Speaker 1: Hey, what the fuck is that portant? I think a
Speaker 1: perfect intro. Yeah, nailed our names, no missteps whatsoever. And
Speaker 1: that's the music they play every week for all the comedians.
Speaker 1: That wasn't race specific at all. Nope. All right, where
Speaker 1: did you get this? Let's get into it.
Speaker 2: I'm excited this.
Speaker 1: Don't fry in the kitchen, beans, don't burn on the grill.
Speaker 1: Took a whole lot of trying just to get up
Speaker 1: that hill. There it is, there, it is. Welcome to
Speaker 1: another phenomenal live episode of Mamma Told Me, the podcast
Speaker 1: where we dived deep into the pockets of black conspiracy
Speaker 1: theories and we finally worked to prove that the sun
Speaker 1: spot on Rashid Wallace's head is not a birthmark. It's
Speaker 1: the white poison you put in his body.
Speaker 2: Let's go.
Speaker 1: Whatever the fuck you did to him, Portland is bleeding
Speaker 1: through his fucking scalp. I truly don't think he was
Speaker 1: supposed to be raggedy like that. No, Rashid Wallace was
Speaker 1: a good man and you broke him. He had to
Speaker 1: overcompensate for what he was and now he's beating up
Speaker 1: people in the in the fucking stands because of you.
Speaker 1: Through your bullshit. Also, Greg Odin, you had something to
Speaker 1: do with You had something to do it. You're the
Speaker 1: reason his legs are different lengths. Y'all did that? Those
Speaker 1: were good boys before they met you. She used to
Speaker 1: look so tired. Man that that was a team. I
Speaker 1: will say Portland, obviously we're being silly.
Speaker 2: That was a team.
Speaker 1: I really fucking believed in right that that that Rashid
Speaker 1: Wallace Scottie Pippin' combo before we knew how bad that was.
Speaker 1: Scottie Pippen, he's a hero. He's never done anything questionable. Wait,
Speaker 1: what do you mean what happened to Scottie? He's doing great,
Speaker 1: he's nailing it. I got aware of what's happening with
Speaker 1: Scottie Pippen. You're reacting as if you're not totally tapped in. Damn.
Speaker 1: I hate working with white people.
Speaker 2: Okay, that was supposed to be a home er.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was feeling. I was like, you
Speaker 1: nailed that. Why aren't people's okay? How do we run
Speaker 1: down what do you call what's happening to him? Okay,
Speaker 1: scotty people. I don't know what cocked means, but I'd
Speaker 1: feel like somehow that is getting cooked. He's getting what's
Speaker 1: happening to him. He didn't volunteer. Well, he doesn't like it.
Speaker 1: He's going through a lot of bad haircuts as well. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So Scottie Pippen most famously on the bulls, the nineties
Speaker 1: Championship bulls. Both of the three peats, right, both of
Speaker 1: the three peats. Uh, and and it'll taste more and
Speaker 1: then they got rid of him, send them here. Uh.
Speaker 1: Scottie Pippens since then has made it sort of became
Speaker 1: public knowledge that he made almost no money throughout his career,
Speaker 1: that he basically was working for free, much like we
Speaker 1: are tonight. Yeah, his entire career, he made no money.
Speaker 1: Then he marries Larsa Pippen.
Speaker 2: Supposed to be the crown jewel, that's.
Speaker 1: What we're talking about. Yes, Larsa Pippen then has an
Speaker 1: affair with the rapper Future, very public affair, so public
Speaker 1: in fact, that everybody knows about it while the affair
Speaker 1: is happening, including the Internet. It's not even like, oh,
Speaker 1: Scottie found out and they worked it out together. It's
Speaker 1: actively happening. They keep catching his wife with the Future
Speaker 1: Future literally your greatest fear. It's the one thing. You're like,
Speaker 1: we could survive anything. Just don't let her get caught
Speaker 1: with future. Baby, we can get past your gambling day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: please don't fuck Future. I'm begging you Future. Then then
Speaker 1: her his ex wife starts fucking Jeffrey Jordan's Marcus Jordan,
Speaker 1: Michael Jordan's son who she used to babysit when he
Speaker 1: was a boy. Yeah, Scotty would drop his wife off
Speaker 1: for some reason at Michael Jordan's house. Another thing, you
Speaker 1: just can't do that, dude, don't do that, and trust me,
Speaker 1: his haircuts have reflected his pain. He got the thin braids,
Speaker 1: the thin braids of a much younger man, right like,
Speaker 1: after a certain age, your braids can only be so thin. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to be able to see the wrinkles
Speaker 1: in your skelet between braids.
Speaker 3: And he's got like bad no offense, light skinhead, which
Speaker 3: is not great. I know it, and I'm sorry, and
Speaker 3: I'll be honest. That to me felt a little. Scottie
Speaker 3: Pippens never been light skinned, do you not think so? No,
Speaker 3: Scottie Pipman and Will Smith are the same color.
Speaker 1: The wow, which is because on my depth chart it's
Speaker 1: not that way. But you have to think I'm operating
Speaker 1: at a Wesley Snipe spot. Brother, So you understand that
Speaker 1: there is brother. You really tip a scale. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: a there's a handicap on my part and I'm trying
Speaker 1: to get better about that. And that's really what this
Speaker 1: podcast is about, improving our relations and the possibly yours.
Speaker 1: We're so grateful that you all would come out to this,
Speaker 1: David and I. This is the last stop of the tour.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we did.
Speaker 1: We ended it all in Portanly, uh and it's been great.
Speaker 1: It's been a really fun tour. But we're really excited
Speaker 1: to be here with you. These these shows, we we
Speaker 1: like to make a very audience participatory. We really like
Speaker 1: to make sure that the audience gets to be a
Speaker 1: part of it, and so certain members of the I mean,
Speaker 1: but everybody can participate. But we'll tell you when that changes.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a few key spots where we're gonna ask
Speaker 1: a few of y'all to sit this one out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, buy a few.
Speaker 1: I mean, the vast for the book, the book this
Speaker 1: is I think we could say it is our whitest show,
Speaker 1: not like we saw Portland on the list and we
Speaker 1: were like that one's gonna go crazy. I assure you
Speaker 1: this could not be our blackest even if you tried,
Speaker 1: this wasn't gonna be it. And you came and you said,
Speaker 1: we're not even gonna work on it, And to that,
Speaker 1: I do appreciate that they're like, I.
Speaker 2: Love it.
Speaker 1: I love that you two said we don't need a
Speaker 1: black person here tonight. It's me and you, me and
Speaker 1: my baby boo. That's fucking cool. Okay, But in these
Speaker 1: local we start with the local one. We'd like to
Speaker 1: start with warm you up. We oh, that's and that's
Speaker 1: you're kind of falling off again. So throughout this tour
Speaker 1: he started pantomiming finger. We said, warm him up, and
Speaker 1: he was trying to finger like upside down, almost like
Speaker 1: like one would work on a on a Honda Civic,
Speaker 1: sort of underneath the hood. But you ain't got to
Speaker 1: put your whole hand. Yeah, he's just feeling that's a
Speaker 1: little car. You ain't gotta do that much.
Speaker 3: But then you've gotten better throughout the tour, and then
Speaker 3: now it feels like you've fallen off on your finger game.
Speaker 2: I'm high. Yeah, you're also a father. You got other
Speaker 2: things to worry about.
Speaker 1: Other other things to work. You can't just be my
Speaker 1: father this whole time.
Speaker 2: That's fair, that's fair.
Speaker 1: It hasn't corrected my behavior in any way, honestly made
Speaker 1: me worse.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the problem thing.
Speaker 1: I used to be a more decent man, and then
Speaker 1: I had kids and I was like, nah, I gotta
Speaker 1: say some nasty and they're not around. I gotta be
Speaker 1: nasty because they be around all the time. I gotta
Speaker 1: get it, you know what I mean. You ever met
Speaker 1: a dad who's just two into the party. Oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's where I'm at.
Speaker 3: I just like he's always like as a single guy,
Speaker 3: I get a lot of that with my married friends.
Speaker 1: How's the road you're beginning? Any pussy? You're like, bro,
Speaker 1: stop talking to me again. I gotta assume you get
Speaker 1: like two two three every weekend.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, no man, And that's how I count
Speaker 3: it as pussies.
Speaker 1: This month. You're rubbing your head trying to figure out
Speaker 1: how you can fix this. We like to kick this
Speaker 1: off when we come to the load, to the the
Speaker 1: places we're at with the locals to warm you up,
Speaker 1: give you something you might be familiar with. Portland was
Speaker 1: tough for black conspiracy theories. I'll be honest, we've we
Speaker 1: haven't had any trouble finding something that felt specifically black
Speaker 1: and a lot of cities. Yeah, sometime people in arguing like, no,
Speaker 1: it's got to be this one. Yeah, you'd be surprised.
Speaker 1: What's going on in Detroit. We we struggled, but we
Speaker 1: did land on something that I'm excited about it. I'm
Speaker 1: curious to know if you guys are aware of my
Speaker 1: mama told me about the Portland Boom. One guy, one guy,
Speaker 1: one dude in a backwoods hat knows about the Portland Boom.
Speaker 1: Care to enlighten us about the Portland and tell us
Speaker 1: why you have food under your mouth? No, it's not
Speaker 1: your fault. I engaged you as you took the biggest
Speaker 1: bite of a nacho I've ever seen in my life.
Speaker 2: Don't play him out.
Speaker 3: That's like a sampler platters right outside.
Speaker 1: So apparently, much to that that explanation, Apparently there was
Speaker 1: a originally a boom many years ago in Camby, Oregon,
Speaker 1: uh that went off, and nobody had an explanation for
Speaker 1: what that boom was. And then that boom started to
Speaker 1: travel to more places and became the Portland Boom. This
Speaker 1: is a screenshot from a real website. I don't want
Speaker 1: y'all to think I made this myself. This is not
Speaker 1: my art. I got other shit going on. I feel
Speaker 1: like some of y'all really reactive. Like I wrote these words.
Speaker 1: These are not my pros. A different man made this
Speaker 1: at portlandboom dot com. Now, what it says is that
Speaker 1: just after eight pm on Sunday, March twenty eight, twenty ten,
Speaker 1: a deafening boom was heard throughout Southeast Portland. The noise
Speaker 1: was loud enough to shake windows and set off car
Speaker 1: alarms in Southeast Portland and was heard as a far
Speaker 1: as far north as Vancouver and as far east as
Speaker 1: Happy Valley. And none of y'all know about it. But
Speaker 1: this dude, Yeah, where were you? Maybe this is a conspiracy?
