1 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,519 Speaker 1: The stostest way to push your kids out of sports, 2 00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:09,040 Speaker 1: to make them, you know, not want to play, to 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,160 Speaker 1: make them. And you're talking about owning their own journey. 4 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:15,160 Speaker 1: When the parents owned the journey, the kid's not gonna 5 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,319 Speaker 1: go that far. They're just not. As soon as you 6 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,799 Speaker 1: give them space and you let them own it, that's 7 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,159 Speaker 1: when you really sort of take off. This is the 8 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,639 Speaker 1: Reformed Sports Project, a podcast about restoring healthy balance and 9 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: perspective in all areas of sports through education and advocacy. Hi, 10 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:35,240 Speaker 1: this is Nick Bonacoort from the Reform Sports Project podcast. Today, 11 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 1: I'm speaking with Asia Mape, founder of I Love to 12 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,159 Speaker 1: Watch You Play, an educational website designed to help parents 13 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 1: feel more confident and regain balance insanity as they navigate 14 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,600 Speaker 1: the youth sports journey with their children. A four time 15 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 1: Emmy Award winning journalist and experienced sports television producer, Asia 16 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 1: has covered many of the world's most popular sporting events, 17 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: including five Olympic Games, multiple NBA Playoffs, and two Super Bowls. 18 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: Asia and I discussed the difference between support and pressure, 19 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,960 Speaker 1: how parents can learn and grow from past mistakes, and 20 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,440 Speaker 1: the importance of listening to your kids when they tell 21 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,880 Speaker 1: you what they need. Here we go. I am once 22 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 1: again fired up. I got another. This is an oldie, 23 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: but a goodie. Oldie, but a good in the sense 24 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 1: that we spoke first time back before the pandemic. So 25 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 1: I think it was like February of um. But it's 26 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: great to be back in the saddle and re recording 27 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 1: with the founder of a lot of you might know 28 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: this website. I love to watch you play. She was 29 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 1: a bad a athlete back in her day. Pumped to 30 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 1: have her Asia mape Asia. Thank you so much for 31 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 1: hopping on. Thank you, Nick, I love it. Thank you 32 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 1: for having me back, no doubt. So I just want 33 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:44,319 Speaker 1: to start right here with the let's call it the gorilla, 34 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 1: the monkey, and the whatever whatever. What's the expression, the 35 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: gorilla in the room? Whatever the hell it is a 36 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,520 Speaker 1: hundred pound gorilla in the room, elephant in the room. 37 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: I love to watch you play, right, So, Like that 38 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 1: is something I actually say to my kids after every 39 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: single sporting of especially my little ones. What made you 40 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 1: pick that name? What made you get into that space? Like, 41 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: give us a background, all right, So I'll give you 42 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 1: the short version. Um, I was an athlete, you know, 43 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 1: I played basketball my whole life and in college. Um. 44 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 1: And then I worked in sports television for a long 45 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 1: time and a former coworker and I were talking about 46 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,920 Speaker 1: we had kids at that point, just how crazy the 47 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: youth sports. Um wait, basically our experiences had been up 48 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 1: to that it felt like, um, it was a little 49 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,840 Speaker 1: out of control and we ourselves were out of control. 50 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,280 Speaker 1: And she said, let's start something around this. You know, 51 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 1: I'm a producer, she was an on their talent, and 52 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 1: so we were kind of brainstorming what we wanted to 53 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 1: call it, and you know, what would get the message across. 54 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: And I think we both had seen John O'Sullivan and 55 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 1: I know you've had him on as a guest and 56 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: he's incredible, and we had seen his Ted talk and 57 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,080 Speaker 1: it was on there that he talked about, really, the 58 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 1: only words your kids need to hear is I love 59 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: to watch you play. And you know, I'll be honest, Nick, 60 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,239 Speaker 1: At that time, UM, you know I needed to hear 61 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,359 Speaker 1: that almost more than anyone else, because I'm not sure 62 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 1: I love to watch your play was coming out of 63 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 1: my mouth all that often back then, but now it 64 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,880 Speaker 1: certainly does. You know what, I don't call it the 65 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: reforms like reformed is