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Speaker 1: Nick Yes, here's Nikki a little late on that, aren't

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Speaker 1: we No? H, I guess acted. I I also got

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Speaker 1: distracted by your sparkles, which I I just said, you're

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Speaker 1: you look sparkly today and you said, I'm going somewhere

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Speaker 1: And I said where you look all dressed up? And

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Speaker 1: you said, I'm going to the gynecologist. I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: distract met Gala theme this year. It's kinda coologist. Um,

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Speaker 1: you look, yeah, that's like my my, are my eyes

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Speaker 1: just saving me? That's a sparkly top. No, yeah it is.

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Speaker 1: Where'd you get top uh? Anthropology? You get everything you

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Speaker 1: love anthropology. That's where Brenna used to work so much.

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Speaker 1: Maybe Andrew's here at the top of the show. How's

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Speaker 1: the How old is the guyn of colleges? She's a

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Speaker 1: she's someone new. I'm meeting her for the first time today.

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Speaker 1: Kind of on the young side, great and I can't

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Speaker 1: wait torongest is on the young side. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: a couple's counselor right now with great person that I'm

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Speaker 1: not even in a couple with. It's you know, this

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Speaker 1: makes sense. This is woke as ship, you know, like

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Speaker 1: you're not We're not even a couple, and we're going

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Speaker 1: to which I don't think is a bad idea. Um,

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Speaker 1: but she's young. It's probably my age. Um I haven't noticed.

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Speaker 1: But she got her start in eating disorders, which I

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Speaker 1: didn't know, but I was yesterday I got there. I know,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Andrew, what the fuck You're so funny?

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Speaker 1: Stop it? That was a classic. That's that's that that

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Speaker 1: that encapsulates why you're funny. That's it, Like that line

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Speaker 1: right there, that's so funny. That was so freaking funny. Um.

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Speaker 1: So we I got into the office yesterday. I went in,

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Speaker 1: so I go individually because she wanted to get our

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Speaker 1: back stories, and then we go in together. And I

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Speaker 1: went in individually, and I'm looking on her shelf. She

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Speaker 1: has attached which I was like, dude, I'm reading that.

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Speaker 1: It's blowing my goddamn mind. And then I go, oh,

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Speaker 1: you have a lot of alan On literature, which is

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Speaker 1: stuff that I've been familiar with in the past. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, that's cool. And I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, you have read Eating by the Light of

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Speaker 1: the Moon, which is if you have any kind of

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Speaker 1: eating disorder or just struggle as a woman with body image.

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Speaker 1: That book I told all my friends about. It's a

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Speaker 1: very spiritual book, but it's just a it's almost like fiction,

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Speaker 1: and it's a great book. And it's rare that I've

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Speaker 1: ever seen someone reading that. I think I found out

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Speaker 1: about it in some you know, I don't even know

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Speaker 1: where I found you never read about it. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, you have eating by the lighton Moon. She

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Speaker 1: was like, you actually got my start and eating disorder.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh awesome. And now she does marriage conslain.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if she's married though, but she is hot.

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Speaker 1: I love that you do this with the therapist where

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Speaker 1: you break it's uh, do you remember the mat Dame?

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Speaker 1: What's the Matt Damon ben Affleck movie the good Will Hunting?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I just want to Louise special Oh, yeah

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Speaker 1: about it. But but he's in the therapist office and

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Speaker 1: he's looking at the different books and he's questioning the books.

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Speaker 1: And then he's looking remember he's looking at the painting

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Speaker 1: and he goes, oh, this is a sad paint. He's like,

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Speaker 1: you painted this. He's like, this guy lost something and

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Speaker 1: then yeah, and then you never got it. And he's

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Speaker 1: talking about his wife and psychoanalyzed. Yeah, yeah, before them.

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Speaker 1: But that's interesting. That's something I would never do. I

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Speaker 1: could be a therapist, I think in another world like

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Speaker 1: that is. It's the way I speak. I like to

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Speaker 1: get people to talk about things that they feel. He's

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Speaker 1: I'm good at it, and um, but I also realized,

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Speaker 1: I'm not fucking educated. And this woman knows a lot

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Speaker 1: more than me. But she's probably my age, maybe younger,

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Speaker 1: and she's really cute and she's good. She's just really good.

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Speaker 1: It's like young doctors sometimes make you give you a

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Speaker 1: sense of disease. But for me, I'm like, no, they

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Speaker 1: just got out of school. They have just read all

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Speaker 1: the most. They're still hungry for knowledge. They're still excited

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Speaker 1: about what they do generally, and they've learned the new.

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Speaker 1: They're not they don't have the old mentality in their

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Speaker 1: brain reading the d s M. One. They're reading the

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Speaker 1: d s M six. Try it. It's hard to train

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Speaker 1: an old dog new tricks. So like these older doctors,

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Speaker 1: they're like, oh, just cut yourself and bleed out. Just

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Speaker 1: keep your emotions in. What are you doing? What you're doing?

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Speaker 1: And I've never once laid down on a couch by

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Speaker 1: the way. If anyone is opposed to therapy because you

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Speaker 1: think you'll have to lay down on a couch, that's

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Speaker 1: the only reason why I got in. There's a couch.

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Speaker 1: But um yeah, she just on all these books. And

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Speaker 1: what makes a good therapist to you. To me, it's

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Speaker 1: someone who's um, I like, someone who's able to bring

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Speaker 1: perspective to my thoughts and my patterns that I had

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Speaker 1: never considered before. And it's almost like a good comedian.

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Speaker 1: As I was saying yesterday about or two days ago

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Speaker 1: about the Louis k joke about fly air travel change

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Speaker 1: the way I thought about it forever, never going to

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Speaker 1: complain about a delay again in the way that I

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Speaker 1: used to. And I think a therapist as a way

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Speaker 1: of going, okay, well I've noticed something here, big picture.

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Speaker 1: I've noticed that when he does this, you do this,

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Speaker 1: and you doing that triggers him to do that. Then

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Speaker 1: that thing that he does triggers you to feel do that,

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Speaker 1: and then that goes back. She took out a whiteboard

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Speaker 1: at one point point and drew like an infinity sign

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Speaker 1: and and drew the loop of what the pattern that

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Speaker 1: we're in this dance that always lead back? Why why

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Speaker 1: does it keep repeating itself. UM, I don't want to

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Speaker 1: talk in specifics because I no, no, no, I'm saying

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Speaker 1: in generalities, like why do you think because all humans

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Speaker 1: attachment theory attachment theory. I'm interested to hear what you said,

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Speaker 1: but to answer your question, first of all, we are

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Speaker 1: trying to finish the story that our childhood's started. So

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Speaker 1: our childhood, we didn't close that chapter, and we're trying

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Speaker 1: to finish that book of the story of I didn't

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Speaker 1: get I'm not lovable. Um, Mom and dad abandon whatever

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Speaker 1: it is. I'm We we want to keep that going.

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Speaker 1: You don't even if it's painful, saying good by to

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Speaker 1: painful things is still hard or change. And we like

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Speaker 1: what we know, and what we know is what we

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Speaker 1: grew up with. Now, when you talk about attachment style,

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Speaker 1: from what I understand the reason that people who are

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Speaker 1: let's say, an anxious attachment style, which is mine, which

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Speaker 1: is like, oh my god, you're gonna abandon me, like

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Speaker 1: I get clingy and like wait, what does this mean?

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Speaker 1: He's gonna he's gonna he doesn't like me anymore? Why

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Speaker 1: do I go after? Why do why are we also

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Speaker 1: attracted to avoidance? Who are the people that are giving

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Speaker 1: us that well, researchers go, why is that this seems

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Speaker 1: to be the opposite of what these people would want.

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Speaker 1: These people should want something secure, But when we it

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Speaker 1: validates are feeling about ourselves. So when I go out

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Speaker 1: on a date with a secure guy who calls me back,

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Speaker 1: doesn't seem to be shifty or change his mood or

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Speaker 1: like me one second and then not like me the

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Speaker 1: next is just consistent. It doesn't validate my belief about myself,

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Speaker 1: which is I'm unlovable. And as much as I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be unlovable, I also don't want to be incorrect.

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Speaker 1: And I know I'm right that I'm unlovable, so I

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Speaker 1: would I would prefer to be right. And this is

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Speaker 1: all subconscious. I mean, I would prefer that the things

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Speaker 1: that this person, how this person treats me is in

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Speaker 1: line with how I feel about myself. Then for that

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Speaker 1: person to not like me, because it's it validates what.

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Speaker 1: So when someone's avoidant, they always go after an anxious

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Speaker 1: person because it validates their feet, their feeling that everyone

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Speaker 1: wants something from them. They're better off on their own.

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Speaker 1: People need too much, so they go after people that

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Speaker 1: validate that needs to see she's so needy. Well, of

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Speaker 1: course she is. She's anxious attached. It's not because you've

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Speaker 1: been avoided, it's because she's anxious attached. No, I understand that,

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Speaker 1: but I'm saying no. If he's avoidant, like where no

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Speaker 1: end to people and avoidance, they aren't. They're triggered. They

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Speaker 1: will be triggered by each other act out, but they're

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Speaker 1: always going to be that way, so they'll even get triggered.

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Speaker 1: I want to stop you right there, because it's possible

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Speaker 1: to change it. Yes, but I mean like you, not

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Speaker 1: like a Stampford baseline though, like I will always be anxious.

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Speaker 1: I am anxious attached. It's literally my identity. I can

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Speaker 1: get to a place where I feel secure in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: and I do believe that I could become secure attached.

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Speaker 1: But I can be happy as an anxious attach the

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Speaker 1: rest of my life. If I'm with someone who whenever

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Speaker 1: you know, the call goes to voicemail and I and

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Speaker 1: I start spiraling like they don't like me anymore, they

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Speaker 1: can just they can make me feel okay and not

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Speaker 1: avoid me the rest of the time. And and and

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Speaker 1: avoidant people they seek out anxious attach people because those

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Speaker 1: avoidant people believe that they're better on their own, that

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Speaker 1: people are too needy, that I'm gonna lose some part

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Speaker 1: of myself by giving, by being in a partnership, And

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Speaker 1: if you believe all those are your core beliefs, being

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Speaker 1: with someone who's secure, that doesn't need you and isn't

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Speaker 1: being needy is gonna make you feel like you're been

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Speaker 1: wrong all along, which is a much more uncomfortable feeling

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Speaker 1: than being overly but being with someone who needs you

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Speaker 1: know what, does this check out? So it's so I

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Speaker 1: just want to use myself as an example because I

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Speaker 1: was very anxious attached and Avi was super avoid and attached.

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Speaker 1: And we both read that book, we both understood things

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Speaker 1: about ourselves, and I think he transitioned to secure and

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Speaker 1: then that helped me get there too. Where things that

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Speaker 1: Anya also shared with me today that Matt used to

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Speaker 1: be avoidant and now he's super secure. Yeah, and so

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Speaker 1: I do believe that it's possible to have a well

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Speaker 1: balanced relationship as long as both people are communicating and understanding.

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Speaker 1: I guess what's going on. My point is, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: when you're an alcoholic, you're always an alcoholic, even if

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Speaker 1: you're not drinking. So I will always be anxious. I

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Speaker 1: will always it will always be in my nature. If

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Speaker 1: given the opportunity, even if I'm secure, I can be

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Speaker 1: secure in a relationship. Anxious attached and you know, avoided

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Speaker 1: people can feel secure, but when they are triggered either

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Speaker 1: way by someone who needs too much from them or

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Speaker 1: someone who is uh, you know, on an airplane and

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Speaker 1: doesn't have WiFi, we will veer towards that way sooner

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Speaker 1: than someone who is born secure with secure you know,

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Speaker 1: who had parents that were there for that on us though,

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Speaker 1: that is on us, and that's I agree. And and

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Speaker 1: you know, in the book they say, I'm reading the

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Speaker 1: book about um avoided, and I actually have some avoided

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Speaker 1: behaviors as well. And they offer all of these advice

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Speaker 1: points for people with anxious attachment of how to combat

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Speaker 1: those those triggers that send you into those places of

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Speaker 1: just misery. And really, I mean the ideal spot to

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Speaker 1: really get to is to get to secure without the

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Speaker 1: other person's reaction or without the other person. I mean,

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Speaker 1: this book actually says that no, we need other people.

