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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Niela. And it's Wednesday, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Happy hump Day.

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Speaker 1: And it's the last week of April. Wellness well, miss April All.

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Speaker 3: I'm feeling very well though, so it's all good wellness.

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Speaker 3: It's gonna be a wellness life. I'm living a wellness life.

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 1: It's just a reminder to be mindful. Hint hint.

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Speaker 2: Speaking of mindful, we have a special guest.

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Speaker 1: But first, go ahead and well this card.

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Speaker 2: No, you got to shuffle first, baby.

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Speaker 3: The Sun upright means it represents success, radiance, and abundance.

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Speaker 3: The sun gives you strength and tells you that no

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Speaker 3: matter where you are, no matter where you go and

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Speaker 3: what you do, your positive and ratian energy will follow

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Speaker 3: you and bring you happiness and joy. That's pretty accurate

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Speaker 3: for our guests today. I feel like your son is

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Speaker 3: radiating on me. The Sun is also an energetic card.

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Speaker 3: It reflects a time when you can expect to experience

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Speaker 3: and increase in physical energy, vitality, and general positivity. Your

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Speaker 3: bursting with enthusiasm, invigorated and enjoying a wonderful sense of

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Speaker 3: good health. The sun connects you to power to your

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Speaker 3: power base, not fear driven, egotistical power, but the abundant

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Speaker 3: inner energy radiating through you right now. You'll sense it

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Speaker 3: in your solar plexus chakra, calling you to express yourself

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Speaker 3: authentically and be fully present in the world around you.

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Speaker 3: You have what others want and are being asked to

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Speaker 3: radiate your energy and your gifts out into the world

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Speaker 3: in a big way. Tap into your power and use

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Speaker 3: your divine will to express that power in positive ways.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, Biddy Taro that I go to every week.

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Speaker 3: I know the answers.

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Speaker 1: I like that. You know, I woke up feeling really

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Speaker 1: happy today. I mean, I don't know, because I'm alive, yes,

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Speaker 1: but even wait, what's the what's the niggad thing that

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Speaker 1: was here? Sean? Sean came in and was like, you're

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Speaker 1: so happy, and I was like, I know, aren't I

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Speaker 1: And he was like why. I was like, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, because I'm alive and I'm and I'm

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Speaker 1: authentic and radiating my gifts to the world and I'm about

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Speaker 1: to record with my homiees my home means I'm feeling good.

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Speaker 3: It's funny because we were like literally just talking about

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Speaker 3: authenticity and that we're at this word at a certain

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Speaker 3: age where we don't really have time to like hold

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Speaker 3: our tongue and I'll say whatever the fuck I want

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Speaker 3: and not feel bad about it. And then we got

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Speaker 3: this wonderful card, the Sun.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if we needed the Sun card. I

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Speaker 1: feel like you always say whatever the fuck you want

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Speaker 1: to say.

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Speaker 2: I do, yeah, No, sometimes sometimes I don't say stuff.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well that leads us to introducing our guests.

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Speaker 2: Wait, we need an affirmation.

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Speaker 1: Oh shit, Oh what is our affirmation?

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Speaker 3: Our affirmation is every day I will choose to be

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Speaker 3: happy and authentic.

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Speaker 1: Every day, I will choose to be happy and authentic. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I like that.

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Speaker 2: Just made it up right now.

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Speaker 1: I like that. Well, we have a very happy and

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Speaker 1: authentic guest here right now, who's also very mindful.

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Speaker 2: And our friend.

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Speaker 1: She's a scorpio, a double scorpio sag like me.

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Speaker 2: We're like, there's a lot of water in the room.

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Speaker 1: Lots of water. So I'm just really excited for you guys.

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Speaker 1: We've had her on before. This was early on in

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Speaker 1: the podcast. If you guys have been listening from the beginning,

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Speaker 1: then you know we had Felicia Latour on I think

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Speaker 1: it was our Mother's Day episode.

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Speaker 3: It was.

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Speaker 4: I think it was.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So I'd love to welcome you back to the show. Felicia.

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Speaker 1: She's our wellness and mental health advocate, owner of Mindful Fee,

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Speaker 1: overall creative, badass, mama of two beautiful little babies, well

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Speaker 1: one of them not really baby anymore, but gres time gone,

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Speaker 1: So welcome back to the show Fee. Thanks girls, Hi here,

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Speaker 1: I've been I've been trying to get you back here

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Speaker 1: for a minute, but I know we've been so busy.

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Speaker 1: And then I think we had you had your scheduled,

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Speaker 1: and then like some shit blew up in my face

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Speaker 1: and I was like, girl, I gotta.

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Speaker 2: She's like, I can't do it today.

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Speaker 1: I did. I think I messaged her. I was like, girl,

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Speaker 1: I have to go with how I'm feeling, and I

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Speaker 1: can't do shit today, so I'm canceling.

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Speaker 4: I feel like that's a good thing with moms, like

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Speaker 4: working with other moms. I'm like, girl, I get it.

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Speaker 4: It's just good flow.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: You know, I used to like force shit and like

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Speaker 1: trying to like power through things. I still do in

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Speaker 1: some ways, but there's sometimes where I just like you

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Speaker 1: know what not today?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, No, got to be right, choose to be authentic

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Speaker 2: to yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and like you've you've created a whole since since

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Speaker 1: the last time we've met, You've created a whole brand

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Speaker 1: really about just being mindful and being authentic. Can you

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Speaker 1: tell our listeners a little bit about mindful fee and

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Speaker 1: how it all came to be?

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Speaker 5: And yeah, yeah, so I created the brands mindful. It

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Speaker 5: started out was just a hashtag I was hashtagging. I

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Speaker 5: was trying to find myself and I was hashtagging three

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Speaker 5: different things because at the time I was doing more.

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Speaker 4: Of like my celebrity makeup artistry.

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Speaker 5: So I did hashtag fee the artist, which was makeup,

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Speaker 5: then hashtag cool ass mom, which was like mama stuff,

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Speaker 5: and then hashtag mindful fee. And I'm like, okay, which

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Speaker 5: one is gonna stick? So mindful Feet ended up sticking.

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Speaker 5: And the thing that I was talking about was like

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Speaker 5: being aware of self, being mindful of self growing, but

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Speaker 5: also like not judging yourself and just sharing the gyms

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Speaker 5: that I was finding along the way just through this

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Speaker 5: crazy ass life journey. And then from there I just

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Speaker 5: started building community and I no longer wanted to do

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Speaker 5: makeup as much because I wanted to be with the babies.

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Speaker 5: And then it just financially just doesn't make sense when

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Speaker 5: you're a freelance artist, you know what I mean. It's

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Speaker 5: like very stressful. You have to be over here for

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Speaker 5: this certain amount of time, and then people want to

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Speaker 5: negotiate rates. I'm like, I have two kids. Now, I'm

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Speaker 5: not doing this shit. So that's when we started to

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Speaker 5: do clothing, and I was like, we need to make

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Speaker 5: really cool stuff for moms, Like there's moms that are

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Speaker 5: young and that are trendy, and there's nothing. And I

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Speaker 5: also didn't really like how I had peace at twenty three,

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Speaker 5: and I'm like, why is it that the mama space

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Speaker 5: or the moms space is like predominantly white? Like why

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Speaker 5: are white women in the face middle aged? Yeah, or

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Speaker 5: I would even go to these events and I would

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Speaker 5: be like the only black girl, and I'm like light

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Speaker 5: skin black. So I'm also like this, I don't really

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Speaker 5: like this. So I'm like, okay, we need colorful stuff.

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Speaker 5: We needed to say somebody's mama, like daddy, somebody kid,

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Speaker 5: you know, like let's do things that are like that.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, we just I just started creating shit that

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Speaker 5: I liked and putting it out and people fuck with

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Speaker 5: it and it's dope. It working.

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Speaker 1: God, I love it. I get so many compliments on

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Speaker 1: all my somebody's everything. I love it.

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Speaker 3: And even if I'm in the street and I see

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Speaker 3: someone right, I'm like foo.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I had no idea that I was.

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Speaker 5: I feel so full here, like I when it traded

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Speaker 5: this for anything at all, you know. And then their

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Speaker 5: kid's father he inspired me within clothing because that's like

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Speaker 5: his background. So I'm like, I had no idea that

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Speaker 5: this was going to turn into you know, I'm like,

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Speaker 5: I get so excited to go to work. I'm like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 5: they're gonna love this.

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Speaker 4: It just shit works, you know.

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Speaker 3: It's amazing to like see you grow and watch you

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Speaker 3: grow in your space because honestly, like when I I

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Speaker 3: I followed you on Instagram before I ever met you,

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Speaker 3: before we started the podcast, any of that shit, I

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Speaker 3: don't even I don't even like, you know why, because

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Speaker 3: our daughter's birthdays are close, so we were pregnant at

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Speaker 3: the same time.

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Speaker 2: So I started following you and I was like, looking

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Speaker 2: at your journey.

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Speaker 3: I remember your baby shower, bitch, this baby shower is cool.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, were you over there reminiscing on her

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Speaker 1: baby shower thinking I'm getting engaged with an African prince and shit?

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Speaker 3: Yeah she was amongst the She was amongst the moms

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Speaker 3: I was envious of of, like when I was pregnant

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Speaker 3: and like, stress.

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Speaker 2: The funk out.

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Speaker 3: It's not going like I thought everybody else's is, though, Fuck.

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Speaker 2: God, damn it, I got the wrong baby daddy. Oh

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Speaker 2: just kidding.

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Speaker 5: I guess we all did.

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Speaker 3: Our kids are perfect just for the right husbands, that's

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Speaker 3: the part.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the kids are perfect. Just the husband part just

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Speaker 2: didn't quite stick.

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Speaker 3: But I remember, like just watching it and watching your journey,

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Speaker 3: so it's so amazing to like see you grow and

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Speaker 3: to be.

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Speaker 2: Your friend and just see see you blossom.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 3: And also I remember you talking about an office, getting

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Speaker 3: an office space and the kids weren't going.

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Speaker 2: To be allowed, and I was like, yeah, and you've

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Speaker 2: manifested that. So I'm so proud of you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much, I really am.

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Speaker 5: It's beautiful little space and we live that. There ain't

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Speaker 5: no kids there atually. I feel like that's so opposite

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Speaker 5: than what the brand is. But I'm like, I give

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Speaker 5: them everything. I need something for me, like this is

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Speaker 5: important to me.

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Speaker 2: That is the brand. The brand is doing what feels

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Speaker 2: right for you.

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Speaker 3: And what feels right for you is like you're a

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Speaker 3: great mom, but also get the fuck away from me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know that's the fuck up.

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Speaker 5: And I literally tell my kids to back the fuck up,

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Speaker 5: like I need space. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: You have to teach kids boundaries to hell, yeah, so

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Speaker 3: they'll know their own you know.

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Speaker 2: So that's true.

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Speaker 1: The last time we met, or not met, but spoke

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Speaker 1: and sat down, you only had one You only had peace,

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Speaker 1: and I think I asked you if you wanted more kids,

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Speaker 1: and you said yes, but you didn't know like when

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Speaker 1: that was going to happen, and it did happen very

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Speaker 1: shortly after.

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Speaker 3: I felt like you were pregnant when you said you

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Speaker 3: didn't know yet.

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Speaker 5: And remember at that time, me and their father were

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Speaker 5: like working on things, and I'm like, oh, you know,

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Speaker 5: and then yeah, working on things, working on things ship,

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Speaker 5: you know, working on out the human.

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Speaker 2: Worked on a human and an exited left. Okay, I

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Speaker 2: cut it right here, because how because how old was?

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Speaker 5: How old?

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Speaker 2: Was not peace than when you and your baby daddy

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Speaker 2: broke up?

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Speaker 4: Oh shit?

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Speaker 5: Probably he was just maybe maybe like four or five months, because.