for a reason like, I mean, 66 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,280 Speaker 1: a lot of people were listening to this and agree 67 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 1: like it takes a minute. I had to check myself too. 68 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 1: It's like, wait a minute, and you know I felt 69 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,679 Speaker 1: and I'm sure I'm not gonna put words in your mouth, 70 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: but it almost seems like for a minute, they're like 71 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: I almost felt my my value as a parent was 72 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: on display depending on how my kid performed. Did you 73 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: ever feel that, you know, I know that's like that's 74 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,920 Speaker 1: something that a lot of people talk about and we're 75 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: living through our kids. I don't know that I felt 76 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 1: that per se. You know, I'm not exactly sure where. 77 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: You know, I've done a lot of writing on this 78 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: and a lot of speaking on this of where my 79 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: inkst around it comes from. But you know, I can 80 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: watch a game and start to get tight and start 81 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: to feel, you know, like, and I'm sure a lot 82 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 1: of parents have that same experience. But it's funny, it 83 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: was really it's not just something that you finally figure 84 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: out either, Nick, And I don't know if you're at 85 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: this point. I need to remind myself of the things 86 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: that I've learned after doing I Love tow Act. You 87 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: played dot com all the time, I can slip so 88 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 1: fast back into some bad habits and sort of like, 89 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: you know, not really remembering what sports are supposed to 90 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,359 Speaker 1: be about and why my my kids are in sports 91 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: and why I want them to play sports, and I 92 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: think we forget about that. I think, I think more 93 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 1: than anything, I've found that it's that sort of r 94 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: o I, that return on investment. You've put so much 95 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: into it, and as has your kid, that you like 96 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,800 Speaker 1: you're expecting results, and I think when there aren't results, 97 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,159 Speaker 1: or when it's not going their way or whatever, it's 98 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: just like this feeling. Well, we drove all the way 99 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: out here and come to San Diego and now she's 100 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: not even playing or she's in and she's looks like 101 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,280 Speaker 1: she doesn't care, and you know, you just start to 102 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,719 Speaker 1: get like, wow, you put so much in you know, 103 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: you have these expectations put on them, and it's completely unfair. 104 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,520 Speaker 1: That's such a great point because I know that feeling. 105 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: But also it's like here, you and I, if we're 106 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: gonna have this conversation, I think most people will agree. 107 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:16,919 Speaker 1: Like you talk about the values and things that you 108 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,040 Speaker 1: extract from the youth sport experience, right, like learning how 109 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: to deal with adversity, learning how to deal with struggle 110 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: sitting on the bench, like you learn from that stuff, 111 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 1: but when it's happening in the moment, you're like, what 112 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,920 Speaker 1: the hell this sucks? You know, like it is hard, 113 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 1: And I think I'm so glad you brought up like 114 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: the daily reminders almost like it's easy to slip back into. 115 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,919 Speaker 1: And I don't think that that's an unusual circumstance. And 116 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 1: we're all human. I think there's you know, especially for 117 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: for people who have played at a fairly or competed 118 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:45,720 Speaker 1: at a high level, Like we're competitive. You know, you're competitive, 119 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: and I think one of the lessons that you extract 120 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 1: from sport experience is the competitiveness. But it's also not 121 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: my competitiveness, right, Like I have to remember myself, this 122 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 1: is not my journey. So what what are some things 123 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 1: that you do to check yourself? Is it reading the blog? 124 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: Is it like listening to a podcast? How do you 125 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,480 Speaker 1: keep yourself in line? You know, I think it's really 126 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: just putting a little space between it. I start to 127 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,359 Speaker 1: feel it now and and and I've been at this 128 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: for a while. You know, my oldest is now in college, 129 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 1: and she started playing sports right when she was three 130 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: or four or whatever with the little soccer and it's 131 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 1: just it's practice, it's feeling those feelings come up. I 132 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 1: don't think you're going to stop those feelings. I'm the 133 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: same person I was when I first had my kids 134 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,719 Speaker 1: and sports that I am now. I'm competitive. I played 135 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 1: high level basketball. I worked with you know, amazing incredible 136 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 1: athletes all the time. Like I love when I'm not 137 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 1: a different person. I just know how inappropriate, ineffective and 138 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: and basically detrimental it is to the kids. And so 139 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,720 Speaker 1: what what I need to do, and what I do 140 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: all the time is put a little space between those feelings. 