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Speaker 1: Wind Down Kraler Michael and Radio podcast. Good morning everybody,

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Speaker 1: or afternoon or evening or whenever you're listening to this,

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Speaker 1: But it's Janna Kramer and Michael Cosson for another episode

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Speaker 1: of wine Down. Jannah Cosson, Hey, Team Cosses all about

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Speaker 1: the team. What's going on? Boo you good? I'm great?

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Speaker 1: How are you good? I had to take the monitor

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Speaker 1: away from you before we recorded this because you're gonna

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Speaker 1: be looking at the whole time again. Yeah, where'd it go? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You go. Jason is doing better though. He's doing so good,

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Speaker 1: so good. He's not screaming at night any more, which

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Speaker 1: is amazing. He's not throwing his love and Wabbi and

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Speaker 1: he's back to doing that really cute thing like every

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Speaker 1: time I put him in his crib, he'll stand up

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Speaker 1: and then give me a kiss and then he'll lay

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Speaker 1: back down and like he like watched you walk out

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Speaker 1: of the room. Yeah, but he doesn't like throw the

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Speaker 1: love and Wabbi at you, and his naps aren't great. Um.

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Speaker 1: But a Llana who's the good night sleep coach that

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Speaker 1: um we talked about two episodes ago. Yeah, she's um.

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Speaker 1: I've been texting her and she's been you know, just

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Speaker 1: like keep on it. Like sometimes naps can be the

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Speaker 1: one like a little bit harder, but I mean he's

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Speaker 1: been given us at least forty five minutes to an hour,

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Speaker 1: So I'll take it. I'll take anything. The only like

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Speaker 1: she even said to She's like, don't worry about the

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Speaker 1: the amount of time he slept. It's about just the

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Speaker 1: quiet time of him in his crib, which I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm not stressed. She's as long as he's not like

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Speaker 1: screaming the entire time, and he's just is he just

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Speaker 1: chilling there? And I'm like, yeah, he's just he's not crying.

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Speaker 1: So that's been as long as he's not crying. It's

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Speaker 1: the crying that gets me. Oh yeah, that wears us down.

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Speaker 1: That's what yesterday when you're going and I was here

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Speaker 1: during his nap and it was like he woke up

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Speaker 1: after forty five minutes, but he was just chilling. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't until the last wasn't ntil the last ten that

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Speaker 1: you started crying. And so I was like, all right,

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Speaker 1: that's good. Yeah he's chilling. No, that's really good. And

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Speaker 1: then a lot of people on our Instagram say our

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Speaker 1: Instagram's on my Instagram, I should just like rebrand it

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Speaker 1: Creamer and Mike girl, Like, how do I say Cramer

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Speaker 1: and Mike. I don't know, Cramer Girl, Cramer Boy, Cramer kids.

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Speaker 1: But I had not like backlash on the I s R.

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Speaker 1: But like, because I posted the video of Jace the

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Speaker 1: swimming not being able to he has I posted the

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Speaker 1: one video of him um where they were holding him up,

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Speaker 1: and then I posted the one of him jumping off

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Speaker 1: the diving boar or h then sorry correction, being thrown

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Speaker 1: off the diving board. And you know, he's not there yet,

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Speaker 1: but he will be, like I think by the end

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Speaker 1: of this week, he'll he'll have it. Takes you a

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Speaker 1: little bit longer for that age. But it was so

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Speaker 1: hard and you weren't You weren't able to go because

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Speaker 1: he had a meeting. But I went to I saw

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Speaker 1: jolly dooit and she did great, she did amazing. You know,

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, she's finally not relying on her

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Speaker 1: floaties and she's proud of it, and she's so proud

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Speaker 1: of it, which is like makes me so happy, but

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Speaker 1: but also a little like a crap. Now we have

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Speaker 1: to really watch her in the pool. Really watch her.

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Speaker 1: She's a little over confident. Overconfident for sure. So now

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Speaker 1: it's like, dang, now we can't go back to the floaties,

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Speaker 1: which was like our babysitter in a way. Um well

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Speaker 1: know we were always outside of correct, not twisted, um no.

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Speaker 1: But so you know, Jollie did it, and so then

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Speaker 1: I went to go get Jason. I'm like, is he done?

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Speaker 1: And they're like, oh no, he's going off the diving

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Speaker 1: board and I was like, um what huh? And so

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Speaker 1: I had my friend Linda there with me and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I can't watch it, so I'm going to

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Speaker 1: turn away, but I want you to record it because

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna watched it. She recorded it, but then when

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Speaker 1: I heard the splash, I turned around. Then I was like,

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Speaker 1: roll over, roll over, Chase, And you know, he didn't

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Speaker 1: get it, and obviously they like corrected him and helped him.

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Speaker 1: But you know a lot of people are like, how

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Speaker 1: could you throw your kid in the water? And that

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Speaker 1: seems a little rough, and for some people it is.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I like our swim or the I

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Speaker 1: s R. Teacher that's teaching this class is he's like,

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Speaker 1: I might not be your guy, if you want someone

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Speaker 1: to be like your kids aren't here to just play

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Speaker 1: splichy splashy, especially as what he said, He's like, if

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Speaker 1: you're here to play sp if you want me to

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Speaker 1: play splichy splashy with your kids, Like I ain't you guy.

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Speaker 1: He's like, you can't leave right now. Yeah. He's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna cattle. I'm not gonna hold him, like

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like, you're fine. And he's like, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to teach him how to survive. Yeah, And he's

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Speaker 1: like what was he saying the other stuff? He was

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Speaker 1: like like he said the floaties were the worst thing

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Speaker 1: you could ever do to your kids, Which I'm like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 1: pat on my back, bad mom. But I think it's

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Speaker 1: one of those things where I started to really do research.