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Speaker 3: I remember you discussing, like in our first episode with

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Speaker 3: you about like postpartum and how you were having a

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Speaker 3: hard time. Yeah, and then I feel like then you

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Speaker 3: just like got pregnant. You were just working out out

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Speaker 3: of the like your mindset, you're getting you're getting grounded,

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Speaker 3: and then you got pregnant again.

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Speaker 2: And then that happened.

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Speaker 3: And I know, like for a lot of moms and

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Speaker 3: a lot of women that that can break you. You know,

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Speaker 3: like having a baby we all know, we all know,

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Speaker 3: having a baby by nigga and then it doesn't work

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Speaker 3: out can seriously break you if you let it. But

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Speaker 3: like it being your second baby and then breaking up

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Speaker 3: shortly after that, how did you like manage after that

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Speaker 3: being as though you.

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Speaker 2: Had just experienced it with peace?

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Speaker 3: Was it as traumatic or was it like, oh, no,

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Speaker 3: this is what the fuck I need to do, and

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Speaker 3: I'm cool with that because this is what I know

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Speaker 3: I need to do.

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Speaker 5: It was that, but it was also really hard because

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Speaker 5: I think we both knew that this time we're going

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Speaker 5: to like separate, separate, you know, so that was the

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Speaker 5: harder part to manage.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, how am I going to do this

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Speaker 4: two kids? And I'm not. That's why I hate when

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Speaker 4: people say the word like you're a single mom.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't feel like I'm a single mom.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I have a pretty solid co.

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Speaker 4: Parent, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 5: If I need something, he's gonna do it. Like if

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Speaker 5: I can't do something, he's gonna do it, you know.

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Speaker 5: So I but I also didn't think about that at first.

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Speaker 5: I was like, oh my god, and by myself, I

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Speaker 5: kind of went from like I thought of like worst

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Speaker 5: case scenario, which I feel like was my mom's situation.

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Speaker 5: So I had to slowly but surely like pull myself out,

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Speaker 5: like you're not gonna be there, Felicia. Your life is

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Speaker 5: completely different, you know. And it wasn't easy.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, I feel like it was like a mix

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Speaker 4: of a little bit of that.

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Speaker 3: And I think like just the words single mom, single single,

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Speaker 3: you know, I just like has such weight, such a

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Speaker 3: heavy weight, Like when you think of yourself in that way,

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Speaker 3: you have to like, I don't know, we have to

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Speaker 3: change the wording or something. We have to change the

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Speaker 3: narrative behind single mom, because I feel like it's just

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Speaker 3: like because.

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Speaker 2: You don't feel the same weight when you say single dad.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, he's like almost.

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Speaker 1: Almost it's almost like a yeah, like oh your single dad,

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Speaker 1: Oh oh my god, it's so sexy, cute single mom.

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Speaker 4: And he's a single dad. Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 1: You know what, I have to check myself because I

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Speaker 1: met a single dad recently and like and the fact

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Speaker 1: that he's like killing it at fatherhood. Like I'm like

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Speaker 1: very turned on.

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Speaker 5: But you're like, bitch, I do you do you do this?

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Speaker 1: You do the same thing you're supposed to be doing this, right,

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Speaker 1: Like even I'm falling into the trap of.

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Speaker 5: Like being like, oh yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's just like.

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Speaker 3: The it's so negative that even the baby mama, yeah,

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Speaker 3: baby mama.

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Speaker 2: Is like just not good. I mean, we have to

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Speaker 2: change the we have.

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Speaker 1: But that's why we got merches just as baby mama

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Speaker 1: all right, right right? Check out on merch on Good

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Speaker 1: Mom's Choices dot com. Check it out.

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Speaker 2: I'm empowered in being a baby mama.

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Speaker 1: I have questioned that because Peace was, uh, how did

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Speaker 1: you talk to Peace about like the fact that you

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Speaker 1: guys were like when she old enough to really understand that,

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Speaker 1: like mommy and daddy are no longer going to be

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Speaker 1: together because like for me, Iri was only I think

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Speaker 1: two and a half and like I've talked about this before,

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Speaker 1: Like she doesn't even remember our us being together, Like

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Speaker 1: she has no recollection of that, which kind of breaks

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Speaker 1: my heart a little bit because I was like, damn,

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Speaker 1: you're not even.

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Speaker 4: This is too close, Okay.

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Speaker 1: I was like, you're not even gonna like remember, like

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Speaker 1: you don't remember us, your your parents being in love,

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Speaker 1: or like seeing us in love and like in the

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Speaker 1: bed together and like playing under the covers with you,

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Speaker 1: Like those are moments that I was like, Okay, at

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Speaker 1: least you'll remember that. But she doesn't, like so this

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Speaker 1: is kind of.

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Speaker 5: So sad, But she doesn't. She's no recollection.

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Speaker 1: Look I tried. I was like, you don't remember this?

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Speaker 1: What about this? I'm like trying to trigger remembory.

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Speaker 5: Look at the picture. Look you were here, We we

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Speaker 5: loved each other.

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Speaker 2: She's like, mom once upon a time five years ago.

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Speaker 1: I tried, was that a conversation like you had to

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Speaker 1: have with her or is it like just kind of

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Speaker 1: a natural progression that she just understood.

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Speaker 4: No, we explained it to her.

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Speaker 5: We explained her to her, like you know, just because

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Speaker 5: mommy and Daddy aren't together, doesn't mean that we're not

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Speaker 5: a family.

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Speaker 4: She didn't understand that Piece is very like family and

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Speaker 4: big and like movies like she is very I always

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Speaker 4: say she Piece is my little like American dream.

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Speaker 5: She like wants to go to college, she wants to

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Speaker 5: be married, she wants to have kids, she wants to

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Speaker 5: have a white picket fence, like she.

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Speaker 4: Lives in that world, you know, And.

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Speaker 1: What do you think she gets that?

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, kid, you're anybody, Oh you're not a girl Artie.

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Speaker 5: Different kind of life, that's traditional she's she has, but

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Speaker 5: she also has a very traditional spirit, like I don't

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Speaker 5: know she she's been here before, but yeah, we's.

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Speaker 4: Before, man, right, So she we just had to explain

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Speaker 4: it to her.

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Speaker 5: But she was like really sad and she's had she

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Speaker 5: was going through a really hard time at first, and

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Speaker 5: I was, you know, I think we both kind of

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Speaker 5: felt guilty, like ship did we like make the wrong decision.

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Speaker 5: But I just had to keep reminding myself and then

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Speaker 5: other moms would remind me to like, no, but you're

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Speaker 5: and their kids will be fine, but your happiness is

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Speaker 5: important because I'm like, damn if I stay and you're

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Speaker 5: unhappy and I'm unhappy. We're showing we're creating this like

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Speaker 5: false reality, right, And that was my biggest thing with him.

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Speaker 5: I was like, I'm not happy, and when I'm not happy,

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Speaker 5: I'm a bitch. Like that's just what it is. I

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Speaker 5: can't sugarcoat it. And I was just like, I don't

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Speaker 5: want her to think that, like this is how it's

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Speaker 5: supposed to be, Like if it's going to be right,

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Speaker 5: it's going to be right. And I'm like and being

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Speaker 5: co parenting in her seeing me, I don't want to

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Speaker 5: stay by myself, but like in my tribe that I

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Speaker 5: have now, I feel like it's so healthy and she

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Speaker 5: loves it and she flourishes.

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Speaker 4: Whether she's at my house, his house, anybody, you know.

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Speaker 5: But yeah, we we had to explain it to her,

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Speaker 5: and we had to explain it multiple times, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know it's so interesting. I meant to say

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Speaker 2: this to you yesterday.

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Speaker 1: Did you hear what?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I actually

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Speaker 1: meant to talk to you about it.

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Speaker 3: I meant to too, but just passed so quickly yesterday.

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Speaker 3: Because this is going to come up because of TV

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Speaker 3: and movies and.

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Speaker 1: It's never come up before. I've never actually heard a

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Speaker 1: child ask well.

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Speaker 3: I have a good little girl came to play with living.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, I want to hear what the hill?

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Speaker 1: So my daughter had a play day yesterday and Jamila

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Speaker 1: came over a little bit like later on with Luna

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Speaker 1: and the little girl. Her parents are married, and so

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Speaker 1: we were getting ready for soccer practice and uh, the

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Speaker 1: little girl was like, oh, I told I told Iri.

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Speaker 1: I was like, your dad is going to bring your

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Speaker 1: soccer stuff to the to the practice because he had

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Speaker 1: it at his house. And her little friend was like,

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Speaker 1: why doesn't your daddy live here? Why does your husband

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Speaker 1: live Why does your husband not live in your house?

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Speaker 1: And I said, cause he's not my husband. We don't

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Speaker 1: live together. And she goes why and then and then

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Speaker 1: irie I could feel get defensive and she was like,

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Speaker 1: he's still my dad.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's what she said.

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Speaker 1: She was like, it doesn't matter, he's still my dad. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: She did like she felt like defensive and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh god, and I was like.

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Speaker 4: What do I do?

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Speaker 1: And I said, I said, we're cool. I said we're friends.

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Speaker 1: I said, me and her dad are friends. How old

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Speaker 1: is this child?

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Speaker 2: The same age, she's the kids. But but but that's

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Speaker 2: that's the part, like we.

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Speaker 3: Live in our own universe because we're single mom's as fuck,

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Speaker 3: and we think we're each other's husband. And Luna and

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Speaker 3: Irie have the same setup, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: So they're they don't even think twice about it. They're like,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to my mom's house, going to dad's house.

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00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,280
Speaker 3: Where's I read your dad's house? Okay, But when you

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Speaker 3: bring another child into the mix and when you go

403
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Speaker 3: to school, because the same thing happened, a little girl

404
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Speaker 3: came over and was like, where's your dad? Why does

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Speaker 3: he live here? And I was like, oh god, we're

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Speaker 3: gonna have to do this. Someone keep saying this ship

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Speaker 3: you know. But they're like those are the times where

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Speaker 3: the kids start to be like is this not normal?

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Speaker 3: Like you know, like start to question normalcy, you know,

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Speaker 3: like what's normal and what does that mean from like

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Speaker 3: if my family? And then so recently Luna told me

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Speaker 3: yesterday something about rings or something like I don't want

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Speaker 3: something about me wearing a lot of rings, and oh,

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Speaker 3: I had a had like a David's, like a one

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Speaker 3: of those magg male in things with like jewelry in it,

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Speaker 3: and she's like, why are you looking at rings? I'm like,

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Speaker 3: because I like rings. I wasn't even looking at her.

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Speaker 3: She's like, you can't get married. I was like, I

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Speaker 3: want to be married. Why not can't I get married?

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Speaker 3: She's like, because then I'm gonna have another dad. I

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Speaker 3: was like, just as if you have two. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: you'll have a step dad and you have you're always

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Speaker 3: your dad is your only dad, the only one you got,

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Speaker 3: you know, but you'll have a bonus dad or trying

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Speaker 3: to use the terms like from the movies.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I think maybe I have a bonus mom.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, I don't want that.

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Speaker 3: I was like, but what about me, baby? I'm like,

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Speaker 3: you don't want your mom to be married and be happy.

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Speaker 5: But it's just.

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Speaker 3: Interesting that, like I feel like most parents are divorced,

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Speaker 3: but maybe not, you know, and that they're gonna have

433
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Speaker 3: to I feel like it's gonna come up a lot

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Speaker 3: for our kids and how they feel about it. So

435
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Speaker 3: we're gonna have to consistently reinforce that there's love and

436
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,760
Speaker 3: we're friends and sometimes we're not, you know.

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Speaker 5: And that's why even like when we do holidays and stuff,

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00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,879
Speaker 5: we still come together, like still go to his mom's

439
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,880
Speaker 5: house and she hosts something, so peace is still able

440
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Speaker 5: to like experience it.

