1 00:00:01,639 --> 00:00:04,840 Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 2 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 2: One of the things that I had to learn is 3 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 2: the importance of being my authentic self and speaking up 4 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 2: about my wants and needs early and often so that 5 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:22,759 Speaker 2: I'm not then building resentment towards someone for something that 6 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:23,800 Speaker 2: they weren't aware of. 7 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 8 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:33,599 Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments 9 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,519 Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a 10 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also, 11 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe 12 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghearspace dot com to access our 13 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 14 00:00:54,640 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to lofting 15 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 3: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a 16 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,759 Speaker 3: college professor and psychologist. 17 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 18 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 19 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:21,240 Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 20 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,600 Speaker 4: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where 21 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:25,720 Speaker 4: black women can just. 22 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 2: Be Hey, lady's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her 23 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:37,399 Speaker 2: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state 24 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 2: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, 25 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 2: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com. 26 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 2: That's d R D O M I N I q 27 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 2: U E B R O U S s ar D 28 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 2: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I 29 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 2: look forward to hearing from you our quote of the day. 30 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 2: When you get so caught up in someone else that 31 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:18,320 Speaker 2: you stop being able to recognize yourself, it's turn to 32 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 2: take a step back and reevaluate your priorities. Now, that 33 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:28,840 Speaker 2: was a mouthful, so I'm gonna say that again for 34 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 2: myself to make sure I got it right and the 35 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 2: people in the back. When you get so caught up 36 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 2: in someone else that you stop being able to recognize yourself, 37 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:49,239 Speaker 2: it's turn to take a step back and reevaluate your priorities, 38 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 2: all right, t You know where I'm going with? 39 00:02:55,520 --> 00:03:00,640 Speaker 4: Well, what they say in the church that the people say, amen, girl, 40 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:04,119 Speaker 4: it's a whole word. I think it's spat on, and 41 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 4: I think that, like everything, there's nuance to it. Because 42 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 4: as we were, I was reading this quote before we 43 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,919 Speaker 4: started and made me think about my postpartum journey. And 44 00:03:13,639 --> 00:03:15,639 Speaker 4: we'll talk more in detail about this in a minute, lady, 45 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 4: but it made me think about how there was a 46 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 4: time and period in life, in a phase and season 47 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 4: where it was important, in my opinion, for me to 48 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 4: put myself on the shelf, on the back burner and 49 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 4: prioritize this new human right my daughter. Yes, that was 50 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 4: nurturing and raising. Like so, I think that there are 51 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 4: times in the journey when it's important, but there's a 52 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 4: caveat to that, so I'll save that for the rest 53 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 4: of the episode. What do you think about this quote down? 54 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 2: Oh well, okay, so as you said that, that brought 55 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 2: up some other stuff from me. But I you know, I, 56 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 2: like most of our listeners, I'm assuming, well, hear the 57 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 2: quote of the day, we'll see the title of this 58 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 2: episode and automatic assume that we're referring to romantic relationships. 59 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 2: And so I appreciate that reminder that this conversation is 60 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:16,720 Speaker 2: not just about or not only about romantic relationship. But 61 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 2: that's not the only relationships that we have where we 62 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 2: can lose ourselves, right, And so as you were saying that, 63 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,480 Speaker 2: and you brought up your postpartum journey, like I thought 64 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:33,279 Speaker 2: about it, like, oh, yeah, we can get caught up 65 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:36,039 Speaker 2: not just in a romantic partner, but we can get 66 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 2: caught up in children and work, in hobbies, and there's 67 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 2: lots of things we can get caught up in where 68 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 2: we find where we lose ourselves or we forget us 69 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 2: as an individual. 70 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 4: So yes, I appreciate you bringing that point up. I'm 71 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 4: glad you made that distinction because I had that personal 72 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 4: sort of revelation and processing and prepping for the episode, 73 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 4: and I know we like to, you know, chat a 74 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 4: little bit before we record, so I'm glad you brought 75 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 4: that up. And I will say, Lady, I think today's 76 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 4: conversation is extremely important in general, but especially for black women. 77 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 4: And this is me speaking from personal experience as a 78 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 4: black woman, but also now when I'm thinking about the 79 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,920 Speaker 4: women in my life right, my black women friends and 80 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 4: black women that I know who they often have this 81 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 4: experience of feeling as though they disappeared within a relationship, 82 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 4: whether intimate or otherwise. And I think sometimes it's kind 83 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 4: of like I'm trying not to dig into that episode 84 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 4: so deep because I know we're going to go. We 85 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 4: have a flow here, but I think sometimes when you 86 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,599 Speaker 4: don't checking with yourself, often it's easy to like wake 87 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 4: up and be like, oh god, you know, like where 88 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 4: am I? What happened? And when it comes to maintaining 89 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 4: one's individuality in a relationship, it's crucial for personal well being. 90 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,479 Speaker 4: It's extremely important for successful partnership and also just for 91 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 4: you as a whole person. And so I'm just gonna 92 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 4: throw out some like in a quick overview, and like 93 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 4: I guess, I guess the best way to describe it 94 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:15,360 Speaker 4: as an overview of like why it's important to lose 95 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 4: yourself in a relationship. And then Dom and I will 96 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 4: share a little bit more and we're just gonna jump 97 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 4: right into this topic because it's so juicy and that 98 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 4: you can sense we are excited. So I think personal 99 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 4: growth is the reason why you don't want to lose yourself, avoiding, codependency, 100 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 4: long term satisfaction, YEP, resilience in adversity, mutual respect, also attraction, 101 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 4: and mystery. Like I think even within a relationship, I'm 102 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 4: speaking more so intimate relationship, you kind of want to 103 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 4: have a level of mystery there, right, even though you 104 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,720 Speaker 4: may have been with someone for some time. So those 105 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,000 Speaker 4: are just the high level right there. We're gonna dig 106 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 4: in deep into this in the second lady, But dom, 107 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 4: do you have any personal experiences? Give us the tea 108 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,560 Speaker 4: of where you woke up one day or you realize like, 109 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 4: oh wow, I man, where's don where is she? Have 110 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 4: I lost her? She at? 111 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 2: You know, when I reflect on that, I think about 112 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 2: there have been like when I think back to like 113 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 2: my people pleasing days, and I think about how I 114 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 2: showed up in like romantic relationships not really giving my 115 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 2: full self or not really communicating all of my wants 116 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 2: and needs so that my partner would be happy. Right. 