1 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:12,799 Speaker 1: This is Brack. 2 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,360 Speaker 2: We've spoken to him before. I don't like the term 3 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 2: life coach, but that's what he is. But it's sort 4 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:22,120 Speaker 2: of like a term that gets shade because it seems 5 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 2: like sort of faux spiritual, touchy feely, weird, seminar ish. 6 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,680 Speaker 1: But Brack is actually a life coach. He's the real deal. 7 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 3: I'm almost trained myself to kind of listen to what 8 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 3: people aren't saying, right, but you know that that's what's 9 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,280 Speaker 3: behind the scenes, so that I can so that I 10 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 3: can direct people in a really clear way of kind 11 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,279 Speaker 3: of are they doing the right thing with the right 12 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 3: person in the right situation. 13 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 2: Because they're presenting to you off of what they want 14 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 2: you to hear, but you're seeing what is I'm listening to. 15 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,239 Speaker 3: I'm listening to what they're not saying. A lot of 16 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 3: times that makes sense. Yeah, So I think that's probably 17 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 3: a good, probably a good you know, entree to the conversation. 18 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 2: So a lot of these young girls that are you 19 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 2: know on my page, they're going through breakups, they're dating, 20 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 2: they're hooking up, they're navigating all of it. And from 21 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 2: the book the Rules to even the dating coach saying 22 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 2: it's you're the CEO, to the matchmakers, lean into your 23 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 2: feminine energy to all of this. 24 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: To Christian Gray, all. 25 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 2: Like you can easily say don't play games, and you 26 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 2: can easily say you should play games. Like where do 27 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 2: you stand on some version of a gamification or strategy 28 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 2: but not like what it should be, what it really 29 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 2: is the fact that we're all you know, people want 30 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:37,560 Speaker 2: things they can't have, People want to have sex with 31 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,600 Speaker 2: the person they can't have. There can't not be a 32 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 2: game in a strategy, but there can't only be a 33 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 2: game in a strategy. So what is the answer to 34 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 2: all of that? Are things just going to end up 35 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 2: the way they're supposed to do? Or could you literally 36 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 2: not end up with your life partner because you didn't 37 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 2: play enough of a game and he ended up with 38 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 2: someone else or she ended up with someone else. 39 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 3: I mean, I love this conversation just because. 40 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 2: You are a big player. You are a big player, 41 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 2: so you've seen both sides of it. You've seen commitment, 42 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,000 Speaker 2: meaningful commitment and meaningful fucking. 43 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:11,640 Speaker 3: Around, absolutely right, So I love the conversation just because 44 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 3: people keep trying to create logic where logic doesn't exist 45 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 3: or consistency. A lot of times rather than deal with 46 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 3: the contradictions that life really is. And so someone can 47 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,359 Speaker 3: say to you, you're too tolerant of the situation, and 48 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 3: then the next sentence they can say you're not tolerant enough, 49 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 3: and both both statements are true on some level, depending 50 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:40,519 Speaker 3: on the situation. So the same thing is true with like, oh, 51 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 3: you have to have some sort of strategies that work out, 52 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 3: and at the same time, it's got to be spontaneous, right, 53 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,399 Speaker 3: you know, so all of those contradictions to your saying 54 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,640 Speaker 3: someone's playing has to play games or they have to 55 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 3: do something, you know, in order to kind of get 56 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 3: their ball across the goal line, and at the same 57 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 3: time like no games. Both of those statements at some 58 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:04,760 Speaker 3: point are absolutely valid, right, And depending on what's appropriate 59 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 3: to the situation, the statement is valid. So it's not 60 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,880 Speaker 3: just unilateral like this is the only way to think, 61 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,920 Speaker 3: or this is the only way to be. It's like 62 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 3: I think when you're really creative and healthy, you're you're 63 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 3: using all kinds of skills and tools and different things, 64 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 3: and they could look contradictory, and yet there they're also 65 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 3: serving the situation in a powerful way. So yeah, so 66 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 3: I think that all of those things like I do 67 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 3: I lean in, do I back off? Do I do 68 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 3: I collaborate? Do I diffuse? Do I initiate? Do I lead? 69 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 3: All of those are elements that you need to have, 70 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 3: tools that you need to have to be effective in 71 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 3: whatever the situation requires, as opposed. 