1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:33,960 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode one hundred and sixty one, 11 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 1: which is airing right at the beginning of September. We 12 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 1: know a number of people have started up with school 13 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,520 Speaker 1: in various forms, whether virtual or in person. My kids 14 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: have not yet started up for what will be virtual 15 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: for at least the first month, but have high hopes 16 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 1: we will transition to in person soon for most of 17 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: the kids. Sarah, you have talked in the past about 18 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: how you have two of your kids doing in person 19 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 1: private school and one in the virtual public school option. 20 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: But there's all sorts of different modes out there in 21 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,320 Speaker 1: different solutions that I know a lot of our listeners 22 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 1: are adopting in order to do their jobs while managing 23 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: school that in many cases looks different than it has 24 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: in the past. What are some of the things you're 25 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: hearing from your colleagues and others who are doing right now. Well, 26 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: I just got an interesting email yesterday that I immediately 27 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,040 Speaker 1: forwarded to a couple of my residents who have kids, 28 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: because I think I had mentioned either on the pod 29 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 1: or my blog. I don't remember that our JCC was 30 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 1: doing like a kind of like a camp for virtual 31 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: school type of thing where they were going to have 32 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,559 Speaker 1: the kids kind of in pods with supervision and doing 33 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:45,119 Speaker 1: the public school curriculum supervised with tutors. Basically, the YMCA 34 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: has now opened up a similar thing. And actually, my 35 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: healthcare system is a big healthcare system in the area, 36 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 1: and they're subsidizing this, so it's actually really really affordable 37 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 1: for residents and nurses or whoever. I think it's like 38 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: one hundred dollars a week or something. Eight to six care. Yeah, 39 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: you can't get that. So that was really really cool option. 40 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: And I could see how, you know, as long as 41 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: they keep their rooms separate, that could be as safe 42 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: as it can get for some people, So that's helpful 43 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: so that people who are essential providers, because a lot 44 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: of the people using that would be like nurses and doctors, 45 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: can get to work and do their jobs. So that's awesome. 46 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,520 Speaker 1: There's the pod and there have been so many articles 47 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,239 Speaker 1: that you know, by the time this errs, I'm sure 48 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: you've all read about the pros and cons of pods, 49 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 1: but that does seem like it is very popular. And 50 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 1: I think one interesting thing is the shifted schedule. So 51 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:42,240 Speaker 1: our school district is having a two pm to eight 52 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,679 Speaker 1: pm option, and I think their reasons for that are twofold. 53 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 1: Number one, there are some teachers that have kids, and 54 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: if the teachers need to supervise their own kids, then 55 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,119 Speaker 1: they kind of need to be doing their teaching work 56 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: at a different time. So this was one way, like 57 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,639 Speaker 1: if a teacher wanted to do that, then they could 58 00:02:57,639 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 1: supervise their kids in the morning and then do their 59 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 1: actual teaching in the evening. And then also for parents 60 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: that you wanted to get their work in in the 61 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: morning or had to get their work in the morning, 62 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: that they would be able to supervise their kids better 63 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: in the afternoon. I mean, that makes for quite a 64 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 1: long day, but you could technically, I mean, if you 65 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 1: started at six am, you could work eight hours before 66 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 1: your kid even started their school day, supervise that whole thing, 67 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: and then get up the next day to start it again. 68 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: Sounds super fun, but no, if you had a partner. 69 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,000 Speaker 1: If you had a partner, I could imagine that being 70 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 1: more palatable. Maybe you could split up the kids part 71 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 1: or kind of alternate on which day. And you had 72 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: a very interesting blog post recently. I thought that detailed 73 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: a way that a two person couple could alternate things 74 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: like in a very structured way. You want to go 75 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: into that. So I got an interesting amount of feedback 76 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: from this, Not so much in comments on the blog, 77 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: but I heard from people who wanted to share it 78 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: with other audiences because I guess it just hadn't been 79 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: spelled out exactly how a split scale jewel with two 80 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: working parents, you know, splitting at fifty to fifty could 81 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 1: infect work and could give both parties approximately thirty hours 82 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: a week of focused work time, mostly during the work day. 83 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 1: So none of these like you know, get up at 84 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: four am and work till eight am type things, which 85 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,279 Speaker 1: if you have to do, you have to do, but 86 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,919 Speaker 1: you also wouldn't have to in this setup. So the 87 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:30,479 Speaker 1: idea is that you have two different shifts during the 88 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: work day. One is eight to three and one is 89 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 1: one to six, and that is predicated on the idea 90 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: that any young children who are home are napping from 91 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:44,280 Speaker 1: one to three. That's a rough nap window. We are 92 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 1: recording this at two thirty right, and Genevieve is napping 93 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: since Sarah does not have childcare today, and you know, 94 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:54,040 Speaker 1: older children could use that time for independent work or 95 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: for screen time or whatever you wanted to do. The 96 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,359 Speaker 1: idea is that that is could that could be double 97 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: in terms of the parents. One parent is on for 98 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: it during distrection, so some of their hours are not 99 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 1: pure hours, but mostly two of them will be able 100 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 1: to work anyway. So one party takes eight to three 101 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 1: Monday and Wednesday and one to six on Tuesday and Thursday. 102 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 1: The other party takes one to six on Monday and 103 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 1: Wednesday and eight to three on Tuesday and Thursday, and 104 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 1: then they alternate on Friday who gets eight to three 105 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: and who gets one to six. So each week it 106 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 1: splits off there and what it works out to is 107 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: then twenty nine hours during the weeks when you have 108 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,599 Speaker 1: the three one to six shifts, and it works out 109 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: to thirty one hours on the weeks where you have 110 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 1: the three eight to three shifts. And the key thing 111 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:43,479 Speaker 1: for this to work is that when you are on, 112 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: your job is not just to keep the children safe 113 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: like being adult present in the house, you are also 114 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,360 Speaker 1: committing to keeping the children out of your partner's office 115 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:01,280 Speaker 1: right so that they can be guaranteed that those hours 116 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: being at eight to one or one of the six 117 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: or whatever are focused right, like absolutely focused. They are 118 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 1: not on, they are not dealing with anything. And if 119 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: you do this, then each of you can in fact 120 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: get the twenty five pure focused hours and then between 121 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: four to six hours each week of most likely but 122 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: could be interrupted because of nap time woes or whatever, 123 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 1: and both of you would have both some afternoon and 124 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 1: some morning hours. And so I know that that's an 125 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: issue that some people would be like, well, we just 126 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:32,800 Speaker 1: split it that she takes the mornings and then I 127 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: take the afternoons. But then what if you know there 128 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: are some teams that always want to meet in the 129 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,920 Speaker 1: morning because some other person has a different shift of 130 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: their schedule, And so this allows you to occasionally have 131 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:47,039 Speaker 1: morning meetings or occasionally have afternoon meetings as the case 132 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: may be. Again, you know this has to be pretty 133 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 1: much you are committing to this. You're committing to keeping 134 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,799 Speaker 1: the kids out of your partner's office. You can obviously 135 00:06:55,960 --> 00:07:00,480 Speaker 1: arrange for a subcredit on a day if there is 136 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 1: something like you have to pitch a new client a 137 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,039 Speaker 1: huge project, and the only time they can meet is 138 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,719 Speaker 1: Tuesday at ten am, and technically Tuesday is the day 139 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 1: that you work one to six. Like, probably you could 140 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: arrange with your spouse to get a sub credit that 141 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 1: you would make it up for that person at another point, 142 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 1: but you know you want to have that be relatively infrequently. 143 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 1: But you know, working twenty nine or thirty one hours 144 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: a week with no paid childcare is pretty good. If 145 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 1: that's a situation that a couple might find themselves in, 146 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: and if they need more hours, you can extend this 147 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: swap idea two different times. I mean, maybe each of 148 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: you works from six to ten pm one night a 149 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: week and that gets you up to thirty four hours 150 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 1: a week, or you do six to ten am on 151 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,320 Speaker 1: a weekend or something. You each get one weekend morning 152 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: and you know, whatever it is, but that is basically 153 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: full ten hours and if they are planned well, you 154 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 1: will be okay. So something to consider. I mean, obviously, 155 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,600 Speaker 1: people putting it out on my blog that not everyone 156 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: is in a two income couple totally understood. Not everyone 157 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 1: is in a two person situation again, totally understood. Not 158 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: everybody is working from home. There are people who have 159 