Speaker 1: But you don't have to feel it all at once
Speaker 1: right now, and if you don't, there's not something wrong
Speaker 1: with you. You're not cut out to be a bad
Speaker 1: dad because you don't. You don't just feel nothing but
Speaker 1: joy for this baby when in reality you're just missing
Speaker 1: your mom. What's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast. This
Speaker 1: is one of my favorite things to do. I do.
Speaker 1: I have so many jobs, so many different careers, I think,
Speaker 1: but the podcast is one of my favorites. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like I come in here, get the camera set up,
Speaker 1: get the recording software set up, and I just get
Speaker 1: to relax a little bit. Because there's no time frame
Speaker 1: on these podcasts. I just get to talk through your
Speaker 1: questions in real time and have a discussion. And I
Speaker 1: love that I'm checking your emails. You send them to
Speaker 1: Grangers podcast at gmail dot com. You could ask about anything.
Speaker 1: My request are try to keep it one phone length
Speaker 1: of your space that you're going to type in and
Speaker 1: then don't send the same email twice because it gets deleted.
Speaker 1: Other than that, you could ask anything. Nothing is off limits.
Speaker 1: And you'll see today as we walk through a bunch
Speaker 1: of different questions, I have them chewed up I don't
Speaker 1: have preparation for them. No notes. We're just going blind
Speaker 1: and just keep in mind I'm not always right, but
Speaker 1: I'm just giving you advice as though I would give
Speaker 1: it to a friend or a friend would give to me,
Speaker 1: like we're just having a conversation. First email is one
Speaker 1: I just I just came off. I just finished after
Speaker 1: midnight my radio show, and I just read this on
Speaker 1: after midnight. I've been doing this on the radio show.
Speaker 1: It's an all night radio show. We're in about three
Speaker 1: hundred different stations across the nation, and I've been taking
Speaker 1: one email per day, per per show, and reading the
Speaker 1: email on after midnight to a bunch of listeners. We're talking,
Speaker 1: you know, overnight, third shifters, truckers, nurses, ems, firefighters, nursing mothers,
Speaker 1: grocery store stalkers, and I've been reading your question one
Speaker 1: of them and then briefly answering it and then telling
Speaker 1: them to come back here to listen to the full answer.
Speaker 1: This is one that I just did today. It's called
Speaker 1: subject line staying strong, and it reads, Hey Grange, I'd
Speaker 1: like to stay anonymous. I'm a twenty six year old
Speaker 1: man from Nebraska. I'm married, with an awesome wife, and
Speaker 1: we have our first baby on the way. We're excited
Speaker 1: to find out the gender later this month. But life
Speaker 1: has been tough lately. I lost my grandma less than
Speaker 1: a year ago, and I just lost my mom a
Speaker 1: few months ago. I always dreamed of my mom helping
Speaker 1: to take care of our babies growing up, because she
Speaker 1: was the best mom to me and also to my wife.
Speaker 1: She was our best friend. It's hard to be happy
Speaker 1: with anything that's going on. I miss her and I
Speaker 1: think of every second of the day. Everything reminds me
Speaker 1: of her. Please help. Yeah, Anonymous, great great email, great question,
Speaker 1: very valid, and I'm going to talk about it. I
Speaker 1: briefly talked about this on After Midnight, and I want
Speaker 1: to talk about it in the longer form here. First,
Speaker 1: I want to say that we understand, and have said
Speaker 1: this on this podcast many times, that our grief equals
Speaker 1: the love that we had for the person. So if
Speaker 1: you loved the person a lot, when you lose them,
Speaker 1: you're gonna grieve them a lot. Now that you could
Speaker 1: look at that in a negative way, or you could
Speaker 1: look at it in a positive way, I'm going to
Speaker 1: tell you the positive is when you grieve heavy, you
Speaker 1: could have joy knowing that you had something really special
Speaker 1: with that person. You loved a lot, you loved a
Speaker 1: lifetime worth with your mother. And many people either don't
Speaker 1: have a mother or don't have a loving mother, and
Speaker 1: you did. And so the rice that you have to
Speaker 1: pay for that is grief. And that's a small price
Speaker 1: in exchange for the love of a great mother. So
Speaker 1: you are so blessed to have her in your life.
Speaker 1: Even though her time was cut short, the time you
Speaker 1: had with her is far greater than any a lot
Speaker 1: of people, get right. I also want to say that
Speaker 1: you lost her two months ago or a few months
Speaker 1: you said a few months ago. That's not very long.
