WEBVTT - Instagram Isn't Real with MAX + Elizabeth Su 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:04.480 My name is Alex, and sometimes I absolutely hate social media. 0:00:05.519 --> 0:00:19.080 Nor no, al right, will be alright forever, No, be alright, alright, 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:25.079 we'll be alrights ever, what is up, y'all? You thought 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:27.560 we were done, We're not. We never die. We are 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:30.400 here right now. We had to do an extra episode 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:33.040 because the way that we do this podcast, um, is 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:35.000 that I get to talk to Catherine, who shout outs 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.320 to Catherine as we end this season, like just absolutely 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:41.280 fantastic and work so hard on this podcast, Like you're 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:43.519 you're just absolutely I know you can hear me right now, 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:45.360 and you're gonna have to edit this and you can't 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:47.519 cut this out. I'm not gonna let you. But you're 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:50.520 absolutely fantastic, um. And and it's just so much fun. 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:52.480 But we just talk about what we want to talk about. 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:53.920 So we're like, you know what, let's give him a 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.160 bonus episode. And this episode is going to be talking 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:58.840 about Instagram. And I want to preface this whole thing 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:01.400 because I'm very, very ucky that I that I've been 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:05.320 able to build an amazing group of people who support 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:08.480 this journey that I'm on, especially on Instagram. UM, So 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:11.839 I don't want this to be me kind of looking 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:15.080 this gift horse in the mouth and and just pretending 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:17.920 that it's not an awesome thing that can be used 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:20.240 in an amazing way. But I think it was very 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:23.160 important to me and to Catherine to talk about the 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:28.200 reality of the negative aspects of social media, especially Instagram. 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:30.679 I will be the first one on this podcast to 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:33.120 say I'm gonna I'm just gonna come out and say it. 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:36.880 I face tuned my photos sometimes I still do. I 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:38.560 still do to this day if I have like a 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:41.080 big pimple on my forehead, or if I feel a 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:44.080 little bit bloated or this or that, and I do it. 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:45.880 And it's the worst thing because I don't know what 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:48.480 makes me do it. But everybody that I talked to 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:51.520 also does it, and we all do it. And it 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:53.280 was just one of those things where I just remember 0:01:53.360 --> 0:01:56.840 thinking about it and being like, Yo, that's not that's 0:01:56.840 --> 0:01:59.640 not right, right, Like we're not all just faking what 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:03.120 we look like because one person did it or one 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:05.480 person actually looks like that, so we all have to 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:08.799 try and fake our way there. And that's just one 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:11.320 aspect of it, you know. I I see people who 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:15.040 I know flexing this this a brand new car or 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:18.440 a brand new watch, or you see people who I 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:22.160 know aren't necessarily in the happiest relationship posting about how 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:25.480 amazing their their relationship is. And I think it's not 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:28.679 about telling everybody exactly what's going on. But I think 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:31.280 that we've reached a certain level, especially in the last 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:36.480 few years, of just over over hyping what's going on 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:39.040 and not talking about the reality of things. I actually 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:42.000 one of the through lines of this last year, especially 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:45.120 with with everything going on in society, one of my 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:47.120 through lines that I saw was that it did get 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:49.960 real for a second, got very real for a second. 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:52.520 I think it kind of shed a light on the 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:54.800 idea that we can be real, that we can stand 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:56.200 up for what we believe in, and we can be 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:58.280 who we really are, and we can talk about all 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:01.160 of that. I have some amazing guests on today and 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:03.000 we're gonna get into them for a bit. But first 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:06.520 I just I couldn't stop but think, is anything on 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:11.680 Instagram real? What is up? This is? Let's get into it. 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:13.760 I'm alex I O no, this is my podcast. This 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:16.240 is the last. This is I promised the actual last, Like, 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:19.440 we're not doing another encore after this. This is the end. 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:22.880 The final and we're talking about Instagram and its effects 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:26.679 on reality, how Instagram changes reality. And I have to 0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:32.120 absolutely fantastic guests on here today. One of them is 0:03:32.240 --> 0:03:34.240 I I. We have the craziest story that we're gonna 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:35.880 get into of how we know each other or the 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:38.400 way that we actually ended up connecting with each other. 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:43.560 He is an absolutely phenomenal artist. The the idea of 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:47.640 a journeyman, a man that I know, is proof that 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:50.480 good people in the industry when that you can be happy, 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:53.480 You can have the American dream of a life with 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:56.640 a beautiful wife and a beautiful child. Just became a 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:59.800 dad this last year, so many amazing things, releases, brand 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:03.400 new single Blueberry Eyes, dropped a remix of it. Everything 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:05.280 you might know him. My favorite song of his is 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:07.480 still Lights Down Low. I know it's I know it's 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:10.160 corny to say, but he is one of my favorite artists. 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:13.200 And he also sent me a Rubik's Cube if you 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:15.400 know I love Rubik's Cubes. And he's got He's just 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:17.960 got the best march in the game. He is my friend, 0:04:18.080 --> 0:04:20.120 and I'm so happy to say that he's my friend. 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:22.680 The one and only Max. What's up man? That's so 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:25.479 happy to be on the podcast. Thanks for dude. I'm 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.040 so happy that you're here and and you of all 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:30.680 people you know, like I mentioned, not only just in 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.400 the social media around, but you understand the journey, you know, 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.320 you understand what it takes to be an artist, all 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:39.400 of the good, all of the bad, all of the ugly. 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:41.359 So I'm excited that we get to jump into it. 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:45.679 Also with us, I have a writer, a perfectionism expert. 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.919 I had never heard of this term, and it's so cool. 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:51.120 A perfectionism expert. The founder of Monday Vibes, which is 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.960 a personal growth newsletter and a network for women UM. 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:57.719 She studied burnout and perfectionism at Columbia University. If you 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.600 don't know what that is, major school UM, and if 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:03.239 you don't know what that is, you probably won't get 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:06.559 there UM and is currently working on her first book 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:09.840 right now, The One and Only Elizabeth Sue. How are you? 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:13.080 I'm so good. Thank you for having me. Oh, thank 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:15.120 you for being here. I mean, I think it's what 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:18.279 I love about this setup. And again, Catherine, love you 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:20.120 to death, because you really set this up perfectly. As 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:22.679 we have somebody who's an expert on this exact topic 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:25.920 that we're talking about, and you have two people, including myself, 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:28.719 who are living it like still to this day, are 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.279 living it. So we're gonna be getting into some sick topics, 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:34.599 first one being that Instagram isn't real, uh. The sec 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:36.799 what topic is going to be that we're just consumed 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.279 by our screens. And last, but not least, we're gonna 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:42.760 be all talking together about taking the control back into 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.000 our own hands. But before we get into that, I 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:46.560 have a question that I ask every single one of 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:47.880 my guests. This is the last time that I get 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:49.960 to ask this question for the season, and I think 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:52.479 next season we'll have a new question because we've gotten 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:54.960 a ton of different answers. That question is what have 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:58.480 you been doing this week to improve yourself, your life? 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:01.279 You know anything? There's I one time I talked about 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:03.039 how I built a garden. Another time how I talked 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.120 about how I let myself eat a doughnut every day 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:07.520 for a week. So we've done there. No answer is 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:10.359 off as off limits. I would say for me, the 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:12.520 biggest thing that I've been doing is it's something that 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:13.840 I used to do all the time and then I 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:16.600 stopped doing it for a while. It's making my bed 0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:19.719 in the morning. And I remember watching this like old 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:21.159 I don't know if it was a Ted talk or 0:06:21.160 --> 0:06:23.920 it was like a speech about and this like this 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:26.480 military vet. It was talking about when you meet you know, 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:27.760 when you make your bed in the morning, you have 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:30.280 a calm, You start your day by accomplishing something, and 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:32.560 it sets you on the right path. It also reminds 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:33.960 me that I'm not allowed to get back in bed 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.400 until it's bedtime, because if I'm especially staying in a 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:39.640 hotel right now, I look at that bed and I'm like, damn, 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:43.120 that ship looks just phenomenal right now. So I've been 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:45.680 making my bed. That's something that I've been doing and 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:47.359 uh and and it's always good to get back on 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:49.760 track to stuff, especially for me. I'm very much so 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:52.920 a systems person and uh and so having my bed 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:57.360 made and clean reminds me that that's also how I am. 