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Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast

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Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue.

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Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome into Unbreakable and mental health

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Speaker 1: podcast with Jay Glazer, and listen my guests here. I've

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Speaker 1: been friends with him for a long time, but I

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Speaker 1: don't have two many guests or one of one, and

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Speaker 1: I say one of one. He is the most successful

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Speaker 1: and most decorated Olympian in the history of the Olympics.

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Speaker 1: I mean twenty eight medals, still holds the all time

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Speaker 1: record for most gold medals. But he is my brother

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Speaker 1: in the gray and the blue. And you know what

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Speaker 1: I thought, and for people out here the first time here,

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Speaker 1: what I thought when I was going through my battles

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Speaker 1: with mental health, depression, anxiety, when I got to the

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Speaker 1: top of you all rainbows and unicorns, and that just

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Speaker 1: wasn't the case. So I said, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: want to turn to my brother here, the one and

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Speaker 1: only Michael Phelps, who again the only similarities between us

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Speaker 1: is that we battle the same thing, but we use

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Speaker 1: it to overcome, you know, what goes on between our years,

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Speaker 1: but also to do greater things. So, man, I'm so

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Speaker 1: honored to have the one on other Michael Phelps here,

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Speaker 1: how are you brother? Cheers cheers good? Yeah, just another day, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, as you were saying, it's it's another day

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Speaker 1: of us fighting or going through the battles that we

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Speaker 1: go through. And and yeah, you said it perfect right.

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Speaker 1: There are days that, yeah, we feel like we're on

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Speaker 1: top of the world. And there are days we feel

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Speaker 1: the worst we've ever felt. So the battle how do

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Speaker 1: we maneuver through those things? And and for me lately,

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Speaker 1: as you know, I've been struggling with the loss of

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Speaker 1: my father and and yeah, it's been ups and downs,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I've the one thing I've tried to

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Speaker 1: do is stay in my routine. You know. For me,

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Speaker 1: work out is something that makes me me. It's a

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Speaker 1: part of my self care. You know. I just got

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Speaker 1: out of old tub too, so I do that too,

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Speaker 1: you know. So there there are certain things that I

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Speaker 1: have to continue to do to make this as best

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Speaker 1: as it as it can be. So twin your ears,

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Speaker 1: so let me let me ask you this. And there's

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Speaker 1: so many ways you you're not to go. And first

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Speaker 1: of all, you don't just talked about your dada. It's cool.

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Speaker 1: The bond we have now that we're so hoping about

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Speaker 1: this because when your dad passed, You've reached out to me.

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Speaker 1: And I'm always trying trying to tell people, reach out

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Speaker 1: to your teammates, reach out to people that get your

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Speaker 1: don't get you. Everybody wants to help you. So I was, man,

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Speaker 1: I was so honored that you felt safe enough to

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Speaker 1: come and reach out to me that day. That was.

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Speaker 1: That was amazing, brother. And I'm thankful and and you know,

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Speaker 1: some of the words that that you shared with me

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Speaker 1: that day, I still go back to a lot and

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Speaker 1: and yeah, I've I've actually screenshot that message just you know,

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Speaker 1: just so I never forget, because um, you know, there

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Speaker 1: are there are a few moments that yeah, it just

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Speaker 1: you know, it helps you just process things. And and

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Speaker 1: you know, I think that was the coolest thing in life, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there was. You know, we we've gone back and forth

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Speaker 1: and played phone tag here and there, and I was like, shit,

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Speaker 1: I don't know who you talked to. I don't know

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Speaker 1: who to reach out to, and and um, I just snapped.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Jay, I'm gonna text j And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm thankful you were there. And again, the the advice

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Speaker 1: and the wisdom you gave me and thankful for man.

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Speaker 1: I got goose bumps man just saying that it's cool

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Speaker 1: because it's we need a team and you need to

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Speaker 1: be of service, you know, so to be there for

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Speaker 1: your brother or anybody reaches out and we're going through this,

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Speaker 1: so I want to ask you this and that starts

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Speaker 1: being of service, just being there for anybody. But I

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Speaker 1: want to ask you, this is yours an everyday battle.

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Speaker 1: Like for me, it's hard for me to get out

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Speaker 1: of bed every single day of my life. And this

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Speaker 1: isn't a new thing. This has been around for a while.

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Speaker 1: Is it that way for you? There are months or

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Speaker 1: weeks where yeah, it's like that, all right, I guess

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Speaker 1: I call it seasonal depression. You know, there's a there's

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Speaker 1: a like a six week stretch from basically like second

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Speaker 1: third week in October through the middle of November. So

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm in it. Um. I've had some really large

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Speaker 1: things happened to me in my life, broken bones, kind

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Speaker 1: of a bunch of different things. So yeah, so, um,

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Speaker 1: I just know this is a moment where I need

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Speaker 1: to make sure I'm aware and keeping in touch with

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Speaker 1: everything that's going on. You know, if my body is

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Speaker 1: telling me a certain thing, listen to it, don't stuff

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Speaker 1: it down. When did you realize you were listen? I

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Speaker 1: like to say different because I would say different good,

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Speaker 1: like the fun I'm different? Yeah, sure, When did you

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Speaker 1: realize you were different? I mean, like I'm thinking like

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Speaker 1: career wise, like I'm going back to eleven when my

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Speaker 1: coach said that you could make the Olympic team in

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Speaker 1: four years, and I was like, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: him that's just him talking shit, or you know, if

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Speaker 1: him actually believe in it. Right. So but as a

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Speaker 1: kid at that point, I was like, yeah, cool, I'm

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Speaker 1: all in, let's go and and sure make the Olympics, right,

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Speaker 1: and then sure enough four years later, bang it happens,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about. So it's like I

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Speaker 1: was like, all right, maybe this guy is not crazy

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Speaker 1: or maybe yeah I am different. But also at the

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Speaker 1: same time, like I felt that I was normal, you know,

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Speaker 1: because I was doing something that I loved. Bro, You're

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Speaker 1: not right. I know that I was thinking, well, make

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Speaker 1: sure that I was thinking about it today a little

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Speaker 1: bit like um, like I was thinking like trying to

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Speaker 1: win eight gold medals, like I was trying to do

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Speaker 1: something that no one had ever done before. Right, there

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Speaker 1: was no blueprint, right, like if I want to try

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Speaker 1: to change the time on my phone or like the

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Speaker 1: text on my phone, Like, if I don't know how

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Speaker 1: to do it, I can look that up. There's no

