Speaker 1: Hi everyone, It's Wheezy from the Horrible Decisions podcast. I
Speaker 1: wanted to tell you guys what I'm doing to celebrate
Speaker 1: my Valentine's Day. I'm going to Joey Beauty Bar. It's
Speaker 1: an event they're doing called Galantine's Day. No men allowed. Sorry,
Speaker 1: if you want to come and you know, try to
Speaker 1: get something happened. It's only for the ladies, but it's
Speaker 1: basically going to be an event where they're going to
Speaker 1: be having a bunch of beauty services going on for you.
Speaker 1: Wine female owned pop ups. Um, there's gonna be like
Speaker 1: a braid bar. They do some really amazing events. I
Speaker 1: love coming out there, so you should definitely check it out.
Speaker 1: It's in the East Village. Um. I'm also going to
Speaker 1: be giving some dating advice. Honestly, I don't know how
Speaker 1: well it'll go. I would just say sex advice is
Speaker 1: pretty much what I could give you. But if you
Speaker 1: want to have some fun with me, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: going down after worktime six to nine on February thirt
Speaker 1: the day before Valentine's Day, So if you actually have
Speaker 1: a bow, you can have time for that. It's at
Speaker 1: East First Street in New York in the East Village. Um,
Speaker 1: you can take the f Train or Bleaker Street to
Speaker 1: get there. Um. I can't wait to see you guys,
Speaker 1: and let's have some fun. Hi guys, UM, I guess
Speaker 1: this is this is kind of odd. This is a
Speaker 1: different dynamic. Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions. I'm
Speaker 1: your girl, Mandy be and we have a special co
Speaker 1: hot hey host today a horrible host. Hello, hey, Um.
Speaker 1: We have Michelle Hope Um in place of Weezy for
Speaker 1: this episode. Weezy is out of town. Y'all know she'd
Speaker 1: beat that and bopping or whatever. So we have Michelle
Speaker 1: and you guys absolutely loved her on our last episode.
Speaker 1: And for the month of February, what me and Weezy
Speaker 1: decided to do is bring on couples. It only makes sense.
Speaker 1: It's the month of love. Why the funk not? So
Speaker 1: we have a wonderful couple UM in the building with
Speaker 1: us today. I wanted to go ahead and maybe catch
Speaker 1: up with Michelle because she's been fucking rocking since she
Speaker 1: came onto our last show. So do you want to
Speaker 1: update our listeners and what's been up with you? I
Speaker 1: mean absolutely, I've been grinding it out, so I have
Speaker 1: a book for young women dropping February twenty. You guys
Speaker 1: can go on Amazon and check it out. It's called
Speaker 1: A Girl's Guide to Sex Education, and it's like over
Speaker 1: a hundred honest answers to like the burning questions of teens.
Speaker 1: Could you add, like, what are a couple of the questions? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean it kind of goes through everything. I'm so
Speaker 1: mad at I forgot to bring you one, but um,
Speaker 1: it goes through everything from puberty to hygiene. Like one
Speaker 1: of the questions was why do I have dimples and
Speaker 1: on my butt and thighs? And my response was, welcome
Speaker 1: to womanhood, honey. It's and we have to have it
Speaker 1: right right as women. I think that we are bombarded
Speaker 1: with images of you know, touched up girls, touched up women,
Speaker 1: even if you're curvy and lovely or thin, and um,
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of curves, but you know,
Speaker 1: I still have satellite and that's a very normal, natural
Speaker 1: part of being a woman, and it's important to our
Speaker 1: ability to reproduce. So I really the book is really
Speaker 1: designed just to be a conversation starter. Parents. If you're
Speaker 1: going to buy it, you need to read it first.
Speaker 1: Because the book was intended to give young people a
Speaker 1: language that they can take to their trusted, knowledgeable adults
Speaker 1: and ask deeper questions. Right, Like, I love that I
Speaker 1: have become some type of youth guru when it comes
Speaker 1: to sex, but without having children, mind you. Um, but
Speaker 1: I think that what it's really about is giving people
Speaker 1: a language and a normalcy to these kinds of conversations that,
Speaker 1: especially in our community, we often I don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about it talks about virginity loss and getting married
Speaker 1: even so it kind of covers a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1: So that is coming up. And then also, like I
Speaker 1: mentioned to you the um dj MV February nine, I
Speaker 1: actually let Michelle know I will be on the building.
Speaker 1: I'll just be coming back from l A. So Jesus Christ,
Speaker 1: don't get on me if I look a hot mess,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna be. I love you, thank you. But
Speaker 1: um yeah, this is um Speaker production, um G and Casey.
Speaker 1: They have and Casey, Gia and Envy Casey have a
Speaker 1: great show. Um and they have Michelle as a fucking guest,
Speaker 1: so it can't be anything but awesome. I think that
Speaker 1: how they discussed their relationship on their podcast is amazing
Speaker 1: and I'm sure that you have such great things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, this isn't the first time I've worked with them.
Speaker 1: I'm excited because one, it's the night before my book
Speaker 1: drops too, it's right after Valentine's Day three. You know,
Speaker 1: they have three daughters, so like, and they work in
Speaker 1: hip hop and the industry, and you know, there's a
Speaker 1: lot to unpack their being minorities and working in entertainment.
Speaker 1: I mean, look what's going on with the Me Too movement,
Speaker 1: and so there's gonna be a lot we're gonna unpack.
Speaker 1: And I really hope that, you know, podcasts like the
Speaker 1: one we're doing right now and podcasts like that continue
Speaker 1: to lead us to deepen our discussion right not only
Speaker 1: in our communities, but also our neighborhoods and even more importantly,
Speaker 1: our own dinner tables. So we can start unpack being
Speaker 1: some of this mist this this mysticism around sex and
Speaker 1: sexuality and kind of reclaim that in what works for us.
Speaker 1: But let's talk about marriage. Well, it's so funny because
Speaker 1: I wanted to get into everything you just said. I
Speaker 1: the last time you was here, Wheezy went on her
Speaker 1: a little um woke rants and I actually have one
Speaker 1: today and I want to share kind of my distaste.
Speaker 1: So I was invited to the So Shameless podcast UM
Speaker 1: with Tahoe, who at that point I considered a friend. UM.
Speaker 1: And after listening back to the episode, like my heart
Speaker 1: beat beating fast right now, just talking about it, UM,
Speaker 1: the conversation was about body image and UM specifically he's
Speaker 1: fat shamed a lot with his podcast with Cutty, and
Speaker 1: so the conversation had me and Larris. Larris is a
Speaker 1: plus size model who one Project Runway, and as we
Speaker 1: were talking, there were just some things that as a friend,
Speaker 1: I one felt uncomfortable. I think it's very important that
Speaker 1: when men and women share a friendship that there's that
Speaker 1: level of respect that remains there. And so as we're
Speaker 1: talking about body image, and as I'm talking about how
Speaker 1: curve your women are objectified and sexualized at even at
Speaker 1: a very young age, I had hips and bud and
Speaker 1: thighs and older men would look at me because those
Speaker 1: were woman parts to have, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And so as I'm explaining this, he decides to bring
Speaker 1: up my sexual assault that happened on the train. UM.
Speaker 1: For I'm not going to get into that, but basically
Speaker 1: I was riding the train home from work, and as
Speaker 1: anyone who lives in New York knows, rush hour, the
Speaker 1: trains get packed and a guy unzipped his pants and
Speaker 1: had his dick on me. So Taho knew that this
Speaker 1: happened to me. He brought it up as a segue
Speaker 1: into pretty much saying that the podcast that we do
Speaker 1: here me talking about sex, me being open about my sexuality,
Speaker 1: pretty much saying that I should expect this behavior from men.
Speaker 1: And I tried to sit here and say, listen, that
Speaker 1: man probably had no idea I had a fucking podcast,
Speaker 1: And to sit here know that men are out here
Speaker 1: thinking that because women like you, or women like me
Speaker 1: or Wheezy should expect a certain behavior from men. It really, really,
Speaker 1: really really like I I cried on the podcast. As
Speaker 1: y'all know, I probably don't show many emotions when it
Speaker 1: comes to myself. Actually I really don't. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: not very emotional period, And for me to cry and
Speaker 1: for him not to understand where I was coming from
Speaker 1: really really really put me in a place. And so
Speaker 1: I posted my thoughts about this online and I want
Speaker 1: to read a comment. Y'all know we'll be reading on
Speaker 1: motherfucking comments. So I'm gonna bring a comment that I
Speaker 1: posted onto the Horrible Decisions page. This is a listener
Speaker 1: who wrote under Tahoe's UM page. He said, at full
Speaker 1: Court Pumps, I'm going to have to be honest with you.
