Speaker 1: My husband makes amazing cocktails. It's like if you can
Speaker 1: make a cocktail. Walk the spider out the door and
Speaker 1: then also take the garbage out. I'm sitting and spinning
Speaker 1: on it forever and all the time, forever and all
Speaker 1: of the time.
Speaker 2: So I can't sit and door spin anymore.
Speaker 3: Walk the spider out the door.
Speaker 2: I'm looking above my head. Are there any spiders?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Hey everyone, Welcome to adulting. I'm Michelbytel. That's Jordan Carlos.
Speaker 2: You know the deal.
Speaker 3: You know the deal for real. I'm grooving and Curson.
Speaker 3: How are you today?
Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm doing very well. Thank you for asking
Speaker 1: you know what I want to ask you, and I
Speaker 1: always forget. Are you into cookbooks?
Speaker 3: I wish I was into cookbooks, but I'm not. No,
Speaker 3: if I want to cook something, then the New York
Speaker 3: Times will tell me. And the New York Times their
Speaker 3: recipes are way too they're doing it again.
Speaker 1: Yes, you need like a cinnamon stick, not even like
Speaker 1: the ground cinnamon.
Speaker 2: And then you need a vanilla bean. You got time
Speaker 2: to do? Who got time to be cutting all these
Speaker 2: little parts of trees?
Speaker 5: And shit?
Speaker 3: Who got the like? You need savage strawberries? From the
Speaker 3: left side of a mountain in Hudson Valley, not the
Speaker 3: ones that the goats have trodden over.
Speaker 1: Like Jesus Christ, I know I always get the mushrooms wrong.
Speaker 1: I'm like, send a picture. There's so many different rooms, chantrelle.
Speaker 5: But it's.
Speaker 1: Why do you sound like that?
Speaker 3: That's how I always say. If I talk about Chaterell mushrooms,
Speaker 3: it has to be Chantreu. That has to be somebody's
Speaker 3: drag name is Chantrell.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, yes, well we all know that my
Speaker 1: drag name, since I dyslexic, would be dick lexia.
Speaker 2: I've talked about it.
Speaker 1: I've talked about it, I've thought about it, and it
Speaker 1: will happen one day. I miss cookbooks. I loved growing
Speaker 1: up watching Julia Chi who total like misdoubt fire in
Speaker 1: the kitchen, and I have a couple of cookbooks like
Speaker 1: Eat Clean, Eat Healthy, like just so maybe I can
Speaker 1: like pull some ideas, like like I didn't know that
Speaker 1: you could use apple sauce or chiass as a substitute
Speaker 1: for eggs. I would love a cookbook where it is
Speaker 1: like family meals, Like it isn't just like the one thing,
Speaker 1: it's just like, how do I make these three things
Speaker 1: in quickly because I need to be efficient.
Speaker 2: Where am I going with this?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Go ahead.
Speaker 1: I recently started getting cocktail books.
Speaker 3: I just bought a cocktail recipe book for someone, and
Speaker 3: I was like, I think it great.
Speaker 2: Get you guys.
Speaker 1: If you're looking to give a gift for somebody, I
Speaker 1: think a cocktail recipe book is the way to go.
Speaker 1: There's also this cocktail recipe book that I have that
Speaker 1: you can infuse your juices, so like if you're into
Speaker 1: your green juice or your beet juice, whatever, like these
Speaker 1: brothers put this cocktail book together and they tell you
Speaker 1: what juice will go with what alcohol. So, like I said,
Speaker 1: I'd like to be efficient with my time, like give
Speaker 1: me the vitamins and also get the tipsy, do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean?
Speaker 2: So that's really fun.
Speaker 3: So for instance, like what works together.
Speaker 2: Vodka really goes with anything.
Speaker 3: It's the onion of alcohols, Vodka.
Speaker 2: And mess Cow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's sort of just like if you're not
Speaker 1: into Bloody Mary's and micheladas, there's other things you can do,
Speaker 1: but it's essentially like that. You can you could do
Speaker 1: like a mess Cow sour, but it be like ginger
Speaker 1: a little cayenne.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, Like.
Speaker 2: Fuck it up.
Speaker 3: I always feel good about myself after drinking ginger. I'm
Speaker 3: like I did something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's got healing powers. Ginger and garlic.
Speaker 3: You be doing that?
Speaker 2: What you mean?
Speaker 3: Of course I didn't know that. I didn't know that.
Speaker 3: Let me know, Like Michelle, it's all a mystery, just
Speaker 3: like what do.
Speaker 2: You have known me for so long? You have known
Speaker 2: me for so long?
Speaker 3: But do you drink in the morning. I don't know
Speaker 3: what you drink in the morning?
Speaker 1: Like, come on, kids are the kids are into smoothies
Speaker 1: and yoga now, so that's very fun. And so I
Speaker 1: definitely get the frozen fruit that also has not spinach
Speaker 1: but kale, because kale, frozen kale breaks down easier than
Speaker 1: spinach spinach. You have a little film on your teeth sometimes.
Speaker 4: What look it mean?
Speaker 1: What I was gonna say is getting back to the
Speaker 1: cocktail pee book. I love a French seventy five. What
Speaker 1: goes in that it is a little simple syrup, little
Speaker 1: lemon zest champagne and then also like a little essence
Speaker 1: of lemon on top and is uh oh no, there's
Speaker 1: also a little bit of gin.
Speaker 3: And a little bit of gin. Yeah, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: that makes.
Speaker 2: Me like it's so good.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel like you are in the south
Speaker 1: of France or something, just looking at very warm ways
Speaker 1: just wash over your feet in the Mediterranean. It gives
Speaker 1: a vibe. Speaking of vibes, Oh my god, what can't
Speaker 1: she do? Very excited about our guest today, everybody, Rachel
Speaker 1: is like one of those people that you will just
Speaker 1: I mean, what I love about Rachel is that she
Speaker 1: is so singular. She's kookie, she's smart, she's a fun
Speaker 1: hot mess. She's also like such a hustler, such a
Speaker 1: hard worker, and so approachable.
Speaker 2: And then also her impressions.
Speaker 3: Yes, her impressions are amazing and so varied the ones
Speaker 3: of her mother. Or sometimes she likes to do like
Speaker 3: old voices from the nineteen forties. She likes to do
Speaker 3: like a mid Atlantic accent. For where is that coming?
Speaker 2: That is her brain? Her brain.
Speaker 1: Oh, I know you guys are gonna love her as
Speaker 1: much as we do. So yes, take a listen. What
Speaker 1: the fuck else are you gonna do?
Speaker 3: Please give it up for Rachel. Fine stuff.
Speaker 1: Very excited to bring our next guests out. That's the
Speaker 1: first time she's doing the show. Is this the first
Speaker 1: time y'all been to the show? No, make some noise
Speaker 1: if you have you been here before? Did I motorboat
Speaker 1: you hello? Thank you for coming to the show, Brooklyn. Yes,
Speaker 1: so this is her first time to the show.
