Speaker 1: Okay, Joe, are we rolling? We are rolling. Fantastic ladies
Speaker 1: and gentlemen, please welcome Chelsea Handler. Thank you, Joe. Check
Speaker 1: one check too. Hi, Chelsea, stop it. And it's so
Speaker 1: hard up to be like, here's your script. I got it,
Speaker 1: Thank you, got it, have fun, enjoy you guys will
Speaker 1: be all right over here. Okay, thanks. Hi guys. Hi,
Speaker 1: I like want to call him your pal Friday since
Speaker 1: he helped us set up today. I know he is.
Speaker 1: He's my little my girl Friday. Honey. Good afternoon, good morning,
Speaker 1: a good evening. This is Chelsea Handler on the podcast
Speaker 1: called Dear Chelsea, and I'm here with my producer Catherine. Hi. Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you Hi? I think, after however many episodes
Speaker 1: of this podcast, I finally got an intro down that
Speaker 1: sounds respectable. It doesn't sound like me, but it sounds respectable.
Speaker 1: I just want to start by saying that I'm very
Speaker 1: weak today. I had food poisoning or a twenty four virus.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure because my friend texted me this morning
Speaker 1: saying she also has diarrhea. Now. But we went to
Speaker 1: appray Joe and I with some friends the other day
Speaker 1: and then we came home we got massages, I went
Speaker 1: to bed, and around five in the morning, it was
Speaker 1: all hell broke loose. God. I was vomiting and I
Speaker 1: had diarrhea and it was brutal, and of course Joe
Speaker 1: was so ridiculously sweet that I just was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, because I was like, who can I text
Speaker 1: for Diet Canada's dry ginger ale. That's all I wanted,
Speaker 1: you know, when you're that all I cared about was gingrile.
Speaker 1: And I've been trying not to drink soda because I
Speaker 1: have this big photo shoot coming up or commercial shoot.
Speaker 1: But sometimes you just gotta like have the thing that,
Speaker 1: like your mom gave you when you were sick. For us,
Speaker 1: it was sprite and orange juice. Sprite and orange juice
Speaker 1: together together, that was the thing. It's like, whenever I
Speaker 1: get that kind of sick, I'm like, it needs sprite
Speaker 1: and orange juice, although these days it's look ray and
Speaker 1: orange juice. Yeah. Yeah, That's how I am with ginger ale.
Speaker 1: And it can't be regular gender because the sugar leaves
Speaker 1: this weird taste in my mouth. That has to be
Speaker 1: Diet Canada Dry, which by the way, is my elixir
Speaker 1: for everything. And if I feel off if I feel tired.
Speaker 1: Diet Canada Dry is I once called them and I
Speaker 1: was like, I need to do a commercial for you guys,
Speaker 1: because I'm so passionate about your product. And I ended
Speaker 1: up doing a Diet seven Up commercial because they're owned
Speaker 1: by the same people. And they're like, we don't need
Speaker 1: a commercial for Diet Canada Dry, but we'll pay you
Speaker 1: to do one for Diet seven Up. And I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go. But truth be told, I prefer Canada Dry
Speaker 1: over seven Up. So you heard it here first, it's
Speaker 1: a cure, all yeah. So I was laid out yesterday
Speaker 1: and I was just like, and my it felt like
Speaker 1: every organ of my body was being attacked, my kidneys,
Speaker 1: my back. I was just like, oh, this is so annoying.
Speaker 1: And then I took it. What I thought was a
Speaker 1: zo fran, which is an anti nausea drug. Let to say,
Speaker 1: I have no idea what that that I travel with
Speaker 1: in case I get sick. And I was like, Joe,
Speaker 1: please get me the zo fran. It's in the cabinet,
Speaker 1: and who went got it? But I had mixed my
Speaker 1: zo Fran with this thing called new Vigil, which is
Speaker 1: basically a drug for narcalyptics. It's for combating jet lag
Speaker 1: when you travel overseas, and like it's this like high
Speaker 1: level prescription, but it's basically like a very sophisticated adder all.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, you gave yourself uppers while you're
Speaker 1: trying to rest. So I fucking woke my ass up
Speaker 1: to be sick and nauseous for the next six hours,
Speaker 1: And luckily I threw that up to right away, and
Speaker 1: then once I took the zo fra and I was
Speaker 1: able to stop throwing up. It's kind of what they
Speaker 1: give you on Safari in case you get, you know,
Speaker 1: really sick or something. Anyway, I had all the medical too,
Speaker 1: I have. I don't know who's been mixing my medication,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like her name is m A. B. E. L.
Speaker 1: So when I get home the next week, I'm going
Speaker 1: to have a nice sit down with my bell. I'm
Speaker 1: sure she has a lot to tuck tell me about
Speaker 1: as well. I requested that Joe bring Burton Bernice back
Speaker 1: and she she said no, she put the kaibash on it.
Speaker 1: He left for three days to go into the States
Speaker 1: and come back here to slur and I said okay,
Speaker 1: bring the dogs back. And then he said my bell
Speaker 1: said no. Oh she didn't let him. No, I've lost
Speaker 1: complete control of my own domestic situation. Oh my goodness. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if this will help at all, but
Speaker 1: if you want, I can. I can let you meet
Speaker 1: my daughter who's here with me in the studio right now, Brad.
Speaker 1: That will help. I think it will. I think it
Speaker 1: will right now. She's actually there's like a giant beanbag
Speaker 1: chair here at the office, and she makes Brad bring
Speaker 1: it down into the like studio so she can sit
Speaker 1: in it, even though it's like a giant giant one
Speaker 1: is Mimsy. What's her name? Mimsy? She is a brindle pug. Oh,
Speaker 1: she's a nugget. How old is she? She's six. She
Speaker 1: looks like a bit. She is very braddy. She like
Speaker 1: does whatever she wants. See, she's already done. That's exactly
Speaker 1: like Bernice. I pick her up and then she's like, no,
Speaker 1: I was never interested in being picked up in the
Speaker 1: first place. Please leave me alone. That is Mimsy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she will not listen to anything. My husband says, like,
Speaker 1: she won't obey him until I look at her and
Speaker 1: I go in a serious voice. I have to go,
Speaker 1: Mimsy obey and then she'll do whatever he asked, like
Speaker 1: putting on her harness or whatever. Yeah, so that's my daughter.
Speaker 1: That's cute. That's cute. Mimsy is cute. Do we have
Speaker 1: a podcast March available now? We will very soon, Oh
Speaker 1: dear Chelsea. Merch is going to be available very soon. Everybody. Yes,
Speaker 1: and it's cute and it's going to becomfy. I made
Speaker 1: sure that we got like comfy shirts, comfy stuff. So okay, great,
Speaker 1: I love that for all our for all our female
Speaker 1: and gay listeners. Yes exactly. Although I got a couple
Speaker 1: of d m s from a couple of straight guys
Speaker 1: that I want to be very pointed about the fact
Speaker 1: that they listened to the podcast and are straight. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what do you want to fucking metal? Yes? They do? Yes, yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: several in fact. Okay, so yeah, let's move on to
Speaker 1: today's guest as she has a new book it's called
Speaker 1: Managing Expectations. It is available now for pre order. It
Speaker 1: comes out in May. And she has her own podcast
Speaker 1: that I've done called Many Questions, which she asked the
Speaker 1: same seven questions to all her guests, and season two
Speaker 1: just premiered, so make sure you check that out. Please
Speaker 1: welcome a very good friend of mine, Mini Driver. Hi, honey,
Speaker 1: how are you? I'm all right, Johnny? How are you happy?
