Speaker 1: If you break up with me via text message, then
Speaker 1: in my mind, in my mind, you are twirling the
Speaker 1: end of your mustache. You are dictastardly. I am tied
Speaker 1: to railroad tracks, you son of a bitch. That is
Speaker 1: so funny. Hey, everybody, welcome to hold up. It's a
Speaker 1: big show about a lot of nothing. I am one
Speaker 1: of your co hosts. My name is Josh Johnson. I
Speaker 1: am a writer for The Daily Show, and I am
Speaker 1: joined by dousays Line. It's your girl me the smooth
Speaker 1: operator herself. Okay. I am a stand up comedian. I'm
Speaker 1: also corresponding on The Daily Show and what the fuck
Speaker 1: I do the voice of Honeybee on the Great North
Speaker 1: Thump Fox, and I'm out here just chilling in them
Speaker 1: all with your daddy. You know, got some new hair
Speaker 1: on Jilla McCAT shirt because you know, Nigga's got a stunt.
Speaker 1: The laughing. Don't get me wrong, I love your joy
Speaker 1: I'm always I'm always happy for you to be joyful.
Speaker 1: But the steps and the levels to the laughing. Today
Speaker 1: we were talking to the people about probably one of
Speaker 1: one of one of the topics. Because on the show
Speaker 1: we don't really get deep. We don't talk about world events.
Speaker 1: We don't. We don't talk about huge, serious topics. But
Speaker 1: today might be the most serious we've ever done because honestly,
Speaker 1: what this really speaks to is generations, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And the type of friend, the type of
Speaker 1: loved one, the type of communicator that you are. So
Speaker 1: it's how much time you're allowing to spend with someone, um,
Speaker 1: how you communicate. And the topic for today, kids is
Speaker 1: texting versus calling. And you know it's some ship because
Speaker 1: I'm the one that introduced it. Now I'm gonna give
Speaker 1: y'all some time to choose, play the music, and we're back. Okay, Joshua.
Speaker 1: What I'm not gonna do today is come for your neck.
Speaker 1: Also the coordination between your burgundy shirt and his burgundy hair. Come, oh,
Speaker 1: I know, come together together, we make one a bad bitch.
Speaker 1: You mash us together. Hey, if you see Joshua behind,
Speaker 1: he I'm doing my best is a bad bitch doing
Speaker 1: my squats squats. I'm also doing the squats. At the
Speaker 1: point these squats I've been doing must have been popping,
Speaker 1: because another comic asked me if I had a bbl wow,
Speaker 1: And for somebody to ask me if my ass was
Speaker 1: purchased when it was not who that's a compliment I've
Speaker 1: ever heard one. I don't care who you are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when it was homegrown, homegrown, just doing a little squats
Speaker 1: and just changed a little shape a little bit. So Joshua.
Speaker 1: When it comes to text v call in the Battle
Speaker 1: of the Century, yeah, who who you're running with? I
Speaker 1: gotta go texting, I gotta I gotta go texting day
Speaker 1: one day out. What I'm not gonna do today. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna come for your neck, Okay, Because this comes
Speaker 1: down to how someone communicates, and if you're communicating, then
Speaker 1: it's not wrong. Yeah. Yeah, as long as you're trying
Speaker 1: to make your feelings, no, as long as you're trying
Speaker 1: to be an adult about things. Than all, we're all
Speaker 1: in support of your effort absolutely, because people the thing
Speaker 1: I will say, first thing I'll say of why I'm
Speaker 1: in support of texting versus going. A lot of times
Speaker 1: some people will say, oh no, I like to call
Speaker 1: so I can get the context of the situation, so
Speaker 1: that I can hear their voice, so I can word.
Speaker 1: A lot of miscommunication can happen over the phone. You
Speaker 1: can catch the wrong tone someone wasn't meaning to you know,
Speaker 1: impart to you. You can I mean, it happens. You
Speaker 1: could be on the phone. Are you saying that there's
Speaker 1: more misunderstanding on the phone than there is with text messaging.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying there's not more. I'm saying that it
Speaker 1: can still happen. I'm not saying it can't. What I
Speaker 1: will say is because like, first of all, sarcasm cannot
Speaker 1: be conveyed over a text. The number of times I've
Speaker 1: gotten into it, into it with somebody because I was
Speaker 1: being sarcastic with someone when they thought you were being attacktful,
Speaker 1: Like we need where you use emojis? No, because the
Speaker 1: emojis are what have brought context back to text. Okay,
Speaker 1: don't make no sense. Some of them don't make any sense.
Speaker 1: But if you can text me something and then end
Speaker 1: it with a little with a yellow yellow dude with
Speaker 1: his eyes rolling back at his head, I'm like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: all right, that's for a second I thought you were
Speaker 1: coming from me. Now I'm realizing little dude eyes rolled back.
Speaker 1: We're on the same page. Okay. Is there something that
Speaker 1: you think cannot be conveyed via text? I think, like
Speaker 1: what subjects. What conversations can you not have via text message?