Speaker 1: Let me start by saying, I love you and Wheezy
Speaker 1: and listen to your show weekly. You didn't deserve to
Speaker 1: have some creek treat you like that. On the train. However,
Speaker 1: you and Weazy talk about doing how ship and having
Speaker 1: rape fantasies and all other kinds of crazy ship that
Speaker 1: is wild to most people. I understand why Tahoe would
Speaker 1: think and say what he said. He apologized to you
Speaker 1: on air as well as in here, and it's like
Speaker 1: you want to kill dude for having a quick thought
Speaker 1: or opinion. You have to relax, ma. Once again, this
Speaker 1: is a grown man pretty much sitting here saying I
Speaker 1: like your show. It's cool and all, but listen, Tahoe
Speaker 1: was right, you do need to expect this from men.
Speaker 1: And throwing that however or that button there just kind
Speaker 1: of like really really really really really irked me. Um.
Speaker 1: And it's something that I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: our women listeners and we have a lot of male listeners.
Speaker 1: UM will get into our guests and how we even met.
Speaker 1: But to know that men think that because I discuss kinks,
Speaker 1: or because sex and you're a sexpert UM or been
Speaker 1: a woman with curves, that we should expect this behavior
Speaker 1: for men, it's it's really disgusting. And my advice to
Speaker 1: this was it needs to start in the home. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of our young boys are young guys
Speaker 1: are not being taught that there are certain things that
Speaker 1: you should not do. UM. There's a certain level of
Speaker 1: respect you have to have for all women, not just
Speaker 1: your mom, not just your sister, but any woman that
Speaker 1: you meet, even in public. And I know that you
Speaker 1: talked to talk with us about young children, And I
Speaker 1: mean again, I think that this definitely does have to
Speaker 1: start in the home, but it starts way before that,
Speaker 1: Like we're talking about a cultural shift. So that's one too.
Speaker 1: And in first and foremost, I want to apologize one
Speaker 1: for your experience on the train, UM, and two that
Speaker 1: you were re victimized in a public space because what
Speaker 1: that person doesn't realize they did one is deeply rooted
Speaker 1: in the very rape culture we are all trying to
Speaker 1: fight with shows like this. If you're not aware, rape
Speaker 1: culture is a society that has normalized um, sexual assault
Speaker 1: or victim blaming on women, and and and that is
Speaker 1: to shame them and call um what happened to them
Speaker 1: their own faults because of their behavior. Okay, that is wrong,
Speaker 1: um one two. Victim blaming is also um devaluing your experience.
Speaker 1: And and as a friend, you kind of just don't
Speaker 1: expect to hear that from a friend. It's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: maybe you're talking about it, but to literally sit here
Speaker 1: in segue from my sexual assault to my podcast and
Speaker 1: what I do, I just felt like this is really
Speaker 1: how you feel. You really feel like I deserved this
Speaker 1: in a way, or that I should just expect this
Speaker 1: in my day to day life. And it's just it's, well,
Speaker 1: the thing is here is now I'm gonna shift. And
Speaker 1: and as frustrated as I'd like to be with the
Speaker 1: individual that did that to you, I have to be
Speaker 1: angry at society because I don't know how old that
Speaker 1: person is. Okay, so for forty two years of that
Speaker 1: person's life, we have normalized locker room talk and normalized
Speaker 1: slut shaming and and and and um, you know, the
Speaker 1: virgin and the slut like the Madonna whore complex, and
Speaker 1: and women of color especially have been marginalized sexually, and
Speaker 1: that which we don't have time for. And I won't
Speaker 1: get into roots back into you know, a slavery mentality,
Speaker 1: um and and and even you know this Me Too
Speaker 1: movement and the feminist movement of the seventies, there was
Speaker 1: often a missing voice, and that was the voice of
Speaker 1: women of color. Um. So, I think that this is
Speaker 1: where right now we're in a sexually revolutionary time, and
Speaker 1: we don't even realize we're in the middle of history
Speaker 1: right now. Fifty years from now, this is what's going
Speaker 1: to be talked about in the books, that how one
Speaker 1: of color stood up not only for the ejectification of
Speaker 1: their bodies, but just the response from other Black men
Speaker 1: were already torn down by you know, so many different
Speaker 1: other cultures. And to know that a black man who's
Speaker 1: supposed to stand next to his black queen and uplift
Speaker 1: her would sit here and pretty much blame her, was like, look,
Speaker 1: but society has taught him that. So I would say
Speaker 1: to him, Um, do what tax Stone did. Tax Stone
Speaker 1: invited me on his podcast to help break down what
Speaker 1: rape culture really was. Now that's a that's an O
Speaker 1: G thug okay, beloved tax free tax zone. The fact
Speaker 1: that he even took the time to engage in that
Speaker 1: type of dialogue, which is speaks volume well, which is
Speaker 1: what I believe Taho tried to do. UM. But there's
Speaker 1: a difference when you really want to listen to somebody
Speaker 1: and learn from them, And there's a difference from when
Speaker 1: you want to say things for a shock value, or
Speaker 1: say things to let me know that you're not really listening,
Speaker 1: or to invite me onto your platform warm and pretty
Speaker 1: much degrade me. For the entire two hours. I listened
Speaker 1: back and it was just very hurtful to listen to. Um.
Speaker 1: You guys are in the podcast round the Couple that
Speaker 1: we have here, and so I'm sure you guys um
Speaker 1: too key to it and listen. UM. If you guys
Speaker 1: have any thoughts share, you can share now before we
Speaker 1: get into introducing y'all. Yeah, let the woman go first.
Speaker 1: Thank you. UM. I did listen, and I know me
Speaker 1: and you spoke kind of briefly about it, and I
Speaker 1: was just saying that I was I was hurt for you,
Speaker 1: and you know, I felt like if I was in
Speaker 1: that situation, I would have been truly frustrated embarrassed in
Speaker 1: some ways because and that's and that's the worst feeling
Speaker 1: in the world. Sometimes it's like to feel like you're
Speaker 1: going on to someplace to help educate and you end
Speaker 1: up made to feel like you are um like again
Speaker 1: the at fault for things that happened to you. And
Speaker 1: that's the first thing I thought of when the whole
Speaker 1: correlation between your show and what happened to you was made,
Speaker 1: was you know how you don't even know if he
Speaker 1: listened like he he's just a power of He's just
Speaker 1: a creep who did that to you? And one these
Speaker 1: things do not one doesn't get the other. It's just
Speaker 1: because you speak on sexuality, or you are more sexually
Speaker 1: open or than um and vocal about it than most
Speaker 1: people are, that does not therefore warrant somebody treating it
Speaker 1: that way ever life, and I think all of our listeners,
Speaker 1: anyone who likes to wear little dresses, any woman who's
Speaker 1: out here with curves or has a big butt or
Speaker 1: has you know, I have triple D breasts like your cleavage.
Speaker 1: None of this, you know, makes it to where you
Speaker 1: should expect a certain behavior from someone UM, and it's
Speaker 1: never I think the bottom line is understanding that people
Speaker 1: who have experienced sexual harassment or sexual assault it's never
Speaker 1: their fault. It doesn't matter what you've done. And as somebody,
Speaker 1: I am an advocate of UM women who have experienced
Speaker 1: sexual assault, I myself have experienced sexual assault, and it
Speaker 1: does not matter what the situation is. No means no
Speaker 1: and UM at the end. And I think to to
Speaker 1: that point, we as women, we have to understand I
Speaker 1: don't give a ship if you as foot naked pussy out,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do a double backhand spring triple cow
Speaker 1: sal on the dick in mid air. If you change
Speaker 1: your mind, you have that fucking right. There you go.
Speaker 1: And men, we have to get to a point that
Speaker 1: you understand that your erect dick is not a speeding
Speaker 1: fucking bullet train. Hello, and it can stop. And if
Speaker 1: a woman says no, or a woman isn't saying anything
Speaker 1: at all, y'all gotta check in, y'all gotta check out.
Speaker 1: Like at the end of the day, it's about communicating.
Speaker 1: And I hope to empower women to understand you have
Speaker 1: the right to say no at any point with any partner,
Speaker 1: your husband, your lover, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, if you
Speaker 1: go to a sex kink party, it does not matter.
