WEBVTT - #140 This makes you a bad parent. 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.920 But you don't have to feel it all at once 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:06.400 right now, and if you don't, there's not something wrong 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:08.840 with you. You're not cut out to be a bad 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:12.200 dad because you don't. You don't just feel nothing but 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.920 joy for this baby when in reality you're just missing 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:30.080 your mom. What's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast. This 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:31.720 is one of my favorite things to do. I do. 0:00:32.000 --> 0:00:35.760 I have so many jobs, so many different careers, I think, 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:39.080 but the podcast is one of my favorites. It's kind 0:00:39.120 --> 0:00:41.440 of like I come in here, get the camera set up, 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:46.000 get the recording software set up, and I just get 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:48.760 to relax a little bit. Because there's no time frame 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:51.480 on these podcasts. I just get to talk through your 0:00:51.600 --> 0:00:55.959 questions in real time and have a discussion. And I 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:59.360 love that I'm checking your emails. You send them to 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:03.280 Grangers podcast at gmail dot com. You could ask about anything. 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:06.600 My request are try to keep it one phone length 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:10.760 of your space that you're going to type in and 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:14.200 then don't send the same email twice because it gets deleted. 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:19.760 Other than that, you could ask anything. Nothing is off limits. 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:22.240 And you'll see today as we walk through a bunch 0:01:22.280 --> 0:01:25.199 of different questions, I have them chewed up I don't 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:28.920 have preparation for them. No notes. We're just going blind 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.200 and just keep in mind I'm not always right, but 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:33.560 I'm just giving you advice as though I would give 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:35.840 it to a friend or a friend would give to me, 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:40.880 like we're just having a conversation. First email is one 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:43.080 I just I just came off. I just finished after 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:46.800 midnight my radio show, and I just read this on 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:50.400 after midnight. I've been doing this on the radio show. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:52.880 It's an all night radio show. We're in about three 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:57.080 hundred different stations across the nation, and I've been taking 0:01:57.200 --> 0:02:01.160 one email per day, per per show, and reading the 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:05.040 email on after midnight to a bunch of listeners. We're talking, 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:11.800 you know, overnight, third shifters, truckers, nurses, ems, firefighters, nursing mothers, 0:02:12.000 --> 0:02:16.079 grocery store stalkers, and I've been reading your question one 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:19.200 of them and then briefly answering it and then telling 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:21.720 them to come back here to listen to the full answer. 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:24.800 This is one that I just did today. It's called 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:29.040 subject line staying strong, and it reads, Hey Grange, I'd 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:31.520 like to stay anonymous. I'm a twenty six year old 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:34.160 man from Nebraska. I'm married, with an awesome wife, and 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:36.760 we have our first baby on the way. We're excited 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:39.160 to find out the gender later this month. But life 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:42.200 has been tough lately. I lost my grandma less than 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:44.360 a year ago, and I just lost my mom a 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.680 few months ago. I always dreamed of my mom helping 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.800 to take care of our babies growing up, because she 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:53.280 was the best mom to me and also to my wife. 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.480 She was our best friend. It's hard to be happy 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:59.600 with anything that's going on. I miss her and I 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:02.960 think of every second of the day. Everything reminds me 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:08.720 of her. Please help. Yeah, Anonymous, great great email, great question, 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.520 very valid, and I'm going to talk about it. I 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.720 briefly talked about this on After Midnight, and I want 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:18.040 to talk about it in the longer form here. First, 0:03:18.040 --> 0:03:21.280 I want to say that we understand, and have said 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:26.720 this on this podcast many times, that our grief equals 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:29.120 the love that we had for the person. So if 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:32.240 you loved the person a lot, when you lose them, 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:35.880 you're gonna grieve them a lot. Now that you could 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:37.440 look at that in a negative way, or you could 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:39.560 look at it in a positive way, I'm going to 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:43.480 tell you the positive is when you grieve heavy, you 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:47.960 could have joy knowing that you had something really special 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.560 with that person. You loved a lot, you loved a 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:55.600 lifetime worth with your mother. And many people either don't 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.640 have a mother or don't have a loving mother, and 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:01.280 you did. And so the rice that you have to 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:04.400 pay for that is grief. And that's a small price 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:07.560 in exchange for the love of a great mother. So 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:10.800 you are so blessed to have her in your life. 