1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,920 Speaker 1: But you don't have to feel it all at once 2 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,400 Speaker 1: right now, and if you don't, there's not something wrong 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,840 Speaker 1: with you. You're not cut out to be a bad 4 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: dad because you don't. You don't just feel nothing but 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:15,920 Speaker 1: joy for this baby when in reality you're just missing 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: your mom. What's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast. This 7 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: is one of my favorite things to do. I do. 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: I have so many jobs, so many different careers, I think, 9 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: but the podcast is one of my favorites. It's kind 10 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: of like I come in here, get the camera set up, 11 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: get the recording software set up, and I just get 12 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: to relax a little bit. Because there's no time frame 13 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,480 Speaker 1: on these podcasts. I just get to talk through your 14 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,959 Speaker 1: questions in real time and have a discussion. And I 15 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: love that I'm checking your emails. You send them to 16 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 1: Grangers podcast at gmail dot com. You could ask about anything. 17 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: My request are try to keep it one phone length 18 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,760 Speaker 1: of your space that you're going to type in and 19 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 1: then don't send the same email twice because it gets deleted. 20 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 1: Other than that, you could ask anything. Nothing is off limits. 21 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: And you'll see today as we walk through a bunch 22 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,199 Speaker 1: of different questions, I have them chewed up I don't 23 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: have preparation for them. No notes. We're just going blind 24 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 1: and just keep in mind I'm not always right, but 25 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 1: I'm just giving you advice as though I would give 26 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: it to a friend or a friend would give to me, 27 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: like we're just having a conversation. First email is one 28 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 1: I just I just came off. I just finished after 29 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: midnight my radio show, and I just read this on 30 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: after midnight. I've been doing this on the radio show. 31 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: It's an all night radio show. We're in about three 32 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: hundred different stations across the nation, and I've been taking 33 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: one email per day, per per show, and reading the 34 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: email on after midnight to a bunch of listeners. We're talking, 35 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 1: you know, overnight, third shifters, truckers, nurses, ems, firefighters, nursing mothers, 36 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:16,079 Speaker 1: grocery store stalkers, and I've been reading your question one 37 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: of them and then briefly answering it and then telling 38 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: them to come back here to listen to the full answer. 39 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 1: This is one that I just did today. It's called 40 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 1: subject line staying strong, and it reads, Hey Grange, I'd 41 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: like to stay anonymous. I'm a twenty six year old 42 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: man from Nebraska. I'm married, with an awesome wife, and 43 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,760 Speaker 1: we have our first baby on the way. We're excited 44 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: to find out the gender later this month. But life 45 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: has been tough lately. I lost my grandma less than 46 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,360 Speaker 1: a year ago, and I just lost my mom a 47 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 1: few months ago. I always dreamed of my mom helping 48 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 1: to take care of our babies growing up, because she 49 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: was the best mom to me and also to my wife. 50 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: She was our best friend. It's hard to be happy 51 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: with anything that's going on. I miss her and I 52 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 1: think of every second of the day. Everything reminds me 53 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: of her. Please help. Yeah, Anonymous, great great email, great question, 54 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 1: very valid, and I'm going to talk about it. I 55 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 1: briefly talked about this on After Midnight, and I want 56 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 1: to talk about it in the longer form here. First, 57 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: I want to say that we understand, and have said 58 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: this on this podcast many times, that our grief equals 59 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,120 Speaker 1: the love that we had for the person. So if 60 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 1: you loved the person a lot, when you lose them, 61 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 1: you're gonna grieve them a lot. Now that you could 62 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: look at that in a negative way, or you could 63 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: look at it in a positive way, I'm going to 64 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: tell you the positive is when you grieve heavy, you 65 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: could have joy knowing that you had something really special 66 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: with that person. You loved a lot, you loved a 67 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: lifetime worth with your mother. And many people either don't 68 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: have a mother or don't have a loving mother, and 69 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: you did. And so the rice that you have to 70 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 1: pay for that is grief. And that's a small price 71 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 1: in exchange for the love of a great mother. So 72 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: you are so blessed to have her in your life. 73 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 1: Even though her time was cut short, the time you 74 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: had with her is far greater than any a lot 75 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,479 Speaker 1: of people, get right. I also want to say that 76 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: you lost her two months ago or a few months 77 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:28,200 Speaker 1: you said a few months ago. That's not very long. 78 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: That is short time when it comes to grief. You're 79 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 1: still in a period of shock. It's hard to understand 80 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: things that are happening around you when you're only a 81 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:43,560 Speaker 1: few months into a major loss. So I'm validating your worry, 82 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 1: your anxiety, your stress, your your grief. I'm validating all 83 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 1: that that you're right in thinking that you're you're not 84 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 1: someone that needs to be I'm not going to tell 85 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: you you got to be pushing this aside. Hey, time 86 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 1: to get over your mom. You got a baby coming. 