Speaker 1: What do you do in life doesn't go according to plan?
Speaker 1: That moment you lose a job, or a loved one,
Speaker 1: or even a piece of yourself. I'm Brookshields and this
Speaker 1: is now What, a podcast about pivotal moments as told
Speaker 1: by people who lived them. Each week, I sit down
Speaker 1: with a guest to talk about the times they were
Speaker 1: knocked off course and what they did to move forward.
Speaker 1: Some stories are funny, others are cut wrenching, but all
Speaker 1: are unapologetically human and remind us that every success and
Speaker 1: every setback is accompanied by a choice, and that choice
Speaker 1: answers one question. Now, what what drug do you think
Speaker 1: I could use? Because I'm the worst drug like, I can't.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should take any drugs. I just
Speaker 1: feel like you want to, but I can't know. I
Speaker 1: don't think you should. I don't think it's for everybody.
Speaker 1: I thought you'd have this great answer for me. No. No,
Speaker 1: But when I'm in New York next time, you and
Speaker 1: I are going to go for a drink and I'll
Speaker 1: give you a proper assessment. But I can just tell
Speaker 1: I think your personality, certain personalities don't react well to drugs,
Speaker 1: and I feel like years might be one of those.
Speaker 1: I'm literally the first time I ever smoke thought. It
Speaker 1: was with Judd Nelson and we went to go see
Speaker 1: Dry White Season, and first of all, it was a
Speaker 1: bomb which I did not know how to use. I
Speaker 1: literally tried to Oh, I'll try to get my mouth
Speaker 1: around the whole. I think that faces so stupid. Bro
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god. I was like, I've
Speaker 1: never seen one of these. He's a mouth in it
Speaker 1: in it. Anyway, we get to Dry White Season and
Speaker 1: it's a packed theater and I'm sitting there. All of
Speaker 1: a sudden, I start going and he was like, never again,
Speaker 1: never again. Well, I smoke you doing any Any real
Speaker 1: drug user does not want to be around a newcomer.
Speaker 1: My next guest needs no introduction, but I'm going to try.
Speaker 1: Chelsea Handler is a comedian, a writer, a producer, a
Speaker 1: fellow podcaster. She's many things. We first met when I
Speaker 1: was a guest on her late night show, and I
Speaker 1: just loved how comfortable and fun she made that experience.
Speaker 1: Since then, Chelsea has done a lot. She's had done
Speaker 1: so many things, including her latest comedy special, Revolution, which
Speaker 1: is out now on Netflix. She's just a fabulous guest
Speaker 1: and we had a blast catching up. I am grateful
Speaker 1: to her for sharing her incredible story and for being
Speaker 1: so open, And I hope you all enjoy this interview
Speaker 1: as much as I did. So here is Chelsea Handler.
Speaker 1: I thought that I was busy. I mean I really
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm doing so many I'm so busy.
Speaker 1: You are superhuman in what you do. It's amazing to me.
Speaker 1: You've written what six best selling books, You've gotten numbers
Speaker 1: of specials Netflix, HBO, You've hosted countless shows. I've been
Speaker 1: on your show. How do you have the energy to
Speaker 1: keep keep going at this level in this pace? It's
Speaker 1: so unbelievable. I don't know. It's funny, you know when
Speaker 1: people say you're so busy, how do you do it all?
Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like a lazy person a lot,
Speaker 1: you know, Like I could easily get into bed either
Speaker 1: reading a book or watching TV for close to six
Speaker 1: hours if you if I had my druthers, that's my
Speaker 1: happy time. I've been on tour for a pretty like
Speaker 1: almost eighteen months, um, and that that is exhausting just
Speaker 1: because of the sheer, you know, just the travel, and
Speaker 1: so that can kind of be you know, that can
Speaker 1: kind of really wear you down. Um, But I just
Speaker 1: find that if I keep myself busy with lots of
Speaker 1: different projects, that I have the most amount of energy
Speaker 1: because my interest peaks when when it's constantly jutting back
Speaker 1: and forth. I think when I focus on one thing
Speaker 1: alone is when I start to get bored. But it's
Speaker 1: hard to get recognition for all that we do. And
Speaker 1: I don't know, do you feel like you get enough
Speaker 1: credit for how extraordinary your work ethic is and what
Speaker 1: you produce. Um. You know, it's funny. I have a
Speaker 1: new special coming out and I paid for it myself,
Speaker 1: and I remember having going out and selling it and
Speaker 1: it was challenging. There was a lot of interest, but
Speaker 1: everyone's like, we can't afford her. You know, our budgets
Speaker 1: are all contracting, we're heading into a recession. We don't
Speaker 1: want to insult her with a lesser offer than she's
Speaker 1: used to And I was like what, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: wait a second. I just put together the best special,
Speaker 1: in my opinion, I've ever done, and I had a
Speaker 1: hard time getting what I you know, well, eventually it
Speaker 1: all worked out. It worked out. Netflix stood up to
Speaker 1: the table paid me. But it was there was a
Speaker 1: period of time where I just thought, what if I'm
Speaker 1: not doing the right thing, Like, am I supposed to
Speaker 1: even be doing this? Like, of course there's ego involved,
Speaker 1: because we're all all professional and we all want to
Speaker 1: get recognized for the work that we do, especially when
Speaker 1: the work is top notch. So it was just another
Speaker 1: one of those examples which I've gone through before in
Speaker 1: my life professionally, where you think the bottom is falling
Speaker 1: out and then you find out, oh wait, okay, there
Speaker 1: was just an energetic shift or whatever. The stars weren't aligning,
Speaker 1: and then they did. So Yes, I definitely have periods
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I don't feel recognized, and then I
Speaker 1: have great periods where I feel totally validated and recognized.
Speaker 1: How long did it take you to write the upcoming special?
Speaker 1: I'm curious about that process, um, I wrote that. I mean,
Speaker 1: I've done about probably a hundred and forty shows. I
Speaker 1: literally started the show and I had eight pages typed
Speaker 1: out of material because it's so hard to put it
Speaker 1: down to memory, so you have to just keep doing it,
Speaker 1: doing it, doing it, and then it clicks. So I
Speaker 1: would say it took me about three months to get
Speaker 1: really like get it, and then once I got it,
Speaker 1: then you're just practicing the new wants, the delivery, when
Speaker 1: to pause, when to play? Do you practice in front
Speaker 1: of people or do you practice just in front of
Speaker 1: the director or no, I just do you just do shows?
Speaker 1: You just do them over and over, you go on tour,
Speaker 1: and you would repeat it. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 1: done stand up for myself in the mirror or for
Speaker 1: one more. I don't think you can otherwise it's not
Speaker 1: stand up, no, no, I would be sit down. You
Speaker 1: do it with such ease, like there's no angst. It's
Speaker 1: almost as if it's all just coming up off the
Speaker 1: top of your head. And to me, that's a huge talent.
Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you. Well, I think my talent is storytelling.
Speaker 1: Those are my books. That's my personality. I just have
Speaker 1: stories that I like to share, self deprecating and showing
Speaker 1: everybody that they're not alone anyone who has a similar
Speaker 1: experience to you. Making it clear that anyone who has
Speaker 1: any experience doesn't understand that there are millions of other
Speaker 1: people that can relate to that. So whenever you're in
Speaker 1: a situation where you're grieving or you feel so alone,
Speaker 1: are isolated. It's so important to remember that people have
Speaker 1: been through what you've been through. You're never the only
Speaker 1: person that's been through something. Can I ask you how
Speaker 1: that I'm so excited about the new Netflix special? Um,
Speaker 1: how is it different than your past? It's, uh, well,
Speaker 1: it's a it's I don't know. I'm just I'm much more.
Speaker 1: I'm so I have so much more clarity and I'm
Speaker 1: just like so much more of a professional now that
Speaker 1: it's just sharp sharp, it's funny, it's poignant, and it's
Speaker 1: a story. It's a love story. It's about me kind
Speaker 1: of losing my faith in men and then kind of
Speaker 1: all the examples of why and then finally meeting Joe
Speaker 1: Koy and renewing my faith in men, and and then
Speaker 1: even you know, after that not working out, not to
Speaker 1: shut down and close off, to not use a failed
Speaker 1: relationship or a relationship that didn't go the distances as
Speaker 1: a reason to to say fuck it, I'm single again.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not doing that. I do want a relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm it's okay for me to admit that now, Like
Speaker 1: I've learned and I've grown so much that I got
Speaker 1: a taste of what that togetherness feels like and I
Speaker 1: wanted again. So it's a real kind of like it's
Speaker 1: it's kind of like a love story for yourself actually, yeah,
Speaker 1: and for others, you know, for inspiration for other women
Speaker 1: who you don't ever have to settle. You just do
Speaker 1: not ever have to settle. You have to have your
Speaker 1: standards at a certain level and somebody will meet you
Speaker 1: there and that will happen. Did you have comedy, Like,
Speaker 1: who are the comics that you liked? Oh? Bill Cosby?
