker 1>when men and women share a friendship that there's that

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<v Speaker 1>level of respect that remains there. And so as we're

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<v Speaker 1>talking about body image, and as I'm talking about how

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<v Speaker 1>curve your women are objectified and sexualized at even at

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<v Speaker 1>a very young age, I had hips and bud and

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<v Speaker 1>thighs and older men would look at me because those

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<v Speaker 1>were woman parts to have, you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 1>And so as I'm explaining this, he decides to bring

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<v Speaker 1>up my sexual assault that happened on the train. UM.

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<v Speaker 1>For I'm not going to get into that, but basically

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<v Speaker 1>I was riding the train home from work, and as

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<v Speaker 1>anyone who lives in New York knows, rush hour, the

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<v Speaker 1>trains get packed and a guy unzipped his pants and

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<v Speaker 1>had his dick on me. So Taho knew that this

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<v Speaker 1>happened to me. He brought it up as a segue

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<v Speaker 1>into pretty much saying that the podcast that we do

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<v Speaker 1>here me talking about sex, me being open about my sexuality,

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<v Speaker 1>pretty much saying that I should expect this behavior from men.

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<v Speaker 1>And I tried to sit here and say, listen, that

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<v Speaker 1>man probably had no idea I had a fucking podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>And to sit here know that men are out here

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<v Speaker 1>thinking that because women like you, or women like me

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<v Speaker 1>or Wheezy should expect a certain behavior from men. It really, really,

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<v Speaker 1>really really like I I cried on the podcast. As

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<v Speaker 1>y'all know, I probably don't show many emotions when it

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<v Speaker 1>comes to myself. Actually I really don't. You know, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not very emotional period, And for me to cry and

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<v Speaker 1>for him not to understand where I was coming from

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<v Speaker 1>really really really put me in a place. And so

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<v Speaker 1>I posted my thoughts about this online and I want

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<v Speaker 1>to read a comment. Y'all know we'll be reading on

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<v Speaker 1>motherfucking comments. So I'm gonna bring a comment that I

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<v Speaker 1>posted onto the Horrible Decisions page. This is a listener

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<v Speaker 1>who wrote under Tahoe's UM page. He said, at full

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<v Speaker 1>Court Pumps, I'm going to have to be honest with you.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me start by saying, I love you and Wheezy

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<v Speaker 1>and listen to your show weekly. You didn't deserve to

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<v Speaker 1>have some creek treat you like that. On the train. However,

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<v Speaker 1>you and Weazy talk about doing how ship and having

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<v Speaker 1>rape fantasies and all other kinds of crazy ship that

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<v Speaker 1>is wild to most people. I understand why Tahoe would

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<v Speaker 1>think and say what he said. He apologized to you

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<v Speaker 1>on air as well as in here, and it's like

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<v Speaker 1>you want to kill dude for having a quick thought

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<v Speaker 1>or opinion. You have to relax, ma. Once again, this

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<v Speaker 1>is a grown man pretty much sitting here saying I

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<v Speaker 1>like your show. It's cool and all, but listen, Tahoe

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<v Speaker 1>was right, you do need to expect this from men.

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<v Speaker 1>And throwing that however or that button there just kind

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<v Speaker 1>of like really really really really really irked me. Um.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's something that I feel like a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>our women listeners and we have a lot of male listeners.

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<v Speaker 1>UM will get into our guests and how we even met.

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<v Speaker 1>But to know that men think that because I discuss kinks,

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<v Speaker 1>or because sex and you're a sexpert UM or been

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<v Speaker 1>a woman with curves, that we should expect this behavior

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<v Speaker 1>for men, it's it's really disgusting. And my advice to

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<v Speaker 1>this was it needs to start in the home. I

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<v Speaker 1>think a lot of our young boys are young guys

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<v Speaker 1>are not being taught that there are certain things that

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<v Speaker 1>you should not do. UM. There's a certain level of

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<v Speaker 1>respect you have to have for all women, not just

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<v Speaker 1>your mom, not just your sister, but any woman that

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<v Speaker 1>you meet, even in public. And I know that you

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<v Speaker 1>talked to talk with us about young children, And I

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<v Speaker 1>mean again, I think that this definitely does have to

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<v Speaker 1>start in the home, but it starts way before that,

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<v Speaker 1>Like we're talking about a cultural shift. So that's one too.

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<v Speaker 1>And in first and foremost, I want to apologize one

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<v Speaker 1>for your experience on the train, UM, and two that

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<v Speaker 1>you were re victimized in a public space because what

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<v Speaker 1>that person doesn't realize they did one is deeply rooted

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<v Speaker 1>in the very rape culture we are all trying to

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<v Speaker 1>fight with shows like this. If you're not aware, rape

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<v Speaker 1>culture is a society that has normalized um, sexual assault

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<v Speaker 1>or victim blaming on women, and and and that is

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<v Speaker 1>to shame them and call um what happened to them

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<v Speaker 1>their own faults because of their behavior. Okay, that is wrong,

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<v Speaker 1>um one two. Victim blaming is also um devaluing your experience.

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<v Speaker 1>And and as a friend, you kind of just don't

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<v Speaker 1>expect to hear that from a friend. It's like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you're talking about it, but to literally sit here

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<v Speaker 1>in segue from my sexual assault to my podcast and

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<v Speaker 1>what I do, I just felt like this is really

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<v Speaker 1>how you feel. You really feel like I deserved this

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<v Speaker 1>in a way, or that I should just expect this

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<v Speaker 1>in my day to day life. And it's just it's, well,

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<v Speaker 1>the thing is here is now I'm gonna shift. And

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<v Speaker 1>and as frustrated as I'd like to be with the

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<v Speaker 1>individual that did that to you, I have to be

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<v Speaker 1>angry at society because I don't know how old that

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<v Speaker 1>person is. Okay, so for forty two years of that

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<v Speaker 1>person's life, we have normalized locker room talk and normalized

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<v Speaker 1>slut shaming and and and and um, you know, the

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<v Speaker 1>virgin and the slut like the Madonna whore complex, and

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<v Speaker 1>and women of color especially have been marginalized sexually, and

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<v Speaker 1>that which we don't have time for. And I won't

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<v Speaker 1>get into roots back into you know, a slavery mentality,

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<v Speaker 1>um and and and even you know this Me Too

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<v Speaker 1>movement and the feminist movement of the seventies, there was

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<v Speaker 1>often a missing voice, and that was the voice of

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<v Speaker 1>women of color. Um. So, I think that this is

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<v Speaker 1>where right now we're in a sexually revolutionary time, and

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<v Speaker 1>we don't even realize we're in the middle of history

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<v Speaker 1>right now. Fifty years from now, this is what's going

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<v Speaker 1>to be talked about in the books, that how one

0:11:56.320 --> 0:11:59.160
<v Speaker 1>of color stood up not only for the ejectification of

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<v Speaker 1>their bodies, but just the response from other Black men

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<v Speaker 1>were already torn down by you know, so many different

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<v Speaker 1>other cultures. And to know that a black man who's

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<v Speaker 1>supposed to stand next to his black queen and uplift

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<v Speaker 1>her would sit here and pretty much blame her, was like, look,

0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:19.200
<v Speaker 1>but society has taught him that. So I would say

0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:23.400
<v Speaker 1>to him, Um, do what tax Stone did. Tax Stone

0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:26.199
<v Speaker 1>invited me on his podcast to help break down what

0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:28.880
<v Speaker 1>rape culture really was. Now that's a that's an O

0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:34.800
<v Speaker 1>G thug okay, beloved tax free tax zone. The fact

0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:38.640
<v Speaker 1>that he even took the time to engage in that

0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:42.200
<v Speaker 1>type of dialogue, which is speaks volume well, which is

0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.040
<v Speaker 1>what I believe Taho tried to do. UM. But there's

0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:48.760
<v Speaker 1>a difference when you really want to listen to somebody

0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:51.120
<v Speaker 1>and learn from them, And there's a difference from when

0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.400
<v Speaker 1>you want to say things for a shock value, or

0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.880
<v Speaker 1>say things to let me know that you're not really listening,

0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.839
<v Speaker 1>or to invite me onto your platform warm and pretty

0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.400
<v Speaker 1>much degrade me. For the entire two hours. I listened

0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:06.520
<v Speaker 1>back and it was just very hurtful to listen to. Um.

0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:08.720
<v Speaker 1>You guys are in the podcast round the Couple that

0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:11.280
<v Speaker 1>we have here, and so I'm sure you guys um

0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:14.200
<v Speaker 1>too key to it and listen. UM. If you guys

0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:16.440
<v Speaker 1>have any thoughts share, you can share now before we

0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:22.280
<v Speaker 1>get into introducing y'all. Yeah, let the woman go first.

0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:25.720
<v Speaker 1>Thank you. UM. I did listen, and I know me

0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.640
<v Speaker 1>and you spoke kind of briefly about it, and I

0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:30.760
<v Speaker 1>was just saying that I was I was hurt for you,

0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:32.520
<v Speaker 1>and you know, I felt like if I was in

0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:36.720
<v Speaker 1>that situation, I would have been truly frustrated embarrassed in

0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:39.920
<v Speaker 1>some ways because and that's and that's the worst feeling

0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:41.959
<v Speaker 1>in the world. Sometimes it's like to feel like you're

0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:44.360
<v Speaker 1>going on to someplace to help educate and you end

0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.960
<v Speaker 1>up made to feel like you are um like again

0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:50.240
<v Speaker 1>the at fault for things that happened to you. And

0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:51.960
<v Speaker 1>that's the first thing I thought of when the whole

0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:55.000
<v Speaker 1>correlation between your show and what happened to you was made,

0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:58.719
<v Speaker 1>was you know how you don't even know if he

0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:01.160
<v Speaker 1>listened like he he's just a power of He's just

0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:04.680
<v Speaker 1>a creep who did that to you? And one these

0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:07.280
<v Speaker 1>things do not one doesn't get the other. It's just

0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:12.040
<v Speaker 1>because you speak on sexuality, or you are more sexually

0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:15.720
<v Speaker 1>open or than um and vocal about it than most

0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:19.360
<v Speaker 1>people are, that does not therefore warrant somebody treating it

0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:22.400
<v Speaker 1>that way ever life, and I think all of our listeners,

0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:26.000
<v Speaker 1>anyone who likes to wear little dresses, any woman who's

0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:27.760
<v Speaker 1>out here with curves or has a big butt or

0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:30.760
<v Speaker 1>has you know, I have triple D breasts like your cleavage.

0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:34.200
<v Speaker 1>None of this, you know, makes it to where you

0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:37.840
<v Speaker 1>should expect a certain behavior from someone UM, and it's

0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.600
<v Speaker 1>never I think the bottom line is understanding that people

0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:44.800
<v Speaker 1>who have experienced sexual harassment or sexual assault it's never

0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:48.720
<v Speaker 1>their fault. It doesn't matter what you've done. And as somebody,

0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:52.160
<v Speaker 1>I am an advocate of UM women who have experienced

0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.320
<v Speaker 1>sexual assault, I myself have experienced sexual assault, and it

0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:59.000
<v Speaker 1>does not matter what the situation is. No means no

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.520
<v Speaker 1>and UM at the end. And I think to to

0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:06.600
<v Speaker 1>that point, we as women, we have to understand I

0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:10.640
<v Speaker 1>don't give a ship if you as foot naked pussy out,

0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:14.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do a double backhand spring triple cow

0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:18.040
<v Speaker 1>sal on the dick in mid air. If you change

0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:20.040
<v Speaker 1>your mind, you have that fucking right. There you go.

0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.120
<v Speaker 1>And men, we have to get to a point that

0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:26.480
<v Speaker 1>you understand that your erect dick is not a speeding

0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:31.120
<v Speaker 1>fucking bullet train. Hello, and it can stop. And if

0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:34.840
<v Speaker 1>a woman says no, or a woman isn't saying anything

0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:38.200
<v Speaker 1>at all, y'all gotta check in, y'all gotta check out.

0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Like at the end of the day, it's about communicating.

0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:45.200
<v Speaker 1>And I hope to empower women to understand you have

0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:49.000
<v Speaker 1>the right to say no at any point with any partner,

0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:53.400
<v Speaker 1>your husband, your lover, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, if you

0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:56.000
<v Speaker 1>go to a sex kink party, it does not matter.

0:15:56.160 --> 0:16:00.560
<v Speaker 1>Your body is your body, your voice is your choice,

0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:08.480
<v Speaker 1>so please speak. Yeah, you're great, You're great. So again, guys, UM,

0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:12.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm super excited about this episode. And so this is

0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:16.600
<v Speaker 1>a very special couple. UM. I guess we can kind

0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:18.760
<v Speaker 1>of mention how we met. This is one of the

0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:22.520
<v Speaker 1>couples that we met at the Brilliant Idiots Live show. Um,

0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:25.000
<v Speaker 1>and if I recall, let you know, I actually met

0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:26.600
<v Speaker 1>about three or four couples that night, so I want

0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:31.720
<v Speaker 1>to recall t J listen first Horrible Decisions. So this

0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:33.440
<v Speaker 1>is so funny. This is at the end of the

0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:36.840
<v Speaker 1>Brilliant Idiots Live Show and this couple walks up to

0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:41.240
<v Speaker 1>me and Danny was like, my husband wants to take

0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:43.440
<v Speaker 1>a picture with you. He says he listens to your podcast,

0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:45.360
<v Speaker 1>and t J was like, I love everything you do.

