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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation. It's a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes.

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Speaker 2: We'll get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: I was adopted by my best friend's family and then

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Speaker 3: they kicked me out. Here's my story of the past

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Speaker 3: three years of drama, So buckle up. I twenty one female,

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Speaker 3: moved into my best friend's house when I was eighteen,

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Speaker 3: right before graduating high school. My relationship with my single

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Speaker 3: mom was strained and I felt emotionally abusive, leading to

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Speaker 3: all of my siblings moving out at eighteen. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from user adept Square four thirty six on

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Speaker 3: the r slash Okay Storytime Stop read it. So my

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Speaker 3: best friend, let's call her Haley, same age as me,

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Speaker 3: had been best friends for seven years and her family

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Speaker 3: always seemed to support me. Her dad even welcomed me

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Speaker 3: to move in before I asked. Now, I moved in

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Speaker 3: with Haley, her dad, and her brother, Brad, sixteen male.

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Speaker 3: I finally felt want and felt like I could start

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Speaker 3: living my life. Haley's dad gave me my own room,

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Speaker 3: helped me get my license, pick a college, and even

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Speaker 3: let me borrow their car if I covered gas and insurance.

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Speaker 3: He remarried a woman from another country who moved in

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Speaker 3: with her son. I helped with their wedding and tried

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Speaker 3: to make them feel welcome. After only three months of

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Speaker 3: living there, both parents approached me and asked me if

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Speaker 3: I wanted them to.

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Speaker 2: Adopt me as an adult.

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Speaker 3: I was very confused and hesitant, since I didn't want

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Speaker 3: to cut myself off from my biological family, but Haley

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Speaker 3: assured me it was like we had always dreamt about

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Speaker 3: and wanted me to be family. This felt kind of strange,

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Speaker 3: since they said it would finally make me part of

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Speaker 3: the family, while I had felt we already were. They

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Speaker 3: continued to ask me, and after asking for the third

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Speaker 3: or fourth time, I said yes. I was excited as

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Speaker 3: everyone seemed thrilled about the adoption. Haley's dad made promises

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Speaker 3: like treating me fairly and the same as his other children,

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Speaker 3: always being there for me, and covering doctor visits and

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Speaker 3: food costs because health is important. I was excluded from

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Speaker 3: most of the legal process, only signing documents and attending

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Speaker 3: court I felt it was really rushed, happening just four

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Speaker 3: months after they first asked. During my first year of college,

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Speaker 3: because of the adoption, I had to change my last

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Speaker 3: name and keep it a secret from my family, as

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Speaker 3: my mom worked at the courthouse, and they told me

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Speaker 3: they were worried she would interfere in it. Looking back,

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Speaker 3: I realize how crazy this whole situation is, and I

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Speaker 3: still feel awful about going through with it. During this time,

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Speaker 3: I met my boyfriend, who has been my rock through

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Speaker 3: this whole thing. Because after the adoption was finalized, things

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Speaker 3: went south quick. Right after high school, I went straight

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Speaker 3: to college and lived on campus, coming home only during breaks.

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Speaker 3: Since I didn't have a car and the campus was

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Speaker 3: nearly three hours away, I pay for college completely on

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Speaker 3: my own, making it hard to afford a car. During

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Speaker 3: the summer after my freshman year, I hit a ditch

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Speaker 3: and damaged a tire due to my inexperience. Hailey's parents

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Speaker 3: blamed it on my insomnia and declared me unfit to

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Speaker 3: drive until I fixed it. I would have to rate

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Speaker 3: my sleep every morning to them, which felt extremely degrading.

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Speaker 3: I hadn't slept well for years, often lying awake for

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Speaker 3: hours and waking up from nightmares caused by childhood trauma

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Speaker 3: which couldn't be treated with medication. They made me feel

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Speaker 3: like less of a person, asking me to fix something

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Speaker 3: out of my control and insisting I take sleep meds

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Speaker 3: to drive again. Meanwhile, Haley total de car and Brad

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Speaker 3: totaled two from careless driving, all in the same month.

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Speaker 3: Neither of them faced any consequences or restrictions. This wasn't

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Speaker 3: the end of the difference in treatment. If someone left

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Speaker 3: a dish in the sink, it was always my dish

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Speaker 3: by default. Haley would leave a pile of arts and

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Speaker 3: crafts all over the table for months, but if I

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Speaker 3: left a book or sweater in the living room, it

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Speaker 3: was thrown in my room the next day.

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Speaker 2: I would have to buy.

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Speaker 3: My own food, but they spent about one hundred and

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Speaker 3: eighty dollars on Brad's food every week to support him

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Speaker 3: small things like this. The sleeping medication they insisted I

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Speaker 3: take did not agree with me and caused me to

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Speaker 3: have some heart problems. I was hiking with Haley and

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Speaker 3: suddenly had burning chest pain and could barely breathe, extreme

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Speaker 3: dizziness and heart palpitations when I.

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Speaker 2: Got out of the woods.

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Speaker 3: They told me to just lay in the car until

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Speaker 3: I felt better and to not ruin their camping trip.

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Speaker 2: Haley didn't care either.

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Speaker 3: Later that week, someone scraped their leg and was taken

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Speaker 3: to the doctor. Next summer, we faced bigger problems. They

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Speaker 3: planned a family vacation to Florida and told me I

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Speaker 3: had to go because I'm part of the family, despite

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Speaker 3: needing to work to pay for my college.

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Speaker 2: Brad was allowed to stay behind for work.

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Speaker 3: Hailey's father forgot his bipolar and diabetic medication, becoming extremely

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Speaker 3: irritable and yelling at Haley on the way home. Luckily,

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Speaker 3: Haley and I were able to take a separate car

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Speaker 3: the rest of the way back, where she ranted to

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Speaker 3: me about all the problems she had been having and

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Speaker 3: said she noticed they weren't treating me fairly either. She

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Speaker 3: got in a three hour screaming match with both parents

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Speaker 3: and Brad when she got home. I was not involved

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Speaker 3: in these arguments at all. I felt unsafe and had

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Speaker 3: a panic attack in my room, so Haley and I

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Speaker 3: stayed at a hotel that night. I stayed at a

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Speaker 3: friend's house for a few days to cool down and

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Speaker 3: let them know I it was safe.

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Speaker 2: Neither of them asked me where I was.

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Speaker 3: Upon returning, her parents accused me of causing the argument,

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Speaker 3: called me a liar and manipulator for not telling them

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Speaker 3: where I was, and he yelled at me for over

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Speaker 3: an hour, causing another panic attack. They just stared at

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Speaker 3: me like I was faking it and walked away. They

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Speaker 3: belittled me constantly, and I spent most of my time

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Speaker 3: in my room or at my boyfriend's house. They sent

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Speaker 3: passive aggressive messages, treated me poorly, and said I owed

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Speaker 3: them for the adoption. He would ignore me when I

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Speaker 3: said I love you and deny he heard it numerous times.

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Speaker 3: Hailey stepmother gave me the silent treatment for a month,

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Speaker 3: saying I deserved it for not telling them where I was.

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Speaker 3: I tried my hardest to fix the situation, but nothing

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Speaker 3: was good enough for them. I left for college as

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Speaker 3: soon as I could. While I was away, Haley told

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Speaker 3: me that they were using my room as a marital

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Speaker 3: bedroom at least once a week because I bought a

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Speaker 3: TV for my room and it was the only one

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Speaker 3: in the house. They thought it was a weird brag

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Speaker 3: to say they didn't have one but would watch shows

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Speaker 3: on their computers anyway. This also led them to eat

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Speaker 3: and leave trash all over my room when they had

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Speaker 3: family movie night on my bed. I worked throughout college

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Speaker 3: and saved enough to study abroad in New Zealand for

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Speaker 3: five months. I just returned four weeks ago this June.

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Speaker 3: Before leaving, my mom found out about the adoption, and

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Speaker 3: we started rebuilding our relationship without them knowing. They did

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Speaker 3: not contact me the entire time I was there, including

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Speaker 3: to see if I made it safely, which stressed me

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Speaker 3: out like crazy. I would try calling and they would

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Speaker 3: say they were busy and hang up. I tried reaching

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Speaker 3: out to Haley and she denied anything was unusual. I

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Speaker 3: tried asking what I did wrong and was met with silence.

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Speaker 3: I had no idea what I'd be coming back to.

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Speaker 3: When I returned four weeks ago in June, they had

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Speaker 3: packed every belonging I owned and put it in a

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Speaker 3: room downstairs.

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Speaker 2: The boxes they used had mold.

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Speaker 3: On them, and there was cat pee and throw up everywhere,

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Speaker 3: and mold growing from the damp carpet.

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Speaker 2: What is this? What is this random bit that they have?

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Speaker 3: They all continued giving me the silent treatment like a

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Speaker 3: child might do. I moved back in with my mom,

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Speaker 3: but I couldn't take everything with me. When I tried

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Speaker 3: to retrieve the rest of my things, they locked me out.

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Speaker 3: They deny having my birth certificate, social Security card, and

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Speaker 3: kept bonds given to me as a baby. And we're

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Speaker 3: gonna get the police involved. If you don't join us

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Speaker 3: live on YouTube every weekday at three PMPST, just tap

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Speaker 3: our profile. I later learned Haley had spread rumors about

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Speaker 3: me her parents, she never heard from me, and she

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Speaker 3: didn't even know who I was anymore. Some friends have

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Speaker 3: suggested giving Haley space and eventually reconnecting, but I've decided

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Speaker 3: I'll never associate with her or her family again after

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Speaker 3: their behavior good I believe everyone deserves better treatment. Thankfully,

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Speaker 3: I'm recovering with the support of my mom, boyfriend and

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Speaker 3: his parents, but of course I'm still torn up about it.

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Speaker 3: I have no details as to what the other families

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Speaker 3: thinking was, but a few people have taken some guesses.

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Speaker 3: The most common guess is that since I'm entering my

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Speaker 3: senior year at an expensive college, they won't be receiving

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Speaker 3: my tax return money or tax breaks from me being

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Speaker 3: a dependent, which outweighed the cost of me using a room.

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Speaker 3: I also think the people who know them stopped praising

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Speaker 3: them for being such kind and caring people and for

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Speaker 3: taking me in since enough time had passed since I

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Speaker 3: moved in. So am I the a hole in this

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Speaker 3: situation or maybe asked for too much of them?

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Speaker 2: Or are they in the wrong here.

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Speaker 4: I want to tell my brother he's adopted, but my

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Speaker 4: parents will go no contact If I.

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Speaker 2: Do, parents or brother, Which one do you pick? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Just make a pros and consos real quick.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I'm twenty six years old and I don't live with

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Speaker 4: my parents, but had a great relationship with him as

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Speaker 4: well with my little brother Moses. Moses doesn't have a

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Speaker 4: great relationship with their parents. He's never really had a

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Speaker 4: relationship with them. I don't fully understand why. From what

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Speaker 4: I can gather from my research, adopted children, even those

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Speaker 4: who were too young to remember, can still have mental

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Speaker 4: blocks and trauma which prevents them from forming full relationships

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Speaker 4: with their adoptive parents.

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Speaker 2: It's interesting I was not aware of that.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Classic Advice fifty one

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Speaker 4: to fifteen. Our Slashowkay Storytime suff read him. So Moses

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Speaker 4: is thirteen years old and we're so close. He spends

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Speaker 4: most of his weekends at my house. His school breaks

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Speaker 4: up for summer in a week. He's already told me

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Speaker 4: he will to spend the first fortnight with me at

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Speaker 4: my house, something our parents don't care about. When he's home.