Speaker 1: That is short time when it comes to grief. You're
Speaker 1: still in a period of shock. It's hard to understand
Speaker 1: things that are happening around you when you're only a
Speaker 1: few months into a major loss. So I'm validating your worry,
Speaker 1: your anxiety, your stress, your your grief. I'm validating all
Speaker 1: that that you're right in thinking that you're you're not
Speaker 1: someone that needs to be I'm not going to tell
Speaker 1: you you got to be pushing this aside. Hey, time
Speaker 1: to get over your mom. You got a baby coming.
Speaker 1: Time to get over it, buddy. I'm never gonna say
Speaker 1: that to you. You're being vulnerable and these feelings are valid.
Speaker 1: Here's the other thing I want to get into. The
Speaker 1: world is going to tell you people around you, your friends, Google,
Speaker 1: the world is going to tell you are having a baby.
Speaker 1: This is the greatest moment of your life. This is
Speaker 1: the most exciting, most loving, craziest, most exhilarating, fulfilling thing
Speaker 1: you'll ever experience in your life. And you don't have
Speaker 1: to buy that now. Let me explain. When the world
Speaker 1: tells you that, that's because they're looking back on it
Speaker 1: in the past. They're looking back like, for instance, I
Speaker 1: look back London. My daughter is ten years old. She
Speaker 1: was my first born. I look back on her birth
Speaker 1: and I think, man, that was a monumental moment in
Speaker 1: my life. That was the fulfillment of becoming a father.
Speaker 1: It was an incredible moment. Top three moment four. I
Speaker 1: have four kids, five including the marriage and my wife.
Speaker 1: I could look I could say that, honestly, I could
Speaker 1: say that, But in the moment, during the pregnancy, during
Speaker 1: the birth, I didn't think that, and I realized that
Speaker 1: as it was going down. I remember thinking the world's
Speaker 1: telling me this is the most exciting moment of my life,
Speaker 1: but it's not. I'm more scared than I've ever been.
Speaker 1: I'm way more scared than I am excited. I'm way
Speaker 1: more nervous than I am loving for this baby. And
Speaker 1: as a father. It's probably different with mothers. In fact,
Speaker 1: I know it is because it's biological with mothers, but
Speaker 1: with fathers, you're more disconnected from the birth. You don't
Speaker 1: carry the child for nine months, and so it's hard
Speaker 1: to wrap your brain around loving another human that's not
Speaker 1: even in the world yet. It's difficult, and I think
Speaker 1: it's okay to have that anticipation of not knowing and
Speaker 1: worrying and you're not being fulfilled with this overwhelming joy.
Speaker 1: Now some dads do, Okay, some dads do. They're just
Speaker 1: they're just wired in a different way. But I'm not
Speaker 1: that way. I was worried when we were pregnant with
Speaker 1: London when when when I held her for the first time,
Speaker 1: it was it was an incredible moment, but I was
Speaker 1: more worried for her and Amber and her future. Then
Speaker 1: I was overwhelmed with with happiness. Happiness happens to us.
Speaker 1: But joy is deeper than that. Joy. Joy is the
Speaker 1: underlying emotion amongst other emotions that can coexist. So what
Speaker 1: I'm trying to say to you, Anonymous, is that if
Speaker 1: you if you're pregnant with your first child and you
Speaker 1: can't get past the grief of your mother to enjoy
Speaker 1: the pregnancy, that's okay. That's the feeling you're in right now.
Speaker 1: And if you're feeling it right now, then it's legitimate.
Speaker 1: But that's going to change, and everyone listening knows. That's
Speaker 1: a father that knows that's gonna change. And over time
Speaker 1: that love will develop and flourish and grow and become.
Speaker 1: This one of the strongest bonds you've ever had. You
Speaker 1: and this child one of the strongest bonds you will
Speaker 1: ever have. But you don't have to feel it all
Speaker 1: at once right now, and if you don't, there's not
Speaker 1: something wrong with you. You're not cut out to be
Speaker 1: a bad dad because you don't. You don't just feel
Speaker 1: nothing but joy for this baby when in reality, you're
Speaker 1: just missing your mom. And when you see that baby
Speaker 1: and you hold that precious, beautiful baby for the first time,
Speaker 1: you kind of think about your mom and you're gonna think,
Speaker 1: I wish mom was here to see this, I wish
Speaker 1: mom was here to hold this baby. I wish mom
Speaker 1: was here to tell me how to take care of
Speaker 1: this baby. And those are those are thoughts that you're
Speaker 1: gonna have, and so when you have them, it's not
Speaker 1: taking anything away from the love that you're gonna have
Speaker 1: for this baby. It's not taken anything away from the
Speaker 1: joy the moment, because in ten years, like me, you'll
Speaker 1: look back on the moment and you'll say that was it.
