1 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: There's a book that I love called Stumbling on Happiness. 3 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,520 Speaker 1: It's one of the few books that really change the 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: way I see the world, see myself, see experiences and 5 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: memories and dreams for the future. In the book, psychologist 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: Daniel Gilbert argues that we assume that what makes us 7 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: happy today will make us happy in the future too. 8 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: We don't imagine all the things that may happen to 9 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: us that could change our perspective present. You knows very 10 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: little definitively about what future you will desire. One thing 11 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: about me is that I never wanted to get married 12 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: or have children. My three kids love hearing that story. 13 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,519 Speaker 1: I never aught at babies or day dreamed about my wedding. 14 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: I've written before that I pictured myself at eighty, alone 15 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:57,240 Speaker 1: and fabulous in sequins and false eyelashes, smoking cigarettes at 16 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 1: a hotel bar. The thought of the kind of commitment 17 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: that kids require kept me up at night. 18 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 2: I wanted to be free. 19 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 1: I wasn't into tattoos and I wasn't into babies. 20 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:09,399 Speaker 2: The permanence was not for me. 21 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: And the thing is I was always with really good guys. 22 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:15,760 Speaker 1: I look back at my exes and I'm generally proud 23 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,399 Speaker 1: to have picked them, but they were still all wrong 24 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: for me. A question I get a lot from single 25 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: women who don't want to be is how to pick 26 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: better people. But the truth is that even if you're 27 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: not into jerks or bad boys or whatever, the person 28 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: can still be wrong for you. Had I married any 29 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: of those really great men, I would have been settling. 30 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: There was a hit book a number of years ago 31 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,680 Speaker 1: called Marry Him. The Case for Settling for Mister Goodenough 32 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: by Lori Gottlib. A woman wakes up at forty and 33 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,479 Speaker 1: realizes she should have just settled for someone along the way. 34 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 2: I am very. 35 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 1: Much opposed to this. This argument tries to course single 36 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: women into pairing off with whomever will have them, so 37 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 1: long as they achieve the goal of getting married and 38 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: having babies. This advice is framed as as courageous, as 39 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: if telling a woman to settle for an imperfect mate 40 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: is hard hitting and bold, when in fact it is 41 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 1: the advice equivalent of describing yourself as too much of 42 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: a perfectionist when asked about your negatives on a job interview. 43 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 2: It's a cop out. 44 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 1: This line essentially tells single women who wish to be 45 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:20,840 Speaker 1: married but aren't that their problem in landing a mate 46 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: is that they are too choosy. For most people, that 47 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 1: is simply not it. I'll get into more about this 48 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 1: about how settling is a cop out and what you 49 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 1: should do instead in the next episode, but here I 50 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: want to talk about the kid part. I said in 51 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: the last episode that I love studies on relationships, but 52 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,919 Speaker 1: I actually think studies on whether children make you happy 53 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 1: and whether you should have them are completely flawed because 54 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: it's impossible to put a numerical value on creating and 55 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: nurturing life. Children are complicated. You want to get away 56 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 1: from them, yet miss them when you do. It's difficult 57 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,120 Speaker 1: when they depend on you, and it's difficult when they 58 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 1: stop depending on you. So many parents have grown children 59 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 1: will stay a wistful go by so fast while you're 60 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 1: in the throes of diaper changes and sleepless nights that 61 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 1: there develops an understanding that clearly there's more to it 62 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,799 Speaker 1: than your happiness level on any particular day. A few 63 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,399 Speaker 1: years ago, I wrote about a really interesting three year 64 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 1: study out of UCLA which tracked thirty two families and 65 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 1: videotape their every moment. What they found was just a 66 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 1: horror show of typical family life. You know, picture your 67 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,639 Speaker 1: mornings trying to get your kids out the door, and 68 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,239 Speaker 1: how that would look to somebody you know who doesn't 69 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: have kids. Oh, you know, terrible, right. The families bickered, 70 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: they yelled at each other, and behaved much like ordinary 71 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 1: families do. A twenty ten New York Times story about 72 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: the project described the lives of the subjects as quote 73 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 1: a fire shower of stress, multitasking, and mutual nitpicking end quote. 