Speaker 1: New is she? Where are you? I'm in Malibi? Oh okay,
Speaker 1: where are you? I'm in Whistler, Canada. The seat of
Speaker 1: sky Highway. I love that. Oh I know you know
Speaker 1: that from your truck driving days. Honk honk. A lot
Speaker 1: of people don't know that about Mini Driver, but I do.
Speaker 1: And that's all that really matters. And that's what this
Speaker 1: podcast is all about, unveiling who was a truck driver
Speaker 1: and who was it? Many congratulations on your engagement. Oh
Speaker 1: thanks Dawning. Yeah, thanks, very casual reaction. I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not engaged. My boyfriend will literally die if he I'm
Speaker 1: not engaged. It was what You're not supposed to stay engaged?
Speaker 1: Or are you not engaged? No, I'm not engaged. I'm
Speaker 1: not engaged, however, only because my boyfriend he doesn't really
Speaker 1: want to get married because, as he said, I love you,
Speaker 1: so why would I want to be in a throutle
Speaker 1: with the state of California? Uh huh And I totally
Speaker 1: get that. So we're not engaged. We're just I wore
Speaker 1: a diamond ring that I had actually bought myself on
Speaker 1: my ring finger because I show up for myself every
Speaker 1: day and if I'm married to anyone, it's me. There
Speaker 1: we go, There we go. I told Joe Cooy, my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: that if he ever advised me a big fucking diamond ring,
Speaker 1: don't expect me to wear it. I told him we
Speaker 1: could be engaged and you can play the wedding because
Speaker 1: I don't really care about that those kinds of things
Speaker 1: at all. And I know that his potential for actual
Speaker 1: planning a wedding is never going to happen, so if
Speaker 1: it's all on his plate, it won't come to fruition
Speaker 1: because he is such an in the moment person. So
Speaker 1: you and I are kind of opposites. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be engaged or publicly planning a wedding, and you
Speaker 1: decided that you are going to marry yourself, So those
Speaker 1: are two different perspectives. I just want to quite like
Speaker 1: a party. I want a party who doesn't like a
Speaker 1: party mini obviously with dancing and toasts, but I like toasts.
Speaker 1: I want people to make toasts about me and him.
Speaker 1: And you want also one of those videos, like a
Speaker 1: great montage video of all the wonderful things that you've
Speaker 1: ever experienced, and people saying amazing things about how they've
Speaker 1: never seen two people more in love than the two
Speaker 1: of you. Yes, yes, I want. I want that, and
Speaker 1: dancing and like those big fucking lanterns and trees outside
Speaker 1: and like a barbecue and long tables. I want that.
Speaker 1: I've seen it in like a Nancy Maya fucking movie.
Speaker 1: That's what I want. Yeah, well, good, I'm glad that
Speaker 1: you're able to visualize your expectations. I've got a mood
Speaker 1: board for the wedding I'm never going to have. I
Speaker 1: want to. I want to ask you about finding your
Speaker 1: true love after you lost your mom, because I think
Speaker 1: things like that happen in life all the time. When
Speaker 1: somebody kind of exits our life, someone comes into it,
Speaker 1: and a lot of times for me, I know personally,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of my mother around with my with
Speaker 1: my guy. You know, they actually they knew each other
Speaker 1: and they had a really amazing friendship, and she didn't
Speaker 1: she didn't suffer too many of the men that I
Speaker 1: was with because she took it personally when they broke
Speaker 1: up with me, or if I broke up with them,
Speaker 1: but she really really loved Addison. They didn't know each
Speaker 1: other for long enough. But I do think that there
Speaker 1: is an exchange, that there is some sort of relay
Speaker 1: that happens when I think you're absolutely right, when someone leaves,
Speaker 1: something else comes in to fill that space. I think
Speaker 1: you just have to kind of be open and aware,
Speaker 1: and it's very difficult when you're grieving to allow that in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: have you had any of those experiences yet about your mom?
Speaker 1: Have you felt her around you? Have you felt like
Speaker 1: you've gotten little signs of her? I have I hear her.
Speaker 1: I think she co opts my brain because I heard
Speaker 1: her say I was having a conversation with her one day.
Speaker 1: I was missing her so much. And I don't know
Speaker 1: if these are psychotic breaks or part of the whole process,
Speaker 1: and I don't really care, because I could hear her
Speaker 1: voice talking to me and at one point I said,
Speaker 1: am I making this up? Or is this you? And
Speaker 1: she was like, well, you know, of course it's me,
Speaker 1: but I don't have a brain anymore, so I'm having
Speaker 1: to use yours. And it was so exactly something that
Speaker 1: she would have said that I knew her sarcasm was
Speaker 1: a sign. Yeah, right, And then we chatted and now
Speaker 1: I chat I do. I chat to her all the time,
Speaker 1: particularly in nature. I see her whenever I think about her.
Speaker 1: I see a single bird, it's really strange. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: do that. I do that too. Whenever you see a
Speaker 1: single bird, I'm like my mom always. Yeah, it's really strange.
Speaker 1: And maybe that's I don't really mind where that's created from,
Speaker 1: because it continues to make me feel connected to her.
Speaker 1: So I don't think it matters. I don't think there
Speaker 1: needs to be any kind of no one needs to
Speaker 1: verify if this is true. It is true for us.
Speaker 1: It's just kind of like what you believe in it
Speaker 1: works for you. It doesn't have to be proven to
Speaker 1: be a fact or fiction. Right, It's like whatever the
Speaker 1: possibilities are, which means you're open, and as long as
Speaker 1: you're open, things will come to you, and who cares
Speaker 1: if they're real or not? You know. I think it's
Speaker 1: so funny we judge so much that the way in
Speaker 1: which everybody else passes life, the way that everybody else
Speaker 1: synthesizes it, and that this this the way that we
Speaker 1: look for outside verification of what we fundamentally know to
Speaker 1: be true, and then we don't we don't trust that,
Speaker 1: and so then that leaks out into the rest of
Speaker 1: our lives that we don't trust this basic instinct that
Speaker 1: we have about what feels good, what is righteous, what
Speaker 1: is true for us. That's actually any intention that I
Speaker 1: have about this new year is to insist on no
Speaker 1: outside verification. Well, it's also funny because so many people
Speaker 1: we don't know the answers, just so many things which
Speaker 1: people pretend are so black and white, like no, there's
Speaker 1: no God, or there's God or that you know. It's like,
Speaker 1: first of all, nobody fucking knows if there's a God
Speaker 1: or not. Nobody has any proof of that except for
Speaker 1: your belief system and what you think you've personally experienced.
Speaker 1: So the idea that you have to have a definitive
Speaker 1: belief system to begin with is is silly, right, the
Speaker 1: fact like, oh, they're religious, Like I have a friend,
Speaker 1: if anyone's religious, she just regards them because she thinks
Speaker 1: they're stupid. I'm like, well, okay, that's a little bit much.
Speaker 1: I mean I also have a little bit of that,
Speaker 1: but not and then people like the new thing is
Speaker 1: you know, not to say you believe in a god,
Speaker 1: but there's something it's like, well, that's a god. I
Speaker 1: believe in the universe. It's like, well that's another word
Speaker 1: for god. Like we're all saying the same thing, but
Speaker 1: people have to be so black and white about it,
Speaker 1: as if there's been proof about it either way. We
Speaker 1: don't know what happens when you die, and nobody's ever
Speaker 1: going to find out until you die, and then it's
Speaker 1: probably still not going to be the news we're looking for,
Speaker 1: So why not just create your own reality of what
Speaker 1: you think is possible. Yeah, it's weird. Dogma is absolutely
Speaker 1: shit as far as I can make out. And it
Speaker 1: really I hate that it's got dog in it because
Speaker 1: I love dogs. It's absurd because it's like, if you've
Speaker 1: got everybody to agree with you, it's sort of like
Speaker 1: and then what so everybody agreed. What if everybody agreed
Speaker 1: on the same on the same thing, we'd find conflict elsewhere?
