WEBVTT - Episode 318: Beefin' in Real Time (Feat. Jhonni Blaze) 0:00:02.200 --> 0:00:05.640 What's up its lip service? I'm Angela Yee, I'm G. G. MacGuire, 0:00:05.920 --> 0:00:12.639 I'm stepping in Santiago. I'm Johnny Blaze, Johnny Blaze. Yeah, 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:19.760 welcome back. Yeah, please do. Yeah, we'll be saying all 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:27.880 kinds of dicks and sucking. We've never used the term 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:31.080 as sucking, just so, Yes, we have used the term 0:00:31.080 --> 0:00:34.400 as sucking. I'm sure we have at least once. What's 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:42.320 the what's the air? Sucker? You know, you know what exactly? Sucker? 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.880 I was that somebody out just now, But I'm a 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:51.200 let it slide. Oh oh, but they on my bad list. 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:56.080 Somebody cut your ass. They expected me to eat? Oh 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:04.320 you don't expected I shall. Who gave you the right, Jessie? 0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:09.039 So how does one do that, Jessie? Ask you for it? 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:11.480 Or does he try to like position? I don't know, 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:15.520 because when his lips fixed to say, but I was out, 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:19.080 So he literally asked you like he didn't like put 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:21.920 his leg up or not get through? My boy got 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:27.120 to see it through. I'm not doing that. You've never 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:30.200 done that, not even if somebody you loved. By accident, Yes, 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:34.679 by accident. I was just down there, never on. It's 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:41.440 nasty it's not dasty, you know, when it sects, anything's go. 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:45.960 But it's the shot of seeing a man put their 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:48.880 legs back there, like what if it just gets doggy 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:54.080 stock on his side? I think the side and lay 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:57.960 on your side like you fucking like you got cramps 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:02.080 back morning side. You know that used to be my ship, 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:05.480 to be all up in a man's ass and um, 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:07.760 I used to like for the guy to be sitting 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:11.160 like on a couch. You don't want school all the 0:02:11.160 --> 0:02:17.960 way to the end, you know, you school school them. Yeah, yeah, 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:20.240 I know about that position, but I haven't done it 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:24.959 in a while. I can't better not being a white 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:27.080 better not be a white couch, I know that much. 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:34.040 It's been a Johnny Blaze being the lover that you are. 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:36.760 We have some fun topics for you today. So we 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:39.119 do want to congratulate you on your new music because 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:42.640 you've been putting them out. Yes, first off, let's talk 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:44.760 about the song Toxic that you have an n Ellie 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:48.519 Chocolate and you talk about, you know, seeing um your 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:50.840 ex with a girl and at first she felt like 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:54.160 it didn't bother you so much? Right, So do y'all 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:56.200 still have feelings like when you see your ex with 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:59.000 another girl, even if you think you're over him. Look 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:02.919 a question right now, Right now, I'm cursing out somebody 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:04.840 saying the next time I see you with a bit, 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:07.160 and I know it's your birthday in two days, I'm 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:11.880 going to jail. But if that's your I don't get 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:14.400 a damn okay. But so do you feel like that 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:20.520 about all your actually the only especial just that one, okay, okay? 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:23.680 So what does that mean you want him back? Oh no, 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:28.360 we were still together. Oh no, he is my ex. 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:30.320 But I don't believe in that word. So he's just 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:33.080 gonna have to do with it. I want your mind, 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:36.640 your mind forever exactly, Like how you how you do 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:38.800 that to me? Like what's the girl from Don't Call 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:42.400 Me White Girl? Like why are you being aware to me? 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:48.680 But sping? But the hand on that one hand on 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:55.040 front by talking about why are you being weird? Are you? 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:04.040 That man had me racing with his damn daughter? After 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:08.400 two weeks? You know what I mean? Is this personal? Mine? Mine? 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:12.720 And to listen until Christmas coming and then what I 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:16.280 don't know, I'm a gemini. We moved differently, I don't know. Uh, 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:20.599 look at t G the other Gemini. Look she knows. 