141 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,239 Speaker 1: So I'm sitting there watching and I start to feel 142 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: my heart right, I'm starting to feel the sweat, you know, 143 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: and I just think, okay, here it comes now now, 144 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 1: Like let's separate from that. It's not that it's not 145 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,920 Speaker 1: that I don't call those things anymore. I just know better, 146 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,680 Speaker 1: Like the fastest way to push your cared out of 147 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: sports to make them, you know, not want to play, 148 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: to make them. And you're talking about owning their own 149 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 1: journey when the parents owned the journey, the kid's not 150 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: going to go that far. They're just not. As soon 151 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 1: as you give them space and you let them own it, 152 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 1: that's when they really sort of take off. And you 153 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,440 Speaker 1: just learn all this stuff. I learned it from firsthand experience, 154 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 1: from writing it, from people like yourself and John O'Sullivan 155 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: and great um people that contribute to the website. And 156 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 1: you know, you just have to like fall back and 157 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 1: all those things that you know are right, even though 158 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: you might be feeling very differently in the moment. We're 159 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: just coming out of a pandemic, right, I say coming 160 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: out of Some would say we're out of it something, 161 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 1: whatever the case is, right covid. I think, if anything, 162 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: there has been a lot put on display or at 163 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: least in the mainstream where you know, you can hear 164 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: people talking about mental health. You can hear people talking 165 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 1: about the the need to get out in an exercise 166 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: or talk about your feelings. Right, we all went through this, 167 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,360 Speaker 1: Everyone had their own experience, ever had their own feelings 168 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 1: and journey through it and are still navigating in many ways. 169 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 1: But it's not on chartered territory now to talk about 170 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 1: that that monkey in your back on your back, right, 171 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 1: that thing that's bothering you that you don't want to 172 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 1: talk about how much do you think of this what 173 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:24,200 Speaker 1: we're talking about now right this this parent, this youth 174 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: sport experience this, how much do you think it can 175 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 1: impact the kids mental health? Like if we're feeling it 176 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: and we're on the sidelines and our kids are looking 177 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,400 Speaker 1: to us, and our kids are in the car with us, 178 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: and our kids are you know, at the dinner table 179 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 1: with us, how much do you think that they can 180 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: feel it? And also how do you think that might 181 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: impact them? Oh my gosh, you know what, even before 182 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 1: the pandemic and before this sort of rash, it feels 183 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: like a suicide. It's buy a bunch of athletes. Um, 184 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 1: I feel like you've just hit on my number one 185 00:08:56,040 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 1: favorite thing to talk about, and it is support first, sure, 186 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:04,320 Speaker 1: and it's I think so key and it's really what 187 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: most of what us as parents can do to help 188 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: the whole situation. And it covers a lot of things, right, Um, 189 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: But I think it's like that fine line when you 190 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: cross over from being a supportive parent. And you talked 191 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: about this a little right there. You know your kids 192 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 1: having a bad game, right, and you don't think they 193 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: know that feel that are sad about that, and they 194 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: look up in the stand and you're like like mad 195 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,320 Speaker 1: faith or like you know, they see you like yelling 196 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,080 Speaker 1: at the refs or yelling at them, like what is 197 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: that message you're sending