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Speaker 4: It's like constant fighting between them. I'm sure some of

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Speaker 4: it is his teenage hormones, and possibly some of it

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Speaker 4: is what I spoke about before.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but you definitely got a lot of teenage hormones

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Speaker 3: at thirteen, definitely.

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Speaker 4: I was almost fifteen when Moses came to live with us,

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Speaker 4: and I remember our parents explained to me why it

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Speaker 4: was important to keep the adoption a secret. Didn't want

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Speaker 4: him to feel different, didn't want him to feel bullied,

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Speaker 4: et cetera. At the same time, it seems sensible, so

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Speaker 4: I agreed to that, capt to a secret. I feel

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Speaker 4: really regretful that I did. Moses talks to me about

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Speaker 4: feeling different from the rest of the family, and I

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Speaker 4: would reply with things like, no, it's normal to feel

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Speaker 4: that way when you're young, et cetera, which looking back,

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Speaker 4: I can recognize as almost gaslining him, something I truly

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Speaker 4: feel guilty about. I never questioned it, not until about

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Speaker 4: two years ago when I started to unpack it in

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Speaker 4: my mind. But if I am completely honest, I feel guilty,

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Speaker 4: and so I repressed it, but it kept coming back up.

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Speaker 4: I did some research into adoption and the trauma it

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Speaker 4: can give children, Like I said, those who can't even

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Speaker 4: remember being adopted. I have no expertise in psychology. I

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00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,560
Speaker 4: don't claim to be an expert, but this is just

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Speaker 4: what I have gathered from my own research. On one hand,

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Speaker 4: telling him could make his relationship with our parents even

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Speaker 4: worse than it is. On the other, I feel like

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Speaker 4: it can be hidden from him forever, not successfully. I

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Speaker 4: don't want to fool myself into thinking it could make

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Speaker 4: their relationship better, but I don't see how it could.

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Speaker 4: It would give him the satisfaction in knowing he isn't

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Speaker 4: crazy or for feeling different. The more I thought about it,

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Speaker 4: the more I start to resent my parents for forcing

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Speaker 4: me in this role of lying to Moses. I started

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Speaker 4: to avoid contact with him to the point they noticed

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Speaker 4: I spoke about how I felt, and they told me

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Speaker 4: I can't tell Moses and it will make everything worse

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Speaker 4: for him.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean for real, Like you, you've put yourself

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Speaker 3: in an unwinnable position now, like, no matter what you do,

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Speaker 3: it's like it might not work out for the best.

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Speaker 4: Like, yeah, but the true I always feel like the

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Speaker 4: hard thing to do is always the right thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean from the very beginning they should have Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I mean, as soon as he was old enough to

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Speaker 3: understand it, they should have been like, okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you're you're adopted.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. As soon as he.

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Speaker 2: Started putting out like the I feel different, Like.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, come on, they said, if I tell him, they

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Speaker 4: will go no contact with me and make it incredibly

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Speaker 4: difficult for me to have contact with Moses.

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Speaker 2: Boo boo these people.

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Speaker 4: Is telling him the right thing to do? Or am

256
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Speaker 4: I just being selfish? I feel like I'm lying all

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Speaker 4: the time now and we have a freaking update. We're

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Speaker 4: telling him.

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Speaker 3: We tell him immediately, yep, we tell him right away

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00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:17,959
Speaker 3: like people. People deserve to live in reality. Yep, especially

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Speaker 3: if they are people you care about. And I understand

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00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,440
Speaker 3: the parents have the right to tell him, Moses. And

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Speaker 3: if they came to and said, hey, we want to

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Speaker 3: wait until he's eighteen to actually tell him, give me

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Speaker 3: a game plan.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but this is his brother.

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Speaker 3: This is his brother, So does he not have equal

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Speaker 3: you know, sort of I mean maybe not equal, but.

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Speaker 4: I mean they picked him out, op, didn't.

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Speaker 2: We didn't they you you weren't at the dog pound

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Speaker 2: with us when we picked him out. Oh, you don't

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Speaker 2: get to say no, it's just not right.

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Speaker 3: It's as soon as he himself started saying I feel

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Speaker 3: different from everybody, that's when it should be like, all right,

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Speaker 3: cause you are. Yeah, it's like you don't want him

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Speaker 3: to feel like he's like, we don't want him to

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Speaker 3: feel different. It's like, news flash, he already does so well,

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Speaker 3: now you need to make him feel correct.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Before telling him, I got in contact with my friend

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Speaker 4: who is a social worker. I asked him, what if

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Speaker 4: my brother decided to live with me against my parents' wishes,

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Speaker 4: what would social services do? He told me, because Moses

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Speaker 4: was at an awkward age of thirteen, it would be

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Speaker 4: a toss up on whether they would listen to my

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Speaker 4: brother and allow him to stay, or whether they would

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00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,480
Speaker 4: force him to move back with our parents. I was

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Speaker 4: advised at parental responsibilities, so if they really pushed, he

289
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,920
Speaker 4: wouldn't be moved back. But if the social worker felt

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Speaker 4: he was in any way unsafe, For example, Moses, saying

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Speaker 4: he would run away if brought back home. They would

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Speaker 4: be likely to leave him living with me temporarily, So

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Speaker 4: it was a toss up. But Moses could do some swindling.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you just discussed with Moses.

295
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Speaker 3: You're like, this is how we swindle CPS to let

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Speaker 3: you live with me, and.

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Speaker 4: You have to sign this NDA contract not to explain

298
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Speaker 4: that to the mom or dad. For twelve million dollars,

299
00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:03,120
Speaker 4: I to get my parents a final chance tell him

300
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Speaker 4: the truth or I will. They told me that in

301
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,040
Speaker 4: no uncertain terms, will they ever tell him he's adopted,

302
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,400
Speaker 4: and if I do, they will go no contact with me.

303
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,000
Speaker 4: I said, I would rather they tell him, but I

304
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,680
Speaker 4: don't want to be the one to tell him. But

305
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:19,000
Speaker 4: I believe he has the right to know. They outright refused.

306
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,960
Speaker 4: Moses normally walks home from school, so instead yesterday I

307
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,800
Speaker 4: went to pick him up. I told him we needed

308
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,840
Speaker 4: to talk. I said that mom and dad weren't going

309
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,400
Speaker 4: to like what I tell him this, but I believe

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00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,040
Speaker 4: he had a right to know. I explained to him

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Speaker 4: the whole thing.

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00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,760
Speaker 3: Wow, I mean, he he does have a right to know.

313
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,040
Speaker 3: Like you can you can make like a call on

314
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,640
Speaker 3: whether or not it would be beneficial for him to

315
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,080
Speaker 3: know it right. But once he gets to like thirteen,

316
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,800
Speaker 3: and he's like, I feel different, Like you need to

317
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Speaker 3: tell him.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, how he was adopted when he was around one

319
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,680
Speaker 4: and a half. How I didn't know that much about

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00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,520
Speaker 4: his background or where he was before he lived. Thus,

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Speaker 4: I told him I was fifteen at the time, and

322
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,400
Speaker 4: how mom and dad told me it would be best

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Speaker 4: for you not to know, and how I stupidly believed him.

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Speaker 4: I said, if he was angry at me, I understood.

325
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Speaker 4: I said I would take him home if he wanted.

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Speaker 4: He was curly in shock, but he asked to come

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Speaker 4: to my house. He didn't speak at all on the

328
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,600
Speaker 4: drive home. When we got to my place, he just

329
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,200
Speaker 4: went into his room and was quiet. I was worried,

330
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,160
Speaker 4: was it sure if I had done the right thing.

331
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,440
Speaker 4: He came out maybe an hour later and just asked

332
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,360
Speaker 4: me so many questions. I tried my best to answer them,

333
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,680
Speaker 4: but I told him I didn't know a lot. I

334
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,160
Speaker 4: said I would support him in asking mom and dad.

335
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,800
Speaker 4: He said he didn't want to talk to him. He

336
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 4: sent a text to them saying he was staying on

337
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:42,320
Speaker 4: my house for the weekend, something he normally does. Wasn't unusual.

338
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,520
Speaker 4: We put on a film and things were a little tense,

339
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,960
Speaker 4: but honestly, I expected more from him. He was so quiet.

340
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,120
Speaker 4: He went to bed early, and I was worried. I

341
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,160
Speaker 4: checked up on him every ninety minutes. I bet opeik

342
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:53,840
Speaker 4: an't even sleep.

343
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Speaker 3: No, I op kane. I would be completely I'd be like,

344
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,000
Speaker 3: did I just accidentally ruin my brother's life?

345
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,040
Speaker 4: Yeah. This morning he was a bit more back to

346
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,240
Speaker 4: his normal self. He said he was thankful that I

347
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,160
Speaker 4: told him. I asked him what he wanted to do.

348
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,680
Speaker 4: I would support him in whatever he chose. If he

349
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,160
Speaker 4: wanted to confront Mom and Dad, I would support him.

350
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,040
Speaker 4: But if he wanted to stay here, he could as

351
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,360
Speaker 4: long as he wanted to. He said he just wanted

352
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,840
Speaker 4: to process everything. I asked if he had spoken to

353
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:23,120
Speaker 4: Mom or Dad, and he said beyond saying he was here.

354
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:23,520
Speaker 5: No.

355
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,680
Speaker 4: We played Fortnite together all day and he hasn't brought

356
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,080
Speaker 4: it up again. But he's acting like a weight has

357
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,720
Speaker 4: been lifted off of his shoulders. I thought this would

358
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,560
Speaker 4: be sad news to him, but it seems like he's relieved.

359
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,440
Speaker 4: He's in better sleep now. I'm worried about our parents

360
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,480
Speaker 4: are going to react, But equally, I am glad Moses

361
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,640
Speaker 4: now knows the truth. I'm glad that things seem to

362
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,360
Speaker 4: be working out. Okay, I hope they continue. We have

363
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:47,240
Speaker 4: a second update.

364
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,520
Speaker 2: Oh, second update. I bet you it's not a good one.

365
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:51,480
Speaker 4: Okay.

366
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 3: I feel like it'll be good for Moses, but maybe

367
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,760
Speaker 3: not for the parents because they're gonna get upset.

368
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I understand he's not really had a good

369
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,000
Speaker 4: relationship with the parents, but well, let's like this does

370
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,720
Speaker 4: change Moses and he's able to have a good relationship

371
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,760
Speaker 4: with him. He's like, hey, guys, I am mad. He

372
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,800
Speaker 4: didn't tell me that. I didn't know, but I mean,

373
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,520
Speaker 4: I know he is thirteen. But let's say like he

374
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,840
Speaker 4: takes it really well. The parents are like, oh, we

375
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:13,800
Speaker 4: were scared over nothing.

376
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,199
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I feel like that's exactly what it's gonna be.

377
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,040
Speaker 3: Like He's he's probably gonna be I don't think it's

378
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,359
Speaker 3: exactly gonna be like parents are gonna be mad at ope, yep,

379
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:26,000
Speaker 3: and really worried about Moses, and then Moses is gonna

380
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,760
Speaker 3: be like, I mean, I don't even think Moses gonna

381
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,400
Speaker 3: be mad he's just gonna be like, I get where

382
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,399
Speaker 3: you were coming from, but like, honestly, I I'm so

383
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:33,520
Speaker 3: glad that I know the truth.