441
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 4: But it's also like I want to be there, you

442
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:08,080
Speaker 4: know what I mean.

443
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 5: But the other day when we went to San Diego,

444
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 5: this little girl in the pool was like, so, like,

445
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 5: where's your dad at She's like, oh, my mom.

446
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:15,800
Speaker 4: And dad aren't together.

447
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,640
Speaker 5: But like but explained it like very and it made

448
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 5: me so proud, Like, okay, girl, you better explain that

449
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,640
Speaker 5: ship so we ain't broken over here?

450
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,439
Speaker 4: She did you.

451
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,159
Speaker 3: I also feel that a lot as a single parent.

452
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 3: As a mom, I always.

453
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:35,639
Speaker 2: Get that question like, uh is her is her dad around? Yes, nigga,

454
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 2: Yes she he is. That's what street? Yeah on the corner,

455
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 2: like so who's watching her daughter?

456
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 5: Her daddy? When people I can't, I don't know why

457
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 5: I get so offended with question.

458
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 3: I get offended too, Like because I'm black, do you

459
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,960
Speaker 3: think like the nigga's in jail, I don't know him?

460
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 2: Like why are you asking me that? It does trigger me?

461
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm the whisper it.

462
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 1: Where's her?

463
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,720
Speaker 2: What's up? What's their dad?

464
00:19:59,040 --> 00:19:59,359
Speaker 4: Nigga?

465
00:19:59,440 --> 00:19:59,680
Speaker 3: What?

466
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 2: I can't hear you? Why are you whispering.

467
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 1: I know, I know it's it is. It is triggering.

468
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,160
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think it's a black thing. I think

469
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 1: obviously we have sensitivity to it because you know, there's

470
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 1: a stigma around being a single parent and black. But

471
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:19,440
Speaker 1: I think moms get it overall. Single moms get it overall,

472
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 1: like where, So where's your where's your child at? Like

473
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,680
Speaker 1: who's watching your kid? Even like my own parent will

474
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,879
Speaker 1: do the ship, So where is she? I'm like with

475
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 1: her dad? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she has other

476
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,840
Speaker 1: she has another support system and it's not just me.

477
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,159
Speaker 3: I've been trying to really step into that, like without guilt,

478
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,719
Speaker 3: you know, because that's hard because niggas can go missing

479
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 3: for like a week and nobody says, shit, it's all good.

480
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 2: But if you do it, you're like the worst fucking

481
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,359
Speaker 2: mom ever, you know what I mean.

482
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,639
Speaker 3: And I'm just like I'm I rebuke that, you know,

483
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 3: like I work, I have ship to do, and like

484
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,120
Speaker 3: I don't know what the fuck you're doing over there,

485
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 3: So take this baby and kick.

486
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 2: Rocks, you know. Like I'd love saying I have business,

487
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 2: take care of business, because that's what niggas.

488
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 1: I love that business.

489
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,320
Speaker 2: You have no business niggas.

490
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:10,040
Speaker 1: Literally, it's a black man always going to go handle

491
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 1: some business, but they don't have nobody got to handle business.

492
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, you gotta go smoke a blunt. I'm like,

493
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 1: so you're selling drugs, you're gonna pick them back?

494
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 2: When's the business?

495
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 4: Because I've never heard of it.

496
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,400
Speaker 2: I never heard of it. You don't have one.

497
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 3: So I just want you to elaborate. Every time my

498
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 3: baby daddy says me.

499
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 2: He has to do something like what he's golfing? I know,

500
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 2: but he says I have to go work, I'm.

501
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:30,880
Speaker 1: Like, where do you work?

502
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I still have no answer. It's just weird.

503
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:35,960
Speaker 5: But yeah, I feel that.

504
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 3: I feel that, you know, like I just want like

505
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 3: sometimes yeah, I just I want to be alone and

506
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,200
Speaker 3: I'm do funck shit and that's okay too. Just because

507
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,959
Speaker 3: I'm a mom doesn't mean I'm not allowed to do that.

508
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 3: And I've I had to tell myself that, you know,

509
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 3: like it's okay.

510
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's almost like if I feel like it's major

511
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 5: like mommy guilt because I know when we started. I

512
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 5: think when we first separated, the schedule was like I

513
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 5: mainly had the kids and then over time it started

514
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 5: to like get better and be like, Okay, you have

515
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 5: them a couple more days, and then now it's like

516
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,640
Speaker 5: almost it's like a day or like.

517
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 4: Some hours away from fifty to fifty. And I was like,

518
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 4: oh my god, I feel good because I have four

519
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 4: days off. What is this?

520
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 5: And I ask other co parenting moms. One mom specifically,

521
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 5: she was like, girl, we do every other week, And

522
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,160
Speaker 5: I'm like, how.

523
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 4: Do you do that?

524
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 5: I would feel bad, But now that I'm in and

525
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,399
Speaker 5: I'm like she, I'm like, it feels great. You do

526
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,880
Speaker 5: not have to wake up at seven am for four

527
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 5: days in a row, you know.

528
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 2: And also I feel like I feel like it's a

529
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 2: huge you're doing your.

530
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 3: Baby daddy a huge disservice if you don't drop those

531
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 3: kids off for like an entire week, because they forget.

532
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 2: They don't know, they don't People.

533
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 3: Expect that women just do everything, and like, if we

534
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 3: went half on this baby, no nigga and we're not together,

535
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 3: you're definitely gonna have to do everything and you have

536
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,679
Speaker 3: to figure it out and don't call me. But like

537
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,160
Speaker 3: I tell people all the time, and this is probably

538
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 3: not a popular statement, but I'm like, I think I

539
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 3: was meant to be a single mom because I will

540
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 3: lose my shit if I have you twenty four to

541
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 3: seven and this nigga, I will go crazy, Like I

542
00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,679
Speaker 3: would have been the most miserable bitch ever because I

543
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 3: was doing everything.

544
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:01,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a lot.

545
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 2: So like being a.

546
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 3: Single mom is just like thank you God, you knew

547
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 3: that I needed this. You knew I needed a week

548
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 3: break because I couldn't have done it.

549
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,159
Speaker 2: I couldn't have I have.

550
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 4: A question, breaks.

551
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: I have a question because both me and Mila only

552
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 1: have one child and you have two, Like do you

553
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,479
Speaker 1: typically drop them off together or like how do you?

554
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: Yeah the point well, and also but I also have

555
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 1: a question though, because you do have because having two kids,

556
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 1: is it important for you to have one on one

557
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,880
Speaker 1: time with like geese and like one on one time

558
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 1: with your son so that like they get equal attention.

559
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: Because I think about that with Iri because her dad,

560
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:37,159
Speaker 1: you know, has three kids now, and like sometimes like

561
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,800
Speaker 1: I get annoyed because I'm like, can you just hang

562
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: out with your daughter one on one? Yeah, like I

563
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,199
Speaker 1: need you to, Like she needs her dad one you know,

564
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: because she's always gets me one on one. So like

565
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 1: having two, like how do you you is that a

566
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 1: priority for you or for sure?

567
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 4: And for him too. He actually brought it up like

568
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:53,400
Speaker 4: not that long ago.

569
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 5: He's like, can we start doing it to where when

570
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 5: we drop off, like let's say, if I drop them

571
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 5: off to him, then he'll just take one and then

572
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 5: I'll keep the other and so but right now what

573
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,640
Speaker 5: we do is we would drop the other one off

574
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 5: and then maybe like my grandmother will watch, you know,

575
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 5: like our grand like his mom or my grandmother kind

576
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 5: of plays like the mom role in my life. They'll

577
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,119
Speaker 5: just watch the other one. I'll be like, oh, me

578
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 5: and Piece are gonna go get sushi and then she'll

579
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 5: watch then you know what I mean. So we find

580
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 5: a way to like.

581
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 4: Make it work the way or even going out of

582
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 4: town too, like.

583
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I tell you guys, been in a little

584
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 3: like mommy daughter trip recently, yeah, big bear.

585
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah.

586
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 5: And sometimes I'll ask him like, hey, can I take

587
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,160
Speaker 5: peace for like these days?

588
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 4: And he not tripping?

589
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 5: He like you show you know, but we yeah, we

590
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 5: And Zen's ask gets my attention because once I drop

591
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,639
Speaker 5: Piece off to school, it's like him and I you know,

592
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 5: so I'm like, yeah, gosha, daddy boy, shit boy.

593
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,119
Speaker 1: I don't know. Boys are different. Maybe there are different

594
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: species for real, because I see my friend who has

595
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,719
Speaker 1: a sign and I'm like, he literally is trying to

596
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: injure himself, Like he's like how far can I take

597
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,120
Speaker 1: it till like I almost die?

598
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's scary.

599
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,240
Speaker 4: I'm like, you guys are ridiculous. They're different. Boys are different.

600
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 2: Boys are different.

601
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 1: So now so having two kids and like, also like

602
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: I know you were I mean I'm at you because

603
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: I started following you because of your artistry and doing makeup,

604
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,720
Speaker 1: and because I work in beauty. You know, we've worked

605
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 1: together with beauty blunder and stuff. But like I know

606
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 1: that you've kind of I know creatively, you're still creative.

607
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 1: And I was reading this post that you posted where

608
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 1: you were like, I like, I was a makeup artist

609
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: and now I'm still playing with colors because I was

610
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 1: watching you like TI die all your shirts and you

611
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 1: shifting your purpose, Like was that scary for you or

612
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: like how did you, like, I guess, find the courage

613
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 1: to shift your purpose because I think there's a lot

614
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: of women moms that are currently in there working in

615
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,120
Speaker 1: whatever they're doing right now, are unhappy and like want

616
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 1: to be doing something else but don't necessarily have like

617
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 1: the courage or don't know where to start, Like how

618
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 1: did you find the courage to kind of shift into

619
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:58,880
Speaker 1: what you're doing now?

620
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like once.

621
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 5: Their father and I separated, that was like a very

622
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,160
Speaker 5: pivotal moment moment in my life of like, all right,

623
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 5: you might as well.

624
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 4: Just keep on jumping on the other rocks in the pond,

625
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,920
Speaker 4: you know. But it was really scary. It was scary

626
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 4: as hell because I'm like, Okay, two kids.

627
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 5: I hope that it works. Like if it doesn't work,

628
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 5: what am I gonna do? But over the years, I

629
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 5: was I've I've everything I'm doing now. I've said out

630
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 5: loud for like years since I was pregnant with Peace,

631
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 5: So I knew it was gonna come. I just didn't

632
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 5: know it was gonna come. Does that make sense when

633
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 5: when yeah? So, yeah, I just felt like I had

634
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,399
Speaker 5: nothing to lose. I'm like, what else am I gonna do?

635
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 5: Go find another different nine to five that ain't gonna

636
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 5: pay the bills either.

637
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 4: I'm like so. And then I also feel like the.

638
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 5: Pandemic helped me really like dive in because I'm like, well,

639
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 5: everything is closed.

640
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 4: I can't physically do makeup, you know. So yeah, I

641
00:26:59,200 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 4: feel like.

642
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 5: God just got I mean in a corner, like, so,

643
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 5: what's it what you're going to do? You can't get

644
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,719
Speaker 5: out now, God will do it. And I was like,

645
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 5: I said, I was really really, I.

646
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 1: Was scared as fuck.

647
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,879
Speaker 5: And I didn't have like this big ol' savings or anything,

648
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 5: you know what I mean. I wasn't working that much

649
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,679
Speaker 5: when I was pregnant, was in because he like kind

650
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:14,720
Speaker 5: of fucked my body a lot.

651
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 4: So I was just like, oh, right, here we go.

652
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:18,680
Speaker 4: So we just did like pre orders.