right? Like you're supposed to be 198 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 1: their cheerleader, their their support system. They already feel bad. 199 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:50,480 Speaker 1: Like what it's like it's so counterproductive to what as 200 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,319 Speaker 1: parents we should be a need to be doing. And again, 201 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,520 Speaker 1: like I said, I am not perfect at this. This 202 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: is like, you know, a constant thing. But really the 203 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,839 Speaker 1: coaches are there to of them feedback. They're probably their 204 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 1: own harshest credits. We're there to support them, UM, love them, 205 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 1: help them when they need it or want it. Some 206 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 1: players really do look to their parents to talk about 207 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 1: and break down the grid the game. I mean, I 208 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: know mine don't, UM, but it's like, you know, really 209 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 1: this fine line and when you cross over, they know 210 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,680 Speaker 1: it and it is really hard to get it back. 211 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,079 Speaker 1: And I think it does the most damage. And it 212 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: not only UM, and I hope all the parents take 213 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,600 Speaker 1: this in and really think about this. It's not only 214 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,800 Speaker 1: hurting their career right there, or their career is a 215 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: funny word to use there, but you know, their sports 216 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,080 Speaker 1: and how far they want to go and how long 217 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,679 Speaker 1: they want to play. But it really can end up 218 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 1: hurting your relationship with your child. Um and I've I've 219 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 1: dealt with this personally with my oldest and when they 220 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,959 Speaker 1: feel that your investment in their sports is like the 221 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 1: main thing and so important to you, it really does 222 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 1: do some serious damage to the relay ship ship and 223 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 1: you have to do some serious repair work to fix that. 224 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: So it's it's it's a big thing, the support first pressure. 225 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,680 Speaker 1: You know. I have been guilty, I'd say guilty of it. 226 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,199 Speaker 1: But it's like I remember when I first started interviewing 227 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: folks and really diving into the Reformed Sports project, and 228 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 1: I'd hear college coaches often tell me, like, when I 229 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 1: go to my kids game, these are the coaches saying. 230 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 1: And I kept hearing it, and it could have been 231 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 1: a male female, didn't matter the sport, they say. When 232 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: I go to my kids games, I never get too 233 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,560 Speaker 1: excited for him when they do well, and I certainly 234 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,560 Speaker 1: don't get too excited for him if they don't perform, 235 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: Like I want to stay in the middle. And as 236 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: I'd be listening to the coach, I'm like, well, I've 237 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: gotten over excited on both ends, like you know, and 238 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: then it's hard because in that moment you're excited or whatever. 239 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,120 Speaker 1: But it's hard to look at it through the kids 240 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,840 Speaker 1: point of it. But then when I reflect back, like 241 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,839 Speaker 1: you just mentioned, uh, your your child, but I can 242 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: think back on my own parents or my dad in particular, 243 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: love and God rest in peace. But um, you know, 244 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 1: he would get excited, he would not you know you 245 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: and I would feel that he kept it in check 246 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,440 Speaker 1: for the most part. But I was definitely cognizant of it. Um. 247 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: I didn't like to call him that much when I 248 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,000 Speaker 1: was in college. Like if I had a bad game 249 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,680 Speaker 1: in college, I didn't want to He always knew if 250 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: I didn't do because I didn't call him that day. 251 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,959 Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it, well, what happened? And 252 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,959 Speaker 1: I don't I suck today. Leave me alone, you know, 253 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 1: I want to explain it to you. I'm ten hours 254 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 1: away from leave me alone that anyway. But but it's like, 255 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:20,719 Speaker 1: if it's important as a parent, I feel like it's okay. 256 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 1: I don't think your kid cares if you never get 257 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:27,439 Speaker 1: overly excited or certainly excited if they don't perform well. 258 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,360 Speaker 1: But it's like staying in that that that neutral zone. Like, 259 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: how do you if you're an excitable person, how do 260 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 1: you how do you keep that in check? Yeah, well, 261 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 1: I don't know. I I hear you, and I know 262 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,319 