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Speaker 1: there's no book that says here, this is how you

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Speaker 1: win eight gold medals. Right. I had to fight, like

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Speaker 1: basically figure it out trial and air. And I think

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Speaker 1: that was that's make me that, Like that makes me

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Speaker 1: who I am. The process of things makes me makes

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Speaker 1: me who I am. All right, So now when did

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Speaker 1: you realize you were different mental health wise? When did

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Speaker 1: you first realize you suffered from the gray that I

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Speaker 1: accepted from it? Yeah, I probably accepted from it in

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Speaker 1: like two dozen fourteen, Um, but why did you When

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Speaker 1: did you know it was? Yeah? That was a few times,

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Speaker 1: a few instances through my mental health journey, right Like

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Speaker 1: that was a few pretty big public depression spells that

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Speaker 1: I had gone through, And I was like, oh, ship,

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Speaker 1: maybe I need to try to figure this thing out.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I need to try to not tame it but

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Speaker 1: learn it right, figure out why I am how I

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Speaker 1: am right, because it's like it's not gonna change, you know,

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Speaker 1: Like like you said, right, like you wake up every

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Speaker 1: day and it's a struggle, you know, like ship like

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Speaker 1: for me, like my depression, I can't snap my fingers

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Speaker 1: and have it just go away. I can't just snap

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Speaker 1: my fingers and have my anxiety go away, right, So

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Speaker 1: it's like, how do I maintain it? You know? How

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Speaker 1: do I just be me and be okay with being

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Speaker 1: who I am? You But you came out early, yeah,

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Speaker 1: earlier than most to talk about it. That's pretty courageous.

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Speaker 1: I just didn't care, honestly, Like to the no, I

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Speaker 1: was just like kind of just sick and tired of

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Speaker 1: feeling how I was. Yeah, I was still able to

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Speaker 1: go and swim in train. But I think I used

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Speaker 1: that anger and that frustration in the pool um, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I kind of think I helped, like that helped

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Speaker 1: me become who I was, but maybe not in a

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Speaker 1: healthy way. But then like in the outside world, I

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Speaker 1: didn't know how to deal with it. So I think

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Speaker 1: in fourteen, like that's where I was, just after my

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Speaker 1: second d U I was like, Okay, I gotta figure

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Speaker 1: something out, Like what's going on? Why am I acting out?

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Speaker 1: You know? Why? Am I screaming for help? And in reality,

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Speaker 1: that's what it was, right. I didn't know how to

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Speaker 1: ask for help. So at that point I was just like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like it is what it is, this is who I am,

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Speaker 1: and here you go. But like thinking back to that interview,

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Speaker 1: and it's still crazy because it was Tim Layden who

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Speaker 1: did the piece and I don't know the question that

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Speaker 1: he asked me that made me just blah uh and

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Speaker 1: open up. Um. We were sitting there and doing like

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Speaker 1: the cover story for the Olympics going into you know,

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Speaker 1: the two thousand sixteen games, and I just opened up.

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Speaker 1: And and ever since that point forward, I was just like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: here you go, you know. Yeah, like today I feel

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Speaker 1: like a piece of ship today. I want to be

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Speaker 1: six ft underground. Today. I don't want to do anything today.

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Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to talk to me. Right, I'm

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Speaker 1: just in one of those moods and know like sometimes

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Speaker 1: a hug won't help, you know, sometimes it's me just

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Speaker 1: taking time by myself, taking that piece and quiet. Right,

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Speaker 1: So it just depends, you know, Like it's that cycle.

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Speaker 1: Like I always I used the term riding the roller coaster,

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Speaker 1: Like if I send the roller coaster in Melogi. I'm

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Speaker 1: just all over the I'm going to figure you out

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Speaker 1: to when when they come in. But but you just

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Speaker 1: said it too, and people don't understand the code. Man,

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Speaker 1: I get this all the time. How could you want

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Speaker 1: to be six ft under I mean, look at you,

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Speaker 1: You're a TV Hall of Fame, You're you've done this

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Speaker 1: and bawlers and fighting in football and NFL on Fox.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but you know, like my life is great,

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Speaker 1: but between my ears sucks, right, and people don't understand.

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Speaker 1: But people are gonna look at you, go, Michael Felt,

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Speaker 1: how could you want to feel six ft underground? So what?

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Speaker 1: Let do you know what led to your pain? Um?

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Speaker 1: I think I'm learning more about it. I think for me,

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Speaker 1: like there's a lot of compartmentalization from you know, decades, um,

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Speaker 1: a lot of it. And and to be honest, was

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Speaker 1: you know, not having a dad, you know, like my

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Speaker 1: parents divorced very young and and and it's not not

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Speaker 1: having a dad. My dad's dad also passed when he

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Speaker 1: was very young, so he didn't have dad, right, so

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Speaker 1: he didn't really understand how to fully be there and

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Speaker 1: support a child and be there when he needs to

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Speaker 1: write and look I can't blame him, but you know,

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Speaker 1: like for me, like I used that as motivation now

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Speaker 1: every day for my kids. Right, So just trying to

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Speaker 1: change that cycle, you know. And and I think part

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Speaker 1: of it is is obviously it's learning, it's going through

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Speaker 1: the process. And and for me, I think in two

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Speaker 1: thousand and fourteen, I was able to have a really

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Speaker 1: good conversation where I got a lot of stuff off

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Speaker 1: my chest and we were able to talk a lot

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Speaker 1: and and and just uncover a lot of the stuff

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Speaker 1: that we probably were both holding onto for decades. So

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Speaker 1: I think that was really cool and really special. But

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Speaker 1: I think it's like now, it's probably it's just learning

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Speaker 1: how I was raised and understanding it and processing it.

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Speaker 1: And but it's also not pointing blame too, you know,

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Speaker 1: like we were raised how we were raised, and it

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Speaker 1: is what it is. You know, our parents did the

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Speaker 1: best that they could. You know, if we want changed,

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Speaker 1: then we have to change. And and I'd like to

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Speaker 1: see change in in a mental health front. And so

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Speaker 1: for me, I look at it in a different way

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Speaker 1: than my parents ever did, and they probably ever could process.

