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Speaker 1: This is a headgun podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hi, I may go, and welcome to Thanks Dad. I

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Speaker 2: was raised by a single mom and don't have a

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Speaker 2: relationship with my dad. I don't think we're ever going

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Speaker 2: to have a relationship because he's actually dead. Langston, Well

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Speaker 2: you laugh.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's just a devastating way for me to find out.

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Speaker 1: How do you think i'd have felt? I just wish

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Speaker 1: you would have told me differently. I guess this is

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Speaker 1: a better way to tell you. I'm maybe not in

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Speaker 1: a single sentence, you know what I mean? A run

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Speaker 1: on Okay, I'm.

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Speaker 2: Not getting chastised for my grammar over it was a

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Speaker 2: run on sentence.

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Speaker 1: That's probably the main reason you're mad. Yes, yes, you know.

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Speaker 1: I'm a grammar stick Larry for a grammar. Okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: a sticker for a grammar. I'm a stickler for dead dads.

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Speaker 1: That's always been me.

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Speaker 2: Now, are you a fan of dead dad's the way

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Speaker 2: you're a fan of good grammar?

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Speaker 1: Uh? No, i'd say I'm I'm grateful. Uh, I'm grateful

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Speaker 1: that my dad is not dead. And okay, rub it in,

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Speaker 1: rub it in, and I if I get the hold

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Speaker 1: of those dragon balls, I'm bringing your dad back. We're

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Speaker 1: going to bring them back. I'm going to fix that relationship.

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Speaker 2: No, it's okay. I feel like we don't even have to,

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Speaker 2: we don't need to.

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Speaker 1: Don't do that.

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Speaker 2: Please do something else with those dragon balls. Give me

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Speaker 2: a million dollars or something.

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Speaker 1: I go. I hear you crying out a sentence together,

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Speaker 1: We're going to bring your dad back.

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Speaker 2: Listen, you're not listening. It's this is a sketch and

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna write this down. And a person who has

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Speaker 2: these capabilities to bring someone from the dead, and I'm like, no,

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Speaker 2: not this person.

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Speaker 1: Come on, please, and you're not hearing me.

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Speaker 2: I won't give you writing credit on it because then

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Speaker 2: they would have to pay you.

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Speaker 1: That's okay, you would hate for me to get paid.

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Speaker 1: You don't need the money. I'm looking at your home.

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Speaker 2: You know, the chairs are a beautiful what seafoam color

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Speaker 2: back there.

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Speaker 1: But it's a nice blue. It's a gorgeous table back.

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Speaker 1: And we know how SNL is pinching pennies this year.

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Speaker 1: We know they're struggling to piece it together. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: you keep that money.

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Speaker 2: Just kidding, just trying to make it to fifty man, okay,

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Speaker 2: on this podcast, I'm sitting down with father figures who

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Speaker 2: are old enough to be my dad or are just

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Speaker 2: dads themselves. I think in this case, you're just you

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Speaker 2: could be old enough to be my dad. There is

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Speaker 2: a version of you being old enough to be my dad,

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Speaker 2: only you look like one of those people who is

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Speaker 2: never going to age past whatever's happening right now.

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Speaker 1: I hope that's true. You look like this for a

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Speaker 1: long time, I think so. I I as soon as

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Speaker 1: I learned to grow facial hair, as soon as my

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Speaker 1: body sort of made that capable, I locked in. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: It's kind of been this look since I was like

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Speaker 1: twenty five. Nice.

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Speaker 2: Nice, okay, And now I'm inclined to ask you, do

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Speaker 2: you have a skincare regimen?

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Speaker 1: I wash it and then I put lotion on it

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Speaker 1: and uh, your face never. Those are sort of my

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Speaker 1: key regimen steps.

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Speaker 2: And so if you did a YouTube video be about

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Speaker 2: five seconds long with wash it, do you put sunscreen on?

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Speaker 1: I do?

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Speaker 2: Now?

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Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't as a young person, and I

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Speaker 1: think some of that was like, I'm a black man,

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Speaker 1: I can handle this, and the sons like, brother, wait.

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Speaker 2: Wait, did you get some burn or you just feut

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Speaker 2: your face cracking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I get I can get some burned,

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Speaker 1: and I get it more on like the back of

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Speaker 1: my neck. But then once you get it, you're like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm covering all this because that hurts. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to go back. Okay.

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Speaker 2: I kind of love how you were so certain you

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Speaker 2: could beat then because you're a black man and barely which, yeah,

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Speaker 2: part of the problem, are you Are you barely black?

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Speaker 1: No, I'm I'm half. I guess it's the technical, uh breakdown.

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Speaker 1: But but the sun don't care. You know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: the sun and care doesn't care. Yeah, are weird sort

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Speaker 1: of cultural racial lines mean nothing to that big orb

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Speaker 1: in the sky. So I think that's a fact.

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Speaker 2: I got sunburn when I was like fourteen and went

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Speaker 2: to Orlando to see my sister who worked at disney World.

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Speaker 1: Is there Florida, I believe.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So I got sunburned because I spent all day

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Speaker 2: in the pool and no sunscreen because I was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm black and I'm more than fifty percent and congratulations,

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Speaker 2: by the way, I mean, you came at me about

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Speaker 2: the dead dad thing as that I had to get one.

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Speaker 1: Off on you. But then I got sunburn on my face.

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Speaker 2: It's almost like I'm stuttering to say it because I

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Speaker 2: can't believe it happened. But I got my face was

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Speaker 2: sunburned from being in the pool and just Florida hot sun.

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Speaker 1: So it's possible. Guys, and you you have since changed

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Speaker 1: your tune? Are you? Are you sunscreening?

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Speaker 2: I'm so unscreening every single day of my life, even

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Speaker 2: if it's blew me outside. You gotta do it every day, Linkston.

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Speaker 2: That's how we preserve. I'm telling you people, you gotta

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Speaker 2: have a skincare regimen and you need to wear sunscreen.

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Speaker 1: Everyone needs to wear sunscreen every day.

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Speaker 2: It don't matter where you live, what the weather is,

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Speaker 2: you wear sunscreen.

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Speaker 1: That's the PSA. Yeah, and so you're doing it randomly

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Speaker 1: here and there. I'm doing it here there, okay if

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Speaker 1: it makes you feel better, I'm also doing it here

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Speaker 1: there with my children. I'm not. Oh my god, that

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Speaker 1: doesn't make I'm not screening them up every day. Does

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Speaker 1: not make me feel better. It's not good. Okay.

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Speaker 2: Now I have to intro you do I do everything

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Speaker 2: ask backwards over here? Oh wait, The rest of the

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Speaker 2: intro is that I'll get to ask questions I've always

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Speaker 2: wanted to ask a dad. How do I know if

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Speaker 2: the guy I'm dating is right for me? Or what

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Speaker 2: should I look out for when buying a car? Can

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Speaker 2: you you go mmm, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: That's a good one. I hope a man answers that

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Speaker 1: eventually it's not gonna be me.

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Speaker 2: Or do you know how to change the oil in

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Speaker 2: that car? And if so, could you help me change

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Speaker 2: the oil in my car? Do you know how to

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Speaker 2: change oil?

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to change oil. I know how

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Speaker 1: to change a tire, Okay, but that's that's the extent

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Speaker 1: of my car knowledge. Who taught you how to change

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Speaker 1: a tire, by the way, my father, of course. But

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Speaker 1: I had multiple step dads throughout my life. I've okay,

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Speaker 1: now had how many of I had? Three mom go

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Speaker 1: off queen, three stepdads, and there were some men in

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Speaker 1: between who also hung out. Okay, all right, No, they

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Speaker 1: didn't step up. Let's be careful.

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Speaker 2: They didn't step They were just hanging out.

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Speaker 1: Let's be very very clear. Okay, they were just coming

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Speaker 1: home and there's a man with his shirt off on

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Speaker 1: the couch, you know what I mean? No heads up,

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Speaker 1: no heads up, not a text, often a roommate text,

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Speaker 1: like just by.

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Speaker 2: The way, not a sock on the door outside of

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Speaker 2: that fy.

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Speaker 1: That's uh, that's gonna be James's milk and the fridge.

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Speaker 1: So you're gonna you have to leave that one alone. Wait,

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Speaker 1: do you have a favorite stepdad? A favorite stepdad? I

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Speaker 1: had a stepdad that I think I would have described

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Speaker 1: as my favorite when I was younger, because he was

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Speaker 1: like the longest last thing. And then I've told a

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Speaker 1: joke about this pretty recently, but the the my second

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Speaker 1: stepdad was Bennie the Bull. He was the Yeah, the

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Speaker 1: mascot for the Chicago Bulls. This is that serious. But

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Speaker 1: he was my stepdad years after he had been fired

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Speaker 1: as Bennie the Bull because he got caught selling drugs

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Speaker 1: after a game. He said, Benny, man, he can't be

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Speaker 1: doing that up here, Okay, all right, So he was.

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Speaker 1: He was alright. He was an alcoholic, but he was alright.

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Speaker 1: And then and then my most recent stepdad, my mom

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Speaker 1: married the man in Ghana who sells juice. Oh, very

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Speaker 1: good and very good for her, Thank god. I bet

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Speaker 1: you that.

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Speaker 2: Juice is really good though, because the fruit juice, it's

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Speaker 2: pretty good.

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Speaker 1: It's good. Okay, do you call him by his first name? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Oh do you step stepdad? What do you call him stepfather? No?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I never had a stepdad.

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Speaker 2: I truly don't know how these things work or like

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Speaker 2: bonus dad.