0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:48.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna get my wife to listen. And shortly after that,

0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:51.160
<v Speaker 1>I believe he made you a listener. We've been talking

0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:53.680
<v Speaker 1>ever since. I exchange numbers and I love everything that

0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.360
<v Speaker 1>you guys do. They actually do have their own podcast

0:16:56.440 --> 0:16:59.960
<v Speaker 1>as well, Lover's Coral and do you want to explain

0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.600
<v Speaker 1>maybe to our listeners what you guys do, and then

0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:05.000
<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about how why y'all are so special? Okay,

0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:08.480
<v Speaker 1>So as far as Lover's Quarrel or everything everything, okay,

0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:11.080
<v Speaker 1>well you know, um, well I'll start with the podcast.

0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.720
<v Speaker 1>We have a show called Lover's Quarrel. Um. We come

0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:19.080
<v Speaker 1>out you would say, bi weekly um um, and we

0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:22.520
<v Speaker 1>basically talk marriage relationships sometimes what's going on in the

0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:25.160
<v Speaker 1>world and how that that impacts marriage relationships. We actually

0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:28.199
<v Speaker 1>had kind of a conversation about the Me Too movement

0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:31.359
<v Speaker 1>and you know, um, expectations of men and women and

0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:35.200
<v Speaker 1>when it comes to uh, sexual interactions of any type,

0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:40.320
<v Speaker 1>and um, we yeah, we just we talk about what

0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:42.639
<v Speaker 1>goes on in our lives. We kind of, um have

0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:44.639
<v Speaker 1>a quarrel where we he and I sometimes even though

0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:47.600
<v Speaker 1>we've been together for a long time, we definitely don't

0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:52.720
<v Speaker 1>see ada and everything. Um. But that's relationships and and

0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:56.119
<v Speaker 1>that's what happens. But uh, with creating a podcast that

0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:59.520
<v Speaker 1>allowed us to spend time together and kind of learn

0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:01.680
<v Speaker 1>to learn each other all over again, you know, see

0:18:01.680 --> 0:18:05.720
<v Speaker 1>each other's points and and build from there. So originally

0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:08.600
<v Speaker 1>when we had it um. It was called to be determined.

0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:15.200
<v Speaker 1>We started much better. It makes sense. We rebranded and

0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:17.920
<v Speaker 1>wanted to have a family, so we had our daughter,

0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:20.480
<v Speaker 1>so we stopped, and then when we came back, we

0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:22.720
<v Speaker 1>decided that who was going to change the name and

0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:24.760
<v Speaker 1>change the dynamic? You know, at first we were trying

0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:26.840
<v Speaker 1>to do what everyone was doing, right, no one's talking

0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.280
<v Speaker 1>about pop culture whatever. But it was like, let's let's

0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:32.320
<v Speaker 1>get back to who we are. Let's talk about our relationship.

0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:39.280
<v Speaker 1>You know, Um, we've been together, what going okay? Well? Right,

0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:42.359
<v Speaker 1>she's like I wanted to say that. That's why we

0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:45.040
<v Speaker 1>brought this couple on for this specific episode. We talked

0:18:45.040 --> 0:18:48.280
<v Speaker 1>a lot about non monogamy on this show, and this

0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:51.120
<v Speaker 1>couple right here has actually only been with each other.

0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:55.720
<v Speaker 1>They're high schooling, um, And so we actually wanted to

0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:58.080
<v Speaker 1>do an episode where we can cater to our monogamous

0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:00.919
<v Speaker 1>viewers because although me and we be out here about

0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:03.600
<v Speaker 1>that ship, you know what I mean, um, and don't

0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:07.640
<v Speaker 1>believe in monogamy. I wanted to definitely cater to our listeners, like, well, bitch,

0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:09.439
<v Speaker 1>I ain't let my niggafunk know about it, you know,

0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:12.199
<v Speaker 1>nobody else. So I definitely wanted to get into that.

0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:15.600
<v Speaker 1>So what we like to do for every show before

0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:17.320
<v Speaker 1>we kick it off is doing kink of the week.

0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:22.840
<v Speaker 1>I'd look, she read, oh god, did you bring something?

0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:25.360
<v Speaker 1>Oh Lord, Michelle, y'all know she's having her little bag,

0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:29.000
<v Speaker 1>and so I'm gonna go ahead and explain it. So

0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:31.960
<v Speaker 1>the kink of the week for this week is called sounding.

0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:35.000
<v Speaker 1>Do either of you guys know what sounding is? Okay?

0:19:35.640 --> 0:19:37.520
<v Speaker 1>It makes sense for the man to know what it is.

0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:43.600
<v Speaker 1>So sounding is also known as cock stuffing. This is

0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:51.560
<v Speaker 1>the practice of inserting something into the urethra. I didn't know, honestly,

0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:54.040
<v Speaker 1>when I read this, I was like, wait, men can

0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:58.080
<v Speaker 1>stick things inside their peakle Like, yes, it's besides like

0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:01.040
<v Speaker 1>the little like I was about to call it a

0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:02.359
<v Speaker 1>pats in here, but like you know, when I go

0:20:02.400 --> 0:20:06.199
<v Speaker 1>to the doctor, and so the process it usually is

0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:10.840
<v Speaker 1>done in like um, when people get their urethra, like

0:20:10.880 --> 0:20:13.680
<v Speaker 1>if they need something cleared from the urethra. So it's

0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:17.080
<v Speaker 1>a small metal rod, or it could be a plastic

0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:20.080
<v Speaker 1>tube that could reach all the way to the bladder

0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:25.840
<v Speaker 1>and for people grabbing my arm for some people, for

0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:30.359
<v Speaker 1>some people, um, this can also you can reach the

0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:33.240
<v Speaker 1>prostate from the front, so you can penetrate what what

0:20:33.359 --> 0:20:37.080
<v Speaker 1>you would consider to be the unpenetrable. So right, yeah,

0:20:37.160 --> 0:20:40.639
<v Speaker 1>So it says that also note that it is you

0:20:40.680 --> 0:20:44.080
<v Speaker 1>need necessary equipment, um, and you can buy kids online.

0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:46.440
<v Speaker 1>You can buy them online. It says that you don't

0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:48.959
<v Speaker 1>need much experience, but basically it's something that you can

0:20:49.040 --> 0:20:51.960
<v Speaker 1>look at. Our mail in here is just shaking his

0:20:52.119 --> 0:20:55.200
<v Speaker 1>mother like his head. Um. It says that you don't

0:20:55.240 --> 0:20:56.960
<v Speaker 1>need to have the full kit or even a full

0:20:57.000 --> 0:21:06.000
<v Speaker 1>sound to start plugs. Well, let's go back upommend um.

0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:10.400
<v Speaker 1>I mean, this is definitely a very kink space, right

0:21:10.880 --> 0:21:12.960
<v Speaker 1>but for me, because you know me, I always got

0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:16.600
<v Speaker 1>to bring a bit learning your sampson. Um. What we

0:21:16.680 --> 0:21:19.919
<v Speaker 1>really need to focus on is the risk, because there

0:21:19.920 --> 0:21:24.200
<v Speaker 1>are absolutely so so studies have been done to look

0:21:24.240 --> 0:21:27.720
<v Speaker 1>at the type of people who are into this behavior

0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:31.440
<v Speaker 1>and what type of sexual risk that they have. So

0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:35.640
<v Speaker 1>studies have found that people who do who are into

0:21:35.720 --> 0:21:38.520
<v Speaker 1>this kink tend to have higher risk factors of s

0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:43.119
<v Speaker 1>t I s UM, including HIV. They tend to have

0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:45.960
<v Speaker 1>multiple partners, some of which they may or may not know.

0:21:46.080 --> 0:21:49.760
<v Speaker 1>They tend to have partners they don't know often times

0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:53.720
<v Speaker 1>associated with the kink, specifically the type of kink like

0:21:53.800 --> 0:21:56.240
<v Speaker 1>finding somebody who's going to put a catheter in you

0:21:56.520 --> 0:21:59.440
<v Speaker 1>or is going to put a rod in you. It

0:21:59.640 --> 0:22:02.560
<v Speaker 1>tends to be people who are also very kinky. Which

0:22:02.720 --> 0:22:05.160
<v Speaker 1>now I'm not saying that people in the kink space

0:22:05.359 --> 0:22:09.600
<v Speaker 1>are at higher risk. However, you have to understand that

0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:12.960
<v Speaker 1>the more partners you have, the higher your risk is,

0:22:13.080 --> 0:22:16.200
<v Speaker 1>even if you're being careful. And with this specific kink,

0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:21.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm not yeah, not well, honey, we hadn't even got

0:22:21.480 --> 0:22:31.560
<v Speaker 1>into scat play, so what about blood letting? Okay, not

0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:34.240
<v Speaker 1>to day, they saying that for another day. But the

0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:36.840
<v Speaker 1>biggest thing that you're going to kind of put yourself

0:22:36.840 --> 0:22:40.640
<v Speaker 1>at risk worse urinary tractor sections because if you don't

0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.760
<v Speaker 1>have sterile equipment or you know, let's face it, sometimes

0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:46.399
<v Speaker 1>your vibrator sleeps under your pillow and you can't just

0:22:46.480 --> 0:22:48.920
<v Speaker 1>be sticking rose and your penis that ain't sterile. You're

0:22:48.960 --> 0:22:51.360
<v Speaker 1>gonna need a lot of loop. And the same for women, right,

0:22:51.359 --> 0:22:54.200
<v Speaker 1>I know women can with you can those lead to

0:22:54.320 --> 0:22:57.960
<v Speaker 1>us absolutely, but also I want to be honest, most

0:22:58.000 --> 0:23:00.840
<v Speaker 1>of the literature looks at men when it comes to

0:23:00.920 --> 0:23:03.920
<v Speaker 1>this king. However, when it comes to sounding, it can

0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:07.320
<v Speaker 1>be done with women. It's just not as popular, right,

0:23:08.400 --> 0:23:11.960
<v Speaker 1>So I think the idea is really the the idea

0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:17.040
<v Speaker 1>of like, how like opening your the that hole it's

0:23:17.040 --> 0:23:19.399
<v Speaker 1>also known as it's spelled m E A t U

0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:22.000
<v Speaker 1>S medias, that's the little hole, that's what that's called.

0:23:22.080 --> 0:23:24.359
<v Speaker 1>But when you don't have anyone that's done this, but

0:23:24.760 --> 0:23:26.760
<v Speaker 1>if you get a Prince Albert, if you know anybody

0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:30.040
<v Speaker 1>that has a Prince Albert, that is very similar because

0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:32.760
<v Speaker 1>the Prince Albert, it's where you pierced the penis. Ah,

0:23:33.800 --> 0:23:37.480
<v Speaker 1>my friend was that had like it goes inside though

0:23:38.080 --> 0:23:42.120
<v Speaker 1>it usually goes in the media's and is pierced that way,

0:23:42.200 --> 0:23:46.200
<v Speaker 1>so it hangs it wouldn't you wouldn't cross sect about

0:23:46.200 --> 0:23:50.440
<v Speaker 1>the balls that haven't Like she was sucking someone that

0:23:50.520 --> 0:23:53.560
<v Speaker 1>had piercings, but they were like balls inside his dick.

0:23:54.320 --> 0:24:00.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh that's different. Yeah, it's like that's a little different.

0:24:00.560 --> 0:24:03.720
<v Speaker 1>That's not sounding because that's just gonna go under the skin.

0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:08.280
<v Speaker 1>The Prince Albert actually goes into the media and you

0:24:08.400 --> 0:24:11.359
<v Speaker 1>pierce that way. But again, those of you who are

0:24:11.400 --> 0:24:14.879
<v Speaker 1>into that, super cool. That's I'm all for it for

0:24:15.119 --> 0:24:17.160
<v Speaker 1>you if you like it. I love it. I a't

0:24:17.160 --> 0:24:19.920
<v Speaker 1>been a yucky yum. But please be sure you're being

0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:22.960
<v Speaker 1>safe if you have multiple partners, make sure you're getting

0:24:22.960 --> 0:24:27.000
<v Speaker 1>tested regularly. Please and understand that if you're not concerned

0:24:27.000 --> 0:24:29.680
<v Speaker 1>about HIV or S t I S, a urinary tract

0:24:29.680 --> 0:24:32.560
<v Speaker 1>infection might be come in your way. Just because that's

0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:34.880
<v Speaker 1>a urinary tract infection is like back to a lot

0:24:34.880 --> 0:24:38.000
<v Speaker 1>of men who don't even normally get that. As women,

0:24:38.160 --> 0:24:41.200
<v Speaker 1>we can get it very easily, and basically it's really awful.

0:24:41.240 --> 0:24:43.679
<v Speaker 1>You pretty much feel like you have to and it

0:24:43.760 --> 0:24:47.040
<v Speaker 1>burns and it's like then two drops come out. He's

0:24:47.080 --> 0:24:52.200
<v Speaker 1>not I would take a yeast infection before that. I

0:24:52.320 --> 0:24:56.359
<v Speaker 1>take b V because then I just smell fishy. So

0:24:56.440 --> 0:25:03.160
<v Speaker 1>it's just not problem of vagina diaries. So we're gonna

0:25:03.200 --> 0:25:07.080
<v Speaker 1>get finally into our horrible decision. And of course I

0:25:07.080 --> 0:25:10.080
<v Speaker 1>don't think it's horrible that you're monogamous, but this is

0:25:10.119 --> 0:25:12.000
<v Speaker 1>just you know the segment of the show. And so

0:25:12.359 --> 0:25:14.359
<v Speaker 1>for a lot of you that are listening, there's no

0:25:14.400 --> 0:25:17.000
<v Speaker 1>need for me to break up what monogamy is, um,

0:25:17.040 --> 0:25:19.240
<v Speaker 1>but I do want to talk about kind of your

0:25:19.280 --> 0:25:22.960
<v Speaker 1>relationship you guys met in high school. Yes, correct, And

0:25:23.000 --> 0:25:24.760
<v Speaker 1>you said earlier on the show, you guys have been

0:25:24.760 --> 0:25:30.320
<v Speaker 1>together for fourteen years. Yes, in years since were like,

0:25:30.560 --> 0:25:33.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, decided that we go together. Oh my goodness.