74 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 1: Some of those people who conducted the study were horrified. 75 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: One guy, Anthony P. Greach, a post doctoral fellow involved 76 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: in the study, said it was quote the very purest 77 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: form of birth control ever devised ever end quote. But 78 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: then the inevitable Five years later kicker in the story, 79 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: doctor Greich and his wife have just had their second child. 80 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 2: Present. 81 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: You cannot predict what will make future you happy. That's 82 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 1: what stumbling on happiness is about. Other people with their 83 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: kids will only show you the negatives of having children, 84 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,040 Speaker 1: as it's just impossible to see the positives from afar. 85 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,359 Speaker 1: But that's true for a lot of things. Going to 86 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 1: school is hard, having a job is hard, and we're 87 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: expected to do it. In fact, we're raised with that 88 00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: expectation being the one true path. And you can get 89 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: off that path, sure, but it's going to come at 90 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: our risk to your happiness. The same is true for 91 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: having kids, and we should say so. That's why it's 92 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,159 Speaker 1: so important to draw the connection for your own child 93 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 1: as to why they should get married and have children, 94 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,840 Speaker 1: and portray it as part of the success sequence for them. 95 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: My youngest son asked me just today whether I think 96 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: all three of my kids will be successful, and I 97 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: took that opportunity to tell him that while success to 98 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: him might be playing for them Dallas Cowboys' success to 99 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 1: me is my kids getting married to people they love 100 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 1: and having families. The book Stumbling on Happiness concludes spoiler 101 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: alert with the idea that we can't predict what will 102 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 1: make us happy, so we have to lean into the 103 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 1: advice of people who have done the things that we're 104 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 1: considering doing. We should also listen to people who love 105 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,360 Speaker 1: us and know what actual happiness looks like for us, 106 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: even if we can't see it way into the future. Hey, 107 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 1: I might still you know, wear false lashes and take 108 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: up smoking when I'm eighty and sitting at the hotel bar. 109 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,280 Speaker 1: But the image I saw from my own happiness has 110 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: changed significantly. Tell your children that their plan can change too. 111 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,720 Speaker 1: Coming up next an interview with Abby Roth. Join us 112 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: after the break, Hi, and welcome back to the Carol 113 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,039 Speaker 1: Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. Our guest today is Abby Roth. 114 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 1: Abby is the creator of Classically Abby, a YouTube channel 115 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:59,720 Speaker 1: and lifestyle brand that teaches about classical living and traditional values. 116 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,960 Speaker 1: Abby is a classically trained opera singer with a master's 117 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: degree and professional study certificate from the Manhattan School of Music. 118 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 1: Abby transitioned to YouTube from opera when she realized the 119 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: importance of sharing how to live a conservative life. She 120 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 1: has a ton of followers on YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, and 121 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:20,880 Speaker 1: Abby is spreading her message to young women and men everywhere. 122 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,920 Speaker 2: Thanks so much for being on Abby. 123 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me. So happy to 124 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 3: be here. 125 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,159 Speaker 1: So how do you describe what classical values means? 126 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, So, what I always say is that classic living 127 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 4: is an outgrowth of traditional values. 128 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,480 Speaker 3: So if you believe that. 129 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,599 Speaker 4: There are certain things that are true and are based 130 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,719 Speaker 4: in reality, and you live your life out in that way, 131 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 4: then you will necessarily. 132 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 3: Be living classically. So men and women are different. 133 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:55,359 Speaker 4: For example, no way, if you believe that, which I 134 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 4: mean funny enough, that's a traditional value these days. 135 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 3: But let's say it is. Then as a woman. 