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Speaker 1: Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington,

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Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hello Call It Crew, and welcome to another episode of

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Speaker 2: Call It Short and Sweet.

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Speaker 1: Hello Jessica Capshaw, Hello Camilla Leddington. I got a little

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Speaker 1: spring in my step right now.

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Speaker 2: I know why you do.

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Speaker 1: How do you know?

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Speaker 2: Well, because I've also got a little spring in my step?

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Speaker 1: Is it because it's the first week of September and

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Speaker 1: children are going back to school where someone else can

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Speaker 1: take care of them all day long.

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Speaker 2: They've sprung their step into a classroom.

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Speaker 1: I've barely slowed my car, opened a door.

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Speaker 2: Push them out. I'm at the point though, where I

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Speaker 2: feel like I've forgotten, Like I stare at that backpacks

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Speaker 2: and I've forgotten what goes in there? What do I

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Speaker 2: make you for lunch? Like I'm just I'm like, is

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Speaker 2: it a couple of goldfish and a chicken nugget? What

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Speaker 2: was I doing last year?

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Speaker 1: Well, you sort of you've already admitted that, not even admitted,

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Speaker 1: You've already said that Matt is the lunch guy.

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Speaker 2: He's the lunch guy. It's like, it's like, you know

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Speaker 2: what we need? Oh my god, I saw this woman

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Speaker 2: on social media, and she had the most genius thing ever.

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Speaker 2: She had set up in her own kitchen, a like

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Speaker 2: what is it called when you like help yourself?

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Speaker 1: Like a buffet, A buffet, a salad bar.

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Speaker 2: She has a salad bar that she keeps there all

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Speaker 2: the time. She chops everything up. Twice a week she

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Speaker 2: refills it so the kids is going they literally like

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Speaker 2: fill up their own food.

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Speaker 1: All you can eat. She has this just in her house.

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Speaker 2: She has it in her house.

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Speaker 1: How do you how does one acquire I don't know.

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Speaker 2: How she does it. She she has some sort of

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Speaker 2: refrigerated thing where she can put the little containers and

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Speaker 2: she keeps it all there. And by the way, I

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Speaker 2: feel like Matt needs this.

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Speaker 1: Like many things like this, I'm simultaneously jealous and disgusted.

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Speaker 2: I'm only jealous because I'm a snacker, so I need

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Speaker 2: food to like, yeah, yeah, I'm not a cooker, but

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Speaker 2: Matt also needs that. You know what, I am going

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Speaker 2: to get into my hair nut for Christmas now and.

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Speaker 1: One of those little in and out cute hats, like

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Speaker 1: a little boat hat.

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Speaker 2: He loves it. Do you like making the lunches?

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Speaker 1: I hate making you know what? I actually do if

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Speaker 1: you only had to do it once or twice a week.

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Speaker 1: I don't like doing it every single day. And then

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Speaker 1: my mom used to make fun of me because I

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Speaker 1: would not make them the night before, like I had

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Speaker 1: to make them fresh. She's like, what are you doing?

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Speaker 1: Like why would you not make them the night before?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, because if you make the sandwich

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Speaker 1: then it gets all soggy and the bread, Yeah, it's gross.

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Speaker 1: So anyways, I actually used to enjoy it. Then a

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Speaker 1: real game changer when I used to make them was

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Speaker 1: those Bento boxes where they actually had a certain allotted

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Speaker 1: space for the food. And then I did find were

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Speaker 1: we've talked about this before, I did find those kind

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Speaker 1: of like aspirational, semi annoying parent Instagram accounts very helpful

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Speaker 1: because they would throw up inspos for like a balanced

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Speaker 1: Bento box, a lunch stitch, and I would I would

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Speaker 1: do that and it was and it was easier. It

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Speaker 1: was a little bit a little more buffet, like you

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Speaker 1: just fill in the box less.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I also have a bento. When I look

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Speaker 2: at the inspiration, it's like at a mommy be means

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Speaker 2: and it's like Lucas is gonna just flick those across

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Speaker 2: his brigade like nose or those are going nowhere. They

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Speaker 2: were going everywhere but his mouth. And so I look

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Speaker 2: at those and I'm like, that's so nice that your

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Speaker 2: kids would eat those. Yeah, fussy, I have fussy kids

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Speaker 2: right now. Hayden's way easier than him before.

