Speaker 1: All right right around, Welcome to my show.
Speaker 2: I am a Marara and you're listening to Exactly Amada,
Speaker 2: a production of iHeart. Thank you so much for tuning in,
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Speaker 2: A Mada. With that being said, I've had like three
Speaker 2: red bulls. I am ome, I am running, and I
Speaker 2: had Cuban coffee. You already know that I am with.
Speaker 1: The shit today.
Speaker 2: And Don says, ever since I started this podcast, I
Speaker 2: want to do something where I was organic, I was
Speaker 2: really me. I was just you know, transparent and this
Speaker 2: is exactly a Mana. But I can't do this show
Speaker 2: without my producers that have become my friends. They are
Speaker 2: my half of my brain. They literally are half of
Speaker 2: my brain. And that is Alex and Arlen Better before
Speaker 2: I liked I don't like the Alex and Arlene.
Speaker 1: I like it better when it was what was it, Alex?
Speaker 1: It was a.
Speaker 3: Big sexy for me of course.
Speaker 1: Big sexy and Arlene, what was your sexy name?
Speaker 4: Miss nasty?
Speaker 2: We always change your sexy name. We need your sexy name.
Speaker 2: You know what, guys, let me know what world name
Speaker 2: should we give Arlene her sexy name on exactly amada
Speaker 2: on social media on Instagram, Twitter or something good? Yeah,
Speaker 2: something good? What should be Arlene's sexy name? Anyways, how
Speaker 2: have you guys been?
Speaker 5: You woke me up like I drank a million rebels
Speaker 5: because you are already before we even started recording, you
Speaker 5: were already dropping some gems about deal breakers. Learned it
Speaker 5: like bad breath in the morning. I didn't realize you
Speaker 5: were into that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's how you know if you really love someone,
Speaker 2: you just had to get them that breath in the morning.
Speaker 1: And if they still love you that, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that morning, that morning saliva.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But it ain't good.
Speaker 2: It ain't good for everybody. Some people can pull it
Speaker 2: off like their breath is still like it's it's a little,
Speaker 2: it's a little stint a little, but it's okay.
Speaker 1: And some of y'all, y'all need to not do it.
Speaker 2: Y'all's breath is reading the detox and it'd be like
Speaker 2: that morning, Saliva'd be like, you just had like a
Speaker 2: whole spoonful of yogurt.
Speaker 1: It's just too much, Like I can't do it. I
Speaker 1: just don't want to. I do drool.
Speaker 2: I drew.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sister.
Speaker 2: By the way, yo, what what are a couple of
Speaker 2: deal breakers, Alex, have you ever had any deal breakers
Speaker 2: with any girls?
Speaker 1: They'd be like, yo, I can't do it.
Speaker 3: Oh man, you know that's a that's a good question.
Speaker 3: I am not a very picky person, but Jesus, I
Speaker 3: would say, don't be super jealous and crazy. I hate that. Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's a deal breaker for me. If I notice off
Speaker 3: the bat that you're over possessive and at that day
Speaker 3: right that that is a turnoff. That is a deal breaker.
Speaker 3: That is a no. No. I don't like drama. So
Speaker 3: all of that combined is like I run the opposite direction.
Speaker 2: But if you've noticed women, like in your case, if
Speaker 2: you've ever had that situation.
Speaker 1: Happen to you, that means you have a good dingling.
Speaker 1: Because if your dingling.
Speaker 2: Is whack and doesn't it they be like, yo, I
Speaker 2: don't care what you do, want to do whatever you
Speaker 2: want to care.
Speaker 1: If she's only like where you at, Where are you at?
Speaker 1: Who are you with?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: Hell no, he's giving me daing somebody else. And then
Speaker 2: that's when you go crazy.
Speaker 3: That's exactly how it happens. You know, I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: lie or.
Speaker 5: You were doing something suspicious. Why we cause there's a
Speaker 5: difference between being jealousy and just trying to hold you accountable.
Speaker 1: Can that what I mean being?
Speaker 2: And if you haven't figured it out, today's topic is
Speaker 2: deal breakers and the behaviors that sometimes we encounter when
Speaker 2: we're dating, hookups or just when you're playing you know, dating.
Speaker 2: And honestly, I've had a couple of deal breakers. But Arleen,
Speaker 2: what are some of the deal breakers for you?
