1
00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:08,079
Speaker 1: Cool Zone Media book Club book Club. What if I

2
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:10,000
Speaker 1: only say twice, well, it's still kind of a chant.

3
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,920
Speaker 1: Who knows, I don't. That's not what I know. Instead,

4
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:17,320
Speaker 1: I know that I'm Margaret Kiljoy because I'm the host

5
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,720
Speaker 1: of this podcast, which is the Cool Zone Media book Club,

6
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,159
Speaker 1: the only book club that you don't have to do

7
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,079
Speaker 1: the reading for because I do it for you. We

8
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,960
Speaker 1: seem to have three modes here on book Club. We

9
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,240
Speaker 1: have modern stories, we have fairy tales, and we have

10
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:36,000
Speaker 1: classic science fiction. And that third mode is new, which

11
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:39,000
Speaker 1: is the kick that I'm on right now, and this

12
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:44,479
Speaker 1: story is in that mode because I don't know. It's

13
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,479
Speaker 1: the kind of stuff that like. Okay, So the same

14
00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,360
Speaker 1: reason I really like history because of how it shapes

15
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,320
Speaker 1: our present, I feel like you can do the same

16
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,600
Speaker 1: kind of thing culturally and see like where we're at

17
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,400
Speaker 1: with a lot of different ideas based on the things

18
00:00:56,440 --> 00:01:00,040
Speaker 1: that came before. And this week's story is by a

19
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:06,760
Speaker 1: classic one of my favorite weird satirical authors, Kurt Vonnegut.

20
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:11,639
Speaker 1: And for folks who don't know, Kurt Vonnegut, of course,

21
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,800
Speaker 1: is most famous as an anarchist who fought the Nazis.

22
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,839
Speaker 1: This is not actually what he's famous for. But it's true.

23
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,679
Speaker 1: He's an anarchist who fought the Nazis. He was captured

24
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,160
Speaker 1: by the Germans kind of clos ish to the end

25
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,920
Speaker 1: of the war. I don't remember exactly what year, but he,

26
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,560
Speaker 1: you know, then survived two different Allied bombings while he

27
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,160
Speaker 1: was in captivity of the Germans. Because war as hell,

28
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,440
Speaker 1: and it is not surprising that he ended up an

29
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,319
Speaker 1: anarchist and a pacifist and a world citizen as he

30
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,760
Speaker 1: put it. But he did survive those things, and he

31
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,880
Speaker 1: went on to write very satirical stuff that seems so

32
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,960
Speaker 1: like lighthearted while playing with heavy issues, and then you

33
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:55,200
Speaker 1: realize what this man went through and you're like, oh, yeah, no,

34
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:59,080
Speaker 1: that's why he writes lighthearted, satirical stuff about very heavy issues.

35
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:05,000
Speaker 1: And he survived the bombing of Dresden. You think I

36
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,760
Speaker 1: would put this in my script, but I didn't. And

37
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,760
Speaker 1: he survived this bombing of this sermon city where he

38
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:13,320
Speaker 1: was captive by hiding in a slaughterhouse and talked about

39
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:15,800
Speaker 1: how is like cool down there amongst all the bodies

40
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,640
Speaker 1: or the cadavers. I think is the way he put it,

41
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,000
Speaker 1: and the reason that that sticks out to me is

42
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,639
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell a different story really quick, and

43
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,400
Speaker 1: maybe I've already told the story in one of my podcasts,

44
00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,160
Speaker 1: but I'm not sure, so I'm gonna tell it again

45
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,400
Speaker 1: because this is the second time I know about an

46
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:35,280
Speaker 1: anarchist surviving by hiding among bodies. And the other one

47
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:39,000
Speaker 1: is that one day I met a man who was

48
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,600
Speaker 1: selling his father's book, and his father had been a

49
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,680
Speaker 1: Polish officer when the Russians came and invaded Poland and

50
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,160
Speaker 1: then killed almost all the officers in the military rather

51
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,200
Speaker 1: than letting them, oh, I don't know, defend the country

52
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,040
Speaker 1: against Nazi's killed them all in the massacre of the

53
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,639
Speaker 1: Caton Forest. And this man's father was one of the

54
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,880
Speaker 1: only survivors of that because he had been taken to

55
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:03,200
Speaker 1: Russia instead and thrown into a prison camp in Siberia.

