1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:03,080 Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:10,039 Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has 5 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. Avail every 6 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 1: rustic your podcast at such a Spotify, Apple Go listen 7 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. 8 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:32,879 Speaker 1: Go listen to see by raising three black men in 9 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:37,559 Speaker 1: this world today is the scariest thing about being a 10 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: mother as a black man in America, especially a black man. 11 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 1: I'd like to smile a lot. Some days, it is 12 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 1: tough to be outside and just be happy. Hey, I'm 13 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: Cadine and we're the ellis Is. You may know us 14 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: from posting funny videos without boys and reading each other 15 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: quickly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you 16 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 1: need derby most days. And one more important thing to mention, 17 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast 18 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 1: to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, 19 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,039 Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about. Through the 20 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 1: lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a 21 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,520 Speaker 1: term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass, 22 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:25,479 Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts. One hunted, the truth, the whole truth, 23 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Phillows 24 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 1: off to a whole new level. Dead ass starts. Now 25 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: this topic is very heavy for us, Yes, heavy load. 26 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: Today I'm with Jackson in the park and this white 27 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: woman next to us, she's there with with her kids, 28 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: and I'm Neil with Jackson, and you know, she says, oh, 29 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: I see, it's it's your day. And I'm like, what, 30 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: Like I said, you know, you know you you and 31 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: your son out, you know, it must be your day, 32 00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 1: you know, your weekend. I was just like, nah, like 33 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: I did this yesterday because I'm married and I do 34 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 1: this every day, this fatherhood thing. This is something I 35 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: do every day, Like contrary to what you may believe, 36 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,360 Speaker 1: I'm a father every day. And I just walked away, 37 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: didn't like, didn't the knowledge the fact that that was like, really, 38 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: that's a that's a tough thing to say to somebody. 39 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: When I walk with my boys anywhere. If people don't 40 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,519 Speaker 1: know what's via social media, the comments and things they 41 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: say are often very similar to that. You know, you 42 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: can't assume that people know that you're married, but they'll 43 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 1: say slick stuff like that, oh it's daddy's weekend, must 44 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,680 Speaker 1: be daddy's weekend, or you know, like or taking Jackson 45 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 1: to the movie theater, you know, saying a matter of fact, 46 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: this was the other day, I'm taking Jackson to Linden 47 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: movie theater. And the young lady behind there said, and 48 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: I don't think she was being aggressive, but she said, yeah, 49 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 1: when it was my dad's that he used to take 50 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,399 Speaker 1: me out of school and take me to the movie 51 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 1: theaters too. And it's like, damn, Like I'm a black man. 52 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 1: I can't just have spent time with a song without 53 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: people thinking that, oh, I'm just doing this too compensate 54 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: for something else, or maybe I'm not around right. Because 55 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,760 Speaker 1: those are the hardest things for me to deal with. 56 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: Y'all had me a little gased up with the last 57 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:15,799 Speaker 1: karaoke session. It actually wasn't karaoke was actually the very 58 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 1: top of the show last time, and they clipped that 59 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: little bite where I hit that note at the end 60 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: Jazmine Sullivan song. I mean, I will not profess to 61 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:26,919 Speaker 1: be any singer, but that was the one shot deal. 62 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,680 Speaker 1: So don't expect any more of that for me, guys. 63 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 1: I'm just putting that out there for future karaokes because 64 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: the pressure is on. But no, I think today, because 65 00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: our topic is super serious. Um A song came to 66 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: mind from um the legend Bob Marley. Bob Marley spoke 67 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: a lot about human rights or lack thereof, and he 68 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: was an advocate for that. Oh lord, snapstop s s snap. 69 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: Until the philosophy which holds one race superior to another 70 00:03:54,280 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: inferior it's finally and permanently discredited and abandoned. Everywhere is war. 71 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: Miss a war that until there's no longer first class 72 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,360 Speaker 1: and second class citizens of any nation under the color 73 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: of a man's skin, Until the color of a man 74 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: skin is no longer significant or more significant than the 75 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:21,279 Speaker 1: color of his eyes. Miss a war that until the 76 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 1: basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard 77 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 1: to race, this is a war. I think the whole 78 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: song is super super deep and it's crazy, and you know, 79 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: once you put a beat on the back of it, 80 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:38,279 Speaker 1: you know it's pretty dope. But it's poetry. He's a poet. 81 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: He spoke about things that mattered. Um, you know, so 82 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: shout out to Bob and um that song, and I 83 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,320 Speaker 1: think it's a great segue because it talks about what 84 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: we're talking about today, talks about human rights or lack thereof, 85 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,719 Speaker 1: taken from US and the war on human rights, the 86 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 1: war on women, the war on our black and brown 87 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: men and women in um. So this was perfect and fitting. 88 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 1: I think, I know it's difficult. I mean it's difficult. 89 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 1: I think about my boys. I wake up in the morning, 90 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,600 Speaker 1: I look at them, and this is the hardest part 91 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: for me. I look at them some days and I'm 92 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,919 Speaker 1: just like man from fifteen to nineteen. I really have 93 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 1: to arm you with the tools to survive just being yourself, 94 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 1: you know. And I think about that all the time. 95 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 1: I think that's a lesson you learn with situations like 96 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: this that you've been in that now since you've experienced that, 97 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 1: it's how do we equipped our boys. Think about the 98 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 1: hundreds of you know, young men who are in your 99 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 1: mentorship program and in your speed and performance enhancement training 100 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: program where it's not just about learning how to run 101 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,600 Speaker 1: or how to jump, or how to get that college scholarship. 102 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,559 Speaker 1: It's about how to survive in these streets. It's about 103 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:51,360 Speaker 1: knowing the code to which you have to address authority 104 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 1: things like that. I mean, it's what makes this topic 105 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 1: so heavy today, and we feel like it's so necessary. 106 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 1: And you know, people know us for laughing and joking 107 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 1: and smiling on the Graham and having funny videos, but 108 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: we feel like we would be remiss when doing this 109 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: podcast if we did not touch on and speak to 110 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 1: topics that are currently affecting us on a day to 111 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: day basis. Yeah. The truth the truth to millennial parenting, 112 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 1: like the truth millennial parenting right now is this. You 113 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:20,479 Speaker 1: look at the current climate and how racism has become 114 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 1: accepted now because you're allowed to say whatever you want, 115 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 1: and it's like, hey, this is the way I feel. 116 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 1: So now you see how people are approaching us. And 117 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,160 Speaker 1: it was very similar. I remember when Barack Obama in 118 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: two thousand eight first became president and they said we're 119 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 1: going to have a race war, and you saw a 120 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 1: lot of biggots come out because they felt like they 121 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 1: had to defend their whiteness because we had a black president. 122 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 1: And now we have Donald Trump as president and it's 123 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 1: now the biggots are out again and they have to 124 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 1: once again defend their whiteness and then defending their whiteness. 125 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 1: They have to, you know, show you that you're still 126 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:55,720 Speaker 1: just black in America. And it's hard for me sometimes 127 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 1: because all you really want to do in life, it's 128 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 1: just just enjoy your life, have fun and build your family. 129 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: And it's difficult, right, And it's difficult because you're seeing 130 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 1: rights being taken away. You know, you're watching boys still 131 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 1: being murdered in the streets with no repercussion. You're watching 132 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: women being murdered no repercussions. And it's like when you 133 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: when it's just you, you like, I could take care 134 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 1: of myself. It's me and my wife, We adults can 135 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: take care of yourself. But when you send your children 136 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 1: out into the street, you're saying, now, like, oh man, 137 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:35,240 Speaker 1: I just please like that that conversation that we I 138 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: have to have with the boys. Now. I feel like 139 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: sometimes we're regressing. Because I remember my my grandmom, uh 140 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: shout out to Della from South Carolina, Orangeburg, South Carolina. 141 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: I asked her at one point, why were you so 142 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: hard on us growing up? And she said to me, 143 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: you know, growing up when I was growing up, if 144 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: you were a young black boy and you stepped out 145 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: of line, your life could be taken and no one 146 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: would care. So for her it was I have to 147 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: keep you in line first at home, so you know 148 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: how to behave outside. And the only way she knew 149 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 1: how to do that was with force. So we used 150 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 1: to get spankings, but we were all in check, me 151 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: and my brother and my cousin d Van, and so 152 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: that was done out of fear and out of it 153 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: was done out of fear and love. She never wanted 154 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 1: anything to happen to us. It was like, if I 155 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,320 Speaker 1: teach them how to be polite, dressed properly, walk a 156 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: certain way, talk a certain way, it would limit the 157 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 1: opportunities for something bad to happen to them. And I 158 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: felt like when I was young, I was like, oh, well, 159 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,880 Speaker 1: things have changed, so it's not that bad. You know, 160 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: it's not the sixties anymore. They're not lynching people in 161 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 1: the streets anymore, you know, and getting there, and then 162 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 1: you look at the past couple of years and you 163 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: see how many unknowned black men were murdered, which are 164 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: almost like modern day lynchings because they're murdered and there's 165 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:50,079 Speaker 1: no repercussions period. People get to walk away scot free. 166 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: So what's the message we're sending people who are murdering 167 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 1: black boys and black girls. Oh, you can do that, 168 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: because nothing's gonna happen. So now, when when our boys 169 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,640 Speaker 1: are walking in the street and the old solution we 170 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,200 Speaker 1: used to be will take them out of the hood, 171 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 1: move them to a better neighborhood and they can avoid 172 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 1: those things. Hell no, because now you see the stories 173 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 1: of the young black kids who are in the white 174 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: neighborhood and the cops came to the swim party and 175 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: they all got hemp done. He's in the back of 176 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:16,839 Speaker 1: their neck, and it's like, now I'm worried if I 177 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,720 Speaker 1: move my children too are predominantly white neighborhood or an 178 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 1: affluent neighborhood, they have to be the only black and 179 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 1: then they're the target. So you can't avoid it, whether 180 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,199 Speaker 1: you stay in your community or whether you move to 181 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 1: their community. It's almost like you can't avoid it. So 182 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: you have to arm them with a different a different 183 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 1: type of level of understanding that you're black, bro. And 184 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,560 Speaker 1: that's heavy as heavy for me, as heavy as a father, 185 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: it's heavy as a mother. I think it's just heavy 186 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 1: for anybody who loves on these black and brown men 187 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: that we have walking out in these streets, really just 188 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 1: trying to exist in this space that is America today. 