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:22.480 It's like I might have a different character by then 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:26.120 it might be like, fuck you, I'm cool remember him 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:28.320 like torture them and then be like I don't even 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:32.080 want you to It's cool. No, but keep it real, ladies. Okay, 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:35.120 so let's talk about your everybody's excess on here, right, 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:37.640 Like do you feel away when you see your ex 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:40.800 with somebody else? Or what about if you even know 0:04:40.920 --> 0:04:46.520 the girl he's dating. Now, I couldn't care less about 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:48.320 my ex and what he's doing and who he's doing 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:50.440 it with. Yeah, I don't care about my excess like that. 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:54.560 This is for me. It's a case by case situation. Um, 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:57.359 my last ex. If I see him one another girl, 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:02.279 I'll probably laugh out him because he could never get 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:07.039 anything better than me. But um, like my son's father, 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:10.760 I'm like ecstatic he just got married and had a baby. 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:16.359 Yeah yeah, so I'm really you know, happy for him. 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.960 So it's a case my case. It's a case of 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:22.680 my case situation. Shine for me. I've been looking at 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:25.599 some of my exes though, and like certain like women 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:29.120 ain't Yeah, I'll be looking like but I also be 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.159 kind of happy, like good because you know how you 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:35.920 know it ain't going well right exactly, Like, yeah, that's 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:40.480 not the one for you anyway, So enjoy yourself with 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:43.400 no chain on, like clutching my invisible pearls. Bitches going 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:48.640 it's not me this time. We'd be like one woman's 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:52.560 trash is another woman's treasure. That part you just got 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:56.680 some sprinkles on it. These dumb as bitches swear ship. God, 0:05:56.760 --> 0:05:58.599 you screak this ship hard enough. It's like a Louis 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:00.599 Luton at the bottom of the shoe. Bitch, it gets 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:05.240 dirty like you. Also put out a song with Dresta 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:10.040 Sean right about your about emotions, and he says on 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:12.279 that song that he likes to make you mad just 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:14.640 so he can see you cry. My ex doing that 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:17.440 right now before that sounds like my art before I 0:06:17.480 --> 0:06:19.800 came to see you earlier. Boy, I don't know what 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:22.640 happened to my eyes. Them bitches then swowed back down 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:25.200 because when he pissed me, I was like, you know what, 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:27.760 I'm gonna wait till after this this interview and then 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:29.640 I'm gonna go for the juggle. I got three phones, 0:06:29.680 --> 0:06:31.159 so now he don't know what's going on. I'm just 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:33.200 texting from fake numbers and everything, cursing his heats out 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:36.800 because he says things to like piss you off. So 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:40.320 actually that song was about ex of mind and that 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:43.400 reminds me of the X recently, like that whole window 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:45.920 that I can't say that. I'll go to jail now 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:51.560 with that. Better be glad and bush your windows out. 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:55.800 I did that, I did, and he knows it was you. Yeah, 0:06:55.839 --> 0:07:01.119 you know it was men. He's did you feel bad after? 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:03.440 Because sometimes I feel like we do stuff and then 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:05.800 we kind of feel bad after, Like it's you know, 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:09.920 you know, right now, right now, as we right now, 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:13.080 as we speak, I'm thinking of a list of ship 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:16.320 to do to this naked right now. This sounds like 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.960 it's not the right person for you. Now. I just 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:20.560 like tortured him. I wanna put some itch and cream 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:22.480 in his drinking, some ship. I don't know, it's it's 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:27.080 it's debatable. So so what what is this? What is 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:29.440 this relationship that you have with him? Now? You guys 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:31.880 are broken up, right, you want to talk to him. 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:33.880 He knows how to get under your skin right when 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:37.679 you're about to do something like that. So what's the connection? Still? 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:40.720 I don't know, because I really do love him, I 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:43.440 really do, but he just pisces me off, Like he 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:45.840 just says things. And you know, I'm like five feet 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:47.800 so everybody's taller than me. So I just be feeling 0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:50.840 like people be bullying me and I've changed so much 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:53.760 to the point it's like if I cried to you 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:55.280 on I'm gonna want to fight you, and he just 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.080 says ship that just don't make no sense, Like, oh, 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:00.320 I need a bad bitch. I need this, I said, baby, 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:03.040 all the bitch is before me was not eating, So 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:05.440 what are you talking about? Like I don't understand that ship. 