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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for calling my older two

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Speaker 1: kids traders for saying they want to live with their

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Speaker 1: aunts over me? Ooh, well, this comes from throwaway ceebee Way,

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Speaker 1: who says I forty seven female, was married for twenty

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Speaker 1: one years. Hey not short, with three kids now sixteen female,

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Speaker 1: fifteen male, and thirteen male when my husband passed away

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Speaker 1: from a stroke. My husband was a great man who

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Speaker 1: always tried his best. He always had his heart set

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Speaker 1: on being an entrepreneur, but struggled with making tough business decisions.

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Speaker 1: Two years before he passed away from the stroke, he

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Speaker 1: had another stroke and that made him prone to impulsive decisions.

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Speaker 1: I've never even considered the implications of like having a stroke. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: having a stroke, and then that.

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Speaker 2: Was totally change how you think.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like your brain is like almost rewired essentially.

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Speaker 2: That's crazy, art set and heart stop.

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Speaker 1: Yes, this guy he hired a friend, allows e bookkeeper,

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Speaker 1: who gave him further bad advice. My husband insisted I

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Speaker 1: stopped working when our youngest son, thirteen male, was born.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I see, I feel like their finances are going

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Speaker 2: to go downhill.

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Speaker 1: Before that, I had worked part time as a receptionist

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Speaker 1: and then helped him with admin tasks. CO signed on

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Speaker 1: our business loans. I didn't fully understand.

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Speaker 2: Oof uh oh, I see you in the comments. We

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Speaker 2: see what's coming.

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Speaker 1: Might come back to bite her, And it was on

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Speaker 1: a business bank account. I supported him through the lows

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Speaker 1: of when one business failed and then he started another.

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Speaker 1: My youngest son, Mark is severely autistic. My husband passed

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Speaker 1: away with a lot of debt and a lot of

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Speaker 1: negligence in terms of bookkeeping and taxes.

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Speaker 2: Leaving his family with a whole world of trouble. Oh Mike,

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Speaker 2: that is and also oh pe co signs she's responsible.

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Speaker 1: And maybe like it gets passed to her anyways. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure how that works, but that's good to

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Speaker 1: leave a commedy.

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Speaker 2: You might inherit your partner's debts.

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Speaker 1: I feel yeah, I feel like that's the thing you

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Speaker 1: get married. Drop a comment below if you if you're aware.

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Speaker 1: I tried parleying my unique experience being the head admin

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Speaker 1: of a household with an autistic kid to executive assistant

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Speaker 1: roles or school jobs. But besides a noon ad job,

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Speaker 1: the schools were not hiring. I feel like being a

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Speaker 1: executive to maybe like a wealthy I actually I have

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Speaker 1: a friend who's a executive assistant to like super super

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Speaker 1: rich fail and I think she makes.

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Speaker 2: My an ex girlfriend who is an executive assistant to

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Speaker 2: the Prince of Saudi Arabia, I mean, and made a

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Speaker 2: crap ton of money.

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Speaker 1: I can see that. I can see that. My sister

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Speaker 1: invited us all to stay with her and share household expenses,

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Speaker 1: but she told me a few months ago that her

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Speaker 1: eleven year old daughter is afraid of my thirteen year old,

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Speaker 1: and my brother in law started claiming my thirteen year

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Speaker 1: old expenses were an excessive burden. They were saying my

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Speaker 1: thirteen year old needed to leave, which obviously translated to

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Speaker 1: me having to leave. But I had one hundred and

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Speaker 1: twenty dollars in my bank account at the time. Oh oh,

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Speaker 1: they evicted us, but it's only on my record four

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Speaker 1: months ago, and my kids and I had to first

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Speaker 1: live in a car and then a shelter. My sister

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Speaker 1: then calls my oldest kids behind my back and tells

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Speaker 1: them if they continue to keep the room clean as

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Speaker 1: before and pull their weight around the house, they could

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Speaker 1: move back in which really quick pitstop, I mean, obviously

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Speaker 1: like a whole move on. The sister slash aunt's family.

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Speaker 1: But if I'm in that position, I would rather have

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Speaker 1: at least two of my kids have like a stable

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Speaker 1: home while I maybe figure out and like can save

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Speaker 1: up more to maybe get back on my feet, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, I think I would begrudgingly

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Speaker 1: let it happen.

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Speaker 2: But wait, so basically they're saying, we don't want to

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Speaker 2: house ther autistic child or house the other two children. Yes,

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Speaker 2: I think if I was the parent, like, I would

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Speaker 2: take any help that I can get, even though it's

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Speaker 2: like a little messed up, but it's like also.

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Speaker 3: Very messed up, but I would still I agree, I

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Speaker 3: would still send.

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Speaker 2: But maybe it's more like, hey, like we don't have

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Speaker 2: the bandwidth, Like her son is severely autistic, so it

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Speaker 2: doesn't sound like they have the bandwidth to take care

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Speaker 2: of a severely autistic kid, but they do have the

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Speaker 2: bandwidth to take care of like maybe two neurotypical kids.

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Speaker 1: The way that they went about it I think was

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Speaker 1: very wrong, where they almost like bait and switch to

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Speaker 1: them and then like invited the kids behind her back, Like.

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Speaker 2: Kat that that's very messed up. I feel like if

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Speaker 2: you just said that, it's like hey, like I don't

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Speaker 2: know if we have the band literally what I just said,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if we have the bandwidth to take

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Speaker 2: care of your autistic son. But I think we could

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Speaker 2: bring in so you have more time to really give

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Speaker 2: the care.

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Speaker 1: That. Yeah, like, could we maybe like contribute some amount?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. They've got to try to.

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Speaker 3: Come up with so many better than what they did.

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Speaker 1: Yes, But then her and my kids exchange texts where

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Speaker 1: they complain about how dealing with shelters and motels has

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Speaker 1: affected their brother. My kids then tell me they want

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Speaker 1: to move back to their aunt's house. I tell them

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Speaker 1: she evicted me and by extension, all of us, and

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Speaker 1: if she doesn't want me or her brother there, then

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Speaker 1: she doesn't want any of us because we are a unit.

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Speaker 1: Despite that, they continue to want to live with their aunt.

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Speaker 1: I ask them what kind of mom would I be

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Speaker 1: if I just gave my kids away to somebody else?

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Speaker 1: And I don't understand why they were an anger at

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Speaker 1: their aunt and uncle were saying their younger brother was

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Speaker 1: a burden and how hurting him hurts me and them too.

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Speaker 1: I told them, if they wanted to go, they have

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Speaker 1: arms and legs, But if they are making this decision.

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Speaker 1: Know that their brother will feel like they are traders,

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Speaker 1: and I feel betrayed too. Am I the a hole?

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Speaker 1: They are still with me, and I really, as a mom,

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Speaker 1: feel it's unthinkable to just be separate from my young

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Speaker 1: kids and still feel that. I like to tell them

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Speaker 1: a hard no that they need to stay with me

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Speaker 1: because we're a family even when times are a bit tough.

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Speaker 1: Now we have some relevant comments.

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Speaker 2: If you're thinking what's best for your kid, you're not

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Speaker 2: going to do what you did.

