WEBVTT - Civic Cipher 082022 How Stereotypes can Affect Black Children (Part 1) 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:03.240 Welcome to another episode of Civic Cicher. I am your 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:05.800 host Ramsey's job, Yes he is, and they call me 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:09.639 q Ward stick around, got a great show lined up 0:00:09.720 --> 0:00:13.319 for you today. We're gonna share some some things you 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:18.280 might not know about if you are not a black person. 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:25.960 Growing up black may seem like a foreign concept to you, 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.639 and that's okay because again, that's not your reality. But 0:00:29.680 --> 0:00:34.520 there are some things that happen that shape our reality 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:38.200 as adults that we feel like if we share them, 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:40.519 maybe we'll find a way to relate to each other 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:45.599 a little bit more easily, more readily. So we're gonna 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:50.040 take a moment today to make sure that we discuss 0:00:50.120 --> 0:00:55.520 how some experiences have can and do shape the lives 0:00:55.520 --> 0:01:00.640 of people who are born black in this country, and 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:05.119 maybe even some ideas on how you can address those 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:09.320 ask about those experiences, and hopefully we can create a 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:12.319 little bit more empty as we relate to each other. Also, 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:15.560 we're going to tell a story about how Civic Cipher 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.200 came to be while someone reached out to us and 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:22.160 was like, you know, kind of asking how we came 0:01:22.240 --> 0:01:24.560 up with the idea for the show, and we haven't 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:28.280 told this story in this space, and so we're going 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:30.680 to take some time to let you know the origins 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:33.640 of this show, why we think it's important, and what 0:01:33.680 --> 0:01:36.560 we hope the show will accomplish. In long form, we 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:39.280 kind of give bits and pieces here and there, but 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:42.200 today we're going to lay it out in full detail 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:47.360 for you so that you will have it all. And 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:49.360 then of course our way Black History Fact, we're going 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:52.640 to be talking about the Urban League. You may be 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:56.040 familiar with the NAACP, but today we're going to celebrate 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.640 the Urban League. But first and foremost, we are going 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:03.800 to discuss some Ebony excellence. How does that sound cute? 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:07.200 This sounds very exciting? Shall we we show? So today's 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:13.720 Ebny Excellence is sponsored by Hip Hop Weekly Media and 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:17.799 we got a little tidbit from JP Morgan Wealth Management. 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:22.480 As it turns out, black women are the fastest growing 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:25.960 demographic of entrepreneurs in the US, with nearly two point 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:29.840 seven million businesses nationwide, So shout out to black women 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:34.160 one time. The number of businesses owned by black women 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:38.119 grew fifty percent from twenty fourteen to twenty nineteen, representing 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:41.680 the highest growth rate of any female demographic. Black females 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:44.760 accounted for forty two percent of all women who operated 0:02:44.760 --> 0:02:47.639 a new business during that time and represented thirty six 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:51.440 percent of all black employers, and they're not letting up. 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:53.840 In the US, seventeen percent of black women are in 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:55.840 the process of starting a new business, compared to ten 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:58.480 percent of white women and fifteen percent of white men. 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:01.960 Motives for creating a new business include producing a source 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:06.359 of income or following a dream. So we always want 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:09.480 to make sure that we're showing our support black women. 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:19.679 And you know, as a side note and a personal experience, 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:24.240 I have a sister. You know, this is the closest 0:03:24.280 --> 0:03:27.520 lens that I have outside of our producer Maggie, Miss 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:31.639 Maggie aka Maggie, knowing she knew her perspective. My own 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:36.240 little sister once worked for a doctor. And you know, 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:39.640 my sister is an actual smart person, like on paper, 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:43.560 a brilliant mind, like for real. And I remember the 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:46.680 way that this doctor mistreated my sister and devalued her 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:49.560 ideas and so forth, And so my sister now works 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.640 for herself because of that. So I could definitely see 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:55.800 this reality taking shape for black women across the country. 