Speaker 1: How do only we know about it? In this guy,
Speaker 1: it's just us and Chicken Tenders and nobody else. Unfortunately, sir,
Speaker 1: that is your name. For the rest of the show,
Speaker 1: we will be checking back in on Chicken Tenders periodically. Now,
Speaker 1: what it did make me think of, Because naturally, I
Speaker 1: hate to break this to you, Portland boom dot com
Speaker 1: I'm almost certainly is run by a white person, I
Speaker 1: have no doubt. Yeah, it has to be. But what
Speaker 1: it did make me think of is a conspiracy. We've
Speaker 1: talked about a little bit. I don't know that we've
Speaker 1: unpacked a ton about the the theory that police are
Speaker 1: the ones that set off the fireworks year round. We
Speaker 1: have heard that, which I think happens in every city.
Speaker 3: I think so, I think so for sure that I'm
Speaker 3: on board with this one already. You like that, Yeah,
Speaker 3: tell me more just fucking police. Sure, And I think
Speaker 3: that the idea of being a chaos agent to adding
Speaker 3: to like impoverished neighborhood totally seems like things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just set off some firecrackers and drive off, and
Speaker 1: in theory it laming all the foreigners. Oh so you
Speaker 1: never Oh you guys have never heard white people talk
Speaker 1: about Latino neighborhoods. Oh yeah I was. I always pictured
Speaker 1: it as more homegrown Latinos than I did. Oh you
Speaker 1: didn't think we were importing firework users? No, I guess.
Speaker 1: And maybe this is just my This conversation feels complicated. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be careful.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always thought that the people setting off the fireworks
Speaker 1: were like La natives more than like immigrant families who
Speaker 1: had just moved in. You feel attacked, oh because of
Speaker 1: LA don't say I feel attacked during a race conversation
Speaker 1: and then make it regional.
Speaker 4: Yeah that was I don't give a fuck. I thought
Speaker 4: I was gonna have to apologize. That was much more
Speaker 4: egregious crime. And you're like, I don't like that. That
Speaker 4: was the part that made you uncomfortable. You shut the
Speaker 4: fuck up.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear another peep out of you.
Speaker 1: You insane. I ain't Mexican, he ain't Mexican. We're talking
Speaker 1: about our favorite Mexicans. God damn it. Oh man, so
Speaker 1: angry at her chicken fingers. I know you would never
Speaker 1: do that to me. He would You would never make
Speaker 1: me feel that way.
Speaker 5: Don't sell her out fingers, chicky baby, This guy very talented.
Speaker 1: You you really believe that the police would do this?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't seem crazy.
Speaker 1: How many of you guys believe that the police would
Speaker 1: do that? But yeah, round up applause. Yeah, it seems
Speaker 1: very plausible. It doesn't seem even crazy to me. It
Speaker 1: seems like something they would like to do. Like, oh shit,
Speaker 1: it's quitting time. You know what, we gotta go set
Speaker 1: off those fireworks. Yeah, and don't play softball or beat
Speaker 1: up our girlfriends or whatever they want. I'm sure they
Speaker 1: have other recreational activities, probably play poolers.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It also doesn't ever to me seem like it's mandated,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think
Speaker 1: that like the commissioner sits them down, is like our
Speaker 1: firework budget is going to waste this month?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Think that.
Speaker 3: I feel like a lot of the bad police do
Speaker 3: what's not mandated. Yeah, you know what, I think that
Speaker 3: a lot of it's like it doesn't come down directly,
Speaker 3: but you hire the type of people who are you
Speaker 3: know what I mean. It's like his Boston tell him
Speaker 3: to hit that kid in the head, but like if nobody's.
Speaker 2: Around, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: That's that's how I feel with that a lot of
Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, I think they probably just are passionate
Speaker 1: and they're like, I don't know, I got a few
Speaker 1: extra hundred bucks this month, I'm buy some fireworks. Oh
Speaker 1: you think that they're buying the fireworks to plant. I
Speaker 1: assumed they were seizing them from other minorities. And then
Speaker 1: Robin Peter too, Oh that's smart. Yeah, that makes way
Speaker 1: more sense. Yeah, because then it's like we thought they
Speaker 1: were just really like cool guys who're like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: buy some fireworks, I'll give a few to my kids,
Speaker 1: I'll set some off in the black neighborhoods. I don't know. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: I think they just got him in the basement anyways.
Speaker 1: Oh that's fucking that. Damn.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes it's opening one gets dark.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this before we move off this opening. Okay,
Speaker 1: we are all it seems mostly in agreement that this
Speaker 1: is well within the potential of the police. My question,
Speaker 1: and Portland maybe is a great place to ask this question.
Speaker 1: Is there something we can do about it? Is there
Speaker 1: anything that can be done if it's just this understood
Speaker 1: thing that's happening, Is there any justice that can be
Speaker 1: served on the back end of this? You want me
Speaker 1: to go against the Like, I'm not gonna go to
Speaker 1: war for it, right, there's other shit they're doing.
Speaker 2: I'm more upset about it.
Speaker 3: But like, do I think No, I don't think there's
Speaker 3: any fuck what do you think?
Speaker 1: Well, no, I'm not gonna say yes. Now I'd look
Speaker 1: like an idiot. If we just come together, we can
Speaker 1: change this thing. No, I don't. I don't necessarily feel
Speaker 1: that way either. Nah, it's disappointing. I didn't have to
Speaker 1: take it darker.
Speaker 3: No, that's okay. Let them sit in there. Yeah, there's
Speaker 3: the last show of the tour. Baby, I'm going home
Speaker 3: after this. Yeah, we don't know what I really back.
Speaker 1: When we talked. We don't give a fuck anymore. We
Speaker 1: used to be right here, just hoping you guys are
Speaker 1: still paying attention. We like to play a lot of
Speaker 1: games on this tour is sort of the main thing
Speaker 1: that we do, and we have a couple of three
Speaker 1: really fun games with you guys. And this first game
Speaker 1: it's it's a new classic, Baby, we love it so much.
Speaker 1: It's an easy game called Hero or Hotel. That's right
Speaker 1: there we go. Did you make that graphic though? I
Speaker 1: did not know unfortunately. No, that's a pretty good one.
Speaker 1: That's for those that are unaware. That's handsome squid word
Speaker 1: wearing a number of different types of kin take law, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Pan African guard by Yeah in there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got my man.
Speaker 1: Got a lot going on.
Speaker 3: I like the classic kids cloth to the top one
Speaker 3: that's like traditional, right, it's much more.
Speaker 1: That's the that's the that's the that's the rich word
Speaker 1: pattern and this is oops all Kent. There's been a
Speaker 1: doing big mistake at the Kitta factory, pulled the wrong nozzle.
Speaker 1: Now all the Kittays are mixed together, but for the
Speaker 1: same price. It was like one of those local commercials. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my mistake is you a gay? So come on down
Speaker 1: to the Kitta factory. I'm going nuts. Well, we should
Speaker 1: shoot that sketch. That's very funny.
Speaker 2: We should found that business.
Speaker 1: That's fucking funny. It's going as good as comedy. None
Speaker 1: of you devil's better steal the kid. I better not
Speaker 1: seen not nan one Kinta factory in Portland, Oregon.
Speaker 2: That I would go crazy.
Speaker 1: I would lose my shit. I would find some cops,
Speaker 1: take their fireworks.
Speaker 6: And shoot them into all your windows, burn down the
Speaker 6: Kinta factory with your family inside. Yeah, and they never
Speaker 6: guess it's me because kind of the perfect crime. Burning
Speaker 6: down a white person's kn't take fat David, You're a genius.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm upset that I'm saying things into a microphone.
Speaker 1: Fuck God, damn, that's funny. The way this game worked,
Speaker 1: we are going to present to volunteers, and we love
Speaker 1: to have volunteers. Michael, right, yeah, fuck yeah, Michael is
Speaker 1: gonna be walking around with a with a microphone to
Speaker 1: help uh manage this whole thing white slaves. Yeah, that's right,
Speaker 1: that's he works for us, and and and yes we
Speaker 1: yell at him sometimes, but that's the way it has
Speaker 1: to be. It's a cultural exchange. He's Australia. Michael is
Speaker 1: going to walk around with a microphone for the volunteers
Speaker 1: so that you can talk. But but the way this
Speaker 1: game works, We're gonna present to you some some quotes, uh,
Speaker 1: and it is your job to decide if that quote
Speaker 1: is the words of a hero or a hotep. I
Speaker 1: don't know these either, so I'm playing with you. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you don't know what a hotep is,
Speaker 1: which so much white after when the game came out.
Speaker 1: Oh yes that game. Yes, it's the one I'm most
Speaker 1: familiar with. Yeah, I can connect to this one right away.
Speaker 1: A hotep is a black person who believes that the
Speaker 1: black man is God, or as close to God as
Speaker 1: one can be on this celestial plane. And he he
Speaker 1: is very passionate about that, and I think also conspiracy
Speaker 1: minded for sure, conspiracy minded and not particularly interested in
Speaker 1: hearing what you ladies have to say about that. Not
Speaker 1: a lot of queen rhetoric coming from no the hoteps.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe the black man is God and maybe you
Speaker 1: shut the fuck up. Yeah, is sort of the energy
Speaker 1: that comes off of a hotep. I think that's all
Speaker 1: you really need to.
Speaker 2: Know to be able to play this, to feel it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, okay, so oh we need a volunteer to play. Yes, Oh,
Speaker 1: thank you, yes me go here we go. Please tell
Speaker 1: us your name?
Speaker 7: Hi?
Speaker 1: Hi, my name is a day okay, a day.
Speaker 2: A day?
Speaker 1: Okay, hell yeah, day, thank you for being here. Okay,
Speaker 1: your quote is okay, I do not support black lives matter.
Speaker 1: I'm not following one bitch, let alone three gay bitches nowhere.
Speaker 2: And now.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of trigger words in this for hotel
Speaker 1: pary very clearly. If you said you were offended by this, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm listening you mad because I said La is complicated,
Speaker 1: she didn't know what was gonna happen, to be fair.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, how are we feeling hero or a hotel
Speaker 1: very clearly at very clearly a hotel for you, okay,
Speaker 1: I mean seeing a lot of nods, not every Okay,
Speaker 1: you I think it has to be a HOTEP.
Speaker 7: It hits all of the benchmarks of Hotel.
Speaker 1: Pery tell us what those are.
Speaker 7: He hates women, Yeah, uh huh women, yeah huh. And honestly,
Speaker 7: I do think it is a black person who said this. Yeah,
Speaker 7: it's just there's something self hating.