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Speaker 3: That is pretty must messed up to say you're traders

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Speaker 3: for children, like literal children wanting to live in a.

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Speaker 1: Stable they're probably scared, you know, like like they're scared

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Speaker 1: and like.

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Speaker 2: And it's very I mean, it's disruptive, you know, it's disruptive.

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Speaker 1: I think I would tell them, like, I want to

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Speaker 1: build a home where everyone is welcome, but for the

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Speaker 1: time being, I'm going to temporarily sacrifice this and do

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Speaker 1: everything I can to build save up, et cetera, till

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Speaker 1: we can have a stable home of our own. Again. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't put this on the kids.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't put it on the kids at all. If

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Speaker 2: you're thinking about what is best for all the kids,

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Speaker 2: it is probably best for those two kids to go

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Speaker 2: to the aunt so they have a more stable house

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Speaker 2: where they can, like you know, get schoolwork done and

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Speaker 2: all that, and then which gives the mom more time

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Speaker 2: to give the attention to her autistic son.

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Speaker 1: If that is literally the only option you have at

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Speaker 1: this red hot second, Yeah, like that, Like.

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Speaker 3: No, ideally all of them would be with the aunt.

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Speaker 3: I do think it's an a hole move what the

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Speaker 3: aunt did.

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Speaker 2: However, can you wait, can you I think I missed

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Speaker 2: that part. Can you give me exact clarity on what

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Speaker 2: the aunt did?

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Speaker 1: So basically, initially they were like, hey, you can come

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Speaker 1: live with us all of the kids, and then they

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Speaker 1: were like, hey, this is too much, We're kicking all

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Speaker 1: of you out.

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Speaker 2: Afterwards, they had the kids over for a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Op and the kids over for a bit. After that,

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Speaker 1: all of them were bouncing around between like car shelters

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Speaker 1: and motels, right, so basically like homeless bouncing from like

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Speaker 1: place to place. And then the aunt went to older

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Speaker 1: kids to neurotypical kids and said, hey, I will let

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Speaker 1: you two come back and live here, excluding and not

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Speaker 1: communicating with Opee about it direct.

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Speaker 2: Which I think is messed up, but it's also messed

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Speaker 2: up for Ope to basically not do.

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Speaker 1: What's best for yeah yeah kids.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and also taking in a severely autistic kid. That's

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Speaker 2: a lot, especially for someone who doesn't know how to

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Speaker 2: take care of a kid like that. Like, it's very hard.

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Speaker 2: It's extremely hard. And like I think, like, yes, they

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Speaker 2: went about it wrong, and they went behind Op's back.

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Speaker 1: It is better to have the two kids have a

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Speaker 1: stable home rather than not yet.

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Speaker 2: But I also understand them not having the bandwidth because

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Speaker 2: they have their own Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm and I'm not saying that either. I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm saying like how they went about everything was not

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Speaker 1: good because they could have come to the table and

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Speaker 1: at a bare minimum tried even if they ultimately.

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Speaker 2: I feel like they also could have like been like, hey,

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Speaker 2: we understand, we want your family to be a unit

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Speaker 2: for the time being until you get on your feet. Well,

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Speaker 2: we can take care of your two kids so you

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Speaker 2: can have the attention you need to your autistic child

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Speaker 2: and find a job that can give you a little stability.

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Speaker 2: Like I think if you said that with like we

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Speaker 2: want you to all be a family again, I think

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Speaker 2: that could be pretty good and.

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Speaker 1: Maybe, like, I don't know, if there's some way to

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Speaker 1: like read like a like a budget or financial plan

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Speaker 1: or like, oh hey, I you know, maybe I can

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Speaker 1: help you get some work or something like some sort

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Speaker 1: of thing like that that doesn't involve them taking on

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Speaker 1: too much of a burden that they can handle.

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Speaker 2: Did the aunt go to Opie and ask.

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Speaker 1: That's a great question.

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Speaker 3: No, No, the aunt texted the kids behind her back,

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Speaker 3: and she found out from the.

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Speaker 1: Kids that was afterwards. But you were asking who like

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Speaker 1: initiated it, which I think is actually a.

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Speaker 2: Like did the kids reach out to the aunt?

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Speaker 3: I believe the aunt reached out the aunt?

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Speaker 1: I think so reach out? I think so. My sister

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Speaker 1: invited us all to stay with her and share household expenses,

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Speaker 1: but she told me a few months in that her

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Speaker 1: eleven year old daughter is afraid of my thirteen year

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Speaker 1: old and brother in law started claiming my thirteen year

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Speaker 1: old's expenses were an excessive burden. So again, I think

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Speaker 1: they could have come to the table and tried to

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Speaker 1: figure out a sinner where, you know, they just didn't communicate.

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Speaker 1: They communicated terribly, and I feel like put op in

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Speaker 1: a bad spot where they could have just like also a.

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Speaker 2: Couple months they put them up for a couple months.

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Speaker 1: They did, and I think it was just the the planning,

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Speaker 1: and it almost feels like the communication feels almost vindictive.

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Speaker 1: It's not that's not the right word, but like it's

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Speaker 1: not vindictive, but it's like.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it is intentional.

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Speaker 1: Why would you go behind the back?

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Speaker 3: I think it's really weird to ask the kids.

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Speaker 2: I feel like potentially they knew that Opee would not

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Speaker 2: do what's in the best interest of those kids.

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Speaker 1: Would react that way. That is, it's fully possible.

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Speaker 2: Felt that if they went to OPE directly. I think

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Speaker 2: this is assuming too much, which is not good. But

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Speaker 2: if they went to op directly, then they would lose

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Speaker 2: the ability to contact those kids at all, right, right, right,

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Speaker 2: And they wanted to just give the kids the option.

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Speaker 3: I think all of the adults in this story are

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Speaker 3: putting way too much on these kids. I think they're

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Speaker 3: putting too many decisions on these children. Like, for example,

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Speaker 3: we have the arts I agree, telling like going behind

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Speaker 3: the parents back and approaching the kids, and then we

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Speaker 3: have the mom saying that they're traders for wanting to

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Speaker 3: be like in a safe environment.

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Speaker 1: What a position to be in as the kids.

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Speaker 2: The kids are basically homeless, like they're choosing between.

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Speaker 3: A living or living in their aunt's house.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, which obviously you would choose the aunts.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: What do you all think peri ances in the comments?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: When you do you think the aunt was out of

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Speaker 2: pocket for going behind the back of Op.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and if you've ever had any sort of similar situation.

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Speaker 1: Fairy story below for some context. Okay, on to some

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Speaker 1: relevant comments to close us out space. Jesus is here

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Speaker 1: says you actually expect two children to pick homelessness over

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Speaker 1: having a safe, stable home. So I said, yes, that

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Speaker 1: would be unreasonable on its own, but calling them traders

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Speaker 1: makes you a clear ahole. Don't force your kids into homelessness.

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Speaker 1: That's actually insane. Instead, be deeply grateful that your bills

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Speaker 1: are reduced by two mouths and that those kids are

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Speaker 1: way better off where they are. I'm sorry for the

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Speaker 1: way your life is gone, but you're the a hole.

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Speaker 1: Don't force these kids to give up a chance at

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Speaker 1: success in life because you can't offer that to them.