87 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: Time to get over it, buddy. I'm never gonna say 88 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:04,200 Speaker 1: that to you. You're being vulnerable and these feelings are valid. 89 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,600 Speaker 1: Here's the other thing I want to get into. The 90 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 1: world is going to tell you people around you, your friends, Google, 91 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:16,279 Speaker 1: the world is going to tell you are having a baby. 92 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 1: This is the greatest moment of your life. This is 93 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: the most exciting, most loving, craziest, most exhilarating, fulfilling thing 94 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 1: you'll ever experience in your life. And you don't have 95 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:36,559 Speaker 1: to buy that now. Let me explain. When the world 96 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: tells you that, that's because they're looking back on it 97 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: in the past. They're looking back like, for instance, I 98 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: look back London. My daughter is ten years old. She 99 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: was my first born. I look back on her birth 100 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: and I think, man, that was a monumental moment in 101 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,239 Speaker 1: my life. That was the fulfillment of becoming a father. 102 00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,560 Speaker 1: It was an incredible moment. Top three moment four. I 103 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: have four kids, five including the marriage and my wife. 104 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: I could look I could say that, honestly, I could 105 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: say that, But in the moment, during the pregnancy, during 106 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: the birth, I didn't think that, and I realized that 107 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,520 Speaker 1: as it was going down. I remember thinking the world's 108 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,279 Speaker 1: telling me this is the most exciting moment of my life, 109 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 1: but it's not. I'm more scared than I've ever been. 110 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: I'm way more scared than I am excited. I'm way 111 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: more nervous than I am loving for this baby. And 112 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: as a father. It's probably different with mothers. In fact, 113 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,800 Speaker 1: I know it is because it's biological with mothers, but 114 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 1: with fathers, you're more disconnected from the birth. You don't 115 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:43,600 Speaker 1: carry the child for nine months, and so it's hard 116 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,840 Speaker 1: to wrap your brain around loving another human that's not 117 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: even in the world yet. It's difficult, and I think 118 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: it's okay to have that anticipation of not knowing and 119 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: worrying and you're not being fulfilled with this overwhelming joy. 120 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 1: Now some dads do, Okay, some dads do. They're just 121 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: they're just wired in a different way. But I'm not 122 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: that way. I was worried when we were pregnant with 123 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: London when when when I held her for the first time, 124 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: it was it was an incredible moment, but I was 125 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 1: more worried for her and Amber and her future. Then 126 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 1: I was overwhelmed with with happiness. Happiness happens to us. 127 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 1: But joy is deeper than that. Joy. Joy is the 128 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: underlying emotion amongst other emotions that can coexist. So what 129 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: I'm trying to say to you, Anonymous, is that if 130 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: you if you're pregnant with your first child and you 131 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: can't get past the grief of your mother to enjoy 132 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: the pregnancy, that's okay. That's the feeling you're in right now. 133 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: And if you're feeling it right now, then it's legitimate. 134 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: But that's going to change, and everyone listening knows. That's 135 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: a father that knows that's gonna change. And over time 136 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: that love will develop and flourish and grow and become. 137 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 1: This one of the strongest bonds you've ever had. You 138 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: and this child one of the strongest bonds you will 139 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: ever have. But you don't have to feel it all 140 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: at once right now, and if you don't, there's not 141 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: something wrong with you. You're not cut out to be 142 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,200 Speaker 1: a bad dad because you don't. You don't just feel 143 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: nothing but joy for this baby when in reality, you're 144 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,559 Speaker 1: just missing your mom. And when you see that baby 145 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: and you hold that precious, beautiful baby for the first time, 146 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: you kind of think about your mom and you're gonna think, 147 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: I wish mom was here to see this, I wish 148 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: mom was here to hold this baby. I wish mom 149 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 1: was here to tell me how to take care of 150 00:08:55,800 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: this baby. And those are those are thoughts that you're 151 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: gonna have, and so when you have them, it's not 152 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 1: taking anything away from the love that you're gonna have 153 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 1: for this baby. It's not taken anything away from the 154 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 1: joy the moment, because in ten years, like me, you'll 155 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:14,679 Speaker 1: look back on the moment and you'll say that was it. 156 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: That was a defining moment in my life. And I 157 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 1: might not have realized it at the time. As I 158 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 1: read this podcast, we're just coming off a D Day 159 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:29,319 Speaker 1: seventy eight years ago. The Allied forces invaded the beaches 160 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 1: of Normandy. Now, when they were getting off that boat, 161 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: bullets rushing by their face, trying to get to the 162 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:40,959 Speaker 1: machine gun nest, petrified in fear, needing to climb those cliffs. 