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Speaker 1: Tough stuff. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I

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Speaker 1: used to get so much. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I didn't.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't as deep as shame, but I'd feel something

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Speaker 1: negative when I would see, like I really thought for

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Speaker 1: a moment that really my kids only liked they were

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Speaker 1: always organic, but like chicken tenders and pizza like that

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Speaker 1: was that's that's what they liked the most. And then

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Speaker 1: I was like, you know what that if it's healthy

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Speaker 1: and it's not. You know, I'm doing my best. I'm

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Speaker 1: doing my best. It's not all give me all the time.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, they're not there. My kids definitely aren't, like

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Speaker 1: at the farmer's market, like sucking on like sweet snappeas

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Speaker 1: straight from the farmer well on my on my hip,

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Speaker 1: not seeing that that's a direct image I have from

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Speaker 1: a Oh that's a farmer's market.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, No, that's that's good.

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Speaker 1: For that mom. Good for that mom.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's never happened in my life anyway.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So anyways, they're they're back to school, and I

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Speaker 1: am very excited for them. I'm very excited for me.

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Speaker 1: I'm excited for the world, I'm excited for the country.

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Speaker 1: I'm just excited for everyone.

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Speaker 2: So the crew has written us. We have a whole

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Speaker 2: shortened sweet episode just about cru submissions.

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Speaker 1: So the crew submits and we read and then we

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Speaker 1: bring to you, and they're all so fantastic. It's genuinely

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Speaker 1: hard to figure out which wants to read. So just

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Speaker 1: please keep them coming because we will. I mean, we

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Speaker 1: really were making to get to all of you. Yes,

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Speaker 1: Maddie wrote in and said, I am a thirty six

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Speaker 1: year old woman. I don't have kids, but my friends do.

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Speaker 1: The other day, one of my friends came to visit

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Speaker 1: with her four year old, and I really love the kid.

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Speaker 1: But then she was jumping on my couch and I

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Speaker 1: asked her to sit down. A few minutes later, she

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Speaker 1: was playing way too quiet, so I went to check

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Speaker 1: on her, and that's when I discovered she was drawing

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Speaker 1: on my wall with the pen she found. I told

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Speaker 1: her that's not what walls are for, but that I

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Speaker 1: was happy to get her a piece of paper if

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Speaker 1: she wanted to draw something. When I got back to

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Speaker 1: my friend, she was upset with me and told me

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Speaker 1: that it was not my place to tell her kid

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Speaker 1: what she can or cannot do. So my question for

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Speaker 1: you is, as moms, what do you think am I

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Speaker 1: or am I not allowed to speak up?

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Speaker 2: I can't even believe this is a real situation.

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Speaker 1: Oh I can't believe a lot of things.

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Speaker 2: I know. But you're four, listen, therefore years old. Okay,

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Speaker 2: I have this stage. They are rat bags. Lucas was

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Speaker 2: thought it was funny to like draw down the entire

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Speaker 2: hallway like a week ago, and so they do these things.

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Speaker 2: And I think that when it's your house, of course,

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Speaker 2: you're allowed to say like, hey, honey, like we can't

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Speaker 2: really do that, like let's do that over here. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I And I find it really strange that another mom's

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Speaker 2: reaction to it is you can't tell my kid what

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Speaker 2: they can and can't do?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

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Speaker 2: I've never been in a situation like that.

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Speaker 1: I sometimes, yeah, sometimes I can be with other people's kids. Listen,

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Speaker 1: here's a deal. You kind of I've found that people

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Speaker 1: know when they have a kid that pushes boundaries, like

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Speaker 1: you know when you have a kid that yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: talks back or is rude or loud or or.

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Speaker 2: It's also just having that day. You also know, like

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Speaker 2: oh my way party and I'm like, ooh, yes, they

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Speaker 2: did not sleep last night. This is going to be rough,

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Speaker 2: you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When they were that age, I

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Speaker 1: was a fan. I was actually reminded of this because

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Speaker 1: I was asking someone else because I sometimes you have

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Speaker 1: a little bit of parenting amnesia. You're like, what did

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Speaker 1: I do? Yeah, I remember it. But I was also

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Speaker 1: reminded that I was a big fan of like pulling them.

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Speaker 1: I would just like eject them, like if if they

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Speaker 1: were too tired, or they were having a hard time,

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Speaker 1: or it was like thing after thing. I just was like,

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Speaker 1: love you all, peace out, piece the peace out this one,

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Speaker 1: and I are out of here. And usually you can

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Speaker 1: figure some version of that out. It's not often, except

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Speaker 1: if you're on a plane, you can figure that out.

