Speaker 1: Did as I feel the same way. There's nothing worse
Speaker 1: than going to a foreign country and feeling like you're
Speaker 1: the stoopid one because you don't know another language. Is
Speaker 1: that the stone? Where are you sis? Facts? Well, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You may know us
Speaker 1: from posting funny videos without boys and reading each other
Speaker 1: publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you
Speaker 1: need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing
Speaker 1: to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast
Speaker 1: to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,
Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the
Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. That ads is the
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say
Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take pillow
Speaker 1: talk to our whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take you guys back to summertime, two thousand
Speaker 1: and eighteen. Um Kas was just born the previous November.
Speaker 1: Kyra was born the previous September to that, so Jackson
Speaker 1: had to be seven. Yes, Jackson was seven years old.
Speaker 1: And we had booked a Gellette campaign that was shooting
Speaker 1: over in Spain, and we were super excited about it.
Speaker 1: Father soun opportunity to go to Madrid, and we get
Speaker 1: to Madrid and everything. Of course it's in Spanish because
Speaker 1: we're in Spain. And the whole time I'm making do
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? Ordering what I knew out
Speaker 1: of order over the phone, and Jackson's laughing at me
Speaker 1: because of how I say casa dias and I was
Speaker 1: ordering pizza from Pizza Hut. But then they got real
Speaker 1: serious when we had a day off and we weren't
Speaker 1: shooting and we wanted to go to see the city
Speaker 1: a little bit. So we go to Madrid. We go
Speaker 1: to a couple of museums and I was on the
Speaker 1: bus line and the guy was just like, hey, it's
Speaker 1: very simple to get to wherever you want to go.
Speaker 1: You stay on the bus line, go this way, go
Speaker 1: that way. Boom. So you know me, I'm a I'm
Speaker 1: a traveler. I think I know trains in direction pretty well.
Speaker 1: I mean, if you could travel New York City so
Speaker 1: were exactly, you could travel anywhere, right, So I think
Speaker 1: it was easy. So we got off the bus line,
Speaker 1: so doing a little bit more traveling, and Jackson says, hey,
Speaker 1: I gotta use the bathroom. So I'm like, all right, bet,
Speaker 1: let's all run into this museum. We get to the museum,
Speaker 1: and of course you got to pay to get into
Speaker 1: the museum, so I had to pay for Jackson used bathroom,
Speaker 1: which a whole another thing. But then when we came
Speaker 1: out of the museum, we came out of a different
Speaker 1: exit than then we to it, So now my direction
Speaker 1: was all messed up because it wasn't like directly behind
Speaker 1: the museum, so I wasn't sure exactly where we were,
Speaker 1: and now I had to read the signs and try
Speaker 1: to figure out where we were going. So now we're
Speaker 1: in Madrid, starting to get dark, and I'm getting nervous,
Speaker 1: and we passed this part in Madrid that looks like
Speaker 1: Grand on me Plaza. So it's a circle with a
Speaker 1: bunch of streets. If you're lost, that's the worst thing
Speaker 1: you want to see, is like a circle with a
Speaker 1: bunch of streets. And I'm looking around and I don't
Speaker 1: want to stop and ask anybody for directions because I
Speaker 1: don't want to seem like a tourist. And we and
Speaker 1: we weren't in a touristy part of town. And you ever,
Speaker 1: if you're in another country, you never want to seem
Speaker 1: like you don't belong. And Jackson looks up at me
Speaker 1: and goes, Daddy, we lost. I was like, We're not lost.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to show you boards in Madrid. We lost,
Speaker 1: and I can't let my son know that we left.
Speaker 1: And in that moment, I felt so small Number one,
Speaker 1: because I couldn't speak another language. I took Spanish from
Speaker 1: the time I was in sixth grade all the way
Speaker 1: through college and couldn't remember a damn thing because I
Speaker 1: didn't practice it. Like I just didn't. It was about
Speaker 1: passing tests, passing your regents in New York, you know
Speaker 1: our region saw and then getting my degree in college.
Speaker 1: And I couldn't speak a liquor Spanish, and I'm getting nervous,
Speaker 1: so I'm walking around trying to remember you know that
Speaker 1: the New Yorker and me started to kick in and
Speaker 1: I started to feel like I was getting back on path.
Speaker 1: But now I was getting really dark, and I had
Speaker 1: the room key, so I said, freaking I go over
Speaker 1: to a cab. I pointed the key, I said, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, can you take me here? And you take
Speaker 1: me here? So then he started to smirk a little bit,
Speaker 1: so I was just like, you try to rob me
Speaker 1: and something like I felt like I wasn't taken. Now,
Speaker 1: I was like, I have a and if you with me, right,
Speaker 1: So we get in the cab. And when we get
Speaker 1: in the cab, the cab driver literally turns the corner,
Speaker 1: drives two blocks and the hotel is right there. So
Speaker 1: I don't even remember. I didn't even care. All I
Speaker 1: knew was that once I saw the hotel, I was happy.
Speaker 1: But in that moment, I felt so tiny because here
Speaker 1: I am in front, in front of my son, and
Speaker 1: I can't get us to where we want to go
Speaker 1: because in my American egocentric mind, English be all the
Speaker 1: ends all And I realized in that moment that I
Speaker 1: had to travel more and I had to expand my
Speaker 1: mind one, two three being around the world. What are
Speaker 1: you doing? That's how the song goes on it, and
Speaker 1: we've been playing I hated, I hate us. You're singing
Speaker 1: a different version of it. I'm singing the bad boy version.
Speaker 1: Why he go way? And I don't know where he
Speaker 1: can be? My baby been around the world shout out,
Speaker 1: shout out, yeah, who since the original? Again, no idea,
Speaker 1: you won't look it up. I'm gonna look it up.
Speaker 1: I'll come back. We'll do a break and come back
Speaker 1: definitely on my playlist. A matter of fact, were actually
Speaker 1: about to take a break right now, so we got
Speaker 1: to pay some bills. Why are we going to pay
Speaker 1: some bills? How about you look that up so we
Speaker 1: can give proper credit. I'm going to go look it up.
Speaker 1: Is it Lisa Fisher to the Ladies song that you
Speaker 1: stole here on that as podcast talk about our seen
Speaker 1: the original? No, Lisa Fishers? How can I use the pain?
Speaker 1: All right? I'm gonna come back to that, y'all. You
Speaker 1: just being around the world, all right, We'll take the break.
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a break. We'll get back. All right, y'all,
Speaker 1: we're back. And I did my research, and the funny
Speaker 1: thing is when I typed in being around the world,
Speaker 1: what comes up first? Sean Comb, Lisa Sands. It was
Speaker 1: Lesa's ask for y'all. Shout out to Lisa. He was
Speaker 1: the original, the originator. Yeah, but um yeah, that Madrid
Speaker 1: story that was kind of uh. I know, I probably
Speaker 1: would have been asking directions left and right, trying to
Speaker 1: recall the Spanish that I did know. And it's crazy
Speaker 1: because when I studied Spanish back in school, I feel
Speaker 1: like I was in a really good place with it,
Speaker 1: Like I was able to I was able to communicate
Speaker 1: a lot. You know, you were in the hair salon,
Speaker 1: you know they're talking about you in Spanish. You can
Speaker 1: just hear what they say, you know, little things like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I used to go to my little spot there and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, they're definitely talking about me right now,
Speaker 1: for sure, for sure. Um. But just recently traveling you
Speaker 1: and I over to Europe, it's just insane the bubble
Speaker 1: that we're in living in America, and how much more
Speaker 1: world is out there, and you're you're encountering people who
Speaker 1: speak to three or four or five different languages. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just like the norm for them. Um. And it's
Speaker 1: funny because when I first was looking at schools for Jackson,
Speaker 1: this is before you know, Kirokaz in Dakota. You know,
Speaker 1: first time parents, first time mom. This is my child's
Speaker 1: first time going to school. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: you recall, but at the time I was pretty much
Speaker 1: taking tours at a ton of different schools. I was
Speaker 1: looking at public, I was looking at private, independent, and
Speaker 1: I actually went to an immersion school, which is pretty
Speaker 1: much a school that does two languages at the same time.
Speaker 1: So it would be American or English rather, which is
Speaker 1: our native language, and then another language, so your child
Speaker 1: is actually taught in that language. So right, So UM
Speaker 1: Spanish or French was an option at this particular school.
Speaker 1: UM probably would have been a dope experience for Jackson.
Speaker 1: The school which is too far away from us though
Speaker 1: for us to even make it feasible on a day
Speaker 1: to day basis. But I can understand that mindset behind
Speaker 1: something like that, you know, because I was thinking to myself,
Speaker 1: the biggest issue I'd probably have with that is how
Speaker 1: do I assist him with homework if I can't even
Speaker 1: communicate with my child language that he's learning, you know,
Speaker 1: was so um learning at a young age. I hear
Speaker 1: kids are like a sponge. Of course you're going to
Speaker 1: soak it all up. So we might still have some
Speaker 1: time some time kids on kidscas and coda, you know,
Speaker 1: or being able to have somebody like work with us
Speaker 1: that maybe speaks a different language or something would probably
Speaker 1: be dope. Um. But for me, it wasn't even just
Speaker 1: about speaking the language. It was just about getting different
Speaker 1: perspectives in worldviews. Right. So for example, when we first
Speaker 1: got there, um, when we first got to Spain, of
Speaker 1: course people are speaking to me in Spanish, right, And
Speaker 1: then I was just like, oh, you know Poketo, you
Speaker 1: know outloo englass right glass American American? Right, so yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm American. And the first it was like a bang
Speaker 1: bang bang bang, And I was just like bang bang,
Speaker 1: and like, just like, you don't you're afraid to send
Speaker 1: your kids to school? And it was eye opening to
Speaker 1: me that that's the correlation they made that they thought
Speaker 1: about with America, is our kids dying in schools. Like
Speaker 1: that was the first thing they said to me, Like
Speaker 1: it was like an oh, poor thing, like they felt bad.
