WEBVTT - "I AM A SEX ADDICT" 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:08.399 Hello, Hello, Hi, did you like just take a bong rip? 0:00:10.280 --> 0:00:10.360 No? 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:12.639 Do I sound high? Well? 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:15.080 No, you to You opened up the call by well, 0:00:15.280 --> 0:00:17.000 I mean, actually yes, now that you do sound high, 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:21.600 but you also you sound high, and you started off 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:23.360 the call by taking a coughing fit. 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:30.880 No, I'm not high. 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:32.839 That sounded like crying just now. 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:37.920 Actually, no, this is just so funny. I'm just so nervous. 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:42.400 Oh, okay, don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. This is funny. 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:45.680 This is objectively funny. You are on the phone with 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:49.519 a guy in a gecko costume. It's funny. I'll admit me. 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:50.560 This funny. 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:52.080 It's if you're in a funny situation. 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:52.640 Right now. 0:00:53.080 --> 0:00:55.640 We're both in funny situations. Right now. I'm wearing a 0:00:55.640 --> 0:01:00.800 gecko costume on the phone with a random guy. This 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:04.640 is pretty funny. I agree with that, Gwenna. It says 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:07.360 here that it says here that you are thinking about 0:01:07.480 --> 0:01:12.479 committing yourself to celibacy, and you wanted to talk through that. 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:16.000 Why are you thinking about committing yourself to celibacy? Dwayne? 0:01:17.840 --> 0:01:21.640 All right, So should I just get right into it. 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:25.800 Recently, I've just been I've just been having a lot more, 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:29.160 like a lot more sex, you know, and like it's 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:34.600 it's actually crazy because the thing is, so I'm I'm nineteen, right. 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:39.360 I When I was in high school, I was like 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:43.640 really fucking ugly, you know, and I didn't really have 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:46.640 a whole lot of sex. But then like a few 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:48.920 months after I graduated high school, you know, I started 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.600 hooking up more and then maybe a little bit more, 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:56.040 and like the last like I would say, six to 0:01:56.160 --> 0:01:59.960 eight months, you know, I've just been like hooking up 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:03.440 so much and it's actually and it's crazy, you know 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:07.840 what I mean. And the thing is I hate it, 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:09.639 you know, like I hate it. 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:12.680 Let me, can I answer you a question? 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:14.280 Yeah? 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:16.680 Yeah, actually you know what I feel like you give 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:18.320 me a top line right now. I want to finish 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:21.280 your top line and then I have questions. 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:24.560 All right, So I hate it, you know. But like 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:28.880 the thing is, like I just this is gonna sound 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:32.679 so weird, but like I love I love the way 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:36.440 sex feels, and I'm actually like really good at it. 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:39.359 Like it's it's so it's so funny, Like it's actually crazy. 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:41.800 I've just been having a lot more sex lately, and 0:02:41.840 --> 0:02:44.600 I just I kind of hate it. You know like 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:48.120 it's actually I just I hate it, Okay, Like it's 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.920 the point where it's going to the point where like 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:55.960 I'll be like driving home after like I'm done looking 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.160 up with someone, and like I'll just be on the 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:00.840 ridge of tears, you know what I mean, because I'm like, damn, 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:03.040 like what am I doing with myself? Like am I 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:06.400 really just going out and just doing all this for me? 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:08.880 Because it's meaningless, you know, like I'll never hit up 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:11.960 the person after, or maybe we'll talk one more time after, 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:15.240 but that's pretty much it, you know, like that's the 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:18.640 only interaction I'll have, and you know, I just feel 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:21.720 like shit, you know, like it's it's it's wild. 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:26.520 So how you said you've been kind of doing this 0:03:26.600 --> 0:03:27.440 for eight months? 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:32.560 Yeah? Yeah, yeah, like the last I would say, like 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:35.320 the last eight months, I've been doing it a lot more. 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:43.480 Okay, So tell me how long into At what point 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:46.400 in that eight month period do you realize that you 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:46.800 hated it? 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:49.520 Uh? 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:53.880 I first realized this maybe like three weeks ago. I 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:58.720 was hooking up with this one person. And the thing 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:01.560 that made me start to hate it more was she 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:05.640 actually had a boyfriend and he called he like he 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.040 called her like right, like while we're in the middle 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:11.720 of like hooking up, right, we're fucking, and like when 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.040 we're done, she's like, oh shit, Like that's like my 0:04:14.080 --> 0:04:16.440 boyfriend called him, like, oh shit, you have a fucking boyfriend. 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.560 And at that moment I would just sort of realize. 