Speaker 1: That was a defining moment in my life. And I
Speaker 1: might not have realized it at the time. As I
Speaker 1: read this podcast, we're just coming off a D Day
Speaker 1: seventy eight years ago. The Allied forces invaded the beaches
Speaker 1: of Normandy. Now, when they were getting off that boat,
Speaker 1: bullets rushing by their face, trying to get to the
Speaker 1: machine gun nest, petrified in fear, needing to climb those cliffs.
Speaker 1: Do you think they were? They were. The one thought
Speaker 1: in their mind was, Wow, this is a defining moment
Speaker 1: in history and in my life. This is going to
Speaker 1: change the course of history right now today, And this
Speaker 1: is one of the biggest moments of my life. None
Speaker 1: of them were thinking that. They were just thinking, I
Speaker 1: gotta survive, I gotta save my brothers, I gotta keep
Speaker 1: my own heart beating. I gotta get to that machine
Speaker 1: gun nest to get this madness to stop. That's what
Speaker 1: they were thinking. That's what you're thinking. I just got
Speaker 1: to get to that machine gun nest to get this
Speaker 1: madness to stop. Stay strong, that's what your subject line says.
Speaker 1: Stay strong, you got this. Our next question subdect line
Speaker 1: says house fire. Mario, thirty eight years old, writes in
Speaker 1: and says, my family and I had our house caught
Speaker 1: on fire while we were out. We got back just
Speaker 1: in time to save our two dogs, thankfully, Unfortunately we
Speaker 1: lost everything else. I'm struggling to stay strong for my
Speaker 1: two daughters and my wife. I pray every night, asking
Speaker 1: for strength, but every time my youngest five year old
Speaker 1: says that she wishes she could lay in her bed
Speaker 1: or play with her toys, it has become harder and
Speaker 1: harder to stay strong. Any wisdom or advice she might
Speaker 1: have over this loss. Mario, thanks for right now. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry that you're put in the situation. So many
Speaker 1: times we're put in situations in life where we didn't
Speaker 1: want to be here, and we didn't ask we didn't
Speaker 1: sign up for this. But then we find ourselves facing
Speaker 1: something that we weren't prepared for and we have to
Speaker 1: deal with And as the leader of your household, now
Speaker 1: you have to deal with it with your two daughters
Speaker 1: and your wife. You have to be the symbol of
Speaker 1: strength for them. You have to be the word of
Speaker 1: wisdom to them, so that when they look at you
Speaker 1: and they ask you questions, the hard questions, you have
Speaker 1: an answer for them, and you don't look at them
Speaker 1: and say, I don't know. I'm lost too. I wish
Speaker 1: I had my bed too. That's something you can't afford
Speaker 1: to do as a father. Unfortunately, even though you might
Speaker 1: be thinking that, you wouldn't be wrong thinking that. But
Speaker 1: what I would lean on in this situation if I
Speaker 1: were you, I've never lost a house to a fire,
Speaker 1: and so I can't I can't put myself in your
Speaker 1: shoes totally, but I have been through struggling and much
Speaker 1: adversity with my family. When your daughter asks you things
Speaker 1: like this, I wish I could lay in my bed
Speaker 1: or play with my toys, you might feel inside that
Speaker 1: you're becoming weaker like you've said it's becoming harder to
Speaker 1: stay strong. You have to lean in to the fact
Speaker 1: that she has you and you have her, and you're
Speaker 1: together as a family, and that is what matters. And
Speaker 1: this is a great teaching moment for her to say, baby,
Speaker 1: we have each other. We are the house, not the
Speaker 1: brick and the mortar and the trees and the roof
Speaker 1: and your toys and your bed. We are the house.
Speaker 1: We make up the home together, and you have me,
Speaker 1: and I am here for you and I'm with you.
Speaker 1: And we lost our house together and I'm so sad,
Speaker 1: and we could be sad about that together, but remember
Speaker 1: you're not alone. I'm with you. I'll be your bed,
Speaker 1: I'll be your toy, and we're gonna replace all that
Speaker 1: stuff we can, and we will eventually. We'll get you
Speaker 1: a new bed. We'll eventually get you a new toy
Speaker 1: that you're gonna love even more. But right now, you
Speaker 1: have me. Lean on me. Be that be that for her,
Speaker 1: be that rock for her that she could go, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I lean on you, Dad. I trust you, Dad. You
Speaker 1: got me, Dad. She's too young to understand any kind
Speaker 1: of responsibility or to understand the full picture that things
Speaker 1: will get better. She can't understand that yet, but you can,
Speaker 1: and so let her lay on you, lean on you. You
Speaker 1: You be the bed that she could lay on and rest,
Speaker 1: be her her form of rest. Even though you might
Speaker 1: not believe it yourself, you could be that for her.
Speaker 1: You could have just enough strength where she sees it
Speaker 1: and believes it in your eyes, in your strong hands.