Speaker 1: I know a lot of parents who are excitable, and 263 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: you know, I think they're they're kids kind of you know, 264 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 1: they expected and they know it. I don't think that's 265 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 1: gonna just, you know, be that's how gonna do a 266 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,160 Speaker 1: ton of damage. I think if that's your personality and 267 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: your kids know it about you, You're you're high, you're low, 268 00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 1: you're yell or what if they get used to it? 269 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 1: But like you know, I think it's when after the 270 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: game you're mad at them, do you know what I mean? 271 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 1: You're you're not friendly, You're not you can't like sort 272 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 1: of let it go. You want to keep talking about it, 273 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 1: you know, and it extends beyond that moment um. But 274 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 1: you know, I'm not sure. I'm not exactly like that. 275 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: And I'll tell you it's interesting. A lot of my 276 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:25,679 Speaker 1: kids play on teams with various professional athletes as parents, 277 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,360 Speaker 1: like Matt beyond Me for example, he's a dad on 278 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: one of his Olympic swimmer has a ton of gold 279 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 1: medals and whatever. He's the most low key dad ever. 280 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 1: And I've found that a lot of the professional athletes 281 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 1: and as you're state coaches, they stayed the most low 282 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: most like calm, seem to have. Like I mean, and 283 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on like at home or whatever, 284 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: but I but I like to think they definitely have 285 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 1: something figured out and know what's kind of more appropriate 286 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,800 Speaker 1: and necessary in those moments, and they can kind of 287 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 1: keep it really low key. When we come back, Asian 288 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,960 Speaker 1: and I discuss her advice for parents for the car 289 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,960 Speaker 1: ride home and how she navigated her daughter's decision to 290 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: stop playing sports. Welcome back where we left off. Asian 291 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,839 Speaker 1: and I were about to talk about tough love versus 292 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 1: listening to your kids, attitude and effort, right, and if 293 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 1: we talk about things, and I love to get in 294 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: this with you because I know that you've spoken about 295 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,000 Speaker 1: or written about it. It's the car ride home, right, 296 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: which is I like to get into this all the 297 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 1: time because it can make or break a kid's entire experience. 298 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 1: And you know one thing I don't think is inappropriate 299 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: or I think it's very appropriate, is especially when it's 300 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 1: age appropriate. Right, If my kids, you know, eight nine, ten, seven, eight, nine, ten, 301 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 1: eleven and older. It's like, hey, if you're out there 302 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:47,320 Speaker 1: acting like a jackass or or not behaving, not listening right, 303 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 1: terrible effort, you know, horsing around now, listen to the coach, 304 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,160 Speaker 1: like I think it's I think I'm doing my kid 305 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 1: at disservice if I don't talk to him about that afterwards, 306 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 1: you know, like, what are you doing? Man? It's almost 307 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 1: like like the teacher calls home from school and says 308 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 1: you're disruptive, Like, I I gotta handle that in some way, 309 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 1: shape or form. I think same as as if my 310 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: kid in the dugout is being mischievous right and not 311 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 1: listening to the coach. But if my kid goes over 312 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 1: three or is playing a basketball game, this is you know, 313 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: key free throws, and I get mad. I don't need 314 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,720 Speaker 1: to correct that. So like the car ride home, what 315 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 1: are things dues and don't Let's say you know your 316 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:27,600 Speaker 1: kids didn't perform well versus didn't put in great effort. 317 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 1: Is there one that you should shouldn't talk about? And 318 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:32,560 Speaker 1: when's the right time? Yeah? Well, I agree with you, Nick, 319 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 1: Like there's certain things they're just unacceptable and you're watching right, 320 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: like the kid is goofing off when the coaches talking 321 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: or being disrespectful or I mean I really get irritated 322 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 1: to about the referee stuff with the like oh like 323 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: getting mad or perhaps makes a call. Um that stuff. 