1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I welcome to stuff. 2 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:20,119 Speaker 1: I've never told your production to I heart radio and welcome, welcome, welcome. 3 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's my grandmother right there, y'all. My yes, 4 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: I just sounded just like my mama. Joyce is what 5 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,319 Speaker 1: we called her. And she is one of those that 6 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,920 Speaker 1: would repeat words like two or three, like three times 7 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: in a row. Hello, Hello, Hello, I love you, love you, 8 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: love you. So when I just did that, it just 9 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:41,959 Speaker 1: had a moment. Oh anyway, happy Monday. I just had 10 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 1: such a pleasant memory just to myself, so that I'm like, oh, 11 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 1: I missed my grandmother. She was a good one. But 12 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,560 Speaker 1: we're not talking about grandmother's but we are talking about 13 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 1: generational stuff, so it's not too off. I have a 14 00:00:55,600 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: very giant questions for everyone, So it's just for you, Anie, Okay. 15 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 1: Do you ever feel like you need to shrink in 16 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: order to be accepted? Feel panicked when you think about 17 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,839 Speaker 1: showing your true self? I feel like I'm an informercial 18 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,440 Speaker 1: right now, feel as if you're not good enough, or 19 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 1: that you are too much, feel uncomfortable in your own skin. 20 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 1: But when you think back on your childhood, you would say, hey, 21 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 1: I'm a pretty relatively normal life, whatever that is. I 22 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,040 Speaker 1: don't know why I'm I'm thinking this way. I don't 23 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: know why I'm panicked all the time. Well, maybe you're 24 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 1: suffering from something called patriarchy stress disorder or p s D. 25 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,040 Speaker 1: And yes, we kind of hinted at it at the 26 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 1: last Monday many if you happen to be listening to 27 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 1: this chronologically, that there is something termed patriarchy stress disorder. 28 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 1: Any have you ever heard of this? I have never 29 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: heard of it until you brought it up. No, but 30 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: I immediately was like, I think I know what this is. 31 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: I think I have a good idea of what it is. Well, 32 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: according to Dr Lery Rain, who was the one to 33 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: coin and start this term, it is a type of 34 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:09,919 Speaker 1: trauma that has intergenerational, collective and personal um and quote 35 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: the invisible inner barrier to women's happiness and fulfillment. Dr 36 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,959 Speaker 1: Raine is a psychologist and women's mental health expert who, 37 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: after experiencing stroke like symptoms, had an epiphany in what 38 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 1: was happening in her life. In the life of many 39 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 1: of our clients who spoke of this overwhelming stress and 40 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:31,239 Speaker 1: trauma like experiences said quote, I understood that trauma was 41 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,920 Speaker 1: a root cause and anxiety, depression, stress, relationship, money, and 42 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 1: most health issues, even if and especially if a person 43 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: did not think they had any trauma. And she spoke 44 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: of this as her method of helping her clients break 45 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: through their trauma response, even though they may not feel 46 00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:51,079 Speaker 1: that they have had any traumatic experiences in their lives. Right, 47 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: So what we're talking about is again people who kind 48 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,959 Speaker 1: of compare their lives to everyone else, but all of 49 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: a sudden filled that same anxiety and that feeling of 50 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: I guess just low self esteem for the lack of 51 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 1: better terms, and that's putting it too simply, and trying 52 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 1: to figure out why they experienced this way. And even 53 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: in the relationships or in businesses or in their own work, 54 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 1: they don't have the strength to stand up with themselves. 55 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: But everything about their childhood would be like, oh, yeah, 56 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 1: I had a perfectly good childhood. My mom was loving, 57 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 1: my dad was encouraging, and I yet I still feel 58 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: like I can't push forward or that I need to 59 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:30,359 Speaker 1: turn myself down and or hold back. And so Rain 60 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: speaks of finding this missing link between trauma and the 61 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 1: effects that the patriarchal power structures have had uncertain groups 62 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: of people all through history up until the present day. 63 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 1: So when we're talking about PSD, or when she's talking 64 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,480 Speaker 1: about PSD, she's talking about it as a generational thing. 65 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 1: And again we're gonna talk a little more into this, 66 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: but how it does kind of get passed on from 67 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: generation to generation as a way of response. So we 68 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: can also talk about this as just the overall patriarchal 69 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: idea of what women should be like in society. So 70 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 1: it's not just the fact that we thought that we 71 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,360 Speaker 1: should act this way, but the stressors are being told 72 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: that's how we should act and trying to become that. 73 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: It br makes sense, and to take it further, she 74 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: speaks of this as being things or experiences again generational 75 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: and quote that what she and all women have been 76 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:21,839 Speaker 1: experiencing is intergenerational trauma as a result of oppressed formed 77 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 1: under the patriarchy. So that's a really big umbrella. And 78 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, people