Speaker 1: You can't do breakup over text message? Okay, because because
Speaker 1: with a breakup, Because this is the thing. The reason
Speaker 1: that there is miscommunication in text messages is because now
Speaker 1: I'm I'm really trying to give me, give me some
Speaker 1: give me some slack here to try to explain what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, because I deeply believe this, but I've never
Speaker 1: had to put it into words. I just sort of
Speaker 1: live by it. When you were texting a person, you're
Speaker 1: making them say what you said in their head. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is why people mis misunderstand people in text message,
Speaker 1: because they read it with a nasty tone, even if
Speaker 1: you didn't mean it nasty right right, right, right right.
Speaker 1: What I think happens with a breakup, I don't think
Speaker 1: it can happen over text message because no matter how
Speaker 1: well and thought out the text message is, and how
Speaker 1: long it is and how kind it is, you might
Speaker 1: as well call them and read that because I guarantee you,
Speaker 1: if somebody is breaking up with you and they're texting
Speaker 1: it to you, you're not gonna read it the way
Speaker 1: they wrote it, no matter what it is, because there's
Speaker 1: going to be hurt and vololutely. Yeah the fuck not Yeah?
Speaker 1: If I if you break up with me via text message,
Speaker 1: then in my mind, in my mind mind, you were
Speaker 1: twirling the end of your mustache. You are dictastardly. I
Speaker 1: am tied to railroad tracks. You son of a bitch.
Speaker 1: That is so funny. Wow, if you via text message,
Speaker 1: you're a villain? Yes, yes, where are your henchmen? Who
Speaker 1: would you? Yeah? Bastard? If you break up with a
Speaker 1: via text message, the fuck is wrong with you. I
Speaker 1: had a guy that I meant I was when I
Speaker 1: lived in La I met this guy at a bar.
Speaker 1: We were like making out and then we were gonna
Speaker 1: hang out. He wanted to come wanted me to come
Speaker 1: hang out with him the next day, but I was
Speaker 1: I had I had a bunch of flights. I had
Speaker 1: a bunch of work that I needed to do because
Speaker 1: I was gonna be in the road that week, and
Speaker 1: I'd buy like a bunch of flights. He was like,
Speaker 1: we're gonna be in a bar for like two hours.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not gonna be able to make it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, Well, I was like in
Speaker 1: my mind, I was like I could go to this
Speaker 1: bar but I was always in the hab to like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to push off work to go hang
Speaker 1: out with a boy, okay, because I had to get
Speaker 1: this money, you know what I mean? Because I was
Speaker 1: doing what Josh grinding, Yes, grinding, indeed grinding, and that
Speaker 1: that's the real grind right there, is that you sacrifice
Speaker 1: to grind for a grind. Bro. Yeah, I mean, because
Speaker 1: you could have been out here grinding, living in sin,
Speaker 1: making the beasts with two backs, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But you were like, no, I'm gonna do my work grind,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna make the pages Russell, Okay, whether
Speaker 1: I'm doing homework and I'm flipping pages, you know, or
Speaker 1: whether I'm cashing checks and I'm flipping bills. Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: giving American Airlines three hundred dollars at a time, cheeze. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a real thing. Oh hope those miles don't grind
Speaker 1: as long as I don't grind to a halt, baby,
Speaker 1: we are, right, Yeah, And he wanted me to come
Speaker 1: hang out, and I was like, I'm trying, and I
Speaker 1: was really trying to, just I was trying to so
Speaker 1: I'm I'm like a Saturday night. The next day I
Speaker 1: wanted to hang out. I flew out Monday. He flew
Speaker 1: out Monday. We really didn't talk throughout the weak. I
Speaker 1: tried to hit him up and he'd be like one
Speaker 1: or two sentences. I was like, okay, Friday, we both
Speaker 1: get back in town. This fucker texts me high Sloan.
Speaker 1: First of all, that is not my first name. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he gave me the most thank you for your application
Speaker 1: career Builder fucking text message. Yeah. Yeah, well, if you
Speaker 1: need a reference, right, we can't provide it. You didn't
Speaker 1: work here long enough. So I just was like when
Speaker 1: I said high Sloan, I was like this this is
Speaker 1: I didn't I don't think I even read read the
Speaker 1: rest of it. I was like, yeah, fine, but it
Speaker 1: was like he's like, oh, you're you know you're in
Speaker 1: and out of town a lot. And I just texted
Speaker 1: him back. We were out of town the same amount
Speaker 1: of days and we both got back today. We could
Speaker 1: have hung out, and I was like, whatever, whatever bitch
Speaker 1: you had on hook must have activated active because you
Speaker 1: sent me this with a switch. Yes. I don't know
Speaker 1: if if this if she finally filled up with well,
Speaker 1: I don't know what happened? What kind of magic rag
Speaker 1: and a fucking bowl of water? This bitch was? It
Speaker 1: just was like doo doo doo and she became a
Speaker 1: full fed woman. Oh so like that situation, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is this is fine. Yeah, I mean I think
Speaker 1: that the thing that calling has for me where I
Speaker 1: choose texting overcalling. Do you know I'm a team calling.
Speaker 1: I know your team calling, And I feel like some
Speaker 1: calls are so short that for the lead up and
Speaker 1: for the conversation it could have been a text message,
Speaker 1: the same way some meetings could have been emails. There
Speaker 1: are some calls that could have been texts, because if
Speaker 1: you really don't have much to say to me, you
Speaker 1: might as well text me. Most meetings can be emails.