117 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 2: And one of the things that I learned along the way, 118 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 2: and it took me, like it took me multiple times 119 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 2: to get that lesson. Yeah, And because that's what happens, right, 120 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 2: If you don't get it the first time, you're going 121 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 2: to keep that experience until you want it. And so 122 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 2: one of the things that I had to learn is 123 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 2: the importance of being my authentic self and speaking up 124 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 2: about my wants and needs early and often so that 125 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 2: I'm not then building resentment towards someone for something that 126 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 2: they weren't. 127 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 4: Aware of you better go ahead. That is a word 128 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 4: right there. 129 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,200 Speaker 2: And when you do that, you've I mean, at that 130 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 2: point you have kind of lost yourself in that relationship. Right. 131 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,360 Speaker 2: But I also think of the traditional sense of how 132 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 2: we think of when people say, oh, you lost yourself 133 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,840 Speaker 2: in that relationship, and usually that's more so along the 134 00:08:48,880 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 2: lines of your world centers around that person, right that 135 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 2: all the things that the hobby, the interest, the things 136 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,479 Speaker 2: that you had going before you got in that relationship, 137 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:16,199 Speaker 2: you don't do anymore. Your friends who you made time for, 138 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 2: your family who you made time for you no longer 139 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 2: make time for them. And I want to be clear, 140 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 2: in a healthy relationship dynamic how you are as a 141 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 2: single person, the amount of time that you do have 142 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 2: for friends and family as a single person will probably 143 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 2: shrink when you are in a romantic relationship. However, it's 144 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:52,239 Speaker 2: not completely disappearing. And so I think in the traditional 145 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 2: sense of how we think of it is, oh, my world, 146 00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 2: my entire existence is now wrapped around now this new 147 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 2: person and whatever it is that they want and they 148 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,959 Speaker 2: need and they and what they want us to do. 149 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 4: Hey, lady, it's Terry here, dom and I want to 150 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 4: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen 151 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 4: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we 152 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 4: want to give you a chance to learn more about 153 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,960 Speaker 4: what's important to us. So tell us what you think 154 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 4: about this. 155 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,680 Speaker 5: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get 156 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,640 Speaker 5: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your 157 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 5: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine 158 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 5: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can 159 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,679 Speaker 5: connect with like minded black women like you and share 160 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:47,079 Speaker 5: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, 161 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 5: I want you to imagine a world where you're in 162 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 5: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout 163 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,319 Speaker 5: your day and week, you are conversing with us about 164 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 5: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and 165 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 5: or personal wins. How does that sound? Hopefully this is 166 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 5: up your alley, lady, because we are taking things to 167 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 5: the next level this year, and we're doubling down on 168 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,840 Speaker 5: investing in our community. 169 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 4: That means you. We want to meet you, connect with you. 170 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 6: And create communities of genuine women who love on black 171 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 6: women and push our culture and movement forward. We launch 172 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,320 Speaker 6: this podcast in twenty nineteen and to date, we have 173 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:30,079 Speaker 6: not missed a week. We've been great stewards of our platform, 174 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 6: all while working full time and navigating our own ups 175 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 6: and downs. We release fresh new content every single Friday, 176 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 6: Life clock Work, and we have hundreds of valuable episodes 177 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 6: and workshops that can really help you up level your life. So, 178 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,679 Speaker 6: if you love our mission or you've gotten value from us, 179 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,679 Speaker 6: we invite you to give back and help us push 180 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:57,079 Speaker 6: this community effort forward. Visit herspacepodcast dot com and click Patreon. 181 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 6: You can learn more about our goals and exclusive offeras 182 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:04,320 Speaker 6: on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you to join 183 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 6: the Sister Frontier so that you can get someone on 184 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 6: one time with us. We also have an option for 185 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,840 Speaker 6: you to donate on a one time basis if that 186 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 6: meets your needs. Again Herspace podcast dot com and you 187 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,320 Speaker 6: can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady 188 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,239 Speaker 6: will hop right back into the conversation. 189 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 4: Wow, all right, Dom, you gonna start off preaching like 190 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 4: that because that was so good and it made me think, 191 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,560 Speaker 4: I mean, I would agree with you in situations like that. 192 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,200 Speaker 4: I talked a bit about the postpartum journey, just you know, 193 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,760 Speaker 4: being in this new phase, like and I'm nearly three 194 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,439 Speaker 4: years postpartum now, so you know it's a little different. 195 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,200 Speaker 4: But in that first fifteen months time, you know, like 196 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 4: trying to figure out the sleep schedule, learning my new child, 197 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 4: and figuring out what where's this, what bodies, what's happening, 198 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 4: what's happening right now, like not recognizing my body in 199 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 4: the mirror, and then myself and figuring out who am 200 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 4: I now with all these responsibilities. So I think you 201 00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 4: made a really good point too, though, and speaking about 202 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 4: the relationship aspect, one thing that stood out to me 203 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,960 Speaker 4: as you share that is the issue that I had 204 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 4: when I was in my people pleasing bag heavy and 205 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 4: I would show up in a relationship as what the 206 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 4: person wanted and not my authentic self. Is then I 207 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 4: had to maintain it and that shit is diodosting, and 208 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 4: like you said, right, and then the resentment builds up 209 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,000 Speaker 4: because now I'm like, I'm mad at you because you 210 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 4: expecting me to do this the whole time. I'm the 211 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,600 Speaker 4: one who set the standard and set the baseline for 212 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 4: what it was. And so that is so important, like 213 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 4: being true to yourself and guess what the great thing 214 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 4: about it is when you're true to yourself and you 215 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 4: just all of you. If somebody not fucking with it, 216 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 4: they can go. And that's you get to wead through 217 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,840 Speaker 4: the people that are not for you quickly versus trying 218 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 4: to hold on to someone who maybe isn't a good 219 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,640 Speaker 4: fit in general. So I'm so glad you brought that up, lady. 220 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:55,439 Speaker 2: Listen, you know it brings up a real life example, right, 221 00:13:56,120 --> 00:14:01,600 Speaker 2: like dating and being what it needs to be your 222 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 2: authentic self. And so like I think about like like 223 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 2: the first time you and I'm going to set this up, 224 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,679 Speaker 2: like just set the stage, okay, paint the p the 225 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:19,120 Speaker 2: first time you intentionally spend the night at your new 226 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 2: partner's house or they spend the night at your house. 