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Speaker 1: It's funny. I I had dinner my my folks, I

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Speaker 1: don't see them a lot. My mother tells me earlier

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Speaker 1: this year, Oh you know I've suffered from anxiety left,

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Speaker 1: and so did your grandma. I'm like, how about a

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Speaker 1: heads up here? Like the first time here? It's two right,

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Speaker 1: thanks a lot now, I mean God, because for me,

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Speaker 1: it's it's always I don't know any way to not

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Speaker 1: feel this way, like my entire life as a little kid,

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Speaker 1: my earliest childhood memory, I've brought upstairs chicken and screaming

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Speaker 1: and crying and usually punished. And man, I just felt like,

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Speaker 1: like you said, like the universe, the universe hates me,

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Speaker 1: Like the world's gonna come crashing down around me. And

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Speaker 1: that pain for people who who don't suffer from it,

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Speaker 1: it fucking sucks. It's a it's for me, it's a

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Speaker 1: victual physical reaction. When you get your tax, do you

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Speaker 1: feel it physically? Also? At times I think it's just

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Speaker 1: where my head is, like where mine's kind of specific.

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Speaker 1: I get on the left side of my gut, behind

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Speaker 1: my rib cage like having a heart attack, and my joints. No,

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Speaker 1: there are times I think like it's more of just

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Speaker 1: like I want to crawl in a ball, like I

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Speaker 1: just want to just like I don't know if it's

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Speaker 1: like physical pain, Like I think there were times where

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Speaker 1: like I like there was once where I was in

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Speaker 1: such a dark phase and like I haven't talked about

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Speaker 1: this much, but I actually took like a golf cleat

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Speaker 1: and hit myself in the head. Like I was so

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Speaker 1: piste off and this is like this is probably like

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Speaker 1: six seven years ago. And as soon as I did that,

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Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I need to figure something out, right,

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Speaker 1: like my life has gotten to this point. And it

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Speaker 1: wasn't like a pleat cleat, Like it wasn't like metal cleats,

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Speaker 1: but like you know, it didn't feel good. But also yeah,

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Speaker 1: but like looking back at it now, like I can laugh,

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Speaker 1: I can laugh about it because like you know, like

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Speaker 1: I think it's the um but I think like and

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Speaker 1: and the biggest thing and and you know, going back

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Speaker 1: to like my parents, like I don't here you go

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Speaker 1: all the horses that were a great dame um, like

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Speaker 1: going back to my parents, Like it's the acceptance, right,

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Speaker 1: Like I love my parents to death, I always will,

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Speaker 1: but it's the acceptance of these things, these moments, these pains,

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Speaker 1: these traumas, right, Like you know, like if I like

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Speaker 1: I don't want to sit and stuff stuff stuff because

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to grow and learn

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Speaker 1: from those experiences and then try to teach my kids

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Speaker 1: how to deal with those things. Right, So I think

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Speaker 1: that that is the hardest part for me. And I think, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, thinking back like that golf cleet um, Like

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Speaker 1: I can think back to certain times like that, and

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Speaker 1: I can always know kind of the pain that I

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Speaker 1: was going through, but I can also look at the transformation, right,

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Speaker 1: you know. I think for me, like I can go

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Speaker 1: back to what I was feeling when I was at

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Speaker 1: the meadows where yeah, almost every day I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be alive and I hated myself and I couldn't

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Speaker 1: look at myself in the mirror because I saw a

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Speaker 1: swimmer and that was it. You know. Now I got

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Speaker 1: to the point where I'm at the point now where yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can see this kid with a man bun and

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Speaker 1: you know, like whatever, Like I can see this, I

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Speaker 1: can see me for who I am. I can see

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Speaker 1: myself for a human being. And I think that is

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Speaker 1: something that you know, because of the growth, because of

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Speaker 1: the acceptance, because of the things that I've gone through,

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Speaker 1: Like that's why I am how I am, and like

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Speaker 1: I love it this way right, Like you know, like

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Speaker 1: I think back to, you know, points where I was

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Speaker 1: afraid to even open up and talk about it. You know,

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Speaker 1: I think that was the craziest thing because now to

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Speaker 1: the point I'm like whoa, Like, yeah, I'm having a

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Speaker 1: bad day and like, honey, yep, one of those days

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Speaker 1: like just giving your heads up, like it could be

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Speaker 1: a little cuckoo to day, like could be off. You know,

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Speaker 1: you you just reveal that I've never revealed this, but

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Speaker 1: when I have those self loathing moments, I punched myself

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Speaker 1: in head that I've done that, and it's like, man,

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Speaker 1: you're just so self loathing and that's so I appreciate

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Speaker 1: you sharing that with me. And then figure out I

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Speaker 1: gotta share that with you, and I still do it.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like because I also go, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I know, I can do a lot of damage with

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Speaker 1: these hands. There's I'd rather do it to me than

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Speaker 1: somebody else. And they also look like I deserve it

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Speaker 1: half time, and we don't deserve We fucking don't deserve it.

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Speaker 1: It sucks that we go that down that path. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like I'll ask like in those times like what have

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Speaker 1: you found as outlets that help you? Right? Like besides,

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Speaker 1: have you tried anything else? You know? Like for me,

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Speaker 1: like I always go to working out, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you have to get in there, like you know, like

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Speaker 1: you've hit me mouth all times and like yeah, Jim,

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Speaker 1: like I hit you right after I'm done. But like,

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Speaker 1: like what are like what are other things? You know?

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Speaker 1: Like it's me visit meditation, is it? Right? You know?

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Speaker 1: I started? So I went to Thailand this offseason for

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Speaker 1: thirty five days. I told you about that, right, and hey,

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Speaker 1: they made me really and I sent you some of

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Speaker 1: these notes. They made me really heal that little kid

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Speaker 1: in me, right, that that little you know, holding little

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Speaker 1: Jason's right. But so now every day before I ever

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Speaker 1: look at my phone and now get up, I do

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Speaker 1: breathwork for for ten minutes, right, I meditate for five

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Speaker 1: of the things that I'm grateful for. Then I write

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Speaker 1: down ten things I'm grateful for from the previous day

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Speaker 1: that made me happy. And it's hard sometimes for a

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Speaker 1: lot of them, but you know what, I'll make it.

