Speaker 1: I got welcome, it's parenting. I'm Peter McNerney and I'm
Speaker 1: thought Noel. We're tired. We're yeah, we're all quarantined out
Speaker 1: like the rest of you. We're tired physically, existentially, parentingly
Speaker 1: Parentingle really proud of not meaning exploding at my children tonight.
Speaker 1: I was on the verge. I kind of exploded at
Speaker 1: them today, not like I was just more um vocal
Speaker 1: than usual. But I don't think I got as worked
Speaker 1: up as I have in the past. Yeah, I had
Speaker 1: had a fine day until bedtime, and uh, I felt
Speaker 1: ray Mayven. Maven was really full Maven today they were
Speaker 1: both being so difficult, like she's she's just so contrary,
Speaker 1: and I like, there's so many days now. So like
Speaker 1: for people listeners who are not aware of our schedule, Um,
Speaker 1: we are in quarantine. And I tend to work in
Speaker 1: the mornings while you do school at the kids, and
Speaker 1: then in the afternoon I deal with them while you
Speaker 1: do work, and so you know, depending on the day,
Speaker 1: by the time I get to them, it's like I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: maybe I can get them outside blah blah blah. But
Speaker 1: sometimes it's just like I'll mention going outside and I'll
Speaker 1: be saying it for like a full hour or something,
Speaker 1: and I just have to sort of, like early on,
Speaker 1: try to figure out which way the wind is blowing
Speaker 1: so that I can give up in time before I
Speaker 1: lose my mind, you know, Like Mayven went up they
Speaker 1: both wanted to go to the beach, and then they
Speaker 1: weren't getting their shoes on. And finally, by the way,
Speaker 1: this is a very out of the way, not public beach,
Speaker 1: no one's around. We're not going to the beach. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we're going to walk down to the beach and
Speaker 1: just walk along the beach and so and it's like
Speaker 1: one of the few things we can do right now.
Speaker 1: So it's like, let's get out of the house and
Speaker 1: go to the beach. And when once they're there, they
Speaker 1: love it there and they relax and it's good, but
Speaker 1: getting them outside is a problem. So Mayven today, she
Speaker 1: finally goes upstairs to get dressed and then decides that
Speaker 1: she wants to wear a bathing suit, which is not
Speaker 1: appropriate because it's like fifty five degrees outside, and she
Speaker 1: refused to put any clothes over it. So then I
Speaker 1: was just like, well, this isn't happening today. We're like,
Speaker 1: we're done, but she I came out later to see
Speaker 1: that she was still insistent I'm going to the beach.
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, great, I'll take you, and she
Speaker 1: was going to bed at eight pm with her bathing
Speaker 1: suits still on. She was like, we never got to
Speaker 1: go to the beach. Like, listen to us. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: I had a real victory, which is we were both
Speaker 1: up there and we both remain calm. I was about
Speaker 1: to blow up. I was really appreciative you were there
Speaker 1: because we'd always threatened Maven with me. Well, I could
Speaker 1: just tell by the way that this day has been going.
Speaker 1: There both being really bad at the same time, and
Speaker 1: I was like, there's no way you're going to survive
Speaker 1: this in time for us to record this podcast unless
Speaker 1: we tag team this a little bit. Yeah. I was
Speaker 1: about to literally grab both of them. Yeah, I could
Speaker 1: feel it. I was like, this is things were getting tense.
Speaker 1: I got up there though, and maybe I just ignored
Speaker 1: her enough that she every time I do like this book.
Speaker 1: Maybe she's been doing a lot of brooding today. Evil
Speaker 1: does eyes squint at us. No one can look at
Speaker 1: you out of the tops of her eyes with more
Speaker 1: fire and disdain. I talked to you. I think I
Speaker 1: told you I talked to this like in suitive woman
Speaker 1: a couple weeks ago. I was like doing a session
Speaker 1: with her, and she kept saying things about maybe and
Speaker 1: that were so true. And she was like she's she's
Speaker 1: got fire and ice. It's like yeah, yeah. I was like,
Speaker 1: that's her. Well, you know how I finally got her
Speaker 1: because I put her in bed and then she was
Speaker 1: like kicking the blanket off and I'm like, I can't
Speaker 1: leave because she can't get this blanket, big heavy blanket
Speaker 1: back up, so she's gonna like we'll have to come
Speaker 1: back up eventually. So I was like, okay, how do
Speaker 1: I get out of here with the blankets still on her?
Speaker 1: And I did it with tickle spiders? Good work, I
Speaker 1: said later down, I go, all right, mabe, I know
Speaker 1: you've had a red day. Just before I go, just
Speaker 1: be very careful because last time I was in here
Speaker 1: that I saw this bed was full of tickle spiders.
Speaker 1: She goes, and I go, there's one right behind you.
Speaker 1: And then I tickle her and then I pretend to
Speaker 1: grab it with my other hand and then I squash
Speaker 1: it up. I go tickle spider and then I eat it,
Speaker 1: and then I act like it's the most disgusting thing
Speaker 1: I've ever eaten. And then I get mad at her
Speaker 1: and I go, don't make me eat anymore tickle spiders.