Speaker 1: Like it is hard. Word into this human experience is
Speaker 1: contrast and conflict, and I think it is it is
Speaker 1: part of this human experience, and it's it's absurd And
Speaker 1: the more that one can disengage from needing that or
Speaker 1: underwriting that. I do find myself stepping away more and
Speaker 1: more from people who are dogmatic in any kind of belief.
Speaker 1: But they just put me off my dinner. I might
Speaker 1: I want to eat my steak in peace. I don't
Speaker 1: eat steak. I don't know why. I just don't want to.
Speaker 1: I'm glad I don't know that. I don't eat steak
Speaker 1: like that. Steak is out of style. Quite frankly, mets
Speaker 1: got to change. I'm on the phone with you because
Speaker 1: I just lots have got to change, and it's got
Speaker 1: to change now, so fucking help me. I mean, all
Speaker 1: of it is so, I mean, wait back to her.
Speaker 1: I want to talk a little bit about your siblings
Speaker 1: and with your mother passing, because I found that to
Speaker 1: be such a great comfort having my brothers and sisters
Speaker 1: around and experiencing that kind of transitioning, you know, from
Speaker 1: life to whatever happens after life, you know, like together
Speaker 1: and there were moments of hysterical laughter and moments of
Speaker 1: you know, unbearable pain. But I feel like without those moments,
Speaker 1: my brother once said, we were all in the hospice
Speaker 1: and my mom was on bed, and on her bed,
Speaker 1: that's where you go to die, right, And my one
Speaker 1: brother just still didn't understand what was going on, and
Speaker 1: we were like, Roy, she's dying, Like we're this is
Speaker 1: where we're taking her to die peacefully. And he's like,
Speaker 1: but what what if she gets better? And we were
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, we can't keep explaining this
Speaker 1: to you, Like it's a wrap okay. Anyway, So we're
Speaker 1: all lying in these mats, on these like cots that
Speaker 1: they had at this hospice, and I was with next
Speaker 1: to my one brother, and my other brother and sister
Speaker 1: were across the room, and my other sister was on
Speaker 1: a chair, and my brother, who's a complete asshole and
Speaker 1: really sarcastic and thinks he's hysterical, goes, hey, Chelsea, because
Speaker 1: Shannah and Roy were like lying very close to each
Speaker 1: other holding hands, and he goes, how long do you
Speaker 1: think Roy and Sshanna have been sleeping together? And you
Speaker 1: just heard my sister across the room grown She's like, Glenn, honestly, seriously,
Speaker 1: why would you even bring that into this space? And
Speaker 1: we were all laughing so hard, and it was such
Speaker 1: a funny moment, because you know, without those moments, it's
Speaker 1: just so painful. You need. You need that, and you
Speaker 1: can only really be that way with with the people
Speaker 1: who knew it was like what it was like to
Speaker 1: grow up with your parents, right, Yeah, I mean there
Speaker 1: are moments that are starting to happen, but it was
Speaker 1: it's so weird. It's it was nine months ago. We
Speaker 1: haven't had enough moments where we've laughed together. We're still
Speaker 1: gingerly being able to talk about her, you know, because
Speaker 1: you know, we're still dealing with the probate of her
Speaker 1: estate and selling her house and all of this stuff
Speaker 1: like that. I'm hoping once these things are done will
Speaker 1: allow us to kind of commune about her in a way.
Speaker 1: That is, because there were certainly really amazing moments while
Speaker 1: she was dying. Just like you said, we were sitting
Speaker 1: around watching her like she was a TV when she
Speaker 1: was dying, and my aunt said, she was like, God,
Speaker 1: I always I always thought like, if I was dying,
Speaker 1: having all these people who weren't dying standing around looking
Speaker 1: at me would really piss me off. And my mother
Speaker 1: was like, it does piss me off, And she was like,
Speaker 1: I am a TV. Turned me off. This is and
Speaker 1: we are we're still laughing about these moments. I know,
Speaker 1: it will come. I know it's there, I know it's
Speaker 1: in escrow, waiting for us being able to laugh about it.
Speaker 1: But it's astonishing how grief. You'll fine, you'll fine, you'll fine,
Speaker 1: you'll fine, you'll fine, and then it just rises up
Speaker 1: and it fells you. It just it just literally brings
Speaker 1: you to your knees sometimes when you least expect it.
Speaker 1: I'm astonished by it. I'm grateful to all the people
Speaker 1: who have witnessed that happening and not freaked out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so common also to be like I'm doing great,
Speaker 1: I'm doing great. It's over. It's over. I'm through it.
Speaker 1: I'm through it. And then you're like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's like you don't that's not how grief works. And
Speaker 1: we all and like for some reason, and you know,
Speaker 1: we believe like, okay, I've gotten through it, Like why
Speaker 1: is that important to believe? So it's over, it's in
Speaker 1: the past. It's like it's never going to be in
Speaker 1: the past. You know. It's another just like time construct
Speaker 1: that doesn't make any sense at all. It's emotions, it's heart,
Speaker 1: it's all those feelings. Yeah, it's I've got this birthday
Speaker 1: coming up, and I don't. I've been having these existential
Speaker 1: dreams and feelings whilst awake. How can you have a
Speaker 1: birthday if the portal through which you came is gone?
Speaker 1: Like how there's there's something that's been happening about this
Speaker 1: idea that without my mother, that how how do I
Speaker 1: sort of exist? It's it's really strange, Like it's an
Speaker 1: absolute mind bend losing your mother. I I experienced grief
Speaker 1: with my father dying and huge loss, but not this
Speaker 1: existential stuff about my own mortality and about the impermanence
Speaker 1: of time. I mean the impermanence of everything and the
Speaker 1: existence of the constant existence of time. Yeah, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: just think about how old we are now. You know.
Speaker 1: I was talking to my friend the other day. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm already sick, like a half already sex. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be already seven this year. My half my life is over.
Speaker 1: And she's like, you don't know that. I'm like, oh please,
Speaker 1: it's over, Like come on, like with the idea that
Speaker 1: you know, you get to this age and you start
Speaker 1: to go like, oh, it could happen at any time.
Speaker 1: I could get sick, anything could happen, like and and
Speaker 1: then the idea of like you have to live every
Speaker 1: day it's like like it's your last. I don't want
Speaker 1: to live every day like it's my last. That's exhausting too,
Speaker 1: you know, like sometimes I do want to lie in
Speaker 1: bed and watch TV all day. I don't need to
Speaker 1: like be out there showing the world what I'm made of.
Speaker 1: So it's a it's all these thoughts that you think
Speaker 1: about with your existence and how long you're going to
Speaker 1: be here for and what what what else you have
Speaker 1: left to say or do or what impact do you
Speaker 1: want to leave? You know with you you have a son,
Speaker 1: so it's even you know, that's even a bigger yeah,
Speaker 1: But it's all about It's so interesting because this is
Speaker 1: my new obsession since Mom died, is this idea of
Speaker 1: assigned meaning and meaning and what that is and what
Speaker 1: a meaningful life is and the pressure that we put
Speaker 1: on ourselves or the pressure that other people put on us,
Speaker 1: Like what what the funk is that? And how could
Speaker 1: an you want to describe what that meaning is? Accept
Speaker 1: us except we who are in it. And if that
Speaker 1: is lying in bed watching bad TV or good TV
Speaker 1: in a day, who says that isn't meaningful? Well? I
Speaker 1: think pretty much everybody thinks that's that meaningful. But I
Speaker 1: don't think there's an argument there. But I would argue
Speaker 1: with I would argue with, like, you know who, what's meaningful?