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.280 Baby built like a little twizzling you're talking about. She better. 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:10.920 I don't understand none of this ship. So it just 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:13.400 makes you it's like you, I try to look at 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:16.920 all the things that was great, and then he'll do 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:19.400 something and I'm like trying to work it out and 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:22.679 just like be peaceful, and then he starts talking calling 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:24.280 me names and ship and I don't like that, so 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:26.880 we just end up fighting again. It's like, weird. If 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:28.600 he could just talk to me the right way, then 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:32.199 we'll be fun. See I'm not with the economy names now. 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:35.240 When you say coming like man, like, who are you 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:39.600 calling the bitch? Like like what we do? Like you 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:41.839 want to get beat up. That's one thing I went 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:43.480 through a lot with the last guy I was with, 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.480 but he would never call me out my name. He 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:50.560 would do crazy ship like um, probably worse than calling 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:54.360 me on my name, but he would like anytime he 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:57.480 if he calls me a bit, I know he's super mad, 0:08:57.520 --> 0:09:00.800 like I got you, I got your vain pop your 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:04.960 side right now. Wow you like it's it's a little 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:08.199 tip at tat ship like I'm going to be subdy, 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:10.240 I'm gonna be doing this. I'm gonna suck these ditches. 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:12.400 And then when I go ask it, and I'd be 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:14.840 really wanting to turn up and ship. Then it's like, man, 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:17.000 you swear I'll be doing something like, man, this ship 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:21.240 is so that makes me like it's not coming out 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:24.160 of your brain. He's saying it out of his mouth. Now. 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:27.880 Now in Vegas, on that little street, you know, the 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:30.360 street that's ever lasting. Before you get to the other part, 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:31.800 you see a bunch of this is now you stuck 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:33.280 out there because you got sugar and in your tent. 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:40.839 This sounds like a very emotionally abusive situation. For you 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:43.720 and I know sometimes and that's some real ship though, 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:47.480 like it really does because it's it's not cool like 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:50.280 it it gets so fushted and I'm such a sweet person, 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:52.080 like I'm a really really good person. I don't cheat. 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:54.320 I could be confidence that I've never cheated. I don't 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:57.920 even know, like I tell on myself probably like and 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:00.240 then like if I'm in a relationship because he knows 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:03.199 I'm my sexual like my like it's a girl, so 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:05.680 it's like that it's not like another guy. I don't cheat, 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:08.800 Like so I don't be understanding why I get cheated on. 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:11.400 And I'm like I don't understand, like it doesn't grasp it. 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:13.520 That's where the anger comes from, Like I wouldn't do 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:15.720 you how you did be so when you do stuff 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:17.520 to me, it's like damn, like I gotta go full 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:21.480 throat on you because you really for no reason. But 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:24.360 why do we stay with people who cheat? I don't know, 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.080 because that's another thing. Sometimes you gotta treat people how 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:30.839 to treat how You have to teach people how to 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:34.400 treat you, and they gotta lease a good thing. I 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.400 feel like I had. I feel like I had a 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:40.880 hot tolerance for guys like I accepted the fact that 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:44.040 men are mad and sometimes they make mistakes and blah 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:50.199 blah blah blah blah. But if I'm not damning with that, 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:53.400 humans mistakes though, it's not just men that make the 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:56.120 stakes humans, and I felt like a lot of times 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:59.160 that behavior, we felt like it's we justify it by saying, well, 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:02.760 men are men, men will destiny back. But if somebody 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:04.720 really cares about you and loves you and then they 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:07.199 keep on doing things to her too, then that doesn't 0:11:07.200 --> 0:11:09.199 seem like a great situation. And you can't keep on 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:11.800 excusing somebody just because they're a man. And that's what 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:14.559 men do. They love using that as an excuse. You know, 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:17.679 that's and you guys know, I was very like, oh, 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:22.160 you know, he was bored, she was trash. It doesn't 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:25.880 even matter. I know he loves me. Blah blah blah 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:28.200 blah blah. But I ain't done one none of that ship. 