136 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,720 Speaker 4: For example, you are going to be living a classical 137 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,719 Speaker 4: life because you're going to be accepting reality and you're 138 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 4: going to be living your life within those boundaries. And 139 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 4: if you, for example, think that that it's important for 140 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 4: people to present themselves, well, that's a classical way of living, 141 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 4: is presenting yourself well when you're out and about and 142 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 4: not always dressing in the very common and modern way 143 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 4: of dressing a leisure and never brushing your hair. So 144 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 4: I mean guilty, but yes, all of us are guilty sometimes. 145 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 3: Don't get me wrong. I've been there, I've been there. 146 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 3: I'm a ball. 147 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 4: But I think as a general rule, right, like, if 148 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 4: you are embracing those traditional values, then you're going to 149 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,240 Speaker 4: be living them out as well. 150 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 2: Right. 151 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: So I saw Babylon b story recently that reminded me 152 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 1: of you, and the headline was woman wishes there was 153 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 1: some kind of job that would let her work from 154 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: home and do stuff she enjoys like baking, sewing, hanging out, 155 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 1: with her kids. That's amazing you've even posted, I think, 156 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: and I'm sure once that you feel societal pressure to not, 157 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: you know, be a stay at home mom. So how 158 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 1: do you reconcile that? 159 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think one of my least favorite sayings or 160 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 4: phrases in the English language is fulfill your potential. 161 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 3: I always hate that phrase because what does that mean. 162 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 4: I mean, fulfilling your potential very much, very often into 163 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 4: day's day and age feels like trying to show kind 164 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 4: of outwardly how smart you are and prove to other 165 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 4: people what you can accomplish, as opposed to what is 166 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 4: your potential. 167 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 3: It's what you can actually be. 168 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 4: So if your potential and fulfilling your potential is being 169 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 4: at home and raising your children, then that's the best place. 170 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:47,160 Speaker 3: For you to be. 171 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 4: And I think you can feel really good about that. 172 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 4: So that's how I've learned to reconcile it. I mean, 173 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,679 Speaker 4: I think that that's always been my greatest fear. Am 174 00:08:55,720 --> 00:09:00,040 Speaker 4: I fulfilling my potential? And in the last year or so, 175 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 4: I've really explored that idea because I didn't want to 176 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 4: ever feel like I was, you know, doing something wrong 177 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 4: with my choices, and I've recognized and grown through that 178 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 4: and realized that there's no place, at least for me 179 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 4: and I believe for many women than being with my son, 180 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 4: raising him and giving him a strong foundation. 181 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: Where do you think that pressure comes from? Like I 182 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 1: have this joke that you know, and I've said this 183 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: on the show before, but you know, when people say 184 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: society says, I'm always like, did your mom say that? 185 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 4: Like? 186 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 2: Was it your mom? 187 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 3: But was it? 188 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:36,319 Speaker 4: I mean? 189 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 2: Where do you feel like that? 190 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 3: You know? 191 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:39,559 Speaker 2: The potential thing? 192 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: Is it? 193 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 2: College? Is it our parents? 194 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 3: Like? 195 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 1: I know exactly what you mean, but you know I 196 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 1: feel it even not being a stay at home how 197 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 1: I feel like, am I living up to my potential? 198 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 2: So yeah, I get it? But where does it come from? 199 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 3: I think? I mean. 200 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 4: For me, I always think things stem from feminism, and 201 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 4: feminism is an outgrowth of Marxism. So if you kind 202 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 4: of look at the later elements of feminism, right, initial feminism, equality, equity, feminism, voting, that's. 203 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 3: All good, Right, we can all recognize. 204 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 4: Christina Hofstluers kind of breaks this down for us in 205 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,640 Speaker 4: whostole feminism. But then as we get into like, you know, 206 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 4: sixties style feminism, then we're seeing people talk about how 207 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 4: the house, being at home is a concentration camp. Right, 208 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 4: That's what Betty free Dan said in her book and 209 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,679 Speaker 4: in the Feminine Mystique. So we know that there's kind 210 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 4: of this idea that women at home was a waste 211 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,320 Speaker 4: of potential. Right, Men got to go out and work, 212 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 4: got to go out and work. And I always put 213 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 4: that in quotation marks because for many men wanted to 214 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:46,319 Speaker 4: do that, right exactly, many men would not choose that lifestyle. 