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Speaker 1: What would you talk about on your on your podcasts show.

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Speaker 1: We gotta do this and wrap this up because I

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Speaker 1: have to go home and start hiding things. Why you

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Speaker 1: hiding things? Because my mom as we speak, is at

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Speaker 1: the airport and she will be flying in today and

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Speaker 1: I have to hide things before she arrived. As soon

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Speaker 1: as you said hide things, I knew Mom was coming

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Speaker 1: to town. We're talking about the things like you always say,

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Speaker 1: you have to hide things, but let's get specific things. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's even more of an issue this time because I'm

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Speaker 1: moving and my mom is helping me pack, and so

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Speaker 1: my mom is going to be like going through my

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Speaker 1: stuff and um, I was making my bed, for example,

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Speaker 1: and I looked behind the mattress between the wall and

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Speaker 1: my bed and I found a used condom. So that's

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Speaker 1: the do you know this garbage cans at some point?

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Speaker 1: It so so my mom. I need to make sure

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Speaker 1: my mom doesn't find stuff like that as she is

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Speaker 1: helping me clean, Like, I don't know, you know, I've

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Speaker 1: been there for three years. You don't know what kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff gets desk question. Yeah, um, what was going

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Speaker 1: on that the penis was in the area by the

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Speaker 1: top of the mattress or did it get flung. I

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Speaker 1: think it got flung in transition from one act to

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Speaker 1: sleeping the next. Don't don't bring a black light and

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Speaker 1: like a long night multiple acts of the play, so

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Speaker 1: you know you do want to act. You think that

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Speaker 1: it's all done, and then maybe you want to have

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Speaker 1: another or maybe there's an intermissions to the bathroom. Definitely,

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Speaker 1: we're getting off the subject. The subject stuff trying to

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Speaker 1: get pervy on your parents. Yeah, I have to, I have,

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Speaker 1: but I know that I'm not the only one. Like Daniel,

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Speaker 1: your mother comes over a lot, but you live with

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Speaker 1: their family, right. But here's the thing. I think your

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Speaker 1: mother would be more acceptable of finding certain things than

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Speaker 1: my mother. My mother doesn't even know what half this

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Speaker 1: stuff is. She probably would pick some of it up

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Speaker 1: and go, Danny, what is Why isn't happen? And when

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Speaker 1: you have kids, you don't really have that stuff late? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, mom still thinks you're virgin you have two kids.

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Speaker 1: You're right, I told him the conception. Scotty be just

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Speaker 1: walked in and we're talking about Bethany's mom coming over

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Speaker 1: to help her move this weekend and finding random things.

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Speaker 1: Scotty moved. Scotty Be moved out of his apartment with

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Speaker 1: his wife, and I was elected to help him move.

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Speaker 1: More like I was corks uh coach coax into it.

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Speaker 1: H He goes here, take this, and on on the

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Speaker 1: box that he hands me, it says bathing suits and

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Speaker 1: wedding photos. So I go, oh, how how nice I

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Speaker 1: was at the wedding? You know? Let me box opens

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Speaker 1: up nothing but porn during the Porn VHS DVDs magazine.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe you guys are talking about this because

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Speaker 1: this happened esterday. We're painting my kitchen and my mom

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Speaker 1: was helping me take pots and pans and stuff off

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Speaker 1: the top of the cabinets, and there was a deck

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Speaker 1: of cards from the seventies with b J's on each

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Speaker 1: one of them. And I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: but my mom knows how twisted and perverted I am.

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Speaker 1: So it really was. It was nothing, but it's just

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Speaker 1: kind of awkward having your mom. Why did you hide

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Speaker 1: them up there? I don't even remember they've been there

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Speaker 1: for years. Yes, yes, I prefer Costco. But I told

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Speaker 1: you that happened when my aunt had was when my

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Speaker 1: cousin was little. My aunt was having one of her

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Speaker 1: friends over for the first time, and the mom came

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Speaker 1: over to pick the kid up. My cousin proceeds to

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Speaker 1: pick up a vibrator from my aunt's side table and

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Speaker 1: throws it down the staircase. So the mom is standing

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Speaker 1: at the front of the door that she's never met before.

