1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,840 Speaker 1: Did you realize that I did upon Jovi John bon 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: Jovi quote, just then, No, it's my life. It's now ormember, 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 1: I'm I ain't gonna god, how did I miss that? 4 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 1: Where can I hand in my jersey card? 5 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 2: Jesus more Better, More Better? 6 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: Just for posterity reasons, I want on the recording for 7 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,200 Speaker 1: everyone to know that our producer Isis didn't hit record 8 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,599 Speaker 1: and I did like probably the greatest intro that I've 9 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: ever done on anything ever. It was so clean, I 10 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: sounded so profreshed. Anyway, this is More Better, a podcast 11 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,200 Speaker 1: where we stop pretending to try to have it all together. 12 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: You know what you're listening to. It's us trying to 13 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 1: be better at life. That's a Romeo laughing in the background, 14 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 1: and that is Stephanie Beatrice. Hey, y'all, I'm just drinking 15 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: my coffee. Sorry, you're in rare form today. I really am. 16 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:14,399 Speaker 1: This is what we got. Here's my life hack for 17 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: those of you don't that have trouble working out in 18 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:21,520 Speaker 1: the morning. I did it. I bought myself a tiny 19 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:24,480 Speaker 1: little espresso maker. It's one of those little boopy do 20 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 1: you just press them in the boot bump bump, and 21 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: then you're done, and I have a shot of espresso 22 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,880 Speaker 1: at seven am, and then I walk my ass downstairs 23 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: to the basement and fucking work out, yep, and so 24 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,039 Speaker 1: then I have my regular coffee later, which is why 25 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: I am in rear form right now. Yeah, I like it. 26 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:47,320 Speaker 3: I hate that little No, I'm the same sometimes I am. 27 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 3: If I'm I'm going our setup is in the garage, 28 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 3: or even if I'm going to a class, I just 29 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 3: I do this thing where I almost like try to 30 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 3: turn my brain off. I don't think about where I'm going. 31 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 3: I just am like, put one foot in front of 32 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 3: the other, bitch, drink your coffee, get in the car, 33 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 3: and then you will get there and you will have 34 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 3: no choice. You have no choice because you are just 35 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 3: there and you will do the thing. Maybe you'll do 36 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 3: it well today, maybe you won't, but you did it. 37 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: You did it. That's why I think a lot of 38 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: the time. Why it's my workout closer and the drawer 39 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: and they're like all everything's together, like the socks are 40 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 1: right above where the pants are and the bras are 41 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 1: and it's just grab grab, don't think, go downstairs, Like 42 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,200 Speaker 1: I don't have to think because if I have to 43 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: think about trying to do it. It's not gonna happen 44 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 1: because I have to think twice. I mean I had 45 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 1: to think twice this month. I was like I want 46 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,399 Speaker 1: to and Brad was like, you better do it. You're 47 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 1: gonna be sad that you didn't do it. Yeah. Yeah. 48 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,080 Speaker 3: The workout closes is another one too. Sometimes I'll just 49 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 3: put workout clothes on to go drop the kids off, 50 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 3: and then there's something about having the outfit on that 51 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:54,840 Speaker 3: where I'm like. 52 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: Well, no, I gotta do it. I gotta do it. Yeah, 53 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,919 Speaker 1: otherwise I gotta get dressed. I'm off actually, so if 54 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,600 Speaker 1: I put them on and then I'm like, oh, work 55 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 1: out later, I never do. Oh, I'm just like I 56 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: just I'm like living at my ladies ladies who lunch 57 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: moment and I'm like, I don't know, I'm just like 58 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 1: running errands and my yoga pants, you know, like I 59 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: can't I have to do I have to do it first. 60 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: I have to do it first thing otherwise it's not 61 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 1: gonna happen. Or I can sign up for a class 62 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: like in the evening or something, but oh, that's my favorite, 63 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 1: Like signing up for the class and then you know, 64 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: you spend the money. Yeah, and you're like, now I 65 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: have to go. Two days ago, I was sitting in 66 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 1: our front yard and uh so nice outside of sitting 67 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: in our front yard and Brad and Ross came out 68 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: and Brad handed me in Appearl Sprits and I was like, 69 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 1: oh my god. It was so I did it. And 70 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 1: then I was like shit because I signed up for 71 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: You're like the epsy doodle that was. That did kind 72 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: of suck because I was like, dang, I can't go now, like, yeah, 73 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: what we're gonna do? I can't I mean not drink 74 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:05,720 Speaker 1: your approls. Yeah, in the beautiful day and Friday think 75 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 1: about it until like halfway through the approl sprits, you know, 76 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah, and it's over. It's over. Yeah, It's okay, 77 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 1: you're human. It's fine, I'm human. What have you done lately? 78 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 1: That's more better? I guess we just talked about it, honestly, yeah, 79 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:22,279 Speaker 1: kind of you know. I are you working on in 80 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: the ATL are you doing? Do people call it this? 81 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,599 Speaker 1: Does everyone just hate me for calling it this? I 82 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 1: don't know. I haven't been here long enough. I don't 83 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: think people say at L Nobody calls it that that's 84 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,919 Speaker 1: so dumb. That's the air, that's very the atl What 85 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: am I doing? What is the I don't know, how's 86 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: it going in the lax yi. 87 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 2: Yike. 88 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 3: I was on a really good run of working out 89 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 3: and then was working a lot, and it just it 90 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 3: hasn't really happened in uh, probably more than two weeks, 91 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:03,160 Speaker 3: which sucks because that means, first of all, there's that 92 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 3: fun thing where you get like I get like achy 93 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 3: and like little pains when I'm not working out. 94 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: I don't know what that's about. Is it just like. 95 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,359 Speaker 3: Getting older or is it like because you've been working 96 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 3: out and then your body gets used to I don't know. 97 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: I don't know, but my knee's hurt and yeah cool. 98 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,480 Speaker 1: And then I just know that whenever I do work out, 99 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,239 Speaker 1: it's going to suck so bad. 100 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 3: Yeah those first few workouts and uh, and then you 101 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 3: just have to like push through and you feel like 102 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 3: you're starting over and you're like more sore, even though 103 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 3: you're like, all I did was a. 104 00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 1: Fucking squat, not even multiple squats. I did a squat, 105 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,600 Speaker 1: and now I can't walk and you feel bad about 106 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: yourself and it fucking sucks. 