72 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 2: To right like anything like anything else, you can't It 73 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 2: doesn't sound like the most bizarre analogy ever, like they make. 74 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 2: They have divorce agreements and custody agreements that people really 75 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 2: lean into the letter of the law, but then all 76 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 2: of a sudden, there's some weird loophole about what holiday 77 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 2: falls on what day, and then you realize you're gonna 78 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 2: have eleven days in a row with your kid and 79 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 2: it might not be fair to the other parent. It 80 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 2: wasn't written into the agreement. The spirit of the agreement 81 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 2: is to be there for the kid, but you have 82 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,040 Speaker 2: to use some adult logic back and forth and how 83 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 2: to be flexible with it. And if someone can't, they're 84 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 2: going to suffer and it's going to fail. So you're 85 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,840 Speaker 2: saying like you could take one thing from a book 86 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,600 Speaker 2: of the rules and one thing from you and a 87 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,479 Speaker 2: life coach and a dating coach. But then in the 88 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 2: moment you have sex with some of the first ten 89 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,720 Speaker 2: minutes because you've never been more attracted and you could 90 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 2: still end up married to them. 91 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,799 Speaker 1: Might not be the ideal thing to do, but life happens. 92 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,840 Speaker 3: And all those rules like Okay, I'm gonna have sex, 93 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 3: it's I'm gonna wait three months before I have sex, right, 94 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 3: you know, And I'm not saying anything about mine, but 95 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:49,479 Speaker 3: mostly you know, I mean, you know, I I remember 96 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,720 Speaker 3: and Mike feel probably hate this story, but I remember 97 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 3: picking up our first date with Jen and I'm picking 98 00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:01,279 Speaker 3: her up and and I said, where's your overnight bag? 99 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 3: And She's like, what the hell? I said, I said, 100 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:09,040 Speaker 3: where's your overnight bag? She says, are you crazy? I said, 101 00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 3: I'm just gonna. I'm just telling you, you're gonna want 102 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 3: an overnight bag. You're not using my toothpaste, my tooth 103 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 3: bust and my toothpape. Yeah yeah, So and so her 104 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 3: roommate was really funny. She goes, maybe you're gonna maybe 105 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 3: you should take your overnight bag, right, And so we did. 106 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 3: We had sex the first night. I'm sure mother would 107 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 3: hate this story and genlemen, but but the point is 108 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 3: is that we've been together thirty four years. So it's 109 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,280 Speaker 3: got a function of you know, when and what and 110 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 3: when people find strategize that you know, someone can have sex, 111 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 3: you know they're gonna wait three months and then the 112 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 3: next day the person leaves. So it's never about you know, timing, 113 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 3: and it's about communication. It's about relationship. It's about the 114 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,800 Speaker 3: sensibilities match. You know that you kind of want the 115 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 3: same thing. I mean, I don't necessarily think, you know, 116 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,159 Speaker 3: marriage is supposed to go the distance, and some people, 117 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 3: you know, they do go that, they do go the distance. 118 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 3: But I mean that's why every seven years, you know, 119 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,160 Speaker 3: you kind of review to see how we're still in 120 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 3: the same page. Do we still want the same things? No, 121 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 3: we still have the same philosophical sensibilities. 122 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah. 123 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 2: But then some people get to a certain age and 124 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,920 Speaker 2: they're pot committed. I mean, I hear that a lot 125 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 2: with a lot of friends, like they're in this They've 126 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 2: got this partner. It's not perfect, but some other schmuck's 127 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 2: going to have some other problems and they're pot committed, 128 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 2: you know. And I find that a lot of men 129 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 2: that I meet, there's a thing going on with men 130 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,719 Speaker 2: that I'm meeting in their fifties that I've. 131 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: Seen across the board. 