Speaker 1: And then they were asking questions like how do you
Speaker 1: feel sending your kids to school knowing that that could happen?
Speaker 1: And this was but Jackson was seven, So that was
Speaker 1: about four years ago, four years ago, and here we
Speaker 1: are today, but same issues, same exact issues, which is crazy.
Speaker 1: But um, for me, it was just about hearing people's
Speaker 1: perspectives about America. Right. But then also listening to people
Speaker 1: and of course talking about languages, and some of them
Speaker 1: just saying, oh, well, I you know, I've lived in
Speaker 1: France for six months and learned French, you know. But
Speaker 1: I was born in Italy, so I was born knowing
Speaker 1: Italian and English, and then I just went to France
Speaker 1: for six months. And I'm like, in Europe people just
Speaker 1: go travel places and live there for six months and
Speaker 1: it's normal for them to get there immersed themselves in
Speaker 1: the culture, in the language. And I was just like wow,
Speaker 1: Like for for Americans, we feel like America is to
Speaker 1: be all that ends, all right, and everyone should just
Speaker 1: want to be a part of our culture. And we
Speaker 1: say things like, oh, you know, you're hair in our country,
Speaker 1: you don't speak English, you know, But then we go
Speaker 1: to other people's countries and expect them to speak English,
Speaker 1: you know. And it just made me realize, like how
Speaker 1: small and narrow minded we are as people when we
Speaker 1: only exist in the place that we're born. Right. And
Speaker 1: if you take it even deeper, think about black people.
Speaker 1: When black people say they travel, right, the first thing
Speaker 1: they say, especially black people from New York travel go
Speaker 1: to the Poconos. I've been to Florida. I've been to Florida,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, anywhere along our you know,
Speaker 1: I go upstate. That is what black people consider traveling.
Speaker 1: And if you really travel, I took a cruise. You
Speaker 1: don't take a cruise and go to Bahamas. You know.
Speaker 1: But when we talk about really traveling the world, it's
Speaker 1: seeing parts of the world that you would never thought
Speaker 1: that you wanted to see. For example, I remember when
Speaker 1: you said I have no intention on on wanting to
Speaker 1: go to Europe. Yeah, that was true. I actually said
Speaker 1: this recently, a couple of months ago. I was just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not in a rush to get to Europe.
Speaker 1: If I get there one day, okay. But for me,
Speaker 1: being an island girl, I'm like beach me every day.
Speaker 1: And it's like, how many more islands can you go
Speaker 1: to into the Caribbean. And I mean one of my
Speaker 1: bucket list things is to touch every island in the
Speaker 1: Caribbean at some point. And while on my way as
Speaker 1: a child um growing up in my household, my mom
Speaker 1: made it a point every summer that we at least
Speaker 1: took their you know, my parents like a two week
Speaker 1: vacation and at least for one of those weeks or
Speaker 1: ten days we traveled somewhere. Um. So early on, you know,
Speaker 1: I had my passport and I was ready to go
Speaker 1: because I saw an interesting statistic. Um, I'd see if
Speaker 1: I could pull it up on a break. But pretty
Speaker 1: much I forget the percentage of Black Americans that don't
Speaker 1: have a passport, like just don't have a passport at all,
Speaker 1: much less have traveled. Um. But really early on, my
Speaker 1: mom wanted to make sure that we were having that
Speaker 1: experience to go different places and then not just going
Speaker 1: there as a tourist, I mean to sit and a resort,
Speaker 1: per se, but being a tourist and going into the
Speaker 1: actual culture, being with the locals, you know, learning different things,
Speaker 1: tasting different foods. That was something that you know, my
Speaker 1: mom exposed to me, My mom and dad exposed me
Speaker 1: to early on. So to think about not having those
Speaker 1: experiences as a child, you know, it's just like, wow,
Speaker 1: there's so much out there. Um. And eventually we had
Speaker 1: the opportunity to go to Europe recently and being there,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, totally eating my words. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was totally eating my words. It was different. You realize
Speaker 1: how how culturally different and how we consume their culture
Speaker 1: through TV and we think it's going to be one way,
Speaker 1: and then when you get there, it's nothing like what
Speaker 1: you expected, you know, and I'm pretty sure it's the
Speaker 1: same thing for then when they come over here. I remember,
Speaker 1: for my thirty five, we had planned a trip to
Speaker 1: go to Africa. We're going to Egypt specifically and Cairo specifically.
Speaker 1: You know, we have a some name kind right now,
Speaker 1: but I hear remember we ran into to Mika Mallory
Speaker 1: and she talked about how when she went to Africa
Speaker 1: completely changed her life. And I can see now when
Speaker 1: you travel places that you only see on TV and
Speaker 1: you experience what it really feels like, you then begin
Speaker 1: to I don't want to say downplay, but you begin
Speaker 1: to to lose this want to watch TV to experience things.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, like this need to engulf
Speaker 1: yourself in television or the phone to get your information.
Speaker 1: It's more like I want to go and that's and
Speaker 1: you start traveling. That's what happens, you know, when I
Speaker 1: felt this. Most recently, we have been to a couple
Speaker 1: of places I could probably just count on one hand
Speaker 1: right now, places that we've been to where we feel
Speaker 1: some sort of deeper connection with the space, a reverence,
Speaker 1: and we felt that when we went to Bob Marley
Speaker 1: House in Jamaica. UM. And of course we've been to
Speaker 1: Jamaica several times before, we've been to resorts, we've been
Speaker 1: out in the country. I've been back to learned it
Speaker 1: where my mom is from. But so there was something
Speaker 1: specific about the Bob Marley House and being in that
Speaker 1: space and that energy. It's something you can't read in
Speaker 1: a book. It's something you can't see on a TV
Speaker 1: series or watch on YouTube or even through someone else's perspective.
Speaker 1: You have to be in that space to understand what
Speaker 1: that feels like, to see what that connection feels like.
Speaker 1: UM and more recently down in Birmingham, Alabama. That's that's
Speaker 1: nothing I'll say to before before we even get to
Speaker 1: traveling out of the country. There are so many Americans
Speaker 1: who don't understand American history, right. So we there's this
Speaker 1: big debate going on in the country about critical race theory. Right,
Speaker 1: fuck your thoughts on critical race theory. Travel this country
Speaker 1: and go visit the places that you've never visited before
Speaker 1: and learn history. You know, you have to call it
Speaker 1: critical race theory. If you really go research American history
Speaker 1: and the full history and travel to see places, you
Speaker 1: don't have to put a title on it. The fact
Speaker 1: that we're even having to discuss whether or not this
Speaker 1: is going to be in schools or not, I get it. Yes,
Speaker 1: history social studies has always been a part of the
Speaker 1: curriculum of some capacity. But the history is actually right
Speaker 1: here on our soil. And it was a simple road
Speaker 1: trip that it took for us to go from Georgia
Speaker 1: right over to Alabama. Really experienced some actual history that
Speaker 1: we were able to take the children to that they
Speaker 1: could see for themselves. That was almost tangible in a
Speaker 1: sense because they're able to see, for example, Civil Rights
Speaker 1: Institute in Birmingham, what that looked like, living during that time,
Speaker 1: walking through that time. That's something that you cannot read
Speaker 1: in the history book that's going to be you know,
Speaker 1: dictated through a teacher. This this is something I'm going
Speaker 1: to quote this phrase. All history cannot be digested digitally.
Speaker 1: For example, we took our case to the Civil Rights Museum.
Speaker 1: Jackson has heard about segregation so many times, like he's
Speaker 1: heard about so you know, I know what segregation it
Speaker 1: segation is white only, black only. Boom. We get to
Speaker 1: a point at the Civil Rights Institute where we watch
Speaker 1: a film on the end of the Civil War and
Speaker 1: reconstruction and how the city of Birmingham had to pivot
Speaker 1: from traditional slave labor to iron mining so they can
Speaker 1: rebuild and become part of the iron industry. So then
Speaker 1: he starts watching a film on how slaves who didn't
Speaker 1: migrate west because Western expansion happened, who stayed in the
Speaker 1: South were still working in the coal mines under the
Speaker 1: same condition as to slavery, but being giving the lowest
Speaker 1: ways you can give. Then they talked about how European
Speaker 1: immigrants came over and was and we're helping slaves, but
Speaker 1: they weren't considered slaves because they were white European immigrants.
Speaker 1: But they worked together within the same confines with black
Speaker 1: slaves all living in shotgun homes. Fourteen fifteen people living
Speaker 1: in at home that's about a hundred square feet right,
Speaker 1: Jack and started tear up watching this video. Right then
Speaker 1: it's over. The screen comes up and it's the opening
Speaker 1: of two water fountains that you can actually go to.
Speaker 1: One water fountain was whites only. One water fountain was
Speaker 1: for colors only and the whites were only. Water fountain
Speaker 1: was covered in the iron casing. It was refrigerated, so
Speaker 1: when you hit the button, the water came out cool.
Speaker 1: The black only or colored only water fountain, the pipes
Speaker 1: were exposed and rusted, and when you hit the button
Speaker 1: for the water to come out, it came out warm
Speaker 1: and slightly rusted. And Jackson broke down because now you
Speaker 1: get an opportunity to see what segregation was. You don't.
Speaker 1: You're not reading about it and imagining it. They're actually
Speaker 1: seeing it. And when you see this crisp, clear cold
Speaker 1: water next to this this brown warm water, and one
Speaker 1: says for whites only and one sets for colors only,
Speaker 1: it's a different experience. Forget calling it critical race theory.
Speaker 1: This is American history. This is how people lived in
Speaker 1: America up until the late nineteen sixties. Nineteen sixties. And
Speaker 1: I think the added layer for Jackson particularly, and we
Speaker 1: were talking about Jackson mainly because he's old enough to
Speaker 1: really grasp the concept of what was going on, was
Speaker 1: the fact that DeVos mom was a part of the
Speaker 1: first group of children integrated into the public school system.