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 1: to be in the office and then their partner has 160 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 1: a different setup. I think Sarah and I have both 161 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 1: definitely advocated, you know, for hiring childcare if you're in 162 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: a situation where this is the case, but if that 163 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: is not going to be happening, this is one way 164 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 1: that both parties can get an equitable split and a 165 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 1: reasonable amount of time. I've learned that those critiques are 166 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: called caveat critiques critics. I learned that from cal Newport, 167 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 1: who mentions that sometimes if you give advice and Laurie, 168 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:40,760 Speaker 1: you just spend a lot of advice for a living, 169 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,840 Speaker 1: and I guess we do that on this podcast as well. 170 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 1: A lot of people will come up with what but 171 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: in this situation it doesn't work? And his take on that, 172 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: which I thought was interesting, is that, well, the reason 173 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 1: you don't give all the scenarios is because there's infinite 174 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: scenarios and then it would be a very bad book 175 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: or podcast or whatever if you spent that time listing. Well, 176 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 1: if so, anyway, that's a caveat critic. I agree, I 177 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:06,320 Speaker 1: can't come up with everything. You know, we write advice 178 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 1: that might be helpful to some people, and like it 179 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 1: is not helpful to you filter, you glean what is 180 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: helpful and what is not. Which, Yeah, I had somebody 181 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: write me recently that even though her situation was slightly 182 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,960 Speaker 1: different than ours, she enjoys the podcast a lot and 183 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: she filters it appropriately, and I appreciated that. You know, 184 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: I love your schedule because well, I like the rigidity 185 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,200 Speaker 1: of it, Like if I was going to do this, 186 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 1: which we can't, but if I was, then I think, 187 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: I think it gets really difficult when it's nebulous, when 188 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,960 Speaker 1: you're like, oh, you know, we'll just cover for each other, 189 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: because then things could get very lopsided very quickly. And 190 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,199 Speaker 1: I think if you really take the time with your 191 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 1: partner to be like these are my hours, these are 192 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,079 Speaker 1: your hours, Like I could imagine that if my husband 193 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: and I did have the kind of jobs that were 194 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,679 Speaker 1: amenable to this, there would have to be some kind 195 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:57,200 Speaker 1: of whiteboard, like I would need to see this in 196 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 1: black and white, like and this is my time and 197 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 1: this is not my time, and this is my time 198 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: I have to be on for the kids, so I 199 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: can't schedule something. But then once you did that, you 200 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,439 Speaker 1: could kind of have freedom within that structure to get 201 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 1: a lot done. And I will mention that, you know, 202 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 1: I think an argument caveat argument. I don't know that 203 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: people might make as well thirty hours. I work ninety hours. 204 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,080 Speaker 1: I mean number one. Laura has done some interesting work 205 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: demonstrating that most people who say they work seventy hours 206 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 1: or whatever, many of them don't. Yes, some residents do, 207 00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: and you know, other various exceptions, I'm sure, but most 208 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: people don't. And the schedule that you pose is actually 209 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 1: very friendly, Like it starts at eight, right, I mean, 210 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,560 Speaker 1: it ends it nobody's getting up at five, And you 211 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 1: know you could certainly if you needed to get to 212 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 1: that forty forty five hour as she mentioned at on somebody, 213 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:49,559 Speaker 1: Yeah you do like seven to three and one to seven, right, 214 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 1: Like that would work just as well. You know. I 215 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: was just more saying that most people probably who are 216 00:10:54,640 --> 00:11:00,559 Speaker 1: in corporate type team jobs like do need to mostly 217 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:02,680 Speaker 1: put their work during the work day. I mean, there's 218 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,520 Speaker 1: some things that they can do outside of it, but 219 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,360 Speaker 1: presumably most of your colleagues are not available at seven 220 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: am or seven pm, So I mean that's if you 221 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,440 Speaker 1: are going to include those hours, it's going to have 222 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: to be for your individual deliverables, and so, you know whatever. 223 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 1: If you want to extend the window, you can, of course, 224 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: but if you want to have it sort of a 225 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,480 Speaker 1: more normal family life, I mean, either mom or dad 226 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 1: being gone from eight to six is really not that 227 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:30,559 Speaker 1: crazy a schedule. So yeah, no, I thought it was reasonable. 