Speaker 1: Some emails can be text messages, right, we all know that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I prefer calling because one I was born in eighteen
Speaker 1: eighty three. Okay, I remember T nine texting? Yes, Yes,
Speaker 1: where you really had to the fact when people you
Speaker 1: knew somebody was good and mad when they text you
Speaker 1: back fast on T nine because T nine was for
Speaker 1: those that don't know, T nine would try to guess
Speaker 1: based on your next letter. Ye, the word so essentially
Speaker 1: what Gmail is doing now, but horrible. Like it would
Speaker 1: be like you you want to send them the word mayonnaise, right,
Speaker 1: and it's like I'm I'm saying, ma'am, I even have
Speaker 1: the apostrophe up. So I've never heard of mail on
Speaker 1: a's right. I didn't know you can pronoun it foctory.
Speaker 1: So hard it was it was insane. It would be like,
Speaker 1: you mean mayonnaise, right, and I'm like, I've never texted
Speaker 1: anyone mayonnaise and all. Also, no one can spell mayonnaise
Speaker 1: but the people who produce mayonnaise as mayo. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: same way you've never texted somebody congratulations. You said congras
Speaker 1: and your phone said us you don't know. So I
Speaker 1: feel like that was T nine. When somebody text you
Speaker 1: back fast, it was either a real emergency, hard heart emergency,
Speaker 1: or they want to murder you. I remember my friend this.
Speaker 1: This It still makes me laughing. So my friend was
Speaker 1: telling the story about how she was dating this dude,
Speaker 1: and as she was she admitted that she was fully
Speaker 1: out of pocket for this. So this is like, this
Speaker 1: is this is a situation where everybody knows what it is.
Speaker 1: So this isn't one of those less debate on the
Speaker 1: Internet that she's telling the story, and this is she
Speaker 1: said she was wrong, right, Oh, I love this. So
Speaker 1: she was dating this dude, this dude. This is a
Speaker 1: texting versus colleague situation too, because okay, so she was
Speaker 1: dating this dude, this dude pretty and he's so pretty
Speaker 1: it makes her a little insecure. Right, Oh, I hate
Speaker 1: those guys because they make you say stupid things. And
Speaker 1: so then he is just I'm pretty sure he's just
Speaker 1: living his life. Like the way she told the story,
Speaker 1: it seemed like he was living his life. Then a
Speaker 1: woman commented on one of his pictures on Instagram. Right now,
Speaker 1: the woman that commented on one of his pictures on
Speaker 1: Instagram was like an X from two xes ago, so
Speaker 1: like a third X. So we're talking about somebody who's
Speaker 1: like just checking testing the water whatever. Right, But she
Speaker 1: don't need to be saying shit, She don't need to
Speaker 1: be saying anything. But if you, if you have a
Speaker 1: free and open Internet, you actually can't control who decides
Speaker 1: to comment under your thing. Because it's not like it's
Speaker 1: not like she found DMS. It's not like it's not
Speaker 1: like he was doing anything. He just posted something. And
Speaker 1: then she posted something. Right, Well, she's she she just
Speaker 1: said something about him looking good or whatever. Right, Okay,
Speaker 1: so she tried it. She tried, so she tried and
Speaker 1: then he said, um, thanks, Like he didn't say he
Speaker 1: wasn't like he said, yeah, he said, like so he
Speaker 1: was uncomfortable, right, but but she saw it. She got
Speaker 1: so mad that he even spoke to her in the thing,
Speaker 1: but also in a public format like this isn't once again,
Speaker 1: we're not talking about dms. This is a public format
Speaker 1: that he was like, um, thanks, right, X yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean right, she flips out, and she is text to
Speaker 1: him hard did she flip? Like? She she said, she
Speaker 1: flipped all the way out. She said that she just
Speaker 1: saw red and like, wasn't it because also she wasn't
Speaker 1: like a full adult at the time, so like we're
Speaker 1: talking about grown, but we're not talking about grown grown, right,
Speaker 1: and so she's just seeing red because I guess she
Speaker 1: already didn't like this woman or whatever, and so now
Speaker 1: this woman sniffling around her man and she didn't like her,
Speaker 1: and the dude responded to it, albeit uncomfortably, right, but
Speaker 1: but anyway, uh, she's like, my mistake, My mistake was
Speaker 1: that I didn't call. First, I texted him I was
Speaker 1: gonna kill him, and then I called, so of course
Speaker 1: he didn't pick up. Of course, of course he didn't
Speaker 1: pick up. But then no, ma'am. Then then she started
Speaker 1: texting him more because he because he wouldn't pick up.
Speaker 1: I've been in the situation where this motherfucker won't answer
Speaker 1: and he's never gonna answer. And so you said you
Speaker 1: were gonna kill him first. So well, one, you can
Speaker 1: only threaten someone's life in person. Yeah, like I threatened
Speaker 1: my X, Yeah, be for whatever reason, and um, it's fine,
Speaker 1: but threats have to be done in person. You can't threaten.
Speaker 1: You especially can't threaten over text message, Instagram, over written word,
Speaker 1: over things that are screenshotible. You cannot threatenin a screenshotible.
Speaker 1: You can't threaten over text message. You can't because you
Speaker 1: can't give the police evidencia. But in person, sir, yeah,
Speaker 1: I heard you've never met your grandparents? Do you want to?