Speaker 1: So for him to even think like, oh, my goodness,
Speaker 1: my grandmother had to endure something like this. My great
Speaker 1: grandparents grew up in jim Crow South, grew up in
Speaker 1: jim Crow South. So I think it was all of
Speaker 1: that compounded with seeing it and being in that space
Speaker 1: that made him and then eventually all of us really emotional.
Speaker 1: Um at that time. But it's necessary, absolutely, absolutely necessary,
Speaker 1: because travel is not just for leisure. Travel is for learning,
Speaker 1: and it's finding ways to make it fun too. And
Speaker 1: we went to some nice places. We went to the
Speaker 1: what was the Museum for Motorcycles um Barbara to the
Speaker 1: Barbara Museum, Bibo Museum from Motorsports, and the kids had
Speaker 1: a great time. We went to the Vocant Park with
Speaker 1: the Vocan Statue where we learned about the iron industry
Speaker 1: and the contributions that blacks gave. Once again, they would
Speaker 1: call it critical race theory, but it's American history. It's
Speaker 1: part of Birmingham history. And when you travel to places
Speaker 1: to learn about the history, you're pretty much opening your
Speaker 1: mind and your eyes to things that they might not
Speaker 1: teach you, and I might not will not teach you
Speaker 1: in school. That's just in America. Imagine how much history
Speaker 1: there is to learn world history and how much more
Speaker 1: perspective you can gain from life if you travel to
Speaker 1: different places and just see the world differently. Is that
Speaker 1: you know what I only think the world can exist
Speaker 1: this way. For example, where a relationship podcast, we talk
Speaker 1: a lot about relationships, and if you exist in the
Speaker 1: space where my americanized Western view of what relationships should
Speaker 1: look like is the only way to exist in the world,
Speaker 1: you're gonna be very critical and judgmental of anybody else
Speaker 1: who lives a certain way. Then you travel to another
Speaker 1: country or another part of the world and realize that
Speaker 1: people exist in a safe, secure, happy setting, living differently
Speaker 1: than you. It makes your mind go Everything that I've
Speaker 1: been taught, everything I believe in, has been curated, curated
Speaker 1: one by your parents, because your parents curate your your
Speaker 1: concept of life as your child growing up. But then
Speaker 1: the government curates your idea of what reality is. With
Speaker 1: all of mainstream media, it doesn't matter whether you watch CNN, Fox,
Speaker 1: or MSNBC, They're going to give you their curated version
Speaker 1: of what the world is. And then we curated ourselves
Speaker 1: with social media. Like we said, when you follow a
Speaker 1: certain type of people all the time, the algorithm is
Speaker 1: going to continue to force that same that same demographic
Speaker 1: or the same ideology to you. So your world becomes
Speaker 1: very very small. And it's crazy because I think one
Speaker 1: of the goals I have at least for our children,
Speaker 1: UM and I think it would be great if a
Speaker 1: lot of people have this perspective. In raising a little
Speaker 1: as i'd like to say, global citizens or as a
Speaker 1: citizen of America, raising a global citizen, UM, you then
Speaker 1: develop I think, more tolerance for people. You develop a
Speaker 1: lot more respect for people. UM. And I think that
Speaker 1: just having that broad perspective in general just allows you
Speaker 1: to exist in the better I think mental and physical
Speaker 1: space altogether, because it gives you such a greater appreciation
Speaker 1: for a the things that you have at home, wherever
Speaker 1: that is, and then seeing people in the world live
Speaker 1: different ways, people who may have less than you have.
Speaker 1: It really just broadens that perspective. And I think it
Speaker 1: should also along with the tolerance that it builds for others,
Speaker 1: UM and the respect, but also just a greater appreciation
Speaker 1: for the things that you do have. UM. And that's
Speaker 1: what I think our aim is as parents, you know,
Speaker 1: hoping to have those experiences for our children. I think
Speaker 1: it was great when we had the chance to have
Speaker 1: a little bit of virtual learning, because it gave us
Speaker 1: the opportunity to move around a little bit once the
Speaker 1: pandemic kind of lightened up. Um, I can see why
Speaker 1: some people choose to homeschool their children, and I don't
Speaker 1: want to work off of a school schedule where they're
Speaker 1: you know, limited to being within a school setting, you know,
Speaker 1: for hours on end, for certain weeks at a time,
Speaker 1: and only give spring break or summertime to travel. Um.
Speaker 1: I really understand now, and I'm kind of warming up
Speaker 1: to the idea of possibly, you know, teaching our children
Speaker 1: outside of the traditional classroom and making the world the classroom.
Speaker 1: There was something that you said just now that kind
Speaker 1: of Um, it made me. It made me want to
Speaker 1: make a point. Um, you talked about tolerance, right, and
Speaker 1: we're living in a time now, especially because of social
Speaker 1: media and coming off of where we were supposed to
Speaker 1: be at a racial impasse. Right, was it supposed to
Speaker 1: be like a racial revolution where people were supposed to
Speaker 1: understand what's happening now in the world because of Black
Speaker 1: Lives Matter and George Floyd and Brianna and everything that's
Speaker 1: happening seems like every uh, two decades, something happens. Right.
Speaker 1: For for us growing up in the nineties, which were
Speaker 1: making three decades, it was Rodney King, right, and then
Speaker 1: you know, after Rodney King, there was who was a
Speaker 1: young man that was Trayvon Martin's. There's always something about
Speaker 1: a decade or a decade and a half that comes along,
Speaker 1: and people always ask the same questions, how do things
Speaker 1: like this happen? Why are things like this happening? As
Speaker 1: if it's just a random act of racism, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, as if like why does this happen?
Speaker 1: And it even happens with with sexism at times, and
Speaker 1: you know, why why did this happen? Or why don't
Speaker 1: women make a certain amount of money as men. In
Speaker 1: order for you to really answer those questions or be
Speaker 1: able to answer those questions, you have to understand history,
Speaker 1: and you have to travel right. And when we travel
Speaker 1: to Birmingham, Jackson and I were talking about race because
Speaker 1: we were talking about the iron industry and how they
Speaker 1: had to pivot after reconstruction. So then he said to me,
Speaker 1: he said, the Daddy, what I don't understand is, right,
Speaker 1: why why do black people why why are black people
Speaker 1: treated this way, Is it just because we're black? Like
Speaker 1: do they just hate us because of the color of
Speaker 1: our skin? And I said, see that question. Is that
Speaker 1: is what people are missing when you answer the question,
Speaker 1: because no, Jackson, that's not the reason why. For example,
Speaker 1: if someone hates you now, is not going to just
Speaker 1: be because of the color of your skin. There have
Speaker 1: been ideologies that have been indoctrinated in that person, especially
Speaker 1: if they're your age, that come from years and years
Speaker 1: of programming from history in this country. For example, M
Speaker 1: Edward A. Pollard created uh. He wrote a book called
Speaker 1: The Lost Cause, and the Lost Cause was pretty much
Speaker 1: a book about how um the Confederacy down in America
Speaker 1: is was supposed to save America from the big bad
Speaker 1: black man, right. And that ideology continued with Margaret Rutherford
Speaker 1: who wrote this book on how to prepare children in
Speaker 1: America for American History, and they was this part of
Speaker 1: her book was called the Sisterhood of the Clan and
Speaker 1: it was a bunch of clans men's daughters who decided
Speaker 1: that they were going to rewrite American history so that
Speaker 1: it showed white people and white superiority as the reason
Speaker 1: why America was able to prosper So when I'm explaining
Speaker 1: this to Jackson, I said, so, imagine all those people.
Speaker 1: And you were there for this moment, I said, imagine
Speaker 1: all of these people. On top of that, you have
Speaker 1: a movie called Birth of the Nation as the first
Speaker 1: movie played in the White House, and it's a white
Speaker 1: man dressed up in black face and the kul Klux
Speaker 1: Klan comes and saves America from the big bad black man.
Speaker 1: Then you have all of these stereotypes and these tropes,
Speaker 1: and and you have all of the coonery happening with
Speaker 1: black face, where they're showing black people in a dumb manner.
Speaker 1: It's programming of years and years of them saying black
Speaker 1: people are dumb, black people aren't deserving of being a
Speaker 1: part of this country, and we have to save them
Speaker 1: from themselves. It perpetuates itself in rap music and in
Speaker 1: TV and in film. So you have four hundred years
Speaker 1: of the same messaging being delivered to young white people.