Speaker 1: So there you know that was my favorite? Uh that
Speaker 1: was a big whoopsie doodle. He actually once I was
Speaker 1: in Atlantic City and he and I were both performing,
Speaker 1: and he called me, summoned me to his hotel room.
Speaker 1: This was probably fifteen years ago, and luckily I was
Speaker 1: with a crew of like four guys, um my opener,
Speaker 1: my two tour manager, blah blah blah, a videographer whatever.
Speaker 1: They were all men, and so I brought them with
Speaker 1: me to Bill Cosby's hotel room. And he was so pissed,
Speaker 1: she said, who are these guys. I'm like, well, that's
Speaker 1: my opener, this is my videographer, this is and he's like,
Speaker 1: you're opening for a woman, That's what you're doing to
Speaker 1: the guy opening for me, And I was like, what's
Speaker 1: your problem? Come to find out, his problem was that
Speaker 1: he couldn't roofing me when I had four guys there. God,
Speaker 1: I we uh. Suddenly Susan premiered and for that one
Speaker 1: night in history, we got better ratings than his show, right.
Speaker 1: I mean it was because it was probably people thought
Speaker 1: it was going to be a train wreck, right, and
Speaker 1: nothing to do with anything truthful about it. And he
Speaker 1: called me in my dressing room and I got brought
Speaker 1: off stoff the stage too, into my dressing room, and
Speaker 1: I thought he was going to congratulate me and sort
Speaker 1: of take me under his wing. And I got on
Speaker 1: the phone and I said, oh, yes, Mr Cosby, and
Speaker 1: he said get off TV. And I was, I mean
Speaker 1: I was, I thought he was kidding and and but
Speaker 1: there was something so serious about it. And I said, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't know too, I'm just here, but I have
Speaker 1: a contract, and and you know, I was like so crushed.
Speaker 1: I love I love the idea to Marritie like he
Speaker 1: thinks he's gonna say that to you and you're gonna
Speaker 1: just quit your job. And then he hit it into well,
Speaker 1: you know what you're gonna need better writing, so you've
Speaker 1: got to stand up for yourself and get better writers.
Speaker 1: And I was like, really that was passive aggressive, like
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, Like, do you have a roofy
Speaker 1: I could borrow so I can give it to you.
Speaker 1: Did you always want to be a comedian? No? I
Speaker 1: only became a comedian because I was out of ideas
Speaker 1: and I wasn't going to get an acting job because
Speaker 1: my acting is questionable. Well it was like auditioning. I
Speaker 1: just wasn't good at auditioning when I'm actually honest that doing. Yeah, yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: And then I was in a d u I class.
Speaker 1: I got a DUI when I was twenty one, and
Speaker 1: I went to this du I class where you have
Speaker 1: to like get up and tell your d u I story.
Speaker 1: And I was so scared. They were like twenty five
Speaker 1: people in the class and everyone had to get up
Speaker 1: and tell their du I story and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I couldn't publicly speak. Was just so scared. And then finally,
Speaker 1: on the very last day of the class, they called
Speaker 1: me and I had to get up and tell my
Speaker 1: d u I story in front of the whole class.