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Speaker 1: Okay, if it were more proper, I call him nigga

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Speaker 1: if it was up to me. But but that's rude.

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Speaker 1: So I call them How long? That's very rude. How

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Speaker 1: long have they been together? Oh? They're not together anymore.

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Speaker 1: My mom she finds them, she ditches them, you know,

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Speaker 1: she gets out of there.

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Speaker 2: And do you respect I respect it kind of if

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Speaker 2: she knows this isn't working for me.

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Speaker 1: I respected it more as a as a boy. I

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Speaker 1: think I was like, oh, yeah, that's right. You got

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Speaker 1: to make your independent, you got to make choices for yourself.

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Speaker 1: And now is a man, It's like, come on, baby,

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Speaker 1: we're we're in the end game. Now. We can't keep

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Speaker 1: we can't keep being rascals and okay, hoping hopping around,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: I really I have so many more questions about this,

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Speaker 2: but I do need to do your intro.

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Speaker 1: Do you just keep cruising?

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Speaker 2: I should just keep going at this point, but I'm

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Speaker 2: going to introduce you properly because it's only right. Today's

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Speaker 2: guest is an actor, writer, and comedian. You might recognize

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Speaker 2: him from Insecure, High Maintenance, The Boys, and English Teacher.

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Speaker 2: His latest special Bad Poetry, just came out on Netflix.

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Speaker 2: Please welcome my dad for the day. Langston Kerman. Hello, Okay,

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Speaker 2: like we just got here. Do you have a walk

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Speaker 2: out music for your shows? You know, when you like

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Speaker 2: go do a show somewhere, they go as their music

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Speaker 2: you want to walk out to.

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Speaker 1: Uh, there was a period where I was doing that,

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Speaker 1: that sexy Red Drake song. The then that ass over

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Speaker 1: he had that, But now it's he's in a bad way,

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Speaker 1: and did you switch up on him? I didn't switch up.

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Speaker 1: He made passion for I'm never gonna turn on Drake.

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Speaker 1: But but you got to know when to when to leave.

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Speaker 2: The party, bow out of the beef.

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Speaker 1: You gotta know when he needs some time to himself,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And I think right now

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Speaker 1: Drake needs some some real time to reflect.

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Speaker 2: If you could guess, do you think he's actually taking

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Speaker 2: the time to reflect right now?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely not.

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Speaker 2: I think that's exactly like, there's no way he's playing

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Speaker 2: low as far as like the public goes and the

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Speaker 2: larger public in my opinion, but not actually like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I'm a journaling, I'm in therapy.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking. I think, honestly, he probably just got a

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Speaker 1: fresh surgery. He kind do you think he actually has

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Speaker 1: a PPL? I? Yeah, I think he's got like the

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Speaker 1: hebl thing. Yeah, what is the he Okay is the hebl?

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Speaker 1: The abs? Yeah? I think he got the abs car

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Speaker 1: doubt and like, you know, they make the titty meat

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Speaker 1: a little more shapely, a little more fine tuned titty meat.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, when Kendrick said that on the song, when he's like,

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Speaker 2: then tell them where you got the abs from, I

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Speaker 2: was like, I love that accusation. It's fun as juicy.

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Speaker 2: But I didn't know that was a real possibility, Like

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Speaker 2: you can get your ABS card.

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Speaker 1: I just have never seen a person with abs and

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Speaker 1: twenty five percent body fat, do you know what I mean? Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't think that's how that works. So I think, oh,

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Speaker 1: something had to have someone or something had to have

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Speaker 1: intervened to make that possible. Would you ever do something

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Speaker 1: like that? I think about it every day. I go,

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Speaker 1: I really do, I go, I go, look, man, you

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Speaker 1: got these children, and they're not making exercise and eating

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Speaker 1: better easier. I went to two children's birthday parties yesterday too.

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Speaker 1: Oh lord, and there's cake at all of them, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. And Domino's pete and I like

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Speaker 1: both of those things, and you're gonna have them. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna have them. I gotta keep children alive. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna eat some Dominoes and some cake. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: that just doesn't make it so that you get to

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Speaker 1: keep the body you dreamt of. Okay, did you ever

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Speaker 1: have the body you dreamt of? Respectfully? Oh? Thank you

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Speaker 1: for asking, and thank you for asking respectfully. If you

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Speaker 1: would have said that rudely, I don't know what I

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Speaker 1: would have done.

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Speaker 2: The distinction, I think is important important.

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Speaker 1: The best adult shape I've ever been in was when

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Speaker 1: I first moved to New York. I was working for

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Speaker 1: a moving company. Oh, and was like doing sixteen hour days,

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Speaker 1: having to like carry couches up like six floor walk ups,

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Speaker 1: and that I was, I was, I was popping baby.

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Speaker 2: Read Okay, Okay, they hire very good looking people, and

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Speaker 2: given you're an actor, I'm like it might apply. Piece

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Speaker 2: of cake. Moving company. This is not an ad for that.

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Speaker 2: But their truck was just outside of my apartment a

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Speaker 2: little bit ago, and I was like, they hire really

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Speaker 2: attractive movers.

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Speaker 1: I think it's part of their thing. No, I worked

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Speaker 1: for a moving company. They hire comedians and crackheads. Did

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Speaker 1: you actually war with crackheads? In former? For sure, like

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Speaker 1: a lot of people who are like former drug added,

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Speaker 1: they paid us entirely in cash. Everything is like under

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Speaker 1: the table and so like you don't even have to

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Speaker 1: really fill out paperwork. You just have to agree to

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Speaker 1: show up. However, many days a week you show up

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Speaker 1: kind of thing.

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Speaker 2: You guys are in people's homes and stuff with all

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Speaker 2: their most precious belongings and in charge.

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Speaker 1: Scratching our necks asking for a dollar.

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Speaker 2: Come on, No, okay, I understand, okay, Not like, since

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Speaker 2: you have said you've had multiple step dads of sorts,

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Speaker 2: some who stepped up as stepdads. What do you call

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Speaker 2: a stepdad who doesn't step up?

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Speaker 1: Just a dad? No, just just a man in the house,

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Speaker 1: just a.

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Speaker 2: Man in the house, not even of the house in

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Speaker 2: the house. These repositions are important.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that and that is worth noting. None of the mother,

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Speaker 1: the men that my mother married ever contributed very much.

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Speaker 1: They never they weren't bringing in you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't like, oh, we're folding two incomes together and

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Speaker 1: now suddenly we can go on a family vacation. It's

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Speaker 1: just another mouth to feed. Wow, and who could cover

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Speaker 1: the light bill? I guess I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what do you think her appeal was that in

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Speaker 2: having them around? Is it just the company then? At

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Speaker 2: that point?

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Speaker 1: Uh? I guess so. I think my mom. If I

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Speaker 1: if I were to ask my mom, she she would

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Speaker 1: say that she is a She loves hard and she

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Speaker 1: loves fast, and I think that she sort of sees

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Speaker 1: the potential in people even when they are not necessarily

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Speaker 1: demonstrating their greatest potential. And so I think for her

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Speaker 1: it was more like I have found somebody who makes

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Speaker 1: me feel love and joy and excite meant despite them

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Speaker 1: taking some of our resources.

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Speaker 2: In their actual practical resources. Okay, that's I want to

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Speaker 2: say beautiful. I'm tempted to say beautiful when I you

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Speaker 2: hear that, you go, that's so really lovely.

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Speaker 1: Where she goes.

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Speaker 2: The feeling they evoke for me is greater than the

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Speaker 2: reality that they are creating or or taking away from

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Speaker 2: and something is beautiful about that, but your faces.

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Speaker 1: I want to agree with you, I think I guess

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Speaker 1: I said. I want to say that, and you want

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Speaker 1: to agree with me.

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Speaker 2: But it seems neither of us are able to commit

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Speaker 2: to our desire in this moment, right, I think that's right. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: and neither of us. So now we're having a hypothetical exchange.

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Speaker 2: But I understand that, and thank you for laying that

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Speaker 2: out for me. And you had a favorite or so

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Speaker 2: of man in the house. What was your biological father like?

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Speaker 1: H he's he's a great guy. He's a vay. He

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Speaker 1: ain't an emotional man. There's not a lot of maybe

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Speaker 1: like what traditional fathers often are stereotyped as. He's sort

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Speaker 1: of a more stoic individual who doesn't I've seen my

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Speaker 1: father cry twice and it's only because because someone very

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Speaker 1: important to him died. Yeah, but he's he was very

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Speaker 1: like there to help me with my homework and help me,

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Speaker 1: you know, work on my basketball and at games and

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Speaker 1: driving me to and from things. He was a very

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Speaker 1: present man in a beautiful way. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Did you guys have a very close relationship than growing up?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean so because my parents split when I

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Speaker 1: was very young. I was four. I think when they

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Speaker 1: split up, I think for years I interpret our relationship,

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Speaker 1: interpreted our relationship as something more complicated than it probably was.

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Speaker 1: I think I was moving between households. So I'd spent

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Speaker 1: half the week at my dad's house and then half

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Speaker 1: the week at my mom's house, and I, you know,

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Speaker 1: for my mom sort of felt like that was where

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Speaker 1: the fun happened and sort of like the excitement, and

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Speaker 1: then my dad felt a little more like the disciplined household.

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Speaker 1: And also I hated his new wife, and so it

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Speaker 1: just made things a little more complicated between my father

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Speaker 1: and I. But but no, I think we we've remained close.

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Speaker 1: And I think it took years of me kind of

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Speaker 1: learning to recognize him inside of a relationship that I

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Speaker 1: didn't want him to have to be like, oh, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I see you, and I see what you were trying

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Speaker 1: to do, even if I don't agree with it.