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:59.720 Traditionally that undervalues them. So shout out to black women 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:04.200 one more time for our ebony excellence, and that is 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:11.080 a great segue into what we're talking about today. It 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:13.240 just kind of felt important and timely based on some 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:18.000 conversations we're having this week, Q and myself and Maggie 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:26.280 about what it means to be, you know, a black man, 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:30.520 black person in this country and some of our traumas 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:34.080 and insecurities and things that have helped shaped us as 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:40.440 adults that started in our childhood. And so you know, 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.080 there's some crazy things that you know, if you're not black, 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:46.520 you might not be aware of these things that are 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:51.400 specific to black people, or that are specific to me 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:54.599 an individual, but only could happen to me as a 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:56.960 result of me being black, as a result of me, 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:02.400 as you'll find out, not having straight hair. And I 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:06.719 think that it's worth sticking around for. So I want 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:09.840 to tell a quick story to help set the stage. 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:18.360 So you know, I was born in Compton, California. I 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:21.599 lived there the first part of my life. That of course, 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:25.839 very much shaped how I viewed and still view the world. 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:29.360 So a quick story there. When I was younger, it 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:31.080 was a lot of violence there. Of course, it was 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:32.919 in the eighties, so there was a lot of drugs 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:36.479 and that sort of stuff. I had a friend. I 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:38.760 had two friends, Keith and David. Keith ended up dying, 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:42.680 remember weird kids, little kids. Keith ended up getting shot 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:44.839 and he died in front of his house in the street. 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:49.719 I remember that, and I remember everybody screaming, and it 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:51.000 was kind of a sad day. But I didn't really 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:55.599 get to process that, and I remember thinking, dang, I 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:58.160 hope I make it to twenty. Now, most people when 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:01.120 they're that young, they hope that they make it to eighteen, 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:04.320 or they anticipate turning eighteen because then they'll be in 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:06.640 a grown up, or twenty one because then they can 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:08.200 be a real grown up, or twenty five because they 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:09.880 can rent a car, or whatever whatever age it is. 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:12.719 But I thought twenty was the magic number because where 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:19.440 I lived, whenever people talked about death or these crazy 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:21.240 things happen, they would always be like, oh, such and 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:26.719 such he was only thirteen or seventeen or fifteen, and 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:29.880 the teen part stood out, and that meant that it 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:32.960 was a tragedy. So, because I knew how numbers worked, 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:34.760 I thought twenty was the magic number, and if I 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:37.240 could just make it to twenty, then I will have 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:44.719 made it. That's crazy, and so that very much shaped 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:47.000 my life. You know, I was in college when I 0:06:47.000 --> 0:06:49.400 turned twenty, and twenty was when I let my hair 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:52.000 started to grow. I felt that I was going to 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.720 be myself, and every other day beyond that was a bonus. Now, 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:56.200 of course, I moved out of Compton when I was 0:06:56.279 --> 0:07:01.320 very young, and I knew that life was not just okay, 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:04.520 you're born to die, you know, but that number stuck 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:08.960 with me, that in mine. When I first came to Arizona, 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:11.760 I had a friend. His name was Kevin. For those 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:15.800 that are really into hip hop culture that watch a 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:18.520 lot of interviews, you may know the name Bootleg keV. Well. 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:21.240 I met Kevin when he was three years old and 0:07:21.280 --> 0:07:25.680 I was seven, and so we grew up together. The 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:27.960 reason he's super into hip hop is because of me. 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:35.080 And you know, I love Kevin. I always did love Kevin. 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:40.600 And Kevin was very fortunate. His parents had money and 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:43.440 they believed that you can buy more than one Christmas 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:46.640 present for your kid at Christmas, and so Kevin would 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:48.480 get all these Christmas presents. 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:53.080 Every year for his for his birthday and Easter holidays, 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:55.320 like all this stuff. So Kevin had mad toys, right, 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:57.560 there's a growing up that's fun, you know. And every 0:07:57.600 --> 0:07:59.360 time I'd go and hang out with Kevin at his house, 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:03.000 I'd bring my video games and later I'd bring my 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:04.160 CD books and that sort of stuff. 