227 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 2: And I'm clear when I say intentionally, because you know 228 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 2: there's those times where that wasn't playing ahead of time. 229 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 2: Stuff just happens, right, So imagine you have intentionally decided 230 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 2: that you are staying over at your partner's house. Now, ladies, 231 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 2: we are all about protecting our hair over here at 232 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 2: this big age. If I intentionally decide that I'm sleeping 233 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 2: over at your house, you are going to get a 234 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 2: headscarf or a bonet on my head, point blank period, right. 235 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 4: Go ahead. 236 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 2: In my twenties, m that might not have happened because 237 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 2: I needed to maintain this level of cuteness right like. 238 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 2: But the reality is I need this head scarf in 239 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 2: this bonnet so that my hair will be cute in 240 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 2: the morning, because otherwise, you know, we're leaving it up 241 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 2: to chance, and then you're gonna be looking at me like, girl, 242 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:36,560 Speaker 2: what happened to your hair? And so you know, I 243 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 2: also think about folks who maybe have to sleep with 244 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:46,080 Speaker 2: a retainer, or have to use a seat pat machine 245 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 2: like they used to use a breathing machine, you know, 246 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 2: to go to sleep at night, or whatever the thing is, 247 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:57,680 Speaker 2: that's a part of their normal routine when they sleep 248 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 2: by themselves. When you are getting to know a new partner, 249 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 2: to me, it's healthy to introduce that right away because, 250 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 2: like you said, if that's a problem for them, then 251 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 2: by on to the next one like that. If that 252 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 2: because if part of your daily routine for your health 253 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 2: and well being, or maybe part of your daily routine 254 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 2: for your vanity and beauty standards, whatever it is, that 255 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 2: it's part of your daily routine and it's helpful to you. 256 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 2: You want your partner to be able to see it, 257 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 2: honor it, and respect it. And if they can't, then 258 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 2: perhaps they should. 259 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 4: Not be your partner. Okay, you let it go. Hey, girls, 260 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 4: as you're sharing, it's making me think of a couple 261 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 4: of things. The one thing I think my grandmother said 262 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 4: this years ago is like, don't are something you can't 263 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 4: continue so hard. Here's the thing. And I love that 264 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,360 Speaker 4: you share that perspective because I agree with that, and 265 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,199 Speaker 4: I also believe that there is a way that you 266 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,240 Speaker 4: can still keep some things to yourself. So maybe there 267 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,360 Speaker 4: are certain certain parts of your virtual routine where you're like, yeah, 268 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:15,919 Speaker 4: ain't know your business. I'm gonna be my thing, but 269 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:19,080 Speaker 4: like I'm not gonna, you know, break it down for you, Like, yeah, 270 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 4: I'm gonna put this heat app on, but wee guys 271 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 4: talk about all the oils and all the things I'm 272 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,400 Speaker 4: putting in my hair, like what I'm doing to my skin, 273 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,399 Speaker 4: you know what I mean. So you a level of 274 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,440 Speaker 4: you like keeping something for yourself, but also still showing 275 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 4: up authentically, and if you do want to like still 276 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 4: keep it a little pretty and whatnot, that's cool, but 277 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 4: just don't start something that you can't continue because at 278 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,199 Speaker 4: some point it may be an issue. 279 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:38,640 Speaker 3: Sam. 280 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 4: It makes me also think about dating and like talking 281 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 4: about children or the type of sex that you like, 282 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 4: whatever it might be. And then you act one way 283 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,360 Speaker 4: initially and then you switch up and they're like wait 284 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:51,159 Speaker 4: what happened And you're like, well, I was doing the 285 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 4: things I want to keep you around, but it's like 286 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:57,399 Speaker 4: it just creates an issue. Yes, yes it does. So 287 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,920 Speaker 4: shall we jump into these seven tips to preserve your 288 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 4: individuality and relationships? 289 00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 2: Yes, let's do it. 290 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 4: Let's time as number one right here, because this is 291 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 4: my favorite, and this is self reflection and awareness, and 292 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 4: so it's so important to begin by understanding your own values, 293 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 4: your goals, your personal boundaries, and I truly believe that 294 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,520 Speaker 4: regular self reflection helps you stay connected with your evolving 295 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,879 Speaker 4: identity and dom I've talked about this on the podcast, 296 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,120 Speaker 4: but if you're a new lady in grad school, after 297 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,239 Speaker 4: a very toxic relationship, I started dating myself and that 298 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,600 Speaker 4: was a period in time where I was able to identify, 299 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,159 Speaker 4: like who am I, what do I like? Because I 300 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 4: was always sort of being a chamellion and adjusting to 301 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,360 Speaker 4: the people around me. It was a very pivotal point 302 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 4: in line right, a chance to be with myself, and 303 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 4: I think also dom when we don't have those regular 304 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 4: cadences with ourselves, like we don't have a regular cadence 305 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,520 Speaker 4: of checking in, it's so easy to end up in 306 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 4: a situation where it feels like you wake up one 307 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 4: day and you're like, how the fuck did I get here? 308 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,440 Speaker 4: Who am I? Where did I go? Who have I 309 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,399 Speaker 4: been being this whole time? And this happens right like 310 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,959 Speaker 4: this has happened often to me and my journey because 311 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 4: I didn't have those checkpoints with myself. And then get 312 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,639 Speaker 4: you get on autopilot, right, It's like when you're driving 313 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 4: on the freeway and it's like, you know, you might 314 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 4: be on cruise control and then you're like daydreaming and 315 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,440 Speaker 4: you look up and you're like, what, oh my god, 316 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 4: where was I at the last two minutes? Was I 317 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 4: actually driving this car or was it ja I'm on autopilot? 