1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: What do you do in life doesn't go according to plan? 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: That moment you lose a job, or a loved one, 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:14,040 Speaker 1: or even a piece of yourself. I'm Brookshields and this 4 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: is now What, a podcast about pivotal moments as told 5 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: by people who lived them. Each week, I sit down 6 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,800 Speaker 1: with a guest to talk about the times they were 7 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: knocked off course and what they did to move forward. 8 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: Some stories are funny, others are cut wrenching, but all 9 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:38,320 Speaker 1: are unapologetically human and remind us that every success and 10 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: every setback is accompanied by a choice, and that choice 11 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:50,480 Speaker 1: answers one question. Now, what what drug do you think 12 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: I could use? Because I'm the worst drug like, I can't. 13 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: I don't think you should take any drugs. I just 14 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 1: feel like you want to, but I can't know. I 15 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: don't think you should. I don't think it's for everybody. 16 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: I thought you'd have this great answer for me. No. No, 17 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,160 Speaker 1: But when I'm in New York next time, you and 18 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 1: I are going to go for a drink and I'll 19 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,759 Speaker 1: give you a proper assessment. But I can just tell 20 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: I think your personality, certain personalities don't react well to drugs, 21 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: and I feel like years might be one of those. 22 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: I'm literally the first time I ever smoke thought. It 23 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,479 Speaker 1: was with Judd Nelson and we went to go see 24 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 1: Dry White Season, and first of all, it was a 25 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 1: bomb which I did not know how to use. I 26 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:34,320 Speaker 1: literally tried to Oh, I'll try to get my mouth 27 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:40,120 Speaker 1: around the whole. I think that faces so stupid. Bro 28 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,320 Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god. I was like, I've 29 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,680 Speaker 1: never seen one of these. He's a mouth in it 30 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: in it. Anyway, we get to Dry White Season and 31 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: it's a packed theater and I'm sitting there. All of 32 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: a sudden, I start going and he was like, never again, 33 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: never again. Well, I smoke you doing any Any real 34 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 1: drug user does not want to be around a newcomer. 35 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:09,480 Speaker 1: My next guest needs no introduction, but I'm going to try. 36 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 1: Chelsea Handler is a comedian, a writer, a producer, a 37 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: fellow podcaster. She's many things. We first met when I 38 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: was a guest on her late night show, and I 39 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 1: just loved how comfortable and fun she made that experience. 40 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: Since then, Chelsea has done a lot. She's had done 41 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: so many things, including her latest comedy special, Revolution, which 42 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:39,560 Speaker 1: is out now on Netflix. She's just a fabulous guest 43 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 1: and we had a blast catching up. I am grateful 44 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: to her for sharing her incredible story and for being 45 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 1: so open, And I hope you all enjoy this interview 46 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: as much as I did. So here is Chelsea Handler. 47 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: I thought that I was busy. I mean I really 48 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm doing so many I'm so busy. 49 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: You are superhuman in what you do. It's amazing to me. 50 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:11,440 Speaker 1: You've written what six best selling books, You've gotten numbers 51 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:16,799 Speaker 1: of specials Netflix, HBO, You've hosted countless shows. I've been 52 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: on your show. How do you have the energy to 53 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: keep keep going at this level in this pace? It's 54 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 1: so unbelievable. I don't know. It's funny, you know when 55 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,079 Speaker 1: people say you're so busy, how do you do it all? 56 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like a lazy person a lot, 57 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,800 Speaker 1: you know, Like I could easily get into bed either 58 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: reading a book or watching TV for close to six 59 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,040 Speaker 1: hours if you if I had my druthers, that's my 60 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: happy time. I've been on tour for a pretty like 61 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: almost eighteen months, um, and that that is exhausting just 62 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,480 Speaker 1: because of the sheer, you know, just the travel, and 63 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: so that can kind of be you know, that can 64 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: kind of really wear you down. Um, But I just 65 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: find that if I keep myself busy with lots of 66 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 1: different projects, that I have the most amount of energy 67 00:03:56,720 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: because my interest peaks when when it's constantly jutting back 68 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: and forth. I think when I focus on one thing 69 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: alone is when I start to get bored. But it's 70 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:10,840 Speaker 1: hard to get recognition for all that we do. And 71 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: I don't know, do you feel like you get enough 72 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:17,600 Speaker 1: credit for how extraordinary your work ethic is and what 73 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: you produce. Um. You know, it's funny. I have a 74 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,160 Speaker 1: new special coming out and I paid for it myself, 75 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: and I remember having going out and selling it and 76 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: it was challenging. There was a lot of interest, but 77 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,279 