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Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of the PND podcast.

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Speaker 1: It's your girl, eban A, and I'm so excited about

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Speaker 1: this week's episode. Before we begin, let's do a little housekeeping. Uh,

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Speaker 1: please make sure to follow me on all social media

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Speaker 1: platforms at the Professional Homegirl, at the PSG podcast, and

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Speaker 1: at eban a Beauty. Uh. Please make sure to visit

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Speaker 1: my websites at the Professional Homegirl dot com and eban

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Speaker 1: a Beauty. And for those of you that don't know

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Speaker 1: how to spell, my name is E B O N E.

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Speaker 1: And last but not lease, please make sure you rate

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Speaker 1: and review the PhD podcast on all major streaming podcast platforms.

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Speaker 1: So please keep in mind all of my guests are anonymous.

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Speaker 1: So let's begin. So this week's guest I found her

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Speaker 1: on Instagram. UM. A couple of my listeners UM wrote

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Speaker 1: to me asking me to find somebody that just recovered

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Speaker 1: from addiction, and I came across my um my guests

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Speaker 1: page and I was like, oh my god, this is

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Speaker 1: like so amazing, also inspiring. I really think this is

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Speaker 1: her store is going to be able to help a

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Speaker 1: lot of women out. So tell us a little bit

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Speaker 1: about yourself and you're upbringing. Oh man, where do I

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Speaker 1: start that one? Um? Well, my upbringing. My father's from

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Speaker 1: probably one of the worst most dangerous ghettos projects in

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Speaker 1: Chicago called Cabrini Green. So him, my father and mother

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Speaker 1: moved to Houston, Texas, and that's where I was raised.

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Speaker 1: Um in the Southwest Side, a league area and um,

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Speaker 1: two older brothers. Typical upbringing. You know, we weren't I mean,

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Speaker 1: we struggled, but we weren't necessarily in poverty poverty. So um.

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Speaker 1: Basically the route that my life went was very unexpected. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was only a page and I know a couple

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Speaker 1: of Um, you had a couple of traumatic events that

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Speaker 1: happened in your life. Yes, um, so I guess we

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Speaker 1: can jump right into it. I know, congratulations for the

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Speaker 1: first part. You're so seven years sober, which is amazing

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Speaker 1: seven and a half years. But yes, okay, seven and

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Speaker 1: a half years. Um, what would you say influence? You

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Speaker 1: just started doing drugs? Like did somebody introduce it too?

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Speaker 1: Depression and issues that I didn't understand, and then the

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Speaker 1: African American community you don't really deal with it. It's

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Speaker 1: kind of like you're okay, you know, just you know,

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Speaker 1: don't worry about it, and so just keep doing a

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Speaker 1: lot of spiritual things that were happening to me. I

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Speaker 1: believe we're demonic situations, and I didn't understand I was

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Speaker 1: having dreams that would come true and things like that,

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Speaker 1: and so I really used it as an escape. When

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Speaker 1: I was about twelve years old, I started smoking marijuana

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Speaker 1: and then I started skipping school. And then you know,

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Speaker 1: I went to alternative school because I was caught with

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Speaker 1: drugs at school and it really spiraled out of control

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Speaker 1: from there. Um. I went to high school where um,

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Speaker 1: I got you know, I got with a group of

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Speaker 1: friends that were also kind of out there and doing

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Speaker 1: drugs as well. And UM, what's crazy is, um, grown

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Speaker 1: men would pick me up from my high school and

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Speaker 1: basically so that I could get high. I wouldly with

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Speaker 1: them and then of course, you know, sometimes you would

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Speaker 1: have sex and so UM that kind of started when

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Speaker 1: I was about fifteen or sixteen, Um, and then it

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Speaker 1: just spiled out of control from there. Um I was

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Speaker 1: on probation. UM I was caught in the store stealing

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Speaker 1: and um they literally chased me out of the store

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Speaker 1: down to the ground and and drugged me back in

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Speaker 1: that store and my mom. At the time, I believe

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Speaker 1: I was missing, So I was on missing posters and

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Speaker 1: my mom basically said, you know, they couldn't they couldn't

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Speaker 1: control me. I was all over the place, I was

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Speaker 1: sneaking out, I was around there. Something happened for you

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Speaker 1: to like, there's something that happened before you started acting

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Speaker 1: like this like before then just depression. I believe that

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Speaker 1: I was molested, but from what I remember, I'm very

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Speaker 1: good at blocking out bad memories, and so I just

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Speaker 1: remember bits and pieces of things that seemed kind of

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Speaker 1: strange to me. And and that's where I believe there

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Speaker 1: was even an instance when I was a young girl

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Speaker 1: that I was doing sexual things. So something was introduced

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Speaker 1: to me that I can't to this day recollect what happened.