215 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:50,960 Speaker 4: But now we see that going back to that era, 216 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 4: there was a real push for women to be out 217 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 4: and that being a mother was holding you back. And 218 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 4: I feel like even in the New Barbie movie that 219 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 4: line that made me so upset that everyone was like, that's. 220 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,719 Speaker 3: So emotional, and I was thinking to myself, are you 221 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 3: kidding me? 222 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 4: Which was mothers like, mothers hold themselves back so their 223 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 4: daughters can go forward. 224 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 3: And I was like, what are you talking about? In 225 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:16,720 Speaker 3: what world? 226 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,280 Speaker 4: So I think that that's really, at least for our generation, 227 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 4: where that came from, where that stems from. And if 228 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 4: your mom was raised in that era, I think that 229 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 4: she probably had a similar a similar thought. Now, my 230 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 4: mom and I are super super close and we can 231 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 4: talk about all these ideas really openly. But she was 232 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 4: the primary breadwinner and my dad was a stay at 233 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,320 Speaker 4: home dad, so you know, I was raised a little 234 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,959 Speaker 4: bit about a philosophy of like women should go out 235 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,719 Speaker 4: and work. And this has been a big shift for 236 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 4: our relationship that I'm like a big proponent of being 237 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,760 Speaker 4: at home. And thank god, because she is who she is, 238 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 4: she's always prioritized family, so she can really wrap her 239 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:56,319 Speaker 4: head around it, even though it wasn't the exact style 240 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 4: that I'm doing. 241 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 1: Right, that's yeah, that's really interesting. I didn't see the 242 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,360 Speaker 1: Barbie movie, but my like, you know, one moment, a 243 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: proud moment of parenting is that my thirteen year old daughter, 244 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 1: who you know, dressed up in pink, went to see 245 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,080 Speaker 1: it with her friends, walked out of there like. 246 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 2: What did I just watch? 247 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 3: You should be proud? 248 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,319 Speaker 1: And she said that like she felt very like hit 249 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: over the head with a lot of the concepts, Like 250 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 1: they kept using the word patriarchy over and over again, 251 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,680 Speaker 1: and she was like, I get it, the patriarchy all. 252 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,319 Speaker 3: Right, like exactly exactly. 253 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,199 Speaker 2: So what will you teach your kids about their future options? 254 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 1: Because it's interesting because you know, when I think about this. 255 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,680 Speaker 2: I look, I definitely say to my daughter, like, you 256 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 2: could do whatever you want. 257 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,520 Speaker 1: She's brilliant, and you know, she's really into the sciences 258 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,320 Speaker 1: and she's into robotics, and I'm like, you want to 259 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 1: go into that world, like, you can totally do that, 260 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: but listen, if you want to be a stay at 261 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 1: home mom, I'll support that one hundred percent. But I 262 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 1: don't ever say that to my sons. 263 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 2: I have two sons, and you know. 264 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,760 Speaker 1: I don't mention that they have all these options. So 265 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:57,080 Speaker 1: do you feel like you kind of say the same 266 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 1: or you will say the same to all your kids me. 267 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 4: And I'll you know, I'm sure I'm gonna mention this 268 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 4: throughout and later as well. For me, family is always 269 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 4: the priority. So that's the thing I want to instill 270 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 4: in my children is. 271 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 3: If your dreams your dreams, and. 272 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,560 Speaker 4: I'm putting a lot of things in quotes, I realizing, 273 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 4: but if your dreams come at the cost of your family, 274 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 4: and you decide that your mission outside of your family 275 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 4: is more important than your mission of family, You're doing 276 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 4: things wrong. At least that's what I'm going to teach 277 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,240 Speaker 4: both my daughters and my sons. 278 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 3: So for my sons. 279 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 4: You know, it's going to look a little different because 280 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 4: generally men are the