Speaker 1: everyone's like, we can't afford her. You know, our budgets 78 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 1: are all contracting, we're heading into a recession. We don't 79 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,120 Speaker 1: want to insult her with a lesser offer than she's 80 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,240 Speaker 1: used to And I was like what, I was like, well, 81 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: wait a second. I just put together the best special, 82 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: in my opinion, I've ever done, and I had a 83 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,720 Speaker 1: hard time getting what I you know, well, eventually it 84 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 1: all worked out. It worked out. Netflix stood up to 85 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: the table paid me. But it was there was a 86 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,400 Speaker 1: period of time where I just thought, what if I'm 87 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 1: not doing the right thing, Like, am I supposed to 88 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 1: even be doing this? Like, of course there's ego involved, 89 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 1: because we're all all professional and we all want to 90 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,280 Speaker 1: get recognized for the work that we do, especially when 91 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:06,679 Speaker 1: the work is top notch. So it was just another 92 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: one of those examples which I've gone through before in 93 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 1: my life professionally, where you think the bottom is falling 94 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,720 Speaker 1: out and then you find out, oh wait, okay, there 95 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 1: was just an energetic shift or whatever. The stars weren't aligning, 96 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: and then they did. So Yes, I definitely have periods 97 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 1: where I'm like, I don't feel recognized, and then I 98 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: have great periods where I feel totally validated and recognized. 99 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: How long did it take you to write the upcoming special? 100 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 1: I'm curious about that process, um, I wrote that. I mean, 101 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 1: I've done about probably a hundred and forty shows. I 102 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: literally started the show and I had eight pages typed 103 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: out of material because it's so hard to put it 104 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 1: down to memory, so you have to just keep doing it, 105 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: doing it, doing it, and then it clicks. So I 106 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,920 Speaker 1: would say it took me about three months to get 107 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 1: really like get it, and then once I got it, 108 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 1: then you're just practicing the new wants, the delivery, when 109 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,840 Speaker 1: to pause, when to play? Do you practice in front 110 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: of people or do you practice just in front of 111 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: the director or no, I just do you just do shows? 112 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,000 Speaker 1: You just do them over and over, you go on tour, 113 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,159 Speaker 1: and you would repeat it. I don't think I've ever 114 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: done stand up for myself in the mirror or for 115 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 1: one more. I don't think you can otherwise it's not 116 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: stand up, no, no, I would be sit down. You 117 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 1: do it with such ease, like there's no angst. It's 118 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,280 Speaker 1: almost as if it's all just coming up off the 119 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,480 Speaker 1: top of your head. And to me, that's a huge talent. 120 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you. Well, I think my talent is storytelling. 121 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: Those are my books. That's my personality. I just have 122 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: stories that I like to share, self deprecating and showing 123 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: everybody that they're not alone anyone who has a similar 124 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: experience to you. Making it clear that anyone who has 125 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,039 Speaker 1: any experience doesn't understand that there are millions of other 126 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 1: people that can relate to that. So whenever you're in 127 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: a situation where you're grieving or you feel so alone, 128 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,599 Speaker 1: are isolated. It's so important to remember that people have 129 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: been through what you've been through. You're never the only 130 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 1: person that's been through something. Can I ask you how 131 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 1: that I'm so excited about the new Netflix special? Um, 132 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 1: how is it different than your past? It's, uh, well, 133 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: it's a it's I don't know. I'm just I'm much more. 134 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 1: I'm so I have so much more clarity and I'm 135 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: just like so much more of a professional now that 136 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: it's just sharp sharp, it's funny, it's poignant, and it's 137 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: a story. It's a love story. It's about me kind 138 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: of losing my faith in men and then kind of 139 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 1: all the examples of why and then finally meeting Joe 140 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 1: Koy and renewing my faith in men, and and then 141 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: even you know, after that not working out, not to 142 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 1: shut down and close off, to not use a failed 143 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: relationship or a relationship that didn't go the distances as 144 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: a reason to to say fuck it, I'm single again. 145 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 1: Like I'm not doing that. I do want a relationship. 146 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: I'm it's okay for me to admit that now, Like 147 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 1: I've learned and I've grown so much that I got 148 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 1: a taste of what that togetherness feels like and I 149 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: wanted again. So it's a real kind of like it's 150 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:13,119 Speaker 1: it's kind of like a love story for yourself actually, yeah, 151 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: and for others, you know, for inspiration for other women 152 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: who you don't ever have to settle. You just do 153 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 1: not ever have to settle. You have to have your 154 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 1: standards at a certain level and somebody will meet you 155 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 1: there and that will happen. Did you have comedy, Like, 156 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: who are the comics that you liked? Oh? Bill Cosby? 