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Speaker 1: Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,

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Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Well, hello, hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome

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Speaker 2: to an episode of Call It What It Is.

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Speaker 1: How are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm so good. I saw pictures of you all over

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Speaker 2: my Instagram because I get tagged in it, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, God, I'm looking gorgeous, and I realized.

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Speaker 1: It was am I am I part of your Does

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Speaker 1: your your algorithm serve me up?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And I'm like, oh, I look great.

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Speaker 2: That day, we all talk about a few things because

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Speaker 2: I did a few things this weekend and you did

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Speaker 2: a few things on you did a lot on Friday.

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Speaker 1: Well, it feels like we're back to school and kind

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Speaker 1: of back to work. Which is always interesting thing about

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Speaker 1: network television is that I routinely, if not still, we'll

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Speaker 1: say I'm going back to school, I mean work, because

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Speaker 1: it follows the same sort of dance of a school year,

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Speaker 1: and so we go back to work, you know. Well,

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Speaker 1: in this case it was a little bit different, but

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Speaker 1: usually it feels it's it's like a school year. So yes,

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Speaker 1: everyone's back to school, and now we are definitely back

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Speaker 1: to work and starting to promote, you know, all things

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Speaker 1: that are coming your way for the fall lineup. It

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Speaker 1: still blows my mind that I'm on a new show

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Speaker 1: that's right before gras Anatomy. I can't.

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Speaker 3: I actually can't.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, I get so excited for you know,

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Speaker 2: you and everything, and I was like scrolling on my

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Speaker 2: Instagram and the ABC obviously I follow ABC on Instagram.

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Speaker 3: Their first picture from that.

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Speaker 2: Whole because Jessica just went to our summer our end

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Speaker 2: of summer sore Yes, and you were the first p

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Speaker 2: and there carousel and I was like, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Damn right, she's the first.

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Speaker 1: Well, you know, I got out of the car and

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Speaker 1: it was actually the most beautiful, you know, end of

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Speaker 1: summer night. And I think I've just been moving so

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Speaker 1: like I've just been going from thing to thing to thing.

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Speaker 1: I haven't had a lot of time to think about

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Speaker 1: the thing I'm going to next. And so I got

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Speaker 1: out of the car and there's this, you know, the

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Speaker 1: red carpet and the line to go in and it's

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Speaker 1: everyone from Dancing with the Stars, which we already know

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Speaker 1: how I feel about that if I know podcast, oh absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I mean now I'm like, where is my phone? Where

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Speaker 1: are all my selfies. I'm like, wanting to FaceTime my

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Speaker 1: kids from the red carpet, a super nerd. And then

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Speaker 1: as I sort of crept along, I looked over my

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Speaker 1: shoulder and I see Seandra Wilson and Meg and I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: this was an incredible Uh you know, now what a

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Speaker 1: what's going on now? You guys?

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Speaker 2: Meg is our showrunner on Graze Anatomy And we're just

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Speaker 2: like we we love it, we love Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So then we went in and took some photos and

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Speaker 1: then it was really cute cute. You know, people magazine

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Speaker 1: sets up a booth with the most talented photographer, and

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Speaker 1: it was it was like looking ahead and looking back

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Speaker 1: at the same time. Because I was like, well, they said,

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Speaker 1: will you take pictures with the Grays Anatomy as well?

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Speaker 2: And I was like, yes, I love that. You double

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Speaker 2: showed it. You did a double bill, dude, you did

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Speaker 2: a double billing.

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Speaker 1: I did. I did a double billing. Well, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's the same night of television Thursday nights. Thursday Nights

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Speaker 1: nine pm, nine one one Nashville and then ten pm

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Speaker 1: Gray's Anatomy Divulge all the secrets.

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Speaker 3: I was supposed to be there with you and all the.

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Speaker 1: Crew at the ABC Summer Suire. I was asking you terribly.

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Speaker 1: We were going to have a call of what it

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Speaker 1: is people magazine photo session? I know, everyone out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, bring the mics, just shut up the shop.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's what I was gonna do. I was ready

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Speaker 1: for it.

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Speaker 3: Should have done it.

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Speaker 1: Coordinating outfits. I was wearing yellow, you were gonna wear

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Speaker 1: the hot pink.

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Speaker 2: Well, listen, I have some comments about this whole thing. Okay,

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Speaker 2: First of all, I was supposed to go the day

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Speaker 2: before is on Friday.

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Speaker 3: The day before on Thursday, we shot outside.

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Speaker 2: I can't tell you guys what it is that we shop,

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Speaker 2: but we shot outside in Burbank in California in almost

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Speaker 2: one hundred degree weather for fifteen hours, you guys and

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Speaker 2: me and like the crew. We just I felt like

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Speaker 2: I was dying. I felt so nauseous. I was like

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Speaker 2: I can't even see the other actor I'm working with,

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Speaker 2: Like I'm dizzy sweat and so yeah, I was like

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Speaker 2: I thought, I was like, oh my god, maybe I'm

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Speaker 2: like coming down with COVID or something. The nurse came

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Speaker 2: and gave me some like hydration stuff and some tile

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Speaker 2: and on, and I was like but I think I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna just have to like skip out all the evening,

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Speaker 2: like I don't feel good.

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Speaker 3: And even the next day I.

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Speaker 2: Was playing a little bit blah blah blah. But I

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Speaker 2: have to say, I'm so glad I didn't go because

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Speaker 2: I saw the pictures and my outfit would have looked

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Speaker 2: so not.

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Speaker 3: Right for this event. I had, what'd you go for?

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Speaker 3: I leaned all the way.

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Speaker 2: I saw summer, sure, and I thought, whatever, you would

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Speaker 2: like a hula skirt, what do you like? I went,

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Speaker 2: tweeted fall Oh no, tights.