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Speaker 1: But but I mean, I don't know. I don't know

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Speaker 1: that it's a solution for Maddie. I think what I

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Speaker 1: would maybe try first is you know, if this is

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Speaker 1: a really good friend of yours is I think I

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Speaker 1: would say, you know what, okay, great, Like I actually

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Speaker 1: I don't want to tell your kid what to do

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Speaker 1: in these situation. I'm gonna come to you and I'm

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Speaker 1: going to say, like, hey, he or she is upstairs

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Speaker 1: and they're drawing on the wall. What do you what

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Speaker 1: do you want to do about it? Or you want

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Speaker 1: to do you want to go upstairs and take care

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Speaker 1: of it, or or I think I put it on

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Speaker 1: let you handle it. Yeah, I'm gonna let you and

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Speaker 1: then let them figure out what it was that you

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Speaker 1: know that they should do. So then I think it's

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Speaker 1: about speaking up. I think it's like I mean, well,

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Speaker 1: I mean hopefully we all understand that our children are responsibilities, right,

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Speaker 1: so you know, I mean, I guess it's just I think.

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Speaker 2: You are looking always for the other parent to handle it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to handle it ever, No, I want

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Speaker 2: you to handle it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm also I'm also a uh And I call it,

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Speaker 2: we call it, calling it, we.

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Speaker 1: Call it, yeah, yeah, we call it. You're done.

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Speaker 2: We're calling it.

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Speaker 1: We are done.

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Speaker 2: We pull you out and you're not you know, And

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Speaker 2: I think it's it's it's a good lesson for them too,

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Speaker 2: because yeah, yeah, you know, like that's not okay. It's

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Speaker 2: tough though. Those dynamics can get tough though with because

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Speaker 2: some people parent very differently.

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Speaker 1: Oh some, I mean I think most Yeah, well we

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Speaker 1: always say or maybe it's just me, I always say,

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Speaker 1: it's none of that really in life, like nothing is

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Speaker 1: ever supposed to be super easy, right, Like it's not

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Speaker 1: supposed to be so so easy, but it's not supposed

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Speaker 1: to be so so hard. So when you find yourself

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Speaker 1: in that, like things are really fucking hard right now,

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Speaker 1: and it's thing after thing with my kid, then I

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Speaker 1: think it's such an admirable thing to call it and

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Speaker 1: be like, listen, this is just too hard. Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: we can do hard things. I get that for sure,

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Speaker 1: for sure, But then at that age you have to

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Speaker 1: just sort of go, well, this is we're not we're

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Speaker 1: not here yet. We'll be we'll be here so we'll

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Speaker 1: we'll be able to handle this soon, but it's not yet.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't know. I guess I would protect

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Speaker 1: your relationship with your friend, and I would say, you know,

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Speaker 1: in those situations, what would you like me to do

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Speaker 1: what could I do it would be different or that

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Speaker 1: would make you happier? And like, can I come get you?

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Speaker 1: Or you tell me? Like what do you want me

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Speaker 1: to do? And then see what happens? Okay? I think

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Speaker 1: for good reason. This is from anonymous. I am in

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Speaker 1: a close friend group of four women. One of these

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Speaker 1: women accidentally made out with my fiance while we were

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Speaker 1: all pretty drunk on a couple's get away back in May.

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Speaker 1: The group has been awkward since, and I expected my

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Speaker 1: other two besties to take my side, but they want

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Speaker 1: to remain neutral. I'll be frank. I'm working pissed. What

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Speaker 1: happened to loyalty? Now? I have no fiance and I'm

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Speaker 1: probably going to be out two more friends. How would

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Speaker 1: you navigate this? I feel like in this type of scenario,

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Speaker 1: people should choose sides. Yeah, I think I shoose sides?

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Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Anybody? Also? Like what I fell

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Speaker 1: on your face?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: How do you accidentally make out with someone like her lips?

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Speaker 1: Just like tripped?

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Speaker 2: There's no accidental making out with your best friend's fiance?

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Speaker 1: Now is it?

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Speaker 2: Saddle Ranch on Sunset Boulevard on a you know, two am?

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Speaker 2: Sorry night about this no, so your best friends need

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Speaker 2: to otherwise, I feel like all bets are off. What

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Speaker 2: are the rules in this friend group? What are we

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Speaker 2: inviting by here?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no no. You

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Speaker 1: don't actually make out with anyone's person in a tight

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Speaker 1: friend group. That's not well that that brings it the

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Speaker 1: saying with friends like these, who needs enemies? Exactly right?

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Speaker 2: I think I think it might be okay to lose

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Speaker 2: the other two. The fiance sucks, he's gone.

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Speaker 1: Blit right, Well again, you're gonna write him a thank

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Speaker 1: you note later.

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Speaker 2: Totally, he's a thank you note. But happen and the

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Speaker 2: other two friends are not your friends?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because they're either. I mean, you gotta listen.

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Speaker 1: I get it. You want to keep the peace, but

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Speaker 1: sometimes you just gotta you gotta. You gotta grow a spine.

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Speaker 1: You gotta like put your back up and be like nope.