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:23.400 I was like, damn, like I really like that. That's 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:26.440 the moment I realized, like I I just hated hooking 0:04:26.520 --> 0:04:30.839 up with people. And so recently, like within like the 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:36.360 last few I would say, last few days, I would 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.640 I recently started considering maybe I should, you know, like 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:43.560 commit myself to celibacy, not not not for like not forever, 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:48.200 not forever or anything, but like until I find until 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:51.680 I know, until I am in a long term relationship, 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:51.880 you know. 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:58.000 Okay m hm. So you said you at some point 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:01.599 recently were hooked up with someone and you were driving 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:05.000 home and you started crying, like it got that bad. 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:07.120 I was on the Virgin tiars. I was on the 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:08.000 Virgin Tiars. 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:10.360 Can I hear like when you were on the verge 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.640 of tears, what like what were you thinking? What were 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:13.239 you feeling? 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:18.160 I was just thinking how much I hated myself, Like 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.039 how well I don't want to say hated myself, but 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:24.719 like how much I felt like like an object? I 0:05:24.760 --> 0:05:28.240 guess okay, I don't really know, Like I just felt 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:33.479 so bad because it was just a meaningless interaction that 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:37.839 I had, and I kept doing it, you know, and 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.760 I'm like, why am I doing this? It's just like 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:44.320 there's just nothing there, you know, but I'm still doing it, 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:46.839 and that sort of just made me feel I feel 0:05:46.839 --> 0:05:47.039 like that. 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:47.320 You know. 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:50.760 Let me ask you this. You were going on a 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:52.880 little bit ago before I yelled at you about talking 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:58.960 to the chat about talking about how you liked doing it, 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:02.440 because you gave me a few things. You said you 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:07.200 didn't feel confident in high school. You're more confident now. 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:09.880 You were telling me that you felt like you were 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:13.120 good at it. There was amazing thing. 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:20.120 Yeah, So in high school or like actually like the 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:21.919 I don't want to say, just high school, like the 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:26.640 vast majority of my life except within like the last 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:29.520 like a litt less than a year, like the last 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:33.080 year or so, I was I've been like really unconfident. 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.120 I was I'm not gonna I was really ugly, really 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:40.120 like really nerdy, you know, and now like now I'm 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:43.440 much more attractive now, I have more confidence, you know, 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:48.839 so all those things that weren't available for me, you know, 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:52.240 I eat sex, all that that, like that that wasn't 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:52.960 available for me. 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:57.240 Now I mean, are you available? 0:06:57.279 --> 0:06:59.440 Because like it's not like I have like women to 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:01.360 pick and choo from, but like, oh now I have 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:03.560 more of an opportunity to have sex, you know what 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:03.800 I mean? 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:06.360 Sure? And so now you're feeling are you feeling as 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:11.240 though you are like making up for lost time or 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:16.480 trying to take heavy advantage of this this newfound confidence 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:18.960 in how you look? Is that a sort of a 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:19.640 symptom of this? 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:25.520 Yeah? Yeah, because what if it goes away? You know, 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:28.200 like what if I'm never gonna have this opportunity to 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:31.680 have sex again or like have But like that's what 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:33.760 part of me is thinking, and like the other part 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:36.160 of me is thinking, like, but I don't want to 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:38.480 have all this meaningless that. 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:41.160 Why did you when you were and you can tell 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:43.360 me whatever, The honest answer to this is why did 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:45.920 you want to bring up that you felt like you 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:48.720 were good at it? How does that? 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:51.040 Like? I just thought that was funny, But like I'm not, 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:52.840 like I'm pretty good. I like I like to think 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:57.520 I'm pretty good at it. But that's just that's just 0:07:57.600 --> 0:07:58.760 that's just my opinion, you. 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:02.760 Know, Okay, I like to think. I'm like, so this 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:05.120 is like this is like a validation. Is this like 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:08.120 a validation thing? Yeah? 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.760 Yeah, yeah, because I didn't have that, you know, I 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:15.239 never had that validation all of my life actually, except 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:18.400 that at this point I'm like, oh now people are 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.280 attracted to me, Now people want me. This is great, right, 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:23.240 But no, it's actually not great. 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:25.880 And what it's and you know what's funny is that, 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:32.680 like you think that like having sex with a bunch 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:37.880 of people like gets you the validation. It's not going 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:40.480 to get you the fact, because the validation is the 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:44.400 actual true validation. We it's never going to come from 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:52.240 anywhere except you know, something very internal. I think I stupid, but. 