107 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,839 Speaker 3: And then you just have to like push through that phase. 108 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 3: And so like that's where I am now, Like I 109 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 3: just know that that is, uh where I am headed. 110 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,200 Speaker 3: Whenever I well, next week, I have some time. I'm 111 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 3: next week, so I know I'm going to work out 112 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 3: next week and it's gonna suck. 113 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 1: It's gonna suck. What if you had acceptance of the suckage, 114 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, hadical acceptance of the suckage. Yes, 115 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: you just have to sort of go, okay, this is 116 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,559 Speaker 1: what I mean, Like if you want, because I straight 117 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 1: up will resist, I'll be like, oh no, it's going 118 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 1: to be so hard. It's and then like three weeks 119 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 1: have passed by. That's where I'm at right now. Because 120 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: I was like in my closet trying on clothes and 121 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,479 Speaker 1: I was like, this skirt doesn't fit. I don't understand, 122 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 1: Like I guess this up in the same way. I mean, 123 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:37,599 Speaker 1: I got it on, but it didn't it wasn't giving 124 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,719 Speaker 1: what I wanted it to give. So I was like, 125 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: what is going on? How could this be? And I 126 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: was like it's because I haven't been waking out at all. 127 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 1: I was like not doing anything. So you know, that 128 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: combined with like a sedentary lifestyle. It's probably gonna change. 129 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,760 Speaker 1: It's going to happen. You know it's going to happen. 130 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,839 Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't today. Yeah, I just had to 131 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,600 Speaker 1: sort of go whoa, Yeah, okay, like, let's do this 132 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:09,040 Speaker 1: more better? Why why would I have done anything more better? 133 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: I'm just hanging out in my house. I mean it's 134 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: been nice. I've got therapy, you. 135 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 3: Know, Like, listen, you have earned a RESTful period, a 136 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 3: RESTful season, and you are making the most of it. 137 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: And I think that that's amazing. I am making the 138 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: most of it. Ish Yeah, yeah, I mean, listen, have 139 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: ever did I buy three thirty inch necklaces off of 140 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: atsy yesterday because they were each price to twenty dollars? Yes? 141 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,160 Speaker 1: I did making the most of it. I made the 142 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: most of it. I'm going on a tangent. Guys, Come on, 143 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: this is three technically this is the third espresso, so 144 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 1: more better. What are we talking about today? 145 00:07:56,200 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 3: We are talking about something a little heavy. 146 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: It comes from a listener. We'll see, We'll see, John 147 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:11,800 Speaker 1: accept it. Today's topic comes from a listener. And as 148 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: a reminder, if you listeners out there, whoever you may be, 149 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: need help with something in your life or you have 150 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: an idea for us, Please. 151 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 3: Send us an email at Morebetter Pod at gmail dot com. 152 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: You can include a voice note and we will feature 153 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: it on the pod. And today we have an email. 154 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 1: Shall I read it? Yes? Read it? Okay? 155 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 3: It is from Rachel, Hi, Stephanie, Melissa and team. I've 156 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 3: really enjoyed the More Better podcast, so thank you all 157 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 3: for your hard work. I have a question I've been 158 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 3: mulling over for a while and would love any advice 159 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 3: or even just shared stories some context for you. My 160 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 3: husband and I just got married in October twenty twenty four, 161 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 3: which was amazing Corets, congrats. We had been together for 162 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 3: about six years before getting married, and we lived together 163 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 3: for two years as well. 164 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: Fairy sound. 165 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 3: I am white and my husband is Indian. Born in 166 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 3: India but grew up in the US. From the start 167 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,319 Speaker 3: of our relationship, my parents had always been pretty chill 168 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,200 Speaker 3: about cultural and religious differences and quickly. 169 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: Came to love him. His parents were not thrilled with 170 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,080 Speaker 1: me being white and Christian, but came to love and 171 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:24,079 Speaker 1: accept me as well. We planned our wedding to honor 172 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 1: both cultures, with two different ceremonies and including different traditions 173 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: from both sides, gorgeous. 174 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 3: Cool. My family had been relatively hands off during a 175 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 3: wedding process, and I perceived them as being laid back 176 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:40,040 Speaker 3: about everything until just two days. 177 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 1: Before my wedding. 178 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:46,080 Speaker 3: Oh God, I'm scared. My parents expressed fears over our 179 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 3: combined wedding and how I seem to be quote losing 180 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 3: myself and my faith because we were doing a lot 181 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:58,280 Speaker 3: of traditional Hindu rituals as well. Oh my Okay, needless 182 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 3: to say, this horribly upset me. Of course it did, 183 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 3: and I felt extremely betrayed by this sudden opinion. I 184 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,320 Speaker 3: feel like it came from them being uncomfortable and avoiding 185 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 3: it since we planned the wedding for over a year 186 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,440 Speaker 3: and did not hide anything totally. Yeah, trying to keep 187 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 3: a long story short ish. All the wedding festivities went 188 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:23,120 Speaker 3: beautifully and both families had an amazing time. However, months after, 189 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 3: I'm still processing and working through the hurt that came 190 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,839 Speaker 3: right before we got married. So with this backstory, my 191 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 3: question is, how do you handle sharing parts of your 192 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 3: culture or loved ones, culture, beliefs, et cetera with those 193 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 3: outside of it. Any advice for navigating multicultural families or 194 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 3: friend groups. How to handle criticism with it. Thank you 195 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 3: for taking the time to read this, Rachel. 196 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 1: Ooh, Rachel, how to handle criticism with it? You could 197 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,920 Speaker 1: just be like, don't be so closed minded, you fucking 198 00:10:54,920 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: closed minded. Button. That's dialogue, though, don't do that out loud. 199 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:08,079 Speaker 1: Don't do that out loud. Yeah, so sucks. 200 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:08,520 Speaker 3: Sucks. 201 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: My heart goes out to Rachel. That's a really tough thing. 202 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 3: I'm so sorry your family sprung that on you two 203 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:16,560 Speaker 3: days before your. 204 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 1: Wedding, which you know what, I feel like that's. 205 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 3: Always the case though, like not just with this topic, 206 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 3: but like anytime, particularly, I don't know what weddings do 207 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 3: to parents. They will like sit on their opinion, sit 208 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 3: on their opinions until they become like they burst right 209 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:38,360 Speaker 3: before the wedding like a boil, like a packfle and then. 210 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 1: You're just like, what the fuck? First of all, this 211 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,439 Speaker 1: is not your wedding, it's out wedding. And second of all, 212 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 1: why don't. 213 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 3: You say this shit to begin with? This is a 214 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 3: lesson and don't keep shit inside. Say what you think 215 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 3: or feel in a nice, appropriate, empathetic way, because you're 216 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 3: supposed to be my family. 