228 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: That's why I posted it. But you know, we'll hear 229 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 1: from anyone if they adopt something like that. Yes, in fact, 230 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 1: that would be a really fun episode to have in 231 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 1: the future. We did have one o Susanna Quincy did 232 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 1: something like this with her partner. But maybe another example 233 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,200 Speaker 1: in the future of someone kind of making it work 234 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 1: without childcare by really coordinating with a partner. Well, I 235 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,679 Speaker 1: think we should take a short break and then we're 236 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 1: going to come back and hear about how Sarah's day 237 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 1: of seeing patients from telemedicine when there was a childcare issue, 238 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 1: how that went. So we'll be back in just a minute, 239 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: all right. So on Sarah's blog the other morning, we 240 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,680 Speaker 1: got an announcement that she had learned at two am 241 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 1: that she was on for the day. So how did 242 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 1: this go down? Yeah, so our poor nanny, like she 243 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,560 Speaker 1: had a health issue come up, not COVID, don't worry, 244 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:38,079 Speaker 1: and she's already doing much better. But it was a 245 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: kind of thing where there was no way she was 246 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 1: going to be able to come in. So I got 247 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,719 Speaker 1: this text at two am and I was like, oh 248 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 1: my god, what am I going to do about it? 249 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: But oh my god. So I kind of cycled through 250 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 1: all the possibilities in my head at two am, because 251 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 1: it's not the kind of thing you can just roll 252 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: over and deal with later. And I had about thirteen 253 00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 1: telehealth visits scheduled that day, like that morning, you know, 254 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 1: starting in about six hours. So I was like, okay, 255 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: option one, Hey, Josh, what are you doing? And I 256 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 1: think he was like downstairs when the text came in, 257 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,080 Speaker 1: But then he woke up too and came upstairs. Sometimes 258 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,959 Speaker 1: he might fall asleep on the couch downstairs, poor guy. Anyway, 259 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 1: so he comes upstairs, I'm like, what are you doing? 260 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:20,080 Speaker 1: He's like, I have three surgeries. Crap, because you know, 261 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 1: if he just had clinic then it would kind of 262 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 1: be debatable, like maybe we could each do half. But 263 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 1: since he had actual surgeries, I felt that bumping people 264 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 1: surgeries was probably a little you know, not cool. So 265 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 1: I figured it was then on me. So then the 266 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 1: option too was going to be Okay, Well, I guess 267 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: I will just cancel everybody and move them to like 268 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 1: the next week when we were supposed to be off. 269 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 1: But that sounded really unpalatable and also kind of a 270 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 1: logistical nightmare to try to reach everybody who was going 271 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 1: to be, you know, seen that day. I'm sure our 272 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,079 Speaker 1: office would have helped with it, but still that was 273 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 1: stressing me out. Then I was like, maybe I could 274 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:57,320 Speaker 1: just see them with the kids home, and maybe Annabelle 275 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 1: would rise the occasion as my year old babysitter, and 276 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,599 Speaker 1: so I was like, I'm just going to give it 277 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 1: a try. What's the worst that could happen, like I 278 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 1: have terrible encounters And I told them we'll have to 279 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: reschedule because I have three children at home due to 280 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 1: an emergency. When we when out of all got up, 281 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,319 Speaker 1: I told her that she was basically going to be 282 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: in charge of the kids for the morning. And she's 283 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: eight and a half by the way, she's pretty mature 284 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 1: for her age, but obviously only hal so, you know, 285 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,520 Speaker 1: and I told her that, I well, I told them 286 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: all that if everybody was good, then they could all 287 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: choose a toy from Target online at the end of 288 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 1: the day. So it was a nice carrot to dangle 289 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,480 Speaker 1: in front of them. And I also told her that 290 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 1: she could give them unlimited screen time during the morning 291 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 1: to help her get through it. So she kind of 292 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: was really excited about it. Actually, she got all like, 293 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: I don't know, she was very poised for the day, 294 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: kind of like like she had aged five years instantly, 295 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 1: and she actually did a really good job. I was 296 00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: able to kind of go downstairs. My office is upstairs. 297 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 1: I would go and check on them kind of between 298 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: each patient and be like, okay, everybody's still alive. She 299 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 1: was leading art class, she was doing dress up. She 300 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 1: got them as snack. She was like, I got Cameron 301 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: a big bar and I made sure it was just 302 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 1: the one fig bar. Well, so she did really well, 303 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 1: and then the afternoon was fine because honestly, like my 304 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: big kids usually just play Minecraft the whole time and 305 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,280 Speaker 1: Genevieve sleeps, and it could have gotten bad because at 306 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: the very end I had like a sibling pair of 307 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: schedule and then I heard Viva and I was like, 308 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: oh crap, and then they ended up rescheduling. So that 309 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,840 Speaker 1: was that was a really good ending to the day 310 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 1: because it could have been. It could have been rough 311 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: because the thing is once I mean, unless Anibal could 312 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 1: have gotten her bribe back with a show, which is possible, 313 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 1: but you know when she first wakes up, if she 314 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 1: hears it, I'm here, she's very interested. Yeah, mommy, mommy, mommy. 