132 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 2: First of all, I've said before and here, I've seen 133 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,720 Speaker 2: a lot of fifty men in their fifties who have 134 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,160 Speaker 2: full custody of their kids because there was some sort 135 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 2: of agreement in their household. It seems like the woman 136 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,560 Speaker 2: wanted the life, wanted the money, the man worked hard. 137 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 2: These dynamics were set, and then the woman is bored 138 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 2: because it's sounded good on paper, and they're out partying 139 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 2: and they're wanting purpose, they don't have it. They're drinking, 140 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 2: they used to be hot, and they spin out. They 141 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 2: get really they get addicted to something and they end 142 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:08,920 Speaker 2: up sucking their lives up and losing custody because they're 143 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 2: trying to find their own things. So that's one dynamic. 144 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 2: It's not that extreme because I met three men who 145 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 2: had full custody their kid and I was shocked. 146 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: Okay, because that's just. 147 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 2: Another thing that happens is men saying, like, I'm a 148 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 2: very involved dad, Like they want the extra cookie, they're 149 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 2: over compensating, they have to be super dad, and like 150 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 2: they can't breathe in, they can't balance. They don't have 151 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 2: the work life balance that people always ask women about 152 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 2: because they like can even be with their kids and 153 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 2: do nothing else, or their kids aren't with them, and 154 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 2: then they can do everything and party, and like they 155 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 2: can't mix the two. They have this weird thing that 156 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 2: no one talks about. And the third dynamic that I've 157 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,160 Speaker 2: noticed is that men at a certain age, no matter 158 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 2: how much money they have, no matter whether they've made, 159 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 2: matter whether they've gotten it on their own or they 160 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 2: found it or they sold companies or whatever, no matter 161 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 2: how much money they have, when faced with a successful 162 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 2: woman or not, they have this like later mid life 163 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,600 Speaker 2: crisis where they just they're still healthy, they're still young 164 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 2: enough in their mind, and they have something to prove. 165 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 2: They have to do it again, or they have to 166 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 2: make it big, or they're the emperor. They had no clothes, 167 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 2: like all these things I'm seeing in men that are 168 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,120 Speaker 2: not something that I would have seen dating forty year 169 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 2: old when I was thirty two. It's like something happening 170 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 2: in like like fifties and sixties. 171 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,719 Speaker 3: Well, I mean, first of all, were we're living a 172 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 3: lot longer. You know, you're hearing so much. Okay, he's 173 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,320 Speaker 3: just lived to one hundred. He'd lived to one hundred 174 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 3: and fall, right, So so adolescence has gotten completely extended. 175 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: Right, So that's why I'm saying it's a mid life 176 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,439 Speaker 1: crisis later and. 177 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 3: It's like, you're now fifty, you know, fifty is you 178 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 3: know you're still a kid? Yes? I mean I had, but. 179 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 2: You didn't think that when you were young. You wanted 180 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 2: to be at X place. When you're a fifties you 181 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 2: thought you'd be soon retiring. And then you're there, You're 182 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 2: like no, oh yeah, like yeah that's why. 183 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, I got another I got another fifty years 184 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 3: right to do this? So what am I going to 185 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:05,559 Speaker 3: do with all this time? 186 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 2: Right? 