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Speaker 1: Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

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Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it

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Speaker 1: all and her words come from her head, her heart,

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Speaker 1: and often out of her ass. This podcast should not

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Speaker 1: be misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a

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Speaker 1: huge strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 2: These.

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Speaker 3: You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come down,

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Speaker 3: go lamb, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do

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Speaker 3: what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You Oh

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Speaker 3: my god, I don't know what's going on in the

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Speaker 3: studio today. I am bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. I'm dying

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Speaker 3: because instead of Celia are very much much molay mind,

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Speaker 3: very overworked. What do you call her assistant producer whatever,

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Speaker 3: who happens to be out with the flu, which is

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Speaker 3: super sad because so many people are dying.

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Speaker 2: Is in right now?

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Speaker 3: Girl ends for twenty twenty six flu out AIDS. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: speaking of AIDS, we have a different producer and I

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Speaker 3: meant aid as an aid to the podcast. Great Save Ell.

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Speaker 3: We have someone behind the board who I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I have a decent relationship. I wouldn't

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Speaker 3: call it good, I wouldn't call it bad. I would

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Speaker 3: call it rather neutral because we are both Enneagram eights,

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Speaker 3: and they tend to have stressed between them because both

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Speaker 3: wants to be the boss. Introducing Stephanie, are you going

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Speaker 3: to say hello? Are you gonna drag that mic over?

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Speaker 3: Are you gotta say hi? You just gotta let me

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Speaker 3: run a rough shot?

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Speaker 2: Hey, guys, another one, Stephanie.

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Speaker 3: I don't curcause age group. That just she is not Asian. Now, Stephanie,

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Speaker 3: rall quack, rall quack. How old are you so? Are

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Speaker 3: you the same age as Celia?

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Speaker 4: No, she's a year older.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, she's goning for that job. And trust me,

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Speaker 3: you don't want this job anyway. Stephanie, thank you for

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Speaker 3: taking over. I feel super sad for Celia, who's homesick.

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Speaker 3: She's not said, she's only said she's sick. She's like happily.

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Speaker 3: I'm sure avoiding us, which is good.

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Speaker 2: So he Nick, Hey, it's me, do listen.

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Speaker 3: And we don't care about them. We do this podcast.

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Speaker 3: We discussed it on the way in. We do this

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Speaker 3: podcast cause why it's fun. And let me tell you what.

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Speaker 3: Nick and Stephanie and Celia, if you're listening out there,

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Speaker 3: the minute it stops being fine as a minute, I walk,

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Speaker 3: I'll grab my fur and my mortgages and oh my,

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Speaker 3: oh my, well the pessions and say goodbye to you,

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Speaker 3: mister Elvis Durratz.

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Speaker 2: Right, Elvis to renegotiate my contract.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, your contract to counts already, isn't that great? Stephanie,

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Speaker 3: we did to say jokingly but not jokingly, that you

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Speaker 3: do not curse, which is fine. Do you do you

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Speaker 3: get offended by cursing? Or you just kind of grew

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Speaker 3: up where that was not in your home?

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Speaker 5: No, I mean yeah, like my parents didn't really curse

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Speaker 5: growing up. My mom will let me if I made

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Speaker 5: her angry, but I'm out, that's less that is.

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Speaker 3: Wait, so you're what would your mom get angry at

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Speaker 3: you about? Because I love this knowing, because we know

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Speaker 3: with Celia what a little about her. So what with

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Speaker 3: you would make your mom angry?

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Speaker 4: Literally anything?

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Speaker 5: I'm an only child girl, nonetheless, yes, so like anything

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Speaker 5: like curfew whatever, like hanging out with bad people, which

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Speaker 5: I didn't do it.

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Speaker 3: But I bet you did.

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Speaker 2: That's why cursing. Yeah, couldn't get things off a high shelf.

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Speaker 2: Because you're four feet tall.

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Speaker 3: Now that's called height shaming, and I'm here for a girl.

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Speaker 3: How tall are you actually? Because he always jokes on

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Speaker 3: you about your height five one. Oh, that's so cute.

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Speaker 3: It's like sad but cute, dude.

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Speaker 2: At the end of this episode, I'm gonna throw her

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Speaker 2: into a wall. Okay, We're just gonna see how far

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Speaker 2: I could launch you.

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Speaker 3: That's so type seven of you. By the way, what

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Speaker 3: I mean when that's what our episode is about today.

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Speaker 3: By the way, we are talking about the enneagram. And

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Speaker 3: those of you who do not know about the anagram

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Speaker 3: have not taken some dumb BuzzFeed quiz about which anagram

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Speaker 3: sign are you, I'm here to correct you and tell

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Speaker 3: you the enneagram is a very helpful person on a

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Speaker 3: lydy tool that I've been studying and ps. It is

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Speaker 3: so helpful in relationship with people and friendship because you

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Speaker 3: know how to treat other people, you know what to

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Speaker 3: expect from them. So basically, what the anagram does it

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Speaker 3: breaks people down into nine personality types. Now these are

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Speaker 3: I shan't go into all of them, but there are

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Speaker 3: things like the helper, the boss, the achiever, the loyalist,

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Speaker 3: the enthusiast. And it doesn't mean you're stuck with that

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Speaker 3: personality type. You are born with it. You are not

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Speaker 3: stuck with it. You can work your way out of

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Speaker 3: it and have a fuller human experience if you embrace

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Speaker 3: other types of things into your personalities. Does that make

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Speaker 3: sense to you, Nick, as a neophyte in this world?

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Speaker 3: And do I have to define neophyte for you? Beginner? Okay?

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Speaker 3: So Nick is like gus.

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Speaker 2: Pedophile or something, Well, you're one of those.

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Speaker 3: So I'll stay away from him, Stephanie, because you look twelve,

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Speaker 3: Nick as a beginner to the anagram, because you know

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Speaker 3: you've taken the test. I've given you the official Enneagram

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Speaker 3: Institute's test.

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Speaker 2: Official.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, not the one you see on a bud feed

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Speaker 3: all this crap. The one that it shouldn't be. This

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Speaker 3: is a very serious pursuit. It helps people and therapy

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Speaker 3: and coaching. It shouldn't be something that's also alongside of

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Speaker 3: the quiz which sex of the city character are you?

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Speaker 3: Which Dawson's Creek homo are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm the horriest one you are.

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Speaker 3: Actually, what do you understand about the enneagram? So far?