Speaker 2: It all interesting.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say it's also the typical HOTEP trope
Speaker 3: where he gets angrier after he talks about gay people. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but you know it's that it's usually on point with
Speaker 3: the rhetoric and then it's like.
Speaker 1: Exactly that they just make me so mad. Okay, you're
Speaker 1: lacking in Hotep. You feel good today about about Hotel?
Speaker 2: Is there some dissent at the.
Speaker 7: Thinks it's Umar? I think it's someone worse than you.
Speaker 1: Think it's worse.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like this feels zoomar to me. It
Speaker 1: feels like boozy whoa. Okay, Okay, I like that. No,
Speaker 1: I think that's a good answer. I think you're doing
Speaker 1: that's really I like that. The table's in on it.
Speaker 1: This is great. Just let's go lock in. What are
Speaker 1: you feeling?
Speaker 3: I feel like it's not Umar because I don't he
Speaker 3: don't call women bitch. Yeah, it's not. I don't think
Speaker 3: he would. It feels like it feels like a like
Speaker 3: a more unco like a Charleston White era.
Speaker 2: That's kind of where this feeling.
Speaker 1: The answer is Charleston White. That hairline is nasty. Yo,
Speaker 1: he's got a seats her like a white dude. Why
Speaker 1: does he look like he's in a boy band? He said,
Speaker 1: give me that pangae.
Speaker 7: That eight is crazy Lane's hairlines.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Lane, rip Tory Lanes. We miss you, big dog,
Speaker 1: gone but not forgotten toy. Okay, thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah that was great.
Speaker 1: What a very way to kick it off.
Speaker 2: I don't love that.
Speaker 1: I'm starting to feel out Charleston White quotes. Oh that
Speaker 1: seems like you could smell Charleston White. I knew it was.
Speaker 2: I knew it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, damn, that's bad. It's not a good side of
Speaker 1: the internet to be on.
Speaker 2: Fuck.
Speaker 1: Okay, we need another volunteer. We need somebody else. Now
Speaker 1: you know how to play the game. Well, there's one
Speaker 1: in the back, all the way back there. That's great.
Speaker 1: It's gonna take a while. So what y'all want to
Speaker 1: talk about? Anybody having a bad day?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going for everybody.
Speaker 1: Maybe we could make fun of your families. No you, Oh, okay,
Speaker 1: you have a microphone. Hey, what's your name? My name
Speaker 1: is Davida.
Speaker 8: I'm representing one of the few black people here today.
Speaker 1: Fuck yeah, I knew it when you said da Vida. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm glad that you were like, nah, this in
Speaker 1: case there are some white Davida's out here, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make it clear that's cool. Portland's weird. So you know,
Speaker 1: you might have started as Erica and then became Davida
Speaker 1: and there's nobody to be like, hey stop, I do that. Okay, Davida,
Speaker 1: here we go. Your quote is referencing nine to eleven.
Speaker 1: Who gives a fuck about New York? When elephants are
Speaker 1: being killed, they are ignoring animals that are more important.
Speaker 1: Animals need saving, and that's more important. This New York
Speaker 1: thing is being blown all out of portance. This has
Speaker 1: to be a white lady, so a white woman, which
Speaker 1: is complicated because of what you put the game into.
Speaker 1: It's a real binary game.
Speaker 2: But yeah, well, Davido, what do you think? What do
Speaker 2: you feel?
Speaker 8: Okay, first off, being set up with a nine to
Speaker 8: eleven reference, why do you have to do me like that?
Speaker 1: But I honestly don't remember the order of these things.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 8: I feel like I want to say it's Hero because
Speaker 8: you know, the heroes are going to be more celebrities,
Speaker 8: and I feel like celebrities care about animals a lot,
Speaker 8: So I feel like I'm gonna go with Hero very smart.
Speaker 1: It's almost as if they've lost something inside of themselves
Speaker 1: only seem to relate to animals at this point because
Speaker 1: you've spun so far.
Speaker 2: Out from who you were to begin with.
Speaker 1: It's almost like the human experience is so foreign. It's
Speaker 1: easier to care about an elephant you've never met.
Speaker 2: Next to Quincy Jones, what are you gonna talk about?
Speaker 1: So you're saying Hero, Yes, okay, gonna need you to
Speaker 1: say those words out loud, big dog.
Speaker 2: It's just tough it.
Speaker 1: I Like I said, I hate the binary because I
Speaker 1: also have to say Hero because I've never heard hoteps
Speaker 1: talk about animals in this way. No, it's always like
Speaker 1: comparing groups to animals, sweep, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: If they're beasts, that's like for they're less, Like who's
Speaker 1: killing all these elephans?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So I guess I have to say hero as well.
Speaker 1: Hero audience, how we feel you guys feeling hero?
Speaker 2: Hero?
Speaker 1: Okay, the answer is Lee Ryan. I don't know some
Speaker 1: white guy I thought he was important to YO. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I just fine weird dudes on the internet. Who is
Speaker 1: I don't know who he's like some like British dude.
Speaker 1: He was like an important dude over there for a
Speaker 1: little while. Y'all don't know nobody know him. All right, Well,
Speaker 1: fuck you right to me? Yeah, all right, shit, you
Speaker 1: don't care about nine to eleven? Fuck that guy. I'm concerned.
Speaker 1: I feel like he was in like one direction or something.
Speaker 2: That direction is south. He's not doing so good.
Speaker 1: All right, Well that sucked. That's not your fault. Vida,
Speaker 1: you did great. No, you just you were a strong showing.
Speaker 1: Do you have another volunteers? Somebody else wanna right there?
Speaker 1: And especially for white people, this is a safe game
Speaker 1: to play. The next one you can can't play it all.
Speaker 1: You can play this. This is fine. Maybe we should
Speaker 1: we should have said that white people, you're cool. Next game.
Speaker 2: Chill.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we might have to talk to Da Vido a
Speaker 1: few times tonight. Connie, thank you for being here.
Speaker 3: Your quote being born was the most influential thing that's
Speaker 3: ever happened to me for myself, I'm.
Speaker 9: Gonna say heroeself. Oh, I think that a lot of
Speaker 9: like hotep ideals come from like actually really low self esteem.
Speaker 1: Why I like that.
Speaker 2: I like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're saying you're saying that just the faith in
Speaker 1: self is inspirational enough and true enough in this person's
Speaker 1: statement that you believe it to be a hero.
Speaker 9: Yeah. Someone who puts that much importance on the day
Speaker 9: they were born, I think they also have respect for
Speaker 9: their mother for themselves.
Speaker 1: Oh oh wow, they're feeling it. Okay. See I feel opposite.
Speaker 3: I feel like people who care too much about their
Speaker 3: birthday are like, shoot the fuck up, my many things
Speaker 3: a week?
Speaker 1: Shut up. I don't give a fuck man.
Speaker 3: But that being said, I do this isn't This doesn't
Speaker 3: seem like a HOTEP because hoteps, for as much bullshit
Speaker 3: as that are on, are often talking about unity and
Speaker 3: like less about like individualism like that.
Speaker 1: Okay, So that so.
Speaker 3: I think I think I gotta go hero So it
Speaker 3: sounds like two heroes, two heroes, no hoteps, the audience.
Speaker 1: What are we feeling here? Are a hotel? Mostly hero
Speaker 1: I hear one Hotep in the corner. Okay, you think
Speaker 1: it's Kanye, I'm hearing a lot of which then makes
Speaker 1: y'all saying hero real confusing.
Speaker 2: No, you know what this game is though.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but Kanye is kind of hotel at this point.
Speaker 1: When did he say it?
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you checked on him recently, but
Speaker 1: he don't see them kids too often. He's thinking other choices.
Speaker 1: He's got a new dentist, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I get what you're saying, but I'm just saying that
Speaker 1: at this point in his journey, Kanye's whole position, even
Speaker 1: in the loving of Hitler, was rooted in him being like,
Speaker 1: they stole everything from us, the original Jews, black.
Speaker 2: Right, which is a Hotep point.
Speaker 1: That's a Whotep ideology if ever there was one. Like
Speaker 1: He's he's pretty deep in the ship and he also
Speaker 1: loves white women and that's hard.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I I bet he struggles with that every day he
Speaker 1: wakes up and puts on his robot teeth and he
Speaker 1: I think, I think more to the point, Kanye is
Speaker 1: far more mentally ill than he is anything.
Speaker 3: Definitely, which is not which has come up in this
Speaker 3: game a lot Actually.
Speaker 1: I think, unfortunately, we should not even be judging him
Speaker 1: off of any of his choices. We should be helping
Speaker 1: him seek true treatment, and we won't do that. So yeah,
Speaker 1: uh that somebody said, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: He's fine. He looks all right to me. He's not hurting.
Speaker 1: In my book, he did it to himself, is what
Speaker 1: I say. The unfortunately, you're wrong about it. It's being
Speaker 1: Kanye West. It's not Kanye West. It's even funnier. It's
Speaker 1: Jaden Smith. Ain't that fun? This is why we played
Speaker 1: this game. This is why it's important for him. That
Speaker 1: is true. I believe him like he feels that way
Speaker 1: for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think it was the best thing that happened
Speaker 2: to him too.
Speaker 1: Fuck man crazy. Okay, another volunteer. Somebody else raised their end.
Speaker 1: Oh hell yeah, right in this corner. Yeah, here we go. Sorry, Mike.
Speaker 1: Oh it's he got that grill in a rush.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a little sturdy.
Speaker 1: It's a little bigger than his teeth. Yeah, either got
Speaker 1: it in a rush or he said, hey, give me
Speaker 1: some chompers.
Speaker 10: Yeah, I'm trying to bite this shit out of somebody
Speaker 10: with diamonds.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a big steak tonight, and I don't
Speaker 1: want to cheot too many times. What's your name, man, Kelby? Kelby?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Fuck yeah Kelby. Okay, here we go. Here's your quote
Speaker 1: if white Americans, if white Americans were to leave the
Speaker 1: country tomorrow, in ten years of America would be a ghetto.
Speaker 1: You can see the truth of this when you look
Speaker 1: at many of our major cities that are run by
Speaker 1: black mayors, black dominated city council and black police chiefs.
Speaker 1: These cities are usual usually horrible places to live. Yet
Speaker 1: blacks who lived in black world cities can't see the truth.
Speaker 1: Their own immortality or their own immorality is the cause
Speaker 1: of black poverty, crime, and family destruction. Clearly a hero, right,
Speaker 1: This guy's got some points. I like that you guys
Speaker 1: are reacting like that's not right. Hey, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: whose side are you on? I'm starting to think those
Speaker 1: aren't nice words, Kelby. What I have to volunteer for
Speaker 1: this one? Oh God damn it. Yeah, say whatever you
Speaker 1: need to say, Kelby to make this okay? All right?