189 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,560 Speaker 1: And before we get into our guests, just a little 190 00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:57,679 Speaker 1: background about why we're even talking about this today. According 191 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 1: to Vox, four states have passed beat bills this year alone, 192 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:05,959 Speaker 1: banning abortion as early as six weeks into pregnancy. Alabama 193 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,080 Speaker 1: just passed a near total ban on abortion at any 194 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:13,320 Speaker 1: stage of pregnancy, with no exception for rape or incest. 195 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 1: Missouri moved a step closer to passing a ban on 196 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: abortion at eight weeks just station, also without exceptions for 197 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 1: rape or incests. The bill passed the state Senate and 198 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: now returned to the House for approval. And I was 199 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: down in d C at the Mom Friends with over 200 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 1: five hundred black and brown mamas. We talked about everything 201 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 1: from rearing our children to self care, and I feel 202 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,079 Speaker 1: like it was so very necessary to even touch on 203 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 1: in my keynote speech. I feel like I would have 204 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,079 Speaker 1: been remiss if I didn't speak about women in general 205 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: and how we're under attack in this country and talk 206 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: about the really inhumane and antiquated stance that's been taken 207 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:56,559 Speaker 1: um with the current recent events that cripple women's rights. UM, 208 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,840 Speaker 1: and just so happens that Jamila Lemieux was down with 209 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 1: in d C and we were in passing. We didn't 210 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,719 Speaker 1: get to really chat and talk, but I thought she 211 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,320 Speaker 1: would be an amazing person to have on today to 212 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: speak about, uh, the change in abortion rights and women's rights. 213 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 1: So Jamila, how are you? I'm good? How are you? 214 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 1: I am doing well? I'm doing well. Thank you so 215 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 1: much for joining us today. Deval and I, UM, we 216 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 1: just felt like this was a current event topic that 217 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 1: we had to touch on a little bit, especially after 218 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: the weekend we just had in DC. Absolutely, absolutely, what's up, Jamale. 219 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,080 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us. We We're truly 220 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 1: grateful for your voice. I've been following you on Twitter, 221 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 1: you on Instagram and seeing all the work you've been 222 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: doing and it's it's amazing. Thank you so much. Also 223 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 1: being a mom yourself and having a beautiful daughter, so 224 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,319 Speaker 1: I appreciate you just stepping out here and being a 225 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,079 Speaker 1: voice for millennials and for those of you who don't know. 226 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: Jamala is an award winning writer, communication strategist who's rumored 227 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 1: to be a leading millennial voice around issues of race, gender, 228 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,840 Speaker 1: and sexuality. So it was only fitting to have you 229 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 1: on here today, Jamila UM and I just wanted to 230 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: talk to you really quick about one of your recent 231 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:03,600 Speaker 1: and most polarized saying. I would say Twitter threads that read, um, 232 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,319 Speaker 1: I feel regret and disappointment for not keeping the Gucci 233 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 1: shades I put on layaway at t J max in 234 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: two thousand two. I don't feel anything about not having 235 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: a child I wasn't ready for or interested in having. 236 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: And it breaks my heart watching women share these stories 237 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: from their youth or broken days, or of pregnancies they 238 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 1: wanted but couldn't keep re traumatizing themselves in hopes of 239 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:30,720 Speaker 1: reaching people who refuse to honor our humanity. But for 240 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 1: some goof to say no one wants an abortion implies 241 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 1: that it's okay to criminalize those of us who did no. Wow, 242 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 1: that was a whole whole read So you need to 243 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,720 Speaker 1: tell us, Jimmy Law, where did that come from? What? 244 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: What sparked this this? This, uh, this thread from you? 245 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 1: You know. So we're in this moment where they are 246 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:57,679 Speaker 1: these very restrictive um abortion laws that are being past 247 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: h particularly in southern space, there are other space across. 248 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,960 Speaker 1: Essentially they're looking to pass filar legislation that is going 249 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: to make it damn there impossible for women in these 250 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 1: places too out of pain allegal and safe abortion. And 251 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,920 Speaker 1: I'm careful not to say a pain and abortion because 252 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,680 Speaker 1: you know, we can very easily return to the days 253 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: on which women have to participate in an underground network, 254 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,040 Speaker 1: you know, where they have to go to someone who 255 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 1: doesn't have perhaps the training or you know, the standards 256 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:31,199 Speaker 1: of cleanliness and understanding of you know, the science of abortion, 257 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: uh necessaries to performed it, you know, medical procedure in 258 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: order to obtain one. You know, you're not gonna make 259 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 1: the desire for abortions go away if you restrate women's 260 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,320 Speaker 1: access that you're just going to find another way to 261 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:48,320 Speaker 1: do it right. And so you know, as a result, um, 262 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: you know, a lot of folks have come forward and shared, 263 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,679 Speaker 1: you know, as this indication. Every two years when this 264 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: legislation is on the table, women are coming forward, you know, 265 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,719 Speaker 1: via social media, via blogs, newspapers and magazines to tell 266 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,120 Speaker 1: their abortion stories and so awesome. You know, the abortion 267 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: stories that are told publicly kind of fit the same, 268 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 1: you know, profile it's either I was too young for 269 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,440 Speaker 1: a baby, I was too broke for a baby, you know, 270 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,319 Speaker 1: maybe we had children, it can't afford another one. Um, 271 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,599 Speaker 1: there were some sort of medical prices, so either the 272 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 1: child was not going to survive a lovely life was 273 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 1: at risks, you know, but there was some you know, 274 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 1: serious reason. That's the why. There's also raping incests, which 275 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: is one of the two that you would think an 276 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 1: abortion could be a thing that's very necessary for quickly, 277 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,840 Speaker 1: have have you been open about your your story or 278 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: is this something you choose not to tell you You 279 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 1: just tell that you have one, but you don't really 280 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 1: tell the story, the story, you know, I had an 281 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: abortion when I was this was maybe it was twenty fifteen. 282 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: I was already a mother, a single co parenting while 283 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 1: they're in a very happy, healthy, peacefulball parenting relationship. Financially, 284 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 1: I was doing, you know, pretty okay. We money, I'll 285 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 1: just say that money was not a factor. So it 286 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: was a personal reference just for you, you just do it. 287 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,880 Speaker 1: We were not loved, you know. I think that if 288 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 1: I kept the premacy and maybe we would have tried, 289 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,880 Speaker 1: you know, to be in a romantic relationship. But I 290 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,880 Speaker 1: don't think that's the reasons we tried to make something 291 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: like that happened or work, you know, if that's not 292 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: what you want. You know, if there if the premacy 293 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: wasn't on the table, I would have never considered that right, 294 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 1: So we would be creating a family, you know, because 295 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: we got partner and we'd used the Plan B. You know, 296 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: it wasn't that there was complete cautions wrong to the friends, 297 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,880 Speaker 1: but you know, the mistake was made plans he didn't work, 298 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 1: So I didn't want the baby. And I knew that 299 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,760 Speaker 1: the shot would be fine and we give them a 300 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 1: good life, you know, whether we were together or not, 301 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 1: that if the kid would have a very good life. 302 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 1: But I was like, look, I got I want to 303 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:49,760 Speaker 1: write a book. I got to you know, and they's 304 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 1: not one another baby at that moment, right. And not 305 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: not to cut you off, but I think that's also 306 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 1: a misconception that people often take when it comes down 307 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,080 Speaker 1: to pregnancies, is that you should have taken the proper 308 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: precautions before you've gotten pregnant. You should have used contraceptive, 309 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 1: then you could have used the Plan B. Here you 310 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 1: you did, you use the plan being it didn't work, 311 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 1: so you still had to make a tough decision. And 312 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 1: I think it's hard for men. And I'm speaking for 313 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 1: men because you know, realistically, it's difficult for men to 314 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 1: ever feel comfortable telling a woman what to do with 315 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,040 Speaker 1: her body. But it's also difficult for us to understand 316 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: what you guys go through through pregnancy. I didn't really 317 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 1: truly understand until I watched my wife go through pregnancy 318 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: of how it changes your entire the trajectory of your life, everything. 319 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: So I think these stories are important for for not 320 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 1: only women to be able to share, but for men 321 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: to hear, because unless you've gone through a pregnancy with 322 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: a woman or your wife, you don't know what women 323 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,120 Speaker 1: go through. So I think it is important and I 324 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 1: applaud you for sharing because men need to hear this, 325 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: especially if there's gonna be men making decisions, which to 326 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 1: me is just ridiculous. I think that's the that's the 327 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 1: hardest pill to swallow with this whole thing, is that 328 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: we have a whole team of men who are making 329 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 1: decisions over women's bodies when they I mean, regardless of 330 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,600 Speaker 1: your pro choice, pro life, that's what women like you 331 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: can't walk a mile in our shoes when it comes 332 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: to our pregnancy is our bodies. And I would never 333 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: I would never want to be pregnant or have a baby. 334 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:15,320 Speaker 1: I'm speaking from a man like for me, it's easy 335 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 1: to see why a woman would say I'm not ready 336 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,959 Speaker 1: to have a child. I am not ready to go through, 337 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 1: especially if you're in a career phase. I get it. 338 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,120 Speaker 1: I get it. I watched you go through three times 339 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:25,679 Speaker 1: and to hear your story, you were you know, you 340 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 1: were going towards a bigger party of career. So I 341 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 1: understand and our applogy. That's I really appreciate you sharing that. 342 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,640 Speaker 1: But I do have a question, though, what do you say, 343 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 1: because part of your quote you said that people are 344 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 1: kind of discrediting your right to your humanity. What do 345 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 1: you say to those people who say, well, what about 346 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: what is humane about getting rid of a child? So 347 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 1: to me, I I respect and affirm people's various religious beliefs. 