providers. And you know, it used 281 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 4: to look different, It used to look different what that 282 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 4: dynamic looked like. But in today's day and age, men 283 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 4: are the providers most of the time, and men also 284 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,360 Speaker 4: thrive when they are in that position. A man who 285 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 4: is making less than his wife. 286 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,080 Speaker 3: Often there is stress and struggle in that relationship. So 287 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:54,200 Speaker 3: you know, I mean, but. 288 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,960 Speaker 1: My husband always is like, I would have no problem 289 00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 1: with that. You go ahead and make more money than me. 290 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 1: I will somehow make it as a man. 291 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,559 Speaker 4: Yeah, I do think that there are some more men 292 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 4: who are getting open to it. But as a general thing, 293 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 4: I think that men have a pride thing about it. 294 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 4: So for my sons, I want to raise them with 295 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,559 Speaker 4: the idea of your job is to provide in a 296 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 4: way that you enjoy and inspires you, but that doesn't 297 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 4: come at the cost of your family. And for my daughters, 298 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 4: it's I want you to choose a job that you 299 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 4: can you can. 300 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 3: I don't ever want you. 301 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 4: To struggle with the self cost fallacy. So what that 302 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,160 Speaker 4: means is I don't ever want them to choose a 303 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 4: job where they put their time, effort, and money into it, 304 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 4: and then when they do have children, they get to 305 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 4: a point where they're like, oh, I want to I 306 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:44,720 Speaker 4: want to stay home with my kids, but I just 307 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 4: sunk this time, effort and. 308 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 3: Money and they can't. They can't square those two things. 309 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 4: And so a lot of women I know have either 310 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 4: gone back to work even when they. 311 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 3: Didn't have to and didn't want to, but felt like they. 312 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 4: Should, right right, I know I had this degree for 313 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,280 Speaker 4: you know exactly. And the thing is, you can't know 314 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 4: how you're going to feel about having kids until you 315 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,640 Speaker 4: have them. And I do think it's a wonderful thing 316 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:13,640 Speaker 4: to devote your time and energy to something before you 317 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 4: have children, Right Like I built the brand of Classically 318 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 4: Abby before I had my son so that I could 319 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 4: have the flexibility after I had my son to make 320 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 4: one video a week, not four, right, And you know, 321 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 4: it's nice to have that time before you do have children, 322 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 4: so you can build these things for yourself. But I 323 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 4: think for me, I really want to instill in my 324 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 4: daughter's choose a career that has flexibility, and whether that 325 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,320 Speaker 4: means a career that you can step away for twenty 326 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 4: years and be a full time stay at home and 327 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 4: come back into the workforce and be better than ever. 328 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,440 Speaker 3: Like nursing. 329 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 4: That sounds great, but don't choose something that's going to 330 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 4: box you in that you're going to be in debt, 331 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,800 Speaker 4: that you're going to feel really bad about yourself if 332 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 4: you step back then and then not be able to 333 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 4: make different choices. 334 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 2: We're going to take a quick break and be right back. 335 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 1: On the Carol Marcowitch Show, there was that pupil I 336 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 1: think it was April where like some crazy number of 337 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: Americans I don't have the number in front of me 338 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 1: right now, but it was like I wouldn't say forty percent, 339 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: like don't think it's that important for their kids to 340 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: have kids, or they don't they don't stress the importance 341 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 1: of like you should have children to through their children. 342 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 2: I just think that's like societal suicide. And I don't 343 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 2: understand it. 344 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:31,080 Speaker 1: So I you know the perspective of family first, whether 345 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 1: or not you're a man or a woman, and then 346 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 1: you know. 347 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,520 Speaker 2: The rest later. I think it's just so obvious. 348 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: Also just the fact that married people make more money 349 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: because it makes so much sense, like when you're comfortable 350 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 1: in your home and you're in your life and you're 351 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 1: not like swiping on Tinder at. 352 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 2: Night, you make more money because you're just settled. 