Speaker 4: Oh no, I'm nervous.
Speaker 1: I have high standards.
Speaker 2: Give me some Let me see their high standards. Let
Speaker 2: me see, okay, I.
Speaker 4: I can't no, mam. Second, thetis I don't.
Speaker 5: Like, okay, like to even the littlest even the littlest lie,
Speaker 5: because if you can say one little lie to me,
Speaker 5: that's like you can say anything right.
Speaker 2: Deal Breakers for me are, for example, bad hygiene is
Speaker 2: a deal breaker. And if you have a bad hygiene
Speaker 2: one or two days or you know you're having I
Speaker 2: understand it.
Speaker 1: I'm cool with it.
Speaker 2: For example, when I had my girls, my hormones were
Speaker 2: all over the place, not during my pregnancy, but after
Speaker 2: for like for like a mon month afterwards, I don't
Speaker 2: know sometimes what is happening. That's not like me. And
Speaker 2: then afterwards yet got back into place. But you have
Speaker 2: to understand your body is going through a transformation. But
Speaker 2: for men, if you have a moment that being, you know,
Speaker 2: I don't even mind. I love sometimes to have my
Speaker 2: man smell a little funky ogain.
Speaker 1: I like the funk.
Speaker 3: I like the girls.
Speaker 2: If you're sweaty and you know you have sweaty balls
Speaker 2: or whatever, you know, you have a little.
Speaker 1: Must come get.
Speaker 3: That's moment.
Speaker 1: I'm let me smell colado. Sometimes it's okay.
Speaker 2: Now if the funk is real, you gotta go handle.
Speaker 2: But hygiene is the thing. Teeth is a thing. If
Speaker 2: your teeth, teeth is a thing. For me, I don't
Speaker 2: want to get put my mouth, you know, all in it.
Speaker 2: I just it makes me feel like I'm okay. Just
Speaker 2: from looking at it, I'm already itching, Like, don't put
Speaker 2: your mouth any word. No, I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2: Mons that I just don't they want to.
Speaker 5: You want to make sure that they that they've cleaned
Speaker 5: their teeth, that they're flossying and brushing.
Speaker 2: You're talking to your teeth and I can't even imagine.
Speaker 2: If you're kissing or doing things in certain places, I
Speaker 2: feel like the bacteria. I just don't want to do it.
Speaker 1: So that's one. Nails.
Speaker 2: If your nails are really dirty, you know, I don't mind.
Speaker 2: But sometimes you you look like you've been working soon,
Speaker 2: super nasty that I start to itch. I feel like
Speaker 2: it's a bacteria. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 3: Into beards. I love beards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't mind the beards. I don't mind the being.
Speaker 3: That's not a deal breaker for you. You're a lot.
Speaker 3: You could go with a guy that's clean shaven or
Speaker 3: a guy that hasn't.
Speaker 2: I like metrosexual men in that aspect. Get that to pericure,
Speaker 2: to manicure, get you know. I think that's important on
Speaker 2: both sides. What else is a deal breaker?
Speaker 1: Baby mama's You know, every baby mama is a hot mess.
Speaker 1: You have to have your things under control.
Speaker 2: You don't want anybody who's gonna be aut up in
Speaker 2: your relationship while you guys are trying to date, indicate
Speaker 2: every time you're on in the day, she.
Speaker 1: They come, get the kid, or through where are you at?
Speaker 1: There's some mom.
Speaker 2: There's some ex ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends that can be
Speaker 2: very toxic and can mess up your relationship. So those
Speaker 2: are definitely deal breakers.
Speaker 3: So so if if they have an old significant other,
Speaker 3: they most most likely a mom, baby mama, right, that's
Speaker 3: what we call them, baby mom or baby daddies or
Speaker 3: baby daddy's right. How much do you do you take
Speaker 3: before it is a deal breaker, because you're not starting
Speaker 3: it off as a deal breaker, right, right, It's something
Speaker 3: that maybe a month and you're like, fair, I don't
Speaker 3: want this anymore, right, correct? So for you, have you
Speaker 3: experienced that where you've had a dated someone that maybe
Speaker 3: had a sign X significant other that was just out
Speaker 3: of their mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did it once.