348 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,439 Speaker 1: I think that you know, in a country where we 349 00:17:55,480 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 1: have a separation between church and state, we can't say 350 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,119 Speaker 1: you know, the life again your birth because that's not 351 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: nically true. Right, that's you know that they can't be argued, 352 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: it can be debated. And again, knowing that there needs 353 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 1: to be access to safe and legal abortion because there 354 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,399 Speaker 1: are times where the mother's life is in crisis, or 355 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 1: when the child's life you know, is not going to 356 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 1: serve for the child won't survive. So you have to 357 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: go through a pregnancy knowing that the child is not viable, 358 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 1: you know, and you're getting bigger and your body is 359 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,119 Speaker 1: going through all crystal changes of pregnancy, knowing that the 360 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,920 Speaker 1: baby can't live outside of your body, right when you 361 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,639 Speaker 1: could have saved yourself that trauma, you know, and it's 362 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,919 Speaker 1: terminated earlier, or you know, in a position where you 363 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: could die right about. So there's a there's this need 364 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,919 Speaker 1: for that. And I think that people who feel otherwise 365 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: from a wall ethical standpoint, have a choice right, which 366 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,199 Speaker 1: is to not have an abortion, which is to not 367 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: partner with a woman would be willing to have an 368 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:03,119 Speaker 1: abortion under any sir. That's agreement between two people, you know, 369 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,199 Speaker 1: And I think that that's what's important. If we are 370 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 1: only partner putiple that you know, we can say, hey, 371 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 1: this is where I feel and this is how I stand. 372 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 1: And that's not to say that things can't change, because 373 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,679 Speaker 1: a woman can be like, look, we've got four kids, 374 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,920 Speaker 1: and you know, I thought I'd never be willing to terminate, 375 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: but I just can't do this for my body again. Yeah, no, 376 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: I totally understand that, Jamila. What's one thing that you 377 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,800 Speaker 1: want young women, especially within our community, because that's the 378 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: platform that you have to take away from the conversation 379 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,720 Speaker 1: around these abortion laws. Um, you know, what's what's something 380 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,639 Speaker 1: that you think is the most important thing? Because I 381 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 1: also read an article recently from the Associated Press that 382 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,639 Speaker 1: talked about the nation's birth rates last year reaching record 383 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 1: lows for women in their teens and twenties, which tends 384 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:48,679 Speaker 1: to be the age when most women do have abortions. Um. 385 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: And that's like I think the fewest babies have been 386 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: born in the past thirty two years. So what you 387 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 1: take away from women who because you know, this is 388 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,119 Speaker 1: a choice, and the biggest thing here is that the 389 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,439 Speaker 1: it's not even for your pro life or pro choice, 390 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 1: it's the the fact that the choice is being taken 391 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 1: away from the woman over her body to be able 392 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,639 Speaker 1: to govern over her body. Um. So what do you 393 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,439 Speaker 1: say to young women in the community about this. What 394 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 1: would be the biggest takeaway? Yeah, I really want all 395 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,480 Speaker 1: young women black, you know, young black women in particular, 396 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:19,400 Speaker 1: to one be politically engaged and aware to vote, but also, 397 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,520 Speaker 1: you know, black women's maternal health outcomes, and this is 398 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: the thing I think you mentioned in your femail, but 399 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:29,199 Speaker 1: this is certainly a thing throughout the My friends are 400 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 1: so devastating that the United States remains on with the 401 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 1: United States remains to cop to lift the countries with 402 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 1: uh you know, top ten countries in comes of maternals. Yes, 403 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 1: it's only in it and it we have to recognize 404 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,879 Speaker 1: that it's only because of Black women. It's not because 405 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:55,160 Speaker 1: of the death of white women or not black Latino women. Yes, 406 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:58,240 Speaker 1: that those groups, you know, white women particular, even though 407 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,639 Speaker 1: they're having issues with the chill and birth rates and 408 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,200 Speaker 1: black semen are having infertility issues that aren't being talked about, 409 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,880 Speaker 1: like be clear, but that there, you know, but their 410 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,360 Speaker 1: maternal mortality outcomes to improved. Ours have not. And it's 411 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,280 Speaker 1: not just a matter of inter poverty because for years, 412 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,960 Speaker 1: if so, why is maternal mortality and the mortality rates 413 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 1: so high for black women and so oh, it's because 414 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,000 Speaker 1: it's team pregnancy and poverty. Well, Peain pregnancy rates have 415 00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: gone down drastically over the past twenty years. So it's 416 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,639 Speaker 1: not that la and it's not and it's not class 417 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:32,359 Speaker 1: college educated high earning black woman who has pre natos 418 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,920 Speaker 1: care is more likely to die as a relate die 419 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: red three or four times when I said that related 420 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,960 Speaker 1: to pregnancy related issues, which means it doesn't have to 421 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,360 Speaker 1: be during the pregnancy, that can be within a year 422 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:52,080 Speaker 1: of the birth. So a air Garner's daughter, for example, 423 00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:54,840 Speaker 1: the herd condition that took her out of this world, 424 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 1: you know, it's something that would be attributed to her pregnancy. 425 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 1: We don't talk about dots and enough are like you 426 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 1: there or four times more white me not just on 427 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,920 Speaker 1: white women, but then white women that are only high 428 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:13,040 Speaker 1: school educated and did not have preinatal care too. Yeah, 429 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 1: because there's to talk about, absolutely, and there's so many 430 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,880 Speaker 1: other things that we haven't touched on, like this whole 431 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:24,199 Speaker 1: right wing narrative that's perpetuating that you know, having access 432 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,879 Speaker 1: to abortions means that the black race is trying to 433 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,920 Speaker 1: be eradicated slowly, Like that's one thing that I've heard recently, 434 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,399 Speaker 1: or even just the other the other side of it. 435 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 1: If they make it illegal to have an abortion and 436 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:37,840 Speaker 1: it's now a felony, that takes the way you're right 437 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 1: to vote. Well, there's so many different ways that this 438 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,359 Speaker 1: this whole conversation can go um, but we appreciate you 439 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 1: so much for taking the time to even just touch 440 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,919 Speaker 1: on this. I think what you're using your platform for 441 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 1: is amazing, because, like we said this past weekend, we 442 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 1: need more forums and more arenas to be able to 443 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 1: have these open discussions and ultimately it comes down to 444 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,000 Speaker 1: to research and knowing your rights and and realistically, ladies, 445 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,240 Speaker 1: I appreciate both of you because as a man, a 446 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,800 Speaker 1: black man who talks a lot, who loves to talk, 447 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: it was good to listen to you guys speak about 448 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,959 Speaker 1: this and actually learn while I sat here. I'm never 449 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 1: really speechless, and when I sat here learning so much. 450 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,320 Speaker 1: My wife's been doing research about this for the past 451 00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:18,840 Speaker 1: couple of months and listening to you talk about it. 452 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 1: I appreciate both of you. Guys. We have to have 453 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 1: you on this show to do a full show about this. 454 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:27,040 Speaker 1: We appreciate you. I love that. It's really cool they 455 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 1: I want to say thank you all for using your 456 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,200 Speaker 1: platform for this, because I know how easy it. You know, 457 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 1: y'all are couple goals and family goals and grey and 458 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 1: they inspire us all. But I think this uglier. You 459 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: know this more complicated side of parenting and absolutely definitely 460 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,679 Speaker 1: and the road to that. So thank you so much, Jimmie, 461 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 1: La have a great rest of the day and we 462 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 1: thank you, thank you. So we're going to talk to 463 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,159 Speaker 1: Kenneth Montgomery. He is a lawyer born and raised here 464 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: in Brooklyn. Yes, we love Kenny, have a great history 465 00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: with him and his family, and over the past fourteen years, 466 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 1: he has successfully litigated and defended clients charged with everything 467 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 1: from murder to drug possession, weapons possession, rape, grand larceny, conspiracy, 468 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:16,800 Speaker 1: identity theft, sex abuse, and so much more. And it's 469 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,679 Speaker 1: important to point out that first Kenny started out in 470 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:24,040 Speaker 1: the prosecution. He was in prosecution. He learned a lot 471 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 1: about while being a part of prosecution, but then, while 472 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 1: being a part of prosecution, noticed how many black and 473 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,320 Speaker 1: brown men and women were walking through the doors. Kenny 474 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,600 Speaker 1: is just dope. His family is dope. His team that 475 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 1: he works with is dope. Um, their team is my 476 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,760 Speaker 1: entertainment lawyers. I keep it at home because that's my people. 477 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:49,199 Speaker 1: You know, I trust them, I respect them, and uh, 478 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 1: I can't wait to talk to Kenny about this now, 479 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,600 Speaker 1: this would be dope. And of course Kenny will tell 480 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,000 Speaker 1: you a lot more about himself when he's in and UM, yeah, 481 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: you know it's going to be a heavy loaded topic today, 482 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,920 Speaker 1: but I think it's very necessary, thank you said earlier, Devout. 483 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 1: It's a part of millennial parenting because you know, again 484 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: we don't profess to be experts on everything, but we 485 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 1: do like to at least open the dialogue. And that's 486 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 1: the purpose of this podcast, I think, ultimately, regardless of 487 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 1: what the topic is, if it's something lightweight, if it's 488 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,199 Speaker 1: something heavy, if it's something that provokes some sort of 489 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,400 Speaker 1: thought and can help you to engage in conversations with 490 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,120 Speaker 1: your group chats or your friends or your family. UM, 491 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 1: we're just hoping that whatever you take away from here, 492 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: that it will then open up the dialogue which I 493 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,199 Speaker 1: think is so missing within our community today. Is all right, 494 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,359 Speaker 1: So without further ado, let's jump into this conversation. We 495 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 1: have Kenneth Montgomery with us in the building. Straight up, 496 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 1: I'm literally straight out Queen Supreme. Today today happened to 497 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,119 Speaker 1: be I gotta get used to this much. Today happen. 498 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 1: Today happened to be Queens, And I came straight here. 499 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 1: I'm very um honored to be here. Were honored to 500 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:05,199 Speaker 1: have my favorite my favorite family vice versa you and 501 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,440 Speaker 1: your family, your wife, I love and adore your wife, 502 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,760 Speaker 1: and we have our own little history. I didn't even 503 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 1: know that. Yeah right, we found that out kind of 504 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 1: happenstance one day when I showed up to do her makeup. 505 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,359 Speaker 1: I was like, girl, She's like, yeah, I was at 506 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,120 Speaker 1: the park with you. I was like, what real quick? 