318 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,040 Speaker 4: What do you think about that particular tip down? 319 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's important to have that time for 320 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 2: self reflection and awareness because I think what that does 321 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:38,359 Speaker 2: is that allows you to stay in constant reflection, constant 322 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 2: perspectives of where things are right, Because, like you said, 323 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:52,399 Speaker 2: you can start seeing someone and get on autopilot and 324 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 2: next thing you know, fast forward five years, ten years 325 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:04,200 Speaker 2: have gone by, but you're not happy in that relationship, 326 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,439 Speaker 2: and you might not have ever been happy in that relationship, 327 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 2: but you were accustomed to going alone. Or I'm in 328 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,480 Speaker 2: this relationship for the sake of saying that I'm in 329 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:28,760 Speaker 2: a relationship. And so I think when you set aside 330 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 2: that time to do that inner work and to become aware, 331 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,920 Speaker 2: it allows you the space to be able to say, 332 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:44,760 Speaker 2: the space to be able to assess, is this relationship 333 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:51,200 Speaker 2: still working for me? Is this what I still need 334 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:57,919 Speaker 2: and want in my life? Am I being? Am I 335 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,359 Speaker 2: doing the things that I said that I was gonna 336 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:05,879 Speaker 2: that I wanted to accomplish. Are those things still necessary? 337 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,959 Speaker 2: Because it could be that what you thought you wanted. 338 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm about to quote Lauren Hill, but 339 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 2: I felt thought to want it was not what you needed. 340 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 2: And so I think it's so important to take that 341 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 2: turn to self reflect and to have that awareness. 342 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 4: Maybe if you're listening and you have your journal, I 343 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,200 Speaker 4: hope you wrote them questions down the dome. Just share 344 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,359 Speaker 4: because God, that's it. God. Think well, a good question. 345 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think it's so important, and so that 346 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:51,720 Speaker 2: takes us to number two, maintaining personal hobbies and interests. 347 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,960 Speaker 4: You, lady, you you are, hopefully, hopefully, you are a. 348 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,720 Speaker 2: Full ass human being out here in these street with 349 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:06,720 Speaker 2: things that you like to do by yourself or maybe 350 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,680 Speaker 2: with other people. I don't know, but you have things 351 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 2: that you like to do. It's important for you to 352 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,959 Speaker 2: engage in activities that you love outside of your relationship 353 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 2: because that helps foster a sense of independence and fulfillment 354 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 2: in your own life. I recently went out with someone 355 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,399 Speaker 2: and I shared that, like I said, like, one of 356 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 2: the things that I value in a partner is someone 357 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 2: who respect. 358 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:44,640 Speaker 4: My time. 359 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 2: Devoted to other things outside of the relationship, and I 360 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,359 Speaker 2: expect that they will do the same for themselves that 361 00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 2: they have things that they do outside of the relationship. 362 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 2: At one point in my life, like I loved pole dancing. 363 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 2: I expect that my partner is going to respect the 364 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:30,199 Speaker 2: time that I put into that particular hobby right now, 365 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 2: obviously or maybe not obviously for some people. Hopefully you 366 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 2: find a balance of how much time that you're devoting 367 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,480 Speaker 2: to your hobbies and interests with the amount of time 368 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:50,880 Speaker 2: that you're spending in your relationship, because if you get 369 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,119 Speaker 2: to a point where you are spending more time with 370 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:56,399 Speaker 2: your hobbies and interest than with your actual partner, that 371 00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 2: might be a sign that something isn't going well. And 372 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 2: on the flip side, you don't want to get to 373 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 2: a space where you are no longer engaging in any 374 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,040 Speaker 2: of the things that interest you because you only give 375 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:20,760 Speaker 2: your to your partner. So really it's about finding the 376 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:26,760 Speaker 2: time for the things that interest you and recognizing that 377 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 2: when you go from being single to being in a 378 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 2: relationship that things will shift. Like for instance, I know 379 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 2: that I read at night before I fall asleep. That's 380 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 2: part of my night time routine. Having a partner means 381 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:53,560 Speaker 2: that my value with having a partner is that we 382 00:24:53,640 --> 00:25:00,520 Speaker 2: go to sleep at the same time my reading might 383 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:07,440 Speaker 2: not happen, And so that means I'm not going to 384 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 2: give up my reading because that's something that I do 385 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:14,679 Speaker 2: for me that I really enjoy. I may have to 386 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 2: shift the time in which I do have my reading 387 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:26,720 Speaker 2: so that I can prioritize this going to bed at 388 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,399 Speaker 2: the same time with my partner, because that is something 389 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 2: that has a higher priority for me. And so it's 390 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:40,160 Speaker 2: about figuring out where that balance is. What about for ute, well. 391 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,919 Speaker 4: One don I love that you broke that down and 392 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 4: like shared a real life example on what that could 393 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 4: look like because I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think 394 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,199 Speaker 4: they're dedicating regular time to pursue your own hobbies, like 395 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:53,159 Speaker 4: you said, where they're reading, painting, playing a sport, getting 396 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,439 Speaker 4: on that pole, working that ass, like whatever it is, 397 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,119 Speaker 4: go do that thing and keep that up, even if 398 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 4: it does have to be shifted. Keep those aspects to 399 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,200 Speaker 4: yourself like you should always have, keep those rituals in 400 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,439 Speaker 4: the dates where it's just you and you, because it 401 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,960 Speaker 4: helps you retain a sense of self outside of the relationship, 402 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 4: which is so important because I've seen the time and 403 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 4: time again more relationships end and then people are scrambling, 404 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 4: like you're really asking who am I? Because you lost yourself? 