Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: There's a book that I love called Stumbling on Happiness.
Speaker 1: It's one of the few books that really change the
Speaker 1: way I see the world, see myself, see experiences and
Speaker 1: memories and dreams for the future. In the book, psychologist
Speaker 1: Daniel Gilbert argues that we assume that what makes us
Speaker 1: happy today will make us happy in the future too.
Speaker 1: We don't imagine all the things that may happen to
Speaker 1: us that could change our perspective present. You knows very
Speaker 1: little definitively about what future you will desire. One thing
Speaker 1: about me is that I never wanted to get married
Speaker 1: or have children. My three kids love hearing that story.
Speaker 1: I never aught at babies or day dreamed about my wedding.
Speaker 1: I've written before that I pictured myself at eighty, alone
Speaker 1: and fabulous in sequins and false eyelashes, smoking cigarettes at
Speaker 1: a hotel bar. The thought of the kind of commitment
Speaker 1: that kids require kept me up at night.
Speaker 2: I wanted to be free.
Speaker 1: I wasn't into tattoos and I wasn't into babies.
Speaker 2: The permanence was not for me.
Speaker 1: And the thing is I was always with really good guys.
Speaker 1: I look back at my exes and I'm generally proud
Speaker 1: to have picked them, but they were still all wrong
Speaker 1: for me. A question I get a lot from single
Speaker 1: women who don't want to be is how to pick
Speaker 1: better people. But the truth is that even if you're
Speaker 1: not into jerks or bad boys or whatever, the person
Speaker 1: can still be wrong for you. Had I married any
Speaker 1: of those really great men, I would have been settling.
Speaker 1: There was a hit book a number of years ago
Speaker 1: called Marry Him. The Case for Settling for Mister Goodenough
Speaker 1: by Lori Gottlib. A woman wakes up at forty and
Speaker 1: realizes she should have just settled for someone along the way.
Speaker 2: I am very.
Speaker 1: Much opposed to this. This argument tries to course single
Speaker 1: women into pairing off with whomever will have them, so
Speaker 1: long as they achieve the goal of getting married and
Speaker 1: having babies. This advice is framed as as courageous, as
Speaker 1: if telling a woman to settle for an imperfect mate
Speaker 1: is hard hitting and bold, when in fact it is
Speaker 1: the advice equivalent of describing yourself as too much of
Speaker 1: a perfectionist when asked about your negatives on a job interview.
Speaker 2: It's a cop out.
Speaker 1: This line essentially tells single women who wish to be
Speaker 1: married but aren't that their problem in landing a mate
Speaker 1: is that they are too choosy. For most people, that
Speaker 1: is simply not it. I'll get into more about this
Speaker 1: about how settling is a cop out and what you
Speaker 1: should do instead in the next episode, but here I
Speaker 1: want to talk about the kid part. I said in
Speaker 1: the last episode that I love studies on relationships, but
Speaker 1: I actually think studies on whether children make you happy
Speaker 1: and whether you should have them are completely flawed because
Speaker 1: it's impossible to put a numerical value on creating and
Speaker 1: nurturing life. Children are complicated. You want to get away
Speaker 1: from them, yet miss them when you do. It's difficult
Speaker 1: when they depend on you, and it's difficult when they
Speaker 1: stop depending on you. So many parents have grown children
Speaker 1: will stay a wistful go by so fast while you're
Speaker 1: in the throes of diaper changes and sleepless nights that
Speaker 1: there develops an understanding that clearly there's more to it
Speaker 1: than your happiness level on any particular day. A few
Speaker 1: years ago, I wrote about a really interesting three year
Speaker 1: study out of UCLA which tracked thirty two families and
Speaker 1: videotape their every moment. What they found was just a
Speaker 1: horror show of typical family life. You know, picture your
Speaker 1: mornings trying to get your kids out the door, and
Speaker 1: how that would look to somebody you know who doesn't
Speaker 1: have kids. Oh, you know, terrible, right. The families bickered,
Speaker 1: they yelled at each other, and behaved much like ordinary
Speaker 1: families do. A twenty ten New York Times story about
Speaker 1: the project described the lives of the subjects as quote
Speaker 1: a fire shower of stress, multitasking, and mutual nitpicking end quote.
Speaker 1: Some of those people who conducted the study were horrified.