Speaker 1: And then she started giggling, and I knew I had her,
Speaker 1: and so I was sort of tickle torturing her. But
Speaker 1: then I grabbed them and pretend like I was getting hurt,
Speaker 1: and I think it balanced it, and then bring out
Speaker 1: and we all started screaming, and then they started going,
Speaker 1: there's a tickle spider on your butt. So I got
Speaker 1: a lot of exercise up there, and I eventually slammed
Speaker 1: the door by saying, when I come back, you better
Speaker 1: have eaten all these tickle spiders. I am not happy,
Speaker 1: and I shut the door and they were laughing hysterically,
Speaker 1: and I ran down sound upstairs less angry than I
Speaker 1: was when I went up. That's good. He turned it around.
Speaker 1: Turned it around. It does not always work, and it
Speaker 1: won't work next time I got. I got so mad
Speaker 1: it for him today because I was trying to distract
Speaker 1: him from being horrible as usual, and I was trying
Speaker 1: to get I was like, oh, he can read this
Speaker 1: rest to pea for me while I'm making it, and
Speaker 1: I was like trying to get him to do that,
Speaker 1: and so he kept standing in front of my computer
Speaker 1: like reading it. But then as soon as I would
Speaker 1: walk away to get the ingredients, he would open up
Speaker 1: another tab to try to look at YouTube videos. I
Speaker 1: can't leave alone with the computer front, just like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you this, you're not allowed to use computers. You're just
Speaker 1: so bad, Like he's just so's. I was like, never mind,
Speaker 1: this is that, this is never happening again. Uh, screens,
Speaker 1: screens we need Yeah, we need to print out recipes
Speaker 1: or something. He's just so. I was like, it seems
Speaker 1: like a good way to get him reading, like he
Speaker 1: doesn't like reading for school as much as he does.
Speaker 1: If it's like a game, Yeah, he's obsessed with twenty
Speaker 1: Questions to the point where we're all hate this game,
Speaker 1: but so is he likes to play with his Nana
Speaker 1: on the phone own in real life. And then finally
Speaker 1: I said, final, I'll put twenty Questions with you whenever
Speaker 1: you want, but you have to submit your questions in writing.
Speaker 1: And he's done more writing through this game than you
Speaker 1: will any other time. Well, he was okay, so he
Speaker 1: was playing with my mom and she had to write
Speaker 1: the questions on the game, and so he just had
Speaker 1: to hit like yes, no or sometimes, and he he
Speaker 1: was his thing was the cat, and he had my
Speaker 1: mom asked like if it climbed trees and he hit no,
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, sometimes it does. So then
Speaker 1: he was trying to like type out a text message
Speaker 1: to my mom's and it took him so long, and
Speaker 1: it was so funny to watch. He was like sometimes
Speaker 1: he's like, how do you Like he'd be like, how
Speaker 1: do you say? How do you spell climbs? He texted
Speaker 1: sometimes it climbs trees. And he also somehow figured out
Speaker 1: to send her a voice message at some point, like
Speaker 1: he texted her voice message to be like Nana, this
Speaker 1: uh this part of the game blah blah blah and
Speaker 1: like and then so then the team switched over like
Speaker 1: it was his turn to ask the questions, and I
Speaker 1: think he immediately got exhausted by typing. So he just
Speaker 1: typed w T w U T what is it his
Speaker 1: first question, and then my I think my dad was
Speaker 1: playing on the other end, and he just hit my
Speaker 1: dad just hitting no, And then his first question is
Speaker 1: what is it yeah? So then Brent called them and
Speaker 1: was like, I give up? What is it? And there
Speaker 1: it's just like fully fully given up. He cheated with
Speaker 1: me the other day. I say, I write it on
Speaker 1: the last page, and I go, all right, I'll submit
Speaker 1: the questions the front page. I left the room for
Speaker 1: one second and I came back. Your questions were like
Speaker 1: is it an animal yes? Is it a mammal? Or?
Speaker 1: Is a reptile no? Is it a mammal yes? Is
Speaker 1: it a pet no? Then I left the room for
Speaker 1: two seconds and I came back and it said is
Speaker 1: it a zebra? Which was correct? And he was like
Speaker 1: all smug and smiling, and I was like, you cheated.
Speaker 1: His look on his face was like how could you
Speaker 1: possibly have known? He's so bad at cheating. It's like
Speaker 1: he's five other big news of the week. May even
Speaker 1: turned four. May even turned four. It's crazy. I feel
Speaker 1: like she like did another one of those growth spurts
Speaker 1: where she also looks huge. Yeah. It's also we spend
Speaker 1: the whole day looking at her and we're like, when
Speaker 1: the hell did this happen? Yeah? I like, who is
Speaker 1: this huge person? According to Brandon Maven's rules, she is
Speaker 1: now officially a big kid. It kind of feels like
Speaker 1: it though, Like all of a sudden, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a kid. It's not like a toddler. Yeah.
Speaker 1: She's like thirteen. Yeah, she's well and she got like
Speaker 1: a new gown for her birthday and she got like
Speaker 1: little girl high heel shoes and she's been like prancing
Speaker 1: around and she already was like into like girly stuff,
Speaker 1: but this is like kind of next level, I feel like.
Speaker 1: So she's like she'll have like a peanut butter and
Speaker 1: jelly sandwich like all of her face, and then she'll
Speaker 1: be putting on like new toy makeup, like plastering it
Speaker 1: on her cheeks, like just all mixed together. She took
Speaker 1: like this blue glittery lip bomb thing and was just
Speaker 1: rubbing it all over her legs in hand and like
Speaker 1: and then I was like, she was like, oh, we
Speaker 1: have to go wash this off, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: how about a bath? And she thank god, she took
Speaker 1: a bath. Anyway, she's I love what we did. So
Speaker 1: we didn't have any wrapping paper. Um, I mean, we
Speaker 1: could have got wrapping paper, but we've been limiting the
Speaker 1: trips to the store. We haven't been to the grocery
Speaker 1: store in over two weeks. This is a new record,
Speaker 1: and we're still pretty good. It really feels like it's
Speaker 1: been a year since we went to the grocery store.