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Speaker 1: And a Little Lady responds, also, I'm confused why Op

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Speaker 1: said that the eviction is only on her record. As

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Speaker 1: if she thought her minor children should also have it

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Speaker 1: on their record as if they're adults. Yeah, that is

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Speaker 1: a good point. And also as a mother, she should

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Speaker 1: want what's best for her kids. Time to put her

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Speaker 1: pride in a pocket, put on her big girl pants,

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Speaker 1: and take the two kids to her sister.

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Speaker 2: Which is kind of what we've been seeing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what we've been saying she should. Definitely, it's

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Speaker 1: ultimately of the option she has immediately in front of

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Speaker 1: her right now. The best case scenario is to bring

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Speaker 1: the two kids there so they have a stable home

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Speaker 1: and she has more space and money to build up

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Speaker 1: to it.

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Speaker 2: Some feel like we've been too harsh on the aunt.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like we're basically for being an angel, we're

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Speaker 2: making them an a hole.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I totally agree. And I think the

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Speaker 1: scenario you mentioned, while we don't know for short and

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Speaker 1: we don't have all the context, is very possible that

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Speaker 1: maybe Op is just so prideful, yeah, that she knew

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Speaker 1: She's Like if I went to Op directly, then she

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Speaker 1: would try to cut me off, and like then I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to offer a safe phone for these

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Speaker 1: two kids. And I want to you know. That is

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Speaker 1: like she is offering to take in two kids who

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Speaker 1: albeit are her I think nieces and nephews are not

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Speaker 1: her own children.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she's offering to taking kids that are not her

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Speaker 2: own kids.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, hey, let me do this so I

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Speaker 1: can like protect my you know, angel, move and go

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Speaker 1: to the kids directly. It's like a like her hand

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Speaker 1: was forced a little bit maybe where she's like, potentially,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to like have to put the decision

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Speaker 1: on these kids potentially, but I kind of have to

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Speaker 1: because that's the only way they might be able to come.

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Speaker 2: But it's a messy situation. I'm curious. Do you think

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Speaker 2: the aunt did anything wrong in going behind the back

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Speaker 2: of Ope?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: And do you think op is being prideful and prioritizing

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Speaker 2: her pride over her kids?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Let us down the comments.

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Speaker 3: I think both the adults in this situation are being

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Speaker 3: a little a holeish.

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Speaker 2: I think Ope's definitely an a hole. I think the

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Speaker 2: aunt is the angel and made out to.

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Speaker 1: Be an a whole.

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Speaker 2: I mean literally taking in two kids that aren't her.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't have to do that, that's.

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Speaker 3: True, I don't know. It's just the way that she

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Speaker 3: went about it.

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Speaker 2: She literally put them up for months. What if it

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Speaker 2: was the only way that the kids? We don't assuming.

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Speaker 3: So I guess there is a world where she's the

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Speaker 3: angel for you know, like and I think it's totally fair.

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Speaker 3: But there's also a world where so.

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Speaker 2: I think we all agree that oh, Op's the a hole. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but what we're asking is the aunt, the angel or

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Speaker 2: the A hole?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: That's what I want to know. And I think that's

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Speaker 2: where there might be some disagreement in the comments. So

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Speaker 2: put your answers in the comments. We love to hear,

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Speaker 2: we think absolutely.

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Speaker 1: But you know what else I would love sam to

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Speaker 1: hear this next story? Yes, please?

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Speaker 2: Am I the a hole for leaving after my girlfriend

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Speaker 2: gave birth to our disabled child? Sounds like it Parent

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Speaker 2: of the Year award for real. This comes from Substantial

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Speaker 2: Fox four three eighty six. I grew up in a

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Speaker 2: home with a disabled brother. All of my parents' money

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Speaker 2: and attention went to him. They pretty much forgot that

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Speaker 2: I existed. All of our family activities were predicated on

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Speaker 2: my brother's ability to participate. I did not qualify for

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Speaker 2: financial aid. I was on a great student and honestly

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Speaker 2: attending college would have been a waste of money and said.

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Speaker 2: My grandfather helped me get a job on oil rigs

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Speaker 2: with some hard, dirty, lonely work, which is what OP says.

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Speaker 2: And it's hard, dirty and lonely work, but it pays

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Speaker 2: very well. I know that oil riggers out there. Let

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Speaker 2: us know. I started as a floor hand apprentice. I

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Speaker 2: guess it is basically the floor low is to the low. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I guess that's It's like you are not above the floor,

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Speaker 2: you are the floor.

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Speaker 1: Put your hand on the floor because that's what you are. Yeh.

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Speaker 2: Scum, floor scum, dark oil scum, darkcum. I did not

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Speaker 2: cut off my family, but I did go out of

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Speaker 2: my way to stay in contact. I was working in

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Speaker 2: another state and they did not have time for me. Anyway.

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Speaker 2: I've got a call about ten years later my little

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Speaker 2: brother had passed away. I went to the funeral and

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Speaker 2: my folks looked about twenty five years older. It was

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Speaker 2: good to see them, but I left pretty quickly afterward.

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Speaker 2: It's hard to explain, but I never really got attached

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Speaker 2: them since they had ignored me since I was five.

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Speaker 2: I was never abused or anything. I was just sort

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Speaker 2: of a second thought.

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Speaker 1: Bang.

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Speaker 2: I mean I mean, OPI feels like mistreating this way.

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Speaker 2: I understand that they're not being a connection.

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Speaker 1: Do we know how old OPI is.

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Speaker 2: OPI is probably at least thirties.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like he was a little bit Harry pottered,

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Speaker 1: like you know, yeah, treated as like we'll give you

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Speaker 1: just enough to like be okay, like to like serve

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Speaker 1: the five and like be okay, but like not much

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Speaker 1: else other than that. That's also a hard position. It

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Speaker 1: kind of everyone loses, you know, it's hard for the parents.

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Speaker 1: It's hard obviously hard for him, Like.

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Speaker 2: I mean having a child that has no special needs

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Speaker 2: hard thing already, oh special needs. It's like, especially if

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Speaker 2: you're not ready for it. Huge workload, huge for sure,

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Speaker 2: it's like double the workload. Yeah, fripple, I don't know

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Speaker 2: how much extra work is it. Let let us know. Well,

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend got pregnant. I was happy. We've been together

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Speaker 2: for three years and I was happy with her. I

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Speaker 2: hope I was making her happy. We talked about it,

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Speaker 2: and we decided to get all the tests so we

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Speaker 2: would know if we're going to have a healthy baby.

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Speaker 2: Before the first test, we agreed that if we were

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Speaker 2: not having a healthy baby, then we were not having

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Speaker 2: a baby. I know it is a horrible thing to contemplate,

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Speaker 2: but I had been through that life for thirteen years

384
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Speaker 2: and I was free of it with no interest in

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Speaker 2: going back. I want to know everyone in the what

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Speaker 2: do we think about that decision?

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Speaker 1: Jod too much? It's too much.

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Speaker 3: I think if you're not prepared to have a baby

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Speaker 3: with special needs, you're not prepared to have a baby.