353 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,440 Speaker 1: So the idea of like pursue money not family is 354 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 1: so backwards to me. 355 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 2: But how do we you know, how do we change that? 356 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 1: How do we get everybody on, you know, the Abbey 357 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 1: plan of ps do family first? 358 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 4: I mean, I hope that over time people realize that, 359 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,880 Speaker 4: you know, there's more happiness to be had in your 360 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:14,679 Speaker 4: family than there is in these these kind of silly 361 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 4: pursuits of traveling and food and like all of these 362 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 4: things that we spend way too much money on, like 363 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,880 Speaker 4: you were saying, the ways that we save and make 364 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 4: more money when we're married, as opposted before. Don't get 365 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,200 Speaker 4: me wrong, Traveling is fun, going to restaurants is fun. 366 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,679 Speaker 4: Having a cocktail every now and then is great, but 367 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 4: like that doesn't last, and if you come home to 368 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 4: no one, you're not going to feel great the next 369 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,119 Speaker 4: day or even that night. And I've I mean, I 370 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 4: think anyone who who wasn't married at twenty knows that 371 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 4: feeling right. You've been twenty four and I got married 372 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 4: at twenty four. You've been twenty three twenty four and 373 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:55,119 Speaker 4: gone out and hang out with your friends and done 374 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 4: fun things, and then at the end of the night 375 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 4: you're like, but there's no one waiting for me at home, 376 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 4: and that's a really sad It's a sad thing. And 377 00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 4: I think that we are encouraging people to. 378 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,639 Speaker 3: Do that, at least not us. 379 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:13,480 Speaker 4: But you know that societal narrative is that people should 380 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,439 Speaker 4: go out and just heathenistically like, go out and do 381 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:16,960 Speaker 4: these things. 382 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 3: And my. 383 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 4: Argument is no, Actually, you're going to feel better, you're 384 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,240 Speaker 4: going to feel more fulfilled, and you're going to feel 385 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 4: happier if you actually pursue a family, have a husband 386 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,600 Speaker 4: who loves you, have children who depend on you. These 387 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 4: are all really positive things and they build on one 388 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,920 Speaker 4: another and it makes your life feel worth it as 389 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 4: opposed to just kind of slipping through your fingers. I 390 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,840 Speaker 4: don't think that anything makes your life. 391 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:46,679 Speaker 3: Feel more. 392 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:53,000 Speaker 4: Full than have a family, and otherwise you're constantly just 393 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 4: seeing time pass slip by. 394 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,600 Speaker 1: Right and traveling with kids. I know people think it's terrible, 395 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 1: am I It might are thirteen, ten and seven. Now 396 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:02,720 Speaker 1: it's magical. 397 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:03,360 Speaker 2: It's so good. 398 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 1: They're finally like at the age where they just like 399 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 1: like everything and enjoy like seeing stuff and they're like 400 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 1: still talking about the summer trip we took and it's 401 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,480 Speaker 1: not you know, it really is completely different and so 402 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,679 Speaker 1: much better. Which leads me to a question that I 403 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: ask all of my guests, and I think that, you know, 404 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:21,119 Speaker 1: maybe you've touched on some of this, but what do 405 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 1: you think is our largest cultural or societal problem in America? 406 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: And do you think it's solvable? 407 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 4: So I think that it's kind of a two part 408 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 4: question for me. There's a book I recently read which 409 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,360 Speaker 4: is kind of I've been touching on, called Take Back 410 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 4: Your Family by Jefferson Beski, and I highly recommend it 411 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 4: if anyone is looking for a book to read. It 412 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 4: really does talk about how the family has broken down 413 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,680 Speaker 4: and how the nuclear family, which people kind of mysdifine 414 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 4: these days, is not the ideal. We don't want a 415 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,479 Speaker 4: family that is completely separated from the extended family. 416 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,880 Speaker 3: We want a family that on itself. 417 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 4: And again, we view our mission as the family as 418 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 4: opposed to our mission outside of the family. And so 419 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:13,640 Speaker 4: I think what we're facing today is this very individualist culture. 