217 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: Damn. I am in a marriage where my family is 218 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 1: Bolivian and Colombian and my husband's family is not, but 219 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,040 Speaker 1: they are. I think he's like, I don't know, the 220 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 1: dnahs is hilarious. It's like undred percent European, you know. 221 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 1: But you know, there's different kinds of people have different 222 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 1: reactions to being introduced to new cultures. I think one 223 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:32,480 Speaker 1: of the cool things about having a kid is that, uh, 224 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: I can see how heavy my influence kind of lands 225 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,839 Speaker 1: with my kids. You know, the things that I say 226 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:47,319 Speaker 1: and how I am around her inform how she feels 227 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: about the world too, because like at this point, I'm 228 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 1: her hero, you know, Like, right, they listen to everything 229 00:12:55,000 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: that we say. You know, however you're parents feel about 230 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: your husband, and however his parents felt about you, they 231 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 1: each did a good enough job of raising two people 232 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 1: that like, we're interested and curious about the world and 233 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: fell in love with someone that was unlike themselves. And yeah, 234 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,680 Speaker 1: and like you should put yourself on the back about that, right, 235 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:27,560 Speaker 1: you know, Like you and Ross are in love? And 236 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: did you like that that I named him Ross? Just 237 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:38,920 Speaker 1: then I was like, wait, you and Ross are deeply 238 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 1: in love? And yeah, I mean this is such a 239 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 1: hard question because, like you know, in my experience, most 240 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,880 Speaker 1: of the time, people are pretty interested and open, but 241 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:58,199 Speaker 1: have some fear, you know, because it's being introduced to 242 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: cultures that are not like yourself. Your can be like, yes, 243 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: what's this going to be? I'm not used to it. 244 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:07,439 Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, you know, Yes, I 245 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 1: don't know where this lands. Like I don't I've never 246 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: had an experience like this before. I'm a little nervous 247 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 1: or worried or like I don't know how to be, 248 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 1: you know. And the less you've been exposed to different 249 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 1: cultures in your own life, the more fear you're going 250 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 1: to have about it. So like, yeah, you know, if 251 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,160 Speaker 1: the only exposure you have to other cultures is going 252 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: out to eat at different kinds of restaurants, like that's 253 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: gonna be hard for you when you get to a 254 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 1: wedding that is very, very different culturally than your own. 255 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 1: I just yeah, like it's hard because like it sounds 256 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: like what happened is they had a bunch of feelings 257 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: and then they like busted out with them two days 258 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: before the wedding. All you can continue to do and 259 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: it sounds like everybody had fun at the wedding. So like, 260 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 1: all you can continue to do is slowly gently foster 261 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 1: a environment in which when your husband's uh culture and 262 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: and like traditions. Yeah, parts of that are like involved. 263 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 1: You can choose which way to go about it, right, 264 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: Like if you you can choose to be it sucks 265 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 1: because it lands on you. 266 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 3: Right, Like it's going to be like a little bit 267 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 3: more emotional labor for Rachel. Yes, this is what this is, 268 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 3: and this is what this is, and here's some you know, 269 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 3: like here's some explanations of this, and like I want 270 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 3: you know, like and this is why I like this 271 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 3: and this is what I how it's important to it 272 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 3: and why we we think it's important to include in 273 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 3: our life for our children's life. 274 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 1: And yeah, and just like hold their hand a little bit. Maybe, Yeah, 275 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: the hand holding is restrating because you want to be like, 276 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: what the fuck? The Internet's right there, you guys, But 277 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,280 Speaker 1: can you do some of this work? You can you 278 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 1: utilize Google a little bit? Yeah, the handholding. It also 279 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:16,040 Speaker 1: does make it personal. So in my experience with for example, 280 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: some of my husband's family, they've been really curious and 281 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: they just don't know. And so when I talk about 282 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 1: it it's fun for them to be, you know, interested, 283 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 1: They're interested, they want to know more. They have like, 284 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:35,600 Speaker 1: they have questions. Some of their questions are hilarious, but 285 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: I try to answer them as best I can, you know, 286 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 1: even you know, I think the more that you can 287 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 1: accept that they're trying it sounds like they're trying, the 288 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 1: more that you can come at them with like a 289 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 1: less frustrated, more kind of like open. But at the 290 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:06,200 Speaker 1: same time, it's like, you know, some of your parents 291 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,600 Speaker 1: maybe prejudices are showing through if they're saying things like 292 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 1: we're afraid we're gonna lose you, We're afraid we're gonna 293 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:19,160 Speaker 1: you know, like, depending on certain people's religions, it can 294 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: feel like a battle for somebody's soul to be like, 295 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 1: oh no, you have to be a practicing xyz, you know, 296 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: and that can get really tricky and sticky. And I 297 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,640 Speaker 1: don't really have any advice about that because I don't 298 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:36,439 Speaker 1: practice a specific religion. So yeah, I don't know, do you. 299 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,679 Speaker 1: I don't even know. Do you You're not like, I 300 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 1: don't know. No, we don't really practice. 301 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 3: We have religious traditions that we love, but yeah, yes, yeah, 302 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:54,360 Speaker 3: spiritual perhaps, but I've definitely seen that dynamic with some 303 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 3: Jewish friends I have that have married non Jewish people, 304 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 3: and it, you know, can be tricky. And some of 305 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:10,320 Speaker 3: them celebrate both Christian holidays and Jewish holidays and sort 306 00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 3: of do like a combined thing, and some have just 307 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,960 Speaker 3: fully converted, and you know, I think, yeah, the religious 308 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 3: part can be really tricky. 