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Speaker 1: Oh you didn't. You would have been wearing tights and

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Speaker 1: a tweet jacks.

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Speaker 2: I would have and a tweed like dress thing. Yeah, yes,

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Speaker 2: And I was gonna And I looked at the pictures.

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Speaker 2: I was like, well, thank god I didn't go. First

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Speaker 2: of all, I would have looked ridiculous next.

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Speaker 3: To you, because you were glowing. I would have been sweating.

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Speaker 1: You know, we just might have looked like we were

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Speaker 1: in different seasons.

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Speaker 3: Totally, but everyone else was in summer.

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Speaker 1: But but you knew that what the weather was, right, like,

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Speaker 1: you just talked about how hot it was. So the

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Speaker 1: tweeted and the tights was totally it was a fashion

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Speaker 1: was fashion motivated or it.

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Speaker 3: Was fashion motivated. I thought like bringing fall, Yes, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I felt like.

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Speaker 2: Miranda from like the Devil War's product, like a falling.

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Speaker 2: It's the end of summer, that means fall, and so

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Speaker 2: I would have looked ridiculous, and you and everyone else

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Speaker 2: were full blown end of summer as you should have been.

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Speaker 1: We were coming out of uh clamshells. We were, we were,

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Speaker 1: We were with fans blowing up us. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was it was. It was not It was not chilly.

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Speaker 1: It was hot. It was still hot. Los Angeles so

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Speaker 1: hot that day too. I September is very hot.

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Speaker 2: I did do something really cool this weekend though, because

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Speaker 2: on Sunday I did do something. I just feeling just

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Speaker 2: like I could faint in the heat. My family, my

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Speaker 2: two brothers and my niece flew into town and we

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Speaker 2: went to the Oasis concert.

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Speaker 3: Of You Can I Tell You? Okay, I just need

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Speaker 3: everyone to know.

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Speaker 2: I saw everyone complaining about the Ticketmaster Taylor Swift situation. Okay,

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Speaker 2: I saw that, and I had not, luckily, very like

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Speaker 2: I understand this is so lucky.

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Speaker 3: I did not experience.

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Speaker 2: That right like I was able to be all schmoozy

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Speaker 2: schmoozy about the tickets right for Oasis. I ticketmastered it,

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Speaker 2: and I just need you to explain to you because

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Speaker 2: have you ever have you ever actually had to like

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Speaker 2: wait in line, wait in line on Ticketmaster?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Can I tell you what number me and my family

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Speaker 2: were on Ticketmaster because we're on on separate laptops trying

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Speaker 2: one hundred thousand in line?

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Speaker 3: What one hundred? I was thirty thousand in line.

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Speaker 2: Four tickets in London, and then I retried them for

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Speaker 2: LA because we wanted four tickets. We couldn't get four tickets.

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Speaker 2: Retried it for LA. I was seventeen thousand in line

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Speaker 2: what I waited hours?

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Speaker 1: But those are the numbers for just that one concert. Yes, wow,

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Speaker 1: Oasis is a lot more popular than I thought they were.

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Speaker 3: Are you kidding? It was ridiculous?

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Speaker 1: Where'd they play?

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Speaker 3: The Rose Bowl? It was amazing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was beautiful. So you got tickets, We got tickets,

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Speaker 2: We got tickets and we got to go and it

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Speaker 2: was incredible. But I just have to say it, really,

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Speaker 2: I really understand the ticket Master pay now after ticketing Oasis.

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Speaker 1: And were they reasonable because when I went on also,

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Speaker 1: they were just very very pricey.

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Speaker 2: They are really expensive. I have to say, like they're

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Speaker 2: definitely expensive, like even all the way at the back,

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Speaker 2: like there's still one hundred. There's no like ninety dollars

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Speaker 2: ticket that I saw. And here's the thing that I

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Speaker 2: hate about ticket as. I just have to say, this

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Speaker 2: is really quick when it pops up on the screen.

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Speaker 2: You're a timer. You have like your certain timer. And

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Speaker 2: literally I was drenched in sweat and I'm clicking on

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Speaker 2: different seats and then they're going I'm checking out and

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Speaker 2: those seats are gone.

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Speaker 3: So now I'm like, oh crap.

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Speaker 2: So I can't even imagine. I wonder if Taylor Swift

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Speaker 2: was worse. I don't know, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: They well, they drive urgency, and then you just have

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Speaker 1: to do it. You just do it. You just press

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Speaker 1: the yeah.

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Speaker 2: And then you're like, yeah, sure, the thousand dollars tickets person, great,

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Speaker 2: I'm lucky on the car, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Lucky to spend this thousand dollars.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And then you're like, holy, I just hit

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Speaker 2: us up in the comments because I want to know

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Speaker 2: if if for Taylor's Swift, it literally people were waiting in.

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Speaker 3: Line in like the hundred thousands.

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Speaker 1: I just want to know. I don't know, Well, it

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Speaker 1: sounds stressful. And today's topic is a little bit you

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Speaker 1: sits side saddle to stress it is, which is this

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Speaker 1: this new trend which I actually had not heard about.

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Speaker 1: Had you heard about this?

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Speaker 2: So I hadn't heard about it until you said it,

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Speaker 2: and then I had to And I still I still

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Speaker 2: am kind of confused about it what exactly it is?