384
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

385
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,200
Speaker 3: And then once he says that, I feel like maybe

386
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:40,879
Speaker 3: they'll relent their their rage directed at Ope.

387
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,560
Speaker 4: They won't go no contact if Moses seems to be okay.

388
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,600
Speaker 3: Exactly, once they realize like, Okay, this is actually probably

389
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,520
Speaker 3: a great benefit, Like they might just be like thanks

390
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,200
Speaker 3: for telling him.

391
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,280
Speaker 2: We were never gonna do that.

392
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, we didn't know how he was gonna take it.

393
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:53,600
Speaker 2: Oh.

394
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,960
Speaker 4: I wanted to give an update on these situations since

395
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 4: it was my last post. First Off, thank you to everyone.

396
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,440
Speaker 4: After I told Moses true, I was really worried about

397
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 4: how we would process everything and what it would mean

398
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 4: for our relationship and his relationship with our parents moving forward.

399
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,920
Speaker 4: Moses stayed with me the whole weekend and I tried

400
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,760
Speaker 4: to maintain a sense of normality. I could tell he

401
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,280
Speaker 4: was processing everything, but thankfully he seemed to be relieved

402
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:19,280
Speaker 4: to know the truth. Yesterday night we had a conversation.

403
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,119
Speaker 4: He told me about how he always felt different and

404
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,520
Speaker 4: out of place and never really understood why. He said,

405
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:27,199
Speaker 4: knowing his adopted gave him a sense of clarity. He

406
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,920
Speaker 4: said he was unsure how he feels about our parents.

407
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,760
Speaker 4: I'm trying to support him without pushing him in one direction.

408
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 4: Moses asked me to tell our parents I had told

409
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,800
Speaker 4: him yesterday. Honestly, I didn't want them to know yet,

410
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,720
Speaker 4: but I'm following what he wants.

411
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:40,120
Speaker 2: Well.

412
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,480
Speaker 4: They pardiculably did not take the news well, the normal

413
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,520
Speaker 4: of them being furious and accusing me of betraying them

414
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 4: and purposely ruining their relationship because I was just jealous.

415
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,439
Speaker 4: I wanted to say they were doing fine at ruining

416
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:57,359
Speaker 4: their relationship without me, but I bit my tongue and

417
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 4: I told them it was the right thing to do,

418
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,480
Speaker 4: but they in it. Listen. They kept saying that keeping

419
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,400
Speaker 4: the adoption a secret was the best way to protect Moses,

420
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 4: and that revealing the truth would only harm him in

421
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,879
Speaker 4: distabling the family. I told them that Moses already had

422
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 4: a sense that was something was off and continuing the

423
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 4: lie would not do anything but deep in his sense

424
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,000
Speaker 4: of alienation. And you will never be amilated. Every weekday

425
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 4: at three PPSD when you tap our profile and join

426
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,560
Speaker 4: us on YouTube live.

427
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:26,440
Speaker 2: That's correct.

428
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:31,360
Speaker 4: During the argument, something one of the commoners said, started

429
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 4: to nag at me. I asked them directly if I

430
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,600
Speaker 4: was also adopted, and it was like they froze.

431
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 2: No way.

432
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 4: They didn't say anything for a good thirty seconds, and

433
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,639
Speaker 4: when they did, they just dismissed what I said. But

434
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,359
Speaker 4: I could feel something was different. I'm considering taking a

435
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 4: DNA test to put my mind at ease, but I

436
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,920
Speaker 4: don't know if that's the right thing to do right

437
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,640
Speaker 4: now when it should be focusing on Moses.

438
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 3: No, dude, that's definitely the right thing to do. Get

439
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 3: you and Moses a DNA test right now.

440
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 4: Like immediately today, Moses tried to go home after school.

441
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,440
Speaker 4: Our parents locked the doors and would let him in.

442
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 2: What is wrong with these people, dude?

443
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 4: They ignored him knocking on the doors and have also

444
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,919
Speaker 4: ignored his text messages to him. He came back to

445
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 4: my place clearly upset and confused. Moses is such a

446
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,359
Speaker 4: good kid that I think he was willing just to

447
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 4: move on, but now they've locked him out and he

448
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 4: feels incredibly hurt and rejected. But I can't understand why

449
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 4: they would do that to him. I can't understand them

450
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,280
Speaker 4: doing it to me, but not him. These people have

451
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,679
Speaker 4: gone off the rock or the story.

452
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:34,360
Speaker 2: The story.

453
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,120
Speaker 4: I'm checking to see if there's there's gotta be more

454
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 4: what we got. You gotta see these d This is beautiful,

455
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,360
Speaker 4: that's at story.

456
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 2: It's insanity.

457
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,439
Speaker 4: Crap, Dude.

458
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,720
Speaker 3: I refused to let my adopted son choose the movie.

459
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:55,119
Speaker 2: My wife is furious.

460
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,639
Speaker 4: Like Big Brother or Cinderella.

461
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, who knows.

462
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,679
Speaker 3: We're gonna have to figure out exactly what movie it was.

463
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 3: I forty five male, have four sons, three biological seventeen,

464
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:08,159
Speaker 3: fifteen and twelve Mail, and one adopted thirteen Mail. We

465
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 3: adopted Jake when he was three years old. He came

466
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 3: from a really difficult background, and we've always tried to

467
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 3: give him as much love and support as possible. But

468
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,120
Speaker 3: if I'm being honest, it hasn't been easy. By the way,

469
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 3: this comes from user Dazzling Pumpkin ninety four hundred on

470
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 3: the r slash Okay storytime separated it. So, Jake has

471
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 3: always been more of a challenge compared to my other boys.

472
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 3: He's extremely sensitive and gets upset over the smallest things

473
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 3: due to the trauma he experienced early on. Jake is

474
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 3: mentally and emotionally more like an eight or nine year old,

475
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 3: even though he's thirteen. This isn't because of any special needs.

476
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 3: It's just the result of what he's been through. When

477
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,199
Speaker 3: he was younger, he struggled a lot in school, to

478
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,120
Speaker 3: the point where he was eventually expelled from his primary

479
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 3: school for behavioral issues. It was a really tough time

480
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 3: for our family. We ended up enrolling him in a social,

481
00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 3: emotional and mental health school, which costs around seventy thousand

482
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 3: pounds per year.

483
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,399
Speaker 4: Eighty seven thousand dollars.

484
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 3: While the school has helped him somewhat, Jake still causes

485
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,399
Speaker 3: a lot of problems. The school often calls us because

486
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 3: Jake's had a meltdown or couldn't handle something, and it's

487
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 3: clear he needs a lot more attention than our other kids.

488
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 2: At home.

489
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 3: Jake's neediness can be overwhelming. He's constantly seeking reassurance and

490
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 3: gets upset if things don't go exactly his way. My

491
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 3: wife has always been very patient with him, maybe too

492
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 3: patient in my opinion. She tends to cater to his

493
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 3: needs a lot more than the other boys, and I

494
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 3: can see it starting to wear on them. I can

495
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 3: tell they're starting to feel like Jake gets special treatment.

496
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 3: It's kind of like a reverse of the typical right

497
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 3: where it's like the adopted child is getting special treatment

498
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 3: and the biological children are like, hey, how come you

499
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 3: love the adopted kids so much? Yea, when I feel

500
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,160
Speaker 3: like it's usually the opposite, this is interesting. I mean, hey,

501
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 3: he'll probably grow out of it, right, He just needs time.

502
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 3: He just needs time and care.

503
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,159
Speaker 4: Also, wonder why he is acting like this.

504
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 2: Oh, trauma, trauma. It's it always goes back to trauma, folks.

505
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 3: Earlier today, during our usual Saturday family movie night, this

506
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,919
Speaker 3: issue came to a head. We always vote on the

507
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 3: movie to keep things fair. The older boys and I

508
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 3: wanted to watch the first Avengers movie. When we voted,

509
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,160
Speaker 3: Jake was the only one who wanted to watch Spider

510
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,119
Speaker 3: Verse instead. Jake loves Spider Verse and we've watched it

511
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 3: several times before. Seeing how upset Jake was getting, my

512
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 3: wife suggested that we just watch Spider Verse to avoid

513
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:31,120
Speaker 3: a meltdown.

514
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 2: No, but you can't do that.

515
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 4: Can't keep doing that.

516
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,360
Speaker 2: Nah, you can't do that.

517
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 4: It's dangerous.

518
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 2: Then they just have meltdown anytime they want what they want.

519
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:40,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

520
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 3: She felt it wasn't worth the fight and wanted to

521
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:43,440
Speaker 3: keep the peace.

522
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 2: Especially considering how sensitive Jake is.

523
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 3: But I felt like it wasn't fair to the other

524
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 3: boys who had won the vote fairly. I said, no,

525
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 3: we're sticking to the movie that won the vote. Jake predictably,

526
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 3: got really upset, stormed off to his room, and refused

527
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 3: to come back downstairs. After the movie, my wife and

528
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 3: I had a huge argument. She said I was being

529
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 3: too harsh and that I don't understand how difficult things

530
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 3: are for Jake because of his past. She thinks I

531
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 3: should have just let him have his way to avoid

532
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,239
Speaker 3: the conflict. But I'm tired of walking on eggshells and

533
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 3: constantly giving in to Jake at the expense of the

534
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 3: other boys.

535
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, can't be at the expense of the other kids. No,

536
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 4: absolutely not.

537
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 2: And he's and this is feels like it's a learned behavior.

538
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 3: Jake at this point has learned that if he throws

539
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 3: a tantrum, he'll get what he wants. He gets what

540
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:33,120
Speaker 3: he wants, and if he just doesn't relent, he will

541
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 3: always win.

542
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what it sounds like he's learned.

543
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 3: I don't think it's right to let Jake dictate everything

544
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 3: just because he's more sensitive. Am I the a hole

545
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 3: for not letting my adopted son choose the movie on

546
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 3: family movie night, even though it upset him and led

547
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 3: to a huge argument with my wife.

548
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:51,960
Speaker 2: Let's decide, Uh.

549
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 4: No, you're not here.

550
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 2: I say no.

551
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 4: I understand that Jake is probably going through a lot

552
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 4: more than your other boys, and maybe I would. You know,

553
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 4: I'm a about seeking a professional to understand that. But

554
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 4: if you like let this behavior continue, they're not going

555
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 4: to be functioning adults because his parents, like my parents

556
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 4: always taught me, my mom maybe do laundry at ten.

557
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 3: You you got to find the right opportunity to like

558
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 3: have these life lessons.

559
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:19,479
Speaker 2: This is like a perfect one.

560
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, because she's like, you're not gonna live here all

561
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 4: the time. I can't be doing new laundry all the time, right,

562
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 4: So I had a lesson to that learn how to

563
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,919
Speaker 4: do laundry, because you're gonna need to know that lesson.

564
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 3: You don't always get to pick the movie because he

565
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 3: didn't win the vote.

566
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 4: Also, give Avengers a chance. There's a great movie.

567
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 2: Yeah it's not bad.

568
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 3: But let's get into this update. Not bad, Well, I mean,

569
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 3: yeah it's not bad. Hi all, This is an update

570
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 3: post I made about four months ago. For full context,

571
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 3: you might want to check out the original post. After

572
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 3: reading through your comments and taking some time to reflect,

573
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 3: I came to realize I've been too harsh on Jake,

574
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 3: not just regarding the movie night incident, but in general.