Speaker 1: And my d u I story is pretty funny because
Speaker 1: I got in a fight with a cop calling him racist.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile we were both white, and I I just I
Speaker 1: spent twenty four hours in sybil Brand attention facility like
Speaker 1: this women's prison in l A. Like it was a
Speaker 1: hot mass situation. I couldn't get released because the systems
Speaker 1: went down, so I was actually in there for way
Speaker 1: longer than I normally would have been for a d
Speaker 1: u I. But anyway, I got up, I told my
Speaker 1: story and everyone in the class was just howling and
Speaker 1: dying with laughter because my story was so silly. And
Speaker 1: I remember the guy that ran the class came up
Speaker 1: and was like, this isn't a stand up comedy club
Speaker 1: like this, you're wilking this, Like now you have to
Speaker 1: get off stage. And then when I got off stage,
Speaker 1: everyone's like, you need to do stand up comedy And
Speaker 1: I had never thought about it. So I have to
Speaker 1: credit my d u I with getting me into stand
Speaker 1: up because the next week I went to the laugh
Speaker 1: Factory or the Improv and I did an open mic
Speaker 1: and then I was hooked. Were you always that kid
Speaker 1: in your family, the jokester or the one that performed
Speaker 1: or did that develop later? I mean, yeah, I was
Speaker 1: always just like I mean, I was born and I
Speaker 1: was four years old, I asked my father if he
Speaker 1: had a dowry for me because I looked at the
Speaker 1: financial situation and I was like, this does not add up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you guys have six kids, what's your game
Speaker 1: plan for finances? Do you even have a savings account?
Speaker 1: And your dad was a German immigrant my mom my
Speaker 1: mom was a German mom. My dad was a Jew.
Speaker 1: So my mom was a Nazi and my father was Jewish.
Speaker 1: So that was a big dynamic, a couple of boxes. Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: And you're child how would you describe your childhood like? Um?
Speaker 1: Like chaotic? You know, we had a lot of love.
Speaker 1: I mean, my siblings and I are really tight. Um.
Speaker 1: Our brother died when we were not when when I
Speaker 1: was nine. He was the oldest. I was the youngest.
Speaker 1: So that was traumatizing and we didn't really have the
Speaker 1: skill set to deal with that. So and our parents
Speaker 1: were pretty clueless. You know, We've always been pretty tight ennit.
Speaker 1: We always stick together and we're always there for each other.
Speaker 1: My sister just got spinal surgery a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and I went up there for two weeks to help,
Speaker 1: you know, play nurse. And my whole family is like Chelsea, like,
Speaker 1: are you really the right person to go up there?
Speaker 1: Like you're not that good at that? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: watch me. I was like, listen if when it's probably
Speaker 1: the best at it, because they're not going to be
Speaker 1: grossed out, you're gonna kind of just cut to the
Speaker 1: chase and help her exactly. And she has this long, long,
Speaker 1: like this wound where they went in um down her
Speaker 1: back that was so gnarly that I was like, oh
Speaker 1: that I had to clean every day. And my sister
Speaker 1: got looked at me one day and she's like, I
Speaker 1: just can't believe you, Like you're just the best nurse
Speaker 1: in the whole world. I would never have expected this.
Speaker 1: And I was like, exactly, I'm fucking reliable. I'm reliable
Speaker 1: because my parents were so unreliable that it's so important
Speaker 1: for me to show up for people when they're in need.
Speaker 1: Would you say when your brother died that was the
Speaker 1: sort of the first and most significant, now what moment
Speaker 1: in your life? Yeah, be going to therapy was probably
Speaker 1: the most significant part of my life. In addition to that,
Speaker 1: because that helped him that was later, right, that was
Speaker 1: when I was like forty. But to be able to
Speaker 1: unpack it and have and and gain a self awareness
Speaker 1: about why my behaviors were a certain way and why
Speaker 1: I acted a certain way, that was a big, huge
Speaker 1: moment for me. And it took about a you know,
Speaker 1: it took few years to like absorb all the information
Speaker 1: that you learn in therapy, absorb about because you you
Speaker 1: learn it and then you have to apply it to
Speaker 1: your life and then you don't want to lose the
Speaker 1: good parts of yourself. So it's a very interesting dance.
Speaker 1: After you do deep analysis, you're like, okay, now now
Speaker 1: what No, No, it's hard to know who you really
Speaker 1: are anyway if if who you aren't that day has
Speaker 1: been defined by exactly exactly, So you're like, well, who
Speaker 1: would I be if my brother it and die? Would
Speaker 1: I even be like a celebrity? Would I have been
Speaker 1: driven to get this much attention? Would I have been
Speaker 1: interested in getting myself to be you know, seen and
Speaker 1: known and heard? I mean, I wonder you know, and
Speaker 1: I was a nine year old though, how did you
Speaker 1: did you have any form of processing this huge loss
Speaker 1: at nine? Oh? No, not at all? I mean I
Speaker 1: just remember seeing my mom and my dad fall apart
Speaker 1: at the seams. Because I was their firstborn. I had
Speaker 1: never seen my father cry. I mean, we all just
Speaker 1: kind of went to our respective corners and grieved, and
Speaker 1: you know, in Judaism we said Shiva. And there are
Speaker 1: people coming to our house all week long with roast
Speaker 1: beef and corn beef and pastronomy. And I remember watching
Speaker 1: all of these Jewish people eat pastronomy sandwiches, thinking what,
Speaker 1: what kind of fucking morning is this? This is so weird.