187 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 3: So it's it's changed dramatically. I had one of my 188 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 3: clients he went out with young they went out with 189 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 3: like I think there's like three couples and and two 190 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 3: of the couples were much younger. And he's very successful 191 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 3: and he's older and has you know, has a good 192 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 3: deal of money. And he and they split the l 193 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,560 Speaker 3: split the bill. Right when I went to dinner and 194 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 3: I said, are you out of your mind? And he said, 195 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,440 Speaker 3: what are you talking about? I said, first of all, 196 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 3: you need to be generous more. You've got more, you've 197 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 3: got more resources, got more access, you know, you should 198 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,839 Speaker 3: pick that up. They're much younger than you are, right, 199 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 3: And he said, well, I just thought we were all 200 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 3: out together. You're not the same age. You are not 201 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 3: the same age, and you think you are, but you're not. 202 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,680 Speaker 3: And then you finally realize, oh, he's trying to be younger, 203 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 3: he's trying to do something in a certain way. So 204 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 3: there's all these different elements that are taking place, right, 205 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 3: and you know all that, As I said, the traumas 206 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 3: come into play. So if your father didn't take care 207 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,200 Speaker 3: of you in the same way he wasn't there, you're 208 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 3: going to maybe be overcompensate and be there, you know, 209 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,840 Speaker 3: for your child in a way that's you know, way 210 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 3: over compensated, right. And and so those traumas come into 211 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 3: play all the time in terms of what you didn't get, 212 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 3: you know, what you wish you had, and then what 213 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 3: you're going to try and correct and and part of 214 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 3: that is evolutionary, right, and all of us. Part of 215 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 3: that is reactive and and determining which is you know, 216 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 3: which is which, and which is what you know, uh 217 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,719 Speaker 3: and and and what what's appropriate to the situation. And 218 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 3: I think is really you know the game and and 219 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,680 Speaker 3: you know what men are. Men are in a really 220 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:47,600 Speaker 3: interesting including myself, right, even though much older than fifty. Right, 221 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,439 Speaker 3: we're in a very different place and what's required of 222 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 3: us is a very different situation, right and and and 223 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,559 Speaker 3: between the Me Too movement where women have got much 224 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 3: stronger voice and there's there know you you know, there's 225 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 3: not you can't excuse, you can't fuck with gas lighting, 226 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,200 Speaker 3: you know women in the same way. So men are men, 227 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 3: and their power and where they are and with a 228 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 3: stand and their voice and who they are is in 229 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 3: flux at this point, right and and uh, you know, 230 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 3: it's a it's a it's an interesting time. I'm looking 231 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 3: at because I have younger kids. I have a twenty 232 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 3: year old son and an eighteen year old daughter. I'm 233 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 3: looking at their relationships and how they are. They're much 234 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 3: more fluid. They have a much more interesting, uh dynamic 235 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 3: between their friends. 236 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 1: In terms of everything is or isn't. 237 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not so it's not so compartmentalized, right and defined, 238 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 3: yeah and defined and uh and so I always see 239 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 3: that that's true, that that the generation before, you know, 240 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,959 Speaker 3: kind of pioneer something and then someone else, the other 241 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 3: generation gets a benefit of what has been pioneered, right, 242 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,720 Speaker 3: and uh, if I look at our this generation of 243 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 3: people that's on the planet, everything's in question, like how 244 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,800 Speaker 3: you parent, you know, you know, satisfaction a career, what 245 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:06,080 Speaker 3: you do you know, being a relationship. There's more and 246 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 3: more and more scrutiny about everything that we do. Now 247 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,839 Speaker 3: we're unpacking all that stuff that was when it was 248 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 3: happening in the fifties and the forties, it was just 249 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:16,079 Speaker 3: like this is the way it is. Now everything's in question, 250 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 3: and so it makes it makes it, It makes it 251 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 3: for a very uncertain time. So you have to have 252 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 3: have to have much more facility in uncertain times, like 253 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 3: how can I be creative and inventive, you know with 254 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 3: all the things that are moving on, you know between 255 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 3: the you know climate, you know the global you know 256 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 3: global crisis, climate crisis, and you know all the different 257 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 3: fluctuations and that includes you know what you know, where 258 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 3: do we where do we land as a gender? You know, 259 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 3: given I'm no longer that you know or or what 260 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,959 Speaker 3: my father was. So but I like the I like 261 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 3: these kinds of situations. I like the breakdowns. I like 262 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:55,559 Speaker 3: the disruption. 