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Speaker 1: It's okay to the shepherd them. You don't need you

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Speaker 1: don't need everyone. This was the most This was the

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Speaker 1: thing that blew me away about this book was that

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Speaker 1: it said, we there's this new culture of if you

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Speaker 1: need someone, it's codependent like being a couple, and that

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Speaker 1: you're not You shouldn't be in a relationship until you

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Speaker 1: love yourself and you're enough for yourself, And it's just

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Speaker 1: not true. People do people become better people with the

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Speaker 1: help of people, and it's okay to admit that. Um.

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Speaker 1: And one more thing I want to say is that

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Speaker 1: they offer all these suggestions for for anxious people to

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Speaker 1: cope with it, but avoidant it's a little bit trickier

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Speaker 1: to cure because avoidant people aren't looking to assuage fear.

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Speaker 1: Their Their fears aren't I need to fix it. Their

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Speaker 1: fears are I need to go away from anything that

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Speaker 1: could help me. So they push. They're less likely to

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Speaker 1: seek out help and to be a little bit more

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Speaker 1: stubborn when it comes to changing than an anxious person

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Speaker 1: who might be more might be. But they both have

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Speaker 1: things that they can do that can make them secure. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we we took it. I think it's a different test.

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Speaker 1: I mean it was the quickest one essentially possible, but

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Speaker 1: We both came up me and Brenna missy baby kisses

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Speaker 1: all over. Um. We both came up fearful avoidance, which,

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Speaker 1: well they said that fearful avoidant people never find each other.

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Speaker 1: It is so rare that too fearful avoid send up together. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and we read about like we read about it a

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Speaker 1: little bit and it was funny. At one point we're like, okay,

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Speaker 1: enough it is, which is so fearful avoidance to be like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about why we want to

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Speaker 1: be compatible. But what we got to after like reading

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Speaker 1: the stuff and listening, is like, here we are to

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Speaker 1: avoiding people that wouldn't mind being alone, but we're so

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Speaker 1: happy with each other, so we're going against our natural interstinct.

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Speaker 1: So that's kind of like a beautiful thing to me

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Speaker 1: because we both headed towards secure Yeah, because we're both

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Speaker 1: like like we're both like we're both okay being alone

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Speaker 1: choosing each other. But we're choosing it feels like a

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Speaker 1: more choice that it's not like you need each other.

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Speaker 1: But let me ask you what when when you when

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Speaker 1: do you get triggered? Um? Like, can I ask you

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Speaker 1: some questions? In the avoidance chapter? Real quick, let me

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Speaker 1: just pull this up because I am interested in hearing. Um.

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Speaker 1: How you why you resonate with the avoidant type of

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Speaker 1: attachment if you think about it. I was single for

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Speaker 1: twenty years, you know, and a lot of it had

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Speaker 1: to do I think I was avoiding in a way

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Speaker 1: where I didn't love myself. So I so instead of

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Speaker 1: like you saying like, oh this, I find an avoiding

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Speaker 1: person because it shows that they can't love me. I

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Speaker 1: tried to find nobody, so it shows that they can't

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Speaker 1: love me right to prove that I'm not worthy of

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Speaker 1: a relationship. You you, you don't want to seek out

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Speaker 1: anyone because it will probably fall through, and it will

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Speaker 1: value it will it'll say that you're unlovable, but it's

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Speaker 1: say you, yeah, it validates your belief about yourself, which

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Speaker 1: is I'm better on my own. So you don't even

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Speaker 1: go out looking for it as opposed to looking for

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Speaker 1: people that are. It looks like you found someone who's

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Speaker 1: also avoided contra tects out. Okay, so this is interesting.

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Speaker 1: Most of us are fascinated with people who go out

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Speaker 1: into the world on their own without any hindrances or obligations,

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Speaker 1: without feeling the need to address or consider others needs. Um,

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Speaker 1: this is people like Forrest Gump, Diane fosse um. And

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Speaker 1: then they were talking. He was talking about the the

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Speaker 1: guy in that John Kraker book Into the Wild, You

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Speaker 1: know that guy that went out. Yeah, and like he

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Speaker 1: just the last guy that you know saw him before

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Speaker 1: he went out on his final thing was like can

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Speaker 1: I get can I give you a phone? Can I

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Speaker 1: get the numbers of people who love you? Like to

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Speaker 1: let anyone know? And he's like, I'll be okay on

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Speaker 1: my own. And the truth is he wasn't. And if

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Speaker 1: he would have had any help, he wouldn't have died. Um.

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Speaker 1: So what I wanted to see what you okay? Um?

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Speaker 1: Maybe what resonates with you? Um? Like why do you

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Speaker 1: think though that you're avoided? Like when you do you

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Speaker 1: what makes you start to go panic? I want to

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Speaker 1: get to the part where it's like where they say

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Speaker 1: deactivating strategies your everyday tool kit for keeping your partner

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Speaker 1: at arms length. Um, okay, some common deactivating strategies. Um,

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Speaker 1: these are things that avoided people do. Saying I'm not

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Speaker 1: ready to commit, but staying together nonetheless sometimes for years

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Speaker 1: sounds familiar to me. Focusing on small imperfections in your partner,

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Speaker 1: the way she talks, she or he talks, stresses, eats,

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Speaker 1: fill in the blank, and allowing it to get in

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Speaker 1: the way of your romantic feelings. Pining after an ex

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Speaker 1: girlfriend slash boyfriend, the phantom x flirting with others a

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Speaker 1: hurtful way to introduce insecurity into the relationship. Not saying

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Speaker 1: I love you while implying that you do have feelings

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Speaker 1: towards the other person, pulling away when things go well,

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Speaker 1: not calling for several days after an intimate date, forming

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Speaker 1: relationships when with impossible future. So it says someone who

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Speaker 1: is married, I literally am avoided textbook after this. But

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Speaker 1: I also relate to how can I be both? What

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Speaker 1: you could be different things? It depends on the masculine feminine,

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Speaker 1: like when you're reading like your scorpion, checking out mentally,

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Speaker 1: when your partner is talking to you, keeping secrets and

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Speaker 1: leaving things foggy to maintain your feeling of independence. I

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Speaker 1: feel like you could maybe do some of that, not

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Speaker 1: like lying, but just like I don't need to say

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Speaker 1: every detail because I want to feel like so funny

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Speaker 1: last night she goes, you know, our relationship like isn't

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Speaker 1: super deep, because like, I don't think super deep. I

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Speaker 1: think she does. Yeah, I think she thinks. I was

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Speaker 1: like really sad the other night, and then she wrote me.

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Speaker 1: I followed up with her because she was just she

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Speaker 1: helped me the other night. And then the next night

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Speaker 1: I followed up with her and she was like, I

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Speaker 1: just really want to She always calls up and says

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Speaker 1: like I regret not doing this thing in the moment

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Speaker 1: with you. Like one time she followed up with me

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Speaker 1: to say, I feel like I was like talking about

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Speaker 1: myself the whole time when we were sharing that thing,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, no, like I

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Speaker 1: loved that. I would never in a million years be

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Speaker 1: like Brett only talks about herself. That's just not who

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Speaker 1: you are. So like, just put that is not the

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Speaker 1: way I would ever perceive you. You You just aren't that person,

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Speaker 1: and there's no and the fact that you're even thinking

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Speaker 1: about this equals you're not that person. But then the

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Speaker 1: last night she or two nights ago, she wrote me

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Speaker 1: and she was like I wrote to her and she goes,

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Speaker 1: how are you, by the way, and she said, I

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Speaker 1: just want to read what she wrote. It was so sweet.

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Speaker 1: The sweetest lady. She goes, I wish I had given

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Speaker 1: you a big hug last night at night, I felt

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Speaker 1: horrible that you were feeling that way. And I'm always

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Speaker 1: here to talk just saying I wish it is better

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Speaker 1: honestly than she if she had given me the hug,

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Speaker 1: because I'm uncomfortable with like hugs in the moment. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: when I am on the brink of crying, I don't

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Speaker 1: want people to hug me because then I'll just I'll

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Speaker 1: lose it, and I feel like they feel like they

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Speaker 1: have to hug me. And but the fact that she

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Speaker 1: said I wish I had is more to me than

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Speaker 1: a hug. And but Brenn, if you're listening, totally hug

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Speaker 1: me anytime you want. But like that, just that was

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Speaker 1: so nice. Let me ask you about um stuff, and

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Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I know. That's why I want

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Speaker 1: to go through anxious with you. Let's go to break

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Speaker 1: and then we'll come back with some um. Well, we'll

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Speaker 1: we'll do the checklist of anxious attached and see if

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Speaker 1: Andrew it resonates with you in that way, and we'll

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Speaker 1: do the news. All right, Well we're back. Um, we're

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Speaker 1: talking attachment styles Andrew, you didn't really check out. You

350
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Speaker 1: didn't feel that the avoidant ones in the book attached

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Speaker 1: really resonated with the like, especially with friendships. I was

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Speaker 1: extremely like I was like, oh, this is going bad,

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Speaker 1: You're done. Oh no, no, no no, It says avoidance is

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Speaker 1: when things go good, you pull away. When it gets

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Speaker 1: too close, you pull away. Avoidant people don't want to

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Speaker 1: get too close. The second it feels too intimate, they

357
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Speaker 1: freak out and they run the other way. But I

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Speaker 1: guess there's two different kind of intimates that you guys,

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Speaker 1: I'll have this amazing night where we connect, and then

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Speaker 1: the next day it's like did that not happen? Like,

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Speaker 1: why are you talking to me like it didn't happen.

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Speaker 1: I think sometimes if it gets intimate because they were

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Speaker 1: on ambient, yeah, well the probably more than that, and

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Speaker 1: then no, who knows. So I feel like with when

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Speaker 1: when uh was like what we're just talking about the avoidance,

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Speaker 1: sorry French getting too closed when things go good? Oh,

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Speaker 1: when things go good or things get too intimate. I

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Speaker 1: think there's two different sides of intimate that can scare me,

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Speaker 1: like like or I'm sorry. One side scares me, the

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Speaker 1: one that's loving and intimate. That's like we're connecting and

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Speaker 1: it's physical and even like emotional looking in each other's eyes,

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Speaker 1: saying I love you so much. I could do that

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Speaker 1: stuff now, Like that was hard for me, but but

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Speaker 1: I do think when it gets intimate in a way

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Speaker 1: where it's like why are you acting this, Like we're

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Speaker 1: really like breaking down each other and like why and

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Speaker 1: getting closer through like sounds like you just don't like conflicts.

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Speaker 1: You hate it. You we know that about you, but

379
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Speaker 1: I might not know it, but girl, I just figured

380
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Speaker 1: it out recently. Andrew does not like to be confronted about.

381
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Speaker 1: No one likes confrontation. No one likes criticism, even though

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Speaker 1: on the other side of criticism, and a lot of

383
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 1: times criticism is misinterpreted as be as judgment when really

384
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Speaker 1: it's just like, hey, this thing you did hurt me,

385
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Speaker 1: and I don't not mad at you about it, but

386
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Speaker 1: we have to acknowledge it hurt me and we have

387
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Speaker 1: to find a way so it doesn't happen again. It

388
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Speaker 1: does mean you're a bad person. I don't think you

389
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Speaker 1: purposely did it, but you did hurt my feelings and

390
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Speaker 1: you don't need to get defensive right now. But that

391
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Speaker 1: know what it is is my mother when she would

392
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Speaker 1: try to be a mother and tell me it's very sad,

393
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Speaker 1: but like try to tell me like what to do

394
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Speaker 1: or like how to live my life. And then I

395
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 1: see her as an alcoholic in her room, like just

396
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Speaker 1: letting her life go away. It was hard to take,

397
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Speaker 1: uh criticism or take any kind of So why am

398
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Speaker 1: I not going to I'm not going to put in

399
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Speaker 1: the dryer sheet if you're leaving your bags exactly, That's

400
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So if you're if my mom is

401
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 1: like drinking and letting her life go and then she's

402
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Speaker 1: trying to tell me what to do with my life,

403
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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, your actions don't But she could be right.

404
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 1: She could not only could she she could be right.