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.839 I am well made, I'm clean, and I'm ready for whatever. 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:02.520 That's what I've been doing. Max, you got something for me. 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:05.200 You'd get along with my wife really well. She she 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:07.359 I lost a bed to her and I had to 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:09.200 make the bed all week the way that she likes 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:11.840 to do it, which is very military style, touch the 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:15.120 front into the into the full house like full housekeeper. 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:17.280 Oh yeah, she's like two pillows on the top. That 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:19.240 wasn't right, she would she would got She got upset 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:21.200 with me because I put the two pillows behind the 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:23.800 blanket instead of over the blanket. So but I felt 0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:26.080 I did feel accomplished. That's a good one. I tried 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:29.280 to do a no phone day with the family on 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:32.560 the weekends, like a Saturday, and I did it on Saturday, 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:34.360 and we took a trip. We brought our baby at 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:36.080 the beach for the first time, and she like felt 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:38.600 the way, Oh my god, cute. And I think I 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.480 realized how And it's funny with this episode, I realized 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:44.040 how attached I am. I always do when I do this, 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:46.480 because I just I actually give the phone to Emily 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:48.320 and she hides it somewhere in the house so I 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:50.520 have no idea where it is, and then we leave 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:53.120 and it was the drive back because we're listening to 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:55.520 music stuff. It was the drive back where her friend 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:57.200 was in the front and she was on her phone 0:07:57.680 --> 0:07:59.240 and I and I felt it. I was like, oh, 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:00.960 I wish I had my phone right now. I would 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:03.160 be able to put when you don't have it, you 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:05.320 both realize you know how you use it. But also 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:08.720 I definitely feel more present. I was looking out at 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:10.600 the you know, driving on the pc H and I'm 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.160 looking at the waves when I probably would have been 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:15.760 on my phone, and it definitely puts things perspective. Absolutely. 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:18.360 There you go that we're we're we're already here. We're 0:08:18.400 --> 0:08:21.600 talking about the topic. Elizabeth, what have you been doing 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:25.000 this week to improve yourself? I love that example. I 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:28.440 both of your examples. I've been reflecting a lot on 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:33.880 getting better at relaxing and both the physical sense of 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:36.120 not needing to be busy and productive all the time, 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:38.400 but also in the spiritual sense of just letting go 0:08:38.600 --> 0:08:42.199 of control and trusting that things will work out the 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:45.360 way that they're supposed to. And both of those aspects 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:49.720 are very difficult for me. Yeah, I can get behind it. Well, 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:51.600 I'm glad that we're talking about it then today, because 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:54.000 we're literally gonna figure out how to fix it, or 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:55.800 at least take the right steps in the right direction. 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:57.600 So Max, you and I were going to go one 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:00.480 on one first. Elizabeth, you can take a break and 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:04.200 we'll be with you in Justice sec. So again, Max, 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:06.760 because we're about to get into and I want you 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:10.080 to be able to be free to talk about how 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:12.440 bad of a phone addict you are, because I'm going 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:14.560 to talk about it myself. I want to start by 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:18.240 talking about how really truly, like incredible of a person 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:22.760 Max is. Max met my dad I was I couldn't 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:25.280 have been more than twelve or thirteen years old. And 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:27.719 my dad, if you don't, you've heard him on the podcast. 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:30.000 If you haven't, go check out that episode. My dad 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:32.920 is talkative and we'll always talk to anybody, especially if 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:36.640 he sees especially if he sees a musical instrument of 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:40.360 any kind. But my dad sat next to Max on 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.960 an airplane and Max had had a kalle in like 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:46.880 he was traveling with one, and um, I don't remember 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:49.000 the converse. You probably remember the conversation better. But that's 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:52.319 what exactly what makes me just it reminds me all 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:54.160 the time of how just a good of a person 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:56.800 Max is. Uh. He had this conversation was when I 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.160 was I was probably like twelve, and I remember my 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:00.680 dad was like, I met this guy and he's on 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.120 a he's on a TV show and he's awesome and 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:05.000 you should be like him and Dada da da, And 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:07.000 I was just like, all right, cool. I met Max 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:11.360 then for the first time. I don't remember. I just 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:13.120 remember your meeting your dad. I don't remember where we 0:10:13.120 --> 0:10:15.480 met for the first time. Though I was twenty, I 0:10:15.559 --> 0:10:17.440 was like twenty years old. This was eight years later 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:19.920 and I met I met Max, and I was like, 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.040 I think my dad sat with you on an airplane 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:25.040 and no, Lie he goes was his name? Martin, like 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:28.560 full blown remembers my dad. And it was a conversation 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:31.680 on an airplane. I've had so many conversations on an airplane. 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:33.559 And I couldn't tell you. I couldn't even tell you. 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:35.280 I couldn't point him out in the crowd if it 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:37.640 was if that happened, Like no, you could not convince 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:40.040 me that I had met somebody on an airplane, and 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:43.800 I just it was. It's still to this day so 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:46.719 special to me that that that is um. Also, if 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:49.240 you talk to anybody in the industry who has been 0:10:49.280 --> 0:10:51.440 able to work with Max or Meat Max or No 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:55.080 Max or even c Max in concert, you will never 0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:57.360 hear a bad thing about him. You're just like, I'm 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:00.120 just so happy that we got you here because you're 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:03.719 the epitome of good people do win in the end 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.160 like good people. If you're a good person, you know, 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:09.040 the character matters, you know what I mean. So I again, 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:12.800 I'm going to absolutely just light you up like the 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:15.560 star that you are on this podcast. Just man, thank you. 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:17.800 I appreciate you, baby, thank you for that being said, 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.480 not being said. Pick your poison, what's your What's what's 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:24.920 the social app that you're just addicted to? I mean, 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:27.839 it's all of them, for sure, but but I'd say 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.520 the one that's most toxic to me is Twitter. I'd 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:34.880 say Instagram. I get the most addicted to. I get 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:37.079 lost in it the most. I'll scroll through the most. 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:40.640 And then I tried, man, I tried to. When I'm 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:43.200 I haven't taken the deep dive to TikTok, I feel 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:46.240 like I am in the TikTok game. But when I 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:48.520 take the deep dive, it's almost as bad as Instagram. 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:50.679 But for some reason, I don't let myself go there. 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:54.160 But with Instagram, it's so comfortable that you know, It's 0:11:54.160 --> 0:11:56.040 like I go to get a midnight snack and I 0:11:56.120 --> 0:11:57.959 happen to have my phone, and that's the one I'm 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:01.040 turning to to just screw and then you can last 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.360 that one. Twitter, to me is hard to I think 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:08.400 Twitter is actually the hardest on my mental health because 0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:13.040 it's so um. The people who are good at it 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:16.040 are fantastic at it and get insane likes and and 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:17.599 it's like one of those things where I feel, like 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:19.960 with Instagram, I know, at the end of the day, 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:22.400 if I if I decided to do like some thirst 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:25.320 trappy like shirtless this, then like it's gonna be like 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:28.320 you kind of know how to get likes right like 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:32.160 on Instagram and on Twitter it's different, like you don't know. 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:34.920 Like you could tweet. I could tweet like peanut butter 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.280 sandwich and it could get forty thousand likes. And I 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:40.079 could tweet the funniest joke of all time and it 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:42.400 gets ten likes. And it's just like I think the 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:46.959 as a person, like I mentioned somebody of systems, like, 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.480 there's no system to Twitter. It's just as so random. 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:50.959 And that's why I love using it as a fan 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:54.439 of it, because you find the just the stupidest, craziest, 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:59.240 most absurd humor. But also you're like, how do you feel, 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:01.880 how do you crack the code? You know, it's raw 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:05.880 stand Twitter is the is the most and you are 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:09.040 and you're so heavily in the k pop and uh 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:12.160 and like the pop world and those fans those like 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:19.600 stands are full blown like military force of just power. 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.840 I love Twitter because of the freedom of information. I 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:25.560 would say it's but the downside to that is that 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:27.560 there isn't a lot of checks and balances that I 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:30.320 mean besides the obvious where they like kick Trump off 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:33.120 Twitter and all that, but as just a society of it, 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:36.360 things can spread so quickly, which is kind of beautiful 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:38.839 because a lot of these social media is the you know, 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.679 they really they go into the algorithm and then you 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:43.920 actually don't like to see what you actually signed up for. 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:46.760 You know. It's like someone like my wife asked me yesterday, 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:49.000 do my photos even come up on your feet anymore? 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:51.800 And it's so bizarre because she's my wife, But I 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:52.960 mean I see her all the time, so I'm not 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:55.680 constantly searching here, so it doesn't put her stuff on 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:58.520 my feet. But with Twitter, at least, I know it 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:01.560 really it's like what SoundCloud was for music in the beginning, 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:04.280 where people you really could just spread each other's stuff 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:07.520 in a really beautiful way, and it wasn't really algorithmic based, 0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:11.360 but I feel like it also again, things can be 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:14.240 fake and it gets spread so quickly, and it's just 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:16.680 that's it really does have a double edged sort effect. 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.920 It all does. Though. Yeah, I think you already you've 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:22.400 already talked about it, um with the One of my 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:24.360 questions was like, do you have any things that set 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:26.760 like that help you set limits on using your phone 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:28.760 or being You already answered that with your with your 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:31.840 previous answer, But what got you there? What made you? 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:33.840 What was the moment that you go, you know, was 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.520 it having your daughter, was it you know, being with 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:38.640 did you have a moment where you're like, wow, I'm 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:41.280 really just locked into this or this isn't well, this 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:44.000 isn't good for me. It just affected me too much. 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:46.280 And then I was realizing that these are tools. They're 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:48.440 not our life, and I think there's a fine balance 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:52.640 and and it's our we for what we do. It's 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:57.760 really important to utilize these tools to put our work 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:01.080 out there, and oftentimes it it's you know, it makes 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.800 the work even bigger if it's used in the right way. 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:05.680 So it's hard not to be obsessed with it when 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:08.560 you know it has the power to spread what you've 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:13.040 been working months or years on and you can't just discount. 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:14.680 And Emily always says this to me too, It's like 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:16.760 it is a part of our job in a way now, 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:20.840 And I think that for me, I realized though that 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:22.600 I was spending too much time like looking at what 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:25.240 everybody said, too much time in the comments, too much 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:29.320 time really diving in and then you know, it's the classic. 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.920 I would see something bad and I'd keep looking for 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:35.720 more bad just because you see the good and you 0:15:35.520 --> 0:15:38.280 you scroll through that, you don't put as much weight 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.160 into it. Once you get the bad. Oh, it just 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:42.920 deeper and deeper in your gun. And I think especially 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:45.920 and You're the same way. There's a there's an empathetic 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:48.000 feeling to it where you don't just see these as 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:50.320 fake accounts. You see these as people on the other 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:53.440 side of the screen saying this. And so when you 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:54.920 think of it that way, and you think they'd have 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.440 the you know, the audacity to say. But the thing 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:00.400 that really made me realize that recently, through a few 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:03.920 different journeys was I realized that we put ourselves in 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:06.880 this position. What we do is we say we have 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:09.680 you know, a movie or an album or songs, and 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:11.560 we put them out there and you just really it's 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:14.280 the acceptance of people are gonna hate it or they're 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:16.120 gonna love it. It really has to you have to 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:19.640 be okay with the polarization because if you just do 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.440 what you think people are gonna like, you're you're just 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.640 gonna stay in the middle. And it's it's hard because 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:29.120 you do take it personally because it's so deeply personal 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:31.520 and it always will be and you're totally And the 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:33.800 thing that's crazy too, is is it it's all about 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.560 self confidence right like when you start listening. I remember 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:39.520 when I was I think I was like eighteen, and 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:42.120 I had and I had just booked, I just uh 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.640 released the first season of Royal Crush or the second season, 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:48.400 and I wasn't fit, Like I wasn't as fit as 0:16:48.400 --> 0:16:50.720 I am now. I wasn't like as like about fitness, 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:52.600 and I was like a little you know, like a 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.840 little frumpy dad body like asked. And I remember the 0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:58.200 episode where I was shirtless. All of the comments and 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:01.160 and it's like you said, like good comments are are? 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:03.400 I wish that I cared about good comments as much 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.119 as I care about bad comments, like I'll scroll through 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:07.359 and I'm like, I don't care if you liked it. 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:08.920 I don't care if you like not not if you're 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:10.560 listening to this, I don't actually feel like that. But 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:13.280 when you're not in the right headspace, you're just searching, like, yeah, 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.400 but who's where's the where's the criticism? And I remember 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.240 screenshotting a comment that was like Alex would be the 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:21.440 biggest star in the world if he wasn't so fat. 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:24.159 And I remember that comment to this day, and I 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:26.679 screenshot at it and I made it my wallpaper. I 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:29.879 cared so much because, like you said, there's a person 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:32.040 when it's when you think about it, like, that's a 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:35.080 person and my job is to make people happy, and 0:17:35.119 --> 0:17:37.119 that person is not happy that I'm this, and you 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:40.920 kind of you really turn yourself. And I think another 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:44.000 thing that it really does is it it turns an album, 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:47.520 right like for instance, your album Absolutely Beautiful. I still 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.399 listen to Acid like literally, it's my it's my first, 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:56.120 my warm up song for everything that when you're creating 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:58.440 a piece of art and you have that in your mind, 0:17:58.600 --> 0:18:00.320 no matter what it is, it's an album. It's this 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:06.199 it's that you're already pre preparing for what comments are 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:07.560 gonna come. Well, okay, well it has to be this 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:09.600 because I don't want people to say that I'm not this, 0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:13.760 and it has to be that. It really changes subconsciously, 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:17.760 it changes your full like self confidence. For me, it's 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:19.800 my weight, you know, it has always been my weight, 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:21.960 and I've done We've had episodes talking about binge eating. 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:23.960 It's always been my weight, and I'm so happy that 0:18:24.000 --> 0:18:26.120 I finally found a place where I work out for me, 0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:28.800 and I don't work out because I don't want people 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:31.280 to comment about it. For me, it's it's it's all 0:18:31.320 --> 0:18:33.280 about my weight, and it was always about my skin 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:35.560 until I until I luckily ended up clearing it up. 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:38.800 Is there anything specific for you that you're like, I 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:42.120 that it's really social media is really messed up. It's 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:44.800 not you know what's interesting. It's not a specific physical 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:48.680 trade or anything like that. I think it's just, um, yeah, 0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:51.760 it's just this striving for my best, I guess, and 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:55.160 I guess this is truly recently, the acceptance of people 0:18:55.280 --> 0:18:58.960 just not liking even your best, your personal best, because 0:18:58.960 --> 0:19:01.199 it's just they're just not to it, you know, and 0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:03.920 that's hard when you know that you're striving for that, 0:19:04.040 --> 0:19:06.879 when you're trying to put what you feel is the 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:09.560 best you can offer out, and then the realization that 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:12.159 it's just some people just don't like that thing, like 0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:15.440 some people just hate raps, some people just hate countries something, 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:17.840 and even if it's the best damn country music you 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:21.240 will ever hear, Like Dolly Parton is my is my idol. 0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:23.880 And if someone says, I remember I told a really 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:25.440 good friend of mine, I was like, oh yeah, man, 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:27.639 Dolly wrote me this letter. It was the craziest thing 0:19:27.640 --> 0:19:29.280 in my life. I have to make a song with 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:32.720 her whatever. And she was like, Dolly, pardon what. And 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:36.000 the thought that I could worship this person and another 0:19:36.080 --> 0:19:40.000 person could hate them is mind blowing. But then when 0:19:40.080 --> 0:19:42.640 you're in our position, it just I think it makes 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:45.760 it less harsh because then you just realize, man, I mean, 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:49.000 but imagine if she tried to convince, if Dolly Parton 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.600 tried to convince that person who didn't like her, you 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:54.040 should like me. It's like that wouldn't be something she do. 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:56.720 She just brushes it off, baby, and you just the 0:19:56.760 --> 0:19:59.280 more we can brush it off, whatever it may be, 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:02.119 but that septance and that self confidence, like you're saying, 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:04.600 finding that the more that you have that armor for 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:07.119 what we do, you just keep building that big gas 0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:10.359 you know, coat and suit of arms exactly the better 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:13.200 it feels when it does it just it just starts 0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:15.200 to just ping off of you. If you know that, 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:17.360 you know you couldn't have given it any better than 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:19.800 than what you gave. That's why I'm so glad that 0:20:19.840 --> 0:20:22.440 you're on this episode, because I think you have such 0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:25.040 a good grasp on what is real, Like you're kind 0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:27.000 of not necessarily on the other side of it now, 0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:30.200 but you're experiencing it in real time, and you're also 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:33.600 having you're experiencing it with the knowledge of hey, this 0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:36.399 is this you're very it's a very grounded sense. Um. 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:38.439 And I think because it's such a grounded sense, you 0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:41.400 are so good at it. Like it's like it's everything 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:45.400 you post feels like authentic, right, everything from the curated 0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:49.320 whole page of yellow to you know, to the photo 0:20:49.359 --> 0:20:53.840 shoots and everything thematically is just m It's just clean 0:20:53.920 --> 0:20:57.000 and precise. I think a lot of people see that. 0:20:57.119 --> 0:21:00.359 And and again as anybody with the following, they'll see 0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:03.040 that and they'll think that it's the that it takes 0:21:03.080 --> 0:21:05.560 the same amount of effort as somebody who's just posting 0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:07.040 a picture, you know, they're at the beach and they 0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:09.280 snap a quick flick. But because a lot of people 0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:12.600 then try and compare how they post to how we 0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:15.600 post or how somebody who's who puts in hours and 0:21:15.640 --> 0:21:18.960 hours to edit pictures and and and set up photo 0:21:19.000 --> 0:21:21.840 shoots and and drive, you know, at sunrise to the 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:24.000 certain locations so that they can get this amazing shot. 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:26.919 I think a lot of people compare how they post 0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:28.959 and making sure that they look good and doing all 0:21:28.960 --> 0:21:31.080 of this, I think it started spiraling downwards. And so 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:33.919 I think a big piece of of helping change that 0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:38.240 narrative is getting real about how we get things done. 0:21:38.560 --> 0:21:41.680 You know, Like I remember a Wonderland photo shoot last 0:21:41.760 --> 0:21:45.280 year that I did and I look like I looked awesome, 0:21:45.480 --> 0:21:47.800 my six pack and my hair was perfect afro, and 0:21:47.840 --> 0:21:50.800 it was like amazing, and people are like, wow, like, 0:21:50.840 --> 0:21:53.200 you look so effortless in this I remember that sortain effortless. 0:21:53.200 --> 0:21:55.479 You look effortless in this picture, And I was just like, 0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:57.640 are you do you know what it took to get 0:21:57.720 --> 0:22:01.520 to that? Like I was eating is eating kale and 0:22:01.840 --> 0:22:04.359 dreams for breakfast, and then I would have like egg 0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:06.080 white like and I was just working out and I 0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:08.800 worked out for that one photo shoot, and then after 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:10.239 that photoshop was done, I had a huge in and 0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:11.840 out burger and I did this whole nine and all 0:22:11.880 --> 0:22:15.000 of that. So can you help elaborate on how much 0:22:15.080 --> 0:22:18.200 effort really goes into something, because you are, I really 0:22:18.200 --> 0:22:21.119 feel like, just one of the top pages to follow 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:23.600 when it comes to having that cohesive thing. I mean, 0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:26.080 we're talking glam squad. We're talking hair and makeup, and 0:22:26.119 --> 0:22:28.600 we're talking a backdrop, and we're talking props and all 0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:31.120 of this stuff. What what do you feel like people 0:22:31.160 --> 0:22:34.119 don't really fully understand that goes on behind the scenes 0:22:34.160 --> 0:22:37.639 to create something that people compare their everyday life to. 0:22:38.200 --> 0:22:40.240 One of my newest favorite things is it's a both. 0:22:40.320 --> 0:22:42.520 It's like for the album cover, for example, I think 0:22:42.520 --> 0:22:45.200 people thought the Rubi's Cube was photoshopped, but we built 0:22:45.280 --> 0:22:48.040 this giant, life sized Ruby's Cube, And you know, I've 0:22:48.080 --> 0:22:49.760 took photos on and stuff, and I think it's the 0:22:49.800 --> 0:22:52.360 combination of that for what we do that's fun. It's 0:22:52.400 --> 0:22:54.960 like showing we actually built that. So it is a 0:22:55.000 --> 0:22:58.080 little it's hard to do, but also it's physically you 0:22:58.080 --> 0:23:01.680 can you know, it's not like we're aliens. We're humans 0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:05.040 and somebody became a workshop person and they built that 0:23:05.160 --> 0:23:07.480 because that's what they do. And I think, if anything, 0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:11.120 it's just you know, be obsessive with with what you do, 0:23:11.240 --> 0:23:13.199 what you love in your vision. And then on the 0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:16.040 other side, I've realized I really like the whole disposable 0:23:16.080 --> 0:23:18.000 thing now, like a lot of if it's not that 0:23:18.280 --> 0:23:20.359 it's the opposite, it's like something I can't edit it all, 0:23:20.520 --> 0:23:23.440 or just disposable shots from studio whatever, so that it 0:23:23.800 --> 0:23:26.560 I have no way. For one, it's just there. It's 0:23:26.600 --> 0:23:28.800 not like I could, you know, I could edit the 0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:31.840 photo or anything else. And hopefully that rawness is something 0:23:31.880 --> 0:23:33.880 that comes across. But also I feel like why I've 0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:36.480 loved it recently is too because the rawness of those 0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:39.159 photos always just feels like a moment in time, and 0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:41.320 I feel like we lose that with Instagram and all 0:23:41.320 --> 0:23:44.600 these things, like we're always we're using it, like you're saying, 0:23:44.640 --> 0:23:46.959 there's people of the beach or whatever else, and and 0:23:47.000 --> 0:23:50.560 we're like we're doing something for Instagram rather than doing 0:23:50.600 --> 0:23:54.480 something and sharing it with the world. That's that I 0:23:54.480 --> 0:23:57.800 feel like, that's and I'm I'm I'm I'm with it. Man, 0:23:57.960 --> 0:24:01.040 I've did that. I've just recently and this is hugely 0:24:01.080 --> 0:24:03.159 because of Emily, because I have a baby, and you 0:24:03.240 --> 0:24:06.000 just realize that time is such a different construct when 0:24:06.160 --> 0:24:09.320 this little human is going to change so quickly. Um, 0:24:09.359 --> 0:24:11.119 it's not that you can't use these things. I know 0:24:11.160 --> 0:24:13.040 this is kind of a tangent of what you were asking, 0:24:13.080 --> 0:24:16.080 but I just I think it's one of those things where, yes, 0:24:16.119 --> 0:24:18.280 it's like a gymnast goes in and you see them 0:24:18.280 --> 0:24:21.119 do you know, triple spins and it looks effortless like 0:24:21.119 --> 0:24:23.080 you were saying. But um, but in the end, it 0:24:23.080 --> 0:24:24.639 takes so much time and work to do that. But 0:24:24.680 --> 0:24:27.919 also that's their thing. And I feel like, you know, 0:24:28.520 --> 0:24:32.159 when you're creating these visual worlds for music or you know, 0:24:32.200 --> 0:24:34.240 for videos, like what we're doing, and it is very 0:24:34.240 --> 0:24:37.040 clean to Christine, that's what we do though, that's the 0:24:37.040 --> 0:24:39.439 time we're doing and you don't have to don't replicate that, 0:24:39.480 --> 0:24:42.080 do you. I love there's this TikTok account and she's 0:24:42.080 --> 0:24:47.040 just a beekeeper and she just shows that she's the best. 0:24:47.200 --> 0:24:49.720 It's the and you know what, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed 0:24:49.760 --> 0:24:54.120 because it is raw. And you know she I'm sure 0:24:54.160 --> 0:24:56.480 she takes photos of the beach too, but sure clearly 0:24:56.520 --> 0:24:59.120 her thing is she's obsessed with these bees. She goes places, 0:24:59.119 --> 0:25:02.719 she makes these videos. So finding your thing that is, 0:25:02.760 --> 0:25:06.320 so you're obsessed with that's uniquely you. That doesn't feel 0:25:06.359 --> 0:25:08.879 like work because you're working so hard at it, but 0:25:08.920 --> 0:25:12.240 you're not drained by it. That's that's what we should 0:25:12.240 --> 0:25:15.199 be using these tools to spread and share because we 0:25:15.240 --> 0:25:17.600 all have that thing, whatever it is to us. I 0:25:17.600 --> 0:25:18.720 feel like at the end of the day, it just 0:25:18.760 --> 0:25:21.600 comes down to being authentic. You know. It's authenticity, it's 0:25:21.640 --> 0:25:24.760 being yourself and you again are I think it's like 0:25:25.040 --> 0:25:28.760 you're such you're like I think because I'm lucky enough 0:25:28.800 --> 0:25:32.400 to know you, I see and I'm like, dude, that's him. 0:25:32.480 --> 0:25:34.399 Like people, if if you want to, you don't have 0:25:34.480 --> 0:25:36.600 to ask, well, what's Max? Like like literally look at 0:25:36.600 --> 0:25:39.040 his posts like that's who Max is, you know. And 0:25:39.080 --> 0:25:41.880 that's something that I think we should all strive to do, Like, 0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:43.760 we should all be authentic. And I think up on 0:25:43.800 --> 0:25:46.760 social media, everybody was just their authentic selves. We can 0:25:46.800 --> 0:25:49.280 still post you know, your your beach pick where you 0:25:49.280 --> 0:25:51.200 worked really hard and you have an a six pack 0:25:51.280 --> 0:25:54.719 and you're feeling great and you're confident, but authenticity is 0:25:54.760 --> 0:25:57.320 like so huge. I have a lot of other friends 0:25:57.320 --> 0:25:58.920 and not to call them out or and I'm not 0:25:58.960 --> 0:26:01.760 gonna say any names, but I have friends who I'm like, 0:26:01.920 --> 0:26:04.760 why are you posting that? Like you're not that's not you, Like, 0:26:04.880 --> 0:26:08.440 that's not you're talking about you know, life is great, 0:26:08.480 --> 0:26:10.520 life is this, And then you're calling me crying like 0:26:11.200 --> 0:26:13.639 or or the opposite, like somebody just bought a new 0:26:13.680 --> 0:26:15.679 Lamborghini and is like life is good, and I'm like, 0:26:15.720 --> 0:26:17.560 life's not. The life's not good, Like we're in the 0:26:17.600 --> 0:26:20.920 middle of a pandemic that probably wasn't a financially smart 0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:24.399 idea to do. Like sometimes I get upset or I 0:26:24.440 --> 0:26:26.520 have to, like I find myself having to like mute people, 0:26:26.520 --> 0:26:27.600 like if you had to have you had to mute 0:26:27.640 --> 0:26:31.320 anybody like because you're just like either there you don't 0:26:31.359 --> 0:26:33.240 feel like they're being their most authentic self, or what 0:26:33.280 --> 0:26:37.680 they're posting isn't relatable because it's not it's not off, 0:26:37.800 --> 0:26:40.600 it's not a real thing that people go through. I've 0:26:40.600 --> 0:26:42.399 had to do that, and honestly, I'm gonna I'm I'm 0:26:42.400 --> 0:26:43.960 gonna admit it. I've had to do it to friends, 0:26:44.000 --> 0:26:45.320 like I've had to do it to like really good 0:26:45.320 --> 0:26:49.560 friends of mine, you know, because it that authenticity is huge, 0:26:49.680 --> 0:26:51.800 you know what I mean? Yeah, No, totally, Man, I 0:26:51.800 --> 0:26:54.280 feel like it's it's always tough when you know the 0:26:54.280 --> 0:26:56.880 person so well and you feel like, if anything, sometimes 0:26:56.880 --> 0:26:58.960 it just feels like it's they're they're just reaching out 0:26:59.000 --> 0:27:00.800 for help. And I even see with haters, you know, 0:27:00.800 --> 0:27:04.639 I've I've really tried to recently realize that hating anybody 0:27:04.680 --> 0:27:07.359 who criticizes all the time or hates all the time, 0:27:07.520 --> 0:27:09.760 they're just looking for someone else to connect with who 0:27:09.840 --> 0:27:13.359 also feels that way. It's just another tool to utilize 0:27:13.400 --> 0:27:16.320 to say, I just you know, did you hate the 0:27:16.320 --> 0:27:18.640 weekend super Bowl performance? Like this is why I hate 0:27:18.680 --> 0:27:21.200 it's like and which is, by the way, the most 0:27:21.280 --> 0:27:24.679 polarizing performance you could do those my gosh, because I 0:27:24.720 --> 0:27:26.440 thought he was fantastic and I thought he did a 0:27:26.480 --> 0:27:29.480 great job. And I know what you invest in people 0:27:29.520 --> 0:27:32.000 like how do what it takes and what it takes 0:27:32.040 --> 0:27:33.800 you see those thousand people on the field who you 0:27:33.800 --> 0:27:35.679 think is paying for that? Who did there? So's the 0:27:35.680 --> 0:27:38.000 COVID test all this stuff. It's like people wonder, but 0:27:38.359 --> 0:27:41.520 point being, I think, you know, but he also put 0:27:41.640 --> 0:27:45.840 himself on that stage, and therefore that stage can be criticized. 0:27:46.240 --> 0:27:48.880 And as long as he keeps doing his thing no 0:27:48.920 --> 0:27:51.600 matter what people are saying, amen to him. And I 0:27:51.640 --> 0:27:55.440 feel like exactly, but those kinds of people I try 0:27:55.480 --> 0:27:57.119 to cut out more and more in my life. Like 0:27:57.119 --> 0:27:59.480 you're saying, maybe muter when I just see that it's 0:27:59.520 --> 0:28:02.879 constant criticism and hate. It's not even to make better, 0:28:02.960 --> 0:28:07.159 it's it's almost like that's their identity is too criticize 0:28:07.240 --> 0:28:09.479 or hate. And to the point where I just feel like, 0:28:09.880 --> 0:28:13.480 where what do you love? Then like, okay, find goodly, 0:28:13.520 --> 0:28:16.000 I see what you hate, but whereas you know, it's 0:28:16.000 --> 0:28:19.960 like there's this dude, um Anthony Fantano. He's a music critic, 0:28:20.320 --> 0:28:22.800 and personally I'm into because I just feel like he 0:28:22.920 --> 0:28:26.240 really does give love word where he feels it's due, 0:28:26.680 --> 0:28:28.880 and maybe he gives criticism where he feels it's due. 0:28:28.880 --> 0:28:31.920 But I do appreciate that it is both. It isn't 0:28:31.960 --> 0:28:33.719 just a guy who just like this album sucks. This 0:28:33.760 --> 0:28:36.480 album sucks, he goes, this album is a masterpiece. And 0:28:36.520 --> 0:28:38.959 here's why I feel it so at least with those 0:28:39.120 --> 0:28:41.680 like if those are the kinds of people I don't 0:28:41.680 --> 0:28:43.360 want in my life as much, who just feel like 0:28:43.480 --> 0:28:46.200 they're draining you more than they're giving you energy, right, 0:28:46.280 --> 0:28:48.880 and that that's not worth it. It's not about being 0:28:48.920 --> 0:28:50.960 positive all the time, because that, I think is also 0:28:51.120 --> 0:28:55.320 a huge, a huge problem. It's about being authentic. I think, 0:28:55.360 --> 0:28:58.760 just authentic, you know, and and again I can't you're 0:28:58.760 --> 0:29:01.400 not iterated enough. It's just awesome seeing your face. Man. 0:29:02.080 --> 0:29:04.600 And by the way, forgot to say, great bowler, a 0:29:04.680 --> 0:29:08.560 great bowlder. Um, when life is when life is back 0:29:08.560 --> 0:29:11.560 to normal and bowling isn't the weirdest germyst thing in 0:29:11.600 --> 0:29:13.800 the world, We'll we'll have to have I have to 0:29:13.840 --> 0:29:16.520 come to a bowling night. Um. But you really are 0:29:16.360 --> 0:29:20.720 You're you are the same, Max, whether we're in like, 0:29:20.760 --> 0:29:23.040 whether I've seen you at a at a a large 0:29:23.040 --> 0:29:25.320 group of people, whether I'm sitting in your dressing room, 0:29:25.320 --> 0:29:27.560 whether we're in the d m s, whether you're posting 0:29:27.600 --> 0:29:30.200 on social media, whatever, it is like, you are always 0:29:30.240 --> 0:29:34.000 the same, and your fans I feel like, get to 0:29:34.160 --> 0:29:38.360 see that and sleep peacefully knowing that you're not like 0:29:38.440 --> 0:29:40.560 one of those. By the way, these people are real 0:29:40.960 --> 0:29:44.440 secret like awesome, positive celebrities who like behind closed doors 0:29:44.520 --> 0:29:47.360 is being a psychopath like and treating everybody like garbage. Right, 0:29:47.760 --> 0:29:51.480 So the people that follow you online who love your posts, 0:29:51.480 --> 0:29:56.320 who are super happy, um, but might be missing what 0:29:56.520 --> 0:29:59.560 your biggest message that you want is. I would love 0:29:59.560 --> 0:30:02.560 to hear what is what is the biggest message that 0:30:03.400 --> 0:30:07.360 Max on social media and in life would love for 0:30:07.840 --> 0:30:11.840 his followers to to feel and understand. Honestly, I just 0:30:11.880 --> 0:30:13.800 want them to find what I was saying their obsession, 0:30:13.880 --> 0:30:15.960 because I think we all have that thing that we 0:30:16.000 --> 0:30:19.520 feel guilty that we enjoy doing so much whatever it is. 0:30:19.600 --> 0:30:22.440 Like my wife, for example, she is so great at 0:30:22.480 --> 0:30:24.880 shopping and that sounds funny, but as a style she 0:30:25.000 --> 0:30:29.680 does the video Emily style is immaculate, so good she does. 0:30:29.920 --> 0:30:32.120 She's dressing our baby like a little queen. And I 0:30:32.160 --> 0:30:34.000 think for a long time, and I mean, she can't 0:30:34.000 --> 0:30:35.520 spend all the money that we have left. You know, 0:30:35.600 --> 0:30:38.040 baby's got to go to college. But I do there 0:30:38.120 --> 0:30:39.920 was a second where you know, I was telling her 0:30:39.920 --> 0:30:43.040 like I hate shopping, which sounds crazy too, but don't 0:30:43.080 --> 0:30:44.800 put me in a store for hours, don't do any 0:30:44.840 --> 0:30:47.840 of these things. And she really she loves it. She'll 0:30:47.920 --> 0:30:50.840 spend hours looking for the best outfits and it doesn't 0:30:50.960 --> 0:30:54.760 drain her. It's she's into that and I see the joy. 0:30:54.800 --> 0:30:57.640 But I sometimes see the guilt in her face, thinking that, like, 0:30:57.680 --> 0:30:59.680 you know, that's not that's not a job, or she's 0:30:59.680 --> 0:31:02.080 not doing a great job doing it, but that is it. 0:31:02.240 --> 0:31:04.800 And I only hope that because people are their happiest 0:31:04.840 --> 0:31:07.440 when they do find that obsession that they're into and 0:31:07.480 --> 0:31:10.440 they realize that they shouldn't feel guilty for it because 0:31:11.120 --> 0:31:13.760 someone like me hate shopping, which sounds crazy, But if 0:31:13.800 --> 0:31:15.239 you love it, you're meant to do it. If you 0:31:15.320 --> 0:31:18.800 love being a trainer, if you love being a doctor. 0:31:18.840 --> 0:31:21.120 I want the doctor who's obsessed with being a doctor 0:31:21.160 --> 0:31:23.880 to my doctor, the person who live our baby. That 0:31:23.960 --> 0:31:26.400 woman walked in her name she whatever else said, and 0:31:26.440 --> 0:31:28.840 her name is Dr Bliss, best name, Oh my god. 0:31:28.880 --> 0:31:31.000 And this woman, this woman shows up every day and 0:31:31.040 --> 0:31:33.920 she loves bringing babies into the world. That's who you want. 0:31:33.960 --> 0:31:36.720 So all I can hope is that those people out there, 0:31:37.440 --> 0:31:39.480 hopefully see how obsessed I am with what I get 0:31:39.480 --> 0:31:40.560 to do, to the point where I have to put 0:31:40.600 --> 0:31:43.240 my phone away because I'm just looking up more music. 0:31:43.520 --> 0:31:45.520 And I hope they find that because everybody deserves to 0:31:45.560 --> 0:31:48.760 have that in their life. Well, my guy, I'm gonna 0:31:48.840 --> 0:31:50.959 use the line that you you gave me and uh 0:31:51.000 --> 0:31:52.880 and when I got my nice little merge pack, you 0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:54.600 have the voice of an angel and the heart of 0:31:54.600 --> 0:31:57.200 one to my friend. We're gonna take a quick break 0:31:57.200 --> 0:31:59.640 when we come back. Elizabeth and I are going a deep, 0:31:59.720 --> 0:32:02.480 deep dive into what's going on behind the screens. Don't 0:32:02.480 --> 0:32:04.920 go anywhere, all right, We are back and I am 0:32:05.000 --> 0:32:07.480 here with this is I still can't I still love 0:32:07.560 --> 0:32:11.480 this title. A perfectionism expert, and we're going to figure 0:32:11.480 --> 0:32:14.640 out what that means. Elizabeth. Sue is here with us. Elizabeth, 0:32:14.640 --> 0:32:18.600 how are you today? I'm so good. I can't wait. 0:32:18.720 --> 0:32:20.600 This is a topic near and dear to my heart, 0:32:20.640 --> 0:32:23.959 so I can't get into it. I know you're an 0:32:23.960 --> 0:32:26.080 expert in all of this, but we do have to 0:32:26.080 --> 0:32:28.760 start the same way I started with Max. What's your poison? 0:32:29.000 --> 0:32:32.160 What is it that gets you hooked? Oh? Go on, 0:32:33.080 --> 0:32:36.480 you know, I think it's a toss up between the 0:32:36.560 --> 0:32:41.680 constant checking, like it's I'm like making dinner, I'm like 0:32:41.840 --> 0:32:46.840 in line, I'm waiting for a friend and I just 0:32:47.000 --> 0:32:51.800 can't stop checking. Um, and that that feeling of like 0:32:52.560 --> 0:32:55.680 what did I miss? I hate that feeling because it's 0:32:56.520 --> 0:32:59.160 I literally didn't miss my husband's like what do you 0:32:59.160 --> 0:33:02.440 think changed between the three seconds that you just checked? 0:33:02.720 --> 0:33:07.240 And it makes me feel crazy. And then my other big, 0:33:09.120 --> 0:33:13.160 big thing that just destroys my mental health is comparing 0:33:13.200 --> 0:33:17.400 myself to others. It is it's running a business and 0:33:17.480 --> 0:33:21.120 as a writer trying to get published, it's just constant. 0:33:22.080 --> 0:33:25.160 She's doing it better. They have a bigger following, they 0:33:25.200 --> 0:33:27.960 have better connections, Like I am a worthless piece of 0:33:27.960 --> 0:33:31.160 crap like it it gets dark so quickly. So I'm 0:33:31.160 --> 0:33:34.640 gonna just take an awesome segue because you describe yourself 0:33:34.680 --> 0:33:40.360 as a self love evangelist. You just said that. That 0:33:40.440 --> 0:33:44.840 being said, does social media teach us anything positive about 0:33:44.880 --> 0:33:50.440 self love? Or is it all negative? That's a great question. Um. 0:33:50.480 --> 0:33:54.320 I think in your conversation with Max, like, I really 0:33:54.360 --> 0:33:56.480 loved it. That actually brought me me a lot of 0:33:56.560 --> 0:33:59.000 joy because it did bring me back to the good 0:33:59.040 --> 0:34:03.160 things about it. And I am also, you know, on 0:34:03.160 --> 0:34:05.920 this journey of building a community and building an audience, 0:34:06.040 --> 0:34:10.160 and for so long it did feel very frustrating and 0:34:10.200 --> 0:34:14.640 it felt very toxic, like it was it was hard 0:34:14.680 --> 0:34:21.000 for me to separate that business strategy from my self 0:34:21.040 --> 0:34:24.680 love journey of trying not to tie my worth to 0:34:25.120 --> 0:34:28.600 people's approvals of me and likes and comments and followers 0:34:29.320 --> 0:34:34.000 is exactly people's approval of you. So it's really it's 0:34:34.040 --> 0:34:39.399 been very confronting. But I think you're right in what 0:34:39.480 --> 0:34:43.680 social media does do is it brings people together from 0:34:43.719 --> 0:34:46.879 around the world in a very cool way. And I've 0:34:46.920 --> 0:34:50.520 seen that happen, and I think for me, because I 0:34:50.600 --> 0:34:53.040 can't ditch it, I don't think any of us can, 0:34:53.239 --> 0:34:56.839 especially where we are right now in the pandemic, And 0:34:56.920 --> 0:34:58.839 so it's trying to figure out how to make it 0:34:58.880 --> 0:35:03.359 work for you and take take the good. And I 0:35:03.400 --> 0:35:07.400 think for me, it's showing up as as you were, 0:35:07.440 --> 0:35:10.799 saying as authentically as I can, and putting myself out 0:35:10.840 --> 0:35:14.359 there and hoping that hoping that that is enough and 0:35:14.719 --> 0:35:16.719 if it isn't, at least I can go to bed 0:35:17.160 --> 0:35:22.600 feeling like I was an integrity and I was continuing 0:35:22.640 --> 0:35:26.239 to put one foot forward on trying to feel good 0:35:26.239 --> 0:35:28.680 about myself. Absolutely. I mean that's but that's why I 0:35:28.680 --> 0:35:32.279 love your Your title is amazing self love evangelists. Like 0:35:32.280 --> 0:35:35.239 an evangelist like you're. You're not claiming that you are, 0:35:35.320 --> 0:35:36.960 that you have all the answers. You're not like a 0:35:37.040 --> 0:35:40.239 professor of self love like you are an evangel like 0:35:40.280 --> 0:35:42.400 you're you're also going through it. You're just trying to 0:35:42.440 --> 0:35:44.880 help others get there too, you know. And so I 0:35:44.880 --> 0:35:47.160 think it is important for us to to find the 0:35:47.160 --> 0:35:49.319 things that social media can teach us about self love. 0:35:49.360 --> 0:35:52.759 That's why I love like you'll have those I love 0:35:52.800 --> 0:35:55.120 seeing my favorite things to see on on Instagram or 0:35:55.120 --> 0:35:57.799 weight loss journeys, like people who are like I lost 0:35:57.800 --> 0:35:59.600 a hundred pounds this year, and you go in those 0:35:59.640 --> 0:36:02.440 comments and it's so like, yes, you got this, and 0:36:02.440 --> 0:36:03.839 you see it. And I think a lot of people, 0:36:03.920 --> 0:36:06.520 especially me, like I see those and it does inspire 0:36:06.560 --> 0:36:08.000 me to go, you know what, I want to do 0:36:08.080 --> 0:36:10.840 that because because I see how happy they look, and 0:36:10.880 --> 0:36:12.759 I see all of these things and it gives you. 0:36:12.880 --> 0:36:15.440 And I think a lot of times for me especially, 0:36:15.480 --> 0:36:17.320 I feel like fitness is a way of me giving 0:36:17.320 --> 0:36:19.440 myself self love because I'm giving my body what it 0:36:19.480 --> 0:36:22.440 needs and I'm taking care of myself and you see 0:36:22.440 --> 0:36:24.600 things like that, and there are definitely moments, you know, 0:36:24.640 --> 0:36:28.000 it's those glimmers of light that are just so helpful, 0:36:28.320 --> 0:36:30.319 you know, or I wish there was, like I don't 0:36:30.360 --> 0:36:31.879 know if there's like a social media app that only 0:36:31.920 --> 0:36:35.839 is that stuff, but I feel like we spend it's 0:36:36.000 --> 0:36:38.400 and it actually studies show that we spend like three 0:36:38.440 --> 0:36:42.000 times more energy and more free time on apps that 0:36:42.040 --> 0:36:45.279 are draining, like social media can be. Then the ones 0:36:45.320 --> 0:36:47.840 that actually enrich our lives, like a meditation app or 0:36:47.880 --> 0:36:50.360 a or an app that that what's that app that 0:36:50.400 --> 0:36:52.719 I use that? Like you you start a clock and 0:36:52.760 --> 0:36:54.520 it grows a tree, and if you use your app, 0:36:54.560 --> 0:36:56.000 then the tree, if you use your phone then the 0:36:56.040 --> 0:36:59.120 tree dies. Things like that like we use we spend 0:36:59.160 --> 0:37:01.799 three times more of our free time there, right, And 0:37:01.840 --> 0:37:04.520 Max and I were just talking about how we search 0:37:04.600 --> 0:37:06.880 for the bad comments. We're trying to like we're almost 0:37:06.880 --> 0:37:08.960 like going for it. Why do you feel like we 0:37:09.040 --> 0:37:11.040 can't stop using social media even when it makes us 0:37:11.080 --> 0:37:14.920 feel bad. Sometimes even because it makes us feel bad. Absolutely, 0:37:15.160 --> 0:37:20.080 it's it's very intentional the forest app. Thank you, Catherine, 0:37:20.080 --> 0:37:22.000 the forest app. That's what it's called. I got myself 0:37:22.040 --> 0:37:25.600 a little forest, right, and I love I love that. No, 0:37:25.840 --> 0:37:28.480 I think I think that's where that's kind of where 0:37:28.520 --> 0:37:31.920 we have to begin, and we have to give ourselves 0:37:31.960 --> 0:37:35.160 and each other grace and compassion for the fact that 0:37:35.160 --> 0:37:39.520 that is literally what social media is designed to do, 0:37:39.800 --> 0:37:44.640 is to pick at your insecurities and scarcity and all 0:37:44.680 --> 0:37:48.320 these things that get us hooked and get us addicted 0:37:48.400 --> 0:37:52.840 and want because it psychologically that's what it was built around. 0:37:52.960 --> 0:37:55.200 And the likes and the comments and that follows all 0:37:55.239 --> 0:37:58.160 of that hits our pleasure centers in our brain, so 0:37:58.239 --> 0:38:01.200 of course we would want more of that. And so 0:38:01.239 --> 0:38:04.200 I think that's a really important thing to keep in 0:38:04.239 --> 0:38:07.279 mind when you're feeling it's I always think about this, 0:38:07.360 --> 0:38:10.239 it's like there's nothing worse and feeling bad about feeling bad. 0:38:10.360 --> 0:38:14.360 So when you're like starting to like hate on yourself 0:38:14.440 --> 0:38:18.640 for not being able to get your social media addiction 0:38:18.760 --> 0:38:22.000 under control or disconnect, like we it's kind of at 0:38:22.040 --> 0:38:24.480 this point we all know what we should do. We 0:38:24.560 --> 0:38:26.920 all know, you know, we live happier or more peaceful 0:38:26.960 --> 0:38:29.520 lives if we meditated, and we drink a lot of water, 0:38:29.680 --> 0:38:33.040 and we exercised, and we didn't spend a lot of 0:38:33.040 --> 0:38:35.120 time on our phones, but spend time in nature. Like 0:38:35.160 --> 0:38:37.640 we all know that, and yet we are in this 0:38:38.719 --> 0:38:42.200 digital age where for so many of us it is 0:38:42.239 --> 0:38:44.240 a part of our business. It's how we make money. 0:38:44.280 --> 0:38:48.680 And until you know, capitalism dies, it's kind of going 0:38:48.719 --> 0:38:52.400 to have to be something that we think about. And 0:38:52.560 --> 0:38:55.279 so I I think it is important to just keep 0:38:55.320 --> 0:38:57.799 that in mind when you start to feel insecure about that, 0:38:57.880 --> 0:39:02.400 to have compassion for just what is actually at play. 0:39:03.360 --> 0:39:07.000 How do you think we discern between I'm being enriched 0:39:07.120 --> 0:39:09.719 right now because I think criticism, you know, like Max said, 0:39:09.760 --> 0:39:12.719 he has his favorite like critics who and I and 0:39:12.760 --> 0:39:14.840 I we just dropped finding a Han and there's critics 0:39:14.880 --> 0:39:16.960 and I love reading the critics like who actually have 0:39:17.080 --> 0:39:20.960 things that I think are constructive. But how do we 0:39:21.000 --> 0:39:23.239 tell how how can the listener at home, who's like, well, 0:39:23.280 --> 0:39:25.120 sometimes I look at Instagram and I feel really good, 0:39:25.160 --> 0:39:27.120 but sometimes I feel bad. But sometimes I feel bad 0:39:27.160 --> 0:39:29.400 but it's good, And sometimes I feel good but it's bad. 0:39:29.640 --> 0:39:32.440 How do we discern whether we're being enriched or drained 0:39:32.480 --> 0:39:37.600 by Instagram or another platform that is the life. That's 0:39:37.640 --> 0:39:41.839 what we're all trying to It's like, I mean, that's 0:39:41.880 --> 0:39:45.319 what I'm trying to practice every day in relationship, you know, 0:39:45.360 --> 0:39:48.640 all the business opportunities, everything is is that discernment. And 0:39:48.680 --> 0:39:50.880 what I love about what you just shared about all 0:39:50.920 --> 0:39:56.319 the different versions of emotions around social media is to 0:39:56.440 --> 0:40:01.560 be aware that it can be different. And actually, I 0:40:01.600 --> 0:40:05.399 think comes back to your own heart and your own 0:40:05.440 --> 0:40:08.200 body and where you are at, because we tend to 0:40:08.239 --> 0:40:12.600 think so much outside ourselves, like what is this thing 0:40:13.520 --> 0:40:17.880 doing to us? And how do we then change our behavior? 0:40:18.040 --> 0:40:21.400 But I think we can flip it and take stock 0:40:21.440 --> 0:40:25.480 and how we are feeling in any given moment and 0:40:25.560 --> 0:40:28.040 kind of take that lead. And so I know, for me, 0:40:28.120 --> 0:40:31.560 if I'm feeling very raw and vulnerable and I go 0:40:31.600 --> 0:40:35.840 on social media, it's almost like my egos going to 0:40:35.960 --> 0:40:39.800 latch onto things that are going to fuel that fire 0:40:40.160 --> 0:40:45.920 of worthlessness, of feeling unworthy. And so I try to 0:40:46.600 --> 0:40:48.760 you know, I don't get it right every time because 0:40:48.800 --> 0:40:53.359 I am indeed and perfect, um, I you know, try 0:40:53.400 --> 0:40:57.239 to check in with myself how am I feeling today 0:40:57.400 --> 0:41:01.480 and have that intention going into whatever it is that 0:41:01.560 --> 0:41:06.200 I'm doing usually for for business, and and then kind 0:41:06.200 --> 0:41:09.840 of step out, step out of that and to see 0:41:09.880 --> 0:41:12.279 how that is making me feel. But I think when 0:41:12.360 --> 0:41:15.279 you have that constant scroll, in, that constant checking, you 0:41:15.320 --> 0:41:19.080 can go so quickly from like oh, like this is 0:41:19.120 --> 0:41:21.440 a tool, or this is I just did this like 0:41:21.480 --> 0:41:24.319 really fun. I g live right, um, listen to this 0:41:24.360 --> 0:41:29.240 cool podcast and sharing that with your community too, like oops, 0:41:29.280 --> 0:41:32.399 I just got triggered by this like person over here 0:41:32.560 --> 0:41:35.600 doing this thing that upset me over here. So it 0:41:35.600 --> 0:41:39.520 can fluctuates so quickly. Absolutely, I totally agree with you, 0:41:39.640 --> 0:41:43.080 Like it's it's so easy to jump, like the switch over. 0:41:43.280 --> 0:41:44.920 I could be watching one I could be looking at 0:41:44.960 --> 0:41:47.319 one post and feel incredible, and it's like it's kind 0:41:47.320 --> 0:41:50.080 of like um a slot machine, you know, like you 0:41:50.400 --> 0:41:52.239 you might you swipe one time and you're like, oh 0:41:52.239 --> 0:41:54.799 my gosh, like I love that sad video to that 0:41:54.880 --> 0:41:57.200 sad song about like the Sun who pays off his 0:41:57.280 --> 0:42:00.000 parents debt, and you're just like love awesome. And then 0:42:00.040 --> 0:42:03.720 next post you're seeing like a riot and you're just like, oh, okay, 0:42:05.280 --> 0:42:09.080 all right, like there's nothing there, right, And and so 0:42:09.719 --> 0:42:13.439 outside of that um and getting more into the your 0:42:13.520 --> 0:42:15.799 your personal experience, and I think a lot of people 0:42:15.840 --> 0:42:18.640 are dealing with this. And you're obviously a perfectionalism expert, 0:42:18.680 --> 0:42:21.480 and you've also talked about your drive for perfection and 0:42:21.480 --> 0:42:23.080 how you had to overcome that, and I relate with 0:42:23.120 --> 0:42:26.080 that so much. I remember, even to this day, like 0:42:26.440 --> 0:42:28.600 I have a tiny gap in my two front teeth 0:42:28.640 --> 0:42:31.000 because I didn't wear my retainers enough. And now I'm like, 0:42:31.239 --> 0:42:33.200 it's the only thing I think about. Or I'll get 0:42:33.280 --> 0:42:35.080 one pimple on my forehead and I think I look 0:42:35.160 --> 0:42:40.319 like the dude from Goonies, the hey you guys. I 0:42:40.360 --> 0:42:45.200 think Instagram, specifically, all social media's that include visual stimulation 0:42:46.280 --> 0:42:50.920 trigger that need for a perfection and and it's really 0:42:50.960 --> 0:42:53.279 a problem for me, and it's a problem for a 0:42:53.280 --> 0:42:55.720 lot of people. So, as an expert, as we're closing 0:42:55.719 --> 0:42:58.480 out this segment, what's your advice for the for the 0:42:58.480 --> 0:43:01.520 watcher out there who, even if they're not I, strive 0:43:01.560 --> 0:43:05.520 for a perfection outside of social media. So it even 0:43:05.640 --> 0:43:08.200 doubles down on social media. But even if you don't 0:43:08.200 --> 0:43:10.359 strive perfection, you watch social media and you feel bad 0:43:10.360 --> 0:43:12.319 about yourself because you're not this or you're not that, 0:43:12.360 --> 0:43:14.680 And then you you try and do the fat diets 0:43:14.719 --> 0:43:17.480 because you didn't look like that model, and then you 0:43:17.640 --> 0:43:20.400 get like, you get drained, So then you're feeling sad 0:43:20.440 --> 0:43:22.080 and you're looking and it's just it can be such 0:43:22.120 --> 0:43:25.600 a downward spiral. What is your advice? Because you obviously 0:43:25.840 --> 0:43:27.960 this is this is your study. You know, people can 0:43:28.000 --> 0:43:32.080 feel burnt out, they can feel completely useless, they can 0:43:32.160 --> 0:43:35.839 feel purposeless, they can feel lost, and and it can 0:43:35.880 --> 0:43:39.120 all be triggered from one post. It can all be 0:43:39.120 --> 0:43:44.239 triggered from one thing. You know, what's your advice? Ah, 0:43:44.280 --> 0:43:47.800 I know I have, I've been there, and even someone 0:43:47.800 --> 0:43:52.239 who studies this all the time, I well, it's I 0:43:52.320 --> 0:43:55.879 study it because I struggle with it. And I think 0:43:55.960 --> 0:44:00.359 something to think about two is, you know, if if 0:44:00.400 --> 0:44:03.160 you're on this self love journey and trying to embrace 0:44:03.239 --> 0:44:06.120 your imperfections, like you're not going to be able to 0:44:06.200 --> 0:44:09.760 do that perfectly. You know, I'm I'm in the self 0:44:09.800 --> 0:44:13.880 help world a lot and the personal growth world, and 0:44:13.920 --> 0:44:19.200 I think there is this idea that you're either you know, 0:44:19.239 --> 0:44:22.560 someone who's really struggling or you know, putting all this 0:44:22.680 --> 0:44:26.239 like negative and you're using social media um to kind 0:44:26.280 --> 0:44:30.279 of drag down the world or you're over here, like 0:44:30.480 --> 0:44:36.799 being overly positive and overly like here here are the 0:44:36.880 --> 0:44:42.600 five steps to achieving like a peaceful life for happiness 0:44:42.719 --> 0:44:48.800 or whatever. And even though those things are helpful and useful, 0:44:49.000 --> 0:44:53.439 I think there's a middle ground that is reality and 0:44:53.480 --> 0:44:57.560 that is more authentic and that does show okay here, 0:44:57.640 --> 0:45:01.200 like this is a like cool piece that I just 0:45:01.239 --> 0:45:04.200 wrote that I can't wait to share with y'all um 0:45:04.239 --> 0:45:07.160 alongside you know, a picture of me crying where it 0:45:07.239 --> 0:45:11.400 was like, today was a terrible day. I've I've had 0:45:11.440 --> 0:45:13.279 posts like that where it's like I actually have no 0:45:13.320 --> 0:45:17.040 advice for you right now other than like some days 0:45:17.040 --> 0:45:20.680 suck and that's okay. And then there's another, you know, 0:45:20.760 --> 0:45:24.120 a picture of me dancing that's like, you know, I 0:45:24.200 --> 0:45:26.920 like I got some fun news and like I'm going 0:45:26.960 --> 0:45:31.759 to celebrate, Like here's for celebration, and so it's it's 0:45:32.400 --> 0:45:36.600 I think that being able, that that is part of 0:45:36.640 --> 0:45:41.040 the vulnerability of social media is I think as long 0:45:41.080 --> 0:45:47.439 as we're able to be okay with who we are, 0:45:47.800 --> 0:45:51.480 and that that is what the studies show is the 0:45:51.600 --> 0:45:56.040 number one way to combat perfectionism is to cultivate unconditional 0:45:56.040 --> 0:46:00.759 self acceptance because kind of to backup, perfectionism really is 0:46:00.880 --> 0:46:06.280 that feeling what psychologists call you have a contingent sense 0:46:06.320 --> 0:46:09.480 of self worth. So this idea that I am only 0:46:09.560 --> 0:46:14.560 worthy of love and acceptance and approval if I achieve something, 0:46:14.640 --> 0:46:18.399 and it's killer because we live in a society that 0:46:18.640 --> 0:46:22.560 keeps beating us those messages. And with what I found 0:46:23.560 --> 0:46:27.760 astonishing in my research was in the last thirty years, 0:46:27.800 --> 0:46:32.720 perfectionism has increased thirty three percent, and that is mostly 0:46:32.840 --> 0:46:37.759 due to societal expectations. So there are actually three components 0:46:37.760 --> 0:46:42.000 of perfectionism. One is self oriented perfectionism, which is kind 0:46:42.000 --> 0:46:46.320 of being hard on ourselves. The other is other oriented perfectionism, 0:46:46.320 --> 0:46:50.440 which is people being hard on other people. So if 0:46:50.480 --> 0:46:53.840 you if I judge myself very harshly, I'm going to 0:46:53.920 --> 0:46:56.879 judge other people harshly, even if, like in my heart, 0:46:56.920 --> 0:46:59.239 I'm a good person, Like that just is what happens. 0:46:59.600 --> 0:47:02.160 And then the third is socially prescribed, so it's you 0:47:02.160 --> 0:47:07.239 can look at it in terms of um, academic institutions, workplaces, Hollywood, 0:47:07.480 --> 0:47:11.719 you know, all these avenues that tell us we need 0:47:11.800 --> 0:47:14.400 to be perfect in order to succeed. So we have 0:47:14.560 --> 0:47:17.840 kind of this coming at all angles. And social media 0:47:17.960 --> 0:47:21.399 really is that perfect storm where it's coming together. You're 0:47:21.440 --> 0:47:24.520 putting content out, you're seeing other people's content, and then 0:47:24.520 --> 0:47:27.319 you have this like how your standard to try to 0:47:27.400 --> 0:47:31.120 meet which is impossible, absolutely absolutely, and you said it. 0:47:31.239 --> 0:47:33.920 Social media literally is all of that and it's everywhere 0:47:33.960 --> 0:47:36.959 and it's so easy, and I'm so glad that you would. 0:47:36.960 --> 0:47:39.640 Thank you for giving all of this information. We're gonna 0:47:39.680 --> 0:47:41.239 take a break and when we come back, we're gonna 0:47:41.239 --> 0:47:43.440 figure out how we fix it, what we can do 0:47:43.520 --> 0:47:47.040 to actually make a change about all of this madness. Uh, 0:47:47.280 --> 0:47:49.879 do not go anywhere, Elizabeth, to thank you so much 0:47:49.920 --> 0:47:53.520 for coming on. Alright, it is time we are here. 0:47:53.640 --> 0:47:56.319 Everybody's where, we're all chilling, and we're talking about how 0:47:56.320 --> 0:47:58.399 we fix all of this. Right, we're taught. We we've 0:47:58.400 --> 0:48:00.680 been talking about the problems. We've talked, talked about what's 0:48:00.680 --> 0:48:03.360 going on behind the scenes. How do we fix this stuff? 0:48:03.360 --> 0:48:06.359 I feel like it's kind of easy, but not easy, 0:48:06.440 --> 0:48:08.479 And it's just I think it's just about how much 0:48:08.680 --> 0:48:12.879 time and energy we give into it. Right, So, um, 0:48:13.400 --> 0:48:15.520 obviously it's easier said than done. We use our phones, 0:48:15.760 --> 0:48:18.279 especially if you are working from home, or you are 0:48:18.320 --> 0:48:21.240 out and about, You're using your phones more than anything, 0:48:21.400 --> 0:48:23.640 and opening your social media apps is just as easy 0:48:23.680 --> 0:48:26.640 as opening you know, your other apps. So what do 0:48:26.640 --> 0:48:29.800 you guys think is something that we can do to minimize? Um, 0:48:29.840 --> 0:48:32.080 If we can't minimize the amount that we use our 0:48:32.120 --> 0:48:34.279 phone based off of our job or based off of 0:48:34.400 --> 0:48:36.239 you know, the fact that that's just who we are 0:48:36.239 --> 0:48:39.040 as humans right now, what can we do to minimize 0:48:39.080 --> 0:48:41.799 the impact that social media has on our minds? How 0:48:41.880 --> 0:48:43.680 that the impact that has on our emotions and the 0:48:43.719 --> 0:48:46.080 impact that has on our self worth go for a queen? 0:48:47.560 --> 0:48:50.440 I have so many thoughts. Um, one is is what 0:48:50.560 --> 0:48:53.279 Max was saying before, and it seems so simple, But 0:48:53.400 --> 0:48:58.359 taking breaks, that's like textbook. All the studies show that 0:48:58.360 --> 0:49:04.320 that's the way to you distance ourselves from from internalizing 0:49:04.320 --> 0:49:07.840 those messages and from perpetuating that problem. And I think 0:49:08.080 --> 0:49:11.200 it's important. It's going to be different for everyone. Um, 0:49:11.239 --> 0:49:14.000 it's going to be very individual. But I think you 0:49:14.040 --> 0:49:17.160 need to take a hard look of at your own 0:49:17.360 --> 0:49:20.000 patterns and what you know about yourself. So for me, 0:49:20.080 --> 0:49:22.879 I know that I have a very addictive personality and 0:49:23.440 --> 0:49:25.880 so things are very all or nothing for me. So 0:49:26.000 --> 0:49:30.160 moderation is actually very difficult. I've had like thirty different 0:49:30.239 --> 0:49:34.800 interventions with myself on how much when I use social media, 0:49:34.920 --> 0:49:38.920 at what hours, for how long? And for me, I've 0:49:38.960 --> 0:49:44.360 decided that because it's such an all or nothing game, Sundays, 0:49:44.360 --> 0:49:46.960 I take off and my team knows that, my husband 0:49:46.960 --> 0:49:50.399 knows that, like everyone knows that, and so I think 0:49:50.400 --> 0:49:55.759 being upfront with your needs and I similarly, I hide 0:49:55.760 --> 0:49:59.920 my phone, and my husband hasn't much more healthy or 0:50:00.000 --> 0:50:03.400 relationship with his phone and social media, and so we 0:50:03.480 --> 0:50:05.839 kind of joke that he's my personal assistant, Like if 0:50:06.120 --> 0:50:09.279 you need to get in touch with me, you reach 0:50:09.360 --> 0:50:12.640 out to him. And to me, it's like it's it 0:50:12.760 --> 0:50:16.360 is a sick addiction that I absolutely will admit that 0:50:16.480 --> 0:50:20.680 I struggle with. Mm hmmm, mm hmm. Yeah, I couldn't 0:50:20.680 --> 0:50:23.560 agree more. I feel like the brakes are so necessary 0:50:23.600 --> 0:50:26.200 with anything in our lives, truly. I mean, it gives 0:50:26.239 --> 0:50:29.040 you perspective. It makes you feel like, oh, this is 0:50:29.080 --> 0:50:31.359 who I am. When I'm obsessed with my phone all 0:50:31.360 --> 0:50:33.759 the time, or I'm missing out on these moments because 0:50:33.760 --> 0:50:35.839 I'm looking at Instagram even when my baby is right 0:50:35.840 --> 0:50:37.759 next to me. Those kinds of moments are important for 0:50:37.880 --> 0:50:40.520 us to internalize and then I feel like, yeah, it 0:50:40.520 --> 0:50:43.200 just gives you more of your You're in the moment 0:50:43.440 --> 0:50:46.439 of this time in your life. But it also really 0:50:46.480 --> 0:50:48.520 just connect and that you know, as much as we 0:50:48.560 --> 0:50:51.160 talk about the negatives of it, I think realize what 0:50:51.520 --> 0:50:53.600 actually brings you the most joy from using it? Why 0:50:53.640 --> 0:50:56.200 do we actually care about these things? Every time we 0:50:56.560 --> 0:50:58.239 think about that, why do we care? And it's for 0:50:58.280 --> 0:51:00.640 me It's like I can't believe that I connect with, 0:51:00.680 --> 0:51:03.480 you know, somebody in Korea via Instagram and then we 0:51:03.520 --> 0:51:06.640 create something together. That's something that is such an incredible 0:51:06.760 --> 0:51:09.239 use of the tool of these social media So I 0:51:09.239 --> 0:51:12.080 feel like when we pinpoint what brings us the most 0:51:12.160 --> 0:51:15.280 joy and subtracts, I don't need to go through the comments. 0:51:15.320 --> 0:51:16.880 What am I doing? Right? Why do I Why am 0:51:16.880 --> 0:51:19.439 I spending hours going through these comments? How much joy 0:51:19.480 --> 0:51:21.840 is that actually bringing me with any of these places? 0:51:22.160 --> 0:51:24.720 I feel like the more we do that, the better 0:51:25.239 --> 0:51:29.719 relationship will have with these apps that we are obsessed with. Well, 0:51:29.760 --> 0:51:31.239 that's actually where I was going to go with this, 0:51:31.360 --> 0:51:33.640 is like I don't think the answer is to delete 0:51:33.680 --> 0:51:36.319 social media, Like I like, that's not because there are 0:51:36.480 --> 0:51:39.480 so many amazing things. I got to feel like I 0:51:39.520 --> 0:51:42.560 was a part of your birthing of your first child. 0:51:42.680 --> 0:51:46.120 Because and I and I haven't seen you in over years, 0:51:46.160 --> 0:51:48.160 like over a year. I got to feel like I 0:51:48.200 --> 0:51:50.000 was a part of your process. And I feel like 0:51:50.000 --> 0:51:52.640 we still get to have podcasts and we still get 0:51:52.640 --> 0:51:54.759 to connect with each other. I met my girlfriend on 0:51:54.800 --> 0:51:57.359 social media, Like, there is a lot that you get 0:51:57.400 --> 0:52:00.720 to do. There's so many amazing things about social media. 0:52:00.800 --> 0:52:03.759 What to you, uh, both of you guys, would be 0:52:03.800 --> 0:52:06.200 something that I just kind of just spilled out everything 0:52:06.239 --> 0:52:08.520 that I love about social media. But for you guys, 0:52:08.560 --> 0:52:10.759 it could be something different. Is there anything specific about 0:52:10.800 --> 0:52:13.680 social media you had mentioned Max about connecting with fans 0:52:13.680 --> 0:52:15.560 on the other side of the world and building a 0:52:15.560 --> 0:52:18.680 fan base. You used to have to tour everywhere to 0:52:18.680 --> 0:52:19.920 build a fan if you want to if you want 0:52:19.960 --> 0:52:22.560 fans in Korea, you'd have to go to Korea and 0:52:22.600 --> 0:52:24.759 either open up for somebody or do a tour or 0:52:24.800 --> 0:52:27.440 sing on the street or promote your record there. And 0:52:27.440 --> 0:52:30.040 now it's a lot different. How do you feel, Oh, yeah, 0:52:30.080 --> 0:52:32.520 it's that exactly though. It's and even more so in 0:52:32.680 --> 0:52:36.000 my specific position there's so many artists that I'm connected 0:52:36.040 --> 0:52:38.320 with around the world. Like a great example is this 0:52:38.480 --> 0:52:41.040 really cool artist's name is Keshy. He's the bomb if 0:52:41.040 --> 0:52:43.760 you don't know his music, amazing musician and uh literally 0:52:43.760 --> 0:52:46.319 we dammed on Instagram and then we both got you know, 0:52:46.360 --> 0:52:48.120 covid tested for a few days and then he came 0:52:48.120 --> 0:52:50.160 over to my studio and we made some music together. 0:52:50.480 --> 0:52:54.799 And that was solely because Instagram connected us and we 0:52:54.840 --> 0:52:56.960 saw mutual people that we worked with and stuff. But 0:52:57.040 --> 0:53:00.120 that was the means of how we not only it 0:53:00.239 --> 0:53:03.319 from point A to point B. That was it was 0:53:03.760 --> 0:53:06.720 like a text message or anything else, but something public 0:53:06.760 --> 0:53:09.040 that we could utilize. So I feel like there really 0:53:09.080 --> 0:53:12.400 are some magical moments brought to you by Instagram, were 0:53:12.440 --> 0:53:15.120 brought to you by Twitter, and and we can't discount those. 0:53:15.480 --> 0:53:19.319 Oh absolutely. I mean I think about the like our relationship, 0:53:19.400 --> 0:53:23.120 you're my relationship has been strengthened more on social media 0:53:23.200 --> 0:53:25.040 than it is everywhere else. I've met so many amazing 0:53:25.080 --> 0:53:28.240 artists in Australia. Cody. I met Cody on social media 0:53:28.600 --> 0:53:31.680 and yeah, I've connected with I've connected with Cody from that. 0:53:31.760 --> 0:53:36.040 Cody plays saxophone, plays everything with Max. Literally that dude, 0:53:36.080 --> 0:53:38.920 It's it's insane. Cody dot Deer on Instagram makes I 0:53:38.960 --> 0:53:41.360 met him on Instagram to great examples, he did a 0:53:41.440 --> 0:53:43.879 cover he did a cover of one of my other group, 0:53:43.920 --> 0:53:46.160 this group called Party People, as he liked just ripped 0:53:46.200 --> 0:53:48.799 sacks over something. And he posts these videos and he's 0:53:48.800 --> 0:53:50.600 been playing. He's toured around the world with us for 0:53:50.640 --> 0:53:53.279 the last two years because we saw a video of 0:53:53.320 --> 0:53:56.120 him ripping saxophone over our cover of Miss Jackson. So 0:53:56.160 --> 0:53:59.479 as artists, it's so it's been. There are so many 0:53:59.600 --> 0:54:01.759 useful things. That's why I wanted to preface this whole 0:54:01.760 --> 0:54:05.640 episode with I'm not antisocial media. There's just sometimes where 0:54:05.640 --> 0:54:07.600 it's really bad for me. But I do think it's 0:54:07.600 --> 0:54:09.800 important that we do point out there are amazing things, 0:54:09.840 --> 0:54:12.600 because I think throughout this episode, if you don't appreciate it, 0:54:12.640 --> 0:54:14.680 then you can kind of fall into a like, well whatever, 0:54:14.760 --> 0:54:17.960 let's just delete it. Um. Outside of the artist world, Elizabeth, 0:54:18.000 --> 0:54:21.200 is what for you specifically social media really done in 0:54:21.200 --> 0:54:23.200 a positive way in your life? Yeah? You know what 0:54:23.360 --> 0:54:28.360 surprising is it's actually helped my own creative expression and 0:54:28.480 --> 0:54:32.400 my own trying to show up in the world is 0:54:32.440 --> 0:54:37.080 my whole self. That's kind of one of my intentions 0:54:37.160 --> 0:54:41.279 because I come from Silicon Valley, Like I had that 0:54:41.360 --> 0:54:43.960 whole life for a while, and that was one version 0:54:44.000 --> 0:54:46.080 of me. And then I showed up in my business 0:54:46.160 --> 0:54:51.319 as this very like authentic but still very buttoned up. 0:54:51.320 --> 0:54:54.319 It was like professional authentic. I still had that part 0:54:54.360 --> 0:54:57.400 of me that was, you know, painting my nails like 0:54:57.560 --> 0:54:59.360 light paint, you know. And then I went through this 0:54:59.400 --> 0:55:01.920 whole phase of like everything was black and I was 0:55:02.000 --> 0:55:04.080 like in this rebellious phase. And now it's kind of 0:55:04.760 --> 0:55:07.319 coming into my own and I see that it reflected 0:55:07.520 --> 0:55:11.200 in my feed. And I remember there was one day 0:55:11.560 --> 0:55:13.239 at the end of last year and I was just like, oh, 0:55:13.480 --> 0:55:15.879 this just feels too serious. Like yes, I talked about 0:55:15.920 --> 0:55:18.279 a lot of serious topics and we go deep and 0:55:18.320 --> 0:55:21.040 I love the heart to hearts and at the same time, 0:55:21.719 --> 0:55:24.879 I was like that that also isn't all of me. 0:55:25.040 --> 0:55:29.000 I Actually I love dancing. I love nineties boy band 0:55:29.040 --> 0:55:33.400 so I started these uh Instagram live dance parties, which 0:55:33.440 --> 0:55:37.239 was like so silly and weird, and but also that 0:55:37.360 --> 0:55:42.759 is as much me as talking about my history with 0:55:42.800 --> 0:55:45.799 an eating disorder or anxiety. That's probably one of the 0:55:45.840 --> 0:55:51.040 things that I've most gotten from Instagram is the ability 0:55:51.120 --> 0:55:54.840 to just like play with who I am and to 0:55:55.480 --> 0:56:00.320 and to give myself permission to evolve as my writing 0:56:00.360 --> 0:56:05.480 evolves and my content evolves, in my personal growth evolves. Yeah. Absolutely, 0:56:05.640 --> 0:56:07.200 So I have one I have one last question for 0:56:07.239 --> 0:56:09.640 each of you, um, and I'll start with you, Elizabeth. 0:56:09.760 --> 0:56:13.320 I think a lot of responsibility obviously falls on ourselves 0:56:13.400 --> 0:56:15.080 and how we view and how we how much time 0:56:15.080 --> 0:56:18.399 we consume, and how much that we invest ourselves into 0:56:18.400 --> 0:56:20.919 other things. But I think a lot of weight also 0:56:20.960 --> 0:56:24.520 should be given to these social media platforms. And I 0:56:24.520 --> 0:56:26.759 think some platforms have done a really really great job 0:56:26.880 --> 0:56:30.520 at at you know, you have your TikTok um they 0:56:30.520 --> 0:56:32.640 started implementing those like if you're scrolling for a certain 0:56:32.640 --> 0:56:34.440 amount of time, like a TikTok will pop up and 0:56:34.480 --> 0:56:37.280 it's that guy that everybody knows from Vine and he's like, hey, 0:56:37.520 --> 0:56:39.480 you've been on TikTok for quite a while now, Like, 0:56:39.520 --> 0:56:41.279 why don't we take a break. I've had that, So 0:56:41.400 --> 0:56:43.520 if I've got to hit that every night this week honestly, 0:56:43.520 --> 0:56:45.919 because I've been a TikTok feed this week. But there's 0:56:45.960 --> 0:56:47.879 some things, or even Instagram when they wanted to start 0:56:47.920 --> 0:56:50.799 implementing not showing how many likes you get and not 0:56:50.920 --> 0:56:54.440 showing comments or um, you know, different ways. But I 0:56:54.480 --> 0:56:56.799 also think that there's a lot of things, especially in 0:56:56.840 --> 0:56:59.080 the visuals, is really kind of where I am. We 0:56:59.160 --> 0:57:01.880 have all of these phil turns on tickto and And 0:57:01.880 --> 0:57:03.880 this is not to call any social media out again. 0:57:04.080 --> 0:57:06.000 We just talked about how much we love social media. 0:57:06.080 --> 0:57:09.440 But like TikTok has a mode that's called beauty mode, 0:57:09.560 --> 0:57:12.720 and I think that there shouldn't be Like, in my opinion, 0:57:12.760 --> 0:57:14.359 I think they should remove it. I don't think that 0:57:14.400 --> 0:57:17.160 you should have a button that a kid presses that 0:57:17.480 --> 0:57:21.280 makes them now pretty because whatever was before was not beauty, 0:57:21.360 --> 0:57:24.200 but now it's beauty mode. Or same with the face, 0:57:24.280 --> 0:57:26.240 it's like you can change your face to look as 0:57:26.280 --> 0:57:30.280 the way that you wanted to and all of these things. Elizabeth, 0:57:30.280 --> 0:57:34.920 how do you feel, especially somebody who studies perfectionism, um, 0:57:34.960 --> 0:57:38.520 how do you feel social media apps and those platforms 0:57:38.560 --> 0:57:42.000 can can make even more change, especially in the visuals, 0:57:42.320 --> 0:57:45.280 uh and and the and the societal standard that that 0:57:45.320 --> 0:57:47.720 a lot of kids in today's world are are gonna 0:57:47.760 --> 0:57:51.480 be dealing with if things don't change absolutely. And I 0:57:51.520 --> 0:57:53.959 love the example of filter because I've been thinking about 0:57:53.960 --> 0:57:58.280 that myself, because I also sometimes most of the time 0:57:58.520 --> 0:58:01.680 use filters, and oh I use filters, by the way, 0:58:01.720 --> 0:58:04.080 that is not me being like you shouldn't use filters. 0:58:04.240 --> 0:58:07.040 I use filters. I'm gonna be I'm absolutely the kettle. 0:58:07.080 --> 0:58:08.960 I'm the kettle and the pot at this point, like 0:58:09.000 --> 0:58:11.240 I am both um and it's all about to me. 0:58:11.280 --> 0:58:13.040 It's like, it's more so, how do we all stop? 0:58:13.040 --> 0:58:15.000 Because I use beauty Mode and I look at beauty 0:58:15.000 --> 0:58:17.480 Mode and I go, I just wish I looked like that, 0:58:17.600 --> 0:58:21.040 you know, But but it's not fair to say that. Yeah, 0:58:21.240 --> 0:58:24.160 And what's interesting is I noticed all the filters that 0:58:24.200 --> 0:58:28.680 I use on Instagram are of like beautiful white women, 0:58:28.680 --> 0:58:32.400 and I'm mixed. I'm half Chinese, and I have had 0:58:32.400 --> 0:58:39.040 this whole, very dark reckoning of my racial identity. And 0:58:39.280 --> 0:58:42.240 it has occurred to me, like just the other day, 0:58:42.280 --> 0:58:46.160 I was like, gosh, you know, what is that message? 0:58:46.440 --> 0:58:49.080 What am I sending to my subconscious every time I 0:58:49.200 --> 0:58:52.040 use this filter to be this like blond, like blond, 0:58:52.080 --> 0:58:55.480 blue eyed person um? And so I think we can 0:58:55.520 --> 0:59:00.400 go kind of even deeper there in terms of not 0:59:00.480 --> 0:59:04.960 just what the filters are telling us about beauty, but 0:59:05.120 --> 0:59:09.200 also like, what are these filters telling us about race 0:59:09.520 --> 0:59:13.720 and our our ability to love ourselves just the way 0:59:13.760 --> 0:59:17.320 we are? And I think that's something that is very 0:59:17.320 --> 0:59:20.480 important to me as someone who studies perfectionism, because the 0:59:20.560 --> 0:59:24.200 number one combatant to perfectionism and learning to really love 0:59:24.240 --> 0:59:28.640 yourself is that unconditional self acceptance and self compassion. And 0:59:28.680 --> 0:59:33.560 so when you're constantly trying to morph yourself into what 0:59:34.320 --> 0:59:38.919 you think is better or what the world truly does 0:59:39.080 --> 0:59:44.000 perceive as more beautiful, because that that is the the 0:59:44.080 --> 0:59:47.080 zeit geys, that's that is what we have told everyone, 0:59:47.480 --> 0:59:50.840 then it just continues to perpetuate that problem. So I 0:59:50.840 --> 0:59:55.080 think you're onto something with with the filters, um And 0:59:55.800 --> 0:59:59.120 I mean, the other thing that just really gets me 0:59:59.240 --> 1:00:03.360 is that kind infinite scroll of those visuals, and it's 1:00:03.360 --> 1:00:10.560 it just it's this never never ending feeling of things 1:00:10.720 --> 1:00:13.600 could be more, things could be better, or I could 1:00:13.680 --> 1:00:16.840 look like this, or I could oh, she's achieving that, 1:00:17.080 --> 1:00:21.760 and that it manifests in the endless scroll and it 1:00:21.840 --> 1:00:25.600 seems like, gosh, that's just like a silly feature over here, 1:00:25.640 --> 1:00:29.080 but I think inside of our minds, it kind of 1:00:29.320 --> 1:00:32.360 it never allows that loop to close. And so even 1:00:32.400 --> 1:00:35.520 after we put away our device, it's still going. It's 1:00:35.520 --> 1:00:37.400 still like oh yeah, and this and that and that, 1:00:38.040 --> 1:00:41.360 and it's then, of course we're never going to feel 1:00:41.440 --> 1:00:47.680 enough because we are flooded with these images that are different. Yeah, 1:00:47.720 --> 1:00:49.560 I mean I opened I opened up, I opened up 1:00:49.560 --> 1:00:52.080 my fridge multiple times, and the same stuff is in 1:00:52.120 --> 1:00:54.520 the fridge. I open on my fridge five times in 1:00:54.520 --> 1:00:56.240 an hour, and it's going to be the same thing. 1:00:56.520 --> 1:00:58.959 So imagine if my fridge had a new thing every 1:00:59.000 --> 1:01:00.320 time I opened it up, I'd be a pening it 1:01:00.440 --> 1:01:02.160 up every minute, you know. And that's to me what 1:01:02.240 --> 1:01:04.840 social media is. As you guys can tell, I'm very hungry, 1:01:05.280 --> 1:01:09.200 um Max, now for your question. You're kind of doing 1:01:09.240 --> 1:01:11.520 double duty. You and m are doing double duty at 1:01:11.520 --> 1:01:13.760 this point because not only are you living it and 1:01:13.800 --> 1:01:16.280 you are, for lack of better term, feeding the machine 1:01:16.560 --> 1:01:18.400 by being a part of this, especially in a in 1:01:18.440 --> 1:01:20.919 a huge way, you're also having to be a parent. 