Speaker 1: I can't believe how well we're holding up. I'm I
Speaker 1: really feel like I've become like a pioneer woman. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I've got an onion and I got some pasta, and
Speaker 1: you're making culinary miracles happen with only six to seven ingredients.
Speaker 1: I'm really proud of my efforts today. This afternoon, I
Speaker 1: really wanted a snack and we're so low on groceries,
Speaker 1: and there was like just a handful of baby spinach left,
Speaker 1: and I managed to make like a cheesy spinach dip.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I am incredible. Like it's just
Speaker 1: you're like the French peasants making high art out of snails. Well,
Speaker 1: I was like, it's fast, it's easy, it's just the
Speaker 1: snack I want. It's almost healthy. I had the best
Speaker 1: eating day today that I have had since we've been here,
Speaker 1: and I'm realizing now part of it is because we're
Speaker 1: out of good snacks. I was like, I've got self
Speaker 1: control today. I'm like, no, it's just not around. We do, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: need to have less sugar in the house because our
Speaker 1: children are fiends for sugar. So is your husband. I know,
Speaker 1: but I have no self control. And normally at home
Speaker 1: we can have like a couple of adult snacks, like
Speaker 1: I can hide away or something. But it's true here
Speaker 1: kids like I don't know something about Easter and then
Speaker 1: maybe's birthday, and like just the fact that we've been
Speaker 1: baking more as a coping mechanism. I think they're just
Speaker 1: like all they think about a sugar somedays. So we
Speaker 1: really need to like taper down for a little bit
Speaker 1: so that they forget that that's a constant option. It's
Speaker 1: a weird balance because I have no self control. But
Speaker 1: if it were up to me, we'd literally have none
Speaker 1: of it. But that doesn't work for you, you know.
Speaker 1: But if it was up to you, we'd all just
Speaker 1: be eating like fried hamburger meat every meal, Like you know,
Speaker 1: that's fair. The point is it's been tricky with the
Speaker 1: way we do things in our needs to find a
Speaker 1: balance that suits everyone. Um, but can I like to
Speaker 1: have snacks and treats sometimes I'm not criticizing you in
Speaker 1: the least. Um, I'm different and that's my problem. Um,
Speaker 1: so maybe and that you also love them. I don't
Speaker 1: even love them the way you do. I just consume
Speaker 1: them without feeling. So for Mavens, we didn't have wrapping papers,
Speaker 1: so we wrapped up all of her presents in beach
Speaker 1: towels because we're in a house that has ten trillion
Speaker 1: beach towels and rubber bands. And I gotta say, rubber
Speaker 1: bands and beach towels are incredibly effective. And uh, I
Speaker 1: just want to say, for the first time ever in
Speaker 1: this podcast, Beth just got up in the middle of
Speaker 1: us recording and left the room to get water, acting
Speaker 1: like I can pretend to talk to her. I can't.
Speaker 1: I need you here, even the first time I've gotten
Speaker 1: up to get water. But um, continue on talking about
Speaker 1: how this fascinating you bought. But you bought this, this
Speaker 1: beautiful pink tent. It's a really excellent gift. Beautiful. It's
Speaker 1: a little tent. If it's inside, it's got these poles
Speaker 1: in it. I set it up and like we we
Speaker 1: set it up. So there's our room here is attached
Speaker 1: to a porch that you that we set the tent
Speaker 1: up on the porch, and then we put all the
Speaker 1: presents inside the tent. And then Beth, you've got a
Speaker 1: bag of these little plastic animals. And I made a
Speaker 1: trail from their bedroom down the stairs, a line of animals,
Speaker 1: through the living room, through our bedroom so that they
Speaker 1: would wake us up, and then through the door to
Speaker 1: the porch where are the presents were, so our kids
Speaker 1: would be our alarm clock and they would wake up
Speaker 1: and find a magical trail to presents. I gotta say
Speaker 1: it was pretty magical. It was good. Maven has had
Speaker 1: pretty great birthdays the US a couple of years. I
Speaker 1: feel like she's really benefiting from like it not being
Speaker 1: a crazy time of year. Um, May, it's not a
Speaker 1: crazy time of year. It is for me that's like
Speaker 1: normally my busiest work time. But it's not like being
Speaker 1: born around like Christmas time or like the fourth of
Speaker 1: July or something like. It's like that's fair. We're like,
Speaker 1: we're not like all just like moving from one event
Speaker 1: to another. We're sort of like, Okay, what's happening around me,
Speaker 1: you know, especially right now. We we had plenty of time,
Speaker 1: so we're all pretty focused on her. And can you
Speaker 1: talk about the cake you made. I made she last
Speaker 1: minute requested an our wall cake, and I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of myself. Um, I'm a pretty good decent cake decorator,
Speaker 1: but I really feel like I did myself this time
Speaker 1: because I was like, Okay, how am I going to
Speaker 1: have us this at the last minute, and you mentioned
Speaker 1: construction paper, which I was like, fine, But then I
Speaker 1: had a last moment minute for the horn for the
Speaker 1: horn for the one, so I was I bought just
Speaker 1: like box cake mix because I don't have discerning enough
Speaker 1: tastes to want to actually bake a cake from scratch,
Speaker 1: and uh, it's just I like to focus on the decorating,
Speaker 1: to be honest. Um. And then so we did this
Speaker 1: like box cake mix. I did the two layers. I
Speaker 1: shaved off a little bit of the top layer to
Speaker 1: make it rounded, which I have never I don't think
Speaker 1: I've ever done that before or like, not this successfully. Um.