Speaker 2: Our guest.
Speaker 1: She's a comedian, she's a writer, she's the mother. She's
Speaker 1: so fucking funny, and she's here. Rachel findes diner.
Speaker 3: Rachel, you look amazing, Rachel. Oh my god. You sit
Speaker 3: wherever you want, and sit wherever you want if you
Speaker 3: can sit here, Rachel finds on. Everybody, fucking thank you
Speaker 3: told me what to do backstage too.
Speaker 5: They gave me directions.
Speaker 2: Let me hold your drink while you sit down, because
Speaker 2: I know what that's like.
Speaker 5: I need wine. I'm like, I'm a real godless horn tonight, everybody.
Speaker 5: I'm just it's mommy's horn night out. By the way.
Speaker 1: Oh no, we need dad kids, we need dad kids.
Speaker 2: Let's get your table.
Speaker 3: Can somebody come clean me?
Speaker 5: I haven't been drank yet. This is just me. I'm
Speaker 5: a deep, deep pig. Thank you so much for clean.
Speaker 5: I should have been more ashamed by that moment, but
Speaker 5: it just made sense to me. I was like we
Speaker 5: were just talking about bad dates. Really, yes, I've had many.
Speaker 5: I had a guy once sort of narrate the date
Speaker 5: while I was on it, like I was in the
Speaker 5: middle of the date, and he was like, tonight, I'm
Speaker 5: met a very special girl. No yes, she made me laugh.
Speaker 5: She made me think like I was gonna be like, oh,
Speaker 5: I'm sick of guess and I want to know who
Speaker 5: the girl in the riddle is.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 5: You often also, when I dated online, and I admit
Speaker 5: that this is truly moronic and I'm ashamed of It's
Speaker 5: shameful what I'm about to say. But I put on
Speaker 5: my profile that I spoke Mandarin because I wanted more pokes.
Speaker 5: I wanted to get more pokes, all right, I said,
Speaker 5: I don't know. I thought it was like funny. I
Speaker 5: guess I'm an idiot. My brother's like, you know, that's
Speaker 5: like the most like spoken language in the world. And
Speaker 5: I was like, and then this guy wrote me this
Speaker 5: lovely message. He's like, finally somebody I can speak manager.
Speaker 5: And then, like some guys would ask on the day,
Speaker 5: I forgot that I wrote that, like on my profile,
Speaker 5: I said that my favorite book was like Hitler's sequel
Speaker 5: to mindkomf, which was a book about relationships called because
Speaker 5: I said so, no, I'm an idiot. They turned on
Speaker 5: me with that one. I don't even know if we
Speaker 5: could talk.
Speaker 1: About this but now, but wait a minute, I don't
Speaker 1: even know if we could talk about this because I
Speaker 1: don't know what's too personal. But also we'll never see
Speaker 1: these people again.
Speaker 3: Just kidding.
Speaker 5: Come to the show hostin wine you can ask me.
Speaker 1: Okay, I remember meeting one of your boyfriends at the
Speaker 1: time and we got into an argument. Do you remember
Speaker 1: that dude, Like this was a long time, we've known
Speaker 1: toother for a while. This was like two thousand and five,
Speaker 1: two thousand and six.
Speaker 5: Imagine I've did and it was deep morons. I can,
Speaker 5: I can.
Speaker 2: I just it was a dude that looked like Anderson
Speaker 2: Coopa a little bit.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, No. He was like an emergency alcoholic, like
Speaker 5: a deep.
Speaker 2: Was an emergency alcoholic.
Speaker 5: Like he was really hot and I ignored every red flag,
Speaker 5: but he was. He would play this like game like
Speaker 5: it's one of those games like you know that like
Speaker 5: fake war games. It was called like Aces High and
Speaker 5: they like pretend they go in combat and stuff like that,
Speaker 5: and he would refer to it as going to war,
Speaker 5: and I was like, but you're not. You're playing it.
Speaker 5: Get You're not a soldier. And he'd be like, you
Speaker 5: don't support me when I go on somebody's battle. And
Speaker 5: I'm like, but you're not. It's not happening. No, yeah,
Speaker 5: And then we would when he would come on the
Speaker 5: road with me, he would these like air shows after
Speaker 5: my shows, and then I would have to meet up
Speaker 5: with his other like war buddies, and they would tell
Speaker 5: like flying stories about like remember when we you know,
Speaker 5: had to evade that village, but none of this happened.
Speaker 5: This didn't happen.
Speaker 2: No, that's a red flag.
Speaker 5: Deep and hold each other. It wasn't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's more red flags than the United Nations. That
Speaker 2: is like that.
Speaker 1: I have ignored red flags before, and they catch up
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 5: What was like the worst red flag?
Speaker 1: I seated a very attractive black man from Germany. I
Speaker 1: called him German Chocolate and first red flag. He ain't
Speaker 1: talk to his mama. I said, that's weird, but at
Speaker 1: least like have a story about why you didn't talk.
Speaker 1: He couldn't remember. I said, but you fine, And then
Speaker 1: he didn't go down.
Speaker 5: No, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, And.
Speaker 1: I was like, you cannot have the six without the nine,
Speaker 1: and like I try to teach him, and it looked
Speaker 1: like like kids eating vegetables they don't like.
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't do this, but I tried.
Speaker 1: So whenever someone's just like, oh, they don't go down,
Speaker 1: I'm like, then don't you don't go down?
Speaker 2: Then you don't go down.
Speaker 5: He was taking like he would do it, but he
Speaker 5: was big swings, but they didn't make any sense, like
Speaker 5: nothing was happening. He was very awful.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 5: He was even attempting to do he was just zooming
Speaker 5: in the wrong direction.
Speaker 2: Have you ever dated a comedian.
Speaker 5: I've never dated a comedian, and they never tried to
Speaker 5: date me. It's not like I've been like I have
Speaker 5: a boundary here. No one was asking.
Speaker 1: I mean I kind of like that too, though, because
Speaker 1: you know, I'm friends with some real hoes in the
Speaker 1: comedy community, and if they can't make it work for them, great,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But I'm like, make it
Speaker 1: work for you, because I don't think there's anything wrong
Speaker 1: with liking sex.
Speaker 2: It's just like, make it make sense.
Speaker 1: That's why I really love make the Stallion because she's
Speaker 1: so unapologized, and it's just like, yeah, you know, we
Speaker 1: shouldn't be shamed because we like what we like.
Speaker 2: Yeah you know what I mean.
Speaker 5: I mean I have a joke about it in my act.
Speaker 5: But like I like a thick necked, ignorant looking man,
Speaker 5: That's what I like. I like the guy who looks
Speaker 5: like he'd say follow the money when he's talking about
Speaker 5: the vaccine. Like I just I'm attracted to like a dusty,
Speaker 5: working class alcoholic that does his own research.