Speaker 1: Your body is your body, your voice is your choice,
Speaker 1: so please speak. Yeah, you're great, You're great. So again, guys, UM,
Speaker 1: I'm super excited about this episode. And so this is
Speaker 1: a very special couple. UM. I guess we can kind
Speaker 1: of mention how we met. This is one of the
Speaker 1: couples that we met at the Brilliant Idiots Live show. Um,
Speaker 1: and if I recall, let you know, I actually met
Speaker 1: about three or four couples that night, so I want
Speaker 1: to recall t J listen first Horrible Decisions. So this
Speaker 1: is so funny. This is at the end of the
Speaker 1: Brilliant Idiots Live Show and this couple walks up to
Speaker 1: me and Danny was like, my husband wants to take
Speaker 1: a picture with you. He says he listens to your podcast,
Speaker 1: and t J was like, I love everything you do.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get my wife to listen. And shortly after that,
Speaker 1: I believe he made you a listener. We've been talking
Speaker 1: ever since. I exchange numbers and I love everything that
Speaker 1: you guys do. They actually do have their own podcast
Speaker 1: as well, Lover's Coral and do you want to explain
Speaker 1: maybe to our listeners what you guys do, and then
Speaker 1: I want to talk about how why y'all are so special? Okay,
Speaker 1: So as far as Lover's Quarrel or everything everything, okay,
Speaker 1: well you know, um, well I'll start with the podcast.
Speaker 1: We have a show called Lover's Quarrel. Um. We come
Speaker 1: out you would say, bi weekly um um, and we
Speaker 1: basically talk marriage relationships sometimes what's going on in the
Speaker 1: world and how that that impacts marriage relationships. We actually
Speaker 1: had kind of a conversation about the Me Too movement
Speaker 1: and you know, um, expectations of men and women and
Speaker 1: when it comes to uh, sexual interactions of any type,
Speaker 1: and um, we yeah, we just we talk about what
Speaker 1: goes on in our lives. We kind of, um have
Speaker 1: a quarrel where we he and I sometimes even though
Speaker 1: we've been together for a long time, we definitely don't
Speaker 1: see ada and everything. Um. But that's relationships and and
Speaker 1: that's what happens. But uh, with creating a podcast that
Speaker 1: allowed us to spend time together and kind of learn
Speaker 1: to learn each other all over again, you know, see
Speaker 1: each other's points and and build from there. So originally
Speaker 1: when we had it um. It was called to be determined.
Speaker 1: We started much better. It makes sense. We rebranded and
Speaker 1: wanted to have a family, so we had our daughter,
Speaker 1: so we stopped, and then when we came back, we
Speaker 1: decided that who was going to change the name and
Speaker 1: change the dynamic? You know, at first we were trying
Speaker 1: to do what everyone was doing, right, no one's talking
Speaker 1: about pop culture whatever. But it was like, let's let's
Speaker 1: get back to who we are. Let's talk about our relationship.
Speaker 1: You know, Um, we've been together, what going okay? Well? Right,
Speaker 1: she's like I wanted to say that. That's why we
Speaker 1: brought this couple on for this specific episode. We talked
Speaker 1: a lot about non monogamy on this show, and this
Speaker 1: couple right here has actually only been with each other.
Speaker 1: They're high schooling, um, And so we actually wanted to
Speaker 1: do an episode where we can cater to our monogamous
Speaker 1: viewers because although me and we be out here about
Speaker 1: that ship, you know what I mean, um, and don't
Speaker 1: believe in monogamy. I wanted to definitely cater to our listeners, like, well, bitch,
Speaker 1: I ain't let my niggafunk know about it, you know,
Speaker 1: nobody else. So I definitely wanted to get into that.
Speaker 1: So what we like to do for every show before
Speaker 1: we kick it off is doing kink of the week.
Speaker 1: I'd look, she read, oh god, did you bring something?
Speaker 1: Oh Lord, Michelle, y'all know she's having her little bag,
Speaker 1: and so I'm gonna go ahead and explain it. So
Speaker 1: the kink of the week for this week is called sounding.
Speaker 1: Do either of you guys know what sounding is? Okay?
Speaker 1: It makes sense for the man to know what it is.
Speaker 1: So sounding is also known as cock stuffing. This is
Speaker 1: the practice of inserting something into the urethra. I didn't know, honestly,
Speaker 1: when I read this, I was like, wait, men can
Speaker 1: stick things inside their peakle Like, yes, it's besides like
Speaker 1: the little like I was about to call it a
Speaker 1: pats in here, but like you know, when I go
Speaker 1: to the doctor, and so the process it usually is
Speaker 1: done in like um, when people get their urethra, like
Speaker 1: if they need something cleared from the urethra. So it's
Speaker 1: a small metal rod, or it could be a plastic
Speaker 1: tube that could reach all the way to the bladder
Speaker 1: and for people grabbing my arm for some people, for
Speaker 1: some people, um, this can also you can reach the
Speaker 1: prostate from the front, so you can penetrate what what
Speaker 1: you would consider to be the unpenetrable. So right, yeah,
Speaker 1: So it says that also note that it is you
Speaker 1: need necessary equipment, um, and you can buy kids online.
Speaker 1: You can buy them online. It says that you don't
Speaker 1: need much experience, but basically it's something that you can
Speaker 1: look at. Our mail in here is just shaking his
Speaker 1: mother like his head. Um. It says that you don't
Speaker 1: need to have the full kit or even a full
Speaker 1: sound to start plugs. Well, let's go back upommend um.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is definitely a very kink space, right
Speaker 1: but for me, because you know me, I always got
Speaker 1: to bring a bit learning your sampson. Um. What we
Speaker 1: really need to focus on is the risk, because there
Speaker 1: are absolutely so so studies have been done to look
Speaker 1: at the type of people who are into this behavior
Speaker 1: and what type of sexual risk that they have. So
Speaker 1: studies have found that people who do who are into
Speaker 1: this kink tend to have higher risk factors of s
Speaker 1: t I s UM, including HIV. They tend to have
Speaker 1: multiple partners, some of which they may or may not know.
Speaker 1: They tend to have partners they don't know often times
Speaker 1: associated with the kink, specifically the type of kink like
Speaker 1: finding somebody who's going to put a catheter in you
Speaker 1: or is going to put a rod in you. It
Speaker 1: tends to be people who are also very kinky. Which
Speaker 1: now I'm not saying that people in the kink space
Speaker 1: are at higher risk. However, you have to understand that
Speaker 1: the more partners you have, the higher your risk is,
Speaker 1: even if you're being careful. And with this specific kink,
Speaker 1: I'm not yeah, not well, honey, we hadn't even got
Speaker 1: into scat play, so what about blood letting? Okay, not
Speaker 1: to day, they saying that for another day. But the
Speaker 1: biggest thing that you're going to kind of put yourself
Speaker 1: at risk worse urinary tractor sections because if you don't
Speaker 1: have sterile equipment or you know, let's face it, sometimes
Speaker 1: your vibrator sleeps under your pillow and you can't just
Speaker 1: be sticking rose and your penis that ain't sterile. You're
Speaker 1: gonna need a lot of loop. And the same for women, right,
Speaker 1: I know women can with you can those lead to
Speaker 1: us absolutely, but also I want to be honest, most
Speaker 1: of the literature looks at men when it comes to
Speaker 1: this king. However, when it comes to sounding, it can
Speaker 1: be done with women. It's just not as popular, right,
Speaker 1: So I think the idea is really the the idea
Speaker 1: of like, how like opening your the that hole it's
Speaker 1: also known as it's spelled m E A t U
Speaker 1: S medias, that's the little hole, that's what that's called.
Speaker 1: But when you don't have anyone that's done this, but
Speaker 1: if you get a Prince Albert, if you know anybody
Speaker 1: that has a Prince Albert, that is very similar because
Speaker 1: the Prince Albert, it's where you pierced the penis. Ah,
Speaker 1: my friend was that had like it goes inside though
Speaker 1: it usually goes in the media's and is pierced that way,
Speaker 1: so it hangs it wouldn't you wouldn't cross sect about
Speaker 1: the balls that haven't Like she was sucking someone that
Speaker 1: had piercings, but they were like balls inside his dick.
Speaker 1: Oh that's different. Yeah, it's like that's a little different.
Speaker 1: That's not sounding because that's just gonna go under the skin.
Speaker 1: The Prince Albert actually goes into the media and you
Speaker 1: pierce that way. But again, those of you who are
Speaker 1: into that, super cool. That's I'm all for it for
Speaker 1: you if you like it. I love it. I a't
Speaker 1: been a yucky yum. But please be sure you're being
Speaker 1: safe if you have multiple partners, make sure you're getting
Speaker 1: tested regularly. Please and understand that if you're not concerned
Speaker 1: about HIV or S t I S, a urinary tract
Speaker 1: infection might be come in your way. Just because that's
Speaker 1: a urinary tract infection is like back to a lot
Speaker 1: of men who don't even normally get that. As women,
Speaker 1: we can get it very easily, and basically it's really awful.
