WEBVTT - High Fructose Corn Fascist: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

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<v Speaker 1>Mother fucking many years, many mother fucking manyisode. Bang Bang

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<v Speaker 1>bang skeep skeep skeep. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to another

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<v Speaker 1>phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast where

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<v Speaker 1>we dive deep deep into the pockets of black conspiracy

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<v Speaker 1>theories and we finally worked to prove the theories that

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<v Speaker 1>you the listener have at home. It's your time to shine, baby.

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<v Speaker 1>You get to shine by listening to me talk for

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<v Speaker 1>roughly fifteen to twenty minutes, or until I get tired.

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<v Speaker 1>It's usually in that span. After a while, I get

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<v Speaker 1>the list really sounds precise in my ears in a

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<v Speaker 1>way that I that's unsettling for me. I took speech

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<v Speaker 1>classes for an entire year fourth grade. Me and three

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<v Speaker 1>other kids would get pulled out of English class and

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<v Speaker 1>taken down to a much smaller and much more shameful

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<v Speaker 1>classroom where they would make us play games and they

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<v Speaker 1>would give us candy every time we says out of

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<v Speaker 1>our stupid mouths. It was a journey each time trying

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<v Speaker 1>to explain to my my classmates where I was going

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<v Speaker 1>and not exposing myself as a mush mouth idiot. And uh,

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<v Speaker 1>it never worked. They knew they always knew. And they say,

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<v Speaker 1>here he comes, old snaggle Puss, he's back from his

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<v Speaker 1>speech course. It's and I had the best. You know

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<v Speaker 1>what's funny about it is I actually had the best

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<v Speaker 1>speech impediment in the entire class. Like everybody else had

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<v Speaker 1>it way worse. They had that weird r thing that

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<v Speaker 1>baby save and apparently you can keep having well into adulthood.

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<v Speaker 1>But the I, I was out there thriving. So I

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<v Speaker 1>won all the games, and I was a big champion

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<v Speaker 1>of the speech classes, but not a champion amongst my

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<v Speaker 1>regular peers. No, Surrey Bob. They didn't respect me at all.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's neither here nor there. I don't know why

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<v Speaker 1>I brought that up. This isn't what the episode is about.

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<v Speaker 1>It has literally nothing to do with today's episode. And

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<v Speaker 1>once again we're gonna be taking submissions from our from

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<v Speaker 1>our dear listeners. And this one actually comes from a

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<v Speaker 1>person who I can't His name is President Cheeto. That's

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<v Speaker 1>the name that was offered up to me. Now I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not sure if that the implication is that he is

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<v Speaker 1>in fact the president of the Cheeto company, or if

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<v Speaker 1>he uh is merely making a a slight at our

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<v Speaker 1>former president, great president, maybe the best president we've ever had. Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>what if this is when I revealed that I was

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<v Speaker 1>the Trump supporter of this entire time. That'd be pretty cool.

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<v Speaker 1>What a fun journey that would have been, and a

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<v Speaker 1>weird turn for all of you who have committed to

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<v Speaker 1>downloading this every week, you fucking idiots. That's right. He's

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<v Speaker 1>cool and I think his body is hot, and I

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<v Speaker 1>like when he plays golf in the middle of horrifying

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<v Speaker 1>moments in the country. It encourages me. Got you all right? Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>gonna play this recording from President Cheetah and we'll talk

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<v Speaker 1>about it afterwards. It's a fun one. Hey, Lankston, Love

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<v Speaker 1>the podcast had a conspiracy theory for you. For World

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<v Speaker 1>War Two, the US scooped up all the Nazis scientists.

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<v Speaker 1>Look up Operation paper Clip, and one of the scientists

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<v Speaker 1>is actually connected to lyme disease, which you know has

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<v Speaker 1>affected my family. So anyway, I love the podcast. Thought

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<v Speaker 1>it was a We're the white conspiracy theory to follow

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<v Speaker 1>up on. Love the podcast so much, make me laugh

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<v Speaker 1>so hard, keep up the great work, all right. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>first of all, President Cheeto, Uh, I don't like open

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<v Speaker 1>ended assignments. I don't care for that one bit. You

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<v Speaker 1>come to me and you say, look up Operation paper Clip.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't even tell me what I'm meant to walk

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<v Speaker 1>away with from this. This is a black conspiracy theory podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>and here you come with some white bullshit that I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know what to do with. And furthermore, line disease

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<v Speaker 1>it affected your family. Tell me how, President Cheetoh. I

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<v Speaker 1>want to know who among you get sleepy at weird