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Speaker 1: If you want to make a decision as extreme as that, Like,

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Speaker 1: do you actually want the I don't know the risk

392
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Speaker 1: in getting p he's eliminating the risk or just adopt? Maybe?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, dude, I think it's way too extreme.

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Speaker 2: To be Do you think it's too extreme?

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Speaker 3: I yes, I think it is too extreme. I already

396
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Speaker 3: said it. You ought to be ready for all the

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Speaker 3: circumstances when you're deciding to have a baby.

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Speaker 2: So you're saying, all, right, question for you. Yeah, if

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Speaker 2: you were going to have a baby and its heart

400
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Speaker 2: was born outside of its chest, which is a thing

401
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,640
Speaker 2: that I saw on the internet recently that can happen,

402
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Speaker 2: and it's basically that baby would have extreme health complications,

403
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Speaker 2: would you still have that baby?

404
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Speaker 3: That is different to me. I think there is a

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Speaker 3: quality of life thing. If it's like this child is

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Speaker 3: going to die, that's a different story.

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Speaker 2: The child's not going to die, but it will live

408
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Speaker 2: in pain.

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Speaker 3: That's completely different.

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Speaker 1: Extreme, extremely like organ health like things, things of that nature,

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Speaker 1: and like the doctor probably.

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Speaker 3: Yeah in that case, I'm yeah, I.

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Speaker 2: Feel like this, I mean, very complex issue that's probably

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Speaker 2: also divided on religious lines as well. I would be curious,

415
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,800
Speaker 2: without anyone getting two am in the convents, I would

416
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Speaker 2: be curious what you would do in this situation, and

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Speaker 2: if ever, what would make you not want to have

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Speaker 2: that child if you had, if you did a bunch

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Speaker 2: of tests, is there anything that would be like I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't have that child?

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Speaker 1: And personal stories if someone has gone through you know

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Speaker 1: something or knows someone, and like what that looked like

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Speaker 1: in real life, and how you approached to and dealt

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Speaker 1: with it.

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Speaker 2: Let's get back to this story. So one of the

426
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Speaker 2: tests came back positive for one of the conditions that

427
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Speaker 2: we had decided we would not want a child, would

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Speaker 2: not want it, would not want a child. They both

429
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Speaker 2: they both decided previously so that we decided we would

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Speaker 2: not want a child. Please understand that I am not

431
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Speaker 2: in any way, saying that people with disabilities should not

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Speaker 2: be born, only that I knew I would not want

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Speaker 2: want to be around for that. We had a second, third,

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Speaker 2: and even fourth option. I spent a lot of my

435
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Speaker 2: savings on tests that insurance would not cover fully. It

436
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 2: was not a great time. Then my girlfriend said that

437
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Speaker 2: she changed her mind, that she could not terminate. I

438
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Speaker 2: argued with her for days, weeks, until it was too late.

439
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 2: I told her that I would not choose to be

440
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Speaker 2: around to help with a child, that I would pay

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Speaker 2: child support, but that was it. So they agree that

442
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 2: under circumstances beforehand, that they would terminate the pregnancy. One

443
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,360
Speaker 2: of those circumstances comes true, and then with I imagine

444
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:35,120
Speaker 2: the emotional connection that happens in pregnancy, she changes her mind.

445
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, she once to keep the baby.

446
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 2: What do we think about that?

447
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 1: Of course, like I feel like in her shoes, like

448
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,240
Speaker 1: I could come to a similar occlusion. Four you know,

449
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,760
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, this is what like actually going through

450
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,240
Speaker 1: that process is probably like so different than like what

451
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,479
Speaker 1: you can imagine. And then you like grow this connection

452
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,280
Speaker 1: like yeah, I don't want to I want to keep

453
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:52,720
Speaker 1: the baby.

454
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 2: There's more to this story, But do you think OP

455
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,720
Speaker 2: in this moment, as far as we know, as the

456
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 2: a hole for basically like, hey, here's the context of

457
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,360
Speaker 2: where I wanted to have a kid, and now that

458
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 2: that context is broken, he is absolved of a holary

459
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:07,479
Speaker 2: by stepping out.

460
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:11,439
Speaker 1: Okay, So typically, in most every other scenario that we

461
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,639
Speaker 1: encounter on this show, when someone does like is like

462
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,560
Speaker 1: super clear, super explicit, and it's usually like, oh, hey,

463
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,680
Speaker 1: I don't want to date long distance. Hey I don't

464
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,960
Speaker 1: want to be in a poly relationship. It's usually things

465
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,200
Speaker 1: like that where they're like they set it out very clear,

466
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,439
Speaker 1: and then you know their partner wants to do the

467
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,280
Speaker 1: thing and they're like, hey, the fat thing that I

468
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,639
Speaker 1: clearly communicated, I no longer want to be in a

469
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:35,639
Speaker 1: relationship for that reason, while Op did clearly communicate, and

470
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,919
Speaker 1: I guess prompts it for that I better than not

471
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,720
Speaker 1: communicate ultimately, even though it's an impossible scenario. If I

472
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,359
Speaker 1: have to choose, I think I'll say a whole. But

473
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 1: like the other thing here, the big fat asterisk is like,

474
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 1: you do not know. I can sit here in this

475
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 1: chair and like judge and give them this decree. You

476
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,000
Speaker 1: do not freaking know until you are in that moment.

477
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,960
Speaker 1: So even though I'll say a hole just to like

478
00:19:59,040 --> 00:19:59,720
Speaker 1: pick a side, I.

479
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,080
Speaker 2: Would say not the a whole.

480
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 1: I can't really judge.

481
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,600
Speaker 2: I would say not the ahole just because of how

482
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 2: even though maybe we can say that, like those pretenses

483
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 2: are so harsh, and maybe we wouldn't set those pretenses

484
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 2: the because of the life experience that he had and

485
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 2: because of how clear he was, and because his partner

486
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 2: agreed there was like a kind of like a like

487
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 2: a contract or a relationship contract, And like she has

488
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,720
Speaker 2: every right to do what she wants, but does she

489
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:31,880
Speaker 2: still have the right to Ope's involvement other than what

490
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:36,160
Speaker 2: is legally responsible for? I feel like maybe less.

491
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 1: So yeah. Also, like it's like child support. I don't

492
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 1: know if that's like the legally mandated or like I'm

493
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 1: hoping it's like it's like as much as opee can

494
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:45,880
Speaker 1: versus what is.

495
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,159
Speaker 2: Because legally because like I looked it up and we're like,

496
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 2: you know, child support is something plays like one hundred

497
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,679
Speaker 2: dollars a month, and also like child support for a

498
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,719
Speaker 2: child with special needs exactly like you would probably need

499
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 2: a lot more.

500
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 1: Exactly, this is a tough one.

501
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 2: Obviously, we are completely un a ten million parce, like

502
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,240
Speaker 2: we've never experienced anything like this, So really passing it

503
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 2: off to the comments, like I want to know what

504
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 2: y'all think, because this is this is, this is above

505
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 2: and like I said earlier, like I think it's one

506
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,919
Speaker 2: of those things that like we're here, we read these

507
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 2: stories and we give our commentary. But like truly, like

508
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 2: unless you're in this positions, have been in this position before,

509
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 2: Like this feels like an impossible scenario to me in it's.