Speaker 1: And then I got puff pastry to bake the narwall's
Speaker 1: horn and its tail, and uh, it came out, I
Speaker 1: have to say, pretty incredible. And then our kids instantly
Speaker 1: made a very crucial mistake, which is to put the
Speaker 1: birthday cake out first thing in the morning. On the
Speaker 1: counter and say to our four and five year old, Hey,
Speaker 1: don't eat this cake for the next twelve hours. I
Speaker 1: think it's a funny challenge. I was not expecting it
Speaker 1: to be so completely destroyed, especially not like face first,
Speaker 1: it was like so conspicuous, like the looked like somebody
Speaker 1: through a cup of acid in its face. Well, what
Speaker 1: I found funny is like I have watched a lot
Speaker 1: of nature shows about whales, and it really just looks
Speaker 1: like someone's eating at the carcass of like a dead whale.
Speaker 1: Like they're just like out a beach whale that a
Speaker 1: grizzly bear found a family of grizzly bears, some killer
Speaker 1: whales got out it like a loose, sugary jaw of
Speaker 1: a whale on the counter. Well, because I made the
Speaker 1: mouth and eyes out of chocolate chips, so that that's
Speaker 1: why they went right for the face. Um, I mean
Speaker 1: that's what your cat and the cat does too. Um.
Speaker 1: What when you die in your apartment and your cat
Speaker 1: eats you? Never mind, let's move on. So on a
Speaker 1: scale of one to narwhale, how do we do narwhale?
Speaker 1: All right, now it's time for he knows what they're saying,
Speaker 1: this is where we talk about some weird ship our
Speaker 1: kids said, um, so this is something weird that happened
Speaker 1: actually on Maven's birthday, which feels really weirdly conspicuous. She
Speaker 1: told me that one of her best friends is a
Speaker 1: dead girl named Hallie who she hangs out at daycare. Hallie,
Speaker 1: I think you said Nella. Nella is her baby her
Speaker 1: doll his name Nella or Ella anyway, the uh. She
Speaker 1: told me that this this girl, Hallie h is her
Speaker 1: best friend to day care with her other best friend, Camilla,
Speaker 1: and she said that. Um. I was like and I
Speaker 1: was like, is Hallie nice? And she's like yeah, but
Speaker 1: she hits me when I say bad words. And I
Speaker 1: was like, like what kind of bad words? And She's like,
Speaker 1: like stupid. And then it was like kind of confusing.
Speaker 1: She said. Hallie died a couple of years ago in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: I don't know what she's doing at our daycare in MEMARNEK.
Speaker 1: But um, she just like she's she's setting our daughters straight.
Speaker 1: Seems like a little bit like a good influence. And
Speaker 1: I feel like the fact that like the three of
Speaker 1: them were all best friends together and it sounds like
Speaker 1: Camilla can see this girl too. Um, I think Camila
Speaker 1: is a really sweet, nice girl. She wouldn't mind to us. Well,
Speaker 1: it's just her and may even have like a very
Speaker 1: good thing. They're never like a lot of friendships at
Speaker 1: that age. I feel like there's a lot of fighting
Speaker 1: because they're little and they are not like you never
Speaker 1: hear about them fighting. It's always just like really, Familia
Speaker 1: does not seem conflict prone. No, they're both just like
Speaker 1: very sweet. I'm like, so glad they had to have
Speaker 1: each other there, um anyway, so they so I was so,
Speaker 1: I was just in the sense I was like, I
Speaker 1: think I like Hallie, Like, I think Halle is a
Speaker 1: good influence. She hits her about her, but only when
Speaker 1: she says stupid. Yeah, but the way Maven said she
Speaker 1: hits like the way Maven was like, So she hits
Speaker 1: me sometimes it didn't feel like she's hitting her like hard,
Speaker 1: that's in my instinct. But I did. I did tweet
Speaker 1: about this, and then all I got all these replies
Speaker 1: of people telling ghosts the stories about their kids, and
Speaker 1: three and four years old seems to be about the
Speaker 1: age where this is the most common. Well, um, I
Speaker 1: don't believe in ghosts. But Maven and I have been
Speaker 1: talking a lot about dead people because we went to
Speaker 1: a graveyard together, and it's fascinating to go to a
Speaker 1: graveyard with an almost four year old she wanted. She's
Speaker 1: like sort of got it from that. Wasn't a woman
Speaker 1: who swallowed to fly at the end. She's buried in
Speaker 1: the ground because she's dead. And they look at the
Speaker 1: tombstone and Kevin like, what's this door? And so like,
Speaker 1: I've really explained it to him. So we went to
Speaker 1: the oldest maintained graveyard in America, which is in the
Speaker 1: town we are in, in case you're trying to find us.
