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Speaker 1: Okay, Joe, are we rolling? We are rolling. Fantastic ladies

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Speaker 1: and gentlemen, please welcome Chelsea Handler. Thank you, Joe. Check

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Speaker 1: one check too. Hi, Chelsea, stop it. And it's so

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Speaker 1: hard up to be like, here's your script. I got it,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, got it, have fun, enjoy you guys will

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Speaker 1: be all right over here. Okay, thanks. Hi guys. Hi,

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Speaker 1: I like want to call him your pal Friday since

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Speaker 1: he helped us set up today. I know he is.

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Speaker 1: He's my little my girl Friday. Honey. Good afternoon, good morning,

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Speaker 1: a good evening. This is Chelsea Handler on the podcast

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Speaker 1: called Dear Chelsea, and I'm here with my producer Catherine. Hi. Hi,

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Speaker 1: how are you Hi? I think, after however many episodes

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Speaker 1: of this podcast, I finally got an intro down that

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Speaker 1: sounds respectable. It doesn't sound like me, but it sounds respectable.

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Speaker 1: I just want to start by saying that I'm very

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Speaker 1: weak today. I had food poisoning or a twenty four virus.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure because my friend texted me this morning

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Speaker 1: saying she also has diarrhea. Now. But we went to

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Speaker 1: appray Joe and I with some friends the other day

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Speaker 1: and then we came home we got massages, I went

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Speaker 1: to bed, and around five in the morning, it was

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Speaker 1: all hell broke loose. God. I was vomiting and I

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Speaker 1: had diarrhea and it was brutal, and of course Joe

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Speaker 1: was so ridiculously sweet that I just was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, because I was like, who can I text

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Speaker 1: for Diet Canada's dry ginger ale. That's all I wanted,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you're that all I cared about was gingrile.

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Speaker 1: And I've been trying not to drink soda because I

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Speaker 1: have this big photo shoot coming up or commercial shoot.

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Speaker 1: But sometimes you just gotta like have the thing that,

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Speaker 1: like your mom gave you when you were sick. For us,

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Speaker 1: it was sprite and orange juice. Sprite and orange juice

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Speaker 1: together together, that was the thing. It's like, whenever I

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Speaker 1: get that kind of sick, I'm like, it needs sprite

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Speaker 1: and orange juice, although these days it's look ray and

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Speaker 1: orange juice. Yeah. Yeah, That's how I am with ginger ale.

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Speaker 1: And it can't be regular gender because the sugar leaves

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Speaker 1: this weird taste in my mouth. That has to be

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Speaker 1: Diet Canada Dry, which by the way, is my elixir

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Speaker 1: for everything. And if I feel off if I feel tired.

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Speaker 1: Diet Canada Dry is I once called them and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I need to do a commercial for you guys,

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Speaker 1: because I'm so passionate about your product. And I ended

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Speaker 1: up doing a Diet seven Up commercial because they're owned

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Speaker 1: by the same people. And they're like, we don't need

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Speaker 1: a commercial for Diet Canada Dry, but we'll pay you

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Speaker 1: to do one for Diet seven Up. And I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's go. But truth be told, I prefer Canada Dry

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Speaker 1: over seven Up. So you heard it here first, it's

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Speaker 1: a cure, all yeah. So I was laid out yesterday

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Speaker 1: and I was just like, and my it felt like

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Speaker 1: every organ of my body was being attacked, my kidneys,

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Speaker 1: my back. I was just like, oh, this is so annoying.

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Speaker 1: And then I took it. What I thought was a

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Speaker 1: zo fran, which is an anti nausea drug. Let to say,

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Speaker 1: I have no idea what that that I travel with

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Speaker 1: in case I get sick. And I was like, Joe,

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Speaker 1: please get me the zo fran. It's in the cabinet,

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Speaker 1: and who went got it? But I had mixed my

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Speaker 1: zo Fran with this thing called new Vigil, which is

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Speaker 1: basically a drug for narcalyptics. It's for combating jet lag

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Speaker 1: when you travel overseas, and like it's this like high

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Speaker 1: level prescription, but it's basically like a very sophisticated adder all.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, you gave yourself uppers while you're

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Speaker 1: trying to rest. So I fucking woke my ass up

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Speaker 1: to be sick and nauseous for the next six hours,

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Speaker 1: And luckily I threw that up to right away, and

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Speaker 1: then once I took the zo fra and I was

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Speaker 1: able to stop throwing up. It's kind of what they

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Speaker 1: give you on Safari in case you get, you know,

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Speaker 1: really sick or something. Anyway, I had all the medical too,

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Speaker 1: I have. I don't know who's been mixing my medication,

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Speaker 1: but it sounds like her name is m A. B. E. L.

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Speaker 1: So when I get home the next week, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to have a nice sit down with my bell. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure she has a lot to tuck tell me about

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Speaker 1: as well. I requested that Joe bring Burton Bernice back

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Speaker 1: and she she said no, she put the kaibash on it.

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Speaker 1: He left for three days to go into the States

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Speaker 1: and come back here to slur and I said okay,

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Speaker 1: bring the dogs back. And then he said my bell

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Speaker 1: said no. Oh she didn't let him. No, I've lost

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Speaker 1: complete control of my own domestic situation. Oh my goodness. Well,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if this will help at all, but

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Speaker 1: if you want, I can. I can let you meet

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Speaker 1: my daughter who's here with me in the studio right now, Brad.

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Speaker 1: That will help. I think it will. I think it

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Speaker 1: will right now. She's actually there's like a giant beanbag

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Speaker 1: chair here at the office, and she makes Brad bring

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Speaker 1: it down into the like studio so she can sit

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Speaker 1: in it, even though it's like a giant giant one

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Speaker 1: is Mimsy. What's her name? Mimsy? She is a brindle pug. Oh,

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Speaker 1: she's a nugget. How old is she? She's six. She

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Speaker 1: looks like a bit. She is very braddy. She like

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Speaker 1: does whatever she wants. See, she's already done. That's exactly

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Speaker 1: like Bernice. I pick her up and then she's like, no,

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Speaker 1: I was never interested in being picked up in the

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Speaker 1: first place. Please leave me alone. That is Mimsy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she will not listen to anything. My husband says, like,

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Speaker 1: she won't obey him until I look at her and

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Speaker 1: I go in a serious voice. I have to go,

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Speaker 1: Mimsy obey and then she'll do whatever he asked, like

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Speaker 1: putting on her harness or whatever. Yeah, so that's my daughter.

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Speaker 1: That's cute. That's cute. Mimsy is cute. Do we have

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Speaker 1: a podcast March available now? We will very soon, Oh

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Speaker 1: dear Chelsea. Merch is going to be available very soon. Everybody. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and it's cute and it's going to becomfy. I made

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Speaker 1: sure that we got like comfy shirts, comfy stuff. So okay, great,

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Speaker 1: I love that for all our for all our female

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Speaker 1: and gay listeners. Yes exactly. Although I got a couple

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Speaker 1: of d m s from a couple of straight guys

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Speaker 1: that I want to be very pointed about the fact

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Speaker 1: that they listened to the podcast and are straight. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what do you want to fucking metal? Yes? They do? Yes, yeah, exactly,

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Speaker 1: several in fact. Okay, so yeah, let's move on to

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Speaker 1: today's guest as she has a new book it's called

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Speaker 1: Managing Expectations. It is available now for pre order. It

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Speaker 1: comes out in May. And she has her own podcast

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Speaker 1: that I've done called Many Questions, which she asked the

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Speaker 1: same seven questions to all her guests, and season two

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Speaker 1: just premiered, so make sure you check that out. Please

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Speaker 1: welcome a very good friend of mine, Mini Driver. Hi, honey,

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Speaker 1: how are you? I'm all right, Johnny? How are you happy?

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Speaker 1: New is she? Where are you? I'm in Malibi? Oh okay,

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Speaker 1: where are you? I'm in Whistler, Canada. The seat of

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Speaker 1: sky Highway. I love that. Oh I know you know

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Speaker 1: that from your truck driving days. Honk honk. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people don't know that about Mini Driver, but I do.