507 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 1: Roe v. Wade is going to be challenged, or it 508 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,880 Speaker 1: is being challenged. The most powerful thing that Trump has 509 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:32,639 Speaker 1: in his toolbox is the ability to appoint point these 510 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,960 Speaker 1: federal judges. Um, these federal judges people don't understand, and 511 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:41,920 Speaker 1: this so called civilized society, even even not Supreme Court, 512 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:47,160 Speaker 1: federal district judges are lifetime appointments. So unless they die 513 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 1: or move on there there, their job is He's gonna 514 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 1: put in his group of people to break apart the 515 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 1: civil rights bills, the Roe v. Wades, all those conservative 516 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:08,880 Speaker 1: hot bench issues that are dog whistling topics for millions 517 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: of white people in this country. And um, that's what's 518 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: gonna happen, and and it's it is happening, And UM, 519 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,440 Speaker 1: I think it's ridiculous that in two thousand nineteen and 520 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: the civilized society that I find it appalling that a 521 00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:26,720 Speaker 1: man would determine what a woman should do with a body. 522 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 1: It's like, it's like discussing the racism you can it's scary, 523 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: literally under attacking so many different ways, so many different ways. 524 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:41,920 Speaker 1: So talk a little bit about why you went from 525 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:46,600 Speaker 1: prosecution to defense, that's easy. Um, you know, my motivation 526 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:50,080 Speaker 1: for being an attorney was I had read Malcolm X's 527 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: book really really early, his autobiography, and it got to 528 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 1: a section um where he wanted to be an attorney, 529 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: and the teacher told him that he had to be 530 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,600 Speaker 1: a carpenter, like black people didn't become attorneys. And I 531 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,920 Speaker 1: think that was driving with growing up in New York 532 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,800 Speaker 1: at the time that I was growing up, which was 533 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: in the seventies and the eighties, and wondering why my 534 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 1: neighborhood looked like that, Like I had the feeling as 535 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,040 Speaker 1: a young kid, I didn't know why that something had 536 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 1: happened that was really bad and it was beyond our control. 537 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:27,280 Speaker 1: So that resonated with me. You know, Malcolm X wanted 538 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,359 Speaker 1: to be an attorney, that must be something serious and uh, 539 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: and that was the start. So then when I got 540 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,800 Speaker 1: to law school, Um, I always was good. I think 541 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 1: I had good trial skills really early. And James Cohen, 542 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,560 Speaker 1: who was my professor, a great lawyer, had told me, 543 00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,560 Speaker 1: with my skill set, I should challenge myself and although 544 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,040 Speaker 1: I wanted to be a defense attorney, I should go 545 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: to a rigid environment where I had to train myself. 546 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 1: And he was the person that first suggested I go 547 00:28:57,080 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 1: to the district Attorney's office. Um, and I I went 548 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 1: to Brooklyn. It was Brooklyn or Manhattan. I went to 549 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 1: Brooklyn because Brooklyn had more crime, you know, and I'm 550 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:13,240 Speaker 1: from and it was you know, it's such a diversified borough, 551 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 1: you know, two million people, all kinds of things going on. 552 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,280 Speaker 1: So I was like, let me go to the district 553 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: Attorney's office really to be the spook by the door 554 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 1: and get the information. And then when it was my 555 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 1: time to leave, leave, Can you explain the Spook by 556 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 1: the door Because I people asked me about here's a 557 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 1: great book and film by Sam Greenley called The Spook 558 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: Who Sat by the Door. You could actually see the 559 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,480 Speaker 1: film and its entirety I think if you if you 560 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: google it, and it basically is a story of how 561 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:50,320 Speaker 1: this one agent, black agent became an agent for the government, 562 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 1: but his real it was to overthrow the government. And 563 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:55,640 Speaker 1: it's a little the book is even deeper than that, 564 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,200 Speaker 1: but it's a great film. And I went there and 565 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 1: I knew that I wasn't better than anyone, but no 566 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,600 Speaker 1: one was better than me. But I also knew that 567 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 1: I brought a skill set that most of my colleagues didn't. 568 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: I grew up in Brownsville, I grew up in Crown Heights. 569 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:14,040 Speaker 1: I know what it's like to be in those situations. 570 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,200 Speaker 1: I know what it's like to assess the case in 571 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,400 Speaker 1: the manner that my colleagues didn't. To a lot of 572 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 1: my colleagues, even some of the some of them of color, 573 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,840 Speaker 1: it was almost like they were going to the zoo. 574 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 1: You know. It's these gangs, these bad black guys, Hispanic guys, 575 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,160 Speaker 1: and you can see it. You said earlier that you 576 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,360 Speaker 1: looked at your neighborhood and you could tell that something 577 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 1: had happened that made your neighborhood like that. But what 578 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 1: did you mean by that, because you know, growing up, 579 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,160 Speaker 1: you know, at the time I grew up, it was 580 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,280 Speaker 1: these vacant lots, buildings. I'm like, how did this happen. 581 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,120 Speaker 1: It was almost like a bomb had went off in 582 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,920 Speaker 1: the neighborhood. I go to school in the morning, Um, 583 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,720 Speaker 1: the people addicted to heroin or slouching. At eight in 584 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:55,680 Speaker 1: the morning, I come out for lunch. They still live, 585 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,080 Speaker 1: they just a little bit lower. I come out after school, 586 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,680 Speaker 1: they're there. They head is almost touching it, Like this 587 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,400 Speaker 1: doesn't make sense because my teachers are coming to school 588 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: from Long Island, beautiful teachers I had. Actually they weren't 589 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,360 Speaker 1: trying to save the natives. They were uh, these these 590 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: young Jewish women at the time, who I think they 591 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 1: understood what happened as well. But I know when I 592 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:20,239 Speaker 1: watched different strokes, Mr Drummond crib didn't look like that, right, right, right, 593 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 1: So I'm like, what happened? And then you know, so 594 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 1: you know, my life's journey helped inform me of what happened. 595 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 1: But I went to the d A's office so that 596 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: I can be the best trial attorney on the defense 597 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:38,240 Speaker 1: side and the civil rights side. I can be that, definitely, 598 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 1: And it was challenging though. I remember me and Mike Choi, 599 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,560 Speaker 1: one of my good friends, had had to approach the 600 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 1: bench and this old school judge He literally doesn't look up. 601 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,720 Speaker 1: He just says no, defendants aren't allowed at the bench. 602 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:59,480 Speaker 1: And Troy was he just turned beat red. He didn't apologize, 603 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 1: he didn't he kept it moving. And isn't that similar. 604 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 1: I told a microaggression story similar about a white woman 605 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,000 Speaker 1: saying to me when I was with my son, or 606 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,360 Speaker 1: it must be your day because I was in the 607 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 1: park with mine with with jackson, and it must be 608 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,280 Speaker 1: your day to be with your son and if and 609 00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:17,960 Speaker 1: I had to explain her, no, I'm married, I have kids, 610 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,000 Speaker 1: And she didn't apost. She was just like, oh yeah, 611 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:24,960 Speaker 1: because he wasn't in here to hear that story. But 612 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:28,000 Speaker 1: it's almost exactly the center, you know. And and and 613 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 1: for me it was challenging because I had to and 614 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 1: I ultimately left because I had got what I wanted 615 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:38,560 Speaker 1: or I needed information time the information, and um, you know, 616 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,160 Speaker 1: it was a good experience. I understood what happens politically, 617 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: I understand why this system is the way it is. 618 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,240 Speaker 1: And it also helped me to develop a skill set 619 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 1: that to this day. Um, I can do something for 620 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,840 Speaker 1: my clients and I can give information to my community. 621 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 1: You see, That's that's the key, and that's something I 622 00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,560 Speaker 1: always talk about with my kids. Right, if you're playing chess, 623 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:03,600 Speaker 1: if you're playing football, anything, the first thing you have 624 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,640 Speaker 1: to do is understand your opponent. If you're the oppressed, 625 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 1: you can't defend yourself if you do not know you're oppressing. 626 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: You have to understand the mindset of the oppressor in 627 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 1: order to release yourself from oppression. So many of us 628 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 1: don't even think no, and it's it's difficult for us 629 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,800 Speaker 1: because I think for us, many of us and this 630 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 1: this crosses um. You know, first of all, the dominant 631 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 1: thing about European history in Western culture history and particularly 632 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,760 Speaker 1: it's centered on white supremacy, and a lot of people 633 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:38,600 Speaker 1: get upset about that, but that's what it's centered. And 634 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:43,000 Speaker 1: to continue that system there has to be a d 635 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:49,400 Speaker 1: programming of indigenous people, African people. So for instance, in America, 636 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 1: you know you are likely to you lose if you're 637 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 1: supposed to be successful, you're likely to lose your connection 638 00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 1: to your African heritage. So if you don't know African heritage, 639 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:05,040 Speaker 1: you don't see the value in learning anyone's heritage. And 640 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:10,280 Speaker 1: I think our children feel that. ANDREWS. Hudey Junior High School. 641 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,480 Speaker 1: I went to honey. All of my teachers were Jewish, 642 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,279 Speaker 1: and there was a point during African American History Month 643 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,600 Speaker 1: where we were still doing ann Frank my mom. Now, 644 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,960 Speaker 1: my family is from the country, South Carolina. They grew 645 00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: up fighting, they marched. My mom was the first class 646 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 1: in Madison to be integrated in the seventies. So my 647 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:39,200 Speaker 1: mom heard about She was on the projects all the 648 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,080 Speaker 1: way to Madison and they had to run out of 649 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:42,719 Speaker 1: they couldn't heard the bus. They had to run out 650 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:44,319 Speaker 1: every single day. She was in high school for the 651 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,799 Speaker 1: first two years. So when it comes to educating and 652 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 1: she was like, you need to know about black history. 653 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,360 Speaker 1: So it's now it's like the middle of February and 654 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, I understand, you know, the Holocaust is important, 655 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:58,359 Speaker 1: but it's Black History Month. Lady blacked on me, how 656 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,319 Speaker 1: dare you the Hollo that was the biggest atrocity that 657 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:05,680 Speaker 1: ever happened. Kicked me out of class and called my mom. 658 00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,839 Speaker 1: So I was like, Yo, if you would have called 659 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 1: my mom on this situation, go ahead. My mother came 660 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:14,000 Speaker 1: there and let everybody in that school have it. And 661 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,560 Speaker 1: the sad part is though we did, we did Black 662 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 1: history for the next two weeks. We did Martin Luther King, 663 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:27,440 Speaker 1: we did, we did. He definitely did Peanut and in 664 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,080 Speaker 1: the middle it was March first. That was back to 665 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 1: the Holocaust. And what I'm saying is is that if 666 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:34,359 Speaker 1: I didn't have my parents to teach me about those things, 667 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,279 Speaker 1: who was going to teach me about black history? Yeah. 668 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:39,239 Speaker 1: And it's funny because my parents, like your parents, migrated 669 00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,320 Speaker 1: from the South, um, but they were of My dad 670 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:46,640 Speaker 1: migrated from deep South Alabama. Like literally he had family 671 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 1: members killed by the police, hung on crosses, um like, 672 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:58,040 Speaker 1: very like, and it had broken him. Uh. In my opinion, 673 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,399 Speaker 1: his life was basically he was broken. But my mother 674 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 1: is like, yo, she said, be smart, and I bet 675 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,640 Speaker 1: you they can't do anything. A lot of people don't 676 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:10,920 Speaker 1: understand that when they say that, realistically, one black person 677 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,080 Speaker 1: cannot change anything. You can go up there and fight, 678 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,440 Speaker 1: or you're not gonna change anything. You have to be smart. 