315 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: So it ended up working out. So it was it 316 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 1: was not fun, Like I definitely had this undercurrent of 317 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 1: like ohto god, oh god the whole time, but then 318 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: the truth is, like what's the worst that can happen, 319 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: Like it's telehealth. We can always move it, although it 320 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 1: feels catastrophic because with telehealth, like if you have one 321 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 1: visit that goes the bad and then like then your 322 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,720 Speaker 1: next visit starts late and they're trying to get in, 323 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: and then your next one doesn't, it kind of snowballs. 324 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: So I mean I was lucky it worked out. I 325 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,640 Speaker 1: would do it again in a pinch, But I am 326 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 1: not going to plan on doing that. No. No, it's 327 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: the kind of thing. It's like you can do it 328 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 1: for one day because you know that you can make 329 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: it up at some other point if it's a problem, 330 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: but you can't do it day after day, and that 331 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: level of stress that's just hard to work with. And 332 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,680 Speaker 1: I think that's what's really been challenging for a lot 333 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 1: of people, is the constant fear of interruption when they 334 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 1: you know, don't have hands on coverage for younger children. Yes, 335 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 1: plus it was a little I was thinking to myself 336 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 1: like that, if I were to do that regularly, that's 337 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: that's a lot on an eight year old. Yeah, traumatize like, 338 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 1: oh my god, I was the family babysit for a 339 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,320 Speaker 1: year or something like. No, I think she had fun. 340 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,880 Speaker 1: But if it was a routine thing, yeah, not so much. Yeah, well, 341 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 1: as you discovered. I mean, the screens really help. I 342 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 1: mean I would talk about using screens as a babysitter, 343 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 1: but oh my goodness, sometimes you need the screens as 344 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:20,439 Speaker 1: a babysitter, and definitely are you know, when we need it. 345 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,920 Speaker 1: The older kids can play Minecraft or be on their 346 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 1: computers or whatever for a while. The one issue with 347 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,920 Speaker 1: Alex and why this has been sometimes problem is if 348 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,040 Speaker 1: he gets bored on the computer, he will then come 349 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: and cause havoc like you know, and sometimes just naughtiness 350 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 1: for attention and that that could be rough to deal with, 351 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 1: you know. So it's not one hundred percent reliable by 352 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 1: any means. Well, and it's also very age dependent. Like 353 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,959 Speaker 1: I thought to myself, I could not have done this 354 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 1: a year ago. Maybe you would not have had it, 355 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 1: or two years ago, like with the six month old, Like, 356 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 1: no way I could do that. I was just on 357 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: the fringes where I was able to pull it off. 358 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: But well, and my older kids, I mean the older 359 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 1: three would be you know, fine all day basically. So 360 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 1: if I only had them, I think this would be 361 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:11,680 Speaker 1: a very different setup than it is. But of course 362 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,640 Speaker 1: I have younger children as well, so it's a little 363 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: bit more problematic. Yeah, we can do some stuff without childcare, 364 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,320 Speaker 1: can't do all that much. So the days that we 365 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: don't have it, Michael and I try to come up 366 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: with some way of splitting it that tends to it's 367 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 1: basically every Friday for the most part, and so he 368 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 1: will mostly work in the morning, and then he can 369 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,719 Speaker 1: tend to be able to stop work around one. I mean, 370 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 1: because it's the summer. I mean they might have had 371 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: summer Fridays and a lot of places anyway, and then 372 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: I usually would work in the afternoon, and I just 373 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 1: sort of anticipate that if I need like calls, I 374 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: either put him on Friday afternoon, and if people don't 375 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: want to do Friday afternoon and summer, because that's kind 376 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,359 Speaker 1: of nobody wants to be on the phone in Friday 377 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 1: afternoon and summer. I just to try to make sure 378 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 1: that happens earlier in the week since Friday morning generally 379 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,719 Speaker 1: isn't gonna work for me. So that's how we split it. 380 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 1: That makes sense. Yeah, I don't think anyone wants to 381 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:15,080 Speaker 1: do anything Friday afternoon ever, really no, But there is 382 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,360 Speaker 1: a light at the end of the supervision tunnel that 383 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 1: the older children can pretty much fend for themselves and 384 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,399 Speaker 1: get their own snacks and turn on their own screens 385 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:28,719 Speaker 1: and usually not wander in and cause trouble. Eventually, they 386 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:34,280 Speaker 1: do grow up amazing well. So we wanted to pivot 387 00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 1: here to talk about our third anniversary, so alert listeners 388 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:46,280 Speaker 1: may recall that we started in late August of twenty seventeen. 