405
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,359
Speaker 1: She is right, But it's but it's very hard to

406
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,520
Speaker 1: take when you know what it's hard though about that

407
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: is that that's her way of trying to show you

408
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,160
Speaker 1: love and and show that she and be your mother.

409
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,880
Speaker 1: But the mother you needed was a mother that wasn't

410
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Speaker 1: drinking all day in her room. That that was the

411
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 1: only way she was able to have that connection with

412
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Speaker 1: you and feel like she was still like a mother.

413
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,879
Speaker 1: And it was it wasn't enough for you because, like

414
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Speaker 1: I was talking about this last night with a friend

415
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 1: of saying, like, sometimes I feel like, and I think

416
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,159
Speaker 1: a lot of people relate to this, you feel like

417
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 1: your parents just don't know you, and or they'll they'll

418
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,479
Speaker 1: suggest something like, you know, sometimes my mom is like

419
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 1: what you like, Yeah, let's an example of like, you know,

420
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,159
Speaker 1: make sure you eat before that flight. I mean, I

421
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,640
Speaker 1: do this to you a lot, to like make sure

422
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 1: you do this thing. But like they treat you like

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Speaker 1: a child, right or they say, um, Nikki, are you

424
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Speaker 1: are you really gonna go on stage and not say

425
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Speaker 1: It's like sometimes my parents go because I'll say I

426
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 1: had the best time on stage. It turned into like

427
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 1: a ted talk and people were moved by it. And

428
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: my dad goes, well, people go to see you because

429
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,359
Speaker 1: they want to laugh, And I go, do you think

430
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,160
Speaker 1: that I am like throwing? Do you think that I'm

431
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 1: doing something reckless with my career. I'm just I'm sharing

432
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 1: this because it was actually good thing. I'm not I

433
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,119
Speaker 1: know what my job is, dad, I'm successful, like, and

434
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 1: it makes me feel like you don't know me, like

435
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,119
Speaker 1: I would think that, But he could be right in

436
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 1: that circumstance where some people like it's a bad example,

437
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 1: but like like parents don't know. Maybe they give you

438
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: this Christmas, you're gonna get it. We talked about this

439
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 1: early on in the podcast if you're new to the podcast.

440
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: One time we were talking about, um, we did the

441
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 1: top one bottom one gifts we'd received, and we're talking

442
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 1: about sometimes you get a gift and you just go

443
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: this person doesn't know me at all. Not only do

444
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: they not know my size, but I would never wear this.

445
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 1: I hate this type of fabric. This. I don't like

446
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 1: even supporting this company because they have human rights. It's

447
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,800
Speaker 1: like you just feel like this person, a stranger, could

448
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: of like done a better job than my mother. Who's

449
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 1: who who loves me? Who says she loves me? How

450
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 1: can you love me if you don't know me. I'm

451
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: really struggling with that because I was saying today and

452
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: I you know, I hope my parents never hear this

453
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: because I don't want them to think that I don't

454
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: think they love me, because they do. But for me,

455
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: love is being interested in my feelings. That is how

456
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,120
Speaker 1: I interpret love and when I'm in a relationship realizing

457
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: now through therapy, like for me to be in a relationship.

458
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 1: This is this is not even a bad example. I

459
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 1: don't want to be friends with or have anyone in

460
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: my life claiming they love me. Who doesn't go Why

461
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 1: do you like Taylor Swift so much? What is it? Why?

462
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: Like try to get me there. I'm interested in you.

463
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: I love you, and you love this thing so much.

464
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: I want to I want to kind of know, Like

465
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,920
Speaker 1: let me give it, like if you have known, if

466
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 1: you have no interest in understanding the people, if you

467
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 1: love someone, you want to share the thing that you

468
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,160
Speaker 1: want to get to know their friends, Like you love

469
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: these people, I want to get to know you feel

470
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: like you do that because I feel like I don't

471
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 1: do that with my own parents. And and then like

472
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 1: I get my own parents. No, that's what I'm saying.

473
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,199
Speaker 1: That's why it's different. And you're right and I and

474
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: you know, but you know what, it doesn't have to

475
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,560
Speaker 1: be a two way street. I'm their daughter. They are

476
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 1: my parents. I didn't ask for them. They did ask,

477
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: but it was like, it's so funny bring that, Like

478
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, my friend Naron from college

479
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 1: who I've known for twenty five years to my dad

480
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:45,199
Speaker 1: and he's like, but I'm talking about love you. I

481
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,880
Speaker 1: feel loved by you because you are a special friend

482
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,119
Speaker 1: to me. Like, let's any girls out there that have

483
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,439
Speaker 1: male friends. You know, they're lacking in certain ways that

484
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: your girlfriends. They just they're not as emotional unless they're

485
00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 1: male comics than they're very feminine energy. But they're all

486
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 1: is going to be less so than your most masculine

487
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: energy female friends. It's just the way it is. They're

488
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: not gonna be They're not going to care about the

489
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 1: same ship you care about. But like in terms of

490
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 1: my tailor swift thing or a movie I like, or

491
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 1: a song, and like you always you always ask, like

492
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,560
Speaker 1: you always give me space for that, even if you

493
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:22,479
Speaker 1: don't want to hear it, you always give space for like,

494
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: I you like this thing so much, Okay, I'll give

495
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 1: it a shot because I love you so that love

496
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 1: to me is like being interested in things that we

497
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: tend to but you also are curious or like why

498
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 1: is it? Like sometimes you go, oh, wait, what's this

499
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 1: song about? And and maybe I don't do that all

500
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 1: the time for you, but I do feel like even

501
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:49,439
Speaker 1: when it comes to Brenna, like I I I like,

502
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 1: I'm I think I was more um open to getting

503
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,959
Speaker 1: to know her because I trust you so much and

504
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,640
Speaker 1: I love you so much that I'm like, I'm gonna

505
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 1: love anything you love. So this is only going to

506
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,159
Speaker 1: make my life richer. But but when people aren't interested,

507
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 1: I just go, you don't love me. But I think

508
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 1: it starts with seeing that that person, like it would

509
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 1: be one thing I just was hooking up with Branda,

510
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: and then you started seeing that, Oh, I really started

511
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: to have feelings for this woman, which I probably have

512
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: you probably haven't seen from like a mature side of like, oh,

513
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: I care about that, but I knew when you loved her.

514
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 1: But like Noah, like for example, with you with jiu jitsu,

515
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 1: like I think i've you know, we don't get to

516
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: have these deep talks as much as we used to

517
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: be able to, even in person, and even back then

518
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,200
Speaker 1: we didn't after a serious show. But I feel like,

519
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,640
Speaker 1: you know, in terms of as much as I can

520
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: give you, I go it checks out. I love Noah

521
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 1: because I actually care about the things she cares about.

522
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,719
Speaker 1: And I want to know why does jiu jitsu make

523
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: you happy? What is it about Buzzy that is so

524
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 1: endearing to you? Like I don't get the cat thing

525
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:52,880
Speaker 1: I want to. I want to see the world through

526
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 1: your eyes, much like you were describing how you want

527
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 1: to have a child and see the world through their eyes.

528
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: I think I like to do that through the friends

529
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: that I the people I love. So when I have

530
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 1: a boyfriend or something or a thank you, But like,

531
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 1: does is that not the way other people feel? Like?

532
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 1: Am I really is this unique in the sense that like,

533
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:16,120
Speaker 1: I think I've nailed it down to Like, love for

534
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: me is wondering why I love Taylor Swift so much,

535
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 1: and that's a dumb thing. But I'm a thirty seven

536
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 1: your woman who's obsessed with this woman who brings me

537
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,160
Speaker 1: so much joy. And if you're someone in my life

538
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,840
Speaker 1: who loves me and you don't have any curiosity about

539
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 1: maybe maybe this is something I could learn something from.

540
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 1: Like Nikki is a smart person who has good taste.

541
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 1: Clearly people who love me think I have good taste

542
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 1: because I'm friends with them. So if they like themselves,

543
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: I have good taste. Wouldn't you be curious as to

544
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 1: why I am? I'm not. I just still like Taylor Swift.

545
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed. Even if you don't care to be a

546
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 1: fan of herst. Wouldn't you like to understand why I am?

547
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,920
Speaker 1: Like Chris loves Formula one racing. I don't give funk

548
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 1: about racing, or at least I didn't think I did,

549
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 1: but he's so passionate about it. It's curious to me

550
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,159
Speaker 1: why anyone could love something that much. And I go

551
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 1: explain it to me. I understand football, I understand baseball,

552
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,880
Speaker 1: like loving those things even though I don't love them.

553
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,400
Speaker 1: There's You've explained it to me a lot of why

554
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 1: you love athletes and watching sports. Racing, This to me

555
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: does not seem like I'm turning a steering wheel, does

556
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: not seem like an athletic endeavor. But then he talks

557
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 1: me through the pit crew and the teamwork and the drama,

558
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: the drama, the knee jerk, like how these guys are

559
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 1: going so fast they have to have better um than anyone.

560
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, I'm like, oh my god,

561
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 1: I get to now enjoy this thing that I would

562
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: never have enjoyed unless I loved this person and they

563
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 1: showed me the way. And can I just go back

564
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: to one thing though? Because the dad thing about the

565
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: friend and you said it wasn't emotional. It is emotional

566
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: because I love that friend, not like this. No, I

567
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 1: think you're telling me not, but I'm telling you that,

568
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: Like for me, this is my my brain. But for

569
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 1: my interpretation of love, yes, but I'm saying no, you

570
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: love Taylor Swift. I love my friend Aaron, who I've

571
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: brought up to my father before, or like I'm just

572
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: taking Aaron as an example. Point being is that it's

573
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: not being taken in by my dad, which he takes

574
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 1: in other things. But like there's certain friendships are certain.

575
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 1: You know, my brother might have dated someone for a

576
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: year and my dad didn't even realize it. But I

577
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 1: don't know stories about and I know you said it's

578
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: on two way straight. But then it started to realize,

579
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 1: like I don't know stories about my dad because I

580
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 1: never asked. So it's like, here, I am judging someone

581
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 1: so much and I know I'm the son. You're the son,

582
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: I know, but you know what I mean, Like we

583
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 1: give our parents so much leeway because we're well, we're

584
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 1: not doing the same thing for them. You're a child,

585
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 1: you're not supposed You're not supposed to be there for

586
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,719
Speaker 1: your parents. You're not your parents friend, you're not your

587
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 1: parents support system. You're not your parents like. You aren't

588
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: the reason you're like your parents would go, I live

589
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 1: for my children. Well that's on you, mom. You need to.

590
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: But don't you get to an age where reverses a

591
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: little bit. Yes, your you know when your parents need you,

592
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: when they get to be elderly and they can't wipe

593
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 1: themselves and they're falling and they are being taken advantage

594
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 1: of by telemarketers. They need you to come in when

595
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 1: they cognitively decline. But if you have parents that are

596
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: you're an adult child and your parents are depending on

597
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 1: you for you don't call enough, you don't stop by.

598
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 1: I'm not your friend. You had me, you raised me.

599
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 1: That is on you had to do those things. You

600
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 1: don't get to lord those over me and be like, well,

601
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: I raised you, that's your fucking job. You literally signed

602
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: up for that. I didn't sign up to be born.

603
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: I'm an adult, go, I am not the reason. You

604
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 1: cannot make your identity a mother, And if you did,

605
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: it ended with me moving out of the house. It's done.

606
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 1: I'm eighteen, I'm not. If your only reason for living

607
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: was being a mother, then I guess you have to

608
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 1: die because I'm not going to keep being your child

609
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: and you have to have boundaries like that. So when

610
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 1: my parents go, well you don't ask about our lives,

611
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: it's not yes. I will try to show my love

612
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 1: that way if you need to, and I will try

613
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 1: to get to a place where and by the way,

614
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 1: I do. I love the Beatles because my dad loves

615
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 1: the Beatles. I've seen it through his eyes. I love

616
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: going to Goodwill and like turning and flipping of of

617
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 1: thing on eBay or learning about that because my mom

618
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 1: has shown me that because I do love her. But

619
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 1: when my parents, I really feel hurt that my parents

620
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 1: have never said, what is it about Taylor Swift you

621
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 1: love so much? Because to me, if I had a

622
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: daughter that was obsessed and I'm even going back to

623
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 1: Dave Matthews, i mean, all of a sudden, tenth grade

624
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 1: hits and I become a different I am only Dave

625
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: Matthews obsessed. It's all I talk about. It is all

626
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: I think about. And for my parents to never go

627
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 1: play us your favorite song and like tell us about

628
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 1: you like this, to me is an egregious misstep on

629
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: their part as showing their love. And I'll go back

630
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: to your friend Andrew as an or eron as an

631
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:01,959
Speaker 1: example my parents, when my friend committed suicide in high school,

632
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 1: he was someone that I only knew through school. He

633
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 1: never came over because he was a new friend. I

634
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 1: only know him two weeks, but I got to know

635
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 1: him very well in those two weeks. And he was

636
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: Kirsten's friend, and Kristen was over at my house every

637
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 1: fucking day. So um, but when he committed suicide and

638
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 1: I was sad about it, my parents said, we don't

639
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 1: know this part. We've never even heard you talk about him.