679 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,440 Speaker 1: We don't have an ideology, and that it's very frustrating 680 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,920 Speaker 1: to me. You know, I represent people on death row 681 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:26,320 Speaker 1: and charged with federal capital murder um. And and also 682 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,480 Speaker 1: you know I've represented people in the entertainment stuff and business. 683 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:34,319 Speaker 1: You know, black people have been exceptional since we got here. Absolutely, 684 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,520 Speaker 1: Can you give us some examples of cases that you 685 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,400 Speaker 1: worked on where there were clear cases of social injustice 686 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:45,080 Speaker 1: where you've seen blatant discrimination with black and brown men. Absolutely. Um. 687 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,000 Speaker 1: There was a recent case that everyone seems to be 688 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,240 Speaker 1: interested in of the Bronx one. It was a hundred 689 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,400 Speaker 1: and twenty individuals taken out of Eastchester Gardens projects in 690 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,680 Speaker 1: the Bronx and charged federally with crimes. I represented one 691 00:36:56,680 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 1: of the individuals in that case I heard about who 692 00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:03,840 Speaker 1: got time served. That case was a clear overreaching of 693 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:08,000 Speaker 1: the federal government to label people as gang members, to 694 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,840 Speaker 1: to just remove them from the community. The majority of 695 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:14,560 Speaker 1: those cases were not violent, no guns, it was just marijuana. 696 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 1: Get them out. Absolutely, and we don't understand how the 697 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:22,759 Speaker 1: policing now is targeted to certain neighborhoods. That's how they 698 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,000 Speaker 1: do policing now. So that was one case. There was 699 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:28,799 Speaker 1: another case of some years back of a bunch of 700 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:33,040 Speaker 1: young men in Brownsville were arrested for a rate, an 701 00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,719 Speaker 1: alleged rate that was really going in the direction of 702 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 1: the Scottsboro Boys. And it turns out that this was 703 00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:42,600 Speaker 1: on the Ken Thompson's administration. Uh, it turns out that 704 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:46,319 Speaker 1: it was absolutely false, and fortunately all those young men 705 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,480 Speaker 1: were released, but they were all put on television, put 706 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:53,719 Speaker 1: on television their faith. It was a lot of them 707 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,279 Speaker 1: because people were comparing it to the Central Park five 708 00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,439 Speaker 1: and and in the old case called the Scottsboro Boys, 709 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:01,560 Speaker 1: that was a case one of my clients was involved in. 710 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:07,360 Speaker 1: How do you keep the energy too? Because that's draining. 711 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,560 Speaker 1: I call you and you you just sound out of 712 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:10,840 Speaker 1: it and you like your I just got in my 713 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:12,800 Speaker 1: mind in case right now? How do you find the 714 00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:15,840 Speaker 1: energy to continue to fight? Um? You know what? Because 715 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:20,760 Speaker 1: I think if this system is the system that they 716 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,920 Speaker 1: they say it's supposed to be, then the presumption of 717 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:27,879 Speaker 1: innocence should should count for everyone. And in my experience, 718 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:31,319 Speaker 1: the presumption of innocence doesn't count for everyone, particularly in 719 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,440 Speaker 1: federal court. So my job, the most revolutionary act that 720 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,920 Speaker 1: I can do, is to stand up for those people 721 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,440 Speaker 1: who that presumption is not supposed to work for them. 722 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,600 Speaker 1: So my thing is, when you're in your current role 723 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 1: as a defense attorney, the system is so set up, 724 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,400 Speaker 1: like you said, for us to fail, how do you 725 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 1: tell how do you educate young people to exists realistically 726 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,560 Speaker 1: in the day to day where the system is set 727 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,560 Speaker 1: up for us to fail and get caught up in 728 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,719 Speaker 1: the system. That's a that's a great and and something 729 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,680 Speaker 1: I want I want to be clear on. I'm not 730 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,320 Speaker 1: you know, because people say, oh, he's just a defense 731 00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,600 Speaker 1: attorney talking. I'll speak to those who are about math 732 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:12,799 Speaker 1: and mathematicians. Um, if you put a quarter in a 733 00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:17,359 Speaker 1: video game and you won that in the computer one 734 00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,600 Speaker 1: cent of the time, you would be like, Wow, no 735 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,919 Speaker 1: matter how good I get, I'm gonna lose. Think about 736 00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 1: this system that we've created, this legal system. We we 737 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,520 Speaker 1: didn't create it, this legal system in America that that 738 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 1: exists going to trial on a federal level, of the 739 00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:40,879 Speaker 1: defendants lose. That that has nothing to do with how 740 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:44,480 Speaker 1: good the prosecutor is, how good the defense attorney is, 741 00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:49,160 Speaker 1: the judge. That's systematic. So you know, one of the 742 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,000 Speaker 1: things that I have to do is, Um, I realized 743 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,440 Speaker 1: that no matter how good I am, I'm just putting 744 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,120 Speaker 1: a band aid on a gunshot wound. The things that 745 00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,520 Speaker 1: I have to do have to some have to exist 746 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:02,080 Speaker 1: outside out of that courtroom because because once it gets 747 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:03,920 Speaker 1: to that courtroom, right and you know, some of the 748 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,960 Speaker 1: cases that I had, and once it gets there, you know, 749 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:10,680 Speaker 1: I may get you out this time. But the stigma 750 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:15,640 Speaker 1: that's attached what it does, it does after spetical social 751 00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:20,040 Speaker 1: media forget about it. So my goal is to put 752 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:24,080 Speaker 1: myself out of business and to put all of these 753 00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:27,520 Speaker 1: prosecutors out of business. And the way that that has 754 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:29,920 Speaker 1: to be done is we have to start going into 755 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 1: our communities. So it's not going to happen in court. 756 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:38,640 Speaker 1: It's not the legal system. These lifetime appointment federal judges 757 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:42,759 Speaker 1: and these political hack judges on the state level, they 758 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:46,640 Speaker 1: make sure that system stays in absolutely. So as a parent, 759 00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:49,680 Speaker 1: you know, we have a lot of parents who are like, hey, 760 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,759 Speaker 1: can you help me parent through this? How do we 761 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,520 Speaker 1: help those parents who has a young young man a 762 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,160 Speaker 1: young woman at home? And say, okay, if you want 763 00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,319 Speaker 1: to avoid these pitfalls, this is what you do when 764 00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,360 Speaker 1: leaving the how? This is what you do one approached 765 00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:05,600 Speaker 1: by a police officer, an authoritative figure. How? Because because 766 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,239 Speaker 1: I got it's a two part question. The first part 767 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,960 Speaker 1: is that part, you know, what do we tell parents 768 00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,560 Speaker 1: on how to how to educate their kids if they 769 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,799 Speaker 1: if they're in public school? So some some parents can't 770 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,279 Speaker 1: home school as tell as they work. How do we 771 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:21,000 Speaker 1: educate our kids? You know, you know the parents. You know, 772 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:23,040 Speaker 1: it's unfair a lot of times, because I think back 773 00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:26,319 Speaker 1: to my childhood. My mom was working her butt off 774 00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,920 Speaker 1: dealing with my pops and his brokenness. She didn't have 775 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,200 Speaker 1: a lot of time for my nonsense, as bright as 776 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,960 Speaker 1: she was, so unfortunately, sometimes you know, these kids are 777 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,280 Speaker 1: brought into a situation in the world that they didn't 778 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,880 Speaker 1: actually ask for. So how do you do that? I 779 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:46,279 Speaker 1: think there has to be an awareness in the community 780 00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,759 Speaker 1: where we have to stop being afraid to talk to 781 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,799 Speaker 1: one another and knock on the neighbor's door, or you 782 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,160 Speaker 1: see a kid doing something off and you keep your 783 00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:57,880 Speaker 1: mouth shut like it now, I couldn't walk out in 784 00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:01,880 Speaker 1: the streets back in the day without some somebody saying something. 785 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,439 Speaker 1: How dare you? You know? I got into so many 786 00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,200 Speaker 1: fights growing up because my mother was one of My 787 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:12,120 Speaker 1: mother was Miss Barbro in the neighborhood, and you know, 788 00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,680 Speaker 1: my mom was a trouble like she just any kid 789 00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:17,279 Speaker 1: doing something, she has something to say. So when I 790 00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:19,719 Speaker 1: come outside, the kids is like, your mom, won't you 791 00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:23,760 Speaker 1: tell your mother? Mona business? So I'm fighting I'm getting, 792 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,839 Speaker 1: I'm getting I'm getting to fight protecting her, and then 793 00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,560 Speaker 1: I get a beating for fighting in the street. It was. 794 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,600 Speaker 1: It was a mess. But but we don't have that. 795 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,520 Speaker 1: We don't have that. We don't have a village. Everyone's 796 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 1: mining their business, you know, kids that don't want to 797 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:42,799 Speaker 1: be listening. You can't go to Upper East Side and 798 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,880 Speaker 1: start pulling young white males out of their car or 799 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 1: stopping them on their skateboard and out of all and 800 00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:53,279 Speaker 1: coke or heroin, all those drugs that they do. You 801 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,160 Speaker 1: can't do that because you know what will happened you 802 00:42:56,280 --> 00:43:00,640 Speaker 1: do that, You make that a pattern. Then that local congressman, 803 00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:04,319 Speaker 1: that local police department, that community meeting, they're gonna have 804 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:09,760 Speaker 1: problems our community. We don't have that synergy, and somehow 805 00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:12,759 Speaker 1: there has to that synergy has to be created. That 806 00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:15,080 Speaker 1: that to me, is because there's no one being held accountable. 807 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:16,759 Speaker 1: That to me is part of the issue. You know, 808 00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:19,920 Speaker 1: you never want to blame the oppressed for being oppressed, 809 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,600 Speaker 1: but I feel like at some point we lost our weight. 810 00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,800 Speaker 1: You look at the civil rights movement and we watched together, 811 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,560 Speaker 1: we joined the spectacle. And the fact is my grandmother 812 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:29,839 Speaker 1: just there all the time. The worst thing that ever 813 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:35,560 Speaker 1: happened in niggas is they gave and because because integration 814 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,640 Speaker 1: was it was you know, people always talk out Brown v. 815 00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,160 Speaker 1: Board of Education. Your Brown v. Board of Education was 816 00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:43,720 Speaker 1: a very bad decision in my opinion for black people 817 00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:48,239 Speaker 1: because because because kids was really deadly about it that 818 00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,439 Speaker 1: a lot of people don't get to talk about. White 819 00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,239 Speaker 1: people had to accept, Oh, you're gonna alright, my kid 820 00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,360 Speaker 1: is gonna have to sit next to your kid. Alright, 821 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,359 Speaker 1: we're just gonna harass them, We're gonna throw stuff on them, 822 00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:01,000 Speaker 1: blah blah blah. What they weren't willing to do. They 823 00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,800 Speaker 1: weren't willing to have their children taught by black teachers. 824 00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:07,880 Speaker 1: So pre Brown v. Board of Education, it was probably 825 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:11,960 Speaker 1: about eighty two hundred thousand black teachers. Once that decision 826 00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,719 Speaker 1: came down, those black teachers were cutting and they lost 827 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:20,960 Speaker 1: their jobs. So and that was imagine, imagine three or 828 00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:24,759 Speaker 1: four generations of teaching our own children. Imagine three or 829 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:30,080 Speaker 1: four generations of what Malcolm and and self Determination and 830 00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 1: the Panthers were talking. So that had to be you know, 831 00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:37,560 Speaker 1: America had to get rid of anything that even appeared 832 00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:41,239 Speaker 1: to be black and nationalistic and we're seeing what we 833 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,960 Speaker 1: live every day is the result of having lost the war. 834 00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:46,279 Speaker 1: Because you think about now, when things do go wrong 835 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,400 Speaker 1: in the social media era, everything is just like a hashtag. 