Speaker 1: Uh and uh. We went there and uh. There was
Speaker 1: like a plaque with some famous Ish people, people I've
Speaker 1: never heard of. They were there and pictures of the gravestones,
Speaker 1: and Brin goes, I want to find this one. It's
Speaker 1: got a nine on it. Let's go. And I'm like, wait, what,
Speaker 1: maybe you should study more of the details on here
Speaker 1: before you go looking for it instead of just looking
Speaker 1: for the number nine and uh and then they so
Speaker 1: he went running off to find this gravestone and maybe
Speaker 1: it was like there's dead people here. Are they going
Speaker 1: to be zombies. She's obsessed with the idea that you
Speaker 1: die and then he becomes a zombie. That's her only
Speaker 1: understanding of any kind of afterlife. So she's saying dead
Speaker 1: people are real, but zombies are not real. Like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, there's people under this ground and she's like what.
Speaker 1: And we talked about cremation yesterday, which I could tell
Speaker 1: was creeping them out a little bit. But they asked, um,
Speaker 1: and we had this needs to lead into our next segment.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, what does that mean? We'll find out, But
Speaker 1: this one's not over yet. Um it's not. No, okay,
Speaker 1: yess it is, but bah, in fact, we're just gonna
Speaker 1: immediately dive into our next section. No break. This is
Speaker 1: we know's what they're watching, because that's all they do
Speaker 1: these days, is watching all we do. Uh. So we
Speaker 1: found some uh fun movies during this time, but we
Speaker 1: made a really strange last minute choice last night to
Speaker 1: let Bran watch Little Shop of Horrors, which none of
Speaker 1: us had ever seen. All of us thought we'd seen it,
Speaker 1: and as we started watching, we realized, we've never seen this.
Speaker 1: Now I kind of knew I hadn't really seen it.
Speaker 1: I had seen like clips, but I, Yeah, I really
Speaker 1: had not seen this movie at all. I just realized
Speaker 1: I was a theater major and I've heard every song
Speaker 1: from the music music theater majors around me. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's a movie. Once you see it, you kind of
Speaker 1: understand why it's not more widely seen because it has
Speaker 1: some really slightly disturbing contents for a five year old. Maybe,
Speaker 1: like Mayven got a little ways into where, um, the
Speaker 1: character of Seymour is letting a plant drink his blood
Speaker 1: dripping from his finger and it's still a little baby plant,
Speaker 1: just like making a suckling lips. And then we like
Speaker 1: maybe could not handle that. Maybe was like this is scary,
Speaker 1: I don't want to watch this. So we let her
Speaker 1: go in the other room and watch Peppa Pig. We're like,
Speaker 1: maybe that's yeah, it was like a good, good idea.
Speaker 1: Thanks for parenting yourself, because clearly no one else's And then, um,
Speaker 1: Bryn was like locked in. But then when that scene happened,
Speaker 1: Bryn and Maven both leaned forward on the couch towards
Speaker 1: the TV like simultaneously like they're just so drawn in. Um,
Speaker 1: And then thank god may have even left the room
Speaker 1: because then as Brynn continued to watch There's like more disturbing,
Speaker 1: like plants sucking blood scenes and dentist and Steve Martin
Speaker 1: as a horrific dentist. I had no idea Bill Murray's
Speaker 1: in that movie. Yeah, there's a lot of heavy hitters
Speaker 1: in that movie, full of things your children probably shouldn't see.
Speaker 1: But Brin rewatched the whole movie again today because he's
Speaker 1: now obsessed. Well maybe he didn't watch the whole movie,
Speaker 1: but he had it on. He was watching it again. Um,
Speaker 1: he was like, I love this and he by the end,
Speaker 1: he was like, what was your favorite party? Because I'll
Speaker 1: tell you what my saddest part west, I was like
Speaker 1: what he goes when the plant blew up at the end.
Speaker 1: I was like, we mean the bad guy was kept
Speaker 1: insisting throughout the movie, where like, who's your favorite character?
Speaker 1: And he was like the plant. I was like, but
Speaker 1: eight people. He's like, he's just hungry. Yeah, he was like,
Speaker 1: he's just being silly. I tried to explain to Brand
Speaker 1: that the plant was trying to spread plants across the
Speaker 1: whole globe to eat everyone, and he's like, I still
Speaker 1: like the plant. He did say something went after the
Speaker 1: plant ate someone where he was like, maybe this plant
Speaker 1: is not so good after all, Like he turned to me,
Speaker 1: seed me see more. Also kind of a racist plant
Speaker 1: voice in the movie. A lot of strange choices in
Speaker 1: that movie. The voice of the plant is one of
Speaker 1: the four tops singers. Fun fact see also a voice
Speaker 1: of California Raisin take at nineteen eighties six. Um, Weirdly,
Speaker 1: that's a it's a it's a adaptation of a musical.
Speaker 1: But the musical was the adaptation of a non musical
Speaker 1: film from Roger Korman. And watched a bunch of clips
Speaker 1: and it's super bizarre. And do you know who plays
Speaker 1: the role that Bill Murray has in uh? In the
Speaker 1: original movie, the guy. Bill Murray plays a guy who
Speaker 1: weirdly just loves be the pain of the dentist. He
Speaker 1: goes to the dentist and he loves that it's painful.
Speaker 1: It doesn't want no vocating children probably shouldn't have seen.
Speaker 1: There's no reason to have that scene in the movie
Speaker 1: at all. But in the original movie it's played by
Speaker 1: Jack Nicholson. Broadway show No. The original movie sixty the
Speaker 1: non musical Did you not hear anything? I just explained
Speaker 1: in that movie Jack Nicholson plays like chacter and it's
Speaker 1: like equally broad and goofy, like you don't ever see
Speaker 1: Jack Nichols was goa say you don't see Jack Nichols
Speaker 1: and playing over the topic that's totally false, but like
Speaker 1: so cartoony. He's like, I love the Dentists. Another thing,
Speaker 1: So when I left, Maven watched TV in the other room.