Speaker 1: And then you say yourself, well, why does this white
Speaker 1: why does this young man feel like he has to
Speaker 1: drive up to Buffalo, for example, and shoot up uh
Speaker 1: grocery store full of black people? And they said, well,
Speaker 1: if you understand American history, and you understand that these
Speaker 1: young people have been taught from young to hate us
Speaker 1: because they feel like we're stealing their country. Right, you
Speaker 1: don't agree with them, you understand their mindset, so you
Speaker 1: know how to move accordingly. So it's like, how am
Speaker 1: I going to teach my kids? Right? How can we
Speaker 1: change the messaging so that it so that it changes
Speaker 1: in a way where the future doesn't look like how
Speaker 1: we live now or the past that doesn't happen without history,
Speaker 1: and history is best taught when you travel. I guarantee
Speaker 1: if you take any young person black, white, Hispanic, uh,
Speaker 1: Latin x Asian to see what segregation look, I can
Speaker 1: guarantee you that young person will will grow up and
Speaker 1: say that's not fair. You know, basically down to the
Speaker 1: fact that there is not fair, the fact that only
Speaker 1: certain people got a chance to use that and other
Speaker 1: people had to use this, that's not fair. But what
Speaker 1: it also does is it teaches you tolerance for young
Speaker 1: people who were brought up with the wrong history and
Speaker 1: brought up to be ignorant on purpose. It teaches you
Speaker 1: tolerance so that you don't walk around with this self
Speaker 1: hatred saying I hate that I'm black, because I live
Speaker 1: in the world that people hate me because I'm black. No,
Speaker 1: I'm tolerant enough to understand that you're ignorant to your
Speaker 1: own history, so you hate me for reasons that you
Speaker 1: don't even you don't even know exactly. I think that's
Speaker 1: the biggest part. It's just it's just the passing down
Speaker 1: of It's like a recipe. You passed down the recipe
Speaker 1: for a particular dish, and it's just like, Okay, this
Speaker 1: dish after a while needs a little doctoring up, right,
Speaker 1: And that's exactly where it is. And I'm wondering, and
Speaker 1: I feel as though generations starting maybe from us and
Speaker 1: then generation after, I think there's a little bit more
Speaker 1: of a desire to want to learn those things. And
Speaker 1: I feel like the instances that we've had recently, for example,
Speaker 1: the shooting in Buffalo, the young man that went down
Speaker 1: to the church and shot up the church with the
Speaker 1: parishioners he prayed with, Like those couple of instances, I'm wondering,
Speaker 1: like if they were exposed to something a little bit different,
Speaker 1: if they had a little bit more you know, history,
Speaker 1: if they had some more facts, like they were not
Speaker 1: within the bubble that they insisted in would something in
Speaker 1: their mind have said, you know what, this ship ain't
Speaker 1: right right, This ship is just not right right. That's
Speaker 1: that's the whole point. The point is you get into it,
Speaker 1: you begin to have empathy for people who are brought
Speaker 1: up a certain way, but that it also makes you
Speaker 1: challenge yourself and said, I wonder what I've been brought
Speaker 1: up traditionally that is wrong, you know, or what mindset
Speaker 1: that I did I learned that has been passed down
Speaker 1: from people who live in this same proximity that are
Speaker 1: teaching me things that are bigot trid or all that
Speaker 1: are that are bigotry, or that the teaching me hatred
Speaker 1: for other people. And it makes you open your mind
Speaker 1: just that you know what, before I attack or condemn
Speaker 1: or judge someone, let me at least try to understand
Speaker 1: their perspective. And traveling will humble you because when you
Speaker 1: get to a place where you don't know something, you
Speaker 1: feel small and you can't speak because you don't know
Speaker 1: anything that you're seeing, and you're forced to listen. You
Speaker 1: do that with young people and you take them around
Speaker 1: and see not just your country, but the world, and
Speaker 1: you'll see a way more tolerant group of people who
Speaker 1: can live more harmoniously because I noticed a lot of
Speaker 1: people that I've met that travel do a lot less
Speaker 1: talking and a lot more listening because they realize that
Speaker 1: I'm not in a safe space where I can just
Speaker 1: speak my words and everyone has to listen. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know everyone around me. I don't know. This
Speaker 1: is let me just listen. You know What's been kind
Speaker 1: of interesting and rather impactful for me recently, even just
Speaker 1: with this Birmingham trip, that we took the lack of
Speaker 1: knowledge amongst blacks, UM, specifically blacks from the Caribbean or
Speaker 1: just Carebean people in general when it comes to black
Speaker 1: American or just American history, and we did a podcast
Speaker 1: on that, I think it was the Culture Class episodes UM,
Speaker 1: and just talking about how even my family, my parents
Speaker 1: didn't even understand American history and the way blacks were
Speaker 1: treated because that never really existed within the Caribbean. So,
Speaker 1: for example, my mom being from Jamaica, she has experienced
Speaker 1: maybe colorism and things like that, but actual racism, she said,
Speaker 1: never was really a thing down in Jamaica. So it
Speaker 1: was nice to bring her along as well too, so
Speaker 1: she can kind of understand why sometimes you're a little
Speaker 1: bit more forceful about the way you feel and why
Speaker 1: you're so adamant about making sure that our four boys
Speaker 1: who are going to grow up to be for black
Speaker 1: men in America understand the systemic in the systematic ways
Speaker 1: they may potentially be oppressed for years to come, which
Speaker 1: we hope things will be a little different by then.
Speaker 1: But as history shows, and I will say that your
Speaker 1: mom over the past three years that she's lived with us,
Speaker 1: I remember when she first moved in with us. She
Speaker 1: moved in with us in the end of two and
Speaker 1: at the time I was making videos about my feelings
Speaker 1: and thoughts on it, and she was concerned, like and
Speaker 1: she was like, devout, why do you feel this way?
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until I explained to her the history
Speaker 1: and what my mom had been through. Like it's it's
Speaker 1: easy to say, you know what, that was so long ago,
Speaker 1: but then when you have to look someone in the
Speaker 1: face and be like, wait a minute, you were chased
Speaker 1: out of Marine Park with by bats and chains as
Speaker 1: a young girl because integration started. Yeah, that's my mom.
Speaker 1: So yes, it matters enough to me, and that there's
Speaker 1: there's nothing in this world. That's gonna make me stop
Speaker 1: speaking on my black experience because I have to have
Speaker 1: an allegiance and an alliance first to my blackness, because
Speaker 1: that's who I am when I wake up, you know.
Speaker 1: So I can't have any allegiance to a brand or
Speaker 1: allegiance to a studio or to a producer who saying,
Speaker 1: don't say this. I have to have an allegiance to
Speaker 1: myself first, and allegiance to my sons and my wife. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: And I think your mom over time has learned like wow,
Speaker 1: there is a lot of history here that I didn't know,
Speaker 1: and that's why it's important for you to say it.
Speaker 1: But even watching her at the museum, your mom is
Speaker 1: what sixty seven don't age that woman, your mom. But
Speaker 1: I even saw her going through the museum and looking
Speaker 1: and being being overwhelmed at times like wow, like that's
Speaker 1: this is I didn't know this. And you're never too
Speaker 1: old to travel, never too young to travel, and you're
Speaker 1: never too old to travel. That's a fact. That's a fact.
Speaker 1: So this experience is the best teacher when it comes
Speaker 1: to learning about different cultures, history, people. Traveling and going
Speaker 1: straight to the stories is definitely the best way to
Speaker 1: get there and beyond learning in the ways of the world,
Speaker 1: traveling has actually proven to expand your mind and also
Speaker 1: stimulate better mental and physical health. I think that's a
Speaker 1: great statistic because I know I feel a hell of
Speaker 1: a lot better when I am traveling in a way
Speaker 1: and getting some time. Whether you go to share, that's
Speaker 1: why you feel better. I mean, there's certain trips for
Speaker 1: certain things, so that I likes to joke about the
Speaker 1: fact that whenever we go on vacation, I have an
Speaker 1: itinerary and I don't like to sleep in, and I
Speaker 1: don't trust me. There's times and I go away on
Speaker 1: vacation and the purpose of that is to sleep in
Speaker 1: and to relax, and that to be that? When is that?
Speaker 1: Because I haven't experienced that in twenty years? Did you
Speaker 1: let me know when that experience? Me? And my girl
Speaker 1: tip bone that well, Tiff Burkett. Now she travels with
Speaker 1: me and we lay down and we vegg out. And
Speaker 1: so how come I get that? Why I got to
Speaker 1: be up at seven thirty in the morning slapping freaking
Speaker 1: sun based around you like a turkey. Well, I learned
Speaker 1: how to do that myself. Now I'll let you sleep
Speaker 1: in and get your sleep. We learned how to vacation amicably,
Speaker 1: I think you and I, UM, but yeah, But then
Speaker 1: there's also those they're going to be those UM trips,
Speaker 1: particularly with the kids that I know, I plan to
Speaker 1: plan as ay the world opens back up again, We're
Speaker 1: we're gonna have itineraries for the day, and we're going
Speaker 1: to be in a new place and we're going to
Speaker 1: be exploring, and we're gonna be learning, and we're gonna
Speaker 1: be hiking, and we're gonna be doing all the things.
Speaker 1: UM research shows that sevent people get some form of
Speaker 1: health benefit when taking a vacation. So whether that's just
Speaker 1: clocking out, stress relief, stress relief, taking time away, change
Speaker 1: of environment, there's so many things. I think the list
Speaker 1: can go on where I think that's safe to say
Speaker 1: that that's a pretty accurate statistic. I mean the health,
Speaker 1: the health. What I think, especially for the stress relief
Speaker 1: is when you see the world differently, you start to
Speaker 1: realize how minisule your problems maybe facts wherever you are.
Speaker 1: Like if you have the ability to travel and take
Speaker 1: a vacation, typically that's a reminder that you're doing okay
Speaker 1: in life right that you can actually take that time, right,
Speaker 1: you can take time. But also it's like when you
Speaker 1: see the world and you realize that, man, these things
Speaker 1: that I was stressed complaining about really not that big
Speaker 1: a deal. Sometimes you need to see that, you know,
Speaker 1: let me stop tripping about this guy that own me
Speaker 1: this thirty dollars, because really not that. At some point
Speaker 1: I get my thirty dollars for sure. Um. Traveling is
Speaker 1: good for relationships. People stated that their connection with their
Speaker 1: loved one improved during the vacation. That be us. We
Speaker 1: talked about it a lot, and I think it's just
Speaker 1: a matter of just being able to disconnect and attached,
Speaker 1: knowing that, Okay, we have these seven days where we're
Speaker 1: not going to be working, we're not going to be
Speaker 1: doing anything but reconnecting with each other. Um, and you'll
Speaker 1: be rubbing me down with oils, oils, all that rubbing down.