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Speaker 2: But I think you can keep the piece by saying

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Speaker 2: to your friend this was not okay. You have to

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Speaker 2: make it right because this whole friend group is going

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Speaker 2: to go to crap if you don't. And then if

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Speaker 2: it goes to crap, I'm gonna have to choose my

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Speaker 2: girl because You're just something really messed up, So make

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Speaker 2: it right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, a little repair in there, a little repair.

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Speaker 2: The only thing is is is she is it a

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Speaker 2: situation where she's making them choo sides of whether to

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Speaker 2: lose the other friend or not. That's where I can

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Speaker 2: get tricky if you're like your friends with me or her.

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Speaker 1: That's how I read it. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, she

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Speaker 1: feels betrayed because someone because her friend tripped and fell.

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Speaker 2: I know, but I I feel like you can be

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Speaker 2: part of a friend group but still be like you

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Speaker 2: did a terrible thing. You've got to make your right,

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Speaker 2: You've got to make it okay. But I don't know

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Speaker 2: if you can tell someone not to be friends with

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Speaker 2: somebody else.

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Speaker 1: Well you don't. Yeah, you you what you can? You don't.

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Speaker 1: You can't control what their answer is going to be.

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Speaker 2: You mean you can put the ultimatum out there. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: the ultimatum. Well yeah, look, you have to be okay

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Speaker 2: with knowing you have to be okay there if you

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Speaker 2: put the ultimatum out there that you might lose the front.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, that's right.

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Speaker 2: You know that really is hard and it sucks.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, and

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Speaker 1: I think the most ultimatums are sort of nasty. That

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Speaker 1: being said, I think that sometimes situations call for one.

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Speaker 1: I mean it really is like it's this or that.

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Speaker 1: I can think of a couple, but they're very dramatic,

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Speaker 1: but like really it's like, yeah, I mean, listen, everything's

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Speaker 1: on a spectrum, and there's all different ways of interpreting things,

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Speaker 1: but there's certain things that are that we can rely

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Speaker 1: on being pretty black and white, and this this might

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Speaker 1: be one of them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Also, it's a fiance.

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Speaker 1: There was a big commitment.

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Speaker 2: I mean, boyfriend would have been maybe a little bit less,

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Speaker 2: but a fiance boyfriend's still terrible. It's all terrible.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, by the way, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: it's terrible. And you know what I will say, the

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Speaker 1: hope in it is again that you're going to write

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Speaker 1: him a thank you notes, So okay, I mean, I'm

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Speaker 1: just it's a foregone conclusion that he is not your person.

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Speaker 1: And and by the way, that might be the same

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Speaker 1: for these friends that you're super close with, or it'll

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Speaker 1: be an opportunity for you to grow closer together in

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Speaker 1: either your situation, you know, life hurts. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what to say. It really does sometimes, and getting through

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Speaker 1: it can be painful. I do think that you come

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Speaker 1: out the other side of pain stronger and smarter, and hopefully,

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Speaker 1: I don't know that you learned something from it.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I think it sounds like she already has.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, all right, I'm sorry, Anonymous.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry too. Again. I know we keep saying this

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Speaker 2: over and over, and I think it will never stop

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Speaker 2: saying this. You guys's honesty and vulnerability is so incredible. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and it's really surprised me because people have really leaned

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Speaker 2: in with us. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also will yes, And I think that

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Speaker 1: the honesty is so fantastic because it opens The openness

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Speaker 1: is what allows for the conversation and allows for us

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Speaker 1: to get to know all of you more to you know,

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Speaker 1: swing around our unlicensed advice. Just swing around that unlicensed advice.

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Speaker 2: But it forces us to be open too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's actually have no choice.

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Speaker 2: You guys are being so vulnerable, like we got to

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Speaker 2: go all into with you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure, for sure. And I also have to

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Speaker 1: say I really really respect it. I respect that openness,

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Speaker 1: I respect that honesty, and I think that there's a

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Speaker 1: lot in it that will help others grow, and or

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Speaker 1: they'll be you know, someone who writes in with something

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Speaker 1: and there's gonna be something that someone else relates to

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Speaker 1: and is like, oh yeah, that to me. Or by

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Speaker 1: the way, there might be someone listening that that was

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Speaker 1: the friend who made out with a fiance and they

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Speaker 1: might be seeing the situation a little differently because of it.

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Speaker 1: So I think all of these situations really are multifaceted.

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Speaker 1: They present so many different ways to look at things,

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Speaker 1: and for that, I'm really really grateful. Thank you, guys,

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Speaker 1: thank you, thank you, thank you all of you, and

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Speaker 1: thank

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Speaker 2: You for making this another delicious episode of Short and

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Speaker 2: Sweet