Speaker 1: You pretty much feel like you have to and it
Speaker 1: burns and it's like then two drops come out. He's
Speaker 1: not I would take a yeast infection before that. I
Speaker 1: take b V because then I just smell fishy. So
Speaker 1: it's just not problem of vagina diaries. So we're gonna
Speaker 1: get finally into our horrible decision. And of course I
Speaker 1: don't think it's horrible that you're monogamous, but this is
Speaker 1: just you know the segment of the show. And so
Speaker 1: for a lot of you that are listening, there's no
Speaker 1: need for me to break up what monogamy is, um,
Speaker 1: but I do want to talk about kind of your
Speaker 1: relationship you guys met in high school. Yes, correct, And
Speaker 1: you said earlier on the show, you guys have been
Speaker 1: together for fourteen years. Yes, in years since were like,
Speaker 1: you know, decided that we go together. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1: So I was kind of talking to Danny about this
Speaker 1: because I was like, so, have you experienced cheating? And
Speaker 1: I heard a no. So I'm like, wait, you guys
Speaker 1: have literally only been because you guys lost each other's
Speaker 1: virginity to each other, So you have only been with
Speaker 1: each other for the last fourteen years? Correct? Now to me,
Speaker 1: A wheezy. I don't mother see how y'all do it.
Speaker 1: I don't see how it's possible, Like I genuinely and
Speaker 1: you know, I started real early. I don't even know
Speaker 1: the nickname from now, like it's been some other like
Speaker 1: a time. So I wanted to ask um kind of
Speaker 1: the dynamic of this relationship and how you feel like
Speaker 1: you guys have been able to maintain monogamy throughout the
Speaker 1: fourteen years. Well, for me, I'm gonna say that I
Speaker 1: have an older brother of older cousins. I kind of
Speaker 1: seen what they went through. I didn't want that. You
Speaker 1: don't want it, I didn't want what was it like?
Speaker 1: Trying to juggle different women, or just having issues with
Speaker 1: their significant others so they messed with somebody else. Like
Speaker 1: it was just those things that I've seen and I
Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, I don't want to have to
Speaker 1: deal with that. And then my parents they've been together
Speaker 1: that's what twenty six years, so I also have that
Speaker 1: experiencing that. But with Danny, it was always clear that
Speaker 1: if I was doing I can only do two things
Speaker 1: that should leave me, and that's cheetah beat And you've
Speaker 1: made that clear from the very beginning pretty much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, those are my deal breakers. Everything else,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, we could pretty much probably you know,
Speaker 1: work through address something, but I don't what was your
Speaker 1: upbringing that you were able to tell him, like, listen,
Speaker 1: this is what it is, and you know, because I
Speaker 1: feel like we talked about this often. It has a
Speaker 1: lot like I grew up in a single parent household,
Speaker 1: and I've seen my mom and my dad both have
Speaker 1: multiple partners growing up, So I feel like maybe that's
Speaker 1: my mindset that this is normal. But for you to
Speaker 1: see your parents together and then what was your bringing
Speaker 1: to make this seem like? So so my parents, um,
Speaker 1: my parents were married for twenty two something years before
Speaker 1: they got divorced and then so like they didn't separate
Speaker 1: until I was in college. But um, I come from
Speaker 1: a family full of women who are strong, opinionated, intelligent, beautiful,
Speaker 1: all these things, and so it was never about taking
Speaker 1: it from a man ever. And like I have an
Speaker 1: older sister as well, and you know, um, and my
Speaker 1: sister's father and my mom didn't work out, and you know,
Speaker 1: and my mom was a single mother with my sister
Speaker 1: for up until my dad came along. And you know,
Speaker 1: my mom definitely still had that mentality of like, you know,
Speaker 1: you just you don't take shipped from anybody and you
Speaker 1: don't tolerate disrespect or anything of the sort. So and
Speaker 1: I was honestly like I was encouraged to like like
Speaker 1: not less like like the have a kind of have
Speaker 1: like the kink and that kink shame me either, But
Speaker 1: just like they definitely encouraged me to like date, to
Speaker 1: get out there because you go through your whole face, yes,
Speaker 1: to go thy much. Yes, Because I saw him all
Speaker 1: the time, I'm like, you took all my thought in years.
Speaker 1: I was like, so we're here, We're in the stiff
Speaker 1: forever I was like, you took my best years and um,
Speaker 1: I know, but still, like you know, I would talking
Speaker 1: about you. You can have a thought phase at anytime
Speaker 1: your life. You're right, yere, absolutely right. The fact that
Speaker 1: goes to that my whole like the dicidal norms that
Speaker 1: kind of always have been were impressed the poem in
Speaker 1: Palm Me. So basically though I um, oh god, I'm
Speaker 1: losing my train of thought. But basically I come from
Speaker 1: a family. But they encouraged me to date. I met him,
Speaker 1: and you know, he was so different, Like I didn't
Speaker 1: expect to date a guy who was like so very
Speaker 1: sure about how he felt about me. I was like
Speaker 1: like I was like, oh, it's my first little boyfriend whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, get my little feet wet and in the
Speaker 1: date in pool and he was like you're it, like
Speaker 1: I'm good, and I was, And I mean there were
Speaker 1: times where like it made me scared, Like I was like, sir,
Speaker 1: you were very like we're seventeen, Like what are you
Speaker 1: talking about? And but I kind of was just like
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna ride this thing to the
Speaker 1: wheels fall off and see what happens. And like they
Speaker 1: just haven't fallen off. Now for both of you, have
Speaker 1: you guys, have either of you reached a point where
Speaker 1: maybe you wanted to see what else was out there?
Speaker 1: And if you guys did, kind of how did you
Speaker 1: guys bring it back to this is who I want
Speaker 1: to be with. I wouldn't say that I wanted to
Speaker 1: see now, see with having the older brother and the
Speaker 1: cousins get to hit the story, right, so you know
Speaker 1: I can, You know I can so. But but for me, um,
Speaker 1: one thing as I got older and you know, when
Speaker 1: we got married, such we can other married people. One
Speaker 1: thing is to always say is like, could you imagine
Speaker 1: somebody else pleasuring pleasuring your significant other? Right? We talked
Speaker 1: about pleasure. I'm better than you can and they said
Speaker 1: if you can't, then there's no reason to like leave
Speaker 1: or cheat or anything like that. So that's one of
Speaker 1: the things that kind of stuck with me. I think
Speaker 1: also too, we might be non monogamous, or that's what
Speaker 1: you and Wheezy might subscribe to. You know, I don't
Speaker 1: even who knows I think that. For me, yeah, I
Speaker 1: study human sexual behavior, right, but sometimes that doesn't involve
Speaker 1: touching or set or set penis vagina penetration, sex at all,
Speaker 1: you know sex And I've said this a billion times,
Speaker 1: I'll say it again. Well, from the womb to the money,
Speaker 1: sex is gonna be a part of your life. But
Speaker 1: as we age and as we go through different spaces
Speaker 1: in our life, that looks very different, and that looks
Speaker 1: and we look for more and just yes, it becomes
Speaker 1: different and you become turned on and you become intimately
Speaker 1: satisfied in very different ways. So I think this is
Speaker 1: I think it's so Honestly, I was on another radio
Speaker 1: show and a guy just called in and he's like,
Speaker 1: I'm getting married in a month and my wife and
Speaker 1: I are virgins. And then you called me that day
Speaker 1: and I want you to come on with these people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it was like perfect, It's it's also something. So
Speaker 1: I also wanted to talk about. UM. Me and Danny
Speaker 1: had a conversation when I was talking about my my
Speaker 1: surgery and you sent me a picture from my wedding day,
Speaker 1: from her wedding day, and since the wedding day, Um,
Speaker 1: she's put on weight as most women do with kids,
Speaker 1: with stress, with life, with age, with love, with love,
Speaker 1: and so um, just us, we we both talked about
Speaker 1: just our body image and We've gotten a lot of
Speaker 1: a lot of letters from men and women about shifting
Speaker 1: with their body image and pleasing their partner or not
Speaker 1: feeling as confident in the bedroom. Was that something that
Speaker 1: you were able to notice and if so, how did
Speaker 1: you guys talk through this? Um? When it came to
Speaker 1: you know, just change Well, I'll say this so that
Speaker 1: he can has to go ahead to say it's part.
Speaker 1: I definitely had, like I would have like confidence issues
Speaker 1: like as like you know, put on the weight and
Speaker 1: you know, not feeling at um, not wanting to be
Speaker 1: intimate as often because I have my own insecurities and
Speaker 1: I don't like how things look on me. And then
Speaker 1: you know, consequently he would end up kind of missing
Speaker 1: out because of it. So I'll you know, I'll let
Speaker 1: you go from there. It didn't matter. Like I've always
Speaker 1: told that, you know, I'm gonna love you at your
Speaker 1: big gets, at your smallest. It's just with her, so
Speaker 1: you know, I mean you go through that. UM. I
Speaker 1: think watching her pregnant definitely changed my mind looking at
Speaker 1: all women and because seeing her body go through what
Speaker 1: it what it went through, seeing her sacrifice that it
Speaker 1: made me just say, like you know what, oh you
Speaker 1: know there's other women out here. You know, we grew
Speaker 1: up in society that everyone's supposed to be a certain way,
Speaker 1: supposed to look a certain way, act a certain way. Um.