263 00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, do you these are all these things 264 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 2: as people say it's supposed to be hard. 265 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,160 Speaker 1: It's not supposed to be that hard. 266 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,240 Speaker 2: It's supposed to be pa you know, difficult, but it's 267 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 2: not supposed to be painful. Like our relationships work in 268 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 2: your estimation. 269 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 3: Yes, that's a that's a definitive. Yes, they requite. Now 270 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 3: that doesn't mean that you have to have psychologue and 271 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 3: people don't know the difference between you to talk. 272 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 2: About that because you're not supposed to be suffering. It's 273 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,280 Speaker 2: why I say, it's like you're stretching and yoga, but 274 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 2: you're not in pain, so let's break like, so let's 275 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 2: talk about that. 276 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:31,319 Speaker 3: So discomfort like to you know, when my core confusions, 277 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 3: discomfort and suffering are core confusion. You don't want to 278 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 3: suffer because suffering is the resistance to any kind of 279 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,080 Speaker 3: real communication and what's going on. It's like, really, as 280 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 3: a commentary on, I don't like that and I don't 281 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 3: want that. So suffering is something discomfort is actually something 282 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 3: that you're integrating. You know, you're creating with, you know, 283 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 3: you're you're generating. It's it's it's got, it's got. You know, 284 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 3: suffering is more of a passive you're kind of like 285 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 3: passively you get more passive a lot of times when 286 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,679 Speaker 3: you're suffering. You know, when you're uncomfortable, you'll be more generative. 287 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:08,200 Speaker 3: So so I think that that understanding that you know 288 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 3: that that's there's no redeeming value in suffering at all. 289 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,800 Speaker 2: Well, how does someone know if they're suffering or they're 290 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 2: just they're just uncomfortable? What is suffering? They're not sleeping, 291 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 2: they're depressed, Like, what's suffering? 292 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 1: What's I mean? 293 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 3: I think that if you're kind of internal complaint all 294 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,119 Speaker 3: the time about the way things. 295 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: Are and what chronic or cute. 296 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good, right, you know, and you're you're constantly 297 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 3: you know, resisting something. You're mostly saying no to to 298 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 3: to life in lots of different ways. Right, So it's 299 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 3: like it's. 300 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,480 Speaker 2: Not vibing with who you fundamentally are. You don't feel 301 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 2: it's not sitting right, you're not digesting it. 302 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 3: Well, yeah, so I think that. But if you're at 303 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 3: me is a relationship designed to suffer? No, that's not 304 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 3: the context of it. Right. There's gonna be discomfort, there's 305 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,360 Speaker 3: gonna be challenges, there's gonna think, there's gonna be things, 306 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 3: as you said, that you can't foresee or forecasts that 307 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 3: come up that you have to collaborate on and figure 308 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 3: out and work out. But there always has to be 309 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 3: better times than worse times. That's kind of the deal, 310 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 3: meaning got it. 311 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 2: Okay, that's good. That's good for people to know. Yeah, 312 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 2: there always have to be better times than worse times. 313 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean and so and but if what's been 314 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,640 Speaker 3: familiar to you in your family of origin is to 315 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 3: suffer and to have difficult times, a lot of times 316 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 3: you replicate those by. 317 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 1: The way totally. 318 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 2: I think about like the enthusiasmin character on Curby Enthusiasm. 319 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,520 Speaker 2: It's like your fucking fat fuck Like I know friends 320 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,680 Speaker 2: that the way they speak to each other, like, oh, 321 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 2: you're disgusting, I'm not sleeping next, Like they talk to 322 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 2: each other like that, and it's sort of just like. 323 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 1: Their own language. 