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Speaker 1: Care comes the vibrator and it lands right in front

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Speaker 1: of the woman's feet, and my aunt had to explain

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Speaker 1: this Scotty has the next There was one time where

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Speaker 1: my wife and I walked into our bedroom and my

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Speaker 1: older daughter is massaging my younger daughter on the back

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Speaker 1: with this giant vibrator and we just looked at each other,

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Speaker 1: and of course we laughed. But it's so I don't

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Speaker 1: there's way too much stuff that's accessible in our house

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Speaker 1: that my kids are going to grab that I need

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Speaker 1: to start childproofing. So, Bethany, you're screwed. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: I am screwed, But I think you're right, Danyelle, because

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Speaker 1: my mom is pretty understanding. And like I said, so,

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Speaker 1: I do a podcast with Kathleen and Sam called an

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Speaker 1: Acquired Taste, and we were talking about this part apartment transition,

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Speaker 1: and I said, you know, the good thing is that

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Speaker 1: moving into this new apartment, like it's a fresh start.

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Speaker 1: And I said that in my current apartment, like I

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Speaker 1: there was a period of time that I was just

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Speaker 1: kind of in self destruct mode, making bad choices and whatever,

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Speaker 1: and so now fresh start. So I was talking to

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Speaker 1: my mom yesterday and she said, yeah, I heard on

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Speaker 1: your podcast. You know you this is a fresh start.

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Speaker 1: Your old place has bad memories and they're was like,

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Speaker 1: no judgment, there was no questioning, she just was. She

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Speaker 1: just sort of like invented whatever that was, and then

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Speaker 1: moved on. My mom was taking me aside and said,

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Speaker 1: can we talk about this? Yeah, my mom is just

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Speaker 1: like she she's she's pretty great that way. So if

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Speaker 1: she does find anything, she'll probably take it all instride.

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Speaker 1: But I think if anybody out of this room right here,

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Speaker 1: Scary doesn't really have anything to hide in his apartment.

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Speaker 1: I live alone and my parents don't come to my

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Speaker 1: house that offense. But even so, you don't have things.

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Speaker 1: I don't see you as a person that hides I

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Speaker 1: know anything, No, I really don't. There's nothing that you're

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Speaker 1: going to find. You have any porn on your computer? Zero?

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Speaker 1: I don't think Scary watches porn. Well, we did, Scary.

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Speaker 1: We watched that one day at your house and team

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Speaker 1: not by my choice though, great story direct and he

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Speaker 1: likes to spend money on point. He likes the whole plot.

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Speaker 1: He won't watch regular, just scenes in my living room

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Speaker 1: watching porn, cracking up, laughing at the dumb storyline like

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Speaker 1: fifteen of film porn scar. Your apartment is like if

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Speaker 1: you if you get an apartment that's already furnished, That's

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Speaker 1: what Scary's apartment looks like. It looks like a furniture

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Speaker 1: store came in and did your apartment and then no

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Speaker 1: one's lived in it because it's so clean. It's like

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Speaker 1: a magazine. It looks like you walked into a picture

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Speaker 1: of a magazine. I was just gonna say that, like

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Speaker 1: I'm afraid to put anything down on the table or

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Speaker 1: move a chair, and I don't. It doesn't I have

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Speaker 1: to be honest with you. It looks great, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: feel comfortable, Like I don't go to your house and

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Speaker 1: feel like I could hang out here everyone. I feel like,

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Speaker 1: don't touch it. I feel like the most uncomfortable your

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Speaker 1: You know how your grandmother has plastic on the furniture

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Speaker 1: don't sit on it. I feel like your whole apartment

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Speaker 1: has imaginary furniture, plastic, like everything's just there. I also

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Speaker 1: don't feel like you're in your apartment a ton barely. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I go right to my bedroom and I lay in

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Speaker 1: my bed, and then you're out a lot. You're outdoing

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Speaker 1: stuff a lot. I live in my apartment when I'm

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Speaker 1: not home. Right when I am home, I I'm literally

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Speaker 1: laying in my bed. You ever sit on the couch?

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Speaker 1: Put your feet up on that table? What's that table called?

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Speaker 1: What the the table? The Herman Miller Gucci, It's the

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Speaker 1: Gucci coffee Herman Miller. Have you sat in their air

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Speaker 1: on chairs. Yes, it's a modern classics and coffee. No, no no, no.

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Speaker 1: The Negucci table was made in ninety eight by n

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Speaker 1: Gucci and it's a classic design. You guys have seen

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Speaker 1: it on the set of a lot of TV news shows.

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Speaker 1: Is it fair trade organic? It's been in a lot

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Speaker 1: of films. No, it's in the Museum of It's it's

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Speaker 1: a modern classic Museum of Scones Real. Or is it

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Speaker 1: a replica? No, it's real. Herman Miller is the only

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Speaker 1: is the only manufacturer that is allowed to make the

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Speaker 1: Negucci table. Anything else is a knockoff, but Herman Miller

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Speaker 1: is licensed to make it. They have the rights to

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Speaker 1: make it, and it's been made since the same exact

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Speaker 1: way now in comparisons, and he actually appreciates in value. Now,

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Speaker 1: if you open up a refrigerator, what's in your refrigerator

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Speaker 1: right now? Baking soda, bacon soda, you could tell you.