56
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,240
Speaker 1: And this man, when he first met me, he didn't

57
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,560
Speaker 1: like me because I was like a weird pump and

58
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:08,760
Speaker 1: he thought I was going to be a Bolshevik. And

59
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,440
Speaker 1: he's like, you and your friends you're not Bolsheviks, are you,

60
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, no, we're anarchists, he said, anarchists,

61
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,960
Speaker 1: And he got really excited and he opened up his

62
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,400
Speaker 1: dad's book that's called The Shadow Kateen Forest, if anyone's curious,

63
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:22,679
Speaker 1: and he flipped through and he found this chapter where

64
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,760
Speaker 1: his father's life had been saved by a Christian anarchist

65
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,600
Speaker 1: in the gulags who was like a follower of Kurpatkin

66
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,320
Speaker 1: and Tolstoy. And while he was in this gulag, it

67
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,960
Speaker 1: was so cold outside that people were freezing to death.

68
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:39,000
Speaker 1: And the person who ran the morgue was this anarchist

69
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,240
Speaker 1: in the camp, and so he would let people come

70
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:45,880
Speaker 1: and hide among the frozen bodies to warm themselves up

71
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,920
Speaker 1: because it was warmer than the outside. Which, now that

72
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,960
Speaker 1: I say it, there's a very dark story, but it

73
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,800
Speaker 1: meant that I had an interesting connection with a man,

74
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:59,440
Speaker 1: you know, almost one hundred years later and seventy years

75
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:04,880
Speaker 1: later or a while later, and I don't know. And

76
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,880
Speaker 1: so just when I was like reading about Vonnegut hiding

77
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:14,320
Speaker 1: among bodies to survive the horrors of war, I was

78
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,800
Speaker 1: reminded of this other story. But that's not what this

79
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:22,520
Speaker 1: story is about, not at all. Instead, content warning for

80
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:26,719
Speaker 1: today's episode. This story discusses suicide, and I believe is

81
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,359
Speaker 1: a critique of eugenics, but is also sort of describing

82
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:34,080
Speaker 1: a eugenicist society, and so that's your content warning. If

83
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,200
Speaker 1: that's not a headspace you want to be in, then

84
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:41,159
Speaker 1: don't listen to this one. This story is called two

85
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:47,200
Speaker 1: be Are Not to Be? The letters spelled out it'll

86
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,520
Speaker 1: be really clever. It doesn't work as well in audio, right,

87
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,800
Speaker 1: because that's the big reveal, is the way it sounds.

88
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,760
Speaker 1: But it's just a bunch of letters and numbers. It

89
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,920
Speaker 1: was first published in Worlds of If in January nineteen

90
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,279
Speaker 1: sixty two, and the Project Gutenber Additions, which is where

91
00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:03,719
Speaker 1: I got this one from, says extensive research did not

92
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,040
Speaker 1: uncover any evidence that the copyright on this publication was renewed.

93
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,039
Speaker 1: So like a lot of stuff from the nineteen fifties

94
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,640
Speaker 1: and sixties is under copyright, but a lot of stuff

95
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,240
Speaker 1: isn't because of the weird ways the copyright law works.

96
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:20,400
Speaker 1: The little tagline along with the story said, got a problem,

97
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,440
Speaker 1: just pick up the phone. It solved them all and

98
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:24,880
Speaker 1: all the same way.

99
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,359
Speaker 2: Two b Are Not to Be?

100
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:35,600
Speaker 1: By Kurt Vonnegut. Everything was perfectly swell. There were no prisons,

101
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:39,359
Speaker 1: no slums, no insane asylums, no cripples, no poverty, no wars,

102
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:45,440
Speaker 1: All diseases were conquered, so was old age. Death, barring accidents,

103
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,440
Speaker 1: was an adventure for volunteers. The population of the United

104
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:53,440
Speaker 1: States was stabilized at forty million souls. One bright morning

105
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,839
Speaker 1: in the Chicago lying in hospital, a man named Edward K. Welling,

106
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,400
Speaker 1: Junior waited for his wife to give He was the

107
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,159
Speaker 1: only man waiting. Not many people were born a day anymore.