Speaker 2: Every time we would go out, they get specifically when
Speaker 2: we when we were out, Yes, the cthographer, the baby,
Speaker 2: and that's weird. I'm pro baby. There's some women that
Speaker 2: can get over the relationship. They can't get over their X.
Speaker 2: They can't get over the fact that they've moved on,
Speaker 2: especially if if they still have feelings for that person.
Speaker 2: So they'll use their children as a way to try
Speaker 2: to control their you know, their X, like come get
Speaker 2: the baby, I need a babysitter, or I need to
Speaker 2: do this, or I need to do that or yeah okay,
Speaker 2: got And those things can be very good, okay, damaging
Speaker 2: because you could really have something good. But if you
Speaker 2: don't know how to control that X part of your
Speaker 2: life that's somewhat is still part of your life, then
Speaker 2: that is definitely an issue.
Speaker 3: So you know what I want. I want to know, honestly,
Speaker 3: I want to be a fly on the wall somewhere
Speaker 3: and I would like to figure out whose deal breaker
Speaker 3: you are, which sitting out there right now saying uh
Speaker 3: uh that to the breaker I cannot be with a
Speaker 3: mata like I want to. I would like to know,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, yeah, so who's using a matter as their
Speaker 3: deal breaker right like I, you know, because a lot
Speaker 3: of guys might not be able to take on the
Speaker 3: mantle of like you have a very busy lifestyle. You're
Speaker 3: you're flying around, you're doing this, you have kids, you
Speaker 3: you know, just a new business.
Speaker 1: By the way, I just started a new business.
Speaker 2: Let me promote who has Royal Twins Transportations. I am
Speaker 2: now renting vehicles, so you have to sell you memore,
Speaker 2: I'm always looking for something else to do, but I
Speaker 2: definitely get it. You know what would be interesting, Alex,
Speaker 2: Give me the reasons why you think you would be
Speaker 2: a deal breaker to someone.
Speaker 3: Oh, man, I'll tell you what. Give me your flaw,
Speaker 3: I'll tell you what I am. I like this because
Speaker 3: I can tell you that I have a lot of
Speaker 3: flaws and one of them is a lot of them,
Speaker 3: A lot of them could be. I'm not as super
Speaker 3: organized as I think that I am.
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 3: Thriving chaos, right, so I have what's called control chaos.
Speaker 3: It's everywhere. Things might be everywhere, but I know where
Speaker 3: they're at, not like messages, like on the bed because
Speaker 3: at all what I'm doing, the things that i'm My
Speaker 3: mom is just.
Speaker 1: Like but she knows exactly where everything is under everything.
Speaker 1: So you're one of those.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So mentally, that's where I'm at. One and two.
Speaker 3: I think I might be a deal breaker because I
Speaker 3: did have kids. You know a lot of girls. I
Speaker 3: don't know. You tell me about it. I think that
Speaker 3: I was always a deal breaker because I had a
Speaker 3: past and I had two older daughters, So to me,
Speaker 3: in my head, I thought maybe that was a deal breaker,
Speaker 3: because girls always.
Speaker 1: Just want the deal breaker is not your babies? Is
Speaker 1: the baby moms?
Speaker 3: Is she the baby mom's right?
Speaker 1: Is she cool?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's she is now. But back then she wasn't bad.
Speaker 3: She would never meddle in my relationships. But but you yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: especially since I was a dad, they came first. They
Speaker 3: always came first, you know.
Speaker 2: And let me tell you something, the woman that you
Speaker 2: date that feel some type of way about your children
Speaker 2: as a man, if you are a man and you're
Speaker 2: dating a female, doesn't matter how fat her ass is,
Speaker 2: how is, it doesn't matter about none of those things,
Speaker 2: doesn't matter how pretty she is not. So if you
Speaker 2: say I need to go take care of my kids
Speaker 2: or whatever, or your kids are your priority and she
Speaker 2: has an issue with them.
Speaker 1: Red flag.
Speaker 2: Cut her ass off immediately. Don't even question it, don't don't.
Speaker 2: It's not going to get any better, is only going
Speaker 2: to get worse. As a man, as a father, as
Speaker 2: a woman, as a mother, your children are your priority.
Speaker 2: Everything after comes out. So if she has a problem
Speaker 2: with him, mama, you gotta go out what that is.