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Speaker 2: And I know that you know more than me, so

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Speaker 2: I want you to like explain it a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I started hearing about it and then I start it's

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Speaker 1: like anything when you start looking for a car, you

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Speaker 1: see the car everywhere. So all these people are talking

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Speaker 1: about locking in, which yes the phrase. I think I

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Speaker 1: first started hearing maybe like a year or so ago,

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Speaker 1: and it was more like the It was more like

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Speaker 1: the kids, you know, the teenagers. They'd be like, you

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Speaker 1: louck in, you gotta lock in, And that really just

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Speaker 1: meant like you had to wait exactly how it sounds

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Speaker 1: like you just you focus, you lock in and like

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Speaker 1: I am, you know, locking in on my schoolwork or

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Speaker 1: I'm locking in on my sport or I'm locking whatever

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Speaker 1: it is. But now I guess it's sort of been

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Speaker 1: around long enough, and now it's been re rejiggered so

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Speaker 1: that it's about locking in and creating better or best

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Speaker 1: habits and practices in the period of time between the

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Speaker 1: beginning of September and the end of December. So it's

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Speaker 1: the anti New Year's resolution, or not the anti it's

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Speaker 1: just it's moving New Year's resolutions. It's scooting it up

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Speaker 1: on the calendar. So people are making all these pledges

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Speaker 1: to do things that, you know, optimize life.

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Speaker 2: And it's specific to fall. It's specific to like it's

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Speaker 2: lock in time. This is is it? Because this is

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Speaker 2: usually the season, the seasons where people get like more indulgent.

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Speaker 1: Right, too many pumpkin spice lattes?

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Speaker 3: I mean, is there too many?

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Speaker 4: I mean I've been jug about this later, but we're

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Speaker 4: steering in the opposite direction of indulgence and we're locking

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Speaker 4: into like we're gonna make this the lifestyle for the

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Speaker 4: fall winter.

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Speaker 3: And it's it's yeah, yeah, it's it's also I.

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Speaker 1: Think it's it's pretty close to extreme discipline, like really

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Speaker 1: like I mean, it's it also sounds like an actual

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Speaker 1: grab bag of everything I've ever heard of it that's

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Speaker 1: supposed to make your life better in like one idea.

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Speaker 1: It's like vision board, manifest prepare, ten thousand staffed apps, journaling,

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Speaker 1: You're you're letting go, you're leveling.

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Speaker 3: Up, you're not checking phone, not checking pouel.

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Speaker 1: I would no, definitely don't never don't your phone, packing

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Speaker 1: lunches or ordering lunches. Oh, you mean your food prepping,

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Speaker 1: Like you're just doing all this stuff while you're doing

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Speaker 1: the other stuff that you do that's already just I'm

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Speaker 1: stressing myself out to saying I know.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I can't tell.

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Speaker 2: It's like stress to me. Okay, So my question is

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Speaker 2: if you're gonna do the they call it. They're calling

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Speaker 2: it the Great lock In for the Fall, right, Okay,

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Speaker 2: So if you do the Great lock In trend or

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Speaker 2: this lifestyle like rebrand, okay, are you adopting one one

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Speaker 2: thing or are you supposed to sort of like lock

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Speaker 2: in on everything like no phone, journal in ten thousand steps,

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Speaker 2: eat healthy.

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Speaker 1: Is that what it is? It seems to be whatever

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Speaker 1: you need to lock in on, and it's it's a

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Speaker 1: custom experience, is what it sounds like. So like dry

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Speaker 1: January's pretty self explandory, right, Like you're not right sober

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Speaker 1: for January. This isn't directional in what you're taking out

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Speaker 1: or not, but it's you doing a self assessment of

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Speaker 1: what it is that you need to lock in on,

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Speaker 1: and then you choose. So like I don't know, like

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Speaker 1: is there a goal all year long that you've been

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Speaker 1: putting off where you're like, oh, okay, am I a

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Speaker 1: specific amount of time, this is what I'm going to

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Speaker 1: lock in about. And I mean again, I'm I don't

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Speaker 1: really know. And then don't know that there's an author

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Speaker 1: to this, by the way, so there might not even

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Speaker 1: be a right way to do it. But I think

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Speaker 1: you just can make a list of the things that

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Speaker 1: you want to lock in about. Okay. Instance, I heard

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Speaker 1: someone say like phones, like not even in the bedroom,

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Speaker 1: Like you have a charging station outside of your bedroom,

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Speaker 1: your phone goes that night, you go that night, and

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Speaker 1: it's not no or near you. I think this is

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Speaker 1: something that actually would be beneficial for me to walk

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Speaker 1: in about.

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Speaker 3: Well, here's my thing.

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Speaker 2: This is where I go because I watched a lot

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Speaker 2: of Dateline, so I'm like, hang on a second before

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Speaker 2: bed in bed No, I'm just saying, like someone breaks

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Speaker 2: into the house, now your phone's all the way downstairs

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Speaker 2: because you're doing the great lock in right now. You're

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Speaker 2: like working, Hell, we're walking past, like you know the

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Speaker 2: guy from screen.

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Speaker 3: You're like, sorry, dude, I'm doing the great lock in.

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Speaker 3: I got called nine one one.

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Speaker 2: Like.

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Speaker 3: I've got okay, let's let's be next.

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Speaker 1: I got too specific. Maybe this was not the this

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Speaker 1: is not the right example. You know.

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking in terms of, like, you know, listen, I

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Speaker 2: watch a lot of twenty twenty.

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Speaker 1: Okay, watch okay, so let's say it's let's say let's say.

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Speaker 2: It's you know, it's like yeah, or you turn it off,

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Speaker 2: like by eight pm you're not looking at your phone.

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Speaker 3: That would be great for me. I do find myself.

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Speaker 2: I don't even want to look at the amount of

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Speaker 2: hours that I look at my phone because I look

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Speaker 2: at it so much on set.