157 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,560 Speaker 1: So there you know that was my favorite? Uh that 158 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: was a big whoopsie doodle. He actually once I was 159 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,679 Speaker 1: in Atlantic City and he and I were both performing, 160 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,319 Speaker 1: and he called me, summoned me to his hotel room. 161 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: This was probably fifteen years ago, and luckily I was 162 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: with a crew of like four guys, um my opener, 163 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:54,439 Speaker 1: my two tour manager, blah blah blah, a videographer whatever. 164 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 1: They were all men, and so I brought them with 165 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,559 Speaker 1: me to Bill Cosby's hotel room. And he was so pissed, 166 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: she said, who are these guys. I'm like, well, that's 167 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: my opener, this is my videographer, this is and he's like, 168 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 1: you're opening for a woman, That's what you're doing to 169 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 1: the guy opening for me, And I was like, what's 170 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 1: your problem? Come to find out, his problem was that 171 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 1: he couldn't roofing me when I had four guys there. God, 172 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: I we uh. Suddenly Susan premiered and for that one 173 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: night in history, we got better ratings than his show, right. 174 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,839 Speaker 1: I mean it was because it was probably people thought 175 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: it was going to be a train wreck, right, and 176 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: nothing to do with anything truthful about it. And he 177 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,760 Speaker 1: called me in my dressing room and I got brought 178 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 1: off stoff the stage too, into my dressing room, and 179 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 1: I thought he was going to congratulate me and sort 180 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: of take me under his wing. And I got on 181 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: the phone and I said, oh, yes, Mr Cosby, and 182 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:51,959 Speaker 1: he said get off TV. And I was, I mean 183 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: I was, I thought he was kidding and and but 184 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,719 Speaker 1: there was something so serious about it. And I said, oh, 185 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: I don't know too, I'm just here, but I have 186 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,280 Speaker 1: a contract, and and you know, I was like so crushed. 187 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: I love I love the idea to Marritie like he 188 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: thinks he's gonna say that to you and you're gonna 189 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: just quit your job. And then he hit it into well, 190 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: you know what you're gonna need better writing, so you've 191 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 1: got to stand up for yourself and get better writers. 192 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: And I was like, really that was passive aggressive, like 193 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, Like, do you have a roofy 194 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,839 Speaker 1: I could borrow so I can give it to you. 195 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 1: Did you always want to be a comedian? No? I 196 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,360 Speaker 1: only became a comedian because I was out of ideas 197 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,959 Speaker 1: and I wasn't going to get an acting job because 198 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: my acting is questionable. Well it was like auditioning. I 199 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 1: just wasn't good at auditioning when I'm actually honest that doing. Yeah, yeah, totally. 200 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 1: And then I was in a d u I class. 201 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 1: I got a DUI when I was twenty one, and 202 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 1: I went to this du I class where you have 203 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: to like get up and tell your d u I story. 204 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,520 Speaker 1: And I was so scared. They were like twenty five 205 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:56,600 Speaker 1: people in the class and everyone had to get up 206 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: and tell their du I story and I was like, oh, 207 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 1: I couldn't publicly speak. Was just so scared. And then finally, 208 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,079 Speaker 1: on the very last day of the class, they called 209 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: me and I had to get up and tell my 210 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,960 Speaker 1: d u I story in front of the whole class. 211 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: And my d u I story is pretty funny because 212 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 1: I got in a fight with a cop calling him racist. 213 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 1: Meanwhile we were both white, and I I just I 214 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 1: spent twenty four hours in sybil Brand attention facility like 215 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 1: this women's prison in l A. Like it was a 216 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:28,480 Speaker 1: hot mass situation. I couldn't get released because the systems 217 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 1: went down, so I was actually in there for way 218 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,080 Speaker 1: longer than I normally would have been for a d 219 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,560 Speaker 1: u I. But anyway, I got up, I told my 220 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:39,320 Speaker 1: story and everyone in the class was just howling and 221 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,720 Speaker 1: dying with laughter because my story was so silly. And 222 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 1: I remember the guy that ran the class came up 223 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 1: and was like, this isn't a stand up comedy club 224 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: like this, you're wilking this, Like now you have to 225 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,440 Speaker 1: get off stage. And then when I got off stage, 226 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: everyone's like, you need to do stand up comedy And 227 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: I had never thought about it. So I have to 228 00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,680 Speaker 1: credit my d u I with getting me into stand 229 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 1: up because the next week I went to the laugh 230 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 1: Factory or the Improv and I did an open mic 231 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:16,840 Speaker 1: and then I was hooked. Were you always that kid 232 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: in your family, the jokester or the one that performed 233 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 1: or did that develop later? I mean, yeah, I was 234 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: always just like I mean, I was born and I 235 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 1: was four years old, I asked my father if he 236 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 1: had a dowry for me because I looked at the 237 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: financial situation and I was like, this does not add up. 238 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,559 Speaker 1: I'm like, you guys have six kids, what's your game 239 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 1: plan for finances? Do you even have a savings account? 