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Speaker 1: UM And so I became a ward of the state

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Speaker 1: and I went through the foster care system, and that's

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Speaker 1: kind of where everything went from there. So you said

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Speaker 1: it your gateway drug was the UM was marijuana where

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Speaker 1: it started? Then how did you get introduced to like

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Speaker 1: melf And then I know you said crack. Well, I

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Speaker 1: was getting raped when I was about seventeen years old

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Speaker 1: and all that. At that time, it was about five

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Speaker 1: um boys that you didn't have anybody you can talk

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Speaker 1: to during their time, or somebody you feel comfortable with.

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Speaker 1: Just my mother, but I was feel ashamed. I didn't

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Speaker 1: really share a lot with her, especially those things. And

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Speaker 1: even after it happened, they dropped me off at a

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Speaker 1: metro bus stop. UM. So kind of that that's the

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Speaker 1: momentum of just feeling worthless and and just so ashamed.

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Speaker 1: I went into ecstasy and all I wanted to do

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Speaker 1: was party. And at that point it was kind of

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Speaker 1: to the point where I just wanted to feel nothing,

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Speaker 1: and I would get high on whatever I could get

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Speaker 1: my hands on. And so that's where, UM, I was

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Speaker 1: in an abusive relationship a boyfriend, UM that you know,

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Speaker 1: beat me and you could do a lot I went through.

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Speaker 1: I went to um to stay with a woman that

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize that the time was shooting maths and cocaine.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, how did you find her? Friends? She was

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Speaker 1: a mutual friend. So most of my friends were getting high,

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Speaker 1: but I think I went to the extreme side where

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Speaker 1: they were like, you know, weed and maybe drank and

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. And I was really intrigued and and

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Speaker 1: really went down the dark road. So she was doing

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Speaker 1: the hard drugs, and so I started selling drugs whenever

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Speaker 1: I moved in with her, and um selling crack, you know,

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Speaker 1: moving drugs, everything you could think of with that. And

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Speaker 1: so finally I tried crack myself. And then the first

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Speaker 1: time I wasn't really very high. I'm sure they expected

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Speaker 1: me to be, you know, just high as a kite

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Speaker 1: and addicted. And I was fine the first time, but

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Speaker 1: then that second time that got how do you know

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Speaker 1: you was fine? WHOA? I was high, but it wasn't

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Speaker 1: like when you smoke crack, or at least me from

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Speaker 1: my experience, when you're done or when you don't have anymore,

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Speaker 1: you want more. You're like looking on the floor for it.

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Speaker 1: You're like you really really want it, and you're not

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Speaker 1: content until you get more. I didn't have that. The

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Speaker 1: first time I smoked. It was more like, okay, I

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Speaker 1: did that. Wow, I was really high, but you know,

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Speaker 1: let me go party and pop some X pills. And

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Speaker 1: so the second time is where it was consistent and

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Speaker 1: I was hooked. Wow. Yes. So when this was going on, like,

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Speaker 1: did you ever look back and like say to yourself, like,

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Speaker 1: I gotta get help, Like this is not how my life.

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Speaker 1: I mean I was in a couple of treatment centers

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Speaker 1: before I became an adult. I got shipped out to

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Speaker 1: San Antonio. Of course mental hospitals and all that stuff,

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Speaker 1: but I was her treatment center, and prior to that,

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Speaker 1: I was in a rehab but I ran away from

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Speaker 1: me had with one of the girls there, and some

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Speaker 1: guys picked the stup and we're trying to basically pimp

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Speaker 1: us out, and so I called the mother, you know,

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Speaker 1: I begged them like please, I don't want to do this.