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Speaker 1: And you know, we've known people that have not known people,

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Speaker 1: but I've seen stories and especially the you know, the

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Speaker 1: sweet so many kids and they say say they say

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Speaker 1: over childhood deaths are in the back or drownings are

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Speaker 1: in your swimming pool, and as a pool owner and

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Speaker 1: as a mom, like that's terrifying. So I was like, crap,

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Speaker 1: we have to and like my biggest fear is even

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Speaker 1: though we have a a cover that they could stand

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Speaker 1: on and be fine, it's still scary. It is, it

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Speaker 1: really is. And I think we've been We've done a

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Speaker 1: great job. I mean, being hyper vigilant in keeping it

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Speaker 1: closed at all times, you know, if it's not we're

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Speaker 1: out there and just never really taking our eyes off

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Speaker 1: of them and taking that for granted. Because I can

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Speaker 1: see why, right, people think they're comfortable with their own home. Yeah, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go in and do this real quick,

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Speaker 1: I'll be right back or whatever. And it's thirty seconds.

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Speaker 1: It takes thirty seconds. Yeah, so I get it. But

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Speaker 1: so I would just it might be a little rough,

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Speaker 1: but I will just say to the mom is out there,

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Speaker 1: you know, to do the training. And I would say,

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Speaker 1: I wish I would have done it earlier with Jay's

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Speaker 1: like I wish I did it when he was a baby. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you know Andy too because she's four, Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you know, it's one of those things like even

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Speaker 1: though the teacher said, like the puddle jumpers, the floaty

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Speaker 1: things are like the worst you can do. It's you

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Speaker 1: do things in your time that's that's convenient for you.

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Speaker 1: That's that you you know, that works with your schedule,

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Speaker 1: that works with your beliefs, that works with what you

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Speaker 1: want to do. So yeah, but the second we got

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Speaker 1: a pool, that's why I was like, we have to

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Speaker 1: get this kid. Yeah, was like walking and able to

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Speaker 1: open the door. I was like, and we're going to

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Speaker 1: lessons to survive, especially once he started being a little

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Speaker 1: velociraptor and opening the doors. Yeah, now that he can

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Speaker 1: open the doors, I'm like, Okay, yes, the gate is

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Speaker 1: technically closed, but like what if And I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: just don't want to play any of those things. So

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry if people had a hard time looking at it,

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Speaker 1: because trust me, it wasn't easy for this MoMA either.

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Speaker 1: But but it's in his survival skills. Yeah. Um, you know,

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Speaker 1: we just got off a call for our book. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, talking about out like our virtual book tour

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Speaker 1: and how the pre sales are going and all of that,

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Speaker 1: and we're very taken back by the response that a

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Speaker 1: lot of our followers, um, you know, have come through

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Speaker 1: and pre ordered the book. So if you haven't yet,

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Speaker 1: you won't be left down. It's gonna be amazing. We're

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Speaker 1: working on some exclusive content like a private Facebook group

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Speaker 1: if you pre order, where we'll jump on their um,

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Speaker 1: you know what, every day or at least once a

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Speaker 1: week or something like that. We're gonna work out the

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Speaker 1: schedule and be posting that stuff. But there's definitely gonna

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Speaker 1: be a lot of incentive out there for preordering. So

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Speaker 1: maybe even a song, I guess, yeah, go to uh yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe even a song. Who knows um and Mike dot com,

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Speaker 1: Jan and Mike dot com, go get your book and

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Speaker 1: let's say a quick break. And so we have an

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Speaker 1: awesome guest joining the show today, Nikki Hilton. Did you

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Speaker 1: ever watch, by the way, the Paris Hilton Show with

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Speaker 1: Sofia m Yeah, man, that was like high school. I

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Speaker 1: feel like that was the o G of reality shows.

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Speaker 1: It was one had to be one of them for sure.

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Speaker 1: I love I mean, I know Nikki wasn't on the show,

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Speaker 1: but I always loved how Nikki just always seemed very

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Speaker 1: not that Paris wasn't, but Nikki always just seemed very classy. Well,

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Speaker 1: Paris has just had her own stretch of bad publicity,

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Speaker 1: so did she Yeah, just you know, being I guess

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Speaker 1: I don't really remember intoxicated or you know, sex tape

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Speaker 1: leaking out and stuff like that. So, I mean, but

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Speaker 1: look at the Kardashians Award for her Kim Kardashian was

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Speaker 1: actually Paris Hilton's assistant. I remember that wardrobe sold her

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Speaker 1: wardrobe Now, I mean no, But Nikki has a new

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Speaker 1: shoe line out, so we're excited to talk to her.

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Speaker 1: And she's married with two kids, and so we'll dive

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Speaker 1: into deep what she's going on during her quarantine family life. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so we'll see. How's everything with you? Great? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited about what we're doing. I'm you have a

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Speaker 1: movie coming up? Why, I don't want to say anything yet.

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Speaker 1: Potential movie coming up, potential that if it goes through,

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Speaker 1: Jane's trying to get me to play a part in it,

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Speaker 1: which should be fantastic. It would be so fun. But

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Speaker 1: you're you're too cute. You're too cute for like I

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Speaker 1: just don't think you could get their role because you're

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Speaker 1: just too good looking. But I look like your co

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Speaker 1: stars friend. And the only thing is, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it's actually going to happen because with everything COVID,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have massive PTSD from The Canada

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Speaker 1: Adventure where it's like you book a movie just kidding

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Speaker 1: one scene and we're taking everything you need, don't get

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Speaker 1: paid goodbye. It's like, but no, I mean, I hope.

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Speaker 1: So I'm trying to stay positive. It's just been it's

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Speaker 1: a little hard to stay positive when I feel like

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Speaker 1: certain things are kind of being taken from you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's tough. I mean I might have said this on

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Speaker 1: here before, at least with a group of our friends,

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Speaker 1: where I was like, has some high expectations, like people

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Speaker 1: are going to have their their expectations through the roof

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Speaker 1: because of the way this year has gone so well.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting. My therapist she sent me this quote. For

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Speaker 1: so long, you've tried to see the positive. You have

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Speaker 1: tried to keep a good balance between being a realist

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Speaker 1: and an optimist. You knew the future was lined with unknowns,

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Speaker 1: but you also had this hope maybe this was finally

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Speaker 1: going to be your year. I mean, how many times

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Speaker 1: have we looked in the new year? By the way,

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Speaker 1: this is unquote if like when you start a new year,

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Speaker 1: you're like, this is okay, this is gonna be my

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Speaker 1: year because last year this happened, and this happened, so

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Speaker 1: now this is going to be my year. Have you

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Speaker 1: ever had that? Do you guys not think that way?