0:25:34.400 --> 0:25:37.919
<v Speaker 1>So I was kind of talking to Danny about this

0:25:37.960 --> 0:25:41.439
<v Speaker 1>because I was like, so, have you experienced cheating? And

0:25:41.480 --> 0:25:44.480
<v Speaker 1>I heard a no. So I'm like, wait, you guys

0:25:44.480 --> 0:25:46.840
<v Speaker 1>have literally only been because you guys lost each other's

0:25:46.880 --> 0:25:49.800
<v Speaker 1>virginity to each other, So you have only been with

0:25:49.840 --> 0:25:52.920
<v Speaker 1>each other for the last fourteen years? Correct? Now to me,

0:25:53.040 --> 0:25:55.119
<v Speaker 1>A wheezy. I don't mother see how y'all do it.

0:25:55.600 --> 0:25:58.679
<v Speaker 1>I don't see how it's possible, Like I genuinely and

0:25:58.760 --> 0:26:02.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, I started real early. I don't even know

0:26:02.359 --> 0:26:04.919
<v Speaker 1>the nickname from now, like it's been some other like

0:26:05.000 --> 0:26:09.800
<v Speaker 1>a time. So I wanted to ask um kind of

0:26:09.840 --> 0:26:13.479
<v Speaker 1>the dynamic of this relationship and how you feel like

0:26:13.560 --> 0:26:17.240
<v Speaker 1>you guys have been able to maintain monogamy throughout the

0:26:17.240 --> 0:26:22.280
<v Speaker 1>fourteen years. Well, for me, I'm gonna say that I

0:26:22.280 --> 0:26:24.480
<v Speaker 1>have an older brother of older cousins. I kind of

0:26:24.480 --> 0:26:28.000
<v Speaker 1>seen what they went through. I didn't want that. You

0:26:28.000 --> 0:26:30.600
<v Speaker 1>don't want it, I didn't want what was it like?

0:26:31.080 --> 0:26:34.800
<v Speaker 1>Trying to juggle different women, or just having issues with

0:26:35.200 --> 0:26:38.520
<v Speaker 1>their significant others so they messed with somebody else. Like

0:26:38.800 --> 0:26:41.199
<v Speaker 1>it was just those things that I've seen and I

0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:43.399
<v Speaker 1>was just like, yeah, I don't want to have to

0:26:43.400 --> 0:26:46.240
<v Speaker 1>deal with that. And then my parents they've been together

0:26:46.320 --> 0:26:53.240
<v Speaker 1>that's what twenty six years, so I also have that

0:26:53.440 --> 0:26:58.880
<v Speaker 1>experiencing that. But with Danny, it was always clear that

0:26:59.080 --> 0:27:01.359
<v Speaker 1>if I was doing I can only do two things

0:27:01.480 --> 0:27:09.440
<v Speaker 1>that should leave me, and that's cheetah beat And you've

0:27:09.440 --> 0:27:12.080
<v Speaker 1>made that clear from the very beginning pretty much. Yeah,

0:27:12.200 --> 0:27:14.680
<v Speaker 1>I was like, those are my deal breakers. Everything else,

0:27:14.720 --> 0:27:16.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, you know, we could pretty much probably you know,

0:27:16.600 --> 0:27:20.480
<v Speaker 1>work through address something, but I don't what was your

0:27:20.560 --> 0:27:23.080
<v Speaker 1>upbringing that you were able to tell him, like, listen,

0:27:24.400 --> 0:27:26.359
<v Speaker 1>this is what it is, and you know, because I

0:27:26.400 --> 0:27:28.800
<v Speaker 1>feel like we talked about this often. It has a

0:27:28.840 --> 0:27:30.560
<v Speaker 1>lot like I grew up in a single parent household,

0:27:30.600 --> 0:27:33.040
<v Speaker 1>and I've seen my mom and my dad both have

0:27:33.160 --> 0:27:35.760
<v Speaker 1>multiple partners growing up, So I feel like maybe that's

0:27:36.280 --> 0:27:38.919
<v Speaker 1>my mindset that this is normal. But for you to

0:27:39.040 --> 0:27:41.879
<v Speaker 1>see your parents together and then what was your bringing

0:27:41.880 --> 0:27:44.720
<v Speaker 1>to make this seem like? So so my parents, um,

0:27:45.000 --> 0:27:50.120
<v Speaker 1>my parents were married for twenty two something years before

0:27:50.160 --> 0:27:52.639
<v Speaker 1>they got divorced and then so like they didn't separate

0:27:52.680 --> 0:27:57.280
<v Speaker 1>until I was in college. But um, I come from

0:27:56.880 --> 0:28:02.320
<v Speaker 1>a family full of women who are strong, opinionated, intelligent, beautiful,

0:28:02.359 --> 0:28:04.800
<v Speaker 1>all these things, and so it was never about taking

0:28:04.840 --> 0:28:06.800
<v Speaker 1>it from a man ever. And like I have an

0:28:06.800 --> 0:28:11.520
<v Speaker 1>older sister as well, and you know, um, and my

0:28:11.560 --> 0:28:13.679
<v Speaker 1>sister's father and my mom didn't work out, and you know,

0:28:13.960 --> 0:28:16.560
<v Speaker 1>and my mom was a single mother with my sister

0:28:16.640 --> 0:28:20.080
<v Speaker 1>for up until my dad came along. And you know,

0:28:20.720 --> 0:28:23.359
<v Speaker 1>my mom definitely still had that mentality of like, you know,

0:28:23.480 --> 0:28:26.159
<v Speaker 1>you just you don't take shipped from anybody and you

0:28:26.240 --> 0:28:29.720
<v Speaker 1>don't tolerate disrespect or anything of the sort. So and

0:28:29.760 --> 0:28:32.560
<v Speaker 1>I was honestly like I was encouraged to like like

0:28:32.880 --> 0:28:36.119
<v Speaker 1>not less like like the have a kind of have

0:28:36.320 --> 0:28:38.720
<v Speaker 1>like the kink and that kink shame me either, But

0:28:38.760 --> 0:28:41.560
<v Speaker 1>just like they definitely encouraged me to like date, to

0:28:41.600 --> 0:28:44.000
<v Speaker 1>get out there because you go through your whole face, yes,

0:28:44.040 --> 0:28:45.680
<v Speaker 1>to go thy much. Yes, Because I saw him all

0:28:45.680 --> 0:28:46.960
<v Speaker 1>the time, I'm like, you took all my thought in years.

0:28:47.040 --> 0:28:49.320
<v Speaker 1>I was like, so we're here, We're in the stiff

0:28:49.320 --> 0:28:51.960
<v Speaker 1>forever I was like, you took my best years and um,

0:28:53.280 --> 0:28:56.240
<v Speaker 1>I know, but still, like you know, I would talking

0:28:56.240 --> 0:28:59.760
<v Speaker 1>about you. You can have a thought phase at anytime

0:29:00.000 --> 0:29:04.640
<v Speaker 1>your life. You're right, yere, absolutely right. The fact that

0:29:04.640 --> 0:29:07.240
<v Speaker 1>goes to that my whole like the dicidal norms that

0:29:07.360 --> 0:29:09.800
<v Speaker 1>kind of always have been were impressed the poem in

0:29:09.840 --> 0:29:14.720
<v Speaker 1>Palm Me. So basically though I um, oh god, I'm

0:29:14.720 --> 0:29:16.800
<v Speaker 1>losing my train of thought. But basically I come from

0:29:16.840 --> 0:29:19.360
<v Speaker 1>a family. But they encouraged me to date. I met him,

0:29:19.480 --> 0:29:23.000
<v Speaker 1>and you know, he was so different, Like I didn't

0:29:23.000 --> 0:29:24.800
<v Speaker 1>expect to date a guy who was like so very

0:29:24.840 --> 0:29:26.360
<v Speaker 1>sure about how he felt about me. I was like

0:29:26.360 --> 0:29:28.120
<v Speaker 1>like I was like, oh, it's my first little boyfriend whatever,

0:29:28.320 --> 0:29:30.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, get my little feet wet and in the

0:29:30.200 --> 0:29:33.440
<v Speaker 1>date in pool and he was like you're it, like

0:29:33.480 --> 0:29:35.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm good, and I was, And I mean there were

0:29:35.600 --> 0:29:37.960
<v Speaker 1>times where like it made me scared, Like I was like, sir,

0:29:38.080 --> 0:29:40.680
<v Speaker 1>you were very like we're seventeen, Like what are you

0:29:40.720 --> 0:29:42.920
<v Speaker 1>talking about? And but I kind of was just like

0:29:43.120 --> 0:29:44.440
<v Speaker 1>you know what, I'm gonna ride this thing to the

0:29:44.440 --> 0:29:46.920
<v Speaker 1>wheels fall off and see what happens. And like they

0:29:47.080 --> 0:29:49.120
<v Speaker 1>just haven't fallen off. Now for both of you, have

0:29:49.240 --> 0:29:51.600
<v Speaker 1>you guys, have either of you reached a point where

0:29:51.640 --> 0:29:54.160
<v Speaker 1>maybe you wanted to see what else was out there?

0:29:54.520 --> 0:29:57.320
<v Speaker 1>And if you guys did, kind of how did you

0:29:57.360 --> 0:29:59.080
<v Speaker 1>guys bring it back to this is who I want

0:29:59.120 --> 0:30:02.320
<v Speaker 1>to be with. I wouldn't say that I wanted to

0:30:02.360 --> 0:30:05.920
<v Speaker 1>see now, see with having the older brother and the

0:30:06.000 --> 0:30:09.160
<v Speaker 1>cousins get to hit the story, right, so you know

0:30:09.320 --> 0:30:14.680
<v Speaker 1>I can, You know I can so. But but for me, um,

0:30:14.800 --> 0:30:17.400
<v Speaker 1>one thing as I got older and you know, when

0:30:17.400 --> 0:30:19.800
<v Speaker 1>we got married, such we can other married people. One

0:30:19.840 --> 0:30:21.960
<v Speaker 1>thing is to always say is like, could you imagine

0:30:22.000 --> 0:30:25.920
<v Speaker 1>somebody else pleasuring pleasuring your significant other? Right? We talked

0:30:25.960 --> 0:30:30.080
<v Speaker 1>about pleasure. I'm better than you can and they said

0:30:30.960 --> 0:30:33.560
<v Speaker 1>if you can't, then there's no reason to like leave

0:30:33.680 --> 0:30:35.800
<v Speaker 1>or cheat or anything like that. So that's one of

0:30:35.800 --> 0:30:37.520
<v Speaker 1>the things that kind of stuck with me. I think

0:30:37.600 --> 0:30:41.480
<v Speaker 1>also too, we might be non monogamous, or that's what

0:30:41.560 --> 0:30:43.880
<v Speaker 1>you and Wheezy might subscribe to. You know, I don't

0:30:43.880 --> 0:30:47.959
<v Speaker 1>even who knows I think that. For me, yeah, I

0:30:48.200 --> 0:30:52.600
<v Speaker 1>study human sexual behavior, right, but sometimes that doesn't involve

0:30:52.720 --> 0:30:58.760
<v Speaker 1>touching or set or set penis vagina penetration, sex at all,

0:30:59.400 --> 0:31:02.560
<v Speaker 1>you know sex And I've said this a billion times,

0:31:02.600 --> 0:31:06.160
<v Speaker 1>I'll say it again. Well, from the womb to the money,

0:31:06.280 --> 0:31:08.400
<v Speaker 1>sex is gonna be a part of your life. But

0:31:08.560 --> 0:31:10.920
<v Speaker 1>as we age and as we go through different spaces

0:31:10.920 --> 0:31:13.200
<v Speaker 1>in our life, that looks very different, and that looks

0:31:13.240 --> 0:31:16.320
<v Speaker 1>and we look for more and just yes, it becomes

0:31:16.600 --> 0:31:20.280
<v Speaker 1>different and you become turned on and you become intimately

0:31:20.440 --> 0:31:24.800
<v Speaker 1>satisfied in very different ways. So I think this is

0:31:24.880 --> 0:31:27.560
<v Speaker 1>I think it's so Honestly, I was on another radio

0:31:27.680 --> 0:31:30.640
<v Speaker 1>show and a guy just called in and he's like,

0:31:30.640 --> 0:31:32.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm getting married in a month and my wife and

0:31:32.960 --> 0:31:36.720
<v Speaker 1>I are virgins. And then you called me that day

0:31:36.960 --> 0:31:39.520
<v Speaker 1>and I want you to come on with these people. Yeah,

0:31:39.640 --> 0:31:42.440
<v Speaker 1>and it was like perfect, It's it's also something. So

0:31:42.880 --> 0:31:45.600
<v Speaker 1>I also wanted to talk about. UM. Me and Danny

0:31:45.680 --> 0:31:48.240
<v Speaker 1>had a conversation when I was talking about my my

0:31:48.280 --> 0:31:52.160
<v Speaker 1>surgery and you sent me a picture from my wedding day,

0:31:52.280 --> 0:31:55.880
<v Speaker 1>from her wedding day, and since the wedding day, Um,

0:31:55.920 --> 0:31:58.280
<v Speaker 1>she's put on weight as most women do with kids,

0:31:58.320 --> 0:32:01.160
<v Speaker 1>with stress, with life, with age, with love, with love,

0:32:03.120 --> 0:32:06.240
<v Speaker 1>and so um, just us, we we both talked about

0:32:06.280 --> 0:32:08.560
<v Speaker 1>just our body image and We've gotten a lot of

0:32:08.560 --> 0:32:12.640
<v Speaker 1>a lot of letters from men and women about shifting

0:32:12.680 --> 0:32:15.320
<v Speaker 1>with their body image and pleasing their partner or not

0:32:15.320 --> 0:32:18.320
<v Speaker 1>feeling as confident in the bedroom. Was that something that

0:32:18.440 --> 0:32:21.000
<v Speaker 1>you were able to notice and if so, how did

0:32:21.000 --> 0:32:23.760
<v Speaker 1>you guys talk through this? Um? When it came to

0:32:23.960 --> 0:32:27.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, just change Well, I'll say this so that

0:32:28.120 --> 0:32:30.160
<v Speaker 1>he can has to go ahead to say it's part.