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Speaker 1: Are you still not bringing your phone to set? I

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Speaker 1: haven't been bringing my phone to set.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Well, but now that we're about to actually genuinely premiere,

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Speaker 1: I have been wanting to get some you know, behind

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Speaker 1: the scenes yay yeatures and stuff, and I realize I

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Speaker 1: have nothing because I haven't had my phone. Yeah, you've

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Speaker 1: got to get content. Nothing happens yeah, yeah, so I've

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Speaker 1: been trying to bring it and put it in the

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Speaker 1: little pocket. But if anyone, if no one heard me

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Speaker 1: talk about this, it's because what we all know is

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Speaker 1: true is that if you have your phone in your pocket,

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Speaker 1: you're going to look at it, You're going to bring

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Speaker 1: it out, You're going to look at it, and you

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Speaker 1: look at one thing and you're distracted, and then you're

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Speaker 1: just start looking at something else and then you know,

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Speaker 1: if you give a mass a cookie, okay, downward from there.

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Speaker 1: But so I feel like for me it would center

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Speaker 1: more around like another one would be health and wellness.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it would be great to work out

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Speaker 1: before you start your day.

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Speaker 2: I guess like, is the lock in that you're is

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Speaker 2: part of the lock in that you're being held accountable?

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Speaker 2: So it's like if you lock in, you can't be

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Speaker 2: wishy washy about it. It's like no, yeah, okay, but

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Speaker 2: here's my question about the lock in.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's all this like boomerang like push pull stuff

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Speaker 1: where it's like you're supposed to put your oxygen mask

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Speaker 1: on first and take care of yourself. What if taking

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Speaker 1: care of yourself is not radically burning yourself out? Because

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Speaker 1: you're so you know, thinking that you need to do

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Speaker 1: all these different things and lock in, Like what's the

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Speaker 1: pressure part? I don't understand, Like, we already have so

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Speaker 1: much to do. Why do we have to do so

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Speaker 1: much more?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess, I guess. And the lock in would

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Speaker 2: be like if you put your okay working out like

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Speaker 2: every single morning and food prepping like that to me

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Speaker 2: seems like, oh my god, that's.

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Speaker 3: A lot of effort.

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Speaker 2: Right maybe at the end of I'm sure at the

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Speaker 2: end of three months you would feel four months, whatever

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Speaker 2: it is, you would feel amazing.

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Speaker 3: But I think that the other things.

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Speaker 2: Like stopping looking at your phone at like EID or

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Speaker 2: something like that, those are things that are you're not

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Speaker 2: having to go out of your way to do and

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Speaker 2: then but they have great benefits.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, Like I'm gonna be in bed every night

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Speaker 3: by this time.

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Speaker 1: I like that. That's a good lock And I think that.

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Speaker 2: I could definitely do without scrolling on my phone right

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Speaker 2: before bed.

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Speaker 1: I actually cannot do that.

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Speaker 3: You can't. I'm so bad at it.

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Speaker 1: I can't be trusted. I can't be trusted. The other night,

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Speaker 1: I got into bed and I was so proud of

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Speaker 1: myself because it was early. It was in the sweet spot,

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Speaker 1: and I was working next morning and I was facetiming

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Speaker 1: one of the kids, and I was so proud of myself.

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Speaker 1: And then I got off the FaceTime and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna you know, I'm gonna do a couple

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Speaker 1: of things that I always forget to do on my phone.

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Speaker 1: Two hours. Yeah, two hours. I think this is very

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Speaker 1: normal for a lot of people. Very tired the next day,

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Speaker 1: deeply tired, like the kind of tired. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm I felt like I was like in high school,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, your mom tells you I don't

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Speaker 1: get tired, and the next day you're like, yeah, exhausted. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was so tired. It was not It was really terrible.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, it really that whole thing is very real.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what is one thing? What is an area of

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Speaker 2: your life that you have already you already feel like

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Speaker 2: you've made great progress in this year?

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Speaker 1: I know my answer.

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Speaker 2: Since I've been like a medication for my thyroid, I

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Speaker 2: one hundred percent have started to get back into working out,

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Speaker 2: which feels so satisfying. I mean, I was definitely not

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Speaker 2: so I'm very excited about that. Like I feel like

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Speaker 2: that's my little that's my little lock in that I

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Speaker 2: try and at least worked out three times a week.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I have. I've actually I've been pretty good

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Speaker 1: about that too.

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Speaker 3: And you feel better, you really do, you really do.

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Speaker 1: But it is but the challenge is the timing. For me,

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Speaker 1: it's just you know, it's it's finding the time. I'm

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Speaker 1: not an afternoon.

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Speaker 3: Worker outer yeah no, me not yah yah.

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Speaker 1: It's it's got to happen in the morning or it doesn't. Well,

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Speaker 1: here's the thing that I find to be very when

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Speaker 1: I was doing all this reading, I was thinking, you know,

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Speaker 1: the thing that really helps me in the whole hustle

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Speaker 1: culture and you got to do it all and optimize

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Speaker 1: it all and then and then do all these other things.

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Speaker 1: And when you have kids and partners and expectations and

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Speaker 1: all that stuff is I'm so helped by preparation. There

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Speaker 1: was this whole part of it where they were saying

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Speaker 1: that the most stressful time for parents is it's very

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Speaker 1: specific seven sixteen am during.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's so funny, is I one hundred percent agree?

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Speaker 3: Seven sixteen That's like seven fifteen.

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Speaker 2: Is always a nightmare. That's always around breakfast time for me,

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Speaker 2: And I think it's what it said. I think the

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Speaker 2: surf bay is what it like where we found this

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Speaker 2: is what it said. Yeah, it drives me crazy.

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00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, because the strassers are well. So I was reading

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Speaker 1: the Strassers and it said kids that are refusing breakfast,

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Speaker 1: misplacing shoes, and then battling you to get them dressed.