640
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: What are you sad about? And that is the same

641
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: as the air and thing of like, I don't if

642
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: I haven't, if I don't I if I don't know

643
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: about it, if you don't even know about your friend,

644
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: that well, why I came something out, Nikki. I don't

645
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 1: know if if you realize that you did this. But

646
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: in the beginning, in the first part of the show,

647
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 1: you said, as adults, we look to complete our childhood

648
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: in relationships. Then you said that, um, you you believe

649
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: that love is when your partner wants to see the

650
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: world through your eyes. And now you just said that

651
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 1: your parents have not done enough to see the world

652
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: through your eyes about the things that you really care about.

653
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: That yes, I know what You're right, like, I keep

654
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 1: choosing people romantic partners that have the same kind of

655
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,239
Speaker 1: love for me my parents did. Which is I love you.

656
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 1: I say I love you, and I'm there for you.

657
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: I provide for you. I got all the folders for

658
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: you to go to school. I will buy you any

659
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 1: white boards you need for your presentation. I will drive

660
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 1: you to skating practice, I will I'll drive you to

661
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 1: your friends, I will clothe you, I'll feed you every

662
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 1: single meal. But I don't want to. I don't care

663
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: about why you like Dave Matthews and to me, I'd

664
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 1: rather make my own food and have you sent me

665
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 1: down and let me play you a song and tell

666
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: you why it means something to me then and maybe

667
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 1: have to go use an old piece of cardboard from

668
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: an old project and be like, And you know, maybe

669
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 1: I'm saying this because I had those things. Maybe you

670
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: grew up with parents that were very emotionally available, but

671
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: they you didn't have school supplies, or they made you

672
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 1: fend for yourself for dinner, and that felt very unloving

673
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: to me. That's not how I I'm shown love is

674
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: not acts of service. It's it's I don't even know

675
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: what that is. People will go Taylor Swift curiosity people

676
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: people would say, people would go, uh, you had those

677
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 1: things so you could be sad about Dave Matthews. Like

678
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:12,320
Speaker 1: so if you didn't have those things, the Dave Matthews

679
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 1: when it like, it's like, shelter, food are necessities. They

680
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: are not things that your parents do for you as

681
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 1: a favor or going the extra mile that is those

682
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 1: are you as born a human, you have a right

683
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: to shoot, food and shelter, but you don't have a

684
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: right to someone caring about your feelings. And that is

685
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: something that parents meet asking parents to stop this. I

686
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: fed you, this is my house. I gave you this

687
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: for your school. I didn't of course, because you have

688
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: to do that. That's what you have to do. You're

689
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: a parent that you don't get an award for that.

690
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 1: Shut up. And and and two parents out there that

691
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:54,879
Speaker 1: work really hard to provide those things for their kids,

692
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 1: and they and they're probably listening to this being like, no,

693
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,200
Speaker 1: I do deserve a fucking thank you. You'll get it

694
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: when you're old and your kids provide those things for

695
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: you shelter in a nursing home they find for you,

696
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 1: or letting them, you know, taking care of you, food,

697
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 1: literally feeding you. You'll be a baby someday, but in

698
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: the middle of that, when your kid is an adult

699
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 1: and you're an adult. No, no, no more, let's let's

700
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: try to make How about we do this because this

701
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: is hitting with our parents. Well, this is hitting very

702
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: close to home because when my dad was a workaholic,

703
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 1: he was avoiding in that way. He's very cut off

704
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: emotionally because of that, and he just put everything into

705
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 1: work and like even at night he was doing stocks.

706
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:38,560
Speaker 1: He wasn't. I don't think my dad he did all

707
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: those things, shelter, food, all that. I don't. I can't remember.

708
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,800
Speaker 1: And I know this sounds like, oh, you're being over dramatic.

709
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 1: I can't remember one time my dad going how are

710
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 1: you feeling? Or like where's your head at today? Like

711
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 1: I just don't remember ever doing that. And she was like,

712
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 1: and then my mom didn't do it because she was

713
00:35:56,920 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 1: an alcoholic and she wasn't emotionally, uh, there for yourself

714
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 1: enough to be there for me. Your dad was, so

715
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 1: he was your mom was in the bottle, and your

716
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 1: dad went full throttle. Were in a hospital, hospita hospital. Yes,

717
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 1: So here's the thing. We have listeners that are parents, right,

718
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,880
Speaker 1: they probably have teenage kids, maybe they have younger kids.

719
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 1: If you're at dinner tonight, tonight or sometime this month,

720
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,880
Speaker 1: what's like a great way to like maybe just stop,

721
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: maybe just like stop what the routine that you currently

722
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: are at you can change today today and it might

723
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,840
Speaker 1: be awkward, like parents feel awkward around their kids and

724
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 1: and your kids, that's like, fuck you, mom, why are

725
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 1: you asking about my feelings? Like it's going to be

726
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,919
Speaker 1: weird to suddenly do this, but it's not too late,

727
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 1: and it will and it shows you care because you're

728
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 1: willing to change the thing the way you've been doing it.

729
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,839
Speaker 1: You're not perfect, because no one fucking is. So just

730
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: I think the best thing to do if I'm putting myself,

731
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 1: let me put myself in thirteen year old Nick Glazer,

732
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: who is the biggest bit possible and was not to

733
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 1: be messed with or asked about or touched or like

734
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: show like I would have in my parents with my

735
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:11,879
Speaker 1: Dave Matthews, I think, I think find what your child

736
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,479
Speaker 1: is interested in, whether it's minecraft, whether it's porn, whether

737
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: it's like reading, whether it's whatever, Coco melon, like we're

738
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 1: talking all ages here, something your kid is passionate about,

739
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 1: and say, why do you love this so much? Tell

740
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: me what what does this do for you? Because I

741
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 1: know that I have things like this in my life

742
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 1: that makes me just as happy as this thing makes you.

743
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 1: And I just want to understand. I want to I

744
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,279
Speaker 1: want to enjoy it as much as you do and

745
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 1: see if I can get there, see if you can

746
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,880
Speaker 1: get me there, or if you love what I do.

747
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 1: Like let's say your dad loves golf and you take

748
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 1: a real strong It's like, I love the fact that

749
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,520
Speaker 1: you've taken such a liking in something that I like.

750
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: Like you could also be that too, like acknowledging that

751
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 1: like or like, tell me something you've learned about this?

752
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 1: What's something? What's an interesting fact about bt US? Like

753
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 1: who's your favorite member of BTS? Why are you like

754
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,399
Speaker 1: Harry Style so much? Like honestly, even if your dad

755
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 1: and your daughter is like horny, your young daughter is

756
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 1: horny for Harry Styles and you're kind of uncomfortable with it,

757
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:15,839
Speaker 1: like hey, hey, yeah, han, what what's your favorite Harry

758
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: Styles lyric what's like just just a dumb question like that,

759
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 1: And honestly, you can blame it on me and say, Okay, tonight,

760
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 1: we're doing something different at the dinner table. First of all,

761
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: we're having dinner together, so sit down, and we're trying

762
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: something new. We don't have to do this again, but

763
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 1: we're doing something new tonight. I'm the I'm the parent.

764
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: I get to call the shots. And I listened to

765
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 1: this podcast and today they said, you know, they were

766
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: talking about these these two people have parents that they

767
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: love so much that I that I listened to, but

768
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 1: they have things about their parents that like, I don't

769
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 1: want you guys to have those feelings about me when

770
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: you grow up and have a podcast. So tonight I

771
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 1: am trying to be a better parent. And I know

772
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: this might be uncomfortable, and I know you might go, God, mom,

773
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: shut up, but you're not getting up until you tell

774
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 1: me one interesting thing about the thing that you love.

775
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:08,399
Speaker 1: Go round robin like and and not asking them how

776
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: school went, not asking them, um, did you have fun

777
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 1: at your friends? This is no one cares about that

778
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,920
Speaker 1: feelings check on your children. I think such a simple

779
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: question of how are you feeling recently? Like too fraught.

780
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 1: It's like that makes you feel like you're in a

781
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 1: counselor's office and they're like, do you think I'm on drugs?

782
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:28,600
Speaker 1: Or something like why are you asking about my feelings?

783
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,760
Speaker 1: Let's just start from like something your kid is passionate about,

784
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 1: asking them why they love it, because that's tapping into

785
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 1: what does this make you feel like? But don't you

786
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:41,600
Speaker 1: feel like because we avoid that like uncomfortable question, you

787
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 1: shut up. Maybe you don't start there, but maybe, like

788
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 1: you said, maybe, like I think that's why you know,

789
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: people end up in therapy because we avoid these like

790
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:54,399
Speaker 1: weird kind of intimate conversations. And then the only person

791
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: you could talk to about is a stranger because you've

792
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,320
Speaker 1: never talked literally plopped down on the couch and you

793
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 1: you start talking about your feelings and it's maybe sometimes

794
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 1: the first time you've ever talked about that's we have

795
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 1: to hire someone to ask us about our feelings. Save

796
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 1: your children money in the back end, Save yourself money

797
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:11,840
Speaker 1: because your kids will learn how to ask about feelings,

798
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 1: and then you'll get your needs met when they became

799
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:17,480
Speaker 1: become adults and know how to how to cherish other

800
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 1: people's feelings and be interested and and show their love

801
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 1: in that way. I don't think there's a human being

802
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 1: as sociopaths that don't want to communicate and be understood

803
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: in regards to their feelings. So don't don't don't say no.

804
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: My kids the exception, you know, unless you have a

805
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 1: kid that's like nonverbal autistic. I think that this is

806
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: something that you can actually employ. I think what it

807
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 1: is too though. I think, at least in my situation,

808
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: my dad, because of you know how the divorce when

809
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: and there, he was probably afraid of asking. He was

810
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,000
Speaker 1: like afraid of how he really felt, and he didn't

811
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 1: want to hear it, so he avoided it, you know.

812
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of parents like if like

813
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 1: your relationship didn't go well, or if you're fighting a

814
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 1: lot in front of the kid, whatever it is, you

815
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 1: might not be asking how they're feeling because you're afraid

816
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: of the truth. But that avoiding that it's a whole

817
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 1: another thing on your end, and and you might find

818
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 1: out we weren't asking about the TV show they like

819
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 1: will give you the path towards that because it's too

820
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: much to bring up, like when a dad just sits down.

821
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: Danny Tanner style on your bed and it's like I

822
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 1: want to talk about you walking in on me and mommy,

823
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 1: Like that's too much, or like I want to hear

824
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:31,439
Speaker 1: your feelings about your mom's death. If you've never brought

825
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: that up before, it is going to that's too much.

826
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 1: That's that's like just shoving it in dry like you

827
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 1: gotta love up your kids with some cursory bts. That's that,

828
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 1: you know. Korean band pop k pop band ask about

829
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 1: what they love because what they love is based upon

830
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 1: it's valid it's making them able to feel their feelings.

831
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 1: I loved Saved by the Bell because it validated, like

832
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,959
Speaker 1: popularity matters, and I care about this thing. I feel

833
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: less then I want to be a beautiful girl. Like

834
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 1: there were things in Saved by the Bell that my

835
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 1: mom could have asked about, Like why Zach Morris wasn't

836
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: about him that you like so much? He's funny? Oh

837
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 1: so you like funny people. Let's talk about that. And

838
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 1: that will be a movie someday that you asked Jet

839
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,279
Speaker 1: for audition for and he will say yes three weeks later,

840
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 1: and what just and you won't do very well in

841
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 1: opery Plasis look at the role, but at least you

842
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: tried and you don't get the babies from him again.