420 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 4: Carl Truman also talks about this just how you know, 421 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 4: expressive individualism has really taken its toll on people, and 422 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 4: we are who we are in the context of others. 423 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:30,600 Speaker 4: So my fear for our culture is that we have 424 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 4: gotten to individualists and we don't view family as the core. 425 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,439 Speaker 4: And when family breaks down, you start to see I mean, 426 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 4: if fatherless homes, of course, I mean, that's a horrible 427 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 4: outcome for the children. There's poverty, there's more crime. You 428 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,320 Speaker 4: have women kind of issuing their responsibility as mothers in 429 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 4: favor of being girl bosses. And then you've got the 430 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,520 Speaker 4: idea that Erica Kamasar talks about of just the first 431 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,840 Speaker 4: three years being so important for young children's developing minds, 432 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,120 Speaker 4: and mothers drop off their kids at six weeks at daycare, 433 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,920 Speaker 4: you know, and so these kids are developing traumatic responses 434 00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 4: from really young ages that extend into adulthood. So I 435 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,879 Speaker 4: think that as we make family less important, we're seeing 436 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:19,639 Speaker 4: the individuals, ironically, who are supposed to be having individualists individualism, 437 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 4: these individuals are suffering and making worse choices. So my 438 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,199 Speaker 4: dream for America is that we do go back to 439 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 4: valuing family and making family the most important hub for 440 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 4: all of for everyone. And I think that there is 441 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,600 Speaker 4: a chance that this can go back to that, especially 442 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,200 Speaker 4: through faith. I think that faith communities really do start there, 443 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,200 Speaker 4: start with family, and. 444 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 3: That has been. 445 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 4: As people continue to have a lot of kids, because 446 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 4: usually people who are religious have a lot of children, 447 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,960 Speaker 4: then their children will do the same thing, and that 448 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 4: can kind of shore up the weakness in the family structure, 449 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,199 Speaker 4: and hopefully that can influence people who are struggling with 450 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 4: family who aren't religious and they can see, Okay, yeah, 451 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,240 Speaker 4: this is a better way to do things. 452 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,680 Speaker 1: So in that same Pew study that I mentioned, when 453 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,720 Speaker 1: people were saying they don't really care if their kids 454 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:21,159 Speaker 1: have kids, people also don't care if their kids follow 455 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,440 Speaker 1: their religion. I mean, the whole study like really made 456 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,600 Speaker 1: me angry at everything. 457 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:28,160 Speaker 3: I like the. 458 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 1: Idea that you know, I'm going to not tell my kids, 459 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,679 Speaker 1: I would like you to follow our religion and I 460 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,360 Speaker 1: want you to have kids, Like that's to me, it's 461 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,440 Speaker 1: like every day in our household, like you know, So 462 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,679 Speaker 1: it's just I don't understand what's happening. Also, I was 463 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,400 Speaker 1: on a panel with Rika Kamasar a few months ago, 464 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 1: and she spoke about the trauma that people, you know, 465 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:50,439 Speaker 1: the babies end up having because they're left without their 466 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,840 Speaker 1: primary caretaker. And I mean the crowd was just completely 467 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:58,159 Speaker 1: shocked by her findings. Was it was really interesting. She 468 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: you know, said some things I think people hadn't really 469 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 1: heard before. But so you are a mom, you have 470 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: another on the way, you have this amazing brand. Is 471 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,680 Speaker 1: that okay to say yeah another yeah, yeah, zero weeks 472 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,720 Speaker 1: away social away from getting That's That's actually partially why 473 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,679 Speaker 1: I wanted to do this interview now, because I was like, 474 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: she is going to not be around for a while. 