Speaker 2: So my kids are always going to be mine's. You're
Speaker 2: here today, we don't know about tomorrow back.
Speaker 5: So would it be the same if if for a
Speaker 5: man dating you, I'm out since you have children and
Speaker 5: you have a relationship or you know sometimes you know,
Speaker 5: contentious relationship with your ex him getting jealous of the
Speaker 5: relationship with him.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen the donor in months. I haven't seen
Speaker 1: the donor.
Speaker 2: He's he hasn't even seen my daughters. I said, that'sn't
Speaker 2: even even there'sn't even a question. That's never gonna happen.
Speaker 2: He doesn't even care.
Speaker 1: My kids come first, and my kids are part of me,
Speaker 1: and I am a package.
Speaker 2: Before my biggest daughter was my oldest daughter was my mother,
Speaker 2: and I always said, this is the two for one deal.
Speaker 1: You want me, then I get an I know, I
Speaker 1: know it's hard, but we all live together.
Speaker 2: No, okay, you want to have privacy, you want privacy, mole.
Speaker 2: I can for a day, but as soon as it's done,
Speaker 2: she's coming back. You know why, because I know that
Speaker 2: this sounds terrible. But for me, my mother, as a
Speaker 2: single mother, as her only child, she would never leave
Speaker 2: me for a man.
Speaker 1: Therefore I shall never leave her for a man. So
Speaker 1: you'll say they ain't.
Speaker 2: Got pass that they had to give me my viva Sola.
Speaker 2: Sue has you know, for her to get old by
Speaker 2: herself somewhere in an apartment and house by herself, and I'm.
Speaker 1: Over here with my husband and my daughter's living my
Speaker 1: best life. Yeah, yeah, Sola.
Speaker 2: I want everything that I have and the woman that
Speaker 2: I am today is thanks to her.
Speaker 1: So we all live together and that's it, no matter what.
Speaker 5: If you were just doing your thing, don't don't think
Speaker 5: of your mom as as part of the equation.
Speaker 1: But the man you were dating and they would have
Speaker 1: the same, oh.
Speaker 2: Really, you will be would That's not a deal breaker.
Speaker 1: It's not.
Speaker 2: And if my mom and her and his mom don't
Speaker 2: get along, y'all better figure it out. You'all better scream
Speaker 2: at each other. Y'all's gonna figure it out because family
Speaker 2: is family. We can argue, we can fight, but at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, we can't get rid of
Speaker 2: each other. This is what it is. God put us
Speaker 2: together and now we're stuck. So let's figure it out.
Speaker 2: And that's just it. So that's for me, Arlene. What
Speaker 2: are some deal breakers for you? Like meaning like the
Speaker 2: reason why you would be a deal breaker for someone.
Speaker 1: So many deal breakers.
Speaker 4: I think I have high standards for men.
Speaker 5: I've dated a lot and I've been through a lot
Speaker 5: of bullshit, so I'm already like, I know what I want,
Speaker 5: I know what I don't want. So if you're not
Speaker 5: willing to give me, I'm willing to compromise. But I'm
Speaker 5: too tired. I'm too tired, and I'd rather live a
Speaker 5: peaceful life on my own than dealing with some bullshit.
Speaker 2: Well, so you have high standards, would be your deal breaker?
Speaker 2: I mean that's not good. It's like, oh, I'm too loving.
Speaker 2: You know that's a deal breaker.
Speaker 1: No, that's not a deal breaker. Perfect what else? Oh
Speaker 1: one of reasons you're picked. I'm not picky of it.
Speaker 4: Let's see.
Speaker 5: I I will tell you this. I dated this guy
Speaker 5: many years ago, and he told me, if we're gonna fight,
Speaker 5: don't fight dirty. You're a fighter, because when we would
Speaker 5: fight was I would get you know, I would melt
Speaker 5: awa and I would say some things that maybe I
Speaker 5: would regret. So he told me, he's like, I'm down
Speaker 5: to fight, and we're down. I'm down to argue. Just
Speaker 5: don't fight dirty. And I never forgot that and.
Speaker 2: So you'll say all the things that he told you
Speaker 2: in his vulnerable state, like oh, you know what, and
Speaker 2: then when you fight, you're like, oh, you know, I
Speaker 2: just I would.