Speaker 1: One guy, Anthony P. Greach, a post doctoral fellow involved
Speaker 1: in the study, said it was quote the very purest
Speaker 1: form of birth control ever devised ever end quote. But
Speaker 1: then the inevitable Five years later kicker in the story,
Speaker 1: doctor Greich and his wife have just had their second child.
Speaker 2: Present.
Speaker 1: You cannot predict what will make future you happy. That's
Speaker 1: what stumbling on happiness is about. Other people with their
Speaker 1: kids will only show you the negatives of having children,
Speaker 1: as it's just impossible to see the positives from afar.
Speaker 1: But that's true for a lot of things. Going to
Speaker 1: school is hard, having a job is hard, and we're
Speaker 1: expected to do it. In fact, we're raised with that
Speaker 1: expectation being the one true path. And you can get
Speaker 1: off that path, sure, but it's going to come at
Speaker 1: our risk to your happiness. The same is true for
Speaker 1: having kids, and we should say so. That's why it's
Speaker 1: so important to draw the connection for your own child
Speaker 1: as to why they should get married and have children,
Speaker 1: and portray it as part of the success sequence for them.
Speaker 1: My youngest son asked me just today whether I think
Speaker 1: all three of my kids will be successful, and I
Speaker 1: took that opportunity to tell him that while success to
Speaker 1: him might be playing for them Dallas Cowboys' success to
Speaker 1: me is my kids getting married to people they love
Speaker 1: and having families. The book Stumbling on Happiness concludes spoiler
Speaker 1: alert with the idea that we can't predict what will
Speaker 1: make us happy, so we have to lean into the
Speaker 1: advice of people who have done the things that we're
Speaker 1: considering doing. We should also listen to people who love
Speaker 1: us and know what actual happiness looks like for us,
Speaker 1: even if we can't see it way into the future. Hey,
Speaker 1: I might still you know, wear false lashes and take
Speaker 1: up smoking when I'm eighty and sitting at the hotel bar.
Speaker 1: But the image I saw from my own happiness has
Speaker 1: changed significantly. Tell your children that their plan can change too.
Speaker 1: Coming up next an interview with Abby Roth. Join us
Speaker 1: after the break, Hi, and welcome back to the Carol
Speaker 1: Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. Our guest today is Abby Roth.
Speaker 1: Abby is the creator of Classically Abby, a YouTube channel
Speaker 1: and lifestyle brand that teaches about classical living and traditional values.
Speaker 1: Abby is a classically trained opera singer with a master's
Speaker 1: degree and professional study certificate from the Manhattan School of Music.
Speaker 1: Abby transitioned to YouTube from opera when she realized the
Speaker 1: importance of sharing how to live a conservative life. She
Speaker 1: has a ton of followers on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, and
Speaker 1: Abby is spreading her message to young women and men everywhere.
Speaker 2: Thanks so much for being on Abby.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me. So happy to
Speaker 3: be here.
Speaker 1: So how do you describe what classical values means?
Speaker 4: Yeah, So, what I always say is that classic living
Speaker 4: is an outgrowth of traditional values.
Speaker 3: So if you believe that.
Speaker 4: There are certain things that are true and are based
Speaker 4: in reality, and you live your life out in that way,
Speaker 4: then you will necessarily.
Speaker 3: Be living classically. So men and women are different.
Speaker 4: For example, no way, if you believe that, which I
Speaker 4: mean funny enough, that's a traditional value these days.
Speaker 3: But let's say it is. Then as a woman.
Speaker 4: For example, you are going to be living a classical
Speaker 4: life because you're going to be accepting reality and you're
Speaker 4: going to be living your life within those boundaries. And
Speaker 4: if you, for example, think that that it's important for
Speaker 4: people to present themselves, well, that's a classical way of living,
Speaker 4: is presenting yourself well when you're out and about and
Speaker 4: not always dressing in the very common and modern way
Speaker 4: of dressing a leisure and never brushing your hair. So
Speaker 4: I mean guilty, but yes, all of us are guilty sometimes.
Speaker 3: Don't get me wrong. I've been there, I've been there.
Speaker 3: I'm a ball.
