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Speaker 1: M h.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 2: I'm Meila. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday. Who's humping the night?

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Speaker 2: Who's is that a song?

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Speaker 1: Who's humping? And Who's? No? No, I don't know how

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Speaker 1: who's sucking the night?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Okay, it is a song. That is a song. That

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Speaker 1: is a song. What are you kidding? Is calling shazam? Erica?

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Speaker 1: I don't think you have shazam? I do, I'm gonna.

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Speaker 1: I'm refused. I think you're wrong.

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Speaker 3: She's literally knowing you could shazam yourself.

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Speaker 1: No, you can't. That's why I scoop. Yeah, what the fuck? No?

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Speaker 1: That beat was all moves, fucking nuts. Okay, you're right.

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Speaker 2: The net.

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Speaker 1: Is it this one? Oh yeah? If you gotta.

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Speaker 4: Put your hands up, single ladies, wait, this is for

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Speaker 4: you single ladies.

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Speaker 1: Damn. Oh well wait, this is what we do every

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Speaker 1: week anyway. I'm single. Yes, we are both single because

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Speaker 1: a lot of the same person. Yep, even when we

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Speaker 1: don't try to beat.

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Speaker 2: And you know what, if anything is ever gonna go bad,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to freak out in your life because I'm like,

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Speaker 2: it's coming for me, right.

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Speaker 1: You're like, oh, no, wait, what do you something's happened.

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Speaker 2: No, not me next, Oh god, just don't get pregnant please,

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Speaker 2: meaning I would get pregnant.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, don't put that on me. Bit Wait,

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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? Why I have at no,

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Speaker 1: the morning after Erica's relationship has tragically come to an.

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Speaker 4: End, I wasn't about it. I think that's not your person.

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Speaker 4: Obviously it's not. And I don't think he was a

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Speaker 4: good person for you. And I was just not going

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Speaker 4: to say anything until it was over, until you came

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Speaker 4: to your own conclusions, because I'm a real friend. But

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Speaker 4: now that it's over, is.

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Speaker 2: That what a real friend is just doesn't tell your

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Speaker 2: friendship what I was just letting you.

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Speaker 4: I was letting you go through the motions because I

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Speaker 4: knew that it was going to come out anyway.

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Speaker 1: I knew you're on your path to discovery. So I

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Speaker 1: was like, no need to.

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Speaker 4: To add my fucking psychic two cents but you But

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Speaker 4: first of all, bitch, you know me.

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Speaker 1: You know how I felt you intentionally didn't ask me

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Speaker 1: because you didn't want me to tell you that might

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Speaker 1: be true? Right, You're like, how do you think you

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Speaker 1: never said that? The entire time.

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Speaker 4: You're never like what do you think? Because you were like, oh,

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Speaker 4: what do I think? You want to know what I think?

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Speaker 4: This is not funny, but we have to laugh at

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Speaker 4: the pain. That's that's what has to happen anyway. Other

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Speaker 4: than that, How was your weekend?

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Speaker 1: It was good? What did I do?

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Speaker 2: I I went to home Goods.

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Speaker 1: I need to go to home Goods. I did.

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Speaker 2: At this point, they need to pay me because the

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Speaker 2: amount of advertising I do.

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Speaker 1: For them for free. I love it. I went to

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Speaker 1: home Goods. I've been on a home goods tour.

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Speaker 2: I've literally been to maybe like five home goods, like

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Speaker 2: seven days.

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Speaker 1: I'm kind of offended that I wasn't here. You were gone, bitch.

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Speaker 2: So I went on my own, and you know, brought

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Speaker 2: my favorite shopping friend with me, Sebastian, who encourages all

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Speaker 2: my bad choices, but.

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Speaker 1: Actually were great choices.

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Speaker 2: Because if you saw when you walked to my home,

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Speaker 2: you saw the table there, you saw my plant has

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Speaker 2: a little like thing happening.

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Speaker 1: I got another.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just so happy that you told me that,

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Speaker 4: because guess so I'm calling tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Well that one, you guys, if you're in the valley,

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Speaker 2: go to the home Goods on Devonshire and Zelda, that's

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Speaker 2: the one.

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Speaker 1: Also the one in Ventura, she said was good. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm also home Goods. Pay us. That was your weekend,

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Speaker 1: my weekend, It was good.

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Speaker 4: I went on the internet date to Tennessee and then

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Speaker 4: we went on the road trip to Atlanta, and then

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Speaker 4: I came back because I break up with people, and

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Speaker 4: then I'm like, what can I do next?

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Speaker 1: Which brings me to We have a guest here.

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Speaker 4: We are joined today by Taylor Nolan of the Let's

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Speaker 4: Talk About It podcast.

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Speaker 3: Hi, hy, so happy to be here.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy to have you.

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Speaker 4: Taylor is a psychotherapist and also a sexologist. Our favorite

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Speaker 4: two things, sex and mental health. Oh yeah, so of

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Speaker 4: course we need help.

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Speaker 2: And she's just as I don't give a fuck as

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Speaker 2: us and transparent, and I appreciate that. But I'll probably

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Speaker 2: smarter because she's probably like, read a lot of books

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Speaker 2: to back up.

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Speaker 1: Probably true.

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Speaker 3: We should really get to only some, only some.

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Speaker 4: We just pretend to sound smart, like I think that

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Speaker 4: was in a book one time. I didn't read it,

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Speaker 4: but it sounds like it should be getting.

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Speaker 1: I highlighted it. I mean it.

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Speaker 4: So before we started, I was kind of writing down

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Speaker 4: some notes about the things that I needed to get.

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Speaker 1: Off of my chest.

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Speaker 4: And as you all know listeners at home and Taylor,

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Speaker 4: I think we told you we're both got in relationships

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Speaker 4: during COVID at the beginning of COVID. Mine's ended tragically

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Speaker 4: at the end of August because I cheated, But also

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Speaker 4: then like I like tried to beg for like two

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Speaker 4: months and he allowed it, and like that was not

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Speaker 4: a good idea for obvious reasons.

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Speaker 1: Erica's has just come to an end.

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Speaker 4: And one of the things I wanted to ask you, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: we don't have to jump right into this. I just

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Speaker 4: want to put it out there so we don't forget

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Speaker 4: it forgetting.

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Speaker 1: It's written out, Okay, So I only had two notes.

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Speaker 1: There's only two notes here. So it's Taylor.

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Speaker 4: It says, ask her how not to hoe after a breakup,

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Speaker 4: because I did go to Tennessee, And initially it was

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Speaker 4: because I was mad with my ex that he was dating,

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Speaker 4: and I was like, you know what, I need a

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Speaker 4: date too, fuck you.

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Speaker 1: Actually I'm fine.

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Speaker 4: So I was like, I had been talking to a

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Speaker 4: guy in my DMS who was a nice man, and

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Speaker 4: then he was like, you should come to Tennessee, and

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Speaker 4: then I was like, okay, sign me up. So I

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Speaker 4: went to Tennessee and had a really good time and

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Speaker 4: I saw some friends in Atlanta. But I know myself

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Speaker 4: really well, and I generally need supervision, and honestly, a

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Speaker 4: lot of times i've the most of the times I've

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Speaker 4: gotten in a relationship, it's because i need supervision because

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Speaker 4: when I'm by myself, I'm likely to get in all

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Speaker 4: types of shit. Like literally, if I don't talk to

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Speaker 4: Erica for forty eight hours, she was like, what happened.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I.

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Speaker 4: Went to Tennessee, I came back, one took a scene game,

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Speaker 4: I met four guys. We ended up in We're in Hawaii,

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Speaker 4: and then we came back, Like, honestly, there's no telling

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Speaker 4: what happens when I'm alone.

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Speaker 1: Then we had a fucking orgy, and then I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So I just I'm now trying to be an

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Speaker 4: adult about my.

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Speaker 1: Sex drife in my single day. Okay, so that's all.

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Speaker 4: We don't have to get there right now, but just

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Speaker 4: letting you know we needed to touch on that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think, I mean, I think Taylor's podcast is

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Speaker 2: called let's talk about it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like, I'm ready right now if you want to go,

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Speaker 5: I just I have a sign up.

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Speaker 1: But like, what inspired you to start your podcast? Like when,

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Speaker 1: like what brought you to the world of podcasting.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that I talked too fucking much.

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Speaker 1: And well you are both cancers you guys. Wait? Wait,

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Speaker 1: when is your birthday?

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Speaker 3: Actually July tenth?

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Speaker 1: Right, I'm June twenty second.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I got that's my Oh god, it's weird to

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Speaker 2: say that.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I remember how weird it was, how weird

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Speaker 4: it was to say boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah, now ex boyfriend. I don't anyway I

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Speaker 1: feel it.

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Speaker 3: It's okay. Let it just flow right through you.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: I mean I'll probably cry again, but yeah, you never know.

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Speaker 2: Maybe i'll cry later on this episode.

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Speaker 1: We'll find out. You have to stay tuned to find out.

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Speaker 1: I have tears.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I cry every other day, so it's

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Speaker 5: totally okay.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I basically started podcasting because I was like, I'm talking

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Speaker 5: about these things on Instagram, but I can't be out

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Speaker 5: here having like a thousand Instagram stories because that's just

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Speaker 5: fucking obnoxious. And I feel like there were so many

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Speaker 5: things I wanted to go in deeper on like, I

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Speaker 5: didn't want to just put it in a caption. You know,

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Speaker 5: I wanted to introduce my audience to more people and

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Speaker 5: have those deeper conversations. And I also wanted it to

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Speaker 5: be a way for my audience to get to know

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Speaker 5: me a little bit better coming off of the show.

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Speaker 5: You know, things are edited. People don't get to see

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Speaker 5: a full picture on Instagram. You get to see a

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Speaker 5: little bit more of a picture. And podcasting allowed me

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Speaker 5: to talk shit out and go into things deeper and

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Speaker 5: for people to be able to get to know me

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Speaker 5: and a little bit more of an authentic light.

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Speaker 3: So that's kind of how I got there.

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Speaker 2: I would imagine that for those of you who are listening,

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Speaker 2: don't know, Taylor was on The Bachelor, and she was

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Speaker 2: also on Bachelor in Paradise, and you actually won Bachelor

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Speaker 2: in Paradise, right, No, Okay.

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Speaker 3: No, I was engaged.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but does that mean one, I don't know, right?

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Speaker 1: Does that Does that mean you want does that the

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Speaker 1: whole point at the end you get engaged to the guy? Okay,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's not a winn Okay, maybe not right.

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Speaker 4: In the term in the context of no, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 4: like in like the traditional sense of the show, it's

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Speaker 4: a terrible.

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Speaker 1: Like way because it's like a woman win winning, it's

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Speaker 1: just it's.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was like I didn't want it, so like

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Speaker 5: that wasn't really a win either, Like it was a lot, right, But.

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Speaker 2: I would imagine like you, you you gain a following

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Speaker 2: of people and they think they know you, and they

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Speaker 2: think they know all these things about you, and then

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Speaker 2: that you come out and like you're very open about

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Speaker 2: you know, exploring polyamory and open relationships, and I think,

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Speaker 2: especially as a black woman, like that can be very

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Speaker 2: jarring for that audience that is generally white. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I think there's probably a demographic of black people or

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Speaker 2: brown people that.

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Speaker 1: Watch The Bachelor.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, to see that as a black I'm wondering, like,

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Speaker 2: just're going to get to your question, but I'm just curious.