575
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 3: Jake has had a difficult journey since he joined our family,

576
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 3: but that's not his fault. When we chose to adopt him,

577
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 3: we committed to supporting him through every challenge. He didn't

578
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,719
Speaker 3: choose his trauma, and he certainly didn't choose to end

579
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 3: up in a family where he might feel different from

580
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 3: his siblings. That responsibility lies with us. We've made a

581
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 3: few changes, starting with family movie night. Instead of voting,

582
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:14,679
Speaker 3: which often left Jake feeling excluded, we've switched to a

583
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,919
Speaker 3: rotation where each person takes a turn picking the movie.

584
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 3: This simple change has removed a lot of the tension

585
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 3: and has made movie night feel more inclusive for everyone.

586
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 2: Honestly, that's such a good idea. I can't believe about that.

587
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 2: I love that.

588
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

589
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 2: Just remove the vote, Yeah, just let there's no vote.

590
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 4: You're choosing dictatorship.

591
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I honestly can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.

592
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 3: Thank you to everyone who suggested it. In hindsight, I

593
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,679
Speaker 3: realized my original post felt more like a venting session,

594
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 3: and I regret the way that I spoke about Jake.

595
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 3: I needed to get those feelings out, But now I

596
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,359
Speaker 3: understand it wasn't fair to talk about him in that way,

597
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 3: even anonymously.

598
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 2: Did we really whiff on that? Dang? Do we miss

599
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 2: do not catch us? We missed that entirely. Dany?

600
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 4: Wow?

601
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:54,879
Speaker 2: Do we hate adopted children?

602
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 4: I guess we're both to get rept of shreds right now.

603
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:58,719
Speaker 2: We hate adopted people?

604
00:26:58,840 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 4: I guess.

605
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 2: I guess. I guess that's it.

606
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 4: Dang, just because of a movie?

607
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 2: Man, Wow, he was just venting.

608
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,360
Speaker 4: He was just vincing. We see where he's coming from.

609
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 4: We weren't saying anyone was bad.

610
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what, you know what.

611
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,360
Speaker 4: I stand by everything I said. I didn't say Jake

612
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 4: was bad. I didn't say that Dad was bad. I

613
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:17,440
Speaker 4: was just like, stand up.

614
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:19,159
Speaker 3: I think the only thing we were saying is like,

615
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 3: you can't just let a kid have anything they want

616
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 3: when they throw a tantrum, because.

617
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 2: They can.

618
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 4: I stand by everything I say, you know what, I

619
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:29,680
Speaker 4: don't care.

620
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 2: But it's also trauma oriented.

621
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, but still, even with that, I said, secret for us,

622
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:38,160
Speaker 3: he can't. Since then, I've started journaling to work through

623
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 3: my emotions privately and with a clearer head. I'm really

624
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 3: grateful for the wake up call your comments provided. One

625
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:48,119
Speaker 3: point raised repeatedly in the comments was the glass child concept,

626
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 3: the idea that our other boys might feel overlooked because

627
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 3: of Jake's needs. That really hit home for me. To

628
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,400
Speaker 3: address this, we started a new Sunday tradition. Each Sunday,

629
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 3: I take one of our boys out for a full day,

630
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 3: just the two of us, doing something that he chooses.

631
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 3: It's been great for all of us and has given

632
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,159
Speaker 3: me precious one on one time with each of my sons.

633
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 3: My relationship with them feels stronger, and it's something I

634
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 3: look forward to every week. Jake and I also had

635
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 3: a long heart to heart after my original post, opened

636
00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:18,080
Speaker 3: up about feeling like his opinions and wants don't matter

637
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 3: and that he sometimes believes I.

638
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,200
Speaker 2: Love my other boys more.

639
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 4: Oh No.

640
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 3: Hearing that broke my heart, and I took responsibility for

641
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 3: my role in making him feel this way. His early

642
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 3: trauma definitely impacts his sense of security, but I can't

643
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 3: ignore that my own behavior contributed to it as well.

644
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,479
Speaker 3: I'm committed to showing him that he's just as valued

645
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 3: and loved as his brothers. And by the way, I

646
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 3: would value and love you if you joined us every

647
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 3: weekday at three PMPST when we go live on YouTube,

648
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 3: all you gotta do is tap our profile and then

649
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 3: maybe tap it again. You might have to tap it twice,

650
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 3: maybe tap it and then tap it again.

651
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 4: This story is so wholesome.

652
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 2: I love it. Yeah.

653
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 4: I like that everyone sharing their feelings, and I feel

654
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 4: like when more people share where they're coming from, we

655
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 4: get clarity of where everybody's at.

656
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 3: I feel like it's this started as like maybe a

657
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 3: little VENTI just being like.

658
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 2: Oh, my my thirteen year old daughter is so hard.

659
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 3: To deal with, And now he's like when I have

660
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 3: a game plan and my life is uh, my relationship

661
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 3: with all of my children are stronger than it's been.

662
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, So I just kinda have vince sash and

663
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 4: get ideas from other people. This is what this is

664
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 4: how beautiful it can turn out to be.

665
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 3: Sometimes sometimes Internet is just a beautiful little place.

666
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,479
Speaker 4: Yeah, and lots of times it's not.

667
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so so let's make sure it is by

668
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,960
Speaker 3: finishing this story off. Finally, some people asked about therapy.

669
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 3: Jake's been on the waiting list for a more specialized

670
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 3: therapist for a while now, well before I made the

671
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 3: original post.

672
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 2: In the meantime, he.

673
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 3: Does receive some therapy through his school and general therapy

674
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 3: through child and Adolescent Mental Health services, which helps, but

675
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 3: we know he'll benefit much more once he has a

676
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 3: consistent access to a trauma informed therapist. We're hopeful this

677
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 3: will come through soon. Thanks again to everyone who shared

678
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,959
Speaker 3: insights and advice. These changes have made a huge difference

679
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 3: in our family's dynamics, and I feel closer to all

680
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 3: my sons. I'm working every day to be a better

681
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 3: parent to Jake and a more balanced dad for all

682
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 3: of our kids.

683
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 2: Wow.

684
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 4: That was nice.

685
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 2: I love that.

686
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 3: Love it when somebody is willing to put in the

687
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 3: work and they're not afraid of therapy.

688
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 2: They see it as a positive and he's putting in

689
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 2: the work.

690
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 4: Putting it in guys, nice, beautiful, congrats And that's the

691
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 4: end of that story.

692
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 2: Hey's John Og host.

693
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 6: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick free.

694
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 2: Minute break of ads from our sponsors.

695
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 6: I tried to reconnect with my mom for years. She

696
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 6: never reciprocated, so I'm cutting her off.

697
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 5: Cut her off.

698
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 6: Hi, everybody, I've listened to stories for quite some time,

699
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 6: but this is my first post. I've debated with myself

700
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 6: for years about keeping my mom and my life or

701
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 6: if I'm making the right decision to keep my distance

702
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 6: and essentially go no contact. I thirty one female, have

703
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 6: had an extremely complicated relationship with my mom as far

704
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 6: as I can remember. To put it into a bit

705
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 6: of perspective, my parents had divorced when I was about seven,

706
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 6: and it was extremely toxic and continued to be toxic

707
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 6: into my teenage years. By the way, this comes from

708
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 6: Silent Love three sixteen on the Okay Storytime Separated. So

709
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 6: I've always grown up as a daddy's girl, bonded with

710
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 6: him the most, enjoyed talking with him the most, wasn't

711
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,719
Speaker 6: afraid to tell my thoughts or worries, and most importantly,

712
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 6: it was extremely rare for us to get into spats

713
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 6: or disagreements until I was college age. That's pretty impressive

714
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 6: any who. My relationship with my mom, on the other hand,

715
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,480
Speaker 6: we were always arguing. She was very controlling and made

716
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 6: me feel very isolated. An example of this is when

717
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 6: we used to live in an apartment building. I would

718
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 6: go outside in the yard to play with a few

719
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 6: kids my age who also lived there. It was always

720
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 6: required of me to carry a walkie talkie and I

721
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 6: had to reply within a moment's notice and always stay

722
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 6: within view of the kitchen window of our apartment. If

723
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 6: I went out of you at all, even when I

724
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 6: was an older child and more responsible and sensible, I

725
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 6: would get in massive trouble and ground it. Another instance

726
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 6: is I had gotten into a horrible fight with her

727
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 6: at one point when I was around eight to nine

728
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 6: about what. I don't remember anymore, but it started with

729
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 6: my door not being taken off so I couldn't go

730
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 6: to my room and lock myself in for space. Then

731
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 6: it escalated to completely removing my door. When that still

732
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 6: didn't work, she took away all of the lights in

733
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 6: my room when she knew I was very afraid of

734
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 6: the dark at that point in my life. Your mom

735
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 6: sounds horrible. I was so scared to sleep and cried

736
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 6: for a light, but she refused to give one back.

737
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 5: What is going on here?

738
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 6: Literally a nightmare? Even into my teenage years, I wasn't

739
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 6: allowed on the computer unless she typed in the passpord

740
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 6: refused to share it with me and was watching me

741
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 6: from behind. I also was not allowed to have a

742
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 6: key to the apartment. Ever, if I missed the bus

743
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 6: to school, which rarely happened, I had no way of

744
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 6: getting back in and had to wait outside the door.

745
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 6: The worst instance is one thing that the courts mandated

746
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 6: after divorce was that I go to therapy. The therapist

747
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,240
Speaker 6: deemed that I apparently had anger issues and depression, and

748
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 6: even though I was told anything I talked to them

749
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 6: about was in confidence, it wasn't.

750
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 5: I wonder where this stemmed from.

751
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 6: But that's a whole other problem. Well, they deemed I

752
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 6: needed to go on antidepressants. My family doctor at the

753
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 6: time had warned my parents that the medication would have

754
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 6: a very negative effect on me and to not take it. Well,

755
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 6: of course, my mother forced me to take it. I

756
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 6: begged her to stop making me. I hated it and

757
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 6: it made me feel bad, but did she listen.

758
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 5: No.

759
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 6: Within about a month, it made me so incredibly sick

760
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 6: that I ended up in the emergency room. Your dad

761
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 6: needs to get full custody of you, because this is crazy.

762
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 5: What is going on? She started off like Daddad's.

763
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 6: Great my mom is a psychopath nightmare fuel No. Only

764
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 6: then did the hammer come down about axing those meds. Sorry,

765
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 6: that was a long one, but that's just a few

766
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 6: small examples of many to explain why we don't get along.

767
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 5: Those were the small examples. Those were the small ones.

768
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,240
Speaker 6: We started at taking your door, and then you were

769
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 6: in the hospital.

770
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 5: Take away the lights and give you trauma because you're

771
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 5: scared of the dark.

772
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 6: When I graduated high school and was off to college,

773
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 6: my mama told me that she was moving since there

774
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 6: was no reason for her to stay there anymore. I

775
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,800
Speaker 6: offered to help her pack, and she was moving to

776
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 6: the same state as her brother, who was helping her move.

777
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 6: I had asked where exactly she was going, what's her

778
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,760
Speaker 6: new address? She refused to tell me. I was shocked.

779
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 6: I asked my uncle where she is moving to, and

780
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 6: he told me my mom had told him not to

781
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 6: tell me. I was completely blindsided and extremely hurt. She

782
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 6: ultimately left the state and I was left completely clueless

783
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,720
Speaker 6: where she left for. I really started to distance myself

784
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 6: from her after that, and especially since I was grown

785
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,840
Speaker 6: and wasn't forced to be with her via court custody.