Speaker 1: Because you can't? And so basically, yeah, that's a that's
Speaker 1: a situation where she should have called, she decided to text,
Speaker 1: And what you do it you do the reverse of that.
Speaker 1: First of all, you report her comment as spam. Would
Speaker 1: you rather argue over text or on a call? Oh,
Speaker 1: on the phone. On the phone, you think so apps
Speaker 1: a fucking lootlely because in text message argument, yeah will
Speaker 1: take all day. It will take all day. But I
Speaker 1: feel like in a text message argument, I never misspeak.
Speaker 1: In a text message argument. It takes me. It takes
Speaker 1: me the time it takes me a type, and then
Speaker 1: it takes me the time it takes me to read it,
Speaker 1: and then I send it. It's been super rare in
Speaker 1: my life that I've text anything that I regret texting.
Speaker 1: I've set a lozed stuff I regret saying because now
Speaker 1: on the call, you're moving at the speed of your mouth. Now,
Speaker 1: text message arguments do make you think about what you
Speaker 1: were saying, Yeah, because you got to type out the
Speaker 1: whole thing. I've backspace mania too far. So many times
Speaker 1: I've been like, don't say don't say that. Yeah you
Speaker 1: want this person in your life, don't say this. Right,
Speaker 1: there's the thing. I'm saying something truly ugly to somebody
Speaker 1: the a text message. They can always go back and
Speaker 1: look at it. They could also, you can't. You can
Speaker 1: obviously record a person talking to you, but there's a
Speaker 1: special type of like contextualizing you can do if you
Speaker 1: screenshot a nasty text message. There's there's a thing where
Speaker 1: I think, obviously you can listen to someone's voice and
Speaker 1: people can make what they will of what the person
Speaker 1: was saying, because texting makes you read in your voice,
Speaker 1: in your head. I'm telling you, if somebody, if somebody
Speaker 1: sends you something truly profane and you screenshot that and
Speaker 1: you put that whether you whether you put it out
Speaker 1: for the world or you show it to your friend,
Speaker 1: and you're like, so they just text me this randomly,
Speaker 1: it seems ten times crazier. No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: The best part of a text message argument. As I
Speaker 1: was going back and forth with this guy I was seeing,
Speaker 1: and he was trying to convince me that something he
Speaker 1: said to me before is what he didn't say. For
Speaker 1: the year and a half I knew him, like we
Speaker 1: were hanging out here to have almost two years we
Speaker 1: hung out. We mainly I probably talked to him on
Speaker 1: the phone like twice. Yeah, it was always texting. There
Speaker 1: was one time where I had to he said something
Speaker 1: to me. I was like, that's not what you said.
Speaker 1: So this is what I said. It's something you said
Speaker 1: so I was able to go back and go, this
Speaker 1: is what you said. So my favorite part of a
Speaker 1: text message argument is that I can literally screenshot with
Speaker 1: someone's If someone's screenshoting what you said and sending it
Speaker 1: to you, you're wrong. Oh I don't know about that.
Speaker 1: There's I've never been in a situation where I had
Speaker 1: to say someone, this is what you said, and they're like, no,
Speaker 1: I didn't, and then I have to take a screenshot
Speaker 1: of our current text message thread and go, hey, dummy,
Speaker 1: this is what you said, and either they will go, okay,
Speaker 1: that is what I said or deflect. But I've never
Speaker 1: a screenshot is someone in an argument and been wrong.
Speaker 1: You're forgetting that. There are plenty of unreasonable people on
Speaker 1: the planet. I'm not saying people. I'm saying that if
Speaker 1: I'm to the point where I'm screenshotting in an argument,
Speaker 1: yeah to the person that I'm talking Joe, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that you have proof I'm with you. I have proof.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I honor. Please. Let I've been in
Speaker 1: a conversation with someone where they said I said something
Speaker 1: I didn't say, and then they sent me a screenshot
Speaker 1: of the thing that they think I said, and it's
Speaker 1: still not what I said. And that's when I'm like, ah,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do here. I like, I don't.
Speaker 1: I genuinely have no idea how to proceed because you're
Speaker 1: saying I said something I didn't say, and your proof
Speaker 1: of me saying it is still not me saying it.
Speaker 1: So now I'm like, ah, geez, I don't like him.
Speaker 1: When you're in the midst of an argument with somebody
Speaker 1: and they're arguing with you about the one thing and
Speaker 1: then you go, oh, you're hurt. Yeah, like you you
Speaker 1: can't let this go. Yeah, you can't let this go.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and you keep talking and keep talking. You're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I figured out what the real reason you're upset is.
Speaker 1: But you're like nah, I'm like no, yeah, you just
Speaker 1: admit it. Yeah, if you're if you're hurt about something
Speaker 1: in life, please just admit it. You're gonna you're gonna
Speaker 1: get so much further, so much quicker if you just
Speaker 1: admit it, especially if it's with someone who you're like,
Speaker 1: if there's a person that's gonna be in your life forever.
Speaker 1: So we're not talking about the end of a friendship.