Speaker 1: And I remember my learning that my mother wasn't Jewish.
Speaker 1: I had thought my mom was Jewish my whole life
Speaker 1: until I was nine. And then I remember because they
Speaker 1: were talking about burying my brother with my rabbi and
Speaker 1: they were like, well, we can't bury we can't buy
Speaker 1: a plot in a Jewish cemetery, and let's read a
Speaker 1: converts reading my mother. And I was like converts. I'm like,
Speaker 1: is a mom Jewish? And my Dad's like, no, mom's Mormon.
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that later. And I was like, what's Mormon?
Speaker 1: And then I read the Book of Mormon and I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I'm this is ridiculous. I'm like I'll
Speaker 1: obviously stay, I'll be Jewish. But I was bought Mitzvah
Speaker 1: and I was raised Jewish, like I went to Hebrew School,
Speaker 1: Like I am a Jew, I don't really practice Judaism.
Speaker 1: I'm not that into any religion quite frankly, but it's
Speaker 1: the one religion I actually identify with if I had
Speaker 1: to choose one as being a Jew. Every time I
Speaker 1: go to from the time I was a little girl
Speaker 1: go to Abot Mitzvah or a bar Mitzvah, I always
Speaker 1: asked my mother if we could convert. Always did. I
Speaker 1: said to my mom and my mom, this feels much
Speaker 1: better than than all of the stuff that we that
Speaker 1: we learned, and Catholicism, and and I feel good about
Speaker 1: myself in this environment, I don't feel good about myself.
Speaker 1: And you know, getting ship every single day, a shamed
Speaker 1: and then the confession and the I mean, my whole
Speaker 1: life was built around being guilty and and confessing. And um,
Speaker 1: do you think you grew up too fast? I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say too fast, but I grew up pretty quickly. Like
Speaker 1: I I remember taking a plane ride, my very first
Speaker 1: plane ride with my mom and like two of my
Speaker 1: brothers to Los Angeles from New Jersey. I had never
Speaker 1: been on a plane. We walked back to the first
Speaker 1: class section and I was like, who are these people?
Speaker 1: Like these are my people? And my Mom's like, oh no, honey,
Speaker 1: we're we have six children in our family were never
Speaker 1: flying first class. That is not something we can ever afford.
Speaker 1: And I looked at her and I was like, speak
Speaker 1: for yourself, bitch, you know. And I came home. I
Speaker 1: was ten years old. But when I was ten, I
Speaker 1: looked like I was fifteen. I started my own babysitting
Speaker 1: company where I was babysitting for kids that were older
Speaker 1: than me. I had a fourteen year old client who
Speaker 1: I babysat for the entire summer when I was ten.
Speaker 1: And when I came back from that trip, I had
Speaker 1: thirty dollar saved. And the next time we flew to California,
Speaker 1: I was thirteen years old and I bought a first
Speaker 1: class ticket through a travel agent that lived down the
Speaker 1: street from us. And when we got on that plane,
Speaker 1: I saw my seat to a I was like, I
Speaker 1: sat down. I'm like, I'll see you guys at the
Speaker 1: end of the flight. And my mom was like, what
Speaker 1: are you talking about? This isn't funny. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: it's not funny. If you think I'm flying coach, you're wrong.
Speaker 1: These are my people. Wow, that's kind of incredible. Were
Speaker 1: you the only one in your family there's six of
Speaker 1: you that sort of had that independent Well, we're all
Speaker 1: pretty independent. But I definitely had like my sight set
Speaker 1: on a bigger life, Like I didn't want to be
Speaker 1: dependent on my on a man. My father and my
Speaker 1: mother's dynamic was not acceptable to me. And I also
Speaker 1: felt like betrayed by my brother when he died, and
Speaker 1: I felt abandoned by my father after my brother died
Speaker 1: because of the way my my father fell apart after that,
Speaker 1: it was almost like he had no other children, you know.