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Speaker 1: It could be something materialistic, it could be just something

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Speaker 1: somebody said. It could be a memory I had, whatever

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Speaker 1: it is, so I do all that and then I'll

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Speaker 1: get a ten minute work at in before I ever

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Speaker 1: look at my phone, and that usually gets me. It

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Speaker 1: will calm me down. It's a better way for me

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Speaker 1: to start today than to start today thinking that the

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Speaker 1: universe is ending and the universe hates me and my

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Speaker 1: sky is phone. So do you look back at those

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Speaker 1: things right down all the time. So originally it was

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Speaker 1: a hundred. They told me to do a hundred grant right,

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Speaker 1: a grand afew list of a hundred things I'm grateful

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Speaker 1: for from my whole life. And brother, you think would

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Speaker 1: be so easy for somebody like me or somebody like you,

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Speaker 1: Holy funk? Was that hard? You know, because you don't

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Speaker 1: feel like you deserve any of it, so you don't

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Speaker 1: want to write it down because you're almost like you're

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Speaker 1: jinxing yourself or you feel shittier about yourself. But oh,

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Speaker 1: now you're just bragging, like funk. It's terrible. But then

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Speaker 1: once I did, it was like God in the universe. Oh,

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Speaker 1: my son says he loves me. And my son said

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Speaker 1: this to me one time when my dog gives me kisses.

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Speaker 1: And when I first adopted my dog, I got the

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Speaker 1: postal rescue pit and like her first day and you know,

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Speaker 1: buying houses and being on Fox NFL Sunday and my

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Speaker 1: whole Fox NFL Sunday crew and walking fighters down to

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Speaker 1: a cage for championship fights and fuck, there's a million.

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Speaker 1: It could be a parent shoes whatever it was if

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Speaker 1: I got a hundred. So I was reading that whole

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Speaker 1: hundred list every single morning, and now I've expanded it

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Speaker 1: where every day I write an extra ten and then

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Speaker 1: I usually still go back to that that hundred when

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Speaker 1: I'm down. When it when it's when the roommates in

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Speaker 1: my head are not playing nicely together, I'll go back

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Speaker 1: to that original hundred and read that. Yeah, that's like

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Speaker 1: the one thing for me. Like I like whenever I

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Speaker 1: have like I can out the feedback loop from hell,

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Speaker 1: like and that like up here just keeps going and

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Speaker 1: going and spinning and spinning and spinning, and like I

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Speaker 1: get to that point where like I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna blow. It's like how do I get myself out

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Speaker 1: of that moment? Right? So I always have like a

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Speaker 1: hunt like not a hundred, but it's like I have

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Speaker 1: like ten different journals or like little notepads sitting here,

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Speaker 1: and some of them are the bad days, some of

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Speaker 1: them are good days, some of them do list like

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Speaker 1: all this stuff. I am in that moment where I'm spinning.

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Speaker 1: I try to go back and I look or I

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Speaker 1: just get it all out, right, because like during those

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Speaker 1: good days, like you have so many good thoughts, you

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Speaker 1: feel like you're on top of the world, nothing can

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Speaker 1: get in your way. But then it's like like for me,

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Speaker 1: I can I can turn like that and if I turn,

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Speaker 1: this goes on. So then it's like, Okay, how do

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Speaker 1: I get back to that living in the neutral, living

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Speaker 1: in the moment? And it's like I go back to

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Speaker 1: all the notes that I have and just the memories,

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Speaker 1: right because and I feel like it's the same thing

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Speaker 1: you're doing by that, but like by what you just said,

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Speaker 1: it's like those thoughts and memories are there. Probably for me,

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Speaker 1: it's like little things that trigger something. It's like, how

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Speaker 1: do I control that? And the only way I can

387
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Speaker 1: control it is either getting it out or like for me,

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Speaker 1: is looking at something from the past because I want

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Speaker 1: to calm myself down, right, So I asked just because

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Speaker 1: in like those moments where you know, like where we

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Speaker 1: are hitting ourselves like, how can we stop that? You know,

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Speaker 1: like you know, like my wife says to me, it's

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Speaker 1: just like all the times, like you can't do that.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I know, I can't do like I know

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Speaker 1: do that, Like I want to be able to stop that,

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Speaker 1: but you know, like for me, it's how do I

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Speaker 1: get to that point where I do stop it and

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Speaker 1: I can control it and I can't help myself. Isn't

399
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Speaker 1: it cool that we could talk about these things that

400
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 1: was so openly. No, that's I'm proud of you talking

401
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,080
Speaker 1: about it. I'm learning to be proud of me talking

402
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Speaker 1: about it. And again I'm still a work in progress

403
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 1: that we can change this world. You know. I had

404
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,400
Speaker 1: this thing the other day. It must have been people

405
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,040
Speaker 1: or something, and the guy was moderating with He's like,

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Speaker 1: hold your phone up in the air if you know

407
00:18:56,440 --> 00:19:00,440
Speaker 1: somebody or you're going through some kind of mental health struggle.

408
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,399
Speaker 1: Seventy percent of the room had the phone stup and

409
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: they said, now keep your phone in the air if

410
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Speaker 1: you've gone through suicidal ideation. Seventy people at their hand

411
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Speaker 1: up there. I was floored because I think, well, I

412
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Speaker 1: think for a number of reasons. I think number one

413
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Speaker 1: because I was so happy that people were honest and open,

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Speaker 1: right because what we just talked about, right, Like, yeah,

415
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,800
Speaker 1: it's hard as hell to open up and talk about it,

416
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Speaker 1: but once you do open up, like that, awareness is

417
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,159
Speaker 1: so powerful. So like for me, I was just I

418
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:38,359
Speaker 1: was happy inside because at the chance, like we have

419
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Speaker 1: an opportunity to potentially save a life, right, you don't

420
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Speaker 1: have to suffer in silence, and and and number two,

421
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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, the world has changed, right, like,

422
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Speaker 1: you know, like people are okay, not being okay, you

423
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Speaker 1: know five years ago, like we never would have thought

424
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Speaker 1: or nobody would have lifted that mat up underneath their

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Speaker 1: up up from the problems that were. We're hiding underneath

426
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,120
Speaker 1: of them and talking about them. So it's like all

427
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 1: of these things. I feel like it's just so powerful.

428
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,480
Speaker 1: And yeah, we're making great progress, but there's so much

429
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:12,159
Speaker 1: more because it's too reactive. We're not proactive enough. Like

430
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 1: people need to do what you and I are doing

431
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,360
Speaker 1: for our mental health before the scot's fault. Like even

432
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 1: if they don't think they have an issue, they need

433
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,160
Speaker 1: to start doing this, or just when times are good,

434
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,960
Speaker 1: get a routine look mental health. They'll go to therapist

435
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 1: after it's too late, or you don't always try, you

436
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,640
Speaker 1: don't only swim when your time is off, you're doing

437
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,080
Speaker 1: all the fun time all the time, or or I

438
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 1: love it that they're like, uh no, we can't get

439
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,440
Speaker 1: a therapy appointment for six weeks, and like six weeks

440
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 1: comes up and like, oh no, I don't need to

441
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 1: go anymore. I'm fine. Actually you're not. You're you're not fine.