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Speaker 2: It just seems for me it's obviously we talked about

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Speaker 2: like it's similar. It's it's like a personality sort of,

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Speaker 2: and you kind of see which way which ways you lean.

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Speaker 2: So for example, like I thought, the one thing that

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Speaker 2: was interesting was that, So if I'm a seven, which

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Speaker 2: I am, cute, look it up. Follow me Instagram.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, by the way, follow him fine.

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Speaker 2: Where follow me on Instagram and TikTok baby at seven

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Speaker 2: gave Pai dot com.

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Speaker 3: By the way, since Celia isn't taping with us today,

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Speaker 3: we're not going to promote her Instagram. We're not. We're not.

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Speaker 2: We're not four underscores.

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Speaker 3: Out sick, could die from the flu romano. There you go.

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Speaker 2: All right, yeah, so like personality and like basically the

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Speaker 2: thing I mean, I could just talk about how what

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Speaker 2: I found useful. So I'm a seven, right.

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Speaker 3: Seven is of course the enthusiast, which means you are

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Speaker 3: fun loving. You are the one the personality that is

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Speaker 3: most apt to go with fomo, that is most likely

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Speaker 3: to see the grasses greener in someone else's yard. You

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Speaker 3: are over stimulated easily, and you are avoidant. So those

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Speaker 3: when when Nick took the test, I was secretly going,

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Speaker 3: please God, please let him take it honestly, So seven

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Speaker 3: would come out because I had diagnosed you, which I'm

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Speaker 3: not supposed to do, but I kind of know things.

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Speaker 2: It was a blood test.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so you came out positive for HIV and seven.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So for you, your tendency is to bounce around from

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Speaker 3: one thing to another, to be have different hobbies, to

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Speaker 3: have different pursuits, and to always be looking for quote better.

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Speaker 3: So that tracked for you.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, the minute, because the minute anything and I've

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Speaker 2: had therapists tell me this too, is how you know

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Speaker 2: it's real.

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Speaker 3: Yep.

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Speaker 2: Anything gets like hard or reaching a subject that's like

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Speaker 2: too much, I'm like, I like, I start like joking

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Speaker 2: my way through. I'm like, yeah, you're gay. Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: I try to avoid and whatever. But so that it

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Speaker 2: was cool to learn that and to know and then

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Speaker 2: apply it to life. So when I am having those

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Speaker 2: particular moments, I know, oh, this is just the type

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Speaker 2: of personality I am. Doesn't mean this is true, doesn't

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Speaker 2: mean I need to quit my job and do acting

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Speaker 2: full time. Doesn't mean right to move to fucking Florida

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Speaker 2: and do overweight porn or whatever, like plus size porn.

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Speaker 2: It's big down there.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's good to have that option.

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Speaker 2: Right, I mean, I'm I would crush, but literally I

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Speaker 2: would crush somebody. But if it's good to know, like

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Speaker 2: you can bounce back and forth, and that's what the

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Speaker 2: seven is, and it's also good to know. I think

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Speaker 2: I can't. I don't know the exact words for it,

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Speaker 2: but like I'm a seven, so but sometimes I could

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Speaker 2: have parts of an eight.

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Speaker 3: It's called a wing. It's whatever's on either side of you.

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Speaker 3: You could every aneagram type has a wing. So it's

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Speaker 3: either for you, since you're seven, the number four, it's six,

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Speaker 3: the number after it's eight, So you tend to have

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Speaker 3: a stronger, in my opinion, an eight wing. So you

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Speaker 3: can be a boss, you can be someone who challenges more. So, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you don't go towards six very much, which is the

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Speaker 3: the loyalist. Don't know you're loyal to no one, so

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Speaker 3: that it's a misleading name.

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Speaker 2: Boy, what does that mean?

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Speaker 3: I'll tell you, letter girl, Well, you we're on track.

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Speaker 3: So the way it is is what I like about

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Speaker 3: the anagram is it isn't like this is your fate now, Nick.

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Speaker 3: As a seven, you are fated to never have a

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Speaker 3: relationship longer than ten minutes, never stay in a job

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Speaker 3: more than twenty hours. You flip from one thing to another,

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Speaker 3: and you're stuck with this life. The thing is, each

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Speaker 3: type has a type that they go towards when they're

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Speaker 3: becoming a healthier person, and one they go to in stress. So,

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Speaker 3: for instance, a seven goes more towards an anagram one

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Speaker 3: when they're in unhealthy behavior. So if you would notice

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Speaker 3: the qualities of impatience, judgmental, perfectionistic, being right, being critical,

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Speaker 3: being in a tight, anxious, tense state, even your asshole,

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Speaker 3: I would say it is really tied up there, not

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Speaker 3: even a finger, much less a thumb.

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Speaker 2: No, maybe Sad're okay?

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Speaker 3: Those gross? Those are your warning signs as a seven

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Speaker 3: to be like, oh shit, I'm tight, anxious tent, I'm

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Speaker 3: getting in my unhealthy state. So it's just an awareness

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Speaker 3: of where you go when things are really gonna blow up.

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Speaker 3: So instead there's also a healthy one you go to

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Speaker 3: when you're in a healthier state, and with a seven

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Speaker 3: you go to a five where fives slow down, focus deep,

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Speaker 3: you commit to things instead of chase things, which is

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Speaker 3: a big pattern for you to do, and your energy

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Speaker 3: becomes purposeful and not scattered. So when you do those

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Speaker 3: kind of things, when you buy a simply going oh wait,

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Speaker 3: I can adopt the traits of a five and become

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Speaker 3: more grounded. Would those things help you when you're in

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Speaker 3: a heightened state of just slowing down, focusing, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: For sure, even like I've noticed, like for me this

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Speaker 2: is this is like a side note, but like for

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Speaker 2: me starting the day with like meditating and writing like

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Speaker 2: a gratitude thing or reading something just about stuff like this,

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Speaker 2: yeah about Oh what's an automatic negative thought? What's this?

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Speaker 2: What's that? Like? That stuff calms me down? And I've

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Speaker 2: been told by people I've been in relationships with their friends,

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Speaker 2: like when I am focused and I'm in that five,

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Speaker 2: I was told that I see more in my body,

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Speaker 2: like I'm not fucking me, like you know, I'm flying. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: So I've been told that, and it feels better for sure.

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Speaker 2: And the the I'll tell you what, the minute I

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Speaker 2: start to veer off of it, I start flying again.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, Well it's true because the minute you

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Speaker 3: you've gotten so much more tolerable lately, because you're not.