0:32:30.600 --> 0:32:33.440
<v Speaker 1>I definitely had, like I would have like confidence issues

0:32:33.480 --> 0:32:35.480
<v Speaker 1>like as like you know, put on the weight and

0:32:35.840 --> 0:32:39.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, not feeling at um, not wanting to be

0:32:39.280 --> 0:32:43.480
<v Speaker 1>intimate as often because I have my own insecurities and

0:32:43.520 --> 0:32:46.160
<v Speaker 1>I don't like how things look on me. And then

0:32:46.240 --> 0:32:50.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, consequently he would end up kind of missing

0:32:50.440 --> 0:32:52.800
<v Speaker 1>out because of it. So I'll you know, I'll let

0:32:52.800 --> 0:32:58.360
<v Speaker 1>you go from there. It didn't matter. Like I've always

0:32:58.360 --> 0:32:59.800
<v Speaker 1>told that, you know, I'm gonna love you at your

0:32:59.800 --> 0:33:03.480
<v Speaker 1>big gets, at your smallest. It's just with her, so

0:33:03.720 --> 0:33:06.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, I mean you go through that. UM. I

0:33:06.200 --> 0:33:11.880
<v Speaker 1>think watching her pregnant definitely changed my mind looking at

0:33:11.880 --> 0:33:16.520
<v Speaker 1>all women and because seeing her body go through what

0:33:16.600 --> 0:33:19.800
<v Speaker 1>it what it went through, seeing her sacrifice that it

0:33:19.840 --> 0:33:22.600
<v Speaker 1>made me just say, like you know what, oh you

0:33:22.640 --> 0:33:25.240
<v Speaker 1>know there's other women out here. You know, we grew

0:33:25.280 --> 0:33:27.720
<v Speaker 1>up in society that everyone's supposed to be a certain way,

0:33:27.760 --> 0:33:31.080
<v Speaker 1>supposed to look a certain way, act a certain way. Um.

0:33:31.160 --> 0:33:34.520
<v Speaker 1>They're supposed to be like the most beautifulest with the

0:33:34.560 --> 0:33:38.800
<v Speaker 1>smallest body, and that's not how it really is. Um.

0:33:38.960 --> 0:33:42.120
<v Speaker 1>But seeing that, it was just like why, Like women

0:33:42.160 --> 0:33:45.360
<v Speaker 1>can do it all, Like they can literally do it all.

0:33:45.520 --> 0:33:48.240
<v Speaker 1>And and for me, the fact that she sacrificed her

0:33:48.240 --> 0:33:50.920
<v Speaker 1>body to make me a father, it was just like,

0:33:51.960 --> 0:33:53.640
<v Speaker 1>how whack of it would it be of me to

0:33:53.720 --> 0:33:55.800
<v Speaker 1>be like, I'm not attracted to you no more because

0:33:55.800 --> 0:33:59.840
<v Speaker 1>you gain weight, Like, you know, you gain weight. You know,

0:34:00.240 --> 0:34:02.080
<v Speaker 1>we'll get through it together at the end of the day.

0:34:02.120 --> 0:34:05.320
<v Speaker 1>But seeing that sacrifice made me made me realize that

0:34:05.400 --> 0:34:08.480
<v Speaker 1>it was bigger things than the body. So, I mean,

0:34:08.520 --> 0:34:11.880
<v Speaker 1>she's still who she is. Come over here with the

0:34:11.960 --> 0:34:19.040
<v Speaker 1>moji face coming out. So I am constantly on Twitter,

0:34:19.200 --> 0:34:21.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm constantly on social media, and I read a lot.

0:34:22.520 --> 0:34:27.279
<v Speaker 1>It seems like people think of monogamy as a relationship

0:34:27.400 --> 0:34:30.600
<v Speaker 1>where you kind of fight to know that that's who

0:34:30.640 --> 0:34:33.239
<v Speaker 1>loves you more than actually enjoying the relationship. And I

0:34:33.280 --> 0:34:36.160
<v Speaker 1>say that to say there's a lot of people. Um,

0:34:36.200 --> 0:34:38.160
<v Speaker 1>and there was actually just a female who wrote us

0:34:38.239 --> 0:34:42.959
<v Speaker 1>about snooping and looking for things to make it look Look,

0:34:43.040 --> 0:34:45.520
<v Speaker 1>everybody in the room roll their eyes. But I think

0:34:45.520 --> 0:34:48.920
<v Speaker 1>it's a huge thing because when you're in a monogamous relationship,

0:34:49.520 --> 0:34:52.000
<v Speaker 1>you're not cheating. You're not supposed to be having other partners.

0:34:52.000 --> 0:34:54.520
<v Speaker 1>You're not you're not supposed to be doing all of

0:34:54.560 --> 0:34:57.480
<v Speaker 1>these things. And yet, because we grow up in this

0:34:57.600 --> 0:34:59.560
<v Speaker 1>society where we do, where people are cheating, people are

0:34:59.560 --> 0:35:01.919
<v Speaker 1>having babies on each other, a lot of women feel

0:35:01.960 --> 0:35:04.960
<v Speaker 1>the need to snoop to try to find their man

0:35:05.040 --> 0:35:08.920
<v Speaker 1>and doing something wrong. Um, I guess I would like

0:35:09.280 --> 0:35:11.520
<v Speaker 1>for you to share with our listeners how you keep

0:35:11.520 --> 0:35:13.879
<v Speaker 1>from doing that or if you have what went through

0:35:13.920 --> 0:35:16.200
<v Speaker 1>your mind. Look t J, like, I want to know

0:35:16.200 --> 0:35:19.000
<v Speaker 1>if you if you ever done that? You know what?

0:35:19.120 --> 0:35:22.880
<v Speaker 1>I haven't? Like I really, I mean, and do you

0:35:22.960 --> 0:35:25.000
<v Speaker 1>have you had friends that have That's why when I

0:35:25.040 --> 0:35:27.440
<v Speaker 1>made that, that's because I've got plenty of friends who

0:35:27.440 --> 0:35:30.320
<v Speaker 1>went through the Nika's phone and right and then you

0:35:30.360 --> 0:35:31.920
<v Speaker 1>know I get the text mess just like Danny, Oh

0:35:31.960 --> 0:35:33.759
<v Speaker 1>my god, and I was like, you know when you

0:35:33.840 --> 0:35:36.400
<v Speaker 1>go looking for something, you find it, you tend to

0:35:36.440 --> 0:35:39.880
<v Speaker 1>find it. And um, you've been with him for fourteen

0:35:39.960 --> 0:35:42.279
<v Speaker 1>years and you've never snooped like look at through his

0:35:42.480 --> 0:35:53.360
<v Speaker 1>like no passwords? Are you a good one? Like we

0:35:53.400 --> 0:35:59.120
<v Speaker 1>talked about it. For us, yes, and for me and

0:35:59.160 --> 0:36:02.920
<v Speaker 1>for me specific. I think that the reason why this

0:36:02.960 --> 0:36:05.279
<v Speaker 1>works and the reason why this came to be is

0:36:05.360 --> 0:36:07.160
<v Speaker 1>because I think, in my heart of hearts, I've just

0:36:07.200 --> 0:36:09.279
<v Speaker 1>never been one for the games and never been one

0:36:09.320 --> 0:36:11.880
<v Speaker 1>for the stress. I'm not a person who likes to argue.

0:36:11.920 --> 0:36:14.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm not a person who likes to be wrapped up

0:36:14.600 --> 0:36:17.680
<v Speaker 1>in drama. I don't thrive on it. So for whatever reason,

0:36:17.760 --> 0:36:19.920
<v Speaker 1>whoever you believe in, brought me and him together and

0:36:19.960 --> 0:36:22.319
<v Speaker 1>have us still together, it must be because that's what

0:36:22.440 --> 0:36:25.920
<v Speaker 1>I needed. And as far as snooping, I have no

0:36:26.000 --> 0:36:28.160
<v Speaker 1>reason to snoop because he doesn't give me one. He didn't.

0:36:28.200 --> 0:36:30.520
<v Speaker 1>There wasn't there's never been anything that unless he's the

0:36:30.600 --> 0:36:33.480
<v Speaker 1>best at at at hiding something, which but there's there's

0:36:33.520 --> 0:36:36.799
<v Speaker 1>never been a reason. And so he wears his heart

0:36:36.800 --> 0:36:40.360
<v Speaker 1>on his sleep, he tells everything, but he's a bad liar. Basically,

0:36:40.920 --> 0:36:43.759
<v Speaker 1>there's there's just never been a reason for me to

0:36:43.880 --> 0:36:47.360
<v Speaker 1>even think to be like, like, what's he doing? And

0:36:47.360 --> 0:36:50.000
<v Speaker 1>and then go from there. I think that's also probably

0:36:50.000 --> 0:36:51.759
<v Speaker 1>a reason why you guys have been able to stay

0:36:51.800 --> 0:36:54.879
<v Speaker 1>together for so long. UM. I feel like when when

0:36:54.880 --> 0:36:58.920
<v Speaker 1>people get into relationships and they're looking for the bad things,

0:36:59.120 --> 0:37:02.320
<v Speaker 1>or they're stooping through the phone, the emails, you're searching

0:37:02.400 --> 0:37:05.200
<v Speaker 1>for something. So it's like, how happy are you? What?

0:37:05.200 --> 0:37:08.279
<v Speaker 1>What do you need from this partner to prove that

0:37:08.360 --> 0:37:09.920
<v Speaker 1>he loves you? Hold on you? You look like you

0:37:10.000 --> 0:37:13.200
<v Speaker 1>ready got something to say, she got something for ahead.

0:37:13.440 --> 0:37:15.400
<v Speaker 1>What you gotta say about the snooping topic? Okay, I

0:37:15.400 --> 0:37:19.799
<v Speaker 1>have a couple of things to say, So first and foremost, UM,

0:37:19.840 --> 0:37:21.719
<v Speaker 1>if you feel like you have to snoop, it's time

0:37:21.719 --> 0:37:23.640
<v Speaker 1>for you to get out of that relationship. That's one

0:37:24.440 --> 0:37:28.640
<v Speaker 1>UM two snooping and things like that. That is the

0:37:28.680 --> 0:37:34.000
<v Speaker 1>basis and start of unhealthy UM relationship, not not not trusting.

0:37:34.560 --> 0:37:37.680
<v Speaker 1>And I think that you have to reevaluate people that snoop.

0:37:37.760 --> 0:37:40.840
<v Speaker 1>I had a friend for a long time always got

0:37:40.880 --> 0:37:46.200
<v Speaker 1>in relationships that was drama films and even myself I

0:37:46.239 --> 0:37:49.919
<v Speaker 1>have had to recently do some reflection on my experiences

0:37:49.920 --> 0:37:54.080
<v Speaker 1>in relationship and how abusive some of the relationships I've

0:37:54.120 --> 0:37:56.760
<v Speaker 1>been in, and maybe they didn't come with physical abuse,

0:37:56.800 --> 0:38:00.880
<v Speaker 1>but it came with emotional abuse and things like snooping

0:38:01.680 --> 0:38:06.160
<v Speaker 1>is rooted in that kind of control and jealousy, all

0:38:06.200 --> 0:38:08.920
<v Speaker 1>of which would be on a power and control wheels

0:38:09.000 --> 0:38:12.520
<v Speaker 1>telling you your relationship is shitty or that weight not

0:38:12.520 --> 0:38:16.600
<v Speaker 1>not shitty, but probably not the healthiest. So I always say, first,

0:38:16.600 --> 0:38:19.480
<v Speaker 1>relationship starts with self, and you have to evaluate that,

0:38:19.560 --> 0:38:21.000
<v Speaker 1>and you also need to look at the history of

0:38:21.000 --> 0:38:24.480
<v Speaker 1>your relationships. I'm sitting with two people who had experience

0:38:24.520 --> 0:38:28.399
<v Speaker 1>with long term relationships and they they saw people role

0:38:28.440 --> 0:38:32.680
<v Speaker 1>modeling the behavior to get to a successful relationship. And then,

0:38:32.880 --> 0:38:36.320
<v Speaker 1>because you know I, I although I am a woman

0:38:36.360 --> 0:38:40.000
<v Speaker 1>of all things Um Corinthians thirteen four through eight. Love

0:38:40.080 --> 0:38:43.279
<v Speaker 1>is patient, Love is kind, Love does not envy, Love

0:38:43.360 --> 0:38:45.920
<v Speaker 1>does not boast. Love is not proud. It does not

0:38:46.040 --> 0:38:48.680
<v Speaker 1>dishonor others. It is not self seeking, It is not

0:38:48.760 --> 0:38:52.600
<v Speaker 1>easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does

0:38:52.640 --> 0:38:57.600
<v Speaker 1>not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth. It always protects,

0:38:57.640 --> 0:39:02.120
<v Speaker 1>always trust, always hope, and always preserves. So how in

0:39:02.160 --> 0:39:05.279
<v Speaker 1>the world you're gonna tell somebody you love them, and

0:39:05.280 --> 0:39:08.200
<v Speaker 1>they go through their cell phone like that to me

0:39:08.360 --> 0:39:10.440
<v Speaker 1>doesn't make sense. And then I think we have to

0:39:10.440 --> 0:39:12.759
<v Speaker 1>ask ourselves, well, hold on, boot Ski, how much do

0:39:12.800 --> 0:39:16.840
<v Speaker 1>you love yourself if you got a snoop on your partner?