163 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: Do you think they were? They were. The one thought 164 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 1: in their mind was, Wow, this is a defining moment 165 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,439 Speaker 1: in history and in my life. This is going to 166 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: change the course of history right now today, And this 167 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: is one of the biggest moments of my life. None 168 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 1: of them were thinking that. They were just thinking, I 169 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: gotta survive, I gotta save my brothers, I gotta keep 170 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 1: my own heart beating. I gotta get to that machine 171 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: gun nest to get this madness to stop. That's what 172 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:17,480 Speaker 1: they were thinking. That's what you're thinking. I just got 173 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 1: to get to that machine gun nest to get this 174 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 1: madness to stop. Stay strong, that's what your subject line says. 175 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 1: Stay strong, you got this. Our next question subdect line 176 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: says house fire. Mario, thirty eight years old, writes in 177 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: and says, my family and I had our house caught 178 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: on fire while we were out. We got back just 179 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 1: in time to save our two dogs, thankfully, Unfortunately we 180 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,080 Speaker 1: lost everything else. I'm struggling to stay strong for my 181 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 1: two daughters and my wife. I pray every night, asking 182 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: for strength, but every time my youngest five year old 183 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,520 Speaker 1: says that she wishes she could lay in her bed 184 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:56,720 Speaker 1: or play with her toys, it has become harder and 185 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 1: harder to stay strong. Any wisdom or advice she might 186 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 1: have over this loss. Mario, thanks for right now. I'm 187 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 1: so sorry that you're put in the situation. So many 188 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: times we're put in situations in life where we didn't 189 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: want to be here, and we didn't ask we didn't 190 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,680 Speaker 1: sign up for this. But then we find ourselves facing 191 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 1: something that we weren't prepared for and we have to 192 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 1: deal with And as the leader of your household, now 193 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 1: you have to deal with it with your two daughters 194 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,240 Speaker 1: and your wife. You have to be the symbol of 195 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,200 Speaker 1: strength for them. You have to be the word of 196 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,560 Speaker 1: wisdom to them, so that when they look at you 197 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,960 Speaker 1: and they ask you questions, the hard questions, you have 198 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 1: an answer for them, and you don't look at them 199 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 1: and say, I don't know. I'm lost too. I wish 200 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 1: I had my bed too. That's something you can't afford 201 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: to do as a father. Unfortunately, even though you might 202 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: be thinking that, you wouldn't be wrong thinking that. But 203 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,719 Speaker 1: what I would lean on in this situation if I 204 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: were you, I've never lost a house to a fire, 205 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,720 Speaker 1: and so I can't I can't put myself in your 206 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 1: shoes totally, but I have been through struggling and much 207 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:18,960 Speaker 1: adversity with my family. When your daughter asks you things 208 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 1: like this, I wish I could lay in my bed 209 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 1: or play with my toys, you might feel inside that 210 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 1: you're becoming weaker like you've said it's becoming harder to 211 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: stay strong. You have to lean in to the fact 212 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: that she has you and you have her, and you're 213 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,840 Speaker 1: together as a family, and that is what matters. And 214 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:45,079 Speaker 1: this is a great teaching moment for her to say, baby, 215 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,959 Speaker 1: we have each other. We are the house, not the 216 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,480 Speaker 1: brick and the mortar and the trees and the roof 217 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 1: and your toys and your bed. We are the house. 218 00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 1: We make up the home together, and you have me, 219 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 1: and I am here for you and I'm with you. 220 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: And we lost our house together and I'm so sad, 221 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 1: and we could be sad about that together, but remember 222 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:15,320 Speaker 1: you're not alone. I'm with you. I'll be your bed, 223 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 1: I'll be your toy, and we're gonna replace all that 224 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,640 Speaker 1: stuff we can, and we will eventually. We'll get you 225 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 1: a new bed. We'll eventually get you a new toy 226 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: that you're gonna love even more. But right now, you 227 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: have me. Lean on me. Be that be that for her, 228 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 1: be that rock for her that she could go, Yeah, 229 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: I lean on you, Dad. I trust you, Dad. You 230 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 1: got me, Dad. She's too young to understand any kind 231 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:49,199 Speaker 1: of responsibility or to understand the full picture that things 232 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 1: will get better. She can't understand that yet, but you can, 233 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,960 Speaker 1: and so let her lay on you, lean on you. You 234 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 1: You be the bed that she could lay on and rest, 235 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 1: be her her form of rest. Even though you might 236 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: not believe it yourself, you could be that for her. 237 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,719 Speaker 1: You could have just enough strength where she sees it 238 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 1: and believes it in your eyes, in your strong hands. 