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Speaker 1: Because I know girls do, Like you know me, I've

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Speaker 1: cried for the first five years of my New Year's

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Speaker 1: because I'm like, it's not what I thought it would be.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if it's a guy thing.

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Speaker 1: I know, for me, I don't. I don't put that

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Speaker 1: much weight into New Year's like I know a lot

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Speaker 1: of people do, but I should never have. I've never

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Speaker 1: been like this is the start of my year. I

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Speaker 1: think it's you know, in my professional career, it's been

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Speaker 1: like the end of my year, and so my timeline

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Speaker 1: was always a little different because i was like working sometimes,

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Speaker 1: I was working sometimes. The last week of this season

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Speaker 1: wasn't until after New Year's. So it's like I'm in

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Speaker 1: the middle of working towards the tail end of working.

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Speaker 1: My year is just ending, like I'm getting ready to

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Speaker 1: like shut it down for a little bit, you know,

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Speaker 1: as opposed to like new you knew me, like I'm

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Speaker 1: starting over. It's like, no, I'm gonna lay on the

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Speaker 1: couch for like three weeks, you know, and the rest

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Speaker 1: of my body. So I've just I don't know, maybe

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Speaker 1: that's part of it. Where you know, those middle five

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Speaker 1: years or five six years that I was in that

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Speaker 1: world really kind of changed my mindset on it. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. Um, by the way, that was from

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Speaker 1: Morgan Harper Nichols. And she basically goes on to finish

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Speaker 1: it by saying, um, you know, uh, the year of

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Speaker 1: things that you know, your year the year things finally

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Speaker 1: fell in place theory, you finally stepped out of your

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Speaker 1: comfort zone to embrace new unknowns. You had a passionate vision,

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Speaker 1: you had a plan for how things could go. So

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Speaker 1: she goes on to all these things, and then she

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Speaker 1: goes here's the thing. These are questions you might have

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Speaker 1: to sit with for a little while. And this is

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Speaker 1: also true. It's worth it to keep trying to make

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Speaker 1: the most of where you are, trusting that right here

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Speaker 1: this July, you can still know a meaningful life even

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Speaker 1: though it's not what you thought it was going to

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Speaker 1: look like. You can keep seeking goodness and everyday life.

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Speaker 1: Even if it's hard to think positively about the future.

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Speaker 1: You can still try to make the most of where

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Speaker 1: you are with music, conversations, writing, nature, and knowing the

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Speaker 1: future will arrive when it is meant to arrive. And

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Speaker 1: for now you have this moment. It's not what you

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Speaker 1: thought it would be. But perhaps the end of July

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Speaker 1: can be its own kind of beautiful. Perhaps you can

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Speaker 1: only be here right now and that's okay. I love that.

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Speaker 1: I absolutely love that, because that's what I'll saying in

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Speaker 1: my head is why wait until January for it to

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Speaker 1: be like a fresh start on something? Why wait till

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Speaker 1: the new year to start something you've always wanted to do,

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Speaker 1: you know? And I bring that up because I feel

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Speaker 1: like we're halfway to the new year and I feel

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Speaker 1: like people might be I mean, shoot, I had that

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Speaker 1: mindset like, well, maybe we should wait to put our

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Speaker 1: book out because you know, we're gonna miss doing the

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Speaker 1: book tour, we're gonna miss doing this. Like but it's like,

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Speaker 1: why pause things because it might not look the way

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Speaker 1: it's supposed to. And my friend Mallory Irwin, who's so sweet,

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Speaker 1: she was like, are you gonna be able to go

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Speaker 1: on a book dor And I'm like no, and she's like, man,

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Speaker 1: She's like, I know you were so excited about that.

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Speaker 1: She's like, but maybe there's going to be some beautiful

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Speaker 1: thing within the the stuff that you know you're able

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Speaker 1: to do at home, and I was just like, I

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Speaker 1: love you things for the optimism, you know, and that

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Speaker 1: helps too, But I think that's I don't know, it's

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Speaker 1: just something to maybe like introspectively look inside of you

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Speaker 1: and go, Okay, what am I pausing on in my

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Speaker 1: life right now? And how can I how can I

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Speaker 1: unpause this? Like but this uncertainty because like even like

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Speaker 1: with the movie or with maybe what with what you

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Speaker 1: want to do? Mike, it's like you're afraid to almost

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Speaker 1: be positive because you're like it will it be taken away? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: But to not stop either way, I guess it's the point. No.

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Speaker 1: I love that, and I appreciate you sharing that, and

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Speaker 1: I think everyone we'll appreciate you sharing that because it

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Speaker 1: is it is eye opening just to make the most

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Speaker 1: of the day. And like you said, why wait, like

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Speaker 1: why put something off when you can do it now?

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I love it? So what are you putting

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Speaker 1: off that you would want to start now? Um? Two

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Speaker 1: things that have actually been on my mind a lot recently.

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Speaker 1: One is I mean I feel like everybody in there,

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Speaker 1: cousin is there, really wants to get their real estate

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Speaker 1: license these days. But you know, you and I have

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Speaker 1: talked about a little bit. Nick car Rioder has talked

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Speaker 1: about a talk to us about me doing it a

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Speaker 1: little bit. Yes, he hasn't mentioned it. Yeah, I thought

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Speaker 1: he'd be upset about it. I was like, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to mend it to Catherine. No, he's mentioned it

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Speaker 1: because he's like to have kind of like a partner

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Speaker 1: in things. Um. But I think for us, with what

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Speaker 1: we want to do in the future, with you know,

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Speaker 1: our money and like finances, investments, it would just make

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Speaker 1: sense to have it, you know. Um. Yeah, So that's

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Speaker 1: one thing that I'm like, why wait, you know, this

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Speaker 1: is the perfect time where we're not traveling. We don't

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Speaker 1: have these shortened weeks because if we have to go

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Speaker 1: somewhere or do this or do that. It's like I can, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we don't have as much help with the kids, but

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Speaker 1: I can set aside time where it's an hour or

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Speaker 1: two during that time of day or whatever. Oh do

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Speaker 1: you think you could instead of taking my two hour lunches?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. But that's but I don't ask. I

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Speaker 1: don't say that from a um from a snarky place.