405 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,480 Speaker 4: But you didn't have that sensitive self or that sense 406 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,119 Speaker 4: of self outside of the relationship because you were so 407 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,399 Speaker 4: defined by the relationship. So I think it helps in 408 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 4: preserving your identity, your unique identity that is, and prevents 409 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 4: a complete merging of those identities with the partner, because 410 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 4: then when the partner leaves, then it's like we're in 411 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,199 Speaker 4: shambles right, So definitely having a healthy balance there and 412 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,640 Speaker 4: also for your personal fulfillment, like keep your own hobbies 413 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 4: just to keep you, you know, for your yes. So 414 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:52,439 Speaker 4: that takes us down once Number three, which is open 415 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,919 Speaker 4: communication with your partner. And I think we all know 416 00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:00,919 Speaker 4: that transparent communication builds understanding. So share your thoughts, aspirations, 417 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:05,240 Speaker 4: and concerns to ensure mutual respect for individuality. So if 418 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 4: you notice that you're in a relationship and someone I'm 419 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 4: going to use the word clingyp but someone's being a 420 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 4: bit more clingy and you're noticing that it's clinging to 421 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 4: the point where it's taking you away from rituals and you, 422 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 4: I know we probably many of us have been where 423 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,760 Speaker 4: it's like, wait, this is es personally trying to isolate 424 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,720 Speaker 4: me and take me away from friends or family or 425 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,399 Speaker 4: activities that's should be coming okay, slippery slope indeed, And 426 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:31,240 Speaker 4: so having those conversations can either let you know, Okay, 427 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,760 Speaker 4: is this person understanding maybe they're not aware of what 428 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,199 Speaker 4: they're doing and they're willing to change their behavior, or 429 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:41,200 Speaker 4: is it a sign of something else happening. So having 430 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 4: regular relationship check in, having those conversations and bring that 431 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:45,920 Speaker 4: stuff up. Is also really important to make sure that 432 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 4: you all are both still in yourself and still have 433 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 4: your own lives. 434 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 2: Yes, I think you know, communication is one of the 435 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:59,439 Speaker 2: hallmarks of a healthy relationship. And you know, I go 436 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,720 Speaker 2: back to the beginning of the episode where you know, 437 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 2: I was sharing how when you're a people pleaser, you 438 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,159 Speaker 2: can get into a habit or I got into a 439 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:14,600 Speaker 2: habit of doing things to please the other person, or 440 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 2: tolerating things that I didn't like but they wanted to do, 441 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:25,960 Speaker 2: and in order for me to keep the peace, keep 442 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 2: them happy, I kept my mouth closed, right, And so 443 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 2: I think part of open communication with your partner requires 444 00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:43,280 Speaker 2: that you stay the hard things at times, because chances 445 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 2: are that thing that you're building up inside of you 446 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 2: that feels hard, it's probably not that hard after all, 447 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 2: once you put it out there. 448 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,360 Speaker 4: Right. Hey, Hey, lady, we hope you're enjoying this conversation. 449 00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:57,880 Speaker 4: We just wanted to pause for a moment and give 450 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 4: a shout out to one of our sponsors, as they're 451 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,880 Speaker 4: the ones making this show possible. Now, you know us, 452 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 4: we only endorse products and services that we personally use 453 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,080 Speaker 4: and genuinely love. Now what that said. 454 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,040 Speaker 2: It's that time of year when we're all getting into 455 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 2: the groove of resolutions and goal setting. But I'm gonna 456 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 2: keep it real. Making those goals happen is all about 457 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 2: setting yourself up for success, which is why we're teaming 458 00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 2: up with Factor Meals to have our backs on the 459 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 2: health and fitness front. Imagine this, Factors ready to eat 460 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,080 Speaker 2: meals swoop in, take the stress out of meal planning, 461 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,080 Speaker 2: and boom, You're on the road to success in the 462 00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,560 Speaker 2: new year. It's like having a personal chef for your 463 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 2: health goals. With over thirty five meals to choose from 464 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 2: each week, including options like Keto, Calorie Smart, vegan and veggie, 465 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:56,240 Speaker 2: and more, plus over fifty five weekly add ons, you'll 466 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,840 Speaker 2: have a ton of nutritious and flavorful options to kick 467 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:01,560 Speaker 2: your resolutions. 468 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:06,800 Speaker 4: Now I'm getting hungry just talking about Factor Meals. Okay, listen, lady, 469 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:11,000 Speaker 4: I had Factors garlic and herb, roasted mushrooms with olive oil, 470 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:15,200 Speaker 4: mashed potatoes, roasted green beans and tomatoes. And when I 471 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 4: tell you, it was so good and it was extremely 472 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:20,840 Speaker 4: easy to prepare, lady, you really have to just try 473 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 4: this for yourself. Okay, I even ordered smoothies and they 474 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 4: are ready to go. All right, The strawberry and banana 475 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:31,400 Speaker 4: smoothie is top tier, So lady, forget frantic lunch preps 476 00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 4: and rush dinners. Factors two minute meals are your secret 477 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 4: weapon in the new year. Fuel up fast with the 478 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 4: restaurant quality meals, all delivered right to your door. Factor 479 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,240 Speaker 4: now offers loads of snack options as well, so you 480 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 4: get breakfast smoothies, juices, snacks, and more to keep you 481 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:53,000 Speaker 4: going no matter what's on the schedule when things get hectic. 482 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,360 Speaker 4: Factor is flexible. You can also change up your meal 483 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 4: every week with plans from four to eighteen meals per week, 484 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,680 Speaker 4: or you can pause or reschedule your deliveries at any time. Lady, 485 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 4: head on over to factormills dot com slash her space 486 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,840 Speaker 4: fifty and use code her space fifty to get fifty 487 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:14,280 Speaker 4: percent off. That's cold, her space fifty at factormials dot 488 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,120 Speaker 4: com slash her space fifty to get fifty percent off. 489 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 4: All right, let's get back to the show so quick example. Right, Yes, 490 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:26,680 Speaker 4: let's say. 491 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:33,080 Speaker 2: That your partner has a tendency to always be five 492 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:43,480 Speaker 2: minutes late. Now, you, on the other hand, very punctual 493 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 2: person so being on time is actually being late to you, right, 494 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 2: So them always showing up five minutes late, it comes 495 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 2: frustrating because maybe sometimes those five minutes may have slipped 496 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:07,760 Speaker 2: into fifteen thirty minutes, right, But every time they show up, 497 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 2: they're apologetical, I'm so sorry I was late, and you're like. 498 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 4: It's okay. 499 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:20,959 Speaker 2: Meanwhile, on the inside, you are seeing humid ooh, because 500 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:29,280 Speaker 2: punctuality is key. That's forward a couple of months and 501 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 2: you're having a rough day, your cup is not full, 502 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,480 Speaker 2: They're wanted five minutes late, and next thing you know, 503 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:46,320 Speaker 2: you find yourself snapping and you all get into a 504 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:53,920 Speaker 2: huge argument because they were five minutes late. But this 505 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:58,640 Speaker 2: is a pattern of behavior that you have not spoken on. 506 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,120 Speaker 2: This is why communication is important, because now your partner 507 00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 2: probably feels blindsided, like, I mean, I know i'd be late, 508 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 2: but like you said, it was okay, so I kept 509 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:14,960 Speaker 2: doing it and they feel blindsided. 510 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 4: You gotta keep communicating dom even have to nail on 511 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,400 Speaker 4: the head with that. All I want to say is, lady, 512 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 4: that was such a great example. 