239 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,280 Speaker 1: And when you hold her and you give her that hug, 240 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: and you hold her tight and you say I got you, 241 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:25,560 Speaker 1: I got you, She'll believe it. Next question, subjectline says 242 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,600 Speaker 1: out of wedlock and ashamed. Hey, Gradeer, I'm twenty three 243 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,520 Speaker 1: years old or from Oklahoma. I've listened to your podcast 244 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: and watch Rise with Amber every Sunday. Your family is 245 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 1: an inspiration to me in many ways. I found out 246 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 1: that I'm expecting a child. Although my boyfriend and I 247 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 1: plan on getting married very soon, I'm worried my parents 248 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: will turn their back on us for both being out 249 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 1: of wedlock at the time. I have prayed to God 250 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: and asked for forgiveness of my sin and find solace 251 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,160 Speaker 1: in talking to him every day. He's blessed us with 252 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 1: an incredible gift, and I'm so grateful because I've always 253 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: wanted to be a mother. I know his plans for 254 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 1: us are better than our own, but please give me 255 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,720 Speaker 1: advice on how to tell them and having how to 256 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: navigate this situation. Well, this question comes from Mallory in Oklahoma. Mallory, 257 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: I am I feel you. I feel you on this 258 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 1: and this is this is a tough situation, but it 259 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: will get better and this will pass and you will 260 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: end up at the end with this beautiful baby. I 261 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: love your idea of getting married very soon. I would 262 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: lean into that idea and and bring that with you 263 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: to the conversation to your parents. I want you to 264 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: actually lead with that. And so you and your boyfriend 265 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:55,720 Speaker 1: fiance need to have a solid plan. This is not time. 266 00:15:56,160 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: This is not the time to plan an elaborate invite 267 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: all the family and friends and pick a venue that 268 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: can't be booked until two years out, and you got 269 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 1: to get the perfect flowers, and you got to find 270 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: the perfect dress. This is not that kind of wedding anymore. 271 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: In fact, I don't recommend that wedding to anyone that 272 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: puts the ceremony and the preparation and the plans above 273 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 1: the impact of what the union is itself. So many 274 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:30,600 Speaker 1: times we get lost and the marriage plan and we 275 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:35,320 Speaker 1: forget about It's all about the marriage, the couple itself 276 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,600 Speaker 1: and celebrating that love. And so I would go to 277 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:43,240 Speaker 1: your boyfriend and say, okay, we need a plan. We 278 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: love each other, we love this baby. What we need 279 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: a plan right now. We need to write it down. 280 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 1: We need a date, and it needs to be soon. 281 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: It needs to be very soon. So we need to 282 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: expedite this process. And then once you get that date 283 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: and you have that plan, and maybe you even have 284 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,159 Speaker 1: a venue, then you go to your parents. Now this 285 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: all needs to take place within a couple of weeks 286 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,719 Speaker 1: because you don't want to wait too long on this 287 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 1: time is very important in this situation. So you go 288 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,120 Speaker 1: to your parents and you sit down and you go, 289 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 1: mom and dad, I have some news for you. We're 290 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:26,199 Speaker 1: getting married on this date and we're inviting these people 291 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 1: and we love each other and we're so excited. And 292 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,919 Speaker 1: let them react to that. I would let them react 293 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:36,920 Speaker 1: to that first, and then say there's one more thing. 294 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 1: I'm pregnant and I am overjoyed with this pregnancy. I've 295 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,680 Speaker 1: always wanted to be a mother, and I love him 296 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,639 Speaker 1: and I love this baby. And I'm going to do 297 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:56,879 Speaker 1: everything I can to give this baby a home and 298 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: a life with two parents and watch this baby grow. 299 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,680 Speaker 1: And I can't wait for this baby to meet it's 300 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 1: incredible grandparents. You. But I also at the same time, 301 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: I'm stricken with guilt and I'm so sorry if I 302 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: let you down, and I'm so sorry that I have 303 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,640 Speaker 1: done this out of wedlock, and I feel so much 304 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:31,200 Speaker 1: remorse that it is going against God's plan, God's will 305 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:35,400 Speaker 1: for my life. But I do know that because it's happening, 306 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:39,840 Speaker 1: because it is happening, that it is also part of 307 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:44,360 Speaker 1: God's purpose, and God will make things new again and 308 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 1: he will fulfill his promise of a good life for 309 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:54,360 Speaker 1: this baby. And so I'm doing the responsible thing and 310 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:59,040 Speaker 1: taking care of this wedding as fast as possible, as 311 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 1: meaningful as possible, and I'm asking for your blessing to 312 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:08,120 Speaker 1: forgive me and to understand the situation I'm in. At 313 00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:13,879 Speaker 1: that point, you don't know and you can't control their 314 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:18,119 Speaker 1: reaction to it. It is going to be difficult. The 315 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: reaction is not going to be happy, tears and nothing else. Yay, 316 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 1: We're so happy for you. Don't expect that it's not 317 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,479 Speaker 1: that it's not possible, but don't expect that that's what 318 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 1: you're going to get out of this. Most likely their 319 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 1: first reaction is disappointment. Don't let that throw you off, 320 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:43,639 Speaker 1: don't let that discourage you. Expect it. So you're going 321 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:48,720 Speaker 1: to have low expectations on their gratitude as being grandparents. 322 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:53,080 Speaker 1: But when you've proved to them that this is the 323 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:56,160 Speaker 1: plan and you are taking full responsibility for this plan, 324 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: they will come around to it. And in the end, 325 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,159 Speaker 1: it may take years. I don't think it will. I 326 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 1: think it'll take about eight months when this baby comes. 