442
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,879
Speaker 1: My one thing for fine it's freaked out, insecure, neurotic

443
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 1: and emotional and you can only be fine on mondays.

444
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 1: I like that. Holy sh it, I like that a lot.

445
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 1: Who used to say that, My my coach and my

446
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,399
Speaker 1: mom and I used to always say that back in

447
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,440
Speaker 1: the day. You just said something also like man, I

448
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 1: can't get a therapy pointment for six weeks. That is

449
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,280
Speaker 1: a problem, a huge problem. But what we can't do

450
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 1: is what you did recently is like are you struggling?

451
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,400
Speaker 1: You reached out to me, like there are we could

452
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 1: be each other's therapists and leaning on each other, and

453
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,320
Speaker 1: it gets us like, I don't know, I don't know

454
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 1: about you bad, But every time I've opened up to

455
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 1: somebody and my friends are the baddest motherfucker's in the black,

456
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,359
Speaker 1: you know what. They are the most macho people of

457
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 1: all time. It has just gotten us closer together. Nobody

458
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 1: has called me a woos nobody's told me to suck

459
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 1: it up, nobody said, oh stop, jay man, your life

460
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 1: is too great. But it's just gotten us closer together. Like,

461
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,679
Speaker 1: there there are a few people that, honestly, like I've

462
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 1: always respected, but I never thought I'd be as close

463
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 1: as I am because of that, right, Like, like, there

464
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,880
Speaker 1: are a few random people in my life that I've

465
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,879
Speaker 1: become friends with who just send a random text and

466
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 1: I looked out. I'm like, oh, what's up, dude? You know,

467
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 1: like I always put a smile on my face. You're like,

468
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 1: you know, always like I feel safe and comfortable with.

469
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 1: So I feel like that's something that's so special. Yes,

470
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 1: building that brotherhood, building that trust, that bond. It's hard

471
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,119
Speaker 1: to put in the words, but it's cool. Here's another

472
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: thing I do, by the way, I forgot when I

473
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,120
Speaker 1: am struggling, um, I will do what you did. I'll

474
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 1: reach out to four my my boys and say I'm

475
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: struggling today, I need some help. But the same day

476
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,360
Speaker 1: I'll reach out to four other people and just check

477
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 1: up on them. Yeah, just like you were saying, like, oh,

478
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: random text, because that's me being of service to somebody else.

479
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: And that also helped me cut through the gray. I

480
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 1: don't want to forget that. And I feel like that's

481
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,159
Speaker 1: that's so true because it's like what you do you

482
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 1: get back ten times, right, you know, like and that

483
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 1: right then, like you you reaching out, like you're opening up,

484
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: like you're becoming vulnerable, like being a friend to somebody

485
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 1: else that potentially is going to the same thing, you know.

486
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 1: So I feel like that's that's so that's awesome. A

487
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago ahead on Andrew Wentworth, the captain

488
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 1: of the Rams, right, you know, looks like me except

489
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: eight feet taller, so extremely sexy. But man, I'm with

490
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,760
Speaker 1: him in the car after they in the Super Bowl,

491
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 1: and he opened up about this on this podcast and

492
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: he was in the fucking tank. He just it's the

493
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 1: greatest moment of his career. He wins it all. He's

494
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: the oldest person to ever started tackle in the history

495
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,919
Speaker 1: of the NFL, much less than to be a captain

496
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: in the Super Bowl game. And he's in the front

497
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,919
Speaker 1: seat of the car with his head in his hands

498
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 1: and he is in the tank and I am trying

499
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: to boost him up, saying, dude, He's like, I just

500
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: I don't deserve it. I'm not worthy of this. When

501
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 1: you win your gold medals, are you able to celebrate yourself?

502
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 1: I just heard you already grown. Are you able to

503
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 1: celebrate yourself or do you go through something similar? It's

504
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 1: hard because, like you know, I think once I win one,

505
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: I had to be able to like in one ear

506
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: out the other, right, because there was six or seven

507
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 1: more that I was trying to swim or win that week. Um,

508
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 1: at the end of the week, it's hard to sit

509
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,159
Speaker 1: still because I'm on a whirlwind tour, right like that

510
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 1: first like week, two weeks, you're jumping all over the

511
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: place doing different shows. But I think after that it's

512
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,680
Speaker 1: kind of like, what's next? Who am I? What's my identity?

513
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 1: And I think that's the scary part, right because I

514
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,439
Speaker 1: think you you work so hard for you know, for

515
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 1: me anyway, I feel like I worked so hard to

516
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: get to that point and at the snap of your fingers,

517
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: it's gone, it's done, it's finished, it's not gone. You

518
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 1: did it. Yeah, But the problem, that's the problems we have, right, Yeah,

519
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 1: I guess, like but I I I never I never

520
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: sat and celebrated like I. I never. I guess I

521
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: never could. I remember, I'll never forget. You know, when

522
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,160
Speaker 1: I won my first one back in two thousand and four,

523
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: the very first day of the Olympics, So four and

524
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 1: I am. I went four oh eight and I win

525
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: and I, you know, have the medal, share it with

526
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: my mom through a chain link fence and she's like, oh, yeah,

527
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 1: that's so awesome. I'm like, yeah, we did it. And

528
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,640
Speaker 1: my coach is like, hey, we got a warm down. Time,

529
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: we got another race tomorrow. I'm like, oh great, like cool,

530
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: like shoving my bag all right, cool, time time to

531
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,239
Speaker 1: go to the next one. Like That's basically what it

532
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: was my career. I would say I've gotten through two

533
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 1: thousand and eight. I've been able to process everything to

534
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,960
Speaker 1: that point. Two thousand and twelve for me, is one

535
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: of the most challenging Olympics of my life because I

536
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:20,159
Speaker 1: wasn't happy with the results, but again, I got the

537
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 1: results that I deserved. So it's it's hard for me

538
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 1: to watch those races because I literally was off by that.

539
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: But then again, if I don't do that, then I

540
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: don't come back for sixteen. So it's just trying to

541
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: process all of that stuff. But yeah, it's it's I've

542
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 1: never been able to celebrate, but like to this day,

543
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 1: have you been? Have you since been? I want to

544
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: sit back and go, oh man, what do you mean? No, dude,

545
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 1: you need to. You need to. You deserve to more

546
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 1: than anything. You deserve to. You put that work in,

547
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,200
Speaker 1: you spilt that sweat, you deserve to. That's something you

548
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,640
Speaker 1: gotta work on. Is being able to love yourself up.