510
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 3: Also tough because, as you said, he's gone through it

511
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 3: for fourteen years, so he does.

512
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel a lot of empathy. Ye, who else

513
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 2: would have more context on this? Our relationship was on

514
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 2: cruise control from then until the baby was born. I

515
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 2: made sure she got home safe from the hospital, and

516
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 2: then I went to work and I never went back.

517
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,680
Speaker 2: I pay the child support that I was ordered to

518
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,960
Speaker 2: pay by court. I did not fight it or dodge it.

519
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 2: But I have not seen her or the child since

520
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 2: the hospital. I got married. Three years later, we were

521
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 2: expecting our first child, and I heard from my ex

522
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 2: the child had passed away. She wanted me to come

523
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 2: to the funeral. So three years to the child had

524
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 2: passed away after three years. I said, no, I knew

525
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 2: it was coming. It was still a gut punch, like

526
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 2: maybe a little ahole for yeah, yeah, that come on

527
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 2: like at least just like support someone you had, and

528
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:08,479
Speaker 2: that doesn't evolve like it's emotional obviously, but it's like,

529
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 2: is that gonna really? You don't have to like sacrifice

530
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:14,159
Speaker 2: your life. That feels petty. That move feels petty. The

531
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,160
Speaker 2: other stuff I understand. That feels a little bit more petty.

532
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 2: My parents are upset with me for how I handled things.

533
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 2: They went to the funeral. I told them I did

534
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 2: not want the life they had lived while my brother

535
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 2: was alive, and that my ex had tried to force

536
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 2: me into it after agreeing not to. They said that

537
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,400
Speaker 2: they were disappointed that they had not raised me right.

538
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 2: I got angry and said that they had not raised

539
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,639
Speaker 2: me at all. I asked them to show me anything

540
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 2: they had from my childhood that showed that they had

541
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,919
Speaker 2: taken the slightest interest in me. They said that it

542
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 2: wasn't fair because they had to take care of my brother.

543
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 2: I just said that was my point and hung up.

544
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 2: I feel like crap about the whole thing. But my

545
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 2: ex knew how I felt and why. To this day,

546
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,159
Speaker 2: I do not understand why she changed her mind. My

547
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,440
Speaker 2: wife and I talked before getting married and made the

548
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 2: same decision, and thank god we did not have to

549
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,360
Speaker 2: make it, but she understood how I felt her. Mom

550
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:00,400
Speaker 2: and dad talked to us about it, and they told

551
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 2: us that we had to do what was best for us.

552
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 2: I told them everything about my past that was relevant

553
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 2: to my relationship with their daughter. Sorry for rambling, but

554
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,879
Speaker 2: I guess I'm just trying to put all my thoughts

555
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 2: down while I have the courage to ask, am I

556
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 2: the A hole?

557
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 1: I've never felt more gravity in that question am I?

558
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: Than this story right here? Truly? Right?

559
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 2: I think OP is not the A hole? For the

560
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 2: first part. I think there was a specific like they

561
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,880
Speaker 2: engaged in this relationship under a specific context that they

562
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 2: both agreed to. If she did not agree to it,

563
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 2: OP wouldn't have moved forward, right, So they both agreed.

564
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 2: You can bandy about was the agreement ft up to

565
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,919
Speaker 2: begin with? But like once and actually I would love

566
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 2: to know, do you think the agreement is FT up

567
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:47,959
Speaker 2: to begin with?

568
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:49,919
Speaker 3: But yeah, I do think it's a separate It's.

569
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 2: A separate thing. So like, yeah, I'm really curious, do

570
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 2: you think it was ft up to begin with? I

571
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 2: think like there are people that are going to be

572
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 2: like pro life, that are like, of course one hundred percent.

573
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 2: I would also be curious for the people who are

574
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 2: maybe like more pro choice, like what lines do you

575
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 2: kind of draw around that? And then for the changing

576
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 2: her mind. I totally understand that, right, there's like a

577
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,959
Speaker 2: like all the emotional connection whatever, hormones and stuff. I

578
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 2: think she can change her mind, but I don't think

579
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 2: she is entitled to the same relationship with Op because

580
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 2: their relationship was built upon a fundamental understanding and contract

581
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 2: that they had both agreed to, and for that OP

582
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 2: not the a whole for not going to the funeral.

583
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 2: I think that's an a hole move. Yeah, I mean

584
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 2: she's just really asking for emotional support for a man

585
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 2: for a moment.

586
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 1: Yeah. Other than like obviously like probably not a fun

587
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 1: thing to do, probably a lot of emotional labor. I

588
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 1: don't want to belittle that, but just doing that one thing,

589
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 1: it's not like caring for a child that is a

590
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 1: lifelong obligation.

591
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,120
Speaker 2: So yeah, like I think I can imagine if both

592
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 2: of us were in the situation of the option to

593
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 2: go to this funeral, I feel like we would all go, right, Yeah,

594
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 2: I feel like we would all go. I'm curious, would

595
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 2: you go to this funeral? But yeah, I feel like

596
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,000
Speaker 2: we would all go. So I think like that's where

597
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 2: the aholary comes in for me, but way less clear

598
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:11,880
Speaker 2: in the first.

599
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 1: No, one hundred percent, because again he did clearly communicate

600
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 1: and did like lay out kind of what he wanted

601
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: and like if that happened, what he would do, which

602
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 1: is what he did.

603
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 2: But this is an extremely complex, extremely complex scenario, and

604
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,199
Speaker 2: so like really passing it off to you guys, like

605
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 2: anyone who's been in this kind of situation, or if

606
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 2: you have strong opinions on either side of this, we'd

607
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:35,880
Speaker 2: love to hear what you think.

608
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 3: I think it also becomes a little bit more difficult

609
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 3: because of going back to what you were saying of

610
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,120
Speaker 3: what if the child has, you know, a heart problem,

611
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 3: like all outside of their chest or something like that,

612
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 3: and the fact that we find out later that the

613
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 3: child died only like I think it was a couple

614
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 3: of years ago, yeah, two or three years after being born,

615
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 3: So maybe there was quality of life things that came

616
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 3: out of this disease, which it seems like there were

617
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 3: probably to that. I think that also kind of colors

618
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 3: is decision probably.

619
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: And like thinking about like you're living through like two

620
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 1: impossible scenarios. The first one is your it was the brother, right, Yes,

621
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 1: your brother gets all of the like attention, and like

622
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: you basically are you know, quote unquote not raised by

623
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: your parents, so like your childhood is like kind of

624
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,159
Speaker 1: ft because of that. But it's like, of course, like

625
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,199
Speaker 1: it's terrible because you don't want to like blame this

626
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: person who literally did nothing wrong. Of course, it's just

627
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 1: it was just a circumstances. Yeah, and then once again

628
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: circumstances arose where it was like he said, like, oh

629
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to have a child that might have this,

630
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 1: and then it happens like two impossible like life scenarios

631
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 1: to navigate, just and say, maybe the most nuanced in

632
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: complex story we've read.

633
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 2: Possibly, I feel like I haven't read a more nuanced

634
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 2: one than this or like one that like felt so

635
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 2: I don't know, like really tough to think about.