108
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,080
Speaker 1: Welling was fifty six, a mere stripe ling in a

109
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:13,520
Speaker 1: population whose average age was one hundred twenty nine. X

110
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,120
Speaker 1: rays had revealed that his wife was going to have triplets.

111
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:20,360
Speaker 1: The children would be his first. Young Welling was hunched

112
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,000
Speaker 1: in his chair, his head in his hand. He was

113
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:27,000
Speaker 1: so rumpled, so still, and colorless, as to be virtually invisible.

114
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:31,039
Speaker 1: His camouflage was perfect, since the waiting room had a

115
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:35,880
Speaker 1: disorderly and demoralized air too, chairs and ashtrays had been

116
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:39,160
Speaker 1: moved away from the walls. The floor was paved with

117
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:43,960
Speaker 1: spattered dropcloths. The room was being redecorated. It was being

118
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,200
Speaker 1: redecorated as a memorial to a man who had volunteered

119
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,720
Speaker 1: to die. A sardonic old man about two hundred years

120
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,000
Speaker 1: old sat on a step ladder, painting a mural he

121
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,440
Speaker 1: did not like. Back in the days when people aged visibly,

122
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,920
Speaker 1: his age would have been guessed at thirty five ors,

123
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,480
Speaker 1: so aging had touched him that much before the cure

124
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,120
Speaker 1: for aging was found. The mural he was working on

125
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,480
Speaker 1: depicted a very neat garden. Men and women in white

126
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:15,000
Speaker 1: doctors and nurses, turned the soil, planted seedlings, sprayed, bugs,

127
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:20,560
Speaker 1: spread fertilizer. Men and women in purple uniforms pulled up weeds,

128
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,880
Speaker 1: cut down plants that were old and sickly, raked leaves,

129
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:29,360
Speaker 1: carried refuse to trash burners. Never, never, never, not in

130
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:33,800
Speaker 1: medieval Holland nor old Japan had a garden been more formal,

131
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,600
Speaker 1: been better tended. Every plant had all the loam, light, water, air,

132
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:43,280
Speaker 1: and nourishment it could use. A hospital orderly came down

133
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:47,160
Speaker 1: the corridor, singing under his breath a popular song. If

134
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,360
Speaker 1: you don't like my kisses, honey, here's what I will do.

135
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,200
Speaker 1: I'll go see a girl in purple kiss this sad

136
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:58,360
Speaker 1: world to dulu. If you don't want my lovin', why

137
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,400
Speaker 1: should I take up all this? I'll get off this

138
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:07,680
Speaker 1: old planet. Let some sweet baby have my place. The

139
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,120
Speaker 1: orderly looked in at the mural, and the muralist looks

140
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,800
Speaker 1: so real, he said, I can practically imagine I'm standing

141
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,280
Speaker 1: in the middle of it. What makes you think you're

142
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,480
Speaker 1: not in it, said the painter. He gave us a

143
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:22,400
Speaker 1: tyiric smile. It's called the Happy Garden of Life. You

144
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 1: know that's good of doctor Hits, said the orderly. He

145
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,160
Speaker 1: was referring to one of the male figures in white,

146
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,240
Speaker 1: whose head was a portrait of doctor Benjamin Hits, the

147
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:37,880
Speaker 1: hospital's chief Obstrataian Hits was a blindingly handsome man. A

148
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,200
Speaker 1: lot of faces still to fill in, said the orderly.

149
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,400
Speaker 1: He meant that the faces of many of the figures

150
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,480
Speaker 1: in the mural were still blank. All blanks were to

151
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,240
Speaker 1: be filled with portraits of important people on either the

152
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,240
Speaker 1: hospital staff or from the Chicago office of the Federal

153
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,320
Speaker 1: Bureau of Termination. Must be nice to be able to

154
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:59,400
Speaker 1: make pictures that look like something, said the orderly. The

155
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:03,080
Speaker 1: painter's face curdled with scorn. You think I'm proud of this, daub,

156
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,440
Speaker 1: he said. You think this is my idea of what

157
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:09,280
Speaker 1: life really looks like. What's your idea of what life

158
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,440
Speaker 1: looks like? Said the orderly. The painter gestured at a

159
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,800
Speaker 1: foul dropcloth. There's a good picture of it, he said.

