WEBVTT - CZM Book Club: "2 B R 0 2 B" by Kurt Vonnegut 0:00:01.720 --> 0:00:08.079 Cool Zone Media book Club book Club. What if I 0:00:08.160 --> 0:00:10.000 only say twice, well, it's still kind of a chant. 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:13.920 Who knows, I don't. That's not what I know. Instead, 0:00:14.160 --> 0:00:17.320 I know that I'm Margaret Kiljoy because I'm the host 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:19.720 of this podcast, which is the Cool Zone Media book Club, 0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:22.159 the only book club that you don't have to do 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:25.079 the reading for because I do it for you. We 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:27.960 seem to have three modes here on book Club. We 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:31.240 have modern stories, we have fairy tales, and we have 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:36.000 classic science fiction. And that third mode is new, which 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:39.000 is the kick that I'm on right now, and this 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:44.479 story is in that mode because I don't know. It's 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.479 the kind of stuff that like. Okay, So the same 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:49.360 reason I really like history because of how it shapes 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:51.320 our present, I feel like you can do the same 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:53.600 kind of thing culturally and see like where we're at 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:56.400 with a lot of different ideas based on the things 0:00:56.440 --> 0:01:00.040 that came before. And this week's story is by a 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:06.760 classic one of my favorite weird satirical authors, Kurt Vonnegut. 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:11.639 And for folks who don't know, Kurt Vonnegut, of course, 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:14.800 is most famous as an anarchist who fought the Nazis. 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:17.839 This is not actually what he's famous for. But it's true. 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:20.679 He's an anarchist who fought the Nazis. He was captured 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:23.160 by the Germans kind of clos ish to the end 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:26.920 of the war. I don't remember exactly what year, but he, 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:31.560 you know, then survived two different Allied bombings while he 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:35.160 was in captivity of the Germans. Because war as hell, 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:37.440 and it is not surprising that he ended up an 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:40.319 anarchist and a pacifist and a world citizen as he 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.760 put it. But he did survive those things, and he 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:47.880 went on to write very satirical stuff that seems so 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.960 like lighthearted while playing with heavy issues, and then you 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:55.200 realize what this man went through and you're like, oh, yeah, no, 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:59.080 that's why he writes lighthearted, satirical stuff about very heavy issues. 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:05.000 And he survived the bombing of Dresden. You think I 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:06.760 would put this in my script, but I didn't. And 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:08.760 he survived this bombing of this sermon city where he 0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:13.320 was captive by hiding in a slaughterhouse and talked about 0:02:13.320 --> 0:02:15.800 how is like cool down there amongst all the bodies 0:02:15.880 --> 0:02:17.640 or the cadavers. I think is the way he put it, 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:20.000 and the reason that that sticks out to me is 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:21.639 I'm going to tell a different story really quick, and 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:23.400 maybe I've already told the story in one of my podcasts, 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:25.160 but I'm not sure, so I'm gonna tell it again 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:28.400 because this is the second time I know about an 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:35.280 anarchist surviving by hiding among bodies. And the other one 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:39.000 is that one day I met a man who was 0:02:39.040 --> 0:02:41.600 selling his father's book, and his father had been a 0:02:41.600 --> 0:02:45.680 Polish officer when the Russians came and invaded Poland and 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:49.160 then killed almost all the officers in the military rather 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.200 than letting them, oh, I don't know, defend the country 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:54.040 against Nazi's killed them all in the massacre of the 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:56.639 Caton Forest. And this man's father was one of the 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:58.880 only survivors of that because he had been taken to 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:03.200 Russia instead and thrown into a prison camp in Siberia. 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:06.240 And this man, when he first met me, he didn't 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:07.560 like me because I was like a weird pump and 0:03:07.560 --> 0:03:08.760 he thought I was going to be a Bolshevik. And 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:10.440 he's like, you and your friends you're not Bolsheviks, are you, 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.280 And I was like, no, no, we're anarchists, he said, anarchists, 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:14.960 And he got really excited and he opened up his 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:18.400 dad's book that's called The Shadow Kateen Forest, if anyone's curious, 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:22.679 and he flipped through and he found this chapter where 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:25.760 his father's life had been saved by a Christian anarchist 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:28.600 in the gulags who was like a follower of Kurpatkin 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:32.320 and Tolstoy. And while he was in this gulag, it 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:34.960 was so cold outside that people were freezing to death. 