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Speaker 1: And that's all that really matters. And that's what this

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Speaker 1: podcast is all about, unveiling who was a truck driver

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Speaker 1: and who was it? Many congratulations on your engagement. Oh

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Speaker 1: thanks Dawning. Yeah, thanks, very casual reaction. I'm not I'm

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Speaker 1: not engaged. My boyfriend will literally die if he I'm

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Speaker 1: not engaged. It was what You're not supposed to stay engaged?

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Speaker 1: Or are you not engaged? No, I'm not engaged. I'm

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Speaker 1: not engaged, however, only because my boyfriend he doesn't really

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Speaker 1: want to get married because, as he said, I love you,

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Speaker 1: so why would I want to be in a throutle

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Speaker 1: with the state of California? Uh huh And I totally

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Speaker 1: get that. So we're not engaged. We're just I wore

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Speaker 1: a diamond ring that I had actually bought myself on

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Speaker 1: my ring finger because I show up for myself every

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Speaker 1: day and if I'm married to anyone, it's me. There

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Speaker 1: we go, There we go. I told Joe Cooy, my boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: that if he ever advised me a big fucking diamond ring,

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Speaker 1: don't expect me to wear it. I told him we

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Speaker 1: could be engaged and you can play the wedding because

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Speaker 1: I don't really care about that those kinds of things

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Speaker 1: at all. And I know that his potential for actual

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Speaker 1: planning a wedding is never going to happen, so if

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Speaker 1: it's all on his plate, it won't come to fruition

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Speaker 1: because he is such an in the moment person. So

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Speaker 1: you and I are kind of opposites. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be engaged or publicly planning a wedding, and you

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Speaker 1: decided that you are going to marry yourself, So those

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Speaker 1: are two different perspectives. I just want to quite like

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Speaker 1: a party. I want a party who doesn't like a

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Speaker 1: party mini obviously with dancing and toasts, but I like toasts.

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Speaker 1: I want people to make toasts about me and him.

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Speaker 1: And you want also one of those videos, like a

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Speaker 1: great montage video of all the wonderful things that you've

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Speaker 1: ever experienced, and people saying amazing things about how they've

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Speaker 1: never seen two people more in love than the two

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Speaker 1: of you. Yes, yes, I want. I want that, and

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Speaker 1: dancing and like those big fucking lanterns and trees outside

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Speaker 1: and like a barbecue and long tables. I want that.

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Speaker 1: I've seen it in like a Nancy Maya fucking movie.

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Speaker 1: That's what I want. Yeah, well, good, I'm glad that

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Speaker 1: you're able to visualize your expectations. I've got a mood

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Speaker 1: board for the wedding I'm never going to have. I

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Speaker 1: want to. I want to ask you about finding your

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Speaker 1: true love after you lost your mom, because I think

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Speaker 1: things like that happen in life all the time. When

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Speaker 1: somebody kind of exits our life, someone comes into it,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of times for me, I know personally,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of my mother around with my with

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Speaker 1: my guy. You know, they actually they knew each other

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Speaker 1: and they had a really amazing friendship, and she didn't

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Speaker 1: she didn't suffer too many of the men that I

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Speaker 1: was with because she took it personally when they broke

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Speaker 1: up with me, or if I broke up with them,

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Speaker 1: but she really really loved Addison. They didn't know each

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Speaker 1: other for long enough. But I do think that there

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Speaker 1: is an exchange, that there is some sort of relay

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Speaker 1: that happens when I think you're absolutely right, when someone leaves,

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Speaker 1: something else comes in to fill that space. I think

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Speaker 1: you just have to kind of be open and aware,

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Speaker 1: and it's very difficult when you're grieving to allow that in. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: have you had any of those experiences yet about your mom?

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Speaker 1: Have you felt her around you? Have you felt like

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Speaker 1: you've gotten little signs of her? I have I hear her.

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Speaker 1: I think she co opts my brain because I heard

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Speaker 1: her say I was having a conversation with her one day.

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Speaker 1: I was missing her so much. And I don't know

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Speaker 1: if these are psychotic breaks or part of the whole process,

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Speaker 1: and I don't really care, because I could hear her

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Speaker 1: voice talking to me and at one point I said,

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Speaker 1: am I making this up? Or is this you? And

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Speaker 1: she was like, well, you know, of course it's me,

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Speaker 1: but I don't have a brain anymore, so I'm having

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Speaker 1: to use yours. And it was so exactly something that

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Speaker 1: she would have said that I knew her sarcasm was

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Speaker 1: a sign. Yeah, right, And then we chatted and now

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Speaker 1: I chat I do. I chat to her all the time,

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Speaker 1: particularly in nature. I see her whenever I think about her.

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Speaker 1: I see a single bird, it's really strange. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: do that. I do that too. Whenever you see a

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Speaker 1: single bird, I'm like my mom always. Yeah, it's really strange.

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Speaker 1: And maybe that's I don't really mind where that's created from,

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Speaker 1: because it continues to make me feel connected to her.

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Speaker 1: So I don't think it matters. I don't think there

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Speaker 1: needs to be any kind of no one needs to

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Speaker 1: verify if this is true. It is true for us.

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Speaker 1: It's just kind of like what you believe in it

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Speaker 1: works for you. It doesn't have to be proven to

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Speaker 1: be a fact or fiction. Right, It's like whatever the

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Speaker 1: possibilities are, which means you're open, and as long as

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Speaker 1: you're open, things will come to you, and who cares

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Speaker 1: if they're real or not? You know. I think it's

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Speaker 1: so funny we judge so much that the way in

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Speaker 1: which everybody else passes life, the way that everybody else

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Speaker 1: synthesizes it, and that this this the way that we

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Speaker 1: look for outside verification of what we fundamentally know to

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Speaker 1: be true, and then we don't we don't trust that,

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Speaker 1: and so then that leaks out into the rest of

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Speaker 1: our lives that we don't trust this basic instinct that

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Speaker 1: we have about what feels good, what is righteous, what

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Speaker 1: is true for us. That's actually any intention that I

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Speaker 1: have about this new year is to insist on no

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Speaker 1: outside verification. Well, it's also funny because so many people

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Speaker 1: we don't know the answers, just so many things which

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Speaker 1: people pretend are so black and white, like no, there's

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Speaker 1: no God, or there's God or that you know. It's like,

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Speaker 1: first of all, nobody fucking knows if there's a God

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Speaker 1: or not. Nobody has any proof of that except for

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Speaker 1: your belief system and what you think you've personally experienced.

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Speaker 1: So the idea that you have to have a definitive

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Speaker 1: belief system to begin with is is silly, right, the

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Speaker 1: fact like, oh, they're religious, Like I have a friend,

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Speaker 1: if anyone's religious, she just regards them because she thinks

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Speaker 1: they're stupid. I'm like, well, okay, that's a little bit much.

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Speaker 1: I mean I also have a little bit of that,

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Speaker 1: but not and then people like the new thing is

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Speaker 1: you know, not to say you believe in a god,

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Speaker 1: but there's something it's like, well, that's a god. I

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Speaker 1: believe in the universe. It's like, well that's another word

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Speaker 1: for god. Like we're all saying the same thing, but

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Speaker 1: people have to be so black and white about it,

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Speaker 1: as if there's been proof about it either way. We

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Speaker 1: don't know what happens when you die, and nobody's ever

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Speaker 1: going to find out until you die, and then it's

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Speaker 1: probably still not going to be the news we're looking for,

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Speaker 1: So why not just create your own reality of what

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Speaker 1: you think is possible. Yeah, it's weird. Dogma is absolutely

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Speaker 1: shit as far as I can make out. And it

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Speaker 1: really I hate that it's got dog in it because

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Speaker 1: I love dogs. It's absurd because it's like, if you've

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Speaker 1: got everybody to agree with you, it's sort of like

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Speaker 1: and then what so everybody agreed. What if everybody agreed

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Speaker 1: on the same on the same thing, we'd find conflict elsewhere?