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Speaker 2: I don't worry, it's written, we're gonna get to Jamila's hohonus,

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Speaker 2: but just curious, like, do you find that there was

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Speaker 2: like a lot of judgment of you because of that

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Speaker 2: that maybe maybe wouldn't have come had it been like,

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Speaker 2: you know, not a white yeah bachelor, Yeah yeah, and

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Speaker 2: openly talking about her sexuality and the exploration of it

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Speaker 2: and feeling empowered by it.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely, So I'm not sure how familiar listeners or y'all

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Speaker 5: are on my experience on the show.

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Speaker 3: On Bachelor, I.

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Speaker 5: Was basically, you know, on a two on one and

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Speaker 5: I was basically in.

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Speaker 3: Conflict against this.

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Speaker 5: The epitome of white privilege. And she, you know, as

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Speaker 5: this white woman twenty four years old with a nanny,

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Speaker 5: could do no harm. You know, she took her top

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Speaker 5: off on the first group day and that was very

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Speaker 5: empowering and people were like cheering her on on that.

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Speaker 5: She was rewarded at every stage of expressing her sexuality

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Speaker 5: with putting whipped cream all over her tits, you know,

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Speaker 5: that was for him to loick off, like, those things

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Speaker 5: were all praised. And I didn't really show or express

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Speaker 5: my sexuality while on the show, but afterwards I did

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Speaker 5: and was definitely met with such different praise and judgment

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Speaker 5: than what she was and even on the show, right

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Speaker 5: her behaviors were judged in a very different level than

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Speaker 5: what mine were judged. Being a young therapist who was

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Speaker 5: a woman who was also black, that I definitely was

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Speaker 5: held to such a different standard. So being open about

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Speaker 5: sexuality has been a slower process as I become more

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Speaker 5: and more distant from the show. Like right off the bat,

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Speaker 5: I wasn't. But I think as I've given less and

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Speaker 5: less fucks about what people think about me and trying

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Speaker 5: to cater to this very white, cookie cutter fairy tale

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Speaker 5: story that my audience has unfortunately bought into, I've lost

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Speaker 5: a lot of people along the way. I've gained a

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Speaker 5: lot of hatred, I've experienced a lot of bullying, excessive racism,

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Speaker 5: and have also in that gained new people who really

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Speaker 5: fuck with my shit. And that feels like so freeing,

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Speaker 5: and I'm like thank finally, like finally there's some fucking

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Speaker 5: people here who really fuck with my shit and like

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Speaker 5: allow me to just exist in my being when I'm wrong,

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Speaker 5: when I'm right, when I'm being sexy, when I'm being moody,

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Speaker 5: when I'm crying, when I'm like all the things.

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Speaker 3: So I think definitely, the.

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Speaker 5: I mean, it's in our the show mirrors our culture

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Speaker 5: in so many ways is kind of mind blowing.

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Speaker 1: I never thought about it that way. It's a microcosm

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Speaker 1: of it. Totally the reality of the world we live in.

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Speaker 5: Totally is and on my season was literally right before

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Speaker 5: the twenty sixteen election where they had you know, this

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Speaker 5: person that I was against, essentially saying word for word,

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Speaker 5: no votes for Taylor make America insert her name again.

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Speaker 5: So like whoa, literally the show a microcosm whoa.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, damn, what the fuck?

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Speaker 4: And they released this It's just like a main major

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Speaker 4: network ABC.

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Speaker 2: I mean to be honest, like, I've never really watched

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Speaker 2: I've never really watched The Bachelor. I've never It's never

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Speaker 2: been like felt like something that I was more.

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Speaker 1: I was watching live and hip hop.

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Speaker 2: I'm too busy watching my people before my eyes being

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Speaker 2: exploited on VH one.

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Speaker 1: I would in a different style of exploitation. It's not.

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Speaker 2: I was totally in for the exploitation of my own

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Speaker 2: people exploiting ourselves.

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Speaker 5: Other way versus like old, very rich white men who

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Speaker 5: gives your ship about women and are misogynistic and racist.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I watched one. I watched the one season

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Speaker 1: with the black girl Rachel Rachel.

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Speaker 3: She was on my season and then went on and

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Speaker 3: then and.

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Speaker 1: Then then she was the actual bachelorette, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I only did that because the friend I was chilling

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Speaker 4: with the New York at the time was like a

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Speaker 4: TV head and like I didn't have a choice, and

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Speaker 4: I was like, this.

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Speaker 1: Is very white. It's like this is the first black bachelor.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I guess we'll watch it. Like

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Speaker 1: it still seems so white.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're they're making some steps. They're not

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Speaker 5: necessarily the steps that like I would prefer, but I'm like,

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Speaker 5: I do think that they see, like the people that

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Speaker 5: are like producers and show on the show, like they

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Speaker 5: do give a shit, and they aren't necessarily in alignment

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Speaker 5: with that thinking. But they also have been pretty blind

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Speaker 5: to their own privilege and are now becoming aware.

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Speaker 1: Of all that.

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Speaker 3: So I think hopefully it's headed in the right direction.

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Speaker 1: He's in four hundred and seventy eight. We're gonna we're

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Speaker 1: gonna implement some of the others.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, basically.

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Speaker 4: That's that's interesting. And get like you were probably really

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Speaker 4: young when you did that, and I had.

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Speaker 3: Just turned twenty three.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're super young.

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Speaker 4: And then like you're right, I think as black women,

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Speaker 4: we kind of know that we have there's different levels

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Speaker 4: of freedom that we can we can like live publicly

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Speaker 4: just because we're aware of it because since since birth.

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Speaker 1: But like when you were put on a platform like

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Speaker 1: that in like on TV, in public.

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Speaker 4: I'm sure there's no other black people on that season,

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Speaker 4: not for very long.

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Speaker 5: My season was the most diverse season that they had.

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Speaker 1: And how many black people they were, like three, That

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Speaker 1: sounds like a good number. That sounds like that sounds

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Speaker 1: like we're getting crazy. That sounds like a network number diversity. Three.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and it was still that like unfortunate, you know,

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Speaker 5: like there can only be one, you know, like Rachel

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Speaker 5: was the one, right, like everyone else kind of got

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Speaker 5: the shit end of the stick there. So yeah, in

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Speaker 5: so many ways, mirrors our culture is kind of mind blowing.

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Speaker 2: Do you think that Do you think that because you're

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Speaker 2: biracial or mixed or I don't know how you how

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Speaker 2: you identify, you know, but do you think because of that,

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Speaker 2: like people thought like, oh, well, she like there's three

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Speaker 2: there's black people and then there's She's kind of like

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Speaker 2: kind of can play both sides, you know, and like.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think the white people that watch the show,

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Speaker 5: who like to think of themselves as woke and not racist,

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Speaker 5: feel more comfortable still holding me to those unrealistic, damaging

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Speaker 5: stereotypes that they hold black women too, but feel more

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Speaker 5: comfortable being vocal about it and like attacking me on

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Speaker 5: it because I appear less intimidating to them than as

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Speaker 5: I am or something exactly. Yeah, So I think I

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Speaker 5: think also on the show too, I was so young,

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Speaker 5: and I was so like, I was so patient, and

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Speaker 5: I was giving this white girl so much more than

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Speaker 5: she fucking deserved out of me.

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Speaker 3: I gave her so much my patience and my space

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Speaker 3: way more.

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Speaker 5: Like I'm like, if I had been that situation today,

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Speaker 5: I would be like, you need to stop talking right.

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Speaker 3: Now, Like, no, no, this is too much. I'm not

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Speaker 3: fucking taking this.

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Speaker 5: But I think I did allow myself to be bulldozed

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Speaker 5: in that situation and I being I mean, you kind

359
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Speaker 5: of ask like how I identify, and.

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Speaker 3: It's it's so confusing for me.

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Speaker 5: Sometimes sometimes I feel like, yeah, I am black, and

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Speaker 5: yeah I am a black woman, and other times it's

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Speaker 5: like yeah, okay, yes I am black, and other times

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Speaker 5: it's okay, I know, no, I'm white. I'm basically white, yeah,

365
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Speaker 5: basically white, okay, yeah, and then other times it's like

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Speaker 5: I'm white, I'm white, Yeah, I'm white. And in the

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Speaker 5: situation like that that I was on on the show,

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Speaker 5: it felt very much like again you kind of realize

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Speaker 5: that when you're in it, that it's like this is

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Speaker 5: so much bigger than you, and these are like social

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00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:53,040
Speaker 5: dynamics playing out like exaggerated because it's so intense that

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Speaker 5: it was like I felt like I was in fucking

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Speaker 5: middle school again, like being told to go pick cotton,

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Speaker 5: even though she wasn't saying those things, but of like

375
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Speaker 5: being seen as as less than and not specifically to

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Speaker 5: my face because of my color, but what still felt

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Speaker 5: like there were these weird racial undertones of shit happening

378
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Speaker 5: that a lot of which didn't necessarily come to light

379
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Speaker 5: on camera, but they did let that Maga paraphrasing out

380
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,159
Speaker 5: that I think, to me was very telling of what

381
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Speaker 5: the dynamic was between the two of us. I forget

382
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Speaker 5: what the question was and I just said a lot, but.

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Speaker 1: No, no, that answers it. That answers it. I was we.

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Speaker 2: I posted something on our page about uh oh Kamala

385
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Speaker 2: No was a Kamala.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

387
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Speaker 2: I post something about Kamala her being like the first,

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Speaker 2: you know, black vice president, the first Indian vice president,

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Speaker 2: the first female, the first all these different firsts.

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Speaker 1: Or whatever, and someone came on.

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Speaker 2: The page and was like, I really need you to

392
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Speaker 2: stop saying that she's black, like she's SHEE really need

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Speaker 2: you to stop saying she's black, And I was like

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Speaker 2: she They were like, she doesn't even identify as black,

395
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Speaker 2: and I was like, Okay.

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Speaker 1: Isn't her dad from Jamaica.

397
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's I think I think she's

398
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Speaker 2: like he said the one drop rule doesn't count, and

399
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Speaker 2: I was like, well, what the fuck do you think

400
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Speaker 2: it counts?

401
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Speaker 3: And it counts in the other direction though.

402
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Speaker 1: She doesn't get to navigate through life as a white woman.

403
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Speaker 2: I think like she's not white, and like, also, like,

404
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Speaker 2: that's one big ass drop, that's half that's half drop,

405
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 2: that's the big ass drop that's half mix.

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Speaker 1: I think that.

407
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Speaker 4: I think initially, I am not a politics person, so

408
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 4: don't fucking she didn't. She didn't claim that she was

409
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Speaker 4: black publicly. She didn't, so that I had an issue

410
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Speaker 4: with that. I'm like, bitch, don't be acting. Don't be

411
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Speaker 4: doing all these headshaken neck moves now that you want

412
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Speaker 4: the black vote.

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Speaker 1: I'm not with the ships.

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Speaker 4: And I see very much like advertisement that person was

415
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Speaker 4: coming for Erica and he or that I don't know

416
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,919
Speaker 4: it was like it was like a non profile of

417
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Speaker 4: course talking shit.

418
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Speaker 1: Yeah always I I it does like if.

419
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Speaker 4: You're black, be black, you know, and just say you're black,

420
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Speaker 4: But like, don't try to be black when it when

421
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Speaker 4: it thinks it matter when it's you.

422
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Speaker 3: See, I think that's like such a hard I think it's.

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Speaker 2: Hard to Like I always want to say too that,

424
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Speaker 2: Like I don't know Kamala at all. I'm not gonna

425
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,919
Speaker 2: make this about fuck me. We're not talking about politics

426
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Speaker 2: on this episode. Guys, don't worry.

427
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Speaker 1: We can't. We don't have the wherewithal.