Speaker 1: They're supposed to be like the most beautifulest with the
Speaker 1: smallest body, and that's not how it really is. Um.
Speaker 1: But seeing that, it was just like why, Like women
Speaker 1: can do it all, Like they can literally do it all.
Speaker 1: And and for me, the fact that she sacrificed her
Speaker 1: body to make me a father, it was just like,
Speaker 1: how whack of it would it be of me to
Speaker 1: be like, I'm not attracted to you no more because
Speaker 1: you gain weight, Like, you know, you gain weight. You know,
Speaker 1: we'll get through it together at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: But seeing that sacrifice made me made me realize that
Speaker 1: it was bigger things than the body. So, I mean,
Speaker 1: she's still who she is. Come over here with the
Speaker 1: moji face coming out. So I am constantly on Twitter,
Speaker 1: I'm constantly on social media, and I read a lot.
Speaker 1: It seems like people think of monogamy as a relationship
Speaker 1: where you kind of fight to know that that's who
Speaker 1: loves you more than actually enjoying the relationship. And I
Speaker 1: say that to say there's a lot of people. Um,
Speaker 1: and there was actually just a female who wrote us
Speaker 1: about snooping and looking for things to make it look Look,
Speaker 1: everybody in the room roll their eyes. But I think
Speaker 1: it's a huge thing because when you're in a monogamous relationship,
Speaker 1: you're not cheating. You're not supposed to be having other partners.
Speaker 1: You're not you're not supposed to be doing all of
Speaker 1: these things. And yet, because we grow up in this
Speaker 1: society where we do, where people are cheating, people are
Speaker 1: having babies on each other, a lot of women feel
Speaker 1: the need to snoop to try to find their man
Speaker 1: and doing something wrong. Um, I guess I would like
Speaker 1: for you to share with our listeners how you keep
Speaker 1: from doing that or if you have what went through
Speaker 1: your mind. Look t J, like, I want to know
Speaker 1: if you if you ever done that? You know what?
Speaker 1: I haven't? Like I really, I mean, and do you
Speaker 1: have you had friends that have That's why when I
Speaker 1: made that, that's because I've got plenty of friends who
Speaker 1: went through the Nika's phone and right and then you
Speaker 1: know I get the text mess just like Danny, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, and I was like, you know when you
Speaker 1: go looking for something, you find it, you tend to
Speaker 1: find it. And um, you've been with him for fourteen
Speaker 1: years and you've never snooped like look at through his
Speaker 1: like no passwords? Are you a good one? Like we
Speaker 1: talked about it. For us, yes, and for me and
Speaker 1: for me specific. I think that the reason why this
Speaker 1: works and the reason why this came to be is
Speaker 1: because I think, in my heart of hearts, I've just
Speaker 1: never been one for the games and never been one
Speaker 1: for the stress. I'm not a person who likes to argue.
Speaker 1: I'm not a person who likes to be wrapped up
Speaker 1: in drama. I don't thrive on it. So for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: whoever you believe in, brought me and him together and
Speaker 1: have us still together, it must be because that's what
Speaker 1: I needed. And as far as snooping, I have no
Speaker 1: reason to snoop because he doesn't give me one. He didn't.
Speaker 1: There wasn't there's never been anything that unless he's the
Speaker 1: best at at at hiding something, which but there's there's
Speaker 1: never been a reason. And so he wears his heart
Speaker 1: on his sleep, he tells everything, but he's a bad liar. Basically,
Speaker 1: there's there's just never been a reason for me to
Speaker 1: even think to be like, like, what's he doing? And
Speaker 1: and then go from there. I think that's also probably
Speaker 1: a reason why you guys have been able to stay
Speaker 1: together for so long. UM. I feel like when when
Speaker 1: people get into relationships and they're looking for the bad things,
Speaker 1: or they're stooping through the phone, the emails, you're searching
Speaker 1: for something. So it's like, how happy are you? What?
Speaker 1: What do you need from this partner to prove that
Speaker 1: he loves you? Hold on you? You look like you
Speaker 1: ready got something to say, she got something for ahead.
Speaker 1: What you gotta say about the snooping topic? Okay, I
Speaker 1: have a couple of things to say, So first and foremost, UM,
Speaker 1: if you feel like you have to snoop, it's time
Speaker 1: for you to get out of that relationship. That's one
Speaker 1: UM two snooping and things like that. That is the
Speaker 1: basis and start of unhealthy UM relationship, not not not trusting.
Speaker 1: And I think that you have to reevaluate people that snoop.
Speaker 1: I had a friend for a long time always got
Speaker 1: in relationships that was drama films and even myself I
Speaker 1: have had to recently do some reflection on my experiences
Speaker 1: in relationship and how abusive some of the relationships I've
Speaker 1: been in, and maybe they didn't come with physical abuse,
Speaker 1: but it came with emotional abuse and things like snooping
Speaker 1: is rooted in that kind of control and jealousy, all
Speaker 1: of which would be on a power and control wheels
Speaker 1: telling you your relationship is shitty or that weight not
Speaker 1: not shitty, but probably not the healthiest. So I always say, first,
Speaker 1: relationship starts with self, and you have to evaluate that,
Speaker 1: and you also need to look at the history of
Speaker 1: your relationships. I'm sitting with two people who had experience
Speaker 1: with long term relationships and they they saw people role
Speaker 1: modeling the behavior to get to a successful relationship. And then,
Speaker 1: because you know I, I although I am a woman
Speaker 1: of all things Um Corinthians thirteen four through eight. Love
Speaker 1: is patient, Love is kind, Love does not envy, Love
Speaker 1: does not boast. Love is not proud. It does not
Speaker 1: dishonor others. It is not self seeking, It is not
Speaker 1: easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does
Speaker 1: not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth. It always protects,
Speaker 1: always trust, always hope, and always preserves. So how in
Speaker 1: the world you're gonna tell somebody you love them, and
Speaker 1: they go through their cell phone like that to me
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense. And then I think we have to
Speaker 1: ask ourselves, well, hold on, boot Ski, how much do
Speaker 1: you love yourself if you got a snoop on your partner?
Speaker 1: And not mean that for both men and women. I've
Speaker 1: never been a snooper and the one time I was
Speaker 1: one time, and then again I was like, oh Lord,
Speaker 1: don't let him snoop on me. So I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not sitting here and saying right in the end, dollar
Speaker 1: be all. But what you guys have, like we're looking
Speaker 1: at and we and we always and we get that
Speaker 1: and and we I always I appreciate it, but I
Speaker 1: always I always try to impress upon people. It's like,
Speaker 1: don't like ever put us on not to say, to
Speaker 1: y'all are, but don't like people have tried to put
Speaker 1: us on a pedestal about what we are, what they like,
Speaker 1: Oh that's so great. I wish I could have that.
Speaker 1: And we always like next like we've gone through it.
Speaker 1: We've had we talked to some cross rooms before and
Speaker 1: we were dating about how we want to proceed with
Speaker 1: each other. It's been tough. We've said hurtful, horrible things
Speaker 1: to each other, you know, but we've come back to
Speaker 1: it and it's just like and I think you know nowadays, yeah,
Speaker 1: we might be more like the exception than the rule,
Speaker 1: but that's just this is just our I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: I love this because if you asked me all niggas sheet,
Speaker 1: I know, but you're sitting here telling me you haven't.
Speaker 1: You're sitting here telling me that you don't snoop. And
Speaker 1: a lot of men would assume all women are stupers.
Speaker 1: And so for me to sit here and see that
Speaker 1: monogamy does work in two thousand and eighteen, this is
Speaker 1: something to where you know, as as I said, we
Speaker 1: talked about so many non monogamous relationships, polyamory, um, open relationships, swinging,
Speaker 1: and we discussed so many of this. We we just
Speaker 1: had a person come on here, UM who tie on me.