Speaker 4: I don't know, Oh I would back in the day.
Speaker 4: I don't do it now. I'm more peaceful. I'm a lover,
Speaker 4: not a fighter now.
Speaker 1: But yay, okay, well I'll tell you.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you some reasons why I would be a
Speaker 2: deal breaker for someone.
Speaker 1: I am very ambitious. Sometimes that could be an issue
Speaker 1: because sometimes.
Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, you said that the goal would be
Speaker 2: to get this. Yeah, that's it, and I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: let's do this and let's do that. You know, I
Speaker 2: make myself too busy, which sometimes I run myself too thin,
Speaker 2: and that can affect the relationship because sometimes you just
Speaker 2: want to have some relaxing time.
Speaker 1: You just want to chill. And I can chill and
Speaker 1: watch a movie and Netflix.
Speaker 2: But in between the movie, I'm on my phone researching
Speaker 2: something or writing something, or texting something or working.
Speaker 1: It's hard for me to turn off the work button off.
Speaker 2: And now that I am a mother, it's hard for
Speaker 2: me to turn off the mom and working button off.
Speaker 1: My mother can sometimes be a deal breaker.
Speaker 2: A lot of men don't want to date someone that
Speaker 2: you know, we're making out and my mom is in
Speaker 2: the kitchen, you know, like.
Speaker 1: What are they is doing?
Speaker 2: Like we're still fifteen, which something can be an issue.
Speaker 2: I travel a lot. Traveling a lot can sometimes be
Speaker 2: an issue because I may be here. I may tell you, babe,
Speaker 2: I'm going to leave for two three days, and next
Speaker 2: thing you know, I left for a month or two.
Speaker 2: You know, you have to be willing to be able
Speaker 2: to travel. There's a lot of things that come with
Speaker 2: a woman that's successful, with a woman that's independent, with
Speaker 2: a woman that's an entrepreneur, with a woman that you know,
Speaker 2: with all these things. It doesn't make me perfect. They
Speaker 2: get get oh, I think I'm so perfect? No Branada.
Speaker 1: But I think that moving forward, now that I do
Speaker 1: know what.
Speaker 2: I want where I stand in my life, I will
Speaker 2: be very direct. I am a woman that is meant
Speaker 2: to be great, And if you want a woman that
Speaker 2: is meant to be great, I want you to hop
Speaker 2: on this boat with me. We're going to do this together.
Speaker 2: But unfortunately, these are the things that come with me.
Speaker 2: And it's funny because when it's a woman that's going
Speaker 2: through it. It's it sounds different. But when it's a
Speaker 2: man that's a successful man that travels, it does all
Speaker 2: these things, it's like, you know, deal with it. He's
Speaker 2: you know, a le nombre. So sometimes it could be
Speaker 2: that little issue. But here is a list of a
Speaker 2: couple of deal breakers, and let's break them down just
Speaker 2: a little bit because the list is pretty long. Addiction
Speaker 2: of any kind is that a deal breaker for you?
Speaker 2: He's addicted to sex, drugs, licker.
Speaker 3: I mean, if it's liquor and stuff like that, I
Speaker 3: don't care. Yeah, video games don't bother me, liquor doesn't.
Speaker 3: It doesn't bother me. Party bothers me. Because I'd like to.
Speaker 1: Have shopping, shopping, shopping.
Speaker 3: It's okay shopping. Do you like shopping?
Speaker 1: Right me?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm kind of built like a man. I know
Speaker 2: exactly what I want. I go and I get it,
Speaker 2: and I'm out.
Speaker 3: Right same right because I'm a man. So you know, no, there's.
Speaker 2: Give me options one, two, three. If I have like
Speaker 2: options one through Z, you know a brew, I'm just like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I can't decide. So I'm not a shopaholic.
Speaker 2: If you were in decisive, is that a deal breaker
Speaker 2: for y'all.
Speaker 4: It's annoying.
Speaker 3: It is defind it goes hand in handled what you
Speaker 3: just said with giving me too many options as being
Speaker 3: undecisive as hell, if you're giving me thirty options.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that the issue. If you're undecisive, it's
Speaker 2: definitely not a deal breaker. But it is annoying, like
Speaker 2: Arlene said, because it's like yes or no, it's not.