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Speaker 2: Now you said that your mom's house felt more like

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Speaker 2: the place where the fun happens, and your dad's felt

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Speaker 2: like this is where I am going to be disciplined

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Speaker 2: and sort of set on a right path, if you will.

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Speaker 2: Just again, because of his relationship and such. That feels

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Speaker 2: very interesting to me because I feel like even in movies,

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Speaker 2: it's the opposite where it's like Mom's house, Mom's the disciplinarian,

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Speaker 2: and I go to Dad's and he doesn't know what's

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Speaker 2: going on or his left from his right, and we

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Speaker 2: just have fun over here and eat pizza. Yeah, you

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Speaker 2: mentioned his marriage is one of the things that maybe

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Speaker 2: contributed to that. But why do you think that dynamic

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Speaker 2: for you was different or what was it about your

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Speaker 2: parents perhaps that made that so different.

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Speaker 1: I just think that my mom, and you can hear

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Speaker 1: it in sort of like the tradition of her relationships.

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Speaker 1: I think my mom is much more of like a

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Speaker 1: live by the seat of her parents kind of lady.

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Speaker 1: She she was always she's always coming up with a plan,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes that plan works and sometimes it doesn't work.

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Speaker 1: But she got a new plan next week. That's gonna

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Speaker 1: we're gonna try it out as a family. I think

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Speaker 1: at one point she bought an RV because she just

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Speaker 1: was like, Yeah, we're gonna lie, I'm gonna drive around

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Speaker 1: the country and I'm gonna become like a public speaker

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Speaker 1: riding around in the RV and like doing that and

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Speaker 1: it's like, but you're not. I don't think you're gonna

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Speaker 1: do that. How old are you when that happened, like

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Speaker 1: twenty four or something like that, you weren't still living

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Speaker 1: presumably not still living with her? No, but I was

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Speaker 1: too close to it, do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: So I'm the oldest of five kids, and all of

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Speaker 1: them are much younger than I am, Like, okay, the

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Speaker 1: next in line after me is ten years younger than

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Speaker 1: I am. Okay, which I mean, and then the youngest

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Speaker 1: is twenty three years younger than I am. Okay, Like

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Speaker 1: I have to remain sort of tapped into your choices

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Speaker 1: because these little people are still, you know, in some

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Speaker 1: ways affected by this stuff.

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Speaker 2: Do you feel in given that age gap and what

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Speaker 2: you just said about feeling like you need to stay

385
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,919
Speaker 2: tapped into your mom's choices, like you play a father

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Speaker 2: figure role in your siblings' lives.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, certainly with the youngest I do. And

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Speaker 1: then I think it was even with like my siblings

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Speaker 1: after the you know, immediately after me, it felt because

390
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Speaker 1: I was ten years old before the first one showed up.

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Speaker 1: I think it felt a lot more like a kind

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Speaker 1: of uncle figured than a like brother sister relationship. If

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. Great. Did you feel like you had

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Speaker 1: to play a role in like their discipline, Yeah, but

395
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Speaker 1: I didn't want to. And then and then it became

396
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:44,120
Speaker 1: it got tense, like there's a weird thing where you're

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Speaker 1: disciplining people that frankly you shouldn't have to discipline. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it made things messy. I never in retrospect,

399
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Speaker 1: I don't think I ever fully made sense of what

400
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,919
Speaker 1: it meant to be that much older than small people

401
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 1: and still try to maintain like a truly playful relationship

402
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:05,960
Speaker 1: with that. Right.

403
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I have said this on the podcast before, I

404
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 2: think if I haven't, great time to say it is

405
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Speaker 2: my mom got divorced when I was a baby, and

406
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Speaker 2: so I am the youngest girl from my dad. Yes, yeah,

407
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Speaker 2: And so I'm the youngest of four and my brother

408
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 2: is close. I have two brothers and a sister. My brother,

409
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Speaker 2: who's closest in age to me, is five years older

410
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Speaker 2: than I am, and then the oldest is eight years

411
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Speaker 2: older than I am. That's my other brother, and my

412
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 2: sister's in there in the middle. But my brother who's

413
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 2: five years older than I am. In theory, I'm like

414
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 2: we should be just like buddies, really, but I think

415
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,520
Speaker 2: growing up it created a lot of tension in our

416
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,719
Speaker 2: relationship that I think he felt like he had to

417
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Speaker 2: like step up in a different way as a brother

418
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Speaker 2: to me. There's no male figure in the house besides

419
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Speaker 2: him and my brother, and it created a strange dynamic

420
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Speaker 2: for our relationship. And so we used to butt heads

421
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,159
Speaker 2: a lot. We're very close now, very very close, but

422
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 2: we've since talked about it. I mean years ago, it

423
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,919
Speaker 2: was like He's like, I felt responsible for you, and

424
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Speaker 2: I was always like, just can this nigga just be

425
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Speaker 2: my brother.

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Speaker 1: I want to be able to fight with you.

427
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Speaker 2: I want to be able to like I don't want

428
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Speaker 2: to feel like I need to like respect you.

429
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Speaker 1: In some way. Why do you keep telling me to

430
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Speaker 1: call you sir? This is odd.

431
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Speaker 2: It's so funny because my oldest, my mom's my mom

432
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Speaker 2: is one of nine and her right above her. Yeah,

433
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:35,879
Speaker 2: she's one of nine. She is the second oldest. So

434
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 2: you know, she has what's math, seven siblings who are

435
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 2: younger than her and one sibling who's older, and that's

436
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 2: her brother and my uncle.

437
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: And they do call him sir.

438
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 2: His siblings call him sir, because culturally it's like you

439
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 2: do respect your elders. But I didn't know that growing

440
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,440
Speaker 2: up because obviously they grew up in Nigeria, my mom

441
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 2: and her siblings, I grew up here, and so I

442
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,639
Speaker 2: just thought his name and with their accent, I thought

443
00:22:58,680 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 2: his name.

444
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,440
Speaker 1: Was all of child. I don't think till I was.

445
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 2: Like twenty one, I was like, oh, that's not part

446
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 2: of his name.

447
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,360
Speaker 1: They're calling him sir in their.

448
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 2: Accents, because no one ever explained it to me, And

449
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 2: so that is interesting you say that, because I truly

450
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,120
Speaker 2: could not conceive it. I'm like, you're calling your brother sir,

451
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 2: But it did not occur to me. I thought they

452
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 2: were saying like Sam and his name was two parts,

453
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 2: and like yeah, but.

454
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 1: Was he the only because there's nine of them, so

455
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,360
Speaker 1: was he the only sir? Or did everybody get No,

456
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 1: he was the only sir. He was the only sir.

457
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 2: And my mom being the oldest daughter right after or

458
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 2: right after him, there was no.

459
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:45,120
Speaker 1: They weren't calling her ma'am. Patriarchy is wild.

460
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 2: It's wild. But now I'm like, yeah, they didn't. They

461
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 2: didn't call her that, so I'm like.

462
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 1: She should have been ma'am. They should have been, but

463
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 1: you know what they do.

464
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 2: I'll call her auntie like her siblings, but not because

465
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 2: they have to.

466
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 1: I don't.

467
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 2: It feels very much like a term of endearment. I

468
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 2: don't know how much older she is. And then I've

469
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 2: never like tried to do the math on my aunts

470
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,080
Speaker 2: and uncles.

471
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 1: I have no.

472
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 2: Idea, but I'm like they do, but it feels like

473
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 2: a like we just call her that because she's our

474
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 2: oldest sister. I don't think my mom would be tripping

475
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 2: if they called her by her name, right.

476
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 1: Those dynamics are very interesting to me. Where you go.

477
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 2: I would watch movies and I'd watch friends and their

478
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 2: siblings or their older cousins who maybe live with them,

479
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 2: and I'd be like, see, they're just siblings and she's

480
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:31,400
Speaker 2: cussing at her and it's fine, and then they get

481
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 2: over it a couple of hours.

482
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 1: Each other and then they go eat or whatever it is.

483
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,479
Speaker 2: Yes, it's specifically in the case you've just described, and

484
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 2: I have had that experience where it's like there is

485
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 2: no like steady male father figure in the home, but

486
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 2: this person, this is an older male, older sibling, is like, oh,

487
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 2: I feel some semblance of responsibility for you beyond the

488
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 2: normal like, oh, I'm your older brother, older sister.

489
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's something I think I craved way that I Again,

490
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:04,679
Speaker 1: it took years to sort of like realize this, but

491
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,919
Speaker 1: I just have always craved a true sibling relationship and

492
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 1: not this weird hybrid relationship that isn't quite right and

493
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 1: like none of us have the same exact set of parents.

494
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 1: It's all like mix and match because of all these

495
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 1: step right, it's involved, and so like none of us

496
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 1: really look alike. And yeah, it just sort of like

497
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 1: makes this distance in the relationship that you didn't really

498
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 1: want and like whish wasn't there, But you can't really

499
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 1: do much about, right.

500
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 2: Did you feel a closeness than to any of your

501
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 2: siblings parents that are not yours?

502
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 1: Yeah? So my So, my two younger sisters the next

503
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 1: in line, are ten and eleven years younger than I am.