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Speaker 3: We would be at the diner and you'd be spinning

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Speaker 3: a knife on the table not even a sharp one,

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Speaker 3: a butter knife for what a queer. And then he

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Speaker 3: would be tearing up napkins and just throwing them out

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Speaker 3: that much. No, I notice everything. Yeah, and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 3: he's just really leaning into without knowing it, you're leaning

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Speaker 3: in towards the healthier part of yourself. Also, like you've

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Speaker 3: had a lot of therapy, so you kind of know

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Speaker 3: that the depth and the meaning is really what counts

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Speaker 3: versus the flitting around.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I definitely could get flying. And then the moments

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Speaker 2: when like, even when I am flying that I book

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Speaker 2: a therapy pointment, I'd like preface it where I'm like, hey,

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Speaker 2: to the therapist, I got I don't know what's gonna

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Speaker 2: come out. Yeah, yeah, because that's how I know I've

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Speaker 2: gone too long without doing stuff the right way is

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Speaker 2: I'll say, like, there's like seven things on the front

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Speaker 2: of my mind and I'm like, I don't know what

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Speaker 2: I should focus on. Yeah, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: And if for a second you get into your body,

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Speaker 3: you just close your eyes, settle down, you'd know exactly

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Speaker 3: the right thing that should come out. Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 3: So I think just using the ante room as a

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Speaker 3: tool to go wow, what are my red flags of

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Speaker 3: like when I'm getting nutty, and where are my sort

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Speaker 3: of tools to get tools from the other signs that

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Speaker 3: you're supposed to go to. So if you take the

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Speaker 3: tools of the five, which is the investigator, the cerebral one,

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Speaker 3: like the one that's always in their head, if they're

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Speaker 3: left to their own devices, and you're just like, oh,

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Speaker 3: the way they focus is good, the way that they

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Speaker 3: are purposeful is good, then you have ways of correcting

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Speaker 3: self correcting and not driving yourself and other people crazy.

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Speaker 3: And because the way enneagram people that the way it's

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Speaker 3: used that I don't like is when people use it

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Speaker 3: as the excuse to be an asshole forever. So in

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Speaker 3: other words, if you're saying yourself, well, I'm a seven,

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Speaker 3: so I guess I can never have a girlfriend. We

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Speaker 3: all know a boyfriend is what you'll probably end up having.

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Speaker 3: So but if you use it as an excuse of like,

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Speaker 3: hey man, that's just me. I'm going to have fifty hobbies.

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Speaker 3: I'm never going to complete anything. I'm always going to

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Speaker 3: be a flake. It's just me, man, fucking just me.

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Speaker 3: Man is just so bad. So I diagnosed myself through

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Speaker 3: a test, But actually I took a really long, like

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Speaker 3: a two week course in Enneagram, and not surprisingly, I

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Speaker 3: was eight, which some people call the boss, some people

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Speaker 3: call the challenger. I preferred at the time boss because

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Speaker 3: I just love the idea that I'm the boss of

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Speaker 3: everyone and everything in the world. So I took to

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Speaker 3: that fucking Enneagram like a boss. I even have t

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Speaker 3: shirt like this t shirt says redefining Assertiveness since Forever

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Speaker 3: number eight, because I love assertive, I love boss, I

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Speaker 3: love being in charge. And I'm like, wait, like I'm

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Speaker 3: identifying way too much as at eight and being like, yeah, man,

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Speaker 3: I'm a fucking eight. I can't help it if I

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Speaker 3: bush you around, you fag who doesn't have a career.

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Speaker 3: I got it to be like, that's probably wrong. So

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Speaker 3: once I started looking at it, and I'm like, oh wait,

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Speaker 3: those are red flags when I start getting bossy, because really,

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Speaker 3: a healthy enneagrammate doesn't want to boss you around. They

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Speaker 3: want you to be your own boss. So my joy

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Speaker 3: should be coming from oh my god, Nick quit the podcast.

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Speaker 3: There'd be enough joy in just you not being here,

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Speaker 3: but the idea that you took charge of your life.

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Speaker 3: I would should be thrilled if Stephanie was like, listen,

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Speaker 3: I've decided to murder Celia and take this job. I'd

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Speaker 3: be like, I'm so proud of you, Garlina. So it's

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Speaker 3: going to the healthier parts and not being like, well,

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Speaker 3: that's just me. I have to boss everybody around. It's

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Speaker 3: like as bad as somebody going, well, I'm a mom.

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Speaker 3: That's why I have to be a Karen at the

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Speaker 3: soccer game. It's like, anytime you identify too much and

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Speaker 3: are too kind of thrilled with what you are, right,

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Speaker 3: maybe it's worth looking at. So for me with an eight,

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Speaker 3: let me see what I'm supposed to go. Oh, oh,

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Speaker 3: I like this. I in a healthier state because I

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Speaker 3: do find I've been doing this in last year. Correct

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Speaker 3: me if I'm wrong, Nick wrong, Ah. The helper where

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Speaker 3: I get more. You know, I have people's best interests

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Speaker 3: at heart. I coach them to get what they want

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Speaker 3: versus what I think they should want. Like I coach

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Speaker 3: someone now and I was like, oh, I really want

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Speaker 3: her to just lighten up when it comes to auditioning

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Speaker 3: and not be in so fucking aint aal all the time. Well,

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Speaker 3: I can want that all I want for her. It's

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Speaker 3: none of my business. So she wants a better method

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Speaker 3: of handling her feelings around it. Okay, that's what I

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Speaker 3: can help you do. So if I let go of

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Speaker 3: some of the eight nests and become more of a helper,

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Speaker 3: then I'm like, oh, I've actually helped her in a

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Speaker 3: more meaningful way for her. Right, So don't use sense, Nick,

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Speaker 3: correct me if I'm wrong. Have I become a healthier eight.

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Speaker 3: I'm not so bossy anymore. You can lie and.

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Speaker 2: Say yes, no, no, I think I said this what

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Speaker 2: dinner last week? Yeah, you definitely have. I think also too,

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Speaker 2: like there's a few things. You're definitely calmer. Yeah, like

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Speaker 2: you don't go to a hundred as quick as you used.

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Speaker 3: To, because that's what e's do. We freaking explode, we

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Speaker 3: have rage, we have violent freaking. The funny part about

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Speaker 3: eight is there's I have a list of like all

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Speaker 3: the famous people, well known people within each enneagram, and

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Speaker 3: you can see there's good and bad in every type.