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:06.440 But keV had toys. He was a few years younger 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:11.200 than me, so he was still on that well after 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:14.040 you know, a couple of years of knowing each other 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:17.160 and playing with each other. Kevin's toys would always go 0:08:17.200 --> 0:08:18.720 missing me just because he had too many of them. 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:22.640 And there was this gripping fear that I'd experienced every 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:26.360 time Kevin's one of Kevin's toys went missing. And instead 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:29.200 of me thinking, Okay, he's a child who lost his toy, 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:30.920 it's in the couch, it's in the back of the car, 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:34.600 something like that, I was so worried that his mom 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:41.199 was going to think I stole it, because I understood 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:43.800 at that young age that there was a stereotype and 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:48.600 a stigma of being black that meant that people assumed 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:52.240 that black people steal, right. And of course I never 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.280 stole anything, but I would always be so I would 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:57.840 I would rush to help him find the toy, and 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:00.080 I would pray that I wasn't the one who found it, 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:03.240 because if I'm the one who found it, then they 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:06.040 could conclude that I hit it in that location, right. 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:09.720 And it wasn't until years later, I'm talking my early 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:12.200 thirties when I finally told Kevin's mom about that. I 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:13.480 was like, oh, I used to hate when keV lost 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:15.280 his toys, and I told her the story I just 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:15.679 told you. 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:18.440 Probably broke her heart. 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:23.319 Broke her heart. She cried. Her and her husband kept 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:28.000 dad Charlie. They were like, Yo, how could you ever 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:30.160 think that we would ever think that you would do that? 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:37.400 And I'm like I anyway, that's one story. We got 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.240 a few to get off. It sucks that that was 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:40.320 a thing for you, though. 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:42.680 It really was because at that age you had to 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:45.360 understand that you lived in the world that mostly did 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:49.960 view black people that way and just had to hope 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:53.720 that this family was different. It had to be really 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:57.480 like trapped by that fear. Yeah, man, it sucks. Yeah, 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:02.480 But so you from a different place. Yeah, I'm from 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:05.439 a city they call Motown, the motor city. If you 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:10.360 will talk about Detroit, Michigan, that's right, at one point, 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:14.240 the world's motor capital. Maybe still at one point the 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:21.559 world's murder capital, a very very unproud but true statistic. 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:25.280 And in the eighties when I grew up, the early nineties, 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:28.760 when I was in Detroit, the black population exceeded eighty percent. 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:31.520 And if you can imagine being somewhere where the black 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:35.160 population is eighty percent, you can spend your entire life 0:10:35.280 --> 0:10:36.960 never seeing anyone that isn't black. 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:39.200 So that was my truth. 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:43.560 A very very interesting thing about our relationship, or our 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:47.400 people's relationship with law enforcement is that not only was 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:53.600 everybody in my city black, but my mother's brother and 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:59.720 my father's brother Detroit police officers. From my entire childhood, 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:04.520 one a detective on an inspector, so respected like career 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:08.400 long police officers. And then my uncle, Harold, married a 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:12.960 Detroit police officer, so we were really kind of ingrained. 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:17.199 So seeing law enforcement was very normal for me, and 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:21.480 because everyone was black, it wasn't until I was an 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:24.520 adult that I had some of those oh this is 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:28.800 different experiences with law enforcement. But being a child in Detroit, 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:35.560 especially growing up not wealthy, a lot of things that 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:38.960 are true about growing up a black child in this 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:44.080 country never dawned upon me until once again I grew up. 