549
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 1: Something that again exactly the same thing I was talking

550
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,879
Speaker 1: about with when like we deserve to love ourselves up,

551
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: we do something that is great saying yeah, like I'm

552
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 1: not saying I'm not proud, I'm not happy at the accomplishments,

553
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,920
Speaker 1: but I mean I feel like like also, like I'm

554
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 1: somebody who is so detail oriented, so it's hard for

555
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: me to sit and try to really process every single

556
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 1: moment in memory like I want to. Um, I'm in

557
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 1: the process of just finishing a book. I just got

558
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: the seconded it's not asshole and uh, I just been.

559
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 1: I just got the second manuscript. We ripped up the

560
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 1: first one and went back and kind of reprogrammed everything

561
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 1: into the right spot. So I'm finishing that and hopefully

562
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 1: that's out soon. Oh you're finishing your own book. I

563
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 1: thought you read the book. That's how I was like,

564
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 1: you asshole, not read my book? Yeah? No, no, yeah

565
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: for you super pumped about it, And I think that's

566
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 1: something that that will help me process some of it too, right,

567
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 1: being able to read it and see it all on paper.

568
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: I think living it through the pandemic UM was challenging emotionally,

569
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 1: but I think it was also really cool because I

570
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 1: was able to learn and grow through those emotions that

571
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 1: I went through. Right, So I want to get back

572
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 1: to this. You get a gold medal, Ye, we see

573
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: you really really happy out there going nuts, but you're

574
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 1: not that happy on the inside. Is that I can't

575
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: be because I have to be able to control the

576
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 1: emotions UM and every really everything my physical, mental, everything

577
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 1: well being through those next few days. Because I can't.

578
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 1: I don't well I don't want to say I can't,

579
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: but I shouldn't really kind of pour too many emotions

580
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 1: into one event because then I'm draining myself for the

581
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 1: whole entire week. So when when I won eight gold

582
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 1: medals in two thousand and eight. That process started back

583
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: in two thousand and two when I was trying to

584
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:53,680
Speaker 1: learn how to adapt to swimming that many races and

585
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 1: clear my lactic acid and swim down and eat enough

586
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 1: and sleep enough, and do all in stretch enough and

587
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 1: make sure I'm doing all the small details. So after

588
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 1: I win a gold medal, what I would do is

589
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 1: typically I get off of the award stand um. It

590
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 1: depends if I had another race or not, if I

591
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 1: was done for the night. I mean typically just get

592
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 1: probably get back in and clear my lactic acid. So

593
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 1: we we prick our ear, take a blood sample. My

594
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 1: lactic acid to be below anything below three point oh,

595
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 1: and I'm good. So I would just swim at my

596
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,439
Speaker 1: heart I keep my heart rate about one twenty, and

597
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: I would just swim comfortably up and down, up and down,

598
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 1: up and down until my lactic acid cleared. Once it

599
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:36,880
Speaker 1: was cleared, I'd hop out of the pool. I'd hop

600
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: on the massage table and get a massage. Once I'm

601
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: done the massage, I get a dinner that they have

602
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: free made. Typically it's like pasta, you know, some kind

603
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 1: of car a little bit of protein. I jump into

604
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 1: a cold bath. I'm eating while I'm in the cold bath.

605
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 1: I get on the I get out of the cold tub,

606
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:57,120
Speaker 1: put all my clothes on, get on the bus, still eating.

607
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 1: If I'm still hungry, going to the dining hall and

608
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: get food. By that point I need to get into

609
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: bed because I swim the next morning. Okay, but all

610
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 1: those emotions the day after you win eight fucking gold medals,

611
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 1: are you able to sit and go, oh my god,

612
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: I did this. Yeah, but I still had to come

613
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,600
Speaker 1: on and do all the interviews with y'all. I'm in football,

614
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: let's say you. But were you able to? Was there? So? Still?

615
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 1: There's never a moment even wore you're doing the interviews

616
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: where you're able to I mean I and love yourself

617
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,959
Speaker 1: up for it, I mean love yourself up really Okay,

618
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: since then, since your career has ended, we ran out too.

619
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: In Vegas. Was with Sean McVeigh, right, and McVeigh was like, dude,

620
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 1: you're one of one. I'm like, yes, he's one of one.

621
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 1: Are you able to appreciate that love that conversation? Yeah?

622
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 1: I mean and and and honestly, you know, and yeah,

623
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: until somebody breaks my records, Yeah, I guess I'm one

624
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 1: of one. Uh you know, you know there's no guessing here.

625
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 1: You're one of one, dude. I guess the one thing

626
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 1: that is crazy, Like thinking about it now, I've only

627
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: looked at the medals all at once less than a

628
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: handful of times. I guess the easiest way of saying is,

629
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 1: I don't want them to define who I am as

630
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 1: a human, right, Like that's a chapter of who I

631
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: am and what i'm you know, what I feel like

632
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: I am doing or what I'm supposed to do, right

633
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 1: Like for me, like that gave me the platform to

634
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: be able to have what I have today, right, you know,

635
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: to be able to stand up and and to allow

636
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: let's just scream about mental health. Look, yes, is it? Was?

637
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 1: It amazing what I did? Of course, Like I'm literally

638
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: looking at a finish right now above my desk where

639
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 1: I want to raise by a hundredth of a second,

640
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: hundredth of a second, you know what I'm saying, Like yeah,

641
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 1: without question, Like there have been a few times and

642
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 1: like ship like that was awesome, like spots, you know,

643
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 1: like I had some great, great memories, some amazing things,

644
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: but I think as a whole no, like when like

645
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: when somebody reads a bio and they're like twenty three

646
00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 1: time Gold medalists, eight times Olympic medalists, thirty nine time

647
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 1: world record holder. I'm like, what, Like, is this a dream?

648
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: Like I feel like it is a dream, because like

649
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 1: this is what I dreamt of as a kid. I

650
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 1: wanted to do something that no one else has ever done.

651
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 1: And I'm living a fucking dream come true. You know

652
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like that's the reality of it. So yeah,

653
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: like there are some things that really hard to process

654
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: and and yeah there are some things that I look

655
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, like this is incredible for me.

656
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: Now it's the mental health. That story I shared about

657
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 1: the cell phones. That story, for me, I will never forget,

658
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: and I'll never forget how I felt, you know, I'll

659
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: never forget sitting next to a guy on an airplane.