843
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:22,839
Speaker 1: It's a good story. Just all on your podcast really fast,

844
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:27,359
Speaker 1: right before you go to break not break news news,

845
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 1: that news apparently here it comes. It's Wednesday. You know

846
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 1: what that means? It is almost Christmas and it's also Wednesday.

847
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 1: Can I just say we do have to go through

848
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 1: the anxious attached things before the end of the show?

849
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,400
Speaker 1: Final thought? You know what, I wouldn't even think of it.

850
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 1: Oh you are the news today, and I hope everyone's

851
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: having all the swells except for Danny. Danny like that name.

852
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,360
Speaker 1: It's a fun guy. Brother was Danny growing up? Changed

853
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 1: to day and when he started making money, making money,

854
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:08,800
Speaker 1: Danny to invest your money you Danny is a girl's name. Yeah, Like,

855
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:11,840
Speaker 1: there's a porn star that's really great. Danny Um. She

856
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 1: did a segment for Not Safe my showing Gunming Central.

857
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: What was her name? Danny Fuck? She's so Danny fuck

858
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 1: is her name? And boy, I'll tell you she doesn't

859
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,320
Speaker 1: if I became a porn star. By the way, I

860
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 1: don't need to change my name no at all. You

861
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,920
Speaker 1: just changed Glazer to glaze her. I dinged a glazer

862
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 1: I barely know her would be my hyphenated I mean,

863
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 1: Nikki is you don't want a doctor named Nikki. You

864
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 1: don't want any Nicky ni Glazer. Hi, I'm Dr Nicky Glazer. No.

865
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: I didn't trust that bitch. You. You just trusted that bitch.

866
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: I just the psychoanalyze you a little bit. We got there,

867
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 1: You got there though. That was really that was really good.

868
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 1: I think we just did a lot of good. If

869
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: I was a porn star, I named myself little tiny

870
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: skinny cock Andrew Cole calling colon, and I would just

871
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 1: take it in the ass. Yeah, through the drawbridge door,

872
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 1: Oh my god, so much that they left so hard.

873
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 1: What I called that little flap a doggie door, just

874
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 1: like it's like the back of a truck, you know.

875
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, okay. People are sharing the worst parts

876
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 1: of sex that no one talks about when the dog

877
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,439
Speaker 1: slips out. I don't mind that. Being on top means

878
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:34,440
Speaker 1: I'm dripping sweat from my face and usually it's landing

879
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 1: around my girlfriend's eyes and mouth like it taking a

880
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 1: little too long to finish, and then feeling embarrassed. And

881
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 1: the more you think about it, the harder it is.

882
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 1: These are not even these are what these are pedestrian

883
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:49,839
Speaker 1: awkward sex things talking about the worst parts of sex.

884
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 1: Let's really go there. But I was performing oral sex

885
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend my jaw dislocated. What about when you

886
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 1: fart during sex. Let's go there, like starting during sex,

887
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: um your armpit, making a your chest, making any kind

888
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 1: of flatulent noise, someone who did not cut their fingernails.

889
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: What about getting fingered when your pussy is dry like

890
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 1: that is that something? Or yeah? Or when you have

891
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:16,279
Speaker 1: to show pussy and you kind of you know, you

892
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 1: weren't planning on someone going down on you, or and

893
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 1: they do and you're like, it's not my or toilet

894
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 1: paper in your vagina. Let's talk about um. When a

895
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:30,280
Speaker 1: guy um, when a guy isn't uh, it loses his erection.

896
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,880
Speaker 1: I mean that, And and that does happen to the

897
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: hottest women with the guys that are so into them.

898
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 1: Because I've gotten dry before because of nerves and like

899
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 1: been just or because I'm not hydrated properly or just

900
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:45,880
Speaker 1: like in my head. It has nothing to do with

901
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: like I'm old or I'm not into you. It's like

902
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: I it means I'm not connected to my vagina. Because

903
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 1: I'm so in my fucking head and the same exactly,

904
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:01,240
Speaker 1: And that's I know that, like I never take um. Also,

905
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 1: having think about anywhere else in your body for like

906
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,479
Speaker 1: forty five minutes without it going soft, that's just not

907
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 1: like human that any man can do it at all

908
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 1: and get hard is a fucking feat of science. Like

909
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:19,280
Speaker 1: I don't they get so hard. It's like a bicep muscle.

910
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense. And it's just it's not a muscle,

911
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,319
Speaker 1: it's blood. It's crazy. Bravo to you if you can

912
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 1: even get half interruption. And I did get one listener

913
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 1: to write to me with small penis and said, what

914
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 1: should I tell women? Because I go into dates and

915
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 1: I will get close to a woman and right before

916
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:38,359
Speaker 1: it gets into it, I will just pull away, and

917
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 1: that girl's gotta think, oh my god. I probably he

918
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 1: doesn't like me. It's because he has a small penis um,

919
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:46,319
Speaker 1: which I don't want women to now go, oh, it

920
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 1: wasn't me. He just is a small dick. Well, this

921
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 1: is the thing someone wrote me, and they're like, yesterday

922
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: you mentioned Nick and and Ryan. Nick's dick got brought

923
00:46:56,640 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: up being big at the table. Brian Ryan starts Ryan's

924
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: we don't know what Nick's back, and got brought up

925
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:05,960
Speaker 1: at the table like it. And then it was like,

926
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: oh so it's like, oh yeah, Well, here's the thing

927
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 1: that I'm not I'm not saying that big dicks still

928
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: won't get girls attention. I'm saying much like a woman

929
00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 1: with long, luscious, flowing locks that make men go, oh,

930
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:25,800
Speaker 1: she's fertile, I'm attracted that I can't help it, or

931
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 1: big boobs does not make women with small boobs not

932
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:32,359
Speaker 1: deserving them love. That is what I'm saying. Like we

933
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 1: can still comment on big dicks and like, oh it's

934
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,239
Speaker 1: good because what Like I said, I like big dicks

935
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 1: because they've served as the molds for things that you're

936
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,440
Speaker 1: gonna put in a devil bag and bring over to

937
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 1: my house. So like, I want big dicks inside me,

938
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 1: but I don't need them attached to you. I don't care.

939
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 1: And so I told this guy, don't tell a girl beforehand,

940
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: let her let her open your pants that way, and

941
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:56,359
Speaker 1: when she does see it, go listen. I know this

942
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: isn't what any of us wanted. Make a joke about it,

943
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 1: This isn't what I want. Probably isn't what you wanted.

944
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 1: This is what I've got. But let me just say,

945
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:08,439
Speaker 1: if this isn't, if this isn't enough for you, say

946
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 1: something like I think I would want the guy to say,

947
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,120
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think, isn't that too much? No? No, no,

948
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:15,719
Speaker 1: because in the moment, no no no, no, no no,

949
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 1: I'm not saying to make a joke. But you don't

950
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 1: have to like do it soliloquy. No. But I just mean,

951
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,840
Speaker 1: just say, listen, this isn't what I wanted, this is

952
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 1: what you wanted, But listen, I'll take care of you

953
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:27,919
Speaker 1: in any way that you need and you'll be quite

954
00:48:27,920 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 1: all right. And then go down on her or finger her,

955
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 1: learn how to finger till she squirts. There's a way

956
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 1: to do it like you can. There's an say and

957
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 1: if it does turn into soliloquy, say and by the way, um,

958
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,480
Speaker 1: if you need a big dick, pick one out online,

959
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 1: ship it to my house and I'll bring it over

960
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: next time and I'll funk you with it. It could

961
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,839
Speaker 1: be funny to be like to take your pants down

962
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 1: and be like, that's a confident you think you could

963
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 1: handle all this. That's hilarious. That's a great line. That's

964
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 1: a great line, Are you sure you can handle all this?

965
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 1: Will this fit? That is so funny? It might be

966
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 1: the Larry David thing of when he gives Pat Noswell

967
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,360
Speaker 1: the line of I'm in the hot dog eating contest

968
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,440
Speaker 1: to be funny, and then the girl doesn't have a

969
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 1: sense of humor because she doesn't expect it from him,

970
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:15,839
Speaker 1: and so he's like, you gotta be a funny guy

971
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 1: to this. What if she's like so serious? She's just like, no,

972
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 1: you're Oh my god, no, it's really so of course

973
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 1: it'll fit. It's tiny, No, I know that was the

974
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,879
Speaker 1: joke though. Oh well, um, yeah, you're dick is small.

975
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 1: Where do we go from here? Hey? No? Uh? Um?

976
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: What is like something that comes to mind for you

977
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:36,439
Speaker 1: of like the most awkward things we don't talk about

978
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,480
Speaker 1: during sex that makes you go, oh, there's like a moment.

979
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 1: Do you have any flashbacks of awkward things from the list? Uh?

980
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:48,160
Speaker 1: They mentioned, Um, people who don't cut their fingernails before

981
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 1: fingering from me. It's like if there's if there's dirt

982
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:54,399
Speaker 1: under the nails, and I noticed that as we're making out,

983
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 1: what if they get it from fingering me? That would

984
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 1: also be awkward? Um? I never check a guy's fingernails.

985
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,240
Speaker 1: You know, What's something I just realized they do sometimes

986
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 1: Like this is graphic. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to

987
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 1: turn anyone on, but we're talking about sex openly. I

988
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,879
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of times I will I like

989
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:20,600
Speaker 1: a really like spitty blowjob, Like I like, he's really

990
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 1: off that well if you agean's really coming and clips

991
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:28,239
Speaker 1: for him. So sometimes I like to gag myself so

992
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 1: I can make more. Just stop it. I'll make like

993
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 1: a lot of mucus, right, yes, and like spit to

994
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 1: get it. Yeah, carl Out like makes a little watering

995
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: hole in the back of her where you would jump

996
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:42,399
Speaker 1: and that one kid drowned that summer. Like she makes

997
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 1: a watering hole in the back of her throat with

998
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:46,719
Speaker 1: all the stuff and then she like slurps all over.

999
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 1: I like really wet spitty blowjobs sometimes though, whatever that

1000
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 1: thing is in me that says, start making spit because

1001
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 1: like you're about to touch a dick or lick a dick,

1002
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,240
Speaker 1: Like it'll almost be like a voluntary and I'll start

1003
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,360
Speaker 1: doing it during making out, and all of a sudden,

1004
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 1: I'll have this amount of spit in my mouth where

1005
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: the guy just thinks, I just like literally so much

1006
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,759
Speaker 1: spit that as you're making out, it just floods into

1007
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:15,399
Speaker 1: their mouth or and that if anyone relates that. There

1008
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 1: is a hilarious clip from Magic Mike that I want

1009
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 1: to tell people about. The Magic Mike Show on HBO Max.

1010
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 1: It's a new show that I'm on and it's honestly, guys,

1011
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:26,360
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it yet, but I was on the

1012
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:29,279
Speaker 1: finale episode and I filmed it the summer. It's so

1013
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: the show, the premise for the show. It's on HBO Max.

1014
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:33,960
Speaker 1: It's finding the Next Magic Mike. I think that's the

1015
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: name of it. These regular Joe shmo guys that have

1016
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:40,319
Speaker 1: like dad bods that went through the pandemic, lost their

1017
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 1: mojo either got dumped, got injured in the sport that

1018
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,839
Speaker 1: they were really succeeding at, and then they now they

1019
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 1: are unemployed. They're driving for Uber. They decided to find

1020
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:51,879
Speaker 1: all these guys and coach them to turn them into

1021
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 1: mail strippers to get just to get their confidence back.

1022
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,200
Speaker 1: Because to be able to strip on stage and own

1023
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 1: your masculinity up there and dance around, you gotta be

1024
00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: confident as fuck. So I went in and at the

1025
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 1: end of the show, I realized I only saw these

1026
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 1: guys at the end, and they're all like chippen dails like,

1027
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 1: but they all started off as Joe Schmos. And what

1028
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 1: I learned was the same thing I learned and Dancing

1029
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,880
Speaker 1: with the Stars is once you are gyrating on stage

1030
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 1: and you have your shirt off on all these things,

1031
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:17,359
Speaker 1: there's nothing you can't do. That's the most embarrassing thing ever,

1032
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:19,960
Speaker 1: and you're doing it and people like it, and you've

1033
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: overcome this fear of being ridiculous. These guys now can

1034
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 1: go out in the world and like they're they're going

1035
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 1: to be on the the self esteem these guys. This

1036
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,000
Speaker 1: is a magical show. I was crying, there were emotions.