636
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 1: It, yeah, cause it's usually it's at least a lot

637
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 1: more clear on like oh this person wasn't the wrong

638
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: here whatever but I really do feel four op.

639
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I feel like it got harder as the

640
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 3: story as it went on.

641
00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 2: Yea yeah, truly truly yeah yeah, But I mean, hey,

642
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 2: let us know in the comments what you think. This

643
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 2: has a million different angles, did different lenses to look through,

644
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 2: and so I am curious what you would do, and

645
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,919
Speaker 2: like what are the reasons for it? If by a

646
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 2: chance you have specific experience with this situation, please share,

647
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 2: Please share, pauta share, But you know what I also

648
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 2: want to have shared? What this next story?

649
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 1: Let's do it? Am I the a hole for canceling

650
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 1: our gender reveal party because I know my husband will

651
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 1: be unhappy and possibly leave.

652
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 2: Probably get rid of your husband. Let's have a divorce party.

653
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 1: Yes, this comes from Throwaway Girl Party, who says, my

654
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 1: thirty seven female husband forty three male and I have

655
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: a son, nine male together, and I am currently pregnant

656
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,959
Speaker 1: with our second child. He grats my husband and I

657
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 1: already booked a venue for the gender reveal, will lose

658
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: the photographer's deposits and what we spend on decorations, et cetera.

659
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 2: So if they cancel, they're going to lose all this money.

660
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: It's all gonna be yeah, okay, cool, probably a lot,

661
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 1: a lot, maybe like ten grand?

662
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, well a venue photographer.

663
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,679
Speaker 2: Do people spend ten grand on gender reveal parties? That's crazy?

664
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 3: I mean yeah, if you get sued, you get you

665
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 3: have to spend ten grand if you start a forest fire?

666
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 2: What our gender reveal party cheaper than suing for a

667
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 2: forest fire? Is it ten grand if you start a

668
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 2: forest file?

669
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 3: No? No, that was a joke about the gender reveal

670
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 3: party that started a forest fire.

671
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, but how much do they have to pay for

672
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: a lot? Ten grand?

673
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 1: I don't know. Just threw a number out there, figures out. Okay. So, however,

674
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 1: my husband is more concerned about the reputation effect as

675
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 1: he grew up affluent, has a very high paying job

676
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 1: and also a stake in the family business.

677
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 2: The reputation of throwing a kick ass party. Is that

678
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 2: what he's worried about?

679
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 1: Oh yeah?

680
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 2: Or just like of like the gender of the child,

681
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: like I only want male heirs kind of?

682
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 3: I think the gender of the child.

683
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

684
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: Dude.

685
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 2: That is a fricking red flag if I've ever heard one.

686
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 2: If it's a gender of the child, divorce this dude,

687
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 2: that's the.

688
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 3: Gender reveal party. I feel like he's like, oh, riding

689
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 3: on this possy, you must give me a boy.

690
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 2: But maybe it's more like, oh, like, I want this

691
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 2: party to be swanky and it needs to like adhere

692
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 2: to certain dinner party conventions because my hoity towenty family's

693
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 2: gonna be here.

694
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: Well, okay, I think we get more context here. However,

695
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: I can tell despite us already having a boy who

696
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 1: he absolutely adores, they can do no wrong in each

697
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 1: other's eyes. My son had every toy, fun activity, best clothes,

698
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 1: all gifted by his dad. He desperately wants our second child,

699
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: who we expects to be our last, to be a boy.

700
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 2: But you already got one. You get a full set, right.

701
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 3: Ayah See this is again going back to if you're

702
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 3: not ready to have either gender of child or any

703
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 3: gender of child to continue the child.

704
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that one is even crazier. Like I

705
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 2: understand people's reticence of like having, you know, like being

706
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 2: able to do proper parenting for a disabled child. It's

707
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 2: like hard harder, Yeah, but I guess girls are hard

708
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 2: to what?

709
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 1: Yeah? Here to hear parents.

710
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 2: Of the comments, which is harder raising girls or raising boys?

711
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 2: Fight in the comments. Now go, I can't wait to

712
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 2: read them. I can't wait to read these. In reality,

713
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 2: I agree with that. Wait wait, wait, wait? Should we

714
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 2: ask mom? Who is harder to raise?

715
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 3: To fear me, have you climbed buildings?

716
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 2: I know I was, so just maybe she'll say home.

717
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 3: And I don't know.

718
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: Maybe boys or girls?

719
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 3: Homework?

720
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 2: Quick? Side sidebar mom, quick question? Who is harder to raise?

721
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 2: Boys or girls?

722
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: Well, he's the thing.

723
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 2: With boys, they do reference things you in point, but

724
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 2: with girls that more anxiety because society makes them more anxious.

725
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 2: So who's harder? Quick? You have to choose?

726
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 1: Well, well you both equally, you especially.

727
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so boys, all right, thanks, we'll fight there

728
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 2: you have it. Hey, I guess boys are more difficult there, Well,

729
00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 2: let us sell your boots. Let's let's keep let's keep

730
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 2: the comment out of the comments.

731
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 1: I want to see carnage.

732
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 2: Oh man, this is gonna be a common filled episode.

733
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

734
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, we really were really putting a lot of putting.

735
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: It all on the line. I went into planning this

736
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: reveal rationalizing that gender disappointment is okay, But I've come

737
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: to realize that there is wishing. You're having a son

738
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: and then there's fixating on not having a daughter even

739
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 1: more than wanting another son, and my husband falls into

740
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: the second category. I agree. I think that's like you

741
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: can have a preference, like, oh man, how fun would

742
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: it be to have a boy or whatever, but like

743
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: when you're like, I have to I cannot have a girl.

744
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 2: Like Sophia said, you have to be ready for both.

745
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,480
Speaker 1: That's true. That's true. We didn't do a gender reveal

746
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: for our firstborn because my husband kept putting off whether

747
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 1: or not he wanted to hear it from the doctor.

748
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: And when we ended up learning with him ecstatic about

749
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: having a son less than a month before giving birth.

750
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: So oh wait, but that was the first one. Yeah,

751
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: still don't know the second one. Yeah.

752
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 2: Now, it just feels like a red flag though it

753
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 2: feels like absolute, like there must be like some kind

754
00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: of masogyny. There's misogyny in this right, oh yeah, right.

755
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 3: This guy who's actively saying he doesn't want a.

756
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 2: Girl, so like.

757
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 1: Watson, I've got it. Can't she not see it? Maybe

758
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 1: she's roasting and glasses giving him the benefit of that,

759
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 1: like the whole the whole laundry list, you know, giving

760
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt. Vibes. It's not all his fault, doubt.

761
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: He grew up with an older dad who was always

762
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 1: controlling towards his mother. Their town at the time was

763
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 1: essentially a company town, and his dad threatened her family's jobs.

764
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: What is he like, Yeah, yeah, this is crazy. Plus

765
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 1: he made it impossible for her to go about her

766
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 1: day without seeing him until she agreed to be with him. Oh.

767
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 2: So literally he was like, either you marry me, or

768
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 2: I will make it so your whole family is unemployed,

769
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 2: your whole town, your family family. Yeah, but he basically

770
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 2: controls the town. Yeah, he's like an old oil tacoo.