Speaker 1: That's what it started. Starts with the cheeks and wants
Speaker 1: to start with. You got to push the cheeks together,
Speaker 1: rub it down, slap it, flip it, turn it over
Speaker 1: us baker man over here baking some cakes. People are
Speaker 1: thirty percent more likely to have a heart attack if
Speaker 1: they go five years without a vacation. What I ain't
Speaker 1: gonna remember that spend where we first got back from
Speaker 1: the league and we didn't take no vacations for four
Speaker 1: years was giving heart attack. It was definitely get That
Speaker 1: was the hardest part of our marriage that we realized
Speaker 1: because we was going on vacation. We were literally grinding
Speaker 1: looking at the same stop walls every single day. Intended. Yeah,
Speaker 1: literally just no. Just because we said we just got
Speaker 1: married and monogamy, it just made sense. Word, Well, these
Speaker 1: walls look the same. They might have been painted, they
Speaker 1: might have get a little wall paper and your walls, baby,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm trying to say. No, I'm saying
Speaker 1: that the walls can be different, you know, and change
Speaker 1: up your walls. How you do that, that's how you
Speaker 1: need to change. You need to teach people. And that's
Speaker 1: that's a trick you got. You can't give away my secrets,
Speaker 1: and see how I can't give it with my secrets.
Speaker 1: Of US citizens agree that after they've traveled, they've noticed
Speaker 1: a significant drop in stress. I agree. Women who go
Speaker 1: on vacation twice a year are less likely to get
Speaker 1: depressed or chronic stress. Men are more at risk for
Speaker 1: heart disease. And have higher sudden depth risks if they
Speaker 1: don't take a yearly vacaby. You got to clock out,
Speaker 1: clock out. This is gonna be here when we get back,
Speaker 1: clock out when we get back. Facts. How many times
Speaker 1: have you in a job, for example, been in a
Speaker 1: work setting you have a coworker that you've grown to like,
Speaker 1: and you guys are all cool and then poor, you know,
Speaker 1: coworker passes away, their job description is on. Indeed by
Speaker 1: the end of that business day, baby, their interviewing the
Speaker 1: next day. So you better take your time off. Don't
Speaker 1: be worried about these jobs that. Don't be worried about you,
Speaker 1: your disposable, your cleenics, your tissue. Ultimately, she's so dramatic.
Speaker 1: That's a fact to make sure. If you're gonna take vacations,
Speaker 1: you do it accordingly. I don't be out here running
Speaker 1: the streets listening to cadi okay, because don't be stressed
Speaker 1: about bills, y'all. Balance. Balance, that's the name of the game.
Speaker 1: Six eight percent of people stated that they are more
Speaker 1: positive after returning from vacation. I can see that you
Speaker 1: just refreshed, and when taking a vacation, you're exposed to
Speaker 1: different environments, which in turn boosts your immune system and
Speaker 1: create stronger antibodies to be on the nasty as planes. Baby, yeah,
Speaker 1: you still wipe down, y'all. See it. I was wiping
Speaker 1: down and I was wearing my mask. She was before COVID.
Speaker 1: She was wearing her masks on the plane down. I
Speaker 1: was looking at she was crazy, absolutely, and then it
Speaker 1: became a way of life, unfortunately. But I just know
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to protect my immune system because it
Speaker 1: can be a little hairy when you're traveling a lot. Right,
Speaker 1: all right. Six ways traveling helps you to grow stimulates
Speaker 1: interc intercultural communication skills. Like we said, people of different
Speaker 1: cultures have different ways of communicating, whether it's verbally through language, nonverbal,
Speaker 1: through traditions, um actions, behavior, GARB. So when you travel
Speaker 1: and immerse yourself in another culture, you learn and you'll
Speaker 1: teach how to respectfully communicate with other people who are
Speaker 1: different from you. We said, your spain um scenario. And
Speaker 1: I just can't wait to get to a lot of
Speaker 1: couple of players. There's a couple of places on my
Speaker 1: bucket list that I'm like, drop me off in there
Speaker 1: in the culture, because I want to be I want
Speaker 1: to be with y'all want to be immersed in the culture. First,
Speaker 1: in the culture I want to I want to be
Speaker 1: able to sell it was a world traveler. I want
Speaker 1: to be able to go to a country and no
Speaker 1: matter what the language is, what the people are being
Speaker 1: able to because there are universal ways that people communicate
Speaker 1: and if you only exist in your bubble, you'll never
Speaker 1: learn these universal ways to communicate with people. And if
Speaker 1: you find yourself in a different country, you'll be lost.
Speaker 1: And I'm telling you, if you've never travel anywhere and
Speaker 1: been lost, you feel like this. You feel like an aunt.
Speaker 1: You feel like the smallest, most insignificant little being this
Speaker 1: huge planet. And it's not a good feeling. It's really
Speaker 1: really not a good feeling. So I employ all you
Speaker 1: guys to just get out there and learn how to
Speaker 1: communicate with people outside of being on your phone. Stop
Speaker 1: experiencing the world digitally. Yes, And also to that sounds
Speaker 1: almost like a moment of truth. That's a good one. Um.
Speaker 1: Do your research too before you go places, because sometimes
Speaker 1: things that we think are universal within our bubble is
Speaker 1: not and you may end up offending or disrespect to somebody.
Speaker 1: So I like to do my research before I go
Speaker 1: to a new place to kind of know what is, like,
Speaker 1: what's the deal. You know what's what's acceptable and what's not.
Speaker 1: Doing research before you travel is for safety, Like that's
Speaker 1: huge safe. I think you can wear whatever you want
Speaker 1: to wear or speak of you want to speak or
Speaker 1: not engage in the same traditions. Like you know, some
Speaker 1: places you go and travel, they bow, some places they
Speaker 1: shake hands, some places they don't. And you don't want
Speaker 1: to offend someone by saying I'm an American, You're supposed
Speaker 1: to do things the way I do things. That's the
Speaker 1: worst thing you could ever do. Traveling absolutely, Um, replace
Speaker 1: the stereotypes with facts. This is a good one. The
Speaker 1: things we think people know about other countries and their
Speaker 1: people are often colored by information, stereotypes, and ignorance. When
Speaker 1: you travel, you're able to experience the true nature of
Speaker 1: the communities that you engage with, and you have the
Speaker 1: experience with individuals that help you to not generalize overall.
Speaker 1: So yep, that's kind of straightforward. UM challenges your opinions
Speaker 1: and worldviews. Travel can alter and challenge once fixed opinions
Speaker 1: about the introduction of new in information. It also has
Speaker 1: the ability to encourage oneself to research and learn more
Speaker 1: about what they believe, creating more educated and more open perspective.
Speaker 1: I think that is very um true with someone who's
Speaker 1: maybe in search of like religion for example, and say
Speaker 1: that you've been taught a particular religion or religion, particularly denomination.
Speaker 1: I've known people who have traveled to other places and
Speaker 1: they lived somewhere for six to ten months to twelve
Speaker 1: months and have decided that, you know what, I found
Speaker 1: God in a different way and space in a different area, um,
Speaker 1: and then have converted, you know, whether it was from
Speaker 1: Christianity to becoming Muslim or you know, vice versa. So
Speaker 1: that's also a really good way I think to just
Speaker 1: expand overall. If you're in search of something, um, if
Speaker 1: you're in search of self, if you're in searching of
Speaker 1: peace and where everyone who wakes up in the morning
Speaker 1: is always in search. Like you know, the statement that
Speaker 1: you all lost that goes for everybody, that's like the
Speaker 1: realist statement, you want to know why we are all
Speaker 1: searching for this mystical, esoteric, magical place called happily ever
Speaker 1: after and peace? Right, Like what does it look like?
Speaker 1: And everyone searches for it through different ways they search
Speaker 1: for it through religion, they search for through fitness, they
Speaker 1: search for through love. Some people search for through vices.
Speaker 1: And I feel like traveling gives you way more options
Speaker 1: to figure out what peace looks like for you. What
Speaker 1: if you can't find peace in the environment you're existing in,
Speaker 1: what if in your mind? Because because a lot of
Speaker 1: people feel like this, Well, I was born in Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: I was raised in Brooklyn. I'm gonna live in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die in Brooklyn. But that for a long time,
Speaker 1: this is crazy part. My parents used to try to
Speaker 1: take us to travel. I never once felt like Brooklyn
Speaker 1: was going to be the place where I spent my
Speaker 1: entire life. Never. When I was young, it was as
Speaker 1: simple as going to Morristown, Tennessee. And we used to
Speaker 1: drive thirteen hours from Brooklyn, New York to Morristown, Tennessee
Speaker 1: to visit my grandparents. R I P. Papa Charles Edward
Speaker 1: Ellison and shout out to my NAMEA Della May Perry Ellis.
Speaker 1: But um, just driving on the road and looking out
Speaker 1: the window and passing some of these places and seeing
Speaker 1: like little houses of places we passed Maryland, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Virginia.
Speaker 1: I always said to myself, I wonder whether it would
Speaker 1: be like to live in one of these towns. And
Speaker 1: I was a kid, Imagine having that experience where you're
Speaker 1: getting on planes and you're going to different countries, different
Speaker 1: places around the world. Imagine like, imagine Jackson being eleven
Speaker 1: years old and going to see the Parry his idea
Speaker 1: in his mind of what the world is not going
Speaker 1: to stop now with American views, you know, he might
Speaker 1: grow up and say, I think I might want to
Speaker 1: live in Africa. Have you ever heard of people say
Speaker 1: that their spirit or their soul aligns with a certain
Speaker 1: place or in a certain place. I think that's a
Speaker 1: very true thing for sure. Um, you know, I think
Speaker 1: I guess I misspoke earlier saying I think it's my
Speaker 1: pride for Brooklyn that made me feel like I never
Speaker 1: want to leave Brooklyn. But I did always envision myself
Speaker 1: possibly being a couple of different places, you know. And
Speaker 1: it's funny because I think about just even like my parents,
Speaker 1: for example, who you know, worked hard, came up to America,
Speaker 1: created a life for us, started in Brooklyn, and it's
Speaker 1: just like, I don't know if it's sentimental attachment or
Speaker 1: it's just that idea that once I have my house
Speaker 1: and I own my house, this is my house and
Speaker 1: I'm not moving, like I just have it and I
Speaker 1: have to stay here. And it's us now trying to
Speaker 1: let our parents generation know, like it's okay to pick
Speaker 1: up and move and try somewhere else, and like the
Speaker 1: house that you were in does not have to be
Speaker 1: the house that you're gonna die in, you know, just
Speaker 1: because that was the first house you bought, um properly,
Speaker 1: just an investment, first investment towards the future. I think
Speaker 1: spiritual alignment with a place is definitely a real thing,
Speaker 1: and you can only experience that. I know for sure
Speaker 1: they're traveling. Y m hmm, I know. Um speaking on
Speaker 1: the housing thing. You know, especially in our culture, in
Speaker 1: Black American culture, which is different than Caribbean uh culture,
Speaker 1: but Black American culture, when you got property, you kept
Speaker 1: the property in the house. I mean you kept the
Speaker 1: property in the family. No, under no circumstance do you
Speaker 1: sell the home. Because the home is where someone so
Speaker 1: raised these kids, and what you do is you raise
Speaker 1: your kids here the next generation. So it was a
Speaker 1: way for you to have ownership and say this was yours.