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Speaker 1: Like it is hard. Word into this human experience is

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Speaker 1: contrast and conflict, and I think it is it is

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Speaker 1: part of this human experience, and it's it's absurd And

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Speaker 1: the more that one can disengage from needing that or

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Speaker 1: underwriting that. I do find myself stepping away more and

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Speaker 1: more from people who are dogmatic in any kind of belief.

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Speaker 1: But they just put me off my dinner. I might

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Speaker 1: I want to eat my steak in peace. I don't

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Speaker 1: eat steak. I don't know why. I just don't want to.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad I don't know that. I don't eat steak

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Speaker 1: like that. Steak is out of style. Quite frankly, mets

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Speaker 1: got to change. I'm on the phone with you because

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Speaker 1: I just lots have got to change, and it's got

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Speaker 1: to change now, so fucking help me. I mean, all

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Speaker 1: of it is so, I mean, wait back to her.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk a little bit about your siblings

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Speaker 1: and with your mother passing, because I found that to

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Speaker 1: be such a great comfort having my brothers and sisters

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Speaker 1: around and experiencing that kind of transitioning, you know, from

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Speaker 1: life to whatever happens after life, you know, like together

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Speaker 1: and there were moments of hysterical laughter and moments of

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Speaker 1: you know, unbearable pain. But I feel like without those moments,

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Speaker 1: my brother once said, we were all in the hospice

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Speaker 1: and my mom was on bed, and on her bed,

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Speaker 1: that's where you go to die, right, And my one

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Speaker 1: brother just still didn't understand what was going on, and

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Speaker 1: we were like, Roy, she's dying, Like we're this is

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Speaker 1: where we're taking her to die peacefully. And he's like,

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Speaker 1: but what what if she gets better? And we were

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Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, we can't keep explaining this

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Speaker 1: to you, Like it's a wrap okay. Anyway, So we're

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Speaker 1: all lying in these mats, on these like cots that

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Speaker 1: they had at this hospice, and I was with next

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Speaker 1: to my one brother, and my other brother and sister

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Speaker 1: were across the room, and my other sister was on

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Speaker 1: a chair, and my brother, who's a complete asshole and

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Speaker 1: really sarcastic and thinks he's hysterical, goes, hey, Chelsea, because

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Speaker 1: Shannah and Roy were like lying very close to each

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Speaker 1: other holding hands, and he goes, how long do you

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Speaker 1: think Roy and Sshanna have been sleeping together? And you

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Speaker 1: just heard my sister across the room grown She's like, Glenn, honestly, seriously,

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Speaker 1: why would you even bring that into this space? And

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Speaker 1: we were all laughing so hard, and it was such

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Speaker 1: a funny moment, because you know, without those moments, it's

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Speaker 1: just so painful. You need. You need that, and you

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Speaker 1: can only really be that way with with the people

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Speaker 1: who knew it was like what it was like to

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Speaker 1: grow up with your parents, right, Yeah, I mean there

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Speaker 1: are moments that are starting to happen, but it was

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Speaker 1: it's so weird. It's it was nine months ago. We

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Speaker 1: haven't had enough moments where we've laughed together. We're still

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Speaker 1: gingerly being able to talk about her, you know, because

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Speaker 1: you know, we're still dealing with the probate of her

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Speaker 1: estate and selling her house and all of this stuff

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Speaker 1: like that. I'm hoping once these things are done will

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Speaker 1: allow us to kind of commune about her in a way.

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Speaker 1: That is, because there were certainly really amazing moments while

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Speaker 1: she was dying. Just like you said, we were sitting

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Speaker 1: around watching her like she was a TV when she

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Speaker 1: was dying, and my aunt said, she was like, God,

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Speaker 1: I always I always thought like, if I was dying,

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Speaker 1: having all these people who weren't dying standing around looking

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Speaker 1: at me would really piss me off. And my mother

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Speaker 1: was like, it does piss me off, And she was like,

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Speaker 1: I am a TV. Turned me off. This is and

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Speaker 1: we are we're still laughing about these moments. I know,

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Speaker 1: it will come. I know it's there, I know it's

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Speaker 1: in escrow, waiting for us being able to laugh about it.

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Speaker 1: But it's astonishing how grief. You'll fine, you'll fine, you'll fine,

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Speaker 1: you'll fine, you'll fine, and then it just rises up

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Speaker 1: and it fells you. It just it just literally brings

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Speaker 1: you to your knees sometimes when you least expect it.

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Speaker 1: I'm astonished by it. I'm grateful to all the people

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Speaker 1: who have witnessed that happening and not freaked out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's so common also to be like I'm doing great,

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Speaker 1: I'm doing great. It's over. It's over. I'm through it.

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Speaker 1: I'm through it. And then you're like, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: it's like you don't that's not how grief works. And

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Speaker 1: we all and like for some reason, and you know,

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Speaker 1: we believe like, okay, I've gotten through it, Like why

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Speaker 1: is that important to believe? So it's over, it's in

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Speaker 1: the past. It's like it's never going to be in

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Speaker 1: the past. You know. It's another just like time construct

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Speaker 1: that doesn't make any sense at all. It's emotions, it's heart,

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Speaker 1: it's all those feelings. Yeah, it's I've got this birthday

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Speaker 1: coming up, and I don't. I've been having these existential

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Speaker 1: dreams and feelings whilst awake. How can you have a

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Speaker 1: birthday if the portal through which you came is gone?

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Speaker 1: Like how there's there's something that's been happening about this

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Speaker 1: idea that without my mother, that how how do I

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Speaker 1: sort of exist? It's it's really strange, Like it's an

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Speaker 1: absolute mind bend losing your mother. I I experienced grief

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Speaker 1: with my father dying and huge loss, but not this

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Speaker 1: existential stuff about my own mortality and about the impermanence

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Speaker 1: of time. I mean the impermanence of everything and the

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Speaker 1: existence of the constant existence of time. Yeah, yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: just think about how old we are now. You know.

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Speaker 1: I was talking to my friend the other day. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm already sick, like a half already sex. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be already seven this year. My half my life is over.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, you don't know that. I'm like, oh please,

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Speaker 1: it's over, Like come on, like with the idea that

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Speaker 1: you know, you get to this age and you start

364
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,240
Speaker 1: to go like, oh, it could happen at any time.

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Speaker 1: I could get sick, anything could happen, like and and

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Speaker 1: then the idea of like you have to live every

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Speaker 1: day it's like like it's your last. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to live every day like it's my last. That's exhausting too,

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Speaker 1: you know, like sometimes I do want to lie in

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Speaker 1: bed and watch TV all day. I don't need to

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Speaker 1: like be out there showing the world what I'm made of.

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Speaker 1: So it's a it's all these thoughts that you think

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Speaker 1: about with your existence and how long you're going to

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Speaker 1: be here for and what what what else you have

375
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Speaker 1: left to say or do or what impact do you

376
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Speaker 1: want to leave? You know with you you have a son,

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Speaker 1: so it's even you know, that's even a bigger yeah,

378
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Speaker 1: But it's all about It's so interesting because this is

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Speaker 1: my new obsession since Mom died, is this idea of

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Speaker 1: assigned meaning and meaning and what that is and what

381
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 1: a meaningful life is and the pressure that we put

382
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Speaker 1: on ourselves or the pressure that other people put on us,

383
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Speaker 1: Like what what the funk is that? And how could

384
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Speaker 1: an you want to describe what that meaning is? Accept

385
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 1: us except we who are in it. And if that

386
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 1: is lying in bed watching bad TV or good TV

387
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 1: in a day, who says that isn't meaningful? Well? I

388
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 1: think pretty much everybody thinks that's that meaningful. But I

389
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 1: don't think there's an argument there. But I would argue

390
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 1: with I would argue with, like, you know who, what's meaningful?