653
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 5: We didn't have to come out of pocket, you know,

654
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 5: until we got enough momentum to be able to like

655
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 5: invest back.

656
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,679
Speaker 4: But I would just keep doing it like that, and

657
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 4: she worked.

658
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 3: It usually does when you when you go out on

659
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,639
Speaker 3: a limb, like when you go out on faith. I

660
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 3: feel like that's when the real change happens. When you

661
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,439
Speaker 3: trust yourself and the universe enough, that's when you like

662
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 3: manifest it. I think that's a big thing people are

663
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 3: Sometimes we let our fear debilitate us to the point

664
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 3: where we you know, we're stuck. But it's like, as

665
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 3: soon as you trust yourself, that's when the universe responds positively,

666
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,640
Speaker 3: because it's like yep, Because if you're if you're functioning

667
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 3: from a place of fear, that's what you're gonna you know, like,

668
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 3: that's what you're gonna attract. Remember a few weeks ago,

669
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,479
Speaker 3: you were telling me how you did Upstart. Yes, so

670
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 3: I've finally pushed my financial anxiety aside and I listened

671
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 3: to you and I took the five minutes to apply,

672
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 3: and bitch, I'm so happy.

673
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 2: I told you, I told you, it's amazing.

674
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 3: It only literally took five minutes to do, and literally

675
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 3: I got my funds two days later.

676
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: I know.

677
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 6: Unlike other lenders, Upstart looks at more than just your

678
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 6: credit score, because thank.

679
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,360
Speaker 1: God, I am more than my credit score. Okay, they

680
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,400
Speaker 1: look at your income, your employment history, and that means

681
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 1: they can offer smarter rates with trusted partners.

682
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 2: That's exactly what they gave me.

683
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:36,920
Speaker 3: I'm so excited to be finally digging myself out of debt,

684
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 3: just with a few clicks with Upstart.

685
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 1: I know, I know, and you know what financial debt

686
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Speaker 1: stress all of that can be so intimidating. If you

687
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 1: guys listened to last month, you know, we were all

688
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Speaker 1: we were talking about financial freedom.

689
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 6: This is how you start that journey to financial freedom.

690
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 3: Get the debt out your heart, take care of business

691
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Speaker 3: with upstart.

692
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Speaker 2: That's right.

693
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Speaker 3: You can find out how Upstart can low are your

694
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Speaker 3: monthly payments today when you go to upstart dot com

695
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Speaker 3: slash choices.

696
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Speaker 1: That's upstart dot com slash choices. Don't forget to use

697
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Speaker 1: our URL to let them know we sent you.

698
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Speaker 3: Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit, income

699
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Speaker 3: and certain other information provided in your loan application.

700
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 6: So go to upstart dot com slash choices.

701
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 2: You're welcome, happy financial freedom.

702
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 1: You readA.

703
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 2: You know the mail ego is so sensitive?

704
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 1: Oh my god, who are you telling you?

705
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 3: Literally can't tell men anything like they think women are sensitive.

706
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: It's men, especially when it comes to sex and their performance.

707
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm so excited that bluetoo exists. You guys,

708
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Speaker 1: it's been a hell of a year and I think

709
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Speaker 1: we've all been inside. We've all been talking to our

710
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 1: partners more than ever and having candid conversations about our

711
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 1: sex life and what we need. Is important.

712
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 3: It's so important you can really get what you want

713
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 3: if you can't have a conversation with your partner about it.

714
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 3: I remember I was dating this guy who was experiencing

715
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 3: a little erectile dysfunction, and it was just such an

716
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 3: awkward conversation to have. With bluetoo admit everything so much

717
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Speaker 3: smother and so much easier.

718
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Speaker 1: I mean, bluetoo is a unique online service that delivers

719
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 1: the same active ingredients as biagra and sialis, but in

720
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Speaker 1: chewable form, you guys, and it's a fraction of the

721
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 1: cost for me.

722
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 3: I feel like the fact that it's chewable kind of

723
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 3: makes it less intense, and you can just slip it

724
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 3: into your partner's mouth like a little candy.

725
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Speaker 1: And you don't even have to go to the doctor.

726
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Speaker 1: You can do all of it online, so there's no

727
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728
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Speaker 1: dot com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers.

729
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Speaker 2: And you're approved and guess what, you guys.

730
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731
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Speaker 3: free for the first month when you use promo code

732
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733
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 1: That's right to blue cheo dot com and use promo

734
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735
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736
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 3: I mean, who doesn't want better sex, more sex, conversations.

737
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Speaker 1: Hard penis.

738
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 3: Everybody everybody wants hard penis. So go get your blue

739
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 3: cheo today and tell him good Mom sent you. I

740
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 3: wanted to ask you would you have another kid?

741
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 4: I think because zen is so much and having two

742
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 4: kids is so much.

743
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 5: I always say that I'll have a third baby if

744
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 5: I have like a bomb ass, hands on ass husband. Yeah,

745
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 5: Like it just has to be that he's just like

746
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 5: the one that goes out there and kicks the ball

747
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 5: because I like to sit back and like drink my

748
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 5: wine and drink my tea, Like I'll get down with him,

749
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 5: but I don't want to get down all the time.

750
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 4: Damn it, you take the ball. So it would have

751
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 4: to be like.

752
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 5: The perfect situation. So the answer isn't no, but it

753
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 5: also ain't yes. Right now?

754
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 1: What is dating like with two with being with two kids?

755
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: Is it different than I mean, I guess you didn't

756
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: know what it was like with one, so too is it?

757
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 1: Is it? Do you feel judged? Do you feel did

758
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 1: you feel insecure when you first started dating?

759
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 5: Oh my god, yeah, especially like having sex after and

760
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 5: you're not with their father. I was like, whoa, this

761
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 5: is weird. But then I'm like, I'm gonna long.

762
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: Oh that's what you're taking something different.

763
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 2: To that other stroke. So so wow, now this new one,

764
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 2: like hold on.

765
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 5: But I also realized I didn't I've never dated. I've

766
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 5: always I'm such a relationship girl scorpios. Yeah, and I'm like,

767
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 5: I'm sick of that shit. I need to stop doing

768
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 5: that because I'll be like, oh, you're great, you have

769
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 5: so much potential. Let me just pour all this love

770
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 5: and life into you. And it's like, why do I

771
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 5: keep stopping at one like just date and have fun?

772
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 5: So I'm actually really redefining what.

773
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 4: Like that looks like you? But yeah, yeah, so I

774
00:32:59,040 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 4: feel you.

775
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I've definitely been like a serial dater or

776
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 1: like relationship person. And after my baby daddy, it was like, Okay,

777
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: I can't, we can't do this anymore. Now I've been

778
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 1: Now I'm like, I've been single for four years and

779
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, now am I like addicted to not? Now

780
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: I'm like the opposite, Like I was addicted to relationships

781
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:18,480
Speaker 1: and now I'm addicted to just not being in a

782
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 1: relationship and like scared to like settle because I'm like,

783
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 1: niggas be changing, Like they're cool. They're cool for like

784
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 1: three hundred and sixty five days, and then like on

785
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: that three hundred and sixty six day, they're like.

786
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 5: Surprise, and I'm like, ooh yeah, no, no, yeah.

787
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 3: I'm definitely afraid of commitment. Any sign that you have

788
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 3: any problems, I'm like.

789
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 1: You always say that I don't, Oh you have a problem.

790
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 2: I don't like it. Only I can have problems. There's

791
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 2: no room. There's no room for your problems, my problems.

792
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 2: You know, I'm gonna have to Yeah, I'm gonna have

793
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 2: to exit.

794
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 5: And I feel I feel like I'm more focused on

795
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 5: being like really good friends with them because it's like,

796
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 5: if we're good friends, you I'm not saying you can't

797
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 5: screw me over. But it just feels a little bit different,

798
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 5: you know. It's like but when I jump in like, oh,

799
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 5: we're boyfriend and girlfriend, it's like, oh, are you pretending?

800
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 4: Like who's are you pretending? What's going on here?

801
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 5: So I feel like the friend thing is like it's cool,

802
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 5: especially because a lot of my homeboys that I'm not

803
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 5: interested in like that, you know, they teach me a

804
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 5: lot about my worth, like just as a woman. They're like,

805
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 5: you're tight, you deserve this, Like get this, oh he

806
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 5: said that, fuck that he's doing this, And I'm like, wait,

807
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,359
Speaker 5: having homeboys is like the tightest shit ever.

808
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 4: So then when I go back in date, I'm like, yeah.

809
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,080
Speaker 1: My friend m he said he said you would do

810
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:31,399
Speaker 1: the shit.

811
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 4: He said you would do this, and that means that

812
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 4: and that it's like, oh, I'm like, men are fucking mets.

813
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 1: You're crazy. You know. It is important to have homeboys,

814
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 1: I think obviously. Sometimes it's it's a hard space to

815
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 1: navigate because a lot of times your homeboys want to

816
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: fuck you. Yeah, but or maybe or maybe you did

817
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,440
Speaker 1: fuck them, but now you're now they're your homeboys now.

818
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 4: Yeah.

819
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 1: But like even me, like I have I have one

820
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 1: of my friends who, you know, we've done our thing,

821
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 1: but like we're just friends and he'll always keep it

822
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 1: real with me. Yeah, I'll always be like, yeah, he

823
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 1: gotta like probably four other bitches.

824
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:05,320
Speaker 5: Yeah.

825
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 1: And I think women like oftentimes we yes, we need

826
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 1: what we need our girls, But there's only so much

827
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 1: advice a bitch can give about a man, Like they're

828
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 1: not men. We're not men, you know, And so I

829
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 1: think I think it's true. I think we need to

830
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 1: advocate for having more homeboys platonic male friends to lean

831
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,320
Speaker 1: on as far as getting real advice about dating.

832
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, Also I feel like I feel like when you

833
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 3: navigate spaces as friends, first you do you get the

834
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 3: you get more of the person and not the representatives.

835
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 2: As soon as you start talking.

836
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: About titles and shit, and like then like, can you

837
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 3: start being somebody else?

838
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 1: Even for me?

839
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,080
Speaker 3: Like even for me, I would like I find myself

840
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 3: being really free, like talking about my business, like, oh,

841
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:51,800
Speaker 3: my boyfriend in this place, my boyfriend in that place,

842
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 3: and then like if you like me, and then I'm like,

843
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 3: let me maybe not mention all my hoes, you know

844
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 3: what I mean?

845
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 1: Like you, you you start to so you have to

846
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:01,319
Speaker 1: be a little moreservative, yeah.

847
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 2: And I like I despise that.

848
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 3: So show me who the fuck you are right now? Free, right,

849
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 3: and then I'll decide.

850
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. I'm I am still on a tiktoks guys,

851
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 1: I know how many weeks has it been to shut

852
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: the fuck up? How many weeks have you started yours?

853
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: Have you started yours? The one you said you were

854
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 1: gonna join me on? I said, I'm gonna join in June.

855
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,479
Speaker 5: You did not think June I didn't.

856
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: We need to rewind to week one of April when

857
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:32,840
Speaker 1: you said, okay, I didn't anything any I don't recall

858
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:33,760
Speaker 1: June being.

859
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 3: Said, but okay, you know what I have been exploring,

860
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 3: like my sex drive and what that means to me

861
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 3: because I like sex a lot. But then I'm like,

862
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 3: why do I like sex so much? Like? Is it

863
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 3: because I associate sex with like love? You know, like

864
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 3: do I feel wanted during sex? Because this guy that

865
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 3: I like, he wasn't having sex with me. He's like,

866
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 3: you know, I like, I really like you, like you're

867
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 3: my homie, and I want to like really explore that.

868
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 2: I want to just fuck on you. I want to

869
00:36:58,440 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 2: fuck on you.

870
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 3: But I also want to like really pay attention to

871
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 3: our friendship.