are gonna get ready to fight, 79 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: because again, one of the arguments about this specific term 80 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 1: is that it's victim blaming and that it's kind of like, oh, 81 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 1: what was me? The patriarch has pushed me down? So 82 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: I feel stressed and traumatized, and we'll come back to 83 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,280 Speaker 1: that just a minute. But yeah, that's kind of one 84 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:47,040 Speaker 1: of those conversations. And to again further explain, one article 85 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: states quote, while PSD is not experienced by one particular gender, 86 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,120 Speaker 1: as women who have been one of the most historically 87 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: disadvantaged and oppressed groups, we have inherited survival instructions that 88 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: expressed themselves differently for different women. For some women, this 89 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 1: means they're nervous system freeze when faced with something that 90 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,719 Speaker 1: has been historically dangerous for women, such a stepping into 91 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 1: their power, speaking out, being visible, or making a lot 92 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: of money. Then there are women who go into fight 93 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 1: or flight mode. Although they are able to stand in 94 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,720 Speaker 1: the spotlight, they pay a high price for it when 95 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: their nervous system begins to work in a constant state 96 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 1: of hyper vigilance in order to keep them safe. So 97 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,600 Speaker 1: I think that's a really good explanation of what this 98 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: looks like. And yeah, I've definitely felt that way. For me, 99 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 1: I'm definitely a fight or flight So I've always laughed 100 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: about the fact that I'm not a fast runner. So 101 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,760 Speaker 1: my in my immediate responses, I'm gonna punch you in 102 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: the face, if I feel like that you're coming at 103 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: me because I know that I'm not gonna be fast enough, 104 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: and that's kind of that thing. I'm always ready to fight, 105 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,680 Speaker 1: I'm always ready to stand up for myself, but if 106 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: I can, I'm gonna be passive until you push me, 107 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,119 Speaker 1: you know, And I'm like, okay, to be fair. Andy, 108 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,239 Speaker 1: when you and I talk about trauma, we've definitely experienced 109 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: other types of trauma that helped configure this response. But 110 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: I know there's a lot of people out there who 111 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 1: would say though they haven't gone through similar traumatic experience 112 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 1: as they still feel this way. Yes, right, yes, I 113 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:23,919 Speaker 1: think we could. It's found on this at length because generally, 114 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,840 Speaker 1: for me, I will say that it's hard when you're 115 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 1: raised in a society or a system to realize the 116 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 1: issues with it until you get older. So for me, 117 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 1: I know I've spoken about it before, but I remember 118 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: having this moment of like, oh, I'm so stressed when 119 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,720 Speaker 1: I would step outside because it feels like a performance 120 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: and it does feel like my safety is not not 121 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,479 Speaker 1: a guarantee, or that even just all encounter cat calls 122 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 1: are all the decisions that we make of like holding 123 00:06:57,839 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 1: the keys in case someone attacks or for me, I 124 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,159 Speaker 1: don't listen to music sometimes, but I have my headphones 125 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,479 Speaker 1: in because I don't want to be bothered, but I 126 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 1: also want to be able to hear in case someone's coming. 127 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 1: Like all those decisions that take up your brain space, 128 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: and when you stop and think about I am considering 129 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 1: with each of these decisions my life, like I don't. 130 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,960 Speaker 1: I'm literally like every time I staid outside, don't feel safe, 131 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: and it's exhausting, but you don't. You get used to it. 132 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: And for a lot of us, I don't want to 133 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: speak for everyone, but I think for a lot of us, 134 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 1: we don't even realize that we're doing that until you 135 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: get older and that you have been dealing with all 136 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: these stressors and making all these choices of like well, 137 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 1: I can't have to stay quiet or this could escalate 138 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: the violence, or all these things, and from such a 139 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,400 Speaker 1: young age, things like uh, you know, I'm probably going 140 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 1: to see a guy masturbate or like all these that 141 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: are just part of our existence. And to me, of 142 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: course that's stressful, and of course that makes sense. It's 143 00:07:56,480 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: traumatizing to have to face at but it's such a 144 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: accepted and constant trauma in our lives that it makes 145 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 1: sense to me that people would be like, well, no, 146 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 1: but I haven't. I don't have X y Z sexual 147 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: assault experience or whatever. It's still very exhausting and um 148 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: frankly traumatizing experience a lot of times, right, And I 149 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: think on top of that, and the reason they say 150 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 1: it's not just specific to gender, it's because that same 151 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 1: level of patriarchy does affect men, whether it's a push 152 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 1: to make them more masculine or to be a leader 153 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,320 Speaker 1: and being taunted if they're not a part of that leader, 154 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:39,080 Speaker 1: not what the society expects as masculine. And of course 155 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 1: we talked about