Speaker 1: We're not talking about the end of a relationship. If
Speaker 1: this is like family, or if this is a close
Speaker 1: friend and you're hurt by something, just admit it. Just
Speaker 1: let just let it out now and not three days
Speaker 1: from now, because because I've called two years two ye,
Speaker 1: three years, ten years, yeah, ten fucking years literally ten
Speaker 1: years later. Yeah, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me, nigga? Really? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What is more while is when someone's upset with you
Speaker 1: for something that you didn't know you did. I've been
Speaker 1: in text conversations with people that became arguments and neither
Speaker 1: one of us knew how it became an argument. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just morphs it just slowly, like like things. And and
Speaker 1: that's to your point. I haven't really had that happened
Speaker 1: while I was on the phone. That's fair, yeah, because
Speaker 1: it I think a lot of things were perceived as
Speaker 1: slick in text everything. Listen, we need fuck all of
Speaker 1: these emojis, We need more fonts. I mean that that
Speaker 1: would be great, Listen. I can't argue with that. If
Speaker 1: if anytime I said something sarcastic it was in italics, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it would change our lives. I would say, this is
Speaker 1: what I will say, though I've heard alex as the
Speaker 1: as the go to. I think italics it's for when
Speaker 1: you're being fancy. Oh I knew, here's what you were
Speaker 1: gonna say when you're being fancy. Italics, when you're being sarcastic.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be sarcastic way more than I'm gonna be fancy,
Speaker 1: I know. But that's why they need to add the
Speaker 1: option for the sartic castic one, and the sarcastic one
Speaker 1: needs to be I'm gonna throw it out there. A
Speaker 1: lot of people are gonna hate this. Underline comic Sands.
Speaker 1: I'll allow it because Comic Sands is ugly enough. I'll
Speaker 1: allow it that you're like, oh yeah, what they're saying
Speaker 1: is dumb, and they know it's dumb, so it needs
Speaker 1: to be in a dumb fought. Yes. Yeah, when you're
Speaker 1: saying something serious, bold letters, bold letters, and a when
Speaker 1: it's on, when it's on, if you if you putting
Speaker 1: it on your grandmama, bold and underline, all right, oh god,
Speaker 1: if you're putting it, if you're putting it down on everything.
Speaker 1: I love bold and underline everything. I love God, my mama, kids, yeah,
Speaker 1: my kids. Look, that's on my whole bank account. All right,
Speaker 1: bold and underlined and that's on what period? Wow with
Speaker 1: an extra team and that's all. Mary had a little lamb. Yeah,
Speaker 1: m m, we're not we're not doing enough. It's like
Speaker 1: you're giving us all these emojis. I don't need, don't body,
Speaker 1: I don't need the more dancing. What I need I
Speaker 1: need an eye roll, an emoji that actually rolls, because
Speaker 1: the eyroll emojas just like it's looking up. But that's
Speaker 1: what gifts are for. Um, Joshua, did you know I
Speaker 1: was a gift? What what? I'm a gift? When it's me?
Speaker 1: Oh wow, yeah, look at you and I didn't realize
Speaker 1: you know your girls? Mhmm. The cheeks is sitting different
Speaker 1: if you know what I mean? Oh God, tell me Mark,
Speaker 1: go ahead. Oh just just basically, I think that texting
Speaker 1: broadens the spectrum of people who can engage in good
Speaker 1: conversation now because you have the ability to to wait
Speaker 1: until you have something to say, you have the ability
Speaker 1: to backspace what you are about to say, and you
Speaker 1: have the ability to think, really really think about what
Speaker 1: you're gonna say next. Doesn't mean it always works, doesn't
Speaker 1: mean it's always spelled correctly, But I think thanking, Josh.
Speaker 1: I think that if you're on the phone and you have,
Speaker 1: let's say, a crush on somebody right, and you're nervous,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be way hard to be suave or be
Speaker 1: yourself or think about what to say next. Then if
Speaker 1: you are texting them, I think that texting also, if
Speaker 1: you want, if you want to talk about the I'm
Speaker 1: not good at I'm good at flirting on the phone?
Speaker 1: Are texting on the phone? On the phone? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: Now when you say hold on, hold on? When you
Speaker 1: say on the phone, are you talking about FaceTime too, Well,
Speaker 1: that's up to you. When you say calling versus texting,
Speaker 1: are you talking about FaceTime? I wasn't talking about FaceTime,
Speaker 1: but I think now I'm trying about FaceTime. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I think that FaceTime. It's a different FaceTime. It's
Speaker 1: a different animal. Yeah, it's a different beast. But I
Speaker 1: think that there's something to be said for here. I'll
Speaker 1: throw it out. This is gonna make it maybe too broad. Also,
Speaker 1: when it comes to texting, you gotta throw dms in there.
Speaker 1: People have whole DM conversations for the length of their friendship,
Speaker 1: you know, on their favorite app. I guess I would
Speaker 1: include dms Facebook messenges because pms. Dms give more for
Speaker 1: better for worse. But I think that sometimes for better,
Speaker 1: if you're interested in the person, dms give more access.
Speaker 1: So it is a it is a win for texting
Speaker 1: because dms to a certain degree, if there's an artist
Speaker 1: you want to work with, if there's an icon you respect,
Speaker 1: you have the ability to reach out to them and
Speaker 1: let them know so and let's see. And that's why
Speaker 1: I hate DMS. I know, I'm with you that it
Speaker 1: goes both ways. I just think that the access that
Speaker 1: it gives me to like reach out to people and
Speaker 1: let them know. Ay, I really like what you make
Speaker 1: and I think that you're great at it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. I couldnot imagine the dms like I think,
Speaker 1: like Chloe Kardashians like two hundred and forty million followers.