771
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 3: Wild the evil guy that like, I don't know, falls

772
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 3: off a clip at the end of the movie.

773
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 2: Is this not yet another red flag? Like, don't jest

774
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 2: people by their families, but like a little bit.

775
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: Yes, unless he's like, oh, here's all the things I

776
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: never want to become. Yeah, exactly.

777
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 2: It sounds like he's exactly like his that.

778
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 3: Judge people unless they're exactly like.

779
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,640
Speaker 1: My husband also pursued me pretty aggressively and we had

780
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 1: tension over how I at times felt uneasy around him. Yes,

781
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: we've been in therapy over this, bro. This is so.

782
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 3: Around your partner.

783
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: That's probably comfortable around my husband, the person I'm spending

784
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,959
Speaker 1: my life with. Our marriage had been strained because I

785
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,959
Speaker 1: was done with him and not understanding why my body

786
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: was still not one hundred percent three months after giving birth.

787
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: He would counter by saying, I turned down spicy sleep

788
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 1: the day after giving birth. Bro the day after bro,

789
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 1: But that was him showing he was attracted to me

790
00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 1: post baby. Bro. Get a clue. The day after, day

791
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: after is crazy, day after is crazy. Have you seen

792
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:05,479
Speaker 1: a birth video? I haven't.

793
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 2: It's a war zone.

794
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: I haven't. I probably should before I have a child.

795
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:16,879
Speaker 1: Here put it on Sofia, No, right now, privately see

796
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,920
Speaker 1: John the fraid praise. I didn't say I wanted to

797
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 1: handle it.

798
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 3: Would you have a gender reveal party?

799
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:27,719
Speaker 2: Sure that sounds fun, but only if it's a boy.

800
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 3: You find out secretly before the party.

801
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:30,720
Speaker 1: Okay?

802
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, reveal the birth the birth video. You

803
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 2: would show your birth video your gender reveal.

804
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 1: I'm saying that I thought Sophia was saying, I'm not.

805
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: The wires are being crossed.

806
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 3: What would you do?

807
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,280
Speaker 2: Show a birthing video at.

808
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:53,720
Speaker 1: Only a fake news?

809
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 3: I don't even have to like like clip that you

810
00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 3: said it.

811
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 1: No I didn't, that's what I heard. No, no, no,

812
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: no no.

813
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,720
Speaker 2: I was like, uh, okay, I'm gonna play my play

814
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 2: right play by place. So Sam is like, oh, hey,

815
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 2: let's pull up the birth video right now. I was like, no,

816
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 2: that's not something we need we need to share.

817
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 1: Can I can figure that out of.

818
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 2: Life, something that I don't need to share privately on

819
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 2: my own time. And then you're gonna watch birthing video?

820
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah I am.

821
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 2: And then so he was like, oh, wait, so you

822
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,760
Speaker 2: would so would you do a gender reveal party?

823
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I would. Sophia thinking I

824
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I would want the gender reveal private,

825
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 1: not the birth video private. And then Sam is like, wait,

826
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 1: you're trying trying to play birth.

827
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 2: Videos at the gender reveal And I was like, a

828
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 2: reveal party or not?

829
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't get gender. Great reveal the gender Okay,

830
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 1: two completely different discussions.

831
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,879
Speaker 3: Editor, Cut all of that explanation out and keep the ball,

832
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 3: keep it all editor.

833
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:01,320
Speaker 1: You know, irock with you, we're literally tight.

834
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,720
Speaker 3: You know, John says I want to ship editor.

835
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 2: Have you even have you even talked to Sophia once

836
00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 2: over slack? No, you know, you've talked to me and

837
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: we're freaking homies, and you freaking know that.

838
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: So listen to your boy. We're hobies. Boom. They're giving it.

839
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,400
Speaker 2: All of it, all of it, yes, all of it.

840
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: All of it. So that way the viewers can to

841
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: sign viewers. You know what to do, get to comment,

842
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 1: do what you do best, you guys. Story's right, my god? Okay,

843
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 1: so now his demons are back. We got to a

844
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: point where he said fine to me going alone to

845
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,799
Speaker 1: hear the baby gender without telling him. Wow, and I

846
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: found out we're having.

847
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:43,840
Speaker 2: A girl.

848
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 1: Yep, not a boy, not a boy, not what he wants.

849
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 1: I guess I don't have a good poker face. By

850
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: his negative reaction after I got home, he's arguing he

851
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 1: doesn't know the baby's gender because I did not explicitly

852
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 1: tell him, but one hundred percent he does know. I'd

853
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: be fine with reveal where the guests are the ones

854
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,439
Speaker 1: being surprised, but it's in a week. With each day

855
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: my husband grows more withdrawn and he's not the type

856
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 1: who can fake happiness and often tries to leave and

857
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,320
Speaker 1: pull me away with him when he gets really upset.

858
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 1: I decided to pull the pluck again. He's not mad

859
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 1: about the money with the party, yet he's angry that

860
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 1: we're doing this to our family and friends and what

861
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,719
Speaker 1: this may say about him. I put my foot down.

862
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,319
Speaker 1: Am I the a whole? And for a little clarity there,

863
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 1: I think it's like the reflection on he doesn't care

864
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 1: about the money of the party, but how it looks

865
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,719
Speaker 1: to like cancel that jarity reveal party and like what

866
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 1: the implications of like that he wasn't happy with it

867
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:38,800
Speaker 1: being a girl like the truth?

868
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, the implications are that you suck.

869
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, we had a story like this where it's like.

870
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 1: You're making me look so bad for my friends.

871
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sake, what actually happened is like maybe don't

872
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:54,440
Speaker 2: do shitty things gee, and people won't think bad of you.

873
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 1: Like even you are acknowledging in that that you are

874
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: making a whole decisions?

875
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, So is OP the a whole? I think? No,

876
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 2: I don't think so. But I think you're ignoring the

877
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 2: red flags of this husband that seems to be And

878
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,279
Speaker 2: I understand you of a kid together and stuff, but

879
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 2: like there's a lot that is wrong here.

880
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean honestly, because like and usually we always

881
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: say like, oh yeah, go to counseling, go go find therapy.

882
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 2: But they've been in counseling for probably a while, and

883
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 2: I think for this reason, for this reason and and

884
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 2: other reasons that don't seem very resolved. Yeah, I think

885
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 2: there's a lot of red flags. I think you're ignoring them.

886
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:32,759
Speaker 2: I'm more like, you're not the a hole, but like,

887
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 2: are you good? I feel like I think this relationship

888
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 2: doesn't really feel all that healthy.

889
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, sit down with yourself maybe be like, do I

890
00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 1: really I think there needs to me that part.

891
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, that part, respect yourself.

892
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 2: Respect yourself.

893
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think maybe so you need to sit down

894
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 1: and have like a long conversation with yourself and then

895
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 1: maybe some independent therapy.

896
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, independent therapy.

897
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 1: To think through this because maybe Opie's in so deep.

898
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 1: They have a nine year old child together. I mean,

899
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: this is this is a long relationship. So yeah, a

900
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: lot to unravel. But what do you think Ope should do?

901
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 1: Put your answers in the comments? Let us know you

902
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 1: know what you should do?