327 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 1: In the end, joy will will prevail in this situation 328 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 1: and they'll be They're gonna they're gonna not look at 329 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: it as it could have happened any other way. The 330 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,440 Speaker 1: longer you hide it, the longer you kick the can 331 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 1: down the road, the longer you try to make a big, 332 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: planned out wedding and get the perfect dress, and it's 333 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: going to take seven months to order the dress, in 334 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: two years to get the venue, and you got to 335 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,400 Speaker 1: spend a lot of money on flowers. If you kick 336 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,399 Speaker 1: that can down the road too long, it's going to 337 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:49,159 Speaker 1: make it worse. Okay, thanks for your question or take 338 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: a break. Here it back. Hey, thanks for listening to 339 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: the podcast, y'all. If you want a personal message from me, 340 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 1: the best way to do it is cameo dot com 341 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 1: slash Granger. You can get a personal shout out through 342 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 1: a video message saying whatever you want me to say. 343 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: Happy birthday, happy anniversary, maybe a pick me up, maybe 344 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 1: a shout out of any kind. Do that on the 345 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,119 Speaker 1: Cameo app and search for Granger Smith or go to 346 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 1: cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. I do these daily. 347 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,480 Speaker 1: It's super easy for me and you both. Let's make 348 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:31,200 Speaker 1: it happen. I'll talk to you soon, all right. Next question, 349 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:36,119 Speaker 1: subject line says future Marine conversation. Hey, mister Granger. A 350 00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: little backstory here. I've had interest in the United States 351 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 1: military for a while. At first it was the United 352 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 1: States Navy and it's turned into a US Marine pilot. 353 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,399 Speaker 1: I've been told by multiple people I look up to 354 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,920 Speaker 1: that females don't belong in combat or in the military, 355 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,639 Speaker 1: therefore telling me I shouldn't do it. Then again, other 356 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,960 Speaker 1: people tell me I should join and gender doesn't matter. 357 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: I'm torn between the fact that joining of joining and 358 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 1: not joining. I still have a few years before college, 359 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 1: but I'm not sure about my future anymore. Thoughts. God 360 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:12,919 Speaker 1: bless Natasha. Natasha, thanks for the question, and thank you 361 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:18,359 Speaker 1: for being bold and trying to make a decision that's 362 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: meaningful in your life, that impacts others, and that gives 363 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:28,240 Speaker 1: you a platform for a career that is rich in history, 364 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 1: and that is something that is so noble because it's 365 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 1: not a decision that everyone could make. First thing I 366 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:42,439 Speaker 1: want to go to is is the last sentence. I 367 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,320 Speaker 1: still have a few years before college, but I'm not 368 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:49,199 Speaker 1: sure about my future. Well, the few years thing that 369 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 1: gives you some cushion. Anyway, You don't have to decide now. 370 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,159 Speaker 1: In fact, you don't have to decide on the Marine 371 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:59,200 Speaker 1: Corps until the last minute. You can go yes, it's 372 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 1: time now. You could mentally prepare, you could start physical 373 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: training if you want, but you could do anything last 374 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 1: minute when it comes to the military. So I know 375 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,879 Speaker 1: a lot of friends that said no, I'm not, No, 376 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:18,119 Speaker 1: I'm not, No, I'm not, yes i am join. I 377 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,240 Speaker 1: also know a lot of friends that said, yes i am, Yes, 378 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,520 Speaker 1: i am, yes, i am never mind know I'm not. 379 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 1: Both ways are not wrong. The military is going to 380 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:32,040 Speaker 1: need people that make the commitment regardless of when they 381 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:36,080 Speaker 1: decided to do it, and they don't need people that 382 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,919 Speaker 1: decide last minute they shouldn't do it. It's not a 383 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 1: bad thing. It's not for everybody. But if you decide 384 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,680 Speaker 1: to not do it, it's better for them, and it's 385 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,880 Speaker 1: better for you that you made the decision when you did, 386 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: even if it's the last second. That doesn't say you 387 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:57,000 Speaker 1: can't be prepared mentally. Now, let's tackle the main question here, 388 00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,320 Speaker 1: the situation of females don't belong in combat or in 389 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:05,640 Speaker 1: the military. Okay, there's a couple of things, a couple 390 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:09,880 Speaker 1: of ways to look at this. One. You are you're 391 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 1: not talking about being in the infantry and being on 392 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,480 Speaker 1: the front lines and kicking indoors. That's not what you're saying. 393 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,320 Speaker 1: I'm not saying you can't, But that's not this conversation. 394 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 1: You're wanting to be a marine pilot. To that, let's 395 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:28,600 Speaker 1: speak to that. I know a lot of women in 396 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:34,879 Speaker 1: my life. They are much better at me at multitasking 397 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,960 Speaker 1: and focusing. Now, I'm not great at either one of 398 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:45,639 Speaker 1: those two things, multitasking or focusing. Amber is much better 399 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:51,440 Speaker 1: at details and being precise in the moment while multitasking 400 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,919 Speaker 1: other things. What does that characteristic trait, What does that 401 00:24:56,000 --> 00:25:03,919 Speaker 1: character trait equate too perfectly being a pilot? I think 402 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 1: And I've been to Iraq three times and done multiple 403 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,800 Speaker 1: tours over the course of fourteen days. Each tour, I 404 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:21,399 Speaker 1: have traveled twice a day for fourteen days, usually in 405 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:26,840 Speaker 1: a black Hawk or a Marine forty six helicopter. The 406 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,119 Speaker 1: days when we had female pilots, I felt a little 407 00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:37,000 Speaker 1: bit more comfortable because the guys sometimes get distracted, and 408 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 1: I don't want a distracted pilot. I want someone that 409 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:45,840 Speaker 1: can multitask and that can focus. I think you are 410 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,400 Speaker 1: perfect for this job, and I think if you really 