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Speaker 1: I was just trying to leave where I was like,

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Speaker 1: let let me go, and so he let me called

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Speaker 1: my mother and because I realized what they were trying

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Speaker 1: to do to me and the other girl. And it's

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Speaker 1: so sad because the girl that I was with, you know,

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Speaker 1: she was a foster child, didn't have parents, and she

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Speaker 1: was like, where am I gonna go? What am I

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Speaker 1: gonna do? No one wants to me. I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: stay here. So I was able to do my mother,

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Speaker 1: and of course I continue to act out um because

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Speaker 1: I had underlying issues by polar and believe me and

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Speaker 1: things like that, and so I ended up seeing her

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Speaker 1: at the treatment center in San Antonio. And she had

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Speaker 1: had her teeth knocked out, her ribs. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: hurt her so bad. And so I kind of got

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Speaker 1: to see, you know a little bit of like that

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Speaker 1: was human trafficking. Like she wasn't paid, she was underaged,

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Speaker 1: and so that was kind of I mean, no one

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Speaker 1: was even talking about human trafficking back there. This was

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Speaker 1: like maybe two thousand and three. So wow, because you

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Speaker 1: really didn't hear much about it back in the day.

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Speaker 1: So it's just like, and that's not something you hear

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Speaker 1: about in the space. So what were some of the

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Speaker 1: things that you lost doing those times? Because I can

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Speaker 1: imagine you lost like did you lose family? Did you

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Speaker 1: lose what you didn't really have? Feeling stuff for your mom? Right?

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Speaker 1: All right? I mean I have my mom and dad

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Speaker 1: and my older brothers. Um, but what do you mean

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Speaker 1: by Luke, Like did you lose like you're a job?

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Speaker 1: Did you lose like your home? Like was there a

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Speaker 1: situation where you felt like you just didn't have anything

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Speaker 1: but the drugs because you were so wrapped up and

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Speaker 1: it wanted to escape. I didn't want to have to

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Speaker 1: face my parents. My father is very, um, very strict,

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Speaker 1: and um, I just didn't want to go home. I

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Speaker 1: would have rather been on the streets struggling and being

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Speaker 1: on drugs than to go thanks that, and that's really

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Speaker 1: what happened. I moved in with a guy when I

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Speaker 1: was eighteen years old, and all I did was party

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Speaker 1: until finally I had taken ten X pills and myself

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Speaker 1: in the mirror and and I just said, like, you're

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Speaker 1: gonna die because I could see I was sweating my

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Speaker 1: pupil who were dilated, and I just wasn't high, but

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Speaker 1: I was, but I was chasing a high I would

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Speaker 1: never get. And when I was sixteen or fifteen, I

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Speaker 1: went to a mental hospital because I had bulimia and

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Speaker 1: all these different issues. I was running away from home

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Speaker 1: and I was very uncontrollable. And when I went home

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Speaker 1: after do you think he was ready for somebody to

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Speaker 1: save you? Save me? How like? Do you think you

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Speaker 1: were looking for somebody to be there for you know?

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Speaker 1: Because I had my guys, I just couldn't face them.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't really think about God. I didn't

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Speaker 1: really have a spiritual guidance and went home for a time,

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Speaker 1: I tried to overdose on pills and um to die

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Speaker 1: because I just I felt like, you know, if I

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Speaker 1: told my parents what I was doing and stripping and

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Speaker 1: just the craziest things, and when I saw how it

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Speaker 1: affected my mother, I always told myself I would never

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Speaker 1: try and take my life. So what I think happened was,

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Speaker 1: now that I've had time sober to think it over,

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Speaker 1: I was trying to directly kill myself. Like I was

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Speaker 1: hard to strangers. I was doing all types of risky

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Speaker 1: six you know things. I was fearless, I had no

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Speaker 1: fear of anything, and I just I would walking walking dead.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to die. Wow, So what would you

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Speaker 1: say was your turning point where you want to go?

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Speaker 1: Sober Man? You know, people always say that there's rock bottom,

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Speaker 1: but I don't believe in rock bottom because yeah, I

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Speaker 1: read that on your pay there. There's no such thing

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Speaker 1: as rock bottom. I field that people change when they change, um,

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Speaker 1: even if they're not ready, They're gonna change whenever they change.