Speaker 1: And when you hold her and you give her that hug,
Speaker 1: and you hold her tight and you say I got you,
Speaker 1: I got you, She'll believe it. Next question, subjectline says
Speaker 1: out of wedlock and ashamed. Hey, Gradeer, I'm twenty three
Speaker 1: years old or from Oklahoma. I've listened to your podcast
Speaker 1: and watch Rise with Amber every Sunday. Your family is
Speaker 1: an inspiration to me in many ways. I found out
Speaker 1: that I'm expecting a child. Although my boyfriend and I
Speaker 1: plan on getting married very soon, I'm worried my parents
Speaker 1: will turn their back on us for both being out
Speaker 1: of wedlock at the time. I have prayed to God
Speaker 1: and asked for forgiveness of my sin and find solace
Speaker 1: in talking to him every day. He's blessed us with
Speaker 1: an incredible gift, and I'm so grateful because I've always
Speaker 1: wanted to be a mother. I know his plans for
Speaker 1: us are better than our own, but please give me
Speaker 1: advice on how to tell them and having how to
Speaker 1: navigate this situation. Well, this question comes from Mallory in Oklahoma. Mallory,
Speaker 1: I am I feel you. I feel you on this
Speaker 1: and this is this is a tough situation, but it
Speaker 1: will get better and this will pass and you will
Speaker 1: end up at the end with this beautiful baby. I
Speaker 1: love your idea of getting married very soon. I would
Speaker 1: lean into that idea and and bring that with you
Speaker 1: to the conversation to your parents. I want you to
Speaker 1: actually lead with that. And so you and your boyfriend
Speaker 1: fiance need to have a solid plan. This is not time.
Speaker 1: This is not the time to plan an elaborate invite
Speaker 1: all the family and friends and pick a venue that
Speaker 1: can't be booked until two years out, and you got
Speaker 1: to get the perfect flowers, and you got to find
Speaker 1: the perfect dress. This is not that kind of wedding anymore.
Speaker 1: In fact, I don't recommend that wedding to anyone that
Speaker 1: puts the ceremony and the preparation and the plans above
Speaker 1: the impact of what the union is itself. So many
Speaker 1: times we get lost and the marriage plan and we
Speaker 1: forget about It's all about the marriage, the couple itself
Speaker 1: and celebrating that love. And so I would go to
Speaker 1: your boyfriend and say, okay, we need a plan. We
Speaker 1: love each other, we love this baby. What we need
Speaker 1: a plan right now. We need to write it down.
Speaker 1: We need a date, and it needs to be soon.
Speaker 1: It needs to be very soon. So we need to
Speaker 1: expedite this process. And then once you get that date
Speaker 1: and you have that plan, and maybe you even have
Speaker 1: a venue, then you go to your parents. Now this
Speaker 1: all needs to take place within a couple of weeks
Speaker 1: because you don't want to wait too long on this
Speaker 1: time is very important in this situation. So you go
Speaker 1: to your parents and you sit down and you go,
Speaker 1: mom and dad, I have some news for you. We're
Speaker 1: getting married on this date and we're inviting these people
Speaker 1: and we love each other and we're so excited. And
Speaker 1: let them react to that. I would let them react
Speaker 1: to that first, and then say there's one more thing.
Speaker 1: I'm pregnant and I am overjoyed with this pregnancy. I've
Speaker 1: always wanted to be a mother, and I love him
Speaker 1: and I love this baby. And I'm going to do
Speaker 1: everything I can to give this baby a home and
Speaker 1: a life with two parents and watch this baby grow.
Speaker 1: And I can't wait for this baby to meet it's
Speaker 1: incredible grandparents. You. But I also at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'm stricken with guilt and I'm so sorry if I
Speaker 1: let you down, and I'm so sorry that I have
Speaker 1: done this out of wedlock, and I feel so much
Speaker 1: remorse that it is going against God's plan, God's will
Speaker 1: for my life. But I do know that because it's happening,
Speaker 1: because it is happening, that it is also part of
Speaker 1: God's purpose, and God will make things new again and
Speaker 1: he will fulfill his promise of a good life for
Speaker 1: this baby. And so I'm doing the responsible thing and
Speaker 1: taking care of this wedding as fast as possible, as
Speaker 1: meaningful as possible, and I'm asking for your blessing to
Speaker 1: forgive me and to understand the situation I'm in. At
Speaker 1: that point, you don't know and you can't control their
Speaker 1: reaction to it. It is going to be difficult. The
Speaker 1: reaction is not going to be happy, tears and nothing else. Yay,
Speaker 1: We're so happy for you. Don't expect that it's not
Speaker 1: that it's not possible, but don't expect that that's what
Speaker 1: you're going to get out of this. Most likely their
Speaker 1: first reaction is disappointment. Don't let that throw you off,
Speaker 1: don't let that discourage you. Expect it. So you're going
Speaker 1: to have low expectations on their gratitude as being grandparents.