309 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,200 Speaker 1: And ultimately though, like since you and. 310 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 3: Ross got married, you this is the start of your family. Yeah, 311 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:33,239 Speaker 3: and it is a blended family and outside of and 312 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 3: it can be hard and tricky, but you two will 313 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:42,400 Speaker 3: decide together what your combined life and culture and traditions 314 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 3: are going to look like and what makes sense for you. 315 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: And people are gonna have fucking opinions about it. 316 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,919 Speaker 3: And you know, and it's we're not here to today 317 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,879 Speaker 3: like that's gonna be easy, Like it's not, you know, 318 00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:00,080 Speaker 3: I'm sure it's gonna be tough at times, particularly if 319 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 3: there's any traditions you choose to not do anymore or 320 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:09,719 Speaker 3: engage in or replace maybe with some that you connect 321 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,159 Speaker 3: with more from your husband's side. Like, however it all 322 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:17,520 Speaker 3: lays out, I think boundaries kind of come into play here, 323 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 3: and like reminding yourself that this is, especially if you 324 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 3: have kids, like this is, or even if you don't 325 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 3: have kids, this is your new family unit, right, and 326 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 3: it's your new life and it's how you want it 327 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:37,240 Speaker 3: to look and be and and you know it's hey, 328 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 3: and that's okay, and you can still have empathy for 329 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:44,119 Speaker 3: your families and their opinions. But then eventually you have 330 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,400 Speaker 3: to get to the point where it's like I hear you, 331 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 3: I empathize, I'm sorry you're upset, but this is our life. 332 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 3: It's my life. It's now or ever. I ain't gonna 333 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 3: live forever. This is my life. This is how yeah, 334 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,199 Speaker 3: this this is how we want to live our life. 335 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 3: And these are the things that we want to include 336 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,439 Speaker 3: in our life. And that just you know, it is 337 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,160 Speaker 3: what it is. And you know there's lots of families 338 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 3: I think that have to navigate that, and hopefully everyone 339 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:18,680 Speaker 3: will come to a place where you know, they see 340 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 3: the value in it, especially like if they see you happy, 341 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 3: they see you guys happy and you have a happy life, 342 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 3: hopefully they are open and love you enough to see 343 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 3: that you're doing what's best for you and your family. 344 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 1: Did you realize that I did a bon Jovi John 345 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 1: bon Jovi quote just son, No, it's my life. It's 346 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:37,480 Speaker 1: now or never. 347 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,120 Speaker 3: I'm going to God, how did I miss that? Can 348 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,000 Speaker 3: I hand in my jersey card? 349 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 1: Jesus? 350 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 3: I can't sing it, you guys, because we'll have to 351 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:53,600 Speaker 3: pay sorry to the State of New Jersey, very Jersey girl, and. 352 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:58,880 Speaker 1: To bon Jovi for not clocking that. Oh God, I'm embarrassed. 353 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:06,320 Speaker 2: Or better better. 354 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:10,920 Speaker 1: I think part of this, like especially with marriages and 355 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 1: people making their new family. Yes, it's like some families 356 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,520 Speaker 1: do have a and this is like across the board 357 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 1: and lots of different cultures, they have a sort of 358 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 1: like you owe it to us to live your life 359 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 1: the way that we've taught you, you know, right, And. 360 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 3: That's harry on the family, the way we built the family. 361 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 1: And it's very tricky, right, Like I mean, tricky is 362 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,520 Speaker 1: not the word that I want to use, but I 363 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 1: don't know what word to use. It's fucking frustrating, and 364 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: like you've got to decide whether or not you're going 365 00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 1: to do that, whether you're going to say, yes, my 366 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:59,160 Speaker 1: parents have ultimate control of my marriage, or if you're 367 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 1: going to say no, that's not okay for me, you know. 368 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,560 Speaker 1: And and I don't know what it sounds like. It 369 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:10,920 Speaker 1: sounds like, you know, Rachel and Ross, what you want 370 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,880 Speaker 1: out of your lives, Like you guys met each other, 371 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,199 Speaker 1: and even though his parents at first were like you 372 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 1: guys were like, we're getting married, we love each other. 373 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 1: For some people, it's more complex than that. It might 374 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,720 Speaker 1: be more challenging than that. I will say, I'm certainly 375 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: I know people that are estranged from their families because 376 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,240 Speaker 1: of it, you know, and that's really really tough. But 377 00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,880 Speaker 1: those are the choices that you ultimately have to make, 378 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 1: because I think if you want to be the kind 379 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: of person that is that you describe yourself as, like 380 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: I'm open minded, I want to learn about the world, 381 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: I want to learn about different cultures, I want to 382 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,879 Speaker 1: learn about this kind of stuff. Like, then that's a 383 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: that's you get to choose that for your life. And 384 00:22:57,720 --> 00:22:59,679 Speaker 1: there's some people that don't want that, you know, Like 385 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 1: we're seeing it more and more all over the world 386 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,640 Speaker 1: right now. They're like, it's my way or the highway, 387 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 1: it's this way, and everybody else's way is wrong, which 388 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,960 Speaker 1: I don't really understand because, like you know, if you 389 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,280 Speaker 1: look at historically the history of people on the planet, 390 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,440 Speaker 1: that's just not how we do it. We don't really 391 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:21,959 Speaker 1: do it like that. So trying to fit a square 392 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 1: peg in a round hole is a bit strange in 393 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 1: that way. I think if you're a listener of this podcast, 394 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:33,360 Speaker 1: you probably skew kind of like open minded if you're 395 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,199 Speaker 1: at this point in the podcast and you don't I 396 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,720 Speaker 1: don't really know why you're hanging around, but maybe like 397 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: the sounds of our voices, what can we do? Maybe 398 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:47,399 Speaker 1: they're melodious. I just feel like there's and there's lots 399 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 1: of ways to integrate two different cultures, three different cultures, 400 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,000 Speaker 1: four different cultures in your family, right, Like there's ways 401 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:02,520 Speaker 1: of of like you know, choosing picking and choosing like 402 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 1: what you want to celebrate how you want to. I mean, 403 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: like listen, we are not My family is not pagan. 404 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:15,159 Speaker 1: But there's some cool like pagan winter Solstice things that 405 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 1: we did this year because I thought they were really 406 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 1: interesting for Roz to hear about, like the wheel of 407 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,639 Speaker 1: time and like my stuff that I don't really know about, 408 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 1: but I wanted to introduce the ideas to her a 409 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 1: little bit, and like you know, just sort of like 410 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:34,840 Speaker 1: learning about like where religious holidays come from, and like 411 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: how they've evolved over the years and listen choose three. 