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Speaker 3: So like it on mine, an eight is like Gandhi

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Speaker 3: but also oh no, wait no, it is Martin Luther

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Speaker 3: King but Trump also, so in other words, yeah, Martin

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Speaker 3: Luther King clearly went towards a helper part. So you could.

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Speaker 3: It could go good or bad. So it's not saying

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Speaker 3: one is better than the other. But yeah, I feel

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Speaker 3: like it's I get less angry because I'm not trying

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Speaker 3: to make people into some than I think they should be.

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean you're you are supportive. You are like

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Speaker 2: we'll talk to I mean especially I know how you

337
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 2: talk to like me Andrew and Bow because we're your

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Speaker 2: three straight.

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Speaker 3: Friends, three dumb straight men.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's it's different because, like I you know,

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Speaker 2: the dynamic of just like you being a three straight guys,

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Speaker 2: like oh, I could just kind of talk directly and

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Speaker 2: just kind of say like, and we're used to it.

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Speaker 2: We're just like, yeah, Paul is fucking stupid, but like

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Speaker 2: in a funny you know what I mean. Sure, but

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Speaker 2: we take it as advice and it's not like bossy,

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Speaker 2: right even when even when you were I guess bossy,

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Speaker 2: it wasn't really it was all for advice and.

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Speaker 3: For Yeah, but I think it's purposes. I think it's

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Speaker 3: what I took home was I can't believe they're not

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Speaker 3: doing that. And now I'm just like.

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Speaker 2: So you took it home. You're saying after you'd be

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Speaker 2: like motherfucker.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, they're also stupid. Oh my god, what are these

355
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Speaker 3: guys know? I have to talk to gay friends instead

356
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Speaker 3: they do everything I say, which ps they don't. It's

357
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Speaker 3: just wanting people to be their best versus what I

358
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Speaker 3: think they should be, and really being only my own boss.

359
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Speaker 3: Like my own boss wants me to want good things

360
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Speaker 3: for you guys. And when I my red flags, when

361
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Speaker 3: I start to notice that, I go to a what

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Speaker 3: do you call it? Five? When I get really fed

363
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Speaker 3: up and that's not good. It's just like I get withdrawn,

364
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Speaker 3: I get where I'm like that's fine, Like I get

365
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Speaker 3: like sulky. No, it's so stupid. I get so sulky

366
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Speaker 3: and guarded in vulnerable. I don't need anything from anyone,

367
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Speaker 3: like I noticed. Okay, So I'm taking this coaching class

368
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Speaker 3: in like a year long coaching program in San Francisco.

369
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Speaker 3: So we add it in person in December. So after

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Speaker 3: every they do a lot of you know, somatic or

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Speaker 3: body based practices and exercises and stuff, because they're like,

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Speaker 3: if you can't sit for thirty minutes, you can't be

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Speaker 3: with a client for thirty minutes, Like you have to

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Speaker 3: learn how to be quiet. So after lunch, we're all tired,

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Speaker 3: and they're like, Okay, we need to energize everyone. So

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Speaker 3: they'll have like a they'll put on three songs and

377
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:14,480
Speaker 3: we'll like dance and stuff and it's a blast. So

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Speaker 3: I remember the first two days, the guy Adam, he's amazing.

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Speaker 3: He's like, hey, any requests, and I'd be like, oh

380
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Speaker 3: my god, played the Trolls song or whatever shit i'm

381
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Speaker 3: listening to, or Golden by the those demon whatever ladies.

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Speaker 3: How it is. Stephanie has our Yeah, I wanted to

383
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Speaker 3: talk it into the mic, so just keep it at

384
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Speaker 3: your face, just keep it there so the demon hunters, right,

385
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:43,880
Speaker 3: So he's like playing whatever we all want. The third day,

386
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 3: there's this woman in charge, Anna Maria, and she's an

387
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 3: ape like because we all know our because we use

388
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:53,399
Speaker 3: it in coaching the enneagram. So I go uptour and

389
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 3: I go, oh my god, can you play footloose because

390
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,919
Speaker 3: you know that gets people going. And she looks at

391
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Speaker 3: me not very calmly. She's a very evolved date and

392
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 3: she just goes, I think I'll DJ today, like very calmly,

393
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 3: and I'm like but but but like it's really fun.

394
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 3: And then I like notice myself walking back to the

395
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Speaker 3: little circle, and I was like okay, like sulky dancing

396
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Speaker 3: like the low the lowest energy Peanuts character. I was like,

397
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Speaker 3: it's fine, like okay, and I noticed immediately I'm going

398
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Speaker 3: to a five. I'm sulking. I'm being a big baby kid.

399
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Speaker 3: I'm not the boss. So I didn't start dancing. It's fine. Well,

400
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 3: the next day Adam's doing the thing again. They must

401
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:46,880
Speaker 3: have talked about it because the first song he plays Footloose,

402
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 3: it was almost like this lesson in You're not gonna

403
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,200
Speaker 3: get everything you want all the time, and it's gonna

404
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,639
Speaker 3: come on somebody else's time sometimes and not yours. And

405
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 3: it was this great lesson of oh, I'm going to

406
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 3: get everything I need and want, I just have to

407
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 3: sometimes not have the timeline. So she taught me a

408
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 3: valuable lesson that's like a healthy eight thing. As she

409
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 3: tested me on. I was so happy I got out

410
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 3: that of a sulking within like ten seconds and realized

411
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 3: what a big baby I was being. I was like, okay,

412
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:20,399
Speaker 3: like I went towards the healthier self, which is helping.

413
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,920
Speaker 3: So I like this as a tool. Stephanie, what are you?

414
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 3: I know you said, you're an eight, I imagine that you

415
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Speaker 3: are a little boss bitch at your age.

416
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'm an eight wing seven, so we're flipped.

417
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,120
Speaker 3: Ah, so you could probably never have sex. Go ahead,

418
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 3: I'm gonna throw up. Oh my god, sorry.

419
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 4: I don't know I could be a boss sometimes. I guess. Okay,

420
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 4: you guys probably think I'm a boss baby, but yeah.

421
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what you are. You are a you.

422
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 3: I notice you don't lay down for shit like I once.

423
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 3: I think I forgot what was a okingly joke to

424
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 3: you about something like a dancing with the Stars thing

425
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 3: or something, because you're gay for that like I am.

426
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 3: And you like push back, but not a mean way.