240 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: And your dad was a German immigrant my mom my 241 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: mom was a German mom. My dad was a Jew. 242 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 1: So my mom was a Nazi and my father was Jewish. 243 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 1: So that was a big dynamic, a couple of boxes. Yes, absolutely, 244 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 1: And you're child how would you describe your childhood like? Um? 245 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,680 Speaker 1: Like chaotic? You know, we had a lot of love. 246 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 1: I mean, my siblings and I are really tight. Um. 247 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: Our brother died when we were not when when I 248 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 1: was nine. He was the oldest. I was the youngest. 249 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,440 Speaker 1: So that was traumatizing and we didn't really have the 250 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,439 Speaker 1: skill set to deal with that. So and our parents 251 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 1: were pretty clueless. You know, We've always been pretty tight ennit. 252 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,079 Speaker 1: We always stick together and we're always there for each other. 253 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,800 Speaker 1: My sister just got spinal surgery a couple of weeks ago, 254 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,040 Speaker 1: and I went up there for two weeks to help, 255 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 1: you know, play nurse. And my whole family is like Chelsea, like, 256 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 1: are you really the right person to go up there? 257 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:28,719 Speaker 1: Like you're not that good at that? And I was like, oh, 258 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,319 Speaker 1: watch me. I was like, listen if when it's probably 259 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:32,840 Speaker 1: the best at it, because they're not going to be 260 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 1: grossed out, you're gonna kind of just cut to the 261 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,960 Speaker 1: chase and help her exactly. And she has this long, long, 262 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:43,199 Speaker 1: like this wound where they went in um down her 263 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: back that was so gnarly that I was like, oh 264 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 1: that I had to clean every day. And my sister 265 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: got looked at me one day and she's like, I 266 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 1: just can't believe you, Like you're just the best nurse 267 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: in the whole world. I would never have expected this. 268 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 1: And I was like, exactly, I'm fucking reliable. I'm reliable 269 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 1: because my parents were so unreliable that it's so important 270 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 1: for me to show up for people when they're in need. 271 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: Would you say when your brother died that was the 272 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: sort of the first and most significant, now what moment 273 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 1: in your life? Yeah, be going to therapy was probably 274 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 1: the most significant part of my life. In addition to that, 275 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 1: because that helped him that was later, right, that was 276 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 1: when I was like forty. But to be able to 277 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 1: unpack it and have and and gain a self awareness 278 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 1: about why my behaviors were a certain way and why 279 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: I acted a certain way, that was a big, huge 280 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: moment for me. And it took about a you know, 281 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: it took few years to like absorb all the information 282 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 1: that you learn in therapy, absorb about because you you 283 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 1: learn it and then you have to apply it to 284 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: your life and then you don't want to lose the 285 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: good parts of yourself. So it's a very interesting dance. 286 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 1: After you do deep analysis, you're like, okay, now now 287 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 1: what No, No, it's hard to know who you really 288 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: are anyway if if who you aren't that day has 289 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 1: been defined by exactly exactly, So you're like, well, who 290 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: would I be if my brother it and die? Would 291 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: I even be like a celebrity? Would I have been 292 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 1: driven to get this much attention? Would I have been 293 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: interested in getting myself to be you know, seen and 294 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 1: known and heard? I mean, I wonder you know, and 295 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,120 Speaker 1: I was a nine year old though, how did you 296 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 1: did you have any form of processing this huge loss 297 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: at nine? Oh? No, not at all? I mean I 298 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: just remember seeing my mom and my dad fall apart 299 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 1: at the seams. Because I was their firstborn. I had 300 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 1: never seen my father cry. I mean, we all just 301 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: kind of went to our respective corners and grieved, and 302 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 1: you know, in Judaism we said Shiva. And there are 303 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 1: people coming to our house all week long with roast 304 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 1: beef and corn beef and pastronomy. And I remember watching 305 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:42,480 Speaker 1: all of these Jewish people eat pastronomy sandwiches, thinking what, 306 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 1: what kind of fucking morning is this? This is so weird. 