1037
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:34,239
Speaker 1: There's one scene that I get a lap dance during

1038
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: the show with I'm meeting the two like final contestants

1039
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 1: and one of them this is like a backstage area.

1040
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, can you show me like what you gotta

1041
00:52:42,120 --> 00:52:43,719
Speaker 1: have never had a lap dance? So he starts giving

1042
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 1: me lapdance and it's Dick is like, right here, no,

1043
00:52:46,960 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 1: it's on TV. I just saw the clip the other

1044
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 1: day and I kind of across it and I played it.

1045
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 1: My dad was sitting there and go, sorry, Dad, but

1046
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 1: it's dick is in my face. How did you feel

1047
00:52:55,080 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: about that dick? Nick? It was it like Dave Matthews

1048
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 1: for you? Honestly? Yes, no, this guy was so hot too,

1049
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:12,360
Speaker 1: and he didn't know what I said was. What I

1050
00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 1: said was I have never been this close to a

1051
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:19,120
Speaker 1: dick with my mouth without sucking it. And it feels

1052
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 1: weird to not suck it. And it really did, like

1053
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 1: you don't get that close. You don't get a dick

1054
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 1: right here in your face with that going, and my

1055
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 1: mouth started watering involuntarily. And I wasn't even it's not

1056
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:32,360
Speaker 1: like I wanted to suck this guy's dick. It's just

1057
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:35,239
Speaker 1: there's a dick in my face. I'm gonna suck it.

1058
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,319
Speaker 1: And so it was. I just commented, like, I go,

1059
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:42,880
Speaker 1: it's so weird. Yeah, I was like, but I wasn't

1060
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 1: horny for I want to. I want to be very clear,

1061
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 1: like I wasn't like I want to. It was just

1062
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:52,480
Speaker 1: I almost have a Pavlov's response to like, there's a dick, thus,

1063
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:55,760
Speaker 1: get some water in your mouth, get the get filled

1064
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 1: the gulch. And it's so funny because I said, and

1065
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 1: they couldn't believe. I. I mean, if these were and

1066
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 1: then the show goes on, you should I wonder if

1067
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:07,400
Speaker 1: they kept the clipping of me getting a really aggressive

1068
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:10,399
Speaker 1: lap dance during the magic my final performance in front

1069
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 1: of the crowd, where a guy tried to simulate sex

1070
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 1: on me, like oral sex from behind, Like it was insane,

1071
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:19,040
Speaker 1: and I was told them like, I don't want I'm

1072
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 1: not I'm a girl that goes just if I ever

1073
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 1: go to strip club. I don't want girls talking, I

1074
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,360
Speaker 1: don't want lap dances. I don't want attention on me.

1075
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 1: I feel very sexually awkward. I don't like that, and

1076
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:28,920
Speaker 1: they're very mindful of that on the show of like,

1077
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 1: to be a good magic mic performer, you have to

1078
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 1: feel which woman is going to be embarrassed and don't

1079
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,359
Speaker 1: do this, and which woman really wants it, and which

1080
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:38,359
Speaker 1: woman kind of wants It's too shy, like you gotta

1081
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,840
Speaker 1: read energies. So they're really mindful that they didn't fucking

1082
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:43,680
Speaker 1: read my mind at all. Because I'm sitting at this

1083
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,399
Speaker 1: table with the judges. One of the guys comes over

1084
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 1: and like takes my hand and like scoots my They

1085
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:51,399
Speaker 1: pull your chair out, and everyone's like wow. And and

1086
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the guys that are the other judges,

1087
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,759
Speaker 1: that are the main people that do the show, and

1088
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 1: they go like are you okay, because they already know

1089
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 1: that I don't like this, and I don't. It's fine,

1090
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 1: you know, like it's fine, like let me just play along.

1091
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:06,279
Speaker 1: And he, from what I remember, he picks me up.

1092
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 1: No he oh, oh, oh my god. He picks He

1093
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:13,879
Speaker 1: lifts me up, bends me over over across the chair

1094
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:18,279
Speaker 1: and then starts dry slamming, dry humping my butt like

1095
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:23,080
Speaker 1: simulating fuck, like active fucking, like hard fucking while I'm

1096
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: wearing a skirt bent over. He's clothed of obviously, but

1097
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 1: that has no shirt on. And I'm like and I've

1098
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,320
Speaker 1: just been over looking at the table like and everyone's

1099
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 1: cheering and stuff. So I'm just like whatever, I'll have

1100
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:35,280
Speaker 1: them cut it, like I can be a team player.

1101
00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,399
Speaker 1: And then they're like, they're seriously like, whoky, are you okay?

1102
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:40,759
Speaker 1: Like the guy that created magic Mike is like like,

1103
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:43,359
Speaker 1: don't do this to our celebrity guest judge. And then

1104
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: and then the guy and this guy did not get

1105
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 1: the memo that don't do this to Nikki. The two

1106
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 1: guys I met with that are the final Like the

1107
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,319
Speaker 1: guys in the finale, they knew just to slow dance

1108
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 1: with me and just like be sweet. But these the

1109
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:57,439
Speaker 1: other guys in the show did not get the memo,

1110
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,479
Speaker 1: and they're they're told like, we gotta go to break

1111
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 1: come back and finished the story rafter this, and we're back.

1112
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 1: So to conclude this, this guy goes from stimulating fucking

1113
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 1: me from behind. I like to say the ass because

1114
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:17,040
Speaker 1: I prefer that, but you know, doggy style, and I

1115
00:56:17,120 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 1: bent over with my legs up over he bends me

1116
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 1: over chair like aggressively. At this point, my asshole was

1117
00:56:24,600 --> 00:56:27,279
Speaker 1: it just it just gets wet, you know what think

1118
00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 1: when you're this close to a penis and you're not

1119
00:56:29,239 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 1: like it's your whole like airplane theory, it just reminds like, yeah,

1120
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: you're gonna either fall in love or it was immediate

1121
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:43,080
Speaker 1: and then and I hate this, Like I do not know,

1122
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 1: I'm very sexual, but I do not like people hearing

1123
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:48,920
Speaker 1: me have sex. I like talking about sex and talking

1124
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 1: graphically about my own sex life. I don't want to

1125
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:53,960
Speaker 1: be a sex object ever in front of people. But

1126
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:56,279
Speaker 1: I'm but I'm grinning and bearing it. Because this is

1127
00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:59,720
Speaker 1: the kind of show this is. Then the guy lifts

1128
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:02,279
Speaker 1: me up, like and I have a short skirt on,

1129
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:04,840
Speaker 1: and I feel like he left me like over his

1130
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: shoulder something like it was crazy aggressive. This guy was

1131
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 1: really strong and hot and everything. But he lifts me

1132
00:57:10,239 --> 00:57:14,120
Speaker 1: up and he's not my type though, and uh, and

1133
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 1: I'm going like this trying to like put my hand

1134
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 1: where my fucking thong ass is to hide it. And

1135
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,000
Speaker 1: then he plops me down on the piano, spreads my

1136
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:26,080
Speaker 1: legs and like gets down on his knees to like

1137
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:28,760
Speaker 1: simulate oral sex. And that is when I look over

1138
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:31,960
Speaker 1: at the magic my guy and I go and he

1139
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 1: rushes over and goes, we're not doing this, like don't

1140
00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:39,040
Speaker 1: not on the piano. Yeah yeah, not on the baby

1141
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 1: grind um. And but it was like those shows. That's

1142
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 1: why I don't go to those shows. It is because

1143
00:57:44,840 --> 00:57:48,080
Speaker 1: I'm always scared I'm gonna be that girl simulated sex

1144
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:51,000
Speaker 1: on her and these guys. I think he just thought

1145
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,720
Speaker 1: based on my comedy and things that this guy thought.

1146
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:55,760
Speaker 1: And she's the celebrity guest judge. This is probably what

1147
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:57,840
Speaker 1: he did with Whitney Cummings The week before Whitney would

1148
00:57:57,880 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 1: be down for this kind of thing, I think, and

1149
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 1: she was a guest judge on the show, but I

1150
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:04,400
Speaker 1: did not want it, and um, I got back to

1151
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:05,919
Speaker 1: the table and I was kind of shaken up because

1152
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:07,959
Speaker 1: it was embarrassing that it all came to a stop

1153
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 1: right away, and it was embarrassing that like, this guy

1154
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:13,080
Speaker 1: was doing these things to me that I didn't want

1155
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 1: done to me and that I don't have. I literally

1156
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:17,760
Speaker 1: when he was doing that from behind, I go, I

1157
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 1: haven't had sex in two and a half years. This

1158
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,920
Speaker 1: is the closest I've come down, and it has to

1159
00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 1: be with someone I don't know in front of hundreds

1160
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:26,840
Speaker 1: of people and cameras. And I was like, I don't

1161
00:58:26,880 --> 00:58:30,680
Speaker 1: like this proposal. It was terrible with someone you don't know,

1162
00:58:31,160 --> 00:58:33,320
Speaker 1: it was not And I'm not attracted to these like

1163
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 1: I'm not attracted to magic Mike types at all. And

1164
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 1: so then we got back to the table and they're

1165
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:39,600
Speaker 1: all like, are you okay? And I'm like it's fine,

1166
00:58:39,760 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 1: like they go, we're so so we we don't know

1167
00:58:42,320 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 1: how that happened. Like we told everyone like do not

1168
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 1: like and I go, don't get him in trouble. He

1169
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:50,040
Speaker 1: didn't know he thought it was down like it's it

1170
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:53,000
Speaker 1: wasn't him taking advantage of me. He really thought it was,

1171
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 1: and you could see the rest of the show. I

1172
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 1: think he had like kind of like deer in the

1173
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 1: headlights look of like I just fucked up because I

1174
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 1: just the celebrity guest judge. I fucking grinded on and simulated.

1175
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,439
Speaker 1: But it was really aggressive and a meal was there

1176
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:10,240
Speaker 1: a meal saw afterwards. I was just like, I was like,

1177
00:59:10,360 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 1: I don't want to even talk like it was so embarrassing,

1178
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:16,240
Speaker 1: it was so uncomfortable. I was really piste off. I

1179
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 1: just want to say though that that the whole production

1180
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:20,480
Speaker 1: team handed handled it really well. It was no one's fault.

1181
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:24,200
Speaker 1: It was miscommunication. But if you are a girl that

1182
00:59:24,240 --> 00:59:25,880
Speaker 1: goes to one of those shows, By the way, the

1183
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 1: Magic Mike Vegas Show is so fucking fun and so cool,

1184
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 1: I really do recommend it, and you can just I

1185
00:59:33,480 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 1: would have said no initially if I wasn't the Seleberty

1186
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 1: guest judge and on camera, I would have gone no

1187
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:39,640
Speaker 1: not and they would have stepped away. So you can

1188
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:41,480
Speaker 1: do that. I don't want to make you feel like

1189
00:59:44,120 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 1: a Brazilian steak restaurant. They need a green light, red

1190
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:50,200
Speaker 1: light with just a little card of being as some

1191
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 1: girls want it but they don't want to there's a

1192
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:55,959
Speaker 1: yellow card, you know what. You know what the red

1193
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:59,360
Speaker 1: card is. You know, I'm good, Thank you though, that's

1194
00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 1: what you know what I'm about. Yeah, well, it just

1195
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,000
Speaker 1: would seem like it would be like such an easy

1196
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:07,760
Speaker 1: Oh god, it was like a lesser version of myself

1197
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 1: would have had a panic attack and like cry and

1198
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 1: like really cried because I felt because I do value

1199
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 1: Like I know, people think I'm a war I haven't

1200
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:18,560
Speaker 1: had sex and at this point I had not had

1201
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:21,640
Speaker 1: sex in over two years, and this guy was there

1202
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:24,160
Speaker 1: was only a piece of two pieces of fabric separating

1203
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 1: his dick from my asshole, and it was just like

1204
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,120
Speaker 1: and I don't know him, and he's slamming it and

1205
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 1: literally I'm we're working in a way that I only

1206
01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:35,800
Speaker 1: fun people I'm deeply in love with, and so it

1207
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:40,400
Speaker 1: was just it was a violation. I think, I think

1208
01:00:40,440 --> 01:00:44,000
Speaker 1: like that, like the whole consent thing in regards to that,

1209
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 1: Like it just it's a it's a broader thing than

1210
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:48,040
Speaker 1: what you're talking about, like where the idea is like

1211
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 1: I've never had a dick this close without sucking it.