427
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,399
Speaker 3: You're just like, well I don't agree. And I'm like,

428
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,719
Speaker 3: who's this little fucking cunt? Because I was like, you,

429
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:20,680
Speaker 3: I have a podcast, You're just a Workeralthy eight starts going,

430
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,440
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh no, she's just being like an aide

431
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 3: who has an opinion, Like she's allowed to have an opinion,

432
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,919
Speaker 3: which I'm just used to like younger people having to

433
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 3: be like, oh, yeah, you're right, which is, by the way,

434
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,920
Speaker 3: has nothing new with any Grahama's just old people shit.

435
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 3: Because I don't want to be the old person you

436
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,719
Speaker 3: always have to agree with, like that's just a sucky person.

437
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 3: Then that that you're afraid of saying, no Grandma, it's

438
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 3: really you know, we don't say those words anymore. No, not,

439
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 3: it's a gase. So it's like I noticed the eight

440
00:24:55,200 --> 00:25:01,199
Speaker 3: tendencies in you, Stephanie. Do you see yourself sometime doing

441
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 3: the unhealthy behavior of sometimes withdrawing if you're hurt sometimes

442
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 3: being the one who's like, okay, I'm just gonna like

443
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,480
Speaker 3: not be vulnerable. It's fine.

444
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, I definitely see that.

445
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 5: Like if my like ex friend or whatever, like sends

446
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 5: a long paragraph TAXI, I'm not respond I'm not wasting

447
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,119
Speaker 5: my energy on this. If I'm so checked out of that,

448
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 5: so I guess that is a bad decision sometimes, or

449
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 5: even like if I'm fighting with my parents, it'll be

450
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,120
Speaker 5: like I'll just stop talking. I'll let them riff off. Right,

451
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,360
Speaker 5: I'm again not wasting my time on this. Right.

452
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 3: Do you think it's a conscious thing of not wasting

453
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 3: time or is it like, wow, I don't want to

454
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 3: be involved because it has resulted and hurt before. Probably both, Yeah, yeah,

455
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 3: because that's what we do. It's like, well, I'm going

456
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 3: to volunteer to be hurt again, you know, And I'm

457
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 3: the challenger. I want to just be the boss. And

458
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,200
Speaker 3: I'm the boss of my own life. And that's fine.

459
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 3: They can like deal without me. So I think it

460
00:25:56,400 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 3: could be isolating, So next time, just be a helper. Dude. Wait,

461
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 3: by the way, why is your ex friend texting you paragraphs?

462
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 5: Like?

463
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 3: That's weird? They know they're an ex friend, or is

464
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:09,959
Speaker 3: it Celia.

465
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 5: No, So basically this friend from college and I it's

466
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 5: one of my guy friends. You know, I haven't spoken

467
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 5: in three months, and then all of a sudden he

468
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,679
Speaker 5: liked my Instagram photo and sent me a long text

469
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 5: and I'm like, you cannot just instagram photo like your

470
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 5: way back in.

471
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:30,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right, that's a whole different podcast episode. Yeah,

472
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:32,679
Speaker 3: they're always trying to you know, he clearly is in

473
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 3: love with you. Oh I was just joking around.

474
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,680
Speaker 2: But he's trying to smash but he's trying to get up.

475
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:41,880
Speaker 3: In that.

476
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:44,160
Speaker 2: Trying out.

477
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 5: It's just like it's a lot to talk to him

478
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 5: because like even over text, he'll be like what I'm like,

479
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 5: just read the text above.

480
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 4: It's all you couldn't hear me?

481
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 2: They're married.

482
00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know somebody's going to be murdered. That will

483
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 3: be on a true crime podcast soon. But Stephanie, like,

484
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,159
Speaker 3: you're doing great. We always have to say that to

485
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,160
Speaker 3: Celia because of her low self esteem. Steffany, you're doing great?

486
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,479
Speaker 3: Who is a good girl? You are?

487
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 4: And great?

488
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 3: Yeah again? So I have a yea nick. Do we

489
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,439
Speaker 3: have some letters from creepy people who think there are

490
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 3: one enneagram and stuck with it?

491
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 2: We do?

492
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,840
Speaker 3: Oh my god, go girl. Yeah.

493
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:35,360
Speaker 2: Dear Lisa, first off, I'm a huge fan and guessing

494
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 2: that you're a type aid because you are.

495
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,639
Speaker 3: After all, the queens see they know I just puford

496
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 3: this energy.

497
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,200
Speaker 2: Shut up. I, on the other hand, am a nine

498
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,920
Speaker 2: the peacemaker, passive gay man who votes conflict.

499
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 3: A passive gay that's called the bottom or it's a

500
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,160
Speaker 3: feminine top. A black.

501
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, I'm a blouse for sure. I could wear one,

502
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 2: so passive gay man, he voiced conflict. I'm sarrying to

503
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 2: think the enneagram nine should be renamed in quotes big

504
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 2: fat pussy. Yeah do you agree? Thanks? Coulton?

505
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 3: Wow, yeah. Colton had no choice when he came out

506
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 3: of Mama. He had sugar but passively, which would be

507
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:29,360
Speaker 3: very boring.

508
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 2: In my opinion, passively sucking and dick would be weird.

509
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 3: I don't even know what that would look like. Let

510
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 3: me show you, okay, very good light touch, not manhandily.

511
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 3: We'll see the peacemaker. Here's the problem. People misunderstand nines.

512
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 3: They're not pussies. They however, usually act like them and

513
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 3: when they're in like an unhealthy state. So what nines

514
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 3: generally do? They don't like conflict. I just ask little

515
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 3: tiny four foot tall Stephanie over there or me. We

516
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 3: enjoy conflict. I love it. I don't mean fighting. I

517
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 3: love saying, hey, Nick, what do you think you hurt

518
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 3: my feelings? Dot dot dot. I love those discussions. I

519
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 3: think it brings us closer. Nines do not like that.

520
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,120
Speaker 3: It makes them feel unsafe. They can't have conflict. They

521
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 3: also will be very stubborn. They can numb out, and

522
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 3: they can be passive in that they say yes and

523
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 3: me no. Now, there is nothing more confusing than a

524
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 3: fucking peace making nine asshole who has to tell me yes,

525
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 3: and then they're harboring resentment that they shouldn't have done

526
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 3: what I asked them to do. So our friend Andrew,

527
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 3: who I love, one of my best friends. Bestie girl.