475 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,440 Speaker 2: So, I mean, do you feel like you've made it? 476 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:30,159 Speaker 4: So it's such an interesting question. I I definitely. Here's 477 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 4: what I'll say. I have everything that I want out 478 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 4: of life. Like I'm so blessed that that that I 479 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,840 Speaker 4: can say that right, Like I've I've got an amazing husband, 480 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 4: I have an amazing son, I have another son on 481 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,360 Speaker 4: the way, Like I live near my family. I have 482 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,000 Speaker 4: a brand that I love and that I get to 483 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 4: do on my own schedule. So in that sense, one 484 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,680 Speaker 4: hundred percent, like I've built this life that I feel 485 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,760 Speaker 4: so blessed for. The only thing that I would say 486 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 4: I wish I had a little bit more of is 487 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,399 Speaker 4: a is a slightly bigger platform, just because I think 488 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 4: that you know, YouTube, first of all, doesn't love conservatives, 489 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:09,880 Speaker 4: in case I knew that, but you know, they can 490 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 4: kind of tamper down your views. So even if you 491 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 4: have a rather large platform, only a very small percentage 492 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 4: of them are seeing what you do. But I think 493 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 4: the that's really all I would want more is just 494 00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,800 Speaker 4: a larger platform to reach more people, because I think 495 00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:31,119 Speaker 4: there are more women who would benefit from hearing like, yeah, 496 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 4: you're doing the right thing, don't feel bad about yourself, 497 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:35,400 Speaker 4: that kind of thing. 498 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,160 Speaker 3: But other than that, I'm good. I feel like I've 499 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:38,479 Speaker 3: made it. 500 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 4: I'm so happy with my life and I'm so happy 501 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:42,679 Speaker 4: with with what I have. 502 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 2: Do you feel like you live a public life. 503 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 4: I sometimes get recognized, but less so lately. When I 504 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,640 Speaker 4: lived in Virginia, people recognize me a lot, probably because 505 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 4: we were right outside DC, and that's like more. 506 00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:02,679 Speaker 1: Of the area that would recognize what everybody knows whoever exactly. 507 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, but I do sometimes get recognized, I would say, 508 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,840 Speaker 4: for the most part, no, which is actually nice because, 509 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,640 Speaker 4: as you mentioned at the very beginning of this interview, 510 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,960 Speaker 4: if I do have a day where I'm not looking 511 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 4: my best and I'm not looking classic, no one notices 512 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 4: and That's nice because when that, yeah, that's happened to 513 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,719 Speaker 4: me where I've been recognized and I'm like, oh, classically 514 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 4: abby looking, not to the best. 515 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: I find that very hard to believe. I've never seen 516 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,120 Speaker 1: you looking anything but classic. 517 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 3: Very sweet. 518 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: So and to hear with your best tip for our 519 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 1: listeners on how they can improve their lives. I would 520 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,240 Speaker 1: like to ask people that because I think it gives 521 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,159 Speaker 1: a real range of thoughts for our listeners on like 522 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,800 Speaker 1: something that they could do to you know, improve their 523 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 1: life today or in the future. 524 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be tall. 525 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,160 Speaker 3: So here is my answer to that. 526 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,679 Speaker 4: And if you can make it happen, make it happen, 527 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 4: move near to your family, move closer to your family 528 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 4: if you can. It is a game changer for us. 529 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:05,919 Speaker 3: It was, you know. 530 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 4: I as soon as we got pregnant with my first son, 531 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,640 Speaker 4: I said to my husband, if we're going to have 532 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 4: an easy time, we need to be near family. And 533 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,919 Speaker 4: it has been a huge blessing to us to have 534 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,199 Speaker 4: my parents here, to have my brother here, to have 535 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:26,320 Speaker 4: my sister here, Like it's just so wonderful to have 536 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,240 Speaker 4: that support system. And I see the people around us 537 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 4: who don't and it's really hard, and so I would say, 538 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 4: if you can make it work, if you can find 539 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 4: a way to make it work, do it. 540 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,399 Speaker 2: That's really great. I mean we raised our kids. 541 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,360 Speaker 1: I mean they're still young, but in the first few 542 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 1: years in New York, and my mom was over every 543 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,520 Speaker 1: single day, and you know, we never even talked about it. 544 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,160 Speaker 1: She's Russian. She just started coming over a second kid 545 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,400 Speaker 1: was born. She's like, oh, you're not doing well. I'm 546 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 1: going to be here every day now. So I really 547 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,560 Speaker 1: like that tip. Thank you so much for coming on Abby. 548 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,840 Speaker 1: This was fantastic. She is classically Abby. Follow her on 549 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:04,960 Speaker 1: all the platforms. 550 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 2: She's really great. 551 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:07,120 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me. 552 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us on The Carol Marcowitz Show. 553 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,360 Speaker 1: Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.