411 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,879 Speaker 1: want to do it, you absolutely can and you could 412 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:57,440 Speaker 1: outshine other male pilots. That's my opinion. I know plenty 413 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 1: of male marine pilots, and the great if you get 414 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 1: to be a pilot, if you if you pass every 415 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:07,640 Speaker 1: test and you're you're perfectly suited for that job, you're 416 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,760 Speaker 1: gonna be good. The Marine Corps doesn't put anyone behind 417 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,439 Speaker 1: the stick that can't do it, or that maybe is 418 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,560 Speaker 1: struggling with it, or that they don't put people in 419 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,680 Speaker 1: there just because they want to fill a quota. They're 420 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,720 Speaker 1: going to put people in there that's going to carry 421 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:28,960 Speaker 1: the crew and ensure that every mission is flawless. Otherwise 422 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,840 Speaker 1: they wouldn't trust a pilot with a multimillion dollar aircraft. 423 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,920 Speaker 1: That just wouldn't. They're not They're not that nice. They're 424 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,919 Speaker 1: not that PC. Like you could be PC in a 425 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 1: lot of ways. You could. You could fill quotas with 426 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,560 Speaker 1: being you know, filling gender gaps and plenty of other ways, 427 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,440 Speaker 1: but not behind the stick of a multimillion dollar aircraft. 428 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,200 Speaker 1: They won't trust you unless you've been through the proper 429 00:26:54,280 --> 00:27:00,919 Speaker 1: training and they see the evidence themselves. Right, that's just 430 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:07,159 Speaker 1: the truth. So I don't know you personally, and I 431 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,359 Speaker 1: don't know if you're cut out for this, but the 432 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,159 Speaker 1: one thing I do know is it has nothing to 433 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,239 Speaker 1: do with whether you're male or female. If you're going 434 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: to be a pilot. So these naysayers females don't belong 435 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,920 Speaker 1: in combat or the military, you shouldn't do it. There's 436 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 1: two ways to look at that. One they're just insecure 437 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:31,000 Speaker 1: with themselves and they weren't good enough to cut out 438 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 1: to do it, or they love you so much that 439 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,639 Speaker 1: they're worried about you and it's a dangerous job, and 440 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:40,879 Speaker 1: that's the way it comes out when the conversation is 441 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 1: I love you so much, I worry about you. I 442 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:46,879 Speaker 1: care about you. Why can't you just be like a 443 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:53,240 Speaker 1: school teacher, which ironically is now considered a dangerous job. 444 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,920 Speaker 1: I guess, but I think that's where that's coming from, 445 00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:03,399 Speaker 1: one of those two places, jealousy and misunderstanding or just 446 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 1: a love for you and they worry about you, and 447 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,640 Speaker 1: why can't you get something a little safer to do? 448 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:13,400 Speaker 1: Why do you have to do this? The Marine Corps 449 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:21,359 Speaker 1: is a is a man oriented organization, so you're gonna 450 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:26,359 Speaker 1: come into it being someone of a minority in the 451 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 1: pilot world to begin with, and that's something you're just 452 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,720 Speaker 1: gonna have to get over. That stigma. You're gonna have 453 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:35,520 Speaker 1: to get over it. Marines are proud, and you're gonna 454 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 1: have to dig down to find that pride and go 455 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,440 Speaker 1: I could do this. I want to do this, and 456 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,960 Speaker 1: I will do very well at this. And once you 457 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:48,240 Speaker 1: reach that kind of understanding with yourself, you're gonna be fine. 458 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:52,400 Speaker 1: I would trust you, I'd fly with you. Next question, 459 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:57,200 Speaker 1: subject line says, what is God telling me? Says recently, 460 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 1: I decided to make a journey back to my homestate, 461 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 1: the state I'm living in now. I felt like I 462 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,440 Speaker 1: had nothing left here, but recently I met a beautiful 463 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:09,600 Speaker 1: woman with beautiful children, and now I'm lost because I 464 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: know that it would be good for me to go 465 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 1: back to my home state. But why would God, last 466 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,760 Speaker 1: minute bring her into my life. I ask God for 467 00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 1: an answer, but I feel like he's not reaching out 468 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 1: to me. I'm starting to think that maybe he knows 469 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 1: that I'm strong enough to make this decision, but I'm lost. 470 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 1: Hope this gets to you. Thank you. A question comes 471 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 1: from David, and let me kind of recap what you 472 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:39,040 Speaker 1: said here. It sounds like you were planning on moving 473 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:43,400 Speaker 1: to another state, back to your home state, from the 474 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:48,000 Speaker 1: current state you're in now, but last minute, while in 475 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,160 Speaker 1: the current state, you met a beautiful woman that you 476 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 1: fell in love with, and so now you're doubting whether 477 00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,680 Speaker 1: or not you should move back to your home state. 478 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,120 Speaker 1: Like the original plan, you're asking God for answers. He's 479 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:04,320 Speaker 1: not answering, and you're thinking that God is telling you 480 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: you're strong enough to make the decision, so make it 481 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 1: on your own. I'm out you make it, says God, 482 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:13,600 Speaker 1: you make the decision, you're strong enough, I'm out. Okay. 483 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 1: So this is multilayered. The first layer is you fell 484 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 1: in love, and when we fall in love legitimately genuinely, 485 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:36,440 Speaker 1: things change. Plans change, So you're right by thinking, oh, 486 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: maybe there's a different twist to this. I thought I 487 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,360 Speaker 1: was moving back home. I thought this was good for me. 488 00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,800 Speaker 1: But I met this girl now and I love her, 489 00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 1: and I don't necessarily want to just up and leave 490 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,880 Speaker 1: her and follow my old plans that now are looking 491 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: more like a selfish plan when I'm being more selfless 492 00:30:55,680 --> 00:31:02,560 Speaker 1: with this woman and she has h children, which even 493 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,479 Speaker 1: makes the situation even deeper. The other part of it 494 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:10,400 Speaker 1: is your conversation with God. You ask, God doesn't answer, 495 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:15,160 Speaker 1: you wait, he still doesn't answer, and then you decide 496 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,840 Speaker 1: God is telling you, through his not answering, that you're 497 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:24,600 Speaker 1: strong enough deal with it. Okay, So let me start 498 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:32,560 Speaker 1: unpacking all of these things our conversation with God. A 499 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,600 Speaker 1: conversation goes two ways. You speak the other person speaks. 