389 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,880 Speaker 1: We had so this is our one hundred and sixty 390 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,399 Speaker 1: first episode. So I guess we're a little past the 391 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: three year mark and we do fifty two a year, 392 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 1: plus we had three to start with or something. Have 393 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 1: you gone back and listened to those early ones at all? Nope? Yeah, 394 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: I was saying earlier, I don't think we want to. 395 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,200 Speaker 1: We have grown and evolved as podcasters in the course 396 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: of Yeah, I don't. I don't enjoy listening to my 397 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,399 Speaker 1: own voice at baseline, So listening to my own voice 398 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,040 Speaker 1: when it was even less experienced than it is now 399 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:23,240 Speaker 1: would be not the most fun. But I'm sure some 400 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: of them are fun. Actually actually revisit some of my 401 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 1: favorite prior guest episodes because there are definitely some in 402 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,879 Speaker 1: our archives and I'm like, wow, we had that person on, 403 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:34,639 Speaker 1: So what were some of your favorite from the past year. Yeah, 404 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 1: so in the past year I went through and kind 405 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,199 Speaker 1: of scrolled through, and some of my favorite guest episodes 406 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,800 Speaker 1: were Jennifer Petrillieri, who wrote Couples That Work. I just 407 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,720 Speaker 1: thought she was so eloquent unlus, I love her book. 408 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 1: I think my husband's reading it now. Actually, so there 409 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 1: you go. And I really liked and I think you 410 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 1: did so having Joel and me, how do we listen 411 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,919 Speaker 1: to their podcast? Right, and so you feel like you 412 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 1: know people from listening to their podcast, and then when 413 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,640 Speaker 1: they're on your show, it's like, hey, we know each 414 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 1: other already, sort of sort of we don't and that's 415 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,479 Speaker 1: that you don't. But it was still so much so 416 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 1: they were great. And then in terms of the ones 417 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: that we did, I loved, of course the post baby 418 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,359 Speaker 1: update when you came back after your very very brief 419 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:24,679 Speaker 1: majornity non leave. And then I did kind of a memory. 420 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 1: Somebody asked about this one recently about like when I 421 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:29,919 Speaker 1: talked about PMDD and stress and stuff. It was like 422 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,040 Speaker 1: episode one eighteen that we had a whole discussion about that. 423 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 1: And then the milestone birthday episode after I turned forty 424 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: was pretty fun and we both discussed our fun milestone birthdays. 425 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: That was episode one forty six. So I think those 426 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 1: are my favorite. Yeah, those are all good ones, yeah, Jolin, 427 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: that was definitely a favorite for me. I enjoyed the 428 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 1: one in September of twenty nineteen where I announced that 429 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,679 Speaker 1: Henry was on his way, just because well this was 430 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,639 Speaker 1: a first, you know, baby announcement on Best of both worlds. Obviously, 431 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,880 Speaker 1: Genevieve we announced when she was born, but people knew 432 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 1: you were expecting her when we started the podcast. So 433 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,639 Speaker 1: it was fun to make a baby announcement like that 434 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:13,040 Speaker 1: and know that people would be excited and interested. Like 435 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 1: having this podcast makes it feel more like there's a 436 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:19,840 Speaker 1: community around that's excited about these things, and so it 437 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: was fun to share it and to know that I 438 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,359 Speaker 1: was putting that out there, and so I really enjoyed 439 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 1: that part of that one. I wanted to pause here 440 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:34,760 Speaker 1: to note a guest from a past year that you know, 441 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:39,440 Speaker 1: we our first fall that we had Emily Garnett, who 442 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 1: was so eloquent about her battle with breast cancer and 443 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 1: what that was like to be a young woman facing 444 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 1: that diagnosis, especially with a very young child at the time. 445 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: And I'm tearing up here, but unfortunately we learned recently 446 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 1: that she had passed away this spring, and so are 447 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,920 Speaker 1: you know, sincere condolences to her husband and her son, 448 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,680 Speaker 1: and you know, we were so glad that we were 449 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,919 Speaker 1: able to have her on the show and get to 450 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,119 Speaker 1: know about her and her story, So people want to 451 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,320 Speaker 1: go back and listen to that one. It was from 452 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 1: right around Thanksgiving in our first year, so yeah, she 453 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 1: was inspiring, really really a loss. Well, so we have 454 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 1: been talking about so many topics on best of both worlds, 455 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 1: and of course we always want more guests. We want 456 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: guests of all different backgrounds and family types and different situations. 