1212
01:00:50,720 --> 01:00:53,960
Speaker 1: So that guy hears that and he's like, oh, this chick. Oh,

1213
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 1: I am not blaming. I don't think. I don't think.

1214
01:00:57,440 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 1: I'm just saying the thing, like when you get accused

1215
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,160
Speaker 1: of something, or like someone confronts you about something. I'm

1216
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:05,840
Speaker 1: confronting the Magic Mike Show of like that made me

1217
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 1: uncomfortable and I did not like it. Am Do I

1218
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:13,760
Speaker 1: think you need to pay me for that or be punished? No?

1219
01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:16,360
Speaker 1: Do I think that guy was a bad person. Do

1220
01:01:16,400 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 1: I think that he doesn't know how to read women's cues? No?

1221
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,000
Speaker 1: Because I agreed to it the whole time I had

1222
01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:25,240
Speaker 1: joked about I wasn't asking for it per se, but

1223
01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 1: in a way I was because I consented along the

1224
01:01:27,280 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 1: way and I had every chance to opt out of it.

1225
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:31,160
Speaker 1: It just went too far. And as soon as it

1226
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 1: went too far, thank god the guy so he was

1227
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,160
Speaker 1: monitoring my face the whole time, and as soon as

1228
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 1: I just go and did the like cut across my neck,

1229
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 1: he rushed over so fast and was my hero and

1230
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:45,880
Speaker 1: completely made me feel safe. And so in no way,

1231
01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 1: when I say I was violated on that show, it

1232
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:50,840
Speaker 1: was something that I signed up for and consent to

1233
01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:54,120
Speaker 1: do and didn't know until it was already something I had.

1234
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:58,640
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to feel violated and have it be quote

1235
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:02,640
Speaker 1: unquote my fault. Yeah. I mean there was a story

1236
01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:08,120
Speaker 1: about a picture picture picture pure h oh, a picture,

1237
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:09,840
Speaker 1: an actual picture. I don't want to miss his name

1238
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 1: up and like talk about another but Bower I think

1239
01:02:12,880 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 1: his last name was where a woman consented to rough sex,

1240
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 1: but then he took that what does that mean? The

1241
01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 1: extra mile? And now your version is like you consented

1242
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 1: to getting grinded to a point, but the second I

1243
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 1: said no, it stopped. And that's the difference and with

1244
01:02:30,360 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 1: rough sex. Sara Set from my old podcast co host

1245
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:36,680
Speaker 1: uh hooked up with a guy one time and he's

1246
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 1: a famous person actually who has been me too since then,

1247
01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:42,480
Speaker 1: but this was a story long before he had been

1248
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:45,080
Speaker 1: me too. He was like a child, it's like star

1249
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:46,960
Speaker 1: like he was a star when he was a kid,

1250
01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 1: but like at this point he was an adult, but

1251
01:02:48,280 --> 01:02:52,160
Speaker 1: he was like still a Disney kind of figure. And

1252
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:55,040
Speaker 1: she said, you can be a little rough if you want,

1253
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:57,960
Speaker 1: and he slapped her across the face so fucking hard,

1254
01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 1: like as soon as she said she not in her joke.

1255
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:02,520
Speaker 1: She's like, I thought he would like take a piece

1256
01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:04,320
Speaker 1: of my hand, like just like gently pull it, and

1257
01:03:04,360 --> 01:03:06,800
Speaker 1: he just fucking slapped the ship out of her. And

1258
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:10,480
Speaker 1: it was like, that is so not what. You can

1259
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:12,439
Speaker 1: be a little rough or you can be really rough.

1260
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:16,440
Speaker 1: That's not it. Take these things slow and be willing

1261
01:03:16,520 --> 01:03:19,520
Speaker 1: to not be humiliated when a girl goes no, not

1262
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:22,160
Speaker 1: like that, and don't go you asked for it. It's

1263
01:03:22,200 --> 01:03:24,480
Speaker 1: okay that she asked for it and was wrong about

1264
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:27,640
Speaker 1: her boundaries. And it's okay that you surpassed her boundaries

1265
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:30,680
Speaker 1: if you were always taking those into consideration. We make mistakes.

1266
01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 1: That's okay. And this is not my statement about being

1267
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 1: on that show. I want to be on that show again.

1268
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:37,760
Speaker 1: I would do anything to do on the show again.

1269
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 1: I would not recommend any other show in Vegas besides

1270
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:43,040
Speaker 1: that show. And I literally went into it thinking it

1271
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:46,480
Speaker 1: would suck and I would have to act like ran

1272
01:03:46,560 --> 01:03:49,880
Speaker 1: a train on you. Blue Men. Is the same anxiety

1273
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:54,360
Speaker 1: being around doing this. There's it's an interesting point of

1274
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:57,840
Speaker 1: like it's hard to say no when there's a thousand

1275
01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:00,800
Speaker 1: people watching that are like cheer hearing it on. Like

1276
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:02,919
Speaker 1: the fact that you would say and ruin a good

1277
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:06,120
Speaker 1: time for everyone to make it weird. But if you're alone,

1278
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 1: there's it's also a risk. But people a lot of

1279
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 1: times will go, well, you're just it's just one person

1280
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:14,480
Speaker 1: you can know that is so much scary because guess

1281
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:20,000
Speaker 1: what a guy? That's why why bring it to bring up?

1282
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:21,560
Speaker 1: To call back to Louie. I haven't talked about him

1283
01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:24,080
Speaker 1: in this context on the show this week. But when

1284
01:04:24,120 --> 01:04:27,360
Speaker 1: people say the girls laughed when Louie took out his dick,

1285
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:32,160
Speaker 1: they were giggling. Why and they didn't tell them to stop? Well,

1286
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 1: when a guy takes out his dick when you don't

1287
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:37,120
Speaker 1: want him to you or on the train, if you

1288
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:39,360
Speaker 1: see a guy take out his dick and the girl

1289
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 1: people go why why did you just freeze? The thing

1290
01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:45,040
Speaker 1: is it's not because they're consenting or okay with it,

1291
01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:46,960
Speaker 1: or because they kind of are interested in and and they

1292
01:04:46,960 --> 01:04:48,680
Speaker 1: want to see where it goes. It's because if a

1293
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:50,520
Speaker 1: guy is willing to take out his dick when you

1294
01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:52,840
Speaker 1: don't expect it, what the funk else is this guy

1295
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:56,560
Speaker 1: capable of? That shows an error of judgment, in an

1296
01:04:56,680 --> 01:05:01,440
Speaker 1: error in respecting your space. So when a guy, you know,

1297
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 1: when you see the guy walking down the street and

1298
01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 1: he's muttering to himself. He hasn't done anything wrong, he's

1299
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:08,280
Speaker 1: allowed tom to himself. But you crossed the street because

1300
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:11,200
Speaker 1: the guy who's muttering to himself is capable of pulling

1301
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:13,840
Speaker 1: out a machete and slicing your head off. That's in

1302
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:16,880
Speaker 1: the same mind. But I agree with that to a

1303
01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:20,080
Speaker 1: point though, because there's things that people have a moral

1304
01:05:20,320 --> 01:05:24,120
Speaker 1: like that can do things without it going to that. Yes,

1305
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:26,840
Speaker 1: I understand that you're also allowed to say your dick

1306
01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:28,840
Speaker 1: is out, and I do not care for this and

1307
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:30,920
Speaker 1: I'm not going to suck it. That is my number

1308
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:33,200
Speaker 1: one thing. Once you're telling talking to your kids tonight

1309
01:05:33,240 --> 01:05:36,400
Speaker 1: about their feelings towards bts, please remind your daughters if

1310
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 1: they're if a man takes out his penis, they do

1311
01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:40,360
Speaker 1: not have to do anything to it. Men often gas

1312
01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:42,720
Speaker 1: light women thinking my penis is out, it's penis time.

1313
01:05:42,880 --> 01:05:44,360
Speaker 1: Did you not get the memo? And the girl just

1314
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:46,160
Speaker 1: does it because she doesn't want to embarrass him, because

1315
01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:48,040
Speaker 1: it's so brave to take out your dick. I covered

1316
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 1: all of this and banging. Make sure your daughters know

1317
01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:53,440
Speaker 1: that men take their penises out way too soon. And

1318
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 1: that they always will, and that your daughter is right

1319
01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:57,680
Speaker 1: to be like, I don't want to do anything with this,

1320
01:05:57,760 --> 01:05:59,200
Speaker 1: and that she's right to tell him to put it away,

1321
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:01,520
Speaker 1: because girls do know that it took me thirty five

1322
01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:03,480
Speaker 1: years to learn that you guys, and not the whole

1323
01:06:03,480 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 1: thirty five years. I mean, I wasn't dealing with dicks

1324
01:06:05,120 --> 01:06:07,560
Speaker 1: until far into my life. That always reminds me of

1325
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:11,200
Speaker 1: people were like on their vows. I've been looking thirty

1326
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:13,360
Speaker 1: five years to find this woman. It's like, were you

1327
01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 1: a horny toddler? Like, let's start it, like maybe started

1328
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:17,800
Speaker 1: looking at twenty. I had a dark thought the other

1329
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:20,200
Speaker 1: day where someone's like, I'm nine years cancer free, and

1330
01:06:20,240 --> 01:06:24,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm forty one years cancer free. That's hilarious.

1331
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:28,480
Speaker 1: That's breath the way you have cancer all the time.

1332
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:33,560
Speaker 1: Your body is just fighting it. Assholes. Not okay, final thought?

1333
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:38,640
Speaker 1: Here can we go through? These? These are maybe anxious

1334
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:42,880
Speaker 1: attached uh you know, touch points, thoughts and feelings that

1335
01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:46,320
Speaker 1: compel you to seek closeness with your partner. Thinking about

1336
01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:51,640
Speaker 1: your mate, difficulty concentrating on other things, remembering only their

1337
01:06:51,680 --> 01:06:56,120
Speaker 1: good qualities, putting them on a pedestal, underestimating your talent

1338
01:06:56,200 --> 01:07:00,200
Speaker 1: and abilities and overestimating theirs, an anxious feeling that goes

1339
01:07:00,240 --> 01:07:03,920
Speaker 1: away only when you are in contact with them, believing

1340
01:07:03,920 --> 01:07:06,040
Speaker 1: this is your only chance for love, as in, I'm

1341
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:08,680
Speaker 1: only compatible with very few people. What are the chances

1342
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:11,880
Speaker 1: I'll find another person like him or her? It takes

1343
01:07:11,960 --> 01:07:15,640
Speaker 1: years to meet someone new, I'll end up alone, Believing

1344
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:18,760
Speaker 1: that even though you're an unhappy you'd better not let go,

1345
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:21,200
Speaker 1: as in, if she leaves me, she'll turn into a

1346
01:07:21,240 --> 01:07:25,400
Speaker 1: great partner for someone else, or he can change, or

1347
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:29,600
Speaker 1: all couples have problems. We're not special in that regard those.

1348
01:07:29,720 --> 01:07:31,440
Speaker 1: If you resonate with any of those, you might be

1349
01:07:31,440 --> 01:07:35,120
Speaker 1: anxious attached. Now I resonate with those. All resonate with me.

1350
01:07:35,120 --> 01:07:37,080
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I hate when people say that you resonate

1351
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 1: with something. Those things resonate with me too, And I

1352
01:07:40,680 --> 01:07:42,760
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm going to keep reading and find out.