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Speaker 1: And I thought, hmm, you know, I do feel like

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Speaker 1: I found a way a work around here. I set

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Speaker 1: up breakfast the night before, so it's like like like

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Speaker 1: all this stuff is like literally ready to come out

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Speaker 1: of the fridge or be like you know, fry up

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Speaker 1: or heat it up or whatever. So it's like soup's easy.

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Speaker 1: I put my axagen mask on first by making my

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Speaker 1: cup of coffee first, I come down before them.

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Speaker 2: Do you honestly whip up breakfast for them the night before?

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean like whip up like are you making like.

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Speaker 3: A scrambled egg situation?

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Speaker 1: And oh maybe I'll crack the eggs and scramble the

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Speaker 1: eggs in the morning. I mean, like I make the eggs,

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Speaker 1: you know, fresh, but like we'll do we'll do yogurt parfase,

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Speaker 1: like I can make those beforehand, right Like I can

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Speaker 1: just do things, or I can build like a yellow

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Speaker 1: yogurt bar, and then they put in the yogurt and

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Speaker 1: the fruit and the granola and whatever.

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Speaker 3: Got it, got it, got it okay?

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Speaker 1: At the ready That helps me a ton. I feel

427
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Speaker 1: like if they misplace their shoes, that's a problem for

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Speaker 1: them because they're getting in the car. If they don't

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Speaker 1: know their shoes, they're gonna be really bummed. I feel

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Speaker 1: a little hard This made me feel a little hardcore

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Speaker 1: because I also felt like battling them to get dressed.

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Speaker 1: If you don't want to wear it, then what are

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Speaker 1: you gonna wear? Like you're the one that's gonna look

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Speaker 1: like you're gonna look when you get to school, and

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Speaker 1: if you don't eat breakfast, you're gonna be hungry later.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it's bad for me.

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Speaker 2: For me, it's not battling to get dressed, because I

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Speaker 2: mean the like Hayden has to wear school uniform. There's

439
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 2: no like, hey, I want to wear the cool K

440
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,960
Speaker 2: Pop Deven Hunter's T shirt. Right Like, I'm not having

441
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,440
Speaker 2: to do that battle. But what my kids do is

442
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 2: they suddenly every morning remember an art project that they

443
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,920
Speaker 2: haven't finished from like two years ago, and they're like,

444
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,639
Speaker 2: oh my god, I have to glue the eyeballs on

445
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:28,120
Speaker 2: this Pom Pom spider immediately, And so the battle becomes

446
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 2: like I don't know why this is the moment that

447
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,560
Speaker 2: you are thinking of doing this, And so I was like,

448
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 2: you don't understand how much a spider means to me?

449
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 1: Oh my, really great.

450
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 3: It will mean something to you when you're home from school.

451
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 1: He'll mean even more, he'll mean even I think the

452
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:45,960
Speaker 1: great lock in?

453
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,160
Speaker 2: Could I think that if I woke up a little

454
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 2: bit earlier.

455
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:49,399
Speaker 3: It would help me.

456
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 1: Well, waking up really always helps.

457
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 3: You, like earlier than the kids.

458
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 2: Like I wear pick up like ten minutes before the kids.

459
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 2: I think if I did like a full like forty

460
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,800
Speaker 2: minutes before them, I would feel a little more like

461
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:02,440
Speaker 2: in this up.

462
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 3: Maybe that's my lock in.

463
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 1: That might be your lock in. I've done it before

464
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,639
Speaker 1: and it is very it is very helpful, very very

465
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: very helpful.

466
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 3: I found this question really interesting.

467
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 2: How does social media influence what you think your goals

468
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 2: should be?

469
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,120
Speaker 1: Ah, I mean it depends.

470
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 3: I think social media is so much about.

471
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 1: The wellness says your algorithm.

472
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 2: Well, maybe it is like it leans my algorithm leans

473
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 2: into like these are the supplements you should be taking,

474
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: this is the and then I get really lost in

475
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 2: all those things. I've talked about this before, but that's

476
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 2: where I think that it influences what I would do,

477
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 2: even though it might not be right, like, oh, I

478
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 2: need to make this particular smoothie every day and get

479
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 2: this many the realms of protein, and yeah, but what

480
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,440
Speaker 2: does your algorithm sort of feed you for a lock in?

481
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 1: I get a lot of really cute dog content because

482
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 1: we've been talking about Golden Retrievers, Josie and I, So

483
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 1: I get a lot of talking dogs and Golden Retrievers.

484
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 1: So they're definitely not gonna help me lock into any

485
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 1: new behaviors that's gonna help me. But then I also

486
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 1: do I mean, clearly the universe things I need help

487
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,960
Speaker 1: because I get a little self help. It counts a

488
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:19,399
Speaker 1: lot too.

489
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 3: I think that's everybody.

490
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, it probably is, but I do feel like it

491
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 1: can really like you're like one good quote away from

492
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,879
Speaker 1: like a rally cry, like a brave heart, like running

493
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: across the greenery the land. On that note, like on

494
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 1: the social emotional you know my goals. I'm actually proud

495
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 1: of myself. I have gotten better at when someone comes

496
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 1: to me with an issue or problem I've been I've

497
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: gotten a lot better at listening and not trying to

498
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: fix it right away.

499
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:51,719
Speaker 3: Wow, you're a fixer.

500
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 1: I'm a fixer.

501
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 3: That's hard for you.

502
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 1: I'm sure this is challenging for me.

503
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 3: What makes you? Is it as a parent too, because

504
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,680
Speaker 3: that's really challenging.

505
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, oh man.

506
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 3: That's hard.