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Speaker 1: He could tell you the exact replica of the chair

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Speaker 1: that he has and when it was made. But you

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Speaker 1: open up as a refrigerator baking soda and catch a pack.

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Speaker 1: A real estate agent could come over and show his

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Speaker 1: apartment right now. Yeah, absolutely they That used to upset

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Speaker 1: me that, Like I used to get upset when I

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Speaker 1: would go to someone else's house and I would look

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Speaker 1: like a museum, and I was like, well, why can't

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Speaker 1: my house be this knee? And then I realized I

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Speaker 1: have children, so there's no way in hell that's going

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Speaker 1: to happen. And at the same time, I think I

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Speaker 1: would rather live in a place that looks loved and

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Speaker 1: lived in, And to me, loved and lived in is

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Speaker 1: a little bit messy, not like totally you know, straightened

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Speaker 1: up in whatever, right and that's why everyone's place is

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Speaker 1: a reflection. We were talking on the show this morning

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Speaker 1: about sing no, no, it's true, I do have O

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Speaker 1: c D. Because this morning we were talking about what

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Speaker 1: people that have you know, to have the same the

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Speaker 1: same thing right. So for me, that is all my

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Speaker 1: clothes have to be aligned the opper way in the

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Speaker 1: same direction. All the short sleeves have to be on

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Speaker 1: the left or the long sleep is to be on

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Speaker 1: the right. They have to be facing the same way.

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Speaker 1: It's like that in my apartment. In my head, I

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Speaker 1: have to in order to live, I need in order

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Speaker 1: the brief properly. I need to like I need to

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Speaker 1: walk into my house and everything is in order. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know why, no, but it helps your brain.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, like I wouldn't find a used condom floor,

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Speaker 1: but that has to be that one thing dirty by

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Speaker 1: the way, It's like sometimes things go missing in the

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Speaker 1: heat of happened, it would it would be picked up

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Speaker 1: immediately by me and I would be picking up the

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Speaker 1: you didn't know it happened. My bed for the for

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Speaker 1: the so just so you can picture, I have my

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Speaker 1: bed is uh one of the bed withdrawers like a

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Speaker 1: storage bed. So you cannot see behind it like it's

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Speaker 1: a block of furniture. It's like a trundle bed and

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Speaker 1: then a giant headboard, so there's no looking behind it

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Speaker 1: unless you pull the bet away from the wall. Speaking

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Speaker 1: of use condoms, I'm right now in the middle of

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Speaker 1: there's no segue here. I'm in the middle of it.

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Speaker 1: There's a segue, but when I tell you what I'm

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Speaker 1: about to say, you're gonna go all uh. I'm into

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Speaker 1: doing interns right now for the next semester. And one

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Speaker 1: of the interns told me a story about how it

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Speaker 1: was someone embarrassing stories and what would you bring to

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Speaker 1: the show, And she said she had uh sex with

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Speaker 1: a guy recently and it was at night, her parents

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Speaker 1: were home, and the guy did to do with condom

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Speaker 1: and didn't have a garbage pail. So she does, I

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Speaker 1: think I have a garbage bag in my closet. So

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Speaker 1: we threw the condom in the garbage bag. Well, it

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Speaker 1: turns out it was a donation bag of clothing for

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Speaker 1: a charity, and the next morning her mother came in

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Speaker 1: and took the bag and donated it to charity. Didn't

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Speaker 1: look at it. Well, she hopes not she doesn't think,

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Speaker 1: so I bet Goodwill has seen worse. I bet the

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Speaker 1: people who work at Goodwill have it. Sounds like a

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Speaker 1: Ben Stiller movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like what Harry met Sally?

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Speaker 1: No not not, what has something about Mary? Yeah? Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So when I go home today, the first thing I'm

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Speaker 1: doing is going underneath my bathroom sink, because I think

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Speaker 1: that's where the majority of the dangerous things are located.

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Speaker 1: And uh, where do you keep under the sink cabinet?