Speaker 4: But I think as a general rule, right, like, if
Speaker 4: you are embracing those traditional values, then you're going to
Speaker 4: be living them out as well.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So I saw Babylon b story recently that reminded me
Speaker 1: of you, and the headline was woman wishes there was
Speaker 1: some kind of job that would let her work from
Speaker 1: home and do stuff she enjoys like baking, sewing, hanging out,
Speaker 1: with her kids. That's amazing you've even posted, I think,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure once that you feel societal pressure to not,
Speaker 1: you know, be a stay at home mom. So how
Speaker 1: do you reconcile that?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think one of my least favorite sayings or
Speaker 4: phrases in the English language is fulfill your potential.
Speaker 3: I always hate that phrase because what does that mean.
Speaker 4: I mean, fulfilling your potential very much, very often into
Speaker 4: day's day and age feels like trying to show kind
Speaker 4: of outwardly how smart you are and prove to other
Speaker 4: people what you can accomplish, as opposed to what is
Speaker 4: your potential.
Speaker 3: It's what you can actually be.
Speaker 4: So if your potential and fulfilling your potential is being
Speaker 4: at home and raising your children, then that's the best place.
Speaker 3: For you to be.
Speaker 4: And I think you can feel really good about that.
Speaker 4: So that's how I've learned to reconcile it. I mean,
Speaker 4: I think that that's always been my greatest fear. Am
Speaker 4: I fulfilling my potential? And in the last year or so,
Speaker 4: I've really explored that idea because I didn't want to
Speaker 4: ever feel like I was, you know, doing something wrong
Speaker 4: with my choices, and I've recognized and grown through that
Speaker 4: and realized that there's no place, at least for me
Speaker 4: and I believe for many women than being with my son,
Speaker 4: raising him and giving him a strong foundation.
Speaker 1: Where do you think that pressure comes from? Like I
Speaker 1: have this joke that you know, and I've said this
Speaker 1: on the show before, but you know, when people say
Speaker 1: society says, I'm always like, did your mom say that?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: Was it your mom?
Speaker 3: But was it?
Speaker 4: I mean?
Speaker 2: Where do you feel like that?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: The potential thing?
Speaker 1: Is it?
Speaker 2: College? Is it our parents?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: I know exactly what you mean, but you know I
Speaker 1: feel it even not being a stay at home how
Speaker 1: I feel like, am I living up to my potential?
Speaker 2: So yeah, I get it? But where does it come from?
Speaker 3: I think? I mean.
Speaker 4: For me, I always think things stem from feminism, and
Speaker 4: feminism is an outgrowth of Marxism. So if you kind
Speaker 4: of look at the later elements of feminism, right, initial feminism, equality, equity, feminism, voting, that's.
Speaker 3: All good, Right, we can all recognize.
Speaker 4: Christina Hofstluers kind of breaks this down for us in
Speaker 4: whostole feminism. But then as we get into like, you know,
Speaker 4: sixties style feminism, then we're seeing people talk about how
Speaker 4: the house, being at home is a concentration camp. Right,
Speaker 4: That's what Betty free Dan said in her book and
Speaker 4: in the Feminine Mystique. So we know that there's kind
Speaker 4: of this idea that women at home was a waste
Speaker 4: of potential. Right, Men got to go out and work,
Speaker 4: got to go out and work. And I always put
Speaker 4: that in quotation marks because for many men wanted to
Speaker 4: do that, right exactly, many men would not choose that lifestyle.
Speaker 4: But now we see that going back to that era,
Speaker 4: there was a real push for women to be out
Speaker 4: and that being a mother was holding you back. And
Speaker 4: I feel like even in the New Barbie movie that
Speaker 4: line that made me so upset that everyone was like, that's.
Speaker 3: So emotional, and I was thinking to myself, are you
Speaker 3: kidding me?
Speaker 4: Which was mothers like, mothers hold themselves back so their
Speaker 4: daughters can go forward.
Speaker 3: And I was like, what are you talking about? In
Speaker 3: what world?
Speaker 4: So I think that that's really, at least for our generation,
Speaker 4: where that came from, where that stems from. And if
Speaker 4: your mom was raised in that era, I think that
Speaker 4: she probably had a similar a similar thought. Now, my
Speaker 4: mom and I are super super close and we can
Speaker 4: talk about all these ideas really openly. But she was
Speaker 4: the primary breadwinner and my dad was a stay at
Speaker 4: home dad, so you know, I was raised a little
Speaker 4: bit about a philosophy of like women should go out
Speaker 4: and work. And this has been a big shift for
Speaker 4: our relationship that I'm like a big proponent of being
Speaker 4: at home. And thank god, because she is who she is,
Speaker 4: she's always prioritized family, so she can really wrap her
Speaker 4: head around it, even though it wasn't the exact style
Speaker 4: that I'm doing.