Speaker 1: She talks about free love and and she literally you know,
Speaker 1: went into saying um, and her partner said that there's
Speaker 1: no love above any other love, that we can love
Speaker 1: all the same. And to me, you guys, when in
Speaker 1: front of the Lord went in front of someone and
Speaker 1: about to be together, UM, and so clearly this this
Speaker 1: bond right here, and the love that you guys have
Speaker 1: for each other are different than the love that y'all
Speaker 1: may have for a friends at home girl. You know,
Speaker 1: Danny was different Um in the sense that she allowed
Speaker 1: me to be myself. I never had to change who
Speaker 1: I was. I never had to worry about it. It
Speaker 1: was never like I had to say, I'm lying to
Speaker 1: go out with chill my friends because she didn't like
Speaker 1: my friends. She knew who my friends were, and she
Speaker 1: knew that my friends, some of them were were dogs.
Speaker 1: But she trusted me. You know, I'm allowed to go
Speaker 1: to the strip club with her without her. So the
Speaker 1: fact that she trust me, Like I went to Toronto
Speaker 1: for UM and she had no issues and everybody was
Speaker 1: just like, how did you pull that off? And it's
Speaker 1: just like, this is our relationship like so many people have. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I encourage go, said you can burn the streets which
Speaker 1: out the happy waiting for you. Sorry I had so
Speaker 1: I think it's I think what you're saying is so right,
Speaker 1: And I think when people do get into these relationships,
Speaker 1: it's a your mind. You can only do what I
Speaker 1: want you to do. Don't do this, don't do that,
Speaker 1: red flag run and the one thing that I did
Speaker 1: like um about what Taomi mentioned was feeling the possessiveness
Speaker 1: when you commit to you're looking at me cray, I
Speaker 1: did because I don't. I don't think that if you're
Speaker 1: gonna get into a relationship with someone you should feel
Speaker 1: like they're your property. But the idea of saying when
Speaker 1: you're in monogamous relationship possessiveness sounds crazy. I am a
Speaker 1: person and I feel like both of you with the
Speaker 1: either if you cheat or beat you out the door.
Speaker 1: For me, I'm the type of person. Honey, you are
Speaker 1: a beautiful bird in my life, and the cage door
Speaker 1: is always open. This is a bird cage of love,
Speaker 1: and when you don't feel that love, please fly free.
Speaker 1: Like that maybe why I'm single. You know, I got
Speaker 1: some repairs to do on the cage. But still I think,
Speaker 1: like it's true, like possessiveness and relationships red flag for
Speaker 1: an abusive relationship. I honestly think that we have been
Speaker 1: indoctrinated to believe that we're in healthy relationships when really
Speaker 1: we're in abusive relationships. Our society has truly normalized that
Speaker 1: we attached jealousy, abuse, um, all of these things to
Speaker 1: love it, and it's like, it's crazy because love should
Speaker 1: not mean he beating your ass. Love should not mean
Speaker 1: you know that girl, Oh my god, he's talking to me.
Speaker 1: Those those things shouldn't be associated with. But that's my
Speaker 1: friend that I was started this whole thing with Jesus.
Speaker 1: She said, girl, if there ain't no drama, it ain't
Speaker 1: no love. I was like, what you And she always
Speaker 1: has some drama. And what's super crazy about it is
Speaker 1: that her last relationship before the one that she's in
Speaker 1: now escalated to a point where she most she kind
Speaker 1: of arrested because he violated he had been beating her,
Speaker 1: violated a restraining order, and he showed up somewhere and
Speaker 1: she had a pistol and she shot at him, missed him,
Speaker 1: and the judge lead it clear because he was like
Speaker 1: he was a very large man. And I don't want
Speaker 1: to give out any other details because it would tell
Speaker 1: the story. But her she honestly felt like her life
Speaker 1: was in danger and it was so they charges were
Speaker 1: dropped on her. But still to have to feel like
Speaker 1: that's insane, Yes, And she had scared the person you love.
Speaker 1: You should never be in fear of the person you love,
Speaker 1: and you should never feel like, you know, like drama,
Speaker 1: hard times, good times happened, but it should not be
Speaker 1: the basis of your relationship. Something else that that you
Speaker 1: said that really really resonated with me. Um you said
Speaker 1: that you could be yourself and I and to me,
Speaker 1: that's the number one thing, even when I'm around somebody
Speaker 1: who you know may or may not become my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: knowing that I can genuinely be myself. I was listening
Speaker 1: to the read and they had um uh, quite a
Speaker 1: listener letter that came on. Apparently the girl had been
Speaker 1: a prostitute years before she got her sex. That was
Speaker 1: her legit, that was that was her term she was.
Speaker 1: She was a sex worker prior to getting into this relationship.
Speaker 1: And I believe they were about to get married. She
Speaker 1: was about to she was about to marry somebody. She
Speaker 1: kind of like put a bug in his here, like
Speaker 1: I have something to tell you, and now he's pressing
Speaker 1: her and I want to get Now She's just like
Speaker 1: is this something that I should tell him? Because is
Speaker 1: this something that he'll leave me for? And So when
Speaker 1: you sat here and said I could just be myself,
Speaker 1: I feel like anybody who you want to engage with
Speaker 1: or want to fulfill a relationship or love and and
Speaker 1: be with someone for a long term. I think it's
Speaker 1: important that they know who you are and what you've
Speaker 1: done and the growth that you've been through and how
Speaker 1: you want to continue growth. What is your thought on
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you right now, I don't know
Speaker 1: how long they've done been together. Didn't say in the
Speaker 1: letter five years whatever, And the context of it was
Speaker 1: that she was in an abusive relationship and her it
Speaker 1: was a pump. He pimped her out. He was abusing
Speaker 1: her and forcing her to for money, to have sex,
Speaker 1: for money, to um to fulfill her fault. Totally not
Speaker 1: her fault. However, I'm gonna say this, I'm honey, that's
Speaker 1: not a bomb. You dropped five years after being with somebody,
Speaker 1: and I'm not I'm not sleat shaming. I'm not victim
Speaker 1: blaming because I've brokenhearted for the predicament that she is
Speaker 1: in and to that. It is my hope that she
Speaker 1: has gone through some counseling because the layers of what
Speaker 1: that is. I love you the read, but let's face it,
Speaker 1: she needs professionals, and it would like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what's going to happen with her story, but it would
Speaker 1: break my heart if he left her. However, and that's
Speaker 1: what they encouraged. They said, like, if you haven't already
Speaker 1: gotten help or on your own, they were like, you should,
Speaker 1: and then like or if your fiance obviously has to
Speaker 1: grapple with this bomb being dropped, that they can seek
Speaker 1: counseling together as we work through it. So it's they
Speaker 1: need both because I think it's important for a lot
Speaker 1: of men to know. Um, of course there's a lot
Speaker 1: of slut shaming going on the whole fucking conversation about
Speaker 1: body count. Um, it's terrible, and that's what we're saying
Speaker 1: with the society and what they bring. I think it's
Speaker 1: important for for men to start looking at women as
Speaker 1: as human beings and not objects or or ruined things
Speaker 1: because they've had past damaged good. As you get older,
Speaker 1: and mind you, I do want to talk about because
Speaker 1: you keep saying older, I was like, you, who bad
Speaker 1: a couple that's in their sixties? Like you guys are
Speaker 1: our listeners ideas though have have changed. I've been one
Speaker 1: who you know, you and your friends talk and she
Speaker 1: has bodies you don't you don't you don't wipe her
Speaker 1: because she has bodies. But as I'm older, I'm like,
Speaker 1: people go through things. I don't know what she went
Speaker 1: through in her life that she had a whole bunch
Speaker 1: of bodies. But if I like her and this is
Speaker 1: what I want to be with and I'm gonna be with, like,
Speaker 1: I don't care about that, but society tells us we're not.
Speaker 1: So it's crazy because as women were not supposed to
Speaker 1: care how many women most of the don't. We don't
Speaker 1: at all with a thousand women, literally eight thousand women
Speaker 1: before being with me. As long as he's clean and
Speaker 1: he ain't got the fatty walk type of baby mamas,
Speaker 1: I you know, I'm cold. We were talking about that
Speaker 1: the other day. How like the society difference is like
Speaker 1: women are allowed to not allow to but women more
Speaker 1: are more accepting, whereas gentleman gentleman, whereas men are more
Speaker 1: like nah, like we're looking for things so that society
Speaker 1: can say it's okay, Like we're looking for society to
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, this is okay for us to date
Speaker 1: this person on like this person. You know, I have
Speaker 1: so many friends who've said they wouldn't mass for someone
Speaker 1: with a child And my thing is, you know why,
Speaker 1: I just I personally just wish men would start thinking
Speaker 1: about their dicks in the sense of a car. If
Speaker 1: your dick was a Bugatti, would you not even a mileedge?
Speaker 1: But if yo dick was a Bugatti, would you park
Speaker 1: it in every parking garage? Would you pull up to
Speaker 1: every valet? If it was a Jakie as ballet, they
Speaker 1: ain't got on no uniforms, but they got on orange.