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Speaker 1: And you know, most people say, you know, I was

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Speaker 1: praying to God and I wanted deliverance. I really wasn't

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Speaker 1: doing that. I literally was sick of being high all

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Speaker 1: the time. I had punched out, kicked out my windshield

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Speaker 1: window of my car, I had beat up one of

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Speaker 1: my best friends for no reason. Um, I think I

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Speaker 1: was going through like a psychosis. I was just on

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Speaker 1: so many different pills and drugs, and and one morning

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Speaker 1: seven and a half years ago, I woke up and

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Speaker 1: I said, I don't want this anymore. And that is

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Speaker 1: literally what happened. I didn't even realize the day that

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Speaker 1: I woke up, I didn't even realize I was gonna

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Speaker 1: be sober. I just yeah. A week later, I was like, wait,

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Speaker 1: you haven't even used drugs. I mean, I was having

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Speaker 1: a nervous breakdown at the time, and I was suicidal

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Speaker 1: and dealing with all these other things that I wasn't

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Speaker 1: even thinking about drugs. And what saved me is going

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Speaker 1: to church every single day that they had an event

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Speaker 1: or you know, a service or a rehab class. I

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Speaker 1: was there because going home, I was afraid of myself,

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Speaker 1: and they didn't attacked me so bad that I was

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Speaker 1: afraid to pray. Um. I couldn't get on elevators. I

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Speaker 1: didn't fly on a plane for maybe seven years. UM.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't go further than ten miles from my house.

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Speaker 1: I was literally just a shell of a person, like

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what was happening to me. And

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Speaker 1: and only now do I understand why he attacked me

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Speaker 1: so hard, because now I'm able to help others. And

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Speaker 1: why do you think he attacked you so hard? Because

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Speaker 1: he knew my destiny. He knew always like an anointing.

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Speaker 1: I'm not a very boiceous person that's like, oh I'm

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Speaker 1: the best and I'm just so great. I've always been

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Speaker 1: very humble and personable, and you know, I have empathy

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Speaker 1: for people, and I just really believe that I have

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Speaker 1: like a spiritual anointing from the dreams that would come

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Speaker 1: true or things that I could discern about people, and

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Speaker 1: I know and wanted to destroy me, and he almost did. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you are still here, sister. So you've been sober

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Speaker 1: for seven years, which is or seven and a a half years,

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Speaker 1: which is amazing. What was some necessary steps that you

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Speaker 1: had to take for you on your journey to sobriety? Man?

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Speaker 1: So many? The first thing is I had a life coach.

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Speaker 1: She saw me go from there trying to get xanax

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Speaker 1: and pills to get high too. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: take anything, you know, I'm gonna do this without any

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Speaker 1: any drugs or anything. Um. So when I woke up,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't just drugs. It was no alcohol, no cigarettes,

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Speaker 1: no caffeine, over the counter drugs like I legit stop

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Speaker 1: every kind of substance. And so having someone to speak

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Speaker 1: to you throughout out this time really saved my life. Um.

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Speaker 1: I know a lot of people don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: to someone, but when you think about a therapist, they

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Speaker 1: are you know, they cannot share there's like a a

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Speaker 1: you know, legally they cannot share your information. So it's

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Speaker 1: it's very vital. Another thing is not being around those people.

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Speaker 1: I know, you you want to be around those friends,

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Speaker 1: and it's it's all you've known for however long. But

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Speaker 1: when I did try and go back to be around

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Speaker 1: those other people that I was with, I got high again.

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Speaker 1: And from that moment on, I was just like, I

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Speaker 1: can't do this. You definitely yeah, and it's like lighted

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Speaker 1: everyone but yourself. You know what I'm saying, And the

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Speaker 1: company that you keep ends up being you. So um,

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Speaker 1: you know, I've been in jail. I was facing a

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Speaker 1: charge of aggravated robbery, a murder charge. I didn't do it, um,

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Speaker 1: but I was staying in a house that had people

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Speaker 1: that were we were all doing drugs, selling drugs and

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Speaker 1: all that stuff. And um, one of the guys that

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Speaker 1: was staying there liked me and he drugged me because

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Speaker 1: the Feds where you know, I had guns pointed at