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:14.320 Even though her time was cut short, the time you 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:18.000 had with her is far greater than any a lot 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:21.479 of people, get right. I also want to say that 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:24.479 you lost her two months ago or a few months 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:28.200 you said a few months ago. That's not very long. 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:31.560 That is short time when it comes to grief. You're 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:35.600 still in a period of shock. It's hard to understand 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:38.680 things that are happening around you when you're only a 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:43.560 few months into a major loss. So I'm validating your worry, 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.840 your anxiety, your stress, your your grief. I'm validating all 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:50.080 that that you're right in thinking that you're you're not 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:51.800 someone that needs to be I'm not going to tell 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:54.560 you you got to be pushing this aside. Hey, time 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:56.440 to get over your mom. You got a baby coming. 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:59.520 Time to get over it, buddy. I'm never gonna say 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:04.200 that to you. You're being vulnerable and these feelings are valid. 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:07.600 Here's the other thing I want to get into. The 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:11.919 world is going to tell you people around you, your friends, Google, 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:16.279 the world is going to tell you are having a baby. 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:20.000 This is the greatest moment of your life. This is 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:26.360 the most exciting, most loving, craziest, most exhilarating, fulfilling thing 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:31.960 you'll ever experience in your life. And you don't have 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:36.559 to buy that now. Let me explain. When the world 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:39.400 tells you that, that's because they're looking back on it 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:42.200 in the past. They're looking back like, for instance, I 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:44.880 look back London. My daughter is ten years old. She 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:48.800 was my first born. I look back on her birth 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:52.680 and I think, man, that was a monumental moment in 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:56.239 my life. That was the fulfillment of becoming a father. 0:05:56.680 --> 0:06:00.560 It was an incredible moment. Top three moment four. I 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:03.560 have four kids, five including the marriage and my wife. 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:05.839 I could look I could say that, honestly, I could 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:09.760 say that, But in the moment, during the pregnancy, during 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:13.320 the birth, I didn't think that, and I realized that 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:16.520 as it was going down. I remember thinking the world's 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:19.279 telling me this is the most exciting moment of my life, 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:22.480 but it's not. I'm more scared than I've ever been. 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:26.080 I'm way more scared than I am excited. I'm way 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:29.880 more nervous than I am loving for this baby. And 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:33.080 as a father. It's probably different with mothers. In fact, 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.800 I know it is because it's biological with mothers, but 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:40.000 with fathers, you're more disconnected from the birth. You don't 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:43.600 carry the child for nine months, and so it's hard 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:47.840 to wrap your brain around loving another human that's not 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:52.960 even in the world yet. It's difficult, and I think 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:59.479 it's okay to have that anticipation of not knowing and 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:04.640 worrying and you're not being fulfilled with this overwhelming joy. 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:08.120 Now some dads do, Okay, some dads do. They're just 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.320 they're just wired in a different way. But I'm not 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:13.280 that way. I was worried when we were pregnant with 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:16.480 London when when when I held her for the first time, 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:19.160 it was it was an incredible moment, but I was 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:23.680 more worried for her and Amber and her future. Then 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:29.400 I was overwhelmed with with happiness. Happiness happens to us. 