307 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 1: And I remember my learning that my mother wasn't Jewish. 308 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 1: I had thought my mom was Jewish my whole life 309 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: until I was nine. And then I remember because they 310 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,600 Speaker 1: were talking about burying my brother with my rabbi and 311 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 1: they were like, well, we can't bury we can't buy 312 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: a plot in a Jewish cemetery, and let's read a 313 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: converts reading my mother. And I was like converts. I'm like, 314 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,520 Speaker 1: is a mom Jewish? And my Dad's like, no, mom's Mormon. 315 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,280 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that later. And I was like, what's Mormon? 316 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 1: And then I read the Book of Mormon and I 317 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I'm this is ridiculous. I'm like I'll 318 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: obviously stay, I'll be Jewish. But I was bought Mitzvah 319 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: and I was raised Jewish, like I went to Hebrew School, 320 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: Like I am a Jew, I don't really practice Judaism. 321 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 1: I'm not that into any religion quite frankly, but it's 322 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: the one religion I actually identify with if I had 323 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: to choose one as being a Jew. Every time I 324 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: go to from the time I was a little girl 325 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,640 Speaker 1: go to Abot Mitzvah or a bar Mitzvah, I always 326 00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,840 Speaker 1: asked my mother if we could convert. Always did. I 327 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,560 Speaker 1: said to my mom and my mom, this feels much 328 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 1: better than than all of the stuff that we that 329 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: we learned, and Catholicism, and and I feel good about 330 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 1: myself in this environment, I don't feel good about myself. 331 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:54,720 Speaker 1: And you know, getting ship every single day, a shamed 332 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: and then the confession and the I mean, my whole 333 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:01,600 Speaker 1: life was built around being guilty and and confessing. And um, 334 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:05,680 Speaker 1: do you think you grew up too fast? I wouldn't 335 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 1: say too fast, but I grew up pretty quickly. Like 336 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,960 Speaker 1: I I remember taking a plane ride, my very first 337 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 1: plane ride with my mom and like two of my 338 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,680 Speaker 1: brothers to Los Angeles from New Jersey. I had never 339 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 1: been on a plane. We walked back to the first 340 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,440 Speaker 1: class section and I was like, who are these people? 341 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,879 Speaker 1: Like these are my people? And my Mom's like, oh no, honey, 342 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,880 Speaker 1: we're we have six children in our family were never 343 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 1: flying first class. That is not something we can ever afford. 344 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,640 Speaker 1: And I looked at her and I was like, speak 345 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 1: for yourself, bitch, you know. And I came home. I 346 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 1: was ten years old. But when I was ten, I 347 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 1: looked like I was fifteen. I started my own babysitting 348 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 1: company where I was babysitting for kids that were older 349 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,719 Speaker 1: than me. I had a fourteen year old client who 350 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 1: I babysat for the entire summer when I was ten. 351 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,479 Speaker 1: And when I came back from that trip, I had 352 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: thirty dollar saved. And the next time we flew to California, 353 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 1: I was thirteen years old and I bought a first 354 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 1: class ticket through a travel agent that lived down the 355 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 1: street from us. And when we got on that plane, 356 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: I saw my seat to a I was like, I 357 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,639 Speaker 1: sat down. I'm like, I'll see you guys at the 358 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 1: end of the flight. And my mom was like, what 359 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,760 Speaker 1: are you talking about? This isn't funny. I'm like, no, 360 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,120 Speaker 1: it's not funny. If you think I'm flying coach, you're wrong. 361 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:17,000 Speaker 1: These are my people. Wow, that's kind of incredible. Were 362 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 1: you the only one in your family there's six of 363 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 1: you that sort of had that independent Well, we're all 364 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 1: pretty independent. But I definitely had like my sight set 365 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,399 Speaker 1: on a bigger life, Like I didn't want to be 366 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:32,040 Speaker 1: dependent on my on a man. My father and my 367 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,879 Speaker 1: mother's dynamic was not acceptable to me. And I also 368 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,520 Speaker 1: felt like betrayed by my brother when he died, and 369 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 1: I felt abandoned by my father after my brother died 370 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 1: because of the way my my father fell apart after that, 371 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 1: it was almost like he had no other children, you know. 372 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: So I definitely had this thing about like not trusting 373 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,120 Speaker 1: men and not wanting to be dependent on men, And 374 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,919 Speaker 1: you know, that was another thing I had to unpack 375 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 1: during therapy, Like I was so closed off to relationships 376 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,879 Speaker 1: because I'd have these stupid judge mental barriers, like you know, 377 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 1: if somebody wore an air May's belt, it was over. 378 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,960 Speaker 1: If somebody if I saw a man in flip flop, 379 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: so that was over. Or if I saw a pinky ring, 380 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, boner killer, no way can 381 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,920 Speaker 1: I have sex with this person. And I had all 382 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 1: of these like silly materialistic barriers to protect and preserve 383 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:23,400 Speaker 1: my independence in my safety. And only through therapy did 384 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,879 Speaker 1: I understand that, you know, that that what that was about, 385 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,440 Speaker 1: and how to let it down, like you know, let 386 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 1: it break away so that I could be in relationships 387 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:36,400 Speaker 1: with men and not have you know, crazy expectations. When 388 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:40,199 Speaker 1: did boys sort of come into the picture as boyfriends? 