Speaker 3: But you're you're married to a fireman. A you got it?
Speaker 5: I got it? I did.
Speaker 3: Does he still have his mustache or he doesn't?
Speaker 5: He shaved his mustache? He's like all the guys at
Speaker 5: the firehouse were doing November right, And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 5: what are you doing for? Like the actual charities? Like
Speaker 5: I'm like, you can't just say that and like point
Speaker 5: to your dumb mustache. But he's like a technical hero,
Speaker 5: so I can only like mock him so much.
Speaker 2: How did you meet your husband?
Speaker 5: We were actually set up. I heard that men hang
Speaker 5: out at steakhouses, so I was going to like a
Speaker 5: steakhouse bar a man?
Speaker 3: What heard that steakhouses? What if Peter Losers soa dead
Speaker 3: cows what I know?
Speaker 5: You guys, I don't think I realized embarrassing that was.
Speaker 5: I was like telling people, I'm like I would be
Speaker 5: at like the comedy seller doing a spot. I'm like,
Speaker 5: I'm going to State House to.
Speaker 2: Fight a guy.
Speaker 5: My friend was like, this is alarming, Like it's not
Speaker 5: a good luck and I had no success. I was
Speaker 5: just like, it was such a wildly lonely time in
Speaker 5: my life. I was just like stirring a martini, just
Speaker 5: like leering at stranger's not.
Speaker 3: Okay, is there any steak that's better.
Speaker 5: For Oh no, the perview, I got nothing. I mean
Speaker 5: not even a whisper of dick at a steakhouse. And
Speaker 5: that is a medical form of measurement, a whisper of dick.
Speaker 4: Wait a minute, what I love?
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So Rachel's like my low budget Mariah Carey because when
Speaker 1: I met her in two thousand and whatever, you had
Speaker 1: curly ass hair and you were dating a Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I thought you were Puerto Rican.
Speaker 5: I like to I double as a Reekan. Yes, I
Speaker 5: met him at the corner store and we lived together
Speaker 5: for a while.
Speaker 3: I did.
Speaker 2: That's true. The bodega.
Speaker 5: Yes, the bodega. I met him at the bodega.
Speaker 3: My sister did that. My sister is literally going to
Speaker 3: marry a man that owns the bodega that she like
Speaker 3: lives downstairs from, which.
Speaker 5: Was already around this guy. I don't even know who
Speaker 5: he is that she's marrying, Like somebody could describe a
Speaker 5: man to me like that, and I'm like, I just
Speaker 5: right away, just you know, extremely attracted to him, have
Speaker 5: no information except that he owns it, right.
Speaker 3: I love this guy. But he's like he's thoughtful, he's caring,
Speaker 3: he's amazing, he's romantic. He can make a chop cheese,
Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: So it's like, yeah, my husband is not like romantic,
Speaker 5: like at all, like pretty worthless at it. Like he
Speaker 5: when he proposed to me, he decided that he was
Speaker 5: going to drive down to Maryland to ask my father's
Speaker 5: permission to marry me. And I was like, that's so
Speaker 5: romantic that you did that. He goes, yeah, well, I
Speaker 5: also figured, you know, the iPhone's tax free in Delaware,
Speaker 5: so I could get it on the way the new
Speaker 5: I like, you weren't supposed to tell me that you
Speaker 5: were never supposed to say that out loud. He wild
Speaker 5: more on, but he told me, yeah, he's he's not
Speaker 5: like protective. I've always wanted to be one of those women,
Speaker 5: women that like a guy would like put their hand on,
Speaker 5: you know, my lower back and like guide me through
Speaker 5: a room. Nobody's ever like tucked me into a car
Speaker 5: and like referred to me as precious cargo. They're like,
Speaker 5: you got to get that. I'm like, yeah, I'm all right,
Speaker 5: I'm fine. I'll meet you at the hospital.
Speaker 3: He's a very fireman, though he would totally he protects
Speaker 3: you at the in the worst possible conditions. You know what.
Speaker 2: We experienced this together.
Speaker 1: Because he's a fireman, he doesn't react to shit the
Speaker 1: way normal people do. He's like, it's still fine. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I think the dog is gonna drown. Like you guys
Speaker 1: came over. He went on a kayak. I was dog
Speaker 1: sitting a dog who loves to chase people in kayaks,
Speaker 1: and this dog went so far that her and I
Speaker 1: are screaming as if we were like in castaway. We're
Speaker 1: like back and he's just like, the looks like it's
Speaker 1: just gonna sink to the bottom.
Speaker 5: It was I'm running you guys, It's like my first
Speaker 5: play date, like after COVID, Like I never had a
Speaker 5: play date before, like I gave birth to with the
Speaker 5: fireman husband in like the height of COVID. This is
Speaker 5: the first time I go to somebody's house. All right,
Speaker 5: My fucking husband takes her kayak out like past like
Speaker 5: there's all kinds of fucking tapes.
Speaker 2: And it was like he was with muscles.
Speaker 5: Yes, it was like no, don't come near here like never,
Speaker 5: you know, like there's a lot of skulls and he
Speaker 5: just fucking breaks the ribbon and we're like waving at him.
Speaker 5: I'm like, the kids have to nap, get back here.
Speaker 5: Then the dog chases my husband right chases.
Speaker 1: I was losing the dog in the distance, and I
Speaker 1: was like it felt like meet the parents where I'm like,
Speaker 1: do I have to get another dog that looks just
Speaker 1: like this dog? Is that gonna be my Do I
Speaker 1: have to find the other because the dog just kept
Speaker 1: going to Aska come back, and then my service neighbors
Speaker 1: just like the fuck is wrong with this drunk bitch again.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm not drunk, I'm tipsy and worried.
Speaker 3: There's a dog out there.
Speaker 1: I ran bear with my bare cute, little fucking feet
Speaker 1: too very lovely.
Speaker 2: I didn't know, thank you when I can see them
Speaker 2: over my tits.
Speaker 1: I'm like the job ran to my neighbor's house that
Speaker 1: was a vent, like he could help. He wasn't there.
Speaker 1: Turns out he was there. He didn't answer. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I weren't answering fun.
Speaker 5: How horrifying this was? Like her husband drove home from work. Yeah,
Speaker 5: in the time, my husband was like trying to find
Speaker 5: new land. I'm like, you.
Speaker 1: Dickhead, yeah, yeah, yeah, But then he came back. He
Speaker 1: finally saw us or wrecked like you know, he finally
Speaker 1: saw us. He came back, and the dog came back.
Speaker 1: It felt like thirty seven hours. It was probably twenty minutes.