428
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 2: However, I'm curious to know how empowered she's ever felt

429
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Speaker 2: to be black, you know, especially in the spaces that

430
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 2: she's had to rise to power in, you know, like

431
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 2: was she allowed to say that and get to where

432
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,159
Speaker 2: she's at? You know, Like and these neck moves you

433
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 2: talk about, like are we sure to they didn't exist

434
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,960
Speaker 2: before this? Like I'm just saying, like it's easy for

435
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 2: us as black people to judge one another each other

436
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 2: when where we're on our journey in the spectrum of

437
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Speaker 2: accepting our blackness like is different.

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Speaker 1: You know.

439
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 4: I'm like, I think for me, because I am black

440
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,360
Speaker 4: and black, it's not.

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Speaker 1: I don't.

442
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,679
Speaker 4: I don't have a journey of it accept I mean,

443
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Speaker 4: I guess everyone has a journey of accepting their blackness,

444
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 4: because let's be honest, like, especially growing up in like

445
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 4: not non black spaces, it is a journey of accepting

446
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,680
Speaker 4: it because before even before you really realize that what

447
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 4: that means, somebody will tell you you're black.

448
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: I was told, it was made aware to me that

449
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: I was different.

450
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously be nowhere different, but like someone's like,

451
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 4: you're black, and I was like, wait, what does that mean?

452
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 4: So I guess I guess there is a spectrum of acceptance.

453
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,919
Speaker 4: I think, like what I think is is like I

454
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 4: don't for me, I don't have an option. No, you

455
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,879
Speaker 4: don't like but that's actually and I hate that, Like

456
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 4: what if I was like, actually, I'm not black, that's

457
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 4: not my fault.

458
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 2: No, you know, but what I'm saying, like I as

459
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,919
Speaker 2: biracial people and light skinned people, like of course you

460
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 2: don't have an option, but like we've been told so

461
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 2: many things about what we are and what we aren't

462
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,160
Speaker 2: that it can be so confusing.

463
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 1: And you don't know what to say. Sometimes I can understand, Yeah.

464
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 5: I did, I did a whole like podcast series on

465
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 5: Let's talk about It about being biracial, Like it was

466
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 5: four episodes with almost every contestant from the show who

467
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 5: was half black half white. Because I was like, there's

468
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 5: so much unpack here, and we're also like in the

469
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 5: middle of like an uprising, and like, how are you

470
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 5: feeling sitting in your race today? And I think that

471
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:18,120
Speaker 5: it's a it's so tough because I bet you that

472
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,959
Speaker 5: Kamala has had those head roles and had those you know,

473
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 5: spaces where she's felt comfortable to express her blackness in

474
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 5: that way, and then others where she would have maybe

475
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,639
Speaker 5: felt like she would have been the outcast, so that

476
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:35,239
Speaker 5: she would have been judged, or that she had to

477
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 5: like silence herself and make herself smaller, or that she

478
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 5: would have been you know, receiving comments like what that

479
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:45,200
Speaker 5: person commented on the instagram of like she's never identified

480
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 5: as black, she doesn't get to do this right now,

481
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 5: where then it's like, oh, okay, sorry, never mind.

482
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 3: Yep, I am white.

483
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm gonna sit back and nope, okay, And it

484
00:23:56,040 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 5: feels like a really tight tight string to walk on

485
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 5: of like holding these two opposite experiences of like hella

486
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 5: white privilege, and I'm experiencing hella whiteness and then also

487
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 5: being like, well, I am also this.

488
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 3: I didn't grow up with any.

489
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:21,920
Speaker 5: Of this, but parts of this have felt so in

490
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 5: my being and in my personality, and as I step

491
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 5: into it more and more feels like, holy shit, I'm

492
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 5: seeing like, oh my god, I feel so much.

493
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 3: Freer within myself that I'm not like, look back at

494
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 3: old pictures of myself.

495
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I am like you, poor girl, like

496
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 5: you didn't all you knew was like your white blonde

497
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 5: mom and dressing in like the preppiest of preppy clothing

498
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 5: that I'm like, dear lord, that is hideous my straight

499
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 5: hair and my blonde highlights, and like, if if you

500
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 5: were to put me in that position today, I would

501
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 5: feel so uncomfortable. But it was like what I felt

502
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 5: was safe, and what I felt was like my family

503
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,160
Speaker 5: at the same time, you know, fitting in with my family,

504
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 5: and then also trying to talk about black issues and

505
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 5: go through that weird privilege of a racial identity of

506
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 5: like am I what am I white?

507
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 3: Where do I fit in?

508
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 5: It's it's hard because it's like you just want to

509
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 5: be accepted and Rob, who's like I call him like

510
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:32,640
Speaker 5: my chosen father.

511
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 3: He's black.

512
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,159
Speaker 5: He was dating, sorry, he was best friends with the

513
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 5: guy that my mom was dating, and so he basically

514
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 5: like babysat me when they would fucking do whatever. And

515
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 5: he was like, you know, holy shit, she's living down

516
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,719
Speaker 5: here in South Jersey with all these white people, Like

517
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 5: she's gonna need someone because she's just gonna suck her

518
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,360
Speaker 5: up later in life. And so he like, after that

519
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 5: guy she had broke up with my mom, Rob like

520
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 5: stayed in my life and has been so crucial to

521
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 5: that experience. And when we talk about this and he's like, Taylor,

522
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 5: you're a black woman, and I'm like, okay, I am

523
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 5: a black woman, but like other people are gonna see

524
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 5: me as white. And then am I being rude now

525
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 5: to darker skin black women by being like, yeah, I'm

526
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 5: a black woman when I damn sure as well know

527
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 5: that I carry a different privilege and don't have the

528
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 5: same experience that they do as darker skin black women.

529
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 3: That now I'm like, here, I am, I'm black.

530
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 5: Like I don't want to fucking roll in like that

531
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 5: and like say some offensive shit.

532
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 3: And so it's like really hard I don't know. I

533
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 3: know I've gone off like a rant on.

534
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 4: This, but you know, and I think it's really important

535
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 4: about this conversation that we're all having as in our

536
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 4: different experiences in different places, and like I think the

537
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 4: bottom line is and it's a crazy as like at

538
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 4: every point because this is like where we live, this,

539
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 4: this is the world we live in. Let's be real

540
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 4: and being any capacity of any minority, any black or

541
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 4: brown or non white, you kind of learn to like assimilate,

542
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 4: you know, Like I'm not, like I mentioned the head

543
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 4: rolling thing, this is just me personally having my own

544
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,439
Speaker 4: my own noticings because I know, like people are trained

545
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 4: a certain way to deliver speech, is a certain way

546
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 4: to be relatable.

547
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 1: Like these are things that I'm aware of because that's

548
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 1: fucking marketing.

549
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 4: And I'm not saying maybe she did she maybe are

550
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,679
Speaker 4: absolutely right she didn't feel comfortable. But even for me,

551
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 4: how we talk, we're if we're walking down like if

552
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,199
Speaker 4: I'm if I'm on Rodeo with let me say, like

553
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 4: a cousin who I feel like is maybe like more

554
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 4: hood or more ghetto in my opinion, And we walk

555
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 4: into a store with a bunch of fucking preppy ass

556
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 4: white people working there. And Mike said, cousin or person

557
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 4: I'm with does something that to me seems very black or.

558
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: Not classy, but it was to be real, what is

559
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: it like? Less white? Then I'm gonna cringe.

560
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,439
Speaker 4: And just like if I'm in a certain space with

561
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 4: my white ass friends and a white ass situation, I'm

562
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 4: gonna be like talk a certain way or I'm gonna

563
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,199
Speaker 4: presents a certain way because I don't want to make

564
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 4: you feel uncomfortable, and I want to make you feel

565
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 4: like I'm equally as educated and like I'm equally.

566
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:10,320
Speaker 1: As like I don't know that, like I can you

567
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: know what I mean? And I've and.

568
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 4: Whether it chameleons, yes, And it's like whether or not

569
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 4: we want to acknowledge it, we all do it.

570
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,479
Speaker 1: It's like your your your regular voice and your interview voice.

571
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Like I'm not going to

572
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 4: talk to you know, go into a certain space, into

573
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 4: a certain office and like maybe talk to like whomever

574
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 4: how I talk to Erica And and I.

575
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: Had to I've had to check myself with that.

576
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 4: I went to school in Atlanta, and I was like

577
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 4: I would hear people talking and it was just be

578
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 4: country twang, and I'm like, oh, that's the sound stupid.

579
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: They're not stupid.

580
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 4: That was just my my programming being in this very

581
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 4: white ass space thinking.

582
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: Like being loud or being like a certain way or.

583
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 4: Like even you don't grow up, you always want your

584
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 4: hair fucking straight because you think that, you know, whatever,

585
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 4: you feel better because all your friends hair fucking is straight,

586
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 4: you know.

587
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 1: So it's just like no matter.

588
00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 4: How dark skin or light skin or make you know, like,

589
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 4: there's always this assimilation process that you have to kind

590
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 4: of figure out. And just like you said, you're on

591
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 4: the show and you're like this bitch get away with

592
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 4: all these I don't know if she's your friend now,

593
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 4: not bitch whatever, this woman get along get away with

594
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 4: all these these like obviously like comments that you're Taylor

595
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 4: now will be like, who the fuck are you talking to?

596
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 4: Even for me, like I've I've come, we all like

597
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 4: have to go on a journey as black women and

598
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 4: be like, you know, to recognize the programming that we've

599
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 4: been we've we've been given, and how much we've put

600
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 4: ourselves in a box to be acceptable to white people,

601
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 4: because that's that's really.

602
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: What it is. And that we deserve to be here. Yeah,

603
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: we deserve to be here. I'm deserving. I can talk

604
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 1: like you, I mean, because then that's a big part

605
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 1: of it for me, is feeling.

606
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 2: Like I deserve to be here, Like I deserve to

607
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 2: be respected as a black woman, because people always as

608
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 2: a lights woman.

609
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 1: Oh you act in light skin? Oh you light skin.

610
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: Oh you don't get it. You light skin at this,

611
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 1: And I'm like, maybe I don't get it, Like maybe

612
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,520
Speaker 1: I'm not. Am I not? Like I don't am I

613
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:58,240
Speaker 1: acting light skin?

614
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,760
Speaker 2: I'm like that feels so much like you said, I

615
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 2: feel so much better over here, though, Like why won't

616
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 2: you just accept me as like you because I'm fucking.

617
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 1: Fuck with you. I don't really fuck with you, motherfucker's

618
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 1: over here.

619
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 3: Yeah no yeah.

620
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 1: And then it's like it's this weird rejection and you're

621
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,760
Speaker 1: just like caught in the middle. You're like, oh my god,

622
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 1: am I an oreo?

623
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 5: Like yeah, yeah, yeah, my so, my my dad has

624
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 5: eleven children with different women, you guys.

625
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 1: It's the holidays. Yep.

626
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,760
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627
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,400
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628
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:38,600
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629
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:42,840
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630
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631
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,280
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632
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,200
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633
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634
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635
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636
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637
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638
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639
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640
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641
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642
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643
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:23,840
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644
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645
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646
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647
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648
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649
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650
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659
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660
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Speaker 5: So I got reconnected, Oh yeah, got reconnected with one

661
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 5: of my siblings when I was an undergrad. And I'm

662
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 5: the only one of the siblings that is not mono racial.

663
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 3: Black, and uh with my rational black.

664
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 5: Mono racial like oh oh, I've never heard.

665
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 4: Of mono racial again, fully black, fully black, or fully

666
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 4: one thing, fully one thing.

667
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: Mono racial.

668
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, a term that. Uh. These two women that run

669
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 3: this Instagram account mixed in America. Uh, they're half black

670
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 3: halfway as well, and they like they were really great.