412 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 1: So like it was like Chapin's books, you know, and 413 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,959 Speaker 1: me looking at books too, and you know, I'm fascinated 414 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 1: and interested in different cultures and how they celebrate and 415 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:51,120 Speaker 1: like how how like different cultures have echoes of similar 416 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: things in you know, there's so many For example, there's 417 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:59,919 Speaker 1: so many winter ish around wintertime celebrations that had to 418 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:05,679 Speaker 1: with light and light coming back, like going away, the 419 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 1: celebration of light. What light means, like human beings are 420 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 1: all we're also connected. And I don't know, I just 421 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: think like the finding the similarities and different kinds of 422 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,280 Speaker 1: cultures can be interesting too. That could be maybe a 423 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: way to kind of like attack it with family that's 424 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 1: like what is this? I don't know what this is? 425 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,760 Speaker 1: You know? Oh yeah, yeah. And I have to wonder too, 426 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 1: like going back to their. 427 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,360 Speaker 3: Reaction a couple of days before the wedding, kind of 428 00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:37,480 Speaker 3: off of what you said, Stephanie, is a little bit 429 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:42,680 Speaker 3: I have to wonder too if it's maybe just more 430 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:48,919 Speaker 3: that feeling of being uncomfortable and maybe it was more projection, 431 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 3: Maybe it was more about them than it actually is 432 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:53,920 Speaker 3: about you know, you know it. 433 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:54,880 Speaker 1: Always is right. 434 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:59,439 Speaker 3: Like I can remember, you know, first time I was 435 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,360 Speaker 3: at like a cultural wedding and feeling like, oh am 436 00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:03,679 Speaker 3: I going to mess up? Oh I don't know the 437 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,560 Speaker 3: dances or I don't know what comes next, and everyone 438 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 3: else seems too and it's uncomfortable. And it's really easy 439 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:13,120 Speaker 3: to go to a place because you're a human being 440 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 3: of like. 441 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,120 Speaker 1: I don't like this, I don't you know, like why 442 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:17,159 Speaker 1: why do they have to do this? 443 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,919 Speaker 3: But that's just like resistance, you know, that's just like 444 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 3: being uncomfortable, and it can be hard sometimes. 445 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,560 Speaker 1: To just like, oh, nobody wants to be uncomfortable. Nobody 446 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: wants to be uncomfortable humanity like constantly avoiding any kind 447 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,959 Speaker 1: of still avoiding that, you know what I mean. And 448 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,719 Speaker 1: so maybe that was about like are they gonna look dumb, 449 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,440 Speaker 1: you know, and some of the more traditional Indian aspects 450 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,400 Speaker 1: of the wedding and are they going to mess up? 451 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,240 Speaker 3: Or are they going to do the wrong thing? And 452 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,720 Speaker 3: like maybe it was about that, you know, to give 453 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,359 Speaker 3: them the benefit of the doubt, and like. 454 00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,000 Speaker 1: Maybe or maybe they'd always imagined you know you and 455 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 1: some kind of like right cific church setting and now 456 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,639 Speaker 1: they're not getting exactly what they want and they can't 457 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 1: kind of they have to come to deal with. 458 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,320 Speaker 3: It, yes, and they have to like rewire the image 459 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,600 Speaker 3: and their brains and like, Okay, it's gonna look like this, 460 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,639 Speaker 3: And off topic just for a second, though, I have 461 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,679 Speaker 3: always wanted to go to a fucking Indian wedding. 462 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: They look so bomb and so fun. South Asian parties 463 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:22,159 Speaker 1: period are just the best and greatest parties. 464 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 3: I don't know what it is. I just I really 465 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:30,679 Speaker 3: the color, it's so beautiful. It's like anyways, that was 466 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 3: just a side tangent side. Do you want to invite. 467 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:39,760 Speaker 1: Me to your You're beautiful? Glorious? You're beautiful glorious? I was. 468 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,720 Speaker 1: When I got married. My mom was like, well, you're 469 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,000 Speaker 1: not going to do it in a church and I 470 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 1: was like no. She's like, why You're not gonna have 471 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 1: a priest and I was like, no, we don't. We 472 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 1: don't practice, Like yeah, we're not, We're not doing that, 473 00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: and like she had a hard time with that. She 474 00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: had a really hard time with it, you know at first. Yeah, 475 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,320 Speaker 1: So sometimes it really is just like your parents having 476 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 1: these expectations or dreams of you know, they've been around 477 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 1: you since you were little, and. 478 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 3: They sure this day about it, you know, particularly with girls. 479 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's true. It's it's really like, it can 480 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 1: be challenging to let go of your own expectations of 481 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: your children as a mother. And she's only three, so 482 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 1: you know, you're a grown person. It can be challenging 483 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,000 Speaker 1: for my mom to let go of expectations of me. 484 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 1: And I'm a grown, grown, grown person, you know, and 485 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,120 Speaker 1: she still thinks of me as like a ten year old. 486 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,000 Speaker 1: My sister had an eight year old, you know, So 487 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 1: there's a it's a fine line between like cutting them 488 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,720 Speaker 1: some slack and also knowing when to be like whoa bro? No, 489 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:55,240 Speaker 1: like not that's sokay, prejudice, you're not opening your mind. 490 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: I need you to do harder work because you're going 491 00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,400 Speaker 1: to lose our relationship. 492 00:28:59,480 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 3: You know. 493 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,080 Speaker 1: I'm not saying like to make threats or anything, but 494 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:06,960 Speaker 1: I do think it's like, yeah, I think calling about yeah, 495 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 1: bulling them in. And you know, everyone's like family's everything, 496 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:14,080 Speaker 1: family has everything, and family is everything. Family is so special. 497 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean family can do anything exactly, you 498 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 1: know that part that part, it doesn't mean that they 499 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 1: can't treat you badly. They can't manipulate you into They 500 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 1: shouldn't manipulate you into doing what they want. You're not 501 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,520 Speaker 1: an extension of your parents. You're your own person. You're 502 00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,320 Speaker 1: your own person. You're not an extension of your parents. 503 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: And I think particularly for people that you know are 504 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: coming into their own and being grown ups now, I 505 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 1: think I don't think that their parents knew that, right. 