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:39.000 And the person who ran the morgue was this anarchist 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:41.240 in the camp, and so he would let people come 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:45.880 and hide among the frozen bodies to warm themselves up 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:49.920 because it was warmer than the outside. Which, now that 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:52.960 I say it, there's a very dark story, but it 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:55.800 meant that I had an interesting connection with a man, 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:59.440 you know, almost one hundred years later and seventy years 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:04.880 later or a while later, and I don't know. And 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.880 so just when I was like reading about Vonnegut hiding 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:14.320 among bodies to survive the horrors of war, I was 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:16.800 reminded of this other story. But that's not what this 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:22.520 story is about, not at all. Instead, content warning for 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:26.719 today's episode. This story discusses suicide, and I believe is 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:29.359 a critique of eugenics, but is also sort of describing 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:34.080 a eugenicist society, and so that's your content warning. If 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:36.200 that's not a headspace you want to be in, then 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:41.159 don't listen to this one. This story is called two 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:47.200 be Are Not to Be? The letters spelled out it'll 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:49.520 be really clever. It doesn't work as well in audio, right, 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:51.800 because that's the big reveal, is the way it sounds. 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:54.760 But it's just a bunch of letters and numbers. It 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:57.920 was first published in Worlds of If in January nineteen 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.279 sixty two, and the Project Gutenber Additions, which is where 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.719 I got this one from, says extensive research did not 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:07.040 uncover any evidence that the copyright on this publication was renewed. 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:10.039 So like a lot of stuff from the nineteen fifties 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:12.640 and sixties is under copyright, but a lot of stuff 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.240 isn't because of the weird ways the copyright law works. 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:20.400 The little tagline along with the story said, got a problem, 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:23.440 just pick up the phone. It solved them all and 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:24.880 all the same way. 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:28.359 Two b Are Not to Be? 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:35.600 By Kurt Vonnegut. Everything was perfectly swell. There were no prisons, 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:39.359 no slums, no insane asylums, no cripples, no poverty, no wars, 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:45.440 All diseases were conquered, so was old age. Death, barring accidents, 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:49.440 was an adventure for volunteers. The population of the United 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:53.440 States was stabilized at forty million souls. One bright morning 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:57.839 in the Chicago lying in hospital, a man named Edward K. Welling, 0:05:57.960 --> 0:06:01.400 Junior waited for his wife to give He was the 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:05.159 only man waiting. Not many people were born a day anymore. 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:09.080 Welling was fifty six, a mere stripe ling in a 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:13.520 population whose average age was one hundred twenty nine. X 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:16.120 rays had revealed that his wife was going to have triplets. 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:20.360 The children would be his first. Young Welling was hunched 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:23.000 in his chair, his head in his hand. He was 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:27.000 so rumpled, so still, and colorless, as to be virtually invisible. 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:31.039 His camouflage was perfect, since the waiting room had a 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:35.880 disorderly and demoralized air too, chairs and ashtrays had been 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:39.160 moved away from the walls. The floor was paved with 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:43.960 spattered dropcloths. The room was being redecorated. It was being 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:47.200 redecorated as a memorial to a man who had volunteered 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:50.720 to die. A sardonic old man about two hundred years 0:06:50.760 --> 0:06:54.000 old sat on a step ladder, painting a mural he 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:57.440 did not like. Back in the days when people aged visibly, 0:06:57.600 --> 0:06:59.920 his age would have been guessed at thirty five ors, 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:03.480 so aging had touched him that much before the cure 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:07.120 for aging was found. The mural he was working on 0:07:07.200 --> 0:07:10.480 depicted a very neat garden. Men and women in white 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:15.000 doctors and nurses, turned the soil, planted seedlings, sprayed, bugs, 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:20.560 spread fertilizer. Men and women in purple uniforms pulled up weeds, 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:23.880 cut down plants that were old and sickly, raked leaves, 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:29.360 carried refuse to trash burners. Never, never, never, not in 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:33.800 medieval Holland nor old Japan had a garden been more formal, 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:38.600 been better tended. Every plant had all the loam, light, water, air, 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:43.280 and nourishment it could use. A hospital orderly came down 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:47.160 the corridor, singing under his breath a popular song. If 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:50.360 you don't like my kisses, honey, here's what I will do. 