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Speaker 1: I say that from a place like that's what you

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Speaker 1: need for sure it is the longest time I was like, God,

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Speaker 1: couldn't he be doing something else right now? But then

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Speaker 1: I'm like, just because I choose to spend my two

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Speaker 1: hour break doing certain things that might seem more in

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Speaker 1: someone else's mind like proactive, but that's how that's what

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Speaker 1: fuels me, Like, that's what feeds me. And that's where

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Speaker 1: I've kind of stopped to be like, no, like, that's

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Speaker 1: your that's what you need for you to be centered, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: to have something to strive forward. So I don't I'm

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Speaker 1: afraid to take that like you shouldn't. I hope you

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Speaker 1: don't take that away. No, not at all. Um. So

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Speaker 1: that and then I just keep dragging my feet on

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Speaker 1: learning French, come a flute into French. So yeah, So

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Speaker 1: I think those are my two things just for this

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Speaker 1: next six months to really take and uh, make the

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Speaker 1: most of. I want to talk about a little bit

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Speaker 1: more about that and how I can because I think

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Speaker 1: it's important to help you, your your partner, what you

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Speaker 1: can do to help. But let's pause on that because

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Speaker 1: we have Nikki Hilton in the waiting room, so let's

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Speaker 1: get her on. Hello, Hey, Hi, how are you. I'm

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Speaker 1: Janna And this is my husband, Mike. I'm good. How

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Speaker 1: are you great? We're good. We're just like surviving over here.

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Speaker 1: How are you doing with the quarantine stuff? I'm in

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Speaker 1: l A now. So I was in Long Island from

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Speaker 1: let's see, March twelve to July one, so like lockdown

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Speaker 1: and quarantine, and then I finally mustered up the strength

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Speaker 1: to come to my family in l A. Which has

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Speaker 1: been really how has it been with the kids during

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Speaker 1: this time? Because your kids are how old? How old

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Speaker 1: are they? Again? I have two and a half and

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Speaker 1: almost four. How many do you guys have? So we

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Speaker 1: have a four year old and we of an twenty

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Speaker 1: month old. Okay, so very very similar. Yeah, so you

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Speaker 1: guys were doing the homeschooling and all that, well, we

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Speaker 1: tried to do the homeschooling for Jolie. We got to

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Speaker 1: letter G and then I was like, I'm not meant

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Speaker 1: to be a teacher. I don't have the patients. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, let's just go outside and do chalk or

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Speaker 1: something because I can't do this. And you know, he

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Speaker 1: was getting just as equally as frustrated as as I was,

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Speaker 1: and so we kind of we pulled the plug on it.

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Speaker 1: But because she dropped out of her fourth grade preschool class. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so we try we have Obviously, I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of people are going to have a greater appreciation for

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Speaker 1: teachers right through all of this. So yeah, once we

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Speaker 1: got halfway through the alphabet, like, yeah, we weren't meant

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Speaker 1: to be teachers, So let's just go play because that's

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Speaker 1: our job. What did you do? What I ended up

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Speaker 1: doing well boom School, which was brutal because it's all

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Speaker 1: of the children and they're muted, and they're crying, and

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Speaker 1: it's not there turn and they all want to do

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Speaker 1: a twenty minute show and tell of their favorite whatever,

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Speaker 1: and that was exhausting. So I ended up doing a

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Speaker 1: mini camp on my lawn, which was amazing. Um, there

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Speaker 1: was a few kids in the neighborhood that had all

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Speaker 1: been quarantined and not left their house. So we got

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Speaker 1: two teenagers from the neighborhood and did this little mini

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Speaker 1: camp with like five or six children. We did arts

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Speaker 1: and crabs, we did sports, and it was so much fun.

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Speaker 1: That recommend Yeah, that's exactly what we're doing this fall

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Speaker 1: for her. So we decided that we're going to potentially

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Speaker 1: bring her back to two days and the other three,

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Speaker 1: we're going to do that same thing where it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna do crafts over at Pamlin's house. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: come here and we're gonna do you know, musical theater

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Speaker 1: and then like and then we'll learn over here. So

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Speaker 1: it's like we're gonna we're going to rotate too, because

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Speaker 1: you know, it's just like they're at this at that age,

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Speaker 1: it's like, let them have fun but also have experience too.

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Speaker 1: So yes, and I would say that Disney plus Apps

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Speaker 1: saved my life when they released Frozen too early. It

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Speaker 1: was a very exciting day in our household patrols. We're

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Speaker 1: on the cocoa melon. Are our old loves cocoa melon

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Speaker 1: on YouTube? So it's like, yes, YouTube YouTube another godsend.

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Speaker 1: No question, how is how do the kids feel? Did

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Speaker 1: you the whole family go back to l A right now? Yes,

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Speaker 1: we're all here. How do they feel? Being very nice

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Speaker 1: because we're staying with my parents, um, and they have

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Speaker 1: their own little room here and it's just nice for

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Speaker 1: them to be with people other than my husband and I.

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Speaker 1: By the way, speaking of since this is a relationship show,

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Speaker 1: have have you guys? I mean do you normally spend

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Speaker 1: a lot of time together or was the quarantine just

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Speaker 1: like the first time you guys have spent so much

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Speaker 1: time together. We both traveled quite a bit, um, but no,

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Speaker 1: we spend a lot of time together. But this was

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Speaker 1: a lot a lot of time. And I think most

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Speaker 1: people can say that that was one of the silver

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Speaker 1: linings because at what other point in your life are

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Speaker 1: you going to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with your

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Speaker 1: family for a hundred plus consecutive days. And I think

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Speaker 1: quarantine was actually great for our relationship. I keep reading

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Speaker 1: all these statistics about divorce rates going through the roof, um,

407
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Speaker 1: but I am very grateful. We didn't really butt heads.

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Speaker 1: The largest fight we would have is what we're cooking

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Speaker 1: for dinner that night. It was real, which by the way,

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Speaker 1: is very exhausting. That's why I just kind of took

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Speaker 1: it over. That's why he's the oh Mike, I am, Yes,

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Speaker 1: my my husband too. Yeah. He I couldn't cook anything.