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:32.640 But joy is deeper than that. Joy. Joy is the 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:38.760 underlying emotion amongst other emotions that can coexist. So what 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:42.200 I'm trying to say to you, Anonymous, is that if 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:46.480 you if you're pregnant with your first child and you 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:49.720 can't get past the grief of your mother to enjoy 0:07:49.760 --> 0:07:55.320 the pregnancy, that's okay. That's the feeling you're in right now. 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.200 And if you're feeling it right now, then it's legitimate. 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:05.720 But that's going to change, and everyone listening knows. That's 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:09.920 a father that knows that's gonna change. And over time 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.960 that love will develop and flourish and grow and become. 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:17.240 This one of the strongest bonds you've ever had. You 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:20.920 and this child one of the strongest bonds you will 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:25.040 ever have. But you don't have to feel it all 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:28.000 at once right now, and if you don't, there's not 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:31.000 something wrong with you. You're not cut out to be 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:34.200 a bad dad because you don't. You don't just feel 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:38.040 nothing but joy for this baby when in reality, you're 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:41.559 just missing your mom. And when you see that baby 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.200 and you hold that precious, beautiful baby for the first time, 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:47.120 you kind of think about your mom and you're gonna think, 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:51.120 I wish mom was here to see this, I wish 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:53.360 mom was here to hold this baby. I wish mom 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:55.800 was here to tell me how to take care of 0:08:55.800 --> 0:09:01.520 this baby. And those are those are thoughts that you're 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.160 gonna have, and so when you have them, it's not 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:06.960 taking anything away from the love that you're gonna have 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:09.960 for this baby. It's not taken anything away from the 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:12.520 joy the moment, because in ten years, like me, you'll 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:14.679 look back on the moment and you'll say that was it. 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:17.560 That was a defining moment in my life. And I 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:22.320 might not have realized it at the time. As I 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:24.320 read this podcast, we're just coming off a D Day 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:29.319 seventy eight years ago. The Allied forces invaded the beaches 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:33.400 of Normandy. Now, when they were getting off that boat, 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.520 bullets rushing by their face, trying to get to the 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:40.959 machine gun nest, petrified in fear, needing to climb those cliffs. 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:45.640 Do you think they were? They were. The one thought 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:49.120 in their mind was, Wow, this is a defining moment 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:52.439 in history and in my life. This is going to 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:55.120 change the course of history right now today, And this 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:57.760 is one of the biggest moments of my life. None 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:01.120 of them were thinking that. They were just thinking, I 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:05.920 gotta survive, I gotta save my brothers, I gotta keep 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:08.600 my own heart beating. I gotta get to that machine 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:13.240 gun nest to get this madness to stop. That's what 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:17.480 they were thinking. That's what you're thinking. I just got 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.240 to get to that machine gun nest to get this 0:10:20.400 --> 0:10:25.480 madness to stop. Stay strong, that's what your subject line says. 0:10:26.080 --> 0:10:30.360 Stay strong, you got this. Our next question subdect line 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:34.120 says house fire. Mario, thirty eight years old, writes in 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:36.640 and says, my family and I had our house caught 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:38.600 on fire while we were out. We got back just 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:41.960 in time to save our two dogs, thankfully, Unfortunately we 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:45.080 lost everything else. I'm struggling to stay strong for my 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:48.360 two daughters and my wife. I pray every night, asking 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:50.920 for strength, but every time my youngest five year old 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:53.520 says that she wishes she could lay in her bed 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.720 or play with her toys, it has become harder and 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:59.480 harder to stay strong. Any wisdom or advice she might 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:04.840 have over this loss. Mario, thanks for right now. I'm 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:10.600 so sorry that you're put in the situation. So many 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:15.600 times we're put in situations in life where we didn't 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:17.760 want to be here, and we didn't ask we didn't 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:21.680 sign up for this. But then we find ourselves facing 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:25.320 something that we weren't prepared for and we have to 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:29.200 deal with And as the leader of your household, now 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:32.200 you have to deal