Speaker 5: We were screaming the whole time of my life. When
Speaker 5: he came home. I was in different age.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, it's like we were we had
Speaker 1: lost a year off our life, and Pete came out
Speaker 1: of the kayak. He's like, beautiful, what the yes, beautiful weather, gorgeous.
Speaker 1: We were like the dog was that.
Speaker 2: He's like, oh yeah, I saw that dog.
Speaker 4: Really nice.
Speaker 1: One stop died because she was it wasn't even my
Speaker 1: dog was.
Speaker 2: Right, this dog?
Speaker 3: What was the dog like hardy enough? Was it a
Speaker 3: big dog? Or what kind of give a dog? You
Speaker 3: know what I mean?
Speaker 5: Like you, that's what it feels like to be married
Speaker 5: to a first responder because they don't respond when you're
Speaker 5: like scared, because you know how like you know, a
Speaker 5: few people are like miss make you feel so safe.
Speaker 5: I'm like no, no, no, no, Like you know when you
Speaker 5: watch forensic files and the woman's calling nine one one
Speaker 5: and she's like, he's coming towards me like a Kilvin.
Speaker 5: They're like, ma'am, ma'am your address man, Like that's what
Speaker 5: it's like.
Speaker 1: It's terrible, but we need we need like one thing
Speaker 1: you like about your husband before we get to questions,
Speaker 1: what's the one thing?
Speaker 5: You know? He can fix things and that's funny. I
Speaker 5: was like this sweetheart.
Speaker 2: He also makes his own cambucha. That's very nice.
Speaker 3: He's good. He's a good egg. I like, I like, yeah, yes,
Speaker 3: he's a.
Speaker 5: Very good like he's a very good dad. And he
Speaker 5: also like look, I like firefighters. I mean I'm extremely
Speaker 5: aroused by all of them.
Speaker 3: Really, so.
Speaker 5: Like what he called the uniform does it for me?
Speaker 5: So like it could be a US uniform and I'm aroused. Yes,
Speaker 5: it could be any uniform at all, carvel ice cream.
Speaker 3: Do you like you like when he does? Like? Okay,
Speaker 3: let's say he has to go to some kind of
Speaker 3: like ceremony or something like that. He puts on that
Speaker 3: ceremonial fire.
Speaker 2: Set up the fantasy bitch.
Speaker 3: No, no, I like that. You might have set up
Speaker 3: as a fireman. I know about it, So do you.
Speaker 2: Dream about it?
Speaker 5: And his brother in law was at our like engagement party.
Speaker 5: He's like friends and he was at wedding. Yes, they're all.
Speaker 1: I saw him shirtless singing the the national anthema wedding.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, that was fun.
Speaker 5: Anyways, we have questions. I all love the Founding Fathers.
Speaker 5: They like cry about them when they drink.
Speaker 3: They're really Do you have a lot.
Speaker 2: Of friends that are Trump supporters?
Speaker 5: He yes. At the end of her wedding, are that
Speaker 5: My mom is like aggressively liberal, like she would have
Speaker 5: preferred if I married a Nigerian lesbian instead of like
Speaker 5: Irish fireman, like she was praying one of us was
Speaker 5: gay at the end of our wedding, like some firefight, drunk,
Speaker 5: red faced firefight against on the microphone. He's like, drump
Speaker 5: that just softly fell. It's onto his own dumb head.
Speaker 2: It's hard.
Speaker 5: But my husband's not. He's not a Trump guy. They
Speaker 5: got but but yeah, a lot of his friends they
Speaker 5: you know, I mean they all live at the firehouse together.
Speaker 5: Like you're not supposed to have man sleepovers for half
Speaker 5: your life. Like he comes back a lot dumber. I'll
Speaker 5: tell you.
Speaker 1: That, all right, what's just some questions from the audience. Ya,
Speaker 1: I'm moving from n y C.
Speaker 2: To l A.
Speaker 1: Any recommendations best practices for a cross country road trip.
Speaker 1: It depends you want to go in the middle, you
Speaker 1: want to go south.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would say good music, too short, blow the whistle,
Speaker 5: get involved. It's a fun road song.
Speaker 3: Best recommendations, I think. I think it's like, if you're
Speaker 3: going they said north to south or east to west,
Speaker 3: what's going on here? New York to LA, New York LA.
Speaker 3: What you want to do is probably hit you want
Speaker 3: to hit the Great Smoky Mountains. You want to hit
Speaker 3: the dismal swamps, right, and then you want to you
Speaker 3: want to hit the you know, as you cross. I'm sorry,
Speaker 3: I love I.
Speaker 1: Do love when he gives directions like Obama. It's my favorite.
Speaker 3: It's a beautiful land we have here. What you want
Speaker 3: to do is hit all the national parks in the
Speaker 3: beautiful cities as well. You want to hit you want
Speaker 3: to go to Nashville, you want to.
Speaker 5: Go get some soft piano music. Should do that national parks?
Speaker 5: What the fuck?
Speaker 3: Use your stomach as you travel and you will see
Speaker 3: the culture of this country. Thank you very much.
Speaker 2: I love that answer.
Speaker 5: You're a good dad.
Speaker 3: Okay, what is this? You seem like a very empathetic
Speaker 3: person and someone who cries unapologetically. How do you stay
Speaker 3: resilient in a world with lots to cry about? Is
Speaker 3: that you? Or?
Speaker 2: I feel like the questions for me? Is that cry
Speaker 2: all the time? I love it.
Speaker 5: I like when we FaceTime, we've cried and wined on Facebook?
Speaker 4: Have you know?
Speaker 1: I always I always say if you can't experience the bad,
Speaker 1: then you don't know how good the good is. So
Speaker 1: I say, feel your motherfucking feelings because they will serve you.
Speaker 5: Don't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't stifle that shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and just because you're crying doesn't mean you're not strong.
Speaker 5: Michelle is like the loveliest, most supportive friend. You were
Speaker 5: so sweet when Frankie was born, and you sent me
Speaker 5: so many sweet, lovely, adorable messages and yeah, both of
Speaker 5: you guys are really good parents. So thank you gave
Speaker 5: me a lot of good advice. I was like terrified.
Speaker 5: I wasn't.
Speaker 2: Well, it's terrifying. Nobody sets you up.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: It's like, don't have sex, or and don't get pregnant,
Speaker 1: or get married quickly and then have kids.
Speaker 2: There's nothing in between, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And it's just like gain a lot of weight for
Speaker 1: your baby, then lose a lot of weight because we
Speaker 1: don't want to look at your body, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 2: It's just like, what the fuck? Can we just live?
Speaker 2: Fuck bitch? Okay, that actually roll?
Speaker 5: Let us live? Everybody fun.
Speaker 1: Is it inappropriate to wear a cutish outfit to a funeral?
Speaker 1: Or or should we dress homely and sad?
Speaker 5: Crop top?
Speaker 3: Crop top?