324 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: I would think, um, a parent would want to talk 325 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: to them about it. And maybe it's not even in 326 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 1: the car right home, but it's later when when they're 327 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 1: a little more removed from it. Um. But I I 328 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,840 Speaker 1: agree also that like the other game stuff, I mean, 329 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 1: you gotta fake remember like not only did they just 330 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 1: live it, their coach just talked about it after the game. 331 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 1: The kids the teammates probably are talking about as they're 332 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: walking to the car, and now they got to get 333 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 1: in and hear it one more time from us. If 334 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 1: they bring it up and want to talk about it 335 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: and you know, break something down, of course, but I 336 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 1: would recommend not talking about it at all, um, you know, 337 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 1: or maybe just a quick check in you're doing okay? 338 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: How was that? You know you're feeling all right about it? 339 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 1: But I would not get any deeper than that unless 340 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,880 Speaker 1: it's um driven by them. What would you say to 341 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 1: because you mentioned before with your oldest child, what would 342 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 1: you say was one of the things that if you 343 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 1: can go But I mean we all have regrets. But 344 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: what was there something that that maybe through your sport 345 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 1: experience that you wish you had to take back in 346 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 1: something like dang, I wish you didn't do that? What happened? 347 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: And then what did you endure your child learned from 348 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 1: that experience. So my oldest, um, she is a great athlete. 349 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 1: And you know, I have to say, you know, as 350 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 1: I've mentioned, I played sports. Their dad was a volleyball 351 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:13,639 Speaker 1: player in college. We love sports. We both worked in sports. 352 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: Sports was our household, right. We watched a lot of 353 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:22,399 Speaker 1: um different sports every weekend, every night, you know, sports Center. 354 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 1: And so I think, you know, she's a little unique 355 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: in as far as I don't think she's really an athlete, 356 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: and in her heart she's an artist. So she wanted 357 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,600 Speaker 1: to you know, you don't you don't think about this 358 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,159 Speaker 1: when you're you know, you're not like, oh, maybe she 359 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 1: doesn't like sports, but she's going along with our sporting 360 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 1: family and we love it. She's a great athlete and 361 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,159 Speaker 1: we find sports she really liked. There seems to like. 362 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 1: But she's on the Olympic development team and shoots a 363 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:53,199 Speaker 1: TV show with Cam Newton with water bolo players Olympic players. 364 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,639 Speaker 1: I mean, she was it. She chose her high school 365 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,439 Speaker 1: and is here all her own choices, right I remember 366 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 1: that commercial one. Yeah, well it was a it was 367 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 1: all show. She was chosen and you know, she was 368 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:08,040 Speaker 1: a great water polo player and picked to high school 369 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 1: based on a coach that she wanted to play for. UM. 370 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,400 Speaker 1: But I really think it's like it's all she knew, right. 371 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 1: We were a sporty family. We love sports. Everyone plays sports. 372 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 1: She played sports, but in her heart she started to 373 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:27,159 Speaker 1: feel um. For one thing, it's not like volleyball or 374 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 1: sport um softball. Waterfolo is a grueling sport. Um. It's 375 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,359 Speaker 1: one of the most physically demanding sports in the world. 376 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: One and her high school coach was an Olympic UM. 377 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,720 Speaker 1: He was an assistant coach on the men's Olympic waterfolo team. 378 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,719 Speaker 1: He was serious business. He did not mess around. UM. 379 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,880 Speaker 1: And it was a lot. And so she always loved art. 380 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,480 Speaker 1: She was always like a little creative and um, you know, 381 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 1: wanted to do plays and various things. But's kept along 382 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: with the sports. And at some point she started kind 383 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,119 Speaker 1: of sharing that this my not be what she wanted 384 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:04,160 Speaker 1: to do. Um. And there was a lot of well, 385 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 1: you pict your path and you got to fall through. 