660
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 1: This guy is probably like mid sixties, white hair dude,

661
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 1: and he was like, so you're telling me you just

662
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: talk about mental health and you think that's gonna help,

663
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 1: and you think, he goes, that's a sign of weakness.

664
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: And I was like and I literally was like I

665
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: was like alright. I was like okay, Like we're on

666
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 1: an airplane, I like, take headphones out. I'm like, all right,

667
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 1: now we're getting serious. Like I wanted to go tyson

668
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 1: on him, like him, how's it called? Michael Phelps's Oh.

669
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 1: I almost went nuts and I was like, dude, I

670
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: was like, okay. So I basically listed like ten different things.

671
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: I was like, do you or you're a family struggle

672
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 1: from PTSD, you know, depression anxiety at little He goes no,

673
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: and I go and how on the do you have

674
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 1: any right saying exactly what you just said to me?

675
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 1: And he goes, I've struck a nerve And I said, yes,

676
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: you have. I said, you've triggered something, sir, And I said,

677
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna finish this conversation right now. Because I didn't know,

678
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 1: honestly at that moment, like I was so raged, I

679
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 1: was so angered inside. I didn't know what to do,

680
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 1: And the only thing I could do is I knew

681
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 1: I had to be as polite as I possibly could

682
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: to shut the conversation down and get out. But it's

683
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: like stuff like that, that's the thing that makes me

684
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 1: happy with the fights that I'm doing every single day,

685
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 1: whether it's for me, whether it's for you, whether it's

686
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,959
Speaker 1: for somebody else, right, because we're saving a life. I

687
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: want you to go back a second here, because could

688
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 1: have both. I want you to to go back and say

689
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 1: maybe the okay, you don't want to say the gold

690
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: medals to find you okay, but maybe you look at

691
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: the gold medals and go the work that I I put

692
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 1: in for those that defind me. That's who the funk

693
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: I am? For sure? Yeah, you out worked the world.

694
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 1: You didn't just don't work. You outwork the world. There's

695
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 1: a question. There's a question somebody gave me once and

696
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 1: a reporter, European reporter goes, do you ever feel bad

697
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 1: for winning all those medals? And I started laughing my

698
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: ass off, that's like, excuse me? And he goes, do

699
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:35,840
Speaker 1: you feel bad for the other people? And I go, no,

700
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 1: I go they could have worked hard too, That's exactly right. Bad. No.

701
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: The question is that like I did? I like I

702
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: earned those things right, right? And there was a so

703
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: that that could lift you up? Yes? Sure, like like

704
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: I look back and and I'll look and say I

705
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 1: went six straight years without missing a single day. Did

706
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: any other person ever do that? No? So I gave

707
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:01,520
Speaker 1: myself a better chance to have greater success with the

708
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 1: things that I did that nobody else, nobody else were

709
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,400
Speaker 1: willing to do. So No, I don't feel bad for

710
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 1: winning all those medals. Maybe you could like look at

711
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: the medals more though, and then think of that. Right, Hey,

712
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,439
Speaker 1: I'm proud of myself because I put in more work

713
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: than anybody else, not by a little, but by a lot.

714
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: And not only that, Michael, you put in the work

715
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,319
Speaker 1: when nobody else was watching. That's what true greatness is,

716
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,439
Speaker 1: right that under arm a commercial I did. I guess

717
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,240
Speaker 1: back in sixteen. It's what it's what you do behind

718
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 1: the scenes, in the dark that brings you to the light. Right,

719
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 1: It's the things that you do when when you don't

720
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 1: want to do them right That that that brings you

721
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 1: into being who you are, right that, that's what the

722
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: greats do. Like, that's the difference between being great and

723
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: being good. Great you have to do things that people

724
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 1: aren't willing to do, right, Like, that's the separation. I

725
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 1: asked all my guests or last question, give me your

726
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,840
Speaker 1: unbreakable moment, Give me that moment that should have broken

727
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 1: you could have, o can you? And you didn't, and

728
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 1: you came through the other side of that tunnel. Uh.

729
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 1: It's probably the moment of of not wanting to be alive,

730
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: you know. I think I was at a dark spot

731
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 1: in my life where at that moment I was I

732
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 1: was prescribed ambient from three different doctors monthly. I was happy.

733
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 1: I only had three pills left. It was a night

734
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 1: of my d y, my second one fourteen, and I

735
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,800
Speaker 1: got home and I just remember I was like, funk,

736
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna take the rest of these and I

737
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:32,879
Speaker 1: hope I don't wake up. I mean, like I knew

738
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,360
Speaker 1: I was gonna wake up, Like I was taking fifteen

739
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,439
Speaker 1: milligrams almost every night, Like I knew I was gonna

740
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 1: wake up. And I was like, I hope this ends it.

741
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: And I woke up and for three days I basically

742
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 1: didn't leave my room. I didn't eat, I didn't drink anything.

743
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 1: I just sat there. I was just being And at

744
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: that very moment, I was just like, fuck this, I

745
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 1: gotta change. How can I change? And I literally called

746
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 1: two people and I said, find me some kind of help.

747
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: Where can I go? Because I honestly like it was

748
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: kind of like the moment where I was like, I

749
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 1: can't live life like this. I have to change something.

750
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 1: Has to change, what has to change. So I was like,

751
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna check myself into treatment center and figure things out. Right,

752
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: unplug all those wires, decompressed fit like, uncover all the

753
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 1: ship that I was going through, why I was going

754
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 1: through it, and kind of reprocessed how I how I live,

755
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 1: and uncover why I am why I am. Look like

756
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 1: when I went to the Meadows, I spent a week

757
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: in this thing called Survivors, where it was basically taking

758
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: everything that was ever hurting me inside and just unloading it,

759
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,919
Speaker 1: talking about the most painful things I must I must

760
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 1: have gone through. I'm looking for cleanexes. I must have

761
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 1: gone through a box of fucking cleanexes every single session,

762
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: every session, And right then and there, I was like, okay,

763
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,200
Speaker 1: nothing if I was like I am unbreakable. It's like

764
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 1: this stuff literally should have broken me throughout my whole

765
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 1: entire career, right, you know, the ship that I dealt

766
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 1: with and I lived with and you know made me

767
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 1: struggle throughout my whole entire career made me who I am.

768
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,359
Speaker 1: And that's what you said to me the other day

769
00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 1: in the text. You know you said something along those lines.