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:48.000 All of my neighbors were in the same financial situation 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:50.840 as my mom, all of my classmates, so not only 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:52.840 were we all black, but we were all poor. So 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:55.760 it wasn't like people were stunting on you. And now 0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:58.800 as I started to grow up, I would notice that 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:01.760 my friends who had both parents at home, they had 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:05.480 more things than I did, right, name brand shoes and clothes. 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:10.560 But just the way that my world got to be 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:13.800 shaped around black people was actually really cool. But there 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:20.400 was a duality. My uncle, my mother's brother, by the 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:24.120 nature of being an inspector in the Detroit Police Department 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:28.480 and then marrying a Detroit police officer to parents with 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.640 what was considered good jobs, they did well, so I 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:36.000 did sometimes get to see how the other side lived. Right, 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:38.040 You would go to spend a night over there, and 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:39.839 you would want that night to turn into a week 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:41.920 or a month or a Mom, can I just stay 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:45.160 here because they have a swimming pool and a pantry. 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:47.880 I don't even get into a pantry when you're a 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:50.079 young black kid and you've never seen anything like it. 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:53.280 Like that was what would be a special occasion. Grocery 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:56.400 store trip for me was just every like Tuesday for 0:12:57.240 --> 0:13:01.240 you know, for their house, extra foodator like, lots of it, 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:04.120 all the snacks, you know, anything you could possibly want. 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:09.640 I remember the first time my heart fluttered was because 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:14.920 I saw Tina Turner. So imagine being very much a 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:18.400 child and thinking that the most glorious thing you've ever 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:21.760 seen is Tina Turner. Right, So that's what growing up 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:26.000 surrounded by black people does to you, subconsciously, right that 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:28.920 Tina Turner and all her glory. It couldn't get me 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:31.440 better than that. I'm proud of that to this day. 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:34.720 My first crush and my whole life was Tina Turner. 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:39.000 And you know, they later made a movie about her. 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:42.160 I bought the first tickets, probably pregnant, like, I stood 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.280 in line to see What's Love Got to Do? And 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:46.320 I learned a lot about her life and career that 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:48.840 I didn't know, and that was a little jarring. But 0:13:49.120 --> 0:13:51.319 once again, this is me going to see my childhood 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:57.160 crushes movie simultaneously. However, and forgive me for saying your 0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:58.920 name if you ever hear this, because I have not 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:01.400 seen her since I was maybe six years old. But 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:05.520 Mary Kay Mary Kay was my cousin, Leslie and Natalie's 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:08.520 friend and Mary Kay was white. She was the second 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:14.119 person that I had a crush on, and mostly because 0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:18.880 if there's a such thing as not seeing color four 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:22.600 year old kids playing in the swimming pool. This wasn't 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:25.560 a romantic crush because we were four. But I thought 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:28.800 she was pretty and she wasn't my cousin, and that 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:32.200 was kind of all that mattered, right that she was white. 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:36.280 It's something I think about today that absolutely didn't matter 0:14:36.280 --> 0:14:38.360 when I was four and five years old playing in 0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:40.880 my uncle's swimming pool with her, And it clearly didn't 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:44.080 matter to her either, because when other family members would 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.800 come over and she was there, her interactions with them 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.840 were just as warm and just as friendly. And clearly 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:52.880 her parents had to think it was okay because every 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:55.120 summer or every holiday that we were at Uncle Harold's 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:58.080 in the pool, she was there too. So just a 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:01.600 really really interesting dynamic. And I'll touch more on how 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:04.440 that shifted a little later on in the show. But 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.320 growing up in an all black city, because eighty two 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:09.960 percent of a city being black, that city's. 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:12.120 Black, real black, right. I had a couple. 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:14.360 Teachers that weren't but even most of my teachers, most 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:17.880 of the adults and children that I saw from preschool 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:21.240 to graduation, we're black. It was a bit of a 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:24.240 utopia and kind of a really really dope experience to 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:29.760 grow up in. However, going to college forever changed the 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:33.480 entire scope of how I saw being black in this country. 