Speaker 1: Like being a celebrity, being a well known person. Is
Speaker 1: that is that supposed to be more valuable? Like obviously,
Speaker 1: as you get older, you realize that how fickle that is.
Speaker 1: You know, how silly that, how silly it is to
Speaker 1: think that you have more more value. I think, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: in my best run of thoughts, I would think your value,
Speaker 1: in my estimation, would be what kind of impact you're
Speaker 1: having on every single person you're around? Right, how much
Speaker 1: sunlight are you spreading and joy and happiness to others?
Speaker 1: Like what's what's that? Or strength or inspiration? You know,
Speaker 1: maybe that's the most valuable things, the things that are
Speaker 1: not measurable, because it's clearly like all over the map, right,
Speaker 1: you want to have people even with like a better
Speaker 1: feeling for having seen or met you. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's the most that you can really. I feel like
Speaker 1: that really is everybody smiles when they remember my mother,
Speaker 1: every single person and the people that have come out
Speaker 1: of the woodwork going. I sat next to your mother
Speaker 1: at a dinner in nine and I've got to tell
Speaker 1: you it was one of the you know that that's
Speaker 1: that is the most and the best that we can
Speaker 1: hope for. But it's weird how maybe it's now that
Speaker 1: there is just so much information shared, this idea that
Speaker 1: if you don't have a private plane and if you're
Speaker 1: not earning, you know, you don't have a hundred zeros
Speaker 1: after the amount that you make in your life. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know, like we're it's so it's become so
Speaker 1: disconnected what an idea of a successful life is. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: Well Hollywood can do that to you, you know, that
Speaker 1: can make you very disconnected. Yeah, totally. Maybe that's why
Speaker 1: I am the way that I am. An extract driver
Speaker 1: is what you are, and that's what you don't really Wait,
Speaker 1: did I tell you? When Kate and I, my sister
Speaker 1: and I were driving down Sunset Boulevard and we saw
Speaker 1: this billboard. I always called it my billboard because when
Speaker 1: when Circle of Friends first came out, my friend took
Speaker 1: me there and he made me stand outside of his rabbit,
Speaker 1: his v W rabbit, and he was like, cleose your eyes, okay,
Speaker 1: now look and there was this. I was on a
Speaker 1: billboard and it was exciting. So anyway, we're driving down Sunset.
Speaker 1: We see this billboard and Kate looks at there are
Speaker 1: three men on it. She went, she went, oh my god,
Speaker 1: we've slept with a hundred percent of that billboard. I
Speaker 1: died laughing. I was like, that is connection in Hollywood
Speaker 1: right there. I missed your sister. I haven't seen her
Speaker 1: since COVID obviously because I haven't been over to London,
Speaker 1: but she and I had some really fun nights together
Speaker 1: when I was over there. I know she would send
Speaker 1: you a huge I got to tell her that I
Speaker 1: was doing this. She would send you a huge hug.
Speaker 1: She's actually on the line eaves dropping, so you can
Speaker 1: just say hi to her. What's up, Bates. So we
Speaker 1: have callers that call in and we give life advice
Speaker 1: and we kind of curate the episode two things that
Speaker 1: you might talk about publicly or have and we just
Speaker 1: kind of give them feedback. And people are pretty kind
Speaker 1: of serious when they call in here. So get ready, sister,
Speaker 1: all right, that's what we're gonna do today on Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get advice from many driver, from myself and
Speaker 1: from my producer Katherine, and we're going to give it
Speaker 1: to you straight, yes, but before we do that, we're
Speaker 1: going to take a quick ad break. Hi, everybody, We're
Speaker 1: back from our break. Okay. I hope that was as
Speaker 1: gratifying for you as it was for us. Wonderful. Well,
Speaker 1: we have some questions many and Chelsea, and our first
Speaker 1: one comes from frustrated step mom. She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight and my boyfriend have been together for
Speaker 1: two years. We moved fast. We were friends when we
Speaker 1: were younger, and have lived together almost the entire time.
Speaker 1: He has two daughters, aged five and three. I'm very
Speaker 1: involved with them, picking them up from school and taking
Speaker 1: them there, and I absolutely adore them. The problem is
Speaker 1: their mom raises them very differently than me and my
Speaker 1: boyfriend wish to. I obviously don't want to step on
Speaker 1: her toes at all, but it's very hard when she
Speaker 1: refuses to actively potty train them and feeds them McDonald's
Speaker 1: or whatever, and then they come here and we struggle
Speaker 1: to get them to eat real food and they've regressed
Speaker 1: on whatever we're working on. I know you're not a mom,
Speaker 1: but do you have any advice ps. I was an
Speaker 1: early childhood educator for five and a half years, so
Speaker 1: I do know a bit about kids, and all I
Speaker 1: want to do is help them. Sincerely, frustrated step mom,
Speaker 1: Oh wow, well many many is a mother? Many would
Speaker 1: you like to take this first? Gosh? I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't envy you. I feel for you because you're also
Speaker 1: very young, and your boyfriend had children very young, and
Speaker 1: it's so I'm imagining that the co parent, the mother
Speaker 1: is also very young. And when you and you don't
Speaker 1: like anybody telling you anything, all I can say is
Speaker 1: because my son he lives with me, but he goes
Speaker 1: to his father's and he has a relationship there. And weirdly,
Speaker 1: all you can really do trying to get someone to
Speaker 1: do what you want them to do is an impossibility.
Speaker 1: It really is. Unless they want to do it, it's
Speaker 1: not going to happen, and all you're gonna do is
Speaker 1: frustrate yourself. So it's you might not want to hear it,
Speaker 1: but it really is. You maintain, you hold your course
Speaker 1: in your household and what the rules in your household
Speaker 1: are and how it runs and what happens there, and
Speaker 1: you do that gently and kindly with consistency, and I
Speaker 1: think by creating that environment the children while they're being
Speaker 1: given an alternative experience in another household, hopefully that consistency
Speaker 1: will bring them back to you. But I don't. You
Speaker 1: can't get her to stop feeding them McDonald's. You can
Speaker 1: have conversations about it, perhaps with her, if she's open
Speaker 1: to that, But because you can't change what she's doing,
Speaker 1: you can only carry on doing what you do with
Speaker 1: love and compassion. And I know it's really annoying when
Speaker 1: people say that, but it is true. You guys, just
Speaker 1: do you and make it the place that they want
Speaker 1: to be, make those the choices that they want to make.
Speaker 1: Raise them to be kids who can decide what is
Speaker 1: good for them and to choose make good choices. That's
Speaker 1: what you can do. That'll probably feel better. I think
Speaker 1: that's great advice. That's their mother. You can't tell her
Speaker 1: what to do, so you can only set the example
Speaker 1: for when they're with you. And kids respect rules even
Speaker 1: when they don't like it and they rebel against it.
Speaker 1: It's like it sets you up for success in the
Speaker 1: long run. So you have your set of rules at
Speaker 1: your house and she does what she wants at her house.
Speaker 1: You can't control any of that, so yeah, just give
Speaker 1: it your best shot and be consistent and be and
Speaker 1: do your thing at your house, and you're going to
Speaker 1: reap the rewards, probably not as soon as you'd like,
Speaker 1: but eventually everything will come around into the right spot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they don't get McDonald's when they're at your house. Sorry,
Speaker 1: you know, and you don't have to give into them.