Speaker 1: Right, that's yeah, that's really interesting. I didn't see the
Speaker 1: Barbie movie, but my like, you know, one moment, a
Speaker 1: proud moment of parenting is that my thirteen year old daughter,
Speaker 1: who you know, dressed up in pink, went to see
Speaker 1: it with her friends, walked out of there like.
Speaker 2: What did I just watch?
Speaker 3: You should be proud?
Speaker 1: And she said that like she felt very like hit
Speaker 1: over the head with a lot of the concepts, Like
Speaker 1: they kept using the word patriarchy over and over again,
Speaker 1: and she was like, I get it, the patriarchy all.
Speaker 3: Right, like exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: So what will you teach your kids about their future options?
Speaker 1: Because it's interesting because you know, when I think about this.
Speaker 2: I look, I definitely say to my daughter, like, you
Speaker 2: could do whatever you want.
Speaker 1: She's brilliant, and you know, she's really into the sciences
Speaker 1: and she's into robotics, and I'm like, you want to
Speaker 1: go into that world, like, you can totally do that,
Speaker 1: but listen, if you want to be a stay at
Speaker 1: home mom, I'll support that one hundred percent. But I
Speaker 1: don't ever say that to my sons.
Speaker 2: I have two sons, and you know.
Speaker 1: I don't mention that they have all these options. So
Speaker 1: do you feel like you kind of say the same
Speaker 1: or you will say the same to all your kids me.
Speaker 4: And I'll you know, I'm sure I'm gonna mention this
Speaker 4: throughout and later as well. For me, family is always
Speaker 4: the priority. So that's the thing I want to instill
Speaker 4: in my children is.
Speaker 3: If your dreams your dreams, and.
Speaker 4: I'm putting a lot of things in quotes, I realizing,
Speaker 4: but if your dreams come at the cost of your family,
Speaker 4: and you decide that your mission outside of your family
Speaker 4: is more important than your mission of family, You're doing
Speaker 4: things wrong. At least that's what I'm going to teach
Speaker 4: both my daughters and my sons.
Speaker 3: So for my sons.
Speaker 4: You know, it's going to look a little different because
Speaker 4: generally men are the providers. And you know, it used
Speaker 4: to look different, It used to look different what that
Speaker 4: dynamic looked like. But in today's day and age, men
Speaker 4: are the providers most of the time, and men also
Speaker 4: thrive when they are in that position. A man who
Speaker 4: is making less than his wife.
Speaker 3: Often there is stress and struggle in that relationship. So
Speaker 3: you know, I mean, but.
Speaker 1: My husband always is like, I would have no problem
Speaker 1: with that. You go ahead and make more money than me.
Speaker 1: I will somehow make it as a man.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do think that there are some more men
Speaker 4: who are getting open to it. But as a general thing,
Speaker 4: I think that men have a pride thing about it.
Speaker 4: So for my sons, I want to raise them with
Speaker 4: the idea of your job is to provide in a
Speaker 4: way that you enjoy and inspires you, but that doesn't
Speaker 4: come at the cost of your family. And for my daughters,
Speaker 4: it's I want you to choose a job that you
Speaker 4: can you can.
Speaker 3: I don't ever want you.
Speaker 4: To struggle with the self cost fallacy. So what that
Speaker 4: means is I don't ever want them to choose a
Speaker 4: job where they put their time, effort, and money into it,
Speaker 4: and then when they do have children, they get to
Speaker 4: a point where they're like, oh, I want to I
Speaker 4: want to stay home with my kids, but I just
Speaker 4: sunk this time, effort and.
Speaker 3: Money and they can't. They can't square those two things.
Speaker 4: And so a lot of women I know have either
Speaker 4: gone back to work even when they.
Speaker 3: Didn't have to and didn't want to, but felt like they.