391
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Speaker 1: Like being a celebrity, being a well known person. Is

392
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 1: that is that supposed to be more valuable? Like obviously,

393
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,479
Speaker 1: as you get older, you realize that how fickle that is.

394
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 1: You know, how silly that, how silly it is to

395
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 1: think that you have more more value. I think, like, Okay,

396
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,879
Speaker 1: in my best run of thoughts, I would think your value,

397
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,400
Speaker 1: in my estimation, would be what kind of impact you're

398
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 1: having on every single person you're around? Right, how much

399
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,400
Speaker 1: sunlight are you spreading and joy and happiness to others?

400
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 1: Like what's what's that? Or strength or inspiration? You know,

401
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 1: maybe that's the most valuable things, the things that are

402
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 1: not measurable, because it's clearly like all over the map, right,

403
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,920
Speaker 1: you want to have people even with like a better

404
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: feeling for having seen or met you. I feel like

405
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: that's the most that you can really. I feel like

406
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 1: that really is everybody smiles when they remember my mother,

407
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 1: every single person and the people that have come out

408
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,400
Speaker 1: of the woodwork going. I sat next to your mother

409
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,720
Speaker 1: at a dinner in nine and I've got to tell

410
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 1: you it was one of the you know that that's

411
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 1: that is the most and the best that we can

412
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,399
Speaker 1: hope for. But it's weird how maybe it's now that

413
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 1: there is just so much information shared, this idea that

414
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 1: if you don't have a private plane and if you're

415
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 1: not earning, you know, you don't have a hundred zeros

416
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,120
Speaker 1: after the amount that you make in your life. I mean,

417
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:40,639
Speaker 1: I don't know, like we're it's so it's become so

418
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 1: disconnected what an idea of a successful life is. Yeah, right,

419
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,959
Speaker 1: Well Hollywood can do that to you, you know, that

420
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 1: can make you very disconnected. Yeah, totally. Maybe that's why

421
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 1: I am the way that I am. An extract driver

422
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 1: is what you are, and that's what you don't really Wait,

423
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,119
Speaker 1: did I tell you? When Kate and I, my sister

424
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 1: and I were driving down Sunset Boulevard and we saw

425
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 1: this billboard. I always called it my billboard because when

426
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 1: when Circle of Friends first came out, my friend took

427
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 1: me there and he made me stand outside of his rabbit,

428
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,200
Speaker 1: his v W rabbit, and he was like, cleose your eyes, okay,

429
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 1: now look and there was this. I was on a

430
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 1: billboard and it was exciting. So anyway, we're driving down Sunset.

431
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 1: We see this billboard and Kate looks at there are

432
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:27,399
Speaker 1: three men on it. She went, she went, oh my god,

433
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:35,399
Speaker 1: we've slept with a hundred percent of that billboard. I

434
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,399
Speaker 1: died laughing. I was like, that is connection in Hollywood

435
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 1: right there. I missed your sister. I haven't seen her

436
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 1: since COVID obviously because I haven't been over to London,

437
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 1: but she and I had some really fun nights together

438
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,880
Speaker 1: when I was over there. I know she would send

439
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:50,399
Speaker 1: you a huge I got to tell her that I

440
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,160
Speaker 1: was doing this. She would send you a huge hug.

441
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 1: She's actually on the line eaves dropping, so you can

442
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 1: just say hi to her. What's up, Bates. So we

443
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: have callers that call in and we give life advice

444
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,719
Speaker 1: and we kind of curate the episode two things that

445
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,440
Speaker 1: you might talk about publicly or have and we just

446
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 1: kind of give them feedback. And people are pretty kind

447
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 1: of serious when they call in here. So get ready, sister,

448
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 1: all right, that's what we're gonna do today on Dear Chelsea.

449
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,679
Speaker 1: You're gonna get advice from many driver, from myself and

450
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 1: from my producer Katherine, and we're going to give it

451
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: to you straight, yes, but before we do that, we're

452
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 1: going to take a quick ad break. Hi, everybody, We're

453
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: back from our break. Okay. I hope that was as

454
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,400
Speaker 1: gratifying for you as it was for us. Wonderful. Well,

455
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: we have some questions many and Chelsea, and our first

456
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: one comes from frustrated step mom. She says, Dear Chelsea,

457
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight and my boyfriend have been together for

458
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 1: two years. We moved fast. We were friends when we

459
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,400
Speaker 1: were younger, and have lived together almost the entire time.

460
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: He has two daughters, aged five and three. I'm very

461
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: involved with them, picking them up from school and taking

462
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,439
Speaker 1: them there, and I absolutely adore them. The problem is

463
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 1: their mom raises them very differently than me and my

464
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,199
Speaker 1: boyfriend wish to. I obviously don't want to step on

465
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,679
Speaker 1: her toes at all, but it's very hard when she

466
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 1: refuses to actively potty train them and feeds them McDonald's

467
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,400
Speaker 1: or whatever, and then they come here and we struggle

468
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 1: to get them to eat real food and they've regressed

469
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 1: on whatever we're working on. I know you're not a mom,

470
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 1: but do you have any advice ps. I was an

471
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 1: early childhood educator for five and a half years, so

472
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 1: I do know a bit about kids, and all I

473
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 1: want to do is help them. Sincerely, frustrated step mom,

474
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: Oh wow, well many many is a mother? Many would

475
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: you like to take this first? Gosh? I mean, I

476
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 1: don't envy you. I feel for you because you're also

477
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:54,639
Speaker 1: very young, and your boyfriend had children very young, and

478
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,640
Speaker 1: it's so I'm imagining that the co parent, the mother

479
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,400
Speaker 1: is also very young. And when you and you don't

480
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 1: like anybody telling you anything, all I can say is

481
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 1: because my son he lives with me, but he goes

482
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: to his father's and he has a relationship there. And weirdly,

483
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 1: all you can really do trying to get someone to

484
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 1: do what you want them to do is an impossibility.

485
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,120
Speaker 1: It really is. Unless they want to do it, it's

486
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 1: not going to happen, and all you're gonna do is

487
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: frustrate yourself. So it's you might not want to hear it,

488
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 1: but it really is. You maintain, you hold your course

489
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: in your household and what the rules in your household

490
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,679
Speaker 1: are and how it runs and what happens there, and

491
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:38,119
Speaker 1: you do that gently and kindly with consistency, and I

492
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: think by creating that environment the children while they're being

493
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: given an alternative experience in another household, hopefully that consistency

494
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 1: will bring them back to you. But I don't. You

495
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 1: can't get her to stop feeding them McDonald's. You can

496
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 1: have conversations about it, perhaps with her, if she's open

497
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:02,120
Speaker 1: to that, But because you can't change what she's doing,

498
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:04,360
Speaker 1: you can only carry on doing what you do with

499
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 1: love and compassion. And I know it's really annoying when

500
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: people say that, but it is true. You guys, just

501
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,240
Speaker 1: do you and make it the place that they want

502
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: to be, make those the choices that they want to make.

503
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: Raise them to be kids who can decide what is

504
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 1: good for them and to choose make good choices. That's

505
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 1: what you can do. That'll probably feel better. I think

506
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: that's great advice. That's their mother. You can't tell her

507
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 1: what to do, so you can only set the example

508
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: for when they're with you. And kids respect rules even

509
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: when they don't like it and they rebel against it.

510
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 1: It's like it sets you up for success in the

511
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 1: long run. So you have your set of rules at

512
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: your house and she does what she wants at her house.

513
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 1: You can't control any of that, so yeah, just give

514
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 1: it your best shot and be consistent and be and

515
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 1: do your thing at your house, and you're going to

516
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 1: reap the rewards, probably not as soon as you'd like,

517
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: but eventually everything will come around into the right spot. Yeah,

518
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: they don't get McDonald's when they're at your house. Sorry,

519
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: you know, and you don't have to give into them.

520
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 1: You sound like you know what you're doing, So the

521
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: only thing you just have to do is probably just

522
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 1: refrain from thinking that you're going to have an impact

523
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: on her. Yeah. Yeah, that's true of everything. Yeah, I mean,

524
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: the only way to ever influence anybody anyways, by setting

525
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: your own example, not by telling them what to do.