671
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 5: They came on that biracial series and yeah, they referred

672
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 5: to as mono racial, and I was like, yeah, that

673
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 5: makes sense to me, So now I use that I'll

674
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 5: be like mixed race or mono racial. But for her,

675
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:16,239
Speaker 5: for my sister, when she would come over and you know,

676
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 5: spend time with me and we were trying to build

677
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 5: a relationship, her nickname for me was Whitey, where she

678
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 5: would just consistently just be like yo, Whitey, and I

679
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 5: was like, you've got like are you serious? Like And

680
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 5: it did feel like this sense of like major rejection

681
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 5: as well, because that was like that side of my

682
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,800
Speaker 5: family that I didn't necessarily get to bond with or

683
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 5: experience those things with. And I think you're so right

684
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 5: when you talk about, you know, understanding that all of

685
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 5: this even exists because of whiteness, because of white supremacy.

686
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 3: There is even this.

687
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 5: Rejection or acceptance of folks who are mixed or biracial.

688
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 5: And it's like it's so hard to sitting like, well,

689
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 5: I didn't ask for this, Like this is just like

690
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 5: the position I'm in. And then white people want to

691
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 5: like throat in your face too and be like, well

692
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 5: you're white too, so like don't forget that.

693
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 3: It's like what the fuck you what.

694
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 1: Don't forget your whiteness. Don't forget it?

695
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, like, oh, what I can't advocate for like black

696
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 5: issues or black people because I'm also white.

697
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 4: Or like you're not really black black tailor you're not

698
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,279
Speaker 4: black black, You're just you can be offended, but you're

699
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 4: not that kind of black.

700
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 1: Like what kind of black are we talking? Like? Yeah,

701
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 1: you know the ghetto.

702
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 4: I mean even even being real white assed people in

703
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 4: the valley. I've heard that, like you you're different, No bitch,

704
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 4: I'm black.

705
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 5: Well it's I was like, okay, well, then what is

706
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:41,359
Speaker 5: your definition of blackness then?

707
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 4: Right? Right?

708
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 5: Perceiving what blackness and what whiteness is being classy that's white, right, And.

709
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 4: Then I think that that's what irritates me about like

710
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 4: when like I feel like people are trying to do

711
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,399
Speaker 4: the black vote thing, even like Hillary with the hot

712
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 4: sauce in her purse. For me, it's not that you're

713
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 4: doing this, you know, it's not that you're doing this.

714
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,720
Speaker 4: If that's when it comes naturally to you, what bothers

715
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 4: me is do you are you like just like all

716
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 4: this all this fucking.

717
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 1: Blo what do they call it? Blackfishing?

718
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 4: Blackfishing with the like the baby hairs and the lips

719
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 4: and the nails and the all of this and the

720
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 4: niggas and that, and like here's the thing, Like what

721
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 4: I won't allow is that you think that this is

722
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 4: what blackness is. And so this is you doing that

723
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 4: thinking that that makes you more black, And that's there's

724
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 4: so there's so many types of black people, just like

725
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,879
Speaker 4: there's so many types of white people. There's ghetto ass

726
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 4: nigga white people everywhere, Okay everywhere, you know what I'm saying,

727
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 4: And just like that's that's where I just I get

728
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 4: it gets.

729
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,839
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, yeah, there was. I wasn't.

730
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 5: I didn't interview like middle COVID. I don't even remember

731
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:49,280
Speaker 5: what month because it's just all a blur. And before

732
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,760
Speaker 5: I came on the show, she was interviewing someone else

733
00:35:54,840 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 5: and one of the like was asking people for quietquestions

734
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 5: and that guest submitted a question and was like, who

735
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 5: the fuck is Taylor Nolan? And she's like, oh, so

736
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 5: I guess you like you don't pay attention like who

737
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 5: influential black women are? And I watched it and I

738
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 5: was like, wow, she offerred me as a black woman,

739
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:15,839
Speaker 5: and like this woman is black? Zee and I then

740
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 5: going on the show, I was so nervous, and she

741
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 5: was asking me about blackness, and I felt really insecure

742
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:27,319
Speaker 5: about like owning or expressing my blackness. And she'd ask

743
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,399
Speaker 5: me a question of like which I guess she asked

744
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 5: like all of her guests, but if I would pay reparations?

745
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:38,239
Speaker 5: And I was like, if you would if you want them, Yeah,

746
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 5: if I support reparations, and if I would pay reparations,

747
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 5: and so then for people to like leave their venmos

748
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 5: so that I would pay them reparations and.

749
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 1: We're going to pay them personally.

750
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so and so this is like something that

751
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 5: she does with like her previous guest as well.

752
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 3: So I'm like, okay, but he was a white guy.

753
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 5: And so then afterwards I kind of like talked her

754
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 5: about it, and I was like, if I was like

755
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 5: a darker skinned black woman, would you have asked me

756
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 5: if I would pay reparations to like the black listeners?

757
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 5: And and I was like, you know, I don't know,

758
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 5: does that not like invalidate my blackness as a whole?

759
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 3: Then that I would be asked to like pay reparations.

760
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 5: And then it was like this conversation of you know, oh,

761
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 5: we'll thinking reparations from like a classism perspective or something,

762
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 5: and I was like, reparations are not classism.

763
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 1: That was that was not fair of her at all.

764
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 1: I didn't I didn't even understand that question. She was

765
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 1: trying to backstep, That's what that was.

766
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, So it's like little things like that that happened

767
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 5: where then I'm like, oh, I was just a black

768
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 5: woman when you were in her interviewing him, and now

769
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 5: I'm a white girl who's gonna pay reparation.

770
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 3: Like it was just such this like flip a switch thing.

771
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 5: And after times when I talked to he about it,

772
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 5: you know, I was like, yeah, like I appreciate this

773
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 5: conversation and like there's definitely like layers to this. But

774
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,360
Speaker 5: I was also kind of like I don't know that

775
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 5: kind of like rubbed me the wrong way, and like, no,

776
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 5: I wouldn't pay reparations.

777
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 1: Because did you? Did you say that while you guys

778
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 1: are record still.

779
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 5: No, because I was already in this place of like,

780
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:06,839
Speaker 5: oh I'm nervous, and now I'm like, yeah, okay, I'm

781
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 5: like talking to a darker skinned black woman now who

782
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,920
Speaker 5: was asking me about I think she asked me how

783
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 5: I identified and instead of saying, well, I'm a black woman,

784
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 5: how she had just referred to me, I was like, yeah,

785
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 5: I'm biracial, I'm a black woman.

786
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 3: I'm bi racial.

787
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 5: And I think this is part of what we Me

788
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 5: and Rob talked about where he's like, you don't even

789
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:26,359
Speaker 5: have to say you're biracial because when you say that

790
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 5: to black people, it's like you're embarrassed or ashamed of

791
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 5: your blackness and you're not owning your blackness. And I said, well,

792
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 5: I can totally see that, but then I worry if

793
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:38,200
Speaker 5: I'm like, yeah, I'm a black woman, that then someone

794
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 5: else gonna be like, man, you are not a black woman.

795
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 2: You have to you have to answer to that too.

796
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 2: So it's like where do you how do you appease

797
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 2: both sides?

798
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,280
Speaker 1: Answer is the answers You won't.

799
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're gonna, And it's a languagey it's always it's

800
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 4: just really it comes down to like labels, and like

801
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,320
Speaker 4: me and Erica talk about sh like this all the

802
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 4: time because obviously, like I'm mono raced, even that even

803
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 4: even that is so stupid, Like I always used to

804
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,800
Speaker 4: tell her, like saying mixed irritates me, Like I hate

805
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 4: hashtag mixed kids.

806
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 1: I fucking hate it. I don't care.

807
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 3: Usually, yeah, I'm just I can't say they're fucking kids.

808
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 1: I just you know what.

809
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 4: And it's not to discredit anybody's anything, but like I

810
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 4: think and and I said this, we had we had

811
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,760
Speaker 4: a conversation on Patreon when all this shit was happening

812
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 4: about like parenting mixed children, and like, you know.

813
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 1: Because like here's the truth, Like you were raised by

814
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 1: a white woman.

815
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 4: She's not going to understand like what you experience, and

816
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 4: how can she, how can she?

817
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:34,919
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

818
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 4: And like and it's okay for to be like I'm

819
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 4: going through this journey because I my family that I

820
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 4: grew up with most primarily white, you know what I mean.

821
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 4: But fuck, I'm not even high, and I forgot I

822
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 4: was gonna say, Oh the thing about the mono rays

823
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 4: and like the mixed and like the labels, it's just

824
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 4: like I think it can be a trigger. And I

825
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 4: told Eric I had an epiphany, and I was like,

826
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 4: I think it's kind of a trigger because as a

827
00:39:56,560 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 4: black woman, first of all, black people are mixed with

828
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 4: everything because of slavery called rape yep, you know, and

829
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 4: so like and I think within the black community, for

830
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 4: like for in the black community, there's this.

831
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: Thing that we do and we're like, oh, I'm Puerto

832
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 1: Rican and Black and Native American.

833
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:18,479
Speaker 4: And like it's like trying to be mixed. Like when

834
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 4: it's like everybody's it's you don't mean we we're at

835
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 4: a cake. We don't have to like go down. But

836
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 4: on the other hand, it's like you're you're Mexican, American,

837
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 4: you're black, and like no one should be able to

838
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 4: take any of those away from you.

839
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 1: You're all of those things.

840
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 4: And I realized that like some of my angst was

841
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 4: coming from like maybe not really knowing specifically where I

842
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 4: come from, and like my white friends being like European, Russian,

843
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 4: Israeli Jewish twenty five percent Polish. I'm like, shut the

844
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 4: fuck up, you're yeah, you're white, I'm Black. Let's keep

845
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 4: it moving, you know what I mean. Like, So maybe

846
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 4: that that was my own insecurities and my own triggers

847
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 4: because I I I'm I should probably get the DNA shit,

848
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 4: But like I don't know.

849
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,399
Speaker 1: At the end of day, I guess we're all just.

850
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 4: People and all try navigate and like figure who the

851
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 4: fuck we are as people, and then when you add

852
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 4: race and labels to it, it just it really does

853
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 4: complicate shit.

854
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 1: And if we're black, let's all be black and love

855
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 1: each other. That's it. They're all against us.

856
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 4: And my whole thing is, if you go into an

857
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 4: interview some you me her, somebody might be like, look

858
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 4: at that black girl, and so because of that, let's

859
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 4: just at least have unity here and like, like, let's

860
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:23,400
Speaker 4: not forget that.

861
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 5: I agree, Yeah, yeah, So do you look like you're

862
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 5: processing over there?

863
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:32,439
Speaker 4: I am.

864
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:35,399
Speaker 2: I'm processing a lot. I'm thinking about I'm thinking about

865
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 2: what we're talking about. I'm thinking about these questions that

866
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 2: I'm getting on Instagram because I asked our audience like,

867
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 2: we're going and we're interviewing a sexologist and therapist, and

868
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 2: I have some very interesting questions I got. I got

869
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:48,360
Speaker 2: you were having you were saying something really serious. And

870
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 2: I looked down and saw one of the questions and

871
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 2: I started laughing, and I was like, oh my god,

872
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 2: please don't think I'm laughing at you.

873
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:57,880
Speaker 1: I'm laughing at this question. Wait, what was the question was?

874
00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 2: Which you don't have to answer, but just so you

875
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 2: guys know, some and asked about how.

876
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:03,880
Speaker 4: Oh my God, I just got my new package from

877
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 4: Joy Spring Vitamins for Luna, and I'm so excited. You know,

878
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 4: I hate giving Luna medicine and I'm all about all

879
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 4: natural supplements. So I got the new Elderberry and Vitamin

880
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 4: C supplements for Luna to combat her for flu and

881
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 4: cold season, just so her immune systems up to part.