872
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 2: And I was offended. I told Erica. I was like,

873
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 2: he said, he's like respects me.

874
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 5: I have friends that happened to me too, And I

875
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 5: was like, what do you mean you don't want to

876
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 5: fuck with me? And I was like, is it me?

877
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 5: Am I not attracted? I didn't say that, what are

878
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,240
Speaker 5: you talking about?

879
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,919
Speaker 2: Hold on? Are you sure right?

880
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 5: I'm like, wait, I'm so confused.

881
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 4: She's like, he said he respects me and all this.

882
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 3: And then eric is like, maybe he does, maybe he

883
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 3: wants to not. I was like, I felt like he

884
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 3: friend zoned me.

885
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: She was like, he friend zoned me. I'm like, it

886
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 1: sounds like he just wants to get to know you

887
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:42,760
Speaker 1: and also have sex with you.

888
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 3: But then it made me realize, like, what the fuck

889
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 3: about me? Associates like the sexual physical part with love

890
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 3: and attention and do I need therapy? Probably, you know

891
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 3: a little bit, but like, yeah, but I've also been bad.

892
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 3: I've also been As I get older, I'm better at

893
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 3: like going inside of myself and then like reevaluating why

894
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 3: I'm feeling certain ways. I've been doing a lot of that,

895
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 3: so obviously I told Erica and then she was like,

896
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, maybe I do have a problem,

897
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 3: but I also feel way more confident expressing myself. I

898
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 3: told him that yesterday. I was like, so, are you

899
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 3: trying to have friends on me? Because this is how

900
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 3: I feel. I feel like you're trying to like, why

901
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 3: don't you want to have sex with me?

902
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:24,440
Speaker 1: I know.

903
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 2: I was like, have sex with me right now?

904
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 6: Please?

905
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 5: No?

906
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 4: I hear you, though, I feel you.

907
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 3: I don't. I think women are just so fucking horny.

908
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,360
Speaker 3: I want to feel wanted and less I think women I.

909
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 1: Think in our thirties, I feel like I feel my

910
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 1: sex drive is hot. I literally feel myself going heat

911
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 1: and I act crazy. I know, and like, this didn't

912
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 1: happen in my twenties.

913
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 5: No, I feel like as soon as I turned thirty,

914
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 5: I was like, why do I just want to fuck

915
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 5: all the time.

916
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 4: I'm like, what the hell?

917
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 1: I literally will have like a few days. It's like

918
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 1: telling you where I like get crazy, and it's not.

919
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean I'm always acting on having sex with

920
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 1: other people, like maybe I'm having sex with myself. But

921
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,720
Speaker 1: it's like or I'm like sending a bunch of nudes

922
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 1: and then I'm like why did I do that?

923
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 7: Right?

924
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you didn't need all that and then

925
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: and then I'm out of the heat, and then I'm

926
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 1: like whoa, and then it happens again, like three months later.

927
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 3: I catch Erica like taking like nudes in the all

928
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 3: weird places all the time.

929
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, what the fuck are you doing.

930
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: With the other day jam? Actually this was when I

931
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 1: was in heat the other day Jamila opened like we

932
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 1: were in the car and she was She's like, let

933
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: me get see your computer. She opened it up and

934
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 1: it was like five pages of you porn, just like

935
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 1: and like I think I was in the backseat too,

936
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: just opened it up and it was like fucking like

937
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 1: orgy sex or something.

938
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 3: All the time, Erica, every time I open your fucking

939
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 3: computer every.

940
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: It's so bad. And you know what's even worse is

941
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:46,840
Speaker 1: that I recently realized that my my my search engine

942
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 1: is connected to my daughter's iPad.

943
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,720
Speaker 2: Erica, Great, she's not how a clearer history, She's just stupid.

944
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:57,000
Speaker 1: But but may our manager was like, bitch, why are

945
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 1: you not using the private browser? I was like, what's

946
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 1: a private browser? Gotta look into that.

947
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 3: I know, I really utilize Now that our kids are

948
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 3: fucking older and can open our phones and know my password,

949
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 3: I need to change our password.

950
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 2: I put I have to put all my sexy shit

951
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,240
Speaker 2: in the hidden folder.

952
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 3: But then I was look at my hidden folder this

953
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 3: morning to like get off this morning, looking at my archives,

954
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 3: and I was like, wow, this is a lot of

955
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:24,319
Speaker 3: niggas in this. I was like, all, like all my

956
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 3: niggas in the last year.

957
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:26,879
Speaker 1: I was like huh duh, huh.

958
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 2: Maybe I should go.

959
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 3: Through this and take some out if anybody found this

960
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 3: hidden folder, and.

961
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 2: That looks pretty intense.

962
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:39,719
Speaker 1: You cornering niggas hair Jamila's dropped for some reason, our

963
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 1: drop box is connected to Jamila's phone.

964
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,359
Speaker 3: We are the most untechnically sammy podcasting.

965
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: I'm in our drop box like looking for something to post,

966
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 1: and I just see so much inappropriate shit. I like

967
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 1: know everything this bitch is doing all the time. I'm like,

968
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 1: so you were cornering this nigga's hair and Tennessee and

969
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: then you Xico with Orlando, and then there's.

970
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 3: Like a picture of me looking up in Orlando's dick

971
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 3: next to my face and she just screenshotsed and sent

972
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 3: it to me, Like, how did you get this?

973
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 1: She's like, it's in.

974
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 2: Our drop box, bitch and my happy place.

975
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: Well, miss April, well, miss April, Oh my gosh, I.

976
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 2: Don't know a sex therapist.

977
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 1: Go back. I don't know how I got here. I

978
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 1: was were have a serious conversation.

979
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:38,360
Speaker 5: This is serious.

980
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 4: I'm confessing my this is serious.

981
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,879
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Well I was actually I was looking

982
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: at your Instagram because I love your your rants that

983
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 1: you go on on your walks, on your runs and

984
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 1: your drives, and you were talking about getting and you

985
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: were talking about everyone has that like negative friend that

986
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,360
Speaker 1: you know you were used to be in the space

987
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: where like you'd be like, I'm cut, I'm gonna cut

988
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 1: this person off, but like you feel more so that

989
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,279
Speaker 1: like you need to check on your friends and make

990
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 1: sure they're good instead of like cutting that negative friend off.

991
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 1: And we were having this conversation before we started recording,

992
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't agree. I was like,

993
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 1: we cut all these niggas off, anyone negative is out out,

994
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 1: but I did, But I do understand what you were saying.

995
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:21,120
Speaker 1: Can you like elaborate a little bit more on that.

996
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, because I feel like in the past I would

997
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 5: cut off people too fast and then I'm like yeah,

998
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 5: and then I'm like, bitch, but you go through your

999
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 5: shit too, and I'm like I needed people in those

1000
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:33,880
Speaker 5: negative moments.

1001
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 4: You know, people would like help me come out.

1002
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,239
Speaker 5: But I do think there's a difference when it's like

1003
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,160
Speaker 5: you just not getting it baby, like i'ma have to

1004
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 5: catch you later. But if it's like I feel like

1005
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 5: you have the way out, the options, like okay, if

1006
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 5: this is like a good, cool person and they're just

1007
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 5: having a moment. I feel like that's more of like

1008
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 5: let me check on you. But sometimes it's just a

1009
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 5: bad seege shit.

1010
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 1: I feel like some people are stuck like people, some

1011
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:58,399
Speaker 1: people really are are stuck, you know, And like there's

1012
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 1: people like Jamila whose gift is to unstuck people. M hmm,

1013
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 1: and there's people like me who are like I'll catch

1014
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 1: you when you want stuck or.

1015
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 3: Like breathe, tell me your problems, let's explore it together.

1016
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 4: Such a cancer.

1017
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 1: It's my life purpose is to unlock people.

1018
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 2: He's so close minded. But I'm working on unlucky.

1019
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 1: And then I'm looking at people being so uncomfortable and

1020
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 1: Jumila's unlocking them. And then they're like.

1021
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 2: I think I'm like an unlucky way. Some people do

1022
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 2: not like it.

1023
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, they're like, don't touch me. I'm triggered. She's like,

1024
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 1: you're not triggered. And then I tell they're.

1025
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:34,720
Speaker 2: So rude, so negative.

1026
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 3: Wow, that guy was negative. She's like, you're touching him

1027
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:37,800
Speaker 3: and he doesn't want to be touched.

1028
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 2: I'm like, why I'm giving him love? What a fucking asshole?

1029
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 1: Right, Well, you don't know his fucking history. Maybe he

1030
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 1: was like girl, like molested or something. You're touching him.

1031
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: She's like I never thought about it that way. Like

1032
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 1: I agree with that. I think that, like I I

1033
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:02,239
Speaker 1: need to learn more patience with people. I think that

1034
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:06,520
Speaker 1: I'm quick too, if it feels because I'm so about flow,

1035
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 1: especially like with having my child, having like ending my

1036
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 1: my relationship and like being in this space with in

1037
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,359
Speaker 1: this space with good moms and just in my life

1038
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 1: in general, Like I feel like there's so much I've

1039
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: had so much alignment happen in my life, and like

1040
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 1: there's been so many things that have come to me

1041
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:26,920
Speaker 1: because I've rejected anything stagnant so that I'm almost afraid

1042
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: of it, Like it like that first sign of it,

1043
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, I gotta go. And like that's

1044
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 1: not always healthy because like and because some people they

1045
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 1: do need help, and sometimes it's just a matter of

1046
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:39,360
Speaker 1: like you know, like pushing them up, pushing them to

1047
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 1: the water and hopefully they'll drink. And I think for me,

1048
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: like in the past, like I've pushed people to water

1049
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 1: and they haven't drank, and like I've been irritated or

1050
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,720
Speaker 1: I felt disappointed, or i felt like Damn. I wasted

1051
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 1: so much energy and trying to do that over and

1052
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 1: over and again with people, you know, even even in relationships,

1053
00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: like I know you said, like you pour into people,

1054
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 1: and like so do I, and I've had to be

1055
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: so women. I've had to be so careful with that though,

1056
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:08,760
Speaker 1: because like, yeah, I will pour a whole ass girl,

1057
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 1: poor yallon, Oh you will walk out look for.

1058
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 2: A new bitch, for another bitch, right, built you up

1059
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 2: for the next bitch, like he did.

1060
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,799
Speaker 1: I know. I was telling my baby daddy I said.

1061
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 1: He was like, I'm better. I'm better at now. I'm

1062
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 1: better than He's like, I get better with age. I sai, nigga,

1063
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 1: you're better because I made you better. I was like,

1064
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 1: your clothes fit now? Yeah, I know I bought them. Yeah,

1065
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 1: those teeth yep, fix them, Like yeah, like it's but

1066
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:36,759
Speaker 1: I had you have to be careful who. I feel

1067
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:38,439
Speaker 1: like I've had to be careful who I pour myself into.

1068
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:41,360
Speaker 1: But I also have to really I've also acknowledged that

1069
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: because I'm so about flow, I'm very much quick to

1070
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 1: be like, you're fucking up my flow. You got to go.

1071
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:51,359
Speaker 5: Yeah. See, I feel like if I see I feel

1072
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,799
Speaker 5: like it's also a like a boundary thing, you know,

1073
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,720
Speaker 5: like if I start to feel too uneasy, I'm like, Okay,

1074
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 5: you gotta you gotta go, Like yeah, no, yeah, if

1075
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:02,400
Speaker 5: it starts sucking up your flow, that's a problem.

1076
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 2: I feel like you have to really it's hard.

1077
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:06,759
Speaker 3: You have to really know yourself because there's always that

1078
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 3: there's a there's always a question about like what's too much?

1079
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:11,879
Speaker 2: How much can I give?

1080
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,840
Speaker 3: You know, and as women, we always be given and

1081
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 3: pouring and shit until we're fucking empty and then we're

1082
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 3: like what the fuck? You know, especially with like we're

1083
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 3: talking about having kids, we have to pour into them.