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Speaker 1: Is that like the corner quote safe place for anything

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Speaker 1: and everything and where everything goes you because it's it's

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Speaker 1: a cabinets, you can't see. It's a bad move. So

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Speaker 1: you open it and first of all, things fall out

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Speaker 1: because everything's just shoved under there. But I have that's

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Speaker 1: where I keep anything Remotely, you go to the baths

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Speaker 1: in and just just have their way with No, you

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Speaker 1: don't go you don't go into this. You will in

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Speaker 1: Bethany's new place, you go into the medicine now you

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Speaker 1: need at my new place doesn't have an under the

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Speaker 1: bathroom sink. A little bit panicky because I don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do with all my does it have a

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Speaker 1: cabinet above the microwaves. Putting the toothbrush holder. You'll be fine,

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Speaker 1: be a very big toothbrush holder. That a condom, No,

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Speaker 1: that's where. Yeah. I remember when I was packing up

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Speaker 1: to move to California or no, Arizona, when I was

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Speaker 1: eighteen years old, and my mom is helping me pack

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Speaker 1: up my clothes and I'm taking out a bag to

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Speaker 1: the car and as I'm walking down the hallway, I

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Speaker 1: hear my mom go, I'll get started on the other

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Speaker 1: closet and say, okay, mom, and then you take three

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Speaker 1: more steps like, oh funk, that's where all the playboys on.

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Speaker 1: So I dropped the bag and I got this one mom. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: When I moved out of my parents house and scared, right,

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Speaker 1: we moved out, so I had to like, uh not

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Speaker 1: wait for the moving company. I packed stuff myself and

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Speaker 1: drove it over to the other apartment on my own

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Speaker 1: and say, when I moved in with my wife, what

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Speaker 1: the hell did you have? You know, playboy magazines back

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Speaker 1: in the day, and you know, videotapes, so they had

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Speaker 1: to go like separately. You don't want the moving men

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Speaker 1: to see it, but in a box. So what's that? Oh,

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Speaker 1: it's just stuff. I want to take shirts and underwear.

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Speaker 1: I want to take over. I was talking to my

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Speaker 1: friend last night and she said, you know, it's more expensive,

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Speaker 1: but it's really worth the expense if you have the

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Speaker 1: moving company pack your stuff for you and then pack

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Speaker 1: it for you, like they get rid of all of

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Speaker 1: the boxes and everything. But I don't know if I can,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't know if I can trust people to

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Speaker 1: a not steal my stuff. I worry about that. But

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Speaker 1: also it's like I need to go through everything and

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Speaker 1: throw stuff away. I know what's worth bringing. And that's

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Speaker 1: the best part about moving is you can kind of

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Speaker 1: douche your apartment because you've been there for what two

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Speaker 1: and a half three years, So you can go through

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Speaker 1: the three years that you've been there and say, I

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Speaker 1: don't need this. I don't need that, I don't need

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Speaker 1: to haven't used this in two and a half years.

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Speaker 1: This don't bring the condom, no I'm getting rid of.

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Speaker 1: I already started going through drawers and I'm like, all right,

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Speaker 1: I cannot be nostalgic. Like I have this beautiful fainting

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Speaker 1: couch that remember when I fixed this faint in couch.

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Speaker 1: You've got to keep thatch, So yeah, kind of hat

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Speaker 1: turned it in. You fall on a couch and go,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, it's like back when women wore corsets and

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Speaker 1: we're constantly passing out. So like there's these couches with

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Speaker 1: one arm and the other arm is gone, so you

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Speaker 1: can just sort of fall onto them and you put

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Speaker 1: it on, like I don't see. Yeah, if somebody wants,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe I got the name cosby counch. I

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Speaker 1: was kidding around. Yeah, there's another word for it, but

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Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, it's like a fainting couch. That's I

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Speaker 1: got a sleeping toilet. Really, that's the one reason I

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Speaker 1: want to move. I keep telling Sheldon. I'm like, I know,

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Speaker 1: we love our house in our neighborhood, but this will

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Speaker 1: force us to clean ship because I we have I

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Speaker 1: think his office alone would take him three months to clean.

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Speaker 1: That's why I don't think he ever wants a new house,

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Speaker 1: because I'm telling you his office alone. He doesn't want

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Speaker 1: to tackle that theory of a real estate. Doesn't want

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Speaker 1: a new house just in that house because he's only

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Speaker 1: found two other houses, and all the time he's been

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Speaker 1: doing this, he found two other houses that he thinks

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Speaker 1: would fit what we need. There are certain things that

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Speaker 1: we know. A backyard, it's very important to us because

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Speaker 1: my kids are outside more than anything else. And um,

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Speaker 1: a pool. There's a lot of things that we couldn't

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Speaker 1: move because we couldn't find a house with a pool. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we've never found anything that meets exactly what we want

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Speaker 1: except for two times and then we kind of decided.

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Speaker 1: And the pain room right, and the Queen's Palace, the

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Speaker 1: Chef Cheen Minute Morning show Off,