882
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:23,799
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

883
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 2: I love the zinc berry droplets because Iri actually really

884
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 2: loves how they taste. And that's why I love Joy

885
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 2: Spring Vitamins because the.

886
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 1: Kids love them.

887
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 2: They have protein powders, immune support, sleep support, which we

888
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 2: all know our kids need sleep support, and they're all

889
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 2: really healthy. They're sugar free, like you said, gluten free,

890
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 2: and it's just the perfect protection for your kids during

891
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 2: cold season, flu season, And they have all these new releases,

892
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 2: So make sure you check out their website. And I'm

893
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 2: telling you, guys, they have so many great products on there.

894
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 2: If you use good Moms at checkout, our listeners receive

895
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 2: twenty percent off their entire product line. That's Joy Spring Vitamins.

896
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 2: Joyspring Vitamins dot Com and use good Moms at checkout

897
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 2: for twenty percent off. But I want to go back

898
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 2: because you are because you do have so much. You

899
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 2: offer so much insight on on your Instagram and on

900
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:16,440
Speaker 2: your podcast, and you are pro and you're smart and

901
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 2: you went to call you at Masters and shit, we

902
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 2: don't now black Roman educated black woman. I do have

903
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:30,720
Speaker 2: some questions here, But first, Jamila had a question early

904
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,399
Speaker 2: on in the podcast. I think we should circle back

905
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 2: real quick. We can go to these questions.

906
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,560
Speaker 4: First, it's not it's not it's not like it's not

907
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,240
Speaker 4: Are you sure it's not an emergency? How I should

908
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 4: not go after my breakup is not like super high

909
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:46,399
Speaker 4: ranking on the list, So we can just I feel

910
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 4: like that's the daily Like that's that's been the theme

911
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:53,879
Speaker 4: of my life, Like how do I manage name being

912
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 4: super promiscuous and being being respectable women?

913
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:58,840
Speaker 1: So I'd like to have sex but also relax.

914
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I don't one hundred percent think that

915
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:06,879
Speaker 5: hoeing it up after a breakup is a bad thing

916
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 5: or is something that you quote shouldn't be doing. If

917
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 5: that feels like something that you want to do and

918
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 5: that's enjoyable for you, there's no shame in that. And

919
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,960
Speaker 5: similar to kind of what we talked about when you

920
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 5: all were on my podcast about you know, when you

921
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 5: get out of a breakup and you're on dating apps

922
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 5: again and that being a.

923
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 3: Little bit of an ego boost.

924
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 5: Sometimes that's what you need in that moment, and you

925
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 5: might need to get off with someone else.

926
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 3: You might need to get off with a stranger, you know.

927
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,239
Speaker 5: I don't think that, Like I think I would maybe

928
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 5: have more questions around what is it specifically around hoeing

929
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 5: it up after a breakup that you want to manage,

930
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 5: what parts of that are actually feeling uncomfortable for you.

931
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:51,439
Speaker 4: None at the moment, honestly, everything's going fine over here.

932
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 4: I was just making sure I just don't give too

933
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 4: I don't go too crazy. But I think it's just

934
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 4: like a personal thing. I think people will tell you

935
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 4: casual sex as a woman is just like unacceptable and.

936
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:04,839
Speaker 1: Well, I think we've talked about too.

937
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 2: Is like checking your trauma, checking not your trauma, but

938
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 2: our trauma in general, and like checking into making sure

939
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 2: that you're not validating yourself with sex.

940
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: I actually want.

941
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 2: Are enjoying the sex and it's fulfilling, and it's not

942
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:20,440
Speaker 2: filling a void that you're missing, and obviously filling the

943
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,879
Speaker 2: void that the person that you're missing is one thing

944
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 2: but like filling the void of other things as a

945
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 2: whole other conversation and like.

946
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, if it feels, if it feels afterwards like it's

947
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:36,359
Speaker 5: more damaging to your mental and emotional peace and well being,

948
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 5: then yeah, maybe reel it in a little bit. And

949
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:43,959
Speaker 5: one thing I'm like really passionate about is like having

950
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:48,440
Speaker 5: very intentional sex. So that might be like I'm just

951
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:51,120
Speaker 5: getting out of a breakup. I really just miss being

952
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:54,320
Speaker 5: fucking cuddled, and you know, I just want someone to

953
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:56,440
Speaker 5: ravage me and I want to lose it for a

954
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,799
Speaker 5: little bit. I want to zone out and not have

955
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 5: to think about this pain, and I want to feel

956
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:04,799
Speaker 5: that physical affection and that comfort. And then you find

957
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,360
Speaker 5: that person and you reach out to that person whatever

958
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 5: the case is. Before you go into that like sexual

959
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,839
Speaker 5: experience with that person, you communicate that you're like, yeah,

960
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:14,799
Speaker 5: I just got out of this and like this is

961
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 5: what I need out of this.

962
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 3: Does that work for you? Yeah?

963
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 5: What are your needs going into this? Like do you

964
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 5: do you need me to hold you? Like do you

965
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 5: want me to piece out of here?

966
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 3: Afterwards? Like what are we feeling?

967
00:46:26,880 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 5: And I think if you're able to kind of have

968
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,280
Speaker 5: those conversations and really express what it is you're hoping

969
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,839
Speaker 5: to get out of that sexual experience. That's the way

970
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 5: to go about it a little bit more intentional, to

971
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 5: make sure that you're not like fucking yourself over by

972
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 5: fucking someone else.

973
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 4: Right, No, I agree, I totally agree with that, and

974
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 4: I feel like I still I'm still in control. And

975
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 4: I know what I saw you post something that said sex, sexication, sexcation.

976
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,320
Speaker 3: I felt like that was my My.

977
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 4: Trip to Tennessee was like a very mature sex caation

978
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 4: and like it wasn't it wasn't transactional, It really wasn't.

979
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,840
Speaker 4: But I feel like we were very clear about the

980
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 4: terms of the trip and so like when we got

981
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 4: there it wasn't it wasn't strange at all. And I

982
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 4: and I appreciate you saying that because I do feel

983
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 4: I am in a place like as as a woman,

984
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:25,640
Speaker 4: Like finally, at thirty two, I feel good about being

985
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 4: honest about my intentions, Like, look, I don't really have

986
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 4: time for a relationship here.

987
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:30,439
Speaker 1: That's not my intentions here.

988
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 4: I have a lot of important things I should focus on,

989
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 4: and I don't want to be distracted from those things,

990
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:36,440
Speaker 4: like do I care about you or be friends you

991
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:38,479
Speaker 4: know obviously for having sex with probably more than friends,

992
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,759
Speaker 4: but or not yeah or not, but like yeah, because

993
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 4: I do think I all every guy I've ever met

994
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:46,640
Speaker 4: is like, you can't have sex with your friends.

995
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 1: I beg to differ whatever, but it just gets complicated

996
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:52,400
Speaker 1: when you can have a boyfriend.

997
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

998
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like a boundary. Boundaries. Boundaries, Ye, that's what

999
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 1: it is. Boundaries.

1000
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:02,960
Speaker 2: I think all of it is about knowing your boundaries

1001
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 2: and sticking to them.

1002
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, and checking those stereotypes and those cultural norms that

1003
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 5: maybe you are using against yourself, Like right, maybe there

1004
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 5: is a piece of you that is shaming yourself of

1005
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:21,839
Speaker 5: feeling like like being a single mom, being someone who's

1006
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,320
Speaker 5: recently single, and being really irresponsible right now by fucking

1007
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 5: my feelings out with this stranger when really it's like, well,

1008
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 5: where does that shame even come from?

1009
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:30,879
Speaker 2: Then?

1010
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 5: Like who's telling you that that's not something that you're

1011
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 5: allowed to do or that could be helpful or could

1012
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 5: be healing for you. Like that's a lot of sex negativity.

1013
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 5: That's patriarchy right there, that's sexism right there. So I

1014
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 5: think it's important to ask ourselves like when that shame

1015
00:48:48,160 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 5: does come in or when we're like, this isn't a

1016
00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 5: good thing, Like, well, why isn't this good that I'm

1017
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 5: doing it?

1018
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:52,319
Speaker 1: Oh?

1019
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 3: Because of patriarchy and.

1020
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 4: Oh oh right, because I've been told that I'm not

1021
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 4: supposed to do that, and if I do it, I'm

1022
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:57,400
Speaker 4: a bad girl.

1023
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 3: Yeah exactly. Yeah.

1024
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I have a question here, as I think

1025
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 2: is actually an interesting question because it's hard. Sometimes I

1026
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 2: guess I don't know, Like I guess I think, like

1027
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:11,279
Speaker 2: when people talk about like sex addiction or being like

1028
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 2: a nympho, Like, I don't know, Like I don't know how.

1029
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 1: People gauge these things, right, who makes the who makes

1030
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:20,640
Speaker 1: the standards? Where does it cross over? So someone asked,

1031
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,400
Speaker 1: is there such thing as too much sex? What does

1032
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:25,800
Speaker 1: an actual nympho look like? It's a great question.

1033
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:30,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, So first off, I'll touch on sex addiction briefly.

1034
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 3: This is a very controversial subject.

1035
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 5: There are some sex therapists and sexologists who are very

1036
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 5: adamant that sex addiction is a very real thing and

1037
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:45,839
Speaker 5: that we need to treat it. And there are other

1038
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,800
Speaker 5: folks who say that this is not a thing, and

1039
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:52,880
Speaker 5: this is just perpetuating sex negativity, and that certainly we

1040
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 5: want to you know, make sure that people are having consensual,

1041
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 5: enjoyable sex.

1042
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 3: But sex edition is thing.

1043
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 5: So the way that I operate on this as a

1044
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 5: professional and as a person here is look to the

1045
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 5: science and the research.

1046
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 3: So a sect is like.

1047
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 6: The hierarchy, the highest of highest of sex certification for

1048
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 6: sex therapists, educators, and counselors, and they essentially say that

1049
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 6: there's no research to support sex addiction.

1050
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:25,120
Speaker 1: Being a thing.

1051
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 5: There's literally no research on this, and that there's no

1052
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 5: real definition of what sex addiction is. One of my

1053
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 5: supervisor actually in my PhD program for clinical sexology. It's

1054
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:42,759
Speaker 5: at Modern Sex Therapy Institute, and doctor Joe Court has

1055
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:44,360
Speaker 5: written a lot about sex addiction.

1056
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 3: He used to be a sex addiction he used to.

1057
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 5: Be trained in the treatment for it, and now he's like,

1058
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 5: this isn't a thing. Doctor Chris Donahue also does a

1059
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 5: lot of great work around this, and we did a

1060
00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:59,359
Speaker 5: ig TV live on my Instagram about how like it's

1061
00:50:59,400 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 5: not a thing.

1062
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 3: It was very controversial.

1063
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 5: I think something to ask yourself of if you're having

1064
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 5: too much sex is like is this deal?

1065
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:08,720
Speaker 3: Is this still.

1066
00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,279
Speaker 5: Feeling good for me? A? Is this feeling good for

1067
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 5: my partners? B? Is this creating dysfunction in my life.

1068
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 5: I think that's the biggest thing to ask yourself because

1069
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 5: everything in life in moderation and balance, right.

1070
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 3: Hopefully we're able to experience.

1071
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 2: Are you about to like are you about to lose

1072
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 2: your job because you're fucking object?

1073
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 1: Like? Are you going to lose your job because you

1074
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:35,240
Speaker 1: would rather be fucking and.