with it with your two daughters 0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:35.240 and your wife. You have to be the symbol of 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:38.200 strength for them. You have to be the word of 0:11:38.240 --> 0:11:40.560 wisdom to them, so that when they look at you 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:43.960 and they ask you questions, the hard questions, you have 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:46.560 an answer for them, and you don't look at them 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:48.800 and say, I don't know. I'm lost too. I wish 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:52.280 I had my bed too. That's something you can't afford 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:54.400 to do as a father. Unfortunately, even though you might 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:58.920 be thinking that, you wouldn't be wrong thinking that. But 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:00.719 what I would lean on in this situation if I 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:03.920 were you, I've never lost a house to a fire, 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:07.720 and so I can't I can't put myself in your 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:13.040 shoes totally, but I have been through struggling and much 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:18.960 adversity with my family. When your daughter asks you things 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:20.760 like this, I wish I could lay in my bed 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:26.720 or play with my toys, you might feel inside that 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.840 you're becoming weaker like you've said it's becoming harder to 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:33.880 stay strong. You have to lean in to the fact 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:37.800 that she has you and you have her, and you're 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:40.840 together as a family, and that is what matters. And 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:45.079 this is a great teaching moment for her to say, baby, 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.959 we have each other. We are the house, not the 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:52.480 brick and the mortar and the trees and the roof 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:56.160 and your toys and your bed. We are the house. 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.680 We make up the home together, and you have me, 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:04.280 and I am here for you and I'm with you. 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.520 And we lost our house together and I'm so sad, 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:10.480 and we could be sad about that together, but remember 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:15.320 you're not alone. I'm with you. I'll be your bed, 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:18.840 I'll be your toy, and we're gonna replace all that 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:21.640 stuff we can, and we will eventually. We'll get you 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:24.240 a new bed. We'll eventually get you a new toy 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.800 that you're gonna love even more. But right now, you 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:32.360 have me. Lean on me. Be that be that for her, 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:34.840 be that rock for her that she could go, Yeah, 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:37.880 I lean on you, Dad. I trust you, Dad. You 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:44.000 got me, Dad. She's too young to understand any kind 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:49.199 of responsibility or to understand the full picture that things 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:52.160 will get better. She can't understand that yet, but you can, 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.960 and so let her lay on you, lean on you. You 0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:58.640 You be the bed that she could lay on and rest, 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:03.240 be her her form of rest. Even though you might 0:14:03.280 --> 0:14:06.600 not believe it yourself, you could be that for her. 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:09.719 You could have just enough strength where she sees it 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:13.199 and believes it in your eyes, in your strong hands. 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:16.280 And when you hold her and you give her that hug, 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:18.920 and you hold her tight and you say I got you, 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:25.560 I got you, She'll believe it. Next question, subjectline says 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:28.600 out of wedlock and ashamed. Hey, Gradeer, I'm twenty three 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:31.520 years old or from Oklahoma. I've listened to your podcast 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:35.000 and watch Rise with Amber every Sunday. Your family is 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:38.280 an inspiration to me in many ways. I found out 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:42.040 that I'm expecting a child. Although my boyfriend and I 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.800 plan on getting married very soon, I'm worried my parents 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:47.840 will turn their back on us for both being out 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.320 of wedlock at the time. I have prayed to God 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.760 and asked for forgiveness of my sin and find solace 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:56.160 in talking to him every day. He's blessed us with 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.480 an incredible gift, and I'm so grateful because I've always 0:14:58.520 --> 0:15:00.800 wanted to be a mother. I know his plans for 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:02.680 us are better than our own, but please give me 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.720 advice on how to tell them and having how to 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:13.840 navigate this situation. Well, this question comes from Mallory in Oklahoma. Mallory, 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:17.840 I am I feel you. I feel you on this 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:21.360 and this is this is a tough situation, but it 