507
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 2: I read somewhere like when someone's telling your problem, you

508
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,399
Speaker 2: kind of like you have to ask them like do

509
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 2: you want me to be the listener? Yeah?

510
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,680
Speaker 3: Or do you want me to help you?

511
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 2: And it's like then you are given your marching orders

512
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 2: as you would say yeah, and then you would understand

513
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,120
Speaker 2: how what they need.

514
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's very important. I think it's in every

515
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,479
Speaker 1: department truly, because it's so what's your relationship, how well

516
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,680
Speaker 1: do you know each other? What does someone need from

517
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,679
Speaker 1: you in that moment? But for kids, I think, or adolescens,

518
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 1: I think that you know, when they're little, of course,

519
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,240
Speaker 1: we fix it for them, like that's our actual job.

520
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 1: It's in our job description. We fix it, we solve it,

521
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 1: we do the work, we figure it out. But then

522
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 1: when they get older, it's actually imperative that they know

523
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 1: how to fix their own problems and that they can

524
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,360
Speaker 1: get themselves out of a jam. And if you're doing

525
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 1: it for them, then you're actually taking your robbing them

526
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 1: of the opportunity to learn and grow and just because

527
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,520
Speaker 1: you know what the answer is. By the way, also,

528
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: they're not going to always listen to you, because guess what,

529
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 1: turns out the kids don't always listen to theirs when

530
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,200
Speaker 1: they get to be teenager. As a matter of fact,

531
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: many books, novels, and songs are about how they're not

532
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 1: going to listen to us. Right, So I think that

533
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 1: I've been. I hope i've been. There have been reports.

534
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,680
Speaker 1: I've gotten some actual reporting that I'm getting a little better,

535
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 1: just like and also like sitting with the sads, sometimes

536
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 1: people just want to be sad. They don't want you

537
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,320
Speaker 1: to cheer them up, right, Like sometimes people just want

538
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 1: to have a problem and scream with the guy. And

539
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 1: that's okay, it's actually valuable.

540
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,639
Speaker 2: I think that's interesting that I see these could be

541
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 2: locked in things where you like get better at things

542
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,880
Speaker 2: like this, where you're like, you know what, from nown

543
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 2: till suchever, I'm going to be really really locked in

544
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 2: on not always trying to solve stuff, being a good listener,

545
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 2: and kind of reading the room when I need to

546
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 2: step in and help.

547
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

548
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 2: So I think this is kind of cool because immediately

549
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 2: my mind always went to, like, okay, the proteins smoothie

550
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 2: and the five am workout, and then then the goods

551
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 2: steps and then you know, but I don't. I think

552
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 2: it can be whatever. Then it fits your life. I

553
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,680
Speaker 2: know you, And I was gonna say those around you,

554
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 2: but I don't really think it's about those around you.

555
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: I think it's about you, right, Yeah, Yeah, I think also,

556
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:28,320
Speaker 1: you know, we whenever you start something new, you you

557
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: have like a blank slate, and so I think you

558
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:37,159
Speaker 1: you're you're even new opportunity to create new pathways and

559
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,639
Speaker 1: patterns and relationships. And when it's me, I try to

560
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: show up in my very best self and take what

561
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,399
Speaker 1: I've learned before and bring it into the present in

562
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: the future. And so I think it's just a lot

563
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 1: of It's been a lot of listening and I'm learning

564
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: people's operating instructions because man, you know, everybody's different, just

565
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 1: so so so different, and perspective and interpretation is just

566
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,119
Speaker 1: you know, can be very very different.

567
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 2: It's funny because one of the questions we got to

568
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 2: is does back to school energy give you momentum ill

569
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 2: completely drain you?

570
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 1: And my theory, I've been sitting here wondering give you

571
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:13,920
Speaker 1: a momentum or drain you?

572
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 2: Yes?

573
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

574
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 2: And I've been sitting here wondering why September, Like, what

575
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,159
Speaker 2: is it about Septetember? And September is when all our

576
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 2: kids are back in school? If your mama right, sure,

577
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 2: And so I feel like then you you're kind of

578
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 2: your time is freed up in a way that it

579
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,679
Speaker 2: wasn't in the summer, right, And so I wonder if

580
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,120
Speaker 2: to me, I think it does kind of give you momentum,

581
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 2: And so I wonder if that's why, like the lock

582
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 2: in is in September.

583
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to I'm.

584
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: Just realizing, yeah, well, you're you're setting up new systems, right,

585
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 1: so you do have I was thinking, I do get

586
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 1: energized by newness, So I do feel like there's a momentum.

587
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 1: Then every once in a while, it's just it's just

588
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: like it's there's there's there's a tipping point. They're just

589
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: like one email too many and then it's just a

590
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 1: kick in the teeth and then I'm drained.

591
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, the password, the school password comes and then yeah, yeah.

592
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 3: Maybe I need to lock in on the school passwords.

593
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:14,360
Speaker 2: I know them all.

594
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, and yeah, we don't even get me and my

595
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: my my phone are having a fight because you know,

596
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 1: the whole save and fill your password thing. Oh yeah, well,

597
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:25,679
Speaker 1: I mean if you're going to offer it, then can

598
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:26,239
Speaker 1: you get it right?

599
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 2: By the way, I love it when they offer up

600
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 2: a password.

601
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and then it's wrong.

602
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 3: Those are hieroglyphs. Yeah, that is what password. I don't

603
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 3: even know. I will never remember that, so you will

604
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 3: always have to remember that.

605
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 2: Can we talk about another term that we're seeing a

606
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 2: lot and I don't I really don't quite understand. Oh,

607
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:05,920
Speaker 2: which is radical acceptance.

608
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 1: I love talking about this, do you can you?