500 00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,120 Speaker 1: So in a conversation with God, we speak through prayer. 501 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:46,840 Speaker 1: He speaks through his word. It's a misconception that we 502 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 1: think God only speaks through divine intervention, whispers in our 503 00:31:54,080 --> 00:32:01,960 Speaker 1: ear and writing in the clouds, billboards, license plates, bumper stickers, 504 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:08,600 Speaker 1: t shirts. He can, but that's not the general rule. 505 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:12,719 Speaker 1: The general rule is God speaks through his word that 506 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,400 Speaker 1: we already have in the Bible. We have to remember that, 507 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,440 Speaker 1: we have to remember that our prayers go to him, 508 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 1: we make our request, we bring everything to him, and 509 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,440 Speaker 1: then we go back to the Bible and we read 510 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:29,200 Speaker 1: daily because we need daily word from Him. It's our 511 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:38,400 Speaker 1: instruction manual. If you believe in God, then you through 512 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: process of elimination, through practically speaking, then you go all 513 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,600 Speaker 1: the way back to creation and you go if God 514 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,720 Speaker 1: created us and I believe in him, would he or 515 00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:52,880 Speaker 1: would he not give us an instruction manual to follow 516 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 1: what He's trying to tell us, Not because he wants 517 00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,200 Speaker 1: to give us handcuffs and he wants us to not 518 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:04,120 Speaker 1: have fun, but more so, he wants us to partake 519 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:10,080 Speaker 1: in his joy and enjoy him and enjoy a life 520 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 1: that is more RESTful, even through the tough times, even 521 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:20,240 Speaker 1: through the struggle. We're promised struggle in the Bible. But 522 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,360 Speaker 1: the promise twofold from a believer standpoint, is that you 523 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 1: will struggle, but understanding his word and his plan for 524 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 1: you will allow you to rest in that that you didn't. 525 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 1: You didn't write the beginning from the end. He did. 526 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 1: He sees the whole picture. You don't, amber said to 527 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:47,040 Speaker 1: me today. He's a light to our feet, not a 528 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: stadium light that shows the entire journey. He's not a 529 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,120 Speaker 1: big floodlight that just shows us everything. He just is 530 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,800 Speaker 1: a lamp to our feet. So we all can only 531 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 1: see one step at a time, and thank god, that's 532 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,360 Speaker 1: all I want to know. I don't want to know 533 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 1: the whole picture, because if I did, I would misstep 534 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,480 Speaker 1: all the time trying to get to the next step. 535 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,360 Speaker 1: I would say, I'm trying to go there. I know 536 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,520 Speaker 1: I'm going there, so I'm gonna skip this step because 537 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 1: that step is too hard or that STEP's too painful, 538 00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,680 Speaker 1: So I'm going to sidestep that and try to get 539 00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:20,680 Speaker 1: to the end. How could I hurry up and get 540 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:22,440 Speaker 1: out of jail free card and get to the end. 541 00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,120 Speaker 1: It's like in that game Candy Land when you get 542 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:28,200 Speaker 1: to jump ahead eleven steps. That's what we would do 543 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,959 Speaker 1: if we knew the whole picture. But instead we don't. 544 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,919 Speaker 1: We go one step at a time on purpose, because 545 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,919 Speaker 1: with each step we don't know what's next. And that's 546 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,919 Speaker 1: a good thing, because we wouldn't take the next step 547 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 1: if we knew how hard it was going to be. 548 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 1: So what I know is God is not the God 549 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:54,680 Speaker 1: as revealed in the Bible, is not telling you you 550 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,600 Speaker 1: are strong enough to make this decision. It's the opposite. 551 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,720 Speaker 1: He's telling you, through his word, you are too weak 552 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:08,279 Speaker 1: to make this decision alone. So lean on me. This 553 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:12,800 Speaker 1: is my battle, not yours. I will fight it for you. 554 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:17,920 Speaker 1: You think you're strong enough, you're failing. It's always about 555 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:21,399 Speaker 1: being humble, It's always about surrender, It's always about God. 556 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,600 Speaker 1: I'm not strong enough to make this decision. I don't know. 557 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,080 Speaker 1: I don't have enough wisdom to see the whole picture. 