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Speaker 1: me and we all everyone in the place went to

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Speaker 1: Joel and that could have been like the end of

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Speaker 1: my life. Like now, I speak in prisons and in

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Speaker 1: rehabs and I have empathy and understanding because that could

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Speaker 1: have been me had it not been for God. I

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Speaker 1: feel like we're all walking in our testimony. People always

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Speaker 1: say when I lose, I get money when I didn't

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Speaker 1: know do it now? Now? I always tell people that

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Speaker 1: you can make a difference wherever you are, no matter

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Speaker 1: how small you think you are, or if you're not

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Speaker 1: smart enough, whatever the case may be, whatever hardship, you

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Speaker 1: can make a difference in someone's life, even just with

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Speaker 1: a smile. So you change your surround this. You found

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Speaker 1: the therapist, and were there anything else you did? Um,

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Speaker 1: especially in the Christian community. I am a Christian of practicing,

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Speaker 1: you know, faithful Christian, and I believe that a lot

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Speaker 1: of people believe that yoga has some demonic forces to it.

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Speaker 1: Now I didn't really I've heard quite a bit of that.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know what other people in the room

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Speaker 1: are doing or they're praying to. But me, I have

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Speaker 1: complete peace of mind. I have no thoughts. I it's

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Speaker 1: for me um other than prayer, talking to my mother

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Speaker 1: or my therapist or um, you know, different dietary changes.

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Speaker 1: Yoga really saved my life because when you have your

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Speaker 1: thoughts racing, so basically, you know, I could have gone

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Speaker 1: on a hold into the psychotropic danax and and dep

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Speaker 1: code and things like that, but my therapist told me,

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Speaker 1: you can either line or you can walk to the destination.

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Speaker 1: And I've basically been walking. And there are days that

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Speaker 1: it's hard for me. There are days where my thoughts,

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Speaker 1: you know, begin to be destructive today And yeah, I

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Speaker 1: was just about to ask you how how many years

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Speaker 1: were you on from twelve to twenties three? So that's

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Speaker 1: eleven years and then you've been sober for seven a

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Speaker 1: half years. So what do you do when you do

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Speaker 1: have those days where you're like, you're thinking about certain

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Speaker 1: things and you're like, like, do you ever get I

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Speaker 1: never get urges because I really feel like I'm afraid

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Speaker 1: of drugs at this point because I know that it

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Speaker 1: it's just something I would never do again. But whenever

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Speaker 1: I do, I honestly don't know what happened. I feel

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Speaker 1: like my memories are God covered me where I don't

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Speaker 1: dwell on the path ability for my parting that I

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Speaker 1: used to blame my parents, I used to blame other people.

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Speaker 1: The day I took responsibility for my toybility accountability, that's

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Speaker 1: when my life changed. Yeah, And then I went on

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Speaker 1: your page and I went on your on your blog,

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, y'all, like, I'm really happy

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Speaker 1: that we got a chance to speak, because like you

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Speaker 1: just seem so happy, and I'm pretty sure you have

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Speaker 1: your days in your moments like the rest of us.

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Speaker 1: But like to really see certain people go through certain

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Speaker 1: things and it's still come out on top says a lot.

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Speaker 1: You know. For a while, I feel like I was

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Speaker 1: very protective in myself. Um, I thought it was a

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Speaker 1: sign of weakness to cry, just very hard and cold

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Speaker 1: towards things. Even in my first marriage and even into

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Speaker 1: my second marriage. They really had to be I got

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Speaker 1: married and then I got married again, and um, they

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Speaker 1: definitely have seen, you know, this aside of me that

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Speaker 1: most people don't get to see. And there are things

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Speaker 1: that happened. Now that people ask me, they're like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I even had a coworker. It's so crazy. I had

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Speaker 1: a coworker um recently who would try to make my

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Speaker 1: life hell. She was, you know, trying to sabotage me directly,

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Speaker 1: like almost to the point where we would have got

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Speaker 1: into a physical altercation if I was if I allowed

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Speaker 1: her to take me there. And finally, after so much,

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Speaker 1: you know, a month or two went by, she just

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Speaker 1: asked me straight up. She was like, why does nothing

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Speaker 1: ever bother you? And I'm like, how I wronged? She