Speaker 4: Should, right right, I know I had this degree for
Speaker 4: you know exactly. And the thing is, you can't know
Speaker 4: how you're going to feel about having kids until you
Speaker 4: have them. And I do think it's a wonderful thing
Speaker 4: to devote your time and energy to something before you
Speaker 4: have children, Right Like I built the brand of Classically
Speaker 4: Abby before I had my son so that I could
Speaker 4: have the flexibility after I had my son to make
Speaker 4: one video a week, not four, right, And you know,
Speaker 4: it's nice to have that time before you do have children,
Speaker 4: so you can build these things for yourself. But I
Speaker 4: think for me, I really want to instill in my
Speaker 4: daughter's choose a career that has flexibility, and whether that
Speaker 4: means a career that you can step away for twenty
Speaker 4: years and be a full time stay at home and
Speaker 4: come back into the workforce and be better than ever.
Speaker 3: Like nursing.
Speaker 4: That sounds great, but don't choose something that's going to
Speaker 4: box you in that you're going to be in debt,
Speaker 4: that you're going to feel really bad about yourself if
Speaker 4: you step back then and then not be able to
Speaker 4: make different choices.
Speaker 2: We're going to take a quick break and be right back.
Speaker 1: On the Carol Marcowitch Show, there was that pupil I
Speaker 1: think it was April where like some crazy number of
Speaker 1: Americans I don't have the number in front of me
Speaker 1: right now, but it was like I wouldn't say forty percent,
Speaker 1: like don't think it's that important for their kids to
Speaker 1: have kids, or they don't they don't stress the importance
Speaker 1: of like you should have children to through their children.
Speaker 2: I just think that's like societal suicide. And I don't
Speaker 2: understand it.
Speaker 1: So I you know the perspective of family first, whether
Speaker 1: or not you're a man or a woman, and then
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: The rest later. I think it's just so obvious.
Speaker 1: Also just the fact that married people make more money
Speaker 1: because it makes so much sense, like when you're comfortable
Speaker 1: in your home and you're in your life and you're
Speaker 1: not like swiping on Tinder at.
Speaker 2: Night, you make more money because you're just settled.
Speaker 1: So the idea of like pursue money not family is
Speaker 1: so backwards to me.
Speaker 2: But how do we you know, how do we change that?
Speaker 1: How do we get everybody on, you know, the Abbey
Speaker 1: plan of ps do family first?
Speaker 4: I mean, I hope that over time people realize that,
Speaker 4: you know, there's more happiness to be had in your
Speaker 4: family than there is in these these kind of silly
Speaker 4: pursuits of traveling and food and like all of these
Speaker 4: things that we spend way too much money on, like
Speaker 4: you were saying, the ways that we save and make
Speaker 4: more money when we're married, as opposted before. Don't get
Speaker 4: me wrong, Traveling is fun, going to restaurants is fun.
Speaker 4: Having a cocktail every now and then is great, but
Speaker 4: like that doesn't last, and if you come home to
Speaker 4: no one, you're not going to feel great the next
Speaker 4: day or even that night. And I've I mean, I
Speaker 4: think anyone who who wasn't married at twenty knows that
Speaker 4: feeling right. You've been twenty four and I got married
Speaker 4: at twenty four. You've been twenty three twenty four and
Speaker 4: gone out and hang out with your friends and done
Speaker 4: fun things, and then at the end of the night
Speaker 4: you're like, but there's no one waiting for me at home,
Speaker 4: and that's a really sad It's a sad thing. And
Speaker 4: I think that we are encouraging people to.
Speaker 3: Do that, at least not us.
Speaker 4: But you know that societal narrative is that people should
Speaker 4: go out and just heathenistically like, go out and do
Speaker 4: these things.
Speaker 3: And my.
Speaker 4: Argument is no, Actually, you're going to feel better, you're
Speaker 4: going to feel more fulfilled, and you're going to feel
Speaker 4: happier if you actually pursue a family, have a husband
Speaker 4: who loves you, have children who depend on you. These
Speaker 4: are all really positive things and they build on one
Speaker 4: another and it makes your life feel worth it as
Speaker 4: opposed to just kind of slipping through your fingers. I
Speaker 4: don't think that anything makes your life.
Speaker 3: Feel more.
Speaker 4: Full than have a family, and otherwise you're constantly just
Speaker 4: seeing time pass slip by.
Speaker 1: Right and traveling with kids. I know people think it's terrible,
Speaker 1: am I It might are thirteen, ten and seven. Now
Speaker 1: it's magical.