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:37.360 So I want to I want you to tell that story. 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:42.440 Let me get this one off real quick. Now, I'm 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:45.240 from California. We're all mixed up over there. Then I 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:47.600 moved to Arizona, even more mixed up, you know what 0:15:47.640 --> 0:15:50.840 I mean, or even less mixed opposite. There's not a 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:57.320 lot of black folks in Arizona in Phoenix. But another 0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:00.200 thing that happened to me growing up is, you know, 0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:03.080 I get that you listen to us on radio, so 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.800 you probably haven't seen how we look. But I have 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:10.360 hair on my head. It's a big old afro. I've 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.880 had it for always, and you know it's my hair 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.000 just grows that way. It's just what it does. So 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:18.320 I'm very proud of it, and I don't cut it 0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:21.920 because it's like it's my way of kind of proclaiming 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:25.760 who I am, who I was meant to be. Nature's 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:31.400 expressing herself through my hair. God is expressing God's Self 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:33.840 through my hand and every other part of me. And 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:39.880 you not taking anything away from anybody. But you know 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:42.920 I've always had not always, but for a huge chunk 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:44.840 of my life, I've had long hair and kept it 0:16:44.840 --> 0:16:51.160 that way. And when I got a little older, I 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:55.160 remember somebody. So you know how like you'll go to 0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:57.800 a friend's house, you know, a lady friend, or maybe 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:00.600 you're a lady yourself listening to us, and you let 0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:02.920 comb your hair in the shower, comb through condition or whatever, 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:05.919 and you pull the hair off of the comb and 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:08.760 you set it on the wall of the shower or 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:11.480 whatever so that you can clean it up later. Right, 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:16.679 So the hair is kind of like stringy, straight looking hairs, 0:17:16.800 --> 0:17:18.359 kind of a little soapy, and it just sits in 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:21.680 the corner. Anyone else who sees that sees hair, this 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:23.800 hair is from a long haired individual that is in 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:29.359 the corner of the shower. Well, my hair is just 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.680 as long. It just doesn't hang to my shoulders because 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:35.320 it's grows in circles, you know what I mean. It 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:36.879 just kind of stays where it's at. It just keeps 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:40.520 growing in circles, which coils, if you will coils. Yeah, 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:45.080 and this is how you get the cool looking afro situation. 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:52.359 I think it's cool. And the thing is if I 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:55.520 comb my hair, which I do and I always have to, 0:17:55.880 --> 0:18:00.440 you know, I have to do the same thing, right. 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:06.280 So I remember one time I went to camp I 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:08.600 might have been in the eighth grade, ninth grade something 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:14.360 like that, you know, comb my hair like normal, and 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:16.639 then I like took the hair from the comb. This 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:18.840 wasn't in the shower, but I took the hair from 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:22.280 the comb and I threw it into the trash, you 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:24.600 know what I mean. And I just left it in 0:18:24.600 --> 0:18:26.600 like a waste basket inside of the cabin where we're 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:29.640 a camping. And one of the people that came into 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:32.040 the cabin, this person wasn't like being mean or being 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:34.200 racist or anything like that. That's not what this story 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:39.159 is about. This person was unfamiliar with hair not attached 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:42.879 to my head. Right, So when they see this clump 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:45.040 of hair that looks like a little tiny after that 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:47.520 you can fit in a palm in your hand, looks 0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:51.720 at it and said something like it looks oh my god, 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:54.520 look at this. It looks like like a bug created 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:58.080 a nest or something like something like. Really that they 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:01.840 weren't trying to say anything about me me, right, But 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:03.960 the way that I heard it was like, oh my god, 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:08.760 and you know everyone else was clowning, was like, you know, 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:12.120 whatever they were saying, I don't know. And then over 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:16.359 time I heard things like, you know, when you have 0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:20.679 like thick black hair in the shower, when you come 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:23.400 across that, a lot of people think that it's body hair. 