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm just so depressed, and she was like,

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Speaker 1: I just don't understand how no matter what, but why

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Speaker 1: would like do you realize what's happening? Why are you

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Speaker 1: so calm? I think that I've been through so much. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: when you've been through so much, like you're so numb

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Speaker 1: to stuff like it would really take a lot for

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Speaker 1: somebody to really like miss with somebody that's been do

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Speaker 1: a lot. Oh yeah, because it's like you have to

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Speaker 1: protect your mind, you have to protect your energy and

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Speaker 1: when you're around people, especially like me, I'm very in

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Speaker 1: tune with energy. If there's someone that's just always down

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Speaker 1: and negative. I mean, there's only so much you can

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Speaker 1: do for people, and I have to keep myself okay,

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Speaker 1: you know, because I have to live my life. And

364
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Speaker 1: how can I help other people if I'm not helping

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Speaker 1: myself as well? So taking care of yourself is very bad,

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Speaker 1: especially as women women. You know, there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: women who want to please everyone and relationship up for

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Speaker 1: certain things. No, we have to take care of ourselves,

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Speaker 1: and especially if we have children. Yeah. Um, so I

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Speaker 1: definitely one of the things that knows in your page,

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Speaker 1: and it's just speaking about what we just talked about previously. Um,

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Speaker 1: and you've been through so much. One of the things

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Speaker 1: I saw was your best friend died in your arms,

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, oh my god, Like I

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Speaker 1: can't even imagine how that Like, how how how did

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Speaker 1: that made you feel? What's really sad about that? I

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Speaker 1: Mean there's many reasons I've seen a couple of people

378
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: kind of go through overdoses because that just goes with

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00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 1: especially when you're using needles and things of that nature. Um,

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00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: the sad parties I still kept using. That's when I

381
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Speaker 1: think of when I say there's no such thing as

382
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 1: rock bottom, when you see someone that you love die

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Speaker 1: and you're doing the same thing, and days later you

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Speaker 1: go do the same thing that could take your life. UM. Yeah,

385
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 1: that's that. That's probably one of the toughest things, along

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Speaker 1: with you know, the sexual assaults and things like that. Yeah,

387
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 1: because um, you know, yeah that's yeah, yeah, I can imagine.

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Speaker 1: UM what this is an advice you would have gave

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Speaker 1: to you a younger self, Um, like you now looking

390
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 1: back at your younger self, I would say, um, that

391
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:11,879
Speaker 1: you're stronger than you know. UM, I know you're worth

392
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: Say no, don't try to make everyone happy, UM, just

393
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Speaker 1: go home. So the biggest thing I would just say

394
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Speaker 1: is to find my faith, because I feel like if

395
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 1: I had that growing up, UM, I would have known

396
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 1: that I was saved and I was okay, and I

397
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 1: wasn't worthless and I was loved um. And also just

398
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 1: that my parents loved me unconditionally. If I you know,

399
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,719
Speaker 1: I've really thought that my dad would like disown me

400
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:48,360
Speaker 1: or hate me or not not love me. And now

401
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 1: I'm older and he knows some of the things that

402
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 1: have happened, as hard as I've tried to keep it

403
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 1: from him, and he loves me. So how was those conversations.

404
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: You know, when I was locked up in San Antonio

405
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:08,679
Speaker 1: at a treatment center. Um, one of my roommates was

406
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: having sex with one of the staff members. And we're

407
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: all underage, So this was like, that's kind of why

408
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 1: I do what I do now. Yeah, I was just

409
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 1: to say that, like, I'm pretty sure you have a

410
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Speaker 1: really soft spot feel like especially young women. What was say? No,

411
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Speaker 1: The question was, um, like, how was the conversation with

412
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Speaker 1: your parents? Like it really wasn't a conversation. I know

413
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: my mom knew that I was stripping. She knew certain

414
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 1: things like that because I would tell her things just

415
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: so that she would know kind of a little bit

416
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Speaker 1: what's going on. You know. I would call sometimes in

417
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 1: a drunken rage or just depression or crying, and my

418
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 1: dad would just pass the phone to my mom. Like

419
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: they wouldn't even know where I was, whether I was

420
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 1: traveling from state to state doing illegal stuff. Um. But