528
00:29:52,880 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 3: Oh what guys say? Oh fuck? I just looked, shakes

529
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 3: her head. He I always say to him, do not

530
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 3: I know you're a nine, be a healthy nine. Do

531
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 3: not say yes to this? If this, if you don't

532
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 3: want to do it. Like one year before I even

533
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 3: knew what any Ingraham was, I asked him to water

534
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 3: my trees that I had just planted or what not

535
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 3: me but Louise had planted. And I was like, Louise,

536
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 3: I don't want to waste his time. Can you come

537
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 3: over and water my trees? There was eight of them,

538
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 3: so they don't die when I'm away. It's the summer,

539
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 3: it's ninety degrees. He said yes. So even now part

540
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 3: of me is like, I wonder if I was so

541
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 3: bossy that he didn't feel he could say no, Like

542
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 3: if we were a bad eight and nine combination and

543
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 3: he was just a people pleaser. I was like, h yeah,

544
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 3: sure and lied to his wife about where he was

545
00:30:54,280 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 3: and said water Lisa's trees, which is code for plowing. True.

546
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 3: So I think they are tricky, these peacemakers, because you

547
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 3: never know when the boiling point will come. That they've

548
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 3: said yes too many times and just block you or

549
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 3: they're like I imagine that's what happened with Stephanie and her

550
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 3: ex friend because he probably is a nine. He was

551
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 3: a people pleasing little count and then she fucking snapped

552
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 3: and was like enough and he was like enough and

553
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 3: I love you. That kind of thing anyway, gobbled kob.

554
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 3: So no, what is his name? Colton? Colton? You don't

555
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 3: have to continue being the big pussy you are. You

556
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 3: just have to take steps as we talked about to

557
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 3: in stress. Go to the healthier wing for the healthier

558
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 3: sign for you, which is a two, more of a helping,

559
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 3: more of a guiding of people rather than yesing them

560
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 3: to death and speaking truthfully. I hope her doesn't say

561
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 3: yes when they mean no. Colton. Also, stop being gay

562
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 3: because that's a sin. God hates gays.

563
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 2: As we'll cure email us at shrink this show.

564
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, Nick still taking the cure. He's trying, that's true. Okay,

565
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 3: next letter.

566
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 2: Next letter, excuse me, dear Lisa. I'm a proud and

567
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 2: new Graham eight and run my own show. This is

568
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 2: from Stephanie, both at home and with my husband, and

569
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 2: I'm a boss at work and I peg him.

570
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 3: Just let me tell you, I am sexually repressed. But

571
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 3: if I now, but if I was had a dude,

572
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 3: i'd do some pegging. I'd be grossed out by him

573
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 3: because he'd be a nine and passive nine weird about

574
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 3: pegging dude, I would throw up. I'm so I have

575
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 3: to work on all that stuff.

576
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 2: What if a guy's gotten nice, little cute hairless But no.

577
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 3: It's all girls like I've stuck a finger. But that's it.

578
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 3: That's it. The pegging seems No. I picture pegging. I

579
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 3: don't even picture it accurately because I don't watch porn.

580
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 3: This is what I imagine it looks like. And you will laugh. No,

581
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 3: I imagine it's like you put a steak in somebody's ass.

582
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 3: This is how I picture it. Like not a steak,

583
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 3: like yeah, like a like a vampire steak. We're not pointy.

584
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 3: And then you take a mallet. I literally picture no, no, no,

585
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 3: I picture a mallet coming down and pounding it in.

586
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 3: Is that what it's like? Nick? No, How do you know?

587
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 2: Because I know because I know, Okay, that's what it is.

588
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 3: I literally when anyone says, peg a big mallet, because

589
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 3: I have a big mallet in the garage that I

590
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 3: used to like if you put fence down, like pounding

591
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 3: in a fence. So that's not what pegging is.

592
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 2: No, it's when a girl wears a strap on just

593
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 2: fucks a guy in the ass.

594
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 3: Well, no, I know that, but they don't use no mallet.

595
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 2: No's no mall.

596
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:11,240
Speaker 3: It's my motivation. I'm an eight. I want a pound

597
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 3: a stake into your ass. That's a clip from this show.

598
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 3: That's true. Okay, so sorry, go ahead, sorry about that.

599
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 2: Honestly, I think both my husband and my employees are

600
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 2: a little afraid of me because they've seen me explode

601
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 2: when they don't do the one I ask them to.

602
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 2: I think fear is a great motivator, but my test

603
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 2: results say I should be more vulnerable and nurturing. What

604
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,280
Speaker 2: do you think? Thanks Jess from Bethesda, Maryland.

605
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 3: Well, listen, no one lives there, just as they do.

606
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 3: I've driven through it many times quickly. Here's the deal,

607
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,839
Speaker 3: been there. I was always running the show at home,

608
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 3: which is why I have no one in my home

609
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 3: right now. I always ran the show at work, which

610
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 3: is why I'm in here with the degenerate loser trying

611
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:58,840
Speaker 3: not to be gay anymore and a four foot zero midget.

612
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 3: I feel like I always the boss, and fear that

613
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 3: is a faulty statement. Fear is a great motivator. It

614
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 3: was a great motivator back in oh I don't know,

615
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:18,880
Speaker 3: prehistoric times when a saber tooth tiger would be running

616
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 3: and you would have to run. That's the fear of

617
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 3: being eaten is going to make you run for your life.

618
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 3: So fear motivated you to stay alive. Fear does not

619
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 3: motivate people who were equals. Fear does not motivate people

620
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 3: you're in a relationship with or friends. Having a fear

621
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 3: that hangs over someone's head makes them run for the hills. Eventually,

622
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 3: I operated with this mentality for many years. Like with

623
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 3: all my openers, I used to have it where I

624
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:52,280
Speaker 3: had two straight e's open for me, but at alternating dates,

625
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:56,279
Speaker 3: so they knew each other existed, so I, oh, there's

626
00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 3: going to be a fear in him that if he's late,

627
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,919
Speaker 3: he's going to get replaced by the other straight guy.

628
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,440
Speaker 3: So they didn't blow up in my face, But it

629
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:09,440
Speaker 3: wasn't the way to rule. A healthy queen rules by love,

630
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 3: by boundaries, by having a vulnerable sensitive way of listening

631
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:24,319
Speaker 3: to people's needs. Ultimately, yeah, making the decision, but the

632
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,879
Speaker 3: fear is not what really motivates people. They're gonna run

633
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 3: for the hills. So I would say, Jess, learn from

634
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 3: me someone who lives alone. Yes, now, but maybe you

635
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 3: would have gone another way if I'd have worked on

636
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 3: my unhealthy Enneagram tendencies and gone more towards type two

637
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 3: and supported people and been more vulnerable and protected them

638
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 3: versus control them. Does this make sense, Nick? I know

639
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 3: you didn't listen to I.