Speaker 1: You sound like you know what you're doing, So the
Speaker 1: only thing you just have to do is probably just
Speaker 1: refrain from thinking that you're going to have an impact
Speaker 1: on her. Yeah. Yeah, that's true of everything. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: the only way to ever influence anybody anyways, by setting
Speaker 1: your own example, not by telling them what to do.
Speaker 1: Nobody listens to that. I mean maybe some people do,
Speaker 1: but I haven't met those people yet. Yeah. Well, our
Speaker 1: next question comes from Taylor. Dear Chelsea. First off, I've
Speaker 1: read all of your books, and you're the first person
Speaker 1: I've been able to relate to after losing my brother.
Speaker 1: What a shitty thing to relate to someone for, but
Speaker 1: you're great. Anyways. I'm twenty five, engaged, living with my
Speaker 1: fiance's parents and starting a business I've always wanted to own.
Speaker 1: A food truck, which I've been working on opening since
Speaker 1: I graduated college in May. I feel like it's been
Speaker 1: the longest process to get this thing up and running,
Speaker 1: with one million speed bumps, financial issues, timeline expectations, truck failures,
Speaker 1: food service regulations, and of course COVID. It's still not
Speaker 1: open and was supposed to be by this past summer,
Speaker 1: and it's causing me a large amount of anxiety when
Speaker 1: it comes to other people asking me about it. I
Speaker 1: think my question is how do you process the stress
Speaker 1: of people being so excited for you and your endeavors
Speaker 1: while also feeling disappointed or like you've failed your own expectations.
Speaker 1: It's to the point where I don't even like going
Speaker 1: out for fear that someone will ask me when will
Speaker 1: the food truck be up and running. It's almost done.
Speaker 1: I've been saying that for a year now, but it
Speaker 1: actually is. And at this point it's not even exciting
Speaker 1: to me anymore. I think once it's open, I'll feel
Speaker 1: a ton better, but it's been weighing heavily on me. Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Hello, Hi,
Speaker 1: How are you good? How are you good? This is
Speaker 1: Many She's here today as our special guest hither. Hello,
Speaker 1: great to talk. Okay, so you were planning on starting
Speaker 1: a food truck, right and it hasn't come to fruition
Speaker 1: in the time. Is this because of COVID? Yeah, just COVID.
Speaker 1: Lots of roadbumps, but I definitely would give it all
Speaker 1: to COVID for the most part. Yeah. Well, at least
Speaker 1: you have a good excuse, So there's that. So I
Speaker 1: would take this as I've done this before in my life,
Speaker 1: just so you know, like I've talked about something, talked
Speaker 1: about something, talked about something, and then when it didn't
Speaker 1: come to fruition in time, I felt like an idiot
Speaker 1: because I was no longer interested in talking about it,
Speaker 1: was sick of everybody asking me questions, and then kind
Speaker 1: of had lost my you know, for it. So I
Speaker 1: have taken it as a lesson for things in the
Speaker 1: future first and foremost. You know, sometimes you don't need
Speaker 1: to advertise everything that's going on until it actually is
Speaker 1: close to happening, and you're learning that lesson. So what's
Speaker 1: great about this is this a huge opportunity for growth
Speaker 1: and learning Because you've done this, you know, it's not
Speaker 1: a mistake. It's just something that you don't want to
Speaker 1: do again, so make a note to yourself that you're
Speaker 1: not going to. And in the interim when people are
Speaker 1: asking you questions about it and blah bah blah, you
Speaker 1: can be completely honest, Like I feel like I just
Speaker 1: talked about it so much over it, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. There's nothing wrong with being honest, and people
Speaker 1: always seem to have respect for that kind of integrity.
Speaker 1: When you're talking about something. You don't have to lie
Speaker 1: or make up excuses. You just have to be direct
Speaker 1: and say, yeah, it's taken me longer than I thought.
Speaker 1: I was supposed to start a cannabis company five years
Speaker 1: ago and it still has not happened. And I just
Speaker 1: tell people like it's been a ship show. Just can't
Speaker 1: get it off the ground, like every time something happens,
Speaker 1: something else happens and we can't sign the paperwork. You know.
Speaker 1: But I'm no longer embarrassed about it because I never
Speaker 1: was embarrassed about it because I kind of learned that
Speaker 1: lesson a long time ago. It's like I didn't overly
Speaker 1: promote something that I and it's not my fault, So
Speaker 1: you know, you have all of those things on your side.
Speaker 1: It's like it's more a little it's it sounds like
Speaker 1: it's a little bit more about ego, you know, which
Speaker 1: is something that is easily kind of it's easy to
Speaker 1: get over. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I have been talking to
Speaker 1: people and when people do bring it up lately, I'm like, honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm just over talking about it. It'll happen eventually, like,
Speaker 1: but for now, I just don't even want to talk
Speaker 1: about it. I'll be like, just stay tuned and if
Speaker 1: I post about it, it's gonna happen if not, And
Speaker 1: what are you doing in the meantime, Oh, just anything
Speaker 1: and everything. Like after I got my degree, I didn't
Speaker 1: end up getting a job because I thought, you know,
Speaker 1: the truck would be up and running a lot sooner
Speaker 1: COVID hit. So I just have a lot of like
Speaker 1: little odd jobs right now. But it should be up
Speaker 1: and running here soon. And yeah, I just don't want
Speaker 1: to commit to something like a career right now long
Speaker 1: term while I'm working on this. I just want to
Speaker 1: focus on it and get it going. Is it close
Speaker 1: to happening now? Yeah, but it feels like it's been
Speaker 1: close for a long time. But I think actually it
Speaker 1: is close. Yeah, I think if you start to believe
Speaker 1: that and it will that will have a powerful effect
Speaker 1: on the outcome as well. Yeah, many do you have
Speaker 1: any words of wisdom in this situation? Shn I know
Speaker 1: that you've wanted to open up a food truck for
Speaker 1: some time. Now, you know me and trucks. Chelsea. You
Speaker 1: have the greatest reason in the world for telling people
Speaker 1: that the timeline timelines for every single person in this
Speaker 1: world were shot to ship with COVID. I'm literally looking
Speaker 1: out at the ocean right now and there I'm looking
Speaker 1: at like three tankards which are part of the supply chain,
Speaker 1: like just hanging around waiting to go into the Port
Speaker 1: of Los Angeles. So you're you're not alone, and I'm
Speaker 1: I'm sure that people are a lot more understanding. It's
Speaker 1: probably the pressure that you put on yourself to go God,
Speaker 1: I said this thing was happening, and then there was
Speaker 1: a global pandemic, and now it's not. It's not happening
Speaker 1: on the same timeline. Getting rid of the timeline, getting
Speaker 1: rid of the pressure, and going I want this thing
Speaker 1: to happen, and I want it to happen. Now, if
Speaker 1: we could just say I want this thing to happen
Speaker 1: and I'm going to keep focusing on how awesome it's
Speaker 1: going to be when it happens. I'm going to keep
Speaker 1: working on the details and stay out of the timeline.
Speaker 1: I it's the hard it's the hardest thing to do,
Speaker 1: but it sometimes gives you relief to do that. Just
Speaker 1: trust that there's sometimes a different itinerary than the one
Speaker 1: that you have exactly. That's good advice. Yeah, timelines are
Speaker 1: all in our you know, why are we making these
Speaker 1: time constructs anyway? Just it's gonna happen when it's supposed
Speaker 1: to happen, when it's right, and when it's going to
Speaker 1: be the most successful, and it's not far off it sounds,
Speaker 1: so I think you're on the right. Remembering that, it
Speaker 1: just keeps just keep keep thinking that. I mean, even
Speaker 1: in the best of times, especially when you're starting a business,
Speaker 1: you only have so much runway. I mean I was
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur once upon a time, and it was like
Speaker 1: whether it was financial runway or emotional runway or attention
Speaker 1: span runway, like you just only have so much and
Speaker 1: and having COVID have dropped in your lap in the
Speaker 1: middle of that runway is super frustrating. So like what
Speaker 1: Chelsea said, being honest and being like, it's super frustrating.