160
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,559
Speaker 1: Frame that, and you have a picture a damn sight

161
00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:22,400
Speaker 1: more honest than this one. You're a gloomy old duck,

162
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,760
Speaker 1: aren't you, said the orderly. Is that a crime? Said

163
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,640
Speaker 1: the painter. The orderly shrugged. If you don't like it,

164
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,920
Speaker 1: here grandpa, he said, And he finished the thought with

165
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,840
Speaker 1: the trick telephone number that people who didn't want to

166
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,760
Speaker 1: live anymore were supposed to call. The zero in the

167
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:44,200
Speaker 1: telephone number he pronounced not The number was two b

168
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:50,040
Speaker 1: R not to be. It was the telephone number of

169
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:56,880
Speaker 1: an institution whose fanciful sobriquets included automat Birdland Cannery, catbox,

170
00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:04,040
Speaker 1: d Lausser, easygo, goodbye, happy hooligan, kiss me quick, lucky Pierre, Sheep,

171
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:10,640
Speaker 1: dip warring blender, weep no more? And why worry? To

172
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,360
Speaker 1: be or not to be? Was the telephone number of

173
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,760
Speaker 1: the municipal gas chambers of the Federal Bureau of Termination.

174
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:22,000
Speaker 1: And you know what phone numbers you should call instead

175
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,679
Speaker 1: of that one? Is the phone numbers that would have

176
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,920
Speaker 1: accompanied these ads if this was recorded in the nineties.

177
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,360
Speaker 1: But it's not. It's recorded in the twenty twenties, so

178
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,679
Speaker 1: there's no phone numbers. I think would that'd be so weird.

179
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,160
Speaker 1: There was an AD and it was like send a

180
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:40,320
Speaker 1: self address damp envelope for more information. Be so weird.

181
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:46,319
Speaker 2: Here's ads.

182
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:59,680
Speaker 1: And we're back. The painter thumbed his nose at the orderly.

183
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,520
Speaker 1: When I decide it's time to go, he said, it

184
00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:05,720
Speaker 1: won't be at the sheep dip. I'd do it yourself

185
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:10,080
Speaker 1: or eh, said the orderly, messy business grandpa, Why don't

186
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,719
Speaker 1: you have a little consideration for the people who have

187
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,960
Speaker 1: to clean up after you? The painter expressed with an

188
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,400
Speaker 1: obscenity his lack of concern for the tribulations of his survivors.

189
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,720
Speaker 1: The world could do with a good deal more mess

190
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,920
Speaker 1: if you ask me, he said. The orderly laughed and

191
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:29,560
Speaker 1: moved on welling. The waiting father mumbled something without raising

192
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,280
Speaker 1: his head, and then he fell silent again. A coarse,

193
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,520
Speaker 1: formidable woman strode into the waiting room on spike keels.

194
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:40,800
Speaker 1: Her shoes, stockings, trench coat, bag, and overseas cap were

195
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:44,800
Speaker 1: all purple. The purple the painter called the color of grapes.

196
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:49,800
Speaker 1: On judgment day, the medallion on her purple musette bag

197
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,440
Speaker 1: was the seal of the Service Division of the Federal

198
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,920
Speaker 1: Bureau of Termination. An eagle perched on a turnstile. The

199
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,400
Speaker 1: woman had a lot of facial hair and unmistakable mustache. Fact.

200
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,720
Speaker 1: A curious thing about gas chamber hostesses was that, no

201
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,280
Speaker 1: matter how lovely and feminine they were when recruited, they

202
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,800
Speaker 1: all sprouted mustaches within five years or so.

203
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,040
Speaker 2: Is this where I'm.

204
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:11,600
Speaker 1: Supposed to come?

205
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:12,520
Speaker 2: She said to the painter.

206
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,920
Speaker 1: A lot would depend on what your business was. He said,

207
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,920
Speaker 1: you aren't about to have a baby, are you. They

208
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,760
Speaker 1: told me I was supposed to pose for some picture.