526
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,919
Speaker 1: Nobody listens to that. I mean maybe some people do,

527
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 1: but I haven't met those people yet. Yeah. Well, our

528
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 1: next question comes from Taylor. Dear Chelsea. First off, I've

529
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 1: read all of your books, and you're the first person

530
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 1: I've been able to relate to after losing my brother.

531
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 1: What a shitty thing to relate to someone for, but

532
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 1: you're great. Anyways. I'm twenty five, engaged, living with my

533
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 1: fiance's parents and starting a business I've always wanted to own.

534
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 1: A food truck, which I've been working on opening since

535
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 1: I graduated college in May. I feel like it's been

536
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 1: the longest process to get this thing up and running,

537
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 1: with one million speed bumps, financial issues, timeline expectations, truck failures,

538
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: food service regulations, and of course COVID. It's still not

539
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,119
Speaker 1: open and was supposed to be by this past summer,

540
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 1: and it's causing me a large amount of anxiety when

541
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 1: it comes to other people asking me about it. I

542
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: think my question is how do you process the stress

543
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: of people being so excited for you and your endeavors

544
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 1: while also feeling disappointed or like you've failed your own expectations.

545
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: It's to the point where I don't even like going

546
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: out for fear that someone will ask me when will

547
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: the food truck be up and running. It's almost done.

548
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,439
Speaker 1: I've been saying that for a year now, but it

549
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 1: actually is. And at this point it's not even exciting

550
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 1: to me anymore. I think once it's open, I'll feel

551
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: a ton better, but it's been weighing heavily on me. Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Hi, Taylor, Hello, Hi,

552
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: How are you good? How are you good? This is

553
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 1: Many She's here today as our special guest hither. Hello,

554
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: great to talk. Okay, so you were planning on starting

555
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: a food truck, right and it hasn't come to fruition

556
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 1: in the time. Is this because of COVID? Yeah, just COVID.

557
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 1: Lots of roadbumps, but I definitely would give it all

558
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 1: to COVID for the most part. Yeah. Well, at least

559
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: you have a good excuse, So there's that. So I

560
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:20,440
Speaker 1: would take this as I've done this before in my life,

561
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: just so you know, like I've talked about something, talked

562
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: about something, talked about something, and then when it didn't

563
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: come to fruition in time, I felt like an idiot

564
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 1: because I was no longer interested in talking about it,

565
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 1: was sick of everybody asking me questions, and then kind

566
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 1: of had lost my you know, for it. So I

567
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 1: have taken it as a lesson for things in the

568
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,479
Speaker 1: future first and foremost. You know, sometimes you don't need

569
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: to advertise everything that's going on until it actually is

570
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 1: close to happening, and you're learning that lesson. So what's

571
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 1: great about this is this a huge opportunity for growth

572
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 1: and learning Because you've done this, you know, it's not

573
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 1: a mistake. It's just something that you don't want to

574
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: do again, so make a note to yourself that you're

575
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: not going to. And in the interim when people are

576
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 1: asking you questions about it and blah bah blah, you

577
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 1: can be completely honest, Like I feel like I just

578
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: talked about it so much over it, you know what

579
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 1: I mean. There's nothing wrong with being honest, and people

580
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 1: always seem to have respect for that kind of integrity.

581
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: When you're talking about something. You don't have to lie

582
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: or make up excuses. You just have to be direct

583
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 1: and say, yeah, it's taken me longer than I thought.

584
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 1: I was supposed to start a cannabis company five years

585
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 1: ago and it still has not happened. And I just

586
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: tell people like it's been a ship show. Just can't

587
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 1: get it off the ground, like every time something happens,

588
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,719
Speaker 1: something else happens and we can't sign the paperwork. You know.

589
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: But I'm no longer embarrassed about it because I never

590
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 1: was embarrassed about it because I kind of learned that

591
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: lesson a long time ago. It's like I didn't overly

592
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 1: promote something that I and it's not my fault, So

593
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 1: you know, you have all of those things on your side.

594
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: It's like it's more a little it's it sounds like

595
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 1: it's a little bit more about ego, you know, which

596
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: is something that is easily kind of it's easy to

597
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 1: get over. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I have been talking to

598
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: people and when people do bring it up lately, I'm like, honestly,

599
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: I'm just over talking about it. It'll happen eventually, like,

600
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: but for now, I just don't even want to talk

601
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: about it. I'll be like, just stay tuned and if

602
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: I post about it, it's gonna happen if not, And

603
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 1: what are you doing in the meantime, Oh, just anything

604
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: and everything. Like after I got my degree, I didn't

605
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 1: end up getting a job because I thought, you know,

606
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: the truck would be up and running a lot sooner

607
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 1: COVID hit. So I just have a lot of like

608
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: little odd jobs right now. But it should be up

609
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 1: and running here soon. And yeah, I just don't want

610
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: to commit to something like a career right now long

611
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: term while I'm working on this. I just want to

612
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 1: focus on it and get it going. Is it close

613
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 1: to happening now? Yeah, but it feels like it's been

614
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 1: close for a long time. But I think actually it

615
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 1: is close. Yeah, I think if you start to believe

616
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 1: that and it will that will have a powerful effect

617
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 1: on the outcome as well. Yeah, many do you have

618
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,480
Speaker 1: any words of wisdom in this situation? Shn I know

619
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,120
Speaker 1: that you've wanted to open up a food truck for

620
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 1: some time. Now, you know me and trucks. Chelsea. You

621
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 1: have the greatest reason in the world for telling people

622
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,719
Speaker 1: that the timeline timelines for every single person in this

623
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: world were shot to ship with COVID. I'm literally looking

624
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 1: out at the ocean right now and there I'm looking

625
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 1: at like three tankards which are part of the supply chain,

626
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: like just hanging around waiting to go into the Port

627
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:30,719
Speaker 1: of Los Angeles. So you're you're not alone, and I'm

628
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,479
Speaker 1: I'm sure that people are a lot more understanding. It's

629
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 1: probably the pressure that you put on yourself to go God,

630
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: I said this thing was happening, and then there was

631
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 1: a global pandemic, and now it's not. It's not happening

632
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 1: on the same timeline. Getting rid of the timeline, getting

633
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,719
Speaker 1: rid of the pressure, and going I want this thing

634
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: to happen, and I want it to happen. Now, if

635
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: we could just say I want this thing to happen

636
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,800
Speaker 1: and I'm going to keep focusing on how awesome it's

637
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 1: going to be when it happens. I'm going to keep

638
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 1: working on the details and stay out of the timeline.

639
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 1: I it's the hard it's the hardest thing to do,

640
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: but it sometimes gives you relief to do that. Just

641
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: trust that there's sometimes a different itinerary than the one

642
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: that you have exactly. That's good advice. Yeah, timelines are

643
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: all in our you know, why are we making these

644
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: time constructs anyway? Just it's gonna happen when it's supposed

645
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: to happen, when it's right, and when it's going to

646
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,959
Speaker 1: be the most successful, and it's not far off it sounds,

647
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 1: so I think you're on the right. Remembering that, it

648
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: just keeps just keep keep thinking that. I mean, even

649
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 1: in the best of times, especially when you're starting a business,

650
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 1: you only have so much runway. I mean I was

651
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur once upon a time, and it was like

652
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 1: whether it was financial runway or emotional runway or attention

653
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: span runway, like you just only have so much and

654
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 1: and having COVID have dropped in your lap in the

655
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: middle of that runway is super frustrating. So like what

656
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: Chelsea said, being honest and being like, it's super frustrating.

