1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. I'm 2 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: Danny Shapiro, and this is family Secrets, the secrets that 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,520 Speaker 1: are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, 4 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,919 Speaker 1: and the secrets we keep from ourselves. As I tore 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,279 Speaker 1: the nation from my book Inheritance, I've heard from so 6 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: many about your own family secrets and realize that what 7 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,000 Speaker 1: we are creating for each other on this podcast is 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: a community, a community for those who are looking for 9 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 1: a safe and supportive space to unburden themselves. To that end, 10 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: we've created a number for listeners to call in to 11 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:48,160 Speaker 1: record stories to share here in this space. This week, 12 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,599 Speaker 1: I'd like to share a few of those stories from 13 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:56,800 Speaker 1: our community. Thanks for listening. My family's secret is UM 14 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: something that actually ended up being the reason that I 15 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 1: was born. My grandfather had fallen in love with this 16 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: woman and they had conceived a child out of wedlock. 17 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: Her parents wouldn't let them get married, so they took 18 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: her away um to have the baby and put the 19 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:22,199 Speaker 1: baby up for adoption. This was I think very early 20 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 1: sixties to late fifties, and uh they they didn't need 21 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:32,119 Speaker 1: his signature or anything back then. So my grandfather has 22 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:37,559 Speaker 1: a child my mom got pregnant with me very young. 23 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 1: Um also was not married. And uh, that's when my 24 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: grandpa told us his secret for the first time. My 25 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: grandmother didn't even know, and he took my mom out 26 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: and she was contemplating her options, and my grandfather said, 27 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,600 Speaker 1: I have a child who has a big place for adoption. 28 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: It is the worst experience I've ever had to deal 29 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:08,640 Speaker 1: with and live with. Please keep your baby, and I 30 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: don't help you it. That's really what happened to UM. 31 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 1: My grandfather is very much my father in a lot 32 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: of ways, especially in angry years before my dad became 33 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 1: a part of life. And Uh, I've been trying to 34 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: find my uncle. Uh, we know that the baby was 35 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 1: a boy, and we've all gone on the DNA websites 36 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: and I've just been waiting for a hit and hoping 37 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: for a hit someday. That's my family's secret. Hi, And 38 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: my family's secret starts with my grandfather on my mom's side. 39 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 1: He never knew his grandparents from his dad's side, so 40 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:58,799 Speaker 1: his paternal grandparents. I took it upon me to do 41 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: the genealogy and try to find out who his family was. 42 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: Eventually we were able to find them out, But along 43 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 1: the way we found out that his dad had been 44 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:14,200 Speaker 1: married previously and had a child from that first marriage. 45 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 1: When I went over to my grandparents house to share 46 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: this information, of all the ancestors we were able to find, 47 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: you know, his grandparents and beyond, and then also this 48 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:30,239 Speaker 1: information about long lost sister that we thought he never 49 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: knew about. Um he just said, oh, I thought it 50 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: was a brother that I had, which my grandma and 51 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 1: I kind of looked at him in dis police since 52 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 1: he had never shared this information if anyone, and come 53 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: to find out, you know, he was an only child, 54 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: so he thought, and his parents and other family members 55 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 1: were of the mindset that children should be seen and 56 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:57,000 Speaker 1: not heard, so he would just only overhear things but 57 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 1: could never ask questions, and if he did, he would 58 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: be told, you know, we'll talk about that when you're older, 59 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: which they never did. So now our project is trying 60 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: to find out more about the sister. We know that 61 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: she passed away in the mid nineties, and now we're 62 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: trying to find family relations on her side that we 63 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,479 Speaker 1: can connect with and find out more about her and 64 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,280 Speaker 1: what may have happened with that relationship, why the dad 65 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: never had contact with her again why they got divorced 66 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 1: and she was never a part of his life. Hi, 67 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: I am calling to UM leave a little bit of 68 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,479 Speaker 1: that family secret story UM that has recently come to light. 69 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 1: UM and Tinnah had some light on some past events 70 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: that have happened in my life. I am almost thirty 71 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 1: years old, and when I was in sixth grade, I 72 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 1: remember my mom coming up and telling me, after my 73 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: parents had had some real difficulty and my dad had 74 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 1: moved out for a bit, that things were going to change. 75 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: Of course, assumed divorce, UM time goes on, nothing happens. 76 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: I don't have the courage to ask about it. They 77 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 1: stayed together until in the junior in high school and 78 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 1: I finally asked her, were you guys going to get 79 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,480 Speaker 1: a divorce? And she simply responds the yes. And when 80 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: I asked, why did you not, she said because of 81 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:27,839 Speaker 1: you kids. I am the oldest sibling of a few 82 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 1: of us, UM. And fast forward to now, as an 83 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,840 Speaker 1: almost thirty year old, my parents are having some more 84 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:39,719 Speaker 1: marital difficulties and during this process, my dad decides to 85 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: send us a letter telling us about the fact that 86 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 1: he cheated on my mom. When UM, I was back 87 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:52,000 Speaker 1: in sad sixth grade and kind of left us all 88 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: in a three page long letter. This story about a 89 00:05:55,960 --> 00:06:00,560 Speaker 1: necessarily had um the process of telling my mom and 90 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,919 Speaker 1: quite a convoluted story UM that kind of shed some 91 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 1: clarity on a lot of events throughout my childhood and adolescence. 92 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:15,599 Speaker 1: It's been an overwhelming thing to know about and to 93 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:19,600 Speaker 1: hear UM. I kind of read the letter initially it 94 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: met was met with shock and lots of tears obviously 95 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:28,919 Speaker 1: as well, and then kind of has been a process 96 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: of being very glad that I know giving a lot 97 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,239 Speaker 1: of clarity to past events, and kind of this ongoing 98 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 1: process of feeling really fresh hurt and fresh anger for 99 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: something that happened so long ago, and kind of processing 100 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: what that looks like now in my life as an 101 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 1: adult and my relationship with my parents and the perspective 102 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: I have on a lot of things that happened throughout 103 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: my life. So UM, there is a little bit of 104 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,599 Speaker 1: my story. Thank you so much for this podcast. It's 105 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: been really relatable in a lot of ways, even though 106 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 1: the stories are different for every person. To thank you. 107 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: If you'd like to share your story, call one eight 108 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: eight eight secret zero and record your story. We won't 109 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: be able to run all the stories, but we do 110 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: want to shine a light on as many as we can. 111 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 1: The number again is one eight eight eight Secret and 112 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: then the numeral zero. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, 113 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 114 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.