513 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:27,320 Speaker 7: Don too. 514 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:28,600 Speaker 4: I don't know if you could tell that it was 515 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,360 Speaker 4: very near and dear to my heart. It was a 516 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,240 Speaker 4: very great example, and we have an episode Lady Season two, 517 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,760 Speaker 4: episode four, our first fight tips to manage conflict for 518 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 4: the non confrontational woman. Remember that dom Yes, and I 519 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:43,720 Speaker 4: believe Dominic had a little role play on there because 520 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,640 Speaker 4: you may have heard Dom's example and said, well, how 521 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,760 Speaker 4: do I bring it up to them without bitching like 522 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:51,600 Speaker 4: about the time thing in a constructive, tactful way, right, 523 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 4: so that you all don't have issues. Go check out 524 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:55,000 Speaker 4: that episode. We got you. 525 00:33:55,240 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 2: Yes, all right, so then that moves us too. Tip 526 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 2: number four establishing healthy boundaries. We've talked about boundaries before 527 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:12,920 Speaker 2: on the podcast. You hear the word boundaries in pop culture. 528 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,800 Speaker 2: We can't stress enough the importance of setting boundaries because 529 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 2: it protects your individual space. It ensures a healthy balance 530 00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:31,399 Speaker 2: between togetherness and independence. It shows love and compassion and 531 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:39,720 Speaker 2: great for you and your partner. The key with boundaries, though, 532 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:47,239 Speaker 2: and this is where people often mess up. You are 533 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:52,440 Speaker 2: the only one who can enforce your boundaries. And I'm 534 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 2: gonna say that again. You are the only one who 535 00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:06,360 Speaker 2: can truly enforce your personal boundaries, and you may need 536 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:12,920 Speaker 2: to communicate your boundaries more than once. What I have 537 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:21,160 Speaker 2: told people often is that think of yourself and all 538 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:27,719 Speaker 2: of the information that you hold in your brain. Think 539 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:32,240 Speaker 2: of all of the things that you hold in your brain, 540 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 2: not just about yourself, your personal preferences, likes, dislikes, all 541 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 2: of that. But now think about how many people you 542 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:46,760 Speaker 2: encounter and all of the information that you hold within 543 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:55,280 Speaker 2: a given day. Now go back to what you hold 544 00:35:55,440 --> 00:36:02,879 Speaker 2: for yourself. Sometimes you forget your own personal preferences. So 545 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:09,320 Speaker 2: how can we expect when we forget our own stuff, 546 00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 2: how can we expect someone else to always remember? I 547 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:24,279 Speaker 2: understand that at some point, yes, there are some things 548 00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:29,280 Speaker 2: that some boundaries that are if they are frequent, yes 549 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:37,400 Speaker 2: they should. Your partner should remember. However, your partner cannot 550 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:41,080 Speaker 2: be expected to remember every single thing about you, just 551 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,319 Speaker 2: like you cannot be expected to remember every single thing 552 00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:51,200 Speaker 2: about them, and so sometimes we may need gentle reminders. 553 00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,799 Speaker 4: All right now, I'm just over here looking at these 554 00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:02,080 Speaker 4: f so that we have because we have a lady 555 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:06,440 Speaker 4: just Google boundaries and cultivating her space or her space podcast, 556 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 4: and we have tons of episodes. I'm looking at season 557 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,960 Speaker 4: one how to set boundaries effectively? Know it was a 558 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,200 Speaker 4: complete sentence, there's one for you, but go Google for 559 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,320 Speaker 4: the rest. You hit the nail on the head with 560 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,840 Speaker 4: number four, I'm just going to jump right into number five. Okay, 561 00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:23,640 Speaker 4: all right, So number five is continuous personal growth. So 562 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,279 Speaker 4: when you think about this particular tip and the why 563 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:30,000 Speaker 4: behind it, right, embrace a growth mindset. Strive for continuous 564 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,840 Speaker 4: learning and development, both professionally and personally. I think for 565 00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:40,720 Speaker 4: me dom this keeps me fulfilled in ways that keeps 566 00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:44,440 Speaker 4: me fulfilled in a way that doesn't have me looking 567 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,759 Speaker 4: for fulfillment in a relationship. I guess you could say, yeah, 568 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:49,640 Speaker 4: the same fulfillment. That makes sense. I think that when 569 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,239 Speaker 4: you when you're not only you know, you have your 570 00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,920 Speaker 4: own hobbies, you have your own interests, you're doing all 571 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,040 Speaker 4: these things, but then you also have you're on this 572 00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:01,040 Speaker 4: path to personal growth. Personal growth often requires a level 573 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,320 Speaker 4: of discipline, It requires a level of solitude at times, 574 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:08,080 Speaker 4: it requires a sense of self worth because you're on 575 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:11,480 Speaker 4: an achievement journey. So I think that whether it's attending workshops, 576 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,360 Speaker 4: are taking courses, or pursuing new experiences that align with 577 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:18,640 Speaker 4: your interests, it's always great to prioritize personal growth and 578 00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:22,759 Speaker 4: development outside of the relationship as well. It's like cultivating 579 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,400 Speaker 4: a whole person. So that when you come into the 580 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,920 Speaker 4: relationship you can be whole or not half a person. Right, 581 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 4: We're not looking for our other half. We should be 582 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 4: looking for other holes in my opinion, not holes. I say, 583 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,440 Speaker 4: h O yes, or unless you want to do h 584 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:37,439 Speaker 4: O L. 585 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,600 Speaker 2: Unless you you might be That's what's that. You don't 586 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,319 Speaker 2: be clear on what you want. That might be what 587 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,719 Speaker 2: you want, and that's okay. Ain't nothing wrong with that, 588 00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,040 Speaker 2: Ain't no whole shame and over here. But yeah, that's that. 589 00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 4: I think about personal continuous personal growths. What about you? 590 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:51,160 Speaker 4: What do you think? 591 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,759 Speaker 2: Yes, I think that that's important. I think that you know, 592 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 2: like you said, like when when you are doing your 593 00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:07,080 Speaker 2: own work, it makes your relationship healthier, or it can 594 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:13,440 Speaker 2: reveals underhealthy. It could reveal the unhealthy stuff, right, and 595 00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:16,320 Speaker 2: it can bring you back to our number one tip 596 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,960 Speaker 2: of that self reflection and awareness. So as you're doing 597 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:24,440 Speaker 2: your continuous personal growth, you may have a moment where 598 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:30,040 Speaker 2: you recognize, oh, maybe I'm not communicating what I need. 599 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:34,719 Speaker 2: Maybe I haven't set the boundaries that I need to set. 600 00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:40,239 Speaker 2: Maybe this person isn't the person for me anymore, right, 601 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:48,240 Speaker 2: or maybe it's I need to do some deeper work 602 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:55,000 Speaker 2: because I am the problem come on. And so when 603 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:59,400 Speaker 2: you're doing that continuous personal growth, it allows for you 604 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:04,160 Speaker 2: to do that that necessary work. So then I think 605 00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:13,600 Speaker 2: that takes us to tip number six. Nurture friendships outside 606 00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:20,120 Speaker 2: of the relationship. Listen, for those of y'all that know 607 00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:25,319 Speaker 2: me personally, y'all know I have multiple circles. I have 608 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,839 Speaker 2: lots of friends and family that are near and dear 609 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:38,600 Speaker 2: to me, and those various circles keep my cup full. 610 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:46,360 Speaker 2: And like I said, when I communicate to potential partners, 611 