836 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:53,239 Speaker 1: Everyone's so upset. You're so upset at the moment, and 837 00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,640 Speaker 1: then what happens after that next the other day, I 838 00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:58,000 Speaker 1: was a good friend of mine just got an acquittal. 839 00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,680 Speaker 1: And we always laugh because you know, there's something you 840 00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:02,520 Speaker 1: don't never hear me talking about in a quiddo. I got, 841 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:06,799 Speaker 1: It's that's easy. I'll talk about the losses. I'll talk 842 00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,719 Speaker 1: about those other challenging things because it's nothing to be learned. Like, 843 00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,160 Speaker 1: I'm not here to self promote. I really just want 844 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:15,080 Speaker 1: to be a vessel for change and and and putting 845 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:17,840 Speaker 1: in my work to change this narrative. To be honest 846 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,000 Speaker 1: with you, so, I mean, I know we was short 847 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:21,360 Speaker 1: on time, but I really want you to talk a 848 00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,160 Speaker 1: little bit about what you're doing to help changing that. 849 00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,360 Speaker 1: Talk about Brooklyn, all right, we got we have Brooklyn Combine, 850 00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,839 Speaker 1: which is a group of us who came together. Um too. 851 00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:34,960 Speaker 1: We recognize the social, political, economic, and academic alienation in 852 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,880 Speaker 1: our communities because we all came from different ones. And 853 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:43,719 Speaker 1: we are designers, lawyers, creatives who have come together to 854 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:49,680 Speaker 1: mentor and provide curriculum and into underprivileged neighborhoods like Brownsville 855 00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,200 Speaker 1: where we're from, you know. And also we have programs. 856 00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:55,239 Speaker 1: We send children in our Brooklyn to Alaska program. We 857 00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,920 Speaker 1: send young men from Brooklyn to Alaskas and a half 858 00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:01,440 Speaker 1: wings to learn to land. Uh. You know. Just we're 859 00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:06,760 Speaker 1: doing as much as we can to um create critical thinkers, 860 00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:10,239 Speaker 1: the next generation of critical thinkers. You know, I applaud you. 861 00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,160 Speaker 1: There's one thing that I've I've learned following you for 862 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:15,800 Speaker 1: the past I think it's been eight nine years. You 863 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,239 Speaker 1: don't play the blame game. You never sit back and say, oh, 864 00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:23,239 Speaker 1: it's white people's fault. He's like, what can we do that? Change? Listen, 865 00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:26,080 Speaker 1: I'll call our history. I'm in these federal courts every day. 866 00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:29,200 Speaker 1: I sit on these judiciary screening committees where I interviewed 867 00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,640 Speaker 1: the judges. I sit on these death penalty groups. I 868 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,960 Speaker 1: see what's going on, they see what's going on. Right, 869 00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,560 Speaker 1: the best thing we could do for ourselves is to 870 00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:41,200 Speaker 1: educate ourselves and to stick together and innovate and create 871 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,480 Speaker 1: something else. You know, Ken Man, thank you. This is 872 00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:51,200 Speaker 1: the first time we're literally chipping away at so many 873 00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:53,200 Speaker 1: different topics that we want to cover on the podcast. 874 00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:58,160 Speaker 1: But with the current climate in our society, local, you know, national, 875 00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,360 Speaker 1: we just felt it necessary to come into touch on 876 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:02,360 Speaker 1: it and introduce everyone to you to know that we 877 00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,759 Speaker 1: do have people who are on the front lines and 878 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:10,719 Speaker 1: the back lines every day. You can find me in 879 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,719 Speaker 1: in all five boroughs in Federal State all the time. 880 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:19,720 Speaker 1: But but my um my Instagram kJ M p LLC 881 00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:24,960 Speaker 1: and my Twitter I think is e s Q Montgomery 882 00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:30,480 Speaker 1: alright and if not google them. Thank you guys just 883 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:32,440 Speaker 1: means a lot to me. So what we're hoping is 884 00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:36,359 Speaker 1: that after this conversation today, or these conversations that we've 885 00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:40,240 Speaker 1: had with Jamila and Kenneth, that it now opens dialogue 886 00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:43,040 Speaker 1: and conversations between you and your friends. So whether it's 887 00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:46,440 Speaker 1: in your group, chat with your family over dinner, we 888 00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,319 Speaker 1: can now create a forum for you all to now 889 00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:52,000 Speaker 1: talk about these things that are happening within our communities 890 00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,839 Speaker 1: or within your lives, talk about experiences that you may 891 00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:58,080 Speaker 1: have had different microaggressions and how it's made you feel. 892 00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,160 Speaker 1: I think the biggest takeaway here is to make sure 893 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,000 Speaker 1: that we're talking about it, and also arming yourself with 894 00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:07,120 Speaker 1: the education needed to defend yourself. You know, we're all 895 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:10,120 Speaker 1: trying to exist in America while black, so make sure 896 00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:12,759 Speaker 1: you have the education needed to arm yourself so you 897 00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:14,920 Speaker 1: can live a great, normal life. Before we get into 898 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:17,040 Speaker 1: listening letters, we're gonna get into some ads. Stay tuned, 899 00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:28,560 Speaker 1: we'll be right back this For the record, there it 900 00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:33,880 Speaker 1: is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one 901 00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:38,360 Speaker 1: of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it 902 00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:42,120 Speaker 1: comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from my 903 00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:48,480 Speaker 1: irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the return 904 00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:55,200 Speaker 1: to glory. This is All American, a new series from 905 00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:59,160 Speaker 1: Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Woos 906 00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:02,160 Speaker 1: doesn't know who he is best in the history of golf, 907 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:06,800 Speaker 1: no question in my mind. And this season, with the 908 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:10,960 Speaker 1: help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the 909 00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:14,280 Speaker 1: story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, 910 00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:20,080 Speaker 1: what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is 911 00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,320 Speaker 1: out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite 912 00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:29,719 Speaker 1: podcast app. We're gonna switch gears and get into these 913 00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:32,560 Speaker 1: listener letters. So listeners today are not necessarily about what 914 00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:37,000 Speaker 1: we've spoken about, but I want to make sure we 915 00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,640 Speaker 1: hear from you all. So far getting some good feedback. 916 00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:42,759 Speaker 1: So this first one that jumped out at me for today, 917 00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:45,520 Speaker 1: I'll read a little bit for you. It says I 918 00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,040 Speaker 1: was told that I should get married before I have kids, 919 00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:50,800 Speaker 1: but things turned out the other way. My husband and 920 00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:53,560 Speaker 1: I had a baby before we got married. Our daughter 921 00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:56,520 Speaker 1: just turned a year this month. We got married on 922 00:49:56,600 --> 00:50:01,480 Speaker 1: September four. Sorry, we got married on February fourth, two nine. 923 00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:04,839 Speaker 1: And it's been a challenge because my mother in law 924 00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:11,799 Speaker 1: lives with us. Oh my goodness, my mother in law 925 00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:15,160 Speaker 1: and I have not known each other that long. So 926 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,320 Speaker 1: we just need to figure out a way to communicate 927 00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:22,920 Speaker 1: better and not step on each other's toes. Impossible, but 928 00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:25,719 Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't want me and her 929 00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:27,920 Speaker 1: to keep having these issues because it can put a 930 00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:33,680 Speaker 1: strain on my husband and relationship. Just needs some advice, please, yo, 931 00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:36,160 Speaker 1: this is dead aspects I'm about to give you right now. 932 00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:42,280 Speaker 1: So both of our moms are very involved in our lives. 933 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:45,840 Speaker 1: Right my mom has involved. Her mom is involved, but 934 00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:50,440 Speaker 1: we've noticed a difference in the involvement, Like my mom 935 00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:54,480 Speaker 1: is nowhere near as involved at my house as her mom. Is. 936 00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:56,960 Speaker 1: One of the reasons why my mom said to me 937 00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:58,920 Speaker 1: she didn't want to be involved is because she didn't 938 00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:01,759 Speaker 1: want to be known as the meddling mother in law. 939 00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,920 Speaker 1: And I understand it. I understand it. You don't want 940 00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:08,320 Speaker 1: to be overbearing. When you're a mother in law and 941 00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,040 Speaker 1: you're in your daughter in law's house, you don't really 942 00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:14,759 Speaker 1: have that relationship. Whereas mem Kay's mom, that's her daughter, 943 00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:17,520 Speaker 1: that's that's her mom, Like they have that relationship. So 944 00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,400 Speaker 1: it's a little bit different. I'm gonna I'm gonna be 945 00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:24,640 Speaker 1: honest and say, I don't see how that's gonna work. Yeah, 946 00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:27,040 Speaker 1: I don't know what your current situation is and the 947 00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:29,840 Speaker 1: reason why your mother in law is living with you. 948 00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,360 Speaker 1: I would like to know that, Um, why is it? 949 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:34,320 Speaker 1: Is it because she's helping with the baby or is 950 00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:37,160 Speaker 1: it because financially it makes sense for you guys right now? Like, 951 00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:39,799 Speaker 1: what are the reasons why she's living with you all? 952 00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:43,640 Speaker 1: And I mean, honestly, my mother has also said to me, 953 00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,000 Speaker 1: and she's even said this to me as her daughter 954 00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,640 Speaker 1: in the house as I was getting older and trying 955 00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:52,520 Speaker 1: to like assert my you know, independence, and I would 956 00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:55,040 Speaker 1: you know, say something a little sly or maybe in 957 00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:58,319 Speaker 1: the tadbit she would take his disrespect. She would then 958 00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,839 Speaker 1: look at me and be like, two women can't live 959 00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:07,440 Speaker 1: in the same house. So that being said, sis, because 960 00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:09,759 Speaker 1: you and your mother get it. I mean we do, 961 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,480 Speaker 1: because sometimes too, she'll come in, you know, ever so passive, aggressively, 962 00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,840 Speaker 1: and you know, talk about the state of my house 963 00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:19,799 Speaker 1: and the condition of it, you know, and mom, I'm 964 00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,800 Speaker 1: like your mom, like I got three boys and a husband, 965 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:25,200 Speaker 1: like I'm the only woman in the household, Like you 966 00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:27,200 Speaker 1: should understand my apply and give me a break and 967 00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:31,759 Speaker 1: just come here and not say anything. And and you know, 968 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,040 Speaker 1: she'll always say it comes from a good place, canean. 969 00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,160 Speaker 1: But sometimes you don't want to hear that. So imagine 970 00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:38,560 Speaker 1: not wanting to hear that from your mom taking it 971 00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:40,480 Speaker 1: a step further to trying to hear stuff from your 972 00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:43,239 Speaker 1: mother in law. So that's gonna be tough. But I 973 00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:46,840 Speaker 1: do think it's up to your husband. Don't put that 974 00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,480 Speaker 1: on him, No, don't don't put it has to be 975 00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:51,680 Speaker 1: a thing where you know, you have to also have 976 00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,319 Speaker 1: the communication with your husband and if you feel uncomfortable 977 00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,160 Speaker 1: with the way things are moving in your household. You 978 00:52:57,200 --> 00:52:59,640 Speaker 1: should not have to tiptoe around, and you should be 979 00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:02,000 Speaker 1: able to speak with him, and that way he can 980 00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:04,640 Speaker 1: then in turns maybe speak to his mother, you know, 981 00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:07,920 Speaker 1: and then three have to come together and speak about it. 982 00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:10,880 Speaker 1: You don't think that's that's necessary. I have to know 983 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:13,400 Speaker 1: first of all. I have to know why she's living there, 984 00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,120 Speaker 1: for example. And the reason why I say that is 985 00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,719 Speaker 1: because we don't. We don't know if it's a must think, 986 00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,839 Speaker 1: if it's a health issue for her, if they need 987 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:24,000 Speaker 1: the help. We don't understand. It's hard to give her advice. Yea, 988 00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:26,480 Speaker 1: we don't. I need a little bit more context. But 989 00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:28,800 Speaker 1: I will say this though, right, being a man in 990 00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:33,200 Speaker 1: the house and the women in my in my mindset, 991 00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:37,200 Speaker 1: it's a woman's house, y'all, handle you know when she 992 00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:40,920 Speaker 1: k creates the funct she makes like, there's certain things 993 00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:42,719 Speaker 1: I don't want to argue and debate about. I just 994 00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:44,480 Speaker 1: want to exist. I want to get my sandwiches when 995 00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:46,879 Speaker 1: I need my sandwiches. I might want to drink here there. 