Speaker 2: It's so good.
Speaker 1: They're finally like at the age where they just like
Speaker 1: like everything and enjoy like seeing stuff and they're like
Speaker 1: still talking about the summer trip we took and it's
Speaker 1: not you know, it really is completely different and so
Speaker 1: much better. Which leads me to a question that I
Speaker 1: ask all of my guests, and I think that, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe you've touched on some of this, but what do
Speaker 1: you think is our largest cultural or societal problem in America?
Speaker 1: And do you think it's solvable?
Speaker 4: So I think that it's kind of a two part
Speaker 4: question for me. There's a book I recently read which
Speaker 4: is kind of I've been touching on, called Take Back
Speaker 4: Your Family by Jefferson Beski, and I highly recommend it
Speaker 4: if anyone is looking for a book to read. It
Speaker 4: really does talk about how the family has broken down
Speaker 4: and how the nuclear family, which people kind of mysdifine
Speaker 4: these days, is not the ideal. We don't want a
Speaker 4: family that is completely separated from the extended family.
Speaker 3: We want a family that on itself.
Speaker 4: And again, we view our mission as the family as
Speaker 4: opposed to our mission outside of the family. And so
Speaker 4: I think what we're facing today is this very individualist culture.
Speaker 4: Carl Truman also talks about this just how you know,
Speaker 4: expressive individualism has really taken its toll on people, and
Speaker 4: we are who we are in the context of others.
Speaker 4: So my fear for our culture is that we have
Speaker 4: gotten to individualists and we don't view family as the core.
Speaker 4: And when family breaks down, you start to see I mean,
Speaker 4: if fatherless homes, of course, I mean, that's a horrible
Speaker 4: outcome for the children. There's poverty, there's more crime. You
Speaker 4: have women kind of issuing their responsibility as mothers in
Speaker 4: favor of being girl bosses. And then you've got the
Speaker 4: idea that Erica Kamasar talks about of just the first
Speaker 4: three years being so important for young children's developing minds,
Speaker 4: and mothers drop off their kids at six weeks at daycare,
Speaker 4: you know, and so these kids are developing traumatic responses
Speaker 4: from really young ages that extend into adulthood. So I
Speaker 4: think that as we make family less important, we're seeing
Speaker 4: the individuals, ironically, who are supposed to be having individualists individualism,
Speaker 4: these individuals are suffering and making worse choices. So my
Speaker 4: dream for America is that we do go back to
Speaker 4: valuing family and making family the most important hub for
Speaker 4: all of for everyone. And I think that there is
Speaker 4: a chance that this can go back to that, especially
Speaker 4: through faith. I think that faith communities really do start there,
Speaker 4: start with family, and.
Speaker 3: That has been.
Speaker 4: As people continue to have a lot of kids, because
Speaker 4: usually people who are religious have a lot of children,
Speaker 4: then their children will do the same thing, and that
Speaker 4: can kind of shore up the weakness in the family structure,
Speaker 4: and hopefully that can influence people who are struggling with
Speaker 4: family who aren't religious and they can see, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 4: this is a better way to do things.
Speaker 1: So in that same Pew study that I mentioned, when
Speaker 1: people were saying they don't really care if their kids
Speaker 1: have kids, people also don't care if their kids follow
Speaker 1: their religion. I mean, the whole study like really made
Speaker 1: me angry at everything.
Speaker 3: I like the.
Speaker 1: Idea that you know, I'm going to not tell my kids,
Speaker 1: I would like you to follow our religion and I
Speaker 1: want you to have kids, Like that's to me, it's
Speaker 1: like every day in our household, like you know, So
Speaker 1: it's just I don't understand what's happening. Also, I was
Speaker 1: on a panel with Rika Kamasar a few months ago,
Speaker 1: and she spoke about the trauma that people, you know,
Speaker 1: the babies end up having because they're left without their
Speaker 1: primary caretaker. And I mean the crowd was just completely
Speaker 1: shocked by her findings. Was it was really interesting. She
Speaker 1: you know, said some things I think people hadn't really
Speaker 1: heard before. But so you are a mom, you have
Speaker 1: another on the way, you have this amazing brand. Is
Speaker 1: that okay to say yeah another yeah, yeah, zero weeks
Speaker 1: away social away from getting That's That's actually partially why
Speaker 1: I wanted to do this interview now, because I was like,
Speaker 1: she is going to not be around for a while.