Speaker 5: When I go to funeral, I dress like a well
Speaker 5: oiled bitch. That's kidding.
Speaker 3: Now what do you think?
Speaker 6: Man?
Speaker 2: I say, look sexy, man? You still live?
Speaker 5: Fuck?
Speaker 3: Yeah, fucker, don How do you feel about it? I
Speaker 3: always go sexy to funerals. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: I thought you, I know you do, Poppy. I know
Speaker 5: you do.
Speaker 3: I was just thinking, like, you can't say funeral without
Speaker 3: saying fun So you know that's good.
Speaker 5: I liked it. You guys, come on, you should have
Speaker 5: supported that. Fucking How do you.
Speaker 1: Approach a friend who said they'd show up for you
Speaker 1: and flaked out without any words?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I feel like these people are in
Speaker 3: the room right now, like both of them.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I need more wine for that one.
Speaker 1: You know what, I find like I have had no
Speaker 1: problem being in an office setting.
Speaker 3: I'd love some rise. I'm so sorry. I love you.
Speaker 3: I can feel you looking at me.
Speaker 2: Okay, can I continue?
Speaker 3: Yes? Very much?
Speaker 2: Okay, we'll support you, habit. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's easier for me to ask a
Speaker 1: boss what I want, but it's hard for me to
Speaker 1: tell a friend they've hurt me. And yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm still learning how to do it.
Speaker 2: But you know, as long as I start with I
Speaker 2: love you.
Speaker 1: And I know you probably didn't mean it, but this
Speaker 1: is what happened, and this is how it made me
Speaker 1: feel like And if the they get defensive, I just
Speaker 1: simply say, if you're not ready to talk about it,
Speaker 1: this cool. I don't feel like this is productive, So
Speaker 1: you give me a call when you're ready to talk,
Speaker 1: because I'm What I'm not gonna do is get into
Speaker 1: it with someone I love. That's crazy. So I hope
Speaker 1: that helps. It helped three people. The rest of y'all
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck.
Speaker 3: I think they were just processing it, that's all I know.
Speaker 5: I think it was powerful, like they went back into
Speaker 5: their own memory bank, disappointed by people that they're like, yeah,
Speaker 5: I should have said that.
Speaker 3: Shit.
Speaker 5: They were taking notes on their phones, they were texting themselves.
Speaker 2: Shit, this is wild.
Speaker 1: What should I do If I'm haunted by the ghost
Speaker 1: of my mother in law?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, tell Jordan Peele so he can make
Speaker 2: a movie.
Speaker 3: About it, the ghost of my mother. Well, then then
Speaker 3: obviously someone's you feel as though you need to live
Speaker 3: up to that person, right oooh okay in network, but
Speaker 3: that person isn't with us anymore. And if someone is
Speaker 3: making you feel that way, let them know, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like, obviously it's the spouse, So uh,
Speaker 3: let your spouse know, let them know that you aren't them,
Speaker 3: and that's that's probably your spouse grieving. And I mean,
Speaker 3: once we unpack our villains, what the fuck. Uh wow,
Speaker 3: they can't hurt us anymore.
Speaker 5: Oh, I feel like certain people like you, like you
Speaker 5: feel smarter in front of another ones you run dumb
Speaker 5: like I run real dumb with Jordan, like, I was
Speaker 5: just like what I feel remedial when I'm not remart
Speaker 5: real bitch, I don't even I have to like stop
Speaker 5: my mind. I'm like, listen, listen, bitch.
Speaker 3: I'm not smart. I just have an astigmatism, and so.
Speaker 7: That's why people just figure like that guy, he has read.
Speaker 5: Some books sarcastic and Jewish, but I have no information,
Speaker 5: like I never stop it. Thank you. I'll take that in.
Speaker 5: I never went to college. I moved to New York
Speaker 5: with like this guy, and I talked to.
Speaker 1: Your mom about why you didn't go to college. And wait,
Speaker 1: at your daughter's first birthday, yes, it was hilarious. She's
Speaker 1: like she saw me with my twins a ruggling because
Speaker 1: my baby girl, Hazel will just like it looks like
Speaker 1: she's doing a TikTok dance for everybody. I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: just it's natural. And then Otis doesn't really like people.
Speaker 1: He keeps saying I'm shy, and he's just in a
Speaker 1: corner reading his book and it's real cute, but like,
Speaker 1: I don't have enough hands for all of them. And
Speaker 1: your mom was like, each kid needs something different.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I was worried about my kid when she didn't want
Speaker 1: to go to college. And then I realized that she's
Speaker 1: going to take care of herself and do something different.
Speaker 1: And I was like word, And then I had to
Speaker 1: change a shit diaper.
Speaker 5: They don't stop shit, said that, but that's good to know.
Speaker 5: Like my mom though, but she's so liberal. Like when
Speaker 5: I said I wanted to move to New York with
Speaker 5: like a guy in his band when I was seventeen,
Speaker 5: she called sick sister. She had like no follow up question.
Speaker 5: She was just like on the front lawn and a
Speaker 5: dashiki or some shit like strong Ram and Rock. I'm like,
Speaker 5: you should have another question, right, do you want address
Speaker 5: at all? Like she didn't want anything.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: That's not me, but I love it. Yeah, what's the question?
Speaker 5: Okay, what do you get a friend who had her
Speaker 5: first baby thoughtful without breaking the bank. I'm going to
Speaker 5: say a run dmc onesie.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's a solid choice.
Speaker 1: I say food, Just send a meal, just uber eats
Speaker 1: like a pizza over there because you too tired of
Speaker 1: think about where you gonna put in your mouth.
Speaker 2: I know, I am.
Speaker 3: There's I actually.
Speaker 5: Could use advice from you guys at an actual parenting
Speaker 5: thing that happened today. Sure please, that's the kind of
Speaker 5: thing that happens here. I don't know, I didn't read
Speaker 5: the Yeah why not? So I took my daughter to
Speaker 5: a tumbling class today, and you know, they have the
Speaker 5: little circle. There's like this little like mother gentle mother circle,
Speaker 5: and they all had their little kids in their laps
Speaker 5: and they're just like ethereal biblical expressions. And my fucking
Speaker 5: kid had no respect for that circle. She was like peace,
Speaker 5: fuck off, and she just zoomed in the other direction.
Speaker 5: And I was the only kid, and I'm trying to
Speaker 5: like make eye contact with the other parents, like like
Speaker 5: I was trying to make jokes like a comic, you know,
Speaker 5: But I'm like somebody like is there was like five
Speaker 5: kids just sitting in that circle, lit just fully circled.
Speaker 5: My kid didn't have no respect. What do I do?
Speaker 2: And it's pretty cool?
Speaker 5: It's okay, I think it's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: No, that's like a sign of like curiosity and confidence.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna do my own thing, kind of like
Speaker 1: you moving to New York at seventeen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what that is.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 3: That's very happy. Yeah, the apple doesn't fall far, that's right.