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,240 Speaker 2: like I make sure. 612 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,920 Speaker 4: That they know. 613 00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:59,600 Speaker 2: I have a full life. And I will continue to 614 00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:12,640 Speaker 2: nurture my friendships. I travel with friends, I travel two 615 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:20,360 Speaker 2: friends mm hmm. And and for me, whether I'm partnered 616 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,600 Speaker 2: or not, that is something that is important to me. 617 00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:28,400 Speaker 2: Now you know, when I do have a long term partner, 618 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:35,839 Speaker 2: ideally that person would be able to join me in 619 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:41,120 Speaker 2: some of those friendships. Of those friendships, she said, right, 620 00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:47,719 Speaker 2: of those friendships, right, just making sure, okay, because it's 621 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:52,320 Speaker 2: still important to me to have even if my partner 622 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,320 Speaker 2: is cool with all of my friends and family yep, 623 00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,759 Speaker 2: so that it is like I can bring him with 624 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,279 Speaker 2: me wherever I go and vice versa. I can go 625 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:08,040 Speaker 2: with him, it is still important that I have time 626 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 2: away from him with life, friends and family a vice versa. 627 00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:25,239 Speaker 7: Yeah, it is so healthy to maintain friendships relationships with 628 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:27,440 Speaker 7: people outside of your partner. 629 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, amen to that. Okay, Dom, because you hit the 630 00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:34,520 Speaker 4: nail on the head with that. I just want to 631 00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:37,279 Speaker 4: give a couple community announcements. I do want to add 632 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,719 Speaker 4: one thing. I remember back in the day, when I 633 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,880 Speaker 4: was in my younger years, this fool told me I 634 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,839 Speaker 4: was cheating on him with myself. And this is someone 635 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,760 Speaker 4: I wasn't even This is like someone I was just entertaining, girl, 636 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:48,879 Speaker 4: That's what I said. So it made me think about 637 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,520 Speaker 4: I love the fact that you emphasize that you have 638 00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:52,800 Speaker 4: a full life because I witnessed that being your friend 639 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:54,359 Speaker 4: and also being in business with you, and I think 640 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,040 Speaker 4: it's a beautiful thing that many of us should try 641 00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,480 Speaker 4: to cultivate. And if you ever find that someone is 642 00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,560 Speaker 4: trying to isolate you, and this is not just like 643 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:05,080 Speaker 4: all you know, your family little toxic, you should probably 644 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,080 Speaker 4: chill that not not trying to take you away from 645 00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,400 Speaker 4: people who are not doing you and be good. But 646 00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:11,239 Speaker 4: if is trying to get you by yourself and like 647 00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,680 Speaker 4: take you away from those things. That's a red flag. Yeah, 648 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,480 Speaker 4: it's an episode for that. Okay almost, but you can 649 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:18,359 Speaker 4: think of there's an episode for that. So I wanted 650 00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:22,520 Speaker 4: to say, we have an episode, season five, episode ten 651 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,520 Speaker 4: called signs You're the toxic one in the relationship. Check 652 00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:27,560 Speaker 4: that out, lady, because that's a good one. And then 653 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,440 Speaker 4: also leave the podcast a review, like if you enjoyed 654 00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,000 Speaker 4: the content so far, and leave us a review. Her 655 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,040 Speaker 4: Space podcast Cultivating, her Space podcast all that good stuff. 656 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:38,239 Speaker 4: Website herspace podcast dot com. We on Instagram as well 657 00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:41,520 Speaker 4: at her space podcast. Adam, I'm looking at when this 658 00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,680 Speaker 4: episode's episode air. Should we go ahead and tell the 659 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:48,320 Speaker 4: listeners how they can work with us potentially? Yes? Yeah, okay, lady, 660 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:51,000 Speaker 4: we actually have an open role. We are looking for 661 00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:56,080 Speaker 4: a social media manager. So you can go over child, 662 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:57,480 Speaker 4: what's our? What's our? What's our? 663 00:43:57,560 --> 00:43:58,319 Speaker 2: You are with them? 664 00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:00,799 Speaker 4: This is live, y'all, So word this is what it is. 665 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,200 Speaker 4: So you can you can head over to her spacepodcast 666 00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:04,920 Speaker 4: dot com and we'll add a link there. By the 667 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,000 Speaker 4: time you hear this, the link will be there for you. 668 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,840 Speaker 4: So head on over to her spacepodcast dot com be 669 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,879 Speaker 4: sure to apply asap. Don't hold it and wait. We 670 00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,279 Speaker 4: have an incredible team. You see the work that we're doing, 671 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,160 Speaker 4: and we're looking to expand, so be sure to apply. 672 00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:21,439 Speaker 4: Tuning into this episode after let's say, I don't know 673 00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:24,600 Speaker 4: April twenty twenty four, so we probably already got the 674 00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:27,239 Speaker 4: roll field, so just keep that in mind. Go check 675 00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:30,080 Speaker 4: our social media for the updates. But I'll hop into 676 00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:33,560 Speaker 4: our final yes, the final tip, and then we'll do 677 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,200 Speaker 4: a recap. Lady, Okay, we got you. The final tip 678 00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:41,960 Speaker 4: here is celebrate individual accomplishments and achievements. Okay, celebrate individual 679 00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:46,360 Speaker 4: accomplishments and achievements. By acknowledging and celebrating your personal achievements, 680 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:50,239 Speaker 4: it reinforces your sense of self worth and success outside 681 00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,879 Speaker 4: of the relationship, which is so important. So no matter 682 00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,759 Speaker 4: how big or small, take time to recognize and commemorate 683 00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,560 Speaker 4: your individual milestones, right and encourage your partner to do 684 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:04,000 Speaker 4: the same. And this makes me think back to when 685 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:06,880 Speaker 4: I remember my very first resume and I compare her 686 00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:08,440 Speaker 4: to the one I have now and it's like, WHOA, 687 00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,080 Speaker 4: look at the growth, right? But I remember, back when 688 00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,319 Speaker 4: I was younger, one of my biggest accomplishments was like 689 00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:16,760 Speaker 4: registering my siblings for school and making a Thanksgiving dinner 690 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:20,480 Speaker 4: Like those were huge accomplishments for me at that stage 691 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,040 Speaker 4: of my life, and it could even be a great 692 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:25,000 Speaker 4: accomplishment now. So whatever that is for you, make sure 693 00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:29,239 Speaker 4: you celebrate that because you can incorporate all of this 694 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,160 Speaker 4: what we're sharing into your relationship to enhance the relationship 695 00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:34,960 Speaker 4: but also your individual selves because we want to be 696 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:40,480 Speaker 4: again full of people, right whols four people coming together? 697 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:45,840 Speaker 2: Yes, And I can't stress enough the importance of recognizing 698 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:51,000 Speaker 2: like when you were able to utilize these tips, these 699 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:55,160 Speaker 2: tips also help you to see potential red flag in 700 00:45:55,200 --> 00:46:01,640 Speaker 2: yourself or your partner right because in a healthy relationship dynamic, 701 00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:13,560 Speaker 2: your partner is also celebrating you and your individual wins. 702 00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:19,360 Speaker 2: Right that, whether they are big or small, your partner 703 00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:22,600 Speaker 2: is going to celebrate with you. And if your partner 704 00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:28,120 Speaker 2: is not celebrating with you, that's a sign that they 705 00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,080 Speaker 2: might not be the one and then it might be 706 00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:38,600 Speaker 2: an unhealthy relationship dynamic. And on the flip side of that, 707 00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:45,160 Speaker 2: you want to also celebrate your partner's wins. You want 708 00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:47,920 Speaker 2: to be supportive of their endeavors. 