1075
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:38,719
Speaker 4: Probably need just like if doing drugs, if you're going

1076
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:41,680
Speaker 4: to lose anything because of it, you're probably not good.

1077
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, like if you have a penis and

1078
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 5: if you are masturbating for hours and hours on end

1079
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 5: and you're like, you know, your skin is getting like burned,

1080
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 5: then maybe you need to like give it a give

1081
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 5: it a rest for a second. So yeah, I think definitely.

1082
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 3: Just checking in on yourself, you know.

1083
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,879
Speaker 5: Is again like I said about like intentional sex, right,

1084
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,920
Speaker 5: like maybe there's something spontaneous and you're just like just oh,

1085
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 5: I just meant you and I just want to fuck you,

1086
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:08,839
Speaker 5: like go for it.

1087
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 2: But that's right, there is And I just because when

1088
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,400
Speaker 2: I think about intentional sex, I don't mean to interrupt you,

1089
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 2: but it feels like something that's very like planned and

1090
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:18,920
Speaker 2: thought out. But you mean intentional sex just even in

1091
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 2: the way that I intentionally know that I'm fucking you

1092
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 2: just to get yes.

1093
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 1: To fuck my brain. Yes, yeah, that's I don't as

1094
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 1: intentional as it needs to be.

1095
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I don't think like personally, I don't think

1096
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:34,400
Speaker 5: that casual sex is a negative thing. I think even

1097
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:36,879
Speaker 5: labeling it as casual means that we have a.

1098
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 3: Hierarchy of sex.

1099
00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 5: That like that we're qualifying sex in different ways as

1100
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 5: like good and bad from like a moral standpoint. So

1101
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:50,280
Speaker 5: I do think that you can have intentional, spontaneous casual

1102
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:54,239
Speaker 5: sex and that be really fulfilling. I think if you

1103
00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 5: are feeling so out of control in your body and

1104
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 5: you're feeling so lost and you're not checking in with yourself,

1105
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 5: and then you're like, bloop, how did I end up

1106
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 5: in this dude's bed? Like how is this? How am

1107
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:09,320
Speaker 5: I here right now? Like that I would be like, Okay,

1108
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 5: let's rewind, let's talk about how we got here, Like

1109
00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:13,839
Speaker 5: what's going on for you? Like where do you really

1110
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 5: want to be at? So I think, yeah, like if

1111
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 5: you're I mean non COVID out at a bar and

1112
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 5: like you see someone and you're like, oh my god,

1113
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 5: that man is so hot, I want to fuck him,

1114
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:25,800
Speaker 5: and then you go up to him, and then you

1115
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:27,239
Speaker 5: go home and you're back in his bed and you

1116
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 5: end up getting fucked that night. I still think that's

1117
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 5: intentional sex. I think you still checked him with yourself.

1118
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:35,360
Speaker 5: You're like, m hm, I need this man on me

1119
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:36,479
Speaker 5: all over?

1120
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 6: Have you?

1121
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 1: We covered this well.

1122
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 2: My only thing with that though, is I can agree

1123
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:45,240
Speaker 2: with that, but it's just becomes complicated when there's trauma involved,

1124
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:48,919
Speaker 2: right because like you could reason intentional sex all day long.

1125
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 2: You could say I'm intentionally fucking all these people and like,

1126
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:55,719
Speaker 2: I guess, I guess what you said. And the piece

1127
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:57,840
Speaker 2: I guess that matters is how do you feel afterwards?

1128
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 2: Like what is what are you left with after?

1129
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:01,839
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1130
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 5: Well, and I think it with everything, we have to

1131
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:06,439
Speaker 5: ask ourselves like how is this serving us?

1132
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 3: Right?

1133
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 5: And you might very well be able to have intentional

1134
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 5: sex and say I'm doing this because I'm lonely right now.

1135
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 5: That is intentional and I hope that you're able to

1136
00:54:16,640 --> 00:54:20,279
Speaker 5: even just identify that within yourself to then maybe afterwards

1137
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 5: be like.

1138
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 3: I want to do that because I was lonely. How

1139
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:26,359
Speaker 3: do I feel now? Do I feel better?

1140
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:29,959
Speaker 5: Do I feel worse Okay, do I want to switch

1141
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:34,240
Speaker 5: up my intention? Did that intention not actually feel overall

1142
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 5: to be the best thing for me emotionally, physically, spiritually?

1143
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 5: Do I need to switch this up? Do I need

1144
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 5: to communicate differently? Do I need to seek different things

1145
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 5: in a partner? I think these are all questions we

1146
00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:50,359
Speaker 5: should be asking ourselves both before, during, and after any

1147
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:54,840
Speaker 5: kind of intimate partner experience, especially if there is previous

1148
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 5: trauma there.

1149
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 3: That you get into some kind.

1150
00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 5: Of therapy with a certified sex therapist, not just any therapist,

1151
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:05,560
Speaker 5: and if you do just want to talk about sex

1152
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,719
Speaker 5: with any oal therapist, please ask about what training that

1153
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:12,920
Speaker 5: they have had related to sexual health, because most therapists,

1154
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:15,799
Speaker 5: even ones that are like marriage and family therapists, have

1155
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 5: maybe maybe max two courses on human sexuality throughout their

1156
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 5: entire education. And unfortunately, a lot of therapists end up

1157
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 5: perpetuating these negative stereotypes on people around sex that are

1158
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:33,240
Speaker 5: based in patriarchy.

1159
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:33,200
Speaker 3: And.

1160
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 5: You know, can end up doing some serious harm unfortunately,

1161
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:41,279
Speaker 5: and and same with you know, uh, frameworks of monogamy

1162
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 5: right that could end up in invertently slut shaming you

1163
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 5: within your own fucking therapy session. I think it's super

1164
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:50,520
Speaker 5: super important that if folks do want to go to

1165
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:54,239
Speaker 5: therapy to talk specifically about uh, you know, their own

1166
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:57,960
Speaker 5: sexual liberation or sexual trauma, that they find someone who

1167
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,760
Speaker 5: is like specific sex therapy.

1168
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 1: That makes sense training.

1169
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 2: That's really great advice because I think sometimes therapy can

1170
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 2: feel like it's just this overarching thing and that it's

1171
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 2: it can be very general and but but when you're

1172
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:17,280
Speaker 2: trying to tackle specific things, yeah, it takes a special

1173
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 2: you know, skill set and education.

1174
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:20,279
Speaker 3: I feel like for.

1175
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 5: Sure, yeah, well even for like for the question of like,

1176
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 5: you know, how do I not how up after a breakup?

1177
00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 3: Like a therapist that doesn't have a sex.

1178
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,640
Speaker 5: Positive lens might see that as like a as a

1179
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:34,759
Speaker 5: pathology might see that as like you might be borderline,

1180
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 5: you might have borderline personality disorder. Okay, let's see how

1181
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:41,879
Speaker 5: are you using your sexuality? Like they could pathologize it.

1182
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:44,400
Speaker 5: So making sure someone is coming from a sex positive

1183
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 5: lens of like you know, okay, well how did that

1184
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 5: actually feel for you?

1185
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:51,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's important to research the therapists and they ask

1186
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:52,240
Speaker 2: the questions.

1187
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I'm probably going to be more sexual

1188
00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 4: than somebody else. There's different we all have different aspects

1189
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 4: of ourselves and there's no need for me to like

1190
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:02,719
Speaker 4: bet myself up about parts that are clearly parts of me.

1191
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 4: You know, because just because Cindy in the firm said,

1192
00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:09,279
Speaker 4: you know, she feels she's fucked five people her whole life,

1193
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 4: and I'm out there, you know that's that makes sense?

1194
00:57:14,480 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 1: Okay.

1195
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 2: I have one last question because I don't want to

1196
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 2: keep you forever because I feel like I can talk

1197
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 2: to you forever.

1198
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:20,160
Speaker 1: I feel like we should.

1199
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 2: We need to hate, I know, I know, can't you

1200
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:25,000
Speaker 2: come to La Let's hang l like really like I'm

1201
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 2: like really enjoying our lives.

1202
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 1: I have to have more cancer vibes together. Feel by

1203
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 1: the way, some.

1204
00:57:30,880 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 2: Lottery over here, I love it. Okay, So this is

1205
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 2: the last question. Why can I make myself come but

1206
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 2: have a hard time with my partner? I feel like

1207
00:57:41,720 --> 00:57:45,640
Speaker 2: I hear this a lot yea, And yeah, I'm curious

1208
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:47,560
Speaker 2: because I don't have the answers to that either. I

1209
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 2: noticed that like for me sexually, like there's definitely I've

1210
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 2: had some amazing sex with people, and like I'm a

1211
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:55,480
Speaker 2: squirter and like some guys can make me score like crazy,

1212
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:57,720
Speaker 2: and the sex is like okay, and then like other

1213
00:57:57,760 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 2: guys that are really pleasing me totally to the math,

1214
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:03,919
Speaker 2: I don't. It's not the same, And I'm like, how yeah, so.

1215
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:06,360
Speaker 4: It's I'm not in I'm not that in tune with

1216
00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:07,600
Speaker 4: like my orgasms.

1217
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 1: I need to be more. I don't.

1218
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 4: I I could have sex and not necessarily always orgasm,

1219
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:15,200
Speaker 4: and I need something needs to happen here. But it's

1220
00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:17,400
Speaker 4: not like it's not enjoyable, like the journey is not enjoyable,

1221
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:20,680
Speaker 4: but just like it's it's not You're right. Sometimes you

1222
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:22,920
Speaker 4: could have great sex and it's not necessarily like you're

1223
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:25,040
Speaker 4: coming in a certain way like you thought you would.

1224
00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: So yeah, that is yeah.

1225
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 2: So yeah, why can I make myself come but have

1226
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 2: a hard time with my partner?

1227
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1228
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 5: So first, I think one of the things I like

1229
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 5: to encourage folks on is to remove coming or orgasm

1230
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:43,600
Speaker 5: as a goal going into any kind of sexual experience,

1231
00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 5: whether that's solo or partnered. If we can transition ourselves

1232
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:51,840
Speaker 5: to more of a pleasure focused experience, we relieve a

1233
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:54,200
Speaker 5: lot of pressure that we put on ourselves and on

1234
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:58,160
Speaker 5: our partners during that experience. So a lot of what

1235
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 5: ends up happening for folks, is like spectation where we're

1236
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 5: like paying attention to like, Oh, like, I haven't came yet.

1237
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 3: Oh I haven't came yet. Oh why am I not

1238
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:08,120
Speaker 3: coming right now? Oh? Fuck I'm not coming right now.

1239
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 3: Oh they probably don't think I'm enjoying this. God damn it.

1240
00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 3: I wanted to come now Okay.

1241
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 1: Ah, oh you came, We're done. Shit.

1242
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 3: Fuck I miss the opportunity now I haven't.

1243
00:59:16,040 --> 00:59:16,240
Speaker 2: Fuck.

1244
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:20,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's it's easy to get caught up in

1245
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 5: your head when you're in partnered sex, especially especially if

1246
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 5: this is not someone that you actually feel comfortable with.

1247
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 5: I think there are like two different ways sometimes that

1248
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:36,320
Speaker 5: this like presents itself for folks. On one hand, I

1249
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:42,040
Speaker 5: think having someone that you have a deep sense of

1250
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:46,560
Speaker 5: emotional safety with can really help you to let go

1251
00:59:46,880 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 5: of a lot of that pressure and embarrassment and shame

1252
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,240
Speaker 5: that we might feel insecure of when we go into

1253
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:56,080
Speaker 5: partnered sex, to where you know that this is a

1254
00:59:56,200 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 5: judgment free space, that your partner just cares about your pleasure,

1255
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 5: that there's a focus on your pleasure even and partnered

1256
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:07,680
Speaker 5: sex right and then, and that allows you to kind

1257
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:10,720
Speaker 5: of be more present, be in your body, feel your body,

1258
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:15,400
Speaker 5: allow yourself to even orgasm or come. And for other

1259
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:17,840
Speaker 5: folks it might feel like, you know what, I don't

1260
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,240
Speaker 5: want to be anywhere remotely emotionally attached to this person.