506 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 1: I think everybody thought, oh, well, my kid is a 507 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 1: little me, you know, an extension of me, And. 508 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, it really is like a newer concept. I think 509 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 3: of trying to parent from a place of thinking of 510 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,400 Speaker 3: our childre and as their own individuals and their own people, 511 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,960 Speaker 3: and that really our jobs as parents are to get 512 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 3: to know them. Yeah, steward steward them through life. But 513 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,720 Speaker 3: it's not our lives, not at all. I mean, I 514 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:17,440 Speaker 3: will say, like, isis our producer. I just sent us 515 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 3: this article from very well mind that is about how 516 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 3: when your parents disapprove of your marriage, not saying that 517 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:29,400 Speaker 3: yours due, but because we're talking about this kind of stuff, 518 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,920 Speaker 3: it can be really challenging and it can take a 519 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:37,920 Speaker 3: toll on your marriage, Like it could be really tricky. 520 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:44,360 Speaker 1: That's stupid word, but the article is really cool because 521 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: like the main points in it are, like, help your 522 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,840 Speaker 1: parents get to know your partner. Consider counseling, Like that's 523 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 1: something to consider, right, Like if they're open to it, 524 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,360 Speaker 1: plan for the future, like you can, you know, like 525 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 1: if there is a wedge between your parents and your 526 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:04,760 Speaker 1: like maybe you don't force your spouse to go with 527 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 1: you to events that are more of your family and 528 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,640 Speaker 1: you know they are going to be like hard on 529 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: your spouse. You know, I'm not saying that this is 530 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: Rachel and Ross's experience because but maybe it's Monica and Chandler's. 531 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:23,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, like I would say, I 532 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 1: think that this is the quote that I thought was 533 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:29,000 Speaker 1: really cool from this article. Don't allow your parents' reservations 534 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,800 Speaker 1: to destroy your relationship with your fiance or spouse. Studies 535 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:34,840 Speaker 1: show the parental disapproval of a spouse can create distrust, criticism, 536 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,480 Speaker 1: and conflict in a marriage. But it can and also 537 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,760 Speaker 1: can be a reoccurring topic of your arguments that can 538 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 1: drive a wedge between you both if that happens, considered 539 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:48,280 Speaker 1: seeing a marriage counselor. I think it's really important to 540 00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,840 Speaker 1: talk about this stuff with your partner. Even though it 541 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 1: might be like, and you guys, obviously they have it, 542 00:31:55,920 --> 00:32:01,480 Speaker 1: sounds like, but continuing that conversation as you're marriage goes 543 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:05,520 Speaker 1: along as your parents, both both of you as your parents' age, 544 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,960 Speaker 1: and continuing to talk about, like how you want to 545 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,640 Speaker 1: integrate both of your cultures so that both of you 546 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:16,120 Speaker 1: feel seen in the relationship is really important, you know, 547 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 1: Like I spend so much time in my childhood and 548 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 1: adolescents assimilating and now as an adult, I really really 549 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 1: desire a connection to much more of my own Latini dad, 550 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,640 Speaker 1: because I want my daughter to have access to it 551 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 1: in a way that feels not like she's having to 552 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,600 Speaker 1: necessarily pick up a book and read about it, but 553 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:48,480 Speaker 1: that she has memories and experiences from holidays. It's a 554 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 1: part of her life. That's a part of her life. Yeah, 555 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,200 Speaker 1: that's part of her you know. And like, and some 556 00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 1: of those aren't necessarily my own cultural traditions, but that 557 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: I've adopted because I'm LEATINGO in the United States, and 558 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 1: I want, you know, I want her to celebrate the 559 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:06,120 Speaker 1: little Mortals and I think it's a really beautiful holiday, 560 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:09,960 Speaker 1: and like that's important saying and yeah, she is she 561 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: recognizes now that that's coming and she's excited about it 562 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,400 Speaker 1: and wants to like be a part of it. 563 00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the other uh. 564 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,960 Speaker 1: Sorry, tricky thing And this. 565 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:37,960 Speaker 3: In some of these family dynamics too, is also finding 566 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:41,760 Speaker 3: the moments like yes, having complete open communication with your spouse, 567 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 3: but also being careful to not become the thing that's 568 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,360 Speaker 3: like between your spouse and their parents, you. 569 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,320 Speaker 1: Know, like I mean, well that can try but yeah, 570 00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: so it can. 571 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:03,920 Speaker 3: Well, I think it can be some you know, if 572 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:09,320 Speaker 3: your mother in law you know, says something where to you, 573 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,719 Speaker 3: you know, you might have to decide whether you just 574 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,200 Speaker 3: like keep that to yourself or share it with your husband, 575 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 3: you know. 576 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 1: What I mean, Like depends on your boundaries your own personally. 577 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 3: I think it becomes to your own yes, like where 578 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,920 Speaker 3: where obviously if the line is crossed, like yeah, to 579 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,320 Speaker 3: share that with your spouse, but. 580 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 1: But what's your line? But what's your line? You know? 581 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,319 Speaker 3: If it's just kind of like I didn't that bothered me? 582 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,560 Speaker 3: You know, you know you're gonna have to decide like 583 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:39,800 Speaker 3: the areas that you just like choose to deal with yourself. Yeah, 584 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,080 Speaker 3: as your own person and your own person married who 585 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:43,960 Speaker 3: is married to him? 586 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,080 Speaker 1: Right? And the things that you let go or just kind. 587 00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,560 Speaker 3: Of like I'm just gonna like push that. I'm not 588 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,520 Speaker 3: gonna give that any power. I'm not going to give 589 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,120 Speaker 3: that any you know space. 590 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,439 Speaker 1: It's a hard one. It can be a hard one. 591 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:59,040 Speaker 3: It can be, and then you know what to really 592 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:06,440 Speaker 3: bring because also I think it can get uh, unintentionally 593 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:11,799 Speaker 3: harder if you know you are creating even more at 594 00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,839 Speaker 3: tension between your spouse and their parents too, Like that 595 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,040 Speaker 3: can be that can be tricky to navigate like that 596 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,840 Speaker 3: dynamic because they have their whole relationship, their whole life, 597 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 3: all the hardships they've been through. Sure, and you know, 598 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,120 Speaker 3: I think are you adding to the plate? You mean, yes, 599 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,120 Speaker 3: you know, are you adding to the plate? 600 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:31,560 Speaker 1: You know? 601 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,560 Speaker 3: And sometimes I think you have to be selective and 602 00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,200 Speaker 3: thoughtful about what battles to choose. 603 00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,000 Speaker 1: Totally makes sense. That's a good point. That's a good point. 