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Speaker 1: I it's frozen pizzas or home chef. But you know

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Speaker 1: this guy is he's he cooks everything. And then I

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Speaker 1: just I clean. So I love to clean. That's that's

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Speaker 1: what I like to do. What's funny is I think

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Speaker 1: you know, with love languages, Jana isn't really an active service.

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Speaker 1: But I think she realized that she's more of that

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Speaker 1: because I hadn't seen her looked at me with so

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Speaker 1: so much love when I told her what was for

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Speaker 1: dinner without even asking, I was like, hey, I didn't

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Speaker 1: say what do you want for dinner? I said this

423
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 1: is what's for dinner today, this is what's for dinner tomorrow.

424
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,919
Speaker 1: She looked at me like I was her prince charming,

425
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 1: like I don't have to decide or say anything. Yes,

426
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 1: let's do it. Yes. Where do you guys live? We

427
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 1: live in Nashville now. We used to live in l A.

428
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 1: We just moved back to Nashville last year because with

429
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 1: the kids to school. Yeah, really really good hiding on

430
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 1: our behalf, but you know, it was just we we

431
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,400
Speaker 1: love Nashville, so it was it's nice to be back

432
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,880
Speaker 1: here for sure for the kids. Nikki. For you, has

433
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: work at all been inhibited because of all this quarantine

434
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: or have you been able to be creative and kind

435
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:21,399
Speaker 1: of come up with new things during this time? Um?

436
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:25,199
Speaker 1: I mean it's definitely challenging to even be able to

437
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 1: do work. To even be able to do this right

438
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 1: now without my kids rushing in and screaming, is you know,

439
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 1: quite a miracle. Um. But have I been creative? Yes? Yes.

440
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 1: I think what I've learned from my friends also is

441
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 1: that so many people are trying to be creative in

442
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: the sense of pivoting what they're going to do? What's

443
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: the next step? Um? Because so many jobs occupations are

444
00:23:54,800 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: just not possible right now, so everyone's tempting to pivot.

445
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: Is that when you started the shoe, how long even

446
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 1: been working on your shoe line for I've been doing

447
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 1: the shoes for like two years now, and amazingly, the

448
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 1: shoes sales have been doing pretty well all things considered,

449
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 1: because I think they are the ideal working from home shoe.

450
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've seen the collection, but it's

451
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 1: lots of like cheek loafers, ballet flats. It's home. None

452
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: of us are wearing heels anytime soon. Is that what

453
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,959
Speaker 1: inspired this specific line was because just everyone's at home

454
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 1: so much right now. I think, just becoming a mother,

455
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 1: I live in ballet flats. I just think they're comfy, chic,

456
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 1: and you know, a better alternative than a sneaker and

457
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:54,879
Speaker 1: so I've just warned them forever. But I've really embraced

458
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 1: them these past few months because I'm not one of

459
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,480
Speaker 1: those girls who wants to walk round and slippers. I

460
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: don't know, putting on a proper shoe makes them to

461
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: feel a little human during this no one where can

462
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: um where can people actually shot for the shoes too? Um?

463
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 1: There are my website Nicki, Hilton dot com or Zappos

464
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 1: and it's yeah, it is your second collection with French Soul.

465
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 1: Um But yes, it does say the first ever venture

466
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 1: into the footwear business. But that's not true, then is it?

467
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 1: Because it's your second collection. I've been doing design since

468
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:40,919
Speaker 1: some seventeen. I started doing handbags and then got into clothing, jewels,

469
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 1: um so, but I've never done footwear, so the French

470
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 1: Soul collab was my first. I'm really enjoying that. That's awesome.

471
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: Have you had a hard time though? I know Mike

472
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 1: and I were talking about this, and we knew that

473
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: we were going to interview you, and you know, Mike

474
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 1: brought up a good question, do you want to ask

475
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 1: a bid? Oh? Yeah, I was. We were just wondering,

476
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,919
Speaker 1: you know, with some one with a family like yours,

477
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 1: right do you did you find it beneficial but also

478
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 1: difficult in order to break away from from that name

479
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 1: in order to build your own brand or is it

480
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,880
Speaker 1: still beneficial at the same time, like kind of where

481
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 1: was that relationship? I mean, I would say it's a

482
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 1: double ledged sword. Your name can certainly open doors, but

483
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 1: ultimately the product speaks for itself. And especially in this

484
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 1: day and age, a store, um, a retailer is not

485
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: going to stop your product if it's not moving. So

486
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 1: that name can only take you so far. This is,

487
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 1: you know, a business and if you're not moving, sure

488
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 1: you're not going to be carried. What do you want

489
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 1: to be like go into next after this? Is there

490
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,679
Speaker 1: something that like you're like, like why am I not

491
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 1: doing this project? Because we're kind of talking about earlier

492
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 1: before you came on, things that were pausing in our

493
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 1: life that we have that we're kind of dragging our

494
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 1: feet on. I would love to get into children's wear. Yeah,

495
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: I love. I know that sounds a bit cliche. It's

496
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:11,119
Speaker 1: not because there's not many places and it's frustrating because

497
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 1: whenever I look, I don't have a really hard time

498
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: finding like I'll find one piece of clothing there, one

499
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: piece of clothing there, But it's nothing where I'm like,

500
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 1: I can buy from one real site unless I just

501
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 1: go to Carter's. But you know, I not that anything's

502
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,479
Speaker 1: wrong with Carter's, but I just would like, you know,

503
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 1: to find it different with other cool things, so that

504
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,360
Speaker 1: that my kid isn't wearing the same thing as Like, yes,

505
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 1: Like I dropped Jolly off one day and I'm like,

506
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: it was a Target. I think it was a Target

507
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 1: shirt and three other girls were wearing her same shirt,

508
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: and I was like, which is really cute. It's so cute.

509
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm like, please, please, please, please do that

510
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: because I would love to be able to have somewhere

511
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 1: else to shop where I can shop for for all

512
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 1: different kinds of clothes for my kids. Yeah. I did

513
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,439
Speaker 1: a Mommy and Me collab a few years ago with

514
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 1: this brand with dresses and tops matching with the mommy.