389 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: Oh early, I was like I was getting I was 390 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,160 Speaker 1: sexually active when I was like thirteen, fourteen years old, 391 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 1: Like I had a lot Mom talked to you about it. 392 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: Didn't know anybody want to talk to me about anything, 393 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,399 Speaker 1: you know. My parents were just so ill equipped at that. 394 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,360 Speaker 1: I mean when I got my period, like no one 395 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: had told me about that either. So I mean my 396 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 1: sister brought me a Maxi patch, like okay, here you 397 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: can put this in, and she's like, or this is 398 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: a tampon. I'm like a maxipad. You want me to 399 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,119 Speaker 1: put a Maxi pad in my underwear and then just 400 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,160 Speaker 1: walk around with blood floating in there. I'm like close, 401 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:15,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, give me the tampon. But yeah, I I 402 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,199 Speaker 1: didn't know about sex. I was very promiscuous when I 403 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,320 Speaker 1: was a teenager. It was like validation, you know, like 404 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,359 Speaker 1: I just wanted to prove that I was special and 405 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: that boys liked me. I, for one, and have always 406 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,119 Speaker 1: known that I wanted children. It was probably the first 407 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 1: thing I knew for sure. You've talked a lot about 408 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,639 Speaker 1: not wanting children, and I think that's very important because 409 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: it normalizes an experience and a feeling that many women have, 410 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,919 Speaker 1: but they are shamed by others when they try to 411 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,200 Speaker 1: express it. What's been the reaction of other women when 412 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,200 Speaker 1: they know that piece of you? Well, I think it's 413 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,720 Speaker 1: I think the reason why I'm so loud about it 414 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:55,239 Speaker 1: is because of the reaction from women who feel like, 415 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,400 Speaker 1: oh my god, I don't have that feeling. I don't 416 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:01,119 Speaker 1: have that that biological clock ticking. I don't feel that way, 417 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,200 Speaker 1: you know. Um. And so I like to give voice 418 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,920 Speaker 1: to all of those people, because that isn't a defining thing. 419 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,680 Speaker 1: I mean, it can be, but it's not the only 420 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,440 Speaker 1: way to define yourself, and it's not right for everybody. 421 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,320 Speaker 1: And I really think if you want to have a baby, 422 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: you really have to want a baby, like the way 423 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 1: that you're talking about it not be like, um, forty, 424 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,680 Speaker 1: maybe I should have a baby because it's gonna be 425 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,120 Speaker 1: too late if I don't do it now. It's like no, no, no, no, no, 426 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: that's not the reason to have a baby. You know. 427 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,400 Speaker 1: I think I think that there's so many women who 428 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:33,840 Speaker 1: are thankful that you're sort of destigmatizing it. Well, listen, 429 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,800 Speaker 1: I'll tell you, you know, watching your Instagram and watching 430 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,920 Speaker 1: your relationship with your daughters and Chris and uh like, 431 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,720 Speaker 1: I am always like, that's somebody who wants you know 432 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,480 Speaker 1: what I mean, that's somebody who wanted to be a parent. 433 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,440 Speaker 1: And that's very refreshing to see as well. Like it's 434 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: so obvious when parents are just so in love with 435 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,640 Speaker 1: their children, and it's nice to see. And that happens 436 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: all across the board. It doesn't. It's it's whether it's 437 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 1: life or it not just being a mother. And I really, 438 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,800 Speaker 1: you know, I really just I admire that endlessly of 439 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:07,520 Speaker 1: you because you're you're you're curious, but you're also so 440 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,640 Speaker 1: so honest, and I I struggle with this, so I'm 441 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 1: asking you, do you are there parts of yourself that 442 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 1: you don't share? M that's a good question parts of 443 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 1: myself that I don't share. I'm sure. I mean, I 444 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,639 Speaker 1: try and be mindful of the people that are in 445 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:26,639 Speaker 1: my life that don't want the exposure that I bring 446 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,159 Speaker 1: to the table. Like you know, I mean, except for 447 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,280 Speaker 1: my family, they're just fucked no matter what, because I'll 448 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: just kind of constantly drag them whatever is happening. Do 449 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,240 Speaker 1: you have nieces and nephews and with within your Oh, 450 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 1: I'm I have eight of them, and I you know, 451 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 1: I I talked to all eight of them all the time, 452 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: and that's my role. Like, I love being an aunt. 453 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,639 Speaker 1: I'm cool. I provide edibles. I provide you know what 454 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,399 Speaker 1: I mean, Like I take them on safari. I I'm like, 455 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,200 Speaker 1: I want my relationship. And you know, listen, if I 456 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 1: had my own kids, I wouldn't be available for that dynamic. 