Speaker 1: But when you've proved to them that this is the
Speaker 1: plan and you are taking full responsibility for this plan,
Speaker 1: they will come around to it. And in the end,
Speaker 1: it may take years. I don't think it will. I
Speaker 1: think it'll take about eight months when this baby comes.
Speaker 1: In the end, joy will will prevail in this situation
Speaker 1: and they'll be They're gonna they're gonna not look at
Speaker 1: it as it could have happened any other way. The
Speaker 1: longer you hide it, the longer you kick the can
Speaker 1: down the road, the longer you try to make a big,
Speaker 1: planned out wedding and get the perfect dress, and it's
Speaker 1: going to take seven months to order the dress, in
Speaker 1: two years to get the venue, and you got to
Speaker 1: spend a lot of money on flowers. If you kick
Speaker 1: that can down the road too long, it's going to
Speaker 1: make it worse. Okay, thanks for your question or take
Speaker 1: a break. Here it back. Hey, thanks for listening to
Speaker 1: the podcast, y'all. If you want a personal message from me,
Speaker 1: the best way to do it is cameo dot com
Speaker 1: slash Granger. You can get a personal shout out through
Speaker 1: a video message saying whatever you want me to say.
Speaker 1: Happy birthday, happy anniversary, maybe a pick me up, maybe
Speaker 1: a shout out of any kind. Do that on the
Speaker 1: Cameo app and search for Granger Smith or go to
Speaker 1: cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. I do these daily.
Speaker 1: It's super easy for me and you both. Let's make
Speaker 1: it happen. I'll talk to you soon, all right. Next question,
Speaker 1: subject line says future Marine conversation. Hey, mister Granger. A
Speaker 1: little backstory here. I've had interest in the United States
Speaker 1: military for a while. At first it was the United
Speaker 1: States Navy and it's turned into a US Marine pilot.
Speaker 1: I've been told by multiple people I look up to
Speaker 1: that females don't belong in combat or in the military,
Speaker 1: therefore telling me I shouldn't do it. Then again, other
Speaker 1: people tell me I should join and gender doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: I'm torn between the fact that joining of joining and
Speaker 1: not joining. I still have a few years before college,
Speaker 1: but I'm not sure about my future anymore. Thoughts. God
Speaker 1: bless Natasha. Natasha, thanks for the question, and thank you
Speaker 1: for being bold and trying to make a decision that's
Speaker 1: meaningful in your life, that impacts others, and that gives
Speaker 1: you a platform for a career that is rich in history,
Speaker 1: and that is something that is so noble because it's
Speaker 1: not a decision that everyone could make. First thing I
Speaker 1: want to go to is is the last sentence. I
Speaker 1: still have a few years before college, but I'm not
Speaker 1: sure about my future. Well, the few years thing that
Speaker 1: gives you some cushion. Anyway, You don't have to decide now.
Speaker 1: In fact, you don't have to decide on the Marine
Speaker 1: Corps until the last minute. You can go yes, it's
Speaker 1: time now. You could mentally prepare, you could start physical
Speaker 1: training if you want, but you could do anything last
Speaker 1: minute when it comes to the military. So I know
Speaker 1: a lot of friends that said no, I'm not, No,
Speaker 1: I'm not, No, I'm not, yes i am join. I
Speaker 1: also know a lot of friends that said, yes i am, Yes,
Speaker 1: i am, yes, i am never mind know I'm not.
Speaker 1: Both ways are not wrong. The military is going to
Speaker 1: need people that make the commitment regardless of when they
Speaker 1: decided to do it, and they don't need people that
Speaker 1: decide last minute they shouldn't do it. It's not a
Speaker 1: bad thing. It's not for everybody. But if you decide
Speaker 1: to not do it, it's better for them, and it's
Speaker 1: better for you that you made the decision when you did,
Speaker 1: even if it's the last second. That doesn't say you
Speaker 1: can't be prepared mentally. Now, let's tackle the main question here,
Speaker 1: the situation of females don't belong in combat or in
Speaker 1: the military. Okay, there's a couple of things, a couple
Speaker 1: of ways to look at this. One. You are you're
Speaker 1: not talking about being in the infantry and being on
Speaker 1: the front lines and kicking indoors. That's not what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you can't, But that's not this conversation.