0:39:16.880 --> 0:39:19.719
<v Speaker 1>And not mean that for both men and women. I've

0:39:19.760 --> 0:39:23.360
<v Speaker 1>never been a snooper and the one time I was

0:39:23.520 --> 0:39:28.359
<v Speaker 1>one time, and then again I was like, oh Lord,

0:39:28.400 --> 0:39:31.480
<v Speaker 1>don't let him snoop on me. So I mean, I'm

0:39:31.520 --> 0:39:33.399
<v Speaker 1>not sitting here and saying right in the end, dollar

0:39:33.480 --> 0:39:37.520
<v Speaker 1>be all. But what you guys have, like we're looking

0:39:37.560 --> 0:39:39.440
<v Speaker 1>at and we and we always and we get that

0:39:39.480 --> 0:39:43.719
<v Speaker 1>and and we I always I appreciate it, but I

0:39:43.760 --> 0:39:47.040
<v Speaker 1>always I always try to impress upon people. It's like,

0:39:47.120 --> 0:39:49.600
<v Speaker 1>don't like ever put us on not to say, to

0:39:49.640 --> 0:39:51.200
<v Speaker 1>y'all are, but don't like people have tried to put

0:39:51.239 --> 0:39:53.440
<v Speaker 1>us on a pedestal about what we are, what they like,

0:39:53.480 --> 0:39:55.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh that's so great. I wish I could have that.

0:39:55.600 --> 0:39:59.200
<v Speaker 1>And we always like next like we've gone through it.

0:39:59.239 --> 0:40:01.680
<v Speaker 1>We've had we talked to some cross rooms before and

0:40:01.719 --> 0:40:04.000
<v Speaker 1>we were dating about how we want to proceed with

0:40:04.040 --> 0:40:07.919
<v Speaker 1>each other. It's been tough. We've said hurtful, horrible things

0:40:07.920 --> 0:40:10.440
<v Speaker 1>to each other, you know, but we've come back to

0:40:10.520 --> 0:40:13.359
<v Speaker 1>it and it's just like and I think you know nowadays, yeah,

0:40:13.400 --> 0:40:15.120
<v Speaker 1>we might be more like the exception than the rule,

0:40:15.200 --> 0:40:17.480
<v Speaker 1>but that's just this is just our I was gonna say,

0:40:17.520 --> 0:40:20.279
<v Speaker 1>I love this because if you asked me all niggas sheet,

0:40:21.840 --> 0:40:23.759
<v Speaker 1>I know, but you're sitting here telling me you haven't.

0:40:23.760 --> 0:40:25.320
<v Speaker 1>You're sitting here telling me that you don't snoop. And

0:40:25.360 --> 0:40:28.000
<v Speaker 1>a lot of men would assume all women are stupers.

0:40:28.080 --> 0:40:30.520
<v Speaker 1>And so for me to sit here and see that

0:40:30.800 --> 0:40:34.680
<v Speaker 1>monogamy does work in two thousand and eighteen, this is

0:40:34.719 --> 0:40:37.200
<v Speaker 1>something to where you know, as as I said, we

0:40:37.320 --> 0:40:42.360
<v Speaker 1>talked about so many non monogamous relationships, polyamory, um, open relationships, swinging,

0:40:42.400 --> 0:40:44.560
<v Speaker 1>and we discussed so many of this. We we just

0:40:44.600 --> 0:40:47.400
<v Speaker 1>had a person come on here, UM who tie on me.

0:40:47.520 --> 0:40:51.719
<v Speaker 1>She talks about free love and and she literally you know,

0:40:51.920 --> 0:40:54.879
<v Speaker 1>went into saying um, and her partner said that there's

0:40:54.920 --> 0:40:57.759
<v Speaker 1>no love above any other love, that we can love

0:40:57.840 --> 0:41:00.120
<v Speaker 1>all the same. And to me, you guys, when in

0:41:00.160 --> 0:41:02.239
<v Speaker 1>front of the Lord went in front of someone and

0:41:02.400 --> 0:41:05.520
<v Speaker 1>about to be together, UM, and so clearly this this

0:41:05.640 --> 0:41:07.400
<v Speaker 1>bond right here, and the love that you guys have

0:41:07.560 --> 0:41:09.560
<v Speaker 1>for each other are different than the love that y'all

0:41:09.600 --> 0:41:12.120
<v Speaker 1>may have for a friends at home girl. You know,

0:41:12.239 --> 0:41:16.120
<v Speaker 1>Danny was different Um in the sense that she allowed

0:41:16.160 --> 0:41:18.200
<v Speaker 1>me to be myself. I never had to change who

0:41:18.200 --> 0:41:20.880
<v Speaker 1>I was. I never had to worry about it. It

0:41:20.920 --> 0:41:23.520
<v Speaker 1>was never like I had to say, I'm lying to

0:41:23.560 --> 0:41:25.520
<v Speaker 1>go out with chill my friends because she didn't like

0:41:25.560 --> 0:41:27.560
<v Speaker 1>my friends. She knew who my friends were, and she

0:41:27.640 --> 0:41:30.120
<v Speaker 1>knew that my friends, some of them were were dogs.

0:41:30.520 --> 0:41:33.040
<v Speaker 1>But she trusted me. You know, I'm allowed to go

0:41:33.080 --> 0:41:35.840
<v Speaker 1>to the strip club with her without her. So the

0:41:35.880 --> 0:41:38.360
<v Speaker 1>fact that she trust me, Like I went to Toronto

0:41:39.160 --> 0:41:46.880
<v Speaker 1>for UM and she had no issues and everybody was

0:41:46.960 --> 0:41:49.160
<v Speaker 1>just like, how did you pull that off? And it's

0:41:49.200 --> 0:41:53.640
<v Speaker 1>just like, this is our relationship like so many people have. Yeah,

0:41:53.680 --> 0:41:59.880
<v Speaker 1>I encourage go, said you can burn the streets which

0:42:00.000 --> 0:42:05.279
<v Speaker 1>out the happy waiting for you. Sorry I had so

0:42:06.040 --> 0:42:08.560
<v Speaker 1>I think it's I think what you're saying is so right,

0:42:08.560 --> 0:42:11.400
<v Speaker 1>And I think when people do get into these relationships,

0:42:11.640 --> 0:42:13.520
<v Speaker 1>it's a your mind. You can only do what I

0:42:13.600 --> 0:42:15.200
<v Speaker 1>want you to do. Don't do this, don't do that,

0:42:15.280 --> 0:42:19.359
<v Speaker 1>red flag run and the one thing that I did

0:42:19.440 --> 0:42:23.240
<v Speaker 1>like um about what Taomi mentioned was feeling the possessiveness

0:42:23.640 --> 0:42:27.160
<v Speaker 1>when you commit to you're looking at me cray, I

0:42:27.160 --> 0:42:29.040
<v Speaker 1>did because I don't. I don't think that if you're

0:42:29.040 --> 0:42:31.319
<v Speaker 1>gonna get into a relationship with someone you should feel

0:42:31.360 --> 0:42:34.120
<v Speaker 1>like they're your property. But the idea of saying when

0:42:34.160 --> 0:42:38.759
<v Speaker 1>you're in monogamous relationship possessiveness sounds crazy. I am a

0:42:38.800 --> 0:42:40.640
<v Speaker 1>person and I feel like both of you with the

0:42:41.080 --> 0:42:43.600
<v Speaker 1>either if you cheat or beat you out the door.

0:42:44.000 --> 0:42:47.120
<v Speaker 1>For me, I'm the type of person. Honey, you are

0:42:47.160 --> 0:42:49.520
<v Speaker 1>a beautiful bird in my life, and the cage door

0:42:49.680 --> 0:42:53.120
<v Speaker 1>is always open. This is a bird cage of love,

0:42:53.719 --> 0:42:56.520
<v Speaker 1>and when you don't feel that love, please fly free.

0:42:56.719 --> 0:43:00.839
<v Speaker 1>Like that maybe why I'm single. You know, I got

0:43:00.960 --> 0:43:04.040
<v Speaker 1>some repairs to do on the cage. But still I think,

0:43:04.120 --> 0:43:08.040
<v Speaker 1>like it's true, like possessiveness and relationships red flag for

0:43:08.080 --> 0:43:11.640
<v Speaker 1>an abusive relationship. I honestly think that we have been

0:43:11.640 --> 0:43:15.680
<v Speaker 1>indoctrinated to believe that we're in healthy relationships when really

0:43:15.719 --> 0:43:20.800
<v Speaker 1>we're in abusive relationships. Our society has truly normalized that

0:43:21.000 --> 0:43:25.400
<v Speaker 1>we attached jealousy, abuse, um, all of these things to

0:43:25.600 --> 0:43:29.200
<v Speaker 1>love it, and it's like, it's crazy because love should

0:43:29.239 --> 0:43:31.959
<v Speaker 1>not mean he beating your ass. Love should not mean

0:43:33.160 --> 0:43:36.239
<v Speaker 1>you know that girl, Oh my god, he's talking to me.

0:43:36.640 --> 0:43:39.600
<v Speaker 1>Those those things shouldn't be associated with. But that's my

0:43:39.719 --> 0:43:42.160
<v Speaker 1>friend that I was started this whole thing with Jesus.

0:43:42.600 --> 0:43:45.319
<v Speaker 1>She said, girl, if there ain't no drama, it ain't

0:43:45.320 --> 0:43:49.960
<v Speaker 1>no love. I was like, what you And she always

0:43:50.040 --> 0:43:53.600
<v Speaker 1>has some drama. And what's super crazy about it is

0:43:53.640 --> 0:43:56.279
<v Speaker 1>that her last relationship before the one that she's in

0:43:56.360 --> 0:44:01.160
<v Speaker 1>now escalated to a point where she most she kind

0:44:01.200 --> 0:44:04.120
<v Speaker 1>of arrested because he violated he had been beating her,

0:44:04.320 --> 0:44:07.840
<v Speaker 1>violated a restraining order, and he showed up somewhere and

0:44:07.840 --> 0:44:10.799
<v Speaker 1>she had a pistol and she shot at him, missed him,

0:44:11.160 --> 0:44:14.520
<v Speaker 1>and the judge lead it clear because he was like

0:44:14.920 --> 0:44:17.520
<v Speaker 1>he was a very large man. And I don't want

0:44:17.520 --> 0:44:19.960
<v Speaker 1>to give out any other details because it would tell

0:44:19.960 --> 0:44:23.640
<v Speaker 1>the story. But her she honestly felt like her life

0:44:23.680 --> 0:44:26.279
<v Speaker 1>was in danger and it was so they charges were

0:44:26.320 --> 0:44:28.920
<v Speaker 1>dropped on her. But still to have to feel like

0:44:30.480 --> 0:44:33.839
<v Speaker 1>that's insane, Yes, And she had scared the person you love.

0:44:33.920 --> 0:44:36.399
<v Speaker 1>You should never be in fear of the person you love,

0:44:36.440 --> 0:44:40.000
<v Speaker 1>and you should never feel like, you know, like drama,

0:44:40.120 --> 0:44:42.640
<v Speaker 1>hard times, good times happened, but it should not be

0:44:42.800 --> 0:44:47.880
<v Speaker 1>the basis of your relationship. Something else that that you

0:44:48.000 --> 0:44:52.000
<v Speaker 1>said that really really resonated with me. Um you said

0:44:52.000 --> 0:44:55.080
<v Speaker 1>that you could be yourself and I and to me,

0:44:55.800 --> 0:44:59.400
<v Speaker 1>that's the number one thing, even when I'm around somebody

0:44:59.520 --> 0:45:01.759
<v Speaker 1>who you know may or may not become my boyfriend,

0:45:02.000 --> 0:45:04.480
<v Speaker 1>knowing that I can genuinely be myself. I was listening

0:45:04.520 --> 0:45:08.319
<v Speaker 1>to the read and they had um uh, quite a

0:45:08.320 --> 0:45:11.880
<v Speaker 1>listener letter that came on. Apparently the girl had been

0:45:11.920 --> 0:45:16.960
<v Speaker 1>a prostitute years before she got her sex. That was

0:45:17.000 --> 0:45:21.120
<v Speaker 1>her legit, that was that was her term she was.

0:45:22.560 --> 0:45:25.000
<v Speaker 1>She was a sex worker prior to getting into this relationship.