504
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 1: Their dad was the one that was around the longest,

505
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 1: and we we I think, were pretty close. And then

506
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 1: there my mom and his force was so messy and

507
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 1: so sort of like volatile that it severed both my

508
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 1: relationship with him but then also did a lot of

509
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 1: damage to my relationship with my younger sisters. So even

510
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: now we're still like in a very slow rebuild towards

511
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 1: any semblance of like a healthy relationship. And that's honestly

512
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 1: only with the younger of the two of them, unless

513
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: the older of the two of them. Yeah, yeah, it

514
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 1: just you know, relationships are messy, and if your parents

515
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,880
Speaker 1: aren't helping you manage what is already complicated for them,

516
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,199
Speaker 1: then it becomes your problem to figure out. And I

517
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: think unfortunately I was, I was older, but I was

518
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:46,919
Speaker 1: still young enough to not know how to like see past,

519
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 1: you know, the bad choices of the people around me

520
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 1: kind of thing.

521
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, you want the adults in your mind, at least

522
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 2: at least for me. It's like you want them to

523
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 2: have the answers and feel like they've lived enough life

524
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 2: and they are old enough now that they are wise

525
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 2: and can help us rise above the bullshit or guide

526
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 2: us in a way that allows us to rise above

527
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,360
Speaker 2: the bullshit and recognize what's really important, what matters here.

528
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 2: And then there comes a time, in my opinion, where

529
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 2: you go, oh, my god, my parents are human and

530
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 2: they didn't have the tools regular regular humans.

531
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 1: Well, god, damn, damn, my mama a lady at the

532
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 1: gas station. I didn't even know I even know it.

533
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 2: Here I am thinking of some sort of superhero and

534
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 2: in my mind I remember just being like, my mom

535
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 2: should be this, like even killed arbitrar of justice. And

536
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:39,360
Speaker 2: I was like, she's simply not she She's.

537
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 1: Just the lady trying her best. You had some kids, Yeah,

538
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 1: how old were you when your mom and your dad divorced? Then?

539
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 2: So I was a baby, Like actually, so I think

540
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 2: they must have separated within my first year of life. Yea,

541
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 2: they were divorced. I've never known them to be together.

542
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 2: I've never seen that to my Maybe I did as

543
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 2: a baby, but like, I have no memory of them together.

544
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 1: No formative moments in your life.

545
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 2: Yes, were together, Yes, which for me I've said too

546
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:11,879
Speaker 2: is probably why the relationship or lack thereof with my

547
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 2: dad kind of doesn't bug me. I just didn't know

548
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 2: a different way, right, and there was nobody sort of

549
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 2: coming in and out where I'm like, oh, I thought

550
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 2: maybe you were going to step in this role. And

551
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 2: now I know what it's like to have a father

552
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 2: figure in the house and I like that or I

553
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,120
Speaker 2: don't like that. I'm like, I have no concept of that.

554
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 2: Really for myself.

555
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 1: So you're your mom never remarried or anything. No, she

556
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: didn't know.

557
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 2: Oh damn yeah, which I do appreciate because it created

558
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: a sense of stability, and the stability just being like

559
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 2: it's mom, mom is your parent.

560
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: But I don't know.

561
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 2: I have no sense of what that would have been

562
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,440
Speaker 2: like to have a dad in the house, and so

563
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 2: I don't I don't know that I'm missing anything, because

564
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 2: you can't really miss what you never had. And you're

565
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 2: shaking your head, like, trust me, I had a few

566
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 2: of them.

567
00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: And I'm very lucky in that I both had all

568
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 1: these step parents. But I remain I had a consistent

569
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 1: father figure the entire time, you know. I mean like

570
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,479
Speaker 1: I wasn't counting on this new dude to teach me

571
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 1: anything other than just like, oh, you know some you know,

572
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 1: some cool moves on teching, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, yeah,

573
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: we can play video games and who there's nothing else

574
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 1: here to offer me kind of thing. Yeah, And I

575
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 1: think if I, frankly, if I were in a different

576
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 1: position than I might have found myself, you know, wishing

577
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 1: those you know that this man can fix it for

578
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: me kind of thing.

579
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 2: Right, You've already said that, like, you know, you didn't

580
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 2: necessarily feel growing up like the adults had the tools

581
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 2: to give you guys to go, Hey, let's sort of

582
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 2: look beyond the bullshit and remember like you guys are

583
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 2: siblings and your relationships matter in so many words, I

584
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 2: don't want to put words to you.

585
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think that's right. Yeah.

586
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 2: Now on your dad's side, do you think he was

587
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 2: any better at the that though then perhaps maybe your

588
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 2: mom and your sister's dad might have been.

589
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 1: Was your dad any better? No? I mean I think

590
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 1: my dad made a more active effort because so his

591
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 1: wife and I have never gotten along, do not get

592
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 1: along to this day. But my brother, who is the

593
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: third sibling in line after me, well you know, he's

594
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: the fourth of us, but he is the product of

595
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 1: my dad and his current wife, and he and I

596
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: sort of have a you know, distant relationship in part

597
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 1: because his wife and I never got along, and that

598
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 1: created a lot of distance. And I think my dad

599
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 1: would actively try to encourage us, you know, like you

600
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 1: should you gotta say, oh to your brother, go go

601
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: hang out with your brother or whatever it is your

602
00:30:55,240 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: dad's yea, Yeah, he I think was very encouraging of

603
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: like you should maintain a relationship, but also was not

604
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: I think equipped to help resolve the unhealthiness in the household,

605
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you're being like, go

606
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: hang out, but you're not helping to fix the actual problem.

607
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 1: And until you're able to fix the problem, it's hard

608
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 1: to just be like, Oh, I'm gonna like look past

609
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,240
Speaker 1: this stuff because I'm sixteen and I'm an asshole. Question

610
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 1: in the way that every child is.

611
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 2: That is accurate, and I get that, and that makes

612
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 2: complete sense. Yeah, does he seem bothered in any real

613
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 2: way by what the dynamic is between you and your

614
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 2: stepmom and your sibling, your brother that's his son.

615
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it bothers him a lot. Honestly. I

616
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: think he even to this day, he will still like

617
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 1: and he again not a big emotional talker, but I

618
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,479
Speaker 1: think the one thing that he ever asks of me,

619
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: sort of with a truly emotional crying out, is like too,

620
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 1: for years I didn't speak to her, Like I literally

621
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: would be in the house and not say a word,

622
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: and I knew, like if I say something, it's just

623
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:24,840
Speaker 1: gonna be cussing at you, or it's just gonna be

624
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: like sort of tense, and so I resolved that part

625
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: of her her strength in that household was getting me

626
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 1: to like get emotional, get upset, and so I became

627
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 1: sort of like I'm my angeloude that shit, you know

628
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: what I mean, I just read out these words. And

629
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: so I think for years I just would not speak,

630
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 1: and she would she would try to force that out

631
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 1: of me, and then he would come to me privately

632
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 1: and be like, dude, you just gotta say hi to her.

633
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 1: You just gotta like try to, like, you know, do

634
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 1: basic communication shit. And I refused, and I think that

635
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 1: that bothered him a lot, and even in my adulthood,

636
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,560
Speaker 1: for years he would beg me, please just say hi

637
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 1: to Marsha, come on, just just try. And it's like, nah,

638
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: I don't like her, Yeah, do that? So and so

639
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: you do you still not say? You don't say hi

640
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 1: to Marcia? Now I do. I don't care. I you know,

641
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 1: I think I keep every interaction very minimal. You will

642
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,640
Speaker 1: know nothing about me. I will never laugh at a

643
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 1: single joke you tell, you know what I mean, Like,

644
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: there's never gonna be like a moment and like my

645
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 1: kids come around and like, you know, my daughter is

646
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 1: this hugely loquacious, sort of like warm person, far more

647
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: outgoing than either myself or my wife are. And so

648
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: like she'll go in the room and she's staying hot

649
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 1: to everybody and high five in folks, and like I'm

650
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 1: never blocking, you know, my child from enjoying whoever she enjoys.

651
00:33:55,080 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 1: But also like, bitch, you know, don't don't let me

652
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 1: catch you hugging up on her. You know what I mean, Like,

653
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: don't get my baby no kisses. Don't get my baby

654
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: no kiss so she knows what it is. Okay, get

655
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 1: your leathery lips off my shell.

656
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 2: Wait, that's too funny. The drama's kind of fun I don't.

657
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 2: I'm not laughing at the drama. But you're no, I

658
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 2: grew up messy, I go, yeah, there's nothing. I've always

659
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:29,360
Speaker 2: told people it's not.

660
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 1: I did not grow up in a in any version

661
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:36,359
Speaker 1: of like a bad childhood. And so like, you know,

662
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,960
Speaker 1: we we had enough means for me to eat and

663
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: get what I needed. I wasn't like any sort of

664
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 1: like hardship in that way. I just had two messy

665
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 1: ass households and they're the emotional sort of like hardship

666
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 1: made up for you know what other people probably are

667
00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 1: struggling with on the other end.

668
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 2: Right now, you say your dad is the disciplinarian, or

669
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 2: was at least when you were growing up you go to.

670
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 1: His house, I wouldn't say he was a disciplinarian. I

671
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 1: just think his house was more disciplined. Okay, that's that

672
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: does make sense.

673
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 2: Okay, Now, what were some of the things he taught

674
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 2: you then while you were at his house or spending

675
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 2: time with him.

676
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 1: My dad was My grandparents describe him as their smartest child.

677
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:28,840
Speaker 1: He was, like, you know, graduated with high honors from Yale.

678
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 1: He was growing up and planning to be a mathematician,

679
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 1: and then made other choices. He moved into socialism and

680
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:40,400
Speaker 1: just sort of focused on that. But but he is

681
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 1: a brilliant, brilliant person as it pertains to like all things,

682
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 1: you know, school and homework and things like that. So

683
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: I think a lot of my ability to sort of

684
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: maneuver through school I can largely attribute to like my

685
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 1: dad and him helping me figure out how to, like,

686
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: you know, solve equations and write essays and just be

687
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 1: a capable student in a way that I probably wouldn't

688
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 1: have been if it was just me at my mom's

689
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:17,399
Speaker 1: house waiting for the computer. Who was on it one

690
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 1: of the guys. There's plenty of people in there. Anybody

691
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:21,760
Speaker 1: could have been on that computer.