Speaker 1: I grew up in north Portland in the late nineties.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. That means David he's
Speaker 1: from a different time. Let him say it.
Speaker 2: I know he was a north Side.
Speaker 1: I was one of very few white people. Oh so
Speaker 1: I heard both heroes had hoteps, say almost the exactly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the same thing. That's what's fascinating about this quote.
Speaker 1: Is it steeped in enough hatred. But it could be
Speaker 1: a hotel good, that's what hurts. Yeah, let's say hotel.
Speaker 3: A hotel I'm getting. Can I just step up? I'm
Speaker 3: getting almost like a like a lord jamar.
Speaker 1: Yeah you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying. It's it's it's it's got
Speaker 1: the genesi quah of of hatred. But I could fix this,
Speaker 1: right if only they would, right.
Speaker 3: Like the next thing is like that's why we need
Speaker 3: to start our own currency or whatever.
Speaker 1: Like there's like another turn after this.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's how I feel, which is kind of makes
Speaker 3: me feel like.
Speaker 2: It might be hotep. You're going hot I think I'm
Speaker 2: going hotep.
Speaker 11: Kelvy key, we're missing the one sentence to plug crypto
Speaker 11: that would make it hotep. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Unfortunately
Speaker 11: it's not there. It's not there, So what are you
Speaker 11: gonna do? Key, I'm gonna say hotep. Okay, my teeth
Speaker 11: and say it.
Speaker 1: Saying hero into that microphone would have been fucked. It's
Speaker 1: either a hotep or my dad and let me see. Okay,
Speaker 1: the answer is I'm hearing hotep from both of you, audience. Hotep.
Speaker 1: The answer is jesse Peterson. So not a Hotep, not
Speaker 1: a hero. Not a hero. You gotta put that hat
Speaker 1: back on, man, I would say, I would say one
Speaker 1: of the worst men. Yeah, he's up there like that,
Speaker 1: just that the Internet and life is sort of produced.
Speaker 1: I would say, Jesse Lee Peterson's pretty high up there.
Speaker 3: He looks like such a villain without that cowboy hat.
Speaker 3: Oh he don't wear a cowboy hat. Oh, I'm thinking
Speaker 3: a sheriff. Yeah, who also has clarks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they have the same shitty go tee. Yeah, no
Speaker 1: hair in it or too much hair as Jesse Lee
Speaker 1: Peterson goes.
Speaker 6: Uh.
Speaker 1: He has like interview shows where he just basically says quotes.
Speaker 3: Like, oh, like, yeah, I haven't seen that guy. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so hotel, no hero, super like Trump? So what's the
Speaker 3: answer to the question, Like sin.
Speaker 1: That's not how I play the game. I know the
Speaker 1: Alex Trebek don't gotta say it out loud, even though
Speaker 1: he does sometimes. But that's his choice. That's his choice.
Speaker 1: He said Trump. I think that kind of lands on Hotep,
Speaker 1: doesn't it. No, he's he's Trump, like original recipe Trump.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, he's not like recent Oh we've come to
Speaker 1: see black people not a mono lith We can be
Speaker 1: whatever we want to be as soon as the federal
Speaker 1: law has changed. He's he's one like Nah I was.
Speaker 1: I was with this ship from the beginning because he
Speaker 1: didn't like niggas. Ow. Yeah, how it sucks. It sucks
Speaker 1: bad man, But thank you for playing the game.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good job.
Speaker 1: Fucking cool. I think there's one more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's gotta be one more.
Speaker 1: Okay, we need one more volunteer from the audience. No, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh that you are. Look you said, no one in
Speaker 1: any of your man turned on you immediately. What's your name?
Speaker 2: Joe? Joe?
Speaker 1: Fuck you? All right, Joe. I'm excited to see what's
Speaker 1: gonna happen. Yeah, man, I'm scared, but he'll be fine. Joe. Okay,
Speaker 1: here we go. Oh there's two more. My god, I'm
Speaker 1: Japanese and I didn't know it, but you think Joe.
Speaker 12: I mean, uh, it doesn't seem like hateful enough to
Speaker 12: be at Okay, Okay, you're saying, hero, there's no hate
Speaker 12: in this.
Speaker 1: This is a celebration of Japanese, of newly discussion. He's
Speaker 1: not angry about it. Wow, that's right. It was Wow. Damn.
Speaker 1: You should know. You should know that. The reason she
Speaker 1: said this is because her father was a businessman, and
Speaker 1: her father would regularly travel to Japan and spend a
Speaker 1: bunch of time in Japan, and she then did not
Speaker 1: go to Japan. She didn't, she never went to Japan,
Speaker 1: but felt a connectedness to Japan via her father's business work.
Speaker 1: He would like, bring nick knacks back and then she
Speaker 1: felt like, oh shit, I have a connectedness. So he
Speaker 1: brought a Tokyo shot glass. Here's where this is where
Speaker 1: it gets even crazier. She does not go to Japan
Speaker 1: until like a month before she wrote, uh the fucking
Speaker 1: uh yeah, the Parajuku girls ship. She goes there, she
Speaker 1: hangs out with them and says this quote out loud, two,
Speaker 1: being like, holy shit, I like this so much. I'm Japanese,
Speaker 1: she said, I think I'm turning Japanese. B A N
Speaker 1: A N A S so congratulations. A good job, Joe,
Speaker 1: Good job Joe. I think that was one more. I
Speaker 1: think I did them long. Okay, whatever, Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1: Last one. We need one more volunteer. They can be
Speaker 1: fun like Joe had it. Yeah, it could be a one.
Speaker 1: They're not always.
Speaker 13: I feel like it's a setup.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, no, it should be. Okay, here we go. Well.
Speaker 3: Most viruses are created by the Food and Drug Administration,
Speaker 3: the Rockefeller World Population Council. Nearly every virus. Some of
Speaker 3: them are used for genocide, others are used to destabilize economies.
Speaker 3: I believe this coronavirus virus was dropped in China by
Speaker 3: the United States government to destabilize the Chinese economy. But
Speaker 3: because the Chinese people operate on the.
Speaker 1: Art of war psychology, they will never go public and
Speaker 1: say America threw this over here. I think black people
Speaker 1: need to protect be protected period because everything coming at us,
Speaker 1: like the Chinese may have, UH may have to deal
Speaker 1: with the coronavirus. We gotta deal with the corona virus
Speaker 1: we got, we got, we got Shaniko virus they called zeca,
Speaker 1: we got AIDS virus. We got viruses all day long.
Speaker 1: I think it's I think this has to be hotep. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll go with hotep. Yeah, you're going to a hotel. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no heroes amongst you.
Speaker 2: No heroes in this village.
Speaker 1: Anybody any any deniers of the coronavirus here this evening
Speaker 1: black RFK kind of it's doctor Umar Johnson.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: I would more say RFK is the white hymn, but
Speaker 1: I recognize we come from different worlds. It's lenses, not
Speaker 1: necessarily facts.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you fuck with him, That's not what I said.
Speaker 3: I said I went down a rabbit hole the other day.
Speaker 3: And he's got some points, because they all do before
Speaker 3: it starts doing rap. Can I say?
Speaker 1: You know why I do funk with him is because
Speaker 1: he never takes the route of disparaging women, which in
Speaker 1: that space is almost unheard of. His main thing is
Speaker 1: is female empowerment in some kind of way, and in
Speaker 1: that way, I don't think he means it, and I
Speaker 1: don't think he's good at it, but I do think
Speaker 1: he's at least not taking the low road in his ship,
Speaker 1: which is like a.
Speaker 2: Pretty good guard of me.
Speaker 1: He don't never call women bitches. You don't never like
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. He's just like, Nah, women
Speaker 1: are queens. They should act right, But they're queens. And
Speaker 1: that's kind of as far as hoteps are concerned. Pretty true. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, Well that's the end of that game.
Speaker 2: We have another game. This next one's gonna be great.
Speaker 1: And it's gonna be black only. Yeah, and you'll see
Speaker 1: why almost immediately. This next game is called the Uncooning. Man,
Speaker 1: I've said it so many times as to her, you
Speaker 1: were going crazy with the raccoon photos. I don't know
Speaker 1: where you going to get these, And buddy, that's gonna
Speaker 1: be my secret. I ain't know there are tongues for
Speaker 1: that long. If you want some water and a jug,
Speaker 1: you call a raccoon whiskers, get over here. Okay. The
Speaker 1: way this game works, this is a really fun game
Speaker 1: where we are going to ask you will rather present
Speaker 1: to you a famous coon, a person, a famous sellout
Speaker 1: in the black community, and you, specifically the black people
Speaker 1: in the audience. You are meant to give us an
Speaker 1: answer on how they can be uncoon. Right, how do
Speaker 1: we have an answer as well? Yes, that's that should
Speaker 1: be made clear from the beginning. We there is a
Speaker 1: correct answer to each of these questions. It's open ended.
Speaker 1: You answer however you wish, but just know there is
Speaker 1: a correct answer and it's on you to land the
Speaker 1: correct answer if you are able. Okay, do that make sense?
Speaker 2: Everyone?
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, we need a volunteer. We need someone
Speaker 1: brave to step up and play the game. It's very fun,
Speaker 1: a little nerve racking. Oh oh, that's okay, that's okay,
Speaker 1: you sister, we're desperate. Let me say the quiet part.
Speaker 1: We're gonna need every one of you to step up.
Speaker 1: This is gonna be a test of the black community
Speaker 1: and what that really means to us. Yeah, shp, okay please.
Speaker 1: Oh I gotta tell you you're Coon Hoodi from Hoody
Speaker 1: in the blow And yes we know his name isn't
Speaker 1: actually who he is, Darius, but he's hood he does.
Speaker 2: Was it HOODI? Always a hoodie?
Speaker 9: Yeah? Yeah, I think I think he needs to host
Speaker 9: like a free event in a park that turns into
Speaker 9: a protest, but also a lot of Megan song.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, I like that, a little bit of a
Speaker 1: of a Trojan Horse, yeah, or showing up with some
Speaker 1: blowfish music turns into the Black Panthers.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, he had a panther in that.
Speaker 1: Hoody. You're doing it wrong.
Speaker 7: Man.
Speaker 1: The horse has to be bigger than the people you
Speaker 1: put it in. Okay, that's a good answer. I like
Speaker 1: that answer. It's wrong, but it is a good answer.
Speaker 2: Is a good answer.
Speaker 3: The correct answer is retroactively retroactively at the word honky
Speaker 3: to all Hoody and the Blowfish songs. I only want
Speaker 3: to be with you honky. Let her cry honky, Yeah,
Speaker 3: hold my.