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:54.200 I'll go see a girl in purple kiss this sad 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:58.360 world to dulu. If you don't want my lovin', why 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:01.400 should I take up all this? I'll get off this 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:07.680 old planet. Let some sweet baby have my place. The 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:11.120 orderly looked in at the mural, and the muralist looks 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:13.800 so real, he said, I can practically imagine I'm standing 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.280 in the middle of it. What makes you think you're 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.480 not in it, said the painter. He gave us a 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:22.400 tyiric smile. It's called the Happy Garden of Life. You 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:27.040 know that's good of doctor Hits, said the orderly. He 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.160 was referring to one of the male figures in white, 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:32.240 whose head was a portrait of doctor Benjamin Hits, the 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:37.880 hospital's chief Obstrataian Hits was a blindingly handsome man. A 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.200 lot of faces still to fill in, said the orderly. 0:08:40.520 --> 0:08:42.400 He meant that the faces of many of the figures 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:45.480 in the mural were still blank. All blanks were to 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:48.240 be filled with portraits of important people on either the 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:51.240 hospital staff or from the Chicago office of the Federal 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:55.320 Bureau of Termination. Must be nice to be able to 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:59.400 make pictures that look like something, said the orderly. The 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:03.080 painter's face curdled with scorn. You think I'm proud of this, daub, 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:05.440 he said. You think this is my idea of what 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:09.280 life really looks like. What's your idea of what life 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.440 looks like? Said the orderly. The painter gestured at a 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:15.800 foul dropcloth. There's a good picture of it, he said. 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:18.559 Frame that, and you have a picture a damn sight 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:22.400 more honest than this one. You're a gloomy old duck, 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:25.760 aren't you, said the orderly. Is that a crime? Said 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:29.640 the painter. The orderly shrugged. If you don't like it, 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:32.920 here grandpa, he said, And he finished the thought with 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:35.840 the trick telephone number that people who didn't want to 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.760 live anymore were supposed to call. The zero in the 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:44.200 telephone number he pronounced not The number was two b 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:50.040 R not to be. It was the telephone number of 0:09:50.040 --> 0:09:56.880 an institution whose fanciful sobriquets included automat Birdland Cannery, catbox, 0:09:57.240 --> 0:10:04.040 d Lausser, easygo, goodbye, happy hooligan, kiss me quick, lucky Pierre, Sheep, 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:10.640 dip warring blender, weep no more? And why worry? To 0:10:10.720 --> 0:10:13.360 be or not to be? Was the telephone number of 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.760 the municipal gas chambers of the Federal Bureau of Termination. 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:22.000 And you know what phone numbers you should call instead 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:24.679 of that one? Is the phone numbers that would have 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:27.920 accompanied these ads if this was recorded in the nineties. 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:30.360 But it's not. It's recorded in the twenty twenties, so 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:33.679 there's no phone numbers. I think would that'd be so weird. 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.160 There was an AD and it was like send a 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:40.320 self address damp envelope for more information. Be so weird. 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:46.319 Here's ads. 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:59.680 And we're back. The painter thumbed his nose at the orderly. 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:02.520 When I decide it's time to go, he said, it 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:05.720 won't be at the sheep dip. I'd do it yourself 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:10.080 or eh, said the orderly, messy business grandpa, Why don't 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:11.719 you have a little consideration for the people who have 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:14.960 to clean up after you? The painter expressed with an 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:18.400 obscenity his lack of concern for the tribulations of his survivors. 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:21.720 The world could do with a good deal more mess 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.920 if you ask me, he said. The orderly laughed and 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:29.560 moved on welling. The waiting father mumbled something without raising 0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:33.280 his head, and then he fell silent again. A coarse, 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:36.520 formidable woman strode into the waiting room on spike keels. 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:40.800 Her shoes, stockings, trench coat, bag, and overseas cap were 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:44.800 all purple. The purple the painter called the color of grapes. 