1353
01:07:42,880 --> 01:07:45,840
Speaker 1: I know it's hard, because you know what's interesting about

1354
01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:49,360
Speaker 1: all that is like, I feel like our friendship. I

1355
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:53,080
Speaker 1: was anxious attached to this friendship when you were avoided

1356
01:07:53,560 --> 01:07:56,680
Speaker 1: with me, and the more secure you became with me,

1357
01:07:56,720 --> 01:07:59,440
Speaker 1: of like feeling like I could tell you, yeah, we

1358
01:07:59,440 --> 01:08:02,840
Speaker 1: could talk and you like not respect, but like there

1359
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,680
Speaker 1: was just a level of where we've met in the

1360
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:07,920
Speaker 1: middle that and being and being like honest with you,

1361
01:08:07,960 --> 01:08:10,040
Speaker 1: like yeah, that did make me mad and yeah I

1362
01:08:10,080 --> 01:08:12,000
Speaker 1: was out of line, and I'll try to do better.

1363
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:15,800
Speaker 1: It's really is about communication, yeah, and so much. And

1364
01:08:15,840 --> 01:08:18,559
Speaker 1: you can like this proves the point, like to know

1365
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:21,800
Speaker 1: what I was saying, Like you can change and it

1366
01:08:21,840 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 1: can be healthy and like and you can say that

1367
01:08:24,240 --> 01:08:26,920
Speaker 1: you need things. You can say if you're an anxious person.

1368
01:08:27,240 --> 01:08:29,360
Speaker 1: I just learned this and I just like kind of

1369
01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:33,879
Speaker 1: did this the other day where I said, I need

1370
01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:38,639
Speaker 1: to hear from you, and I I'm anxious attached. It's

1371
01:08:38,640 --> 01:08:43,439
Speaker 1: not my fault. It's like being a fucking because it

1372
01:08:43,560 --> 01:08:45,400
Speaker 1: can be confusing. No, no no, no no, but I like

1373
01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:49,200
Speaker 1: talking to someone. I said, I'm anxious attached, and I

1374
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:51,599
Speaker 1: I freak out when I don't hear from you because

1375
01:08:51,640 --> 01:08:54,479
Speaker 1: it's just the way I was raised. It's irrational. But

1376
01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:56,880
Speaker 1: I start going to all these weird fucking places, and

1377
01:08:56,920 --> 01:08:59,840
Speaker 1: it's not that abnormal. I'm a lot like another people

1378
01:08:59,840 --> 01:09:01,800
Speaker 1: are people. I'm just being honest with you, like this

1379
01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:04,639
Speaker 1: is how girls think I need to hear from you

1380
01:09:04,800 --> 01:09:07,680
Speaker 1: when I when I say, like, how are you like?

1381
01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:10,400
Speaker 1: I need something back? I need that And if you

1382
01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:12,760
Speaker 1: can't give that to me, I totally understand. But that's

1383
01:09:12,800 --> 01:09:15,000
Speaker 1: not something I'm going to compromise on because I'm going

1384
01:09:15,040 --> 01:09:17,840
Speaker 1: to live in constant hell because of the way my

1385
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:21,080
Speaker 1: brain is wired. It's not good. I'm not saying that

1386
01:09:21,160 --> 01:09:23,559
Speaker 1: I like this way. I'm trying my best to get

1387
01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:25,559
Speaker 1: better about this, but you need to help me out,

1388
01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:28,280
Speaker 1: just like I need help. If you're in a wheelchair,

1389
01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:30,439
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you to push my wheelchair sometimes, like

1390
01:09:30,520 --> 01:09:32,640
Speaker 1: I'm disabled in this way. And you got to be

1391
01:09:32,720 --> 01:09:36,160
Speaker 1: okay with that person going. I hear you, I empathize

1392
01:09:36,200 --> 01:09:38,559
Speaker 1: with you, but I can't be that person for you.

1393
01:09:38,640 --> 01:09:40,360
Speaker 1: And you gotta be okay with that note you know

1394
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:42,160
Speaker 1: what I mean. Or if they say that go okay,

1395
01:09:42,160 --> 01:09:46,160
Speaker 1: well I I don't. I can't. Or they can say

1396
01:09:46,200 --> 01:09:48,040
Speaker 1: I'm ready to try my best and let's see how

1397
01:09:48,040 --> 01:09:49,920
Speaker 1: it goes and if it's not enough for you, I'm

1398
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:53,519
Speaker 1: out or you can go. But being okay with what

1399
01:09:53,600 --> 01:09:56,000
Speaker 1: you need is a new thing to me. And I

1400
01:09:56,000 --> 01:09:57,680
Speaker 1: don't know if you're listening and you relate to that

1401
01:09:57,720 --> 01:10:01,519
Speaker 1: at all but me, okay, have asking for things that

1402
01:10:01,600 --> 01:10:04,200
Speaker 1: you need that make you feel like too needy or

1403
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:09,559
Speaker 1: a nag or like codependent. I mean two months ago,

1404
01:10:09,600 --> 01:10:10,880
Speaker 1: you could have asked me about this and I would

1405
01:10:10,880 --> 01:10:13,240
Speaker 1: have said, yeah, if you need things like that means

1406
01:10:13,240 --> 01:10:16,400
Speaker 1: that you don't like yourself and you need No. No, no,

1407
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:19,360
Speaker 1: It's okay to need things from your parents, from your

1408
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:22,120
Speaker 1: loved one. It's okay to say I need that. And

1409
01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:24,479
Speaker 1: the fear is that they're going to say I can't

1410
01:10:24,520 --> 01:10:26,479
Speaker 1: give that to you. And then you have to decide

1411
01:10:26,720 --> 01:10:30,360
Speaker 1: if you're willing to live a life of chronic anxiety

1412
01:10:30,479 --> 01:10:33,439
Speaker 1: and feeling not good enoughness because this person that you've

1413
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:36,599
Speaker 1: chosen cannot meet your needs. And there is someone out

1414
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:40,040
Speaker 1: there that would. There are people out there that can

1415
01:10:40,479 --> 01:10:43,360
Speaker 1: call you back or see a miscall from you and

1416
01:10:43,400 --> 01:10:46,000
Speaker 1: write to you and go, hey, what's up on I'm sorry,

1417
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:48,599
Speaker 1: I'm busy, And then there are people that go, I

1418
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:52,160
Speaker 1: she is so needy. It's making me feel really like

1419
01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:54,360
Speaker 1: I don't like her anymore. And you shouldn't be with

1420
01:10:54,400 --> 01:10:56,479
Speaker 1: those people because they're not a good fit. And it

1421
01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:59,680
Speaker 1: sucks because we're attracted to these opposites. If any of

1422
01:10:59,680 --> 01:11:02,880
Speaker 1: this is interesting to you. Please read attached along with me,

1423
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:04,479
Speaker 1: and if you read it, if you read it and

1424
01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:06,479
Speaker 1: you come across something that you would like me to

1425
01:11:06,680 --> 01:11:09,320
Speaker 1: expound on, or there's something I missed that you think

1426
01:11:09,320 --> 01:11:11,760
Speaker 1: I would really like. I'd love to have a book

1427
01:11:11,760 --> 01:11:14,519
Speaker 1: club about this book, because it's really I'm taking it slow.

1428
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:17,800
Speaker 1: I'm I'm rereading things. Um you can. It's a really

1429
01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:19,559
Speaker 1: fast read. You can download it on your phone. That's

1430
01:11:19,600 --> 01:11:22,000
Speaker 1: how I read it. Um. Yeah, because I'm gonna be

1431
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:24,439
Speaker 1: talking about it for a bit and maybe if the

1432
01:11:24,479 --> 01:11:26,400
Speaker 1: way that I'm talking about this makes you think of

1433
01:11:26,439 --> 01:11:28,719
Speaker 1: something else. A lot of people recommended me great books

1434
01:11:28,760 --> 01:11:31,799
Speaker 1: about this weird theory I was saying about like I'm everyone,

1435
01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:32,960
Speaker 1: and I was like, I don't even know what I mean.

1436
01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:35,680
Speaker 1: People saving all these great books about that theory. So

1437
01:11:36,040 --> 01:11:40,320
Speaker 1: thank you, besties, and thank you besties. You're describing it.

1438
01:11:40,439 --> 01:11:42,680
Speaker 1: I see what you're trying to do. But here's some

1439
01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:45,360
Speaker 1: book like no, but I asked, do you know any

1440
01:11:45,439 --> 01:11:48,639
Speaker 1: literature about this? Here's how to buy a home? Like

1441
01:11:50,360 --> 01:11:54,040
Speaker 1: I've besties are so smart and some of them, yeah,

1442
01:11:54,200 --> 01:11:56,320
Speaker 1: sometimes they break down like what I'm trying to say,

1443
01:11:56,360 --> 01:11:58,519
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you should be talking and I should

1444
01:11:58,520 --> 01:12:01,519
Speaker 1: be sucking picking up dogs. I'm gonna go on that

1445
01:12:01,560 --> 01:12:04,720
Speaker 1: Instagram live again today and pretty much every day this

1446
01:12:04,840 --> 01:12:07,920
Speaker 1: Christmas break because I'm not performing, It's just I I'm

1447
01:12:07,960 --> 01:12:10,000
Speaker 1: having the best time at my open mics on there.

1448
01:12:10,040 --> 01:12:17,960
Speaker 1: Thank you to everyone who's a regular uh viewer of that. Um,

1449
01:12:16,840 --> 01:12:21,280
Speaker 1: we're gonna be off next week. We're gonna be off.

1450
01:12:21,320 --> 01:12:24,439
Speaker 1: What days next week we're off? You're going to be

1451
01:12:24,479 --> 01:12:31,920
Speaker 1: in Hawaii? Yeah, good for us. I will be going

1452
01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:35,360
Speaker 1: live on and we'll both go live to him. I

1453
01:12:35,439 --> 01:12:37,639
Speaker 1: will be going live on Instagram from Hawaii. I'll probably

1454
01:12:37,640 --> 01:12:40,000
Speaker 1: play guitar in my hotel room. Um, and I'll do

1455
01:12:40,040 --> 01:12:43,160
Speaker 1: it from inside of Gator down in Florida. Yeah. We'll

1456
01:12:43,400 --> 01:12:45,880
Speaker 1: make sure to follow us on Instagram. Sorry to take

1457
01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:47,960
Speaker 1: off for Christmas. I know that means a lot to

1458
01:12:48,000 --> 01:12:50,720
Speaker 1: you guys to have people there during the holidays, but um,

1459
01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:53,840
Speaker 1: we're always there in old episodes. Um, you can write

1460
01:12:53,840 --> 01:12:55,680
Speaker 1: to me and I'll suggest some podcasts that might keep

1461
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:59,400
Speaker 1: you company uh in other ways. But yeah, we're there

1462
01:12:59,439 --> 01:13:02,120
Speaker 1: for you. Follow us on Instagram. We have one more

1463
01:13:02,160 --> 01:13:04,840
Speaker 1: show tomorrow, so don't worry. Andrew is going to be

1464
01:13:04,960 --> 01:13:09,080
Speaker 1: in Michigan. Yeah, I'm going to Michigan here. Yeah, he's

1465
01:13:09,160 --> 01:13:13,400
Speaker 1: driving to Michigan with Brenna. Well that's a that's a

1466
01:13:13,400 --> 01:13:17,200
Speaker 1: good drive. That'll be fun. Um kill each other and

1467
01:13:17,439 --> 01:13:19,439
Speaker 1: we'll see you tomorrow here on the show. And then yeah,

1468
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:21,320
Speaker 1: just prepare for next week. We're gonna be off, but

1469
01:13:21,600 --> 01:13:23,479
Speaker 1: we'll be on live, so don't worry and go follow

1470
01:13:23,520 --> 01:13:25,160
Speaker 1: us on Nicki lazer Pot and thank you so much

1471
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:28,479
Speaker 1: for joining us for coffee bags and coffee and tea bags.

1472
01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:34,080
Speaker 1: That's her And how those glasses suiting you good? I

1473
01:13:34,080 --> 01:13:35,640
Speaker 1: don't know if Branda loves him. And she said I

1474
01:13:35,640 --> 01:13:38,360
Speaker 1: look older, which isn't a good thing for a younger

1475
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:42,200
Speaker 1: woman to do. You're already that's not I feel like

1476
01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:48,759
Speaker 1: you look younger. Huh, Well, don't be cut there. And

1477
01:13:49,600 --> 01:13:56,240
Speaker 1: Jackson Holmes Patrick momess brother who's very annoying on TikTok

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01:13:56,280 --> 01:13:59,240
Speaker 1: and good, okay, good, I'm as long as it's valid.