996 00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:48,480 Speaker 1: Other than that, I let you do her thing and 997 00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,600 Speaker 1: she can rock. Right, anytime you have a man in 998 00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:53,960 Speaker 1: the middle trying to control two women in one house. 999 00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:56,680 Speaker 1: It's never gonna works of all, are not going to 1000 00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,640 Speaker 1: control any women anyhow, Well, first of all, you don't 1001 00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:03,719 Speaker 1: want us she he needs to interject interjected injection is 1002 00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:10,719 Speaker 1: not a matter of control. You can be yes, why 1003 00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:13,760 Speaker 1: I said he can't get involved? Can I se go ahead? Baby? 1004 00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:18,360 Speaker 1: It's not a matter of controlling the situation. It's about 1005 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,640 Speaker 1: him now being able to somewhat mediate or engage his 1006 00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:25,440 Speaker 1: mother and his wife, whether it be separately or together. 1007 00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:31,880 Speaker 1: Because control control and tell them what to do. You 1008 00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:34,400 Speaker 1: put in a hunted on ten. I didn't say tell 1009 00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:36,360 Speaker 1: them what to do. I said control the situation. If 1010 00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:39,440 Speaker 1: the situation is getting out of control, to mediate the situation, 1011 00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:41,880 Speaker 1: then whatever words you want to use, say, I'm not 1012 00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:44,960 Speaker 1: going to argue about semantics of words. It's this is 1013 00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,480 Speaker 1: why he can't get involved. They're two adults. There are 1014 00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:51,560 Speaker 1: two adults. They need to is their house or the 1015 00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:53,319 Speaker 1: first thing? This is the funny thing. The first thing 1016 00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:56,440 Speaker 1: I said was that it was the women's house. Okay, 1017 00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,759 Speaker 1: I agree, But you want to argue me about the 1018 00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:01,320 Speaker 1: word control When I manically said it's your house, I 1019 00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:04,600 Speaker 1: understand that, but it's the way you formulated the thing 1020 00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:05,640 Speaker 1: it's like, it's not going to You're not going to 1021 00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:08,520 Speaker 1: control the two women. It's just an I didn't say 1022 00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:10,280 Speaker 1: he was going to control the women. I said control 1023 00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:12,960 Speaker 1: the situation first and foremost. How is he going to win? 1024 00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:15,480 Speaker 1: He can't tell his mom what and he can't tell 1025 00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:17,680 Speaker 1: his wife. It's not a matter of winning, though, But 1026 00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:21,120 Speaker 1: when we talk about transparency and communication that people should 1027 00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:24,000 Speaker 1: have within a relationship, whether it's a marriage or it's 1028 00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:26,719 Speaker 1: a parent child relationship, I think it is up to 1029 00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:29,719 Speaker 1: him to be the one to create the dialogue. Because 1030 00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,120 Speaker 1: she said they have not known each other that long. 1031 00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:35,520 Speaker 1: He knows his mother longer than he's known anybody. Understand 1032 00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:38,560 Speaker 1: that baby knows ways to communicate with his mom that 1033 00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:41,239 Speaker 1: can be effective. But that transparency has to come from 1034 00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:43,759 Speaker 1: the two women. He can't always be in the middle 1035 00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:47,120 Speaker 1: saying listen, listen, they're two grown, adult women. I agree 1036 00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:49,360 Speaker 1: they have to be able to be adult enough. I 1037 00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:51,839 Speaker 1: agree with get involved, because I'm telling you right now 1038 00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:54,279 Speaker 1: he cannot. And I'm telling you as a as a 1039 00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:56,719 Speaker 1: man like you, you always say to me, don't man 1040 00:55:56,840 --> 00:56:00,360 Speaker 1: splain right, don't woman splain? I cannot tell my wife 1041 00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:02,839 Speaker 1: how to feel about my mom. And I cannot tell 1042 00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,040 Speaker 1: my mom how to feel about my wife. I agree 1043 00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:08,120 Speaker 1: with that, y'all would have to get I would understand 1044 00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,279 Speaker 1: that I would have to step back and say, listen, 1045 00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:13,160 Speaker 1: I love y'all both. Y'all gonna have to learn you're 1046 00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,040 Speaker 1: gonna have to deal with this if this is the situation. 1047 00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:16,600 Speaker 1: And that's part of the thing that bothers me because 1048 00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:18,200 Speaker 1: we don't even know why she's living in you see 1049 00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:22,399 Speaker 1: my eyes closed. I agree with what you're saying. I'm 1050 00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:26,000 Speaker 1: just saying, since she's concerned about the strain on her 1051 00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:28,960 Speaker 1: marriage with her husband, and she has not known her 1052 00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:32,720 Speaker 1: mother in law that long, I think the husband should 1053 00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:34,920 Speaker 1: be the one if he knows that it's a concern 1054 00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:37,960 Speaker 1: for his wife to say, hey, maybe we should sit 1055 00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:40,600 Speaker 1: down and have this conversation. So let me let me 1056 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,680 Speaker 1: tell you how this goes. Because you're not a husband 1057 00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:47,440 Speaker 1: your wife. Husband goes to mom and says, my wife 1058 00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:50,719 Speaker 1: feels the first thing the mom was probably gonna do 1059 00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:55,000 Speaker 1: is get defensive. I'm telling you, I'm telling you as 1060 00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:59,319 Speaker 1: a son to a mom. If I go, listen, mom, 1061 00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:03,360 Speaker 1: my wife feels like then it's automatically even have to 1062 00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:05,279 Speaker 1: be posed that way. It could just be like, hey, 1063 00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:08,000 Speaker 1: we the three of us have to coexist within this space. 1064 00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:10,920 Speaker 1: How about we sit down and get to know each 1065 00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:13,680 Speaker 1: other a little bit better and we can then open 1066 00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:16,240 Speaker 1: up conversation. Just to make it comfortable for them, let 1067 00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:18,000 Speaker 1: me ask a question. It's not about running to mom 1068 00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:19,680 Speaker 1: and being like my wife said x y Z or 1069 00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:22,680 Speaker 1: want to and my mom said x y Z said 1070 00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:25,600 Speaker 1: that he should listen. This is all I'm saying. I 1071 00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:30,080 Speaker 1: feel like if my wife and I we chose to 1072 00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:32,120 Speaker 1: be together, I would feel like, you know what, my 1073 00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:35,120 Speaker 1: wife can approach my mom in a way that's respectful, 1074 00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:37,600 Speaker 1: and if they're going to build a relationship, I'm going 1075 00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,560 Speaker 1: to allow them to build a relationship. I don't feel 1076 00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:43,600 Speaker 1: like I would need to mediate because I trust this 1077 00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:46,080 Speaker 1: woman who was my wife. I know my mom. I'm 1078 00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:48,640 Speaker 1: letting them is two grown adult women. I just know 1079 00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:51,680 Speaker 1: that from being a husband and speaking to other husbands 1080 00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:55,320 Speaker 1: that have issues with mother in laws and wives. When 1081 00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:58,920 Speaker 1: he whenever the fathers get involved with the husbands get involved, 1082 00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:02,920 Speaker 1: always gets worse. It always gets worse. I guess you're 1083 00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:04,920 Speaker 1: speaking from some experience that I don't know. I was 1084 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,960 Speaker 1: just saying, I mean, you know, some of the situations 1085 00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,760 Speaker 1: about mother in laws and wives and how it's always 1086 00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:11,520 Speaker 1: like whenever he get involved, it is he's taking her 1087 00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:13,080 Speaker 1: side and he's taking this. So yeah, and I don't 1088 00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:15,040 Speaker 1: think it has to be a side being taken thing either. 1089 00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:16,840 Speaker 1: I think people you should be able to just have 1090 00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:19,120 Speaker 1: a conversation and say, this is what it is, this 1091 00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,040 Speaker 1: is how I feel, and how do we plan to 1092 00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,640 Speaker 1: move forward and co exist in this space. But again, 1093 00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:25,520 Speaker 1: we don't know why they're together in the space that 1094 00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:27,920 Speaker 1: they're in. We don't know why. You know, the mom 1095 00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:31,000 Speaker 1: is living there. So it's tough. It's tough. But being 1096 00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,040 Speaker 1: a woman and knowing what it's like to have a 1097 00:58:33,120 --> 00:58:35,520 Speaker 1: mother in law, you know, there's a way that the 1098 00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,680 Speaker 1: mother in law. Yes, like your mom is very detached 1099 00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:39,960 Speaker 1: from us because she doesn't she's fearful in the middle 1100 00:58:40,160 --> 00:58:42,520 Speaker 1: metal and she's been the opposite of that. And then 1101 00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:45,040 Speaker 1: you live with my mom who is now in the house, 1102 00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:47,760 Speaker 1: you know, doing her thing when she comes over. But 1103 00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:51,520 Speaker 1: it's different for a daughter with her mother in the house. Yeah. 1104 00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:54,120 Speaker 1: So and you would normally address your mom with situations 1105 00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,760 Speaker 1: because I'm like, I'm not I'm not gonna address you. 1106 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,960 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna dress your mom, you know, like that's 1107 00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:01,440 Speaker 1: that's normally what you'll do. But we do have conversations. 1108 00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:03,280 Speaker 1: You have an open line of communication with my mom, 1109 00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:05,520 Speaker 1: and if I feel like you feel a way about something, 1110 00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:07,320 Speaker 1: I feel comfortable enough to talk to my mom about 1111 00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:09,640 Speaker 1: it as well too. So I think that comes with time. Though. 1112 00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:12,040 Speaker 1: Think about how long we've been together together, seventeen years, 1113 00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:17,880 Speaker 1: Like she said, you know, they literally don't know. Yeah, yeah, sorry, sis, sorry, 1114 00:59:17,920 --> 00:59:19,600 Speaker 1: we had more information. Maybe if we got more information, 1115 00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:22,240 Speaker 1: we could know how to to better give you our 1116 00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,600 Speaker 1: take on it. Um, all right, they go to the 1117 00:59:24,640 --> 00:59:26,760 Speaker 1: next one. I've been married for almost a year and 1118 00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,000 Speaker 1: I love my husband. I'm sure who are married, and 1119 00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:32,360 Speaker 1: I'm confident we will make it through anything. The issue 1120 00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:34,960 Speaker 1: is sex. Although I find my husband attractive, he is 1121 00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:37,560 Speaker 1: not someone who likes working out, and he is about 1122 00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,520 Speaker 1: two inches shorter than me. He's also not into being 1123 00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:43,440 Speaker 1: super romantic or any of that stuff. How do I 1124 00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:46,720 Speaker 1: navigate the sexual space when there are a few things 1125 00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:50,440 Speaker 1: that act as block aides M Do I force myself 1126 00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:52,680 Speaker 1: to have sex? Do I keep telling him to be 1127 00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:55,000 Speaker 1: healthy and romantic? Do I just let it go and 1128 00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:59,000 Speaker 1: we have sex every now and then help you can 1129 00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:00,760 Speaker 1: speak on that baby is you feel like you never 1130 01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:02,680 Speaker 1: get it enough for me, so go ahead and tells 1131 01:00:02,720 --> 01:00:08,800 Speaker 1: us what to do, all right? So this is I mean, hey, 1132 01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:10,880 Speaker 1: the facts are the facts. This is yeah, the facts 1133 01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:12,520 Speaker 1: are the facts because I know, I know how it 1134 01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:14,640 Speaker 1: feels want to have to force yourself to be in 1135 01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:16,760 Speaker 1: the mood to have sex, and that ship is wacked. 