Speaker 1: I kept coming in to check on her, and every
Speaker 1: time she'd be like, did the plant eat the man yet?
Speaker 1: And then after the movie is over it we're pretty
Speaker 1: good to bed. She was like, but I didn't get
Speaker 1: to see the plant eat the man? Like you left
Speaker 1: because you didn't want to see that. This is her
Speaker 1: constant like thing lately. It's just always being contrarian. I
Speaker 1: think movies with no with practical effects are much scarier
Speaker 1: than c G. I do you agree? Um, yeah, Like
Speaker 1: there's something really disturbing about about Addrew two's plant lips
Speaker 1: are so not so much scarier, is just like more engaging,
Speaker 1: like just more yeah, because it's a it's a real
Speaker 1: thing you're looking at. Yeah, Um, I have a plan
Speaker 1: to watch The Exorcist. Yeah, I know you do. I'm
Speaker 1: psyching myself up I'm not interested. I know you're not.
Speaker 1: That's the last thing the world you'd want to watch.
Speaker 1: I watched. I can't. I just can't do it. I'm
Speaker 1: too like it just destroys me to get so swept up,
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm not a big scary movie person. I
Speaker 1: get actually pretty scared. I binge watched like maybe three
Speaker 1: episodes of a drama the other day, thinking I was
Speaker 1: like giving myself a treat, and then afterwards, I was like,
Speaker 1: why do I feel so depressed? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: because I've just been watching people be sad at each
Speaker 1: other for like two hours. I've been watching True Detective
Speaker 1: of season two, which is not bad. Season one is
Speaker 1: very much more engaging. But yeah, it's sad. It's all
Speaker 1: very sad. But I can brush that. Some need to
Speaker 1: see people get killed right now. That's why I'll need
Speaker 1: to be watching the last Dance. I tell you what,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep watching Grand Designs on Netflix. I
Speaker 1: can watch that all day long and we have good
Speaker 1: um oh boy, this has been we know what they're watching.
Speaker 1: This next segment is would you know? This is where
Speaker 1: we present each other with parenting hypotheticals and this week.
Speaker 1: Peter's got one from a listener. Yeah, and we also
Speaker 1: should note the best sounds very annoy because we just
Speaker 1: did this segment already and I wasn't recording, Beth. And
Speaker 1: also before that, I took an hour and a half
Speaker 1: long break to have another zoom with my good friends
Speaker 1: from high school. They don't need to hear all this. Well,
Speaker 1: they didn't hear it because you heard it. But I'm
Speaker 1: saying it again because I didn't record you. Let's hear
Speaker 1: the email. I'm it's tired and angry. Just you know,
Speaker 1: my friend Peter, he texted me and we talked about
Speaker 1: your text. But now we can't repeat it because get
Speaker 1: to the question. This is from release subject line, would
Speaker 1: you know? Question mark exclamation point. That's the proper way
Speaker 1: to write it. By the way, Hi, Beth and Peter,
Speaker 1: thanks for your wonderful podcast. I haven't missed a week
Speaker 1: since the very first episode. I haven't almost four year
Speaker 1: old and a one and a half year old, and
Speaker 1: your parenting experiences are so relatable. As I was lying
Speaker 1: awake last night thanks to my eldest child crawling into
Speaker 1: our bed and subsequently taking up as much space as
Speaker 1: is bodily possible for a thirty five pound kid, I
Speaker 1: thought of. Would you knows? For this scenario, you have
Speaker 1: to pretend COVID quarantine is over. I'm going to try
Speaker 1: to pretend that. Imagine. Peter's agent reaches out to you
Speaker 1: and says, a major broadcasting company is piloting a new
Speaker 1: reality show wherein families have twenty four hours from the
Speaker 1: time of contact to prepare for an all expense paid
Speaker 1: vacation to somewhere awesome. The catches you have to bring
Speaker 1: your kids, the location is more than seventeen hour flight away,
Speaker 1: including a layover somewhere, and you can't give your kids
Speaker 1: any type of sleeping aid, and you can't bring anyone
Speaker 1: along to help. Also, there is a six hour time change.
Speaker 1: Do you do it? If so, what if the kids
Speaker 1: were younger, like two and three. In this scenario, you
Speaker 1: have to sit in the last row of the plane.
Speaker 1: Would it make a difference if you could stay it
Speaker 1: in business class? Yes? A couple other things to note.
Speaker 1: This is not a paid gig, However, your agent says
Speaker 1: the exposure will bolster your career and the trip will
Speaker 1: take you to a place you've always wanted to visit.
Speaker 1: Is this interesting? Regardless, is this interesting? It's a good callback.
Speaker 1: I didn't notice that the first time. Regardless, hopefully you
Speaker 1: have fun imagining being anywhere that isn't a cabin somewhere.
Speaker 1: Take care of both of you at least. PS, if
Speaker 1: you miss a week or day, can you post some
Speaker 1: kind of quick recording just to let us know you're okay.
Speaker 1: I'm always concerned you'll you'll get sick of recording the
Speaker 1: show and suddenly stop production. Do we sound like for
Speaker 1: stick of this we we won't a ghost you guys.