386 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,679 Speaker 1: And you know, there was part of me, if I 387 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 1: look back, like I just didn't kind of want to 388 00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 1: accept what she was saying. Um, I think my number 389 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: one thing would be really listen to your kids. And UM, 390 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,880 Speaker 1: I think we kept kind of like she had made 391 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: these choices all around her water polo. She couldn't do 392 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,280 Speaker 1: the play at school because the water polo. She would 393 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:32,320 Speaker 1: come home exhausted at night because the practices are three 394 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,679 Speaker 1: hours long, six days a week. You know, you're just 395 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 1: she couldn't get to her art. She was tired, and 396 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,440 Speaker 1: she was telling us things. Some kids won't speak to you. 397 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,360 Speaker 1: She was outright telling us this stuff, and we were 398 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,359 Speaker 1: still kind of like doing that suck it up, get 399 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 1: through it, you know. Um. And eventually she got sick, 400 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: you know, she had a tumor and she had to 401 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,639 Speaker 1: stop because of that. And then COVID hit and she 402 00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,400 Speaker 1: never played a day after that. Um. But honest look 403 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: back at that time, and she was telling us and 404 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 1: and and it it was probably a whole year or 405 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 1: more of this sort of back and forth with her, 406 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,919 Speaker 1: and you know there's that there's that issue of and 407 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 1: this is for real, it's like kids often get distracted 408 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 1: and get tired and want to be with their friend, 409 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,600 Speaker 1: especially when they're during puberty and during those high school 410 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: early years, and you know there's this balance of how 411 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 1: do you support them in things that you think and believe, 412 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 1: like sports are really good and positive for them, you 413 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: know when they're having those moments, right, because if you 414 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,720 Speaker 1: always let a kid do whatever they wanted on their 415 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:41,359 Speaker 1: own accord and whim, they quit enjoying a thousand things right. 416 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 1: And so there's there's tons of people out there that 417 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,480 Speaker 1: will tell you. I don't know how many professional and 418 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,439 Speaker 1: collegiate athletes I've heard talk about those several times they 419 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,280 Speaker 1: almost quit or did quit and come back. So you're 420 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 1: balancing this like, Okay, how much of it is just 421 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 1: like a phase she's going through, you know? But I think, um, 422 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,879 Speaker 1: and I think parenting kids through all this stuff is 423 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,360 Speaker 1: really hard, and I feel for parents and I've been there, 424 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,200 Speaker 1: but it's like the number one thing is really listening 425 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,480 Speaker 1: to them. I think you have to really listen to 426 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 1: them and find a solution, like we needed to give 427 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: her a break. We needed to give her some time off. Um, 428 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: maybe even let her quit earlier than she did. Maybe 429 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 1: it was a season off, you know. But when they're 430 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 1: complaining of these things, you can't just take that tough 431 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:27,919 Speaker 1: love attitude. Um. I think it really was detrimental to 432 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,000 Speaker 1: our relationship for a while. I think it was detrimental 433 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,879 Speaker 1: to her health. She was really unhappy and um, we 434 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 1: just weren't listening. We just kept kind of like pushing 435 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 1: her through it. And I deeply regret how we handled that, um, 436 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,760 Speaker 1: you know, And I just hope that I have learned 437 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: from it, and I have and that other people can 438 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: learn from it because I do write about her talk 439 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,400 Speaker 1: about it a lot. Um that you have to kind 440 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 1: of support them in their passions and and see where 441 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,040 Speaker 1: they want to go. And that's not to say you 442 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,119 Speaker 1: don't like you know, I mean my two daughters is 443 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: that are playing sports still it's like maybe we want 444 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 1: to get um, you know, a little extra training in 445 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 1: or whatever. He's still they're still kids and they still 446 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 1: need like some guidance and support. When they're really chilling 447 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,600 Speaker 1: you stuff, you have to listen only smokes like thank 448 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,879 Speaker 1: you for getting so vulnerable and I'm listening to and 449 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about. You know, my older boys wrestle. You know, 450 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 1: wrestling is like this, you gotta you gotta watch your diet. 451 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,919 Speaker 1: You gotta It's grueling. I would never want to wrestle. 