Speaker 1: Hand, Yeah you get it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: That was a weird calling response. Only three y'all hate yourselves.
Speaker 1: The rest of y'all are proud white people. I like
Speaker 1: that calling myself a honky run this city.
Speaker 2: That was one, Okay.
Speaker 1: The other the other answer we would have taken is
Speaker 1: start telling people that Hoody is actually short for hoo.
Speaker 1: These white people with me all the time, I don't
Speaker 1: know them. I came here to make some good old
Speaker 1: fashioned nigga music and the Blowfish what they look like? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. My man in the back is really
Speaker 1: anchering me. He said, what's up, fam, Yeah, I know Hoody. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm here with Darius. You might know him as Hoody,
Speaker 1: but that's the money to me. All right, thank you,
Speaker 1: that was so great. Thank you. Do you want to
Speaker 1: do the next one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, one more here.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, we're back. Hell yeah, we'll work our way backwards.
Speaker 1: We'll keep circling around. Yeah, okay, yes please, Oh I
Speaker 1: gotta tell you. Yeah, I'm drugs.
Speaker 7: It's fine, me.
Speaker 1: Too, all right, Fuck you're coomb? What's it? I feel
Speaker 1: like he was just doing I call it like I
Speaker 1: see it. Franklin ain't got no black friends, and he
Speaker 1: ain't brought it up once. He ain't been like Charlie.
Speaker 1: You ever noticed that I'm different than y'all? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? He ain't got to make a big
Speaker 1: stink about it, but just address it, acknowledge it. Hey, stupid.
Speaker 1: You ever noticed he ain't talked to me the same
Speaker 1: way they talk to you when you're dressed like Joe cool.
Speaker 7: I'm gonna give him grace because he was a child, Okay,
Speaker 7: probably didn't.
Speaker 14: Know any better.
Speaker 1: This man is eighty six years old. I mean data
Speaker 1: black woman, data black woman. Yeah, okay, that's a pretty
Speaker 1: good answer.
Speaker 2: That is pretty good. Yeah it could have been mixed.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 7: The answer would stay the same.
Speaker 1: Day a black woman. I like that. Okay, it not correct,
Speaker 1: and that's okay, that's all right, You tried your best
Speaker 1: correct answer. We were looking for make Charlie Brown and
Speaker 1: his little friends start calling him mister Franklin, like now
Speaker 1: a black man who drives a van and starts dang
Speaker 1: your mama. That's right, that's the only correct answer. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: now that we also coming over, now you know you
Speaker 1: can't touch that plate. That's mister Franklin. We we also
Speaker 1: would have accepted explain to Charlie Brown that Lucy's trickery
Speaker 1: with the football is actually reflective of a greater sickness
Speaker 1: than white women, and the only way for him to
Speaker 1: truly find happiness is to start dating outside of his race,
Speaker 1: which you got basically, She basically got it right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but he still could day white women. Charlie got to
Speaker 1: fix it. Oh you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how a lot of hoteps behave too. They could
Speaker 1: day white women. But y'all got to cut that right. Damn, damn,
Speaker 1: that whole thing was diabolical. Look at that look on
Speaker 1: her face Lucy was Do you do y'all feel Lucy
Speaker 1: was evil? Is that? Is that?
Speaker 15: Just?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: That was right?
Speaker 1: That was the point. I wasn't sure if she because
Speaker 1: he was like a really Christian guy. Uh, Charlie Brown,
Speaker 1: Charles Schwartz, Schultze, Schultze. He was like, that was the
Speaker 1: whole it was built on, like these sort of weird
Speaker 1: Christian ideologies. So I never understood Lucy's function other than
Speaker 1: being like just an evil gal.
Speaker 7: She's neglected at home.
Speaker 1: Is that it isn't her brother there too? Is Linus
Speaker 1: her brother?
Speaker 2: Her brother?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so they're like their parents work a lot.
Speaker 1: Oh and that's why he always has the blanket and
Speaker 1: he's sucking sucking his thumb. Yeah, he's always no piano.
Speaker 1: Dude is a different, good, different kid. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: actually what the podcast is about. I know a lot
Speaker 1: of y'all are like, why are they doing this? Because
Speaker 1: this is what it's meant to be.
Speaker 2: This is what we do.
Speaker 1: We get to the bottom of. Yeah, we really dig in.
Speaker 1: Schroeder plays a piano, Linus has the blanket, sucks his thumb,
Speaker 1: and believes in the Great Pumpkin Big Man. His parents
Speaker 1: also is in a bad way. Pig Pen is six
Speaker 1: weeks away from Juvie is you know he smokes cigarettes.
Speaker 1: Fuck man, all right, that's going, thank you. Who's next?
Speaker 1: Who wants to volunteer, Davida, where are you at? Oh
Speaker 1: we got a new hand, thank god, thank you for
Speaker 1: stepping up. My brother or sister, I can't tell from this.
Speaker 1: It's a brother, thank god, because if I was wrong,
Speaker 1: that was really gonna.
Speaker 2: Bake with each other now more than ever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, tell me, Okay, here we go, EMMANUELO. I feel
Speaker 1: like this ain't gonna work for y'all. Do you guys
Speaker 1: know Immanuacho? He's like the color commentator.
Speaker 2: Yeah he does.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know too much about it. Does Fox
Speaker 1: Sports one? Yeah?
Speaker 2: He has.
Speaker 1: He has a show more specifically where he sits down
Speaker 1: with a successful white person and it's it's called Uncomfortable
Speaker 1: Conversations with Emmanuel Acho.
Speaker 3: He does it with that haircut with the lines, with
Speaker 3: the lines in the side, which is always evil.
Speaker 1: Yeah, never a good guy. All right, Well, we're gonna
Speaker 1: leave him on an island with Umar for a week. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna see if he still has those same views.
Speaker 1: Like Man, I like this because it's trusted Umar as well.
Speaker 1: He was like, Umar is not the hero that we want,
Speaker 1: but he might be the hero that we need in this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the show always ends up like that.
Speaker 2: That's what we always figure out by.
Speaker 1: The end's got some ship. I wonder how many views
Speaker 1: umar owes us.
Speaker 2: Y'are clearly dozens.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys should get him on the podcast. We tried.
Speaker 1: He wants money that we don't have, because if I
Speaker 1: had it in the budget, he would have it would
Speaker 1: have he'd have been here for this live. We truly
Speaker 1: I'd make him our third host if yeah, if we
Speaker 1: could just kick him down. He we emailed doctor Umar
Speaker 1: to say, hey, we're big fans. We would love for
Speaker 1: you to do our podcast. This is recently to reason
Speaker 1: this a week ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, very recently. He
Speaker 1: responded by saying, absolutely, It'll be five thousand dollars for
Speaker 1: my appearance in person, three thousand if you want me
Speaker 1: on zoom steal, he said. He said, I also require
Speaker 1: airfare and housing. Uh when I come and there's no
Speaker 1: way we get to fly Doctor Umar cheap it.
Speaker 2: No, he has to be for housing.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't it be fun if he stayed in your adu
Speaker 1: with me and we all had like a sleepover. That's cool,
Speaker 1: just like your wife makes it some pizza rolls. I
Speaker 1: would just figure it out, honestly, like that too, because
Speaker 1: then he doesn't get to come in my house and
Speaker 1: meet my children.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, you can't.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. It's just straight to the
Speaker 1: adu your father.
Speaker 2: First, we put on.
Speaker 1: Matching pajamas and we get to work. Man, damn. So
Speaker 1: was that right? A week with a week with doctor
Speaker 1: Umara on a private island, would would do it for you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think so?
Speaker 1: Okay, I like that.
Speaker 2: That's an uncomfortable conversation.
Speaker 1: Epstein of the mind, right, that's what that is. Right,
Speaker 1: you went in one way, he's gonna come out another.
Speaker 1: That's what Epstein did. No, you did it, Yeah, you
Speaker 1: did it all right, Okay. Unfortunately that's not the right answer.
Speaker 2: Is that.
Speaker 1: The right answer is make him donate all the material
Speaker 1: from his skinny suits to bow Wows Do Rag Company. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's a great I think that's nice. That's
Speaker 1: really supporting the community. And then the alternative would have
Speaker 1: been selling back into slavery. That's his that's his talk show.
Speaker 3: From the looks of it, he's already there, man, sh.
Speaker 1: And for those of you that notice, he is talking
Speaker 1: to Roger Goodell. He's sitting down with the NFL commissioner
Speaker 1: for some uncomfortable talks. Betty ain't gonna bring up nothing
Speaker 1: that's hap to those poor boys, those poor brain damaged boys,
Speaker 1: those shaky, shaky boys. All Right, that was fun. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had a good time.
Speaker 1: Okay, who's next? Who wants to play the next round?
Speaker 1: Pretty god? You passed that mic to that lady? I
Speaker 1: told to shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Please?
Speaker 2: Do you want to do?
Speaker 1: You want to play? Yeah? Hell? Yeah, thank you. I
Speaker 1: was just joking. I can't believe you took me seriously.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're looking at me, so I have to
Speaker 1: do it? Yeah, okay, okay, it's so exciting.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 8: Alicia?
Speaker 1: Alicia? Okay, here we go. You're cone Cleveland Brown. Y'all?
Speaker 1: Did me dirty? Okay? How are you feeling? What's the
Speaker 1: best approach for for Cleveland to get out of Conan?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm still on this island. Vibe with Bryce?
Speaker 8: Okay, drop them on an island with just a town
Speaker 8: of black women.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, because doctor Rumark can't solve all
Speaker 1: our problems, but.
Speaker 8: I mean maybe some black women with Cleveland Brown could
Speaker 8: solve some problems.
Speaker 1: Just say, black women with solve Cleveland's problem? Now will
Speaker 1: remind you Cleveland had black wives. Black wives, because remember
Speaker 1: in the in family guy he had a black wife
Speaker 1: and then divorced her, moved across, and then started a
Speaker 1: new family with a thicker lady. Cleveland's not that bad guys,
Speaker 1: pretty good guy. Yeah, he took he took in her
Speaker 1: bad ass kids and is like raising them and ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's mister Cleveland. So I don't know that dropping him.
Speaker 1: Dropping him with black women isn't necessarily the solution. But
Speaker 1: I mean, will white women work?
Speaker 2: I don't get that wasn't the solution.
Speaker 1: What with the black women? If you're asking, no, that
Speaker 1: won't work. Yeah, but I think that's a fair Maybe
Speaker 1: more black women will help push him.
Speaker 2: Over the edge.
Speaker 1: It's it's not correct, but it is. No, it's not correct.