786
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 6: We hardly talked much for a few years, but fast

787
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:48,399
Speaker 6: forward to seven years later. We have the occasional text

788
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 6: to each other, but we never got into personal topics

789
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 6: or conversations. Basic questions, basic topics. In twenty twenty one,

790
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 6: my now husband and I were planning our white dress wedding.

791
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 6: We have already been legally married for two years, but

792
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 6: I've always dreamed of having a big wedding with friends

793
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 6: and family and a gorgeous dress like most girls dream of.

794
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 6: Please note, for our twenty nineteen legal wedding, both my

795
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 6: husband's parents and my dad and stepmom were all there

796
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:17,800
Speaker 6: for us that day. My mom wasn't invited and didn't

797
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:21,120
Speaker 6: even know about it. Yeah, it makes sense. She's basically

798
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 6: cut herself out of your life. She mistreated you your

799
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:25,880
Speaker 6: whole childhood, and then she left and didn't tell you

800
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 6: where she was going. She doesn't deserve to be a

801
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 6: part of your life.

802
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 5: It seemed like she didn't want to be a mom whatsoever.

803
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 6: As the big wedding got closer, I was having a

804
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 6: strong feeling of missing my mom. After so many years

805
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,000
Speaker 6: of hardly communicating and I reached out to her to

806
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 6: see if we could maybe start anew. I should have

807
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:44,840
Speaker 6: known it would have been the same circle of manipulation

808
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 6: as growing up, but I had hope and it blinded me.

809
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 6: I suppose, and there is more to the story, but

810
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 6: really quick, I think it's less about ope he missing

811
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,800
Speaker 6: her mom and more missing you know, what she could

812
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 6: have had with the mom. She wants a mom figure

813
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 6: and she's missing that because she never had.

814
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 5: It exactly, which sucks. I was gonna ask about the

815
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 5: step mom if that ever replaced.

816
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 6: It seems like, I mean, she has a better relationship

817
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 6: with everyone else besides.

818
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 5: Her mom, oh one hundred percent. And she's like the

819
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 5: mom just sucks. Sucks, like she sounds straight out of like.

820
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 6: A yeah, like she's like an evil stepmother. But she's

821
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 6: the mother.

822
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,800
Speaker 5: I don't know why. Oh, maybe it's just the want

823
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 5: or the yearning for a mother.

824
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 6: I think, a desire of Oh maybe she's improved, maybe

825
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 6: you know, maybe this time it'll be different.

826
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 5: H I don't like this mom.

827
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 6: I had invited her to come visit us at her home,

828
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:37,120
Speaker 6: and the first visit actually went really well. Surprisingly, we

829
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 6: hugged and teared up a bit and talked a lot.

830
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 6: Her second visit some months later didn't go very well

831
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 6: at all. My mother in law was also visiting at

832
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 6: the time, and her and I have an extremely good relationship.

833
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 6: She might as well be my real mother, and their

834
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 6: trips overlapped by two or three days. Fast forward a

835
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 6: few awkward days, and my mother in law and mom

836
00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 6: had a one on one talk one night after my

837
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 6: husband and I had gone to sleep. A quick recap

838
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 6: via my mother in law that my mom had admitted

839
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 6: to her that she was very jealous of her relationship

840
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 6: and how close we are You did that you literally.

841
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 5: Left literally how dare you be? Like I'm jealous of

842
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 5: what you guys have You could have had that you

843
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 5: could have had it.

844
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,320
Speaker 6: Mother in law had replied to her that she loves

845
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 6: having me as a daughter in law, and the relationship

846
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 6: I have with my mom is of her doing yes

847
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,280
Speaker 6: mother in law and how she's treated me over the years,

848
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 6: and that if she wants to be close to me

849
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 6: as well, she needs to step up more and be

850
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 6: there in the picture and not disappear. Fast forward another

851
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 6: handful of months later, and it was getting to be

852
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:38,280
Speaker 6: about six months from the wedding and my husband was deployed,

853
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 6: so she had come out for a visit again, just

854
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 6: her and I. I had a lot of questions for her,

855
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 6: but my main and most important topic was asking why

856
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 6: does she refuse to tell me where she lives? I

857
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,800
Speaker 6: still have no clue where she lives at during this time,

858
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,440
Speaker 6: even years later, we were sitting on the couch and

859
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,439
Speaker 6: I brought up the hard topics in a mature way,

860
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 6: keeping calm and collected so we didn't get heated. Do

861
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 6: you know what her response was to my question? I

862
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 6: don't know you well enough and don't trust you to

863
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 6: know my address. Excuse me?

864
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 2: What the f?

865
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 6: This is not a random stranger, this is your daughter.

866
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 5: You were like, I'm jealous of your connection, and you

867
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 5: wonder why you have no connection.

868
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 6: What do you think she's gonna do? Show up and

869
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 6: steal your door? This is crazy. I was absolutely floored.

870
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,880
Speaker 6: Doesn't trust me. I can understand her not knowing me

871
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 6: since we've been strange for so many years, but not

872
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 6: trusting me her daughter and only child. What have I

873
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 6: ever done to make her say that? I've never been

874
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 6: cruel to her or purposely tried to hurt her emotionally

875
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 6: or physically. Was it because I had always been closer

876
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 6: to my dad than to her. I took the answer

877
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 6: and didn't scream or yell, but buried it to process later.

878
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,359
Speaker 6: We ultimately cut her trip short because we were both

879
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 6: frustrated and knew it was time for her to leave good.

880
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 6: I had truly tried to understand her perspective over the

881
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 6: next few months, but I just couldn't. I told her

882
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 6: about how much this had been bothering me and how

883
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 6: hurt I was, but somehow she came back with this

884
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 6: was all my fault for how bad our relationship is

885
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 6: and that she's always been there with open arms. No, No,

886
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 6: she wasn't.

887
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 4: What do you mean you were.

888
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 6: Always there with open arms. She doesn't even know where

889
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 6: you live.

890
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 5: This is all on you.

891
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 6: I've been here the whole time. It's like where you've

892
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 6: been where the whole time? We still don't know.

893
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, you left, and since you were a kid, I

894
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 5: just didn't really give anything about you. I didn't care

895
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,720
Speaker 5: about you. Yeah, send her to the ort cloud.

896
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,839
Speaker 6: Send her to the ort cloud, the cloud you go.

897
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 6: She deserted me and I have no idea where she was.

898
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 6: Once again, I couldn't believe what she was telling me.

899
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 6: I distanced myself a lot more, once again to the

900
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,439
Speaker 6: occasional text message, I think you just need to cut

901
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 6: her off.

902
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:46,839
Speaker 5: She's not worth it.

903
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,240
Speaker 6: She's just not worth it. She's just gonna keep hurting.

904
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 5: You, especially during your wedding time or the preparation. This

905
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,720
Speaker 5: is the last thing you need to stress about.

906
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 6: As the wedding approached, I had decided to uninvite her

907
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:00,720
Speaker 6: from our formal wedding. Good she was welcome to attend

908
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 6: via video to watch the ceremony, and I made that

909
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 6: very clear to her, but she was no longer to

910
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 6: attend in person after how much she's hurt me. There

911
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 6: were other factors that contributed to me uninviting her. She

912
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 6: was getting controlling and trying to bring some man I've

913
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:18,239
Speaker 6: never heard of with her. As one example, she refused

914
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 6: to tell me his name who he was if they

915
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 6: were dating. I literally knew nothing, and it made me uncomfortable.

916
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 6: She also disrespected my RSVP date. She knew about our

917
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,719
Speaker 6: date almost a year in advance. When it came to

918
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 6: a month before the dude date, she kept telling me

919
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,160
Speaker 6: she didn't know if she was coming. Well, you can

920
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:35,440
Speaker 6: make sure that she doesn't.

921
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,759
Speaker 5: Come I'm confused. Op was just like how she was

922
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,240
Speaker 5: being treated by her was like that didn't cross the line.

923
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 5: It was like the other things like crossed the light. No.

924
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 6: I think it's truly just dopia has so much like

925
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 6: hope and longing for this relationship.

926
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 5: I feel like the mother in law and stepmom are

927
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 5: like kind of filling in that void. But it's like

928
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 5: when you really want your own mom. I get it.

929
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,399
Speaker 6: But I kept following up every week, and one day

930
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 6: before the dude, I asked again if she was coming

931
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 6: or not. She still didn't know. I gave her a

932
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 6: one week extension past the RSVP deadline, and she still

933
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:08,920
Speaker 6: wouldn't give me an answer.

934
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:10,759
Speaker 5: Just stop putting effort into it.

935
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 6: I got so frustrated and officially uninvited her at the

936
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,720
Speaker 6: point for her to then come spitting at me about

937
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 6: how dare I put a timeline on her the mother

938
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 6: of the bride. I told her, I don't care who

939
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,759
Speaker 6: you are, You're still a guest and need to respect

940
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 6: me and the rules of the venue. Our wedding happened,

941
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 6: and my mom and I did have a quick one

942
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 6: on one video chat before I put my dress on,

943
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 6: which was nice, but I still felt guarded, and we

944
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 6: kept it short but pleasant. After our wedding, both of

945
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 6: us continued to stay at a distance and were back

946
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 6: to occasional messaging with vague and general topics, never anything

947
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 6: personal in our lives. It hurts that we've gone back

948
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:50,320
Speaker 6: to square one after trying for so long to reconnect

949
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 6: in a healthy way. For years, even when I was

950
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 6: a teen and a young adult, I would ask her

951
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,959
Speaker 6: about her life and things that were going on with her,

952
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 6: but she would always refuse to get give me any

953
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 6: information about her life at all. After trying for years

954
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,399
Speaker 6: to try and get more personal conversations with no reciprocation,

955
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 6: I eventually gave up. Funny how she was always asking

956
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 6: questions about me in my life, but would never answer

957
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,720
Speaker 6: questions I had for her about her life. It needs

958
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 6: to be more than a one way street. And after

959
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 6: years of nothing, I was emotionally exhausted. Would you believe

960
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 6: me if I said she even invited me and my

961
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 6: husband to come visit her over and over again, but

962
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 6: refuse to give us an address to get there.

963
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 5: Wait, why meet me at the random coordinates?

964
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 6: Just like you have to solve this riddle to find me?

965
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 5: Use the power of love to find me.

966
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 6: How does that even make sense? We can't travel to

967
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 6: an unknown destination, which is why the three visits we

968
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,879
Speaker 6: have were always to me and never as to her.

969
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:48,840
Speaker 6: The final straw that broke the camel's back was last

970
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 6: year in twenty twenty three. I had gotten a text

971
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 6: from her saying that she was in the er for COVID,

972
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,279
Speaker 6: but she was back home. Why didn't she tell me

973
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 6: sooner when it happened? I would have been there for her.

974
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 6: She then said her doctor told her to go back

975
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 6: to the er again, but she didn't want to. I

976
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 6: told her she needed to go back what she did.

977
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 6: I didn't want her to dismiss the doctor's opinions and

978
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 6: her health, which she did with op Five days later,

979
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 6: I haven't heard a word from her and asked if

980
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 6: she was out of the hospital, but I didn't get

981
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:18,800
Speaker 6: a reply until the following day with a one worded

982
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 6: reply of yes. I was so incredibly frustrated that I

983
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 6: was left hanging and not knowing if everything was okay.