452 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: I love the sport, but holy cow, like and it 453 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: I gets as you were describing water upon my god. This. 454 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 1: So I live with a wrestler and he's like, he's 455 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 1: sneaking snacks and he's like, I gotta lose six pounds 456 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 1: in a week. You know, it's really but you use 457 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 1: the word balance, and it is hard because my son 458 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,879 Speaker 1: is also He's said he's seventeen years old. He's a 459 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,400 Speaker 1: good manipulator to like, we all can be at that age. 460 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 1: Even now I'm forty three. I can manipulate if I 461 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: want to. It's knowing, like if I leave them to 462 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 1: their own devices, how far will they go? Like we 463 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,719 Speaker 1: all need some direction every now again, we all need 464 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,199 Speaker 1: to be held accountable. It's knowing that fine line. And 465 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 1: I want to ask you to close with this, like, 466 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: as an athlete and now obviously a sports parent, what 467 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,639 Speaker 1: the experience you have, If there's one thing to take 468 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 1: out of the sport experience, why would accountability. I hear 469 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:16,919 Speaker 1: that word use a lot. Why is that such a 470 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:21,680 Speaker 1: value asset and why is it transition so much to 471 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,679 Speaker 1: life after sport. I think it's an important question to 472 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:29,000 Speaker 1: continually sort of think about and ask yourself, is why 473 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 1: do you want your child to play sports? Right? It 474 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 1: can't just be for a college scholarship. It can't just 475 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,000 Speaker 1: be to play in college. It's all these other things 476 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 1: that they're going to get out of it, right self, team, teamworker, communication, 477 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:46,159 Speaker 1: character building, learning to louse, organizing their time, working towards goals, 478 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff, and accountability is at the 479 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,639 Speaker 1: top of that list. And I think that there aren't 480 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: too many other places. You know, there is, there is, obviously, 481 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 1: what's going to school and you got to do your 482 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: homework and stuff, But where you can get so many 483 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:04,400 Speaker 1: of these character building blocks in one place. And accountability 484 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 1: is huge for their their job, their time in college, 485 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,199 Speaker 1: when they're married, when they have kids or or not, 486 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: you know, but just going through life as a grown up, 487 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 1: it's huge. And and I do think that um, when 488 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,159 Speaker 1: we keep those sort of things top of mind and 489 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 1: what they're learning and you know, make that the priority 490 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: instead of extrinsic goals. I think everybody wins because look 491 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 1: when they're if they're a junior in high school and 492 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 1: they decide they're done, you know, they've probably gotten a 493 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 1: lot of those goals already. It doesn't mean and I 494 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,719 Speaker 1: love I posted something about quitting. It doesn't mean you're quitting. 495 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: You found something else you want to do more. There's 496 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,879 Speaker 1: absolutely nothing wrong with that, and you can still have 497 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:49,640 Speaker 1: gotten a lot of those same character blocks, including accountability. Asia. 498 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: Maybe I love it. I love to watch you play. 499 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: Where can they find you? Let them know? Um, I 500 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: love to watch you play. Dot com. It's all written 501 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,119 Speaker 1: out just like that. I love to watch you a 502 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:04,440 Speaker 1: dot com. We're on Facebook, Instagram, and I'm going to 503 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:08,240 Speaker 1: be getting my newsletter going back up, so um sign 504 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 1: up for that on the website. And that's pretty much it. Nick, 505 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 1: thank you so much. I always enjoy speaking with you. 506 00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 1: It was really it was really um enjoyable. Thank you well. 507 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,920 Speaker 1: I appreciate you coming on Asian mape, but I love 508 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 1: to watch you play. Check it out. She is doing 509 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 1: amazing work. She is a ton of experience and I 510 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:27,400 Speaker 1: just can't thank you enough for coming out and being 511 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: so vulnerable and sharing. That is awesome. Thanks Nick, that's 512 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 1: Asian mate, founder of I Love to Watch You Play. 513 00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports Project podcast. I'm 514 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,720 Speaker 1: Nick Boncour and our goal is to restore a healthy 515 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,120 Speaker 1: balance and perspective in all areas of sports through education 516 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,719 Speaker 1: and advocacy. For updates, please follow us on Facebook, Twitter, 517 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,560 Speaker 1: and Instagram, or check out our website by searching for 518 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:49,920 Speaker 1: the Reform Sports Project.