457 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 1: And I'm able to do that with strangers, you know, 458 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: kids I'll never meet. I've been able to send to 459 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: school or do nice things for so I feel like, 460 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: you know, that's another advantage, you know, for the women 461 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: out there that don't feel compelled to have a child, 462 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 1: there's so much you can contribute without having them to 463 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 1: other children. When I look back, I mean That's why 464 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 1: I really wanted to do this show. It's because I'm 465 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,919 Speaker 1: so fascinated by people's now what moments, whether whatever it 466 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,800 Speaker 1: is at the time, where there are other now what 467 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:35,840 Speaker 1: moments past that first, very very important one, Yeah, I had. 468 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,760 Speaker 1: I have had a few big ones, like when I 469 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,120 Speaker 1: left my Netflix show. That was a pretty seminal moment 470 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 1: in my life because I was so upset about Trump 471 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 1: being president, so upset, and that's when I decided to 472 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,719 Speaker 1: go into therapy. And when I really was, you know, 473 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,639 Speaker 1: unraveling what the pain of losing my brother was and 474 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: that that lack of control and you know when the 475 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: rug gets slipped, you know, pulled out from underneath you, 476 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: which is basically how I was equating the Trump residency, 477 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,440 Speaker 1: like wait, wait, wait, this wasn't supposed to happen. Now 478 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 1: what where? How do we handle this? And then I 479 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,240 Speaker 1: think another seminal moment for me or a now what 480 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,280 Speaker 1: moment for me? Was, um, you know my last relationship. 481 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,680 Speaker 1: I was dating this comedian that I had known for 482 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,960 Speaker 1: years and years and we kind of reconnected and we 483 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 1: dated for about, uh like eleven months, and I really 484 00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:23,640 Speaker 1: believed that this was my guy, Like I thought, oh, 485 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: my God, I won like I got everything. I have 486 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,480 Speaker 1: my career, I have respect, I have I have my family, 487 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,240 Speaker 1: I have so many friends, I have all of these things. 488 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: And then I thought this was going to be the 489 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 1: person I spent my life with. You always said you 490 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:42,199 Speaker 1: were not the marrying kind, so change. Yes, I'm not 491 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:45,359 Speaker 1: that hard up to get married. But I was open 492 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,639 Speaker 1: to the idea of it, and we definitely discussed it 493 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:51,000 Speaker 1: at length because it was important to him. Um. And 494 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 1: then you know, towards the end of the relationship, it 495 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,000 Speaker 1: just became clear that this was not my person. What happened? 496 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 1: Do you think, Like, I mean, I just discovered some 497 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,199 Speaker 1: stuff that I mean not discovered. There was just some 498 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,120 Speaker 1: behaviors that I that we couldn't agree on, and I 499 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,399 Speaker 1: was like I would It was a It felt to 500 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,359 Speaker 1: me like I would have to abandon myself, which maybe 501 00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,120 Speaker 1: I would have been okay to do if I were 502 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,720 Speaker 1: twenty or twenty five, but I wasn't willing to do that. 503 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,760 Speaker 1: No matter how much I loved this person, and I 504 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: loved him so much, I was not going to abandon myself. 505 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going to change this behavior. 506 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,639 Speaker 1: I'm not going to change the way that I behave 507 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,679 Speaker 1: in order to make you feel more comfortable. I'm not 508 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,159 Speaker 1: doing that. And I had to walk away from something 509 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 1: that I really believed was going to be forever relationship, 510 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 1: and so that was difficult. But that's brave by the 511 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,680 Speaker 1: same token. I mean, did you think you were being brave? Yeah, 512 00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,680 Speaker 1: I mean I wasn't. I was in a lot of pain, 513 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 1: but I I just it was unacceptable, Like I just 514 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 1: I said, this is you can't, this can't happen. Our 515 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,200 Speaker 1: relationship just evolved and we both could not agree on 516 00:25:56,400 --> 00:26:00,719 Speaker 1: a situation or several situations, and I thought, you know, 517 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 1: therapy could help, but did not, and I exhausted any 518 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: avenue I could think of, and then I just realized 519 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 1: this is futile. And yet he directed the current. Yes, yes, 520 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: he directed. Was this after you broke I was right 521 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,439 Speaker 1: before we broke up? Because you do seem to have 522 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 1: like a superpower of staying friendly or at least of 523 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,199 Speaker 1: coming back to being friends with your exes. I don't know. 524 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,320 Speaker 1: I wouldn't say I'm good at that. I mean I 525 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,200 