657
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 1: We keep running into all these delays and it sucks,

658
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 1: but like, when it happens, I'm so excited. I think

659
00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: that's the best case scenario. Yeah, yeah, well, good luck

660
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 1: to you and keep us, keep us posted to how

661
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: that goes. Definitely, thank you guys, Thank you Taylor. Yeah,

662
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 1: good luck all right, bye bye bye. I'm glad we

663
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: were here to help her. I'm glad we were there

664
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:19,879
Speaker 1: to help her as well. Young people. I was remembering

665
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 1: being young the other day and how much you just

666
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 1: thought that it was an outrage when everything didn't come

667
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,399
Speaker 1: to you immediately. Because now I just sit around being

668
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,720
Speaker 1: so grateful if anything actually shows up. Yeah, if anything

669
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 1: works out. And when you're young, everything is an emergency.

670
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: Everything well, like a few months feels like forever when

671
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 1: you're five. I know it does. It does, and I

672
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: think I think it's it's okay. Young people shouldn't be

673
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 1: thinking about what older people like. It's it's such a

674
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 1: different season. It's it's so weird. I sound like I

675
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 1: sound like a crone now now that I'm actually moving

676
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,959
Speaker 1: into that particular archetype. But it is it is true.

677
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:04,319
Speaker 1: We're not supposed to be thinking about that when we're young.

678
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 1: You're you're meant to be burning through all of that youth.

679
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: I guess. Yeah. It'd be so fun, though, to go

680
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 1: back to being a young person with this mindset, you know.

681
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 1: I wish that could happen. I know, I know, what's

682
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: that quote, youth has wasted on the young, which is

683
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 1: so tripe but so true. It's a it's a true.

684
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: It's stripe because it is true all of those kind

685
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: of kinds of things. It's like, oh god, yeah, But

686
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:30,760
Speaker 1: if I had this mindset and then you meet sometimes

687
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:32,800
Speaker 1: you meet younger people who have their ships so together,

688
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 1: you're like, what's up with you? Where the fund did

689
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: you come from? You're so sagacious and smart and know

690
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 1: that you already know what many adults don't know yet.

691
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: I think my son is like that. I had him

692
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 1: read something the other day. I was like, you've got

693
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,200
Speaker 1: to read this article because you know, this is like

694
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 1: from one of the great modern thinkers had written this piece.

695
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:51,479
Speaker 1: And I was like, Henry, you've just got to read

696
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: this because like, I can't stop thinking about it. And

697
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 1: he read and he was like, yeah, I know, I

698
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 1: call bullshit on that, and he's like, yeah, just feel

699
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,319
Speaker 1: like bullis it? To me? It just feels like a

700
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 1: whole bunch of words and a whole lot of not doing.

701
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,760
Speaker 1: That's so funny. I love I love you doing his accent.

702
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 1: That's really something. He's very sure. I love it when

703
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 1: young people are sure. Even my Hubris, I like that.

704
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,399
Speaker 1: It's like, no, this is the way that it's going

705
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 1: to be. This is how it is, and that's bullshit

706
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 1: and this is cool. Yeah. I like self assuredness in

707
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 1: any person. That's always such an attractive quality. I agree, absolutely,

708
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,360
Speaker 1: But there's a complete difference between dogma and being self assured.

709
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:32,760
Speaker 1: It's like a self assured person can, I think, can

710
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,359
Speaker 1: be flexible and move with whatever they're presented with because

711
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,840
Speaker 1: they're just sure of who they are within whatever Maelstrom

712
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:43,120
Speaker 1: they find themselves in. Maybe it's just my kid. Well,

713
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: kids are pretty self assured these days. They're a little

714
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:47,399
Speaker 1: bit smarter than we were. They have a little bit

715
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:51,319
Speaker 1: more access to intellectual property and stupid properties. I mean,

716
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:57,280
Speaker 1: they also do sit on TikTok video. Oh my god,

717
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: my sister was here a couple of weeks ago, and

718
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,720
Speaker 1: we're like all real had all gone skiing, and everyone's

719
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 1: lying on around in the living room and I look

720
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 1: at my sister, who's fifty five, and she's like scrolling

721
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 1: and I could see just by her eyes. I was like,

722
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Are you on Instagram? She's like,

723
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: I'm on TikTok? Sman, get off TikTok right now, get

724
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 1: off the TikTok. What do we have next, Catherine? Our

725
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: next email comes from Miranda from Sex in the City.

726
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 1: I mean, I hope so, but she's not on the phone.

727
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 1: So somebody said to me the other day and they go,

728
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,280
Speaker 1: how did Miranda becomes so stupid all of a sudden?

729
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 1: I'm like, why is she said? She was so exactly,

730
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, all of a sudden, she doesn't know

731
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 1: anything about you know, equality or social injustice. Like that's

732
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:44,840
Speaker 1: a Christian character trait, not a Miranda. And what's up

733
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 1: with her husband? Why did they do that to him? Why?

734
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:50,839
Speaker 1: Why do they make him like an eighty five yeld

735
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 1: They made him at my grandpa? And then why do

736
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: they do that? Like he's literally like fifty six or something.

737
00:37:55,920 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 1: I could subsurd treating him? What God? Here ham Barber's

738
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 1: Market it's like, what are you doing? That's so true,

739
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: it's so funny. I haven't been able to access the

740
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,919
Speaker 1: most recent episodes because I'm in Canada, and that there's

741
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 1: like from what I'm hearing, that's exactly right. It's like

742
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:19,879
Speaker 1: super weird. It's like a geriatric installment, super weird. It's

743
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 1: like the eighty and they're not eighty that these beautiful,

744
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 1: gorgeous people. I didn't get it's weird. I don't buy it.

745
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 1: It's like they've been in a coma for like the

746
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: entire time. It was full week. I just said this

747
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: with my best friend the other day. We were like,

748
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 1: it's like they've rumple stilt skinned all of them. What

749
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: is this? Oh my god, this podcast technology? Even what

750
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,280
Speaker 1: have you been the last ten years? Like you were alive?

751
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: You went in a shoe box in New York the

752
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 1: other thing. I mean, tell me if this is just

753
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 1: like crushes your heart. But they go to what they

754
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 1: keep calling a comedy concert, and I just I'm like,

755
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:07,279
Speaker 1: I mean what I called a comedy concert? I guess

756
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, keeping like we went to their comedy concert,

757
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what, no one has ever said that phrase? Ever,

758
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so it's so true because Sarah

759
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 1: Mirrors is just she's doing stand up. But they call

760
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 1: it a comedy concert. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Maybe that's

761
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 1: because that's what old people call stand up comedy concert.

762
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:33,399
Speaker 1: It's a concert of comedy. That's how boring. I'm gonna

763
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: change my tour name Vaccinated and horny. A comedy concert,

764
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: a COVID comedy concert concert? Do you want to get

765
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 1: COVID come to my show? Oh my god? Well, our

766
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,879
Speaker 1: next email does come from Miranda. Dear Chelsea. My name

767
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: is Miranda and I'm twenty seven years old. My best

768
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: friend and I have been inseparable since seventh grade. We've

769
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 1: been through just about everything together. I was drawn to

770
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 1: her big personality and how outspoken she is because I'm

771
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 1: the opposite. However, we haven't talked since before Christmas over

772
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:11,320
Speaker 1: something very stupid. It was very frustrating because she was

773
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,399
Speaker 1: home for Christmas and didn't bother to see me, even

774
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: though I did try to make plans. Because of the

775
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: stupid disagreement, I think our friendship no longer serves us.

776
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,400
Speaker 1: I often get scolded by her or ignored. I've always

777
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 1: just put up with how she treats me because I

778
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:27,399
Speaker 1: don't want to lose her. Family and friends say that's

779
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 1: just how she is, because of how easily she can

780
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 1: be set off. I think there's an unspoken agreement that

781
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: we're done. We have never gone this long without speaking,

782
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,399
Speaker 1: and I don't want to be mean or point out

783
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: things in her character that I don't like. I'm afraid

784
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 1: she'll do that to me if I try to reach out.

785
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 1: But does our fifteen year friendship deserve a formal breakup best, Miranda?

786
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:53,919
Speaker 1: I mean, I've had a lot of friend breakups, Yeah,

787
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: and then I got back together with them, Like it

788
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 1: makes somebody took a couple of years. I think sometimes

789
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,919
Speaker 1: you don't need a formal goodbye because then you're leaving.