692
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 2: I make it sound like a library, just waiting on

693
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 2: a computer.

694
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 1: At the house.

695
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,319
Speaker 2: But also there was a time when I'm like, you

696
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 2: had to use dial up to get on the internet too,

697
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 2: you know, and it was like, you can't be on

698
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 2: the phone if you're on the internet.

699
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: That was a that was a whole thing too. Nobody

700
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 1: could be on the phone. Nobody could, you know, if

701
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,440
Speaker 1: anybody else had, like any version of work to do,

702
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 1: you just had to wait your turn. We were. It

703
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:48,959
Speaker 1: was a different It was kind It was wild.

704
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 2: I mean, it's wild to think about because the youth

705
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,760
Speaker 2: of today have no idea not to sound like that person.

706
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: But they really don't. They have no clue. Now. The

707
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,359
Speaker 1: nice thing was we also could like, uh, you could

708
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,760
Speaker 1: handwrite an essay and turn that in and teachers were like, yep,

709
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,320
Speaker 1: this makes sense.

710
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,360
Speaker 2: Handwriting an essay is crazy.

711
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:12,760
Speaker 1: Nuts, that is crazy. It's absolutely nuts.

712
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 2: The notion just said, to chill down my spine that

713
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 2: we were actually in pencil, which is just like, that's gross.

714
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: That's my hot take, we're animals.

715
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Okay, what else did you your dad connect on

716
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 2: beyond those moments where it's like I'm learning how to

717
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,960
Speaker 2: be a good student and write these essays and do

718
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 2: this math homework.

719
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 1: What are some of the other things you connected on.

720
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: Basketball was really big in our house. I played basketball,

721
00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: and my dad loved basketball. He was He will tell

722
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 1: you he was bad at basketball and he was like

723
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: fifth sixth grade. Me and my friends could could beat

724
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 1: him in one on one and that's embarrassing because he

725
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 1: sticks to it like a little guy. He had the

726
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 1: means to be able to beat children. He just couldn't.

727
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 1: But he Yeah, we we connected a lot on sort

728
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 1: of sports and basketball in particular. I don't know the

729
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:19,960
Speaker 1: OJ trial we vibe did he think did it or not?

730
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 1: My dad because of because I think of his political

731
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: sort of positioning number one, never cared if OJ did it.

732
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 1: I think he much more as like this is a

733
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 1: failure of a system at large, not just like guilt innocence.

734
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: He doesn't frankly believe that the the government or the

735
00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 1: state has the right to decide innocence and guilt in

736
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: the same way that we deem Uh you know we

737
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 1: the States should not be able to send somebody to

738
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: jail for life or or murder them simply because of

739
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 1: a crime that they commities.

740
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 2: Okay, so he didn't care, all right? Did you have

741
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 2: a take? Did you think he did it?

742
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 1: I don't think I I think as a child, I

743
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 1: don't think I thought he did it. I think I

744
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: thought this was like, oh, Mark Furman, I think I

745
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 1: knew I knew the hot you know what I mean.

746
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:22,279
Speaker 1: The takes I both my parents, I think we're both like, no,

747
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 1: this is this is messed up, this is corrupt, whatever

748
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 1: it is. But but now I know that his son

749
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 1: did it.

750
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 2: Okay, I was just talking to somebody about this. I

751
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 2: feel like every two years I find myself in a

752
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 2: deep conversation about the OJ trial and and I just

753
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,800
Speaker 2: became privy to the Sun did it theory?

754
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: How much? How much did you hear in terms of argument?

755
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 1: You know, not a lot, not a lot. And that's

756
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 1: where I go.

757
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 2: I need more information about why we think the Sun

758
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 2: did it?

759
00:39:55,680 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 1: And then yeah, you have the information. You're like, you

760
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:01,800
Speaker 1: a little bit about Jason Simpson.

761
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,839
Speaker 2: Okay, go off, do it in sixty seconds.

762
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 1: You got it. He's the eldest son of O. J.

763
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: Simpson Right. He has a history, a recorded history of violence,

764
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 1: specifically violence with knives. He had been fired from multiple

765
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 1: jobs because of threatening his bosses with knives. He also

766
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 1: had a very difficult, sort of tumultuous relationship with Nicole

767
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:29,799
Speaker 1: Brown Simpson, often sort of on the outs between them.

768
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 1: The day that Nicole Brown Simpson is murdered, she was

769
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 1: supposed to go eat at a restaurant that he was

770
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:39,360
Speaker 1: working at. He had saved her a reservation. She didn't

771
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 1: show up and instead went to the restaurant where Ron

772
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: Goldman was working. This made Jason upset. Now here's where

773
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,879
Speaker 1: it gets even crazier is that when OJ is sort

774
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:55,840
Speaker 1: of notified that Nicole has been murdered, the only person

775
00:40:55,920 --> 00:41:01,320
Speaker 1: he calls a lawyer for is Jason, not himself. Really

776
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: only calls a lawyer for Jason. Jason has since gone missing.

777
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 1: He is nowhere to be found, often suspected to still

778
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 1: be living in Atlanta somewhere. Is that sixty seconds that

779
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: I think I think you did nail it. I think

780
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 1: that was just about sixty seconds, and that is.

781
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 2: Convincing as fuck, And I'm on the Jason did it

782
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 2: trained now I got on and then then this is

783
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 2: why you don't let the government decide whether someone's guilty

784
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 2: or innocent. Because it took you sixty seconds to convince me.

785
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 2: I'm like, great, Jason did it. That sounds about right.

786
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 2: I know all that matches up for me and I.

787
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,359
Speaker 1: But now imagine you have a judge's robe on. This

788
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: is where he did it.

789
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 2: Jason's done it, and Jason's going to jail for life.

790
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 2: This is You're right, your dad's right. We shouldn't get

791
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 2: to decide that we're people. Became very intrigued, like this

792
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 2: is maybe six months ago. I was on a Wikipedia

793
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,720
Speaker 2: hole about ohj the guy that was his roommate.

794
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 1: There was a man living with him, right, Kato Kaka

795
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 1: was living in the back house. Yeah, I didn't.

796
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,839
Speaker 2: Was fascinating to me. I thought that's interesting. Imagine being

797
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 2: the roommate in all of that.

798
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 1: Anyway, he does stand up comedy. Now do you have

799
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: you been on the circuit with him? Watch your mouth

800
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 1: you watch a damn math. Kato Klein and I do

801
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 1: not work the same room. Now, Kato Cato not your feature.

802
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 1: If Kato Klein starts featuring for me, things have gone

803
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 1: awry they did, they didn't you.

804
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 2: Heard it here? Was it important to you to make

805
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 2: your dad proud?

806
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 1: Huh? Yeah, I think so. I think that was that

807
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 1: that would have That would mean a lot to me

808
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: and has meant a lot to me over the years,

809
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,959
Speaker 1: to feel like he's proud of the things that I'm doing.

810
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 1: He's he's not the type of person that would ever

811
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:54,319
Speaker 1: say out loud, I am proud of you, but he

812
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: sort of shows his pride I think through just presence.

813
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 1: I think think he's much better at just like I

814
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 1: listened to the thing that you did. I watched the

815
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:09,279
Speaker 1: thing and that was cool. I think he's he's not

816
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 1: ready yet to be like a I love you, I'm

817
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: proud of you person. Okay. I think he's gonna show

818
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 1: up every week, whether you know, whether I asked him

819
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 1: to or not, He'll be there. So that's quite nice

820
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 1: for him. Yeah.

821
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 2: Do you want to hear him say I love you

822
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 2: or I'm proud of you. Would that be really meaningful

823
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 2: to you to make a huge difference or is the

824
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 2: presence enough for you?

825
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think the presence is enough. I think I

826
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: think sometimes we get a little greedy for what we

827
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 1: want from people, and I think we kind of have

828
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,280
Speaker 1: to meet people where they are and what they're capable

829
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 1: of giving. And I think he had a His dad

830
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 1: was a man of the military, and like was a

831
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 1: guy who had a ton of guns in the basement

832
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 1: him and sort of a very proud Ohio man in

833
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 1: that way. And I think he just never really was

834
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 1: able to get that energy from his dad, And so

835
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 1: he's not necessarily handing it down to me, but I

836
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:19,359
Speaker 1: think he is capable of handing down the care. Your

837
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 1: care is far more meaningful, in my opinion than the

838
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 1: words are. So I'm grateful.

839
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 2: Sure do you aspire to be or are you the

840
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 2: type of parent who does say I love you and

841
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:31,359
Speaker 2: I'm proud of you.

842
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 1: Yeah? I try to be that as much as I can.

843
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 1: I'm big. I tell my daughter and my son I

844
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 1: love them all the time. My son don't speak English,

845
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 1: he ain't retaining any of it. Does he speaks a

846
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: different language or he's he's four months. I don't know

847
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: what he speaks yet. He's making The boy could be

848
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 1: Nordic as far as I as far as I can tell,

849
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 1: but he I try to tell them as often as

850
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,719
Speaker 1: possible that I love them. That I'm proud of them.

851
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 1: I'm working on being the type of parent that apologizes,

852
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 1: which I think is huge, very meaningful, and that's not

853
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 1: always easy. I'm also learning to be the type of

854
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: partner that apologizes, which isn't always easy. But yeah, I

855
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 1: want to be able to see sort of these missing

856
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 1: holes in my own upbringing and fill them rather than

857
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:31,839
Speaker 1: sort of like carrying them forward, right right.