Speaker 1: We keep running into all these delays and it sucks,
Speaker 1: but like, when it happens, I'm so excited. I think
Speaker 1: that's the best case scenario. Yeah, yeah, well, good luck
Speaker 1: to you and keep us, keep us posted to how
Speaker 1: that goes. Definitely, thank you guys, Thank you Taylor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good luck all right, bye bye bye. I'm glad we
Speaker 1: were here to help her. I'm glad we were there
Speaker 1: to help her as well. Young people. I was remembering
Speaker 1: being young the other day and how much you just
Speaker 1: thought that it was an outrage when everything didn't come
Speaker 1: to you immediately. Because now I just sit around being
Speaker 1: so grateful if anything actually shows up. Yeah, if anything
Speaker 1: works out. And when you're young, everything is an emergency.
Speaker 1: Everything well, like a few months feels like forever when
Speaker 1: you're five. I know it does. It does, and I
Speaker 1: think I think it's it's okay. Young people shouldn't be
Speaker 1: thinking about what older people like. It's it's such a
Speaker 1: different season. It's it's so weird. I sound like I
Speaker 1: sound like a crone now now that I'm actually moving
Speaker 1: into that particular archetype. But it is it is true.
Speaker 1: We're not supposed to be thinking about that when we're young.
Speaker 1: You're you're meant to be burning through all of that youth.
Speaker 1: I guess. Yeah. It'd be so fun, though, to go
Speaker 1: back to being a young person with this mindset, you know.
Speaker 1: I wish that could happen. I know, I know, what's
Speaker 1: that quote, youth has wasted on the young, which is
Speaker 1: so tripe but so true. It's a it's a true.
Speaker 1: It's stripe because it is true all of those kind
Speaker 1: of kinds of things. It's like, oh god, yeah, But
Speaker 1: if I had this mindset and then you meet sometimes
Speaker 1: you meet younger people who have their ships so together,
Speaker 1: you're like, what's up with you? Where the fund did
Speaker 1: you come from? You're so sagacious and smart and know
Speaker 1: that you already know what many adults don't know yet.
Speaker 1: I think my son is like that. I had him
Speaker 1: read something the other day. I was like, you've got
Speaker 1: to read this article because you know, this is like
Speaker 1: from one of the great modern thinkers had written this piece.
Speaker 1: And I was like, Henry, you've just got to read
Speaker 1: this because like, I can't stop thinking about it. And
Speaker 1: he read and he was like, yeah, I know, I
Speaker 1: call bullshit on that, and he's like, yeah, just feel
Speaker 1: like bullis it? To me? It just feels like a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of words and a whole lot of not doing.
Speaker 1: That's so funny. I love I love you doing his accent.
Speaker 1: That's really something. He's very sure. I love it when
Speaker 1: young people are sure. Even my Hubris, I like that.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, this is the way that it's going
Speaker 1: to be. This is how it is, and that's bullshit
Speaker 1: and this is cool. Yeah. I like self assuredness in
Speaker 1: any person. That's always such an attractive quality. I agree, absolutely,
Speaker 1: But there's a complete difference between dogma and being self assured.
Speaker 1: It's like a self assured person can, I think, can
Speaker 1: be flexible and move with whatever they're presented with because
Speaker 1: they're just sure of who they are within whatever Maelstrom
Speaker 1: they find themselves in. Maybe it's just my kid. Well,
Speaker 1: kids are pretty self assured these days. They're a little
Speaker 1: bit smarter than we were. They have a little bit
Speaker 1: more access to intellectual property and stupid properties. I mean,
Speaker 1: they also do sit on TikTok video. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: my sister was here a couple of weeks ago, and
Speaker 1: we're like all real had all gone skiing, and everyone's
Speaker 1: lying on around in the living room and I look
Speaker 1: at my sister, who's fifty five, and she's like scrolling
Speaker 1: and I could see just by her eyes. I was like,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Are you on Instagram? She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm on TikTok? Sman, get off TikTok right now, get
Speaker 1: off the TikTok. What do we have next, Catherine? Our
Speaker 1: next email comes from Miranda from Sex in the City.
Speaker 1: I mean, I hope so, but she's not on the phone.
Speaker 1: So somebody said to me the other day and they go,
Speaker 1: how did Miranda becomes so stupid all of a sudden?
Speaker 1: I'm like, why is she said? She was so exactly,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, all of a sudden, she doesn't know
Speaker 1: anything about you know, equality or social injustice. Like that's
Speaker 1: a Christian character trait, not a Miranda. And what's up
Speaker 1: with her husband? Why did they do that to him? Why?
Speaker 1: Why do they make him like an eighty five yeld
Speaker 1: They made him at my grandpa? And then why do
Speaker 1: they do that? Like he's literally like fifty six or something.
Speaker 1: I could subsurd treating him? What God? Here ham Barber's
Speaker 1: Market it's like, what are you doing? That's so true,
Speaker 1: it's so funny. I haven't been able to access the
Speaker 1: most recent episodes because I'm in Canada, and that there's
Speaker 1: like from what I'm hearing, that's exactly right. It's like
Speaker 1: super weird. It's like a geriatric installment, super weird. It's
Speaker 1: like the eighty and they're not eighty that these beautiful,
Speaker 1: gorgeous people. I didn't get it's weird. I don't buy it.
Speaker 1: It's like they've been in a coma for like the
Speaker 1: entire time. It was full week. I just said this
Speaker 1: with my best friend the other day. We were like,
Speaker 1: it's like they've rumple stilt skinned all of them. What
Speaker 1: is this? Oh my god, this podcast technology? Even what
Speaker 1: have you been the last ten years? Like you were alive?
Speaker 1: You went in a shoe box in New York the
Speaker 1: other thing. I mean, tell me if this is just
Speaker 1: like crushes your heart. But they go to what they
Speaker 1: keep calling a comedy concert, and I just I'm like,
Speaker 1: I mean what I called a comedy concert? I guess
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, keeping like we went to their comedy concert,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what, no one has ever said that phrase? Ever,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so it's so true because Sarah
Speaker 1: Mirrors is just she's doing stand up. But they call
Speaker 1: it a comedy concert. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: because that's what old people call stand up comedy concert.
Speaker 1: It's a concert of comedy. That's how boring. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: change my tour name Vaccinated and horny. A comedy concert,
Speaker 1: a COVID comedy concert concert? Do you want to get
Speaker 1: COVID come to my show? Oh my god? Well, our
Speaker 1: next email does come from Miranda. Dear Chelsea. My name
Speaker 1: is Miranda and I'm twenty seven years old. My best
Speaker 1: friend and I have been inseparable since seventh grade. We've
Speaker 1: been through just about everything together. I was drawn to
Speaker 1: her big personality and how outspoken she is because I'm
Speaker 1: the opposite. However, we haven't talked since before Christmas over
Speaker 1: something very stupid. It was very frustrating because she was
Speaker 1: home for Christmas and didn't bother to see me, even
Speaker 1: though I did try to make plans. Because of the
Speaker 1: stupid disagreement, I think our friendship no longer serves us.