515
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: That's really the only thing I've done in children. But

516
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,439
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just I think people love dressing

517
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:11,719
Speaker 1: up their children, and if you do it um at

518
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: a good price point, at good quality. I don't know,

519
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,239
Speaker 1: I think there's room for for more brands. Speaking on that,

520
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: have you enjoyed dressing your daughter or your son more?

521
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,439
Speaker 1: Oh I'm so I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Your

522
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: girl know her name is Theodora, but we call her Teddy,

523
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:33,159
Speaker 1: so that's a fair mistake. Um. I love dressing them up.

524
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: They love dressing up, and they know I like when

525
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: they wear pretty dresses. So they will just run in

526
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: my room all dressed up every morning, all excited to

527
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 1: show off what they're wearing. Joli had a face where

528
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: she only wore dresses with scream if she scream if

529
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: she had to wear anything other than dresses. Yeah, really

530
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 1: hid her dresses. I know we had two at one point,

531
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 1: but now we just embrace it. Are you a Frozen family? Oh?

532
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: One present like she sings, let it go all the

533
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: freaking time like it's and then Frozen two. I mean

534
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: it's it was game over with that one, and that

535
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: soundtracked is so good. So yeah, it's awesome. But all right,

536
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,719
Speaker 1: everyone go to Nikki Hilton dot com get her awesome

537
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 1: shoes with her collab from French Soul. Nikki Hilton, thank

538
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 1: you so much for coming on. We really appreciate it.

539
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: Thank you, guys. Okay, so, oh, she's so sweet. I

540
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: feel like she's just like a very chill, cool girl.

541
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: And now that our kids are the same age, like

542
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 1: we're basically best best friends, just like me and Melissa

543
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: Gorga your best friends with everybody. Well, I wasn't the

544
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 1: other day. We won't bring that story up. But sometimes

545
00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: I can be a little sarcastic and I think I've

546
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 1: to someone, but I can own up and apologize even

547
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: though anyways, anyways, anyways, um do do we should we

548
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 1: say what happened by the way, or no, we don't

549
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 1: have to know. You don't want to No, not that

550
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 1: what happened right before we started recording? Or now sure

551
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: you want to Yeah I don't remember you know what

552
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: happened like thirty minutes ago? Oh yeah, oh yeah, okay,

553
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: go ahead, so we don't have to know, let's do it. No,

554
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,400
Speaker 1: no, no no, because I don't wan people think I'm like dragging,

555
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 1: like no, this was so long ago, this was like

556
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: a little different, but not really bring it up. Well,

557
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 1: right before we started recording, I was like, I got

558
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 1: this text message from and I'm not going to say

559
00:30:56,200 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: her name obviously, from anonymous. From anonymous she texted me

560
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 1: and I was like, what I was like trying to like,

561
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, who is this person? Like what like the name?

562
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 1: I was like oh, and Mike's like what And I

563
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 1: was like, that's the first girl that you cheated on

564
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: me with when we were dating. Because she was a

565
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: fan of mine and Instagram fan, and she had reached

566
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: out to me on Instagram and we in a way

567
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: became friends. It was kind of weird, like we had

568
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 1: this friendship in a way, UM, and she had been

569
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: in a few relationships and so she texted me and

570
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: I haven't really read it yet, but she basically it's

571
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: been a long time since we talked, but she just

572
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: wanted to say thank you and tell you how strong

573
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: and inspiring both you and Mike have been. I came

574
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: across your podcast recently and I've been listening to it

575
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: to help me through my marriage and sharing it with

576
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: my husband. Still carrying on six years of certain things.

577
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,120
Speaker 1: So I'm not going to share those details, but like

578
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 1: she had confided in me about out some things that

579
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 1: we're going on, UM, and you know, some things have

580
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: clicked in their relationship, and you know, She's like, I

581
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 1: thought it was ironic to come across your book coming out,

582
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 1: So maybe you know even more that it can help us.

583
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 1: She was, I'm so happy for you and Mike. Um

584
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: as happy as you are and have overcome all the struggle,

585
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 1: it really still gives me hope that we can do

586
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 1: it too, So thank you for being so real and

587
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 1: putting it out there. It helps more than you know.

588
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 1: And I obviously just got it. And I haven't texted

589
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: her back, but I mean I haven't talked to her

590
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,160
Speaker 1: and probably a couple of years. I think we kind

591
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: of stopped talking because of you know, the obvious. But

592
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: it's weird how it's kind of that silver lining where

593
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: even though like our lives, like maybe that had to happen.

594
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 1: I'm not saying we like because certain things like maybe

595
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 1: meeting me and you and like us and like than

596
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 1: having it weave through her relation and ship Like yes,

597
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 1: it was so traumatic when I found out when we

598
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 1: were dating, but able we're able to now be like wow,

599
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: like we've helped someone. I've been able to help someone.

600
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 1: You've been able to help someone, You've been able to

601
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: help her husband, You've been able you know. Where It's

602
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: like that's just such a small such a small world,

603
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: but but also such a beauty in it too. Beauty

604
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 1: through pain. Yeah, no it is. And I mean I

605
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 1: commend you for even being able to look at it

606
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: that way. Well, there's certain people I wouldn't be able

607
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 1: to know. I understand that. I think this. Yeah, this

608
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 1: is a little different to it in a sense, but

609
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 1: still the fact that you're able to take something that

610
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: was the start of pain between in our relationship and

611
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,960
Speaker 1: be able to look at it through the lens of well,

612
00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 1: maybe that was supposed to happen to for you know,

613
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: for all of this, the positive, the positive things that

614
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 1: have come out of some of this to happen. Obviously

615
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 1: we wish we could go back and I should redo it,

616
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 1: of course. Um, but no, that's that's encouraging though. Yeah,

617
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 1: that's encouraging. And that's the thing I mean, I think

618
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 1: in that situation too, it's just knowing that. And I

619
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 1: will say this too, because a lot of people, I

620
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: know something, when we talked about our four you talked

621
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 1: about it. I didn't even bring it up. I just

622
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: think that right now. But when you were doing like

623
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: Monday and you brought up our four year discovery day,

624
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: you know, that got picked up or whatever, and a

625
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: lot of people are like, why would you celebrate that?