0:45:25.040 --> 0:45:26.840
<v Speaker 1>And I believe they were about to get married. She

0:45:27.160 --> 0:45:29.880
<v Speaker 1>was about to she was about to marry somebody. She

0:45:29.960 --> 0:45:31.279
<v Speaker 1>kind of like put a bug in his here, like

0:45:31.280 --> 0:45:33.360
<v Speaker 1>I have something to tell you, and now he's pressing

0:45:33.360 --> 0:45:35.319
<v Speaker 1>her and I want to get Now She's just like

0:45:35.640 --> 0:45:37.880
<v Speaker 1>is this something that I should tell him? Because is

0:45:37.880 --> 0:45:40.480
<v Speaker 1>this something that he'll leave me for? And So when

0:45:40.520 --> 0:45:43.280
<v Speaker 1>you sat here and said I could just be myself,

0:45:43.320 --> 0:45:46.400
<v Speaker 1>I feel like anybody who you want to engage with

0:45:46.560 --> 0:45:50.000
<v Speaker 1>or want to fulfill a relationship or love and and

0:45:50.200 --> 0:45:52.399
<v Speaker 1>be with someone for a long term. I think it's

0:45:52.440 --> 0:45:55.399
<v Speaker 1>important that they know who you are and what you've

0:45:55.440 --> 0:45:57.520
<v Speaker 1>done and the growth that you've been through and how

0:45:57.560 --> 0:45:59.160
<v Speaker 1>you want to continue growth. What is your thought on

0:45:59.239 --> 0:46:01.279
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to tell you right now, I don't know

0:46:01.320 --> 0:46:03.680
<v Speaker 1>how long they've done been together. Didn't say in the

0:46:03.760 --> 0:46:08.040
<v Speaker 1>letter five years whatever, And the context of it was

0:46:08.080 --> 0:46:10.200
<v Speaker 1>that she was in an abusive relationship and her it

0:46:10.239 --> 0:46:12.480
<v Speaker 1>was a pump. He pimped her out. He was abusing

0:46:12.480 --> 0:46:14.879
<v Speaker 1>her and forcing her to for money, to have sex,

0:46:14.880 --> 0:46:21.080
<v Speaker 1>for money, to um to fulfill her fault. Totally not

0:46:21.120 --> 0:46:27.839
<v Speaker 1>her fault. However, I'm gonna say this, I'm honey, that's

0:46:27.840 --> 0:46:30.840
<v Speaker 1>not a bomb. You dropped five years after being with somebody,

0:46:31.680 --> 0:46:37.640
<v Speaker 1>and I'm not I'm not sleat shaming. I'm not victim

0:46:37.680 --> 0:46:41.719
<v Speaker 1>blaming because I've brokenhearted for the predicament that she is

0:46:41.760 --> 0:46:46.520
<v Speaker 1>in and to that. It is my hope that she

0:46:46.640 --> 0:46:50.960
<v Speaker 1>has gone through some counseling because the layers of what

0:46:51.040 --> 0:46:55.200
<v Speaker 1>that is. I love you the read, but let's face it,

0:46:55.640 --> 0:47:00.960
<v Speaker 1>she needs professionals, and it would like, I don't know

0:47:01.000 --> 0:47:02.880
<v Speaker 1>what's going to happen with her story, but it would

0:47:03.239 --> 0:47:07.879
<v Speaker 1>break my heart if he left her. However, and that's

0:47:07.880 --> 0:47:09.800
<v Speaker 1>what they encouraged. They said, like, if you haven't already

0:47:09.840 --> 0:47:13.320
<v Speaker 1>gotten help or on your own, they were like, you should,

0:47:13.400 --> 0:47:16.759
<v Speaker 1>and then like or if your fiance obviously has to

0:47:16.920 --> 0:47:20.200
<v Speaker 1>grapple with this bomb being dropped, that they can seek

0:47:20.200 --> 0:47:23.560
<v Speaker 1>counseling together as we work through it. So it's they

0:47:23.560 --> 0:47:27.880
<v Speaker 1>need both because I think it's important for a lot

0:47:27.960 --> 0:47:30.080
<v Speaker 1>of men to know. Um, of course there's a lot

0:47:30.080 --> 0:47:32.919
<v Speaker 1>of slut shaming going on the whole fucking conversation about

0:47:32.960 --> 0:47:37.920
<v Speaker 1>body count. Um, it's terrible, and that's what we're saying

0:47:37.920 --> 0:47:39.839
<v Speaker 1>with the society and what they bring. I think it's

0:47:39.880 --> 0:47:43.719
<v Speaker 1>important for for men to start looking at women as

0:47:44.400 --> 0:47:48.600
<v Speaker 1>as human beings and not objects or or ruined things

0:47:48.840 --> 0:47:52.160
<v Speaker 1>because they've had past damaged good. As you get older,

0:47:53.719 --> 0:47:55.080
<v Speaker 1>and mind you, I do want to talk about because

0:47:55.080 --> 0:48:01.000
<v Speaker 1>you keep saying older, I was like, you, who bad

0:48:05.719 --> 0:48:07.719
<v Speaker 1>a couple that's in their sixties? Like you guys are

0:48:07.840 --> 0:48:12.000
<v Speaker 1>our listeners ideas though have have changed. I've been one

0:48:12.040 --> 0:48:14.480
<v Speaker 1>who you know, you and your friends talk and she

0:48:14.560 --> 0:48:16.839
<v Speaker 1>has bodies you don't you don't you don't wipe her

0:48:16.880 --> 0:48:19.040
<v Speaker 1>because she has bodies. But as I'm older, I'm like,

0:48:19.080 --> 0:48:21.239
<v Speaker 1>people go through things. I don't know what she went

0:48:21.280 --> 0:48:23.759
<v Speaker 1>through in her life that she had a whole bunch

0:48:23.760 --> 0:48:26.600
<v Speaker 1>of bodies. But if I like her and this is

0:48:26.600 --> 0:48:28.319
<v Speaker 1>what I want to be with and I'm gonna be with, like,

0:48:28.360 --> 0:48:30.719
<v Speaker 1>I don't care about that, but society tells us we're not.

0:48:30.760 --> 0:48:32.840
<v Speaker 1>So it's crazy because as women were not supposed to

0:48:32.840 --> 0:48:36.799
<v Speaker 1>care how many women most of the don't. We don't

0:48:36.800 --> 0:48:42.000
<v Speaker 1>at all with a thousand women, literally eight thousand women

0:48:42.280 --> 0:48:45.200
<v Speaker 1>before being with me. As long as he's clean and

0:48:45.239 --> 0:48:47.520
<v Speaker 1>he ain't got the fatty walk type of baby mamas,

0:48:48.600 --> 0:48:50.759
<v Speaker 1>I you know, I'm cold. We were talking about that

0:48:50.760 --> 0:48:54.040
<v Speaker 1>the other day. How like the society difference is like

0:48:54.160 --> 0:48:58.000
<v Speaker 1>women are allowed to not allow to but women more

0:48:58.000 --> 0:49:02.120
<v Speaker 1>are more accepting, whereas gentleman gentleman, whereas men are more

0:49:02.239 --> 0:49:06.320
<v Speaker 1>like nah, like we're looking for things so that society

0:49:06.320 --> 0:49:08.520
<v Speaker 1>can say it's okay, Like we're looking for society to

0:49:08.600 --> 0:49:10.799
<v Speaker 1>be like, yeah, this is okay for us to date

0:49:10.840 --> 0:49:12.400
<v Speaker 1>this person on like this person. You know, I have

0:49:12.440 --> 0:49:15.640
<v Speaker 1>so many friends who've said they wouldn't mass for someone

0:49:15.680 --> 0:49:19.800
<v Speaker 1>with a child And my thing is, you know why,

0:49:19.960 --> 0:49:23.439
<v Speaker 1>I just I personally just wish men would start thinking

0:49:23.520 --> 0:49:27.160
<v Speaker 1>about their dicks in the sense of a car. If

0:49:27.200 --> 0:49:30.320
<v Speaker 1>your dick was a Bugatti, would you not even a mileedge?

0:49:30.360 --> 0:49:32.479
<v Speaker 1>But if yo dick was a Bugatti, would you park

0:49:32.560 --> 0:49:36.360
<v Speaker 1>it in every parking garage? Would you pull up to

0:49:36.480 --> 0:49:39.160
<v Speaker 1>every valet? If it was a Jakie as ballet, they

0:49:39.160 --> 0:49:42.000
<v Speaker 1>ain't got on no uniforms, but they got on orange.

0:49:42.360 --> 0:49:46.319
<v Speaker 1>Would you let that motherfucker drive yo Bugatti? Probably not?

0:49:47.320 --> 0:49:50.720
<v Speaker 1>And I think that if men started like men start

0:49:50.760 --> 0:49:54.440
<v Speaker 1>respecting yr dick, there you go like yo dick. So

0:49:54.680 --> 0:49:58.080
<v Speaker 1>that also starts back from childhood. They want men are

0:49:58.160 --> 0:50:00.080
<v Speaker 1>the men when they sleep with as many women in

0:50:00.120 --> 0:50:03.040
<v Speaker 1>and they bagged this shorty and do this as far

0:50:03.080 --> 0:50:06.160
<v Speaker 1>as women we are taught to protect. Yeah, but that's

0:50:06.160 --> 0:50:11.839
<v Speaker 1>why we're in a sexual revolution. And I think that

0:50:11.840 --> 0:50:13.920
<v Speaker 1>goes back to women I was saying earlier. You know,

0:50:14.040 --> 0:50:16.720
<v Speaker 1>it starts at the home. I feels like my mother,

0:50:17.560 --> 0:50:20.640
<v Speaker 1>My mother taught me about sex. We had that conversation

0:50:20.840 --> 0:50:23.120
<v Speaker 1>and you know, me and my father didn't talk about it.

0:50:23.120 --> 0:50:25.520
<v Speaker 1>But my father also would have never condoned me having

0:50:25.840 --> 0:50:27.799
<v Speaker 1>a whole bunch of women or anything like that. So

0:50:28.440 --> 0:50:31.040
<v Speaker 1>that was my upbringing. I can't say that for anybody else,

0:50:31.080 --> 0:50:33.080
<v Speaker 1>but it definitely starts at home, right, I definitely think

0:50:33.960 --> 0:50:36.480
<v Speaker 1>about I mean, one of the first things that my sister,

0:50:36.960 --> 0:50:39.000
<v Speaker 1>you know, when I first started dating him, and because

0:50:39.000 --> 0:50:42.400
<v Speaker 1>she was trying to prepare me for what was or

0:50:42.440 --> 0:50:44.080
<v Speaker 1>maybe could have been likely as far as when you're dating,

0:50:44.080 --> 0:50:46.400
<v Speaker 1>when you're teenager with boys cheating, you know, you know,

0:50:47.080 --> 0:50:48.759
<v Speaker 1>she she told me she was like, look, she was

0:50:48.800 --> 0:50:51.840
<v Speaker 1>like for some boy, she was like, pussies, pussies, pussy

0:50:51.920 --> 0:50:55.439
<v Speaker 1>is pussy, So don't you know, just she was trying

0:50:55.480 --> 0:50:59.040
<v Speaker 1>to prepare me for what she thought could be the case.

0:50:59.120 --> 0:51:01.319
<v Speaker 1>And so and I think that kind of lends to

0:51:01.360 --> 0:51:04.560
<v Speaker 1>what you said, which is that you know, you guys

0:51:04.560 --> 0:51:08.160
<v Speaker 1>are because the body count stigma isn't associated with them.

0:51:08.160 --> 0:51:11.640
<v Speaker 1>They can't they have this like go ahead to run through. However,

0:51:11.680 --> 0:51:15.560
<v Speaker 1>many women, no matter how you know, questionable kuchi might

0:51:15.600 --> 0:51:21.680
<v Speaker 1>be uh and s shoudably experience with yes, so um.

0:51:21.719 --> 0:51:23.560
<v Speaker 1>But whereas like women are, like you said, taught to

0:51:23.600 --> 0:51:25.240
<v Speaker 1>like you have to protect you have to you know.

0:51:25.480 --> 0:51:29.080
<v Speaker 1>And and so that's why like these things are taught

0:51:29.120 --> 0:51:31.920
<v Speaker 1>to people who are younger, and I mean, and I

0:51:31.960 --> 0:51:34.279
<v Speaker 1>took that. I took heat to it absolutely because that

0:51:34.680 --> 0:51:37.120
<v Speaker 1>the only I had no experience. So the only thing

0:51:37.160 --> 0:51:38.759
<v Speaker 1>I could do was go off of what everyone else

0:51:38.840 --> 0:51:41.520
<v Speaker 1>was telling me. And so I did prepare myself for that.

0:51:41.680 --> 0:51:44.520
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't my own personal experience, but it absolutely has

0:51:44.520 --> 0:51:47.040
<v Speaker 1>been the experience of so many people. I'm friends with

0:51:47.120 --> 0:51:49.400
<v Speaker 1>that and my people and my family things like that.