709 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:49,320 Speaker 4: Now, let me be clear. 710 00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:57,560 Speaker 2: Sometimes we have ideas that might not be so great, 711 00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:04,360 Speaker 2: might not actually be realistic, and we need somebody to 712 00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,680 Speaker 2: like really level with us and be honest with us 713 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:18,000 Speaker 2: in a constructive, loving way. Ideally, you want a partner 714 00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,759 Speaker 2: who can do that, who can not only be there 715 00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:24,520 Speaker 2: for all of your wins, but can be honest. 716 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,160 Speaker 4: With you about. 717 00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,400 Speaker 2: Babe, I don't know about that. That might not be. 718 00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:32,960 Speaker 2: That might not be for you. 719 00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:36,839 Speaker 4: Maybe that mixtape may not be your path. Rapping ain't 720 00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:41,759 Speaker 4: your forte mm hmm. Maybe you need to stick to 721 00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:45,120 Speaker 4: being in the choir. You know, I'm just saying it. 722 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,560 Speaker 2: But see what we did there, Like we let you 723 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:55,120 Speaker 2: know rapping is not your thing. But here's something that 724 00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:56,560 Speaker 2: I did notice that you're great at. 725 00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the spirit in which they do it right now, 726 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,800 Speaker 4: also really make you feel. And we're talking about patterns 727 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,400 Speaker 4: over time, right, So I think we're all working proverbs 728 00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:08,279 Speaker 4: when it comes to communication. But just think about how 729 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,080 Speaker 4: it makes you feel when someone does get that feedback 730 00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:13,600 Speaker 4: and also the patterns that they're displaying, because, like Don said, 731 00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:17,440 Speaker 4: this list might also put you onto the red flags 732 00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:20,040 Speaker 4: and the things that you might need to move away from. 733 00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,319 Speaker 4: Right all right, should we do a quick recap. Yeah, 734 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,440 Speaker 4: let's do it all, right, y'all, let's do it. So. 735 00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:30,239 Speaker 4: Seven tips to preserve your individuality and relationships. Number one, 736 00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:33,680 Speaker 4: we have self reflection and awareness. Number two, we have 737 00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:39,080 Speaker 4: maintained personal hobbies and interests. Number three open communication with 738 00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:44,759 Speaker 4: your partner. Number four, establish healthy boundaries. Number five continuous 739 00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:49,640 Speaker 4: personal growth. Number six nurture friendships outside of the relationship. 740 00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:55,279 Speaker 4: And number seven is celebrate individual achievements. That's a nice 741 00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:56,880 Speaker 4: little list. That was. 742 00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,600 Speaker 2: That was Now, lady, as you're listening, if there are 743 00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:05,520 Speaker 2: other tips that have helped you to preserve you in 744 00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:11,920 Speaker 2: a relationship, let us know, hit us up on Instagram 745 00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:15,319 Speaker 2: and share those with us. Also, you know, I want 746 00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:19,400 Speaker 2: to acknowledge that as we were going through these tips, 747 00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:26,440 Speaker 2: we focused again on like romantic intimate relationships. Some of 748 00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,839 Speaker 2: these tips, most of these tips, actually all of these 749 00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:37,880 Speaker 2: tips as I'm looking at them, actually apply to any relationship. 750 00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:38,720 Speaker 4: Right. 751 00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:46,480 Speaker 2: So, thinking about Terry you pointed out, you know, your 752 00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:51,279 Speaker 2: postpartum journey, and like I come to tip number six 753 00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:54,759 Speaker 2: about nurturing friendships outside of the relationship, right So to me, 754 00:49:54,880 --> 00:50:00,800 Speaker 2: what comes up is, yeah, you might have my friends 755 00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:07,000 Speaker 2: right where you do play dates or maybe it's we 756 00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:09,640 Speaker 2: have some time and we just bond over being moms. 757 00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:14,640 Speaker 2: But you also maintain your friendships that came before baby 758 00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,920 Speaker 2: and maybe some that started, and maybe being open to 759 00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:27,200 Speaker 2: starting non parent friendships after baby, right, thinking about work, 760 00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:37,640 Speaker 2: establishing healthy boundaries with your job, maintaining your personal hobbies 761 00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:40,160 Speaker 2: and interest so that you're the only thing you're doing 762 00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:45,240 Speaker 2: is not your job. Yes, so all of these tips 763 00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:51,760 Speaker 2: can apply to any relationship that you have, So lady, 764 00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,279 Speaker 2: make sure you hit that rewind button if you need to, 765 00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:59,440 Speaker 2: and write these tips down and remember, you got to 766 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,239 Speaker 2: maintain you. 767 00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:04,000 Speaker 4: You got to. But I think the biggest why here 768 00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:08,440 Speaker 4: is that, lady, it supports you being a whole person, right, 769 00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:11,600 Speaker 4: It supports you being in a space of strength and 770 00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:14,839 Speaker 4: self sufficiency. Win relationships, I mean many relations How many 771 00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:16,960 Speaker 4: relationships do we know we're like, yeah, we're going to 772 00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,520 Speaker 4: be together forever and they don't pan out right, whether 773 00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,319 Speaker 4: you are with your partner forever or not. Like many 774 00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,279 Speaker 4: relationships have an ending. I'm inclined to say all, but 775 00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:28,319 Speaker 4: will say, okay, if we all leave this earth, like 776 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:32,320 Speaker 4: whether it's through a separation or death, where like relationships 777 00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,160 Speaker 4: will end it's a part of life until I think 778 00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:37,800 Speaker 4: that when we can prioritize these seven tips, it allows 779 00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:40,279 Speaker 4: us to be in a space of strength where we 780 00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:42,799 Speaker 4: do get to a space of potentially grieving the relationship 781 00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,960 Speaker 4: hopefully that wasn't too more, but of an ending, but 782 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,879 Speaker 4: bringing it full circle. Does that make sense TOFF? Yes? 783 00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:53,520 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, cool, be yourself, don't lose yourself. 784 00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:58,919 Speaker 4: Ooh, there we go. Should we head onto the after show? Yes, 785 00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:03,439 Speaker 4: Lady's on the after show. Come on herspacepodcast dot com. 786 00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:04,560 Speaker 4: Attun inted after show. 787 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:10,640 Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 788 00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:16,600 Speaker 2: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 789 00:52:16,719 --> 00:52:19,840 Speaker 2: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 790 00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:24,200 Speaker 2: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 791 00:52:24,239 --> 00:52:28,279 Speaker 2: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 792 00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:31,640 Speaker 2: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 793 00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:37,600 Speaker 2: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 794 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:39,920 Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 795 00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:43,919 Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website at hearspace podcast dot 796 00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:46,799 Speaker 4: com and be sure to click the Patreon tabs. You 797 00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:51,000 Speaker 4: get access to video content, bonuses and our weekly after 798 00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:56,200 Speaker 4: show and before we meet again, repeat after me. My 799 00:52:56,400 --> 00:53:01,960 Speaker 4: thoughts create my reality Today. Two thoughts that empower and 800 00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:02,680 Speaker 4: uplift me