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:55.240 No, I agree with you because I had a lot 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:59.560 of friends that that, you know, when we were seniors 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:02.959 in high scho well, they you know, started having a 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:05.559 lot more sex and they were like and they felt 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:07.880 the same way. They were like because I, you know, 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:09.280 I was like the last one of my friend group 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:12.720 to lose my virginity and they were like doing trust me, 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:16.040 like it's it's not worth it. Like you don't want this, 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:19.040 and I'm like, all my friends are actually like they're 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:21.199 they're really gorgeous, you know, like they're all super handsome, 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:24.120 they're incredibly good looking. So I'm like, you know, well, 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.000 of course you can say that because you can have 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:27.800 literally anyone you want. Literally look in the mirror like 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:30.559 you're so hot, you know, but I'm not, you know 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:33.240 what I mean. And then now I'm at that point 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:35.520 where I'm realizing, Damn, they're kind of right. You know 0:09:35.520 --> 0:09:40.360 what's crazy, Lyle, Every every girl, every know, every person 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.560 that I've had sex with, I've met off a dating app, 0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:46.119 like I've never It's it's so wild. 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:49.320 Kay, I have to I have to bring something up right. 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.920 I have to bring something up right now that I 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.040 think about that I really want to draw attention to 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:58.679 I'm imagining right now, I'm a mad and maybe this 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:04.400 is whoever's is I'm imagining right now somebody who never 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:07.640 has sex, like a young I'm imagining right now, a 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:10.520 young dude who never has sex that's listening to this 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.120 call and is pissed off at you, and let me 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:16.400 finish about this is who's upset and they're set and 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:18.200 they're thinking like, oh, easy for you to say, Oh, 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.000 you just came into brag with this and that, and 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:21.960 I'm imagining it, and I want to just say, if 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:25.840 that's you and you're listening to this right now, you 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:31.240 have to under like the fact that you're coming on 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:37.199 here and you're saying, I am a young, attractive dude 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:39.720 and I'm having a ton of sex and I'm and 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:43.920 it's not the fucking answer. Isn't that what you would 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:47.719 want to hear If you're a young guy hung up 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.559 on not having sex with anyone? What don't you want 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:55.640 to hear from somebody? Wouldn't you want to hear from someone, Oh, hey, 0:10:55.880 --> 0:11:01.600 I actually have the thing that you're obsessed with. Like 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:06.480 I I I I have lost my virginia. I have 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:08.560 the thing that you're obsessed with, and it is it 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:11.959 wasn't the answer to the problems that you think it's 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.400 the answer to. Isn't that what you would want to hear? 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:21.760 I I you know, so we're all on this consensus 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:28.040 that this thing that's held in such a high regard, 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:31.200 which is having sex with what, it's not the answer, 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.520 is not the answer. So I wanted to bring that up. 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:36.640 This is a thing because I'm. 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.079 I'm thinking about it somebody. 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:41.280 Who doesn't have sex with a lot of people that's 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:43.439 that's listening to this, and it's just like that's what 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:45.079 you would want to us, ask anyone thing that you're 0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:47.520 fixated on is really not the fucking thing IN need 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:49.240 to fixate on. But back to you. 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:53.520 Yeah, And now I'm at this point where I'm like, 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:58.280 maybe I should just stop, you know, because the last 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:01.959 time I had sex was just a few days ago, 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:04.880 and I was just out of it the whole time, 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:07.719 you know, like I was not into it, Like I 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.480 was not into her at all, Like I was just 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:11.680 like the whole time, I was just like damn, Like 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:14.040 in my mind, I was just thinking, damn, what the 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:16.800 actual fuck am I doing right now? Like I should 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:22.720 just stop. So I was just like, hey, can we stop? 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.920 And then like I left, and now I came to 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:27.679 that realism. Now I came to that really I was 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:30.679 told I was telling you about earlier. I'm like, maybe 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:33.920 I should just commit myself to celibacy until you know, 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:38.000 like I find a long term partner or until I 0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:40.160 find someone who I want to who I really want 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:40.760 to be with. You know. 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:43.439 Well, yeah, man, I think just. 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:49.920 This emotionless emotion this emotionless, this meaningless, emotionless sex is 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:54.079 just draining me mentally, you know, like I I hate it. 0:12:55.920 --> 0:13:01.560 Well, well, Dwayne Man, I think that if hm, if 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.439 that's what you feel like you should do, you should 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:04.760 do it. 