Speaker 1: Would you let that motherfucker drive yo Bugatti? Probably not?
Speaker 1: And I think that if men started like men start
Speaker 1: respecting yr dick, there you go like yo dick. So
Speaker 1: that also starts back from childhood. They want men are
Speaker 1: the men when they sleep with as many women in
Speaker 1: and they bagged this shorty and do this as far
Speaker 1: as women we are taught to protect. Yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: why we're in a sexual revolution. And I think that
Speaker 1: goes back to women I was saying earlier. You know,
Speaker 1: it starts at the home. I feels like my mother,
Speaker 1: My mother taught me about sex. We had that conversation
Speaker 1: and you know, me and my father didn't talk about it.
Speaker 1: But my father also would have never condoned me having
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of women or anything like that. So
Speaker 1: that was my upbringing. I can't say that for anybody else,
Speaker 1: but it definitely starts at home, right, I definitely think
Speaker 1: about I mean, one of the first things that my sister,
Speaker 1: you know, when I first started dating him, and because
Speaker 1: she was trying to prepare me for what was or
Speaker 1: maybe could have been likely as far as when you're dating,
Speaker 1: when you're teenager with boys cheating, you know, you know,
Speaker 1: she she told me she was like, look, she was
Speaker 1: like for some boy, she was like, pussies, pussies, pussy
Speaker 1: is pussy, So don't you know, just she was trying
Speaker 1: to prepare me for what she thought could be the case.
Speaker 1: And so and I think that kind of lends to
Speaker 1: what you said, which is that you know, you guys
Speaker 1: are because the body count stigma isn't associated with them.
Speaker 1: They can't they have this like go ahead to run through. However,
Speaker 1: many women, no matter how you know, questionable kuchi might
Speaker 1: be uh and s shoudably experience with yes, so um.
Speaker 1: But whereas like women are, like you said, taught to
Speaker 1: like you have to protect you have to you know.
Speaker 1: And and so that's why like these things are taught
Speaker 1: to people who are younger, and I mean, and I
Speaker 1: took that. I took heat to it absolutely because that
Speaker 1: the only I had no experience. So the only thing
Speaker 1: I could do was go off of what everyone else
Speaker 1: was telling me. And so I did prepare myself for that.
Speaker 1: It wasn't my own personal experience, but it absolutely has
Speaker 1: been the experience of so many people. I'm friends with
Speaker 1: that and my people and my family things like that.
Speaker 1: So now we may have listeners who have been in
Speaker 1: similar relationships like you. I have a question as to
Speaker 1: how do you guys keep it spicy? How do you
Speaker 1: guys keep the love intimate? How do you guys keep
Speaker 1: it to where it's exciting? Do you guys have any
Speaker 1: secrets to that? You know, full transparency? I think it
Speaker 1: kind of like it ebbs and flows, okay, true, because
Speaker 1: we have our you know, are we? I mean obviously listen,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm human. I have needs and feelings and so
Speaker 1: does he. So if it didn't feel good and we
Speaker 1: would be really really bad, like you know, if that
Speaker 1: part wasn't you know, you know, because that was you know,
Speaker 1: back before we got married, and you know, people would
Speaker 1: ask me like, are you okay with having the same
Speaker 1: dick the rest of your life. And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm fine, and I'm like, you know, like nobody else
Speaker 1: and I was like, I was like, I can't miss
Speaker 1: what I don't know, you know, and that's and that's
Speaker 1: my experience. So that's saying that to say, um, we
Speaker 1: keep it as spicy as we can, but yeah, we
Speaker 1: got we have moments, you know, periods aware I can't
Speaker 1: keep our hands off each other, and then we have
Speaker 1: periods where it's like good night, and then you know,
Speaker 1: we roll over and you know, and then especially now
Speaker 1: you add in parenthood, it's been ten months of that
Speaker 1: beautiful little girl. But we'd be lying if you say like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're getting it in. You know, once those six weeks
Speaker 1: we're up, we were back at it. But it's it is,
Speaker 1: you know, for me, I've always and this has sometimes
Speaker 1: been a point of contention for us, but you know,
Speaker 1: for me, it's kind of like I think I accept
Speaker 1: that it ebbs and flows a little bit more than
Speaker 1: maybe you do sometimes. But he also is right, like,
Speaker 1: you know, we still want to be he still wants
Speaker 1: to and you can correct me if I'm wrong. Like
Speaker 1: you, you you just want to feel close to me like
Speaker 1: you want to and so I have to understand that too. Um,
Speaker 1: So I mean that's my take on it. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I would agree with that. I think it's more
Speaker 1: you know, since having our daughter, it's definitely been different.
Speaker 1: So I understand her being tired. But sometimes you can
Speaker 1: still say, Babe, I got you, I got you. You
Speaker 1: know what. It's been a while, but I got you.
Speaker 1: But that's the growing thing, you know, And that's how
Speaker 1: we're able to to work. Some days sometimes it's we're
Speaker 1: going crazy. Sometimes it's not as crazy, but we're working
Speaker 1: on it. We are able to have that communication and
Speaker 1: to be able to keep it going, you know. And
Speaker 1: and we're okay with you know. I mean we look
Speaker 1: up stuff and read stuff and you know, just different
Speaker 1: things like that. So I think listening to this podcast
Speaker 1: it kind of makes you a little bits. So that's good.
Speaker 1: That's what we hope to do. I want to know, Um,
Speaker 1: do do different things turn you on now that then
Speaker 1: turns you on fourteen years ago? Yeah? Like you know,
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example, like I I once dated
Speaker 1: someone sex with me. I like, you know, when I
Speaker 1: would come home from a long day and there was like, oh,
Speaker 1: five pound bag of Totino's pizza rolls in the freezer.
Speaker 1: I got a little my pain. He's got a little wit,
Speaker 1: Like I told that person to order new pillows and
Speaker 1: then I see a box of pillows. Oh ship, that's
Speaker 1: and that's like the talk about like the love language things.
Speaker 1: So like for me, you know, when I was seventeen,
Speaker 1: it was just the fact that like this is like
Speaker 1: new and shiny head back. It was just like I
Speaker 1: need a little bit moting head. So that was so
Speaker 1: like the for me, it was having sex period was
Speaker 1: like the turn on. And you know, we were we
Speaker 1: were young, and like I wasn't you know, supposed to
Speaker 1: be over his house. So it's kind of like that
Speaker 1: sneaky thing you know sometimes like trying to hurry up
Speaker 1: and do it and then you know, go home, it's homework.
Speaker 1: And then now it is like you like with the
Speaker 1: love languages from He's like, oh he put the dishes
Speaker 1: in the dishwasher, Oh girl, Like, oh my goodness, he
Speaker 1: put he gave a baby a bath, god like like.
Speaker 1: And it's it's those little things for me that when
Speaker 1: you do things to make my life easier, it shows
Speaker 1: me it's beyond just the dishes. It's beyond just given
Speaker 1: the baby about. It's showing me that you see, I
Speaker 1: have a lot going on. You care to take things
Speaker 1: off my plate. That shows you care enough about me
Speaker 1: to make um time out of your day to do
Speaker 1: something for me, even if it's and it could be
Speaker 1: the smallest things, but they so like, yeah, those things,
Speaker 1: you know make me more excited because it's just like
Speaker 1: I feel cared for and so therefore I would like
Speaker 1: to show I care for him. Look, he's like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm having all the feelings I were trying to bring
Speaker 1: the boyfriend like when you get into that hopefully, like
Speaker 1: when you get that, when that day comes in and
Speaker 1: we have a resource, you can Yes, she is, and
Speaker 1: I'm older than all y'all. It's crazy because I wish
Speaker 1: that we had more time UM. And I wanted to
Speaker 1: let you guys know that Danny has actually been somebody
Speaker 1: that I've spoken to off this UM show. She'd be
Speaker 1: checking me, y'all. Y'all might think that I'd just be
Speaker 1: on here reckless. So I've openly discussed having relations with
Speaker 1: married men UM and this is something that Danny hit
Speaker 1: my line, like listen, girl, you know I love you,
Speaker 1: but um, I need to understand where your mind is.
Speaker 1: And she literally sat there and talked to me as
Speaker 1: a wife and was like I couldn't imagine. I mean,
Speaker 1: she was funny. She was like, I hope t J
Speaker 1: never make that much money to where I feel like
Speaker 1: he's paying a bit, but you can't be sugar Daddy's dad,
Speaker 1: sugar daddy status for nobody. Um. But we had this
Speaker 1: open dialogue to where she literally, I don't know, do
Speaker 1: you remember any of the questions that you asked me?
Speaker 1: I remember asking. I remember being like, well, how do
Speaker 1: you know that they're telling because I know you said
Speaker 1: that you operate under you take their word for it.