457 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,520 Speaker 1: You're dealing with combining work in life, different professions, different 458 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 1: numbers and children and in different ages and all those 459 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 1: sorts of things. People facing different challenges. So we always 460 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,000 Speaker 1: welcome ideas on guests. Feel free to reach out to 461 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: either of us. And you know, people pitch themselves, So 462 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,920 Speaker 1: if you think you would make a good guest, you 463 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:04,320 Speaker 1: certainly don't have to do the you know, unassuming woman 464 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: thing and nominate somebody else like if you want. If 465 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: you think you would be a good guest, we would 466 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 1: love to hear about it. So let us know why 467 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 1: you'd be a good guest, and hopefully we can we 468 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 1: can make that work. So our question this week comes 469 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,400 Speaker 1: from a listener who says, how do you find one 470 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 1: on one time with your spouse? She says more time 471 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:28,399 Speaker 1: to talk than physical Okay, so she's not looking looking 472 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,720 Speaker 1: for advice on that lock the door. I find that 473 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,320 Speaker 1: working and a child want. I find that with working 474 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: and with having a child, once the child is asleep, 475 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 1: I either want to sleep or do something personal. I 476 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,639 Speaker 1: used to have date night, but that's now gone, I 477 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: assume for the reason it is for everyone else. There's 478 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,800 Speaker 1: no restaurants or bars to go out to, and your 479 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: child care situation may be gone as well. So any 480 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,399 Speaker 1: suggestion she says for forgetting one on one time with 481 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,119 Speaker 1: a spouse, I love how she thought we would have 482 00:24:54,160 --> 00:25:03,040 Speaker 1: advice silence silence. I'm just I mean, okay, well, first 483 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,280 Speaker 1: I would just say, hopefully you still feel like you 484 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 1: can connect, because it's probably not going to look exactly 485 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: how it looked before. And maybe that's okay. I do 486 00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,959 Speaker 1: feel lucky that I don't feel like our relationship has 487 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: suffered despite the fact that we do have much, much 488 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,360 Speaker 1: less kind of one on one time. I mean, honestly, 489 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,040 Speaker 1: maybe screens are just the theme of today's episode, but 490 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:25,679 Speaker 1: the only time my husband and I seem to have 491 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:30,560 Speaker 1: like an uninterrupted, non fatigued conversation of any quality is 492 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 1: when either the three are miraculously playing like you know 493 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:37,239 Speaker 1: you kind of can't. We've noticed you can't make that 494 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 1: happen like it just happens sometimes and it's like, oh, 495 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,880 Speaker 1: don't touch it, like this is amazing. They're all doing whatever, 496 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,480 Speaker 1: do not bother them, and then we can like have 497 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: a nice conversation. Or if they're all watching some kids 498 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,440 Speaker 1: movie that they're engrossed in, then we can usually actually 499 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 1: talk and like maybe drink a beer or hang out 500 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,639 Speaker 1: like while they're doing that. And that typically would happen 501 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,159 Speaker 1: like in the early evening, right after dinner, sometimes on 502 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,200 Speaker 1: the weekend before dinner, especially wooden takeout so I don't 503 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 1: have to cook anything. A couple of weeks he was 504 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,400 Speaker 1: making some cocktails on Sunday, which is kind of festive. 505 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 1: So yeah, but no, we don't. I mean, it's not 506 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,920 Speaker 1: like I don't have like an answer. Yeah, there's there's 507 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,400 Speaker 1: not really a great answer for this. I think the 508 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,439 Speaker 1: good news is it doesn't have to be a lot 509 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,280 Speaker 1: of time. I mean, if you could come up with, 510 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:26,320 Speaker 1: you know, twenty minutes twice a week to chat without interruption, 511 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,879 Speaker 1: that might feel like enough right now to keep treading 512 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,199 Speaker 1: water till when we get to a place where we 513 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 1: can resume more of normal schedules and the like. We 514 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 1: you know, sometimes we try to chat when we have 515 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 1: Henry around, for instance, you know, he'd just be playing 516 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: on the floor and the other kids are off doing 517 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,720 Speaker 1: something and you know, we're there with the baby. But 518 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,359 Speaker 1: there you go. I mean, that's as close as you 519 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,879 Speaker 1: get to kid free time. And sometimes you know, just 520 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: sitting outside, you know, while the kids are playing, watching 521 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,159 Speaker 1: a movie or something, can can do that. But no, 522 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 1: there's is not really a great option at the moment, 523 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,119 Speaker 1: and I think a lot of couples are struggling with this. 524 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 