Speaker 1: Well, let me think, let me see. I'm just sure
Speaker 1: to see.
Speaker 3: It's where do you want to worst question ever? Where
Speaker 3: do you want to go eat? And it goes back
Speaker 3: and forth for an hour. No one knows what the
Speaker 3: freak they want to eat? And it's like, now you pick,
Speaker 3: It's okay, I'll eat whatever you want. They're like, but
Speaker 3: I'm asking you because I need advice to let me
Speaker 3: know exactly.
Speaker 1: I already learned.
Speaker 2: Mine.
Speaker 1: My to go is always Italian. Give me Italian food.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because in the Italian you can have satad, pasta,
Speaker 2: this chicken, whatever.
Speaker 1: So I always like to go for the Italian.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, what about it if you ask
Speaker 2: and they're like, oh no, I don't want to eat that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's the indecisive. There you go.
Speaker 1: There okay. What about lack of humor?
Speaker 5: Oh you need somebody although you know, sometimes jokes can
Speaker 5: come in at an inappropriate time and you're like, I'm
Speaker 5: bered serious, working exactly, but you need to have a
Speaker 5: little humor.
Speaker 4: I like men with humor.
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too, No, I like men with humor.
Speaker 2: However, I have dated someone. I did it someone for
Speaker 2: like a week, and I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: You just laughed for no reason. What is so funny?
Speaker 3: Like? Shut up?
Speaker 2: Everything was just for everything. I'm just dude, I didn't
Speaker 2: say anything. What what is funny?
Speaker 1: It's all the In the beginning, it's like and you
Speaker 1: laugh along, but.
Speaker 3: Then afterwards do you think that because a lot of it,
Speaker 3: a lot of that little like towers like laughing and
Speaker 3: could be nervousness. It's and it's hidden. Nobody will ever
Speaker 3: understand it.
Speaker 1: But you need to take your nervous ass else.
Speaker 4: I want to do it.
Speaker 3: You're indecisive, you lack humor, and sometimes you have too
Speaker 3: much humor. I hate you.
Speaker 2: Get here, I am done. How about this one. This
Speaker 2: one's a good one. What about people that are broken?
Speaker 1: Broken? Let's break it down. Broken is like, oh, you know.
Speaker 2: You had issues in your childhood or you know, you
Speaker 2: come from a broken home and that lack of whatever
Speaker 2: whatever now has affected you as an adult. Those people
Speaker 2: that come go, Okay, you need therapy, Okay, you have
Speaker 2: all this drama, all this hurt, you know, held up inside.
Speaker 1: Are you describing me? Oh, Aleen, are you broken?
Speaker 4: I'm kidding now. I feel like everybody's a little broken.
Speaker 1: Yes, everybody is a little broken. Though I'm not.
Speaker 4: Everybody's a little broken. I'm going to therapy right now.
Speaker 5: I got childhood issues that I'm dealing with.
Speaker 1: Girls, I'm dealing with it.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 1: I know I definitely am broken. I am. I don't
Speaker 1: know if I'm healing. I don't.
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you this much.
Speaker 2: My mother always said just deal with it, deal with it.
Speaker 2: It was it was like her way. It wasn't so
Speaker 2: much of it.
Speaker 1: That's life. Deal with it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's people going through worse things than you, and
Speaker 2: you kind of feel like you just move forward, you
Speaker 2: move on, but.
Speaker 1: Doesn't mean that you've healed.
Speaker 2: You just cover it up with work or with life
Speaker 2: or whatever. Eventually, at some point you explode. And I
Speaker 2: know I have daddy issues. I know I have you know,
Speaker 2: sexual trauma issues. I have many type of issues that
Speaker 2: I've covered for many years because life doesn't wait for you.
Speaker 2: You have to move forward, you know. And I do
Speaker 2: understand the broken part. And then now with my donor
Speaker 2: and my daughters, I know that that definitely left the
Speaker 2: mark in me. But I saw something on Instagram that
Speaker 2: touched me and I will always carry this. It was
Speaker 2: a scene from a movie and he said, Denzel Washington,
Speaker 2: some things in life are meant to hurt you, and
Speaker 2: others are meant to change you. And the you know,
Speaker 2: the things that have happened to me have changed me
Speaker 2: at this moment to the better version of me because
Speaker 2: I've used this to empower me. But I do understand
Speaker 2: how some men are broken and their brokenness can come
Speaker 2: into domestic abuse. Their brokenness can come into being bad
Speaker 2: fathers there, you know, their traumas can come into being
Speaker 2: bad husband's, bad boyfriends, being verbally abusive.