558 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,520 Speaker 1: So I'm giving it to you. Feed me, feed me 559 00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:33,640 Speaker 1: with your word. I'm gonna dive back into your word 560 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:35,799 Speaker 1: again this morning, and I'm I'm gonna search through it 561 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,760 Speaker 1: like my life depends on it. I'm gonna comb through 562 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:43,640 Speaker 1: this Bible, through these Gospels, through these ancient prophets. I'm 563 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:45,759 Speaker 1: gonna look through this wisdom because I know it was 564 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,920 Speaker 1: inspired by you, and I know that's the food that's 565 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 1: gonna feed my soul, and I'm hungry for it, So 566 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:58,279 Speaker 1: you keep returning to that. Meanwhile, your conversation is the prayer. God, 567 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:02,480 Speaker 1: I was gonna move back to my home state, and 568 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,840 Speaker 1: now there's this girl and I love her and she 569 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:10,959 Speaker 1: has children. Show me, show me through discernment in my heart, 570 00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:14,880 Speaker 1: show me, give me, give me new passions, give me 571 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 1: new desires. If this is real, if this is what 572 00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:20,959 Speaker 1: you need me to do, enlighten me with with these 573 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:25,640 Speaker 1: new desires. If it's not, close the door, close the door, 574 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:29,279 Speaker 1: make her look like poison to me, make her look 575 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:33,120 Speaker 1: like I don't want this. Bring something else from the 576 00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,359 Speaker 1: from the the old home state, brings something to light 577 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:40,960 Speaker 1: there so I could see it, but just enough, just 578 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:43,480 Speaker 1: that that lamp at my feet, just enough for me 579 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 1: to see the next step. Because I don't know what 580 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 1: it is. I'm not strong enough to make the decision alone. 581 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:52,200 Speaker 1: You have to tell them that because you're not. You're 582 00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:57,960 Speaker 1: weak and I'm weak. We're humans. God defeats the biggest 583 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:01,799 Speaker 1: battles in the Bible with things that appeared to be 584 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 1: the weakest. David defeated Goliath with a stick and a 585 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 1: stone from the river, a tiny stone defeated a giant. 586 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:15,920 Speaker 1: God does that over and over again on purpose to 587 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,239 Speaker 1: show us it's not you, it's me. I win, I 588 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:24,160 Speaker 1: defeat the giant. All you do is surrender to me 589 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:29,800 Speaker 1: and I'll take over. So surrender. That's what this is about. 590 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 1: Surrender God. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. And if you don't 591 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:38,919 Speaker 1: feel like He's answering you right away, the Bible says, wait, 592 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,120 Speaker 1: wait on the Lord, Wait on the Lord. Maybe you 593 00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:43,880 Speaker 1: got to push this move back a little bit, but 594 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 1: you gotta wait, and you gotta dig in, and you 595 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,520 Speaker 1: gotta get on your knees, and you got I'm on 596 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,680 Speaker 1: my knees again for the twelfth day in a row. 597 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:53,640 Speaker 1: Here I am. I'm gonna give you the same prim 598 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:57,880 Speaker 1: circling this situation with prayer, and I will not leave 599 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:02,960 Speaker 1: this circle until I feel good about this answer. And 600 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,040 Speaker 1: I'm not good enough to decide on my own, so 601 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,360 Speaker 1: I'm gonna bring you again. I love this girl. She 602 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,560 Speaker 1: has children. I was gonna move, but now I'm stuck. 603 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,200 Speaker 1: What do I do? Then you go back to the 604 00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:19,319 Speaker 1: Word and you read, and this will get you there. 605 00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,839 Speaker 1: This will get you comfort in whatever decision comes out 606 00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,759 Speaker 1: of it. Because from my standpoint on this podcast, it 607 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:29,640 Speaker 1: could be any one of those two answers. This might 608 00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,920 Speaker 1: not be the right girl, this might be just a distraction. 609 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,080 Speaker 1: But when you do move back, then you go. I 610 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,000 Speaker 1: moved back, and I knew it was the right thing. 611 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,360 Speaker 1: I even gave up a woman I thought I loved 612 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,400 Speaker 1: for this decision, and now I know I'm here for 613 00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:50,279 Speaker 1: the right reasons. Or maybe the whole move home is 614 00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:53,120 Speaker 1: wrong too. Maybe this is the girl. Maybe this is 615 00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,000 Speaker 1: someone that God brought into your life so that you 616 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,600 Speaker 1: could be together, because He brought her into your life 617 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:03,160 Speaker 1: no matter what, either to show you that there's something 618 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,640 Speaker 1: better for you or to show you that she is 619 00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:10,359 Speaker 1: the one you need to be with. That answer is 620 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:15,399 Speaker 1: not up to you. Surrender it to him. Okay, that's 621 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:22,680 Speaker 1: my advice. Douse this in prayer, Soak this in prayer, 622 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:28,239 Speaker 1: and in the soaking, be as humble as you can, 623 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:34,000 Speaker 1: face down, knees on the ground, hand on your heart, 624 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:37,160 Speaker 1: saying God, I can't make this decision. But you can 625 00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,960 Speaker 1: use that story, use that scenario for all the other 626 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:46,360 Speaker 1: listeners for anything else that's going on in your life, 627 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,920 Speaker 1: for any other problem you're having, or a big decision 628 00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:52,120 Speaker 1: you need to make This is the formula every time, 629 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:59,759 Speaker 1: not just David here, which ironically David, Nah, David, that's 630 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,920 Speaker 1: your name, bro, live up to your name. You know 631 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,600 Speaker 1: what David did. He said, God, you're going to fight 632 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,480 Speaker 1: this battle. I'm not strong enough to defeat a giant, 633 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:12,800 Speaker 1: but you can. And with a stone and a stick 634 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:18,160 Speaker 1: sling he defeated the giant, not on his own, but 635 00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:23,479 Speaker 1: with God. Love you guys, see you next Monday. Thanks 636 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,680 Speaker 1: for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all 637 00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,880 Speaker 1: of you. Guys. You could help me out by rating 638 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:32,520 Speaker 1: this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to 639 00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:36,200 Speaker 1: this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell 640 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,800 Speaker 1: so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. 641 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:41,760 Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would 642 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:46,600 Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot 643 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:47,960 Speaker 1: com Yigi