858
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 2: That's really beautiful and meaningful in my opinion, especially that

859
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 2: part about being the type of parent that apologizes or

860
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 2: partner that apologizes, namely the parent part, because I wonder

861
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,719
Speaker 2: if hearing my mom or any adult apologize to a

862
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,719
Speaker 2: child when I was growing up, especially when they're like

863
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:52,879
Speaker 2: kind of stuck and ultimately are in the wrong even

864
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,959
Speaker 2: in retrospect, hearing them apologize would have made me much

865
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 2: sooner ago. Oh, this is a human and also go

866
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 2: recognize just how powerful it is to apologize and how

867
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:08,400
Speaker 2: it makes it okay to apologize, and feel like so

868
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 2: many relationships are damaged romantically, friendships, whatever, because people are

869
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 2: not willing to apologize, and we don't learn it necessarily

870
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 2: from our parents, or haven't historically, it seems learned that

871
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 2: from parents to go.

872
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't know. I didn't know you could apologize

873
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:28,240
Speaker 1: to a child for a long time. Seems kind of crazy.

874
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 2: But like even when I say it right, I go

875
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 2: And I don't know if it's a matter of my upbringing.

876
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:34,319
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to disparage my family, because I think

877
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 2: they did a great job raising me, but the notion

878
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 2: seems kind of radical to be like, yeah, an adult's

879
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 2: gonna help an adult who's caring for a child who

880
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 2: can like do near nothing for themselves, you're gonna go up.

881
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 1: Sorry, Yeah, I'm sorry, I raised my voice, that's you,

882
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 1: or yeah, lost my temper or whatever it is, Like

883
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: it's it's really it is. It does feel radical, but

884
00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:02,240
Speaker 1: there's an insane Catharsis eye I felt in saying those

885
00:47:02,280 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 1: words out loud that like the times where I have

886
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 1: felt like I've lost control of the type of parent

887
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: that I've imagined myself to be in a moment, it's

888
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 1: it's freeing in a weird way to be able to

889
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 1: go back to my kid and be like, I'm sorry, daddy,

890
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,840
Speaker 1: didn't you know, shouldn't have done that, or I didn't

891
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,479
Speaker 1: mean to feel the way that I felt. But these

892
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:29,880
Speaker 1: are the reasonings, and thankfully, my daughter is very articulate

893
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:33,640
Speaker 1: and sort of has the ability to like say back like, yeah,

894
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 1: it's okay, I'm sorry too, I wish you know that

895
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 1: didn't happen kind of thing, and it just makes you

896
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:43,799
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, this isn't this isn't like work, This

897
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 1: is like a my partner. This is another partner that

898
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,719
Speaker 1: I have in this thing. That's really cool. It's a

899
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 1: small dumb partner. Are you gonna apologize to her for that?

900
00:47:54,680 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 1: I otherwise she dumb to me, A small dumb partner.

901
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 2: I mean I think that, Yeah, I think it's it's

902
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:10,200
Speaker 2: really incredible what that can teach her though, and even

903
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 2: early on teaching her even forgiveness, because when she gets

904
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:17,359
Speaker 2: to say to you, okay, I'm sorry too, or that's okay,

905
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 2: I didn't like that. I just I think that lesson

906
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 2: is so invaluable. But what made you decide you wanted

907
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:28,320
Speaker 2: to be the kind of parent who articulates I'm sorry?

908
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:30,319
Speaker 2: Because I know you say you had these holes in

909
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 2: your childhood and your upbringing that you'd like to rectify.

910
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,920
Speaker 2: But the first time you said sorry, what made you go?

911
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:37,880
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna say sorry to this child.

912
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 1: You know what it is, I think, and I'm grateful

913
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 1: my wife and I and I owe her more credit

914
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 1: than myself obviously, but my wife and I hold very

915
00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: different positions in disciplining right that. Like when when my

916
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 1: wife was pregnant, she was like, we're gonna spank. We're

917
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 1: going to be a spanking household, because sometimes you got

918
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 1: to hit a baby to figure out you're making her

919
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,520
Speaker 1: sound bad. Come on, legs. She said, I'm gonna beat

920
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:11,200
Speaker 1: the funk out of our kids. And I said, baby, please,

921
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 1: and she said, no, I'm giving a child. I'll tell

922
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: you what to do with that. Okay, But she, I

923
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 1: think was leaning more towards like I think traditions that

924
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: just felt, you know, similar to the ones that we

925
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 1: were raised in. And it's probably generational. I imagine. I have

926
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 1: to assume that you at least grew up in a

927
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 1: the under the threat of spanking if my mom did.

928
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: My mom did not spank me.

929
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 2: And I've said this before, but someone once said to me,

930
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:41,640
Speaker 2: and it shows.

931
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:49,400
Speaker 1: Why did not get spanked.

932
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:52,439
Speaker 2: I mean other people spanked me, which is its own,

933
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 2: that's the thing, but not I can name the times

934
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:59,600
Speaker 2: I've gotten spank I think like I remembered what I

935
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 2: remember one and a half times. Whoa, I was not

936
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,400
Speaker 2: getting spanked out here. I think I'm lovely personally.

937
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 1: I'm enjoying you.

938
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Lake said, I'm like, I'm lovely

939
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,240
Speaker 2: even in its shows.

940
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 1: I haven't seen you at your lows, but yeah, I.

941
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 2: Enjoyed your lowes, you know, at my lows. I think that.

942
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:23,240
Speaker 2: I think I'm still I'm very human at my lows.

943
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 2: But again, I think lovely, and I am good for

944
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 2: coming back and apologizing to people. I especially when I

945
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 2: feel I owe someone an apology. Yes, but you're saying

946
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 2: your wife wanted to sort of yes tradition.

947
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:40,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think she was a little closer to like

948
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 1: wanting to, like, you know, reflect some of the things

949
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:48,240
Speaker 1: that we experienced, and I think I wanted I was like, no,

950
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:51,759
Speaker 1: we have the chance to start a new wave. We

951
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 1: can be something different than the whole thing. And then

952
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 1: our kids showed up and she immediately shut down all

953
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 1: the of that. She was like, I'm never gonna lay

954
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,920
Speaker 1: hands on this child ever once. Yeah, and I my

955
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 1: it then forced me. She doesn't discipline our daughter even

956
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:14,319
Speaker 1: in the least and u Jo barely tells the girl no,

957
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 1: And it then I think forced me, or at least

958
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 1: made me feel forced into a position of becoming the

959
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 1: disciplinarian in a way that I didn't anticipate. But in

960
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 1: doing that, I think my position, my want has still

961
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:31,840
Speaker 1: remained exactly where it is. I want to be a

962
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: different version of a parent than the ones that I

963
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 1: sort of was raised with. And so there have been

964
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:41,840
Speaker 1: times where I found myself getting angry or or raising

965
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 1: my voice or feeling like I'm taking things too far,

966
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 1: And it's been my wife sort of pointing out that, like, hey,

967
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 1: there was an alternative here. You didn't whatever that reaction was.

968
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 1: Even if you don't agree with like how I'm handling it,

969
00:51:56,920 --> 00:52:00,400
Speaker 1: there's there was steps in between that didn't have to

970
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 1: go as far as you felt like it had to go.

971
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:06,240
Speaker 1: And I think in hearing that and seeing that demonstrated,

972
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 1: I'm able to recognize, like, oh, I don't have to

973
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,720
Speaker 1: be that. And if I do find myself becoming something

974
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:16,840
Speaker 1: I didn't want, and I can just say my bad,

975
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I don't have to take pride in this right,

976
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:24,879
Speaker 1: it can just be something I'm working on and growing in.

977
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's a wonder how many experiences that are unpleasant,

978
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 2: even for you in that position that can just be

979
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 2: wrapped up by.

980
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:35,319
Speaker 1: Going I'm sorry and you go.

981
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 2: You don't have to stand on this wrong thing you

982
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 2: did an air quote wrong, or this thing that produced

983
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 2: a result you didn't intend. You can just surmise it

984
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 2: and go, you know what, that was a mistake. I'm human,

985
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 2: and even as a parent, Hi, I'm going to be

986
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,439
Speaker 2: a human, and I'm genuinely trying my best, but I'm

987
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:56,320
Speaker 2: aware and present and with you, and I can acknowledge

988
00:52:56,320 --> 00:52:59,800
Speaker 2: if I misstepped or mishandled situation.

989
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 1: There's so much anxiety I think that keeps living and

990
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 1: sort of bubbling up when you don't do that, you

991
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,520
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like in the times where I've

992
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:16,360
Speaker 1: refused to apologize in my relationship or previous relationships, it

993
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:21,000
Speaker 1: becomes truly this festering thing of just like damn all

994
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:23,720
Speaker 1: right now, I gotta really like pretend like I really

995
00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 1: stand on this shit that I did and that because

996
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 1: then you just your shoulders are different. It just it's

997
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 1: not worth it.

998
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know, I wonder if sociopaths feel that

999
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:35,560
Speaker 2: way at all, or.

1000
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:40,160
Speaker 1: If there's I think that's the beauty of sociopaths is

1001
00:53:40,239 --> 00:53:42,799
Speaker 1: they don't feel that it's beautiful way to live. I

1002
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 1: can only imagine you don't feel any of that shit.

1003
00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:46,479
Speaker 2: You're like, I am going to stand on this because

1004
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,480
Speaker 2: I don't care and I'm not feeling any of it.