421
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 1: I know that my father knows about the sexual assault

422
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 1: because when I was locked up in a treatment center

423
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Speaker 1: in Houston, UM, they sent my treatment papers home because

424
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a minor, and it had what I

425
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: was being treated for, what issues I was having and

426
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: I know that that was in there, so I know

427
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 1: that they know, but they've never spoken about it. They've

428
00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 1: respected me and just left it up to me to

429
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 1: take it to them. But I just don't feel like

430
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,919
Speaker 1: that's something that I need to Yeah, I'll talk about

431
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:34,239
Speaker 1: pointless to me to talk to them about it. So

432
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 1: I know you. I'm pretty sure you do it like

433
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: a lot of volunteer working community work. Is it ever

434
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 1: hard for you talk to these talks of girls that

435
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 1: are mind you so much of your past. Know, the

436
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: drug stuff really isn't a problem for me because I

437
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: know Satan loves to use um shame and and the

438
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: oldest trick in the book. That's nothing for me to

439
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,919
Speaker 1: help women and travel through addiction. But recently I was

440
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,679
Speaker 1: working UM sitting in on the case with some private

441
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:04,439
Speaker 1: detectives and the Human Human Trafficking Division, you know we

442
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 1: partnered with and I was listening to this girl a

443
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 1: story and some of the things that she was saying.

444
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 1: I felt like like an anger inside because I'll never

445
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:19,639
Speaker 1: get justice for myself because these men are long gone,

446
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 1: like I don't even know who they are, but to

447
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 1: just hear how people are so just you know, braggish,

448
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,919
Speaker 1: like even some of them have stuff on there, you know,

449
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 1: they just it's crazy and so well that that makes

450
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 1: me it's not as sad, it's not a it's just

451
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: like a I I'm going to get these people because

452
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 1: my justice is getting these other girls justice. But probably

453
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 1: the sexual assault is something that bothers me the most.

454
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. So what would be some advice that you

455
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,440
Speaker 1: will offer to young women or just women in general

456
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 1: that's battling addiction. I would say just stop first of all, um,

457
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,919
Speaker 1: But it's not always that easy. Um. You know, I

458
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 1: have very controversial beliefs whenever it comes to like a

459
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 1: A n A. Because when I was in my n

460
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,640
Speaker 1: A classes, I was just thinking about when I could

461
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 1: leave to go and get high. I'man, there's certain correction

462
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 1: that I got agree with. So the biggest thing I

463
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: would say is higher power, whatever that may be for you,

464
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,959
Speaker 1: I know what's God for me. That is everything in

465
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 1: my opinion, because even though I wasn't praying to get sober,

466
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: he still saved me and took my desire away from

467
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: me without me even realizing that, Hey I'm sober now. Um,

468
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 1: So I don't even give myself that credit because I

469
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 1: literally have no taste, desire what for it. So it's

470
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 1: stopping the thoughts in your head. Whether it's to stop

471
00:27:54,280 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: over it, it's your mindset, but it's the moment him

472
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,439
Speaker 1: when you start thinking about something and you start talking

473
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 1: yourself into something like Okay, well you know, maybe I'll

474
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 1: just smoke a cigarette today and then I'll stop tomorrow.

475
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 1: And then it's when you start to play those games

476
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: with your mind and justifying things. You've lost the battle.

477
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: So for me, whether it's depression, addiction, over eating, it's

478
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 1: stopping it when it starts that. Don't let it get

479
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 1: the momentum to continue because it'll eat you alive and

480
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: then you're gonna feel bad, depressed, and all those situations

481
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 1: that make you want to use you'll be right in

482
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 1: the middle of it. Um new friends, Um, independent, get

483
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 1: a job, don't have to rely on people, and just

484
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 1: believe in yourself even if people say like fake it

485
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 1: till you make it. You know, you have to wake

486
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: up every morning and make a conscious decision to love yourself,

487
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 1: to believe in yourself. Look at Kanye West, look at

488
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 1: all these other rappers and artists that have the talent

489
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 1: that are buying million dollar homes and getting all of

490
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: this recognition, and they're really not that talented. But when

491
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 1: you believe in yourself that much, other people start to

492
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 1: believe it. But forget what other people believe. You start

493
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: to believe it, and it's all in your mind. It's

494
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 1: all in your mind. People a lot of times will say, like,

495
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: you know, you can't get sober on your own and

496
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 1: and all these things. It's you, it's your mind. It's

497
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 1: it's what you believe, and that is makes the whole

498
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 1: difference to if this is gonna be a lifelong situation,

499
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 1: because you look at mothers that you know, you know,

500
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: pip their own children now there. It's it's a mind thing.