0:51:49.480 --> 0:51:52.920
<v Speaker 1>So now we may have listeners who have been in

0:51:53.040 --> 0:51:56.319
<v Speaker 1>similar relationships like you. I have a question as to

0:51:56.880 --> 0:51:59.120
<v Speaker 1>how do you guys keep it spicy? How do you

0:51:59.120 --> 0:52:02.319
<v Speaker 1>guys keep the love intimate? How do you guys keep

0:52:02.320 --> 0:52:04.560
<v Speaker 1>it to where it's exciting? Do you guys have any

0:52:04.600 --> 0:52:09.719
<v Speaker 1>secrets to that? You know, full transparency? I think it

0:52:09.840 --> 0:52:16.800
<v Speaker 1>kind of like it ebbs and flows, okay, true, because

0:52:18.320 --> 0:52:22.760
<v Speaker 1>we have our you know, are we? I mean obviously listen,

0:52:23.400 --> 0:52:27.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm human. I have needs and feelings and so

0:52:27.800 --> 0:52:29.600
<v Speaker 1>does he. So if it didn't feel good and we

0:52:29.640 --> 0:52:32.560
<v Speaker 1>would be really really bad, like you know, if that

0:52:32.600 --> 0:52:34.880
<v Speaker 1>part wasn't you know, you know, because that was you know,

0:52:35.040 --> 0:52:36.600
<v Speaker 1>back before we got married, and you know, people would

0:52:36.640 --> 0:52:38.480
<v Speaker 1>ask me like, are you okay with having the same

0:52:39.239 --> 0:52:42.560
<v Speaker 1>dick the rest of your life. And I was like, yeah,

0:52:42.600 --> 0:52:45.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm fine, and I'm like, you know, like nobody else

0:52:45.080 --> 0:52:46.520
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, I was like, I can't miss

0:52:46.560 --> 0:52:48.960
<v Speaker 1>what I don't know, you know, and that's and that's

0:52:49.080 --> 0:52:54.239
<v Speaker 1>my experience. So that's saying that to say, um, we

0:52:54.400 --> 0:52:56.799
<v Speaker 1>keep it as spicy as we can, but yeah, we

0:52:56.880 --> 0:53:00.439
<v Speaker 1>got we have moments, you know, periods aware I can't

0:53:00.480 --> 0:53:01.960
<v Speaker 1>keep our hands off each other, and then we have

0:53:02.040 --> 0:53:05.560
<v Speaker 1>periods where it's like good night, and then you know,

0:53:05.600 --> 0:53:08.080
<v Speaker 1>we roll over and you know, and then especially now

0:53:08.239 --> 0:53:12.400
<v Speaker 1>you add in parenthood, it's been ten months of that

0:53:12.520 --> 0:53:15.799
<v Speaker 1>beautiful little girl. But we'd be lying if you say like, oh,

0:53:15.880 --> 0:53:17.640
<v Speaker 1>we're getting it in. You know, once those six weeks

0:53:17.640 --> 0:53:20.879
<v Speaker 1>we're up, we were back at it. But it's it is,

0:53:22.000 --> 0:53:24.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, for me, I've always and this has sometimes

0:53:24.800 --> 0:53:26.840
<v Speaker 1>been a point of contention for us, but you know,

0:53:26.880 --> 0:53:29.720
<v Speaker 1>for me, it's kind of like I think I accept

0:53:29.800 --> 0:53:31.839
<v Speaker 1>that it ebbs and flows a little bit more than

0:53:32.000 --> 0:53:34.799
<v Speaker 1>maybe you do sometimes. But he also is right, like,

0:53:34.880 --> 0:53:36.919
<v Speaker 1>you know, we still want to be he still wants

0:53:36.960 --> 0:53:39.160
<v Speaker 1>to and you can correct me if I'm wrong. Like

0:53:39.280 --> 0:53:41.319
<v Speaker 1>you, you you just want to feel close to me like

0:53:41.400 --> 0:53:45.319
<v Speaker 1>you want to and so I have to understand that too. Um,

0:53:45.360 --> 0:53:47.440
<v Speaker 1>So I mean that's my take on it. Yeah, I

0:53:47.440 --> 0:53:48.960
<v Speaker 1>mean I would agree with that. I think it's more

0:53:49.040 --> 0:53:53.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, since having our daughter, it's definitely been different.

0:53:54.120 --> 0:53:57.239
<v Speaker 1>So I understand her being tired. But sometimes you can

0:53:57.280 --> 0:54:01.279
<v Speaker 1>still say, Babe, I got you, I got you. You

0:54:01.280 --> 0:54:03.320
<v Speaker 1>know what. It's been a while, but I got you.

0:54:03.440 --> 0:54:06.879
<v Speaker 1>But that's the growing thing, you know, And that's how

0:54:06.920 --> 0:54:11.200
<v Speaker 1>we're able to to work. Some days sometimes it's we're

0:54:11.239 --> 0:54:15.520
<v Speaker 1>going crazy. Sometimes it's not as crazy, but we're working

0:54:15.520 --> 0:54:18.400
<v Speaker 1>on it. We are able to have that communication and

0:54:18.440 --> 0:54:21.480
<v Speaker 1>to be able to keep it going, you know. And

0:54:21.480 --> 0:54:23.719
<v Speaker 1>and we're okay with you know. I mean we look

0:54:23.800 --> 0:54:26.720
<v Speaker 1>up stuff and read stuff and you know, just different

0:54:26.760 --> 0:54:30.280
<v Speaker 1>things like that. So I think listening to this podcast

0:54:30.320 --> 0:54:34.560
<v Speaker 1>it kind of makes you a little bits. So that's good.

0:54:34.719 --> 0:54:37.040
<v Speaker 1>That's what we hope to do. I want to know, Um,

0:54:37.480 --> 0:54:41.759
<v Speaker 1>do do different things turn you on now that then

0:54:41.880 --> 0:54:44.719
<v Speaker 1>turns you on fourteen years ago? Yeah? Like you know,

0:54:45.320 --> 0:54:47.840
<v Speaker 1>I'll give you an example, like I I once dated

0:54:47.880 --> 0:54:52.320
<v Speaker 1>someone sex with me. I like, you know, when I

0:54:52.360 --> 0:54:55.480
<v Speaker 1>would come home from a long day and there was like, oh,

0:54:55.680 --> 0:54:58.440
<v Speaker 1>five pound bag of Totino's pizza rolls in the freezer.

0:54:58.840 --> 0:55:00.759
<v Speaker 1>I got a little my pain. He's got a little wit,

0:55:01.800 --> 0:55:04.279
<v Speaker 1>Like I told that person to order new pillows and

0:55:04.280 --> 0:55:07.120
<v Speaker 1>then I see a box of pillows. Oh ship, that's

0:55:07.200 --> 0:55:09.200
<v Speaker 1>and that's like the talk about like the love language things.

0:55:09.239 --> 0:55:12.320
<v Speaker 1>So like for me, you know, when I was seventeen,

0:55:12.440 --> 0:55:14.440
<v Speaker 1>it was just the fact that like this is like

0:55:14.640 --> 0:55:19.279
<v Speaker 1>new and shiny head back. It was just like I

0:55:19.320 --> 0:55:21.920
<v Speaker 1>need a little bit moting head. So that was so

0:55:22.000 --> 0:55:25.400
<v Speaker 1>like the for me, it was having sex period was

0:55:25.480 --> 0:55:28.040
<v Speaker 1>like the turn on. And you know, we were we

0:55:28.040 --> 0:55:30.400
<v Speaker 1>were young, and like I wasn't you know, supposed to

0:55:30.400 --> 0:55:31.440
<v Speaker 1>be over his house. So it's kind of like that

0:55:31.440 --> 0:55:34.080
<v Speaker 1>sneaky thing you know sometimes like trying to hurry up

0:55:34.080 --> 0:55:37.120
<v Speaker 1>and do it and then you know, go home, it's homework.

0:55:37.400 --> 0:55:40.319
<v Speaker 1>And then now it is like you like with the

0:55:40.360 --> 0:55:42.760
<v Speaker 1>love languages from He's like, oh he put the dishes

0:55:42.760 --> 0:55:47.520
<v Speaker 1>in the dishwasher, Oh girl, Like, oh my goodness, he

0:55:47.560 --> 0:55:51.080
<v Speaker 1>put he gave a baby a bath, god like like.

0:55:51.280 --> 0:55:56.640
<v Speaker 1>And it's it's those little things for me that when

0:55:56.680 --> 0:55:59.840
<v Speaker 1>you do things to make my life easier, it shows

0:55:59.880 --> 0:56:02.799
<v Speaker 1>me it's beyond just the dishes. It's beyond just given

0:56:02.840 --> 0:56:04.920
<v Speaker 1>the baby about. It's showing me that you see, I

0:56:04.960 --> 0:56:06.520
<v Speaker 1>have a lot going on. You care to take things

0:56:06.600 --> 0:56:08.160
<v Speaker 1>off my plate. That shows you care enough about me

0:56:08.200 --> 0:56:12.239
<v Speaker 1>to make um time out of your day to do

0:56:12.320 --> 0:56:14.120
<v Speaker 1>something for me, even if it's and it could be

0:56:14.200 --> 0:56:17.280
<v Speaker 1>the smallest things, but they so like, yeah, those things,

0:56:17.719 --> 0:56:21.200
<v Speaker 1>you know make me more excited because it's just like

0:56:21.280 --> 0:56:24.520
<v Speaker 1>I feel cared for and so therefore I would like

0:56:24.560 --> 0:56:28.839
<v Speaker 1>to show I care for him. Look, he's like, yeah, yeah,

0:56:29.719 --> 0:56:32.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm having all the feelings I were trying to bring

0:56:32.640 --> 0:56:36.400
<v Speaker 1>the boyfriend like when you get into that hopefully, like

0:56:36.400 --> 0:56:37.960
<v Speaker 1>when you get that, when that day comes in and

0:56:38.200 --> 0:56:52.040
<v Speaker 1>we have a resource, you can Yes, she is, and

0:56:52.080 --> 0:56:56.479
<v Speaker 1>I'm older than all y'all. It's crazy because I wish

0:56:56.600 --> 0:56:58.719
<v Speaker 1>that we had more time UM. And I wanted to

0:56:58.800 --> 0:57:01.680
<v Speaker 1>let you guys know that Danny has actually been somebody

0:57:01.719 --> 0:57:04.719
<v Speaker 1>that I've spoken to off this UM show. She'd be

0:57:04.800 --> 0:57:06.600
<v Speaker 1>checking me, y'all. Y'all might think that I'd just be

0:57:06.680 --> 0:57:11.040
<v Speaker 1>on here reckless. So I've openly discussed having relations with

0:57:11.080 --> 0:57:14.719
<v Speaker 1>married men UM and this is something that Danny hit

0:57:14.800 --> 0:57:16.959
<v Speaker 1>my line, like listen, girl, you know I love you,

0:57:17.800 --> 0:57:22.480
<v Speaker 1>but um, I need to understand where your mind is.

0:57:23.040 --> 0:57:25.760
<v Speaker 1>And she literally sat there and talked to me as

0:57:25.760 --> 0:57:28.920
<v Speaker 1>a wife and was like I couldn't imagine. I mean,

0:57:28.960 --> 0:57:30.320
<v Speaker 1>she was funny. She was like, I hope t J

0:57:30.480 --> 0:57:32.840
<v Speaker 1>never make that much money to where I feel like

0:57:33.000 --> 0:57:36.520
<v Speaker 1>he's paying a bit, but you can't be sugar Daddy's dad,

0:57:37.240 --> 0:57:40.000
<v Speaker 1>sugar daddy status for nobody. Um. But we had this

0:57:40.120 --> 0:57:42.960
<v Speaker 1>open dialogue to where she literally, I don't know, do

0:57:42.960 --> 0:57:45.120
<v Speaker 1>you remember any of the questions that you asked me?

0:57:45.440 --> 0:57:49.520
<v Speaker 1>I remember asking. I remember being like, well, how do

0:57:49.600 --> 0:57:53.240
<v Speaker 1>you know that they're telling because I know you said

0:57:53.280 --> 0:57:55.920
<v Speaker 1>that you operate under you take their word for it.

0:57:55.960 --> 0:57:57.720
<v Speaker 1>Basically it's what I got rosette. They say like, oh,

0:57:57.760 --> 0:58:00.439
<v Speaker 1>my wife's cool with it, and so this is why

0:58:00.560 --> 0:58:03.240
<v Speaker 1>you know we can proceed. And you're like sure, And

0:58:03.360 --> 0:58:04.959
<v Speaker 1>my question was like, well, how do you know for sure?

0:58:05.000 --> 0:58:07.360
<v Speaker 1>Like even a year, do you have every intention of

0:58:07.400 --> 0:58:09.920
<v Speaker 1>not bring any drama to his doorstep? What guarantees you

0:58:09.960 --> 0:58:13.000
<v Speaker 1>that they're not gonna bring? And and and then somebody's

0:58:13.000 --> 0:58:15.320
<v Speaker 1>gonna be knocking on your door or in your phone

0:58:15.400 --> 0:58:19.600
<v Speaker 1>and your mentions and then you know, and I see

0:58:19.640 --> 0:58:21.840
<v Speaker 1>how could be maybe my wife had on I just

0:58:21.880 --> 0:58:24.120
<v Speaker 1>saw how many ways it could be problematic, and you know,

0:58:24.520 --> 0:58:27.520
<v Speaker 1>so we had the conversation and I told her, I mean,

0:58:28.200 --> 0:58:30.080
<v Speaker 1>I know that I've been attacked as far as well

0:58:30.160 --> 0:58:32.480
<v Speaker 1>karma this and karma that, and you shouldn't do this

0:58:32.600 --> 0:58:35.360
<v Speaker 1>and you shouldn't look for that. Um. And I literally

0:58:35.400 --> 0:58:38.000
<v Speaker 1>sat here and told um, Danny, I was like, I mean,

0:58:38.040 --> 0:58:42.080
<v Speaker 1>to me, that's kind of on the husband, UM. And

0:58:42.240 --> 0:58:44.400
<v Speaker 1>it's wrong for me, yes, I mean, and I could

0:58:44.400 --> 0:58:46.960
<v Speaker 1>sit here and say morally wrong in the sense of

0:58:47.040 --> 0:58:51.120
<v Speaker 1>monogamy and what we're taught in our culture in society today. However,

0:58:51.320 --> 0:58:54.440
<v Speaker 1>I also have penned it to me having dealt with

0:58:54.520 --> 0:58:57.760
<v Speaker 1>Africans and them having being able to have a plethora

0:58:57.880 --> 0:59:00.680
<v Speaker 1>of wives and all the wives knowing and the girlfriends

0:59:00.680 --> 0:59:04.000
<v Speaker 1>knowing about each other the same. They in different religions

0:59:04.000 --> 0:59:05.600
<v Speaker 1>and in different parts of the world which I've been

0:59:05.600 --> 0:59:09.240
<v Speaker 1>able to travel, this is something that is normal. So