640
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:05,400
Speaker 2: Just love a long thing, and then me going yep, yo, no,

641
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 2: it makes sense. I mean, I mean, I think we

642
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 2: should do an experiment where I move in with you,

643
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:12,239
Speaker 2: oh Jesus, and we film it.

644
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, that'd be great. They put that on TLC after

645
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 3: you gain six hundred pounds and doctor now comes over

646
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 3: and go, wha, you look nourish.

647
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know that they're actually to this point. This

648
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,880
Speaker 2: is the thing with this. So like I'm technically a

649
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:36,359
Speaker 2: leader at work right, a manager, but sometimes because of

650
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 2: my fun loving nature, because of the way I am,

651
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 2: people get too friendly with me too quick. Yes, and

652
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:47,320
Speaker 2: they like me pretty instantly, So like it becomes.

653
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 3: Aden what a burden. Oh my god, I'm so.

654
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 4: Like right in that wall and it's like the I'm

655
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 4: better than everyone else me.

656
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 2: But really like and I've been I didn't think of this,

657
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 2: but I've just been told this where like like so

658
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 2: like I get the having to be serious maybe and

659
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 2: not wanting to show the vulnerable set. There's got to

660
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 2: be a balance, right, because I think for people, for me,

661
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 2: it's the opposite. They're like, oh, he's cool, and then

662
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, but you got to do X, Y

663
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,279
Speaker 2: Z And they're like, oh, all right, this is a

664
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 2: job and you're my balls, you know what I mean.

665
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 3: Like it's the balance. It's like you fun, loving, fancy

666
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 3: free Nick on the go Galon on the go at work.

667
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:30,319
Speaker 3: But it's also like, well you have that other side

668
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 3: too that you go to when you're healthier, which is

669
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:33,959
Speaker 3: like the more serious focused guy.

670
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:37,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I can never be Like I remember after college,

671
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 2: our football coach I was used to like when guys, wo,

672
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,840
Speaker 2: coming from college, you want to come help coach? I

673
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 2: was like, dude, I'm the last dude you want here,

674
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,359
Speaker 2: Like I just want to have fun, like they would

675
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:47,360
Speaker 2: not be I'm not like the yeah.

676
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:50,760
Speaker 3: But yet would you argue that now that you're becoming

677
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 3: a healthier version of yourself, you I'm not saying with

678
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 3: a high school or with you know, at the higher levels,

679
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 3: could you coach a team and lead with it's you know,

680
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 3: a healthy energy.

681
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:07,920
Speaker 2: I think so. I mean I train like a few now,

682
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 2: I train like a few teenage boys, like one on

683
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 2: one at their homes and stuff peg right, lot of pegging,

684
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,359
Speaker 2: lots of their parents are you know how I really

685
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 2: shouldn't be there, but their parents are there. They're super

686
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,440
Speaker 2: it's supervised visits now. But like I'm training these kids

687
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 2: in their gym, and it's like, I could I have

688
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 2: a little bit more patience. But also I'm like I

689
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 2: teeter but but but I get what she's saying, Like

690
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 2: I think maybe showing some vulnerability in certain moments because

691
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 2: there is and correct me if I'm wrong here, but

692
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,359
Speaker 2: I feel like there's something to be said for being

693
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 2: a little bit afraid, like a tiny bit afraid of

694
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 2: your boss, a tiny bit afraid of Like.

695
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 3: There should be a tiny bit of fear for everyone though,

696
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:56,359
Speaker 3: Like meaning, if I have zero fear that you know,

697
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 3: I'm someone's gonna ask me for a divorce, then I'm

698
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 3: gonna cheat and I'm going to do all sorts of

699
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 3: crazy shit because I'm like, I don't fucking care. But

700
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 3: that's the opposite of true vulnerability anyway. So for her

701
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:09,399
Speaker 3: to be at home and being the boss at home,

702
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 3: I because she's seen tests saying she should be more

703
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 3: vulnerable and nurturing. Yeah, try a little of that. Yeah,

704
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,360
Speaker 3: keep the tiny bit of like, oh, you can't just

705
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 3: run over me family, but also the vulnerability will help

706
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 3: them be more vulnerable. And then everybody's like telling the

707
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 3: truth to each other. Everybody's going I feel sad. Oh,

708
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 3: doesn't worry about you, going, ah, I just pull up

709
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 3: your fucking put big black pants, like ah, I'm sure

710
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 3: I've been that and just doesn't get your long term

711
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 3: good friendships or results.

712
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 2: No, no, Yeah, So I guess there's mixed reviews.

713
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:52,720
Speaker 3: Mixed give it a five on a ten and yelp quickly.

714
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:59,720
Speaker 2: Last letter, last letter, Dear Lisa, what girl? I'm Matt

715
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 2: from Austin and I just found out I am a

716
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,720
Speaker 2: three three the achiever.

717
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 3: Oh the achiever. God, those are the ones I have

718
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 3: the most problem with.

719
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 2: Really, Yeah, apparently that means I'm conflict avoidant chronically tired

720
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:24,320
Speaker 2: and pathologically chill question mark my girlfriend sure A proud

721
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 2: type eight says, says, that explains why I let life

722
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 2: happen to me like I'm a houseplant? Am I doing

723
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,319
Speaker 2: to be this way forever? Or can I evolve into

724
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 2: someone who finishes emails and makes dentist appointment?

725
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 3: Wow? Well, the short answer is no, one has to

726
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 3: be any way forever. So achiever is basically someone the

727
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:50,000
Speaker 3: three is someone who's driven by image success. But they're

728
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 3: also avoidant, so they like awards, they like different like

729
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 3: oh look, I got a promotion, like they're super like.

730
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 3: That's where they get their most sent of self worth.

731
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 3: So his wife, what does she say? He lives like

732
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:05,720
Speaker 3: a house plant.

733
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 2: Let's life happen to me like I'm a house Let's

734
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 2: life happen to me like I'm a house plant here?

735
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 5: Yeah?