1084
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 3: So like extending that to an additional person you have

1085
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:30,360
Speaker 3: to really in friendships and in romantic relationships is like

1086
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 3: you got to be careful because.

1087
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 2: Like me, I want to heal everybody.

1088
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,439
Speaker 3: And then I'm like I don't like him at all,

1089
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 3: you know, and it's like why did I do that?

1090
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 3: Because part of it is, like I feel like, for

1091
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 3: me is sometimes people pleasing mm hmm or feeling like

1092
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 3: I don't know, some of.

1093
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 2: It brings me joy.

1094
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 3: It does bring me joy to like be there for

1095
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:51,439
Speaker 3: people and these things, but also sometimes I'm like I'm good.

1096
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 3: And also I'm not forcing anything. I don't want to

1097
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 3: force anyone to like me. I don't want to force anyone.

1098
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,720
Speaker 3: Like if it feels like I have to force the relationship,

1099
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 3: then I'm not going to do it. And I don't

1100
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:04,320
Speaker 3: care how long I've known you, friend or lover otherwise,

1101
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 3: Like I don't want I'm not convincing convincing you to

1102
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 3: like make this work, like hell of friends.

1103
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 5: I feel like mine was the people pleasing thing too,

1104
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 5: and then having two kids, I'm like, I don't have

1105
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 5: the capacity to people please, but I still do it

1106
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:22,279
Speaker 5: to an extent, but I just have i know, like

1107
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 5: my limits. I'm like, yeah, I'm burned out. Yeah no,

1108
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 5: I'm like it's so it's to me, blows my mind.

1109
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 5: I'm like, how many people want my attention from like

1110
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 5: so many different angles, like for just for themselves, And it's.

1111
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 4: Like I love your energy. And I'm like, yeah, bach

1112
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 4: me too.

1113
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 3: Right, Even when I'm out and I'm find myself making

1114
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 3: new friends, I'm like, refrain, stop, go back, don't do it.

1115
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 2: Don't do it. You don't have it, you have no

1116
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 2: more time. I'm like, take my number. I'm like, don't,

1117
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 2: don't call me right.

1118
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 4: Actually you're like, let me just curve the wrong number

1119
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 4: right at the end.

1120
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 3: Like you want to go to lunch.

1121
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 2: Fuck, I got another friend.

1122
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 4: Girl, girl, girl, no, for real, I feel you.

1123
00:47:59,000 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 2: No, I don't.

1124
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:01,840
Speaker 3: I don't have the capacity for one more fucking friend,

1125
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,800
Speaker 3: but I keep making them crazy.

1126
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:05,480
Speaker 4: Like real problems.

1127
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, I hear you, girl, Oh my god, I

1128
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 1: feel like too, like the flow and the positivity and

1129
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 1: like wanting like positive people in your life, right, Like

1130
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 1: there's always like I was thinking when you were talking

1131
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:20,880
Speaker 1: about for the friend that's going through something, I was

1132
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:22,839
Speaker 1: also thinking about like the friend that's always talking shit,

1133
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:29,800
Speaker 1: and like just like having to even myself, Like I noticed,

1134
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 1: like I'm in a different space now, Like I feel

1135
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 1: like I wasn't always like a girl's girl, right like

1136
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 1: I had I had, I had a female friends, but

1137
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 1: I was jealous. I would be jealous of women. I

1138
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 1: would be like wanting like why did they get that

1139
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 1: and I didn't get that? Or like damn I'm just

1140
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,359
Speaker 1: as good as bad or this and that. I think

1141
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 1: also growing up in La being an actor to my

1142
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 1: whole life, like there was a lot of comparing going on.

1143
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 1: And you said this thing you said this thing on

1144
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 1: and it stuck with me because I was like, damn,

1145
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 1: that's so true true and it's it was you said, Uh,

1146
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:06,200
Speaker 1: a happy girl ain't hating and hating girls ain't happy.

1147
00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 4: And the real thing is happy. Hose ain't hating hating,

1148
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 4: Hose ain't happy?

1149
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:11,319
Speaker 2: Did you change the host?

1150
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 4: I have some people, and yes you are, come on

1151
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 4: with all mine. We all are.

1152
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 1: But it's so true. I think, like I think, especially

1153
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:24,840
Speaker 1: like on on social media too, and like it's just

1154
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 1: you see so many people talking ship, but then you

1155
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 1: see I think there is a shift. I feel like

1156
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 1: there's a shift in I was saying that. I feel

1157
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:33,720
Speaker 1: like it's a woman's renaissance. There's a black renaissance happening,

1158
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 1: and there's also a women's renaissance happening where women are

1159
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:40,919
Speaker 1: like so much more like empowered to help one another. Yeah,

1160
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 1: whereas like if you are hating, like, bitch, what are

1161
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 1: you doing?

1162
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, like you don't fit. It's literally like you lost

1163
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 5: your you missed the training, bitch.

1164
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not cute. It's cute anymore.

1165
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 4: Like there's no space for it.

1166
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. So when I see people do that, I'm just like, oh,

1167
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 1: was that mean, was I that I was that I used.

1168
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:00,040
Speaker 5: To be like that too, So I mean that's the

1169
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:01,759
Speaker 5: only reason why I can say it out loud is

1170
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 5: be like, but when I was doing that, I wasn't happy.

1171
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 5: But I've had friends that were like that, and I've

1172
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,800
Speaker 5: had to cut them off because I'm like, I don't

1173
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 5: get down with that, Like that's not serving neither one

1174
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:12,799
Speaker 5: of us. And bitch, you're not gonna get nowhere doing that.

1175
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 5: And I'm on my way somewhere, right so I'll look out.

1176
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 2: I'll leave you here at the bus stop, yea.

1177
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:19,680
Speaker 4: When I see it.

1178
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, or just people who are.

1179
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 3: Just not happy at all, you know, And I was.

1180
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,359
Speaker 3: I had a when I was going through stuff, and

1181
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,759
Speaker 3: I was it was heavy weighing on me heavily. Because

1182
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 3: usually I can, I can maintain pretty well, like with

1183
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 3: when I'm going through shit and save face. But when

1184
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 3: I was going through stuff and like I would get

1185
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 3: phone calls from friends that have more shit going on

1186
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 3: than me. There was like a whole year where I

1187
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 3: just like would avoid certain people because I because people

1188
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 3: come to you because they are familiar with you helping them,

1189
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:49,880
Speaker 3: but when you're going through shit, I literally was just

1190
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 3: not answering the phone for certain people because I didn't

1191
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:54,320
Speaker 3: have the capacity to hear about your problems.

1192
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 2: Bitch, I have problems and.

1193
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 3: I don't want And then I also noticed Eve when

1194
00:50:57,880 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 3: I was going through stuff, because I think we're built

1195
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 3: to like to maintain and save face when I would

1196
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,760
Speaker 3: feel sometimes like if I well, Erica's is my best friend.

1197
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 3: But like even sometimes talking to people about what I

1198
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:11,880
Speaker 3: was going through, I felt like a burden, like like

1199
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like I'm always going through

1200
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 3: some shit or feeling like am I a burden?

1201
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 2: Like are you judging me because you feel like I

1202
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 2: am going through sh it?

1203
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,840
Speaker 3: Or maybe I've felt like I've put myself in this

1204
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 3: position and now I'm like having to deal with the

1205
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: you know, the remnants of that. But I just think

1206
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 3: it's so important when you're going through shit. You can't

1207
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:31,799
Speaker 3: put other shit on your plate, and certain people are

1208
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 3: always going to come to you with their ship, and

1209
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 3: if you can't offer me anything but your ship, I

1210
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:37,880
Speaker 3: can't do it. Yeah, no, you know what I mean,

1211
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:39,879
Speaker 3: like if it's always something with you, like.

1212
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 2: This is my year to have some shit going on

1213
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 2: with me and I can't do both.

1214
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, that you have to read this book called Attached.

1215
00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 5: It's so good, but it like everything you're saying.

1216
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, attached, it's so good.

1217
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 4: It's like it's not deep.

1218
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 3: I'm like, are you sure it's called but it teaches

1219
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 3: you how to detach.

1220
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:03,080
Speaker 5: You like your attachment style, Like in relationship, what is

1221
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:05,759
Speaker 5: your commun style mine? I feel like used to be

1222
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 5: more anxious, but now I'm anxious secure. But i feel

1223
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:12,200
Speaker 5: like I'm leaning more into secure because I'm just more

1224
00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:13,240
Speaker 5: aware of self.

1225
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 4: You know that shit is?

1226
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: That book is so fucking what isn't it like an ankle?

1227
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 3: Like I'm both like I want I think I want

1228
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,799
Speaker 3: someone really bad. I can attach really easily. Erica tells

1229
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:24,920
Speaker 3: me this every week, but then I'll detach really easily.

1230
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:25,760
Speaker 4: That's an avoidant.

1231
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 2: You're avoid because I want you.

1232
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 3: I want you, I want to feel I want to

1233
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 3: feel attached, I want to feel special. It makes me

1234
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 3: feel valuable. But then when it gets too real, I'm

1235
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:33,840
Speaker 3: like gotta go.

1236
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 5: So that's that's an avoidant. And then do you feel

1237
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 5: like you attract? Like because are you familiar with an

1238
00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:42,720
Speaker 5: ancient anxious attachment? I've read this, But because you attract,

1239
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 5: you're then if you're avoidant. Then you attract an anxious

1240
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 5: attachment style and they're like, oh, come on, you know,

1241
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 5: and it's like a lot, and you're like, okay, I

1242
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 5: gotta go.

1243
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I'll ask you for it. I'll be the

1244
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:53,759
Speaker 2: one a lot like.

1245
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:55,840
Speaker 1: Oh I love you, I love you so anxious attachment.

1246
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:59,279
Speaker 1: I mean I went on the internets. Anxious attachment style

1247
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:02,320
Speaker 1: is also known as preoccupied attachment, meaning that your partner

1248
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 1: may become preoccupied with how they are perceived by you

1249
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 1: and are preoccupied over analyzing the relationship. Anxious attachment in

1250
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,319
Speaker 1: adults okay number one lacking a strong sense of self

1251
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 1: and low self esteem. Two, tendency to put others and

1252
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 1: their needs first, strong desire for relationships and intimacy, and

1253
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:23,880
Speaker 1: hard time being alone. Seeking approval is seeking approval and

1254
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 1: reassurance from others, clingy, needy, strong fear of rejection, criticism, abandonment.

1255
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 1: That's probably me. Becoming extremely upset when receiving disapproval, jealousy

1256
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:39,240
Speaker 1: and frustration, overanalyzing and worrying excessively about relationships, easily ignoring

1257
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 1: or misreading signs of relational issues.

1258
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 4: It's crazy.

1259
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 5: And then when somebody gets too much, you're just like,

1260
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:46,960
Speaker 5: oh yeah, I gotta go the other way and then

1261
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:50,479
Speaker 5: that person's over there. Then it's so crazy your attachment style,

1262
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:54,960
Speaker 5: who you attract. But so like me being in anxious

1263
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:57,879
Speaker 5: attachment style for the most part, I said, I feel

1264
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:00,600
Speaker 5: like I'm transitioning out of that to more secure. I

1265
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:04,280
Speaker 5: would attract anxiousness. I mean I would, I would attract avoidant,

1266
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 5: but it's always like I have to feel like I'm

1267
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 5: chasing them because I've had all these other other things.

1268
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 5: But it's the book teaches you that as an anxious person,

1269
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 5: like if I go on dates, I know what to

1270
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 5: look for now instead of going after this avoidant like

1271
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 5: things that are hard.