609
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 2: I'm like, I read what it sort of means, and

610
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 2: I think I'm not grasping it. So I'll let you

611
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 2: take the floor on it, so then then we can

612
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:19,119
Speaker 2: talk about it.

613
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 1: Okay, Well it's I've shortened it to just all right, okay.

614
00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 1: Situations where I'm like, I'm in a moment and it's like, oh,

615
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: all right, we're just we're radically accepting this if we're

616
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: backing into it. The most compelling part of radical acceptance

617
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: as an idea or an insight is that it transforms

618
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: unavoidable pain, because pain is inevitable in life, right, there's okay,

619
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: if you're gonna live, you're gonna be in pain, emotional pain,

620
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 1: for the pain, whatever. And it transforms the unavoidable pain

621
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 1: into bearable and sometimes even meaningful if you can figure

622
00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 1: out why the pain is there as an experience. And

623
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: then it takes away the suffering piece because you're not

624
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: resisting the pain. You're not going, oh, this is gonna

625
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: be so painful. It's gonna be so painful. You're like, yeah,

626
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: this is gonna be so painful. I have a whatever

627
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: you to fill in the blank. And obviously the spectrum

628
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 1: is wide, but like, I have to wake up, you know,

629
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 1: I have to wake up at five am tomorrow. I

630
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: have to wake up at four am tomorrow to go

631
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: to work, and it's gonna be so painful, and my

632
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 1: whole night is gonna be different, and I'm gonna have

633
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 1: to go to betterly and blah blah. And you could

634
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 1: go down a route of all the things that you're

635
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 1: gonna miss by this four am wake up and how

636
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: hard it's gonna be, and you're envisioning how hard it's

637
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 1: going to be to get in the shower and then

638
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 1: the car and it'll be dark, and or you can

639
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 1: accept that you're waking up at four am tomorrow and

640
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: you don't need to suffer through it because it's happening

641
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: no matter what, that wake up is happening, So you

642
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 1: can go into it knowing that it's gonna happen, and

643
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: you don't have to not be tired or whatever or

644
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 1: not change your night. But you're just it's it's it's

645
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,479
Speaker 1: it's in the name. It's accepting it. If it's your

646
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,959
Speaker 1: choice to beat someone who wakes up for work at

647
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: four am, instead of fighting it or resisting it or saying,

648
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is too hard or so hard,

649
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: you just go, yeah, it's happening, I'm doing it, And

650
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: how how am I going to show up for it?

651
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 3: Okay, I have a question. I understand that.

652
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 2: How does this work in terms of like your relationship

653
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 2: with other people?

654
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, this is going to be me and you

655
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 1: my Mel Robbins again, or is this a Mel Robbins

656
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 1: interview all over again.

657
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, it's not no, no no, I

658
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 2: just know I'm really honestly trying to like understand what

659
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 2: it means in terms of that because I understand that, okay,

660
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 2: get that perfect, I understand that. So then well, how

661
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 2: how does it translate when you're with other people? Give

662
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 2: me an example, like, okay, so someone hurts your feelings? Yeah, okay,

663
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 2: is is it a little let them?

664
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: Is it?

665
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 3: Kind of?

666
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 2: Like yes?

667
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: Said mel Robins. I was like, because it's not. And

668
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: we got focused on this when we were interviewing her,

669
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: because and along with the rest of the world, is

670
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 1: it because let them became the top note, the let

671
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 1: me after it got sort of yeah, was playing in

672
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 1: the shadows and radical acceptance. They're it's very much in partnership.

673
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 1: If you're if you're if you're making the analogy to

674
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 1: let them, it's it's the it's the let them and

675
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 1: then let me. So if someone hurts your feelings and

676
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: they're morrible, you don't have to say, oh, they didn't

677
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: mean it. You don't have to resist it. You don't

678
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 1: have to say, oh they're it's okay, you don't have

679
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: to make excuses for them. Anything, they can have done

680
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: something really hurtful and you can name that and like

681
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 1: that person really hurt my feelings. And then you get

682
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 1: to decide what you're going to do about it, like

683
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: are you going to continue to let them hurt your feelings?

684
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: Are you to continue to are you going to say anything?

685
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: Are you not going to say anything? But radical acceptances

686
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 1: they hurt your feelings? Now, what are you going to

687
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 1: do about it? You're not denying it? So so like

688
00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 1: so there's like there's different key.

689
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 2: You're sort of moving past like almost a festering on

690
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 2: the thing and just accepting like, Okay.

691
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 3: That absolutely sucks. That's in that and now what Yes,

692
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 3: I did love this part of it.

693
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 2: I thought I read this part of it and I

694
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 2: just thought this was amazing, which was compassion for self

695
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 2: and others. Radical acceptance extends to ourselves, acknowledging our own flaws, mistakes,

696
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 2: and limits without endless self punishment. And it also fosters

697
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: empathy as we stop demanding that people, including ourselves. I

698
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 2: really like that because I feel like people spend so

699
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 2: much energy trying to change somebody else. Yeah, and it's

700
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 2: wasted energy.

701
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

702
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,479
Speaker 3: And if you want that person in your life. It's

703
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 3: one thing. If you want to create a boundary, you're like, Okay,

704
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 3: I'm done with this.

705
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 2: If you want to keep that person in your life

706
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 2: and you love that person, you might be need to

707
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 2: lean on radical acceptance to have that relationship with them, Yes, and.

708
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 1: Accept that they are who they are. And yeah, you

709
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 1: can be who you are and exactly like you said,

710
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: you can have boundaries. But I also think it's this

711
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 1: also piece, which is like there's the pain versus suffering,

712
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: Like the pain is inevitable, yeah, but suffering the replaying

713
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: of the pain, the resisting the fact that it's true.