736
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:13,240
Speaker 3: Well, the good thing is no one's stuck where they are. Look,

737
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 3: you never met a bigger, bossy pain in the ass

738
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 3: than me, And I could tweak myself and change little

739
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 3: by little and go I can look back a year

740
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 3: ago and go, oh, man, I'm better to be around

741
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 3: than I was a year ago. And it just keeps

742
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 3: I always go I hope I live a long time

743
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,919
Speaker 3: because ooh, maybe I'll be so tolerable by the time

744
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 3: i'm eighty. Maybe I'll be like that old lady people

745
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 3: want to go see and it's like, oh, she's just

746
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 3: gonna boss us around. She's just gonna say, well, what

747
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:46,800
Speaker 3: are you doing for a living loser? So what's his name? Matt? Matt, Matt?

748
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 3: If that is your real name, tell your eight wife

749
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 3: to back the fuck down, because sometimes they can be

750
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:57,760
Speaker 3: a lot. We can be a lot. And just look, man,

751
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 3: you can change. Look what your particular type goes to

752
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 3: when they're healthy. Go to check GPT. You can look

753
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 3: that ship up, figure it out. It is never too

754
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 3: late to change. And as I sang in the last episode,

755
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:16,879
Speaker 3: not in the last episode, as I sang several episds ago,

756
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 3: I'm so drunk around I'm an alcoholic. It's never too

757
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 3: late to grow. As Buddy the Elf would say, speaking

758
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 3: of elves, Stephanie, we're gonna take a break at this moment. Hey, Stephanie,

759
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 3: why don't you give your Instagram where people can follow you? Oh? No,

760
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 3: how many fucking underscores?

761
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 4: Only one? But there is to ease at the end.

762
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 4: It's Steph Lane to ease underscore.

763
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 3: Listen, I don't like a lot about this one, and

764
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 3: I'll tell you why, Steph. We don't know if it's

765
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,839
Speaker 3: an F two f's or a pH. Which one is it?

766
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 3: Why don't you be not so? See that's a boss.

767
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,759
Speaker 3: That's the right way because everyone who spells it stuff

768
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 3: of that. Well, maybe they're Swiss and you just hate

769
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 3: Swedish people. So it's st E p h underscore. No,

770
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 3: what the fuck is it? You bitches with your goddamn.

771
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 4: S t E p h l A n e E underscore.

772
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:25,800
Speaker 3: Well, okay, wait, explain to me this extra e.

773
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 5: There's already a Steph Lane on Instagram with like two followers.

774
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 2: Doesn't bitch you listening, Steph Lane?

775
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:38,879
Speaker 3: You die, will die, bitch. There's a needy Ingraham eight

776
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 3: who needs your email or Instagram whether the fuck the

777
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 3: thing's called? Wait, so it ends with an underscore? Yeah?

778
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:50,359
Speaker 3: See couldn't you just Okay, here's what I would have done.

779
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 3: Nick looked this up. If this is taken, what's your

780
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 3: middle name?

781
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 4: Why are we putting it on Instagram?

782
00:44:56,640 --> 00:45:01,840
Speaker 3: Just mouth it to me? Mouth it minus, oh my god, everyone,

783
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:07,960
Speaker 3: because we're Latin. Next, we always have Steph. Look up,

784
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 3: Steph lane to ease. No, no, wait, look up as

785
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 3: we're fuck else you look, kid, see this is when

786
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 3: he acts stupid. Y fd L Steph l A n E.

787
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 3: Got her M with like the last initial with the

788
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 3: initial of her middle name. Is that taken? That's better

789
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 3: for you? I know you're not going to change it.

790
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 3: It's okay because you don't want to lose your thirty followers?

791
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 3: So how many FOLLOWERSH has, bitch got? I know I

792
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:44,560
Speaker 3: follow her. I know I follow her. I'm stupid. I

793
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 3: like to see whatever she posts, whatever cute little outfit

794
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,560
Speaker 3: she's got going on, or little dolls, her little doll

795
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 3: clothes that she wears.

796
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I mean, here's a little bit.

797
00:45:54,880 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 3: Better as I'm pretty. So if i'm you though, I

798
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 3: think next time, when the next social media is invented,

799
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 3: use that that middle initial. Sometimes. Did I out ate

800
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 3: you a little bit?

801
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 5: No?

802
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 3: No, in a good way? Yeah, okay, thanks? It's so

803
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 3: fucking stupid. Why do we do it? What's wrong with us?

804
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 2: Well?

805
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 4: You used to think my real name is Stephanie.

806
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 2: Asian?

807
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 3: Oh, my Stefan is very good. You know I have

808
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,360
Speaker 3: an Asian friend Bonnie I've talked about many times, and

809
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 3: we were at what do you call that restaurant? Tao

810
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 3: t Ao, and she enjoys when I use the Asian accent.

811
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:46,800
Speaker 3: I always ask my various minority friends if they enjoy

812
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:50,120
Speaker 3: the accents or they'd rather not. And she likes it.

813
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 3: And I said, you want the bottle sticker and she

814
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 3: laughed heartily, but it was hard to tell, because you know,

815
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,879
Speaker 3: the Asian hold it close to the vest. And she's

816
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:05,720
Speaker 3: a five, which means she's very internal and logical.

817
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 2: That's why she's so successful.

818
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 3: That's true. All right? Where can people listen to us?

819
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 2: Nick, please listen to us? Please? No, no, look at me?

820
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 3: No?

821
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,319
Speaker 2: Please no, you can. If you want to write into

822
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 2: the show, you can email us at shrink this Show

823
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 2: at gmail dot com. That is shrink this Show at

824
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 2: gmail dot com. You can follow Lisa at Lisa Lampanella.

825
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 2: You can follow me at Nick Scopes on Instagram. You

826
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:39,320
Speaker 2: can follow Stephanie at her at steph Lanie Underscore on Instagram.

827
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 2: And you could listen to us on your iHeartRadio app

828
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 2: because we are in iHeartRadio studios.

829
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:47,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, we don't have in other.

830
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 2: Places, but download the appe.

831
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 3: Don't be stupid, like, why can't they just follow orders? Yes,

832
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 3: the iHeart app has many things that I have not

833
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 3: seen because I don't have it, so but you.

834
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:05,320
Speaker 2: Dude, do the other ones. The Spotify is the fucking

835
00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 2: whatever is. Just listen to us, please, we need the recognition.

836
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 3: Wait, what the hell do you turn right into a

837
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:17,760
Speaker 3: fucking three? We gotta go, stupid. Bye,