209
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:26,240
Speaker 1: She said, my name is Leora Duncan. She waited, and

210
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:30,320
Speaker 1: you dunk people? He said, what it?

211
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:30,920
Speaker 2: Skip it?

212
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,920
Speaker 1: He said that share is a beautiful picture. She said,

213
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:38,079
Speaker 1: looks just like heaven or something or something, said the painter.

214
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,800
Speaker 1: He took a list of names from his smock pocket. Duncan, Duncan, Duncan,

215
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,080
Speaker 1: he said, scanning the list. Yes, here you are. You're

216
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,840
Speaker 1: entitled to be immortalized. See any faceless body here you'd

217
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,920
Speaker 1: like me to stick your head on. We've got a

218
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:56,600
Speaker 1: few choice ones left. She studied the mural bleakly. Gee,

219
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,320
Speaker 1: she said, they're all the same to me, I don't

220
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:03,960
Speaker 1: know anything about all. A body's a body, eh, he said, alrighty,

221
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 1: as a master of fine art, I recommend this body here.

222
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,200
Speaker 1: He indicated a faceless figure of a woman who was

223
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:14,719
Speaker 1: carrying dried stalks to a trash burner, well siddle or

224
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,400
Speaker 1: a duncan. That's more of the disposal people, isn't it.

225
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,920
Speaker 1: I mean I'm in service. I don't do any disposing.

226
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,040
Speaker 1: The painter clapped his hands and mocked, delight, you say

227
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,640
Speaker 1: you don't know anything about art, and then you prove

228
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,440
Speaker 1: in the next breath that you know more about it

229
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,720
Speaker 1: than I do. Of course, the sheave carrier is wrong

230
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,600
Speaker 1: for a hostess, A snipper, a pruner, that's more your line.

231
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,880
Speaker 1: He pointed to a figure in purple who was sawing

232
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,280
Speaker 1: a dead branch from an apple tree. How about her?

233
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:47,040
Speaker 1: He said, you like her at all? Gosh, she said,

234
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,640
Speaker 1: and she blushed and became humble. That that puts me

235
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:54,160
Speaker 1: right next to doctor Hits. That upsets you, he said,

236
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:59,319
Speaker 1: good gravy, No, she said, it's it's just such an honor. Ah,

237
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,000
Speaker 1: you admire there em, eh, he said, who doesn't admire him,

238
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,680
Speaker 1: she said, worshiping the portrait of Hits. It was the

239
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:11,120
Speaker 1: portrait of a tanned, white haired omnipotent Zeus two hundred

240
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:14,720
Speaker 1: and forty years old, who doesn't admire him? She said again.

241
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,840
Speaker 1: He was responsible for setting up the very first gas

242
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:22,280
Speaker 1: chamber in Chicago. Nothing would please me more, said the painter,

243
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,680
Speaker 1: than to put you next to him for all time,

244
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,880
Speaker 1: sawing off a limb that strikes you as appropriate. That

245
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,200
Speaker 1: is kind of like what I do, she said. She

246
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,520
Speaker 1: was demure about what she did. What she did was

247
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:39,640
Speaker 1: make people comfortable while she killed them. And while Leora

248
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:42,560
Speaker 1: Duncan was posing for her portrait, into the waiting room

249
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,200
Speaker 1: bounded Doctor Hits himself. He was seven feet tall, and

250
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:51,440
Speaker 1: he boomed with importance, accomplishments, and the joy of living well,

251
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,800
Speaker 1: Miss Duncan, Miss Duncan, he said, And he made a joke.

252
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,320
Speaker 1: What are you doing here? He said? This isn't where

253
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:02,040
Speaker 1: the people leave, this is where they come in. We're

254
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,120
Speaker 1: going to be in the same picture together, she said, shyly, good,

255
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:09,120
Speaker 1: said Doctor Hits heartily, and say, isn't that some picture

256
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,440
Speaker 1: I share? Am honored to be in it with you?

257
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:15,200
Speaker 1: She said, Let me tell you, he said, I'm honored

258
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,280
Speaker 1: to be in it with you. Without women like you,

259
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 1: this wonderful world we've got wouldn't be possible. He saluted

260
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,040
Speaker 1: her and moved toward the door that led to the

261
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:29,160
Speaker 1: delivery rooms. Guess what was just born, he said, I can't.