Speaker 1: Basically it's what I got rosette. They say like, oh,
Speaker 1: my wife's cool with it, and so this is why
Speaker 1: you know we can proceed. And you're like sure, And
Speaker 1: my question was like, well, how do you know for sure?
Speaker 1: Like even a year, do you have every intention of
Speaker 1: not bring any drama to his doorstep? What guarantees you
Speaker 1: that they're not gonna bring? And and and then somebody's
Speaker 1: gonna be knocking on your door or in your phone
Speaker 1: and your mentions and then you know, and I see
Speaker 1: how could be maybe my wife had on I just
Speaker 1: saw how many ways it could be problematic, and you know,
Speaker 1: so we had the conversation and I told her, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that I've been attacked as far as well
Speaker 1: karma this and karma that, and you shouldn't do this
Speaker 1: and you shouldn't look for that. Um. And I literally
Speaker 1: sat here and told um, Danny, I was like, I mean,
Speaker 1: to me, that's kind of on the husband, UM. And
Speaker 1: it's wrong for me, yes, I mean, and I could
Speaker 1: sit here and say morally wrong in the sense of
Speaker 1: monogamy and what we're taught in our culture in society today. However,
Speaker 1: I also have penned it to me having dealt with
Speaker 1: Africans and them having being able to have a plethora
Speaker 1: of wives and all the wives knowing and the girlfriends
Speaker 1: knowing about each other the same. They in different religions
Speaker 1: and in different parts of the world which I've been
Speaker 1: able to travel, this is something that is normal. So
Speaker 1: it's like, is my karma coming to me because I
Speaker 1: live in America? Is it coming to me because and
Speaker 1: I don't conform to a religion, so I you know,
Speaker 1: I do believe in a higher power in God, but
Speaker 1: the Christian values I don't follow, UM, And so when
Speaker 1: I was talking to you about this, I kind of
Speaker 1: said these things like, you know, and I would love
Speaker 1: Michelle is over there, you know, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to sit here. And because I loved everything that Danny
Speaker 1: brought to me, like well, this could hurt the wife,
Speaker 1: I know I would feel this way. And I just
Speaker 1: appreciated you being there to have that open dialogue with me,
Speaker 1: because I know that some of the things that I
Speaker 1: do say can be hurtful or have people, you know,
Speaker 1: raising the eyebrow like what the fund is this whole
Speaker 1: ways bitch talking about like she really believes her nonsense
Speaker 1: and I do, UM, And so I appreciate you hitting
Speaker 1: me and UM, I don't know, did you have anything
Speaker 1: to say about that? Well, I I think I it
Speaker 1: in a space where I've been on both sides of
Speaker 1: the fence. I had. Yeah, I was in a domestic
Speaker 1: partnership as close to marriage as you can get. And
Speaker 1: I was in the person UM cheated on me with
Speaker 1: a trans sex worker. UM. And then in addition to that, UM,
Speaker 1: I have had situations where I was UM a mistress
Speaker 1: to a married man and you know, the betrayal. I
Speaker 1: get the the questions of safety, like you stepping out
Speaker 1: on me and do what and how do I know
Speaker 1: you're being safe? And now you can So that all
Speaker 1: went through my head. Um. And then on top of that, um,
Speaker 1: you know, the married man was very unhappy and um
Speaker 1: it got to a point where they were calling me
Speaker 1: a crazy times. So to go to like I was like, yo,
Speaker 1: you can't kill yourself. You have two kids, and if
Speaker 1: I have to, I will call your wife and tell
Speaker 1: her that you need help. And so that was oftentimes
Speaker 1: when those situations arise. And and whether now men who
Speaker 1: have open relationships and polyamory, that's different. I'm gonna need
Speaker 1: to double back the signature. But like it's so that's
Speaker 1: another thing that I said. There's a lot of um
Speaker 1: different Um, I guess I don't want to say relationshi,
Speaker 1: Well I guess yeah, there's a lot of different type
Speaker 1: of relationships and agreements that people have when they go
Speaker 1: into a bond um. And so I do feel like
Speaker 1: it's not my responsibility to find out what bond these
Speaker 1: two people have. And I, like I said, I just
Speaker 1: want to appreciate again you for opening that up to
Speaker 1: me and really realizing that listen, this nigga could be
Speaker 1: lying and maybe I could hurt somebody or could potentially
Speaker 1: tear apart a happy home and it's not my intention ever,
Speaker 1: but again it's it's kind of just like I like
Speaker 1: to be as open as possible, um, and I expect
Speaker 1: the man to as well. And I think that the
Speaker 1: man vowed to the woman to to hold that together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think for me, my concern would be, you know, Mandy,
Speaker 1: you getting hurt, And that's what I said to her.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I what my concern would be.
Speaker 1: Then it's just again like it's just like if somebody
Speaker 1: like rolls up on you because you know you. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's like I think no matters sometimes like due diligence,
Speaker 1: like you know you're it's not your responsibility because you
Speaker 1: didn't make the vows. But I worry because i'm because
Speaker 1: if there's one thing, of course, if you meet somebody
Speaker 1: he's single when he lies about being married, and there's
Speaker 1: another thing if he's saying I'm married, but she's okay
Speaker 1: with it, But then what proof do you have? And
Speaker 1: then I don't think. I don't I don't know, and
Speaker 1: I don't have the expectation of them leaving. But that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I think each is different, UM, and
Speaker 1: I do just want the listeners to know that when
Speaker 1: I meet women, UM that have different mindsets or aren't
Speaker 1: playing the mistress. Because I have such a wide range
Speaker 1: of friends, Danny was able to open up that conversation
Speaker 1: to me and that dialogue and we were able to
Speaker 1: care where each of us came from. And so I
Speaker 1: want the listeners to know that I'm not up here spewing,
Speaker 1: ignorant and not listening because I definitely through this journey
Speaker 1: and through this podcast, I want us to continue learning
Speaker 1: and continue to bring these dialogues to people that aren't
Speaker 1: me or Wheezy or me and Michelle or Danny and
Speaker 1: t J and everyone who's listening to talk about this
Speaker 1: with your friends, with your partners. UM. I want to
Speaker 1: thank all of you guys for coming on today giving
Speaker 1: UM Where can they hear more from you guys again?
Speaker 1: Do you want to drop you got a kid? So
Speaker 1: lovers Quarrel? You can um as our podcast. You can
Speaker 1: find us on iTunes, pop beans. Did you're anywhere that
Speaker 1: you can listen to a podcast? UM? We're on Instagram
Speaker 1: as Lovers Quarrel Show. We'll be posting the information and
Speaker 1: you can follow us at Lover's Quarrel seven on Twitter.
Speaker 1: TJ is better with better with Twitter than you know.
Speaker 1: You'll see a lot of things from him. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: we started doing that. Sometimes I don't w sometimes I
Speaker 1: don't agree with what he puts at fine of course,
Speaker 1: of course. The then Michelle, you got what you got
Speaker 1: going on that these people need to Okay. February nineteenth,
Speaker 1: we know Thattline ball Room, Highline ball Room here in
Speaker 1: New York. Uh February is the book dropped, So go
Speaker 1: pre ordered Girl's Guide to Sex Education. March ten, if
Speaker 1: you are in the d C metro area, we're doing
Speaker 1: a live podcast, mind over Matter, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: We're partnering together up for UM Women's UM Women's History Month,
Speaker 1: and guess what we're doing. We're talking about sex. We
Speaker 1: talking about sexuality, but we also do an HIV testing.
Speaker 1: So you want to come out, you want to get
Speaker 1: yes DC UM know your status all be um like
Speaker 1: posting that and then um, I got some other things
Speaker 1: coming up. But again again, if y'all love Michelle like
Speaker 1: we do, y'all can follow her everywhere at MH Sexpert. Also,
Speaker 1: you guys can follow us on Instagram, um, Twitter, at
Speaker 1: Horrible Underscore Decisions and at Horrible pod. Also this is
Speaker 1: your girl, Mandy B. Follow me at full Core Pumps everywhere.
Speaker 1: Thanks again to all of our patrons, and I do
Speaker 1: also want to give a huge shout out if you
Speaker 1: guys are listening, love the audio. If you guys like
Speaker 1: the video, we've been recording at Gotham Podcast Studio um
Speaker 1: here on Church Street in New York City. So if
Speaker 1: you guys are looking to start a podcast as well, UM,
Speaker 1: they're very very very affordable, y'all know me MEO, we
Speaker 1: ain't got them coins like that, um, but they're very affordable.
Speaker 1: Check them out. We'll be putting their information as well
Speaker 1: in the description. So thank you guys. This has been
Speaker 1: yet another episode of Horrible Decisions by