1136 01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:18,880 Speaker 1: So yeah, and the ship is wat to have someone 1137 01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:20,640 Speaker 1: have to be forced to have sex with you and 1138 01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:23,520 Speaker 1: is wack. Right, So it's back on every level, back 1139 01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:25,360 Speaker 1: on every street. The funny thing is that she said 1140 01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:28,720 Speaker 1: that's very different is that she says she's not attractive 1141 01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:31,920 Speaker 1: attracted to her husband. He doesn't like to work. But 1142 01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:34,880 Speaker 1: she said, although I find my husband attractive, he's not 1143 01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:36,640 Speaker 1: someone who likes working out. So I think she she 1144 01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:41,640 Speaker 1: that was oxy more ron right there, although because you 1145 01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:43,800 Speaker 1: felt like you had to say it, but clearly, if 1146 01:00:43,840 --> 01:00:46,480 Speaker 1: you're saying that he doesn't work out, then you're not 1147 01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:48,880 Speaker 1: attracted to him in this moment. And it's two inches 1148 01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:50,560 Speaker 1: shorter than you. So when you can wear heels, like, 1149 01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:52,240 Speaker 1: how does that work? Do you wear heels or do 1150 01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:54,200 Speaker 1: you wear flats? See, But that's why I think the 1151 01:00:54,360 --> 01:00:57,080 Speaker 1: situation a little bit different than ours. But with the 1152 01:00:57,160 --> 01:01:00,040 Speaker 1: sex situation, I'm very open about codeem with what I 1153 01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,120 Speaker 1: need and what I want. So I would tell you 1154 01:01:02,640 --> 01:01:05,520 Speaker 1: if that's your husband, he's supposed to be responsible for 1155 01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:08,760 Speaker 1: handling all of your sexual needs as your husband. So 1156 01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:11,280 Speaker 1: you're gonna have to say to him, Bro, we're in 1157 01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:15,000 Speaker 1: this together for life, life. So if you want to 1158 01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:16,800 Speaker 1: be in this together for life, I'm gonna need you 1159 01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:18,520 Speaker 1: to pick up the slack on these things. I'm gonna 1160 01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:21,120 Speaker 1: need you to work on this, you know. And that's 1161 01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:24,360 Speaker 1: just me. I I'm all about candor, I'm all about 1162 01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:28,600 Speaker 1: honesty and upfront. Ye are, so tell them you sure do? 1163 01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:37,560 Speaker 1: So get some lifts alright where Tim's more often, but 1164 01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:39,320 Speaker 1: she says she two inches on him, So he gets 1165 01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:42,480 Speaker 1: the double Soul team. Put a lift in there. Now 1166 01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:44,640 Speaker 1: that's a good three inches. Now he toiling in her 1167 01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:50,040 Speaker 1: and she could be in the bedroom exactly and flops. 1168 01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:52,200 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. He worked out a little bit, 1169 01:01:52,560 --> 01:01:55,439 Speaker 1: because listen, if you told me as my as my wife, 1170 01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:56,920 Speaker 1: if you told me, like babe, I really want you 1171 01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:59,080 Speaker 1: to work out, I'd be in the gym every day 1172 01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,720 Speaker 1: because I've wants to have you maybe tried to you said, 1173 01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:04,439 Speaker 1: do I keep telling him he needs to be healthy, 1174 01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:07,440 Speaker 1: But are you helping to ensure that he's healthy? Are 1175 01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:11,720 Speaker 1: you working out with him? If y'all are in this together, 1176 01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:15,120 Speaker 1: let's see, are you helping him to make those healthy choices? 1177 01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:18,000 Speaker 1: And you know, doing workouts together so that way you 1178 01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:21,120 Speaker 1: can work out in the bed together, like getting at it, 1179 01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:24,160 Speaker 1: getting at it um and then yeah, you know, romance 1180 01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:26,479 Speaker 1: and spark, that's something that I think every woman wants. 1181 01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:29,360 Speaker 1: You know he's lacking there, right, you gotta tell him 1182 01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:31,720 Speaker 1: be romantic. If if he wants to have sex more often, 1183 01:02:32,200 --> 01:02:35,440 Speaker 1: he should put the energy into being more romantic. If 1184 01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,560 Speaker 1: that's what. If he wants more sex, he should try 1185 01:02:37,600 --> 01:02:40,280 Speaker 1: to be more romantic. And if you still don't want 1186 01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:42,360 Speaker 1: to have sex after him trying to be romantic, you 1187 01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:44,280 Speaker 1: have to be honest with him that you know, this 1188 01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:46,040 Speaker 1: is not really what I want to do, and then 1189 01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:48,400 Speaker 1: you're gonna you guys have to make some tough decisions. 1190 01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:50,760 Speaker 1: Becaudana and I have been there. You know, I work 1191 01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:53,160 Speaker 1: out all the time. I'm tolding her I try to 1192 01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,840 Speaker 1: be romantic, and sometimes she still don't want to have sex, 1193 01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:57,840 Speaker 1: and I'll be like, yo, what is wrong with you? Bro? 1194 01:02:58,720 --> 01:03:00,440 Speaker 1: And she's just like, I don't, I don't know, but 1195 01:03:00,560 --> 01:03:03,120 Speaker 1: we we do have three kids and niggas be tired, 1196 01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:05,520 Speaker 1: you know. And there was a point where she talked 1197 01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:08,000 Speaker 1: about how she was she wasn't comfortable within her body. 1198 01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:11,520 Speaker 1: Hormones is like a roller coaster, so there's times how 1199 01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:14,080 Speaker 1: it is. But your last question said, do I just 1200 01:03:14,240 --> 01:03:15,800 Speaker 1: let it go and we have sex every now and 1201 01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:17,480 Speaker 1: get no, don't let it go. You can't give up 1202 01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:20,280 Speaker 1: if you're married. There's no letting anything go. I'm going 1203 01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:22,640 Speaker 1: to do not let it go. Insight right here, listen 1204 01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:26,320 Speaker 1: to this inside. Your man knows when you're having sex 1205 01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:29,040 Speaker 1: and don't really want to have sex, and the ship 1206 01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:32,560 Speaker 1: is whack. We know, I know for a fact when 1207 01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:34,960 Speaker 1: Code is like, all right, let's just have sex, even 1208 01:03:35,040 --> 01:03:36,720 Speaker 1: when she tries to act like she's in the mood 1209 01:03:36,720 --> 01:03:38,200 Speaker 1: and I was like, you really wasn't in the mood, 1210 01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:42,840 Speaker 1: and she'd be like no, no, not necessary at this point, 1211 01:03:42,960 --> 01:03:45,960 Speaker 1: So you can get this screw face out of here. Man, 1212 01:03:46,600 --> 01:03:49,840 Speaker 1: be happy and happy. Sometimes you're gonna take that booty 1213 01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:52,120 Speaker 1: just like that too. Sometimes you're just gonna be like, 1214 01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:56,280 Speaker 1: you know, don't make the best of it. Fine, but 1215 01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:58,840 Speaker 1: you better come back a little role play and be like, 1216 01:03:59,520 --> 01:04:02,160 Speaker 1: yeah sometimes you know, you know, she act mad or whatever, 1217 01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:04,840 Speaker 1: but just talk to each other. Yeah, you have to. 1218 01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:08,080 Speaker 1: You haven't do it for you, do it for your marriage. 1219 01:04:08,320 --> 01:04:10,960 Speaker 1: You know, we're suckers for love and people being happy 1220 01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:13,360 Speaker 1: though authentically, and I think you need to have the 1221 01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:16,680 Speaker 1: conversation and know those conversations an't easy. They're not easy 1222 01:04:16,720 --> 01:04:18,360 Speaker 1: in our house, so it's not gonna be easy. I 1223 01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:19,600 Speaker 1: don't want you to think that we sit there and 1224 01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:22,160 Speaker 1: laugh about these conversations. No, these conversations be real in 1225 01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:26,120 Speaker 1: our house, and they often last about three or four days. Yeah. 1226 01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:27,800 Speaker 1: I mean we've gotten better, We've been able to like 1227 01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:32,080 Speaker 1: cap discussions and go forward, but working on it every 1228 01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:35,040 Speaker 1: day is a work in progress for us. All good luck, baby. 1229 01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:37,120 Speaker 1: If you want to reach us and ask us for 1230 01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:39,440 Speaker 1: some advice so you can end up on our listening to, 1231 01:04:39,560 --> 01:04:42,000 Speaker 1: let us, make sure that you email us at dead 1232 01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:44,800 Speaker 1: Assi Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A 1233 01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:47,760 Speaker 1: D A S S A d V I c E 1234 01:04:48,240 --> 01:04:50,360 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Even if you want to just 1235 01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:52,240 Speaker 1: drop more on some school and just let us know. Hey, 1236 01:04:52,400 --> 01:04:54,760 Speaker 1: we love you guys. We appreciate those emails as well. 1237 01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:57,120 Speaker 1: All right, So that wraps up our listener letters for 1238 01:04:57,280 --> 01:05:00,160 Speaker 1: this week. Those are two nice, little juicy topic to 1239 01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:02,640 Speaker 1: talk about. UM, so about tell me, this was a 1240 01:05:02,760 --> 01:05:06,680 Speaker 1: very loaded, heavy episode. Um what was your moment of 1241 01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:09,520 Speaker 1: truth or your takeaway from this? My moment of truth 1242 01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:13,080 Speaker 1: is is very simple, is that it's difficult to be 1243 01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,760 Speaker 1: black in America. People have to stop acting like it's not. 1244 01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:19,440 Speaker 1: People have to stop acting as if it's gone, you know, 1245 01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:21,440 Speaker 1: like we hear all of these excuses of all get 1246 01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:23,520 Speaker 1: over it, already, get over this. No, people still go 1247 01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:25,560 Speaker 1: through a lot on the day to day being black 1248 01:05:25,600 --> 01:05:28,160 Speaker 1: in America, and it's okay to admit that sometimes you 1249 01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:31,600 Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable being black. Here that's my moment of truth. Also, 1250 01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:33,200 Speaker 1: I want people to know that you don't have to 1251 01:05:33,240 --> 01:05:35,880 Speaker 1: live in that truth and just feel sad. Educate yourself 1252 01:05:36,360 --> 01:05:39,120 Speaker 1: on how to get through that and find a way 1253 01:05:39,160 --> 01:05:41,280 Speaker 1: to help it so that you can pay it forward. 1254 01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:43,720 Speaker 1: Because our children shouldn't have to exist the same way 1255 01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:45,640 Speaker 1: we exist today, and the only way we can change 1256 01:05:45,680 --> 01:05:48,640 Speaker 1: that is to educating ourselves and giving them the education 1257 01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:50,840 Speaker 1: they need to be better. That kind of ties into 1258 01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:53,520 Speaker 1: that's joke, that ties into I guess my my moment 1259 01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:55,760 Speaker 1: of truth or my takeaway from this, UM. I think 1260 01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:58,160 Speaker 1: in talking to both of our guests today, UM, one 1261 01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:00,200 Speaker 1: thing that I love is that they both are using 1262 01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:03,720 Speaker 1: their platforms to be able to speak to the masses, 1263 01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:06,680 Speaker 1: to be able to educate people, to speak about their 1264 01:06:06,760 --> 01:06:10,360 Speaker 1: real life experiences, and how they are now using their 1265 01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:14,160 Speaker 1: platforms and their their arenas to reach people. You know 1266 01:06:14,320 --> 01:06:16,919 Speaker 1: Kenneth who is with UM. You know his program that's 1267 01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:20,720 Speaker 1: reaching out to kids the Brooklyn Combine, who are showing UM, 1268 01:06:20,800 --> 01:06:24,800 Speaker 1: black and brown men different parts of life that's outside 1269 01:06:24,840 --> 01:06:29,120 Speaker 1: of their community, men and women, men and women. Great, 1270 01:06:29,120 --> 01:06:31,680 Speaker 1: I missed that part, So that's amazing. UM. Just showing 1271 01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:35,000 Speaker 1: them life outside of their the confines of their immediate 1272 01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:38,080 Speaker 1: community is so important. UM. And you know, just making 1273 01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:41,120 Speaker 1: sure that we're we're researching and educating ourselves, even just 1274 01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:43,320 Speaker 1: about the women's rights segment that we spoke about, and 1275 01:06:43,760 --> 01:06:46,200 Speaker 1: how us as women need to take UM as much 1276 01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:48,760 Speaker 1: control as we can over our bodies and over our 1277 01:06:49,640 --> 01:06:53,480 Speaker 1: maternal rights for health care and and things of that nature. 1278 01:06:53,920 --> 01:06:56,160 Speaker 1: So UM, thank you so much again to our two 1279 01:06:56,240 --> 01:06:58,960 Speaker 1: guests who really gave us a lot of insight about 1280 01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:01,960 Speaker 1: both topics and UM, I think as a community we 1281 01:07:02,040 --> 01:07:04,640 Speaker 1: can work together and we should be doing more of 1282 01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:06,880 Speaker 1: that to at least on a local levels, start to 1283 01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:11,439 Speaker 1: change things, um, you know, more immediately because everything starts locally. Yeah. 1284 01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:13,160 Speaker 1: Three episodes in, so we're just gonna want to find 1285 01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:14,800 Speaker 1: ways to make this better and better for you guys, 1286 01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:18,000 Speaker 1: because you're with us for the long haul, all right, 1287 01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:20,800 Speaker 1: And be sure to follow us on social media. Cadean 1288 01:07:21,000 --> 01:07:23,400 Speaker 1: I am, that's k h A D E E N 1289 01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:26,880 Speaker 1: I am, and that's I am Devout I A M 1290 01:07:27,080 --> 01:07:29,480 Speaker 1: D E V A l E. And if you're listening 1291 01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:33,600 Speaker 1: on Apple podcasts, be sure to rape and subscribe and 1292 01:07:33,680 --> 01:07:37,880 Speaker 1: spread the word. Dead as dead Ass is a production 1293 01:07:37,920 --> 01:07:42,160 Speaker 1: of Stitcher's produced by T Square, Stephanie Karauke and Dinor Opinion. 1294 01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:44,880 Speaker 1: Our executive producer is Chris Banning, and we'd like to 1295 01:07:44,920 --> 01:07:48,120 Speaker 1: give a special thanks to our recording engineer Jared O'Connell, 1296 01:07:48,400 --> 01:08:00,320 Speaker 1: our sound designer Brendan Burns, and studio manager Ashley Warren. Yeah, 1297 01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:04,920 Speaker 1: we're back. I'm Drew McGarry and I'm David Roth. We 1298 01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:06,880 Speaker 1: have a podcast going on right now as part of 1299 01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:10,240 Speaker 1: the stitchen Everywhere called Abstraction that's available everywhere. Get a 1300 01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:14,440 Speaker 1: podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go. Listen right now to 1301 01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:16,840 Speaker 1: the Distraction, right now. It's out. Do it, please,