790
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 1: It also open ended for you know, maybe six months

791
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: or a year down the road, for you guys to

792
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 1: come together maybe again, and you might care a lot

793
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 1: less about the things you care about right now. And

794
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: that might be true for her as well. You know,

795
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like there was some huge fissure. It

796
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,439
Speaker 1: sounds like you just have personality types and there's it's

797
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 1: totally acceptable during our friendship or any relationship to kind

798
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,799
Speaker 1: of go your own ways for a little bit each

799
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,919
Speaker 1: of you, and I think that's healthy and you should

800
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: embrace that, and you can actually examine how different things

801
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 1: are without her in your life, you know, if if

802
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 1: it's a positive impact or a negative impact, you know,

803
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: if you look at the world a little bit more

804
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 1: differently when you don't have her in your life, or

805
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 1: the opposite is true. It's a good it's a good

806
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 1: time for self examination and friendship examination. Yeah. Definitely. Me

807
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 1: and my best friend of like twenty years, we worke

808
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 1: up for four years, and in that time, she got

809
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: married and had a baby and got divorced. And actually

810
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 1: I was the perfect person at the end of this

811
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:59,879
Speaker 1: whole thing. I knew her so well to be able

812
00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 1: to a kind of counsel because I hadn't been in

813
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 1: the drama of everything. And when we did come back together,

814
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,280
Speaker 1: it was like a whole new friendship. It was really interesting.

815
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 1: I think I think it was. I think it's okay

816
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 1: exactly as you said, to go your separate ways for

817
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: a while, and then you know, you can find your

818
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: way back, you know, I think you often do find

819
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 1: your way back. Did you say you were counseling you

820
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 1: were the perfect person to counsel her or she was

821
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 1: the perfect person to counsel you, kind of both, but

822
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 1: really about her husband and their divorce and being able

823
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 1: to look at it in a much more sanguine way

824
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 1: from not having been inside that relationship was I would

825
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 1: have been if we'd been as joined at the hip

826
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,759
Speaker 1: as we had been. Oh yeah, yeah, it's nice when

827
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 1: you can come back together, right, really nice. It's a

828
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 1: perfect testament to like, who knows what kind of what

829
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 1: would have happened to your relationship had you been there

830
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 1: with that husband. You know, that could have been damaging

831
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,360
Speaker 1: upon no repair. Who knows what all the circumstances, the

832
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: things that were prevented by allowing you guys to separate.

833
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:02,319
Speaker 1: I look at things a lot like that, instead of

834
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 1: being upset that they're over, being like, this is obviously

835
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 1: some sort of gift that I can't see yet, you know,

836
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,319
Speaker 1: and to take time away from people is always a

837
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: good thing, and it makes you really appreciate and and

838
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 1: understand if you are supposed to be friends with that

839
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: person and be that close with that person, and it's

840
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:20,799
Speaker 1: you know, it's significant breaking up with a friend in

841
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 1: terms of you really have an opportunity to look at

842
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 1: yourself and go, well, that wasn't a love affair, which

843
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 1: can cloud one's judgment. But really this was like a

844
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 1: choice of this is a friendship, what is it in

845
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 1: me that is not working in this relationship anymore? Is

846
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 1: there stuff that I might need to look at? Like?

847
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: I think it offers a really a great opportunity for

848
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 1: self reflection. I think it's win win. If you're not

849
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 1: supposed to be friends with them, you won't and if

850
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 1: you are, then they'll come back, or you'll come back

851
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,239
Speaker 1: together once you've had a bit of time apart. I

852
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,839
Speaker 1: think it's okay. Yeah. I was talking to my mom

853
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 1: the other day and we were talking about friendships that

854
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,839
Speaker 1: sort of come and go, and I mentioned, you know,

855
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: some people come into your life for a while and

856
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 1: and then they and then they leave. You know, maybe

857
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 1: they're not meant to be for your whole life. And

858
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 1: this stuck with me so much, but my mom said

859
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 1: most are like that, and yeah, it really is sat

860
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 1: with me because I was like, that's actually very true.

861
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:15,359
Speaker 1: There are so few friendships that we might have for

862
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 1: you know, ten twenty thirty years, and most of them

863
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 1: are just meant to be there for a time. M Yeah,

864
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 1: that's a good way to look at things, you know,

865
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: because it is it is more unique to have. Most

866
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 1: of your friendships aren't your lifelong friendships. A lot of

867
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 1: them are. When you do have somebody from high school

868
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 1: or from primary school or something, you know, that's people

869
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,359
Speaker 1: are always like, oh, really, you're still in touch with them?

870
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:42,280
Speaker 1: You know. My sister has a good group of girlfriends

871
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: from college. I make friends. Every year, I make a

872
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 1: new friend, you know. I'm always making new friends. So

873
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:49,760
Speaker 1: I have so many good girlfriends that are even recent

874
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: friends for the last five or six years, ever since

875
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 1: I started skiing, you know. So I just I don't

876
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:56,800
Speaker 1: think there's one prescription for any of that, and you

877
00:44:56,840 --> 00:45:00,399
Speaker 1: shouldn't ever hold yourself to anything like that because it's

878
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: it's it's demanding and people need to grow and evolve. Yeah,

879
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 1: so there's that. There's that problem solved for you. I

880
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,920
Speaker 1: hope keep us posted and let us know what happens

881
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 1: with your girlfriend and if you guys, you know how

882
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:16,759
Speaker 1: you handle it. Okay, great, dear Chelsea. This is from

883
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 1: a van. I've read and enjoyed some of Chelsea's books,

884
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 1: and I've been astounded with our strength to be exposed.

885
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 1: I've written a book manuscript and have just started to

886
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 1: send it out to literary agents. See, I've always been

887
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 1: a writer. I'm astounded when I read stuff I wrote

888
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 1: in high school or college because my ideas were so misinformed.

889
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 1: I recognize that I wrote what I thought was through

890
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 1: at the time. But I'm on a continuous path of

891
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 1: growth and my opinions have evolved. How do you have

892
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,719
Speaker 1: the conviction to publish anything with the knowledge that you

893
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 1: are also an evolving person? Sincerely, Ivan, Well, actually, Many

894
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 1: has a new book coming out in May, so I

895
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:56,759
Speaker 1: think she can speak to this as well. Thanks for that,

896
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 1: because that's what keeps me up at night. That's what

897
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 1: I wake up sweating in the middle of the night,

898
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 1: going why am I putting this out here? Why am

899
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 1: I doing this? Listen? That's I did realize the other

900
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 1: day that the no book has ever finished. You know,

901
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:13,879
Speaker 1: you might put the final period, but it's not finished ever.

902
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 1: You just have to stop writing at some point. If

903
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 1: you're a writer, you put stuff out into the world.

904
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 1: If you create content, if you are an artist, whatever

905
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 1: words you want to want to call it, you create

906
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,319
Speaker 1: stuff and you put it out into the world and

907
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 1: that's just how it is. And I think, yes, you

908
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 1: evolve and your ideas evolved, but you know, as long

909
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: as they're not deeply problematic, I think that's okay. I

910
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: think one can look at stuff and go, you know what,

911
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:46,880
Speaker 1: I might not want to talk about that time I

912
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:50,799
Speaker 1: killed a horse. You know, It's like you can write

913
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,240
Speaker 1: from the vanche point of where you are and stand

914
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 1: in that truth and go, this might change. So then

915
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: write another book about how it's changed. But can't not

916
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: right because you're scared that time is going to move

917
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,359
Speaker 1: on and it might make your stuff look old. I mean,

918
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 1: you know, I think Dostoyevski is turning in his grave

919
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 1: or any dead author. And I think also writing something

920
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: is being very much in the moment. You know, you're

921
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: writing what your experience is up to right now, you're talking,

922
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:23,839
Speaker 1: You're being reflective in this moment. You know you it's

923
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 1: not about the future, it's about now. So that's what

924
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:30,160
Speaker 1: one of the most freeing things I think about publishing

925
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 1: a book is like, Okay, I just put all of

926
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 1: that out there. That's gone now now you know, the

927
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: next project is going to be stuff that hasn't happened yet,

928
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: or stuff that I haven't contemplated yet. You know, I

929
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: may revisit old things, but it's like it's kind of

930
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:47,400
Speaker 1: putting your stamp on a period of time. So I

931
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,240
Speaker 1: like to look at it that way, like, here's my experience.