501
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: And there are some drugs that are difficult, like ivy, meth.

502
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 1: It's very rare you hear about people that shoot meth

503
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: into their veins that get sober, or heroin, But it's possible.

504
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 1: If I can do it, anybody can do it. Anybody

505
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: can get sober and change their life. I'm nothing special.

506
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 1: I'm just loved by God and I and I'm pretty

507
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 1: sure that process for you on your journey to be

508
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: so but wasn't wasn't easy, especially since human Um doing

509
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,479
Speaker 1: dressing so long, but it can happen. Like you said, like,

510
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 1: it's just about you have to put the work in

511
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: and just believe that you can do it. You have

512
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 1: to put the work in. You have to believe in yourself.

513
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 1: But um, I think it's just creating a whole new

514
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 1: life for yourself. You know a lot of times I

515
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 1: go out and people are like, do you mind if

516
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 1: I dream? Do you mind? If I still? Do you mind?

517
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 1: If this I could care less? It doesn't phase me.

518
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: But some people are affected. Some people you have to

519
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: think about New Year's You know, there's other street drugs, heroin, crag,

520
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 1: stuff like that. You have to go look for it.

521
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: But really, to me, one of the hardest addictions to

522
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: stop is alcohol in cigarettes because you blow in the

523
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 1: store right now and go get that if you have it,

524
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 1: and if you don't have an idea, you can go

525
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 1: get it. So I mean, any addiction is hard, and

526
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: it's really getting to the root of why you're doing it.

527
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 1: And sometimes it doesn't even matter why just stop, just

528
00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 1: stop if you have to lock yourself in the room,

529
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,760
Speaker 1: and it's hard, it's hard, like your body goes through withdrawals,

530
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: your emotional. You're sad, you're hurting, you're hungry, you're sweating.

531
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 1: There's all these bodily situations that happen, but it's so

532
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 1: worth it because I would rather feel all the pain,

533
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 1: all the heartbreak, disappointment in the world than to feel

534
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 1: nothing at all because I'm high. I'd rather give me

535
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: all the pain, give it to me because I know

536
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: that there's something beautiful on the other side of that.

537
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 1: And that's what people don't realize. They're so stuck in

538
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 1: the mindset that this is all they're gonna be. They're

539
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: always gonna be an addict, no one's gonna love them.

540
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 1: They're useless, they're trash. Do you think people be something more?

541
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: So afraid of starting over because they don't think it

542
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 1: may not be possible. I mean every situation is different,

543
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 1: but yes, you're starting all over, like whether especially when

544
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with someone else that's using um

545
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: I mean, how do you stop that, whether it's your

546
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: baby daddy here or something like that. I mean, you

547
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 1: have to change everything about your your mind, in your

548
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 1: way of living, and maybe where you live. You know,

549
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,560
Speaker 1: some people I was homeless sleep with under bridges at

550
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:08,120
Speaker 1: some point like there's a whole lot of stuff that

551
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 1: you go through, but it's all possible. Like I can

552
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: hear I'm afraid to start over all that, but me

553
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: going through it and knowing that it's possible, I don't.

554
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say that it's it's an excuse, but it's

555
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,200
Speaker 1: obstacles that we can all overcome. And it's not like

556
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: when people say, oh, it's a disease. Wow. Well, I

557
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 1: just want to say thank you so much, and before

558
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 1: we leave, I just want to say I'm so proud

559
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 1: of you and congratulations seven and a half years of

560
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: being sober. I'm more than confident that your story is

561
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 1: gonna definitely inspire some of my list listeners because we

562
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: all have our demons that we are battling. UM. If

563
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: you have any questions, comments, concerns, and you want to

564
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: reach out to my guest, please email me at hello

565
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: at the Professional Homegirl dot com And until next time, guys. Later,