770
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: You know it made me who I am today, right,

771
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 1: and at that very moment, like, yeah, I could have

772
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 1: I could have been snapped in half, but that's not

773
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 1: who I am and I wasn't gonna let that happen, right,

774
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm sitting here today talking to you

775
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: on this podcast. Right. You know, like ship, we all

776
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 1: go through ups and downs, we all we all go

777
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:40,840
Speaker 1: through times that we think are unfathomable, shouldn't happen, darkest

778
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:45,359
Speaker 1: moments you could ever possibly process. Like I always think

779
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: like everything happens for a reason, and those moments are

780
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 1: putting our life for that challenge. And yeah, are they

781
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 1: fucked up at times? Sure, of course they are, some

782
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 1: of them. Like I can look back at some of

783
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 1: them now and you know, flick off and and you know,

784
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,840
Speaker 1: shake my head, laugh, But you know, those are the

785
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 1: moments that give me the opportunity to be who I

786
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 1: am today. And I think that's the proudest thing that

787
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 1: I can ever look at. That man, you know, it's

788
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 1: like like we got we gotta think about the ship

789
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 1: that we've gone through and the hearts that have gone through,

790
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,520
Speaker 1: and we always have to remember that, right, Like you

791
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 1: said it best like that that inner child man that

792
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: is so good. I love that you said that, because

793
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 1: not many people have really like dove into that, and

794
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 1: that's something that I I can still go back to

795
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:28,960
Speaker 1: that painting that I drew when I was at the

796
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 1: meadows of my inner child, and and exactly where he's

797
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 1: standing and what he's doing, and and you know what

798
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: kind of person he is, and and the attention that

799
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: he adores and he seeks. So yeah, I could go

800
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: into deeper conversations with that whenever you want. Brother, I

801
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: appreciate you. First of all, I'm glad do you only

802
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,840
Speaker 1: have three ambient left? Next number one? Because now I

803
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:52,359
Speaker 1: get a battle buddy for the rest of my life

804
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 1: and you and I get to keep walking this walk together.

805
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: I'm proud to call you brother, proud to call your

806
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,479
Speaker 1: friend man. I'm crowd proud to walk this walk with you. Dude.

807
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: If if I was sitting there in your house, I

808
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: give you a big gas hug. Man, I will next

809
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 1: time I see you. You got my brother again, Michael Phelps,

810
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 1: one of one. Thank you for joining us here. And

811
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 1: I'm Breakable. If you haven't read the book yet, there's

812
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,040
Speaker 1: a book out Unbreakable, How I turned my depression anxiety

813
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 1: and a motivation you can't too. And that's what Michael

814
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,839
Speaker 1: and I are doing again. Make sure you like and

815
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 1: review this as well. And Michael Phelps, Brother, I love

816
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 1: you and appreciate you. I'm gonna leave you a one

817
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 1: more thing. This is something I did when I was

818
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 1: in treatment, and it's kind of weird to think about,

819
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 1: but you know, we we have so much talk that

820
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 1: goes into our head every single day. So you know,

821
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,480
Speaker 1: I called I called the roommates in my head to

822
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: the roommates in our heads. So we have so many

823
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:41,879
Speaker 1: roommates in our heads, so we can control with those roommates. Think.

824
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: So the thing that I did it at the Meadows

825
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: was every single doorway I would walk into, whether it's

826
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,959
Speaker 1: a bathroom, whether it's a bathroom stall, whatever doorway you're

827
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: walking in and you're walking out, you say an affirmation

828
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 1: about yourself and one that you believe. And I guarant

829
00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 1: guaran guarantee you you do that for a month. Have

830
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: a list of ten affirmations you just have to top

831
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 1: your head. Holy sh it, just watch, but positive affirmations,

832
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 1: positive affirmations, something nice about myself, like for me, like

833
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,360
Speaker 1: I I never thought like I deserved love, and that

834
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:16,040
Speaker 1: was right there with you always struggled with and I

835
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 1: would always say I can handle love. I deserve love

836
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,439
Speaker 1: and walk through and I'm like, oh ship cool, like

837
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 1: like you just better, like you feel happier. So I

838
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 1: feel like you know, like I feel like it's like

839
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: I'm always searching for little small ways or a little

840
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 1: small things that you can implement into your life that

841
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 1: don't take too much brain power, right, that don't take

842
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: too much space, right, Like, little small habits whatever it is,

843
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 1: right that you can just throw in there every single

844
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 1: day to give yourself a fighting chance, right, Like we're

845
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 1: all just looking for a chance to get through each

846
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 1: day to go to one more So how can you fight?

847
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 1: And how can you fight in a positive way? You

848
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: know what? I want to begin this to day. I

849
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 1: love it. I'm starting it today. I'm starting there today.

850
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: And that's where I tell people all the time, you

851
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:03,959
Speaker 1: could change your life now if the wait it takes

852
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 1: the tracks ever a second, change your life now. I

853
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 1: will start it to day. And that's what's great about

854
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 1: these like I And you know I hit you up

855
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago about being your own hero, right,

856
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 1: start being your own here start viewing yourself as your

857
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,919
Speaker 1: own hero. We can make a choice to start loving

858
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,399
Speaker 1: ourselves up or make a change about our mental health

859
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 1: or anything in our in our lives instantaneously. So I

860
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: promise you, I'll give you my word right now, I

861
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: will start doing this to day. And now you bring

862
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 1: me to another point and m choice. We also have

863
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:37,439
Speaker 1: control what's in our control every single day? Right, there's

864
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: so much ship and so much stuff, our choices in

865
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 1: our control. Yeah, that's that's like, that's something for me, like,

866
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: like I like I have. I have two tattoos, and

867
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 1: the word control is something I'm I want somewhere on

868
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 1: my body. So I look at every single day because

869
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: that's something it's like for me. Like I can control

870
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 1: my emotions. I can talk about my emotions, I can

871
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: talk about my feelings. I can write down those things. Right.

872
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 1: I can control if I'm thirsty. I can control if

873
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 1: I need to go to the bathroom. I go to

874
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: the bathroom. Right, those are things that in my control.

875
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 1: So when I talk about simplifying things in the most

876
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 1: purest form, most simplest way, right, it's control. What can

877
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 1: you control every day? Another one another trick, Let's keep

878
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,279
Speaker 1: doing it. Let's keep along. Hey, brother, I don't know

879
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 1: if we're gonna save the world, we're damn sure gonna

880
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 1: improve it together, one person at a time. YEP. I

881
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 1: love you, my dude, Michael Fels, Thanks dude,