1272
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 3: Because you feel like, oh my god, because you're getting

1273
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:22,839
Speaker 3: you're getting, you're winning a reward by changing their mind,

1274
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:26,239
Speaker 3: like changing them and making them not run but be yours.

1275
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 5: Well, it's it's like the highs and the lows. It's

1276
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:30,359
Speaker 5: the roller coaster. But then it's like, no, bitch, get

1277
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 5: off the roller coaster and just be here. Yeah, So

1278
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,840
Speaker 5: I have to be with the man that's more secure

1279
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:37,240
Speaker 5: that like if I if he knows that I'm anxious,

1280
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 5: then he would just be like I love you and

1281
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:42,960
Speaker 5: just like constantly but the thing with anxious attachment is

1282
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 5: when you have somebody that's secured, they're fucking boring, and.

1283
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:49,839
Speaker 1: I'm like, he's boring over here.

1284
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 7: No, strike, No, I want to like, I need a

1285
00:54:56,120 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 7: lot of affirmation. I need a lot of like, I

1286
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,160
Speaker 7: love you, You're beautiful, amazing, my.

1287
00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:05,440
Speaker 5: Grandma Booty every time, every single time, every time.

1288
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 3: Compliment me every day, tell me you love me truly,

1289
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 3: Like I need that.

1290
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:16,240
Speaker 1: It's so true. I think I'm definitely attracted to avoidance,

1291
00:55:16,600 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 1: avoidance type of people. All of them. All of them

1292
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:23,359
Speaker 1: want to be an open relationships, avoid avoid commitment. They

1293
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 1: don't like commitment, they don't want to talk, they don't

1294
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,080
Speaker 1: want to like talk. Well, actually no, Actually the few

1295
00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 1: men that I've dated lately, they talk fucking a lot,

1296
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 1: but it's the avoidance part. And then so I've been like,

1297
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:35,759
Speaker 1: and i've been because I'm not having sex and doing

1298
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:40,120
Speaker 1: this dick talks whatever. I've been really starting to explore

1299
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: to my ideas about non monogamy because I don't feel

1300
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 1: like monogamy is natural right, and I so my and

1301
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,359
Speaker 1: I've expressed this to men. And usually if you tell

1302
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 1: a man that you're non monogamous, they automatically think you're

1303
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:56,040
Speaker 1: a hoe, but you do. That's what I've also realized too,

1304
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 1: because I'm like that that's been that's been coming up

1305
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 1: with the men that I dated, Like they think that

1306
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:01,640
Speaker 1: I just want to be out here in these streets,

1307
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:04,440
Speaker 1: and I'm like, Nikka, you told me you were non monagamous.

1308
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 1: Are you a hope? Like what? Then? I just want

1309
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 1: the option girl, right, But I've been thinking more about that,

1310
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:12,240
Speaker 1: and I've been thinking do I want Do I want

1311
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:15,400
Speaker 1: non monogamy because I feel like that's all that I

1312
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:18,400
Speaker 1: can get, Like I can't I'm not going to find

1313
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:21,840
Speaker 1: a man that can be monogamous, and therefore I feel

1314
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:24,759
Speaker 1: like I just have this is the lifestyle that I

1315
00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 1: have to adopt. And I go back and forth with

1316
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 1: it because I'm like, no, that you really don't, like,

1317
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 1: really want to be with the one person your whole life.

1318
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 1: I mean, you do want, you do want partnership, but

1319
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:35,279
Speaker 1: you want It's not that you don't want to be

1320
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 1: with someone your whole sexually, your whole life. It's just

1321
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,719
Speaker 1: like you don't want to have the disappointment of if

1322
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 1: it happens, you feel so disappointed because you guys made

1323
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:45,760
Speaker 1: these fucking false promises to one another. So it's easier

1324
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:48,160
Speaker 1: to at least have this foundation of like, all right,

1325
00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 1: we've agreed that we love each other, we want to

1326
00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:52,239
Speaker 1: be with one another, but that like we're human and

1327
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:54,720
Speaker 1: that we might fuck up, you know, And I'm like, Okay,

1328
00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:57,400
Speaker 1: maybe that's more in the space that I want to

1329
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,960
Speaker 1: be versus Like, let's just it's like, if you're attracted

1330
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:02,440
Speaker 1: to someone and you want to sleep with them, like

1331
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: you can talk to me about it, and that's fine,

1332
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,279
Speaker 1: Like do I really want that?

1333
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:09,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm open, but also I need to be the

1334
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:12,359
Speaker 3: main squeeze number one person, and that only happens after

1335
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 3: you've told me four hundred million times I'm beautiful. I'm

1336
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 3: the main squeeze number one person. And then maybe I'll

1337
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 3: let you go do your thing.

1338
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:23,040
Speaker 4: Right, don't take for me to fill up another bitch, Okay?

1339
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, like just keep it. Don't like her too much?

1340
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, just keep it right there.

1341
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:28,720
Speaker 1: What are your views on monogamy, Like what do you

1342
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,800
Speaker 1: how do you feel about it? You do you seek

1343
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:34,200
Speaker 1: or is your relationship you want someone that is monogamous

1344
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:37,000
Speaker 1: or is it could you have a relationship that's more

1345
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 1: open and can like you guys just talk about it.

1346
00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:43,600
Speaker 5: I'm still identifying that I don't know. I'm like, I

1347
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:48,080
Speaker 5: literally don't. I'm like, I don't know because because I've

1348
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:51,040
Speaker 5: started dating, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm learning something

1349
00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 5: different from each man. And I'm like, wait, but I

1350
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:57,880
Speaker 5: feel like I'm supposed to experience them that I don't know.

1351
00:57:57,920 --> 00:58:00,240
Speaker 5: I don't know what this is leading to, but i'mlearning

1352
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 5: so much about myself, you know, and I know that

1353
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 5: they're learning a lot about themselves.

1354
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 4: So I'm like, is that how it's supposed to be forever?

1355
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 5: Like I'm right, I'm like, I'm like, do we land

1356
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 5: on like a grand prie? Like I don't know. I

1357
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 5: don't know the answer to me, that's the only thing.

1358
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:19,560
Speaker 5: But I also feel like, and I think I learned

1359
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,160
Speaker 5: this from their father, is that like.

1360
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:25,240
Speaker 4: Men are men, and I feel like they're gonna fuck

1361
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 4: other people, Like I hate that stage.

1362
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 1: I know that's what my daddy taught me. My dad said,

1363
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:32,040
Speaker 1: but what about women are women?

1364
00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 2: And I We're going to fuck other people because that's

1365
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 2: what you know. I think it's both we taught the one.

1366
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:39,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, and if you want to do it,

1367
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:41,680
Speaker 3: then you're a slut and I'm so fucking annoyed.

1368
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:43,919
Speaker 5: Oh I I love having these conversations with like guys

1369
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 5: that I'm dating because they always want to pull that like, well,

1370
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 5: you know, you guys aren't built like that. I'm like, sis,

1371
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:52,000
Speaker 5: the fuck right, Actually, I'm not gonna have a vagina

1372
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 5: and it's built.

1373
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:57,439
Speaker 1: Well because men. Men think that because we we we

1374
00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: internalize that we shouldn't be taking too much in. But

1375
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 1: you could just be in external they could just poke

1376
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:07,240
Speaker 1: in dark holes all day long, like, because that's usually

1377
00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 1: the conversation that I have with men. It's like it's

1378
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:11,880
Speaker 1: really it's about like our anatomy and that it's like

1379
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:15,440
Speaker 1: because we internalize shit, we shouldn't be taking too much in.

1380
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:17,600
Speaker 2: That's just some shit they said to make us feel.

1381
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, because you don't have to you. I feel like

1382
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:22,560
Speaker 5: just to like if you're fucking someone doesn't mean you

1383
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:24,600
Speaker 5: have to necessarily take in their energy. Like I know

1384
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:27,160
Speaker 5: for a fact in the past, like if I've just

1385
00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:28,400
Speaker 5: had sex with someone.

1386
00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 4: And it doesn't mean anything, it just doesn't mean anything.

1387
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:31,000
Speaker 4: I just wanted to have sex.

1388
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, But there's times where it's like, oh, I love you,

1389
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 5: and it's passionate I'm like, so.

1390
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:35,960
Speaker 4: Who the fuck told you all the wrong things?

1391
00:59:35,960 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 5: I can choose what it's about to be period, period,

1392
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 5: I can.

1393
00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:42,960
Speaker 1: But also the reason why I'm not having sex is

1394
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 1: because sex it's confusing. I feel like it gets very

1395
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,800
Speaker 1: it gets you confused, and like I'm so, I'm like

1396
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 1: seeing two people right now and I'm not having sex

1397
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:55,440
Speaker 1: with them, and it's like I'm it's I'm when I

1398
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: do have sex with them, like i'll know that I

1399
00:59:57,720 --> 00:59:59,480
Speaker 1: actually fuck with you, yeah, and it won't be the

1400
00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:01,480
Speaker 1: dick that may me think I fuck with you, because

1401
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:02,920
Speaker 1: if I fuck you on the second date and the

1402
01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 1: dick is bombed, I'm gonna be like, oh my god.

1403
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,560
Speaker 1: Like he didn't he didn't not call me back because

1404
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:10,680
Speaker 1: his phone died. Like it's fine, he was, he was busy,

1405
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:13,920
Speaker 1: like and it's like they'll fuck me again. I'm like, yeah, right,

1406
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:15,840
Speaker 1: that was what happened. And then like six months down

1407
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:17,880
Speaker 1: the line, he had a whole ass other bitchy wait

1408
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:19,000
Speaker 1: the whole time, and I didn't know.

1409
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, so yeah, I see my ass be waiting until

1410
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 5: it's like, okay, we're cool, I fuck with you. Then

1411
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:25,800
Speaker 5: I'll fuck you, but not too too soon because I

1412
01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:27,360
Speaker 5: feel like in the past, it's like, oh, fuck, you

1413
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:30,160
Speaker 5: just disappear, where'd you come? I'm like, God, did I

1414
01:00:30,160 --> 01:00:30,880
Speaker 5: do something.

1415
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,600
Speaker 1: Wrong the men, Like I've asked multiple men this question,

1416
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:35,920
Speaker 1: like having sex on the first date? Is that like

1417
01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 1: does that? Or like a first date or too soon

1418
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:40,080
Speaker 1: because we had this we had this passport cutting on.

1419
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:43,960
Speaker 1: She's like a dating expert and she basically teaches women

1420
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,400
Speaker 1: like how to get what they want, whether that's money, whatever,

1421
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:49,280
Speaker 1: attention from men. And she always says the number one

1422
01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 1: rule that women fuck up on is as having sex

1423
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:54,640
Speaker 1: too fast with men. And so I've asked men like,

1424
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:56,919
Speaker 1: does does a woman having sex with you too fast

1425
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:59,680
Speaker 1: change of perception of them? And they always say no.

1426
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,440
Speaker 4: What I always say, I feel like they always.

1427
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:04,440
Speaker 5: Say, mother fucking lie.

1428
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1429
01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:08,320
Speaker 5: And not only that, I have people that I've had

1430
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:10,040
Speaker 5: sex with and I'm like, we've been friends for a

1431
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 5: long time and it's not an issue. Like but then

1432
01:01:12,600 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 5: there's other like lit ho guys that are just like, Hey,

1433
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 5: I just want to fuck crass that off my list.

1434
01:01:16,360 --> 01:01:18,880
Speaker 5: You know, I think that's not Sometimes it's not.

1435
01:01:18,920 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 1: It's subconscious for them, like they don't even they might

1436
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 1: really believe that it doesn't matter. But like then they

1437
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 1: have sex with you that second or third date, like

1438
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:29,240
Speaker 1: something in them, something shifts a little bit for them. Yeah,

1439
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 1: like oh they got that, and now like everything else

1440
01:01:31,680 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 1: is just like whatever, Like this date was cool. We

1441
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:37,400
Speaker 1: have already sucked you though, like there's nothing looking forward to.