Speaker 5: You guys. Ever go to like any of those little
Speaker 5: parenting I did.
Speaker 1: I did, and I was like, this is sadisfuck, Like
Speaker 1: I got friends I would rather talk to.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, like I can't catch a wave with
Speaker 5: these bitches, like they give me nothing.
Speaker 4: No, you know what.
Speaker 1: I love to call my I love to call my
Speaker 1: friends that are older and don't have kids, and they're like,
Speaker 1: this is fan fa bitch. I'll play with the kid
Speaker 1: and then go home, you know what I mean? Like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: my friends that you know love dogs but don't have
Speaker 1: time for a dog. I'll just drop my dog, like
Speaker 1: don't help me right back and pick the dog. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that's fucking fine. I will say, whether you man, whatever
Speaker 1: it is in life, it always feels like you're always
Speaker 1: doing it wrong. That's how fucking life is set up.
Speaker 1: So just keep telling yourself no, now we're still having fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you can.
Speaker 1: Think everything is fucking you know, like the way you drive,
Speaker 1: the way you dress, the way you settle work because
Speaker 1: the fuck you're right, fuck it, fuck us.
Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 3: Focus.
Speaker 5: Let's go to a caller. Everybody, this is.
Speaker 3: You have to focus on the fun of those things.
Speaker 3: I used to I used to live over here in
Speaker 3: Guanas and I used to go to those kind of
Speaker 3: gatherings and I would just make fun of the names,
Speaker 3: you know, of the kids. Uh that's they'd be like, okay,
Speaker 3: so Ishmael, do you wanna do you want to sing?
Speaker 3: What about you? Nik? You know, like it was like
Speaker 3: the funnest ship. I was just trying to hold in
Speaker 3: my lap. It was a great last question.
Speaker 2: Oh do you have a question?
Speaker 3: It's kind of this is a serious question, so we
Speaker 3: can do the serious question and then that last question.
Speaker 2: Thanks for send it up?
Speaker 3: All right? So I turned thirty five and noticed I
Speaker 3: cannot be drunk all day anymore.
Speaker 5: Wind Oh my god, there's such a cocktail of problems
Speaker 5: in that sentence, like I need like a long nack.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: When does this change? Or Am I an alcohol I
Speaker 3: hate it? Am I an alcoholic? That's the person's asking.
Speaker 1: I used to like, when I open the bottle of wine,
Speaker 1: you know, and my husband puts the cork back in it.
Speaker 2: I said, don't do that. Don't do that. It's gonna
Speaker 2: it's gonna taste like falsomach finnicot. Tomorrow.
Speaker 1: You open the wine, you drink the wine. Cut to
Speaker 1: me having heartburn in the middle of the night, just
Speaker 1: the fire between my tits. Said, this is not okay.
Speaker 1: It sucks when you can't do what you used to do.
Speaker 1: But just do something else.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the body betrays.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't have to, you know.
Speaker 1: I think it's if you don't evolve, that's fucking weird, man,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like do it.
Speaker 2: It's fine.
Speaker 1: Drink something else, do something less, go for a walk,
Speaker 1: go to fucking free playing in the park.
Speaker 2: Oh fucking note.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a certain point where it's like I have
Speaker 5: friends that are like shots shot. I'm like, no, Joe
Speaker 5: DeRosa coming down, he said, Joe DeRosa loves shots and
Speaker 5: we're in our forties.
Speaker 2: He's like, come on, man, if you really love me,
Speaker 2: that's it. This is not Season one of the Jersey
Speaker 2: Short Bitch.
Speaker 1: I don't have to do anything that tastes like rubbing
Speaker 1: alcoholl uh. Last time I saw it, don he was like,
Speaker 1: I'm on my health cake and I'm like, I love
Speaker 1: that for you.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I am. I'm drinking less. I drink hardkom butcha
Speaker 7: a lot. Now that's my alcohol of choice.
Speaker 2: What does a little head.
Speaker 7: It's kombucha that they ferment a little more so, like
Speaker 7: it's a little alcohol.
Speaker 5: Oh yes, my husband makes that. That's what he makes.
Speaker 3: He basically like cider. That's all it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you call it hard. That's so cute. That's cute.
Speaker 1: Good for you, and it's good for like the little
Speaker 1: things in the stomach of stuff.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean I can't process alcohol the same sometimes. Yeah,
Speaker 7: I definitely can't. Joe DeRosa try to get me to
Speaker 7: do shots. I couldn't do the shot.
Speaker 1: Oh shot, that's how I black out, Like I want
Speaker 1: to remember what happened, you know. Yes, I used to
Speaker 1: do shots and wake up with like a donut in
Speaker 1: my person and be.
Speaker 2: Like, I don't know. Well, at least I'm prepared.
Speaker 3: If you're gonna drink, if you're gonna drink to whatever
Speaker 3: extent you're gonna drink, If you're like I want to
Speaker 3: maintain this level of drinking as I get thirty five,
Speaker 3: then you need. You need to start eating as you
Speaker 3: drink as well, like you can't. Yeah, you gotta get
Speaker 3: like the European model where it's just like you gotta
Speaker 3: get like.
Speaker 1: A maybe you just need a little Edi bowl feel
Speaker 1: a little.
Speaker 2: Something or a lot.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, I do a lot of feeding when I'm drinking.
Speaker 5: It's very satisfied. I just like to lay in bed
Speaker 5: and just shovel sweet treats to my dumb face.
Speaker 2: It's true.
Speaker 1: I've seen it. It's like something out of like a
Speaker 1: seth Rogen movie, like you would not think.
Speaker 3: Final question.
Speaker 5: You have a lot of FaceTime wide sessions Michelle and I,
Speaker 5: so just get off our deck because that's where the
Speaker 5: party is.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Last question, and this is for everyone on the stage.
Speaker 1: What's your favorite washing machine cycle?
Speaker 3: For what?
Speaker 5: Fucking Jensil, I'm a deep ignorant moron.
Speaker 3: I thought they meant as in, you know, if you're gonna,
Speaker 3: you know, celebrate with another person's body. You know they're
Speaker 3: on the sitting on a washing machine. You've never.
Speaker 2: A washing machine do their hands and say celebrate. You
Speaker 2: sound like you're Mormon, like fresh off the compounds.
Speaker 5: How don't you know that? I'm so impressed you're.
Speaker 3: Going to consumm age love with another I'm gonna answer
Speaker 3: it straight up.
Speaker 1: Favorite machine cycle for me on the go? I like
Speaker 1: a twenty in it cold wash gets everything clean.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't need to use all that hot water.
Speaker 1: But I'm really happy for the sanitized option.
Speaker 5: With all the sanitized I need to get.
Speaker 3: If you have kids and they do they go like
Speaker 3: Brown Town in their pants, you have to throw. You
Speaker 3: have to throw the you have to throw.