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:26.360 will get better and this will pass and you will 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:32.400 end up at the end with this beautiful baby. I 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:37.560 love your idea of getting married very soon. I would 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:42.520 lean into that idea and and bring that with you 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:46.240 to the conversation to your parents. I want you to 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:50.440 actually lead with that. And so you and your boyfriend 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:55.720 fiance need to have a solid plan. This is not time. 0:15:56.160 --> 0:16:00.000 This is not the time to plan an elaborate invite 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:03.360 all the family and friends and pick a venue that 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:06.160 can't be booked until two years out, and you got 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:08.040 to get the perfect flowers, and you got to find 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:12.480 the perfect dress. This is not that kind of wedding anymore. 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:17.080 In fact, I don't recommend that wedding to anyone that 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:21.720 puts the ceremony and the preparation and the plans above 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:26.000 the impact of what the union is itself. So many 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:30.600 times we get lost and the marriage plan and we 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:35.320 forget about It's all about the marriage, the couple itself 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:38.600 and celebrating that love. And so I would go to 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:43.240 your boyfriend and say, okay, we need a plan. We 0:16:43.320 --> 0:16:45.560 love each other, we love this baby. What we need 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:47.920 a plan right now. We need to write it down. 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:50.520 We need a date, and it needs to be soon. 0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:53.800 It needs to be very soon. So we need to 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:56.960 expedite this process. And then once you get that date 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:00.880 and you have that plan, and maybe you even have 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:04.159 a venue, then you go to your parents. Now this 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:07.000 all needs to take place within a couple of weeks 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:08.719 because you don't want to wait too long on this 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:13.560 time is very important in this situation. So you go 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:15.120 to your parents and you sit down and you go, 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:20.760 mom and dad, I have some news for you. We're 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:26.199 getting married on this date and we're inviting these people 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.600 and we love each other and we're so excited. And 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:31.919 let them react to that. I would let them react 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:36.920 to that first, and then say there's one more thing. 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:46.440 I'm pregnant and I am overjoyed with this pregnancy. I've 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:48.680 always wanted to be a mother, and I love him 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.639 and I love this baby. And I'm going to do 0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:56.879 everything I can to give this baby a home and 0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:03.080 a life with two parents and watch this baby grow. 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:05.680 And I can't wait for this baby to meet it's 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:10.600 incredible grandparents. You. But I also at the same time, 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:16.720 I'm stricken with guilt and I'm so sorry if I 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:21.600 let you down, and I'm so sorry that I have 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.640 done this out of wedlock, and I feel so much 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:31.200 remorse that it is going against God's plan, God's will 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:35.400 for my life. But I do know that because it's happening, 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:39.840 because it is happening, that it is also part of 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:44.360 God's purpose, and God will make things new again and 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:49.760 he will fulfill his promise of a good life for 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:54.360 this baby. And so I'm doing the responsible thing and 0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:59.040 taking care of this wedding as fast as possible, as 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:03.280 meaningful as possible, and I'm asking for your blessing to 0:19:03.400 --> 0:19:08.120 forgive me and to understand the situation I'm in. At 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:13.879 that point, you don't know and you can't control their 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:18.119 reaction to it. It is going to be difficult. The 0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:23.040 reaction is not going to be happy, tears and nothing else. Yay, 0:19:23.040 --> 0:19:27.119 We're so happy for you. Don't expect that it's not 0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:30.479 that it's not possible, but don't expect that that's what 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:35.080 you're going to get out of this. Most likely their 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:38.399 first reaction is disappointment. Don't let that throw you off, 0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:43.639 don't let that discourage you. Expect it. So you're going 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:48.720 to have low expectations on their gratitude as being grandparents. 0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:53.080 But when you've proved to them that this is the 0:19:53.119 --> 0:19:56.160 plan and you are taking full responsibility for this plan, 0:19:57.440 --> 0:20:00.720 they will come around to it. And in the end, 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:04.159 it may take years. I don't think it will. I 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:06.480 think it'll take about eight months when this baby comes. 