984
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,720
Speaker 6: I was worried and to only get a one worded answer.

985
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 6: I was at my wits end with not ever being

986
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:36,240
Speaker 6: given any kind of information about her. Her life emergency status. Nothing,

987
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,439
Speaker 6: but we'll give you all the information that you need.

988
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 6: To join us live every weekday at three PMPSD on YouTube.

989
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,320
Speaker 6: Just tap reproval and there is a little bit left.

990
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 6: She just keeps hurting you. I think you just need

991
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 6: to go no contact.

992
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 5: There's no point. I feel like you're just talking to

993
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 5: a brick wall at this point. Is very just like

994
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 5: there's just like no context, there's nothing to talk about.

995
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 5: I feel like the mom has trust issues.

996
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, which is so weird. I can't tell you. It's

997
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 6: a secret. I work for the FBI.

998
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 5: Let's hang out.

999
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 6: You mustn't know where I am. But there is a

1000
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 6: little bit left to the store.

1001
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 5: Okay, let's hear it.

1002
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 6: I finally broke after years of going back and forth

1003
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:14,839
Speaker 6: amidimal contact, to trying to reconnect, to going low contact again,

1004
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 6: just an endless circle of frustration and disappointments. I've grown

1005
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 6: so tired of trying to always be let down or

1006
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,720
Speaker 6: led in the same circle over and over. To this day,

1007
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 6: we haven't talked or reached out to each other. I'm

1008
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 6: just mentally done. I've reached the point where I have

1009
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:32,279
Speaker 6: no intention of telling her our new address. We have

1010
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 6: since moved to a new state, since our wedding, and

1011
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 6: no intention of including her and any future grandchildren. Sometimes

1012
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,760
Speaker 6: I feel so incredibly guilty for how things have gone

1013
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 6: and played out since my childhood, and other times I

1014
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 6: feel relieved to get rid of all that stress and

1015
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 6: constant disappointment. I was in therapy for over a year

1016
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 6: just to try and manage my stress about my mom,

1017
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:57,479
Speaker 6: and I've learned I can't control her actions, only my own.

1018
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 6: But I still struggle sometimes with guilt. Have I given

1019
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 6: up too easily? Am I right to protect my mental

1020
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,320
Speaker 6: health by going low no contact? Or have I pushed

1021
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,880
Speaker 6: things too far? I go back and forth about it

1022
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 6: so much, and it rips me apart inside much of

1023
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:15,959
Speaker 6: the time. So reddit am I the a hole?

1024
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:16,479
Speaker 5: No?

1025
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 6: You need to go no contact with your mom. It's

1026
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,279
Speaker 6: going to be really hard. But I think that this

1027
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 6: wishy washiness is going to hurt you so much more.

1028
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 5: And it hat the fact that you keep coming back,

1029
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 5: even though this's like a little thing like checking on

1030
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 5: like a text. It's just those little things like keep

1031
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,759
Speaker 5: you stuck to that idea. You've had your wits end

1032
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 5: with it. It's not worth it, and you know it's

1033
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 5: not worth it anymore.

1034
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 6: Cut it off. Yeah, but I feel for you, Ope,

1035
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:40,479
Speaker 6: because this really sucks, is really sad.

1036
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 5: The fact that you kept trying and trying and trying

1037
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 5: and wanting. The fact that chat the mom didn't see.

1038
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 6: That, yeah, and blames you. It's just ridiculous. But put

1039
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 6: what you guys in the chat think, oh you should

1040
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:55,319
Speaker 6: do if anything differently going forward. But that is the

1041
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:56,280
Speaker 6: end of that story.

1042
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 5: My manipulative mother try to take over my brother's wedding,

1043
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 5: so they kicked her out.

1044
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 6: Kick her out.

1045
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,880
Speaker 5: So I twenty one, have grown up with a large family.

1046
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 5: I am the second youngest of five and my parents

1047
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:12,759
Speaker 5: are still together. My oldest brother Ben twenty eight, just

1048
00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 5: got married last week. It was a beautiful wedding and

1049
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,799
Speaker 5: I love my sister in law Izzy twenty six. The

1050
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 5: only thing that spoilt the whole day was our mom.

1051
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from user rosso one to

1052
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 5: eleven on the r slash. Okay, storytime suppered it. So

1053
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 5: my mom fifty seven has always had controlling and manupuitive ways.

1054
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 5: She would throw tantrums all the time at all of

1055
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 5: us children if we didn't do exactly what she wanted.

1056
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 5: At the second she wanted it done.

1057
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 6: Just toxic moms left and right.

1058
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 5: Toxic moms, evil mothers, evil mothers. We were expected to

1059
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 5: drop what we were doing and go do what she

1060
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 5: wants before anyone asked no. It was not like doing

1061
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 5: the laundry or washing up dishes. It was more like

1062
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 5: going out to the shops to get her stuff, but

1063
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 5: with our own money. Or she would ban us from

1064
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:02,480
Speaker 5: going out to see our friends. She was barely emotionally

1065
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 5: there for any of us, and things like graduation or

1066
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:09,040
Speaker 5: birthdays were centered around her. For the last few months, Izzy,

1067
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,800
Speaker 5: my sister in law, has kept her wedding dress a secret,

1068
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 5: and she wanted to surprise everyone. However, my mom didn't

1069
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 5: like that and continuously begged for her to show her

1070
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:19,400
Speaker 5: the dress.

1071
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 6: I don't trust her. I feel like she's gonna show

1072
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 6: up in the same dress one percent.

1073
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 5: Every time Izzy refused, very politely, I will add, my

1074
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 5: mom would throw a fit and would yell and scream

1075
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 5: about how it was unfair, rude, belittling.

1076
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:33,760
Speaker 6: What are you a baby?

1077
00:47:34,239 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 5: Also, every chance my mom would get, she would put

1078
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 5: her opinions in every decision that Ben and Izzy made.

1079
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 5: This included the cake, the flavor of the cake, the

1080
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 5: decorations of the cake, the ceremony and where it should

1081
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,800
Speaker 5: be held, the decorations of the venue for the after party,

1082
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 5: what color everyone should be in, what soup Ben should wear,

1083
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 5: and more.

1084
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 2: When she wouldn't get.

1085
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:57,440
Speaker 5: Her way, she would have a meltdown and either scream

1086
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 5: and yell or hysterically sobs. Forward to two weeks ago,

1087
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:05,880
Speaker 5: Izzy came over with my sister and bridesmaid's dresses. They

1088
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 5: were stunning. My mom did her usual act of asking

1089
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 5: about seeing the wedding dress and then throwing a tantrum

1090
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,880
Speaker 5: when Izzy said no. After her tantrum, my mom turned

1091
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 5: her attention to my sister in my dress. She started

1092
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:22,799
Speaker 5: calling them horrific, ugly, and even said she wouldn't be

1093
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 5: caught in them. This obviously upset Izzy, as she had

1094
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 5: been really excited when my sister and I loved them.

1095
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:32,160
Speaker 5: My father then swiftly took our mom away from that situation,

1096
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 5: and Izzy left in tears. Last week, the day before

1097
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 5: the wedding, my mom, Ben, and our two brothers, Dan

1098
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 5: and Harvey, and I went to the wedding venue to

1099
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:46,440
Speaker 5: see everything. However, my mom started ordering the staff to

1100
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 5: fetch her a glass of wine or get her a

1101
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 5: chair because her feet were so sore. The staff couldn't

1102
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 5: bring her wine as all the food and drink will

1103
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 5: be kept for the wedding and not all of it

1104
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 5: had come in yet.

1105
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, where was she getting this glass of wine?

1106
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:03,319
Speaker 5: Just bring your own wine? Byobi. My mom started hysterically

1107
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 5: crying and begged the staff to for wine.

1108
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,560
Speaker 6: I need wine, I need my wine, and my feet sore.

1109
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:16,720
Speaker 5: However, Ben stepped in and said that everything is safer

1110
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 5: tomorrow and that she can have as many glasses as

1111
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 5: she likes, but tomorrow. This backfired on him on the

1112
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 5: wedding days.

1113
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 6: He's literally trying a gentle parent here. I was about

1114
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 6: to say, I was like, that's not a great idea.

1115
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 6: She's allowed to have as much alcohol as she wants,

1116
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 6: and this is her sober.

1117
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:34,399
Speaker 5: I mean, what would you do?

1118
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 6: What would I do? I wouldn't invite her if this

1119
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,279
Speaker 6: was how my mother was acting, I'd be like, you

1120
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 6: can't come.

1121
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 5: Fact that she's throwing temper tantrums literally at anything that

1122
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:49,120
Speaker 5: doesn't just she doesn't want or it doesn't go her way.

1123
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:50,800
Speaker 5: I'd be like, you gotta stop.

1124
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 6: There's no way that she's not gonna have a tantrum

1125
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 6: at the wedding. There's gonna be a tantrum every five minutes.

1126
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 5: At this wedding, especially when you add more.

1127
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 6: You've already promised that she can have as much all

1128
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 6: she wants.

1129
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 5: If she's already like not driven crying with sober.

1130
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:11,319
Speaker 6: This is literally her going like screaming and crying on

1131
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 6: the floor and going last year, last yet I had

1132
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 6: Pino Grizio and he's like, okay, we'll get you another present.

1133
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:19,799
Speaker 6: She's like, I want bety seven Pino Grizios.

1134
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 5: We're getting you Kianti. And she's like, now I would

1135
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,320
Speaker 5: like put my foot down, like if you don't stop,

1136
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 5: you're done. You're not coming to the wedding. And then

1137
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:30,160
Speaker 5: she started start crying and sobbingnymore. But she can cry

1138
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 5: and sob in her room and not in my wedding.

1139
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 5: After her crocodile tears stopped, she started looking at the

1140
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 5: venue's decorations and picked out everything she hated. Oh these

1141
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 5: flowers are dreadful. They look like someone had bled all

1142
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 5: over the room. That was one of her comments of

1143
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:47,359
Speaker 5: the day. We all ignored her comments and helped that

1144
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,680
Speaker 5: staff finish up, Although It was painfully hard to listen

1145
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 5: to my mom burrate the staff and tell them exactly

1146
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:55,840
Speaker 5: where everything should be. If the staff ignored her, she

1147
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 5: would then say I want the best for my baby boy, Benji,

1148
00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:00,399
Speaker 5: so just move that there.

1149
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 6: She only speaks in alliteration.

1150
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 5: We all managed to push through and the day was done. Again.

1151
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:06,840
Speaker 5: This is the day before the wedding.

1152
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 6: She should not come to the wedding, but I know

1153
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 6: she is.

1154
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:11,399
Speaker 5: I'd be like, I'm so stressed though.

1155
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:12,320
Speaker 6: This is the nightmare.

1156
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:16,879
Speaker 5: Obviously our mom Shenanigan's didn't stop there. The wedding day came,

1157
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:20,360
Speaker 5: everyone was ready and the ceremony went smoothly, although I

1158
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:22,480
Speaker 5: could see my mom whisper to one of her friends

1159
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 5: in the audience in giggle whilst pointing at Izzy's dress.

1160
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 6: No stop bullying your daughter.

1161
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:32,360
Speaker 5: During the wedding party, my mom made her loud comments

1162
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 5: about how the venue wasn't decorated properly and Ben and

1163
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 5: Izzy should have listened to her suggestions. Everyone ignored her

1164
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 5: and continued eating and talking, although it did make everything uncomfortable.