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<v Speaker 1>hours in the day because of their terrible line disease.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm joking. Obviously, I'm very happy that you sent this

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<v Speaker 1>to me. I did have some trouble figuring out exactly

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<v Speaker 1>where this connects and the my mama told me verse

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<v Speaker 1>if that makes sense, and in this whole sort of

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<v Speaker 1>multiverse of black ship that I was digging into. But

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<v Speaker 1>it turns out that there actually is a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a connection. So for those that aren't aware of what

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<v Speaker 1>Operation paper Clip is, I'll break it down. Basically, Operation

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<v Speaker 1>paper Clip was the CIA mission in the wake of

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<v Speaker 1>World War two to uh salvage the greatest minds quote

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<v Speaker 1>unquote greatest minds of Nazi Germany and bring them to

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<v Speaker 1>the US in order to better prepare themselves for the

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<v Speaker 1>pending battle with the Soviet Union in the Cold War.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a very real thing that happened. A bunch of

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<v Speaker 1>CIA operatives made it possible for German scientists to come

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<v Speaker 1>to the US and work on science here under the

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<v Speaker 1>guise of just being scientists, without revealing that they actually

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<v Speaker 1>were scientists. For fucking Hitler. It's a big deal. And

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<v Speaker 1>at the time, President Truman didn't even approve the ship.

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<v Speaker 1>He wasn't a fan. He had this weird thing where

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<v Speaker 1>he like believed that Nazis were bad and shouldn't get

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<v Speaker 1>the chance to like rebuild their lives. I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>the guy was a weirdough. But that said, President Truman

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<v Speaker 1>didn't dig it. And the CIA was actually developed. It

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<v Speaker 1>was established for the sole purpose of moving behind his back.

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<v Speaker 1>The CIA basically was was created as a way of

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<v Speaker 1>being able to do international ship for the US without

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<v Speaker 1>having to get presidential approval. And it was developed established

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<v Speaker 1>in nineteen forty seven, obviously two years after World War

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<v Speaker 1>Two ended. So all those people, and this is an

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<v Speaker 1>important note for us to to really get this conversation started.

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<v Speaker 1>All those people who pretend like, oh my god, I

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<v Speaker 1>can't believe that we are protecting Nazis. I can't believe

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<v Speaker 1>that Nazis exist in this country. It's important for you

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<v Speaker 1>to understand that we've always protected Nazis. We've always been

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<v Speaker 1>real big fans of Nazis. This isn't a new thing.

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<v Speaker 1>This new version of Nazi where they're kind of sexy

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<v Speaker 1>and uh and bad body but have cool haircuts. That's

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<v Speaker 1>that's just new. That's just baby. That's new coke. That

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<v Speaker 1>is new coke as far as I'm concerned, because we've

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<v Speaker 1>been drinking that poison for a long time now. Langston,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm glad you brought up new coke. Why is that, Langston?

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<v Speaker 1>Because it actually connects to where this becomes not just

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<v Speaker 1>a international conspiracy theory, not just a conspiracy theory on

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<v Speaker 1>a larger scale, but a conspiracy theory that affects black people.

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<v Speaker 1>And it actually this connection comes from a completely different

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<v Speaker 1>submission that I received from a person named Mitchell. Mitchell

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<v Speaker 1>sent me a message very recently. I won't say when,

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<v Speaker 1>that's me and Mitchell's business when I got it, but

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<v Speaker 1>the important part is Mitchell sent me a message about

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<v Speaker 1>something relating to this theory of Operation paper Clip. It's

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<v Speaker 1>loosely related. But Mitchell after he says a bunch of

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<v Speaker 1>glowing things about how great the podcast is and how

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<v Speaker 1>my voice sounds like it's perfect for whispering in a

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<v Speaker 1>nice lady's there and making love to her. He says

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of blowing things. But then afterwards Mitchell says

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<v Speaker 1>Fantas soda was invented by the Nazis. So during World

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<v Speaker 1>War Two there were a bunch of blockades and such

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<v Speaker 1>around Germany to the point where the people couldn't get

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<v Speaker 1>any outside goods brought into the country. The branch of

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<v Speaker 1>Coca Cola in Germany started running out of the ingredients

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<v Speaker 1>needed to make the normal coke drinks. So to keep

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<v Speaker 1>money running and their Nazi overlords happy, the Nazi cokemakers

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<v Speaker 1>decided to make a new soda that would make all

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<v Speaker 1>the blonde people smile and go, oh yeah, Mitchell, you're

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<v Speaker 1>a beautiful writer. So they threw a bunch of stuff together.