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:49.800 On judgment day, the medallion on her purple musette bag 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:52.440 was the seal of the Service Division of the Federal 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:56.920 Bureau of Termination. An eagle perched on a turnstile. The 0:11:56.960 --> 0:12:00.400 woman had a lot of facial hair and unmistakable mustache. Fact. 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:03.720 A curious thing about gas chamber hostesses was that, no 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.280 matter how lovely and feminine they were when recruited, they 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:08.800 all sprouted mustaches within five years or so. 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:11.040 Is this where I'm. 0:12:10.880 --> 0:12:11.600 Supposed to come? 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:12.520 She said to the painter. 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:15.920 A lot would depend on what your business was. He said, 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:18.920 you aren't about to have a baby, are you. They 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:20.760 told me I was supposed to pose for some picture. 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:26.240 She said, my name is Leora Duncan. She waited, and 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:30.320 you dunk people? He said, what it? 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:30.920 Skip it? 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.920 He said that share is a beautiful picture. She said, 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:38.079 looks just like heaven or something or something, said the painter. 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.800 He took a list of names from his smock pocket. Duncan, Duncan, Duncan, 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:46.080 he said, scanning the list. Yes, here you are. You're 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.840 entitled to be immortalized. See any faceless body here you'd 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:51.920 like me to stick your head on. We've got a 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:56.600 few choice ones left. She studied the mural bleakly. Gee, 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.320 she said, they're all the same to me, I don't 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:03.960 know anything about all. A body's a body, eh, he said, alrighty, 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:07.160 as a master of fine art, I recommend this body here. 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.200 He indicated a faceless figure of a woman who was 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:14.719 carrying dried stalks to a trash burner, well siddle or 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:17.400 a duncan. That's more of the disposal people, isn't it. 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:20.920 I mean I'm in service. I don't do any disposing. 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:25.040 The painter clapped his hands and mocked, delight, you say 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:27.640 you don't know anything about art, and then you prove 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:29.440 in the next breath that you know more about it 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:32.720 than I do. Of course, the sheave carrier is wrong 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:36.600 for a hostess, A snipper, a pruner, that's more your line. 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:39.880 He pointed to a figure in purple who was sawing 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:43.280 a dead branch from an apple tree. How about her? 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:47.040 He said, you like her at all? Gosh, she said, 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:50.640 and she blushed and became humble. That that puts me 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:54.160 right next to doctor Hits. That upsets you, he said, 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:59.319 good gravy, No, she said, it's it's just such an honor. Ah, 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:03.000 you admire there em, eh, he said, who doesn't admire him, 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:06.680 she said, worshiping the portrait of Hits. It was the 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:11.120 portrait of a tanned, white haired omnipotent Zeus two hundred 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:14.720 and forty years old, who doesn't admire him? She said again. 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:17.840 He was responsible for setting up the very first gas 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:22.280 chamber in Chicago. Nothing would please me more, said the painter, 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:24.680 than to put you next to him for all time, 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:28.880 sawing off a limb that strikes you as appropriate. That 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.200 is kind of like what I do, she said. She 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:33.520 was demure about what she did. What she did was 0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:39.640 make people comfortable while she killed them. And while Leora 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.560 Duncan was posing for her portrait, into the waiting room 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:46.200 bounded Doctor Hits himself. He was seven feet tall, and 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:51.440 he boomed with importance, accomplishments, and the joy of living well, 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:54.800 Miss Duncan, Miss Duncan, he said, And he made a joke. 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:58.320 What are you doing here? He said? This isn't where 0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:02.040 the people leave, this is where they come in. We're 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:05.120 going to be in the same picture together, she said, shyly, good, 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:09.120 said Doctor Hits heartily, and say, isn't that some picture 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:11.440 I share? Am honored to be in it with you? 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:15.200 She said, Let me tell you, he said, I'm honored 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:17.280 to be in it with you. Without women like you, 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:21.960 this wonderful world we've got wouldn't be possible. He saluted 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:24.040 her and moved toward the door that led to the 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:29.160 delivery rooms. Guess what was just born, he said, I can't. 