714
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:18,840
Speaker 1: You know, I mean, think about the stages of grief right,

715
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: like denial, the anger about it, or wishing it was different.

716
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: That is that is the optional part, do you know

717
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like you don't have to do that.

718
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 1: That actually, in my opinion, for me, makes the pain

719
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 1: last longer. It stays with me if I gauge in

720
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 1: any of that, if I resist it, if I replay it,

721
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: or if I wish it was different, it stays with

722
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 1: me so much longer than facing it. And I can

723
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 1: be very avoided it. If I face it, I just

724
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 1: I'm able to move forward. And be like, this is

725
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 1: what it is. This is it is in the name,

726
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: call it what it is.

727
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

728
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 1: So, and I don't think that your reality can change

729
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 1: until you accept it. Yeah.

730
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 2: I do think suffering can be so sticky you can

731
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 2: literally it's like quicksand like it can just swallow you

732
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 2: and it's really hard to get out. And I guess

733
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 2: what I'm gathering is that radical acceptance freeze you over that.

734
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 1: Because you're empowered. You're empowered to respond to the real

735
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 1: You're empowered to respond to what is, and you stop

736
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,359
Speaker 1: the shenanigans that happen in our brain that make us,

737
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,960
Speaker 1: you know, avoid Okay, I really like this.

738
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:38,239
Speaker 2: I'm just processing as you're talking about it.

739
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: I really because also it sits really really close to

740
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,839
Speaker 1: something that I think everyone struggles with on some level,

741
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 1: which is you can't control it all. You cannot. So

742
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: this idea that you can, it's sure it has you know,

743
00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:00,320
Speaker 1: there's brain science that supports why we do it, but

744
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: we can't, and there's real wisdom in letting it go.

745
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 2: I wish I'd known this in my twenties, when, like

746
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 2: you know, I went through like a terrible breakup or something,

747
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,440
Speaker 2: and I just known that, like, there was so much

748
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 2: sitting in it and in the suffering and the replaying

749
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 2: the memories and the whys and the and if I

750
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 2: the sooner I would have come to radical acceptance, the

751
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,839
Speaker 2: better off I would have been because those that time

752
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 2: was kind of wasted, right. Yeah, And and I think

753
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 2: you can warn at the same time as radical acceptance,

754
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:40,320
Speaker 2: but a lot of us do the suffering without any acceptance.

755
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 2: I was suffering and also asking why and wondering when

756
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 2: this relationship can come.

757
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 1: Back to what was making you suffer?

758
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, that was creating.

759
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, And you know again, the spectrum is wide,

760
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: and it can be something super trivial and then it

761
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: can be something super deep. But I'm telling you it

762
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: really really helps me and I And it's funny. I'm

763
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,279
Speaker 1: not trying to say that I have like, you know,

764
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 1: superpowers here, but watch if you are practicing it how

765
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: much and you're and honestly, it takes a little bit

766
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: of discipline, so maybe it's definitely a lock in.

767
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 3: It may just a lock in.

768
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: Maybe radical acceptance is all you have.

769
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 1: To be disciplined because you have to notice that you're

770
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 1: doing it and then you have to stop, stop it

771
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 1: and I've noticed that, you know, I mean, I don't know.

772
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 1: It's like the difference between and everyone's got different stakes

773
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: around their drives to work in the morning, right, But

774
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 1: when you hit traffic, that's unexpected. Radical acceptance is you're

775
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 1: in traffic. You're not going to all of a sudden

776
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 1: sprout wings office in your car and get up and

777
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 1: try and get past it.

778
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 2: Right. So I gotta say, like your because you know,

779
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 2: a lay traffic justs and I have that every day.

780
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 2: Radical acceptance of traffic might be the hardest one, might be.

781
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 1: The hardest one. But now we have phones and we

782
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,320
Speaker 1: have ways of telling people we're gonna be laid and like,

783
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: what are we gonna do again? We're not gonna travelings

784
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 1: out the side and we're not gonna fly. And what

785
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 1: I've noticed, and this was my point, is that when

786
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: you look around, the people who don't except that they're

787
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: stuck in that car in that lane and that it's

788
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 1: going to free up when it frees up, are losing

789
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:21,840
Speaker 1: their ship.

790
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's suffering for no.

791
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 1: Reason because the losing there isn't going to change the

792
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 1: circumstance of the traffic.

793
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's actually a really good metaphor, because I

794
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 2: think that you can sit here and be like, oh, yeah,

795
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 2: the traffic is could be so many things, and you're right,

796
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 2: you're stuck in it anyway.

797
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, and how are you going to spend that time?

798
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,839
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, And by the way, you're going to start

799
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: to see how people deal with it. And I have

800
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: noticed that I want to be with people who don't

801
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 1: lose their ship when we hit the traffic. They're much

802
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 1: they're much more enjoy to be around. Of course, in all,

803
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 1: in all areas of your life, truly, like whether you're

804
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 1: dealing with you know, your kid's school, your work, your family,

805
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 1: your whatever, it's it's just it's it's it's really interesting.

806
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm ari for the win.

807
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,439
Speaker 2: No, I think I think now I'm understanding I wasn't

808
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 2: really getting it, and now I'm understanding it, and I'm

809
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 2: I fully think that this is.

810
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 3: Really Oh I love it.

811
00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 1: I just love it.

812
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 3: I can fully embrace this great.

813
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it.

814
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 3: Well, Okay, we've covered lock ins.

815
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 2: We have covered radical ideas for lock ins. For me, No,

816
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 2: I know, I was thinking, I'm like, God, I probably

817
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 2: need to lock in on so much.

818
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,439
Speaker 1: That's okay, all right, well you want to call it, yeah,

819
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 1: let's call it. The the end of the episode,