604 00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:47,480 Speaker 1: I mean I would say, you know, if it's if 605 00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 1: it's about if it's just like about like you know, 606 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,879 Speaker 1: I don't know, normal in law kind of stuff, that's 607 00:35:55,920 --> 00:36:00,160 Speaker 1: something right, right, If it's about well, it's about I 608 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:04,719 Speaker 1: don't want you teaching you know, she should learn Spanish, 609 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,839 Speaker 1: you know, like because she's an American, which is like 610 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:13,120 Speaker 1: what you know, like and I think like that that's uh, 611 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:19,040 Speaker 1: you know having I mean, speaking from personal experience, there's 612 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:23,440 Speaker 1: only so much like choking down that you should allow 613 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:28,200 Speaker 1: yourself to do. Yeah, some of that is just gnarly right. 614 00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:32,680 Speaker 1: I have a friend who she's got a kid, and 615 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,160 Speaker 1: her kid loves hanging out with her cousins. But the 616 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:44,360 Speaker 1: cousin's parents are like pretty uh, they're they can be 617 00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:49,000 Speaker 1: very close minded about the way that little girls should 618 00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:54,280 Speaker 1: should be allowed to dress, for example, And Okay, that's 619 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:58,640 Speaker 1: really difficult for my friend because as somebody who she 620 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,160 Speaker 1: just like is like lives in her own body and 621 00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:03,880 Speaker 1: like it is like she kind of can't help that. 622 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: She's like a babe and like she just is who 623 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:10,960 Speaker 1: she is. And she also doesn't project sexuality onto her child, 624 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:15,920 Speaker 1: you know, right, and this these family members kind of 625 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,840 Speaker 1: are like her shorts are too short, her shirt is 626 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:22,640 Speaker 1: too short, you know, like whatever, whatever, And it's like, uh, 627 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,839 Speaker 1: you know, that's a for them. It's like a religious 628 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:35,480 Speaker 1: difference in like how that particular family feels feels is okay, right, 629 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:37,320 Speaker 1: But for my friend, she's like, well then I'm just 630 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,640 Speaker 1: going to take her out of that situation because like, yeah, 631 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,839 Speaker 1: I'm not going to have her for her, for her 632 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,480 Speaker 1: and her family, it's not it doesn't feel right to 633 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 1: have her have to change the way she's freely dressing 634 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:54,440 Speaker 1: in the summer because of that, right cause she's a 635 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:59,719 Speaker 1: little girl, she's like kid. So yeah, you have to 636 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:03,120 Speaker 1: kind of like pick your battles, like you said, but 637 00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,759 Speaker 1: you also like don't. I mean, I would encourage you 638 00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:09,000 Speaker 1: not to bend over backwards because it does get worse. 639 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:14,799 Speaker 1: Meaning like it people will if you give them an inch, 640 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:16,759 Speaker 1: they'll take a mile, and so you do have to. 641 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,880 Speaker 1: I'm really glad that Rachel went through with the wedding 642 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,319 Speaker 1: the way she wanted to go through with it, the 643 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:24,000 Speaker 1: way they wanted to. 644 00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:24,200 Speaker 3: Ye. 645 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,560 Speaker 1: Yes, like, kudos to you. Pow yourself on the back. Yeah, 646 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,360 Speaker 1: because people will, they will stick their nose in and 647 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: be like you should do it this way, you should 648 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,399 Speaker 1: be living this way. I don't like this, I don't 649 00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,480 Speaker 1: want this. And if you give them an inch, they 650 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:38,640 Speaker 1: will take a mile and they'll be like, oh, well 651 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,160 Speaker 1: she listened to me about this. I wanted to listen 652 00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:42,719 Speaker 1: to me about this other thing, now, you know. 653 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,839 Speaker 3: And let's also before we wrap up talk about is 654 00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:52,759 Speaker 3: just gave us. Also some great articles here about the 655 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:54,800 Speaker 3: benefits of biculturalism. 656 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, are so many. 657 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:03,280 Speaker 3: So there's one hear the psychological impact of Biculturalism Evidence 658 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:03,960 Speaker 3: and theory. 659 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:11,520 Speaker 1: The alternation model, which means biculturalism, is a model that 660 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:15,280 Speaker 1: suggests that a person can become proficient into different cultures 661 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:19,760 Speaker 1: without having to sacrifice their original cultural identity or feel 662 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:23,600 Speaker 1: forced to choose one over the other, essentially allowing them 663 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:28,759 Speaker 1: to comfortably navigate both cultures depending on the situation. I 664 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,000 Speaker 1: love this quote because I feel like it just you know, 665 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,200 Speaker 1: I think that's so true. I think the more cultures 666 00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,799 Speaker 1: were exposed to, the more people that are different from us, 667 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:42,520 Speaker 1: the more flexible, flexible, and proficient we can become. You can, 668 00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,839 Speaker 1: you know, and don't you ultimately want that for your kid? 669 00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,799 Speaker 1: You want them to be able to go into any 670 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,399 Speaker 1: room and be comfortable with the people that are there 671 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,319 Speaker 1: and not feel like out of place or you know, 672 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,640 Speaker 1: or be able to you know. This is where like 673 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,239 Speaker 1: the idea of code switching even comes from, you know, 674 00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 1: which is a lot of bicultural people sort of do 675 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:07,680 Speaker 1: annoying naturally naturally right, It's like they just flow between 676 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:11,200 Speaker 1: different groups of people. And I think in that there's 677 00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:15,799 Speaker 1: also a lot of open mindedness tolerance, right, Like we're 678 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,919 Speaker 1: just teaching you know, to kind of love everyone, right 679 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,880 Speaker 1: and like judge people based on like their character and 680 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,759 Speaker 1: their their actions or words rather than you know, all 681 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:31,040 Speaker 1: these ex external things. And so I think that there's 682 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:39,279 Speaker 1: a lot of benefits from multiculturalism or biculturalism that can 683 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:43,120 Speaker 1: come from your sort of blended family. And like, what a. 684 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,920 Speaker 3: Beautiful experience if you choose to have kids, what you uh, 685 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,000 Speaker 3: what a beautiful experience in life you're going to give them, 686 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:54,440 Speaker 3: you know, and what a special person you're going to 687 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:55,920 Speaker 3: set out in the world when they're grown. 