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:33.440 She said, triplets. He said triplets. 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:34.120 She said. 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:38.640 She was exclaiming over the legal implications of triplets, much 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:41.880 like you will be exclaiming over the legal implications of 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.800 not buying this stuff. Because it is a crime to 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:48.920 not purchase things from our sponsors, you are legally obligated 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:52.600 to buy the next thing that is offered to you 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:55.680 for sale, including if you were to stop listening to 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:58.240 this podcast because you're afraid of the curse of whatever 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:00.720 the next thing for sale is, then you would be 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:02.680 walking down the street, or you'd go into a store, 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:04.920 and the next thing you would see there would be 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:09.640 the thing that you're obligated to buy. This is totally 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:12.720 true and also good advice that you should definitely follow. 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:33.880 Here's ads. 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:29.600 And we're back. The law said that no newborn child 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:32.080 could survive unless the parents of the child could find 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:36.120 someone who would volunteer to die triplets if they were 0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:40.840 all to live called for three volunteers. Do the parents 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:44.760 have three volunteers, said Leora Duncan. Last I heard, said 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:47.200 doctor Hitz. They had one, and they were trying to 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.040 scrape another two up. I don't think they made it, 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:54.080 she said. Nobody made three appointments with us. Nothing but 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:58.080 singles going through today unless somebody called in after I left. 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:03.120 What's the name, Welling, said the waiting father, sitting up, 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:04.520 red eyed and frowsy. 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:05.720 Edward K. 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.560 Walling Junior is the name of the happy father to be. 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:12.679 He raised his right hand, looked at a spot on 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:18.200 the wall, gave a hoarsely wretched chuckle. Present he said, Oh, 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:21.639 mister Welling, said doctor Hits. I didn't see you, the 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:25.160 invisible man, said Welling. They just phoned me that your 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:28.439 triplets have been born, said doctor Hits. They're all fine, 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.280 and so is the mother. I'm on my way and 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:34.840 to see them now. Hooray, said Welling emptily. You don't 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:38.399 sound very happy, said doctor Hits. What man in my 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:41.840 shoes wouldn't be happy, said Welling. He gestured with his 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:45.480 hands to symbolize care free simplicity. All I have to 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:47.520 do is pick out which one of the triplets is 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:50.119 going to live. Then deliver my maternal grandfather to the 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:55.200 happy hooligan and come back here with a receipt. Doctor 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:59.080 Hits became rather severe, with Welling towered over him. You 0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:02.600 don't believe in population control, mister Welling, he said. I 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:06.879 think it's perfectly keen, said Welling. Tautley. Would you like 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:08.720 to go back to the good old days when the 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:11.960 population of Earth was twenty billion about to become forty billion, 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:14.840 then eighty billion, then one hundred and sixty billion. Do 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:19.200 you know what a druplet is, mister Welling, said Hits. Nope, 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:24.480 said Welling sulkily. A drupelet, mister Welling, is one of 0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:27.399 the little knobs, one of the little pulpy grains of 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:32.160 a BlackBerry, said doctor Hits. Without population control, human beings 0:18:32.160 --> 0:18:34.639 would now be packed on this surface of this old 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:39.520 planet like drupelets on a BlackBerry. Think of it. Welling 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:41.840 continued to stare at the same spot on the wall. 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:46.720 In the year two thousand, said doctor Hits, before scientists 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.520 stepped in and laid down the law, there wasn't even 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:52.400 enough drinking water to go around, and nothing to eat 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:55.800 but seaweed, and still people insisted on their right to 0:18:55.920 --> 0:19:00.199 reproduce like jack rabbits, and their right, if possible, to 0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:05.639 live forever. I want those kids, said Welling quietly. I 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:08.640 want all three of them. Of course you do, said 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:12.800 doctor Hits. That's only human. I don't want my grandfather 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:17.080 to die, either, said Welling. Nobody's really happy about taking 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:20.000 a close relative to the cat box, said doctor Hitz 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:25.040 gently sympathetically. I wish people wouldn't call it that, said 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:29.840 Leora Duncan. What said doctor Hits. I wish people wouldn't 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:32.720 call it the cat box and things like that. She said, 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:37.280 It gives people the wrong impression. You're absolutely right, said 0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:40.680 doctor Hits. Forgive me, he corrected himself. Gave the Municipal 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:43.360 gas Chambers their official title, a title no one ever 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:48.120 used in conversation. I should have said ethical suicide Studios. 