Speaker 1: You're wanting to be a marine pilot. To that, let's
Speaker 1: speak to that. I know a lot of women in
Speaker 1: my life. They are much better at me at multitasking
Speaker 1: and focusing. Now, I'm not great at either one of
Speaker 1: those two things, multitasking or focusing. Amber is much better
Speaker 1: at details and being precise in the moment while multitasking
Speaker 1: other things. What does that characteristic trait, What does that
Speaker 1: character trait equate too perfectly being a pilot? I think
Speaker 1: And I've been to Iraq three times and done multiple
Speaker 1: tours over the course of fourteen days. Each tour, I
Speaker 1: have traveled twice a day for fourteen days, usually in
Speaker 1: a black Hawk or a Marine forty six helicopter. The
Speaker 1: days when we had female pilots, I felt a little
Speaker 1: bit more comfortable because the guys sometimes get distracted, and
Speaker 1: I don't want a distracted pilot. I want someone that
Speaker 1: can multitask and that can focus. I think you are
Speaker 1: perfect for this job, and I think if you really
Speaker 1: want to do it, you absolutely can and you could
Speaker 1: outshine other male pilots. That's my opinion. I know plenty
Speaker 1: of male marine pilots, and the great if you get
Speaker 1: to be a pilot, if you if you pass every
Speaker 1: test and you're you're perfectly suited for that job, you're
Speaker 1: gonna be good. The Marine Corps doesn't put anyone behind
Speaker 1: the stick that can't do it, or that maybe is
Speaker 1: struggling with it, or that they don't put people in
Speaker 1: there just because they want to fill a quota. They're
Speaker 1: going to put people in there that's going to carry
Speaker 1: the crew and ensure that every mission is flawless. Otherwise
Speaker 1: they wouldn't trust a pilot with a multimillion dollar aircraft.
Speaker 1: That just wouldn't. They're not They're not that nice. They're
Speaker 1: not that PC. Like you could be PC in a
Speaker 1: lot of ways. You could. You could fill quotas with
Speaker 1: being you know, filling gender gaps and plenty of other ways,
Speaker 1: but not behind the stick of a multimillion dollar aircraft.
Speaker 1: They won't trust you unless you've been through the proper
Speaker 1: training and they see the evidence themselves. Right, that's just
Speaker 1: the truth. So I don't know you personally, and I
Speaker 1: don't know if you're cut out for this, but the
Speaker 1: one thing I do know is it has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with whether you're male or female. If you're going
Speaker 1: to be a pilot. So these naysayers females don't belong
Speaker 1: in combat or the military, you shouldn't do it. There's
Speaker 1: two ways to look at that. One they're just insecure
Speaker 1: with themselves and they weren't good enough to cut out
Speaker 1: to do it, or they love you so much that
Speaker 1: they're worried about you and it's a dangerous job, and
Speaker 1: that's the way it comes out when the conversation is
Speaker 1: I love you so much, I worry about you. I
Speaker 1: care about you. Why can't you just be like a
Speaker 1: school teacher, which ironically is now considered a dangerous job.
Speaker 1: I guess, but I think that's where that's coming from,
Speaker 1: one of those two places, jealousy and misunderstanding or just
Speaker 1: a love for you and they worry about you, and
Speaker 1: why can't you get something a little safer to do?
Speaker 1: Why do you have to do this? The Marine Corps
Speaker 1: is a is a man oriented organization, so you're gonna
Speaker 1: come into it being someone of a minority in the
Speaker 1: pilot world to begin with, and that's something you're just
Speaker 1: gonna have to get over. That stigma. You're gonna have
Speaker 1: to get over it. Marines are proud, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: have to dig down to find that pride and go
Speaker 1: I could do this. I want to do this, and
Speaker 1: I will do very well at this. And once you
Speaker 1: reach that kind of understanding with yourself, you're gonna be fine.
Speaker 1: I would trust you, I'd fly with you. Next question,
Speaker 1: subject line says, what is God telling me? Says recently,
Speaker 1: I decided to make a journey back to my homestate,
Speaker 1: the state I'm living in now. I felt like I
Speaker 1: had nothing left here, but recently I met a beautiful
Speaker 1: woman with beautiful children, and now I'm lost because I
Speaker 1: know that it would be good for me to go
Speaker 1: back to my home state. But why would God, last
Speaker 1: minute bring her into my life. I ask God for
Speaker 1: an answer, but I feel like he's not reaching out
Speaker 1: to me. I'm starting to think that maybe he knows
Speaker 1: that I'm strong enough to make this decision, but I'm lost.
Speaker 1: Hope this gets to you. Thank you. A question comes
Speaker 1: from David, and let me kind of recap what you
Speaker 1: said here. It sounds like you were planning on moving
Speaker 1: to another state, back to your home state, from the
Speaker 1: current state you're in now, but last minute, while in
Speaker 1: the current state, you met a beautiful woman that you
Speaker 1: fell in love with, and so now you're doubting whether
Speaker 1: or not you should move back to your home state.