324 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 2: That one comment to me that was anything they say 325 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 2: by nine o'clock on a Tuesday morning, I'd be out. 326 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 2: So it's just like a different construct, different dynamic going 327 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 2: on there. Yeah, and it might be that everybody's like 328 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 2: just the baseline is different. They don't even it doesn't 329 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 2: even mean the same thing as it means. They could 330 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 2: take fifty pills and not feel anything like it's just different. 331 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, so I do. But do to your question, 332 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 3: do I think it's there's work? Yes, But but you 333 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 3: have to know, as I said before, what's evolving, what's 334 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 3: gaining traction, what's spinning your wheels? And a lot of 335 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 3: people don't have I have tools or critical thinking in 336 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 3: terms of what's a conversation that really evolves, goes somewhere, 337 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 3: builds something, And what's one of those that look like 338 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 3: an acid trip you at eight hours and it just 339 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 3: looks like, you know, you're just going over the same territory. 340 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 2: You're not getting anywhere. Yeah, and that's a great one. 341 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 2: That's a definition of sanity. 342 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,000 Speaker 3: And people really need to know the difference between an 343 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 3: effective conversation and a conversation that really grows and develops 344 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 3: and ones that's just the psychological isn't a psychological loop? 345 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 2: And that is so speaking to everyone what you're saying, 346 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 2: like you're saying, you and I have a conflict. 347 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 1: We have something. 348 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,159 Speaker 2: It could be recurring, it could be new, and you 349 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,359 Speaker 2: just want to get it off your plate, like you 350 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 2: just we were talking about it, but you're just like 351 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,080 Speaker 2: talking about it because I want to talk about it 352 00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 2: it's bothering me. You want to get it off your plate, 353 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,880 Speaker 2: and it's not. That's not back to the thing about evolving. 354 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 2: Evolving is like, let's you're feeling something. I'm feeling something. 355 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,479 Speaker 2: Let's go through this storm and figure out why and 356 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 2: like get to the other side. 357 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 1: That kind of thing. 358 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 3: And the hardest thing that the hardest thing is for 359 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 3: people to recognize when they're threatened, when they're in a 360 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:40,920 Speaker 3: reactive situation in an intimate relationship, shame in business, it's 361 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,639 Speaker 3: very hard, especially the subtle ones, especially in the shallow 362 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 3: end of the pool. It's very difficult for people to 363 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 3: recognize that they're threatened. And now they think they're having 364 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 3: an intelligent conversation when they're having a conversation from fear 365 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 3: or shame. 366 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 1: Give me an example of that. 367 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,159 Speaker 3: Well, i'll give you an example. It just happened. So 368 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,679 Speaker 3: it's just happened with me. So as I had to 369 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,639 Speaker 3: get a colin Osky like a few days ago, right, 370 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,439 Speaker 3: four days ago, right, and so I was really I 371 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,160 Speaker 3: was really nervous about it. And I'm and I've had 372 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,600 Speaker 3: like five you know, he's kind of you know, so, 373 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 3: and I was nervous, you know, and I'm not normally 374 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,919 Speaker 3: nervous about these things. So I was really nervous about it. 375 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 3: And so I was coming after Jen a little bit. 376 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 3: I was coming after my wife, you know, with logic, 377 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 3: and it seemed like logic cause I was thinking, but 378 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,919 Speaker 3: under the lying was this, you know this fear right okay, 379 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,400 Speaker 3: and and my and and so. 380 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 2: About that about something completely different. You just honor asked 381 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:36,920 Speaker 2: about something different. 