Speaker 1: So I definitely had this thing about like not trusting
Speaker 1: men and not wanting to be dependent on men, And
Speaker 1: you know, that was another thing I had to unpack
Speaker 1: during therapy, Like I was so closed off to relationships
Speaker 1: because I'd have these stupid judge mental barriers, like you know,
Speaker 1: if somebody wore an air May's belt, it was over.
Speaker 1: If somebody if I saw a man in flip flop,
Speaker 1: so that was over. Or if I saw a pinky ring,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, boner killer, no way can
Speaker 1: I have sex with this person. And I had all
Speaker 1: of these like silly materialistic barriers to protect and preserve
Speaker 1: my independence in my safety. And only through therapy did
Speaker 1: I understand that, you know, that that what that was about,
Speaker 1: and how to let it down, like you know, let
Speaker 1: it break away so that I could be in relationships
Speaker 1: with men and not have you know, crazy expectations. When
Speaker 1: did boys sort of come into the picture as boyfriends?
Speaker 1: Oh early, I was like I was getting I was
Speaker 1: sexually active when I was like thirteen, fourteen years old,
Speaker 1: Like I had a lot Mom talked to you about it.
Speaker 1: Didn't know anybody want to talk to me about anything,
Speaker 1: you know. My parents were just so ill equipped at that.
Speaker 1: I mean when I got my period, like no one
Speaker 1: had told me about that either. So I mean my
Speaker 1: sister brought me a Maxi patch, like okay, here you
Speaker 1: can put this in, and she's like, or this is
Speaker 1: a tampon. I'm like a maxipad. You want me to
Speaker 1: put a Maxi pad in my underwear and then just
Speaker 1: walk around with blood floating in there. I'm like close,
Speaker 1: I'm like, give me the tampon. But yeah, I I
Speaker 1: didn't know about sex. I was very promiscuous when I
Speaker 1: was a teenager. It was like validation, you know, like
Speaker 1: I just wanted to prove that I was special and
Speaker 1: that boys liked me. I, for one, and have always
Speaker 1: known that I wanted children. It was probably the first
Speaker 1: thing I knew for sure. You've talked a lot about
Speaker 1: not wanting children, and I think that's very important because
Speaker 1: it normalizes an experience and a feeling that many women have,
Speaker 1: but they are shamed by others when they try to
Speaker 1: express it. What's been the reaction of other women when
Speaker 1: they know that piece of you? Well, I think it's
Speaker 1: I think the reason why I'm so loud about it
Speaker 1: is because of the reaction from women who feel like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I don't have that feeling. I don't
Speaker 1: have that that biological clock ticking. I don't feel that way,
Speaker 1: you know. Um. And so I like to give voice
Speaker 1: to all of those people, because that isn't a defining thing.
Speaker 1: I mean, it can be, but it's not the only
Speaker 1: way to define yourself, and it's not right for everybody.
Speaker 1: And I really think if you want to have a baby,
Speaker 1: you really have to want a baby, like the way
Speaker 1: that you're talking about it not be like, um, forty,
Speaker 1: maybe I should have a baby because it's gonna be
Speaker 1: too late if I don't do it now. It's like no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's not the reason to have a baby. You know.
Speaker 1: I think I think that there's so many women who
Speaker 1: are thankful that you're sort of destigmatizing it. Well, listen,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you, you know, watching your Instagram and watching
Speaker 1: your relationship with your daughters and Chris and uh like,
Speaker 1: I am always like, that's somebody who wants you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, that's somebody who wanted to be a parent.
Speaker 1: And that's very refreshing to see as well. Like it's
Speaker 1: so obvious when parents are just so in love with
Speaker 1: their children, and it's nice to see. And that happens
Speaker 1: all across the board. It doesn't. It's it's whether it's
Speaker 1: life or it not just being a mother. And I really,
Speaker 1: you know, I really just I admire that endlessly of
Speaker 1: you because you're you're you're curious, but you're also so
Speaker 1: so honest, and I I struggle with this, so I'm
Speaker 1: asking you, do you are there parts of yourself that
Speaker 1: you don't share? M that's a good question parts of
Speaker 1: myself that I don't share. I'm sure. I mean, I
Speaker 1: try and be mindful of the people that are in
Speaker 1: my life that don't want the exposure that I bring
Speaker 1: to the table. Like you know, I mean, except for
Speaker 1: my family, they're just fucked no matter what, because I'll
Speaker 1: just kind of constantly drag them whatever is happening. Do
Speaker 1: you have nieces and nephews and with within your Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm I have eight of them, and I you know,
Speaker 1: I I talked to all eight of them all the time,
Speaker 1: and that's my role. Like, I love being an aunt.