1: But on the other hand, you know, you're you're in 525 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,479 Speaker 1: this project together right now. This is really something that 526 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:16,560 Speaker 1: is feeling like we're getting through it together. We're both 527 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 1: trying to do the best we can with five children 528 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: and you know, everyone around all the time, so you 529 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:30,080 Speaker 1: know it will be okay. Maybe there's like a wartime 530 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 1: bonding thing going on. Yes, exactly, a wartime bonding. That's 531 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 1: that's a good a good way to put it. But 532 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,960 Speaker 1: I do love that she said it was apparently they're 533 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 1: still having physical time. She doesn't care about that part. 534 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,680 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know I care about that time. 535 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:48,120 Speaker 1: I was like, well, you know, hey, if you're still 536 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,160 Speaker 1: pulling that off, good for you, then you know you're 537 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 1: you're you're good like talk for five minutes beforehand or 538 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,800 Speaker 1: after or something. All right, so love of the week, 539 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,240 Speaker 1: what do you what do you know this week? Okay? Well, 540 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,040 Speaker 1: I will have to admit my like basic self is 541 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,680 Speaker 1: playing Taylor Swift's Folklore on repeat. It's such a good album. 542 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,960 Speaker 1: I love it. My friends make fun of me, I 543 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 1: don't care. It's great. And then I also can I 544 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,880 Speaker 1: have two loves? Yes, it's my podcast, it's our podcast. Okay. 545 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,960 Speaker 1: Of course, Catherine Goldstein, who was on our podcast previously 546 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,640 Speaker 1: and who hosts the Double Shift podcast, did a great 547 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:24,080 Speaker 1: job being a guest on Spawn, which is another parenting 548 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 1: podcast that I enjoy, and she spoke all about how 549 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 1: the pandemics has different impacts on the entire spectrum of 550 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: working mothers. So that was a great podcast listen the 551 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 1: other day. All right, well go check that one out. 552 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,720 Speaker 1: And I have to admit I have not listened to 553 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:40,960 Speaker 1: Taylor Swift's Folklore yet, but I like Taylor Swift. I 554 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,239 Speaker 1: don't I I don't know what's with me right now. 555 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 1: I can't focus on anything. It's like here's an album 556 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 1: that I would like to listen to, and yet I 557 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: have not listened to it. I go figure out night Tonight, 558 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,480 Speaker 1: my Love of Tonight. All right, I'll do that maybe 559 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,600 Speaker 1: while doing My Love of the Week. So, you know, 560 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:58,719 Speaker 1: none of my children ever want to sleep ever, so 561 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: they don't go to bed at normal kid times. But 562 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 1: what I doing in the evening to sort of fill 563 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 1: time until it might conceivably be possible to get some 564 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 1: children down for bed. I put Henry in the stroller 565 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 1: and I pour myself a beer and I go walk 566 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: around the driveway with Henry and the stroller with my 567 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 1: beer and just enjoy the evening. We're kind of looking 568 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:29,520 Speaker 1: at each other making faces. Sometimes I'm texting Sarah, just like, 569 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,400 Speaker 1: why are all my texts from Laura coming at seven 570 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,120 Speaker 1: forty five pm. Well, that's why, because I'm out in 571 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: the driveway and there are no open container laws in 572 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 1: your driveway. Well in my driveway. Yeah, I'm not walking 573 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:41,880 Speaker 1: down the street with my beer like I'm in my driveway. 574 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: It's fine. So that's a nice way to spend the 575 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: evening and to relax and to have you know, the kid, 576 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,520 Speaker 1: you know, he's strapped in so he's not rolling around 577 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 1: left and right and getting into trouble, and the kids 578 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:57,720 Speaker 1: are doing whatever they're doing inside. Sometimes Michael is playing 579 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,280 Speaker 1: Minecraft with them or Fortnite with them, and other times 580 00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 1: he's outside and sometimes then we talk. You know, that 581 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 1: could be a time what we chat. Like He'll be 582 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:08,560 Speaker 1: doing yard work and I'll be pushing Henry around, and yeah, 583 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,440 Speaker 1: that's what passes for quality time these days. But it's nice. 584 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:15,320 Speaker 1: It's a nice evening ritual. And you know, I am 585 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 1: enjoying looking at a chubby, smiling baby. It's a different 586 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 1: version of happy hour. I love it all right. Well, 587 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 1: this has been Best of Both Worlds Episode one hundred 588 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,520 Speaker 1: and sixty one. We'll be back next week with more 589 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,880 Speaker 1: on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening. 590 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 1: You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com 591 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 1: or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can 592 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 1: find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has 593 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,719 Speaker 1: been the Best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us 594 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 1: next time for more on making work and life work together.