262
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:33,440
Speaker 1: She said, triplets. He said triplets.

263
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:34,120
Speaker 2: She said.

264
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:38,640
Speaker 1: She was exclaiming over the legal implications of triplets, much

265
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,880
Speaker 1: like you will be exclaiming over the legal implications of

266
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,800
Speaker 1: not buying this stuff. Because it is a crime to

267
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,920
Speaker 1: not purchase things from our sponsors, you are legally obligated

268
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,600
Speaker 1: to buy the next thing that is offered to you

269
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,680
Speaker 1: for sale, including if you were to stop listening to

270
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,240
Speaker 1: this podcast because you're afraid of the curse of whatever

271
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,720
Speaker 1: the next thing for sale is, then you would be

272
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,680
Speaker 1: walking down the street, or you'd go into a store,

273
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,920
Speaker 1: and the next thing you would see there would be

274
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:09,640
Speaker 1: the thing that you're obligated to buy. This is totally

275
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,720
Speaker 1: true and also good advice that you should definitely follow.

276
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:33,880
Speaker 2: Here's ads.

277
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:29,600
Speaker 1: And we're back. The law said that no newborn child

278
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,080
Speaker 1: could survive unless the parents of the child could find

279
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:36,120
Speaker 1: someone who would volunteer to die triplets if they were

280
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:40,840
Speaker 1: all to live called for three volunteers. Do the parents

281
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 1: have three volunteers, said Leora Duncan. Last I heard, said

282
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 1: doctor Hitz. They had one, and they were trying to

283
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,040
Speaker 1: scrape another two up. I don't think they made it,

284
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:54,080
Speaker 1: she said. Nobody made three appointments with us. Nothing but

285
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:58,080
Speaker 1: singles going through today unless somebody called in after I left.

286
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 1: What's the name, Welling, said the waiting father, sitting up,

287
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 1: red eyed and frowsy.

288
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:05,720
Speaker 2: Edward K.

289
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,560
Speaker 1: Walling Junior is the name of the happy father to be.

290
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,679
Speaker 1: He raised his right hand, looked at a spot on

291
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:18,200
Speaker 1: the wall, gave a hoarsely wretched chuckle. Present he said, Oh,

292
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,639
Speaker 1: mister Welling, said doctor Hits. I didn't see you, the

293
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,160
Speaker 1: invisible man, said Welling. They just phoned me that your

294
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,439
Speaker 1: triplets have been born, said doctor Hits. They're all fine,

295
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 1: and so is the mother. I'm on my way and

296
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:34,840
Speaker 1: to see them now. Hooray, said Welling emptily. You don't

297
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:38,399
Speaker 1: sound very happy, said doctor Hits. What man in my

298
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,840
Speaker 1: shoes wouldn't be happy, said Welling. He gestured with his

299
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,480
Speaker 1: hands to symbolize care free simplicity. All I have to

300
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 1: do is pick out which one of the triplets is

301
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,119
Speaker 1: going to live. Then deliver my maternal grandfather to the

302
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:55,200
Speaker 1: happy hooligan and come back here with a receipt. Doctor

303
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:59,080
Speaker 1: Hits became rather severe, with Welling towered over him. You

304
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,600
Speaker 1: don't believe in population control, mister Welling, he said. I

305
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:06,879
Speaker 1: think it's perfectly keen, said Welling. Tautley. Would you like

306
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,720
Speaker 1: to go back to the good old days when the

307
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 1: population of Earth was twenty billion about to become forty billion,

308
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,840
Speaker 1: then eighty billion, then one hundred and sixty billion. Do

309
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:19,200
Speaker 1: you know what a druplet is, mister Welling, said Hits. Nope,

310
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 1: said Welling sulkily. A drupelet, mister Welling, is one of

311
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,399
Speaker 1: the little knobs, one of the little pulpy grains of

312
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:32,160
Speaker 1: a BlackBerry, said doctor Hits. Without population control, human beings

313
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,639
Speaker 1: would now be packed on this surface of this old

314
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:39,520
Speaker 1: planet like drupelets on a BlackBerry. Think of it. Welling

315
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,840
Speaker 1: continued to stare at the same spot on the wall.