Speaker 1: It can come into many things. So being broken comes
Speaker 1: in many different levels.
Speaker 2: But you know what, don't feel bad because being broken,
Speaker 2: having malfunctions you know, in your in your brain and
Speaker 2: your system, doesn't mean that it's over.
Speaker 1: It can be reset, it can be restructured. It can.
Speaker 1: It can be fixed.
Speaker 2: You know I personally last season, I spoke about me
Speaker 2: going to therapy. I was going to therapy while I
Speaker 2: was pregnant because I was going through a terrible pregnancy
Speaker 2: as far as my personal relationship, and it.
Speaker 1: Was affecting my pregnancy.
Speaker 2: And then afterwards, you have postpartum and you go through
Speaker 2: so many things. Postpartumer is even one of those serious
Speaker 2: things where they're women that kill themselves and they can't
Speaker 2: help it. Your hormones all over the place and you're
Speaker 2: not thinking correctly. You kill There's women that have killed
Speaker 2: their children. There's women that done all chips of craziness
Speaker 2: because of the postpartum, and that's something that you can't
Speaker 2: even control. Your body is going through these changes. So
Speaker 2: don't feel that because you are going through a stage
Speaker 2: in your life or you've been through things that it
Speaker 2: can't get fixed, it can't get better, because it can.
Speaker 2: Here's another one. What about someone who doesn't like to
Speaker 2: hang out with your family, who is like I like you,
Speaker 2: I just can't stand your mother, I can't stand your kids.
Speaker 1: I don't like your daddy.
Speaker 2: You know what, I want to be around your sister
Speaker 2: or your cousins, or none of them. I want to
Speaker 2: be around none of them. Can that be a deal breaker?
Speaker 2: Or it's like, you know what, you're dating me and
Speaker 2: you like me, so who cares if you don't like them?
Speaker 5: Well, if you come from our culture, you better be
Speaker 5: okay hanging out with the family because A they're metheaches,
Speaker 5: they're always in your business.
Speaker 4: They're always around.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they're calling you at inappropriate hours.
Speaker 1: If you live next to them.
Speaker 5: They don't they have a key to the house, they
Speaker 5: don't knock, they just walk in and out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's basic of her.
Speaker 2: Have you ever did anybody Alice who didn't like your
Speaker 2: family members?
Speaker 3: No, Thank the Lord, because my mom, my mom is
Speaker 3: the opposite. My mom will tell you straight up to
Speaker 3: your face she don't like you, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: So I've been very blessed with the fact that no one,
Speaker 3: no one has ever because I've also take my family's side.
Speaker 3: So there's that.
Speaker 1: Well that's important me.
Speaker 2: I've had people there like I like you, but I
Speaker 2: can't stand your mom, and I just you know, I'm
Speaker 2: dating you. I don't want to do with it, and
Speaker 2: that's terrible because my mom and I are one. But
Speaker 2: then with my mom, I said, But she now that
Speaker 2: I know better, I can see it. There's something about
Speaker 2: mothers and fathers at times that they can see the
Speaker 2: things that we can't see. It's experience, it's intuition, it's
Speaker 2: many things that they're like, you know, same. But I mean,
Speaker 2: I'll go something feels weird, it's set on the end,
Speaker 2: and I want to on it for you. I don't
Speaker 2: like it, And later.
Speaker 1: On they're actually right.
Speaker 2: So my mom can always peep, you know, the guy
Speaker 2: that's trash, and whenever she he's like, he's trash, he's
Speaker 2: no good.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't. I'm like, I want him. So that's the
Speaker 1: one for me, last, but not least among so many.
Speaker 2: What about if they don't want to introduce you to
Speaker 2: their family or friends?
Speaker 1: Is that a deal breakers?
Speaker 3: That's a super red flag. Why I'll let our lanes
Speaker 3: start first and then I'll throw mine.
Speaker 5: I don't know, they don't want to introduce you. That
Speaker 5: happened to me once. The first guy I dated when
Speaker 5: I moved to LA didn't introduce me to anybody.