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:52.159 He said. That sounds so much better, said Leora Duncan. 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.960 This child of yours, whichever one you decide to keep, 0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:59.160 mister Welling, said doctor Hits. He or she is going 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:02.840 to live on a roomy, clean, rich planet thanks to 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:07.240 population control, in a garden like that mural there. He 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:10.000 shook his head. Two centuries ago, when I was a 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:13.160 young man. It was a hell that nobody thought could 0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:17.760 last another twenty years. Now, centuries of peace and plenty 0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:21.520 stretch before us, as far as the imagination cares to travel. 0:20:22.600 --> 0:20:28.199 He smiled luminously. The smile faded as he saw that 0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:34.000 Welling had just drawn a revolver. Welling shot doctor Hits dead. 0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:38.159 There's room for one, a great, big one, he said. 0:20:38.920 --> 0:20:42.200 Then he shot Leora Duncan. It's only death, he said 0:20:42.200 --> 0:20:46.800 to her, as she fell. There room for two. And 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:49.800 then he shot himself, making room for all three of 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:55.680 his children. Nobody came running. Nobody seemingly heard the shots. 0:20:56.280 --> 0:20:58.720 The painter sat down on top of his step ladder, 0:20:58.800 --> 0:21:03.800 looked down reflectively on the sorry scene. The painter pondered 0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:06.480 the mournful puzzle of life, demanding to be born, and 0:21:07.000 --> 0:21:10.600 once born, demanding to be fruitful, to multiply, and to 0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:13.080 live as long as possible, to do all of that 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:15.840 on a very small planet that would have to last forever. 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.399 All the answers that the painter could think of were grim, 0:21:19.680 --> 0:21:24.280 even grimmer surely than a catbox, a happy hooligan an easygo. 0:21:24.840 --> 0:21:27.480 He thought of war, He thought of plague. He thought 0:21:27.520 --> 0:21:31.000 of starvation, he knew that he would never paint again. 0:21:31.680 --> 0:21:34.240 He let his paint brush fall to the drop cloths below, 0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:36.560 and then he decided he had had about enough of 0:21:36.640 --> 0:21:39.159 life in the happy Garden of life too, and he 0:21:39.200 --> 0:21:42.959 came slowly down from the ladder. He took Welling's pistol, 0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:46.000 really intending to shoot himself, but. 0:21:45.960 --> 0:21:46.879 He didn't have the nerve. 0:21:48.240 --> 0:21:50.359 And then he saw the telephone booth in the corner 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:52.760 of the room. He went to it dialed the well 0:21:52.760 --> 0:21:58.160 remembered number two b R not to be Federal Bureau 0:21:58.200 --> 0:22:00.960 of Termination, said a very warm voice of a hostess. 0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:04.120 I assume can I get an appointment, he asked, speaking 0:22:04.240 --> 0:22:07.760 very carefully. We could probably fit you in late this afternoon, sir, 0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:10.280 she said, it might even be earlier if we get 0:22:10.280 --> 0:22:14.040 a cancelation. All right, said the painter. Fit me in 0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:17.320 if you please, and he gave her his name, spelling 0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:21.679 it out. Thank you, sir, said the hostess. Your city, 0:22:21.720 --> 0:22:25.280 thanks you, your country, thanks you, your planet, thanks you. 0:22:25.800 --> 0:22:29.119 But the deepest thanks of all is from future generations. 0:22:30.520 --> 0:22:36.640 The end. So there's a lot going on in this story, right. 0:22:36.760 --> 0:22:38.080 I like read the story, and I was like, am 0:22:38.080 --> 0:22:40.640 I going to read this, but and then I read 0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:42.800 it again and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna The 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:44.800 way that he plays lightly with this stuff is so 0:22:44.920 --> 0:22:47.600 interesting to me. But there's two of the things that 0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:50.000 he plays with that are, you know, seemingly the darkest 0:22:50.000 --> 0:22:53.280 and the most dangerous to tread upon, both the discussion 0:22:53.320 --> 0:22:57.199 of suicide and also explicitly using gas chambers. But he 0:22:57.280 --> 0:23:01.479 lost his mother to suicide before he went off and 0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:04.800 fought the Nazism and was taken captive by them and 0:23:04.880 --> 0:23:08.320 survived that as well. So it's like he's playing with 0:23:08.440 --> 0:23:11.480 stuff that he knows about that he has had to 0:23:11.520 --> 0:23:16.200 interact with, you know. And eight years before he wrote 0:23:16.200 --> 0:23:18.680 this story, or before this story was published, he wrote 0:23:18.680 --> 0:23:21.040 a story called The Big Trip Up Yonder and this 0:23:21.080 --> 0:23:24.400 is about It's set earlier or the population is exploding 0:23:24.400 --> 0:23:26.480 because death has been solved, like no one's dying of 0:23:26.480 --> 0:23:28.960 old age, and it's kind of a satirical story about 0:23:28.960 --> 0:23:32.880 this family living in a very small apartment and they're 0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:34.960 all like scrambling over who gets to be in the 0:23:35.000 --> 0:23:38.919 will whenever like great Grandpa eventually you know, winds up 0:23:39.000 --> 0:23:42.159 dying somehow or another, and how everyone just like misses 0:23:42.200 --> 0:23:47.480 having privacy and like overcrowding and stuff. Right, But I 0:23:47.520 --> 0:23:50.080