382 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,439 Speaker 3: Yeah, asked about something. It was like, you know, it 383 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 3: wasn't big, but she said, what's really going on is 384 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 3: what's really going on with you? Because this is not 385 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,560 Speaker 3: what's going on with you? What is it? And then 386 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 3: I just broke down and I said, you know, Richard, 387 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,639 Speaker 3: my very good friend, he died of stomach cancer like 388 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 3: three months ago, and we had a we had we 389 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 3: had a FaceTime the day before he died, and so 390 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,159 Speaker 3: and so I just had this super sphere like, you know, 391 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,359 Speaker 3: I'm gonna get this calling me and something's gonna something's 392 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,800 Speaker 3: gonna go right, And then I got to communicate what 393 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,120 Speaker 3: was really there. It's a real conversation, right, and break down, 394 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,159 Speaker 3: and then she could take care of me, because you 395 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 3: can't take care of someone when you're under attack. So 396 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 3: you know, and that's a lot of times there's no 397 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 3: way that I can take care of you if I'm 398 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,400 Speaker 3: if you're if I'm the one that's being attacked, right, 399 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,679 Speaker 3: so she could then reach out and take care of 400 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 3: me and get me, you know, and I's fine. I 401 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,360 Speaker 3: was kind of totally liberated. So those are So that's 402 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,800 Speaker 3: an example of a real, real conversation that's really going 403 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,760 Speaker 3: on as opposed to something else that looks logical or 404 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,920 Speaker 3: looks like something else. And people don't realize when they're threatened. 405 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,360 Speaker 3: They don't realize that a react to state. And that's 406 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:46,159 Speaker 3: so essential because people keep having conversations and then people 407 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 3: you know, I always think that you know that that 408 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,440 Speaker 3: that women listen literally in a lot of ways and 409 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 3: men speak in abstract and you think it would just 410 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 3: be the opposite. So, you know, so if I'm having 411 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 3: a conversation with Jen about something, she's going to listen 412 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 3: literally like that, Oh, that's totally that's that's really what 413 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,399 Speaker 3: he's talking about, yes, right, when in fact I'm talking 414 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,159 Speaker 3: about something else. And that's including like dating and sex 415 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 3: and a hundred other things. But that's a whole that's 416 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,200 Speaker 3: a bunch bigger. 417 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,400 Speaker 1: That's very interesting. 418 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 2: That's very that's so true that you would think it 419 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:22,239 Speaker 2: would be the opposite. Yes, or well, one thing has 420 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,920 Speaker 2: been proven clear. Yet again, critical thinking is definitely at 421 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 2: the top of your resume. 422 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 1: For sure. 423 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:32,520 Speaker 2: This is amazing, really good, Breck Like, I love this. Wow, Okay, yeah, Brack, 424 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 2: it's good. 425 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 1: It's good. It's good. 426 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 2: And the fact is that, like, I just want to 427 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,479 Speaker 2: say something about Breck like and my guests come on 428 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,119 Speaker 2: this rollercoaster because I literally there's no foreplay, there's no lube, 429 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:43,679 Speaker 2: and never is there something. 430 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: I never looked down at. 431 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,880 Speaker 2: A piece of paper that the producers have thought maybe 432 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,280 Speaker 2: we'd want to talk about, or whatever the guest thought. 433 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 2: We just get into a conversation and it goes for 434 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,800 Speaker 2: this long, It could go for five hours about just 435 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,720 Speaker 2: all the stuff that I hear from you guys, from 436 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 2: your comments, from anything. 437 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:01,720 Speaker 1: It's just wild. 438 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 2: So yeah, Breck, thank you for playing along because it 439 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,120 Speaker 2: just goes. 440 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:06,000 Speaker 1: Do you like it? 441 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:08,119 Speaker 3: I really love it. It's really fun. I mean, I 442 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 3: mean so crazy, because you know, it's a It's like, 443 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 3: you know, for us, we can never complain about the cold. 444 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,440 Speaker 3: So for some reason, my office a cold, so I'm 445 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 3: just freezing but other than that, I've loved you. It's 446 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,800 Speaker 3: a fantastic conversation, right, It's. 447 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:23,399 Speaker 2: Just it's also it's very creative because there's no planning. Ye, 448 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 2: So all right, Well, love you, Breck, Thank you so much. 449 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:27,640 Speaker 2: That was awesome.