Speaker 4: Sounds like he had a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: That's what.
Speaker 2: Oh, well, you're lucky and you had a girlfriend. They
Speaker 2: have a whole wife with like a whole second case.
Speaker 1: That's true. That's true. Oh my god, what about you.
Speaker 2: Have you ever hit in a girl or that you've
Speaker 2: dated from your family and friends.
Speaker 3: No, there's no reason for that. I mean, I'm very
Speaker 3: private on social media. I have a complete separation of
Speaker 3: church and state when it comes to social media. Okay,
Speaker 3: my private life is my private life. I don't need
Speaker 3: anyone's approval nor anyone's quote unquote life for me to
Speaker 3: feel approved or or happy or this is my relationship.
Speaker 3: You get what I'm saying. And there's always the fact
Speaker 3: that there's a lot of scrutiny and people out there
Speaker 3: that are always if you get on someone's bad side,
Speaker 3: especially on social media, that will try and do something
Speaker 3: to harm you. And I hate that because I see
Speaker 3: friends who are in that situation where they're saints, they
Speaker 3: love each other, but there's so many mouths on the
Speaker 3: outside trying to talk, you know, sabotage.
Speaker 2: So so that's that's a that's an er not doing
Speaker 2: it well.
Speaker 1: Definitely, Ladies, here we go.
Speaker 2: If you're dating someone and he is hiding you from
Speaker 2: his friends and family, most likely he just wants to
Speaker 2: smash and uh, definitely red.
Speaker 1: Black zone zoo it.
Speaker 2: Okay, if he hits you with the I don't have
Speaker 2: any social media red black zon't zoo it. If he
Speaker 2: doesn't want to, you know, take you out in public.
Speaker 2: What else is if he doesn't want to post you
Speaker 2: on his social medium? That is so who not in
Speaker 2: my little Fido. It could be that, you know, he
Speaker 2: wants to keep his personal left to himself, or he's
Speaker 2: trying to hide you from the girl that he actually
Speaker 2: does love and care for, which is his wife, his girlfriend,
Speaker 2: his baby moms.
Speaker 1: Or whoever else.
Speaker 2: So if you really like me and you're really into me,
Speaker 2: please introduce me to your friends, Please introduce me to
Speaker 2: your family. If not, I'm just gonna find them on
Speaker 2: social media and I'm gonna send them a picture about us.
Speaker 2: So everybody knows that your minds and your mother made
Speaker 2: you for me.
Speaker 1: Amen. So with that being said, ladies, tell me what
Speaker 1: you think.
Speaker 2: Hit me up on exactly I'm not on Instagram and under
Speaker 2: the comments, give me give me a couple of red flags.
Speaker 1: What have been some red flags for you?
Speaker 2: Why do you consider that you could have been a
Speaker 2: red you know, have some red flags for someone that.
Speaker 1: May be dating you if you've gone through.
Speaker 2: Any experience that has been you know, weird or awkward
Speaker 2: while you're dating. I want to know all those things.
Speaker 2: The list of red flags can go on and on
Speaker 2: and on. Unfortunately we don't get that type of time,
Speaker 2: but I'm glad that we went through a couple of them.
Speaker 2: Alex Arlene as usual, guys, thank thank you so much
Speaker 2: for being part of exactly Amada and giving me a
Speaker 2: couple of tivity because now I have I have a
Speaker 2: couple of things to think about now for the next
Speaker 2: time I start dating.
Speaker 1: Uh, definitely, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I have some things to think about. I don't
Speaker 2: know what my next date is going to look like.
Speaker 2: At this point, I'm still traumatized and broken. I might
Speaker 2: need some therapy after this. But with that being said, guys,
Speaker 2: thank you so much for being part of exactly a Mata.
Speaker 2: Like every week, make sure to find me on YouTube
Speaker 2: catch my show by searching for Microtuda podcast and clicking
Speaker 2: on exactly Amada. Find me, like I said before, on
Speaker 2: all the social media platforms at exactly amata, or just
Speaker 2: check me out at a and remember that this has
Speaker 2: been a production of Iheart's Microthuda podcast network for more
Speaker 2: podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or
Speaker 2: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1: Is your girl Check me out next time.