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:30.120 I'm not even saying what a guy who has a 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:33.280 lot of girlfriends like as friends. No, we're not doing that. 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:36.680 When do you need girlfriends, I'll need friends. Yeah that's 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:41.840 super weird to me. Yeah, why you got so many friends? Girls? Exactly. 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:44.000 You don't gonna you don't show what you want to win. No, 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:46.800 guys like no, no, no, I don't. I don't like 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:49.880 my g t A partner, my grand theft auto partner, 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:51.840 and she's my friend. We just be playing video game. Bitch, 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:53.000 you don't want to hear this ship you'll both do 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:58.320 exactly Like so if but what about the other side. 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:00.520 Do you'all have a lot of guy friends. Yeah, but 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:02.360 I don't hang out with them. I don't be dealing 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:04.600 with them. I don't be going over their cribs and ship. 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:06.439 I know, I know a lot of guys. You know, 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:08.280 I got a lot of guy friends, but I don't 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:13.199 long with them. Like like you're gonna tell me with 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:17.240 my girlfriend, we're going to eat my home girl. Okay, 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:19.120 So the really is you can't have friends, you just 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:21.920 can't hang out with them. Yeah, I mean you could 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:25.599 be right with right, Yeah, like you could be cordial 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:29.760 and you know, like group hangouts where there's a lot 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:33.000 of guys and a lot of girls. That's fine. But 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:36.319 like one on ones, me and my homegirl have going 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:38.360 to have a drink. She's going through some problems. So 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:46.600 what all right, I'm coming ill, I gotta he needs 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:50.120 a girl's perspective on the situation as well, Like, no, 0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:52.760 I'm done with all of that. And honestly, and I 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:55.400 think it's kind of weird for a guy to not 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:57.959 um to not have a lot of guy friends, like 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:00.640 to be working in a certain field and not be 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:03.040 friends with the people that they work with. I think 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.360 that's weird. Yeah, that's weird. I don't like that, Like 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:08.680 if you have too many friends as girls, and then 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:11.160 like then if you don't have no guy friends at all, 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:12.760 like what the fun is? Like, what the fun you 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:18.200 be doing? What you doing? What you like? I feel 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:20.719 like them you see, like in New York, like just 0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:22.880 kicking a rock around, like trying to see how far 0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:26.640 it is, but we're gonna rock. That's I don't with 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:31.120 these New York guys bro's and put little black docts 0:13:31.160 --> 0:13:33.560 around they thinking it's a soccer ball like this shows 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:37.839 now listen, I pulled out some of these cliches that 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:40.520 they have about love, you know, these little love sayings, 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:41.920 and I want to see if you guys think this 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.199 is true, and if it's not true, how would you 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:48.240 rephrase it? Okay, money can't buy me love, that's the 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:55.199 cliches that's true or false for me? You know, you 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:57.840 know I'm a I'm sorry if I didn't mean over talking, 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:01.560 but I'm not bad. I guess I'm a Gemini, right, 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:03.520 So I don't know. It's not even a zodiac. It's 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:06.920 just me. I am over loving. I don't know how 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:10.439 to stop loving. Like I've tried to be like this 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:12.240 mean bitch and I don't know how to do it. 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:15.400 So it's like I've met people that try to like 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:17.880 buy me and give me money and stuff gorgeous help, 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:19.160 but it would turn me off. So it's just like 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:22.360 I couldn't stay with somebody. Actually I did stay with somebody. 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:25.320 They used to whoop my fucking ass and had a 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:27.720 lot of money, and I just couldn't. It was just 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.760 like the money wasn't enough for me. It's like, Nigga, 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:33.280 you verbally abused me, you physically, it's just too much. 