903
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 2: Right now?

904
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: What freaking subscribe? Right?

905
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 2: Have you not already subscribed? Subscribe?

906
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 1: Yeah? Do that?

907
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 2: Editors put that somewhere earlier. Yeah, we all have a

908
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 2: subscribe to Yeah, but if you love us, make sure

909
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 2: to subscribe.

910
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 1: We love you and see you tomorrow.

911
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,359
Speaker 2: This is an episode from Deep within the Archives. Time

912
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,279
Speaker 2: for okop rework.

913
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,320
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for telling my brother's girlfriend

914
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 1: that I'm his type stepsister or real sister. So my

915
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 1: little brother brought his college girlfriend home to our lake

916
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 1: house over Memorial Day weekend. By the time the fireworks

917
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 1: were starting, only my brother, his girlfriend, myself, and a

918
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,839
Speaker 1: cousin were feeling up to going out. My brother drove

919
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:55,880
Speaker 1: the boat and his tipsy little girlfriend was in his

920
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: lap most of the time, which was already irking to

921
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: watch Why to erkin When the fireworks started, he asked

922
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,160
Speaker 1: me to take a picture of them with the fireworks

923
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:04,760
Speaker 1: in the background.

924
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 2: That's cute, So I did it.

925
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 1: After I took the photo, I told him he might

926
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,320
Speaker 1: as well get some with the family, me and our cousin.

927
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, get some.

928
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: And I said this because he'll want happy memories that

929
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,359
Speaker 1: he can look back on with the whole family one day.

930
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, not this fluthy.

931
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 1: Admittedly, I went on to make the drunken joke that

932
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,879
Speaker 1: his love life was a revolving door nowadays. Anyways, Oh,

933
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 1: he's jealous. Heck, I didn't think he would get mad

934
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 1: over a little, tiny joke like this because he's never

935
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: really cared much about his past girlfriends, which I don't

936
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: know if you get to be the.

937
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,760
Speaker 2: Judge of that, you're not the star of his love life.

938
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 1: Now. He snapped at me and told me to shut up,

939
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 1: especially in front of his girl. So the girlfriend responds

940
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 1: and asked him what I meant, and I interjected as

941
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 1: my brother's previous response annoyed me.

942
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,439
Speaker 2: Props to the girl being like, Yo, that was out

943
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 2: of Podcas.

944
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you doing, which is hard to do

945
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,320
Speaker 1: when you're first meeting your partner's family.

946
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,640
Speaker 2: Exactly. Yeah, that's a keeper.

947
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: I didn't want to sugarcoat things for her. I told

948
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 1: her he has gone out with numerous girls before her,

949
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: and I honestly was surprised he brought her home because

950
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: she wasn't his type.

951
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 2: What this girl thinks, She's like, gonna have a nice

952
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 2: lake house ride with this new boy that's dated her

953
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 2: a little bit, and then gets like the familiar will

954
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:17,719
Speaker 2: shut down?

955
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: Bad? This is very bad. I explained it in the

956
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 1: kindest way I could that shortly after our parents were married,

957
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 1: so they are step siblings.

958
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, well that makes me feel better about it.

959
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 1: The air has been cleared. So I explained that when

960
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: our parents were married, when he was thirteen, he started

961
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: dating his first girlfriend, who was a short brunette, and

962
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: most of his long lasting girlfriends since then have also

963
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 1: been short brunettes.

964
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 2: What does hope he look like?

965
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,880
Speaker 1: I explained to her that his ideal image was rooted

966
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,040
Speaker 1: in his childhood crush on me. She came out and

967
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 1: said it. She wants him so bad, and he based

968
00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 1: the types of girls he goes after on that. Ever,

969
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 1: since his girlfriend is at least five eight and has

970
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 1: bleached her hair, this is so painful to read. Maybe

971
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 1: if she left her natural hair color take over, she'd

972
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,840
Speaker 1: have half of a chance. But he's never really gone

973
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: after taller girls like that.

974
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:15,240
Speaker 2: Obviously, the tides are changing. Maybe he's not into you anymore,

975
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 2: op maybe his taste of change since he was thirteen

976
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 2: years old. I just felt obligated to say something before

977
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 2: things went too far. Like what like they get like

978
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:27,400
Speaker 2: they're in love, they're happy, like no, no, no.

979
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 1: Of course they kept throwing the el word around, the

980
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 1: hell word, Opie says. The truth is he doesn't love her.

981
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 1: She's just not the image he's in love with. She's

982
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: just not Sam.

983
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 2: I don't get it.

984
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,360
Speaker 1: I mean she wants him, that's the only guy I know.

985
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 2: I do get it, but it's ridiculously down bad and

986
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:47,759
Speaker 2: also like insufferable. I feel like she is down bad

987
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 2: but doesn't even realize how down she's bad.

988
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:53,320
Speaker 1: I don't even think she's admitted to herself. My brother

989
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,479
Speaker 1: went ballistic on me, calling me delusional, along with other

990
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 1: unappealing names. I never thought that he'd towards me. He

991
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 1: hasn't returned any of my calls since that night, and

992
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 1: he went back to his college apartment so he didn't

993
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,840
Speaker 1: have to see me. So he literally like left the

994
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 1: lake house early. Has nothing to do with you. Drop

995
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: it baby, so insane. He's usually not one to hold

996
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: a grudge, so this has worried me for our relationship.

997
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: I'm considering surprising him at his place tomorrow so he'll

998
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: have to talk it out with me. I know I

999
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: only said those things in the moment because I was

1000
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 1: drunk and annoyed.

1001
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 2: Why are you annoyed?

1002
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,480
Speaker 1: I know I could have handled the situation with more grace.

1003
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 1: That is the understatement of the century. But I'm not

1004
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: entirely sure. I'm an a hole for just simply speaking

1005
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:38,399
Speaker 1: the truth, Sam for shedding truth to light.

1006
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, No, you're the a hole.

1007
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 1: A hole my brother knows he can't be truly attracted

1008
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 1: to her on the I love you level that he

1009
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,840
Speaker 1: kept carelessly throwing around all weekend. Where are you getting

1010
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 1: this information? Even if it wasn't handled the best way possible,

1011
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 1: they both might have needed a little wake up call.

1012
00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,440
Speaker 1: I might have crossed a line being so vocal in

1013
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 1: the truth, But my hope is it moves both of

1014
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 1: them to find someone that they're actually attracted to in

1015
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:06,520
Speaker 1: a partner.

1016
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:08,840
Speaker 2: Me me brother.

1017
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,400
Speaker 1: I want to add that I'm not calling his girlfriend

1018
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 1: ugly at all. She is a pretty girl. She's just

1019
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 1: not his physical type. Her personality might be appealing, but

1020
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,520
Speaker 1: we've all heard those stories of what happens when couples

1021
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 1: can't get over attraction issues in relationships, and I think

1022
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 1: that they need to avoid that.

1023
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 2: OPI needs to make sure that her parents get divorced.

1024
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 1: Yep.

1025
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 2: Wow, Then finally they could be together.

1026
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 1: Ex brother new boyfriend.

1027
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:37,720
Speaker 2: Big yikes, Big yikes.