Speaker 1: Like the original plan, you're asking God for answers. He's
Speaker 1: not answering, and you're thinking that God is telling you
Speaker 1: you're strong enough to make the decision, so make it
Speaker 1: on your own. I'm out you make it, says God,
Speaker 1: you make the decision, you're strong enough, I'm out. Okay.
Speaker 1: So this is multilayered. The first layer is you fell
Speaker 1: in love, and when we fall in love legitimately genuinely,
Speaker 1: things change. Plans change, So you're right by thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe there's a different twist to this. I thought I
Speaker 1: was moving back home. I thought this was good for me.
Speaker 1: But I met this girl now and I love her,
Speaker 1: and I don't necessarily want to just up and leave
Speaker 1: her and follow my old plans that now are looking
Speaker 1: more like a selfish plan when I'm being more selfless
Speaker 1: with this woman and she has h children, which even
Speaker 1: makes the situation even deeper. The other part of it
Speaker 1: is your conversation with God. You ask, God doesn't answer,
Speaker 1: you wait, he still doesn't answer, and then you decide
Speaker 1: God is telling you, through his not answering, that you're
Speaker 1: strong enough deal with it. Okay, So let me start
Speaker 1: unpacking all of these things our conversation with God. A
Speaker 1: conversation goes two ways. You speak the other person speaks.
Speaker 1: So in a conversation with God, we speak through prayer.
Speaker 1: He speaks through his word. It's a misconception that we
Speaker 1: think God only speaks through divine intervention, whispers in our
Speaker 1: ear and writing in the clouds, billboards, license plates, bumper stickers,
Speaker 1: t shirts. He can, but that's not the general rule.
Speaker 1: The general rule is God speaks through his word that
Speaker 1: we already have in the Bible. We have to remember that,
Speaker 1: we have to remember that our prayers go to him,
Speaker 1: we make our request, we bring everything to him, and
Speaker 1: then we go back to the Bible and we read
Speaker 1: daily because we need daily word from Him. It's our
Speaker 1: instruction manual. If you believe in God, then you through
Speaker 1: process of elimination, through practically speaking, then you go all
Speaker 1: the way back to creation and you go if God
Speaker 1: created us and I believe in him, would he or
Speaker 1: would he not give us an instruction manual to follow
Speaker 1: what He's trying to tell us, Not because he wants
Speaker 1: to give us handcuffs and he wants us to not
Speaker 1: have fun, but more so, he wants us to partake
Speaker 1: in his joy and enjoy him and enjoy a life
Speaker 1: that is more RESTful, even through the tough times, even
Speaker 1: through the struggle. We're promised struggle in the Bible. But
Speaker 1: the promise twofold from a believer standpoint, is that you
Speaker 1: will struggle, but understanding his word and his plan for
Speaker 1: you will allow you to rest in that that you didn't.
Speaker 1: You didn't write the beginning from the end. He did.
Speaker 1: He sees the whole picture. You don't, amber said to
Speaker 1: me today. He's a light to our feet, not a
Speaker 1: stadium light that shows the entire journey. He's not a
Speaker 1: big floodlight that just shows us everything. He just is
Speaker 1: a lamp to our feet. So we all can only
Speaker 1: see one step at a time, and thank god, that's
Speaker 1: all I want to know. I don't want to know
Speaker 1: the whole picture, because if I did, I would misstep
Speaker 1: all the time trying to get to the next step.
Speaker 1: I would say, I'm trying to go there. I know
Speaker 1: I'm going there, so I'm gonna skip this step because
Speaker 1: that step is too hard or that STEP's too painful,
Speaker 1: So I'm going to sidestep that and try to get
Speaker 1: to the end. How could I hurry up and get
Speaker 1: out of jail free card and get to the end.
Speaker 1: It's like in that game Candy Land when you get
Speaker 1: to jump ahead eleven steps. That's what we would do
Speaker 1: if we knew the whole picture. But instead we don't.
Speaker 1: We go one step at a time on purpose, because
Speaker 1: with each step we don't know what's next. And that's
Speaker 1: a good thing, because we wouldn't take the next step
Speaker 1: if we knew how hard it was going to be.
Speaker 1: So what I know is God is not the God
Speaker 1: as revealed in the Bible, is not telling you you
Speaker 1: are strong enough to make this decision. It's the opposite.
Speaker 1: He's telling you, through his word, you are too weak
Speaker 1: to make this decision alone. So lean on me. This
Speaker 1: is my battle, not yours. I will fight it for you.
Speaker 1: You think you're strong enough, you're failing. It's always about
Speaker 1: being humble, It's always about surrender, It's always about God.
Speaker 1: I'm not strong enough to make this decision. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't have enough wisdom to see the whole picture.