Speaker 1: I think we would. I mean, we did ghost them
Speaker 1: for well, but I mean I think if we had
Speaker 1: known that was going to happen and we hadn't lost power,
Speaker 1: we would have been like, hey, we're not gonna be
Speaker 1: with you this week. I did post the thing it
Speaker 1: says we're gonna be late, and then we just abilled
Speaker 1: in the whole week plus during these times, what if
Speaker 1: someone was sick or something. Peter has been awfully cavalier
Speaker 1: about his visits to the grocery store. Lies. Lies, She's right,
Speaker 1: no lies. Okay, So my answer to her question, would
Speaker 1: I take this unpaid reality show gig to go to
Speaker 1: a nice location? My answer is a hard No. No,
Speaker 1: definitely not. I don't want to be filmed in a
Speaker 1: reality style show. I don't want like you know, the
Speaker 1: first time I read this, I read it as they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: we have to go to a beautiful place. We just
Speaker 1: have to go through a horrible thing. But now I
Speaker 1: am realizing, what is the show because they give you
Speaker 1: They're like, you have twenty four hours to get ready
Speaker 1: and pack and go. Is the show about the travel?
Speaker 1: I think at a certain point in your career you
Speaker 1: have to value yourself higher than reality TV or you're
Speaker 1: committing yourself to being a reality TV person. Like, okay,
Speaker 1: we just talked about this, but you and I did
Speaker 1: meet on a reality Internet TV. Yeah, when I was
Speaker 1: like twenty years old. That's when it made It was
Speaker 1: it was a sensible decision to us then to an
Speaker 1: unpaid reality Sure, we thought we were going to be
Speaker 1: so huge. It felt like a big deal. It was
Speaker 1: the exposure we needed at the time. Everyone at UCB.
Speaker 1: It gave us a huge booth and that we were
Speaker 1: the first and second place losers. Project still talk about
Speaker 1: Marcy Dureau though, so it was a good gamble. They
Speaker 1: still talk about Project improviser winner Marcy Dureaux. All the
Speaker 1: time they talked about her podcast a funny feeling, but
Speaker 1: they don't talk about how she got there from that
Speaker 1: sweet project proviser. No, people don't know the origin story.
Speaker 1: We know, we know, but no. I I have been
Speaker 1: filmed in for some reason, more than one documentary styles.
Speaker 1: It's production, and I don't it's not fun. It's just work,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to do unpaid work that I
Speaker 1: have to get on an airplane with my kids for. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't mind traveling with kids, but the idea of
Speaker 1: the final destination still being a I'm still not clear
Speaker 1: on what the show is. If you're going to travel
Speaker 1: with kids, it better be for fun. If it's like
Speaker 1: a competition, like who can travel the best with kids,
Speaker 1: I don't want no matter what I'm doing, flying on
Speaker 1: an airplane, sitting on the beach during none of that.
Speaker 1: Do I want to camera in my face? Well, I
Speaker 1: try to deal with my children. I try to throw
Speaker 1: marshmallows at them to keep them happy. I don't have
Speaker 1: you been throwing marshmallows at our kids, because that's the
Speaker 1: second time you've mentioned doing that. Well, I mentioned it
Speaker 1: the first time when you didn't record me for this segment.
Speaker 1: It just feels like you've talked about it a hundred
Speaker 1: times and just trying to replicate the magic I gave
Speaker 1: you in the last to take of this. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be in a reality show where people are like, hey,
Speaker 1: can you go pour yourself some coffee again? Just when
Speaker 1: you get that like I already poured this fucking coffee.
Speaker 1: It's not real anymore. Can we just get you guys
Speaker 1: like talking naturally. It's not like we're not even going
Speaker 1: to get the audio, but just like try to be natural. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll try that again. Hey, um my wife to whom
Speaker 1: I've been married for, I got really real stuff done.
Speaker 1: How many years we've been married? However? Ten years? Almost
Speaker 1: ten years coming up? What do you want for Mother's Day?
Speaker 1: Just to be left alone? Piece? Yeah? Should I take
Speaker 1: the kids for a long, long, ten hour drive for
Speaker 1: Mother's Day? Yeah? Um yeah, I might do that. Um would.
Speaker 1: Here's a question. Here's a question for you, Beth. What
Speaker 1: what would the reality show have to be for you
Speaker 1: to be willing to be on it? And this is
Speaker 1: any kind of reality show. This could be the people
Speaker 1: just have any experience. It could be a competition. It
Speaker 1: could be a weird challenge punked reality. Well, like I
Speaker 1: did that, um, like I was saying, I was like,
Speaker 1: I've weirdly been filmed in a lot of documentary style
Speaker 1: things and it's just now occurring to me. Another one,
Speaker 1: which is that I did like the Masterclass video with
Speaker 1: Steve Martin, and I was like, this is kind of
Speaker 1: a hooky like a thing, but like I knew it
Speaker 1: was going to be Steve Martin. So it's like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm spending the day with Steve Martin. You're I'm not
Speaker 1: going to turn this down. It doesn't matter Martin how
Speaker 1: bad it goes that lest I have the story of
Speaker 1: how it went badly with Steve Martin. Like it's just
Speaker 1: like but um so, yeah, I would like if it
Speaker 1: was something where I was getting to spend time with
Speaker 1: someone I respected and I felt like they were going
Speaker 1: to be doing something relatively interesting, that I would be
Speaker 1: totally down. So if it's about about a skill, yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I like reality shows like Project Improviser or A
Speaker 1: Sorry Project, uh not Project Runway, the World Famous Project.