626
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 1: And I did say something to someone. I was like,

627
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:51,240
Speaker 1: it's we're not celebrating um this anniversary. What we're doing

628
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 1: is we're recognizing it, we're acknowledging it, and we're also

629
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 1: you know, and and we're also saying like wow, like

630
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: look how far we've come from even just last year

631
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 1: and then the year before that. And then like it's

632
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 1: not about because the thing is you're not going to

633
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: forget the date. You're not going to forget certain you know,

634
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,280
Speaker 1: do you forget your wedding date? No, like you remember

635
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 1: certain dates that impact your life, whether good or bad.

636
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 1: And I think you know someone else is like, oh

637
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 1: my god, would you stop talking about it already? Well,

638
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 1: here's the deal. This is our you know, we're dragging

639
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: Mike through the mud. And I'm like, A he brought

640
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 1: it up. I was not going to say anything. But

641
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 1: when you shared about it, I was like, okay, Like

642
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 1: that's amazing that he shared that, because you know I was,

643
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:35,840
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to and then when you shared it

644
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: as when I put that post, and it's not about

645
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 1: dragging anybody through the mud. What it is and just

646
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 1: like with that text message, it's about acknowledging growth and

647
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 1: acknowledging like how we can help other people like this

648
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: is our podcast as we talk about things that we've

649
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,919
Speaker 1: learned and how we're still learning. We talk about things

650
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,399
Speaker 1: that are uncomfortable because of what we've been through. So

651
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: exactly to your point, it's it was brought up to

652
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: acknowledge the growth, and that's what we want to inspire

653
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 1: other couples that have been through difficult situations, whether the

654
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: same as we have or similar. Is how you can

655
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,919
Speaker 1: find that silver lining. Just kind of what you're talking

656
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 1: about with the text messages how to look for positivity

657
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 1: so that date or that moment or that physical place

658
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 1: or trigger doesn't have to affect you with the same

659
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 1: amount of magnitude that it did from the first day

660
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 1: two years later, you know. So it's anyone who clearly

661
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 1: people saying that either even if they've been through that

662
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 1: something like that, they still have a lot of pain

663
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 1: and shame around it, or they haven't been through it,

664
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 1: because anyone who has could understand and appreciate how much

665
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 1: they would like to probably get to the point where

666
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 1: they can just acknowledge it and connect over it. And

667
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 1: again we would not bring it up all the time,

668
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: but we are on the platform that we do bring

669
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: it up because it's part of part of our it's

670
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: part of our story. Yeah, it is part of what

671
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 1: we do. It's part of how to help. It's just like,

672
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 1: do you want to get a tattoo from someone who

673
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 1: doesn't have any tattoos? Probably not? Do you want to

674
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 1: take read a relationship book on a relationship with by

675
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 1: someone who hasn't been through? Probably not. So we've been through.

676
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 1: I'm dragging you through the mud? Am I dragging you

677
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:38,760
Speaker 1: through the mud? I brought it up. People are silly

678
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:44,800
Speaker 1: well anyways, so yes, um back to the French into

679
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: the how can I help you in getting to your goal? Um?

680
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 1: Great question? Thank you? But I asked that because I

681
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: think that's something where we have to act like we're

682
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:01,760
Speaker 1: whoever's listening. That's what you should ask your partner too, mhm,

683
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,799
Speaker 1: because they can't do it. I don't think they can

684
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 1: do it alone. No. Two things that come up for me.

685
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 1: The first one is just with my personality and I

686
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: think maybe a guy in general puberty. Sorry, um that

687
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 1: it has to be like my idea, right, like if

688
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: you started asking me, hey, so when are you gonna

689
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: study it there, Hey, when you're gonna do this today, Hey,

690
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 1: do you need me to watch the kids so you

691
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 1: can study? I'll be like, um, that would make me

692
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: not want to do it's because I feel like you're

693
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 1: being my mom, or I would make up that you're

694
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 1: being passive and that you were wanting me to do it,

695
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 1: and that if I didn't do it then then it

696
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 1: would be an issue or it would be validating like

697
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 1: that you don't get things done or whatever whatever. So

698
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:08,399
Speaker 1: that's the first thing. And second is when I do

699
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:10,360
Speaker 1: do it. When I do tell you ahead of time,

700
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 1: say hey, from this time to this time, whether it's

701
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:16,399
Speaker 1: naptime or not, I'll try to do it during that time.

702
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 1: But to say it's not for whatever reason, and I

703
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 1: tell you ahead of time and say hey, from eight

704
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 1: and nine I'm gonna study or whatever. Like I said,

705
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 1: I'll probably do it during that time. But to treat

706
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:32,919
Speaker 1: it as work, where it's like, all right, I said

707
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 1: for for this hour, I'm gonna study you. I'm going

708
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 1: to respect what you need around it, right, So it's

709
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 1: not like hey, can you come help me? Knowing that

710
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: it's not quote unquote work, but I'm working towards something

711
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 1: where it's not like, hey, can you come out here

712
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 1: for a minute and help me? The kids have been crazy?

713
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 1: Like yes, if it's everyone's going nuts and I need

714
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 1: to come help, that I need to come help. But

715
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 1: to treat it as such, to treat it as if

716
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 1: I'm unavailable, because you know, if you just like you

717
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: coming in the room, if you have to post something

718
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:06,279
Speaker 1: or whatever, if I let the kids keep coming in

719
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 1: and out, you'd be like I asked for an hour

720
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 1: or five minutes or whatever to do something and doesn't

721
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 1: feel like your time is being respected. Makes sense? I

722
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 1: like it. Do you have any emails? I had a

723
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 1: really good one from wine Down, but don podcast you

724
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 1: can get one thou take me a second? All right,

725
00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 1: here's one from Jessica. My question comes based on my

726
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 1: experience with my longtime boyfriend. He has a pass up

727
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 1: cheating on me with multiple people, even including a so

728
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: called friend. We have worked through our issues mostly and

729
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: much like Mike, he owns his mistakes and allows me

730
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 1: to feel any and everything I feel. Recently, I heard

731
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 1: you can't truly forgive until you've forgiven the other person

732
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:55,760
Speaker 1: the female. At first, I thought no way, but recently,

733
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 1: I've been dreaming of a conversation with her in which

734
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:01,920
Speaker 1: she's apologizing and I'm accepting. Having that conversation in my

735
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 1: sleep makes me feel like makes me feel like there's closure.