Speaker 1: It was a pride thing because you remember, blacks were
Speaker 1: not allowed to own things in this country for so long.
Speaker 1: Once you owned the property, you wanted to keep, you know,
Speaker 1: keep it in the family. But what people fail to
Speaker 1: realize is that that property is not just supposed to
Speaker 1: be something that stays in the family. It's an asset,
Speaker 1: an asset that generate more assets if you move accordingly.
Speaker 1: So for example, if you brought that property in the
Speaker 1: fifties for thirty thou dollars, but now it's a brownstone
Speaker 1: with three million dollars, don't get upset at your grandkids
Speaker 1: for wanting to sell grandma's house. Now you have three
Speaker 1: million dollars. There's there's ten grandkids. Each grandkids gets three
Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars. And what you do is you didn't
Speaker 1: go buy ten more properties, and now you have ten
Speaker 1: properties that you had the three hundred thousand that you
Speaker 1: can use as a down payment and all of your
Speaker 1: own million dollar properties and then you can travel. And seriously,
Speaker 1: that's what the property is supposed to be for. And
Speaker 1: I think it's important for people to realize that because
Speaker 1: we've seen that with your parents, you've seen that with
Speaker 1: my parents from your parents own beautiful property. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna say on what street, but beautiful properties and million
Speaker 1: dollar property. Your dad never wanted to let this property go.
Speaker 1: This just for my kids, for my kids. We had
Speaker 1: to explain to him, like, Pops, it's for your kids.
Speaker 1: Let your kids get the equity out of the property
Speaker 1: that you held on in main team for so long ago.
Speaker 1: They can go out and get more property for their kids.
Speaker 1: And it took him a while, but then he was
Speaker 1: just like, right, we have to wait for death or
Speaker 1: things like the tragic to happen to them decide what
Speaker 1: are we gonna do with these assets? If the opportunity
Speaker 1: presents itself, it's like you've done your work. I'm super
Speaker 1: proud of my parents who were able to come here
Speaker 1: and do the things that they've done to be able
Speaker 1: to afford us these opportunities. So while we have the
Speaker 1: chance to make something of it, why not. And you
Speaker 1: can see the see that come to fruition. You know,
Speaker 1: you don't have to wait till you're gone for us
Speaker 1: to say, all right, well, now finally we could just
Speaker 1: divvy this up because it's a source of income. Will
Speaker 1: now have My parents did the same thing they had
Speaker 1: they had a property in Virginia. Well they had they
Speaker 1: had land in Virginia that they bought a long time ago,
Speaker 1: and they just didn't want to sell it because we
Speaker 1: have this land, we need to build a house on
Speaker 1: this land. But it's like, what if you don't want
Speaker 1: to live in Virginia, just gonna hold onto the property exactly,
Speaker 1: just to say we have it. Use the property as
Speaker 1: an asset so you can gain more assets. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: that's a whole different podcast. I'll just when you brought
Speaker 1: up the property, Yeah, I just wanted to make sure
Speaker 1: of people understood. Now I get it. You know the
Speaker 1: value of that. And now, exchanging your mind and your
Speaker 1: ideas of what money looks like can can change your
Speaker 1: view of what your life is supposed to look. Well,
Speaker 1: think about it, because a lot of people will probably say, hey,
Speaker 1: I just don't have the funds to travel, you know,
Speaker 1: and that too is very limiting and that can feel
Speaker 1: like it's just you're you're trapped because you may not
Speaker 1: have the funds to do it. So the money lessons
Speaker 1: and the financial talk is always good to kind of
Speaker 1: filter into these because it'll give you an avenue to say, hey,
Speaker 1: if I'm doing X y Z with my assets and
Speaker 1: my investments and my my funds. Then it frees up
Speaker 1: this for me to be able to have that money
Speaker 1: to be able to travel, because you're gonna need that
Speaker 1: for sure. Um established long lasting bonds. So experiencing deep moments,
Speaker 1: inspiring conversations, difficult scenarios creates lasting bonds. Think about you
Speaker 1: and Jackson in Spain together after that experience of being lost,
Speaker 1: meeting people with similar interests or seeing someone are seeing
Speaker 1: yourself in p people, traditions, and cultures in a new
Speaker 1: place can create a deep connection that you may want
Speaker 1: to return later. Just like we said, feeling that spiritual
Speaker 1: connection somewhere develops patients. So with travel often comes situations
Speaker 1: that are just difficult. They're unpredictable, like getting lost in Madrid,
Speaker 1: ass getting dog outside there unpredictable, and there's sometimes unfamiliar.
Speaker 1: So as you work through these situations, you strike think
Speaker 1: your ability to be patient, vulnerable, problem solving, reil calm,
Speaker 1: all that staying calm and as you right. It's funny
Speaker 1: because they say whenever you're like your hood is not
Speaker 1: going to be the same as somebody else's hub. But
Speaker 1: usually when we're in a hood. There's like a familiar
Speaker 1: you know, you keep your handle swivel. All right, you
Speaker 1: watch this entrance. I'm watching that exist. You know, you
Speaker 1: know how to move accordingly because listen, things can get
Speaker 1: the very scantly, very fast fun things. I made a
Speaker 1: joke about the movie Taking, but there is a reality
Speaker 1: in the movie Taking in that when you exist in
Speaker 1: the bubble, and that bubble that that's been curated by
Speaker 1: your parents is very safe and very secure, and you
Speaker 1: know everybody, you know, everything, you think the world is
Speaker 1: the same as the bubble you live in. Remember his
Speaker 1: daughter was just like, Yeah, I'm just going to this
Speaker 1: concert and we're gonna stay. And then she gets to
Speaker 1: the place and there's men they're waiting to take away.
Speaker 1: When you travel and you're forced to be uncomfortable, it
Speaker 1: heightens your awareness. That heightened awareness allows you to move
Speaker 1: differently because you're uncomfortable. And when you're more aware, you
Speaker 1: start to notice things and pick things up. And I
Speaker 1: think the best part of being a H. Brooklyn Knight
Speaker 1: was that you could never be comfortable traveling on mass transportations.
Speaker 1: When you're on that B six at eight two, that
Speaker 1: a train, that three train, you cannot be comfortable because
Speaker 1: there's so many exits, there's so many people. You have
Speaker 1: to be aware to this day, I could be walking
Speaker 1: anywhere and I'm like, you see that guy over there
Speaker 1: with the red hat and you you need to be like where.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you didn't see him when you're watching? I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I noticed everything. He could pass by here two times
Speaker 1: and I don't know where he come up and he'll
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I just want you guys. Are the
Speaker 1: ellis is right? And I'm like, yeah, I saw you
Speaker 1: staring at us from over there about the I didn't
Speaker 1: want to be a creep and follow you, but you've
Speaker 1: been following. I don't want to follow you, but come
Speaker 1: out with me, sir. Luck you came up and spoke
Speaker 1: because he was about to get jabbed in a minute
Speaker 1: because I saw you follow us. That happened to us
Speaker 1: twice in the airport. Yeah, but it's just, you know,
Speaker 1: being a Brooklyn that kind of teaches you how to
Speaker 1: have your spidy senses. That's a fact. We're never gonna
Speaker 1: lose those and build confidence. When visiting a place that
Speaker 1: you've never been to before, you show yourself a good time.
Speaker 1: It could be a challenge, but as you build your itinderary,
Speaker 1: you shake some fear off the unknown. Look at me,
Speaker 1: I'm going to trip Advisor, this one, that one, all
Speaker 1: of them. I'm checking reviews. I wanted where to go? Fool?
Speaker 1: Does that all that? Use your communication skills to navigate
Speaker 1: in an unfamiliar language and culture, your confidence and ability,
Speaker 1: it is inevitable point to grow for sure. Al Right, cool,
Speaker 1: So I think we should take a quick break. We
Speaker 1: could definitely have to get into listening or someone to
Speaker 1: give enough time for that. So let's get into some
Speaker 1: apps and we'll be right back. All right, We're bad guys, yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are bad. Favorite part of the show, Yes, it
Speaker 1: is this first one because to say, yo, d um,
Speaker 1: all right, let's go what's going on to valent Codeine? So,
Speaker 1: d I need you to keep it a buck with
Speaker 1: me on this one because I'm about to be extremely
Speaker 1: vulnerable right now. Okay, appreciate that I'm having so much
Speaker 1: trouble with infidelity in my marriage. It ain't even funny.
Speaker 1: I cannot, or rather won't stop pulling women. I'm embarrassed,
Speaker 1: I'm ashamed, I feel like a failure and like I've
Speaker 1: never I'll never come up out of this slump. My
Speaker 1: urgent desire for pussy is far beyond what I feel
Speaker 1: like I can control. And you know what the crazy
Speaker 1: thing is, I'm never satisfied sex. It's not even the
Speaker 1: same no more. I look at every woman like a challenge.