Speaker 1: I'm cool. I provide edibles. I provide you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like I take them on safari. I I'm like,
Speaker 1: I want my relationship. And you know, listen, if I
Speaker 1: had my own kids, I wouldn't be available for that dynamic.
Speaker 1: And I'm able to do that with strangers, you know,
Speaker 1: kids I'll never meet. I've been able to send to
Speaker 1: school or do nice things for so I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, that's another advantage, you know, for the women
Speaker 1: out there that don't feel compelled to have a child,
Speaker 1: there's so much you can contribute without having them to
Speaker 1: other children. When I look back, I mean That's why
Speaker 1: I really wanted to do this show. It's because I'm
Speaker 1: so fascinated by people's now what moments, whether whatever it
Speaker 1: is at the time, where there are other now what
Speaker 1: moments past that first, very very important one, Yeah, I had.
Speaker 1: I have had a few big ones, like when I
Speaker 1: left my Netflix show. That was a pretty seminal moment
Speaker 1: in my life because I was so upset about Trump
Speaker 1: being president, so upset, and that's when I decided to
Speaker 1: go into therapy. And when I really was, you know,
Speaker 1: unraveling what the pain of losing my brother was and
Speaker 1: that that lack of control and you know when the
Speaker 1: rug gets slipped, you know, pulled out from underneath you,
Speaker 1: which is basically how I was equating the Trump residency,
Speaker 1: like wait, wait, wait, this wasn't supposed to happen. Now
Speaker 1: what where? How do we handle this? And then I
Speaker 1: think another seminal moment for me or a now what
Speaker 1: moment for me? Was, um, you know my last relationship.
Speaker 1: I was dating this comedian that I had known for
Speaker 1: years and years and we kind of reconnected and we
Speaker 1: dated for about, uh like eleven months, and I really
Speaker 1: believed that this was my guy, Like I thought, oh,
Speaker 1: my God, I won like I got everything. I have
Speaker 1: my career, I have respect, I have I have my family,
Speaker 1: I have so many friends, I have all of these things.
Speaker 1: And then I thought this was going to be the
Speaker 1: person I spent my life with. You always said you
Speaker 1: were not the marrying kind, so change. Yes, I'm not
Speaker 1: that hard up to get married. But I was open
Speaker 1: to the idea of it, and we definitely discussed it
Speaker 1: at length because it was important to him. Um. And
Speaker 1: then you know, towards the end of the relationship, it
Speaker 1: just became clear that this was not my person. What happened?
Speaker 1: Do you think, Like, I mean, I just discovered some
Speaker 1: stuff that I mean not discovered. There was just some
Speaker 1: behaviors that I that we couldn't agree on, and I
Speaker 1: was like I would It was a It felt to
Speaker 1: me like I would have to abandon myself, which maybe
Speaker 1: I would have been okay to do if I were
Speaker 1: twenty or twenty five, but I wasn't willing to do that.
Speaker 1: No matter how much I loved this person, and I
Speaker 1: loved him so much, I was not going to abandon myself.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going to change this behavior.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to change the way that I behave
Speaker 1: in order to make you feel more comfortable. I'm not
Speaker 1: doing that. And I had to walk away from something
Speaker 1: that I really believed was going to be forever relationship,
Speaker 1: and so that was difficult. But that's brave by the
Speaker 1: same token. I mean, did you think you were being brave? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I wasn't. I was in a lot of pain,
Speaker 1: but I I just it was unacceptable, Like I just
Speaker 1: I said, this is you can't, this can't happen. Our
Speaker 1: relationship just evolved and we both could not agree on
Speaker 1: a situation or several situations, and I thought, you know,
Speaker 1: therapy could help, but did not, and I exhausted any
Speaker 1: avenue I could think of, and then I just realized
Speaker 1: this is futile. And yet he directed the current. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: he directed. Was this after you broke I was right
Speaker 1: before we broke up? Because you do seem to have
Speaker 1: like a superpower of staying friendly or at least of
Speaker 1: coming back to being friends with your exes. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say I'm good at that. I mean I
Speaker 1: am now like as a you know, after therapy, I
Speaker 1: understand like there's no reason to be angry at anybody
Speaker 1: when something doesn't work out. You just have to understand
Speaker 1: things don't work out sometimes and there's no reason to
Speaker 1: have vitriol about it. But yeah, walking away from him
Speaker 1: was was one of the most difficult things that I've
Speaker 1: ever had to do. Are you still in contact with
Speaker 1: each other. I haven't spoken to him in a while. No,
Speaker 1: But I just, uh, I mean, there has to be
Speaker 1: some accountability, you know what I mean, like from him
Speaker 1: for about what happened, because it was just ridiculous and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, and we I don't think we can have
Speaker 1: a friendship until there's some accountability and some responsibility taken.