736
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:06,719
Speaker 1: It makes me wonder if I should reach out to her.

737
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 1: Would you or have you ever done this? Do you

738
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 1: think it would help or hurt any progress me and

739
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:19,800
Speaker 1: my boyfriend made have made in the last three years? Interesting?

740
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts? So when I read this email,

741
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,720
Speaker 1: it made me think of anyone who's familiar with twelve steps,

742
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,800
Speaker 1: made me think of step nine, which, for those of

743
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:34,399
Speaker 1: you don't know, I'll read Step nine and any twelve

744
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: step program is make direct amends to such people wherever possible,

745
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: except when to do so would injure them or others.

746
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 1: Let me preface that by saying Step eight is make

747
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 1: a list of all persons you have harmed and become

748
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,800
Speaker 1: willing to make amends. So step nine is making amends

749
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 1: to the people that you've harmed unless to do so

750
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 1: would injure them or others. Now obviously not physically injure them,

751
00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 1: but emotionally harm her or injure them. My thought on

752
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: that is again kind of like I was saying with

753
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 1: this the step work there is you'd have to be

754
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 1: really careful on if communicating with that person is going

755
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:24,240
Speaker 1: to actually help your relationship or not. Because if Jessica,

756
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 1: if she wants to reach out to the person that

757
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,879
Speaker 1: he cheated on her with, I mean, he's she said,

758
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: multiple people, but the so called friend is the one

759
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,319
Speaker 1: that seems like it's really bothering her. And say that

760
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: the so called friend doesn't apologize or isn't open to it,

761
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 1: that's just gonna make things worse. So you're going in

762
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 1: with these expectations that may not be met and then

763
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:53,399
Speaker 1: which will just set you up for failure. And then

764
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: you don't know how that's gonna Even talk to this

765
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 1: person in general might even bring up feelings, you know,

766
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 1: triggered or old feelings that may put a wall between

767
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,319
Speaker 1: you and your boyfriend. So I don't know, it's just

768
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 1: it's it's the nice I would say no, because the

769
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 1: connection of moving forward is between you and your boyfriend,

770
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:21,839
Speaker 1: not anyone else. What are your thoughts? Don't do it? Yep,

771
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 1: it's it makes it worse. I mean, I wish I

772
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 1: could take back all the calls because it just makes

773
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: it so much worse, and it drives a bigger wedge

774
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 1: between you and your partner because there's things that you

775
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: just you'll ask that you don't want to know, and

776
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 1: it just is. It's like my therapys says, is it

777
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,799
Speaker 1: hurt or harm? It's going to harm you, and if

778
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: something's going to harm you, you you don't do it. So yeah,

779
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 1: Mike and Janna. I'm thirty three years old, married for

780
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 1: fifteen years to my high school sweetheart. We have been

781
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: blessed with two boys. I found out my husband hasn't

782
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 1: watching porn for a long time. We went through this

783
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 1: when we first got married and I thought it went away.

784
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: Every question I asked that him watching, he just replies,

785
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 1: I don't know. Then he once told me that it

786
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,600
Speaker 1: was my fault because I am moody towards him. I

787
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,239
Speaker 1: don't know if he's a sex addict or not. I've

788
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:15,359
Speaker 1: been trying different things in the bedroom or to please him,

789
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 1: but I don't know if that is enough or what

790
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 1: I should do. He's refusing counseling or any treatment. I've

791
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: lost all my trust and I don't know how to

792
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 1: gain it back and be happy again. Good question. There's

793
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: a lot of meat on that bone. Um, here's the thing. Now,

794
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 1: she said they had a conversation around porn early in

795
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 1: their marriage, correct, So I mean we don't know what

796
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 1: that conversation entailed, right, Like, we don't know if she

797
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,800
Speaker 1: said as a boundary or I don't like it, or

798
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: i'd appreciate if you don't, or it's disrespectful towards me

799
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 1: or considered cheating, whatever it may be, or if she said, well,

800
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 1: don't do it all the time. So because I mean, shoot,

801
00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:02,840
Speaker 1: for a lot of people, masturbation is still normal, you

802
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 1: know what I mean, It's still a normal thing that

803
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: people do that some a lot of people are able

804
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:17,839
Speaker 1: to do without it taking away from their relationship. Now

805
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:21,759
Speaker 1: addict or not. Just the way I am now, I

806
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: do believe that even if you're not an addict, it's

807
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: can drive a wedge with your connectivity with your partner.

808
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:34,720
Speaker 1: That's just my personal belief. I think over time it can.

809
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 1: They just need to have she needs to set her

810
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 1: boundaries around it and consequences for the boundaries of boundaries

811
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:45,719
Speaker 1: broken and live up to the both you know, like

812
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 1: if but I also yeah, I would also like to

813
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 1: ask her too. It's like, is it that she just

814
00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 1: doesn't like it and she feels disrespected or is it

815
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: Can she see and feel the disconnect in their marriage?

816
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: Like question, do you think porn is something that does

817
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: draw a disconnection from a relationship? Like I was just saying,

818
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 1: I think that porn addiction not can drive a wedge.

819
00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:17,399
Speaker 1: So I mean that's tough. I think she just needs to, yeah,

820
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 1: put down the boundaries and they need to have consequences

821
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: around these boundaries. And you have that conversation, it's tough. Well,

822
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: let's all go watch a PG rated film right now.

823
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 1: Go watch Frozen two with Nicky Elton. Just starting Frozen

824
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: two with Nicky Elton. Just leave it at this with

825
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:42,240
Speaker 1: food for thought is make sure you and your partner

826
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 1: are are clear about boundaries and communicate around you know,

827
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:52,399
Speaker 1: some of these tough conversations, um, because when there's too

828
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 1: much room for interpretation, it can cause you know, a

829
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: big issue. Agree and you, guys, whatever is inside of you,

830
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:03,439
Speaker 1: it's out prolonging it. Do it. We got a half

831
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 1: of the year left and it's going to be amazing.

832
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: I love you guys. H