Speaker 1: I was molested when I was a kid by my brother.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that did to me or if
Speaker 1: that's the cause of these strong ass urges, but it happened.
Speaker 1: I've been sex addicted for quite some time now, and
Speaker 1: I'm also addicted to pouring heavy, like masturbate four or
Speaker 1: five times a day while and I have a beautiful
Speaker 1: wife right there shaking my head, But lately we've been
Speaker 1: having problems without sex life too. I feel like she
Speaker 1: lacks passion, and most times it feels like I'm the
Speaker 1: one the only one into it. Well, if you're masturbating
Speaker 1: four or five times a day, bro is a good
Speaker 1: chance that you're probably coming at her a lot. She
Speaker 1: probably can't handle that. That's why you feel like you're
Speaker 1: the only one trying. She's been trying. I gotta get
Speaker 1: her that, but the problem still lingers. I also always
Speaker 1: feel like I'm not wanted or her attention is somewhere else,
Speaker 1: even though I'm always doing things to eat her mind
Speaker 1: and take things off of the to do list that's
Speaker 1: never ending. Nevertheless, that's not an excuse for why cheat.
Speaker 1: I have none. I'm telling you this because I just
Speaker 1: need to know if I'm the only man out here
Speaker 1: going through these kind of problems, and I need to
Speaker 1: hear it from somebody who has been there where I'm
Speaker 1: at and got out of it, because at this point,
Speaker 1: I'm about to lose my family. Bro, I don't want
Speaker 1: a divorce. I love my wife, but pussy is winning
Speaker 1: right now. So many more beautiful women out there besides
Speaker 1: my wife, and they'd be wanting an find this hell too, bro,
Speaker 1: fantasy type chicks man like before, And I'm a regular
Speaker 1: ass nigga. I'm just keeping it a buck, bro. So
Speaker 1: I'm just wondering, man, if you ever want if you
Speaker 1: ever went through what I'm going through with infidelity, porn
Speaker 1: addiction and women flirting with you and the whole nine,
Speaker 1: and how do you handle being faithful and staying true
Speaker 1: not doing it and running away? Seems so much easier
Speaker 1: said than done when I'm when I've been giving myself
Speaker 1: whatever I wanted when I wanted four years now. So
Speaker 1: now when it comes time to say no or stay disciplined,
Speaker 1: I just had this conversation. You heard me having this
Speaker 1: conversation when we were at the twenty nine event. Un bothered.
Speaker 1: I give it to my desires and do it anyway,
Speaker 1: even when I know it's against the will of God.
Speaker 1: I want my spot in the Kingdom of heaven, and
Speaker 1: I feel that I'm really in a bad position with God.
Speaker 1: You got anything for me, bro, anything you know. First
Speaker 1: of all, I don't know how old. I don't know
Speaker 1: how old this young man is. But um, I remember
Speaker 1: in college, like sex is like a big deal. In college.
Speaker 1: You go from eighties, eighteen to twenty two, you were
Speaker 1: living in your parents house. Now you have some freedom.
Speaker 1: All the dudes on the football team, all the guys
Speaker 1: ever talked about with sex when we were around women.
Speaker 1: All the women ever talked about with sex, Like I
Speaker 1: don't know how old this person is. But college at
Speaker 1: that time it seemed like the time where it was
Speaker 1: just everything with because your hormones are pumping through high school,
Speaker 1: you get to college, and now you can fully explore
Speaker 1: without judgment from your parents. So it was just sex everywhere.
Speaker 1: But I remember there was a point, especially in college,
Speaker 1: where you know, I wanted sex too, three or four
Speaker 1: times a day, and Codeine and I, for the most part,
Speaker 1: we're having sex multiple times a day, every single day.
Speaker 1: Like it was just we were on top of each other.
Speaker 1: And then um, I got to a point where we
Speaker 1: were arguing, upset about other things that sex became secondary
Speaker 1: and it wasn't so much about sex anymore. We didn't
Speaker 1: like each other for other things. Sex was always great,
Speaker 1: and I always you know, I have a beautiful wife
Speaker 1: as well, and I always enjoyed having sex, but we'd
Speaker 1: be having issues and then them I don't want to
Speaker 1: ben wanna have sex, and I'm not talking to her,
Speaker 1: but I'm still horny and I'm gonna be honest. That
Speaker 1: never goes away. I was speaking to this this young
Speaker 1: man the other day and he said he was thirty
Speaker 1: eight and he has a young lady that he's with
Speaker 1: and he was like, yo, D Like, I know, you know,
Speaker 1: you have a bunch of women are always coming at you.
Speaker 1: You're on TV, you played in the NFL. How do
Speaker 1: you find the strength to say no. Here's the guys
Speaker 1: on his truth. You need discipline. There's no point like
Speaker 1: I can't give you a number. Guys always asked me,
Speaker 1: at what age does it stop. As long as you
Speaker 1: have eyes and you have a libido, women will always
Speaker 1: be attractive. It doesn't matter if you're eighteen or if
Speaker 1: you're fifty eight. My aunt said that my uncle, who
Speaker 1: is now about to turn sixty, is the same way
Speaker 1: he was. She was talking to me and k and
Speaker 1: we were talking about sex and not having no more babies,
Speaker 1: and she's like, I'm not to find a way to
Speaker 1: keep them off from me, and she said took and
Speaker 1: she said it, don't slow down. And he's turning sixty.
Speaker 1: So and then there's no point in your life where
Speaker 1: you can just say, all right, well, when I hit
Speaker 1: this number, I'm gonna be done looking at women. So
Speaker 1: what you have to do is developed discipline. Part of
Speaker 1: developing that discipline is understanding why you take this way.
Speaker 1: You said it. You were molested by your brother when
Speaker 1: you were younger. You don't know if that triggers something
Speaker 1: in you, but you need to do some work to
Speaker 1: figure out if that's why. You know. UM, A lot
Speaker 1: of people that I've spoken to said that when they
Speaker 1: were molested whether this is a man or a woman.
Speaker 1: They then turned sex into their way to control themselves,
Speaker 1: so rather than being having sex forced upon them, they
Speaker 1: always lead with sex in a way to control their environment.
Speaker 1: A lot of people that that's that's not just women.
Speaker 1: Men and women both have the I think in America
Speaker 1: they say one in three women have been molested or
Speaker 1: raped before they turn fifteen, and I think it's one
Speaker 1: in five men, and I don't. I don't think a
Speaker 1: lot of people know that. So it's not just a
Speaker 1: female thing. It's a male and female thing. But doing
Speaker 1: the work to find out why you're so um sexually
Speaker 1: engaged can help you. That's the first thing. The second
Speaker 1: thing is if you think you have a sex addiction,
Speaker 1: which is very different than the first part of therapy,
Speaker 1: which is figuring out about your molestation. See, if you
Speaker 1: have a sex edition, you may have a really really
Speaker 1: high libido, you know, I mean, you may have to
Speaker 1: figure out some ways around that. But the biggest thing
Speaker 1: is being disciplined enough to continuously work on it. Right.
Speaker 1: We talk about marriage being a never ending conversation. Healing
Speaker 1: is a never ending conversation with yourself, right, so you
Speaker 1: never wake up and there's this thing going around where
Speaker 1: they say, make sure them before you get in a relationship.
Speaker 1: You're a healed whole person. There's never gonna be a
Speaker 1: point in your life where you said, you know what,
Speaker 1: I've reached hold them, I'm healed now. Now why that
Speaker 1: that never happens. It's an ongoing process of healing because
Speaker 1: you go through traumas every single day in your life
Speaker 1: that you don't even realize the traumas or microaggression. So
Speaker 1: I would say, do the work on yourself first to
Speaker 1: figure out why you're dealing with this stuff, especially with
Speaker 1: the molestations since you lat with that um see if
Speaker 1: you have a sex addiction. But I will say this,
Speaker 1: if you're looking at me to give you an answer
Speaker 1: as to what age or what number is gonna stop
Speaker 1: or you're going to stop being attracted to women, It's
Speaker 1: never gonna happen. Bro. Women are beautiful. They've been beautiful
Speaker 1: before you got here. They're gonna be beautiful after you
Speaker 1: leave here. So you're gonna have to learn to be disciplined, bro.
Speaker 1: And you gotta earn that. If you call yourself a
Speaker 1: man and you really a man, a man knows how
Speaker 1: to control his desires. You cannot be controlled by your penis. Like,
Speaker 1: this is the bottom line. Most decisions made are made
Speaker 1: in poor taste because you thought with the head that
Speaker 1: isn't the one you're supposed to think with. That's just
Speaker 1: the fact. Most wars, and in pre time, like I
Speaker 1: think it was in like pre Roman times, most wars
Speaker 1: were started over women did starting over women. So you
Speaker 1: have to learn how to have discipline, Bro. Start by
Speaker 1: working and healing on yourself. I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: ever been to therapy, but go to therapy to figure
Speaker 1: out where this is and do your best to be
Speaker 1: honorable to your wife and your children because you would
Speaker 1: hate to lose what you really really love because you
Speaker 1: can't control yourself. That's the ultimate weakness of if there's
Speaker 1: anything that I would say is weak, because this was vulnerable.
Speaker 1: You being vulnerable about this is not weak. But you
Speaker 1: knowing that you have a problem and not choosing to
Speaker 1: deal with it so that you can be the person
Speaker 1: you need to be for your husband, I mean, for
Speaker 1: your wife and your kids. That's weak. So work on it, bro.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pray for you, and there's no judgment here
Speaker 1: because we've all been through it. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I had a friend and had a sex addiction. He's
Speaker 1: worked on it. Um. You know we you know we
Speaker 1: overquires work. You know. Thanks for bro Yes, all right.
Speaker 1: My husband and I have been married for three years
Speaker 1: and we're both active duty military. Thank you for your service.