Speaker 2: So, I mean, do you feel like you've made it?
Speaker 4: So it's such an interesting question. I I definitely. Here's
Speaker 4: what I'll say. I have everything that I want out
Speaker 4: of life. Like I'm so blessed that that that I
Speaker 4: can say that right, Like I've I've got an amazing husband,
Speaker 4: I have an amazing son, I have another son on
Speaker 4: the way, Like I live near my family. I have
Speaker 4: a brand that I love and that I get to
Speaker 4: do on my own schedule. So in that sense, one
Speaker 4: hundred percent, like I've built this life that I feel
Speaker 4: so blessed for. The only thing that I would say
Speaker 4: I wish I had a little bit more of is
Speaker 4: a is a slightly bigger platform, just because I think
Speaker 4: that you know, YouTube, first of all, doesn't love conservatives,
Speaker 4: in case I knew that, but you know, they can
Speaker 4: kind of tamper down your views. So even if you
Speaker 4: have a rather large platform, only a very small percentage
Speaker 4: of them are seeing what you do. But I think
Speaker 4: the that's really all I would want more is just
Speaker 4: a larger platform to reach more people, because I think
Speaker 4: there are more women who would benefit from hearing like, yeah,
Speaker 4: you're doing the right thing, don't feel bad about yourself,
Speaker 4: that kind of thing.
Speaker 3: But other than that, I'm good. I feel like I've
Speaker 3: made it.
Speaker 4: I'm so happy with my life and I'm so happy
Speaker 4: with with what I have.
Speaker 2: Do you feel like you live a public life.
Speaker 4: I sometimes get recognized, but less so lately. When I
Speaker 4: lived in Virginia, people recognize me a lot, probably because
Speaker 4: we were right outside DC, and that's like more.
Speaker 1: Of the area that would recognize what everybody knows whoever exactly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I do sometimes get recognized, I would say,
Speaker 4: for the most part, no, which is actually nice because,
Speaker 4: as you mentioned at the very beginning of this interview,
Speaker 4: if I do have a day where I'm not looking
Speaker 4: my best and I'm not looking classic, no one notices
Speaker 4: and That's nice because when that, yeah, that's happened to
Speaker 4: me where I've been recognized and I'm like, oh, classically
Speaker 4: abby looking, not to the best.
Speaker 1: I find that very hard to believe. I've never seen
Speaker 1: you looking anything but classic.
Speaker 3: Very sweet.
Speaker 1: So and to hear with your best tip for our
Speaker 1: listeners on how they can improve their lives. I would
Speaker 1: like to ask people that because I think it gives
Speaker 1: a real range of thoughts for our listeners on like
Speaker 1: something that they could do to you know, improve their
Speaker 1: life today or in the future.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be tall.
Speaker 3: So here is my answer to that.
Speaker 4: And if you can make it happen, make it happen,
Speaker 4: move near to your family, move closer to your family
Speaker 4: if you can. It is a game changer for us.
Speaker 3: It was, you know.
Speaker 4: I as soon as we got pregnant with my first son,
Speaker 4: I said to my husband, if we're going to have
Speaker 4: an easy time, we need to be near family. And
Speaker 4: it has been a huge blessing to us to have
Speaker 4: my parents here, to have my brother here, to have
Speaker 4: my sister here, Like it's just so wonderful to have
Speaker 4: that support system. And I see the people around us
Speaker 4: who don't and it's really hard, and so I would say,
Speaker 4: if you can make it work, if you can find
Speaker 4: a way to make it work, do it.
Speaker 2: That's really great. I mean we raised our kids.
Speaker 1: I mean they're still young, but in the first few
Speaker 1: years in New York, and my mom was over every
Speaker 1: single day, and you know, we never even talked about it.
Speaker 1: She's Russian. She just started coming over a second kid
Speaker 1: was born. She's like, oh, you're not doing well. I'm
Speaker 1: going to be here every day now. So I really
Speaker 1: like that tip. Thank you so much for coming on Abby.
Speaker 1: This was fantastic. She is classically Abby. Follow her on
Speaker 1: all the platforms.
Speaker 2: She's really great.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us on The Carol Marcowitz Show.
Speaker 1: Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.