316
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,720
Speaker 1: In the year two thousand, said doctor Hits, before scientists

317
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,520
Speaker 1: stepped in and laid down the law, there wasn't even

318
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,400
Speaker 1: enough drinking water to go around, and nothing to eat

319
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:55,800
Speaker 1: but seaweed, and still people insisted on their right to

320
00:18:55,920 --> 00:19:00,199
Speaker 1: reproduce like jack rabbits, and their right, if possible, to

321
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:05,639
Speaker 1: live forever. I want those kids, said Welling quietly. I

322
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,640
Speaker 1: want all three of them. Of course you do, said

323
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,800
Speaker 1: doctor Hits. That's only human. I don't want my grandfather

324
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 1: to die, either, said Welling. Nobody's really happy about taking

325
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,000
Speaker 1: a close relative to the cat box, said doctor Hitz

326
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 1: gently sympathetically. I wish people wouldn't call it that, said

327
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 1: Leora Duncan. What said doctor Hits. I wish people wouldn't

328
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 1: call it the cat box and things like that. She said,

329
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 1: It gives people the wrong impression. You're absolutely right, said

330
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,680
Speaker 1: doctor Hits. Forgive me, he corrected himself. Gave the Municipal

331
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,360
Speaker 1: gas Chambers their official title, a title no one ever

332
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:48,120
Speaker 1: used in conversation. I should have said ethical suicide Studios.

333
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:52,159
Speaker 1: He said. That sounds so much better, said Leora Duncan.

334
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,960
Speaker 1: This child of yours, whichever one you decide to keep,

335
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,160
Speaker 1: mister Welling, said doctor Hits. He or she is going

336
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 1: to live on a roomy, clean, rich planet thanks to

337
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:07,240
Speaker 1: population control, in a garden like that mural there. He

338
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: shook his head. Two centuries ago, when I was a

339
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:13,160
Speaker 1: young man. It was a hell that nobody thought could

340
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 1: last another twenty years. Now, centuries of peace and plenty

341
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 1: stretch before us, as far as the imagination cares to travel.

342
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:28,199
Speaker 1: He smiled luminously. The smile faded as he saw that

343
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 1: Welling had just drawn a revolver. Welling shot doctor Hits dead.

344
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 1: There's room for one, a great, big one, he said.

345
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,200
Speaker 1: Then he shot Leora Duncan. It's only death, he said

346
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 1: to her, as she fell. There room for two. And

347
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 1: then he shot himself, making room for all three of

348
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:55,680
Speaker 1: his children. Nobody came running. Nobody seemingly heard the shots.

349
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 1: The painter sat down on top of his step ladder,

350
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 1: looked down reflectively on the sorry scene. The painter pondered

351
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 1: the mournful puzzle of life, demanding to be born, and

352
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 1: once born, demanding to be fruitful, to multiply, and to

353
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 1: live as long as possible, to do all of that

354
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 1: on a very small planet that would have to last forever.

355
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,399
Speaker 1: All the answers that the painter could think of were grim,

356
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 1: even grimmer surely than a catbox, a happy hooligan an easygo.

357
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,480
Speaker 1: He thought of war, He thought of plague. He thought

358
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: of starvation, he knew that he would never paint again.

359
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: He let his paint brush fall to the drop cloths below,

360
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 1: and then he decided he had had about enough of

361
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,159
Speaker 1: life in the happy Garden of life too, and he

362
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,959
Speaker 1: came slowly down from the ladder. He took Welling's pistol,

363
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 1: really intending to shoot himself, but.

364
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:46,879
Speaker 2: He didn't have the nerve.

365
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 1: And then he saw the telephone booth in the corner

366
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: of the room. He went to it dialed the well

367
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 1: remembered number two b R not to be Federal Bureau

368
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 1: of Termination, said a very warm voice of a hostess.