1165
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 5: Just imagine your mom just stands up like this wedding sucks.

1166
00:51:46,880 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 6: These roses are hideous.

1167
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 5: The colors do not match.

1168
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 6: The colors are all wrong. I told them that they

1169
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 6: should have listened to me.

1170
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 5: This is bad cantle the wedding. Well, everyone's just like,

1171
00:51:57,640 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 5: I'm having a great time.

1172
00:51:59,040 --> 00:51:59,879
Speaker 6: Yeah, they're trying to eat.

1173
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:01,120
Speaker 2: She's like, just stop it.

1174
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 5: About halfway through it was speech time. Everyone who were

1175
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:07,720
Speaker 5: allowed gave speeches, and Ben even did one to Izzy,

1176
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 5: which upset our mom as Ben said nothing about her.

1177
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, why would he say anything about his terrible mom?

1178
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:17,720
Speaker 5: Before Ben sat down, our mom ran up and ripped

1179
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 5: the mic from him and gave her own improvised speech.

1180
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 6: What who let this woman improvise?

1181
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 5: I can't remember it all, but I will give you

1182
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,560
Speaker 5: the rundown and type out what I remember. Hello. I

1183
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 5: am little Benny's mom. I hope everyone is having a

1184
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 5: nice night, because I am sure not. These decorations are

1185
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 5: not up to the standard. Is he should have let

1186
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 5: me choose the decorator. Is he didn't let me see

1187
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 5: her dress, which is quite apparent as it is the

1188
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 5: ugliest thing I've seen in this wedding apart from the ceremony.

1189
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:53,800
Speaker 5: Is he also choose the bridemaid's dresses, which is apparent

1190
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:54,320
Speaker 5: as they.

1191
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:55,919
Speaker 2: Are bleeping ugly too.

1192
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,320
Speaker 5: The food I will not even serve to my cat man.

1193
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:02,960
Speaker 6: So this happens, I just start everyone and we go boooo.

1194
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:06,680
Speaker 6: Everyone just booze her off, cut the mic, cut the mic,

1195
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:08,839
Speaker 6: boo her off, and then keep going. Get her out

1196
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 6: of the wedding. Someone take her home. Yeah, not your dead,

1197
00:53:11,560 --> 00:53:13,120
Speaker 6: not your dead, someone else yeh.

1198
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 5: Her rambling went on for a good five minutes. She

1199
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:19,839
Speaker 5: sleeated Izzy and blamed Izzy for everything she hated about

1200
00:53:19,880 --> 00:53:22,359
Speaker 5: the wedding. No one tried to stop her. After our

1201
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:26,000
Speaker 5: mom sat down, Izzy went out the back with Ben

1202
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:29,399
Speaker 5: and her sister. Whilst they were gone, our mom got

1203
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:33,399
Speaker 5: up again and started trying to pull the decorations down,

1204
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 5: but was stopped by security and other family members.

1205
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 6: It scored her out.

1206
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 5: At this point, everyone had enough of her, and Ben

1207
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 5: got security to take her out of the venue and

1208
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 5: get her a cab to the hotel.

1209
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 6: Literally should have done that.

1210
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,319
Speaker 5: During the speech, she threw a tantrum and begged for

1211
00:53:49,360 --> 00:53:52,280
Speaker 5: them to keep her in. She claims she was drunk

1212
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 5: and that she will try and unlive herself if they

1213
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 5: did this.

1214
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 6: You just need to have someone watch her. I'm done

1215
00:53:58,680 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 6: with her.

1216
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 5: I'm done with her. By the way, you can join

1217
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:03,880
Speaker 5: us live on YouTube every weekday at three pm PSD.

1218
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 5: Just tap our profile.

1219
00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:05,919
Speaker 6: Tap it.

1220
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:09,359
Speaker 5: There's another relevant update here, but let's just discuss. I'm

1221
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 5: bamboozled because I would have kicked her out.

1222
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:12,920
Speaker 6: I wouldn't have invited her to the wedding.

1223
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 5: I hate how the final straw was. She was tearing

1224
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,359
Speaker 5: down the decorations. Yeah, why is that the final straw?

1225
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 5: The final straw should have been the first.

1226
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:22,880
Speaker 6: Thing way earlier, at least, I mean, not necessarily security

1227
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 6: escorting her out, but at least one of the family members,

1228
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:27,760
Speaker 6: you know, takes her out or something.

1229
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:29,879
Speaker 5: I'm confused why no one stopped her?

1230
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 6: Like, what is the dad doing here?

1231
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:32,879
Speaker 5: What is anyone doing here?

1232
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:36,720
Speaker 6: Literally, no one's doing anything. Yeah, I feel so bad

1233
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 6: for the new wife, the daughter in law. She's married

1234
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 6: into this family with this horrible mother.

1235
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:44,359
Speaker 5: It seems like everyone loves her, but the mom. I

1236
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 5: think the mom likes her is just the way that

1237
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 5: Tredding went.

1238
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 6: She treats her. It's pretty bad.

1239
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:51,320
Speaker 5: But let's go ahead and finish up the story. After

1240
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 5: the wedding, all of us siblings have gone no to

1241
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 5: little contact with our mom. Our father has tried to

1242
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:59,439
Speaker 5: reason with us, especially Ben and Izzy, but no one

1243
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:01,560
Speaker 5: is having it. Although I do believe my mom was

1244
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:03,839
Speaker 5: very drunk at the wedding, I do not know what

1245
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 5: I can do. I can't decide where I stand with this.

1246
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 5: I want to have a relationship with my parents and

1247
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:11,240
Speaker 5: know that I always have somewhere to go if everything

1248
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 5: goes wrong. My brother Harvey is torn about this too,

1249
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 5: mainly because he is the youngest and comes home from

1250
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 5: his college breaks. He doesn't want to lose his home

1251
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 5: or room. My sister Freya and Ben think we should

1252
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:24,720
Speaker 5: all just drop our mom and move on with our lives.

1253
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,040
Speaker 5: Advice is needed. Should I let it go or should

1254
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 5: I cut her off like my siblings are doing.

1255
00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 6: I think you got to cut her off. She's a nightmare.

1256
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 5: She has to learn her lessons.

1257
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:37,840
Speaker 6: Unless you show her that there are consequences to her actions.

1258
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 6: She's going to keep doing this because even when, like

1259
00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 6: I think it was pretty obvious, even when she had

1260
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:47,080
Speaker 6: that tantrum about the wine, it was just like everyone

1261
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:48,319
Speaker 6: was like accommodating her.

1262
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:49,799
Speaker 5: It's like pushing things under the rug.

1263
00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:52,120
Speaker 6: If you keep pushing them under the rug, that rug's

1264
00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:54,440
Speaker 6: going to start to smell, so I think, cut your

1265
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:56,799
Speaker 6: mom off, follow your siblings out the door.

1266
00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:59,160
Speaker 5: Of that, I mean for the youngest one, I feel like,

1267
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:01,400
Speaker 5: just wait until you gratay college, because you do need

1268
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 5: a place to be. But at the end of the day,

1269
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 5: I think even if you do little to no contact,

1270
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:06,360
Speaker 5: maybe they'll be fine.

1271
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:08,600
Speaker 1: Hey it's Sam, We're gonna get back to the stories.

1272
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

1273
00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:14,760
Speaker 6: My sister insulted me, and my dad took her side,

1274
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 6: So I'm going no contact.

1275
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 5: Why are you taking sides?

1276
00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:20,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, like, why are you taking sides with your daughters?

1277
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 6: You just gotta unless the insult is really bad. I

1278
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 6: went down to see my family for Father's Day weekend

1279
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 6: with my two kids, three boy, nine month girl. My

1280
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 6: sister is eleven and I'm twenty seven. Damn, you have

1281
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:34,680
Speaker 6: beef with an eleven year old. She's always trying to

1282
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 6: compete at an adult level when she's around me and

1283
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:38,359
Speaker 6: kind of pops off.

1284
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:40,719
Speaker 5: Are you fighting an eleven year old right now? Are

1285
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:42,200
Speaker 5: you losing to an eleven year old?

1286
00:56:42,239 --> 00:56:44,879
Speaker 6: I never say anything. My parents have said you're gonna

1287
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 6: have to say something if she oversteps. By the way,

1288
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 6: this comes from deleted on the Okay Storytime severed it.

1289
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 6: This time, she was ranting about how she would never

1290
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:55,839
Speaker 6: want to be like me because in school I had

1291
00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:58,400
Speaker 6: poor grades and got pregnant with the baby that I

1292
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 6: gave up, and academic makes mean a lot to her.

1293
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:02,840
Speaker 6: I told her that she doesn't know what it's like

1294
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:04,919
Speaker 6: to have a baby at a young age or make

1295
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 6: the choice to give it up. Also, I had all

1296
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:10,120
Speaker 6: a's and was supposed to early graduate in high school,

1297
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:12,040
Speaker 6: so I don't know where she got her information from.

1298
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 6: I told her that she is eleven, a child commenting

1299
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:19,080
Speaker 6: about adult things that she doesn't even fully understand, and

1300
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 6: that she's not an adult and can stop speaking to

1301
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 6: me like one. Well, my dad, want to point out,

1302
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,439
Speaker 6: he's been my dad since I was four and I've

1303
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 6: never had another. Dad literally got in my face, screaming

1304
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 6: at me that she's allowed to have her opinion and

1305
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:35,880
Speaker 6: what did she say that was wrong? I had to

1306
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 6: physically push him out of my face. He was like,

1307
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:40,720
Speaker 6: you come down here and act like this is your

1308
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:43,520
Speaker 6: house and take her mom away from her. I bring

1309
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:45,960
Speaker 6: stuff for my small kids, and we usually stay for

1310
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 6: three to four days, and small kids kind of need things,

1311
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:51,520
Speaker 6: and I was like, I come down here expecting to

1312
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 6: be with my family and see my mom. She has

1313
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 6: literally every single day with her mom, and I only

1314
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 6: see her once a month when I drive down. I

1315
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:01,880
Speaker 6: lived two states away. And he said I come in

1316
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 6: and invade their space, and I was like, I mean,

1317
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:07,120
Speaker 6: I don't mean to just small kids need a lot,

1318
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 6: and I don't mean to take up anyone's space. So

1319
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:13,400
Speaker 6: I just left. There's more, but that's so sad. That's

1320
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 6: so hurtful to be like, is eleven year old attacking

1321
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 6: you and you're like, hey, dude, stop, I'm an adult,

1322
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:22,200
Speaker 6: you're a kid. And then the dad to come in

1323
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 6: and start yelling at op.

1324
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 5: She could say whatever she wants to you, because she's

1325
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 5: my daughter. It's just daddy's girl. Yeah.

1326
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 6: And also it's really tragic because oh, Pee clearly seem

1327
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:34,840
Speaker 6: you know, at least saw this guy as her father figure.

1328
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 6: I mean, she's known him since he was four, and

1329
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 6: he doesn't seem like that's reciprocated, which is really sad.

1330
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,720
Speaker 5: If he heard the conversation, you be like, one.

1331
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:44,720
Speaker 6: How would you think that's okay to say to someone.

1332
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 5: Who is this eleven year old? Like why do you

1333
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:48,800
Speaker 5: think they're so entitled you wish she yeah, why is

1334
00:58:48,840 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 5: eleven year old? Literally like I'm better than you? You

1335
00:58:52,040 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 5: know you got pregnant and you suck.