Speaker 1: I only know that because I was just looking at
Speaker 1: her instagrams. Imagine the dms she fucking gets. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even go to that part of my phone.
Speaker 1: That's that's fair. That corner of the Internet can be
Speaker 1: left alone because I have dms that I get and
Speaker 1: I know people. There's first of all, there's no one
Speaker 1: being inappropriate with me and people don't believe me. I
Speaker 1: handed one of like one of the comics. I handed
Speaker 1: one of my guy friends and think it was like
Speaker 1: Matt one of them my phone and they were like like, hey,
Speaker 1: there's a Dixon here and I was like, I told you,
Speaker 1: m hm. So I don't know who these other women
Speaker 1: complaining are, but you know what once again and I'll
Speaker 1: sit now, mind you. I was on E one day
Speaker 1: talking about send me dick picks and when my friends
Speaker 1: was like, you got the wrong you were you were
Speaker 1: talking to the wrong demographic. Yes, yes, yes, that was
Speaker 1: my fault. If you're watching E at ten am, maybe Bravo,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe Bravo, but you really yes, yes, Spike Bike
Speaker 1: TV was still on the air. Yeah, is the Esquire
Speaker 1: channel still on the air. Yeah, you need to go
Speaker 1: to whatever whatever channel hosts Bellatore? All right, who Belltour
Speaker 1: is one of the m M A promotions. Whatever channel
Speaker 1: hosts Bellatore would be like, send me pictures of your penis.
Speaker 1: I guarantee there would be thousands. You might have to
Speaker 1: burn your phone. I don't know. I'm telling you you
Speaker 1: were you were on the wrong network at the wrong time.
Speaker 1: Well I I'm on my heart radio right now. Oh
Speaker 1: I get waiting through for the review of this ship.
Speaker 1: Well those they got on there was asking for Dick
Speaker 1: pick Yeah why not? Yeah, only not to us, to
Speaker 1: Josh just just look, don't send Josh h please please please,
Speaker 1: I've been through enough. But no, I do. I love
Speaker 1: getting a phone call. Yeah, yes, because this is the thing,
Speaker 1: like somebody like sending a text me like, but someone takeing,
Speaker 1: Like when someone calls you, that means they have the time.
Speaker 1: What I don't like is if you call me and
Speaker 1: then tell me that you're busy. The fuck did you
Speaker 1: call me for? That reminds me what time I was
Speaker 1: living in Chicago by roommate came in my room to
Speaker 1: ask me or something. Forgot what he had to ask
Speaker 1: me for and just started coughing, And I was like, you,
Speaker 1: so you just brought germs. This man have walked through
Speaker 1: the room, had a cough, walked the room, cough, cough, coffing,
Speaker 1: and he's like, what did I come in here for?
Speaker 1: I was ready to strike ale. You should have been
Speaker 1: You should have leapt from your bed. That was wild,
Speaker 1: like Santa gone from roof to roof. You should have
Speaker 1: leapt from that fucking bed. Yeah, that's but you had
Speaker 1: just been healed. Yeah, like Benny himself swung his jacket
Speaker 1: at you and you um, then he would be hitting
Speaker 1: people with such expensive jackets. Jackets. That's where the healing
Speaker 1: comes from. As the threads m the thread count on
Speaker 1: it is infinite, immaculate if they have not I finished
Speaker 1: counting the threads on a Benny hansuit. But just getting
Speaker 1: a phone call from somebody, just being able to giggle
Speaker 1: on the phone with a boy, you know, I like
Speaker 1: the little girl said, I love boys. Because the thing is,
Speaker 1: the phone saved us during this We've been in this panorama.
Speaker 1: I think we are we finally out of the panorama.
Speaker 1: It depends on who you ask, but sure, okay, because
Speaker 1: I know people can still catch that ship. But the
Speaker 1: phone was saving niggas. Yeah when we were in lockdown.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. The cell phone towers had never
Speaker 1: been so used. Is clubhouse still a thing? I don't know.
Speaker 1: They sent me an email yesterday and I was like,
Speaker 1: are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, Like I feel as
Speaker 1: though the conference call clubhouse, the conference call up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there are all these groups, right, and it's not even
Speaker 1: on this phone because house party felt the house party
Speaker 1: came and went so fast because it was like everyone
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, we don't need to see each other. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Rob Hayes and Matt Richards used to do a twerking
Speaker 1: competition on Clubhouse, but you can't see video on Clubhouse.
Speaker 1: Had to make a clap on the app. So it's
Speaker 1: a booty clapping camp. How do you know people aren't
Speaker 1: just slamming an empty sprite can That's the point you
Speaker 1: don't So this so is this other girl June. We
Speaker 1: were the judges and so the biggest score, the highest
Speaker 1: score you could get, would be five peaches. And so
Speaker 1: basically you knew people were just going You knew it
Speaker 1: was hands. We all know it was hands. We were
Speaker 1: all living in this illusion that this was booty cheeks
Speaker 1: clapping right, yeah, in various patterns, and people would do
Speaker 1: it and we'd be like sometimes it was like listen,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give that a peach seed, uh, because you wow,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get that the fuzz like you just took
Speaker 1: a quick shave at the side. But some people came
Speaker 1: through and it was just melodic. It was rhythmical. It
Speaker 1: was brutifer rhythmical. I didn't know you hated a non word.