932
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 1: I've documented it. It's out there. Don't challenge me on

933
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 1: this because I've already expressed it. So it's out. You know,

934
00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 1: I already said this, and I can always refer to it.

935
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of advantages to putting out your

936
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: putting your stuff out there. There's a lot of, you know,

937
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: advantages personally professionally obviously, if you want to be a writer,

938
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 1: you want to be published. You know, that's one of

939
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 1: the goals of being a writer. Not everybody's goal, but

940
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,800
Speaker 1: you know many writers. Yeah, there's a huge advantage to

941
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 1: documenting your experience. Here, I agree, and there you have it.

942
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 1: There you go, and there you have it. Well, we'll

943
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:25,120
Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be back with many driver.

944
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 1: Minnie and I just took a bath together and we

945
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 1: are from on the seat of sky Highway actually because

946
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 1: it's raining, so we just had to stand outside nude.

947
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 1: We love to do that together as well. Anyway, we're

948
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,799
Speaker 1: back from the break wonderful. Well many Was there any

949
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:48,839
Speaker 1: advice that you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Oh,

950
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:53,799
Speaker 1: chelse yes, is it going to be marital advice? No,

951
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 1: it's not. How do you regroup when you've been professionally

952
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 1: punched in the face. Oh that's a good question, because

953
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: I've just been professionally punched in the face, and I'm

954
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: I really would love to know what you do. Well,

955
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 1: that's ego, mh. And so you have to understand that

956
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 1: that's ego, right, And then you have to sit there

957
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 1: and do the inside work of understanding that your value

958
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:25,799
Speaker 1: isn't contingent upon outside success, even though your career is,

959
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: and you know your public persona is to a degree,

960
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 1: it's not the whole sum of your parts. It's a

961
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: part of your parts. So everyone, anytime I get punched

962
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,279
Speaker 1: in the face, I look at it immediately like, oh

963
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:46,120
Speaker 1: my god, this is a huge learning opportunity, huge, huge, huge, huge,

964
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 1: because your reaction is your strength of character, right, because

965
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,879
Speaker 1: all of our reactions are like, it's a cut punch,

966
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 1: it's a gut punch. But after you get past that,

967
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 1: there are so many options to operate out of strength,

968
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:01,719
Speaker 1: out of character and to understand that this is a

969
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: tiny little thing and the impermanence of everything, not the

970
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,439
Speaker 1: biggest thing in a litany of things, a small small thing.

971
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: And we've all been through it before, so it's not

972
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 1: a new thing. It's part of the it's part of

973
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:18,320
Speaker 1: the process, and it's not something that you should sit

974
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:22,240
Speaker 1: too long in your ship fork Personally, in my opinion,

975
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:25,799
Speaker 1: I would say that then you really are like, you know,

976
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 1: if you allow that sinking feeling to take over, that's

977
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 1: all your ego because you can easily pick yourself up

978
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,799
Speaker 1: from that. You just give yourself a couple you know,

979
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 1: a shorter period of time, and then you're like, that's enough,

980
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 1: I'm not going to cry in my own milk or anymore.

981
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 1: Like that's a wrap on that. And then the next

982
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 1: time it happens you have an even stronger reaction. And

983
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 1: you know, we've all been through it. So I don't

984
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 1: know if that helps, but I know that really it really,

985
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 1: it really does. I mean, it really is just the

986
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:56,920
Speaker 1: notion of like, what is the opportunity. I'm wildly vengeful

987
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 1: in a really really like full way, like I want

988
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:04,799
Speaker 1: vengeance so badly, and yet there's no elegant way to

989
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:08,399
Speaker 1: get vengeance in this in this situation, but to see

990
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 1: it to actually be less interested in what happened and

991
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:15,479
Speaker 1: more interested in how you can process it to become

992
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:17,760
Speaker 1: stronger on the other side of it is really really

993
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 1: good advice because it's it's the Judo move, right, it's

994
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,359
Speaker 1: take the stuff. You take the energy that's thrown at you,

995
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 1: and you actually use it, and you use it for

996
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 1: your own good. Yeah, because then nobody remembers even the falls.

997
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 1: They just remember you getting back up like thor and

998
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: you're like, m I don't think so, buddy, that's not

999
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 1: my story. Yep. Yeah. And I mean my mother would

1000
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 1: say that them swilling around and their own revolting behavior

1001
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:47,880
Speaker 1: is really payment enough. Yeah. You can't spend time on

1002
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 1: thinking what you want to happen to other people. That's

1003
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:52,600
Speaker 1: that's that's a bad use of your time. And then

1004
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 1: you're sending out bad vibes, bad vibes. I know it's on.

1005
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:56,719
Speaker 1: It's like you know, listen, we all do it. We

1006
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 1: have to because it's part of our psychology. But I

1007
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: think you give your off and afternoon to do it,

1008
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 1: and then you go that's it. You can you can

1009
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 1: sit around thinking about them slipping on the ice, and

1010
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 1: then that's it. Yeah, exactly, and then eventually you know

1011
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 1: you don't care about those people or what happens to them. Exactly.

1012
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 1: Thank you. I feel better. Well, that's what this is for.

1013
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 1: That's what we're all about here, Minnie. So I'm so

1014
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 1: glad you were able to join us today. I really

1015
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 1: am very glad. It's why I came on so you'd

1016
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 1: answer my I could get my question in before all

1017
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 1: the other people. You could have just called in like

1018
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:33,200
Speaker 1: a regular caller. I could have just text you. Thank you, Minnie.

1019
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 1: I love you so much. I love you so much.

1020
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Such a great show. I can't

1021
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 1: wait to see you again. And I love doing your

1022
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 1: podcast too. By the way, you guys many questions with

1023
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:46,080
Speaker 1: Mini Driver. I did an episode which I enjoyed thoroughly,

1024
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,759
Speaker 1: and it's a great podcast. She asked everybody the same

1025
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:52,960
Speaker 1: seven questions I do. Thanks Charles, You're welcome, honey. I

1026
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 1: will speak to you soon. Loads of love. See oh

1027
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,719
Speaker 1: h see, let's not forget show dates. Okay, Yes, I

1028
00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:05,359
Speaker 1: have some stand up dates coming up. I am going

1029
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 1: to be in Seattle February second and third. I'm gonna

1030
00:53:07,719 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 1: be in Portland, Oregon, February four, two shows. There are

1031
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 1: tickets available for the second show. Then I'll be in Eugene,

1032
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:19,240
Speaker 1: Oregon on February five. We added second shows to Kansas City,

1033
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:24,840
Speaker 1: to Winnipeg, to Toronto, to Huntington, New York, to port Chester,

1034
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,959
Speaker 1: New York, to Montclair, New Jersey. And I'm also coming

1035
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 1: to Louisville, Kentucky, so please mark that down. Oh, and

1036
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:34,640
Speaker 1: we added a second show in Los Angeles and a

1037
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 1: second show in Santa Rosa Louisville, Kentucky. If you want

1038
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:40,920
Speaker 1: me to come back, then we need to sell out tickets,

1039
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: so buy them. I think that's all I have to

1040
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:46,880
Speaker 1: say for today. Oh I'm kind of Hawaii July one

1041
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:53,239
Speaker 1: and third, Honolulu, and then I'm coming to Mauizing. Do

1042
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:56,360
Speaker 1: you have a question you want to ask Chelsea to

1043
00:53:56,480 --> 00:54:00,759
Speaker 1: get some advice right into Dear Chelsea, Project act at

1044
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:03,480
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.