Speaker 1: So I'm giving it to you. Feed me, feed me
Speaker 1: with your word. I'm gonna dive back into your word
Speaker 1: again this morning, and I'm I'm gonna search through it
Speaker 1: like my life depends on it. I'm gonna comb through
Speaker 1: this Bible, through these Gospels, through these ancient prophets. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna look through this wisdom because I know it was
Speaker 1: inspired by you, and I know that's the food that's
Speaker 1: gonna feed my soul, and I'm hungry for it, So
Speaker 1: you keep returning to that. Meanwhile, your conversation is the prayer. God,
Speaker 1: I was gonna move back to my home state, and
Speaker 1: now there's this girl and I love her and she
Speaker 1: has children. Show me, show me through discernment in my heart,
Speaker 1: show me, give me, give me new passions, give me
Speaker 1: new desires. If this is real, if this is what
Speaker 1: you need me to do, enlighten me with with these
Speaker 1: new desires. If it's not, close the door, close the door,
Speaker 1: make her look like poison to me, make her look
Speaker 1: like I don't want this. Bring something else from the
Speaker 1: from the the old home state, brings something to light
Speaker 1: there so I could see it, but just enough, just
Speaker 1: that that lamp at my feet, just enough for me
Speaker 1: to see the next step. Because I don't know what
Speaker 1: it is. I'm not strong enough to make the decision alone.
Speaker 1: You have to tell them that because you're not. You're
Speaker 1: weak and I'm weak. We're humans. God defeats the biggest
Speaker 1: battles in the Bible with things that appeared to be
Speaker 1: the weakest. David defeated Goliath with a stick and a
Speaker 1: stone from the river, a tiny stone defeated a giant.
Speaker 1: God does that over and over again on purpose to
Speaker 1: show us it's not you, it's me. I win, I
Speaker 1: defeat the giant. All you do is surrender to me
Speaker 1: and I'll take over. So surrender. That's what this is about.
Speaker 1: Surrender God. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. And if you don't
Speaker 1: feel like He's answering you right away, the Bible says, wait,
Speaker 1: wait on the Lord, Wait on the Lord. Maybe you
Speaker 1: got to push this move back a little bit, but
Speaker 1: you gotta wait, and you gotta dig in, and you
Speaker 1: gotta get on your knees, and you got I'm on
Speaker 1: my knees again for the twelfth day in a row.
Speaker 1: Here I am. I'm gonna give you the same prim
Speaker 1: circling this situation with prayer, and I will not leave
Speaker 1: this circle until I feel good about this answer. And
Speaker 1: I'm not good enough to decide on my own, so
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring you again. I love this girl. She
Speaker 1: has children. I was gonna move, but now I'm stuck.
Speaker 1: What do I do? Then you go back to the
Speaker 1: Word and you read, and this will get you there.
Speaker 1: This will get you comfort in whatever decision comes out
Speaker 1: of it. Because from my standpoint on this podcast, it
Speaker 1: could be any one of those two answers. This might
Speaker 1: not be the right girl, this might be just a distraction.
Speaker 1: But when you do move back, then you go. I
Speaker 1: moved back, and I knew it was the right thing.
Speaker 1: I even gave up a woman I thought I loved
Speaker 1: for this decision, and now I know I'm here for
Speaker 1: the right reasons. Or maybe the whole move home is
Speaker 1: wrong too. Maybe this is the girl. Maybe this is
Speaker 1: someone that God brought into your life so that you
Speaker 1: could be together, because He brought her into your life
Speaker 1: no matter what, either to show you that there's something
Speaker 1: better for you or to show you that she is
Speaker 1: the one you need to be with. That answer is
Speaker 1: not up to you. Surrender it to him. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: my advice. Douse this in prayer, Soak this in prayer,
Speaker 1: and in the soaking, be as humble as you can,
Speaker 1: face down, knees on the ground, hand on your heart,
Speaker 1: saying God, I can't make this decision. But you can
Speaker 1: use that story, use that scenario for all the other
Speaker 1: listeners for anything else that's going on in your life,
Speaker 1: for any other problem you're having, or a big decision
Speaker 1: you need to make This is the formula every time,
Speaker 1: not just David here, which ironically David, Nah, David, that's
Speaker 1: your name, bro, live up to your name. You know
Speaker 1: what David did. He said, God, you're going to fight
Speaker 1: this battle. I'm not strong enough to defeat a giant,
Speaker 1: but you can. And with a stone and a stick
Speaker 1: sling he defeated the giant, not on his own, but
Speaker 1: with God. Love you guys, see you next Monday. Thanks
Speaker 1: for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all
Speaker 1: of you. Guys. You could help me out by rating
Speaker 1: this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to
Speaker 1: this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell
Speaker 1: so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would
Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot
Speaker 1: com Yigi