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:13.280 In the end, joy will will prevail in this situation 0:20:13.440 --> 0:20:17.639 and they'll be They're gonna they're gonna not look at 0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:22.800 it as it could have happened any other way. The 0:20:22.880 --> 0:20:25.440 longer you hide it, the longer you kick the can 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:29.800 down the road, the longer you try to make a big, 0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:33.400 planned out wedding and get the perfect dress, and it's 0:20:33.400 --> 0:20:35.399 going to take seven months to order the dress, in 0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:37.800 two years to get the venue, and you got to 0:20:37.840 --> 0:20:40.400 spend a lot of money on flowers. If you kick 0:20:40.480 --> 0:20:43.399 that can down the road too long, it's going to 0:20:43.480 --> 0:20:49.159 make it worse. Okay, thanks for your question or take 0:20:49.160 --> 0:20:56.320 a break. Here it back. Hey, thanks for listening to 0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:59.320 the podcast, y'all. If you want a personal message from me, 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:02.600 the best way to do it is cameo dot com 0:21:02.640 --> 0:21:05.440 slash Granger. You can get a personal shout out through 0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:08.400 a video message saying whatever you want me to say. 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:11.840 Happy birthday, happy anniversary, maybe a pick me up, maybe 0:21:11.880 --> 0:21:14.320 a shout out of any kind. Do that on the 0:21:14.359 --> 0:21:17.119 Cameo app and search for Granger Smith or go to 0:21:17.200 --> 0:21:21.320 cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. I do these daily. 0:21:21.480 --> 0:21:24.480 It's super easy for me and you both. Let's make 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:31.200 it happen. I'll talk to you soon, all right. Next question, 0:21:31.240 --> 0:21:36.119 subject line says future Marine conversation. Hey, mister Granger. A 0:21:36.119 --> 0:21:38.879 little backstory here. I've had interest in the United States 0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:41.680 military for a while. At first it was the United 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:44.680 States Navy and it's turned into a US Marine pilot. 0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:47.399 I've been told by multiple people I look up to 0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:50.920 that females don't belong in combat or in the military, 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:54.639 therefore telling me I shouldn't do it. Then again, other 0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:56.960 people tell me I should join and gender doesn't matter. 0:21:57.080 --> 0:21:59.760 I'm torn between the fact that joining of joining and 0:21:59.800 --> 0:22:03.200 not joining. I still have a few years before college, 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:06.280 but I'm not sure about my future anymore. Thoughts. God 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:12.919 bless Natasha. Natasha, thanks for the question, and thank you 0:22:13.080 --> 0:22:18.359 for being bold and trying to make a decision that's 0:22:18.400 --> 0:22:23.280 meaningful in your life, that impacts others, and that gives 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:28.240 you a platform for a career that is rich in history, 0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:34.000 and that is something that is so noble because it's 0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:37.840 not a decision that everyone could make. First thing I 0:22:37.840 --> 0:22:42.439 want to go to is is the last sentence. I 0:22:42.480 --> 0:22:44.320 still have a few years before college, but I'm not 0:22:44.320 --> 0:22:49.199 sure about my future. Well, the few years thing that 0:22:49.359 --> 0:22:52.280 gives you some cushion. Anyway, You don't have to decide now. 0:22:52.920 --> 0:22:55.159 In fact, you don't have to decide on the Marine 0:22:55.160 --> 0:22:59.200 Corps until the last minute. You can go yes, it's 0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:03.680 time now. You could mentally prepare, you could start physical 0:23:03.720 --> 0:23:10.000 training if you want, but you could do anything last 0:23:10.000 --> 0:23:12.600 minute when it comes to the military. So I know 0:23:12.640 --> 0:23:14.879 a lot of friends that said no, I'm not, No, 0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:18.119 I'm not, No, I'm not, yes i am join. I 0:23:18.160 --> 0:23:20.240 also know a lot of friends that said, yes i am, Yes, 0:23:20.280 --> 0:23:22.520 i am, yes, i am never mind know I'm not. 0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:27.720 Both ways are not wrong. The military is going to 0:23:27.760 --> 0:23:32.040 need people that make the commitment regardless of when they 0:23:32.040 --> 0:23:36.080 decided to do it, and they don't need people that 0:23:36.520 --> 0:23:38.919 decide last minute they shouldn't do it. It's not a 0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:42.280 bad thing. It's not for everybody. But if you decide 0:23:42.320 --> 0:23:44.680 to not do it, it's better for them, and it's 0:23:44.680 --> 0:23:47.880 better for you that you made the decision when you did, 0:23:48.240 --> 0:23:51.320 even if it's the last second. That doesn't say you 0:23:51.680 --> 0:23:57.000 can't be prepared mentally. Now, let's tackle the main question here, 0:23:57.080 --> 0:24:01.320 the situation of females don't belong in combat or in 0:24:01.359 --> 0:24:05.640 the military. Okay, there's a couple of things, a couple 0:24:05.640 --> 0:24:09.880 of ways to look at this. One. You are you're 0:24:09.880 --> 0:24:13.119 not talking about being in the infantry and being on 0:24:13.119 --> 0:24:16.480 the front lines and kicking indoors. That's not what you're saying. 0:24:16.520 --> 0:24:19.320 I'm not saying you can't, But that's not this conversation. 0:24:20.400 --> 0:24:24.520 You're wanting to be a marine pilot. To that, let's 0:24:24.560 --> 0:24:28.600 speak to that. I know a lot of women in 0:24:28.640 --> 0:24:34.879 my life. They are much better at me at multitasking 0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:38.960 and focusing. Now, I'm not great at either one of 0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:45.639 those two things, multitasking or focusing. Amber is much better 0:24:46.320 --> 0:24:51.440 at details and being precise in the moment while multitasking 0:24:51.480 --> 0:24:55.919 other things. What does that characteristic trait, What does that 0:24:56.000 --> 0:25:03.919