688 00:40:56,719 --> 00:41:01,600 Speaker 1: I think also, you know, in terms of handling when 689 00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:05,560 Speaker 1: people are critical, there's a lot of whisk go about it. 690 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:09,640 Speaker 1: To me, I always defer to humor, sure, but I 691 00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:14,040 Speaker 1: think humor and honesty together is sort of like the 692 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:18,960 Speaker 1: most direct route. I feel like, like, uh, you know, 693 00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:24,360 Speaker 1: if if somebody is saying something like really specifically to 694 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 1: me prejudiced, then I give myself the aokay, the highest 695 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:31,759 Speaker 1: sign to be like yes to do it, Stephanie, And 696 00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:36,279 Speaker 1: I'm like, WHOA, I do not think that means what 697 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,120 Speaker 1: you think it means, you know, we're some kind of 698 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:42,560 Speaker 1: like riff on, like whoa, I know you didn't mean 699 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,399 Speaker 1: to say it like that, and then dig a little 700 00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,160 Speaker 1: deeper and see if they did mean to say it 701 00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,480 Speaker 1: like that, and then it can become at least a 702 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:52,719 Speaker 1: back and forth at least some conversation happens. Yeah. Man, 703 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:58,160 Speaker 1: but like in terms of uh, you know, navigating multicultural 704 00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:02,360 Speaker 1: families or friend groups, like like I don't know, like 705 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:09,200 Speaker 1: I'm I My default is always like listen, like mouth 706 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,800 Speaker 1: closed and eyes open and ears open, and like listen, 707 00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,600 Speaker 1: like listen to people's experiences, Listen to how people are 708 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,640 Speaker 1: talking to each other, Listen to what the vibe is. 709 00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:19,400 Speaker 1: Try to catch the vibe. You know, don't make it 710 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:25,000 Speaker 1: about you, make it about learning about them. You know. 711 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:26,279 Speaker 1: It's the same kind of thing that you were talking 712 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:30,920 Speaker 1: about Melissa about her parents possibly being nervous about the wedding. Yeah, 713 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:33,319 Speaker 1: it's like, well, then just use it as an opportunity, 714 00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:36,200 Speaker 1: use this like hang out, use this moment to like 715 00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:40,760 Speaker 1: learn And doesn't mean you're like taking notes necessarily, Yeah, 716 00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:42,759 Speaker 1: but maybe in your head you are a little like 717 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:46,480 Speaker 1: see just learn see and like get to know these people. 718 00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:51,520 Speaker 1: As people, not just like a wash of like this culture, right, 719 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:55,080 Speaker 1: Like it's like individually like paying attention to like because 720 00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:58,359 Speaker 1: you know, every family has its culture. Every family, like 721 00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:01,279 Speaker 1: every unit of friends has its own culture, right like 722 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,359 Speaker 1: every everybody Like in my house, we take our shoes off, 723 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:08,440 Speaker 1: you know, Like yeah, there's little things that belong to 724 00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:12,880 Speaker 1: every group that are signs of them being a group together, 725 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:17,600 Speaker 1: and you know, like trying to stay open to what 726 00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:22,239 Speaker 1: they can teach you about themselves. So I think that's 727 00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:24,640 Speaker 1: like kind of the fun of like you so like 728 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:27,000 Speaker 1: the fun of getting to know people and being alive, 729 00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,120 Speaker 1: Like what are you doing? You're just like hanging on 730 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,400 Speaker 1: your house like just by yourself, like reading Mad magazine, 731 00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:35,799 Speaker 1: Like no offense, Mad magazine, but you know what you 732 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,840 Speaker 1: what are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah? 733 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:42,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I yeah, I've always felt like I don't know, 734 00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,879 Speaker 3: it makes my life every time I get to meet 735 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:50,960 Speaker 3: someone who's feels very different from me. I don't know, 736 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:54,040 Speaker 3: there's like growth in that, right, Like yeah, it's cool. 737 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,920 Speaker 3: It like fills fills your cup in a different way, 738 00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,680 Speaker 3: makes your life a little fuller, you know, And it's 739 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:04,880 Speaker 3: just find I find those experiences and those encounters exciting, 740 00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,680 Speaker 3: you know, and I don't know, maybe there's a way 741 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:12,120 Speaker 3: to have conversations with your parents, Rachel, where you can 742 00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,799 Speaker 3: steer it more in that direction, you know, like, look 743 00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,160 Speaker 3: at how exciting this is. Doesn't have to be scary 744 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,680 Speaker 3: or you know, just because it's different, Like it's you know, 745 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:25,800 Speaker 3: you would never have had this experience in your life, 746 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,160 Speaker 3: and now you're getting to have this whole new experience 747 00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,359 Speaker 3: and it's not taking anything away, it's just adding. It's 748 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:36,239 Speaker 3: all adding, yeah, you know, and you know, keep keep 749 00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:37,520 Speaker 3: it more about that. 750 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,279 Speaker 1: Wow, we solved it for you, Rachel and Ross. We 751 00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:48,040 Speaker 1: fucking solved it. We solved we solved it. You're welcome, welcome. 752 00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,799 Speaker 1: Look out for our bill. It'll be coming in the mail. 753 00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:04,600 Speaker 1: More better, I feel like, I mean, I hope we 754 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:09,880 Speaker 1: gave her some solid me too advice. But that was hard, 755 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:13,799 Speaker 1: and like, yeah, it's hard. It's hard. Everybody's dealing with 756 00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:18,960 Speaker 1: it in some way or another, you know. Yeah, yeah, friends, families. 757 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:23,000 Speaker 3: This is a real multicultural world, real multicultural country. 758 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,040 Speaker 1: Open yourself up or get left behind, babe. 759 00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:30,280 Speaker 3: Hey, I feel yeah, I feel a little bit more better. 760 00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:32,120 Speaker 3: I was a little intimidated by this one. 761 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:34,359 Speaker 1: I don't know. It was kind of an interesting one 762 00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:35,240 Speaker 1: to talk out though. 763 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:39,000 Speaker 3: It was something yeah that I've definitely encountered, but not 764 00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:41,600 Speaker 3: necessarily I think unpacked or thought about a lot. 765 00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:47,960 Speaker 1: I've about it a lot. I know you. And with that, 766 00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:52,359 Speaker 1: dear listeners, we leave you thanks for thanks for tuning in. 767 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:55,600 Speaker 1: And like Mossa said, if you guys have questions that 768 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:57,480 Speaker 1: you want to ask us, or like topics you want 769 00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:01,680 Speaker 1: to cover whatever, like, come on, maybe we'll do like 770 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,880 Speaker 1: a like anp words just listener questions and we'll just 771 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,520 Speaker 1: like yeah, fast, fasty fire those I love that idea. 772 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,840 Speaker 1: Oh okay, get ready for that one. Guys, see you 773 00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:12,359 Speaker 1: next time. 774 00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:16,040 Speaker 2: Bye bye, More More Better. 775 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,399 Speaker 1: Do you have something you'd like to be more better 776 00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:19,759 Speaker 1: at that you want us to talk about in a 777 00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:20,560 Speaker 1: future episode. 778 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:23,000 Speaker 3: Can you relate to our struggles or have you tried 779 00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:24,200 Speaker 3: one of our tips and tricks? 780 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,319 Speaker 1: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at 781 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,239 Speaker 1: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you 782 00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,959 Speaker 1: want to be featured on the pod. Ooh More Better 783 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,840 Speaker 1: with Stephanie Melissa is a production from Wvsound and iHeartMedia's 784 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:41,040 Speaker 1: Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me Steffie Beatriz and Melissa 785 00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:44,160 Speaker 1: Kumera More Better is produced by Isis Madrid and Sophie 786 00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,799 Speaker 1: Spencer Zagos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and Leo 787 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,920 Speaker 1: Klem at Wvsound. This episode was edited by Isis Madrid 788 00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:55,200 Speaker 1: and engineered by Sean Tracy and features original music by 789 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:58,000 Speaker 1: Madison Davenport and Halo Boy. Our cover art is by 790 00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:02,400 Speaker 1: Vincent Remys and photography by Davis. For more podcasts from iHeart, 791 00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,759 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen 792 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:14,440 Speaker 1: to your favorite shows. See you next week, Sucker up, bye,