Speaker 1: What is correct is actually, uh call.
Speaker 3: Chris Hansen on Quagmire and finally get that monster off
Speaker 3: the streets.
Speaker 9: Uh.
Speaker 1: And that's the real way to protect black women is uh,
Speaker 1: just get him out of here, lock him up. We
Speaker 1: also would have accepted invite the Freeman's from the book
Speaker 1: from the Boon Dots over to the Griffin's house for
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving and force a hostile black takeover the whole show.
Speaker 2: We got much more aggressive.
Speaker 14: The animation looks a lot of shadow.
Speaker 1: All right, I think there's one more.
Speaker 2: I think we got one more.
Speaker 1: One more, Okay, we need one more volunteer for this game,
Speaker 1: and then white people, you'll be free to participate again,
Speaker 1: I assure you. Okay, Hell yeah, here we go. Brother
Speaker 1: with the headphones, Hey, what's your name? I'm Brooke. Say
Speaker 1: it again, Brook brook Fu Yeah, all right, Brooke, you're cool.
Speaker 1: He's my favorite one. For those listening at home, it's
Speaker 1: the butler from Lee Daniels. The Butler.
Speaker 15: All right, I haven't seen the Butler, so I'm just
Speaker 15: going off of this image.
Speaker 2: I think it tells you everything you need. Ah man.
Speaker 1: Cet, a phone, a friend. Yeah, that's okay. You're dealing
Speaker 1: with a lot of hatred in your heart right now.
Speaker 1: I understand, pure folks, all kinds of It's just his expression.
Speaker 15: He's like he looks enamored with someone who probably shouldn't be.
Speaker 2: Come on, you know you hate it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, just like yeah, I just just leave the situation,
Speaker 1: get out of there, just throw his other suit down
Speaker 1: and walk out of the Rob the Family, Rob the Family, Okay,
Speaker 1: Rob the White house.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, hold on, whoa wait?
Speaker 1: I mean like, yeah, let me remind you the butler
Speaker 1: is about the butler to the President. I haven't. I
Speaker 1: don't know that he's gonna get away with this one.
Speaker 16: He's just gonna be like like a tycoon, millionaire or something.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it is the United State. It's like
Speaker 1: eight of them. Yeah, not the ones you like. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so rob because like Grover Cleveland or some ship on
Speaker 1: him and his family and everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, maybe.
Speaker 1: Poison the press. It turns out that's actually a good answer.
Speaker 1: We don't know because we never watched this piece of
Speaker 1: ship movie.
Speaker 3: Honestly, looking at you sideways if you did, unless you
Speaker 3: watch it with your grammar or someone like that, because
Speaker 3: you know, if you respect for.
Speaker 1: We have no idea. So yeah, just like drop a
Speaker 1: little something in this morning.
Speaker 9: Now.
Speaker 1: That's ghost dog to me. I don't Yeah, that's all
Speaker 1: he ever will be. That's the last king of Scotland.
Speaker 1: Come on, that ain't no butler. Don't look like no,
Speaker 1: that's a ring game. Panic room, motherfucker. They gave him
Speaker 1: braids for some reason.
Speaker 2: What are you in radio?
Speaker 1: No? I don't think so. No, not as not as radio.
Speaker 1: Oh maybe he was in there. I never watched radio either.
Speaker 1: Oh man, we gotta get that on the plane. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe we gotta watch radio.
Speaker 2: Fuck.
Speaker 1: Is there another answer to this one? I don't think
Speaker 1: there is. Okay, Oh, this is what I wanted to
Speaker 1: show you, is that this Look oh.
Speaker 2: There is another answer.
Speaker 1: No. Look look at the cast of the Butler. Look
Speaker 1: how many fucking famous people they got to participate in.
Speaker 2: David Banner. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: It's John c That's what's crazy. It goes John Cuza,
Speaker 1: David o' yellow, o Oprah Winfrey, Cuba Gooden, James Marsden,
Speaker 1: y'all got da Costa, and then David Banner. That's the
Speaker 1: craziest one. That's That's where it gets crazier. Is that
Speaker 1: somehow Martin Luther King is in it? And also Red Fox,
Speaker 1: Gladys Knight. That is crazy, dog, Lenny Kravitz, Leave Schreiber,
Speaker 1: Mariah Carey.
Speaker 3: I thought there would be at least one smell att
Speaker 3: in here. That's for you black people.
Speaker 1: Fuck and Robin Williams, my hero, Terrence Howard. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: got everybody. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I did a good job.
Speaker 1: Yep. So we'll never be free because we'll all sign
Speaker 1: up for this forever. Man, I think that was the
Speaker 1: end of the game. I'm pretty sure. No, we have
Speaker 1: one more Jesse. Smilett who wants to do Jesse? I
Speaker 1: should have known there was no X who wants to
Speaker 1: play Jesse. Jesse seems easier. He seems like you could
Speaker 1: save him fast. No, everybody's scared of Jesse. Okay, well, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: we can do You're wrong. The answer was write a
Speaker 1: one man musical called the Gay Tupac and donate the
Speaker 1: proceeds to some lgbtq A plus causes.
Speaker 3: We don't know what they are because we not gay,
Speaker 3: but we know they have some.
Speaker 1: We know that out there.
Speaker 2: Man, that Gay Tupac thing was the funniest thing. You
Speaker 2: guys know that.
Speaker 1: Yell he yelled, He yelled, I'm the gay Tupac. He
Speaker 1: yelled at why because he pretended to be robbed and
Speaker 1: nobody believed him. Oh yeah, it was.
Speaker 2: It was a tough day.
Speaker 1: It was a tough day. The other answer we would
Speaker 1: have taken is, uh, make him a star on make
Speaker 1: him a star on perpetual seasons of ninety day fiance
Speaker 1: until every member of them buff Nigerian Brothers family get
Speaker 1: a visa. Yeah, that's pretty nice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, above as hell above, gotta be one hundred more
Speaker 3: and them back then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, to doing push ups, waiting to get to America
Speaker 1: for opportunities, which we have. Sure, we've got a lot
Speaker 1: of them. All right, that's the end of that game.
Speaker 1: That's the whole thing. Yeah, that's a good one. We
Speaker 1: have one more game and it is back open to
Speaker 1: white people, and we're gonna need y'all to really step
Speaker 1: it up with participation. We can't end this bad Boy
Speaker 1: with you guys uh not wanting to try right at
Speaker 1: the right at.
Speaker 2: The final push. Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 1: Everybody, come together for our favorite game on the tour.
Speaker 1: It's a game called Quid pro quo.
Speaker 2: Ho, come on, you did that one?
Speaker 15: No?
Speaker 2: Really, that's a stock image.
Speaker 1: I found that. That's crazy. There's a lot of levels
Speaker 1: to that. You're not a you're not an anime guy, No,
Speaker 1: but are you? Are you familiar with the fact that
Speaker 1: this care character Freeze is famously purposely no, famously racist?
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: He So there are there are these aliens in the
Speaker 1: show called Sayings. That's what Go only refers to them
Speaker 1: as monkeys. They come from a planet of monkeys. Everybody
Speaker 1: is don't they turn into monkeys? Monkeys? But he's said,
Speaker 1: didn't feel great. He says it in a way where
Speaker 1: he's like, you'll always be monkeys, right, even when you've
Speaker 1: turned back. You're fucking animals to me. He's just his
Speaker 1: whole thing is genocide, and specifically he hates those monkeys
Speaker 1: because they they're the only ones that can beat him up. Right, yeah,
Speaker 1: monkey strong, I would say, Okay, the way this game works,
Speaker 1: we're gonna introduce to you a beautiful possibility for the world,
Speaker 1: something you might love to see happen in the world.
Speaker 1: But with each those possibilities comes a nasty condition that
Speaker 1: you may be too much of a cost, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: So your job is to decide if that condition is
Speaker 1: worth a squeeze. It's really trying to see how much
Speaker 1: of a hero you really are. Yeah, that's yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the essence. Yeah, yeah, really challenging your spirit. Okay, here
Speaker 1: we go. We need a volunteer for the first one. Okay,
Speaker 1: fuck yeah, right here he thanks, dog. Tell us your
Speaker 1: name Elo, Hell yeah, alright e Lo. Your condition is
Speaker 1: or your possibility?
Speaker 3: We completely liberate black men from our deep rooted social
Speaker 3: and cultural feel fears around homosexuality. But you find out
Speaker 3: that once a week and Daddy plays naked basketball with
Speaker 3: Jamie Fox.
Speaker 1: God did call Anthony Towns. That is for those that
Speaker 1: are wondering he did this for that Sports Illustrated nude. Shoot.
Speaker 2: Oh the body is.
Speaker 1: The body issue. But he shouldn't have done that, you know.
Speaker 11: You know, it feels like a shock to the system
Speaker 11: to learn something about this, like your father, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 11: but I feel like with the reconciliation of our homophobia,
Speaker 11: we would be able to live with it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't even like my dad. Easy,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have any problem with this. What is it
Speaker 1: different than I know that he does. Now, I don't
Speaker 1: give a ship. Now you're closer to your dad. How
Speaker 1: would you feel about this? I'd be I'd be disappointed
Speaker 1: that it took this long for me to know that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that he slept on he's he didn't. He didn't let
Speaker 1: you know. That is crazy. I feel like, Dad, how'd
Speaker 1: you do what you do today? He was like, oh, man,
Speaker 1: Jamie Fox crossed me up. Yeah, like, you know what
Speaker 1: I believe in, you know what I am? And he
Speaker 1: knows how much you love Jamie Foxx. Come on, man, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that would be crazy. I'm not even gonna talk about
Speaker 1: that special.
Speaker 2: Me either.
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan. I'd be disappointing my dad for
Speaker 1: for keeping that from me. But ultimately, I do think
Speaker 1: I'm with you. I think us bring ourselves from the
Speaker 1: fucking deep rooted homophobia that lives in our community would
Speaker 1: be so big for us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we could all take pictures like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, imagine if we got to see Kat like this,
Speaker 1: then we just went that's beautiful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just like, oh, he's funny, a cool.
Speaker 1: Guy, what a god what a god like physique. But
Speaker 1: that's not how I feel, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: In the back of my mind, my first thought isn't
Speaker 1: that and that some deep rooted ship that Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: A problem, But like it's a smirk too.
Speaker 1: Got you did a good job. Yeah that's a good one.
Speaker 1: Thanks he love. Oh, thank god, the lady in the
Speaker 1: Christmas sweater, Thank goodness. Okay, Izzy, thank you for me?
Speaker 1: Here is he? Here we go.
Speaker 3: Tesla is fully taken away from Elon Musk after the
Speaker 3: Trump administration accidentally passes reparations.