Speaker 1: I often get scolded by her or ignored. I've always
Speaker 1: just put up with how she treats me because I
Speaker 1: don't want to lose her. Family and friends say that's
Speaker 1: just how she is, because of how easily she can
Speaker 1: be set off. I think there's an unspoken agreement that
Speaker 1: we're done. We have never gone this long without speaking,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to be mean or point out
Speaker 1: things in her character that I don't like. I'm afraid
Speaker 1: she'll do that to me if I try to reach out.
Speaker 1: But does our fifteen year friendship deserve a formal breakup best, Miranda?
Speaker 1: I mean, I've had a lot of friend breakups, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I got back together with them, Like it
Speaker 1: makes somebody took a couple of years. I think sometimes
Speaker 1: you don't need a formal goodbye because then you're leaving.
Speaker 1: It also open ended for you know, maybe six months
Speaker 1: or a year down the road, for you guys to
Speaker 1: come together maybe again, and you might care a lot
Speaker 1: less about the things you care about right now. And
Speaker 1: that might be true for her as well. You know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like there was some huge fissure. It
Speaker 1: sounds like you just have personality types and there's it's
Speaker 1: totally acceptable during our friendship or any relationship to kind
Speaker 1: of go your own ways for a little bit each
Speaker 1: of you, and I think that's healthy and you should
Speaker 1: embrace that, and you can actually examine how different things
Speaker 1: are without her in your life, you know, if if
Speaker 1: it's a positive impact or a negative impact, you know,
Speaker 1: if you look at the world a little bit more
Speaker 1: differently when you don't have her in your life, or
Speaker 1: the opposite is true. It's a good it's a good
Speaker 1: time for self examination and friendship examination. Yeah. Definitely. Me
Speaker 1: and my best friend of like twenty years, we worke
Speaker 1: up for four years, and in that time, she got
Speaker 1: married and had a baby and got divorced. And actually
Speaker 1: I was the perfect person at the end of this
Speaker 1: whole thing. I knew her so well to be able
Speaker 1: to a kind of counsel because I hadn't been in
Speaker 1: the drama of everything. And when we did come back together,
Speaker 1: it was like a whole new friendship. It was really interesting.
Speaker 1: I think I think it was. I think it's okay
Speaker 1: exactly as you said, to go your separate ways for
Speaker 1: a while, and then you know, you can find your
Speaker 1: way back, you know, I think you often do find
Speaker 1: your way back. Did you say you were counseling you
Speaker 1: were the perfect person to counsel her or she was
Speaker 1: the perfect person to counsel you, kind of both, but
Speaker 1: really about her husband and their divorce and being able
Speaker 1: to look at it in a much more sanguine way
Speaker 1: from not having been inside that relationship was I would
Speaker 1: have been if we'd been as joined at the hip
Speaker 1: as we had been. Oh yeah, yeah, it's nice when
Speaker 1: you can come back together, right, really nice. It's a
Speaker 1: perfect testament to like, who knows what kind of what
Speaker 1: would have happened to your relationship had you been there
Speaker 1: with that husband. You know, that could have been damaging
Speaker 1: upon no repair. Who knows what all the circumstances, the
Speaker 1: things that were prevented by allowing you guys to separate.
Speaker 1: I look at things a lot like that, instead of
Speaker 1: being upset that they're over, being like, this is obviously
Speaker 1: some sort of gift that I can't see yet, you know,
Speaker 1: and to take time away from people is always a
Speaker 1: good thing, and it makes you really appreciate and and
Speaker 1: understand if you are supposed to be friends with that
Speaker 1: person and be that close with that person, and it's
Speaker 1: you know, it's significant breaking up with a friend in
Speaker 1: terms of you really have an opportunity to look at
Speaker 1: yourself and go, well, that wasn't a love affair, which
Speaker 1: can cloud one's judgment. But really this was like a
Speaker 1: choice of this is a friendship, what is it in
Speaker 1: me that is not working in this relationship anymore? Is
Speaker 1: there stuff that I might need to look at? Like?
Speaker 1: I think it offers a really a great opportunity for
Speaker 1: self reflection. I think it's win win. If you're not
Speaker 1: supposed to be friends with them, you won't and if
Speaker 1: you are, then they'll come back, or you'll come back
Speaker 1: together once you've had a bit of time apart. I
Speaker 1: think it's okay. Yeah. I was talking to my mom
Speaker 1: the other day and we were talking about friendships that
Speaker 1: sort of come and go, and I mentioned, you know,
Speaker 1: some people come into your life for a while and
Speaker 1: and then they and then they leave. You know, maybe
Speaker 1: they're not meant to be for your whole life. And
Speaker 1: this stuck with me so much, but my mom said
Speaker 1: most are like that, and yeah, it really is sat
Speaker 1: with me because I was like, that's actually very true.
Speaker 1: There are so few friendships that we might have for
Speaker 1: you know, ten twenty thirty years, and most of them
Speaker 1: are just meant to be there for a time. M Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good way to look at things, you know,
Speaker 1: because it is it is more unique to have. Most
Speaker 1: of your friendships aren't your lifelong friendships. A lot of
Speaker 1: them are. When you do have somebody from high school
Speaker 1: or from primary school or something, you know, that's people
Speaker 1: are always like, oh, really, you're still in touch with them?
Speaker 1: You know. My sister has a good group of girlfriends
Speaker 1: from college. I make friends. Every year, I make a
Speaker 1: new friend, you know. I'm always making new friends. So
Speaker 1: I have so many good girlfriends that are even recent
Speaker 1: friends for the last five or six years, ever since
Speaker 1: I started skiing, you know. So I just I don't
Speaker 1: think there's one prescription for any of that, and you
Speaker 1: shouldn't ever hold yourself to anything like that because it's
Speaker 1: it's it's demanding and people need to grow and evolve. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so there's that. There's that problem solved for you. I
Speaker 1: hope keep us posted and let us know what happens
Speaker 1: with your girlfriend and if you guys, you know how
Speaker 1: you handle it. Okay, great, dear Chelsea. This is from
Speaker 1: a van. I've read and enjoyed some of Chelsea's books,
Speaker 1: and I've been astounded with our strength to be exposed.
Speaker 1: I've written a book manuscript and have just started to
Speaker 1: send it out to literary agents. See, I've always been
Speaker 1: a writer. I'm astounded when I read stuff I wrote
Speaker 1: in high school or college because my ideas were so misinformed.
Speaker 1: I recognize that I wrote what I thought was through
Speaker 1: at the time. But I'm on a continuous path of
Speaker 1: growth and my opinions have evolved. How do you have
Speaker 1: the conviction to publish anything with the knowledge that you
Speaker 1: are also an evolving person? Sincerely, Ivan, Well, actually, Many
Speaker 1: has a new book coming out in May, so I
Speaker 1: think she can speak to this as well. Thanks for that,
Speaker 1: because that's what keeps me up at night. That's what
Speaker 1: I wake up sweating in the middle of the night,
Speaker 1: going why am I putting this out here? Why am
Speaker 1: I doing this? Listen? That's I did realize the other
Speaker 1: day that the no book has ever finished. You know,
Speaker 1: you might put the final period, but it's not finished ever.
Speaker 1: You just have to stop writing at some point. If
Speaker 1: you're a writer, you put stuff out into the world.