1005
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 2: Is there a moment where you've had to discipline your

1006
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 2: daughter that has felt like uncomfortable for you and you

1007
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 2: were in the right as a parent, but it was like, fuck,

1008
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 2: I don't want to be in this spot. I want

1009
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 2: to be playful with you or want to feel a

1010
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:05,719
Speaker 2: different way.

1011
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think it's that is sort of the

1012
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: constant challenge of a toddler in your home is that

1013
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,719
Speaker 1: like I'm always right, do you know what I mean? Like,

1014
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:22,880
Speaker 1: I'm not. Nothing I'm telling you is wrong. I see, Okay,

1015
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:26,759
Speaker 1: that's the distinction. Okay, yeah, your brain is unfinished, so

1016
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 1: I am correct. But what is correct when you're dealing

1017
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: with somebody who's who's pure it? You know what I mean?

1018
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:41,719
Speaker 1: Like everything is just a want, a drive that that

1019
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:44,400
Speaker 1: sort of moves them through the world. And so like

1020
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:48,080
Speaker 1: there are times my daughter the other day truly had

1021
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 1: like a major meltdown because she wanted, like we had

1022
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:54,880
Speaker 1: left the house. We were on our way to school,

1023
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:58,280
Speaker 1: and I'm walking her to school, and she like wanted

1024
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: a hat, a pink hat that she had at the

1025
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 1: house that she's never worn as never one to school,

1026
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:06,879
Speaker 1: does not wear ever, but like had a full mel

1027
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:09,120
Speaker 1: down to the point that she we got to I

1028
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,319
Speaker 1: like had convinced her we can't go back to get

1029
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:13,319
Speaker 1: this hat, and then we made it to school, and

1030
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:16,279
Speaker 1: then she started crying some more. And then the teachers

1031
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:22,719
Speaker 1: are like texting me being like, hey, man, if we're

1032
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 1: hearing about a pink hat, like we're hearing about a hat,

1033
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:28,400
Speaker 1: and we didn't realize you didn't bring the hat, but

1034
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 1: but you got to bring that hat because she's and

1035
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:36,320
Speaker 1: so like, you know, I'm sitting here like essentially wanting

1036
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 1: to cuss out a child over a hat that I

1037
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: know she doesn't need. No, she's not gonna wear. No, No,

1038
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:43,759
Speaker 1: I don't know where this is coming from, but it

1039
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: truly is just a want that you have. But then

1040
00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:50,080
Speaker 1: there's also the need to go and get the hat,

1041
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:51,600
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? And there is a

1042
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:54,239
Speaker 1: need to then even in giving her the hat, to

1043
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:57,239
Speaker 1: recognize that, hey, I raised my voice with you and

1044
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 1: I was, uh, frustrated with you in a way that

1045
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:06,400
Speaker 1: doesn't make me feel good about our relationship. So I

1046
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:09,839
Speaker 1: can still apologize for that, even though you're a psychopath.

1047
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 1: Has no business asking for this hat and.

1048
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:17,080
Speaker 2: When you do give an apology, you tax something like that.

1049
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 2: On the end, I just little something. She didn't hear that.

1050
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:27,319
Speaker 2: She didn't hear that part, so she's thinking it's all cool.

1051
00:56:27,320 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 2: It's like, call me a psychopath. That that makes sense,

1052
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 2: I've I can only imagine how complicated and challenging it

1053
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 2: is to have a child in your home that is yours,

1054
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 2: that you are responsible for, whose brain I love it,

1055
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 2: but it is not fully formed. So you're getting frustrated

1056
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 2: with this? You can't Can you call a child a

1057
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 2: half human? Because I almost said half human? I feel

1058
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:55,560
Speaker 2: like you're not all You're not You're not all the

1059
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 2: way I know. I guess they are all the way human.

1060
00:56:57,719 --> 00:57:00,400
Speaker 2: I don't know, but anyway not to me, So.

1061
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 1: I'm now I wouldn't repeat that to any medical professionals

1062
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 1: or correct. That's where I'm trying to get adults. But sure, sure, yeah, okay,

1063
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 1: she is not a full human to me. Are there

1064
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:13,800
Speaker 1: things you want to emulate?

1065
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 2: So you've spend a lot of time, or let me

1066
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:18,280
Speaker 2: not say you spend a lot of time, you are

1067
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 2: being quite mindful to approach parenting in a way that

1068
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:25,280
Speaker 2: fills in some of the gaps you might have felt

1069
00:57:25,280 --> 00:57:29,320
Speaker 2: in your childhood from your parents. Are there things your parents,

1070
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 2: and namely your dad did growing up for you that

1071
00:57:32,920 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 2: you actively recognize and go, I'd like to emulate that.

1072
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:43,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, my dad's my dad's ability to I talked about

1073
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:47,440
Speaker 1: it before, but the showing up is so massive. I

1074
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 1: think I want to be able to create real, uh

1075
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:56,400
Speaker 1: sort of systems around homework and around like my kid's

1076
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: relationship with like getting work done, because I think that

1077
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:03,960
Speaker 1: kind of discipline has only benefitted me in my adult life.

1078
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:07,919
Speaker 1: Like I'm never going to use absolute value or any

1079
00:58:07,960 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 1: of like you know, long division bullshit that I learned

1080
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:14,880
Speaker 1: in the hours that I spent doing the homework. But

1081
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 1: I think the stringent sort of like behavior around like

1082
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:22,680
Speaker 1: you go home, you get started on your homework, nothing

1083
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 1: is free until you are done with that kind of

1084
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 1: has you know, It's made me a more disciplined adult,

1085
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:32,000
Speaker 1: and I think that I'd like for my kids to

1086
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 1: have that kind of relationship, you know, what I mean

1087
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:39,479
Speaker 1: with education, I think even with my mom, My mom

1088
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 1: is a very, very funny person, by easily the funniest

1089
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:47,000
Speaker 1: person in our family, and so, like, I think just

1090
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 1: being playful and having that playfulness with your kids is important,

1091
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 1: and I want to emulate a lot of what my

1092
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:57,760
Speaker 1: mom was able to do in our relationship. I think

1093
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:01,360
Speaker 1: they did. They took the tools that they had and

1094
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 1: they made a nice stew as best they could, and

1095
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 1: so I'd like to mirror a lot of it.

1096
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:10,800
Speaker 2: Right, So, if you feel like your parents made this

1097
00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:13,320
Speaker 2: nice stew and obviously between the two of them, you

1098
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:16,360
Speaker 2: got a lot of tools, and there are things that

1099
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 2: you want to emulate that each of them demonstrated.

1100
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:19,800
Speaker 1: Is there.

1101
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 2: Anything that you go off the top of your head.

1102
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,040
Speaker 2: I feel like my wife's gonna be better in this

1103
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 2: regard as a parent than I will be.

1104
00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, my wife is far more organized than I am. Okay,

1105
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:40,280
Speaker 1: I am not, And so I think just being able

1106
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 1: to create the systems that I wish I could create

1107
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:45,880
Speaker 1: with them my dad was able to put in place.

1108
00:59:46,560 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 1: I think my wife's gonna nail nail that much better.

1109
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 1: So that's why I won't leave. You want you to

1110
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:54,320
Speaker 1: because you've thought about it.

1111
00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:57,640
Speaker 2: At times when you're really standing on standing on your

1112
00:59:57,640 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 2: wrong point, you're like, in fact, I'm gonna get out

1113
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 2: of here. I will leave this woman, let her know

1114
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 2: I'm serious as soon.

1115
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 1: As I get organized I'm here.

1116
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 2: Do you want your kids to be able to talk

1117
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 2: to you about any and everything? And I'm saying it

1118
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:15,400
Speaker 2: like this, any and everything.

1119
01:00:20,920 --> 01:00:23,840
Speaker 1: I want them to feel like they can talk to

1120
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:28,080
Speaker 1: me about any and everything. Okay, I do not want

1121
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:32,040
Speaker 1: them to talk to me about any and everything. I

1122
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:34,720
Speaker 1: want you to keep some of that ship to yourself

1123
01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:40,920
Speaker 1: because that ain't my business. Please don't make it my business.

1124
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:45,360
Speaker 1: I don't need the anxiety of that being my business.

1125
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 1: But at any point that any of your business makes

1126
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:56,080
Speaker 1: you feel alone or or fearful or truly like you're

1127
01:00:56,200 --> 01:01:00,880
Speaker 1: up against the wall, you can't come back from tell

1128
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,760
Speaker 1: me everything. And I don't want you to feel at

1129
01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:08,040
Speaker 1: all like damn, I can't because okay, he'll react this

1130
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 1: way or he'll feel this way about me. Yeah, I'm

1131
01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:14,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna love these little weirdos till till they stop.

1132
01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:19,240
Speaker 2: So, yeah, I think you did a great job articulating

1133
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:23,320
Speaker 2: that distinction, because I've asked a few people that, and

1134
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 2: that was so beautifully concise because I want them to.

1135
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 1: Feel like it. But keep some of it to yourself.

1136
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:32,000
Speaker 1: I get that.

1137
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 2: That's that's really lovely as a parent, actually, I will

1138
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:37,560
Speaker 2: say you're doing a great job links and I don't

1139
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:39,200
Speaker 2: know what your kids think. We'll have to have them

1140
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 2: on the podcast at some point to see. We'll kind

1141
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:45,000
Speaker 2: of your Nordic son. I'm gonna have him on the

1142
01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:49,680
Speaker 2: podcast at some point. Your dad's doing well. We'll work

1143
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,120
Speaker 2: on that. But I end every thank you for being here.