Speaker 1: But pretty good but soldier Boy makes a knockoff version
Speaker 1: of cyber trucks that kill a lot of people. A
Speaker 1: lot of people, Like a fuck ton of people are
Speaker 1: dying because if you squinch your eyes, it does look
Speaker 1: as good as a real thing.
Speaker 2: We got cyber truck at home.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we.
Speaker 7: Get reparations, but we also get cyber trucks.
Speaker 1: Kill a lot of people. That's right, and I wouldn't
Speaker 1: call this a cyber truck, but there are also people
Speaker 1: who were willing to buy a cyber truck from Soldier Boy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thumbs up with this. Yeah, okay, just remember that it's
Speaker 1: not the cyber truck isn't just killing the driver. The
Speaker 1: cyber trucks mowing through roads.
Speaker 2: It's because it's like a death.
Speaker 15: Road.
Speaker 1: Now, Okay, oh that's a good caveat. Like I didn't
Speaker 1: make that caveat, but I like that you inserted it
Speaker 1: for yourself. You're like, no, this is the way it is,
Speaker 1: and I don't mind that. You're you made a bold
Speaker 1: choice and I respect your Yeah. Yeah, same amount of
Speaker 1: cyber trucks. They grow every day. I see more of
Speaker 1: them every fucking day.
Speaker 3: It makes me real nervous, going crazy. They got wraps
Speaker 3: they're wrapping them because that's what you want to see.
Speaker 2: You you know what.
Speaker 1: It's nasty.
Speaker 3: It's like a computer mouse. I hate it, like aesthetically,
Speaker 3: it's like he's mocking us.
Speaker 1: You like the Soldier boys. He's not working. It's killing people.
Speaker 1: He's working into soldier point fashion. And you gotta know
Speaker 1: he's going to jail for this. He's not staying free.
Speaker 1: He's got he's killed millions.
Speaker 2: It's millions.
Speaker 3: The number put no no, but but it's it's a
Speaker 3: it's a scary amount. Okay, it's too many. It's more
Speaker 3: more more than any too many.
Speaker 1: You remember when COVID was was small enough where we
Speaker 1: were like tracking the numbers. Yeah, we thought we couldn't's
Speaker 1: like for that week. Yeah, it's like ticking up like that.
Speaker 1: We're like, hey, it started at twelve and now it's
Speaker 1: at fifty thousand. I don't like that, right?
Speaker 7: Is it more than what the car company would consider negligent,
Speaker 7: like too negligible to do a recall?
Speaker 1: Ma'am. I think you have to understand he is the
Speaker 1: car company. It's just soldier boy.
Speaker 10: Tell him what company his best friend's name.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying this to be bigoted, was a
Speaker 1: rab He shouted him out on every song.
Speaker 3: I and a lot of songs about him.
Speaker 1: You're playing this game wrong, Yeah, you can't. That's not
Speaker 1: how it works. This isn't a learned decision.
Speaker 2: No, this is from the heart.
Speaker 1: This is a gut check and an apology afterwards. You're
Speaker 1: taking it. You're worth it, it's worth it to you. What
Speaker 1: are you doing? I just don't trust his technology like that.
Speaker 2: I can't do it.
Speaker 1: Damn. So there is reparations and Elon Musk specifically loses
Speaker 1: all of Tesla. What kind of reparations? Again? Again, you guys,
Speaker 1: I think are digging further than Yeah. I think you're
Speaker 1: not focusing on the right parts of this now. Are
Speaker 1: we talking to straight forty acres and a mule? Are
Speaker 1: we converting that to twenty forty four? Because I think
Speaker 1: that's gonna make a big difference for me, a man
Speaker 1: from Oregon. I think, what are you doing? Personally? I
Speaker 1: don't know that this is worth it? I think I know,
Speaker 1: I know it sucks. I do. Elon is fucking vile,
Speaker 1: He's the worst. But I don't know that that by
Speaker 1: taking down one billionaire, almost trillionaire, we fix the system, right,
Speaker 1: I don't know that that's I think that is truly
Speaker 1: just aiming at our enemies, aiming at our preferences and shit.
Speaker 1: And the truth is there are a number of other
Speaker 1: billionaires that will happily take his spot as soon as
Speaker 1: capitalism steps aside and lets them jump. So now it's
Speaker 1: not worth it for a bunch of dead people.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, another bleak one.
Speaker 1: Hey, hey, and there won't be any more deep stuff tonight.
Speaker 1: That's about all you get out of me, all right,
Speaker 1: we need another volunteer. Oh hell yeah, Oh you already
Speaker 1: got it. Fuck yeah, that's dope. You're on your game,
Speaker 1: my man. Hey, you'll get your freedom soon. Enough reparations
Speaker 1: for you. Somebody sleeping in the big house tonight. We
Speaker 1: should have got a white slagh from the first I
Speaker 1: see what y'all like. It was, It is intoxicated, Like
Speaker 1: they're not bad guys. Make a statue, we're kind of
Speaker 1: like friends. Okay, here we go, white people fully.
Speaker 3: Strand themselves on Mars, leaving black and brown people to
Speaker 3: completely reimagine human existence on this planet.
Speaker 2: But but.
Speaker 3: Your girl admits that the best sex she's ever had
Speaker 3: was with Neil de grass Tyson.
Speaker 1: Do it take him to Mars? Is that do it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: They? Okay? I love the guy too, Neil de grass Tyson. Fuck.
Speaker 1: Oh you must not know everything about Neil de grass
Speaker 1: Oh man, I'm sorry to break it to you this
Speaker 1: way so publicly. He's a whole sex pest man.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Man, Yeah, that's why he's not on TV anymore because
Speaker 1: he's like a real, real problem for a lot of women.
Speaker 1: And your girls on board, really and he banged your
Speaker 1: girl out? Okay, okay, okay, listen, he got in them guts.
Speaker 1: But he says it like he says it. You're gonna
Speaker 1: have to see I got it all the guts. Will
Speaker 1: it be like that I inserted in her innerds?
Speaker 17: Will it be like that Gillian Bill show when he
Speaker 17: comes back with you with his saying things like in
Speaker 17: the universe?
Speaker 1: Yeah like that? Yeah, no, the same guy. No, just
Speaker 1: take him. You'll still take it? Yes, this is worth it.
Speaker 1: It will be interesting to see what happens. Who fuck yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I'll take it, okay, but can I do something?
Speaker 1: What will you do? Oh? No, I good, call my god.
Speaker 8: I wouldn't want to be there for that conversation, but
Speaker 8: I do it for for the very cause.
Speaker 1: Wow, there we believe in this place.
Speaker 3: Here's my issue with this, go ahead, Here's my issue
Speaker 3: with this is like, as this works, this is the
Speaker 3: bad real estate.
Speaker 2: Mars is the good real estate? Right.
Speaker 1: I don't know, and I've I want to say this
Speaker 1: because I know for a long time that was the
Speaker 1: active theory. Right, is that white people, specifically the rich,
Speaker 1: are are building these uh in theory of states on
Speaker 1: other planets to be able to escape and leave us
Speaker 1: with dwindling resource that the planet is dying in a
Speaker 1: way that we're never going to be able to rehabilitate,
Speaker 1: and they're going to escape to other places. Here's the
Speaker 1: problem with that theory is that currently, and I learned
Speaker 1: this not too long ago, currently, people can't even be
Speaker 1: in space for that long without like major major issues
Speaker 1: happening to their bodies.
Speaker 2: So it's a death sentence.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like truly, like bone density goes away.
Speaker 2: This is crazy question.
Speaker 17: You're definitely like, yeah, you're definitely make an me. You're
Speaker 17: like giving me more. No, listen, I get come on, man,
Speaker 17: let me be clear. Let me be clear. I get
Speaker 17: why it's good for me. I mean it's good for
Speaker 17: me for the white people that are like, do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: You gotta learn to love yourself. I like that you
Speaker 1: like what we're doing, but don't be that way. Don't
Speaker 1: send yourself to Mars the crumble.
Speaker 3: Also, it doesn't feel like uh, I don't know. They
Speaker 3: just get to blast out to space. I want there
Speaker 3: to be a reckoning stand stand trial for your crimes.
Speaker 1: But you said they're gonna be up there with chalky bones,
Speaker 1: being like we really did a young we really did it.
Speaker 1: Fuck the billionaires. Oh the bunker. Oh I thought it
Speaker 1: implied that they leave too.
Speaker 2: They're all leaving.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it wasn't like, Oh, if you got a bunker,
Speaker 1: you get to stay, he tricked me. Yeah, the Clinton's
Speaker 1: gotta go to.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: I personally it seems worth it to me. I would
Speaker 1: divorce my wife. Oh that's an option. I wouldn't. I
Speaker 1: can't stay with her. I mean, she not to need
Speaker 1: talking to you. How often is your wife talking to
Speaker 1: you about the best sex she's ever had? It hasn't
Speaker 1: come up yet.
Speaker 2: Thank you?
Speaker 1: Come on, baby, wouldn't mind hearing it?
Speaker 14: What a mummed me out? That's all right, good father,
Speaker 14: you're a good man. Yeah, you're a good man. Good dad.
Speaker 2: Good.
Speaker 1: So I mean, okay, we need another volunteer. Okay, hell yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you? All right, how are we going to do this?
Speaker 1: All right, he's coming, He's coming.
Speaker 2: So are you.
Speaker 1: Enjoying the show, having a good time?
Speaker 2: Okay? Thank god?
Speaker 1: All right, all right your scenario here we go. We
Speaker 1: finally untether black people from the insurmountable tyranny of Christianity.
Speaker 1: Swallowing Yeah, boy, hell yeah. You guys know who that is?
Speaker 1: If you know, shout it out.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been swallowed? Swallowed? One? Two? Three?
Speaker 2: People?
Speaker 1: Come on, you know who? Ddjkes is one of the
Speaker 1: most famous. Uh, I would say evangelists. Yeah, televangelist is
Speaker 1: a polite word. But we finally don't tell other black
Speaker 1: people from the insurmountable tyranny of Christianity. But and Louis
Speaker 1: and Louis prayers every night.
Speaker 3: You have to stand in front of a mirror and
Speaker 3: say candy man five times, no more praying.
Speaker 1: Gotta say candy man. And that does include white people.
Speaker 1: Everybody's gotta say candy man. Is that my fate? The
Speaker 1: picture there, It's up to you to roll the dice.
Speaker 1: That is I will say that is what happens if
Speaker 1: Candy Man shows up. Now, do you believe in Candy
Speaker 1: Man more or less than you believe in Christianity?
Speaker 13: Way more, way more than Christianity.