369
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,120
Speaker 1: I assume can I get an appointment, he asked, speaking

370
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 1: very carefully. We could probably fit you in late this afternoon, sir,

371
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: she said, it might even be earlier if we get

372
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 1: a cancelation. All right, said the painter. Fit me in

373
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 1: if you please, and he gave her his name, spelling

374
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:21,679
Speaker 1: it out. Thank you, sir, said the hostess. Your city,

375
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: thanks you, your country, thanks you, your planet, thanks you.

376
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:29,119
Speaker 1: But the deepest thanks of all is from future generations.

377
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:36,640
Speaker 1: The end. So there's a lot going on in this story, right.

378
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 1: I like read the story, and I was like, am

379
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 1: I going to read this, but and then I read

380
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 1: it again and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna The

381
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: way that he plays lightly with this stuff is so

382
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: interesting to me. But there's two of the things that

383
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: he plays with that are, you know, seemingly the darkest

384
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 1: and the most dangerous to tread upon, both the discussion

385
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:57,199
Speaker 1: of suicide and also explicitly using gas chambers. But he

386
00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:01,479
Speaker 1: lost his mother to suicide before he went off and

387
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 1: fought the Nazism and was taken captive by them and

388
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 1: survived that as well. So it's like he's playing with

389
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 1: stuff that he knows about that he has had to

390
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:16,200
Speaker 1: interact with, you know. And eight years before he wrote

391
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,680
Speaker 1: this story, or before this story was published, he wrote

392
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 1: a story called The Big Trip Up Yonder and this

393
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,400
Speaker 1: is about It's set earlier or the population is exploding

394
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 1: because death has been solved, like no one's dying of

395
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 1: old age, and it's kind of a satirical story about

396
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,880
Speaker 1: this family living in a very small apartment and they're

397
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 1: all like scrambling over who gets to be in the

398
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 1: will whenever like great Grandpa eventually you know, winds up

399
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 1: dying somehow or another, and how everyone just like misses

400
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 1: having privacy and like overcrowding and stuff. Right, But I

401
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 1: also think that this is a story as a deep

402
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 1: critique of eugenics, right, even though it's like playing with this,

403
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 1: like what would we do? And what's interesting is that

404
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 1: we actually do have information about what we would do,

405
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 1: like how population numbers go down. Now that there's like

406
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 1: an inherent good or bad to that I didn't like

407
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,160
Speaker 1: write this into a script. I don't have a study

408
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: in front of me or whatever. I've read about studies

409
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,040
Speaker 1: where as soon as you offer people were capable of

410
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 1: having birth, as soon as you offer them information about

411
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: birth control and things like that, population growth starts to decline.

412
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: And basically like feminism is the actual answer to the

413
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 1: limitation of living in a world with finite resources, and

414
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 1: that's not addressed specifically in here. Instead it's like people

415
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: being like, oh shit, what do we do? Right? But

416
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 1: I really like the painter, right, I like this person

417
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: who's just like, honestly, this like paining I'm drawing on

418
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,159
Speaker 1: the wall. This isn't the real reflection of society, like

419
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 1: the splatter on the drop cloths, that's the real reflection

420
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 1: of society. And like, how well done is this fucking writing?

421
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 1: Where it's like, oh, and then that's reflected because like

422
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,719
Speaker 1: and they all die on the drop cloth, right, and

423
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: how like the person is like, oh a do it

424
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 1: yourself for is not going to be messy forever asked

425
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 1: to clean up after you. But they killed all the

426
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: people on the drop cloths, right, and so it's like, oh,

427
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 1: it's just like it's a really well crafted story. I'm

428
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 1: going to read more Vonnegut. I've read a little bit

429
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: of him, but I'm going to read more of him.

430
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 1: And that is this week's Cool Zone Media book Club.

431
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 1: And I will catch you all next week when I

432
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 1: read you more stories from one of the three modes,

433
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: or maybe you'll come up with a fourth mode. Who knows,

434
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 1: Uncle's on Media book Club?

435
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 2: Bye.

436
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,680
Speaker 1: It could Happen here as a production of cool Zone Media.

437
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from cool Zone Media, visit our website

438
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,720
Speaker 1: cool zonemedia dot com, or check us out on the

439
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,199
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

440
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: You can find sources for It Could Happen Here, updated

441
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: monthly at coolzonemedia dot com slash sources. Thanks for listening,