Speaker 1: The disgust, sanitize it. It just takes care of it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like it's great.
Speaker 5: Oh I didn't know this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's necessary.
Speaker 5: Fuck changing on a stage right now.
Speaker 1: I did have sex on a washing machine one time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't the washing machine. It was the dryer
Speaker 1: and it was tumble.
Speaker 5: You had like have you had? It was hard, it
Speaker 5: was very other like fun loving places.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I a journalist. Look at me, What a dickhead.
Speaker 1: I have been fingerfuked all over the five Burrows like
Speaker 1: you know, it is what it is. Backseat of a taxi.
Speaker 1: I got gum stuck on a guy's dick. We can
Speaker 1: move on.
Speaker 3: I never I've never fucked in public, but I have
Speaker 3: made love. Okay, where where?
Speaker 5: Where?
Speaker 3: Where? Where?
Speaker 1: Were at the fucking Central Park after the freak play?
Speaker 3: What a beach?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: Every time I ordered the drinks stand on?
Speaker 2: What is that beach? What is it?
Speaker 5: Sex on the beach?
Speaker 2: My uncle?
Speaker 1: Who's such a pull my finger, dude, He's like, you
Speaker 1: know what happens when you have sex on the beach?
Speaker 1: So well, Uncle Louis, he goes, you get standing your ass?
Speaker 2: I say, shouldn't you call it?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: All the time, I'm like, should you call one of
Speaker 2: your wives? Like, stop it all right? Don public sex?
Speaker 7: Go Lincoln thinner, that's the classiest.
Speaker 5: Class is what our forefathers.
Speaker 4: What have I wanted?
Speaker 6: Nation?
Speaker 5: I need more?
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 5: He's like, wow, everybody, I want you guys to just
Speaker 5: download this for Was she thigger than a snigger? That's
Speaker 5: what we all want to know.
Speaker 7: You were at La Traviata, it was she wasn't the
Speaker 7: thicker than a snicker?
Speaker 1: What the fuck does it even mean? Okay, where was
Speaker 1: it in the bathroom?
Speaker 7: It was like kind of like off to this it was.
Speaker 7: It wasn't in the Lincoln Center. It was kind of
Speaker 7: outside the Lincoln Center.
Speaker 3: PJ. Clark like off to the side of the Lincoln Center.
Speaker 4: Was she a hooker?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: Whoa? Whoa? Were you at Fordham? Were you at Fordham University? Like?
Speaker 3: How far away were you? No? We did. We went
Speaker 3: to the movies. We were hanging out, and I was a.
Speaker 2: Good as Did you get her popcorn? Because I would have.
Speaker 3: I did get her popcorn.
Speaker 1: See what happens when you buy people popcorn at a movie?
Speaker 2: Okay, just say it, but it's salt. I get a
Speaker 2: little action.
Speaker 7: But you know, it was in Brooklyn. She was in
Speaker 7: a whole other borough. So it was like we had
Speaker 7: to make it happen where it was happening.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. A lot of commuting popping off.
Speaker 1: That's wild as fuck. Okay, favorite machine wall Rachel, please go.
Speaker 5: No one's ever wanted to like have sex with me
Speaker 5: that urgently, Like they're always like we could wait till
Speaker 5: a couple hours. I've never felt that kind of urg
Speaker 5: like I need a slammer again, so like we'll circle
Speaker 5: back in the living room in four hours. That sounds good.
Speaker 5: Larry's never even told me that I'm the best they've
Speaker 5: ever had. Like, no one's told me that lie, Like
Speaker 5: they know I phone it in. You know what I mean.
Speaker 5: I'm not. No one's even been able to be like
Speaker 5: you're the bet. Now they know I'm not. I bring
Speaker 5: very little to the table, very little. Yeah, Like I
Speaker 5: just want to Yeah, I don't. There's a lot a
Speaker 5: lot of foolishness happening with me. I can't do a
Speaker 5: lot of acrobatic coorse.
Speaker 3: Shit.
Speaker 5: No, I'm tired. It's very basic, very basic. Yeah, I'm not.
Speaker 5: I don't know. Like my friends will to say shit,
Speaker 5: they say to men. Bet. I hear my mom in
Speaker 5: the room, disappointed me, Like really, Rachel, ram me harder?
Speaker 5: Is that what the girls say at school? I can't.
Speaker 6: So we ask our guests, sorry, what's the most adult
Speaker 6: thing you would like to do for yourself that you
Speaker 6: haven't yet?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 3: This year?
Speaker 5: I just thought I was like being put down like
Speaker 5: a dog. Everybody's like, well, she's out of control. Let's
Speaker 5: just sorry.
Speaker 1: What was What's the most adult thing you want to
Speaker 1: do for yourself this year that you haven't And it
Speaker 1: could be anything like truly, anything that's.
Speaker 3: Interesting, say travel some people.
Speaker 2: You don't have to give her.
Speaker 5: Just decided to be the answers I really wanted to.
Speaker 5: I want to run without hoop earrings, and that's definitely
Speaker 5: one of the things. I want to run in, like
Speaker 5: a runner's outfit. Like I run where people are like
Speaker 5: are you okay? Like just something happen. I run like
Speaker 5: I'm escaping. I wear like the outfit. I run like
Speaker 5: I'm just like left in argument with a boyfriend or something.
Speaker 5: I want to like run like I want to wear.
Speaker 5: You know, some people just know what you wear to run,
Speaker 5: like you wear some fucking fanny pack shit, like you
Speaker 5: have your phone in it. I'm always like holding something
Speaker 5: and like a Forever twenty one skirt or some shit.
Speaker 5: I yeah, I want to take a fucking adult jog.
Speaker 3: Yes, this is crazy. Would you like to go running
Speaker 3: with me? Yes? And would you like to challenge teenagers
Speaker 3: to races around that track?
Speaker 5: Yeah? I want to start running. Wait is this real?
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, this is real? Rachel find sign everybody thank you?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes every time.
Speaker 3: Rachie Rage. Rachie Rage saves the day, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3: And it's so hard because I know that she was
Speaker 3: trying to find childcare and make it happen with her daughter,
Speaker 3: you know, her lovely, lovely daughter, and it's just so
Speaker 3: hard because first of all, she works at night. Her
Speaker 3: husband's a fireman, but she does it all. He's a fireman, yeah,
Speaker 3: fire person.
Speaker 2: He's a person man.
Speaker 3: Yes, and he's got a great if you've never met him,
Speaker 3: he has the most luxurious.
Speaker 2: How the fuck people can.
Speaker 3: Listen to this and uh oh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh Jordan, are you hungry?
Speaker 2: Jordan's are you hungry? Do you need a little snack?
Speaker 3: I have some? I think I have some chewy nerds
Speaker 3: in hair.