1336
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:56,440
Speaker 6: After driving two and a half hours down there, I

1337
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 6: just left. I feel like the worst mom for making

1338
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 6: my literal baby be in the car for five hours.

1339
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:04,240
Speaker 6: But he was screaming at me, and my kids were

1340
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 6: bawling their eyes out. I felt like my peace was

1341
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 6: being ruined. My kids have never seen me cry like that,

1342
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:12,760
Speaker 6: or seen anyone scream like that at someone else, especially

1343
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 6: their mom. My son keeps saying Grandpa is mad, and

1344
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 6: Grandpa made mommy cry. I feel so bad, and then

1345
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:21,560
Speaker 6: I don't know if I should. I feel bad for

1346
00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:24,120
Speaker 6: my mom also because she was just crying and telling

1347
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 6: my dad to stop and he's wrong, and holding my babies.

1348
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 6: While I was gathering my stuff. She said that I

1349
00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 6: never invade her space and I'm always welcome. But am

1350
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 6: I like my dad said, I heard his daughter, but

1351
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:37,920
Speaker 6: I always thought I was his daughter too, And I

1352
00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 6: always ask what do I need to bring? If X

1353
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 6: y Z is okay with him? He never says no

1354
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:46,640
Speaker 6: or hints he's upset. I'm feeling pretty devastated. My entire

1355
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:50,440
Speaker 6: soul hurts, and I just randomly start crying. But maybe

1356
00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:54,280
Speaker 6: I'm overreacting and being overly sensitive. I just don't know.

1357
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:56,760
Speaker 6: I made this text to send to my mom today.

1358
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,400
Speaker 6: I haven't sent it, but this is what I'm going

1359
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:02,360
Speaker 6: to say. I definitely think for a while I'm going

1360
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 6: no contact with dead. I just can't expose myself or

1361
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 6: my kids to someone who thinks like that, even things

1362
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 6: said in anger oole truth. Amy's opinion is based off

1363
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 6: an incomplete narrative from an unreliable and incredibly biased source. Yeah,

1364
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 6: who is she hearing that information?

1365
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 5: Bro?

1366
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 6: I don't know, could be the dad, Probably is. She

1367
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:21,880
Speaker 6: did nothing wrong, just parroted what dad has previously said,

1368
01:00:21,920 --> 01:00:24,400
Speaker 6: and I have brushed it off before. I'm older now

1369
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 6: and I have anne had a right to protect my piece.

1370
01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 6: It's too bad that's how they see me. But I

1371
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,360
Speaker 6: don't need anyone's approval but my kids. As long as

1372
01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:35,840
Speaker 6: they look at me as good role model, then that's

1373
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 6: all I care about.

1374
01:00:36,760 --> 01:00:37,080
Speaker 2: Truly.

1375
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 6: My son keeps saying Grandpa mad, Grandpa made mommy cry

1376
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:45,200
Speaker 6: and Grandma cry. I never ever have exposed my kids

1377
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 6: to that type of yelling. And screaming, especially the way

1378
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 6: he got in my face and I physically had to

1379
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:53,760
Speaker 6: push him away. Yet that was unacceptable. I'm not some

1380
01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 6: child he can push his authoritarian parenting tactics on. I

1381
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 6: also want to point out he was an authoritarian bully

1382
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,920
Speaker 6: to me growing up, but with Amy, the parenting is

1383
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:05,480
Speaker 6: completely different. She's allowed to say whatever she wants to adults,

1384
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:07,560
Speaker 6: but if I had poffed off like that, I'd have

1385
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 6: been slapped and put in the corner.

1386
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:10,240
Speaker 5: For Hours's girl.

1387
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:12,920
Speaker 6: When she says things like that to me, he smirks

1388
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 6: and thinks it's funny because we're sisters. That doesn't mean

1389
01:01:15,720 --> 01:01:18,400
Speaker 6: she can say whatever to me and oh golly, it's

1390
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:21,440
Speaker 6: just fine. Nope, obviously she can say whatever. But if

1391
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:24,040
Speaker 6: I stand my ground and say no, that's not okay,

1392
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:28,640
Speaker 6: it's unacceptable. That's his daughter, got it. Even if he apologized,

1393
01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 6: which isn't really his m O. I don't think things

1394
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:33,560
Speaker 6: would ever be the same. I don't think i'll ever

1395
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 6: feel that like that's my home again or safe there,

1396
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:39,320
Speaker 6: because I'll always feel like I'm invading their space. I

1397
01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:41,680
Speaker 6: love you, Mom, I love you so much and I

1398
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:44,400
Speaker 6: miss you all the time. Hopefully we can get together sometime.

1399
01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:46,919
Speaker 6: And you're always welcome to come to my home, am

1400
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:49,720
Speaker 6: I the Ale and you guys are always welcome to

1401
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:51,960
Speaker 6: join us live every weekda at three PMPST just to

1402
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:55,040
Speaker 6: have her profile. And there is a final edit to

1403
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:57,800
Speaker 6: finish the story off. But what are your thoughts?

1404
01:01:58,040 --> 01:01:59,040
Speaker 5: I feel so bad.

1405
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:00,000
Speaker 6: I feel really bad.

1406
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 5: So I was gonna say, like, oh, the father owes

1407
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,520
Speaker 5: an apology, Yeah, but Opie kind of just took it

1408
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:07,480
Speaker 5: out of my mouth, like even I get an apology

1409
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,040
Speaker 5: from him. One, he's not gonna do.

1410
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 6: It, no, but two it wouldn't change things.

1411
01:02:10,760 --> 01:02:13,600
Speaker 5: It's not gonna change things, like he verbally and kind

1412
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:16,400
Speaker 5: of physically like went at her. Yeah, I got in

1413
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:19,600
Speaker 5: her face, yell let her for kids, like the fact

1414
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:22,160
Speaker 5: that she stood her ground. I get. It's so weird

1415
01:02:22,160 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 5: because the dynamic is a full on adult and an

1416
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:27,400
Speaker 5: eleven year old. The eleven year old doesn't know she

1417
01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 5: probably should know better.

1418
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 6: The eleven year old doesn't know better because her dad

1419
01:02:30,680 --> 01:02:33,240
Speaker 6: is there telling her, oh, your sister did this in

1420
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 6: this mess.

1421
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:35,480
Speaker 5: So it sent me from the father, because it sent

1422
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,200
Speaker 5: me not from the mom. No, no, it's send me

1423
01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:39,840
Speaker 5: from the father, or at least someone that's close knit

1424
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:43,080
Speaker 5: to the family that is like, you're feeding the child these.

1425
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 6: Lies and very biased information.

1426
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:48,960
Speaker 5: And OPI was just like stop it. Yeah, she literally

1427
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:50,960
Speaker 5: like stop it. You're not an adult. I'm an adult.

1428
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 5: Stop it. And the dad like, you can't talk to

1429
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:56,680
Speaker 5: her like that. I don't understand why again when I

1430
01:02:56,680 --> 01:03:00,640
Speaker 5: said earlier Daddy's little girl, Daddy's perfect princess.

1431
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:03,600
Speaker 6: No, I think that you just need to unfortunately, maybe

1432
01:03:03,640 --> 01:03:05,840
Speaker 6: cut him off to the extent that you can where

1433
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:08,600
Speaker 6: you can still see your mom. Maybe it's just like, hey, Mom,

1434
01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:10,760
Speaker 6: I'd love to still see you, but it's gonna have

1435
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 6: to happen either at my place without them, or you know,

1436
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:17,040
Speaker 6: we meet up somewhere, but I can't see him.

1437
01:03:17,120 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 5: He definitely needs to apologize. I think when mom receives

1438
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:21,880
Speaker 5: that text.

1439
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,520
Speaker 6: She's be like, regardless of whether or not OP wants

1440
01:03:24,560 --> 01:03:26,760
Speaker 6: to see him again, he still needs to apologize.

1441
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:30,120
Speaker 5: Ope, you are still owed in apology. Yes, I from

1442
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,600
Speaker 5: the father for sure, and the kid and the kid,

1443
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:35,439
Speaker 5: but eleven year old. Again, a kid doesn't know any better.

1444
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,160
Speaker 5: You can't really just place that on the kid. But

1445
01:03:37,400 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 5: the kid needs to watch the context because the kid's

1446
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:43,040
Speaker 5: doing that to family. Imagine doing that to like somebody else,

1447
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:43,800
Speaker 5: like a stranger.

1448
01:03:43,920 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 6: But there is an edit to finish the story off.

1449
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 6: I sent my mom the text and she just said

1450
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 6: I understand, I love you and miss you too, and

1451
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:54,200
Speaker 6: then indefinitely shared her location with me. And sister was

1452
01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:56,439
Speaker 6: continuously said over the last couple of years that she's

1453
01:03:56,480 --> 01:03:59,720
Speaker 6: an only child, she wishes I didn't exist, that we're

1454
01:03:59,720 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 6: not really sisters because I don't live there. I've told

1455
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:05,560
Speaker 6: sister that when our parents she will only have me

1456
01:04:05,640 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 6: and my family, and if she pushes me away, she

1457
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:11,480
Speaker 6: will be alone. And she says she doesn't care what

1458
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:14,160
Speaker 6: I forgot. This is redded and the crazy things that

1459
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:16,360
Speaker 6: come out. So let me be clear. My sister is

1460
01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:18,760
Speaker 6: not the baby I gave up for adoption. She was

1461
01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:20,480
Speaker 6: two when I gave birth to a baby boy when

1462
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:22,920
Speaker 6: I was eighteen. My sister and I are sixteen years

1463
01:04:22,920 --> 01:04:25,360
Speaker 6: and one day apart. But that is the end of

1464
01:04:25,360 --> 01:04:27,680
Speaker 6: that story. Yeah, I think that you just need to

1465
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 6: cut them off, cut them off, but not your mom.

1466
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:31,840
Speaker 5: Made that kid is a brat. Yeah, the fact that

1467
01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:34,280
Speaker 5: the kid is like, I have no sister, I'm an

1468
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:36,280
Speaker 5: only child. She's definitely getting like she's.

1469
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:38,000
Speaker 6: Getting all of us from her dad, which sucks, and

1470
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 6: she's gonna realize later, hopefully down the line, that he

1471
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:42,280
Speaker 6: is a terrible person.

1472
01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:45,800
Speaker 5: Again, I like to discredit the kid is eleven and

1473
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:49,120
Speaker 5: kids say the darkness things, but like, this kid needs

1474
01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:50,160
Speaker 5: a reality check.

1475
01:04:50,240 --> 01:04:52,120
Speaker 6: The thing is that like in like if she had

1476
01:04:52,160 --> 01:04:54,600
Speaker 6: actual parents, they would have said, hey, that's not okay

1477
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:56,880
Speaker 6: to say you need to apologize to your sister, but

1478
01:04:56,920 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 6: she doesn't.

1479
01:04:57,480 --> 01:04:59,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, like the mom's not saying anything to the kid too.

1480
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:02,440
Speaker 6: Like the I think, based off this dynamic that we're getting,

1481
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:04,680
Speaker 6: it seems like the dad is kind of this authoritarian

1482
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:05,840
Speaker 6: ruler in the house.

1483
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 5: I think so too, especially when she's like, when I

1484
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:12,320
Speaker 5: grew up with him, I was limited, yes, but she's

1485
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:14,480
Speaker 5: got unlimited power.

1486
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:17,600
Speaker 6: That was the end of that story. So we'll see

1487
01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:18,120
Speaker 6: you next time.