1144
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:56,800
Speaker 2: I end every episode by asking my guests a piece

1145
01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:59,840
Speaker 2: of dad vice. I coined that I don't know if

1146
01:01:59,880 --> 01:02:02,200
Speaker 2: I like it anymore. I was really rocking with that

1147
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:04,880
Speaker 2: title for a while there because it came to me

1148
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:05,919
Speaker 2: in my sleep.

1149
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:07,320
Speaker 1: And I woke up and got a notepad and said,

1150
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:11,560
Speaker 1: dad vice, that's what it is. I'm like, so brilliant.

1151
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:13,720
Speaker 2: But I do end every episode asking for a piece

1152
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:17,480
Speaker 2: of advice from my guests. My dad for the day,

1153
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:21,640
Speaker 2: I am going to ask you. So much of it

1154
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:23,480
Speaker 2: has been about dating, and I don't want it to be,

1155
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:25,000
Speaker 2: but I'm just looking at you and I go, I

1156
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:26,840
Speaker 2: feel like Linson's going to have the answer. To this,

1157
01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:30,920
Speaker 2: And I don't always ask my dad's advice that I

1158
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:31,520
Speaker 2: think that they.

1159
01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:35,400
Speaker 1: Would be good for. But I get the sense you

1160
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:36,200
Speaker 1: might be good for this.

1161
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:39,120
Speaker 2: If I go on one date with the person dad,

1162
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:41,240
Speaker 2: and I don't want to go on another date with

1163
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:43,560
Speaker 2: that person, But that person texts me. Do I have

1164
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:45,760
Speaker 2: to tell them? And I never promised we'd go on

1165
01:02:45,760 --> 01:02:48,320
Speaker 2: another date or i'd see them again. Do I have

1166
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:53,000
Speaker 2: to say to that person? You're looking at me so uncomfortably?

1167
01:02:53,120 --> 01:02:54,480
Speaker 2: Is it because this is one of the things you

1168
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:56,240
Speaker 2: want me to feel like I could talk to you about,

1169
01:02:56,280 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 2: but you don't want to go.

1170
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:04,600
Speaker 1: You're my dad for the day I'm here. This is

1171
01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:06,960
Speaker 1: the part of being a good dad. Is that is

1172
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:09,040
Speaker 1: that I'll never let you know if this was one

1173
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:10,120
Speaker 1: of those things.

1174
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:14,479
Speaker 2: About is selling because all of a sudden, you got

1175
01:03:15,280 --> 01:03:18,520
Speaker 2: like cartoonishly bright eyed. No, you got to cartoonishly bright

1176
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:22,080
Speaker 2: eyed and stick trying to try.

1177
01:03:22,040 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 1: And I'm just so excited. Okay, you're yeah, you're doing it.

1178
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 1: This is great. It's actually not okay.

1179
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:33,439
Speaker 2: So if I do, I, oh, I have to start

1180
01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 2: over again, and I will keep this part in me

1181
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:39,360
Speaker 2: starting over. I got flustered because I was like Dad's uncomfortable. Okay,

1182
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 2: So so if I go on one day with the person,

1183
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 2: I never promised a second date. I never made any

1184
01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 2: suggestion we go on a second date. I don't want

1185
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:49,480
Speaker 2: to go on a second date. That person texts me

1186
01:03:49,880 --> 01:03:54,560
Speaker 2: do I owe that person? Dad response as to like,

1187
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 2: do I owe them?

1188
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:56,720
Speaker 1: My response? Period?

1189
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:59,600
Speaker 2: And then do I in that response say no thank

1190
01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:01,840
Speaker 2: you to a second date? Because they're not even asking

1191
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,000
Speaker 2: for a second date in the text, so they're just like,

1192
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:07,000
Speaker 2: what's up? And do I say to that person? Do

1193
01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:11,560
Speaker 2: I owe them that? Ghosting? The questions loaded? But anyway, please,

1194
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:12,440
Speaker 2: what are you thinking about?

1195
01:04:12,600 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 1: I have a few answers that sort of combined voltron

1196
01:04:16,080 --> 01:04:19,840
Speaker 1: into maybe a complete answer for you. I think I

1197
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:23,760
Speaker 1: think number one, you do not owe them any response.

1198
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 1: And I think, frankly, ghosting is a lot healthier than

1199
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 1: we give it credit for. I think that that ghosting

1200
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 1: kind of makes you very aware of how somebody feels

1201
01:04:35,880 --> 01:04:38,800
Speaker 1: about you, even if it doesn't make you feel great

1202
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:41,960
Speaker 1: in the process, and especially if you haven't established any

1203
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:47,400
Speaker 1: meaningful sort of like relationship. Who cares? You know what

1204
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,520
Speaker 1: I mean? It didn't work and now I know, and

1205
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:53,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna put that phone away and jump

1206
01:04:53,320 --> 01:04:55,360
Speaker 1: into you. I'm a mind my business. Yeah, I mean.

1207
01:04:57,240 --> 01:04:58,960
Speaker 2: His hands like birdman, just don't want to.

1208
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:07,200
Speaker 1: I like saying people get ghosted and uh no, I

1209
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:12,320
Speaker 1: think ghosting is not the violence that it has been

1210
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:16,600
Speaker 1: sort of presented to be on the internet. Person that said,

1211
01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:18,920
Speaker 1: I do think that if you, if you are the

1212
01:05:18,960 --> 01:05:22,360
Speaker 1: type of person that doesn't like how it feels to ghost,

1213
01:05:22,440 --> 01:05:25,200
Speaker 1: which I personally was not when I was dating. I

1214
01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:27,560
Speaker 1: didn't like ghosting people. It didn't make me feel good.

1215
01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:30,840
Speaker 1: I put a moral weight on my head because I'm

1216
01:05:30,840 --> 01:05:35,040
Speaker 1: a dinosaur or whatever. I do think that you should

1217
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:40,200
Speaker 1: be very clear with this person to say, na, I'm

1218
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:43,600
Speaker 1: good player this. We don't have to like go through

1219
01:05:43,600 --> 01:05:48,040
Speaker 1: the rigormarole of like I'm I'm well, how are you?

1220
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:50,840
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like that, that to me

1221
01:05:51,040 --> 01:05:54,080
Speaker 1: is actually more of a violence because it's taking them

1222
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:59,680
Speaker 1: back through the possibility of relationship or the possibility of

1223
01:05:59,720 --> 01:06:02,880
Speaker 1: grown wing into something that you're not interested in. And

1224
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:05,640
Speaker 1: you know that ahead of time. So either don't text

1225
01:06:05,640 --> 01:06:07,720
Speaker 1: back at all, or if you do text back, be

1226
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:09,240
Speaker 1: like shut up and.

1227
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:13,480
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, this is good advice. Lency you've got something

1228
01:06:13,520 --> 01:06:16,120
Speaker 2: figured out. You've been a great dad for the day.

1229
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 1: That's very helpful. That's very very helpful.

1230
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:22,720
Speaker 2: And I'm be like when I do respond, or if

1231
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:24,280
Speaker 2: I respond, if I run to this person in the

1232
01:06:24,280 --> 01:06:30,440
Speaker 2: streets and be like, my dad told me, my father

1233
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:32,040
Speaker 2: told me to handle you like this.

1234
01:06:33,520 --> 01:06:35,400
Speaker 1: You told me your dad was dead.

1235
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:38,160
Speaker 2: And then I start going in and I sent him

1236
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:39,960
Speaker 2: a link to the podcast, and all of a sudden

1237
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:42,600
Speaker 2: he's a apid supporter. And then and then we're dating.

1238
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:45,480
Speaker 2: And now you got a subscriber. Yeah, you got a subscriber.

1239
01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:47,320
Speaker 2: And then I marry the man because he supports me.

1240
01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:50,320
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Linkston. Is there anything you would

1241
01:06:50,360 --> 01:06:51,840
Speaker 2: like to plug before we get out of here?

1242
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:55,600
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, I have a podcast. You did an episode

1243
01:06:56,200 --> 01:07:00,160
Speaker 1: my mama told me, uh that I now host with

1244
01:07:00,200 --> 01:07:03,200
Speaker 1: my friend David Bori, and we're going on tour. We

1245
01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: are on tour currently and we're hitting all kinds of

1246
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:09,080
Speaker 1: cities near you. So if you want to check that out,

1247
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:11,360
Speaker 1: check out the podcast and follow the link tree and

1248
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:14,560
Speaker 1: you can see where we're heading. I love that. Thank

1249
01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:17,920
Speaker 1: you so much, Langston. I appreciate you. Yeah, thank you

1250
01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:19,800
Speaker 1: for having me. Of course, so The.

1251
01:07:19,840 --> 01:07:24,760
Speaker 2: Hands Up, Thanks Dad is a headgum podcast created and

1252
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:26,480
Speaker 2: hosted by me Igo Odem.

1253
01:07:26,680 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 1: This show is engineered by Rochelle Chen and Anya Kanevskaya

1254
01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:33,960
Speaker 1: and edited by Rochelle Chen with executive producer Emma Foley.

1255
01:07:34,320 --> 01:07:37,280
Speaker 1: Katie Moose is our VP of Content at Headgum.

1256
01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:40,520
Speaker 2: Thanks to Jason Matheni for our show art and Faris

1257
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:44,000
Speaker 2: Manshi for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum,

1258
01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:46,840
Speaker 2: visit headgum dot com or wherever you listen to your

1259
01:07:46,880 --> 01:07:51,120
Speaker 2: favorite shows, Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe,

1260
01:07:51,200 --> 01:07:56,080
Speaker 2: just maybe we'll read it on a future episode that

1261
01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:57,440
Speaker 1: Was a hit Gum podcast