1442
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 2: I feel like I can't get rid of niggas right,

1443
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 2: I'm like, can you stop calling me already? We just

1444
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 2: had sex, relax.

1445
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:47,400
Speaker 5: But I feel like that's I feel like it's that attitude.

1446
01:01:47,920 --> 01:01:49,640
Speaker 5: But I feel like it's that attitude to be like

1447
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:51,920
Speaker 5: it's almost like I feel like as women, at least,

1448
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:53,760
Speaker 5: what I'm learning too is like I gotta I can't

1449
01:01:53,760 --> 01:01:55,480
Speaker 5: show you that I care too much, Like I got

1450
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:56,840
Speaker 5: to pull it back and be like, yeah, you know.

1451
01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:57,200
Speaker 4: I'm busy.

1452
01:01:57,240 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 5: I mean I am busy, but when I do that,

1453
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:00,760
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh fuck, sually call more.

1454
01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:03,439
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but if I'm like on them and because

1455
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:06,320
Speaker 1: I brought you like to play games, but the moment

1456
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 1: you play games and they love you, Yeah.

1457
01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:11,840
Speaker 3: This takes me back to my bitch Like the Bitch Bible.

1458
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:16,120
Speaker 3: Everyone should read Why Men Love Bitches. It was made

1459
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:17,840
Speaker 3: a long time ago, but every woman should read it.

1460
01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 3: Because bitch is breaking ship down.

1461
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:22,600
Speaker 2: Okay, She's like, be a bitch, you'll get married.

1462
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:26,160
Speaker 3: Honestly, if you just leave niggas alone, they'll come flocking.

1463
01:02:26,320 --> 01:02:28,240
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yeah.

1464
01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:30,720
Speaker 3: I think a lot of that is because men are

1465
01:02:30,760 --> 01:02:33,400
Speaker 3: so used to having the upper hand and like women

1466
01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:35,439
Speaker 3: and used to women chasing or like.

1467
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:37,960
Speaker 4: And they like to chase. They're built to chase.

1468
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:42,040
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And I'm like, I'm so anti that. Like

1469
01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 3: even when niggas are like, so what are we doing here,

1470
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:45,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, why are you talking to me?

1471
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:48,280
Speaker 2: I hate that. I've never been the girl to be like.

1472
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 2: So we've been dating for three months, we had sex,

1473
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:52,000
Speaker 2: Like are we together?

1474
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:52,400
Speaker 3: God?

1475
01:02:52,440 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 1: That's me. I will in my last my last situation,

1476
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:56,280
Speaker 1: I was like, so you have told you a lie

1477
01:02:56,320 --> 01:02:59,360
Speaker 1: to make me your girlfriend or it's or it's over.

1478
01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:01,880
Speaker 5: I'm like, one more month, bach, I've actually never done

1479
01:03:01,920 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 5: that before.

1480
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:04,320
Speaker 1: But I like me and this man. We've been doing

1481
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:06,040
Speaker 1: this for far too long, Like we've been going back

1482
01:03:06,040 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 1: and forth for a long time. So I was like, look, mega,

1483
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 1: this is what it is. And guess what, we're not

1484
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:16,440
Speaker 1: together anymore? Oh my god, Wow, this was fine. I'm

1485
01:03:16,440 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 1: so glad we got.

1486
01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:20,120
Speaker 3: To hear me too, discuss our deep our deep inner workings,

1487
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:21,280
Speaker 3: our attachment.

1488
01:03:20,800 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 2: Styles, our child.

1489
01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take the attachment. I was trying to take

1490
01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:25,600
Speaker 1: it right now, but it says it's going to take

1491
01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 1: twenty minutes.

1492
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:27,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, it takes time.

1493
01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:29,360
Speaker 3: It was confusing for me because I was like, am

1494
01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:32,400
Speaker 3: I answering these questions honestly? Like I'm confused. I was

1495
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:35,520
Speaker 3: like just so confused with myself. Do I like niggas

1496
01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:36,520
Speaker 3: or do I don't like niggas?

1497
01:03:36,560 --> 01:03:36,680
Speaker 5: Right?

1498
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 7: No?

1499
01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:37,520
Speaker 5: For real?

1500
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 4: Sometimes I'm like, well, shit, it depends on a day, right.

1501
01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:42,920
Speaker 1: Different? God?

1502
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:46,960
Speaker 2: Yes, women, women confused as fuck? You just listen to

1503
01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:49,560
Speaker 2: the podcast. We'd be confused every fucking week.

1504
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:50,040
Speaker 1: New shit.

1505
01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:53,200
Speaker 4: You're like, wait, bit, did you last week?

1506
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:55,040
Speaker 2: I was monogamous this week so I'm polly.

1507
01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:58,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm an open Polly fairy this week.

1508
01:03:59,520 --> 01:04:02,120
Speaker 2: Last week I was married. So it's just you know, fluctuates.

1509
01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 1: But you're being authentic. You know, you're being authentic, You're

1510
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:07,840
Speaker 1: being yourself. And I think I think people that like

1511
01:04:07,880 --> 01:04:11,040
Speaker 1: make these like stone cold agreements with themselves, like do

1512
01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:13,640
Speaker 1: themselves a disservice? They leave like no room for like

1513
01:04:13,720 --> 01:04:16,720
Speaker 1: growth and flexibility, And like I think all three of

1514
01:04:16,800 --> 01:04:19,320
Speaker 1: us are a testament to like you have to let

1515
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:22,680
Speaker 1: change do its thing, you have to let the universe

1516
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:26,120
Speaker 1: do its thing, because when you do, you open yourself

1517
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:28,040
Speaker 1: up to so much more. And like like you said,

1518
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:29,800
Speaker 1: like you said, like you're learning so much more in

1519
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:33,720
Speaker 1: every single relationship. I totally can agree. And I feel that.

1520
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,440
Speaker 1: I feel like every man that I've dated since you know,

1521
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:40,240
Speaker 1: becoming single, like I've learned so much about myself and

1522
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:42,440
Speaker 1: that's why I'm like, like last year, I was like,

1523
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:45,200
Speaker 1: I'm totally cool, no monogamy, I'm done, Like that's that's

1524
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:47,439
Speaker 1: it for me. And now I'm like, huh, well, I'm

1525
01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:48,880
Speaker 1: like I don't know if I am.

1526
01:04:49,240 --> 01:04:50,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're jealous.

1527
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,640
Speaker 3: Fucking psycho comes out and I'm like, oh i am not.

1528
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:55,560
Speaker 3: I am a monogamous because I'm a cut a bitch.

1529
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:57,440
Speaker 3: I'll cut you.

1530
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 1: But just like, yeah, room to grow is really important

1531
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:06,720
Speaker 1: and like not deciding certain things stone cold because.

1532
01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:07,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, being open.

1533
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,080
Speaker 5: I feel like too, because I think being open just

1534
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:11,280
Speaker 5: like leads to so much growth.

1535
01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 4: I'm like, how did I not dealt with some people?

1536
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:15,680
Speaker 5: I'm like, I wouldn't have realized that that that and

1537
01:05:15,720 --> 01:05:17,600
Speaker 5: that you know, and I feel like it also hooks

1538
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,680
Speaker 5: me identify, like Okay, this is what I want, and

1539
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 5: I guess, like that perfect person, but it's like he's

1540
01:05:23,440 --> 01:05:25,960
Speaker 5: very imperfect. Whoever the fuck that guy is, right?

1541
01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:27,680
Speaker 3: It just what you want and then like what you

1542
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 3: need to work on. Yeah, because I've like in relationships,

1543
01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:31,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh damn, I have not checked in with

1544
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:33,120
Speaker 3: my like oh I thought I.

1545
01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:34,960
Speaker 2: Was already not really girl.

1546
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:37,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like the things you think you've grown from

1547
01:05:37,880 --> 01:05:38,240
Speaker 1: you don't.

1548
01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:39,000
Speaker 5: You don't know.

1549
01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:41,520
Speaker 1: And I was telling Amla this too, because like about

1550
01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:44,040
Speaker 1: my last relationship, I was like, I've done all this work,

1551
01:05:44,080 --> 01:05:45,960
Speaker 1: but I had never put it into practice like you,

1552
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:48,560
Speaker 1: I had to get into that relationship to put the

1553
01:05:48,640 --> 01:05:51,560
Speaker 1: work in practice to see does this feel good? Like

1554
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:54,040
Speaker 1: try it on and be like yeah, I don't really

1555
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:56,000
Speaker 1: like the way that feels, or like oh shit, I

1556
01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:58,680
Speaker 1: do need to work on that more. And so I

1557
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:02,800
Speaker 1: don't know. Yeah, it's all learning experience. Dating is weird.

1558
01:06:03,120 --> 01:06:03,880
Speaker 4: It's really weird.

1559
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:06,120
Speaker 1: Maybe the next time you come on our show, we'll

1560
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:07,040
Speaker 1: all be married.

1561
01:06:11,480 --> 01:06:12,040
Speaker 4: Zooming on her.

1562
01:06:15,840 --> 01:06:19,440
Speaker 5: I do want to be married, though not the next time.

1563
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:23,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, can you tell our listeners where to find

1564
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:25,880
Speaker 1: you do you have any new any drops coming soon?

1565
01:06:26,080 --> 01:06:26,640
Speaker 4: But we have them.

1566
01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:29,880
Speaker 5: Mother's Day Box so good. Another's Day Boxing be really good.

1567
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:32,200
Speaker 5: We're gonna release it the last week of April.

1568
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:34,520
Speaker 1: Amazing. Yeah, so that people, well, this episode comes out

1569
01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:35,400
Speaker 1: last week April.

1570
01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:37,280
Speaker 5: So people can get their ship and I don't want

1571
01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 5: to hear nothing about your boxing to get their own time.

1572
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:42,880
Speaker 4: We gave you a week. So that's on collectively mindful

1573
01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:45,560
Speaker 4: dot com and then you can find us on Instagram

1574
01:06:45,840 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 4: at is mindful fee and then my personal is fool shieldur.

1575
01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:51,160
Speaker 1: Yes, make sure you go follow her. She'd be dropping

1576
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:53,880
Speaker 1: gems every day and her babies are so guilt.

1577
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:56,760
Speaker 2: One day I was like, okay, bitch.

1578
01:06:58,040 --> 01:06:59,040
Speaker 4: So I love when people say that.

1579
01:06:59,040 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 2: They're like, well, drag me.

1580
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:03,240
Speaker 5: Why I'm offended? Why are you screaming at me? I'm like, hey, baby,

1581
01:07:03,320 --> 01:07:05,440
Speaker 5: shoot fit.

1582
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:09,880
Speaker 1: You guys know where to find us good Mom's underscore,

1583
01:07:09,920 --> 01:07:13,080
Speaker 1: bad Choices. Make sure you go leave us a review

1584
01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:14,000
Speaker 1: on Apple.

1585
01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:17,240
Speaker 3: Y'all almost at a thousand, I'm like, I don't understand

1586
01:07:17,280 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 3: what we have to say this every week.

1587
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:21,200
Speaker 1: I don't understand how you have thousands and thousands of

1588
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:25,120
Speaker 1: listeners and only maybe a thousand reviews on Apple. It

1589
01:07:25,120 --> 01:07:27,360
Speaker 1: doesn't make any sense. Oh, make sure you follow us

1590
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:30,280
Speaker 1: on Twitter. We have Twitter, guys. We your tweet good Mom,

1591
01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:33,200
Speaker 1: bad Girl, Good Mom, underscore bad Girl. That's it.

1592
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:36,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that love. It's so clever.

1593
01:07:37,840 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 1: All right, Well, we'll see you guys next week. Bye.

1594
01:07:46,840 --> 01:07:53,640
Speaker 1: So let's say us