Speaker 1: But imagine what what what the reduction of Christianity in
Speaker 1: the American culture would do? It would it would hugely
Speaker 1: impact us in a really I would argue healthy way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's it's.
Speaker 13: Yeah, I think we gotta we gotta let Jesus go.
Speaker 2: Whoa, I'm with my man.
Speaker 13: That's to get him out of there.
Speaker 1: And the test that we have a mirror up here.
Speaker 1: We're gonna ask you, have you ever said Candy Man?
Speaker 1: Five times? I have to uh scared the fun out
Speaker 1: of me alone. I was in my friend gabees. It
Speaker 1: was me, Gabe, my friend Michael. I think our friend
Speaker 1: Cal Gay a different Gabe was there. We were all
Speaker 1: hanging out. I just wanted to set the scene. You know,
Speaker 1: it's a party when Cal's there. How old were we
Speaker 1: we were probably we were all hanging out third or
Speaker 1: fourth grade. Yeah, we were. That's the scary that's the
Speaker 1: bravest age you could have done it. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: somewhere between third and sixth grade, I would say, And
Speaker 1: we all went in his basement bathroom and said candy
Speaker 1: Man individually, and then we would take terms holding the
Speaker 1: door shut. But we didn't do it every time, so
Speaker 1: you didn't know if you were gonna be like trapped
Speaker 1: or not. And that made it scarier, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? It was real vile shit. Yeah, and that's
Speaker 1: how you become a man, as far as I can
Speaker 1: tell you now, good father.
Speaker 13: Yeah, can I can I answer a question real quick?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 13: Do they go to another organized religion or are they
Speaker 13: just like free from religion?
Speaker 2: I think they're free from religion.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think this is more about independence than it
Speaker 1: is hopping to the next good thing. Oh that was
Speaker 1: you all right now? Fucking awesome vibe?
Speaker 13: Yeah yeah, Jesus definitely there.
Speaker 2: But then yeah, all right, I'm with the same thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll say, candy Man, Yeah, that ship's doing. I survived.
Speaker 1: Please don't hold the doors shut, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: I make no promises.
Speaker 1: Yeah, audience, what are you saying? What do you what
Speaker 1: would you guys do? Candy Man, candy Man, Yeah, Christianity sucks,
Speaker 1: it's really up. Yeah all right, we need we need
Speaker 1: another volunteer, okay, hell yeah, right, there, thank you.
Speaker 2: He's got Michael.
Speaker 1: No, that's not all right, is it? Yeah? That's no,
Speaker 1: that's a different I told you. Oh damn, that's not
Speaker 1: one of your.
Speaker 2: Wishful thinking.
Speaker 1: What's your name? Michael, Michael traditional? Okay, Michael, here you go.
Speaker 3: We finally destigmatized sex work, and as a result, we
Speaker 3: see a dramatic dropping violent crimes across the world.
Speaker 1: But I picked the Usher.
Speaker 13: I don't like you sure right now?
Speaker 1: Like just on paper Usher ship. Yeah, he's a cool
Speaker 1: ass whole I'm top tier. There's all these videos now
Speaker 1: of Usher at his recent concert, just walking around the
Speaker 1: fucking arena with cherry.
Speaker 3: Yeah, giving them cherries to lick on, making women lick
Speaker 3: them like ball bro my girls here, what are you doing?
Speaker 1: You can't do that?
Speaker 2: And they're looking this out of the fuck.
Speaker 1: Out of people's mothers and grandmothers. That's what they signed
Speaker 1: up for. Have you all seen the video? This is
Speaker 1: my favorite one. There's a video of the security guard
Speaker 1: see watching it happen, and he's disgusted. He literally can't
Speaker 1: even contain himself. He's wincing at the sight, he's hating,
Speaker 1: he can he's holding back vomit in his mouth at
Speaker 1: the sight of what Usher's doing. And then they cut
Speaker 1: down the Usher and Usher's horny as hell. That nigga
Speaker 1: is rocking up. Every other man in the arena is like,
Speaker 1: this is violent. Usher's just like that's fuck whoa. That's
Speaker 1: how deep he's gone. That's what it takes to get
Speaker 1: him to go again. I gotta see you gotta see
Speaker 1: a woman lick, produce and in front of twenty thousand
Speaker 1: other people to get off. That's he's a prisoner, really,
Speaker 1: that's what. That's why I'll say this. That's why I
Speaker 1: don't like when people call Usher gay. I don't think
Speaker 1: ushers gay at all. I think he's fucked men for sure,
Speaker 1: but I don't think that it has ever been on
Speaker 1: some like, oh this is my preference ship or this
Speaker 1: is who I am. It's truly for sports. Oh, I
Speaker 1: think it's anything that comes across his place. It's just
Speaker 1: I penetration. I'll do it. I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: That's kind of beautiful. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, like this suit.
Speaker 1: That's what finally made suit.
Speaker 2: It's Taylor.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're crazy to have ones in there. We did,
Speaker 1: but you're Usher, we know.
Speaker 2: You got it.
Speaker 1: No, that's that's because he's for the people. Okay, he's
Speaker 1: like anybody. He wanted his suit made of money to
Speaker 1: be relatable to the common man. He's like, I'm a
Speaker 1: man of the money people. Okay, there is oh it
Speaker 1: is usher bucks ushers. He made one, hundreds and ones
Speaker 1: in his own money. Again, he wanted everybody to party. Right,
Speaker 1: how bad would you feel if you got an usher
Speaker 1: buck one instead of all.
Speaker 2: It's not even real money. You gave me a one.
Speaker 1: Okay, we distigmatized the sex work, but you have to
Speaker 1: let Lizzo sexually harass you whenever she wants the way
Speaker 1: that she likes, not the way that you like. Allegedly.
Speaker 16: Ooh, I would like to say first off that my
Speaker 16: wife saw uh usher in Las Veg. Guess oh, and
Speaker 16: you guys right to me right now. She's allergic to
Speaker 16: cherries though, right.
Speaker 1: With all her girls too. She she went, oh, it's
Speaker 1: smaller than regular bills. I've been as well. I like
Speaker 1: the cherries, and yeah it's it's it's small currency, but
Speaker 1: it is plentiful, Like.
Speaker 16: I don't even get to have like a full night sleep.
Speaker 2: This is like whenever she wants three a m for.
Speaker 16: I'm waking up tired because Liz.
Speaker 1: I don't think Lizzo respects traditional hours.
Speaker 2: No, she's on Lizzo time. Yeah, LT, I like that.
Speaker 2: There's et.
Speaker 1: Empty P, T and L and you want to stay
Speaker 1: away from LT. I'll take one for the team. You're
Speaker 1: going to take the LT, I'll take I'll take one
Speaker 1: for the team.
Speaker 2: WHOA like that?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I would too. I think I could get used
Speaker 1: to what Lizzo got going on. I don't think.
Speaker 3: I don't think it would go so crazy that I
Speaker 3: couldn't handle it for the better man. Does everybody in
Speaker 3: the world know that's why she's doing that to me?
Speaker 2: Or are they?
Speaker 1: Like it's hand small? He was wearing those shorts, Like
Speaker 1: is everybody against me? That's a great question. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think everybody thinks you're a whore. I don't think you
Speaker 1: get to be a hero in this. But but she
Speaker 1: has to come to my house? Does that make sense?
Speaker 2: Like, I'm not going out of my way to go
Speaker 2: get it.
Speaker 1: Give you that. Lizo shows up, she rings the bell.
Speaker 1: But you don't get to be like not tonight, Lizo.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, we were going to the Dutch strip
Speaker 1: club or whatever.
Speaker 2: You gotta go.
Speaker 1: If she comes, she bringing a f that's right, that's right,
Speaker 1: bringing the fluke.
Speaker 8: I like that.
Speaker 1: You read the actual documents. She brought the flute.
Speaker 3: I I think I could do it. I think I
Speaker 3: could get I think I could get her on that.
Speaker 3: Take this, I take this l for sure. Yeah, that's
Speaker 3: a that's a tough one though. Yea, all right, all right,
Speaker 3: that's good.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 1: That's the whole game. We like to We like to
Speaker 1: end all of our shows and and this show is
Speaker 1: no exception. We like to open the floor for anybody
Speaker 1: who might have questions, concerns, critique of the We don't
Speaker 1: want your critique, but no, but if you have any questions,
Speaker 1: if there's been any lingering conspiracies for you, raise your hand,
Speaker 1: and if not, we'll get the fuck out of here
Speaker 1: and we'll be out in the front to shake hands
Speaker 1: and high five this baby if you got them, if
Speaker 1: you got one over here, Michael, no, oh, one more. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's that was an aggressive hand, Thanks god, No, it's good.
Speaker 2: It's cool. Man.
Speaker 15: A big fan listen twice a week, you know, big
Speaker 15: fan of the sound bites as well. I wanted to ask,
Speaker 15: what are each of your favorite sound drops bites. Oh,
Speaker 15: I know there's a big selection.
Speaker 1: Oh man favorite Oh I mean Michael Jackson, Doodoo Feces.
Speaker 1: There's pretty huge for me. There's a pretty vast archive
Speaker 1: that we don't often get to use because of this
Speaker 1: new program. Yeah, yeah, we're like we have other ones
Speaker 1: that were sitting but I used we used to have
Speaker 1: r Kelly singing. Do you have your passports?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1: Did you get your shots? Do you want to come
Speaker 1: back with rob to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 1: Merka, which to me is a reason to free him.
Speaker 1: It's a vast body of work. It's real hard to
Speaker 1: lock that up. It feels like we're missing a lot
Speaker 1: of our potential out in the world to lock that
Speaker 1: man in jail. But I understand what he did is wrong.
Speaker 1: That's how we're going to end the horse tour. That Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's perfect. Hey, thank y'all for coming out.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: That's so cool.
Speaker 13: What a great weight in.
Speaker 1: Listen if you want to take pictures, if you want
Speaker 1: to just say hi, we'll be out in the front.
Speaker 1: We'll shake hands and all that. Yeah, and there's merch
Speaker 1: for sale if you're into that. And if not, I
Speaker 1: don't Know Bye Bitch. My Mama Told Me is a
Speaker 1: production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 1: Greeted and hosted by Langston Krek, co hosted by David Bori.
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and Olivia Akilon. Co
Speaker 1: produced by Bee Wayne, edited and engineered by Justin Koff,
Speaker 1: music by Nick Chambers.
Speaker 2: Artwork by dogon Ka.
Speaker 1: You can now watch episodes of My Mama Told Me
Speaker 1: on YouTube. Follow at My Mama Told Me and subscribe
Speaker 1: to our channel