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:35.000 Even if it was if you take out the fighting 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.520 and the beating, it's just that person in general, Like 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:39.280 it's not there's no money in the world for me. 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:41.800 I just couldn't do it. Maybe that's why I suck 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.480 it ship like that. You know what, it's really hard 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.360 a lot of times for women to leave an abusive situation. 0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:49.440 So I wanted to talk about that a little bit 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.840 because so many women are involved in that, and a 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:53.960 lot of us have witnessed that, and we're always like, 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.080 why didn't she just leave? Why can't she just leave? 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.400 If he does that? So how did you manage to 0:14:58.440 --> 0:14:59.800 get out of it? And how long did that take? 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:03.760 Your years? Because I went through one. I was the 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:05.640 girl that you know, I was dancing at that time. 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:08.200 I was like nineteen twenty and he had all this 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:10.360 money and I was like, why don't you save your money? 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:12.200 And he'd be like, you don't know what you're talking about. 0:15:12.200 --> 0:15:14.160 I know what I'm doing, just buying girl stuff. You're 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:17.000 my favorite, Like he treated us like ice cream, That's 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:18.600 what he would say, You're my favorite. I came, so 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.880 it was just the mental talking, like the disrespect on 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:24.960 how he's seen women. And then I was young and 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:27.680 I just got tired. Like the last strike was I 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:31.280 almost went to jail because I was pregnant at the time, 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:35.400 and I ended up miscarrying because I was so stressed. 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:37.560 And I ended up going to my club because somebody 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:39.800 called my phone talking about someone may here. What you'll do. 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.000 I went in there and tried to fight and end 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:44.920 up getting three months in jail because I pushed the 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:47.600 girl down the stairs because it's anger because of a 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:50.200 person beating my ass all the damn time. But then 0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:52.600 he praising all these other girls. So I was just like, 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:54.480 I don't want to be this girl, Like I don't 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:57.120 want to be angry at people that don't even know 0:15:57.280 --> 0:16:00.960 I exist because some other never told told them about me. 0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:03.320 So why does that person need to get beat up 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:05.840 or fault because of what this person does to me? 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:08.520 And it just got tiring. It takes a long time 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:10.800 for me though, like you gotta really beat me down. 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:13.520 I really feel like my last strike was him getting 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:15.080 people pregnant. He told me he had two kids. You 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:24.160 know how many kids? He asked, nice? Right now everybody's club, 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:28.360 and it hurt. Oh, no, girl, I'm going to strip 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.600 club and go and get dressed these bitches in order 0:16:31.640 --> 0:16:33.160 to get in his section. I'm like, why does these 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:35.360 extra girls in a section? Because you know how how 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:37.520 how the strip club goes a couple of girls. But 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:39.720 it's like I don't know these girls, so and I 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:41.960 go and look, everybody got his fucking name Taddy. You 0:16:42.000 --> 0:16:46.120 gotta get his fucking I'm sitting here like bro that 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:47.920 you know, like when I tell you I was so 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:49.880 fucked up. I was like, yeah, this is not right, 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:55.600 like things. And then when I found out the babies, 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:57.200 I think that's the thing with me cheating on me 0:16:57.280 --> 0:16:59.800 and then the babies and then fighting me is like 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:02.440 that was a lot and a lot and a lot. Yeah, 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:07.920 it was too much. So it's like one relationship that 0:17:08.000 --> 0:17:10.800 seems like we had a cult or something. It felt 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:14.280 like everybody, everybody wanted him for his money, and I 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:17.320 was like, really the girl. That's probably why they didn't 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:19.040 like me, because I would tell him like I'm telling 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:21.760 you what you're doing or whatever you're doing. I just 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:23.720 know because I would see the police and stuff, and 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:25.840 I'm just like it's not cool, Like just save it 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:27.600 and do something. I know what the funk I'm doing. 