Speaker 1: I think that this is my thing. This is This
Speaker 1: is another reason that I think the texting wins out
Speaker 1: is that when you make apps out of our two things,
Speaker 1: texting wins. You know, so a clubhouse is just a
Speaker 1: conference call app, and then texting Twitter's texting listen. As
Speaker 1: someone who has never understood Twitter as a concept, as
Speaker 1: a lifestyle, as a label, as a movement, I just
Speaker 1: I've never gotten into Twitter. It's just too many words
Speaker 1: for me. Okay, I guess because like when Twitter and
Speaker 1: Instagram came out, I was like, oh, they just broke
Speaker 1: Facebook in half. Yeah, it did feel like Facebook was
Speaker 1: already doing everything that Twitter was gonna do. But now
Speaker 1: there's just a different ecosystem that I think is at play,
Speaker 1: where even though Twitter is essentially Facebook now because now
Speaker 1: they've allowed so much video on it, I think that
Speaker 1: Twitter still sort of beats Facebook in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1: I have laughed from a text message. I've never laughed
Speaker 1: as hard as I've laughed on the phone. M Okay,
Speaker 1: especially if you're talking due. Yeah, most of my text
Speaker 1: messages are utilitarian, Okay, unless I just met somebody. But
Speaker 1: for the most part, it's somebody texted me about a ship,
Speaker 1: it's workshit so a show, Daily show, my manager, Hey,
Speaker 1: what are you doing like catching up with somebody when
Speaker 1: you don't have time to call? Like somebody called me
Speaker 1: the other day. I was like, Hey, just seeing how
Speaker 1: you're doing. We've been talked in a while. And if
Speaker 1: you if we haven't talked in a while and you
Speaker 1: call me, I love that. The text message makes me go, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're still not that concerned that you haven't talk to
Speaker 1: me in a while, You know what I mean, It's
Speaker 1: still not a thing that you really I think that
Speaker 1: I think of the text message. I see your point,
Speaker 1: but I think of the text message in a different
Speaker 1: way because I'm always someone who's a bit self conscious
Speaker 1: about what other people might be doing in the moment,
Speaker 1: and I think that sometimes calls can be seen as
Speaker 1: a bit intrusive, especially depending on the hour, whereas a
Speaker 1: text message is like all right whenever, I mean see
Speaker 1: and I think we have to because they remember, like
Speaker 1: you couldn't call anybody's house past like nine or ten. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: past ten for me. But I also remember where to
Speaker 1: send a text message cost ten cents, And I remember
Speaker 1: when my friends with Guy's friends was, he was like,
Speaker 1: you're texted me, and I was like, hey, he'sa costs
Speaker 1: ten cents. I said, I'll give you a dollar and
Speaker 1: we can have a conversation. But I remember like calls
Speaker 1: being free after seven, because it calls are free after nine.
Speaker 1: Everybody's talking so late. They were like seven. But in
Speaker 1: the same way that, like I remember, like growing up,
Speaker 1: anybody could show up at your house at any time.
Speaker 1: I give you that you can't have the same type
Speaker 1: of catch up on texting that you can on a
Speaker 1: phone call, Like if you haven't talked in years and
Speaker 1: they call you and now you're catching up and what's
Speaker 1: been going on with you? All this stuffing like that,
Speaker 1: it's not the same in text message. But I will
Speaker 1: I'll see that, and I will raise you that texting
Speaker 1: is a never ending conversation. You never say goodbye in
Speaker 1: a text message. You just say i'll talk to you soon,
Speaker 1: or i'll talk to you tomorrow, talk to you later.
Speaker 1: But if you look at a text message between two people,
Speaker 1: it's the entire history of their relationship as it evolved.
Speaker 1: Nobody says bye. That's crazy. Just stop texting me, why
Speaker 1: would you say bye? That's it's terrifying. I can say
Speaker 1: when you're in this like when you meet somebody and
Speaker 1: you're in the talking stage, that's when you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: i'll talk to you later. It's that's where when you're
Speaker 1: in the talking stage with a new person, that's where
Speaker 1: you say goodbye and text messaging. Yeah, yeah, I've been
Speaker 1: texting you as long as I've had this phone. And
Speaker 1: if you're doing something, you'd be like, hey, I gotta
Speaker 1: run or I gotta do this. But like you've never
Speaker 1: been like, uh, well I'll talk to you nat or bye.
Speaker 1: And I was like what is yeah? Bye is like
Speaker 1: very final? And text message bye is for enemies? Wait?
Speaker 1: Who can I text and be like okay bye? Like
Speaker 1: if you take if you text someone and you just
Speaker 1: said goodbye, they probably give you a phone call if
Speaker 1: they're real first Omi, who has a phone call? That's like,
Speaker 1: how do we test this theory? Who do we text goodbye?
Speaker 1: They see uh? Roy, Roy? Where is that at work? Yeah?