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.880 Yeah, you're you're right, I should. 0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:13.640 Oh, No, I gave so I told. I said, I 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:15.199 wasn't going to give I said, I wasn't going to 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:16.000 tell people to do. 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.320 But no, no, no, I was. I was already gonna I 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:21.000 was going to do this. I was to do that. 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:22.400 I just wanted a second opinion. 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:28.240 You know, well, Dan, I'm glad to hear that you 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:35.080 have sort of self diagnosed your your problem and are 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:39.600 making uh an effort to to fix it. And I 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:41.720 and again I like I, like I said, when I'm 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:44.480 telling you about how I'm thinking about somebody who who 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.360 does not have a lot of sex and that that 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:51.360 takes up a lot of their headspace I'm imagining, I'm 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:55.719 like thinking about this call from their filter. And I 0:13:55.800 --> 0:14:00.280 think it's a helpful thing you sharing this experience, because again, 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:05.400 it adds further evidence to the idea that you know, 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:10.439 the solution to life's problems likely does not here I go. 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:13.200 I'm saying some hippie ship that the solution to life's 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:25.320 problems does not lie in anything external. Yeah, but adds 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:29.040 on your podcast if if, if the solution to life's 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:37.040 problems doesn't lie in anything external, because I like buying 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:41.200 candy bars in bulk and eating all of them because 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:44.880 it helps me forget about my problems for a little bit. 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.920 Well, I just wanted to say thank you. I appreciate it. 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:55.560 I'm a plat the stream and feel like I watch it. 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:58.920 I watch it most most most things, and I was 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:00.520 once affections. 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:03.320 Thank you for calling Dayne? Is the anything else you 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:04.720 want to say to the people of the computer before 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:04.920 we go? 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:11.880 No, I just want to say thank you and uh yeah, 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:12.960 thank you. I appreciate it. 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:22.120 But see, this would be a great place to put 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:32.160 a podcast ad right here. Hello while the Hi? Yeah, 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:35.280 who is this? 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:36.040 This is Leroy? 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:40.040 How's it gone? Leroy? 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:41.280 Good? 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:42.680 How are you doing tonight? 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:44.880 I'm a gecko on the computer? 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:45.240 Man? 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:47.400 How can I how can I get you this evening? 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:51.320 Well? 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:54.920 I I have an issue that I'm kind of upstanding about. 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:56.600 Sorry. 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:58.720 You might hear my cat in the background. He's a 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:06.840 bit annoysy yeah. Yeah, I'm up sick because I want 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:09.920 to be your friends in like a real life, genuine 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:13.720 human chicken on each other way. But I understand that 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:20.160 that's like a parasocial friends fantasy because you I I 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:22.880 like the portrayal you put forward of yourself on the internet. 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:30.680 It's true, it's true. Is that it? I don't know 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:31.600 if you're done talking? 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:34.400 Yes, yeah, that's it. 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:42.600 See it's interesting. I've I barely even I barely even 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.640 hang out with my own with my friends in real life. 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:52.320 To be honest, I guess I don't. I don't do 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:56.400 friends the way that most people do. Maybe I don't 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:58.440 know if that's true. No, that's probably not true. But anyway, 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:04.240 let's see, you want to be friends with me, but 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:09.320 you feel as though it is it is impossible. Well like, okay, 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:10.960 you live in New Zealand, right. 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:14.159 Do Yeah? 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:17.600 See you know, look, I feel like I'm I'm not 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:21.320 a good like. I think the fantasy that we would 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:24.919 text each other all the time and like, you know, 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:29.399 be really major parts of each other's lives is almost 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:32.639 certainly not going to happen. But I don't know. If 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:36.439 I go to New Zealand, it's un realistic. But if 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:38.560 I go to New Zealand, I do a show, I'm 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:43.400 hanging out afterwards. You know, maybe maybe we'd hang out. 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:46.840 I could hang out with anyone, because hanging out is 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:50.919 like a it's an easy or real commitment. There like 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:54.040 I can't be in your life and I can't even 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:57.080 promise you i'd hang out with you because you live 0:17:57.080 --> 0:18:01.000 in New Zealand's but I'm thinking my head. If I 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:02.639 ever went to New Zealand, I did a show, was 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:04.880 hanging out at the bar afterwards, we did a whole thing. 