Speaker 1: Do you think that you know more clearly now what
Speaker 1: you're looking for in a relationship. Yes, I need somebody
Speaker 1: a who reads books and reads the news and cares
Speaker 1: about global affairs. That that is a major which I
Speaker 1: never thought was like the most important thing. But I'm
Speaker 1: so about that And it's not fun to be to
Speaker 1: reading the paper and not be able to discuss that
Speaker 1: with someone. Like a thirst for knowledge, a thirst for growth.
Speaker 1: You know, there's nothing I remember I dated this guy
Speaker 1: once and I walked out. I came home one day
Speaker 1: he was visiting me, and I walked outside into my
Speaker 1: backyard and he was just reading this Bell Hooks book
Speaker 1: and I remember going, oh my god, this is the
Speaker 1: hottest thing I've seen ever. Like, I fucking love when
Speaker 1: men read and then they read about women. I get it,
Speaker 1: I do, I do understand. I mean, I think I
Speaker 1: spent so long kind of making that list together of
Speaker 1: those things that I wanted the person to be, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm my first husband was someone who didn't
Speaker 1: want to do any of that, and it was a
Speaker 1: place of insecurity for for him, you know. And well, listen,
Speaker 1: there's more to the world than your career. A like,
Speaker 1: my career has always been the most prominent part about
Speaker 1: my life because I'm not married and I don't have kids,
Speaker 1: But it's definitely not all of my life. I have
Speaker 1: such a thirst for knowledge and for travel and for
Speaker 1: making sure that this is not the only definition of me.
Speaker 1: And has your stand up changed you think over the years?
Speaker 1: Has your stand up consistently changed? Yeah? I mean I
Speaker 1: used to be a little bit like sloppier. I get
Speaker 1: drunk and do a special I didn't give a ship.
Speaker 1: I was just so like I was so I had
Speaker 1: so many candles burning at as so many you know,
Speaker 1: at every end possible that I just didn't care as
Speaker 1: much about you know, the integrity of the work wasn't
Speaker 1: at the level that it is now. And so now
Speaker 1: I you know, I've I've kind of come back to
Speaker 1: myself in a big way. I understand what my purpose
Speaker 1: is and that I have a very strong voice and
Speaker 1: to use it for good, not to just use it
Speaker 1: for personal gain. Which whoever, would you ever host another
Speaker 1: talk show? Yeah, I'm down. I mean, I'm in discussions
Speaker 1: to do that right now. So I mean I want, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to return to that. You know, that's what
Speaker 1: we want you to return. We want you to return
Speaker 1: and I think that would be a great thing. Um,
Speaker 1: if you were to look back at your life, what
Speaker 1: would you save. A through line is honesty m M.
Speaker 1: Doesn't get better than that. You can't beat that. That
Speaker 1: was Chelsea Handler And if you want to hear more
Speaker 1: from her, go watch her latest comedy special Revolution. It's
Speaker 1: out now on Netflix. As for us and now what,
Speaker 1: we are going to take a break for a few weeks,
Speaker 1: but we'll be back early next year with a fresh
Speaker 1: batch of incredible episodes for you all. Happy New Year,
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. Now What. Is produced by the
Speaker 1: wonderful Julia Weaver with help from Darby math Stirs. Our
Speaker 1: executive producer is Christina Everett. The show is mixed by
Speaker 1: Bohed Fraser and Christian Bowman. A special thanks to nicky
Speaker 1: Etre and Will Pearson.