what toxic masculinity is and why it's 156 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 1: such a bad thing, and then why it exists, and 157 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: now that whole cultural expectation of being a leader and 158 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,439 Speaker 1: who that's supposed to be and if you fail to that, 159 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,599 Speaker 1: what does that make you? That's stress and trauma is 160 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: a whole different level. So yeah, just like in anything else, 161 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 1: that this can affect men as well. So I think 162 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: it's interesting that she talks about this and on overall, 163 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: I think we've all known this existed, whether we want 164 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,839 Speaker 1: to admit it or not. We just didn't have a 165 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 1: name for it, and now she's having a name for it. 166 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: She coming around and having this conversation about what does 167 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: this look like and how do we treat it and 168 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: how do we come at it in a way of 169 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: not just going through the symptoms but going to the route. 170 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: She does have a book called Patriarchy Stress Disorder, The 171 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: Invisible Inner Barrier to Women's Happiness and Fulfillment, um, and 172 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: it's available anywhere and you can find it. Now go 173 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 1: ahead with this caveat here. We have not read this. 174 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 1: I have not read this. I have read columns, I've 175 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: read her site, I've read her bio. So I'm not 176 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 1: necessarily endorsing it, but we're just saying, if you want 177 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: to know the source, this is where it came from, 178 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: and if you want to read more on it, this 179 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: is where to go. Um. Apparently she also offers different 180 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,480 Speaker 1: types of help books I guess which she talks about 181 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 1: going through a breaking out of jail, which is the 182 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: whole patriarchal mindset, and coming through a breakthrough. So again 183 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,800 Speaker 1: I haven't read that part. We haven't seen it, but 184 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: we just found this conversation and what this was fascinating 185 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: and wanted to kind of at least bring a small 186 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,880 Speaker 1: spotlight to it and have a bigger discussion on what 187 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:14,840 Speaker 1: it is. Yeah. Yeah, And like you said, Smith, I 188 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 1: do think a lot of people will recognize this. And 189 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:20,200 Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever as often I often do, 190 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever arrived at the point 191 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: I was trying to make is that, I think because 192 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 1: we don't recognize this until we get older. A lot 193 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: of times when it comes to like the victim blaming 194 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 1: of oh it's the patriarchy. I think a lot of times, 195 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: by the time you realize the damage has been done, 196 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: the damage has been done, Like you're older and you 197 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,960 Speaker 1: have like for me, I you know, as I've said 198 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 1: a lot, I've dropped out of calculus. I didn't do 199 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,960 Speaker 1: a lot of things because I thought that I couldn't 200 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,959 Speaker 1: do them. And then when you're talking about like if 201 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,199 Speaker 1: you feel that expectation of I'm the only woman or 202 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: one of the few women, and I have to I 203 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 1: have these higher standards to live up to, like that 204 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: and failing in that or feeling like you failed in 205 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 1: that and having that double standard that's also very very 206 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 1: exhausting and of course could shut you down completely. And 207 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,559 Speaker 1: when we're talking about like mental health and and burnout. 208 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: I just it does make sense to me. And and 209 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,480 Speaker 1: then further, like if you add any other intersection of 210 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: like race or LGBTQ plus um, all of those things, 211 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: it just compounds. But I yeah, like I said at 212 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,679 Speaker 1: the top, when you said this, I'm like, I know 213 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 1: what this is. I know what this is, right, yeah, 214 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: because I've experienced it. Right, it makes sense. You're like yeah, 215 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,199 Speaker 1: oh yeah, oh yeah, okay, yeah, just a roomlinder. We're 216 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: not psychologists, nor do we work in that specifically, we 217 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 1: don't treat people. But I think this is being a 218 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,679 Speaker 1: fairly new concept and having so many people talking is 219 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: important that we talk about it as well. And again 220 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: naming something, it's like that's really nice because you're like, 221 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:04,840 Speaker 1: oh oh yeah, yeah, it's like, oh yeah, I'm not 222 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 1: the only one experiencing it. And I remember that being 223 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 1: a big point of conversation a few years back, and 224 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,439 Speaker 1: it's still ongoing of and this is a much bigger 225 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: topic for later, but basically kind of asking this question 226 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 1: of like why are people who seemingly had these healthy, 227 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: quote normal childhoods experiencing these high rates of like not 228 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 1: even depression, but you know, yeah, like anxiety or it 229 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:36,400 Speaker 1: is something just feeling so stressed and not really having 230 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,119 Speaker 1: a reason to pinpoint. And it did kind of confuse 231 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 1: a lot of health professionals at the time of not 232 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 1: knowing for sure why on paper this person shouldn't be 233 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 1: experiencing that, But they are right, and she