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.960 We'll say, well, my hair is all thick and black, 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:29.959 you know what I mean, And it's cray right. So 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:33.520 this thing kind of grew in me, this fear of 0:19:33.600 --> 0:19:38.320 leaving my hair anywhere, especially in the shower, because I 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:42.800 didn't want anybody else to find my hair that came 0:19:42.840 --> 0:19:44.240 from my head. I have to comb my hair and 0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:47.560 take care of the same as everybody, but I became 0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:50.680 so embarrassed about having to take care in my hair 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:54.560 because it sheds. It's just what human beings do. All 0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:56.679 of our hair sheds. It's it's a natural thing. But 0:19:56.760 --> 0:20:00.840 leaving it in the shower became like kind of traumatic 0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:04.359 for me, so much so to wear as as recently 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:10.200 as we'll call it, two thousand and maybe seventeen, maybe 0:20:10.240 --> 0:20:18.479 sixteen seventeen, I was in Vegas, at a Hilton. I 0:20:18.600 --> 0:20:22.280 was there under like a diamond account right djaying for 0:20:22.320 --> 0:20:28.199 New Year's Eve, and I found myself in the shower 0:20:28.760 --> 0:20:31.480 cleaning up my hair because I didn't want the housekeepers 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:35.000 to come in after seeing me in that room to 0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:38.480 think that I had somehow violated or disrespected the bathroom 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:40.480 and for them to be grossed out by my hair 0:20:40.800 --> 0:20:43.960 on my head. So it's something that stayed with me 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:48.720 well into adulthood and again growing up and getting those 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:52.040 traumas of just not being white, just being different. And 0:20:52.080 --> 0:20:55.080 I'm sure that Hispanic people and you know, everybody has 0:20:55.119 --> 0:20:57.080 their own versions of these stories. But I think that 0:20:57.160 --> 0:20:58.800 by us talking about it, we can kind of relate 0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:01.040 to each other. Now, you went away to college. Tell 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:03.879 me more about this, Kip, Well, before going away to college. 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:06.679 You have to understand that said something earlier, and I 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:09.040 said it so fast you may not have caught it. 0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:13.400 Almost everybody was black, Okay, I had teachers my whole 0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:17.199 life that weren't. But you have to understand with my 0:21:17.640 --> 0:21:20.399 life and the way that I view non black people 0:21:20.400 --> 0:21:23.760 in America was very much shaped by my childhood. But 0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:29.000 think about it. The city eighty two percent black, But 0:21:29.080 --> 0:21:32.199 you can drive right from the most southern part of 0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:36.200 Detroit to out of Detroit is I'm sure you guys 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:39.280 have seen the movie eight Mile. That distance is eight 0:21:39.359 --> 0:21:42.680 miles literally from the southernmost part of Detroit. So as 0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:46.080 far inward as you can go south to north of 0:21:46.119 --> 0:21:49.560 the city, out into the north suburbs, eight miles and 0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:52.160 you're out of the city. All of these teachers could 0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:55.160 have worked in the suburbs and not had to move, 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:59.120 like literally across the street. Go across the street, across 0:21:59.160 --> 0:22:03.120 eight mile. You're not in Detroit anymore. The property value increases, 0:22:03.200 --> 0:22:06.240 your salary increases, the crime rate drops, like all of 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:09.600 this was true. So these teachers that were not black 0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:13.080 that chose to work in inner city Detroit public schools 0:22:13.119 --> 0:22:17.080 schools had a really really genuine affection and place in 0:22:17.119 --> 0:22:20.200 their heart for teaching and developing black children. 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:21.360 Right. 0:22:21.480 --> 0:22:23.800 So even when I come across like teachers in the 0:22:23.840 --> 0:22:26.400 news now that just kind of don't care as much, 0:22:26.480 --> 0:22:28.719 like it's a job for them. But for my teachers, 0:22:28.760 --> 0:22:31.040 it wasn't just a job. These people were editions of 0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:36.760 your family, like ancillary parents. If you will, miss Pillars, 0:22:36.800 --> 0:22:42.760 Miss Howitt's, Miss moy All, very very different ethnic backgrounds, right, 0:22:42.840 --> 0:22:48.240 Ms Marath, mister Torgensen, all very very different ethnic backgrounds, right, 0:22:48.320 --> 0:22:51.760 Some Asians, some white, but white. You know, you have German, 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:57.600 you have Russian, Miss Lev, mister Kara Maris. All of 0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:01.159 these people who looked nothing like us, who really really 0:23:01.400 --> 0:23:04.840 gave a damn about helping us become better people and 0:23:04.880 --> 0:23:11.520 really poured into that development, prepared me to get shocked by. 0:23:11.400 --> 0:23:12.640 The world, is what they did. 0:23:12.800 --> 0:23:15.639 Wow, because they loved and put their arms around I 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:18.600 remember Miss Moy's husband gave me my first set of 0:23:18.640 --> 0:23:21.119 comic books that got stolen out of my locker, and 0:23:21.320 --> 0:23:23.720 I cried for a week because I was really big 0:23:23.760 --> 0:23:26.119 into comic books as a child. But you have to understand, 0:23:26.880 --> 0:23:30.080 they set me up for the most massive culture shock 0:23:30.119 --> 0:23:33.560 in my life because every white person I ever met 0:23:33.720 --> 0:23:38.240 loved me like out loud and intentionally. And I get 0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:39.720