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:30.320 I was one of those girls. So now he emailed 0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:32.440 me one time, this was like three years ago, and 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:35.240 he apologize. I said, I have to stop emailing because 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:37.000 I'm never gonna email you again because what you did 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:39.119 to me was so foul and you wouldn't be in 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:41.479 that predicament if you listen to a little old nineteen 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:43.480 year old me at the time that was telling you 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:45.920 just invest in a fucking dunkin donuts, put a million 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:49.119 dollars to McDonald's, like as a black man, like do 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:52.359 something besides what you're doing. Them girls don't give a 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:55.000 damn about you, like, and it was just overlooked. So 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:57.199 that's kind of how I got it, because he got 0:17:57.320 --> 0:17:58.760 he got locked up. But I was already kind of 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.560 like done, like it, were you ever cool with any 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:04.320 of the other women, all of them because I didn't 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:06.680 know they knew I didn't know. So I was a 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:09.280 dizzy one, like, hey, come in a section because you 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:11.200 let me in your section and none of that. And 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:13.800 I'm like, why does this person have that name on them? 0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:16.800 Maybe it's their baby's name, or why do you go 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:19.280 to And it just kept It's just stuff start leaking out, 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:21.440 and I was just like at that time, I was 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:23.200 just like over then. I was really on a heavy 0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:25.720 drugs a lot and drinking a lot, and it was 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:27.639 just a lot of those emotions and that was just 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:29.840 difficult and I was just like, damn, like this ain't it, 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:32.639 This is not it. I just ended up moving to 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:36.040 this was in Houston. Yeah, this was This was the 0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:39.119 last guy I was with before I met my boyfriend 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:41.520 and died. That was the one that kind of changed 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.600 my perspective of like love, Like I've always loved people, 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:47.320 but that was like, oh my god, I found somebody 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:50.440 that just loves me for me and he like everything, 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:52.159 like just wanted me to do better, like don't go 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:53.760 to work. Here, here's somebody to go to the studio. 0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:55.159 And I would be so selfish and be like, no, 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:57.560 I want to go to the club, Rick Ross or 0:18:57.600 --> 0:18:59.680 whoever is coming in it is there, and and he 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:02.520 I didn't understand. And when he died, it was like 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:05.240 I understand. I started to understand, like you was just 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:07.440 trying to like this is this is real love. This 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:09.919 is somebody to just not the money, but just somebody 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:13.119 that just your flaws don't mean shipped to them like 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:16.440 it doesn't matter what you because there's women were emotional. 0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:18.800 So it's like you gotta really care about somebody to 0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:21.600 really understand them and help them grow, not for just 0:19:22.280 --> 0:19:24.520 them but yourself if you're gonna be with them, And 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:27.159 that's what he was doing. So I just that's how 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:29.480 I kind of learned to love right, and sometimes about 0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:34.000 my head, like right now, it's not as bad, it's 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:37.119 not as hopefully you never get in the situation as 0:19:37.160 --> 0:19:39.520 bad as that. I never went. I just brought these seat. 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:41.480 This ain't even my nose. I just brought this too. 0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:44.200 I ain't trying to get punched nowhere. I'm going to jail. 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:47.720 Somebody do that ship to me. You understand jail, don't. 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:54.720 I don't know that's the word I'll say. I would say, 0:19:55.440 --> 0:20:03.760 I'm not. I've been I've been in a couple of 0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:08.920 abusive relationships, and I feel like the guy putting hands 0:20:08.960 --> 0:20:11.360 on me isn't what made me leave. It was more 0:20:11.400 --> 0:20:15.840 of the emotional I mean, the the mental torture. It 0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:17.560 was more of the mental torture that made me not 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:20.119 want to be with them like I could deal with um. 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:23.919 I'm I'm crazy, Like I'm I'm kind of crazy when 0:20:23.960 --> 0:20:25.960 it comes to man. I like to give them control. 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:28.600 And you know, I feel like in my life I 0:20:29.000 --> 0:20:31.520 control everything, so I like for my man to take 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:34.280 control of me. So sometimes I would just be like, 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:37.680 you know what, I deserved to get slap. That's like 0:20:37.880 --> 0:20:43.240 I deserve that, which is wrong, which is totally wrong. Yeah, 0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:45.200 I'm like, damn, I used to think. I used to 0:20:45.240 --> 0:20:51.320 think like like like I shouldn't slap for that, But 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:56.399 you just reminded me of another fucked up situation. The 0:20:56.440 --> 0:20:59.600