Speaker 1: Since we've been together, we've never spent more than one
Speaker 1: month together without one of us leaving for deployment or
Speaker 1: other training. Now we're living together full time and I'm happy,
Speaker 1: but he is not. He wants to be alone nine
Speaker 1: of the time and makes me feel bad for wanting
Speaker 1: affection and quality time. He's snapping at me over little things,
Speaker 1: talking to me crazy. He told me he's depressed and
Speaker 1: recognizes that he's not treating me right. He told me
Speaker 1: therapy is not an option and will not allow me
Speaker 1: to be his safe space. I'm not sure what to
Speaker 1: do if I leave. Wouldn't that be me leaving him
Speaker 1: when it gets hard? But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: cannot tolerate the disrespect. Wow, that's hard. I think about
Speaker 1: even just when you were in the NFL, or just
Speaker 1: people who we've known in that lifestyle where the husband
Speaker 1: is away playing, so there's always the space, and then
Speaker 1: they retire and and now their home in the space
Speaker 1: in a household where you know, wife and children have
Speaker 1: been moving accordingly. And then now Dad is home after retiring,
Speaker 1: and he doesn't quite know where he fits in the equation.
Speaker 1: He kind of feels like he doesn't belong a little bit.
Speaker 1: Then there's also that search for what's next, and then
Speaker 1: Mom being just like, well, we normally do things this way,
Speaker 1: so how do we filter Dad into it? So he
Speaker 1: kind of feels like he's unwanted and she kind of
Speaker 1: feels like he's a burden, and then it becomes a thing. Right,
Speaker 1: So it's very it's very hard. I think whenever you're
Speaker 1: with somebody and you're accustomed to being within a certain
Speaker 1: you know, level of interaction and then living together in
Speaker 1: part why I always encourage folks to live together for
Speaker 1: a little bit before they actually marry, so they can know,
Speaker 1: can I coexist with this person and not only it
Speaker 1: be peaceful, but it be a happy space for us
Speaker 1: to exist in. Um So him wanted to be alone
Speaker 1: ninety percent of the time. I know that or have heard.
Speaker 1: I don't know personally, but being active duty military, I'm
Speaker 1: sure that there's things that they've seen, places they've been,
Speaker 1: things they've had to endure when you are serving this
Speaker 1: country that may require a level of decompressing or therapy
Speaker 1: which he is not open to. I was going to
Speaker 1: say that, can we just stop right differently? Um, She
Speaker 1: says she doesn't want to feel like she's quitting or
Speaker 1: leaving when the time gets rough, right, it takes two
Speaker 1: people in a relationship to be of service to each
Speaker 1: other for the relationship to work. If he is not
Speaker 1: willing to be a service to you and the things
Speaker 1: you need in order for y'all to get better, to
Speaker 1: get better together, that's not quitting on your part. And
Speaker 1: I'm not a proponent for divorce, but I'm not a
Speaker 1: proponent of one person doing all the work and the
Speaker 1: other person just being like, well, I'm not doing it,
Speaker 1: and then you have to feel guilty because you're doing
Speaker 1: all the work. No, ma'am, that's that's not That's not
Speaker 1: the way this works. If he doesn't want you to
Speaker 1: be his safe space. Over his words, he doesn't want
Speaker 1: to go to therapy and help you. You do not
Speaker 1: have to stay anywhere and tolerate any disrespect you get.
Speaker 1: One life, And I say this and I say it again.
Speaker 1: You don't owe anybody anything. The only only person you
Speaker 1: really owe in the world is your kids, because they
Speaker 1: didn't ask to come here. The kids, children are here
Speaker 1: based on your guilty pleasures as your parents. Right, you
Speaker 1: guys have sex, You'll do whatever you do. Child comes
Speaker 1: into the world. Right, that person comes here with no
Speaker 1: understanding of why they hear what's going on. You have
Speaker 1: a responsibility to take care of that person. But the adult. No,
Speaker 1: If an adult doesn't want to put in the work
Speaker 1: and meet you half way here, that's not healthy. Because
Speaker 1: you're also not going to guilt me and just saying, well,
Speaker 1: you know you left me when time's got rough. I
Speaker 1: didn't leave you. I presented opportunities for us to get better.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to present options for us to get better
Speaker 1: and do things. And you keep shutting it down. No,
Speaker 1: which means you want to stay in this space. That
Speaker 1: space is not healthy for me. I am not going
Speaker 1: to choose to stay in an unhealthy place, especially if
Speaker 1: we got children, so that we can both be unhealthy
Speaker 1: and be poor examples to our children. And he said,
Speaker 1: and she said, here he told me that he's depressed
Speaker 1: and recognizes that he's not treating me right, So is
Speaker 1: that just okay? You know that's not all cases. To
Speaker 1: recognize it, vocalize it and then not want to put
Speaker 1: any plan of action together to make you feel better.
Speaker 1: Is telling him that that is okay, that's that's just
Speaker 1: the truth. Like and here was even more truth. The
Speaker 1: people who defend our country and defend our rights and
Speaker 1: freedoms to be who we are deserve way more respect
Speaker 1: than it oft than given. I'm not going to sit
Speaker 1: here and try to understand what he has gone through.
Speaker 1: I can't even I don't even want to use an
Speaker 1: analogy and say it's like football. It's not like when
Speaker 1: you're deployed and you have to go and and face
Speaker 1: some of the things that they face a completely different level. Right,
Speaker 1: But at the same time, as a man who chooses
Speaker 1: to have a wife and bring children into the world,
Speaker 1: the same duty and honor and respect you have for
Speaker 1: this country to protect, you have to have that same
Speaker 1: duty and honor respect for your family and for yourself,
Speaker 1: and you have to be willing to get help when
Speaker 1: you need it, you know, like you can't expect veterans
Speaker 1: to do this on their own. And I hope veterans,
Speaker 1: If any veterans that are listening to me will listen,
Speaker 1: we don't expect you to do this on your own.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't have to. You've done all, You've already done
Speaker 1: more more. You know what I'm saying that, like, you
Speaker 1: should be able to come home and say I need help.
Speaker 1: And it's okay to say, look, I need help. I'm
Speaker 1: going through something, because I don't want to discredit what
Speaker 1: he's going through. I don't have no idea what that's
Speaker 1: but if the coexisting with somebody through that that requires
Speaker 1: a level of work, and if it's something that he's
Speaker 1: just not willing to do or he just doesn't have
Speaker 1: the frame of mind to do it, insists you're well
Speaker 1: within your right to, like you said, not tolerate the disrespect.
Speaker 1: And sometimes you need sometimes even even soldiers need that
Speaker 1: uncomfortable feeling to realize they have to take a step forward.
Speaker 1: So say you say you make it. For example, you said,
Speaker 1: you know what, I think we need to get separated
Speaker 1: so I can figure out what's best for me. And
Speaker 1: then he comes home a couple of days and his
Speaker 1: wife and his children not there. That may be the
Speaker 1: thing that clicks inside of him that says I need
Speaker 1: to do something to move forward to get my family back,
Speaker 1: you know. But but I do think you're enabling him
Speaker 1: if you just sit back and allow him to self
Speaker 1: loathe and let you be the object of his aggression
Speaker 1: and his depression, because now he won't feel like he's
Speaker 1: doing anything wrong if he can just unload and unleash
Speaker 1: on you. You know, he doesn't deserve that. You don't
Speaker 1: deserve that. I'm going to pray for both of you, because, um,
Speaker 1: anytime my my my grandfather was a war vetan. He
Speaker 1: fought in the Korean War, and he had his ways,
Speaker 1: sometimes snapping when you lose it. And I remember when
Speaker 1: my grandmother told the story when he first came back,
Speaker 1: you just have to wake him up with a broom
Speaker 1: because when he was sleeping, he would if she would
Speaker 1: just touch him, he would wake up ready to you know,
Speaker 1: because he said when he first came back, she that's
Speaker 1: what she had to work on. That's what she did,
Speaker 1: and eventually, you know, going through the process, they were
Speaker 1: able to get back to normal. But there's nothing like
Speaker 1: being a spouse to a vet like that's one of
Speaker 1: the hardest things. And I salute you both both of
Speaker 1: you guys e vets Um. I don't know if they're
Speaker 1: both active still duty, but yeah, she said, if you're
Speaker 1: both still active, then you're not veterans. We appreciate your
Speaker 1: service and we're gonna pray for you. And I have
Speaker 1: the utmost confidence that as two people were fought for
Speaker 1: this country, y'all are going to fight for your marriage
Speaker 1: and make it work. Yeah. Absolutely that go sign on that. Alright,
Speaker 1: y'all those are two really good listener that is this week.
Speaker 1: And if you want to be featured, you can go
Speaker 1: ahead and write us. It's never too late. Email us
Speaker 1: at dead assid advice at gmail dot com. That's d
Speaker 1: E A D A S S A d V I
Speaker 1: C E at gmail dot com. Alright, moment of truth time.
Speaker 1: We talked traveling, expanding your horizons, Moment of truth, spreading
Speaker 1: your rings in fly travel, get out my head I
Speaker 1: mache that was gonna be my thing. We should be
Speaker 1: spoke all about it in this episo Travel. We don't
Speaker 1: want to drag this out no more. Travel figure out
Speaker 1: how you can do it. It can start as simple
Speaker 1: as traveling on our US soil. There are a lot
Speaker 1: of amazing places that you can road trip to get
Speaker 1: you some deals. Go to them travel sites you know,
Speaker 1: and just travel traveling. Shout out to Birmingham. Yeah, expand
Speaker 1: your mind um and all that good stuff, all right.
Speaker 1: Be sure to follow us on social media. You'll dead
Speaker 1: asked the podcast and my page Cadine I am and
Speaker 1: I am devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe dead ask y'all.
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast
Speaker 1: network and is produced by the Noorapinia and Triple Follow
Speaker 1: the podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts
Speaker 1: and never miss a Thing