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:07.679 We could hang out. We could have a genuine human 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:11.960 conversation with each other. I could see that happening. I 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:14.880 would be I would enjoy that. Actually that would be fun. 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.080 But no, there's no I don't think that we would 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:22.240 become any sort of close lasting friends, even if you 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:27.000 are for many reasons, not had many many reasons that 0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:30.880 have nothing to that have nothing at all to do 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:35.679 with who you are as a person. Does that make sense? 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:42.120 Yeah, Like, even just logistically, it's not a match made 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:48.840 in heaven. I think I think the the just meeting 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:54.080 and having a human conversation would probably satisfy you was crazy. 0:18:54.119 --> 0:18:59.520 A lot you could you could be like the perfect 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:02.600 kind of dude that I would be friends with, and 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:04.520 we still I still wouldn't. I don't think it would 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:08.320 happen because for many just logistical reasons. 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:13.879 Yeah, yeah, it's it's a frustrating thing with celebrities in general, 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:18.080 I think because they share, like they bear their soul 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:19.960 and the art they share with us, and you feel 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:23.160 like you know them, but then like, yeah, it's obvious 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:25.160 that there's a stand up there at the stop where 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:27.000 if you're a fan of them, you can even really 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:32.639 have a genuine human friendship because you're always chasing the 0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:34.840 image not the reality. 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:38.240 And it's funny, you know, it's funny, is I am? 0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:44.199 This isn't even a thing of like you know, streamer 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:46.879 viewer thing. I think just in my life, I'm like, 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:51.840 I'm very non committal with most of my relationships, be 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:55.679 they you know, any kind, and I'm very much like 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.439 I'm if I'm with you, Like if you and I 0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:01.080 were staying at a bar and we were talking to 0:20:01.119 --> 0:20:02.960 each other, I'd be like, Okay, in this moment that 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:04.920 I'm staring at you and we're with each other, I'm 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:08.199 with you right now. We're homies. But I only I 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:11.000 can only ever guarantee the moment. You know what I'm saying, 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:13.359 I can only even with my real life friends, I 0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:16.600 feel like I can only ever guarantee the moment. You know, 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:20.159 I feel like I can't, Like I couldn't commit to 0:20:20.240 --> 0:20:26.240 a package of six consecutive weekends that I'll hang out 0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:28.000 with my real life friends. You know what I'm saying, 0:20:28.040 --> 0:20:30.280 I can only commit to the moment that I'm in. 0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:32.119 I don't know if that's a problem. I don't know 0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:34.760 if that's a function the way that I live my life, 0:20:34.800 --> 0:20:37.080 but that's how I feel about my real life friends 0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:37.520 as well. 0:20:39.720 --> 0:20:41.800 I feel like that's kind of beautiful, though, because that 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:46.080 teaches you to say everything you're living for the exact 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:49.360 now that you're experiencing, instead of chasing something that might 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:52.600 be better that probably isn't. 0:20:53.640 --> 0:20:57.280 Yeah, for sure, for sure, I like having this conversation 0:20:57.359 --> 0:21:00.720 with you so much more than if I were just like, yeah, 0:21:00.760 --> 0:21:02.480 of course I'll be a friend, because that's I don't 0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:03.040 want to lie to you. 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:09.440 Yeah, I'm genuinely really grateful for the moment we're sharing now, 0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:12.520 Like I've just had a day off work and decided 0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:15.280 to pull in and thought, oh, there's no way. And 0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:17.920 then I'm talking to you now, which doesn't feel real, 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:18.720 but I'm great. 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:19.080 It's true. 0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:21.160 We're in that we are with each other in this 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:24.679 moment right now. I can promise I cannot promise a 0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:28.280 moment outside of this one, but I can promise to 0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:31.720 be in this phone call that we are on currently. 0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:35.040 Hmmm. 0:21:35.880 --> 0:21:39.080 I really like that. This is a it's it's it's 0:21:39.119 --> 0:21:42.160 a memory that I'm currently creating but already cherishing. 0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:48.200 I canna ask you this, why have you Is there 0:21:48.200 --> 0:21:55.480 anything that you that like, let's say we were, you know, 0:21:56.680 --> 0:22:03.240 lifelong friends, right what uh? What is there anything you 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:05.960 would want to talk about like now that like we're 0:22:05.960 --> 0:22:07.840 in this moment currently. 0:22:12.800 --> 0:22:17.600 I I I like what you said before about the 0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:22.720 sharing moments of people. I like the friendships where we 0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:27.320 can comfortably together in a room doing completely separate things, 0:22:27.480 --> 0:22:30.200 but just merely sharing the space with the person feels 0:22:30.240 --> 0:22:31.560 like the bonding experience. 0:22:32.000 --> 0:22:33.359 Yeah, kind of, it does kind of feel like what 0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:36.400 we're doing right now, because you're in a different, complete, 0:22:36.440 --> 0:22:39.760 other continent and yeah, we're just sitting here on the phone. 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:47.240 Yeah, it's like we're in We're in completely like we're 0:22:47.280 --> 0:22:49.879 probably about as Parley from each other as we could be, 0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:52.960 but we're both focused. 0:22:52.640 --> 0:22:55.080 On you know, the person I like that. 0:22:56.160 --> 0:22:57.439