Speaker 1: My goodness. Also side note, I'm going to bring it black.
Speaker 1: I love how long your hair is getting.
Speaker 3: Thank you? Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2: Is it hard to manage or or you're just like
Speaker 2: into it?
Speaker 3: No, I'm into it. I've been doing all the things.
Speaker 3: Definitely condition every week and then coconut oil like every morning.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's beautiful. Would you do a faux hawk?
Speaker 3: Good question, great question. My head is so it just
Speaker 3: looks like it looks like a Thanksgiving squash. So we're
Speaker 3: just not gonna kiss the season, bitch, it is in
Speaker 3: season to have I had liked.
Speaker 2: My head looks like an albino pumpkin.
Speaker 3: You have a nice shaped head. Why don't you stop stop?
Speaker 1: Well, now you know what it feels like when your
Speaker 1: friend's saying something bad about themselves.
Speaker 3: I'm beating everybody with the punch. That's what I'm doing.
Speaker 3: Are you sure you're not I'm a little hunkies. I
Speaker 3: only had a tea for breakfast and then I had
Speaker 3: like a smoothie for lunch. So I'm I did a cleanse.
Speaker 3: I did a seven day cleanse, and then the kind
Speaker 3: of the I know, right, I did a seven day cleanse.
Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna do a twenty one day after.
Speaker 2: Are you in la right now? You've changed?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: I think yeah. I mean, I'm just trying to try
Speaker 3: to live, you know. And I dropped five pounds, and
Speaker 3: so you know, yeah.
Speaker 1: Was that the goal to drop five pounds or to
Speaker 1: give your body a reset?
Speaker 3: The goal was to give my body a reset and
Speaker 3: to not like every time I woke up in the
Speaker 3: morning and swung a leg over in the bed to
Speaker 3: get up and not be like yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, y.
Speaker 3: You know. I wanted to feel better about my bod
Speaker 3: and to feel more more powerful and just in control
Speaker 3: of my faculties.
Speaker 1: If that makes sense, Okay, sure, yeah, I just no,
Speaker 1: I just get you know, I just I wrote a
Speaker 1: book called Survival the Thickest. I am filming a TV
Speaker 1: show that also Survival the Thickest, And so there is
Speaker 1: this conversation on set a lot where people like to
Speaker 1: do cleanses and fast and I just always want to
Speaker 1: know and make sure that you're doing it safely, you're
Speaker 1: doing it for the right reasons, and that you don't
Speaker 1: feel like you have to do it all the time
Speaker 1: because it is a quick, easy fix to fast What
Speaker 1: is that saying, Like, matter where you go, there you are.
Speaker 1: I just want to make sure our listeners are addie bodies,
Speaker 1: are fatty baddies and everybody in motherfucking between, that you
Speaker 1: love yourself no matter what. It's okay to not like
Speaker 1: certain things, but you should definitely come from a place
Speaker 1: to love and like love them because they're yours and
Speaker 1: they're special. And if you feel like doing a cleanse
Speaker 1: or fasting do. I mean, it's really good to give
Speaker 1: your body a little reset if you want, But you
Speaker 1: also don't have to if you don't want.
Speaker 3: To have to.
Speaker 1: Like No, when I did the last cleans I did,
Speaker 1: I don't remember. It was a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1: I was just still surprised how much I was still pooping.
Speaker 1: I'm like, God, there's still so.
Speaker 4: Much in there.
Speaker 2: I was on duty.
Speaker 1: Duty, yo, I was like going abround down like it
Speaker 1: was an express train.
Speaker 2: It was crazy.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh wow, yeah there is there is
Speaker 3: that there's a lot of evacuation. But I feel like
Speaker 3: what was happening for me was it was just like
Speaker 3: I'd never done it before and it was fascinating. It
Speaker 3: put in high relief for me just how negative I
Speaker 3: am when it comes to trying or challenging myself. Because
Speaker 3: the voices that came up were so negative in me
Speaker 3: just trying it for a day or two that I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, okay, I gotta do this because what's
Speaker 3: welling up in me is just like the no, you can't.
Speaker 3: And I really I hated that. And it's like you
Speaker 3: want yourself to succeed until you do, and I hate
Speaker 3: that about myself and I want to just like try
Speaker 3: something different. The challenges myself and the challenges me excuse me.
Speaker 3: And that's why I did it. But I feel you completely,
Speaker 3: you know, like I've had major surgery like on my
Speaker 3: knee and on my back, so I've had to learn
Speaker 3: to love my body, you know. Lung collapse like that.
Speaker 3: My body fails me sometimes and I just kind of
Speaker 3: wanted to be the hammer, not the name, and things
Speaker 3: happened to me and I was like, I want to
Speaker 3: take the more proactive. Yes, take control.
Speaker 2: And also you do so much. You're doing it all true,
Speaker 2: so it doesn't feel like it, but you are winning.
Speaker 3: Well, thank you friend. But you're right, You're absolutely right.
Speaker 3: We need to love the skin that we're in and
Speaker 3: why we do it. It shouldn't be because this world
Speaker 3: is so like image I don't have For instance, I
Speaker 3: don't have a scale, don't have one.
Speaker 2: So how do you know you lost five pounds because.
Speaker 3: I went to my mother in law's house, sense sana
Speaker 3: suit scale, those like got it. I had to know,
Speaker 3: you know, like curiosity took over for a minute. But
Speaker 3: like it's just more like I have the energy to
Speaker 3: do the things and not and don't get short with
Speaker 3: my kids and you know, go to the grocery store, happily,
Speaker 3: do all the chores and things that need to be
Speaker 3: done in my life. I'm more of a happy warrior
Speaker 3: about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it isn't always about being laser focused. It's like
Speaker 1: just trying to focus, you know, like a yoga class like.
Speaker 3: And I got alo pants.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, he's got his leg up. Everybody, this
Speaker 1: is a good time to end the episode. I just
Speaker 1: want to tell everyone you know, you are beautiful, you
Speaker 1: are perfect, you are enough.
Speaker 2: Bye.
Speaker 3: I went to aloe.
Speaker 2: The episode's over.
Speaker 3: This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 2: Our senior producer is Natalie Wrinn.
Speaker 3: Senior managing Producer is Hannah Kyle Krauigne.
Speaker 1: This episode was sound designed and engineered by Ryo bomb.
Speaker 2: Our guest booker is Patrick Cottner.
Speaker 3: Our theme song in live show, Djang is by DJ
Speaker 3: don Well. This Bellhouse show is produced by Mary Ann Ways.
Speaker 1: Photography by Christ Fender, most artwork by Jamie Bechtel. Executive
Speaker 1: produced by Karen Kilgarriff, Georgia Hartstark and Danielle Kramer.
Speaker 3: Follow the show on Instagram at adulting the Pot.
Speaker 1: Email your questions to Adulting Questions at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm