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Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some spectacular stories coming up, but real quick,

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Speaker 2: we got a two minute break from our lovely sponsors

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Speaker 2: keeping this ship sailing.

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Speaker 3: HIAA is threatening to find me one hundred dollars a

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Speaker 3: day for rules.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know existed. Well, I'm finding you guys for

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Speaker 1: being mean.

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Speaker 3: My husband and I bought our house two years ago.

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Speaker 3: It's in a neighborhood with an hua, which we knew

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Speaker 3: going into it, but the rules seemed reasonable at the time.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this came from Okay Cloud forty seven

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Speaker 3: to forty two, And if you want to submit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate

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Speaker 3: And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia.

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Speaker 2: My bad, it's so hard to get respect around here.

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Speaker 2: I'm Keon. I guess I don't know what I am anymore.

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Speaker 1: You're Docson, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully.

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Speaker 1: We don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 2: I don't feel very goofily, right, you just.

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Speaker 1: Know we would do in these situations.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, ignore Keon.

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Speaker 1: Let us know you would do it.

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Speaker 2: Not ignoreed Keon. I bet i Betuely would.

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Speaker 3: But uh Opie says basic stuff about lawnmin not parking

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Speaker 3: RVs in the driveway. This year, I decided to go

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Speaker 3: all out for Christmas. I love Christmas. I put up

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Speaker 3: lights in the house, some yard decorations, a big inflatable snowman,

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Speaker 3: the works, nothing crazy. Riley just came in here and

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Speaker 3: flipped me off. Everyone attacked him, and they come.

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Speaker 2: Here, come back here, really, get in here, Riley, get

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Speaker 2: in here? Did you fix Angie's camera because she ignored me?

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Speaker 1: Whoa water ball speaking?

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Speaker 2: What about no come back?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 3: I've seen way more elaborate displays, but it looks nice

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Speaker 3: and festive and it makes me happy. Two days after

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Speaker 3: I finished decorating, I got a letter from the Hoay.

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Speaker 3: Apparently my Christmas display violates the seasonal decoration guidelines. I

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Speaker 3: mean guidelines I didn't even know existed because they're not

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Speaker 3: in the main HOA rules. They're in some supplementary document

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Speaker 3: that was never given to us when we bought the house.

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Speaker 3: The letter says, I can only have white or clear

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Speaker 3: lights minor multicolored so lame inflatables are not permitted. Decorations

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Speaker 3: cannot extend more than three feet from the house, and

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Speaker 3: the display can only be up from December first to

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Speaker 3: January fifth.

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Speaker 2: Some wonky I mean, yeah, those are that's within a

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Speaker 2: good time frame. But these are some wonky rules.

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Speaker 4: That's actually crazy, because what do you mean I can't

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Speaker 4: like what are you saying that I can't decorate my

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Speaker 4: house in general?

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Speaker 3: Is this a community of just a bunch of boring people?

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Speaker 1: Do you live in the Grinches community?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Sound a bunch of scrooges.

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Speaker 3: Why do we need clear or white decorations?

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Speaker 1: Could you just like say that's not Christmas decorations? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Right, Halloween decorations.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Thanksgiving what you're talking about?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because she said it display can only be up

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Speaker 3: from December first to January fifth. I put mine up

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Speaker 3: the week before Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like Thanksgiving decorations what you're talking about. There

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Speaker 1: are Thanksgiving rainbow colors also, But like what if someone

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Speaker 1: just wanted to have like lights up?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, white is not the only Christmas color.

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Speaker 3: It's the color of snow. It's not even like Christmas color.

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Speaker 3: It's just snow color.

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Speaker 2: The only reason I can see it not even that,

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Speaker 2: like if if you covered your house and your house

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Speaker 2: was like a like a beam to the moon. Moon.

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Speaker 1: It was like an actual like menace to the neighborhood.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm out of what it's like strobe lights like

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Speaker 3: shining into everyone's house for Mike.

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Speaker 2: All day or day. Yeah, I can see that being

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Speaker 2: a like a thing, but it seems tame.

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Speaker 3: I have forty eight hours to remove the non compliant

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Speaker 3: decorations or I'll be fined one hundred dollars per day,

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Speaker 3: per day, one hundred dollars per day.

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Speaker 1: Dude, ho ways go.

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Speaker 3: Freaking crazy with that, gracious. I called the hoa management company,

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Speaker 3: and the woman I spoke to was so condescending. She said,

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Speaker 3: these rules apply to everyone to maintain neighborhood aesthetics. Stupid,

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Speaker 3: I said, I never received these rules, and she said

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Speaker 3: ignorance of the rules doesn't excuse violation of them.

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Speaker 1: Well, but ignorance of the rules doesn't.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't excuse me put a putting poo in your face. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna put poo in your face?

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Speaker 1: Take that? Who face?

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Speaker 2: Who's pooh?

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Speaker 1: I dog? Monkeys? Monkey? Let me just get a monkey.

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Speaker 4: It'll throw itself throat, hold it up and aim it. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Ye, all I know is this person's getting cold for

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Speaker 2: Christmas and pooh to the face.

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Speaker 1: Literally to say, I don't think Santa is gonna like

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Speaker 1: that very much. I take crety man.

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Speaker 3: I asked to see the rule document, and she emailed

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Speaker 3: me a forty seven page pdf of supplementary guidelines that

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Speaker 3: forty seven insane things like wreaths can only be green

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Speaker 3: or gold, no law ornaments visible from the street between

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Speaker 3: January sixth and November thirtieth, and how the day decorations

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Speaker 3: must be tasteful and understated.

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Speaker 1: My decorations are tasteful.

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Speaker 3: They're normal Christmas decorations that thousands of people have.

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Speaker 1: That is just so insane though too.

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Speaker 3: You can't have any any lawn ornaments from January sixth, like,

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Speaker 3: you can only have Christmas lawn ornaments with very strict rules,

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Speaker 3: and you can't have any other law ornaments. What no gnomes,

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Speaker 3: no little bunnies, no, no flamingos.

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Speaker 2: No sophia for candy Canelane, Oh my goodness, dude.

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Speaker 4: Well yeah, I do they have an hoa in candy

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Speaker 4: gan Lane that says like you have to go all

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Speaker 4: out for Christmas?

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Speaker 1: Honestly, probably, yeah, honestly, I feel like you don't. If

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Speaker 1: you don't cover your house in lights.

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Speaker 2: If your electric bill is not over the roof.

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Speaker 3: Right, Like, I feel like that's kind of part of

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Speaker 3: what you need to know. Like yeah, I wonder if

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Speaker 3: like a realtor has to say that to people, like

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Speaker 3: so we found.

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Speaker 1: Something with your requirements.

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Speaker 3: It is on candy kan lane and they're like, we're Jewish,

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Speaker 3: like the top, you will still have to decorate.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, do you have a Jewish candy cane right.

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Speaker 1: Where you could do blue and white?

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Speaker 3: That could work, just have to go all out either way.

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Speaker 3: My next door neighbor has almost the exact same setup

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Speaker 3: as me.

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Speaker 1: I asked if they got a letter.

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Speaker 2: They said no, WHOA.

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Speaker 3: So apparently the HOA is selectively enforcing this.

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Speaker 1: My husband wants me to just take down the.

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Speaker 3: Decorations to avoid the fines, but I'm so angry about this.

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Speaker 3: It's Christmas. I want to have Christmas lights. This is

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Speaker 3: my house that I paid for with my own money.

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Speaker 3: I tried to fight it. I sent an email saying

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Speaker 3: I never received these supplementary guidelines and that the rule

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Speaker 3: seems overly restrictive. The response was basically, rules are rules.

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Speaker 3: Remove the decorations or face dainty fines starting December first.

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Speaker 2: Wow, this person sounds really fun at parties.

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Speaker 1: So they're finding op for it being too early.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but then are also going to start the fine

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Speaker 4: Yeah on December first, then she's allowed to do it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: That is actually pretty insane because I'm assuming that means that,

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Speaker 3: like this is like November.

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Speaker 1: Twenty said, the weak before Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, right, so I'm assuming like right now, like the

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Speaker 3: decorations have already been up, and so it right now

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Speaker 3: is two days before December. But yeah, that's completely backwards.

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Speaker 3: It's like, well, I'm gonna put them right back up.

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Speaker 3: It's like, oh I just took them down, but you

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Speaker 3: didn't see it. Yeah, I put them right back up

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Speaker 3: on first because it's fine.

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Speaker 4: Sean uh oh Pie says supplementary rules are illegal if

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Speaker 4: not voted for.

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Speaker 1: The lady might be like, woo, that's what I was wanting.

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Speaker 1: I would honestly get a lawyer.

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Speaker 2: I would go around this entire like neighborhood or whoever

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Speaker 2: and be like, if you have Christmas lights?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I want to do you have this? Do you know

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Speaker 2: about this? Have you ever been fined?

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Speaker 1: Document? Who else has Christmas lights? Up?

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Speaker 3: I need to talk to these people in person possibly

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Speaker 3: be a Karen to them TVH.

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Speaker 1: I want my Christmas lives. I want my Christmas lives.

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Speaker 3: And the HA sucks. Maybe they deserve Karens. They're probably

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Speaker 3: full of Karens. So actually, my mom thinks I should

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Speaker 3: just comply and avoid the stress. My best friend thinks

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Speaker 3: I should lead the decorations up and fight it because

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Speaker 3: the HOA is being ridiculous. My husband is stressed because

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Speaker 3: he thinks that we don't comply and they'll put a

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Speaker 3: lean on our house or something. I hate the idea

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Speaker 3: of moving again, but honestly, after this, I don't know

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Speaker 3: if I can deal with living under Diane's a dictatorship

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Speaker 3: for the next thirty years. Honestly, at this point, joining

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Speaker 3: the board just to vote Diane out is tempting to

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Speaker 3: do it. I wonder how many other people in the

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Speaker 3: neighborhood are sick of her nonsense too. We do have

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Speaker 3: an update. But yeah, honestly, maybe fight a beast within.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you take the things down to avoid

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Speaker 4: the fines, because paying one hundred dollars a day is ridiculous. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: take them down, join the board or whatever. Yeah, start

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Speaker 4: see discord, you have to play the game. Yeah, and

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Speaker 4: play better than Diane steal her job. Look into what's

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Speaker 4: actually legal for what they can do. Yeah, because that's

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Speaker 4: just crazy. Like there has to be a limit to

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Speaker 4: what HOA can do.

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Speaker 3: There's got a GotY limit. We do have an update here.

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Speaker 3: It's been three days since I posted. Things have gotten

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Speaker 3: so much worse. After I posted, the comments were pretty split.

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Speaker 3: Half of you said take down the decorations and pick

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Speaker 3: my battles. The other half said fight it because HOA

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Speaker 3: is being ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: I was leaning towards fighting it. My husband was not.

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Speaker 3: We've been arguing about this NonStop for three days, and

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Speaker 3: by that point I think you would have been vine already.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, two days.

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Speaker 3: He wants the decorations down. I kept saying, no, it's

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Speaker 3: the principle of it. He said, principles don't pay the mortgage.

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Speaker 3: When they put a lien on our house.

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Speaker 1: I genuinely didn't think they'd follow.

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Speaker 3: Through on the daily fines. I thought it was a

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Speaker 3: scare tactic. It's not a scare tactic. Yesterday I checked

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Speaker 3: our mailbox and there was a letter from the HOA

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Speaker 3: an invoice for five hundred dollars.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: Five days of fines December first through December fifth, one

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Speaker 3: hundred dollars per day. I stared at it for like

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Speaker 3: ten minutes. My husband came home from work and I

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Speaker 3: showed him. He didn't say anything at first, just looked

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Speaker 3: at the paper. Then he said, so, what are we doing?

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Speaker 3: I said, I don't know. He said, we need to decide,

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Speaker 3: because every day we wait is another one hundred dollars.

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Speaker 3: We got into the worst fight we've had in our

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Speaker 3: entire relationship. He said, I'm being irrational and stubborn. I'm

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Speaker 3: going to cost us thousands of dollars over Christmas lights.

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Speaker 3: I said, the HOA is bullying us, and if we

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Speaker 3: give in now, they'll know they can push us around forever.

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Speaker 3: He said, this isn't about bullying. This is about money

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Speaker 3: we don't have. We can't afford this. I knew he

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Speaker 3: was right, but I was too angry to admit it.

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Speaker 3: I said I'd go to the board meeting next week

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Speaker 3: and fight to get fines.

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Speaker 1: Waved. He said, the board meeting isn't.

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Speaker 3: Until the tenth, and by then will owe one thousand dollars.

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Speaker 3: That's when it really hit me. We're already at five

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Speaker 3: hundred dollars. Four more days until the meeting means nine

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Speaker 3: hundred dollars total. And what if I go to the

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Speaker 3: meeting and they don't wave anything. What if they just

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Speaker 3: tell me to pay up? I didn't sleep last night.

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Speaker 3: I kept running the numbers. One hundred dollars a day

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Speaker 3: adds up so fast, and I kept thinking about what

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Speaker 3: happens if we don't pay? Can they really put a

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Speaker 3: lien on our house? I googled it at two am,

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Speaker 3: and yes, they absolutely can.

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Speaker 1: Oh, so what is that? I do not know what

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Speaker 1: that is. I'm pretty sure it just means like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know.

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Speaker 4: Actually, I think it's something about like they would have

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Speaker 4: to move if it got worse, or something like like

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Speaker 4: almost like evicted.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like something along those lines.

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Speaker 4: I'm not entirely sure what the definition is though, as

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Speaker 4: a real turn someone who deals with many hoa's, it's

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Speaker 4: a love hate for this story, huh. But they can

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Speaker 4: rebut this and fight. But they can put a monetary

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Speaker 4: lean against the house if they don't pay.

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Speaker 1: Interesting. There are also things called covenants and restrictions that

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Speaker 1: a town can have, which can be much more harsh

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Speaker 1: than an hoa. You don't pay, but the rules can.

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Speaker 3: Be wild, and most don't realize that is just so insane.

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Speaker 3: M I get it to a certain extent, Like you

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Speaker 3: don't want someone just like yeah, put in something insane

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Speaker 3: in your neighborhood.

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Speaker 1: Like I get that there are reasonable rules.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there's like nothing else that they should exist for,

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Speaker 3: like they you just everyone in the HA has way

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Speaker 3: too much power and are so power hungry with all that, And.

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Speaker 4: Alicia Hodge says, if you get a lean put on

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Speaker 4: your house, it means if you ever go to sell it,

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Speaker 4: they'll collect their money out of the selling price.

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Speaker 1: So it's basically, I guess, like a fee.

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Speaker 3: This morning, I woke up and my husband was already

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Speaker 3: gone for work. There was a note on the kitchen counter.

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Speaker 3: I'm taking down the decorations tonight when I get home.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I can't watch us lose everything over this.

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Speaker 1: I love you. Wait so now, but now they're gonna

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Speaker 1: have a another one hundred dollars feet Yeah right, we

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Speaker 1: can't wait the whole day. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I called him sobbing. I begged him not to touch

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Speaker 3: my decorations. WHOA, he said, someone has to be the

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Speaker 3: adult here and make the hard choice. I said, it's

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Speaker 3: my house too. He can't just make this decision without me.

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Speaker 3: And then he said, then you take them down, because

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Speaker 3: I'm not letting us get to one thousand dollars in fine.

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Speaker 3: I hung up on him, sat in the kitchen crying,

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Speaker 3: looking out at the window at my Christmas lights. They

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Speaker 3: look so pretty in the daytime, even when they're not

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Speaker 3: on the inflatable snowman looks so happy. I'm going to

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Speaker 3: have to take it all down because I can't afford

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Speaker 3: to keep being stubborn.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, OK, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: Going you're going a little bit too hard on that.

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Speaker 2: I know your husband, it's your husband did something that

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Speaker 2: you didn't want. But at the end of the day,

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Speaker 2: if this is going to keep racking up, a crazy

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Speaker 2: bill that you know is going to keep racking up,

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Speaker 2: and you know what, you're gonna have to pay a

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Speaker 2: fine for take them down because honestly, fight this and

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Speaker 2: you can do it. There's always next year. Yeah, And

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Speaker 2: I know it sucks because it's the Christmas spirits, it's

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Speaker 2: the holidays, the best thing you can do. And I

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Speaker 2: know you want to show up and like put out

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Speaker 2: the lights, do it in your house, like not like

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Speaker 2: put all the lights in your house, but like, put

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Speaker 2: up all the decorations in your house, make your make

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Speaker 2: the inside of your house, like don't judge a book

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Speaker 2: whites cover kind of thing. Make it inside your house

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Speaker 2: as Christmasy as possible so you can feel happy and

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Speaker 2: enjoy the holidays. But take down thea.

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Speaker 1: I was kind of ridiculous to make this Like.

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Speaker 2: One, this is not a hill to fight fight on.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, One like a huge problem in your relationship. And

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Speaker 4: two also just a huge financial.

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Speaker 2: Burden unless if you have that money and the finances

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Speaker 2: to pay off those fines and be like, haha, we

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Speaker 2: can still do it. You can. You can bill us,

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Speaker 2: bill us whatever you want. We can still we can.

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Speaker 2: We can have these lights up. But if your husband's

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Speaker 2: telling you we do not have the financial means to

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Speaker 2: keep doing this, yeah, because it's ridiculous, you have to

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Speaker 2: take them down. I'm sorry, it does suck.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very interesting to me the emotional attachment she's

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Speaker 3: got to her decorations, because I get, like you that

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Speaker 3: you want it.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, but like this match six hundred dollars match.

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Speaker 3: I do wonder what the regulations say about indoor Christmas stuff,

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Speaker 3: because what if these multicolored lights are inside your house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but they're shining through the windows.

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Speaker 2: I would get a lawyer. I'd get a lawyer and

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Speaker 2: be like, read through this. What can I actually do? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's like it won't get me in trouble for now,

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Speaker 2: for now, at least for now, because I'm gonna do it.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna do whatever.

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Speaker 1: Loopholes techt oh, yeah, get as many loopholes as you can.

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Speaker 3: This morning, I made a huge mistake. I went on

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Speaker 3: our neighborhood Facebook group. There was a post from two

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Speaker 3: days ago that I somehow missed from Diane the hoa

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00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,440
Speaker 3: president friendly reminder about holiday decoration guidelines, with the photo

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Speaker 3: attached of my house. This is ridiculous of my decorations

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Speaker 3: for everyone in the neighborhood to see. The comments were brutal.

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00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,480
Speaker 3: People call hearing my decorations tacky and gatty. Someone said

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00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,280
Speaker 3: that I'm the reason hoas exist. Another person said I'm

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Speaker 3: bringing down everyone's property values.

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Speaker 1: One common said is thank god the board is handling this.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's Facebook op. Facebook can be nasty.

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Speaker 3: This is her neighbors though, But the people.

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Speaker 1: That are on these types of Facebook groups, Yeah, nasty.

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Speaker 3: It's just like crazy because I feel like at that

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Speaker 3: point it's like, well, maybe I do want to move

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Speaker 3: because I don't like my neighbors. Yeah, I don't want

347
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Speaker 3: to be around my neighbors for thirty years.

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Speaker 1: Please.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, as the holiday spirit, they sound like all scrooges.

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Speaker 1: I think, op you should move to Candy Cane Lane. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think that's our solution. But your expertise would be appreciated. Absolutely.

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Speaker 3: I'm being publicly shamed on Facebook by my my own neighbors.

353
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Speaker 3: People I've never even met, are trashing my house online.

354
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Speaker 3: I screenshotted it and sent it to my husband. He

355
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Speaker 3: called me immediately. He was furious, not at the HOA,

356
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,760
Speaker 3: but at me. He said, why are you looking at that?

357
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Speaker 3: You're just making yourself more upset. True, this is exactly

358
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Speaker 3: why we need to end this now. I said, did

359
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Speaker 3: you see what they're saying about us? He said, I

360
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,440
Speaker 3: don't care what they're saying. I care that we owe

361
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,960
Speaker 3: five hundred dollars in counting.

362
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,720
Speaker 4: I'm on my husband's side, Opie, you are taking this

363
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,200
Speaker 4: way too dark.

364
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Speaker 1: Just take it down.

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Speaker 3: If you're planning on spending multiple years here, like and

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Speaker 3: this is your first Christmas here, take it down for

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00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,320
Speaker 3: this one Christmas do which you can otherwise, and then

368
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Speaker 3: just deal with other things.

369
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Speaker 1: I really I wonder.

370
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Speaker 3: What else is going on in Op's life because Op

371
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,440
Speaker 3: seems yeah, also, does O pep have a job? That's

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Speaker 3: what I'm thinking, because her husband went to work. She

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00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,280
Speaker 3: never mentioned going to work. She's on Facebook in the

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Speaker 3: middle of the day, so I'm wondering if she's maybe

375
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Speaker 3: like a stay at home mom, even if they don't

376
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,840
Speaker 3: have kids yet, but like it doesn't have a job.

377
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,240
Speaker 3: And then like maybe you just need a hobby. Think

378
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,600
Speaker 3: you need a hobby that's not this because if this

379
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 3: is like the only thing going on in your life,

380
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,560
Speaker 3: I have sympathy for you. I guess still don't agree

381
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,480
Speaker 3: with you, but I can understand why you're so hooked

382
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,680
Speaker 3: on this. But I don't think that that's something that

383
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 3: you should keep going, you know.

384
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Speaker 1: I think that's still a problem.

385
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the thing of like it does suck. But

386
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Speaker 2: these are the freaking rules. And as as someone who

387
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,920
Speaker 2: like occasionally breaks a rule here or too, but dude,

388
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,760
Speaker 2: if it's costing me this much, I won't break the rules.

389
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:32,160
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

390
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, the amount of times that like we get stupid

391
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,680
Speaker 4: parking tickets in this neighborhood, or just like stupid like

392
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:43,720
Speaker 4: neighborhood TIFFs who call the parking people on us. Yeah,

393
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 4: those are all stupid, but we pay them and then

394
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,280
Speaker 4: we you know, gripe about them. Yeah, you complain about them, complain,

395
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,880
Speaker 4: but like you kind of just have to pay the fine. Yeah,

396
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,840
Speaker 4: not paying the fine just get you more of a fine.

397
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Speaker 3: He got home from work an hour ago, didn't say

398
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,720
Speaker 3: a word to me, just went straight outside and started

399
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,480
Speaker 3: taking out down the decorations and watching him from the

400
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 3: living room window. Right now, as I type this, he's

401
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,159
Speaker 3: been out there for forty five minutes. It's cold, his

402
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,080
Speaker 3: hands are probably freezing. The snowman is deflated in a

403
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,600
Speaker 3: sad pile on the grass. He's pulling down the lights

404
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:16,960
Speaker 3: trands one by one. Our house is going to look

405
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,080
Speaker 3: so bare. But there is more to the story.

406
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,160
Speaker 4: But yeah, Opie, I think Op's being a little bit

407
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 4: of not the a hole per se, But OP says here,

408
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:26,800
Speaker 4: Op is in the wrong.

409
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, Op, you gotta buide by the rules unless if

410
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 2: you can pay this and you're okay with being laughed

411
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:33,760
Speaker 2: at or technically cyber bullied.

412
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,639
Speaker 4: I just think your your husband was right on all accounts.

413
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:40,080
Speaker 4: Should take the things down. You can't afford it. Don't

414
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,320
Speaker 4: look at Facebook. You know it'll upset you.

415
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, didn't. He also agrees like, yeah, this is stupid,

416
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,080
Speaker 2: but we have to follow the stupid the stupidity.

417
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys could be doing this together.

418
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,920
Speaker 1: You could have not had to pay five hundred dollars

419
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 1: well probably now six hundred.

420
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 3: And I'm thinking too, if the husband is thinking like, oh, like,

421
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,640
Speaker 3: we don't, we can't afford this, and he's freaking out

422
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,720
Speaker 3: a little bit more over finances, it kind of makes

423
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,560
Speaker 3: me think more that you don't have a job and

424
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,720
Speaker 3: that is like the primary person.

425
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,520
Speaker 4: Which would he would be even more frustrating. Yeah, if

426
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,440
Speaker 4: op is racking up debt that she can't even pay,

427
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,840
Speaker 4: and you know, maybe.

428
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,720
Speaker 3: You've got something. Maybe there's a reason you can't work.

429
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,680
Speaker 3: I don't know, but I definitely think you just need

430
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,399
Speaker 3: more going on in your life because this is like,

431
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,639
Speaker 3: it sucks and it's very annoying. But like this, this

432
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 3: means a lot more to you than I think it should.

433
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,000
Speaker 1: I agree, So I agree.

434
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, the fact that you're like our house is gold

435
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,480
Speaker 2: look so bare and I can't stand it and then I, yeah,

436
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,720
Speaker 2: just do the inside, just do.

437
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:38,840
Speaker 1: As you can my guy.

438
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,879
Speaker 3: I should go help him, I know I should, but

439
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,480
Speaker 3: I can't make myself move. I just keep crying.

440
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:44,239
Speaker 1: He's going on.

441
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,400
Speaker 3: I feel like I failed, like I let the Haa win.

442
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,040
Speaker 3: More than that, I feel like I've damaged my marriage

443
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 3: over something so stupid. Yes, my husband is right. He's

444
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,159
Speaker 3: been right this whole time. I was too proud and

445
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,560
Speaker 3: stubborn to admit it. And now we owe five hundred,

446
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 3: probably six hundred by tomorrow because.

447
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 1: You couldn't take it down and.

448
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 3: He's outside in the cold cleaning up my mess. Yeah,

449
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,200
Speaker 3: I think a very uh easy solution to this is

450
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,160
Speaker 3: to just put the phone down and go help him.

451
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,560
Speaker 3: Every other house on our street gets to have their

452
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 3: white lights and their tasteful decorations. Our house is going

453
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:14,960
Speaker 3: to look like we hate Christmas.

454
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,760
Speaker 1: Oh, no one cares, like, no one in the neighborhood genuinely.

455
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,360
Speaker 4: I mean clearly the people on Facebook are like whatever,

456
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,439
Speaker 4: but like if you don't have decorations up, not like

457
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 4: there are way more important issues, yeah, one.

458
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 1: Being your marriage.

459
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 3: She literally is like Sidneylou Who's mom and live actually

460
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,879
Speaker 3: grinch and It's like Martha May Hoovier has all these white,

461
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 3: perfect decorations and we're gonna look like the Grinch. It's like,

462
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,880
Speaker 3: you'll be fine, it's one month, you're not whovill. Yeah,

463
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 3: it's okay. Oh god, it gets worse, guys. I don't

464
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,400
Speaker 3: even want to celebrate anymore. The whole thing is ruined.

465
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:52,760
Speaker 1: I still have to go to that.

466
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,159
Speaker 3: Board meeting on the tenth and beg them to reduce

467
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,879
Speaker 3: the fines, but I'm not hopeful. I've already proven that

468
00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 3: I won't follow their rules. Why would they help me?

469
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:04,360
Speaker 3: I think hate this and that's the endmestor pee, Op.

470
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 2: You sound you sound like you sound like a stubborn

471
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,200
Speaker 2: child not getting there.

472
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,359
Speaker 1: Literally, you sound like a child.

473
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 3: I really want to know. The worst thing that's ever

474
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 3: happened to you, Op, is this?

475
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: This is the word.

476
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:18,800
Speaker 4: Not being able to have the exact decorations that you wanted.

477
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,399
Speaker 4: That's the worst thing that's ever happened to you.

478
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 1: It's truly insane.

479
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,679
Speaker 3: Like maybe just lean into it and then turn your

480
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 3: house into a winter wonderland.

481
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 1: But I don't think she's got to do that this year.

482
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,200
Speaker 4: I Yeah, it's like like it's the fifth of December,

483
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 4: the fifth of December.

484
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 3: I just need you to get something else to do.

485
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 3: Get something else to spend your time with. Maybe that's

486
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,160
Speaker 3: being on the hoa sure, I don't know, But get

487
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 3: some other Take up knitting, take up sewing, take up painting,

488
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,959
Speaker 3: take up a job. Do just do something else, anything

489
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 3: that gives you more value, because there's probably something else

490
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 3: just going on. If this is like the thing that

491
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,439
Speaker 3: she's getting herself worth from, Like you.

492
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,600
Speaker 2: Say, if you really care about Christmas that much, go

493
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 2: into the town, go decorate whatever building needs that wants

494
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,480
Speaker 2: to be decorated and can be decorated.

495
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,159
Speaker 1: To ask them, I don't know.

496
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,400
Speaker 3: Just spend your days in candy Kane Lane.

497
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 2: I feel like, oh he just wants a project, dude.

498
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,680
Speaker 3: Take up any sort of craft or trade. But that's

499
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 3: the end of a story. We've got another one coming

500
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 3: right up shore knew my goodness, I just don't think

501
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:23,879
Speaker 3: I could hang out with Opie.

502
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:27,440
Speaker 2: Nor do I if that's like their number one thing, yea,

503
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,719
Speaker 2: like their biggest Like this is my biggest issue in

504
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 2: life right now. I can't decorate my house because where

505
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 2: we live, the rules are specifically the rules. Right, Yeah,

506
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,119
Speaker 2: it does look at the very beginning where you didn't

507
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 2: know understandable we're gonna fight the rules.

508
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the fact that you can't keep you can't

509
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,159
Speaker 3: stop crying over this.

510
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 1: It's like, what's happening. It's too much. There's something else

511
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 1: that you need to deal with. I need a problem.

512
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:51,440
Speaker 1: Sean says.

513
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,760
Speaker 3: I would pay three K to decorate my house on Christmas.

514
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,880
Speaker 1: But that's just me. Fines wouldn't work on me, dude.

515
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 3: Honestly, if you could like afford it, and if you

516
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 3: were that rich that it was like like just didn't

517
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,400
Speaker 3: matter to you, then I would go crazy with my decoration.

518
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 2: And that's totally fine.

519
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,880
Speaker 1: I just wouldn't. I don't know how much I'd cry

520
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 1: about it though, it seems like a little unreasonable. Yeah.

521
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 4: Anybody sign up for the Olympics tickets pre sale, it's

522
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 4: like pre pre sale. Yeah, it's to get a time

523
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,879
Speaker 4: slot for the pre sale.

524
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:23,199
Speaker 1: Yeah. If you're like, oh you know, yeah, it's the

525
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,880
Speaker 1: lottery for the time slot for the pre sale. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

526
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 1: My wife seems to avoid spending time with me.

527
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 3: Well, that's just a bummer.

528
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 4: For about the last year, I have fifty mail been

529
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 4: feeling like my wife forty eight female of twenty five

530
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 4: years doesn't want to spend any time with me. If

531
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 4: we do spend time together, it's practical, like running errands.

532
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 4: But if I suggest something one on one, it's almost

533
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 4: always a note. By the way, this comes from Special

534
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 4: Courage in ninety six thirty four. And if you would

535
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 4: have spent your own stories, go to the r slash okay,

536
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,400
Speaker 4: story time subbored and we're here to give good advice.

537
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,360
Speaker 1: Goofy. But we don't have all the answers. We only

538
00:22:57,359 --> 00:22:58,920
Speaker 1: know what we'd do, So let us know what you

539
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: would do in the comments, and OP says some examples.

540
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 1: I asked her to go on a walk, she said

541
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 1: she was tired from more. Later that evening she was

542
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 1: on the treadmill getting her steps in. Are you tired?

543
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: And I have all that energy for working out? You

544
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: could have got your steps in.

545
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, a Broadway show was coming to town. I asked

546
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 4: if she wanted to go, and she said she heard

547
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 4: it wasn't very good and maybe we should wait for

548
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 4: the next one.

549
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:20,920
Speaker 2: Which one?

550
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, which one? Let us know which one it is.

551
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 4: A few weeks later, she texted me at work that

552
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 4: her friend had an extra ticket and she was.

553
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:27,440
Speaker 1: Going that day.

554
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 2: No way.

555
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 1: It's like the most death in it sign. I feel

556
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 1: so betrayed. I'm not even in this relationship.

557
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 4: My friend mentioned it was too bad we couldn't use

558
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,679
Speaker 4: their late cabin. I had no idea what he was

559
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 4: talking about. Turns out he offered it to us the

560
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 4: weekend before, and my wife told him we were busy.

561
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: We weren't. I suggested watching game together. We were both

562
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: fans of the team. She said she wasn't in the mood.

563
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 1: When I went into our room at halftime, she was

564
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: asleep with the game playing on her tablet. I should

565
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:55,919
Speaker 1: add she makes.

566
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 4: Time for her friends, and we still go out with

567
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 4: friends and spend time with our adult kids together, but

568
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,160
Speaker 4: if it's just us, she shuts it down. I brought

569
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 4: this up to her and told her I was feeling

570
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 4: pretty lonely. Initially, she brushed it off and said that

571
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 4: couples don't always have to do everything together. When I

572
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 4: pressed and said we almost never do anything just the

573
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 4: two of us, she was open to talk about it,

574
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 4: and we agreed we both needed to try to engage

575
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 4: more and communicate better. It's been a couple of months

576
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 4: and we've been taking the dogs for a walk each night,

577
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 4: and I've tried to step up effort on my side

578
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,639
Speaker 4: by initiating more in depth conversations, buying her little gifts

579
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 4: and doing acts of service, both are her love languages.

580
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,960
Speaker 4: Things have gotten a little better, but it feels a

581
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 4: little routine, like each night there is a schedule of eat, walk,

582
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 4: the dogs spend fifteen to thirty minutes in the same

583
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 4: room together, and she finds a reason to retreat. I

584
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,919
Speaker 4: have tried to plan a couple of dates, and to

585
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 4: her credit, so is she, but she's found reasons to

586
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 4: cancel or reschedule at the last minute. Finally, what drove

587
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 4: me to posting. We were going on a weekend trip

588
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,479
Speaker 4: with several other couples. Before we left, I wrote her

589
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,359
Speaker 4: a note telling her how much I was looking forward

590
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 4: to spending the week with her and how much I

591
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 4: appreciated and loved her. I left it in her car

592
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 4: in the morning with some of her favorite candy. I

593
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 4: didn't hear from her all day, and when she got

594
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,360
Speaker 4: home I got a thanks for the note that was.

595
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 1: Sweet, are you ready to leave? This would make me

596
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 1: so sad.

597
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,919
Speaker 4: If the op from the last story was experiencing this,

598
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 4: that would be something in a cry about.

599
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, this is something a cry about, for sure,

600
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 3: I would totally cry about that. I would be crying

601
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 3: I'm so upset and getting neglected by my husband's.

602
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: Or by my wib Yeah. Yeah.

603
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:29,680
Speaker 4: During the week and away, when we were with our friends,

604
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 4: she seemed happy and engaged, but when we were on

605
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,680
Speaker 4: our own, she wasn't interested in doing much but scrolling

606
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:38,920
Speaker 4: on social media. I probably set my expectations too high

607
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 4: for the weekend, but I was really disappointed by how

608
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 4: it all went, and it reinforced my feelings. It's like

609
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,880
Speaker 4: in my dating days when I was into someone more

610
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 4: than they were into me. I want to head a

611
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 4: question off by saying that I don't think she's cheating.

612
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 4: There are zero indications of that. Also, I have cut

613
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 4: out a few other conversations to keep this short, but

614
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 4: they were similar to the initial one, as anyone dealt

615
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 4: with something like this, How do I even approach this

616
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 4: again without it turning into another fight or another rush

617
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 4: off at it? I want to address a recurring theme

618
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 4: in the comments about the possibility of my wife cheating.

619
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 4: I am as sure as a person can reasonably be

620
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,439
Speaker 4: that this is not the case. I'd explain more, but

621
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,199
Speaker 4: going into the details would risk hurting the anonymity of

622
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 4: this post. I also want to be clear that everything

623
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 4: I've written is from my perspective. She could absolutely write

624
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,879
Speaker 4: her own truthful version that includes things I did or

625
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 4: didn't do that contributed to where we are now. She

626
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,959
Speaker 4: is a good person with a genuinely good heart, and

627
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 4: no matter how things play out, I will always love her.

628
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 4: Thank you to everyone who has offered perspectives and suggestions.

629
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 4: You've given some good ideas and a lot for me

630
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 4: to think about.

631
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. And there is an update I think,

632
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: I mean, can we ask that question that your wife of, like, Hey.

633
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 3: Is there anything that I could I did? Like, is

634
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 3: there anything did we just like run out of things

635
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 3: to talk about? Have you been feeling bored? Like if

636
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 3: there's something wrong, like you can tell me what that is.

637
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,640
Speaker 4: I feel like we need a couples counselor yeah, probably

638
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 4: feel like we need someone to like mediate this because

639
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 4: my thinking is either one worst option, she's cheating. Yeah,

640
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,680
Speaker 4: Second worst option, I guess is that she's grown out

641
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 4: of love.

642
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 2: She's checked out, she's.

643
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 4: Checked out of this relationship and doesn't think that there's

644
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 4: anything to fix it and just hasn't.

645
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 1: Told you about that? Yeah, or option three. You're just

646
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 1: in this dip.

647
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:20,439
Speaker 3: A good conversation couldn't help with it.

648
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 2: What did you do? Ope? Why does she hate you?

649
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 1: Why? Update?

650
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 4: I didn't think I would have an update this soon,

651
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 4: but after reading the replies, I decided I needed to

652
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 4: have another talk with her. I appreciate everyone who took

653
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 4: the time to reply. The things we discussed that weren't wrong.

654
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:40,399
Speaker 4: One division of household chores, two me being two needy,

655
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 4: three her carrying the social load. Thank you to everyone

656
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 4: who brought up paramedopause and suggested I talk to my

657
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,479
Speaker 4: wife about it. We had a really good conversation and

658
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 4: she shared that she has been struggling with paramedopause. Okays,

659
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 4: I didn't even think about that, but I did actually

660
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 4: have a conversation with this lovely woman who's like I

661
00:27:58,359 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 4: think she was.

662
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,640
Speaker 1: I believe she's in her like fifties.

663
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 4: We had this whole conversation about a lot of women

664
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,879
Speaker 4: aren't informed about the effects of parimenopause. Yeah, obviously, you know,

665
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 4: like pre metopause, and a lot of people don't know

666
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 4: that you're going to be experiencing all of the effects

667
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 4: like mood changes and weight changes and health changes and

668
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 4: stuff like. You haven't started metopause yet, so it's like

669
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 4: super confusing because you're going through all of that but

670
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 4: you don't know why.

671
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, thing to look out.

672
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 3: Okay, so we're getting to the bottom of things.

673
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 1: That's great.

674
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 4: I knew it was happening, but I didn't understand the

675
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 4: impact it was having on our day to day life.

676
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 4: He's been getting and giving a lot of support from

677
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,160
Speaker 4: a group of friends who are going through the same thing,

678
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,479
Speaker 4: the same group of women we traveled with. A lot

679
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 4: of her emotional energy is tied up there right now,

680
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 4: and she hasn't shared as much with me because she

681
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 4: is getting the support she needs from them. I am

682
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 4: glad she has people to lean on. She said she

683
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 4: is physically and mentally drained a lot of the time.

684
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 4: Most nights, she feels ready for bed after dinner, but

685
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 4: doesn't usually get a good night's sleep. He's been working

686
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,520
Speaker 4: with her doctor to try and find some relief, but

687
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 4: they haven't been able to find the right solution yet.

688
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 4: It's just like a lot of like you have to

689
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 4: take a lot of different hormonal medication to like balance

690
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 4: out your home hormones. Yeah, I couldn't give her the answer.

691
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 4: Hearing all this gave me some new insight, and I

692
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 4: realize I have some research and learning to do so

693
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 4: I can understand what she's experiencing and support her better.

694
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 4: She spends a lot of her day feeling like she's

695
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 4: acting normal when she doesn't feel normal. By the time

696
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 4: she gets home, she doesn't have the energy to act anymore.

697
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 1: The thought of this.

698
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 4: Weekend really overwhelmed her. When she got there, she just

699
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 4: didn't have much energy for anything beyond the group activities,

700
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 4: and scrolling TikTok was her way to shut her brain

701
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 4: off and recharge. There is a little bit left of

702
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 4: the story, But what do you think.

703
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 3: It's just another great example of how communication is great.

704
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was an option I didn't even think of.

705
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 4: So it's great that you, like one, the comment said something,

706
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 4: and two you were able to kind of take those

707
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 4: comments in and take that advice and act on it.

708
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that's great.

709
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,239
Speaker 3: I'm glad that things didn't escalate out of control and

710
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 3: like go super crazy and we didn't jump to conclude.

711
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 3: We trusted our wife. Yeah, it wasn't cheating. It was

712
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 3: this thing that's that we have a lot of limited

713
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 3: knowledge on and I'm glad that you're.

714
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: Doing the research on what you can know about it.

715
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 1: That's great. And apparently paramounton pause and metopause can like

716
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 1: change your attraction. Interesting.

717
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 2: I feel like it just changed. Like it's like a

718
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 2: huge obviously not for me, but for you, like for

719
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 2: just in general. It's like it's like a metamorphosis obviously,

720
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 2: like it changes everything. Yeah, and maybe it won't for

721
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 2: every person, but it's it's extreme.

722
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, but like a lot of women go through weight

723
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 4: gain that they can't lose because like hormental changes and

724
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 4: you have to actually like get medication.

725
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: Just like all your hormones are going crazy.

726
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 4: She didn't really understand how everything was affecting me until

727
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,479
Speaker 4: I brought it up a couple of months ago, and

728
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 4: she's really been trying since then. From her perspective, I

729
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 4: seemed fine and she wasn't getting the feeling like there

730
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 4: was something wrong. I'm a pretty stoic guy most of

731
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 4: the time, and it's very common for people to misread

732
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 4: my mood. I can't count on my wife to read

733
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 4: my facial expressions in body language.

734
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 1: I need to use my words, which you did. Great.

735
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 4: None of this fixes our problems, and we still have

736
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 4: things to work through together. We've both taken each other

737
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 4: for granted, made assumptions, and haven't communicated well, and that's

738
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 4: something we need to change. For now, we're trying to

739
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 4: focus on better communication and being patient with each other,

740
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 4: and we're planning to try a counseling session or two

741
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 4: to see how it goes. Thank you all again for

742
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 4: the feedback, questions and support, and there you go.

743
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 3: All right, this is wonderful. Alisha Hodge says, I'm going

744
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 3: through right now and I haven't and I have gotten

745
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 3: it on gut control with peptides and it's the best

746
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 3: thing ever, no hormones or anything harmful that it's not

747
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 3: natural for your body. Nice, awesome for Boetrader says. They

748
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 3: call it the change for a reason. Yeah, so much

749
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 3: that happens to women. Yeah, literally physically. Why what's the reason?

750
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 1: Why do we get all of the things?

751
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 2: It's insane best of all, Gope, but this is like

752
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 2: a huge development in your relationship and I think you

753
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 2: guys want to figure it out.

754
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 3: Props to Europe for doing the right thing through it all, congratulations,

755
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:07,959
Speaker 3: you don't have to get period anymore.

756
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 1: But it's just way worse.

757
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 2: For me downhill. No, yeah, right, it goes really downhill.

758
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,479
Speaker 1: You thought you were going to be rewarded after all

759
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: this time. Joke's on you.

760
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 3: Crazy, that's in insane, not even since says I'm behind.

761
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: But I should put my Hoy story. You should. We

762
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 1: should read more Hoy stories because they're crazy over there.

763
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 1: It seems like there's a lot of villains on the Hua.

764
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 1: I know my parents have dealt with crazy Hoa stuff

765
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: for like ridiculous.

766
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 2: They think she's all about power and control. People are

767
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 2: so bored that they have zero control that they're like.

768
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 3: Honestly, I want control, not only my house to.

769
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 1: Look good, but I want everyone's house to look good.

770
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 2: It gives a hall monitor vibes, you know.

771
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, even though it's like why why you? Why do

772
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 3: you get to have a say in like what aesthetics

773
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 3: are best for the neighborhood.

774
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 1: I don't like those aesthetics. They're bad.

775
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 3: They're bad aesthetics, bad aesthetics. Boo Hoa's oo boo boo.

776
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: But we've got another story.

777
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 3: There's actually a really funny SNL skit about metopause. It

778
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 3: was with Amy Poehler almost said Leslie, Nope. It was

779
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,959
Speaker 3: basically like she was acting like a teenager of like

780
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 3: god in or understands me, and everyone was like, we

781
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 3: need to talk to you about about this situation, like

782
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 3: we miss you.

783
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: Oh that's funny. Hey, it's Jean here og host of

784
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 1: the show.

785
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's

786
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 2: a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

787
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 1: I can't stop hating my ex wife. Well, that's a

788
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 1: big problem.

789
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 3: I'm a thirty one year old non binary person who

790
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 3: uses he the pronouns. My ex wife is a thirty

791
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 3: two year old gender diverse woman. We met when she

792
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 3: was twenty and I was nineteen. We worked at the

793
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 3: same grocery store and became fast friends. I ended a

794
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 3: relationship with the terrible X of Mine on the advice

795
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 3: of my ex wife. This was before she had come

796
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 3: out as gender diverse and before I realized I was

797
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 3: non binary. By the way, this comes from I am

798
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 3: Genderless and directly from the r slash okay Storytime sepreddit

799
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

800
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 3: to the r slash okay Storytime, Sepreddit. We just might

801
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,280
Speaker 3: read them, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

802
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 3: but we don't have all the answers. We just know

803
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,359
Speaker 3: what we would do in these situations. So please let

804
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 3: us know what you would do in the comments. And

805
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 3: OP says, I will still use her pronouns for her

806
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 3: even when referring to her before she began to transition.

807
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 3: We began a relationship and it moved fast. Let's call

808
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 3: my ex wife Carla. She seemed perfect for me. She

809
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 3: surprised me the day after we began dating by showing

810
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 3: up to work an hour early for her shift, sneakily

811
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 3: buying a bouquet of flowers right in front of me

812
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,319
Speaker 3: at a different register without me realizing, and waiting in

813
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 3: the break room until my shift was over to give

814
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 3: them to me. Then Carla had some roommates move out

815
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 3: of her apartment, so only three months into our relationship,

816
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 3: she asked me to move in with her. I said yes,

817
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 3: partially because I was thrilled, and partially to get out

818
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 3: of my parents' house because things weren't good with them

819
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 3: and things were going well. She was even there for

820
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 3: me only two weeks later. Three months and two weeks

821
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 3: into the relationship when my appendix almost burst.

822
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

823
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 3: She helped me recover from the surgery and even stayed

824
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 3: in the hospital with me until I was ready to

825
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 3: come back home. Things went well until I lost my

826
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 3: job at the grocery store. She seemed to look at

827
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 3: me differently, as if it were my thought they had

828
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 3: let me go, which it wasn't. We had moved into

829
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 3: a different apartment, and without my income, we couldn't afford

830
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 3: to live there anymore, so we both went to live

831
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:27,439
Speaker 3: with my parents for a few months while I found

832
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 3: a new job. Yikes, and it's already rough living with

833
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 3: your parents. Oh, you're both can live there?

834
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 1: Oh No.

835
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 3: I found a new job really quickly, and Carla's mom

836
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 3: was moving from her apartment in the area we lived

837
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 3: in back to the city she had moved here from

838
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,239
Speaker 3: when Carla was a kid. So we talked to a

839
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 3: friend of ours and took over the lease with a

840
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 3: friend as a roommate. I still felt like Carla looked

841
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,959
Speaker 3: at me differently and potentially treated me more coldly since

842
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,919
Speaker 3: we had lived at my parents' house, but I thought

843
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 3: if we talked about it and I worked hard enough,

844
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 3: we would be able to get through this. Carla was

845
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:58,320
Speaker 3: my best friend.

846
00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 1: I truly loved her.

847
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 3: When we were set to move, I went to the

848
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 3: apartment with the roommate to begin unpacking while Carla was

849
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 3: at work. During this time, I was sleeping at the

850
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 3: apartment alone for a few nights in an effort to

851
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 3: unpack and clean out the disaster. Carla's mother had left

852
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 3: behind while Carla stayed at a friend's house because the

853
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 3: car was down and the front was going to drive

854
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 3: her to work until the car was fixed.

855
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: The house was disgusting.

856
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 3: Nasty dishes were left in the sink, months old food

857
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,000
Speaker 3: left in the fridge, A cat litter box sat behind

858
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 3: the bathroom door in the hallway full of cat waste,

859
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 3: and Carla's mom didn't even have a cat.

860
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 1: What where did it come from?

861
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 3: Then? Whose waist is that?

862
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 1: That's gross? Whose waist?

863
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 2: Whose cat is that?

864
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:40,320
Speaker 1: Yeah?

865
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,359
Speaker 3: Or like is did you used to have a cat

866
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 3: and then passed away? And that waste is still there?

867
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,240
Speaker 1: Also? Pretty gross? Terrible?

868
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 3: The previous tenants had had a cat.

869
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,840
Speaker 1: Though, Oh my gosh, that's gross.

870
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,600
Speaker 3: There was a trash can next to the toilet overflowing

871
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:59,399
Speaker 3: with used sanitary napkins. I cleaned all of this by

872
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 3: myself while Carla so that she was too busy working,

873
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,839
Speaker 3: and the roommate kept promising to help you but never did.

874
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 3: Not to mention, Carla's mom knowingly left a bugbed infested couch.

875
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 1: Noh at the apartment. No, those things are serious. You

876
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 1: cannot get them out.

877
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:19,760
Speaker 2: No, this is Sophia's nightmare. I mean, this is anyone's nightmare,

878
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 2: but this is like Sophia's nightmare.

879
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 3: I didn't know and had been sleeping on it and

880
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 3: using it to help me sort things while unpacking. Luckily,

881
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 3: the landlord eventually paid for an exterminator. I asked Carla

882
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 3: to sit down and talk to me about how I

883
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 3: felt like she was treating me differently since I had

884
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 3: been fired, and how I didn't appreciate having to clean

885
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,720
Speaker 3: up after her mother by myself, especially given how horrible

886
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 3: the condition of the apartment had been. She apologized, and

887
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 3: we agreed to begin having weekly family meetings so we

888
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 3: could talk about anything that needed to be discussed, so

889
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 3: no one would feel like they didn't have the space

890
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 3: to talk about things that were bothering them. During these meetings,

891
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 3: we would talk about groceries, we needed the weekly and

892
00:37:56,320 --> 00:38:00,040
Speaker 3: monthly budget for the house, any upcoming appointments or important dates,

893
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 3: and if there were things to discuss about the relationship.

894
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 3: It was always me mentioning things I'd like to improve

895
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,800
Speaker 3: her work on, both about her and myself. This included

896
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 3: things like talking to me before she made large purchases

897
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 3: as we shared a bank account. That's a what That's

898
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 3: a very rare thing to do before marriage.

899
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,800
Speaker 1: And also pretty early on into your relationship.

900
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 3: It seemed, yeah, because I don't know exactly how far

901
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 3: we're seeing.

902
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:23,960
Speaker 1: Maybe we are at least under a.

903
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 4: Year, maybe under two years, Yeah, maybe under two years,

904
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 4: but never never before, Oh my god, I don't know.

905
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,360
Speaker 1: That just seems very irresponsible.

906
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wouldn't her to talk to me before making

907
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 3: plans with friends, just to make sure our schedules didn't clash.

908
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 3: It was mostly me asking for more communication from her

909
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 3: every time I asked her if there was anything that

910
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 3: she'd liked to discuss with regards to our relationship, mentioning

911
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 3: that I didn't think it would be fair for me

912
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,840
Speaker 3: to bring up those kinds of things without also giving

913
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 3: her the space to do the same. She could always

914
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 3: tell me that she didn't have anything like that to

915
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,240
Speaker 3: talk about, or she didn't think she had any issues

916
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 3: with me. Things improved enough that, after being together for

917
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 3: three years, when she proposed to me, I said, yes,

918
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 3: not totally trusting your judgment on that, but okay. Remember

919
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,279
Speaker 3: she was a trans woman who was not out yet

920
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,319
Speaker 3: at this time, so she was outwardly presenting as a man.

921
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 3: I hadn't realized I was non binary yet and was

922
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 3: living my life presenting as a woman. Our roommate moved

923
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,280
Speaker 3: out because he didn't want to live with a married couple.

924
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 3: A month before we got married, I got a job

925
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 3: at a nursing home. I made friends with a male

926
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 3: coworker we will call Cayden shortly before Carla and I

927
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 3: got married. I always thought Cayden was attractive, and part

928
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,120
Speaker 3: of him being friends with me included him having noticed

929
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,839
Speaker 3: this and intentionally making me feel flustered and embarrassed because of.

930
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 1: My dumb crush.

931
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 3: Interesting the first time this happened, I was a little

932
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 3: uncomfortable with this because I didn't want to do anything

933
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 3: that would upset Carla, so I immediately told her about

934
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 3: the entire conversation I had had with Caden. Network to

935
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 3: my surprise, Carla thought it was hilarious and encouraged our

936
00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:58,759
Speaker 3: friendship to continue like this.

937
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,360
Speaker 1: That seems ill advised. This is all very weird. Seems

938
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:03,959
Speaker 1: ill advised. I will say.

939
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,400
Speaker 3: I mean, I guess, like I get initial thought to

940
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 3: think like, oh, like, my friend kind of has a

941
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 3: crush on me, let's just make a joke out of this,

942
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 3: like yeah, maybe, but.

943
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 4: To encourage the friendship to continue in that way, yeah,

944
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 4: I wouldn't. I mean, I'm different, but I wouldn't do

945
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 4: that with my poor friend.

946
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

947
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 3: And I think it's it's weird to have that joke

948
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 3: when the person who has the crush is getting married

949
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 3: to someone else. Yeah, Like if it was if they

950
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 3: were both single, they're like, Okay, I could kind of

951
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 3: get it. It's like, sure, go ahead. But the fact

952
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 3: that op is like going through this crush and.

953
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 4: Dealing with this while they're about to get married, yeah,

954
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 4: and his fiance is saying like, go for it.

955
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just all very weird situation.

956
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 3: The flirting and flustering conversations continued until two things happened. First,

957
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 3: I found out Cayden's wife didn't know about his conversations

958
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:58,280
Speaker 3: with me, despite him having told me that she did. Second,

959
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 3: Cayden tried to hug me, despite ME firmly telling him

960
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 3: that I didn't want our flirtation ship to cross that line.

961
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 3: I had a feeling if I let him hug me,

962
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 3: things would go further than I wanted them to, in

963
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 3: him attempting to ignore me when I told him no

964
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:11,839
Speaker 3: with a.

965
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:12,800
Speaker 1: Huge red flag.

966
00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 3: I stopped talking to him unless I absolutely had to

967
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 3: for work reasons. And shortly after that I found out

968
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 3: I was pregnant, and so did Cayden's wife. Uh oh,

969
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 3: so it's not cadence. But if the wife just found

970
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 3: out about this flirtation ship and then that OPI is pregnant,

971
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 3: she'd probably get worried, probably get worried. Things were up

972
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,320
Speaker 3: and down with Carla and I now that we were married.

973
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 3: She had told me that she wanted kids, oh, and

974
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 3: we had agreed to start trying. But once I actually

975
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:39,840
Speaker 3: thought I was pregnant and asked her to get me

976
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 3: a test, she seemed to not want to.

977
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 1: They shouldn't be up and down the second that you

978
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,880
Speaker 1: get married. Yeah, that bad side, bad side.

979
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 3: Once I took it and it came back positive, she

980
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 3: didn't want me to tell anyone quote in case I

981
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 3: lost it or something, despite me never having had a

982
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 3: history of it. I mean that's usually recommended. Yeah, she

983
00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 3: didn't want to work on the nursery, telling me that

984
00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:02,439
Speaker 3: she wanted to wait until I was further along, which

985
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 3: doesn't make sense. Is I wouldn't be able to help

986
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 3: as much when I was further along. I talked to

987
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 3: her about all of this, and she said that she

988
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 3: was just nervous about being a parent, and I hoped

989
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:13,279
Speaker 3: things would get better. We had a beautiful baby boy

990
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,439
Speaker 3: in twenty eighteen, and he is the best thing I've

991
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 3: ever done with my entire life.

992
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 1: Well, happy for you.

993
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 3: Two days after he was born, Carla's friends wanted her

994
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 3: to leave me and our son alone in the hospital

995
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,560
Speaker 3: to go to a bar so they could quote buy

996
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 3: her a drink to celebrate.

997
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: Insane. That is absolutely so insane.

998
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:35,320
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, leave, oh, pe Yeah, leave your partner, yeah,

999
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 4: and your new child.

1000
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: Because I want to congratulate you. I want to buy

1001
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,800
Speaker 1: you a drink for having a baby.

1002
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 3: Let me take you away from your baby, crazy and

1003
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 3: go celebrate.

1004
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 1: So that's reasonable for sure. She didn't end up going good.

1005
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 3: But only because I called Carla's sister crying after having

1006
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:55,720
Speaker 3: argued with Carla for an hour, and her sister chewed

1007
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 3: her out. Oh God, I felt like a single parent.

1008
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 3: For the first two years of myself life, Carlo was

1009
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 3: always prioritizing her own ones over my mental health and

1010
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 3: what our son needed. I still loved her, though, and

1011
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 3: thought that if I could help her realize what was happening,

1012
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 3: she would be able to change and do what's best

1013
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 3: for our son. It was an uphill battle I should

1014
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 3: have given up on, but I'm stubborn. It was just

1015
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 3: before the pandemic when she dropped the bombshell of her

1016
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,719
Speaker 3: gender identity in my lap. We were sitting in the

1017
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,360
Speaker 3: parking lot about to go get groceries when she casually

1018
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 3: told me that she was wearing my underwear. What interesting

1019
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:27,360
Speaker 3: way to start this conversation.

1020
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 1: Eh, all right. I knew she wasn't straight.

1021
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:32,839
Speaker 3: She had told me about being interested in men as

1022
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 3: well as women, and I had no problem with that.

1023
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 3: I consider myself pan sexual, so I didn't have a

1024
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 3: problem with her transitioning into a woman.

1025
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 4: Oh wait, okay, so this was before the transition. Yes, okay,

1026
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 4: I thought this was after the transition. I was like,

1027
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,320
Speaker 4: all right, yeah, Yeah.

1028
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 3: I had a problem with the way she chose to

1029
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 3: share the information with me, and the fact that we

1030
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 3: had been together for seven years at this point, and

1031
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:55,719
Speaker 3: I now kind of felt like I was married to

1032
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 3: someone I didn't know as well as.

1033
00:43:57,120 --> 00:43:57,719
Speaker 1: I thought I had.

1034
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 3: After the shock wore off, I began to repporting her

1035
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 3: in any way I knew. I taught her the very

1036
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 3: little I knew about makeup, I helped her choose clothes,

1037
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 3: I helped her pick her new name, and I got

1038
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:09,719
Speaker 3: her into a support group and a counselor so she

1039
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 3: could start to medically transition if she'd liked to. I

1040
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 3: even went to some of the support group meetings with her,

1041
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,240
Speaker 3: which is where I began to explore my own identity.

1042
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 3: We made friends with another couple from this group and

1043
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 3: began to hang out with them outside of the group.

1044
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 3: Carlo started hanging out with them more and more without me.

1045
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 3: She claims that she was just taking a break from

1046
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 3: me and are then almost three year old, but I

1047
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 3: didn't get breaks unless you counted going to work, taking

1048
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:35,279
Speaker 3: a shower, or sleeping. She started telling me that she

1049
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,160
Speaker 3: was going to the gym. One of the people from

1050
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 3: the couple we had made friends with, took her once

1051
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:41,840
Speaker 3: as a plus one to the gym, and she signed

1052
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,440
Speaker 3: up the next day. Despite not having exercised much at

1053
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,319
Speaker 3: all since high school, she was now going to the

1054
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 3: gym four to five hours, cheating for four days a week. Cheating. Oh, god, cheating.

1055
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: I think this is cheating. I think it's very possible.

1056
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 4: And just to clarify, OP is non binary and uses

1057
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 4: he day pronouns, and Op's partner or ex partner is

1058
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:06,280
Speaker 4: a trans woman.

1059
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 3: I was suspicious, but when I asked if I could

1060
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 3: come too, she complained a little before agreeing. I asked

1061
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 3: my parents to babysit and we went to the gym,

1062
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,319
Speaker 3: where I worked out for an hour, got tired and

1063
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 3: was yelled at by her when I asked if we.

1064
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 1: Could leave again. No, that's a big no, No, what

1065
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:22,320
Speaker 1: the heck.

1066
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 3: We're not yelling at our partners, yelling at you, especially

1067
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 3: over something so stupid like we've.

1068
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,000
Speaker 1: Been there for an hour.

1069
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:30,879
Speaker 3: Let's go, let's wrap it up, plenty of time at

1070
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 3: the gym. I didn't go with her again. This went

1071
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 3: on for a few months, where she would go to

1072
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:37,760
Speaker 3: the gym four days a week, and every few weeks

1073
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,280
Speaker 3: she would stay the night at our couple friend's house

1074
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 3: so she could have a break.

1075
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 1: I was miserable.

1076
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:45,880
Speaker 3: The final straw was when I looked up the hours

1077
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 3: for the gym that she went to one night and

1078
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,319
Speaker 3: accidentally left that open to my phone before asking her

1079
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 3: to look at something on my phone the next day

1080
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:56,960
Speaker 3: for me while I was busy. She blew up, accusing

1081
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 3: me of not trusting her and told me that she

1082
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 3: didn't want me to be in our apartment when she

1083
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 3: got home.

1084
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 1: Before leaving for work.

1085
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:03,760
Speaker 2: That's insane.

1086
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,399
Speaker 3: Thank god, she just boot you out over that.

1087
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:08,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, it just seems like none of this was

1088
00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 4: healthy and start. I mean, before you guys even got married,

1089
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,919
Speaker 4: the amount of ups and downs that you both went

1090
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 4: through was already a lot.

1091
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:22,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, this is like a pretty unstable relationship.

1092
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:25,719
Speaker 3: Like if she's reacting this way, and it's very unreasonable,

1093
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 3: honestly good, Like if she wants you out of the place.

1094
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,280
Speaker 1: I agree with the people saying that she is cheating.

1095
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 3: I took our son, packed what I could and called

1096
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 3: my parents, who have been letting my son and me

1097
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:39,360
Speaker 3: stay with them for the last three almost four years. Wow,

1098
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 3: I hate my ex. I'm bitter and resentful. The problem

1099
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 3: is we have a kid together, and though I have

1100
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 3: primary placement, meaning he lives with me most of the time,

1101
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 3: but stays every other weekend with her, and I obviously

1102
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 3: spend the most of the time with our kids, her

1103
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 3: parenting choices leave a lot to be desired, and I

1104
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,400
Speaker 3: think I would be able to get over my hatred

1105
00:46:58,400 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 3: of her if I could see that she was try

1106
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 3: trying to do her best for our son.

1107
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:02,400
Speaker 1: But she's not.

1108
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,840
Speaker 3: I threw and invited her to our kiddo's fourth birthday party.

1109
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 3: She was two hours late and brought him clothes that

1110
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 3: were three sizes too small as a present. She never

1111
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,760
Speaker 3: even showed up to his fifth birthday at all, despite

1112
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 3: me reminding her five times.

1113
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:19,839
Speaker 1: There is more of this story, but oh sure is Hey,

1114
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 1: it's Sam.

1115
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 2: We get back to the stories.

1116
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1117
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is not I mean, it seems like you

1118
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 4: are no longer together with your ex wife, so that's

1119
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 4: something that's yeah, and maybe this is.

1120
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 1: Time where we get like custody agreements. Yeah, stuff like that,

1121
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,240
Speaker 1: so we have some sort of legal protection.

1122
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 3: Right, Like, let's revisit our custody agreements and try to

1123
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 3: get full custody.

1124
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1125
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 3: I mean, if she's not showing up and if you're

1126
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 3: going to a fourth birthday party, you're getting sizes three

1127
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 3: times three sizes too small.

1128
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:53,840
Speaker 1: Don't make sense.

1129
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 3: That doesn't make sense at all, because that's just four

1130
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:57,719
Speaker 3: year old, three year old two.

1131
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:01,280
Speaker 1: Like you got a one year old size, yeah, outfit

1132
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: for your four year old child. You think that your

1133
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: baby just did not continue to grow.

1134
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:06,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, you were, like, well, last time I saw him,

1135
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 3: they were this size, So a stands to reason. God,

1136
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 3: the our son is autistic and has ADHD. The school

1137
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,440
Speaker 3: has set up monthly meetings to discuss his progress and

1138
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:19,880
Speaker 3: where he might need extra help. She showed up to

1139
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:22,800
Speaker 3: two of the meetings total in the last two years,

1140
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 3: despite being able to call in or zoom if she

1141
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 3: can't come physically for whatever reason. Her only contributions were

1142
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:31,239
Speaker 3: telling our son's teacher that she helps him by letting

1143
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 3: him play video games. Geez bro, that is not helping.

1144
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:38,240
Speaker 4: He's like, yeah, my son plays caught at the time. Yeah,

1145
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:39,359
Speaker 4: that's good, right, it's good.

1146
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:41,880
Speaker 3: He's just getting the like the it's a stress reliever,

1147
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:43,600
Speaker 3: like hand eye coordination.

1148
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 1: You're welcome.

1149
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 3: Every time he spends the weekend at her house, he

1150
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,759
Speaker 3: comes home wearing the same clothes I sent him over

1151
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 3: there in, clearly covered in food and.

1152
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,280
Speaker 1: Having been slept in. Oh my gosh.

1153
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:57,560
Speaker 3: Okay, so we can totally get full custody at this time.

1154
00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, your wife's not your ex, is not

1155
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 4: taking care of your son at all.

1156
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, total neglect.

1157
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 3: When I asked her about this, she said she didn't

1158
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 3: have clothes that fit him, So I sent over two

1159
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 3: bags of clothes that I knew fit our son. This

1160
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 3: past weekend, he still came back in the dirty, slept

1161
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 3: in clothes he's he'd worn to school on Friday.

1162
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Yeah, custody, custody, custody.

1163
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 3: I've discussed all of this with my lawyers during the

1164
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 3: custody hearing, and they told me the only thing that

1165
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 3: is actionable would be the clothing thing. And there are

1166
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 3: much worse situations than my son could be in. Hating

1167
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 3: my ex is exhausting. I don't want to feel like

1168
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 3: this anymore, but I don't know what to do about it.

1169
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: And that's the end of that story.

1170
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 4: Wow, I really yeah, I think you got to get

1171
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 4: a good lawyer. And try and get your custody.

1172
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I wonder if there's like I just that

1173
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,800
Speaker 3: doesn't seem right. I mean, I don't know anything about

1174
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 3: custody laws, but that feels wrong. Like if agreed this

1175
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:52,799
Speaker 3: parent isn't changing, or like keeping up with hygiene for

1176
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 3: your kid. Maybe you can look into like how much

1177
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 3: food your kid's eating? If your ex wife leaves the house,

1178
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 3: will your kid is home?

1179
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:01,800
Speaker 1: Like yeah, then.

1180
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 3: Stuff like that, you know, receipts you could definitely find out.

1181
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: I wonder.

1182
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 3: I mean, this four year old can most likely talk,

1183
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 3: you know, given that he's not nonverbal.

1184
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: Is the kid? I think that kid might be five?

1185
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, more so can definitely talk.

1186
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you know, maybe you can question the kid

1187
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 3: on like what's going on over there obviously, you know,

1188
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:24,240
Speaker 3: not wanting to let him know that there's many problems,

1189
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:26,000
Speaker 3: but just to try to get info out of him.

1190
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 3: But I agree, I'm sure there's something that you can do,

1191
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 3: and that would I would think make things easier because

1192
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, it's like already hard to get over

1193
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:35,760
Speaker 3: an X that did you so dirty?

1194
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 1: But I'm so glad that I don't have children with

1195
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 1: any of mine. If you continue to have to deal with.

1196
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then it's so tough. And then it's like

1197
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 3: someone that has some sort of control. Even though you

1198
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 3: see your kid more, they still have more or some

1199
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:52,799
Speaker 3: control over your child's life.

1200
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 1: I mean that's terrible. Yeah, absolutely, But that's the end

1201
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 1: of that story.

1202
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,400
Speaker 3: If Frank the Pug says that you'd be shocked the

1203
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,359
Speaker 3: things courts say aren't.

1204
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 2: Enough, which is insane.

1205
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 4: But we've got some comments, and these comments come from

1206
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 4: the video my roommates.

1207
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:10,880
Speaker 1: Made a gossip podcast to bully me. They destroyed my reputation.

1208
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: My god, I remember this one.

1209
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 4: I remember this one too, And this was posted December eighteenth,

1210
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 4: twenty twenty five, and the TLDR from story one says

1211
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 4: Opie finds out her roommates secretly made a gossip podcast

1212
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:27,359
Speaker 4: about her, using her real name, sharing private details about

1213
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 4: her mental health, and even making a fake LinkedIn profile

1214
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 4: that may have cost her jobs. While trapped in a

1215
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 4: lease with them, Opie quietly plans her escape. Months later,

1216
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 4: she moves out, upgrades her life, gets a cat, and

1217
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 4: ends up living right across the street from the roommates

1218
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 4: who tried to turn her life into entertainment.

1219
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 1: Nice if you're curious to know the full story, You

1220
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 1: can go watch the full video. Yeah, it was a

1221
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:52,439
Speaker 1: good one. It was a good one.

1222
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:56,360
Speaker 2: Comment number one, speak the Unspoken Truth says sounds like

1223
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 2: a defamation lawsuit. I think we all said that.

1224
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we all said to them, yes, it is

1225
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:02,360
Speaker 1: costing you jobs.

1226
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:05,879
Speaker 2: Another comment here by Christina Steiko saying, confront them by

1227
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 2: watching the podcast on the TV in the living room,

1228
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 2: which I didn't she walk in on.

1229
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 1: That, Yeah, something like that, or.

1230
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 2: She got like the fan mail like which is from

1231
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 2: my friend start.

1232
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 3: I think like it might have been one of the

1233
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 3: commenters that were in the story that suggested that too.

1234
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so.

1235
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:25,279
Speaker 2: I remember we all were talking about that, like, oh,

1236
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:25,719
Speaker 2: what's that?

1237
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:26,839
Speaker 1: It's definitely brought up.

1238
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:29,320
Speaker 2: Then file a suit or scared them with a lawyer.

1239
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 2: Opie should have never moved in with them again, it's

1240
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 2: so hard.

1241
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:36,400
Speaker 4: To know when you're gonna have a bad roommate until

1242
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:38,319
Speaker 4: you actually live with them and spend time with them.

1243
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, but hopefully you don't have this experience ever. Again.

1244
00:52:42,239 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 2: Another comment here by Cassidy Casey fifty two ninety six, saying,

1245
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,839
Speaker 2: make your own podcast about them not knowing about you.

1246
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 2: Knowing about their podcast.

1247
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was the other recommendation in the comments. I mean,

1248
00:52:53,160 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 1: go for it. Yeah, let's get you on a I mean,

1249
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 1: we got your story on.

1250
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 3: You're already on one perfect.

1251
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 2: And proceeds to say, then you'll steal all their listeners

1252
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 2: and take the new ones that love and Underdog You're welcome.

1253
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:07,040
Speaker 3: That would honestly be crazy drama that would do so

1254
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 3: well online. I think yes, Like people would be invested

1255
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 3: and be like, oh my god, yeah, that roommate sucks,

1256
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:14,480
Speaker 3: and then they find out the roommate's point of view,

1257
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:16,240
Speaker 3: it's like, oh my gosh.

1258
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 1: Another plot twist.

1259
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 2: And a final comment here by game Crash one one one.

1260
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 2: I'm still listening, but I think a quick solution would

1261
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,279
Speaker 2: to add her LinkedIn profile to her resume so it's

1262
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 2: directly to her instead of the fake one, which I

1263
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 2: think she did too. If I recall think I.

1264
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,840
Speaker 1: Think she changed her Yeah, she changed her LinkedIn.

1265
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 3: I think she might have at least like let her

1266
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:42,360
Speaker 3: people know. Yeah, she called someone it was a fake

1267
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:43,360
Speaker 3: thing out there.

1268
00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:47,680
Speaker 4: A good idea. And that's the end of those comments

1269
00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:50,080
Speaker 4: and the end of the episode. So if you love us,

1270
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:51,200
Speaker 4: make sure to subscribe.

1271
00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 1: We love you and see you tomorrow.