Speaker 1: I like reality shows like the one that we were on. Um,
Speaker 1: I like Project. I like shows like Project runway or
Speaker 1: grand designs like I mentioned earlier, or I like where
Speaker 1: someone is trying to create something or do like a
Speaker 1: project and you get to see in real like in
Speaker 1: not real time, but you get to see over time
Speaker 1: how they're like level headed or panic decisions pay off
Speaker 1: in the long run. Any show that is about actually
Speaker 1: getting into the details of a skill, yeah, like a
Speaker 1: creative process. And especially when you see how like people
Speaker 1: get in their own way or like get in their
Speaker 1: head and like self sabotage, like so fascinating. That's why
Speaker 1: I love drag Race. It's like a job now. I like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I like the parts of drag Race that are more
Speaker 1: like that. But then there's other parts of drag Race
Speaker 1: where I sort of I don't know, I wondering now,
Speaker 1: and that's fine, that's fine, that's fine. Um. I watched
Speaker 1: the first episode of Secret Celebrity Drag Race. I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: this will be fun, and then they're like, here's three
Speaker 1: celebrities you've never heard of. I'm like, not as much
Speaker 1: fun Steve Martin. If Steve Martin was on drag Race,
Speaker 1: I would watch that. It's weird this episode. We've had
Speaker 1: callbacks to Steve Martin in the movie. Um, what are
Speaker 1: you saying the movie that Bern watched? You were so
Speaker 1: shocked to see Steve Martin in that movie. Just a
Speaker 1: lot of natural callbacks in this episode. Um, anyway, is
Speaker 1: this interesting? Is interesting? Um? Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy,
Speaker 1: oh boy? What reality show would I be on? This
Speaker 1: great question? Bethum, drag Race? Would it be drag Race?
Speaker 1: I would be on drag Race. You would love to
Speaker 1: be on drag Rays drag Would you keep your beard
Speaker 1: or not? I would do well if I was on
Speaker 1: drag Race. I assume that if one of those episodes,
Speaker 1: would they bring in like random uh fans are people
Speaker 1: to be done over? Obviously I do not have any
Speaker 1: of those skills, but I would. I'd say, whatever your
Speaker 1: vision is, I'm your I'm your I'm your blank slate.
Speaker 1: Whatever you want, I'll shave this beard, although I could
Speaker 1: do Ah, if you want to do like a big
Speaker 1: you know, gender bending glitter beard. Hey maybe yeah, Well
Speaker 1: how do you roll? Which one speaks to your heart? Well?
Speaker 1: I love drag Race. I love the magic trick of
Speaker 1: the of the Grand Transformation. Um, so shaving the beard
Speaker 1: off would would be fun? Yeah? What kind of way
Speaker 1: would you have like a redhead I don't know whom.
Speaker 1: It's probably the challenge where I have to see like
Speaker 1: like a sisterly resemblance, and so I'd have to look
Speaker 1: like that drag queen. So which drag queen? Because if
Speaker 1: it's a crystal method, then I'm gonna look like a circus. Okay, alright,
Speaker 1: well we've got it off topic and we didn't all.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm gonna be classier. I don't know. Um Anyway, Obviously,
Speaker 1: our reality show aspirations don't involve our children or long
Speaker 1: flights and not being made um. But weirdly, now that
Speaker 1: we think about it, we do have strong reality TVs.
Speaker 1: I have thought a lot about, you know, because we
Speaker 1: are a project improviser which had its uh faults, a
Speaker 1: web based reality show about him of because it was
Speaker 1: no budget whatsoever and not at the time it was
Speaker 1: like literally like the second it was even possible to
Speaker 1: upload videos to the internet like of that length, so
Speaker 1: it was not like there was people were like practiced
Speaker 1: and yeah we also we had fifteen minute long shows
Speaker 1: with nine people in them. Okay, but I would love
Speaker 1: I would love to hosting and create that show. Now, wow,
Speaker 1: are you proposing a comeback if somebody wants to produce,
Speaker 1: somebody who wants to do this, Remember there was like
Speaker 1: some guy who really wants to give it. Well, the
Speaker 1: guy who wanted to do a big story, I'm project improviser,
Speaker 1: and whoever his publisher was was like, nobody knows what
Speaker 1: this is. I don't know anyway. Um um, but I
Speaker 1: would host and create that show and they would be
Speaker 1: really great. I'll host it. Wow, So your dream reality
Speaker 1: show you've already been on is for me to be
Speaker 1: in control of the show that I was kicked off of.
Speaker 1: Just rig it. I'm not going to be a contestant,
Speaker 1: I know, but you're just you're gonna You're like, it's
Speaker 1: weird that after the one girl got eliminated that the
Speaker 1: other girl wasn't eliminated. We need to bias this more
Speaker 1: in favor of bearded white men. What are you what?
Speaker 1: What what are you trying to assign to me? Um? No,
Speaker 1: it would be incredible. Okay, I'm calling it. Well, this
Speaker 1: has been another episode of We Knows Parenting. I'm Beth
Speaker 1: noweltervict Dirty. If you'd like to email us, send us
Speaker 1: a question of thought, tell us how you're doing how
Speaker 1: is your parenting life changed for the better or the
Speaker 1: worst or whatever. You can email us at we Knows
Speaker 1: pod at gmail dot com, or you can give us
Speaker 1: a voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven
Speaker 1: three nine six. Just give us a voicemail. I was
Speaker 1: trying to find the phone number. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, We
Speaker 1: know Great review, subscribe by my book. There's no manual
Speaker 1: honest and grey wisdom about having a baby. And won't
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Speaker 1: we love you, Hi, Hi,