1261
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 5: I want them to be, you know, a blank slate

1262
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 5: and I can just completely let go here and not

1263
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:31,000
Speaker 5: care at all, and in that space allow my body

1264
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:32,800
Speaker 5: to just do whatever the fuck it wants because I

1265
01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 5: don't give a fuck about what's going to happen after this.

1266
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:37,320
Speaker 5: So I think there's like kind of two different ways

1267
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:42,200
Speaker 5: sometimes that folks go. And I mean I think that

1268
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 5: that can change up within the same person at different

1269
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 5: times in your life when you have different needs and wants.

1270
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 5: But I think most of the time in that I

1271
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 5: would definitely encourage someone to like get focused in their body,

1272
01:00:55,920 --> 01:01:00,400
Speaker 5: communicate with your partner. Is your partner pleasure you and

1273
01:01:00,520 --> 01:01:02,840
Speaker 5: partnered sex the same way that you pleasure yourself and

1274
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:03,720
Speaker 5: your solo sex.

1275
01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:07,240
Speaker 3: If you have evolva and a vagina and in.

1276
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:11,880
Speaker 5: Your solo sex, you are I call it like DJing

1277
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:12,320
Speaker 5: up the clip.

1278
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 3: You're just like wick a wick a.

1279
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:18,120
Speaker 5: What So if you are like somewhere, Yeah, if you

1280
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 5: are DJ in yourself and that's how you come in

1281
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:24,640
Speaker 5: your solo sex, in your partner sex, are you touching

1282
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:27,960
Speaker 5: your clit? Is your partner touching your clit? If not,

1283
01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 5: then maybe try that. Try communicating to your partner asking

1284
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 5: for your needs, communicating what your needs are. And there's

1285
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 5: so many ways to go about that. I think people

1286
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:42,160
Speaker 5: get like nervous about communicating that, And I always say

1287
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 5: to like, do it in like a positive reinforcement way

1288
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,720
Speaker 5: of like I love when you rub my clit, not

1289
01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:49,520
Speaker 5: like it you never run my clp like I need

1290
01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:51,920
Speaker 5: you to rub my clit, but like I love when

1291
01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:52,560
Speaker 5: you do that.

1292
01:01:52,560 --> 01:01:53,680
Speaker 3: That feels really good.

1293
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:55,800
Speaker 5: Like a lot of us don't actually communicate during our

1294
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:59,160
Speaker 5: partnered sex, and therefore a lot of our needs and

1295
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:04,520
Speaker 5: desires and isn't being met because our partner's not a

1296
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:05,920
Speaker 5: mind reader and they don't know what the fuck is

1297
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 5: going on unless we tell them verbally or nonverbally, and

1298
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:11,800
Speaker 5: even nonverbally sometimes they don't know how to pay attention

1299
01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:12,520
Speaker 5: to that kind of shit.

1300
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:15,240
Speaker 3: Does that answer that question?

1301
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:17,880
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, no, no, no, no, I think that's

1302
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,720
Speaker 2: I think that's a great answer.

1303
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,080
Speaker 1: I think that for sure. I think safety is a

1304
01:02:22,120 --> 01:02:22,560
Speaker 1: big one.

1305
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:26,400
Speaker 2: I think feeling safe and feeling and like that can

1306
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:29,480
Speaker 2: happen with I mean, like even if you're in a

1307
01:02:29,520 --> 01:02:34,440
Speaker 2: relationship with someone for ten years and maybe like you've

1308
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:36,560
Speaker 2: had a great sex and then like something shifts or

1309
01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:39,120
Speaker 2: something goes wrong in your relationship, that can even change

1310
01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:41,760
Speaker 2: that's that can change how you feel and safety and

1311
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:43,480
Speaker 2: how your body reacts. I know, I know for me

1312
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:48,200
Speaker 2: and my long term relationship, Like it's like I was like,

1313
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:50,560
Speaker 2: what was the sex good? Like I remember us having

1314
01:02:50,600 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 2: like really great sex, and then at some point it

1315
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 2: was like a disconnect and it shifted, and I was like,

1316
01:02:54,720 --> 01:02:56,880
Speaker 2: is this the same person? Are we the same people?

1317
01:02:57,280 --> 01:03:00,080
Speaker 2: How did the sex just go from great to like

1318
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:03,840
Speaker 2: I could do without it? I mean obviously like pregnancy,

1319
01:03:03,920 --> 01:03:06,400
Speaker 2: all these things happened. It like made me feel really

1320
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:08,480
Speaker 2: like un sexy, and there were a lot of things,

1321
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:11,080
Speaker 2: but like really like looking back on it, it was

1322
01:03:11,120 --> 01:03:12,320
Speaker 2: the safety aspect for me.

1323
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:15,040
Speaker 4: The security sometimes your body will tell you when the

1324
01:03:15,080 --> 01:03:15,920
Speaker 4: relationship is over.

1325
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:20,600
Speaker 5: Absolutely yeah, I find I mean, even in the relationship

1326
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:22,480
Speaker 5: that I'm in right now, is hands down the best

1327
01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 5: sext ever had in my entire life.

1328
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:27,120
Speaker 3: We came so much, she made were everywhere, and I'm like, what.

1329
01:03:27,240 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 5: Is happening in my body, and I trust And I

1330
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 5: forget what podcast episode this was. I want to say

1331
01:03:34,920 --> 01:03:37,840
Speaker 5: it was like four episodes ago that I recorded this,

1332
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 5: and it was like, I trusted in my partnered sex.

1333
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:48,880
Speaker 5: Now I trust my partner to walk me to a

1334
01:03:49,040 --> 01:03:53,560
Speaker 5: level an experience of pleasure that I didn't believe in

1335
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:57,520
Speaker 5: myself to walk past, like I would kind of hold

1336
01:03:57,560 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 5: myself in. And I have such trust and love and

1337
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:06,920
Speaker 5: respect and safety in this relationship that like, if he's

1338
01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:09,040
Speaker 5: DJing at my clinton, he says, keep your legs open,

1339
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:12,000
Speaker 5: I'm like, yep, and keeping them open for you, and

1340
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:14,560
Speaker 5: then I'm fucking squirting and gushing everywhere.

1341
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:15,880
Speaker 3: I'm like, that's never happened before.

1342
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:17,920
Speaker 5: People have asked me to holpe my legs open before,

1343
01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:19,480
Speaker 5: and I said, m I want them close.

1344
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:21,480
Speaker 3: I'm closing them right now. Don't tell me what to do.

1345
01:04:21,920 --> 01:04:23,920
Speaker 3: It's too much. And with him, I'm like.

1346
01:04:23,920 --> 01:04:27,040
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know.

1347
01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:28,800
Speaker 3: I don't know what's gonna happen.

1348
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:31,640
Speaker 1: At my part I don't know.

1349
01:04:32,480 --> 01:04:34,120
Speaker 3: There might be some food coming up. I don't know.

1350
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:38,520
Speaker 5: But I'm like, I trust you and I believe that

1351
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:41,480
Speaker 5: you want to pleasure me, and that feels really safe

1352
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 5: and really enjoyable, and that like that for me gives

1353
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:48,000
Speaker 5: me such a different experience. And this can happen in

1354
01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:50,600
Speaker 5: casual sex too. There's a guy here in Seattle. He's

1355
01:04:50,640 --> 01:04:55,280
Speaker 5: like twenty years older than me, and he's he's like

1356
01:04:55,360 --> 01:04:57,960
Speaker 5: been my favorite casual sex partner I've ever had, and

1357
01:04:58,880 --> 01:05:03,040
Speaker 5: we very little about each other. It's not like we talk,

1358
01:05:03,080 --> 01:05:06,560
Speaker 5: it's not like we got on dates and there's just

1359
01:05:06,680 --> 01:05:12,000
Speaker 5: this sense of trust and safety between us that I'm like,

1360
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 5: when he wraps his arm around me and like starts

1361
01:05:15,120 --> 01:05:17,520
Speaker 5: making out of me, I'm just like, I surrender. I

1362
01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:20,800
Speaker 5: am here, I am in this experience. There is no

1363
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 5: goal of what's gonna happen. We might not even have

1364
01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:26,040
Speaker 5: penetrative sex, but we are going to explore. We're gonna

1365
01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:29,520
Speaker 5: be curious, we're gonna play, and we're going to experience

1366
01:05:30,560 --> 01:05:31,520
Speaker 5: a bunch of pleasure.

1367
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:37,600
Speaker 1: I'm horny. I too, I'm always horny. I'm like, God,

1368
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:38,360
Speaker 1: I'm mourning now.

1369
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:41,200
Speaker 4: I'm really happy that you said that last part because

1370
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 4: I've I've I know we're wrapping up. I've said I've

1371
01:05:43,720 --> 01:05:46,760
Speaker 4: had conversations with a lot of I guess less sexually

1372
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:49,760
Speaker 4: positive friends just in my life. You know, I've had

1373
01:05:49,800 --> 01:05:54,120
Speaker 4: a lot of casual sex friends and had them for

1374
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:56,800
Speaker 4: like years, and when I tell people that, it's just like, oh,

1375
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:59,400
Speaker 4: something that's to been wrong with you or you know,

1376
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:01,840
Speaker 4: And the true is, in a lot of those relationships,

1377
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:05,640
Speaker 4: I felt really safe and and really respected and really

1378
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:09,640
Speaker 4: loved in like a not very super deep deep way

1379
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:12,840
Speaker 4: and sometimes in a very deep way, And like, I'm

1380
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 4: happy I'm becoming older and more like in my skin

1381
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:18,160
Speaker 4: and in who I am because I can have a

1382
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 4: very casual but very loving and very fulfilling interaction with

1383
01:06:23,080 --> 01:06:24,240
Speaker 4: someone you know and like.

1384
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:28,760
Speaker 1: And I just appreciate.

1385
01:06:28,720 --> 01:06:31,720
Speaker 4: Women like me who can who can remind me that

1386
01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:34,640
Speaker 4: it's it's normal, it's okay, Like it's not for everybody,

1387
01:06:34,920 --> 01:06:36,840
Speaker 4: but it does exist, and it's just it's really is

1388
01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:40,440
Speaker 4: about feeling someone You're feeling like you trust someone and

1389
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:42,800
Speaker 4: feeling safe and feeling we have the same.

1390
01:06:42,640 --> 01:06:43,600
Speaker 1: Like goals in mind.

1391
01:06:43,680 --> 01:06:48,440
Speaker 4: And also why do we as women think like every

1392
01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:50,440
Speaker 4: person we sleep with we gotta have like we have

1393
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:51,000
Speaker 4: to have an end.

1394
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:53,720
Speaker 1: Goal, like are you gonna be my husband? Who knows?

1395
01:06:54,120 --> 01:06:56,880
Speaker 4: Let's just be present in what's happening right now, Like

1396
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,320
Speaker 4: let's go on, how we're feeling whatever the attraction is

1397
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:02,959
Speaker 4: right now and like and that that's cool too. There's

1398
01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:05,280
Speaker 4: no there's no need for us to be like having

1399
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:08,520
Speaker 4: a two week fucking goal of you know, getting to

1400
01:07:08,560 --> 01:07:10,440
Speaker 4: the next level, because this level's fine.