0:59:09.280 --> 0:59:11.600
<v Speaker 1>it's like, is my karma coming to me because I

0:59:11.600 --> 0:59:14.480
<v Speaker 1>live in America? Is it coming to me because and

0:59:14.520 --> 0:59:16.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't conform to a religion, so I you know,

0:59:16.840 --> 0:59:18.920
<v Speaker 1>I do believe in a higher power in God, but

0:59:18.960 --> 0:59:22.120
<v Speaker 1>the Christian values I don't follow, UM, And so when

0:59:22.120 --> 0:59:23.720
<v Speaker 1>I was talking to you about this, I kind of

0:59:23.760 --> 0:59:27.120
<v Speaker 1>said these things like, you know, and I would love

0:59:27.640 --> 0:59:29.480
<v Speaker 1>Michelle is over there, you know, and I don't want

0:59:29.480 --> 0:59:32.000
<v Speaker 1>to sit here. And because I loved everything that Danny

0:59:32.000 --> 0:59:34.000
<v Speaker 1>brought to me, like well, this could hurt the wife,

0:59:34.120 --> 0:59:36.720
<v Speaker 1>I know I would feel this way. And I just

0:59:36.760 --> 0:59:40.280
<v Speaker 1>appreciated you being there to have that open dialogue with me,

0:59:40.360 --> 0:59:42.439
<v Speaker 1>because I know that some of the things that I

0:59:42.480 --> 0:59:45.240
<v Speaker 1>do say can be hurtful or have people, you know,

0:59:45.360 --> 0:59:47.280
<v Speaker 1>raising the eyebrow like what the fund is this whole

0:59:47.280 --> 0:59:50.520
<v Speaker 1>ways bitch talking about like she really believes her nonsense

0:59:50.840 --> 0:59:54.360
<v Speaker 1>and I do, UM, And so I appreciate you hitting

0:59:54.400 --> 0:59:56.640
<v Speaker 1>me and UM, I don't know, did you have anything

0:59:56.880 --> 1:00:00.120
<v Speaker 1>to say about that? Well, I I think I it

1:00:00.120 --> 1:00:01.640
<v Speaker 1>in a space where I've been on both sides of

1:00:01.680 --> 1:00:05.240
<v Speaker 1>the fence. I had. Yeah, I was in a domestic

1:00:05.240 --> 1:00:07.560
<v Speaker 1>partnership as close to marriage as you can get. And

1:00:07.600 --> 1:00:11.200
<v Speaker 1>I was in the person UM cheated on me with

1:00:11.440 --> 1:00:17.600
<v Speaker 1>a trans sex worker. UM. And then in addition to that, UM,

1:00:17.640 --> 1:00:21.640
<v Speaker 1>I have had situations where I was UM a mistress

1:00:21.680 --> 1:00:26.040
<v Speaker 1>to a married man and you know, the betrayal. I

1:00:26.120 --> 1:00:30.560
<v Speaker 1>get the the questions of safety, like you stepping out

1:00:30.560 --> 1:00:32.320
<v Speaker 1>on me and do what and how do I know

1:00:32.360 --> 1:00:34.560
<v Speaker 1>you're being safe? And now you can So that all

1:00:34.640 --> 1:00:40.080
<v Speaker 1>went through my head. Um. And then on top of that, um,

1:00:40.120 --> 1:00:44.760
<v Speaker 1>you know, the married man was very unhappy and um

1:00:44.800 --> 1:00:46.640
<v Speaker 1>it got to a point where they were calling me

1:00:46.680 --> 1:00:50.200
<v Speaker 1>a crazy times. So to go to like I was like, yo,

1:00:50.320 --> 1:00:52.280
<v Speaker 1>you can't kill yourself. You have two kids, and if

1:00:52.320 --> 1:00:55.000
<v Speaker 1>I have to, I will call your wife and tell

1:00:55.040 --> 1:00:57.920
<v Speaker 1>her that you need help. And so that was oftentimes

1:00:57.960 --> 1:01:01.800
<v Speaker 1>when those situations arise. And and whether now men who

1:01:02.080 --> 1:01:08.800
<v Speaker 1>have open relationships and polyamory, that's different. I'm gonna need

1:01:13.000 --> 1:01:16.080
<v Speaker 1>to double back the signature. But like it's so that's

1:01:16.080 --> 1:01:18.040
<v Speaker 1>another thing that I said. There's a lot of um

1:01:18.080 --> 1:01:22.840
<v Speaker 1>different Um, I guess I don't want to say relationshi,

1:01:22.880 --> 1:01:24.360
<v Speaker 1>Well I guess yeah, there's a lot of different type

1:01:24.400 --> 1:01:26.920
<v Speaker 1>of relationships and agreements that people have when they go

1:01:27.080 --> 1:01:31.680
<v Speaker 1>into a bond um. And so I do feel like

1:01:31.880 --> 1:01:34.480
<v Speaker 1>it's not my responsibility to find out what bond these

1:01:34.520 --> 1:01:37.120
<v Speaker 1>two people have. And I, like I said, I just

1:01:37.160 --> 1:01:40.480
<v Speaker 1>want to appreciate again you for opening that up to

1:01:40.520 --> 1:01:42.880
<v Speaker 1>me and really realizing that listen, this nigga could be

1:01:42.960 --> 1:01:45.880
<v Speaker 1>lying and maybe I could hurt somebody or could potentially

1:01:45.920 --> 1:01:48.480
<v Speaker 1>tear apart a happy home and it's not my intention ever,

1:01:48.960 --> 1:01:51.920
<v Speaker 1>but again it's it's kind of just like I like

1:01:52.040 --> 1:01:54.960
<v Speaker 1>to be as open as possible, um, and I expect

1:01:55.160 --> 1:01:56.760
<v Speaker 1>the man to as well. And I think that the

1:01:56.800 --> 1:02:02.120
<v Speaker 1>man vowed to the woman to to hold that together. Yeah,

1:02:02.400 --> 1:02:05.960
<v Speaker 1>I think for me, my concern would be, you know, Mandy,

1:02:06.000 --> 1:02:08.560
<v Speaker 1>you getting hurt, And that's what I said to her.

1:02:08.600 --> 1:02:12.960
<v Speaker 1>I was like, you know, I what my concern would be.

1:02:13.000 --> 1:02:14.920
<v Speaker 1>Then it's just again like it's just like if somebody

1:02:15.000 --> 1:02:18.920
<v Speaker 1>like rolls up on you because you know you. Sometimes

1:02:18.920 --> 1:02:21.040
<v Speaker 1>it's like I think no matters sometimes like due diligence,

1:02:21.040 --> 1:02:24.280
<v Speaker 1>like you know you're it's not your responsibility because you

1:02:24.280 --> 1:02:27.760
<v Speaker 1>didn't make the vows. But I worry because i'm because

1:02:28.800 --> 1:02:30.800
<v Speaker 1>if there's one thing, of course, if you meet somebody

1:02:30.800 --> 1:02:32.680
<v Speaker 1>he's single when he lies about being married, and there's

1:02:32.680 --> 1:02:35.160
<v Speaker 1>another thing if he's saying I'm married, but she's okay

1:02:35.160 --> 1:02:37.040
<v Speaker 1>with it, But then what proof do you have? And

1:02:37.040 --> 1:02:42.880
<v Speaker 1>then I don't think. I don't I don't know, and

1:02:42.920 --> 1:02:45.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't have the expectation of them leaving. But that's

1:02:45.240 --> 1:02:47.560
<v Speaker 1>what I'm saying. I think each is different, UM, and

1:02:47.600 --> 1:02:50.160
<v Speaker 1>I do just want the listeners to know that when

1:02:50.160 --> 1:02:53.320
<v Speaker 1>I meet women, UM that have different mindsets or aren't

1:02:53.320 --> 1:02:55.560
<v Speaker 1>playing the mistress. Because I have such a wide range

1:02:55.560 --> 1:02:58.480
<v Speaker 1>of friends, Danny was able to open up that conversation

1:02:58.480 --> 1:02:59.920
<v Speaker 1>to me and that dialogue and we were able to

1:03:00.040 --> 1:03:01.920
<v Speaker 1>care where each of us came from. And so I

1:03:01.960 --> 1:03:04.720
<v Speaker 1>want the listeners to know that I'm not up here spewing,

1:03:04.760 --> 1:03:08.480
<v Speaker 1>ignorant and not listening because I definitely through this journey

1:03:08.480 --> 1:03:12.240
<v Speaker 1>and through this podcast, I want us to continue learning

1:03:12.560 --> 1:03:16.560
<v Speaker 1>and continue to bring these dialogues to people that aren't

1:03:16.560 --> 1:03:18.560
<v Speaker 1>me or Wheezy or me and Michelle or Danny and

1:03:18.600 --> 1:03:21.160
<v Speaker 1>t J and everyone who's listening to talk about this

1:03:21.200 --> 1:03:23.400
<v Speaker 1>with your friends, with your partners. UM. I want to

1:03:23.440 --> 1:03:26.280
<v Speaker 1>thank all of you guys for coming on today giving

1:03:26.400 --> 1:03:28.960
<v Speaker 1>UM Where can they hear more from you guys again?

1:03:29.000 --> 1:03:31.600
<v Speaker 1>Do you want to drop you got a kid? So

1:03:31.960 --> 1:03:34.760
<v Speaker 1>lovers Quarrel? You can um as our podcast. You can

1:03:34.800 --> 1:03:38.640
<v Speaker 1>find us on iTunes, pop beans. Did you're anywhere that

1:03:38.680 --> 1:03:41.840
<v Speaker 1>you can listen to a podcast? UM? We're on Instagram

1:03:41.880 --> 1:03:45.600
<v Speaker 1>as Lovers Quarrel Show. We'll be posting the information and

1:03:45.680 --> 1:03:47.800
<v Speaker 1>you can follow us at Lover's Quarrel seven on Twitter.

1:03:47.920 --> 1:03:49.720
<v Speaker 1>TJ is better with better with Twitter than you know.

1:03:50.120 --> 1:03:54.080
<v Speaker 1>You'll see a lot of things from him. Oh yeah,

1:03:54.160 --> 1:03:57.680
<v Speaker 1>we started doing that. Sometimes I don't w sometimes I

1:03:57.680 --> 1:04:02.280
<v Speaker 1>don't agree with what he puts at fine of course,

1:04:02.320 --> 1:04:04.600
<v Speaker 1>of course. The then Michelle, you got what you got

1:04:04.600 --> 1:04:06.840
<v Speaker 1>going on that these people need to Okay. February nineteenth,

1:04:06.920 --> 1:04:09.640
<v Speaker 1>we know Thattline ball Room, Highline ball Room here in

1:04:09.640 --> 1:04:14.160
<v Speaker 1>New York. Uh February is the book dropped, So go

1:04:14.400 --> 1:04:18.440
<v Speaker 1>pre ordered Girl's Guide to Sex Education. March ten, if

1:04:18.480 --> 1:04:21.040
<v Speaker 1>you are in the d C metro area, we're doing

1:04:21.080 --> 1:04:23.880
<v Speaker 1>a live podcast, mind over Matter, Thank you so much.

1:04:23.920 --> 1:04:29.360
<v Speaker 1>We're partnering together up for UM Women's UM Women's History Month,

1:04:29.640 --> 1:04:32.120
<v Speaker 1>and guess what we're doing. We're talking about sex. We

1:04:32.160 --> 1:04:34.800
<v Speaker 1>talking about sexuality, but we also do an HIV testing.

1:04:34.840 --> 1:04:36.480
<v Speaker 1>So you want to come out, you want to get

1:04:37.600 --> 1:04:41.200
<v Speaker 1>yes DC UM know your status all be um like

1:04:41.280 --> 1:04:44.640
<v Speaker 1>posting that and then um, I got some other things

1:04:44.640 --> 1:04:47.320
<v Speaker 1>coming up. But again again, if y'all love Michelle like

1:04:47.400 --> 1:04:51.000
<v Speaker 1>we do, y'all can follow her everywhere at MH Sexpert. Also,

1:04:51.080 --> 1:04:55.520
<v Speaker 1>you guys can follow us on Instagram, um, Twitter, at

1:04:55.680 --> 1:04:59.240
<v Speaker 1>Horrible Underscore Decisions and at Horrible pod. Also this is

1:04:59.240 --> 1:05:01.440
<v Speaker 1>your girl, Mandy B. Follow me at full Core Pumps everywhere.

1:05:01.560 --> 1:05:03.480
<v Speaker 1>Thanks again to all of our patrons, and I do

1:05:03.520 --> 1:05:05.320
<v Speaker 1>also want to give a huge shout out if you

1:05:05.320 --> 1:05:07.840
<v Speaker 1>guys are listening, love the audio. If you guys like

1:05:07.920 --> 1:05:11.080
<v Speaker 1>the video, we've been recording at Gotham Podcast Studio um

1:05:11.120 --> 1:05:13.680
<v Speaker 1>here on Church Street in New York City. So if

1:05:13.720 --> 1:05:16.400
<v Speaker 1>you guys are looking to start a podcast as well, UM,

1:05:16.440 --> 1:05:18.800
<v Speaker 1>they're very very very affordable, y'all know me MEO, we

1:05:18.960 --> 1:05:22.280
<v Speaker 1>ain't got them coins like that, um, but they're very affordable.

1:05:22.360 --> 1:05:24.200
<v Speaker 1>Check them out. We'll be putting their information as well

1:05:24.200 --> 1:05:26.320
<v Speaker 1>in the description. So thank you guys. This has been

1:05:26.400 --> 1:05:31.520
<v Speaker 1>yet another episode of Horrible Decisions by