1:01:20.920 --> 1:01:24.360 I remember watching a Ted talk where um Steve Jobs 1:01:24.440 --> 1:01:26.720 was interviewed about the new iPad and said, you know, 1:01:26.760 --> 1:01:28.640 do your children like the new iPad and he's like, oh, 1:01:28.680 --> 1:01:31.000 they don't use they don't use the like they're not 1:01:31.280 --> 1:01:33.640 like And I feel like most of the most of 1:01:33.680 --> 1:01:38.120 the tech monsters, especially in Silicon Valley, they don't let 1:01:38.120 --> 1:01:41.120 their kids do it because they see the ugly in it. 1:01:41.160 --> 1:01:43.720 They see what's going on and being a parent right now, 1:01:43.720 --> 1:01:46.479 Like my sister has a has a almost two year old, 1:01:46.880 --> 1:01:48.800 and in my mind, I'm like that, I don't know 1:01:48.920 --> 1:01:51.000 what what do you do? You know? And how do 1:01:51.040 --> 1:01:55.320 you even think about the next ten years as your daughter, 1:01:55.720 --> 1:01:59.160 as as Eadie Selene just grows up and has to 1:01:59.200 --> 1:02:00.880 deal with this? Are you planning? Do you have do 1:02:00.920 --> 1:02:03.600 you have any idea of what you're gonna do? I 1:02:03.600 --> 1:02:05.680 feel like it's just all I keep talking with Emily 1:02:05.680 --> 1:02:08.360 about is it. It's if anything, it is more of 1:02:08.400 --> 1:02:12.080 a self reflecting moment because I feel like it's just 1:02:12.320 --> 1:02:14.400 leading by example. I don't I don't want to if 1:02:14.440 --> 1:02:16.280 I got to use my phone and or I do 1:02:16.320 --> 1:02:17.960 all these things, I don't want to. I don't want 1:02:17.960 --> 1:02:19.560 to be a hypocrite to her. I feel like the 1:02:19.600 --> 1:02:20.920 only way I'm gonna be able to do it is 1:02:20.960 --> 1:02:23.840 tell her, you know, if if I'm on my phone 1:02:23.840 --> 1:02:26.160 too much, then I feel like she's gonna soak that in. 1:02:26.280 --> 1:02:29.439 So I hope that we can just be you really 1:02:29.440 --> 1:02:31.280 want to be the best example. But by doing that, 1:02:31.320 --> 1:02:33.840 it's a responsibility to say, well, then I really do 1:02:33.880 --> 1:02:36.040 have to hide my phone or when I don't really 1:02:36.080 --> 1:02:38.120 need to use it, or tell her I'm on my 1:02:38.160 --> 1:02:41.919 phone because this this this manager texted me about this song. 1:02:42.360 --> 1:02:45.840 I'm not ignoring you. It's like the communication is interesting 1:02:45.880 --> 1:02:48.320 Emily as a really intense psychology of it, because she 1:02:48.360 --> 1:02:50.919 was a nanny for seven years and she baby sat 1:02:51.000 --> 1:02:53.160 and was the nanny for so many other people's kids, 1:02:53.320 --> 1:02:55.120 and I think that made her feel like, oh man, 1:02:55.200 --> 1:02:56.680 I don't want It's the same thing. She's like, I 1:02:56.720 --> 1:02:58.040 don't want to ever have a nanny. I was a 1:02:58.120 --> 1:03:00.760 nanny for seven years, just like how these you know, 1:03:00.800 --> 1:03:03.560 silicon value people feel. But but I do. I feel 1:03:03.560 --> 1:03:07.560 like anything that we tell I tell my my baby 1:03:07.840 --> 1:03:10.680 she can't do, it's just gonna be the opposite effect exactly, 1:03:10.720 --> 1:03:13.240 And why why why are you doing it? Exactly? Why 1:03:13.280 --> 1:03:14.760 can you watch TV or all these things? So I 1:03:14.760 --> 1:03:17.400 feel like I the only thing I'm gonna know how 1:03:17.400 --> 1:03:20.480 to do is be able to say, you're right, I'm 1:03:20.520 --> 1:03:23.200 gonna stop watching TV and go outside and play with 1:03:23.240 --> 1:03:25.840 you because I don't. I don't want to limit your 1:03:25.880 --> 1:03:27.680 experience with the world. And I think that's the other 1:03:27.720 --> 1:03:30.640 thing for parents. You've already experienced it and you want 1:03:30.640 --> 1:03:32.560 to be better for your kids. But you know, I'm 1:03:32.560 --> 1:03:34.280 super new to this game. But all I can think 1:03:34.320 --> 1:03:37.760 is like, but she hasn't experienced anything I've experienced. She doesn't. 1:03:38.400 --> 1:03:41.320 She needs to, She needs to explore the world so 1:03:41.360 --> 1:03:42.960 that she knows what she likes and she doesn't like 1:03:43.040 --> 1:03:46.480 the Hopefully we can instill some values in her to 1:03:46.480 --> 1:03:48.640 to make those choices for herself. I just want to 1:03:48.880 --> 1:03:50.960 keep trying to do that, but it is tough. I 1:03:51.000 --> 1:03:53.600 have a little baby cousin who's now nine, and she's 1:03:54.240 --> 1:03:57.520 I had obsessed. Well, that's the thing. It's not only 1:03:57.560 --> 1:03:59.320 how you treat your children. But then she's going to 1:03:59.400 --> 1:04:01.200 go out into the war world where there's other kids 1:04:01.200 --> 1:04:03.960 who aren't being regular, like, they're not being regulator, they're 1:04:04.000 --> 1:04:06.360 not being led by example, and then she's going to 1:04:06.400 --> 1:04:08.240 see pick up on that. Oh, she gets to bring 1:04:08.280 --> 1:04:10.920 her iPad to school, so during lunch, instead of running 1:04:10.960 --> 1:04:13.160 around and playing tags, she gets to play, you know, 1:04:13.640 --> 1:04:16.439 Clash of Clans or I don't know whatever the kids 1:04:16.440 --> 1:04:19.360 are playing these days. But it's like it's just it's everywhere, 1:04:19.480 --> 1:04:23.160 you know, and and right now, the negativity is everywhere. 1:04:23.160 --> 1:04:25.000 And I think that's the biggest thing is how do we, 1:04:25.240 --> 1:04:28.720 as not only adults and not only as you know, 1:04:29.240 --> 1:04:31.920 people who are are very fortunate to have a following 1:04:31.960 --> 1:04:35.919 on social media, how do we change the conversation not 1:04:36.000 --> 1:04:38.760 just for e Selen, not just for my Niemila, not 1:04:38.800 --> 1:04:41.440 just for that, but for the future of This is 1:04:41.480 --> 1:04:44.240 where reality is going to sit now. This is and 1:04:44.320 --> 1:04:47.880 social media is very gapped from reality at the moment, 1:04:47.920 --> 1:04:49.920 and I think how do we close that gap and 1:04:49.960 --> 1:04:51.560 get it as close as we can. I think it's 1:04:51.560 --> 1:04:53.200 always going to have a little bit of a filter 1:04:53.280 --> 1:04:54.880 on it, and that's not bad to have a little 1:04:54.880 --> 1:04:56.960 filter on it, because it's fun and and it is 1:04:57.120 --> 1:04:59.320 sometimes a good way to get out of the world 1:04:59.360 --> 1:05:01.240 that you're in at a moment and feel like you're 1:05:01.240 --> 1:05:03.840 in another place and and kind of how concerts are 1:05:03.880 --> 1:05:05.680 for some people, you know, sometimes social media can be 1:05:05.680 --> 1:05:06.920 that for me where I'm like, I'm having a really 1:05:06.960 --> 1:05:09.080 bad day, but if I look at a hundred memes. 1:05:09.080 --> 1:05:10.480 I'm gonna be really, I'm gonna be in a lot 1:05:10.480 --> 1:05:11.880 better of a mood. You know. So how do we 1:05:12.000 --> 1:05:14.960 change that gap? Your title the titles you said. I 1:05:14.960 --> 1:05:17.760 think that's a big thing. It's that is that is 1:05:17.760 --> 1:05:20.240 messed up. There shouldn't be a beauty mode that you know, 1:05:20.280 --> 1:05:22.800 we shouldn't. I think you can't. Like again, you can't 1:05:22.800 --> 1:05:24.440 get rid of filters and all these things. But I 1:05:24.440 --> 1:05:27.320 do think how we title them is important. I wouldn't 1:05:27.320 --> 1:05:29.680 want Eaty to see a mode that tells her this 1:05:29.760 --> 1:05:31.880 is what beautiful is, says yeah, beauty and then it 1:05:31.960 --> 1:05:34.840 changes what ugly mode or whatever, you know, that kind 1:05:34.840 --> 1:05:37.840 of stuff. That definitely that that feels like a choice 1:05:37.880 --> 1:05:41.040 for these apps, which are tools to make to say 1:05:41.080 --> 1:05:45.120 we shouldn't say this because to this especially tiny human, 1:05:45.800 --> 1:05:48.920 they're reading that and there. That's that's what the learning fels. 1:05:49.400 --> 1:05:51.280 You know. What one I like though, is the baby one. 1:05:51.400 --> 1:05:53.600 That one That filter is great because there's no it's 1:05:53.640 --> 1:05:57.640 not offensive to anybody. You're just example like, that's perfect. 1:05:58.000 --> 1:06:00.280 Let's okay, I'm gonna start a petition right now. We're 1:06:00.280 --> 1:06:03.400 gonna make baby mode the only filter allowed or old 1:06:03.400 --> 1:06:06.240 people remember the old people one. Yeah, wrinkles and gray hair, 1:06:06.360 --> 1:06:09.560 those two are totally fun. I think those ones are fun, 1:06:09.920 --> 1:06:12.520 and it's and other than that, we I think I 1:06:12.520 --> 1:06:15.400 could do without. But I think you're right. It's it's 1:06:15.480 --> 1:06:18.400 just how do we change the narrative? You know what 1:06:18.560 --> 1:06:20.840 is how what do we what do we change about it? 1:06:20.920 --> 1:06:24.000 Do we fix that? Fix beauty modes so that it's 1:06:24.040 --> 1:06:27.240 just set to like you know, lighting mode. The titles 1:06:27.280 --> 1:06:30.760 are definitely toxic. I think my biggest takeaways are that 1:06:31.960 --> 1:06:37.360 we allow social media so often to govern us when 1:06:37.400 --> 1:06:39.560 in reality, like you said in my favorite I think 1:06:39.560 --> 1:06:41.280 one of my favorite lines that you said today is 1:06:41.320 --> 1:06:43.880 that we it's a tool. It's not it's not our life, 1:06:44.000 --> 1:06:47.480 it's not our it's not our responsibility. It's not like 1:06:47.560 --> 1:06:51.040 our If if we deleted our social media tomorrow, then 1:06:51.080 --> 1:06:53.200 we're just going to continue going on about our lives. 1:06:53.240 --> 1:06:55.560 So if we think about it in that way and 1:06:55.680 --> 1:06:58.720 we take the weight out of it and understand this 1:06:58.800 --> 1:07:00.920 is the other thing is like understand that everybody is 1:07:01.000 --> 1:07:04.720 thinking what we're thinking, and everybody's we think everybody's going 1:07:04.760 --> 1:07:06.880 to judge us, but everybody else is worried that they're 1:07:06.880 --> 1:07:08.560 going to get judged as well, and it's just like 1:07:08.600 --> 1:07:10.640 how do we how do we alter that? And so 1:07:10.880 --> 1:07:13.000 if you're listening to this, I'm so glad that you 1:07:13.040 --> 1:07:16.040 got to listen to two amazing guests on this episode 1:07:16.040 --> 1:07:18.640 who have have an awesome grasp on things, and I'm 1:07:18.680 --> 1:07:21.600 so grateful for both of you guys coming on. Um, 1:07:21.640 --> 1:07:24.400 this is the wrap up segment. It's called Shameless Promo, 1:07:24.480 --> 1:07:26.320 and I just want you to talk about everything that's 1:07:26.360 --> 1:07:28.440 going on in your lives. Where people can find you 1:07:28.440 --> 1:07:32.640 on social media, where they can find your authenticity on 1:07:32.640 --> 1:07:36.040 on social media hosts and all of that. UM, go 1:07:36.120 --> 1:07:39.040 after Elizabeth, let's here, where can we find you? Yeah, 1:07:39.200 --> 1:07:42.200 so you can find me on Instagram at Hail Elizabeth Sue. 1:07:42.280 --> 1:07:46.160 That's h e y Elizabeth Sue s U. You can 1:07:46.200 --> 1:07:49.720 also sign up for Monday Fives my newsletter which is 1:07:49.760 --> 1:07:53.680 super fun on my website Elizabeth Su dot com. And then, 1:07:54.440 --> 1:07:58.720 as you mentioned, my biggest project right now is my 1:07:58.880 --> 1:08:01.720 book and finding a good home for that. So if 1:08:01.760 --> 1:08:04.120 anyone knows of a literary agent or someone in the 1:08:04.160 --> 1:08:07.160 publishing world that would be interested, shoot me a message. 1:08:07.200 --> 1:08:10.560 I'd be grateful to connect. That was Oh my gosh, Max, 1:08:10.640 --> 1:08:12.600 you gotta follow that up. That was That might be 1:08:12.640 --> 1:08:15.080 the best shameless promo that like just it was just 1:08:15.120 --> 1:08:18.840 so clean, it was precise. Everybody knows where to find you. 1:08:19.160 --> 1:08:21.840 Everybody's excited. I'm excited. Do you have a title for 1:08:21.880 --> 1:08:26.280 the book yet? I have a tentative title flawed feeling 1:08:26.320 --> 1:08:30.280 worthy in a society that demands perfection. I love those 1:08:30.320 --> 1:08:33.400 books that have books that have a colon just are 1:08:33.439 --> 1:08:36.400 are automatically big best sellers for me, Like, I'm going 1:08:36.439 --> 1:08:40.120 after it, Max, Baby, talk to us. My shame was 1:08:40.160 --> 1:08:43.080 from Yeah, my album coverage is out, have a deluxe 1:08:43.160 --> 1:08:45.000 version with a bunch of goodies on it coming out, 1:08:45.000 --> 1:08:47.040 and I think it's early March. I got pushed poopy, 1:08:47.160 --> 1:08:49.519 but anyway, Yeah, you can check that out. And then 1:08:49.680 --> 1:08:51.840 yeah at Max Music and at Max where I got 1:08:51.920 --> 1:08:55.519 lucky like YouTube and stuff. Some some hockey player got 1:08:55.560 --> 1:08:57.760 it on Instagram. So at Max Music, go for it. 1:08:58.560 --> 1:09:00.320 Don't you hate it when your name just gets taken 1:09:00.360 --> 1:09:03.200 by somebody else has your name? Yeah? Man, come on, 1:09:03.280 --> 1:09:06.120 you're you're not. I'm going by this one. Very hard 1:09:06.160 --> 1:09:08.720 to google name. You go, you use your last name. 1:09:08.800 --> 1:09:11.639 I don't know my last literally as a hockey player. 1:09:11.680 --> 1:09:14.080 You literally use your last You have dates on your shirt. 1:09:14.120 --> 1:09:16.200 Your my name is on my shirt. Your last name 1:09:16.240 --> 1:09:18.160 is on your shirt. This is my max. I don't 1:09:18.160 --> 1:09:20.120 even know your last name. I forget it. But if 1:09:20.120 --> 1:09:22.680 you're listening, if you're a big fan Alex podcast, give 1:09:22.720 --> 1:09:25.120 me my damn name on Instagram. That's our second petition. 1:09:25.160 --> 1:09:27.200 We got two petitions going on one to get mad 1:09:27.320 --> 1:09:31.599 even name on Instagram. Give it to me, man, we 1:09:31.640 --> 1:09:35.599 want it. Um, I'm so I'm so happy. Yeah makes 1:09:35.600 --> 1:09:37.559 you guys listen to color visions. Color is great and 1:09:37.560 --> 1:09:39.880 if you're lucky enough, you'll get color visions hoodie. That's 1:09:39.920 --> 1:09:43.040 how you know you're a real one. Um. I still 1:09:43.120 --> 1:09:45.519 rock my color vision hoodie to this day. You guys 1:09:45.520 --> 1:09:47.280 know where you can find me at alex ion O 1:09:47.400 --> 1:09:49.120 A I O n oh. Best part about having a 1:09:49.120 --> 1:09:51.799 weird last name you don't have to compete with hockey players. 1:09:52.520 --> 1:09:54.479 Thank you guys so much. This is the end of 1:09:54.640 --> 1:09:57.040 let's get into it season one. If you want season two, 1:09:57.080 --> 1:09:58.920 make sure you tweet my heart let them know that 1:09:59.000 --> 1:10:00.800 this is what you want. This is how badly you 1:10:00.840 --> 1:10:02.960 want it. I love you guys. Make sure you rate 1:10:03.000 --> 1:10:05.479 our podcast makes you subscribe. That's how we continue to grow, 1:10:05.479 --> 1:10:07.639 and that's how he gets season two. But until then, 1:10:07.720 --> 1:10:16.320 I love you guys, peace. We really want you to 1:10:16.320 --> 1:10:18.160 get the help you need, so if you need help, 1:10:18.160 --> 1:10:21.280 please seek independent advice from a competent healthcare or mental 1:10:21.320 --> 1:10:24.280 health professional. The views and opinions expressed in this podcast 1:10:24.320 --> 1:10:27.160 are solely those of the podcast author or individuals participating 1:10:27.160 --> 1:10:29.120 in the podcast, and do not represent the opinions of 1:10:29.120 --> 1:10:31.600 I Heart Media or its employees. This podcast should not 1:10:31.640 --> 1:10:34.759 be used as medical advice, mental health advice, counseling, or therapy. 1:10:34.920 --> 1:10:37.720 Listening to the podcast does not established dr patient relationship 1:10:37.800 --> 1:10:40.080 with hosts or guests of alex IONO, Let's Get Into 1:10:40.120 --> 1:10:42.759 It or I Heart Media. No guarantee is given regarding 1:10:42.800 --> 1:10:46.639 the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on this podcast. Well, 1:10:46.680 --> 1:10:47.599 if that's a doozy