Speaker 1: If you create content, if you are an artist, whatever
Speaker 1: words you want to want to call it, you create
Speaker 1: stuff and you put it out into the world and
Speaker 1: that's just how it is. And I think, yes, you
Speaker 1: evolve and your ideas evolved, but you know, as long
Speaker 1: as they're not deeply problematic, I think that's okay. I
Speaker 1: think one can look at stuff and go, you know what,
Speaker 1: I might not want to talk about that time I
Speaker 1: killed a horse. You know, It's like you can write
Speaker 1: from the vanche point of where you are and stand
Speaker 1: in that truth and go, this might change. So then
Speaker 1: write another book about how it's changed. But can't not
Speaker 1: right because you're scared that time is going to move
Speaker 1: on and it might make your stuff look old. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, I think Dostoyevski is turning in his grave
Speaker 1: or any dead author. And I think also writing something
Speaker 1: is being very much in the moment. You know, you're
Speaker 1: writing what your experience is up to right now, you're talking,
Speaker 1: You're being reflective in this moment. You know you it's
Speaker 1: not about the future, it's about now. So that's what
Speaker 1: one of the most freeing things I think about publishing
Speaker 1: a book is like, Okay, I just put all of
Speaker 1: that out there. That's gone now now you know, the
Speaker 1: next project is going to be stuff that hasn't happened yet,
Speaker 1: or stuff that I haven't contemplated yet. You know, I
Speaker 1: may revisit old things, but it's like it's kind of
Speaker 1: putting your stamp on a period of time. So I
Speaker 1: like to look at it that way, like, here's my experience.
Speaker 1: I've documented it. It's out there. Don't challenge me on
Speaker 1: this because I've already expressed it. So it's out. You know,
Speaker 1: I already said this, and I can always refer to it.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of advantages to putting out your
Speaker 1: putting your stuff out there. There's a lot of, you know,
Speaker 1: advantages personally professionally obviously, if you want to be a writer,
Speaker 1: you want to be published. You know, that's one of
Speaker 1: the goals of being a writer. Not everybody's goal, but
Speaker 1: you know many writers. Yeah, there's a huge advantage to
Speaker 1: documenting your experience. Here, I agree, and there you have it.
Speaker 1: There you go, and there you have it. Well, we'll
Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be back with many driver.
Speaker 1: Minnie and I just took a bath together and we
Speaker 1: are from on the seat of sky Highway actually because
Speaker 1: it's raining, so we just had to stand outside nude.
Speaker 1: We love to do that together as well. Anyway, we're
Speaker 1: back from the break wonderful. Well many Was there any
Speaker 1: advice that you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Oh,
Speaker 1: chelse yes, is it going to be marital advice? No,
Speaker 1: it's not. How do you regroup when you've been professionally
Speaker 1: punched in the face. Oh that's a good question, because
Speaker 1: I've just been professionally punched in the face, and I'm
Speaker 1: I really would love to know what you do. Well,
Speaker 1: that's ego, mh. And so you have to understand that
Speaker 1: that's ego, right, And then you have to sit there
Speaker 1: and do the inside work of understanding that your value
Speaker 1: isn't contingent upon outside success, even though your career is,
Speaker 1: and you know your public persona is to a degree,
Speaker 1: it's not the whole sum of your parts. It's a
Speaker 1: part of your parts. So everyone, anytime I get punched
Speaker 1: in the face, I look at it immediately like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is a huge learning opportunity, huge, huge, huge, huge,
Speaker 1: because your reaction is your strength of character, right, because
Speaker 1: all of our reactions are like, it's a cut punch,
Speaker 1: it's a gut punch. But after you get past that,
Speaker 1: there are so many options to operate out of strength,
Speaker 1: out of character and to understand that this is a
Speaker 1: tiny little thing and the impermanence of everything, not the
Speaker 1: biggest thing in a litany of things, a small small thing.
Speaker 1: And we've all been through it before, so it's not
Speaker 1: a new thing. It's part of the it's part of
Speaker 1: the process, and it's not something that you should sit
Speaker 1: too long in your ship fork Personally, in my opinion,
Speaker 1: I would say that then you really are like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you allow that sinking feeling to take over, that's
Speaker 1: all your ego because you can easily pick yourself up
Speaker 1: from that. You just give yourself a couple you know,
Speaker 1: a shorter period of time, and then you're like, that's enough,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to cry in my own milk or anymore.
Speaker 1: Like that's a wrap on that. And then the next
Speaker 1: time it happens you have an even stronger reaction. And
Speaker 1: you know, we've all been through it. So I don't
Speaker 1: know if that helps, but I know that really it really,
Speaker 1: it really does. I mean, it really is just the
Speaker 1: notion of like, what is the opportunity. I'm wildly vengeful
Speaker 1: in a really really like full way, like I want
Speaker 1: vengeance so badly, and yet there's no elegant way to
Speaker 1: get vengeance in this in this situation, but to see
Speaker 1: it to actually be less interested in what happened and
Speaker 1: more interested in how you can process it to become
Speaker 1: stronger on the other side of it is really really
Speaker 1: good advice because it's it's the Judo move, right, it's
Speaker 1: take the stuff. You take the energy that's thrown at you,
Speaker 1: and you actually use it, and you use it for
Speaker 1: your own good. Yeah, because then nobody remembers even the falls.
Speaker 1: They just remember you getting back up like thor and
Speaker 1: you're like, m I don't think so, buddy, that's not
Speaker 1: my story. Yep. Yeah. And I mean my mother would
Speaker 1: say that them swilling around and their own revolting behavior
Speaker 1: is really payment enough. Yeah. You can't spend time on
Speaker 1: thinking what you want to happen to other people. That's
Speaker 1: that's that's a bad use of your time. And then
Speaker 1: you're sending out bad vibes, bad vibes. I know it's on.
Speaker 1: It's like you know, listen, we all do it. We
Speaker 1: have to because it's part of our psychology. But I
Speaker 1: think you give your off and afternoon to do it,
Speaker 1: and then you go that's it. You can you can
Speaker 1: sit around thinking about them slipping on the ice, and
Speaker 1: then that's it. Yeah, exactly, and then eventually you know
Speaker 1: you don't care about those people or what happens to them. Exactly.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I feel better. Well, that's what this is for.
Speaker 1: That's what we're all about here, Minnie. So I'm so
Speaker 1: glad you were able to join us today. I really
Speaker 1: am very glad. It's why I came on so you'd
Speaker 1: answer my I could get my question in before all
Speaker 1: the other people. You could have just called in like
Speaker 1: a regular caller. I could have just text you. Thank you, Minnie.
Speaker 1: I love you so much. I love you so much.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Such a great show. I can't
Speaker 1: wait to see you again. And I love doing your
Speaker 1: podcast too. By the way, you guys many questions with
Speaker 1: Mini Driver. I did an episode which I enjoyed thoroughly,
Speaker 1: and it's a great podcast. She asked everybody the same
Speaker 1: seven questions I do. Thanks Charles, You're welcome, honey. I
Speaker 1: will speak to you soon. Loads of love. See oh
Speaker 1: h see, let's not forget show dates. Okay, Yes, I
Speaker 1: have some stand up dates coming up. I am going
Speaker 1: to be in Seattle February second and third. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be in Portland, Oregon, February four, two shows. There are
Speaker 1: tickets available for the second show. Then I'll be in Eugene,
Speaker 1: Oregon on February five. We added second shows to Kansas City,
Speaker 1: to Winnipeg, to Toronto, to Huntington, New York, to port Chester,
Speaker 1: New York, to Montclair, New Jersey. And I'm also coming
Speaker 1: to Louisville, Kentucky, so please mark that down. Oh, and
Speaker 1: we added a second show in Los Angeles and a
Speaker 1: second show in Santa Rosa Louisville, Kentucky. If you want
Speaker 1: me to come back, then we need to sell out tickets,
Speaker 1: so buy them. I think that's all I have to
Speaker 1: say for today. Oh I'm kind of Hawaii July one
Speaker 1: and third, Honolulu, and then I'm coming to Mauizing. Do
Speaker 1: you have a question you want to ask Chelsea to
Speaker 1: get some advice right into Dear Chelsea, Project act at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.