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<v Speaker 1>Then the original Fantas soda was made. Then, after the war,

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<v Speaker 1>and once Germany was no longer being such dicks that's

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<v Speaker 1>up for grabs, the Coca Cola company was looking at

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<v Speaker 1>each other like, damn, this Fanta soda is some good ship.

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<v Speaker 1>So they decided, let's start selling this around the world

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<v Speaker 1>and just pretend it wasn't made by a bunch of

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<v Speaker 1>racist white dudes trying to please a guy who looked

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<v Speaker 1>exactly like the people claimed to hate so much. Hope

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<v Speaker 1>y'all can figure out a way to talk this out.

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<v Speaker 1>Love the show, And just to reiterate, Fanta was made

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<v Speaker 1>by racists for racist but you can drink it if

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<v Speaker 1>you need something cold and refreshing, especially the orange soda,

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<v Speaker 1>because who's orange soda is better? Sun kissed? Fuck that

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<v Speaker 1>ship anyway, this Mitchell telling us that Fanta was created

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<v Speaker 1>by Nazis, and as it turns out, Mitchell is fucking right.

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<v Speaker 1>I did my research. I looked it up and not

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<v Speaker 1>to are responsible for creating a lot of cool shit. Uh. Nazis.

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<v Speaker 1>They made a bunch of weird missiles that that could

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<v Speaker 1>track people and murder stuff. They had indestructible tanks. They

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<v Speaker 1>had something called a super gun, which is very scary.

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<v Speaker 1>Regular guns scare me, but super guns Goddamn. They take

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<v Speaker 1>their glasses off and you don't even recognize them when

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<v Speaker 1>they're flying around shooting stuff. Uh. The VW Beetle was

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<v Speaker 1>invented by Hitler. Hugo Boss designed the Nazi uniforms, and

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<v Speaker 1>most essential to this conversation, the Nazis invented Fanta. In

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<v Speaker 1>the middle of the war, the US decided it could

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<v Speaker 1>no longer trade with Germany because that seemed like some

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<v Speaker 1>funck shit, and instead the Coca Cola developers over in

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<v Speaker 1>Germany were like, Hey, we ain't trying to go broke,

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<v Speaker 1>so we're gonna work with Germany and we are going

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<v Speaker 1>to instead develop our own drink, a new drink in

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<v Speaker 1>German territory. And technically the original Anta was meant to

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<v Speaker 1>be fruit flavored, but because of limited wartime resources, they

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<v Speaker 1>had to use real weird, fucked up ingredients like leftover

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<v Speaker 1>apple fibers and mash from cider presses, and a cheese

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<v Speaker 1>byproduct called Way. None of it was meant to taste good,

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<v Speaker 1>or at least I guess it was meant to taste good.

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<v Speaker 1>But none of it probably tastes good. It probably tastes

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<v Speaker 1>like liquid asks. If I were to guess, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know what asks. You know, that's not true. I know

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<v Speaker 1>what as states like, but I I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>liquid as states like. I've only had ass in the

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<v Speaker 1>uh in the solid form. But this probably tastes like

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<v Speaker 1>liquid ass, and that that seems worse somehow. That said

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<v Speaker 1>a biographer named Mark Pendergrast, not pender Grass, and he's

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<v Speaker 1>not related to Teddy. Mark pender Grass actually described Fanta

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<v Speaker 1>as being made from the leftovers of the leftovers. So

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<v Speaker 1>it was not good in the beginning, but Coca Cola persisted.

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<v Speaker 1>They kept selling this Fanta. They kept working with Nazi

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<v Speaker 1>Germany and Coca Cola. They were some big supporters of

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<v Speaker 1>the Nazi, so much so that they actually were the

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<v Speaker 1>major sponsor of the ninety six Berlin Olympics, where they

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<v Speaker 1>produced coke bottles with a swastika printed on the fucking bottle.

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<v Speaker 1>They loved Hitler. They were big fans of Hitler. Now

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<v Speaker 1>here's where I start to connect things back to black people,

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<v Speaker 1>because black people love fanta. That's just a fact. We

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<v Speaker 1>love fanta. We love fruit drinks in general. That's sort

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<v Speaker 1>of our thing. And part of the reason that we

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<v Speaker 1>love these drinks is not because of some inherent thing.

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<v Speaker 1>You pieces of ship. Don't you go around spreading some

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<v Speaker 1>new conspiracy theory that our tongues are shaped in a

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<v Speaker 1>certain way. Where the bubbles of a fruit drink pop

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<v Speaker 1>and make us. Uh. It hypnotizes us with with this deliciousness.