Speaker 1: The text before he goodbye? Now is it just the
Speaker 1: word goodbye or is it like it's been real goodbye?
Speaker 1: It's just the word goodbye. Just the word goodbye, okay,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna text it to him right now and
Speaker 1: we're gonna see because also have to text somebody you
Speaker 1: know who always has their phone. Yeah, yeah, Now should
Speaker 1: I do it too, because you're you're about to do it. Okay,
Speaker 1: he just read it. Let's see what happens. See what
Speaker 1: because he's the uncle, so he has his read receipts
Speaker 1: on let's due. I was talking to he got an
Speaker 1: iPhone and he didn't know what read recees were. And
Speaker 1: I was like, uh, sir, you talked to too. I
Speaker 1: wanted to. I wanted to tell him m hmm, but
Speaker 1: it was like, also he has to be he talked
Speaker 1: too many bitches. You need to you take off the
Speaker 1: tree receipts. Because the day I thought I saw him
Speaker 1: read something and he didn't, I was like, I'll kill you.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? Roy ain't concerned this thing?
Speaker 1: Are already ready? He said shit, he said a motherfucking thing.
Speaker 1: This thinker Roy is not concerned at Oh I am upset.
Speaker 1: This is why I get for me a strong black
Speaker 1: woman side of a bitch thinking is not concerned at all.
Speaker 1: Must not meant to text me? This a mistake? Oh, gosh,
Speaker 1: that's so funny. Think Roy ain't shit, that's so funny. Women,
Speaker 1: I'll miss you, goodbye, I'll miss He's not doing he
Speaker 1: is not called. He let it was like it must
Speaker 1: have been for me. The phone bustle, go back in
Speaker 1: the pocket. That's wild. He didn't say shit. Oh god,
Speaker 1: Now what have you texted to him? And see what
Speaker 1: he does? They say? They say, I want to see
Speaker 1: how fast you because he read it a suit about
Speaker 1: sent it this right here. This is why texting is better.
Speaker 1: You get to know the score. He was concerned. He says,
Speaker 1: he's won for me. Yeah, he rejorgs. He just read by.
Speaker 1: So he read by two minutes like dad, be nice
Speaker 1: and clean. Huh he said, wow, he said nothing to me.
Speaker 1: Oh god, see now the Niga texted me. He said,
Speaker 1: huh wait did Josh send that to both of us?
Speaker 1: I sent it to you. Why are you asking me
Speaker 1: about Josh? I'm I'm almost positive he thinks that got fired.
Speaker 1: Damn be nice and clean it up. Okay, okay, either wait,
Speaker 1: did Josh send that to both of us about? Oh god,
Speaker 1: he wasn't concerned about my welfare or nothing. I'm telling
Speaker 1: him what we're doing right now, just so he doesn't
Speaker 1: walk up to someone in the building right now and
Speaker 1: be like, damn you know they fired Josh Right, this
Speaker 1: is nonsense. Well, let's get get to the listeners, because
Speaker 1: apparently Roy, you don't love me as much as I
Speaker 1: thought he did. Jess, Well, yeah, let us know, you know,
Speaker 1: when it comes to texting, calling, when it comes to arguing,
Speaker 1: talking a little flirty, all right, relaying a message, getting
Speaker 1: in contact with somebody, what do you prefer and what
Speaker 1: do you do? All right? Are you a texter? You
Speaker 1: a caller? Let us know, let us know. This has
Speaker 1: been another episode of hold Up. Brought to you by
Speaker 1: the people who brought Hugh Comedy Central, and it's brought
Speaker 1: to you by me Thulsdays Zone and Joshua and Joshua
Speaker 1: Ezekiel Johnson, Joshua a set of people where they can
Speaker 1: see you on the socials. You can go in the
Speaker 1: show notes right now, we did it real nice and
Speaker 1: nifty for you is real sweet and all compound up
Speaker 1: and everything you can get, you can get it right
Speaker 1: in every episode. Whatever you want to just all you
Speaker 1: gotta do is click the episode, look down, hit that
Speaker 1: seamore button. If you're on Spotify and then all you
Speaker 1: need to do is go to Josh Johnson Comedy dot
Speaker 1: com backslash Tour. You all have a great, great rest
Speaker 1: of the day and a wonderful, wonderful weekend. Thank you
Speaker 1: for listening. Smooth Operato me. Hey everybody, it's Josh. I
Speaker 1: am going to be on the road as part of
Speaker 1: the Freshman Tour. I'm going to be in all of
Speaker 1: these cities coming up, and I would love to see
Speaker 1: you there. You can get your tickets in the link
Speaker 1: that we provide in the show notes. April thirteenth, New Orleans,
Speaker 1: April fourteenth, Bad Rouge, and April twent through the twenty second.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be in San Diego, California, so I'd love
Speaker 1: to see you there. Hello friends, I've got some dates
Speaker 1: coming up where you can see me your girl telling
Speaker 1: the comedy jokes. I'm going to be at the Moontower
Speaker 1: Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas April nineteenth through the twenty second.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to be at Last Boston in Boston, Massachusetts,
Speaker 1: May eleven through May thirteenth. It'll be available on my website.
Speaker 1: Emma Leak three and just at the club probably so
Speaker 1: come see me. I love you, bye,