1401
01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:11,720
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1402
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:16,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, well again, I mean, that's all within our patriarchal system,

1403
01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 5: that we're going to be reaching these different steps and

1404
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:23,720
Speaker 5: that we're going to be fulfilling are you know, uh sorry,

1405
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:26,720
Speaker 5: that's my mom calling that they were going to be

1406
01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:30,200
Speaker 5: like reaching and fulfilling all these steps of a monogamous

1407
01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:34,480
Speaker 5: heterosexual relationship, and it's really not the reality for most folks,

1408
01:07:34,520 --> 01:07:38,320
Speaker 5: and it puts so much pressure on our relationships. And

1409
01:07:38,360 --> 01:07:43,000
Speaker 5: I do think, you know, like it might not work

1410
01:07:43,080 --> 01:07:45,160
Speaker 5: for other people and that's okay, but that doesn't mean

1411
01:07:45,160 --> 01:07:47,280
Speaker 5: that it's wrong for you. If it feels good for

1412
01:07:47,400 --> 01:07:51,960
Speaker 5: you and for your partners, that that's totally okay for

1413
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:54,480
Speaker 5: that to exist, for both of those to exist, and

1414
01:07:54,560 --> 01:07:58,000
Speaker 5: both of those to be okay and you know, right

1415
01:07:58,120 --> 01:07:59,200
Speaker 5: for each individual.

1416
01:08:01,080 --> 01:08:01,960
Speaker 3: I had something else.

1417
01:08:01,840 --> 01:08:03,800
Speaker 5: I was going to say that was really important, and

1418
01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:05,480
Speaker 5: I'm forgetting what it was now.

1419
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:08,560
Speaker 1: But everything you said was really important. It was I

1420
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:10,040
Speaker 1: feel like I feel like I've.

1421
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:13,000
Speaker 2: Gotten a wealth of knowledge and perspective, and I'm so

1422
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:15,240
Speaker 2: glad that we did this. I'm so glad you came

1423
01:08:15,280 --> 01:08:19,680
Speaker 2: on the pod name and thank you for having us

1424
01:08:19,680 --> 01:08:21,439
Speaker 2: on your podcast. You guys, guys, make sure you go

1425
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:24,120
Speaker 2: check out us on Taylor's podcast.

1426
01:08:24,240 --> 01:08:26,839
Speaker 1: Let's talk about it. Taylor, can you tell our guests

1427
01:08:26,920 --> 01:08:28,920
Speaker 1: like where they can find you for more of this

1428
01:08:29,040 --> 01:08:31,640
Speaker 1: smart information. I'm gonna start calling you for advice with me.

1429
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:32,800
Speaker 1: I have questions.

1430
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:40,720
Speaker 5: I feel you're trying together now though, friends. Yeah, so

1431
01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:43,000
Speaker 5: the best place for folks to keep up with me

1432
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:46,600
Speaker 5: is on Instagram at Tamoka. And I just always have

1433
01:08:46,640 --> 01:08:51,720
Speaker 5: to say this disclaimer, especially now. I'm Taimoka because I'm

1434
01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:53,880
Speaker 5: a crazy cat lady, not because I'm brown.

1435
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:58,400
Speaker 1: Wait moa cat.

1436
01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:01,840
Speaker 5: So Mocha Joe was my first cat and I had

1437
01:09:01,880 --> 01:09:03,960
Speaker 5: her for like eighteen years and the book was an

1438
01:09:03,960 --> 01:09:06,040
Speaker 5: only child, so I was like, she's my sister, and

1439
01:09:06,080 --> 01:09:06,880
Speaker 5: I like combined her name.

1440
01:09:06,920 --> 01:09:09,880
Speaker 4: Oh my god, this might more our friendship ends. Not

1441
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:11,719
Speaker 4: the cat lady, I hate cats.

1442
01:09:12,320 --> 01:09:12,680
Speaker 2: I know what.

1443
01:09:12,880 --> 01:09:14,200
Speaker 1: I don't know about this anymore.

1444
01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:18,160
Speaker 5: I candled all my nurturing cancer energy into her, But.

1445
01:09:18,160 --> 01:09:19,280
Speaker 4: You know what, I have I feel like I have

1446
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:21,559
Speaker 4: am very felian, so I don't like cats. It's probably

1447
01:09:21,560 --> 01:09:24,559
Speaker 4: because I'm in her I'm half cat woman. You no,

1448
01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:27,680
Speaker 4: someone said that to me too, but I'm very feline.

1449
01:09:27,680 --> 01:09:30,040
Speaker 4: They're surprised I don't like cats, but that's probably why

1450
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:31,920
Speaker 4: because we have probably a lot of feline energy, and

1451
01:09:31,920 --> 01:09:32,400
Speaker 4: there's two.

1452
01:09:32,400 --> 01:09:33,639
Speaker 1: We can't have too many cats around.

1453
01:09:34,240 --> 01:09:36,280
Speaker 3: See, I don't know. I feel like I literally have

1454
01:09:36,320 --> 01:09:37,200
Speaker 3: the personality of a cat.

1455
01:09:37,280 --> 01:09:39,000
Speaker 5: I'm like, I want a lot of attention, but only

1456
01:09:39,040 --> 01:09:41,320
Speaker 5: when I fucking want it, and like, if you don't

1457
01:09:41,320 --> 01:09:41,600
Speaker 5: give it.

1458
01:09:41,600 --> 01:09:43,600
Speaker 3: To me when I want it, I'm gonna be really irritated.

1459
01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:45,040
Speaker 1: That's true.

1460
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:47,479
Speaker 5: But but yeah, everyone always thinks like my temoca on

1461
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:50,400
Speaker 5: Instagram is because I'm brown, Like oh yeah, like because Mocha,

1462
01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:53,240
Speaker 5: And I'm like, no, the fuck uh.

1463
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:55,120
Speaker 3: I'm like I name my cat Mocha because it.

1464
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:57,519
Speaker 1: Was like I'm not that basic, okay, right, yeah exactly.

1465
01:09:57,600 --> 01:09:59,800
Speaker 3: It's like mean, not for the drink at Starbucks.

1466
01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:05,160
Speaker 5: But Yeahoka is the best place on Instagram to find me.

1467
01:10:05,439 --> 01:10:08,959
Speaker 3: In my bio there, I have the link.

1468
01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:11,439
Speaker 5: For the podcast Let's Talk About It, which has its

1469
01:10:11,439 --> 01:10:14,800
Speaker 5: own Instagram at Let's Talk About it Underscore podcast. I

1470
01:10:14,840 --> 01:10:16,920
Speaker 5: also have a ton of other links in there for

1471
01:10:17,040 --> 01:10:22,400
Speaker 5: like affiliate things, for discounts on vibrators and ye all

1472
01:10:22,439 --> 01:10:25,120
Speaker 5: kinds stuff, because these things are investments and I understand that,

1473
01:10:25,160 --> 01:10:27,120
Speaker 5: and I like want to help spoort people have reken

1474
01:10:28,160 --> 01:10:30,200
Speaker 5: And then also do you have a Patreon as well,

1475
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:32,960
Speaker 5: which is as well, so.

1476
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:34,960
Speaker 1: We should do some patreons. Yeah, we should do a

1477
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:35,879
Speaker 1: Patreon collab.

1478
01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:37,800
Speaker 3: Yeah that's fun.

1479
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:40,080
Speaker 5: I feel like I'm like just figuring out how to

1480
01:10:40,120 --> 01:10:41,080
Speaker 5: even work Patreon.

1481
01:10:41,240 --> 01:10:43,639
Speaker 2: So we have a we have a segment on Patreon

1482
01:10:43,720 --> 01:10:45,360
Speaker 2: called good Friends after Dark.

1483
01:10:45,960 --> 01:10:48,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, sexy over there.

1484
01:10:48,400 --> 01:10:51,960
Speaker 4: Sometimes we were lingerie, get dressed up in lingerie and

1485
01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,599
Speaker 4: another zon some wine, some wine.

1486
01:10:54,760 --> 01:10:57,760
Speaker 1: You know, we'll bring the wine. I like to dress up.

1487
01:10:58,560 --> 01:11:01,799
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, we'll schedule it. We'll put it on the calendar.

1488
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:04,519
Speaker 2: You guys are where to find us. We're Good Mom's

1489
01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:06,680
Speaker 2: Bad Choices on all podcast platforms.

1490
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:08,479
Speaker 1: Make sure you scroll down.

1491
01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:10,160
Speaker 2: To the bottom right the fuck now if you're on

1492
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 2: Apple and leave us a five star rating and review.

1493
01:11:13,479 --> 01:11:16,640
Speaker 2: We our ratings and reviews are not matching, are not

1494
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:18,080
Speaker 2: matching our listens, okay.

1495
01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:20,680
Speaker 4: And we fucking bear our souls every week tell all

1496
01:11:20,720 --> 01:11:24,840
Speaker 4: of our honest, secret, deep honest truth. That's the least

1497
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:27,000
Speaker 4: she could do is just scroll down to the bottom

1498
01:11:27,040 --> 01:11:27,799
Speaker 4: and leave.

1499
01:11:27,880 --> 01:11:30,599
Speaker 1: It's a little just a little nice note and five

1500
01:11:30,640 --> 01:11:34,479
Speaker 1: star rating. It would be greatly appreciated. Five specifically. And

1501
01:11:34,960 --> 01:11:36,400
Speaker 1: we also have a Patreon you guys.

1502
01:11:36,600 --> 01:11:40,080
Speaker 2: Our tribe over there is growing, and I'm so grateful

1503
01:11:40,120 --> 01:11:40,639
Speaker 2: for you guys.

1504
01:11:40,920 --> 01:11:43,320
Speaker 1: You know, we share a lot of other personal things there.

1505
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,040
Speaker 1: We have our little segments. We have to probably put

1506
01:11:45,040 --> 01:11:46,720
Speaker 1: a little clip by the end of this yeah, actually.

1507
01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:48,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we'll put a clip at the end of

1508
01:11:48,080 --> 01:11:50,679
Speaker 2: this episode and one of our secret Patreon episodes.

1509
01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:53,120
Speaker 1: But it's like a coottle community and family over there.

1510
01:11:53,120 --> 01:11:54,639
Speaker 1: I really fucking love it. You got to be really

1511
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:56,679
Speaker 1: supportive and I love y'all.

1512
01:11:56,720 --> 01:11:59,040
Speaker 2: So make sure you check us out. That's patreon dot

1513
01:11:59,040 --> 01:12:00,599
Speaker 2: com back slash Good.

1514
01:12:00,479 --> 01:12:03,719
Speaker 1: Mom's Bad Choices, Taylor. Thank you so much.

1515
01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:05,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you.

1516
01:12:06,400 --> 01:12:09,439
Speaker 1: And we'll see you guys next week. Yes, we'll see

1517
01:12:09,479 --> 01:12:14,800
Speaker 1: you next week. Bye bye. Am I the you're trying

1518
01:12:14,800 --> 01:12:16,559
Speaker 1: to holder, No, you are the dick holder.

1519
01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:20,439
Speaker 7: So this is if you are writing your man and

1520
01:12:20,720 --> 01:12:24,559
Speaker 7: you assert yourself and be more dominant on top of

1521
01:12:24,600 --> 01:12:29,280
Speaker 7: already writing him, so lay down, so get.

1522
01:12:29,120 --> 01:12:32,160
Speaker 1: On top like this. You know, typically you would just

1523
01:12:32,160 --> 01:12:40,760
Speaker 1: be doing this whatever. Oh yeah, but if you want

1524
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:42,640
Speaker 1: to take it to the next level so that he

1525
01:12:42,720 --> 01:14:44,080
Speaker 1: can't touch you. Oh but I'm always run