Speaker 1: am now like as a you know, after therapy, I 526 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,600 Speaker 1: understand like there's no reason to be angry at anybody 527 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,880 Speaker 1: when something doesn't work out. You just have to understand 528 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,359 Speaker 1: things don't work out sometimes and there's no reason to 529 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,199 Speaker 1: have vitriol about it. But yeah, walking away from him 530 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,440 Speaker 1: was was one of the most difficult things that I've 531 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,639 Speaker 1: ever had to do. Are you still in contact with 532 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,879 Speaker 1: each other. I haven't spoken to him in a while. No, 533 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:51,000 Speaker 1: But I just, uh, I mean, there has to be 534 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 1: some accountability, you know what I mean, like from him 535 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 1: for about what happened, because it was just ridiculous and uh, 536 00:26:58,720 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 1: you know, and we I don't think we can have 537 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,359 Speaker 1: a friendship until there's some accountability and some responsibility taken. 538 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 1: Do you think that you know more clearly now what 539 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 1: you're looking for in a relationship. Yes, I need somebody 540 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,880 Speaker 1: a who reads books and reads the news and cares 541 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 1: about global affairs. That that is a major which I 542 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,960 Speaker 1: never thought was like the most important thing. But I'm 543 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,679 Speaker 1: so about that And it's not fun to be to 544 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: reading the paper and not be able to discuss that 545 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:26,440 Speaker 1: with someone. Like a thirst for knowledge, a thirst for growth. 546 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 1: You know, there's nothing I remember I dated this guy 547 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 1: once and I walked out. I came home one day 548 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,399 Speaker 1: he was visiting me, and I walked outside into my 549 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 1: backyard and he was just reading this Bell Hooks book 550 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,159 Speaker 1: and I remember going, oh my god, this is the 551 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 1: hottest thing I've seen ever. Like, I fucking love when 552 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 1: men read and then they read about women. I get it, 553 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 1: I do, I do understand. I mean, I think I 554 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 1: spent so long kind of making that list together of 555 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,080 Speaker 1: those things that I wanted the person to be, you know. 556 00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,000 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm my first husband was someone who didn't 557 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 1: want to do any of that, and it was a 558 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,760 Speaker 1: place of insecurity for for him, you know. And well, listen, 559 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,640 Speaker 1: there's more to the world than your career. A like, 560 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,399 Speaker 1: my career has always been the most prominent part about 561 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,919 Speaker 1: my life because I'm not married and I don't have kids, 562 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,159 Speaker 1: But it's definitely not all of my life. I have 563 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:19,199 Speaker 1: such a thirst for knowledge and for travel and for 564 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:22,679 Speaker 1: making sure that this is not the only definition of me. 565 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,159 Speaker 1: And has your stand up changed you think over the years? 566 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 1: Has your stand up consistently changed? Yeah? I mean I 567 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 1: used to be a little bit like sloppier. I get 568 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 1: drunk and do a special I didn't give a ship. 569 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,800 Speaker 1: I was just so like I was so I had 570 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 1: so many candles burning at as so many you know, 571 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: at every end possible that I just didn't care as 572 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,520 Speaker 1: much about you know, the integrity of the work wasn't 573 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 1: at the level that it is now. And so now 574 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,000 Speaker 1: I you know, I've I've kind of come back to 575 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:53,400 Speaker 1: myself in a big way. I understand what my purpose 576 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,840 Speaker 1: is and that I have a very strong voice and 577 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 1: to use it for good, not to just use it 578 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,560 Speaker 1: for personal gain. Which whoever, would you ever host another 579 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 1: talk show? Yeah, I'm down. I mean, I'm in discussions 580 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,480 Speaker 1: to do that right now. So I mean I want, yeah, 581 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,680 Speaker 1: I want to return to that. You know, that's what 582 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 1: we want you to return. We want you to return 583 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:17,000 Speaker 1: and I think that would be a great thing. Um, 584 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 1: if you were to look back at your life, what 585 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: would you save. A through line is honesty m M. 586 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 1: Doesn't get better than that. You can't beat that. That 587 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: was Chelsea Handler And if you want to hear more 588 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:37,000 Speaker 1: from her, go watch her latest comedy special Revolution. It's 589 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 1: out now on Netflix. As for us and now what, 590 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: we are going to take a break for a few weeks, 591 00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,760 Speaker 1: but we'll be back early next year with a fresh 592 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:51,960 Speaker 1: batch of incredible episodes for you all. Happy New Year, 593 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:57,080 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. Now What. Is produced by the 594 00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,720 Speaker 1: wonderful Julia Weaver with help from Darby math Stirs. Our 595 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 1: executive producer is Christina Everett. The show is mixed by 596 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:08,560 Speaker 1: Bohed Fraser and Christian Bowman. A special thanks to nicky 597 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:10,240 Speaker 1: Etre and Will Pearson.