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<v Speaker 1>Fuck you, that's not the way that this works. Part

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<v Speaker 1>of the reason that these fruit drinks live in black

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<v Speaker 1>community so much is because of the way that they

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<v Speaker 1>are marketed their market, specifically towards minorities. If you've ever

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<v Speaker 1>seen a Fanta commercial, it ain't nothing but a thick

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<v Speaker 1>black lady dancing on a beach somewhere. So you goddamn right.

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<v Speaker 1>I like Fanta, I'm horny, and I wanted something refreshing.

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<v Speaker 1>Those two things combined making an unstoppable delicious combination. But

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<v Speaker 1>Fanta wasn't developed with good intentions, right. They weren't making

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<v Speaker 1>Fanta with like healthy considerations in mind. They were making

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<v Speaker 1>Fanta with leftover ship. It literally was described as leftovers.

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<v Speaker 1>So the reality is that these products were being made

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<v Speaker 1>at the possibility that the Nazis were going to win

0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:42.839
<v Speaker 1>the warf Coke was basically playing both sides. If the

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<v Speaker 1>Nazis win, we gotta drink over here. If the Nazis lose,

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<v Speaker 1>we throw Fanto away. But Fanta ended up being something

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<v Speaker 1>that they were willing to keep and continue to sell,

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<v Speaker 1>and then when the Nazis lost the war, Fanta went

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<v Speaker 1>from being a Nazi substitute to Nigga juice. You see that,

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<v Speaker 1>You see the math that I'm doing here, folks. It

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<v Speaker 1>went from being something for the people who couldn't have

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<v Speaker 1>anything in one location to the people they don't give

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<v Speaker 1>a funk in a completely different location. So, despite years

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<v Speaker 1>and years of technological innovation, these products remain mostly as

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<v Speaker 1>the poison that they were to whoever will drink it

0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:26.400
<v Speaker 1>and to whoever they can market it too, because this country,

0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:30.160
<v Speaker 1>in particular the US has and will always be more

0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:34.319
<v Speaker 1>interested in making money and ensuring its own advancements well

0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:38.200
<v Speaker 1>before it does anything to ensure the survival of its citizens,

0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:43.400
<v Speaker 1>particularly it's black ones. So Operation paper Clip, in my mind,

0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:47.280
<v Speaker 1>is just a starting point for the poisoning of the

0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:51.720
<v Speaker 1>black community via Fanta. Fanta and a bunch of thick

0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:55.680
<v Speaker 1>ladies who promoted that's it. That's all I know about

0:13:55.760 --> 0:14:00.640
<v Speaker 1>Fanta and and it's terrible Nazi history and Operation paper Clips.

0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:04.280
<v Speaker 1>So thank you Mitchell, and thank you President Cheeto for

0:14:04.360 --> 0:14:07.720
<v Speaker 1>your submissions. And if anybody at home is sitting and

0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:09.920
<v Speaker 1>thinking of himselves, God damn, I would like to submit

0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:12.200
<v Speaker 1>you can, you piece of ship. All you have to

0:14:12.240 --> 0:14:15.520
<v Speaker 1>do is email us at my Mama pot at gmail

0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:17.680
<v Speaker 1>dot com, and I would love to hear your voice.

0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:20.280
<v Speaker 1>Let me hear that sweet voice at home. Let me

0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:23.760
<v Speaker 1>hear the sultry sounds of you telling me what you

0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:27.280
<v Speaker 1>want me to research and then talk about for fifteen

0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:30.520
<v Speaker 1>to twenty minutes tops. That's where I tap out. But

0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.360
<v Speaker 1>please send me messages. I'm tired of reading your emails.

0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:36.840
<v Speaker 1>They're stupid. You know right well, you're not as good

0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:39.720
<v Speaker 1>of a writer as Mitchell. Let me hear your voice anyway.

0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.680
<v Speaker 1>Send us messages at my Mama pot at gmail dot com.

0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:47.440
<v Speaker 1>And more importantly, like and subscribe and comment on on

0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:50.200
<v Speaker 1>the podcast on Apple podcast so that we can make

0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:54.040
<v Speaker 1>it to the top tier of people uh saying nice

0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:57.720
<v Speaker 1>things in or mean things about our podcasts. Anyway, I've

0:14:57.720 --> 0:15:08.880
<v Speaker 1>talked enough by motherfucking Mini Yourselves mini episodes, motherfucking Mini

0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:20.280
<v Speaker 1>epi sos, motherfucking Mini Yourselves many episodes, motherfucking Mini episelves