talks about 234 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: that and with her own experience, as we talked about earlier, 235 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,560 Speaker 1: when she had that stroke like experience and went to 236 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 1: the ear and feeling like when she came to the 237 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,760 Speaker 1: yard that she could actually breathe because she wasn't working, 238 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: and she was talking about how she was at the 239 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 1: high point of her career but still had that panic 240 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,839 Speaker 1: attack then and shocked her to not realize, oh, I've 241 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 1: gone through all this traumatic stuff as well, and because 242 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: I'm constantly in fight mode, I am constantly stressed and 243 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 1: then having to break down about why when she has 244 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: her own time with her clients being able to do 245 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 1: treatment with them because she treats them for traumatic experiences 246 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 1: even though they may not have them. So it's kind 247 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 1: of this whole underlying thing. And you and I've talked 248 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,320 Speaker 1: about this before, and I've talked about it many times 249 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 1: where in my past job. I could never get to 250 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 1: the old old trauma because I was experiencing new trauma, 251 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:42,360 Speaker 1: not to go through that first to go to the old. Right. Yeah, 252 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: I had a similar thing, and I think that you 253 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 1: can get used to feeling that way, like you can 254 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: get used to this kind of It's hard to describe 255 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,079 Speaker 1: for well, I've tried to describe it before to other people, 256 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,200 Speaker 1: but it feels to me like I'm like offer eating 257 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: on this level where if I stop, then now I'm 258 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 1: going to have to take in like all of these 259 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 1: feelings I don't want to take in, so I just 260 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: keep going, going, going, And if I'm ever forced to stop, 261 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: then it is a moment of like, wow, what am I? 262 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: I'm constantly on this level that is just exhausting, And 263 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 1: when I stopped, I almost I don't know what to do, 264 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,000 Speaker 1: And I kind of like I'm a freezer. I freeze 265 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: when I'm stressed or panicked. But I've talked to friends 266 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: about about this kind of thing where they and we've talked. 267 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 1: We've said before, you know, the comparison game is a 268 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,640 Speaker 1: game you don't want to play. UM Like, you should 269 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: definitely keep in mind things right, but it doesn't help 270 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 1: other than context to like compare your suffering to someone else's. 271 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 1: And I've had friends say like, I don't feel like 272 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:57,080 Speaker 1: I have any right or reason to feel the way 273 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 1: I do, and I always tell them, like, your feelings 274 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 1: are legitimate and valid, and I mean just existing in 275 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 1: this world and in this structure and kind of having 276 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: constant reminders of to me, and this is very personal, 277 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 1: but to me, it's like constant reminders of like lesser 278 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: or like your safety is not important or you're not 279 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 1: good enough. Which does it does hurt? It hurts like 280 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 1: kind of personal level, and it is traumatizing. And I know, 281 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 1: like I'm coming from a real space of privilege, but 282 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: I still feel it and it makes sense to me. 283 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 1: I know I keep saying that, but it does. It 284 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: is something when my friends tell me that, and I 285 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 1: think that a lot of things when we try to 286 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: build these stories around them. I felt this in therapy too, 287 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: where I'd be like, I don't feel like I can 288 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: tell you certain things because it's not bad enough or 289 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,560 Speaker 1: it's not the sametimes. Things that are still they're traumatizing. 290 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 1: They seem smaller, but there's still really traumatizing and you 291 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 1: can't control why that is in your brain. Um, it's 292 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 1: still the fact is it did still have an impact 293 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:17,400 Speaker 1: on you. Agreed. Agreed, Yes, clearly we could keep going 294 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: and going, perhaps all return for a whole episode in 295 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: the future. Yes. So we're continuously talking about how science 296 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:31,960 Speaker 1: was sexist in the way that it was researched and 297 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 1: the exclusion of women all together and many of the 298 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: scientific research, including within the mental health profession. But um 299 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,400 Speaker 1: changes are occurring within the field as we continue to 300 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,360 Speaker 1: have new updates in the d s M. So we 301 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 1: will definitely be watching as Dr Ryan continues to talk 302 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 1: about PSD and the effects that has on the community. 303 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,320 Speaker 1: In the meantime, listeners, we would love to hear your thoughts. 304 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 1: You can email us at Stuff Media, mom Stuff at 305 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: iHeart media dot com. You can find us on Twitter 306 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 1: at monster podcast or on Instagram and Stuff I've Never 307 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 1: Told You. Thanks as always to our super producer Christina. 308 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: Thank you, christ and thanks to you for listening. Tough 309 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: one ever told you. Protection of I Hire Radio from 310 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 1: more podcasts from I Hear Radio, visit her radio app, 311 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: have a podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.